Swim in the ocean, the sea of life, Bring me a masochist whose suffering eases my strife, Take the pain I give again on repeat, Bow to My will and massage my feet. Open the chapters of your mind and show me all, Melt to my wishes rise to my command not fall. How brave are you with your body to give my need? How will surrender to my sadistic Tiger to feed? Feed My Tiger How I tell you to give, Be water and mould like holes through a sieve. Melt into what I need you to be, simp and gracious addicted to me.

Push Limits!!! Why? Lack of experience and imagination or just to make make a submissive do things they stated as a limit. Fully understand pushing and developing a submissive towards the Dominants desires but those who start off by concentrating just on pushing & testing limits surely lack a true understanding of the lifestyle. As always i welcome the views and comments of O/others.

February 9, 2024 - Sextoy69 visits when he gets off work to get ME off !     This is probably going to be a quick story. But things were a bit different today.   Normally when sextoy69 comes over for a visit he comes immediately after work. We head upstairs and he strips naked in the bedroom. Yes, there are a few guys that don't strip immediately upon arrival at the house, and he is one of them. Normally I play with his ass for a while with my fingers and toys while he is on all fours with his face and chest smashed into the bed mattress and his ass high in the air.   This time instead of arriving at 3:00, he had scheduled a bit later, at 5:30 today. When he arrived (promptly at 5:30) I asked if he worked overtime. He explained he went out and had a few beers with some coworkers after work. We headed upstairs and he took a detour to the bathroom as he often does. I heard him peeing for what sounded like an eternity. Peeing and peeing and peeing. I would imagine, from what I heard, he had about 3 beers. LOL   When he came into the bedroom, he was probably prepared to "assume the position" so that I could play with his ass. but I was already laying naked, face up, on the bed. I told him to come around to this side of the bed, climb up on all fours, and suck my cock as I play with his ass. I'm not sure if we've ever been in this position before. But I thought let's give it a try. Immediately after stripping naked he climbed on the bed and started sucking my cock.   Read the rest of the story at www.SirKel.top

Mr.McB writing from nyc   I am here seeking a very submissive housegirl a domestic slave a service minded girl a fully Owned property to be trained educated instructed for a longterm position in my life and in my home   I am retired  healthy  experienced  in Owning and training a girl  both or which  I have done  very successfully   I have a home here in nyc and can provide a strict safe place for a girl to learn how best to live  her life  in strict slavery the kind of life for which she was born   some sexual service is required  oral anal and body worship   but the girls behavior is whats most important to me my preference is for a slave to be kept in a state of  orgasm restriction for  extended periods of time   at the same time her most Respectful Obedience  will be worked on   a girls Obedience  is a special interest of mine as I am a Disciplinarian  so I am always looking  for a reason  to use the paddle   I will not hesitate to correct whenever she does not live up to the standards expected of her   I am also an everyday spanker something she will get simply  because a spanking  is always needed   and there will be oversight of her activities meaning all of them   if this strikes any interest? please say hello thank you for reading MstrB

It amazes me, it really does, of how stupid people on here must think most of us are, they try to insult our integrity,  who we are, what we are about and when they don't get their way ,they start insulting you,  they start using all kinds of nasty language, thinking that is going to actually affect us personally. Opening up an email  as they try to degrade you for their own shortcoming's, with you basically saying no, move on. I have lived this way for over 42 years, almost 43 years and yes, I did that when I was still in the service, I did that when I was still working a job with Uncle Sam. I did all of it at the same time. All without compromising my standards integrity or anyone elses. I  have nothing to f****** prove to anybody. Those who keep playing the games are going to continue to play the games and be more dissatisfied,  as life moves ever foward.  Myself and others like me are going to continue to  build what we do and live the way we do, life goes on.   it is why I require 1st meet up with potential candidates. I require candidates to live by the same standards as I do. Speak the truth br trustworthy,trustworthy, honest even if you have baggage, we all do being upfront no matter means more. You know sooner or later I'll catch you in a lie and once you lie to me,  it neans I can't trust you, if I can't trust you, I'm sure as hell not going to allow anyone else's to put at risk my life, my families life, and those  who are part of what we are about.   I ask simple questions, most never bother to anwser. Those who seek  real BDSM  understand,  it is about being of service not being served. Even those on the owner side of things has Responcibillities. TPE  is pretty simple.  

I saw this on Reddit. thought it was a good list so sharing it here: Lots of people talk about Red Flags, but what about green flags? Let's talk about green flags. The things you want to recognize as a potential good partner. 1.They ask about your limits and check in on you during play. 2. They encourage you to have other friendships in the scene. 3. You can talk to them transparently in and out of dynamic 4. You have compatible kinks to play with. 5. They actively seek out enthusiastic consent. 6. They embrace the constant negotiations and renegotiation that is part of relationships 7. The lack of drama is a bit boring but really cozy. People just do not talk about the fact that healthy relationships just do not have that drama cycle. 8. They are respectful and nice to people they do not want to fuck. 9. Their ex's are not all 'crazy". Talks about exs with respect. If someone only has 'crazy' exs then I am thinking they is a crazy maker ie they are reacting to their bad behavior. 10. They are a safe driver. Shitty drivers most likely will not be safe with you either. 11. They do not shit on your interests, in fact they encourage you to develop yourself. 12. They do not ask for nudes right away.

When I say I want local people to serve, I mean it. If you write to Me and don't meet My requirements, I do not OWE you a response. My profile clearly states what I want, and ANYTHING other than that goes in the trash can. I get stood up, and I do not expect a WHY. I get ghosted, and rather than be some stalker, I never write them again. It is easy to move on if YOU want to move on!  

The Ocean Does Not Apologize for Its Depth   There are women who dominate and there are women who *are* dominance, the way the ocean is not something that contains water but is the water, is the depth, is the pressure and the pull and the ancient, indifferent power of something that existed long before you arrived on its shore and will exist long after you have gone. I am the second kind. This is not a role I step into. It is what I am made of, down to the cellular level, the way the ocean is made of salt and motion and the kind of patience that only belongs to things that have never once needed to hurry. You come to the shore of me with everything you are. I want you to understand what that means before you take another step. The ocean does not meet you halfway. It does not soften its edges to make the entry more comfortable. It simply is what it is, in its entirety, at full depth and full force, and what happens to you when you enter it is entirely dependent on your willingness to stop fighting the current and let the water do what water does. The people who struggle against the ocean are the ones it takes. The ones who surrender to it, who release the desperate grip of their own buoyancy and let the water take the weight, those are the ones who discover that it will hold them. That the very thing that felt like it would consume them is also, in its way, the most complete support they have ever known. This is the theology of your surrender. Not the performance of it. The real thing. I want you empty. Genuinely, completely empty, cleared of every opinion about yourself that you arrived with, every defense you have constructed across a lifetime of needing to protect something, every carefully managed presentation of who you are and what you can handle and how much you are willing to give. I want the vessel clean. Because I intend to fill it, every part of it, with something it has never held before, and there is no room for what I am bringing if you are still crowded with what you came with. Walt Whitman wrote that he contained multitudes. You, in this context, will contain precisely one thing: me. My will, my presence, my pleasure, my standard, my voice in the place where your own voice used to be the loudest thing in the room. This is not diminishment. This is the most complete thing I know how to offer another person. To be so thoroughly known and so thoroughly claimed that the boundary between your purpose and my desire becomes academic, becomes irrelevant, becomes a line so worn from crossing that it simply ceases to exist. The ocean fills every space available to it. Every crack in the rock, every hollow in the sand, every place that offers itself and every place that does not, eventually. It does not ask permission of the shoreline. It simply arrives, and it arrives completely, and it keeps arriving, tide after tide, with the patient certainty of something that has never once doubted its own nature or its own direction. That is what my dominance feels like from the inside. The certainty of water finding its level. Matthew Arnold stood on Dover Beach and heard the ocean's roar as the sound of a world that offers neither joy nor love nor light nor certitude nor peace, only the eternal note of sadness underneath everything human. But I hear it differently. I hear it as the sound of something that does not negotiate. Something that has been devouring shorelines since before language existed to describe the loss, that takes the rock and the sand and the carefully constructed walls of human certainty and makes them, over time, into nothing but new shapes of itself. The ocean does not mourn what it consumes. It simply continues. This is the quality of my dominance that I most want you to sit with: not the drama of it but the continuity. The patient, absolute, unstoppable continuation of a nature that was never going to be anything other than what it is. Give me everything. Not the generous portion. Not the carefully considered offering of the parts of yourself you have decided you can afford to lose. Everything. The parts you are proud of and the parts you are ashamed of and the parts you have never shown anyone because you were not certain they could be trusted with them. Bring all of it to the water. Let it go. Watch what I do with it. Because here is what the ocean knows that the shore does not: the surrender is the point. The emptying is not the loss. It is the preparation. The space you clear when you release everything you have been holding is exactly the space I intend to inhabit, and what I bring to fill it is larger and stranger and more sustaining than anything you were protecting by keeping yourself so carefully full of yourself. You were not built to be your own container. You were built to be mine. Kneel at the water's edge. Feel the pull of it. That pull is not danger. That pull is recognition.   I release what I was before this shore. I bring myself empty and offer that emptiness as gift. I am the hollow that her presence fills. I do not end where she begins. I am most myself when I am most completely hers. The ocean does not ask permission. Neither does she. I am grateful for both.   Go under.   She will bring you back. She always does.

052426 Oy! Such fragility amongst some members.  Not ALL  men, but SOME men have been so PAMPERED, so sheltered in this life that they believe ALL WOMEN are there to serve their understandingS and expectationS.  I serve God, Me, Mum, and My cat lol  You are last on a loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg list. I am NURTURING, KIND and hold HIGH EXPECTATIONS.  You will work to be PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY 100% available in My presance or you will not be in My life.    If you are interested in serving Me, we will need to get to know one another through speaking by phone. I am available SUNDAY THROUGH THURSDAY AFTER 6PM EASTERN STANDARD TIME AND THROUGH BLOCKED PHONE, CHAT/MEET OR TEAMS, and WITH ADVANCE NOTICE. I dont sign in daily and sometimes not for weeks at a time.  If we speak once and then dont speak again for several months, WE ARE STARTING OVER. Keep it real people.  Keep it real.      

I am less and less impressed with doms on this site. I keep seeing all these profiles about "there are so many game players!!!" and "I'm looking for something REAL!!!"..."I don't tolerate LIARS!!!" So ok...you're intolerant of game players, sick of liars. I tell you the truth. I am right up front with the good, the bad, the ugly. You can read through my journal and see that. I understand I am not anyone's idea of physical perfection. I've stated that over and over again. So we get to a certain point, you're impressed with how much I seem to understand the role of a sub/slave...and then...despite this, boom...you suddenly ghost. No explanation, no response...just. ghost. I understand that you're playing the role of the big bad dom and you have to maintain this BS, including a first email saying something like "KNEEL SLAVE!!" right off the bat instead of a "hey...how are you? Nice profile...etc." However, it's simple human decency..."I'm sorry, you're very cool, but I don't feel like you're something I'm looking for." Especially after a slew of messages back and forth.If you're tired of liars and game players, then don't be one of the fools lying or playing games and wasting peoples' time and emotions.

playing without permission She lays there naked covered up with just a sheet right hand inching to her soaked pussy finger finds it way to her throbbing swollen clit legs spread she gently rubs it she lets out a low slow moan her left hand gripping the bed she speads up rubbing the throbbing swollen clit her moans gets louder shes playing with no permission she feels naughty thinking and day dreaming of his hand around her throat squeezing and releasing as he speaks am i understood she doesnt dare to make eye contact the day dream is going so well she cums without thinking she moans louder and no one can hear her

WARNING:  POLITICAL RACIST SEXIST DEFAMATORY PROFANE STATEMENTS FOLLOW! Keep OUR laws off of MY body. Or be prepared for US to start making laws for YOUR body. The only reason why it is not the law of this land that a woman may do with her body as she sees fit, is because MEN do not stand up for our rights as WOMEN.  Don’t play games with Me and tell Me you are all about respect for women and women’s rights and you LOVE AND WORSHIP women and then tell us we don’t have what if farking takes to govern our own bodies!  Bloody hypocrites! Don’t tell Me it is the politicians, women, men, or any other such thing which makes the law so.  It is because of YOU and your primitive mind set and ideologies which remove My Sovereignty over My body.  I’m an independent.  I am prolife and prochoice, when it makes sense and does not infringe on another free person’s rights.  You don’t get to choose what is right for My body.  You and the law HAVE NO BUSINESS IN OR ON MY CUNT!   God gave this Power to women.  We are made for it and with this God gave us the ability to deal with this Power – without Men.  Just like Men are given their own Power and the tools to appropriately deal with it. Now, if you continue to come after My body and My rights, be prepared for Me to come after you and your body parts. Any sexual or domestic offense committed by a male against a female, automatic SNIP SNIP!  You don’t want Me playing around with your cock and balls without consent?  Then STAY OFF OF MY DICK! Men competing in Olympics, or women’s sports.  This is a no brainer people.  We are a tad more civilized than legalizing and celebration of the beating of women.  Come on!

Heyyyy! Journals are back and we can communicate like humans again. My profile is mostly blank because nothing ever got approved. In all seriousness, when I started my own business a few years ago the pressure and time demands of that forced everything to take a back seat. I lost a wonderful slave girl who just never got to see me enough and the rare times I would see my friends they would all say I looked different. In the end, the sacrifices and 120hr work weeks were worth it. I've succeeded way beyond anything I expected and now have friends and employees that take over a lot of the burden. At the end of the year (weeks away!) I am completing a 2 year contract and I expect to have as much time off as I want and resources to get back into some of the projaspects I was working on and purchase/develop some new machinery. This time around I would ideally like to find someone with the same interests and hobbies as I have, that way my work and home life don't clash so forcefully where I am in some awful position of choosing one. What I'm seeking doesn't have to be some kind of romantic thing with THE ONE (although that's ideal). I'm willing to chat and help out with interesting people and their projaspects. Send me a message if you have any questions or want to see anything cool!

Some things to think about written by Ms Rika (she writes books about femdom and the power dynamics). I don't always agree with her 100% but I enjoy her thought provoking article. Rika thoughts   Ms_Rika SOOO many conflated, fantasy-driven thoughts in one place! FLR does not mean femdom. They are different things. They MAY coincide...often times they do...but they do not necessarily have to go together. If you mean Femdom, say Femdom. Marriage is an institution that is legal, often religious, and personal - and completely independent of power dynamics. You can layer a power dynamic on ANY type of relationship, "Spouse" is just one of them. The reason to marry someone is the same whether there is a power dynamic or not and it's not a power dynamic decision. Therefore, the reasons a marriage with a power dynamic dissolves are the same as the reasons one without a power dynamic dissolves. Femdom (and FLR) does not equate to cuckolding. Cuckolding relates to cuckolding. You can be a cuckold and NOT be a Femdom relationship (or an FLR, for that matter). Sometimes cuckolding is done within a relationship - sometimes it's not. Often the man doesn't know (technically, the man doesn't know). While it is possible that some power dynamics limit sexual interaction between the couple, not all do - and power dynamics certainly DO NOT imply a reduction in sexual activity. Sexless marriages are due to people whose libidos drift - or who no longer are interested in their spouse sexually. It has nothing to do with power dynamics

I told her to sleep on the rug next to my bed, i think it was a mistake. She was open vulnerable, tender,  in need of assurance, tenderness not to be push away. Yeah i fuck up i was 26 not an excuse but a reason for my stupidity. she was 33 with two kids, a bubbly  personality with a bit of a mom belly,  hips that she did not recognized and stretch marks that she pretended that was not hers. She was in the wrong body, wrong life, with responsibilities that she resented. I was more than just a good fuck, or s strong hand, i was to dumb to inexperience to know what she needed me to be. I was coming down my high my dick was no longer hard my senses no longer had  a hold of me, she was a mess, sweat, tears and all other liquids was emanating from her. Why did i do the things that i did? and why in the hell did she let me? i was mad at myself for letting that side of me take hold. She was still panting mascara running, with her two hands between her thighs digging in the rub with her hollow eyes peering up at me on the bed. "Stop trying to read me" her breathing was starting to slow down " I'm not" she answered. sweat running down her welted breast mouth slightly agape, her tongue scoop something up from the corner of her mouth as she reach her forehead and pull her greasy, sticky hair back, with both eyes close she moan. Dam she makes it to easy for me. Her other hand reach for the comforter between my legs, i swatted it away, "your sleeping on the floor tonight" her face responded with confusion but her eyes with hurt. I't was suppose to be after care, holding, assurance that she was mine and no ones else. pride, selfishness and ego mix with lust, testosterone is the recipe for beguile stupidity. i can tell that i was scarring her. I toss her a blanket and a pillow of the bed and told her, " go wash your ass.' It was the mixture of coco chanel, sweat, semen, funk me, jell, among's other things that was aggravating  my mood." your mad at me?"  she ask without making eye contact. head down hair covering her face but i knew she was sobbing. Reaching up she grab both of my hands, "you enjoyed this, we both did, you know i wanted this, I need you, don't push me away." Lips quivering along with the rest of her. In her state of panic she look pathetic, weak, "I belong to you and only you" she sniffled. Those emotional tears started moving me. " you've lowered and debased me, I'm no good for anyone else, i'm yours." she poured it on the more she felt me grow. I reach down to the left of her and grab the rope, less then three seconds i had both her wrist loop and tied. shock by my aggression and speed, she wince in pain. In one swift motion i had the rope over the harness on my ceiling. she was on her toes, armed stretched to the ceiling back arch ass out. "Hey man you want us to leave?" said one of the fellows in the living room, "yeah make sure not to forget or leave anything behind." 

My theory is you can't just walk awayIt's all about balance in the spiritual realm You have to choose a sideOnce you choose a side you are trapped like in hunger games but on a higher level on a spiritual level No matter what side you choose the other side's going to come after you The only way out of it is to just go into the dark shield and exist no more but you can't do that either because you'd feel guilty because of all of your loved ones it's all part of the higher level of mental bondage .. Wouldn't this make a great movie And as far as men goes it always starts out great in the beginning but all the stuff they tell you is hardly ever true it's just setting the trap

Hotel from a sluts POV   We check into the hotel and as we are standing at the desk you brush your arm 'accidentally' across my nipples which are swollen and tied sticking out under my top being constantly rubbed and I'm trying to hide them as I know they are really visible. The reception definitely can't see my swollen tied clit or the sink plugs in my arse and cunt that are stretching my holes right in front of her but she can see in my face that I am slightly flushed and breathing a bit heavily. I wish she would type faster!  Finally we have our key. You tell me to walk ahead of you to the lift, I know this is so you can watch me on my heels in my tight skirt trying not to walk like a Slut full of cock.  We are in the lift alone and you take advantage of the time to rub over your handy work on my tits and cunt making me shake and cry out. And Cum inside myself. Unable to release it because of the plug. You smile at me and laugh at how ruined i am tonight. Already begging for you to fuck me.  In the room i stand in front of you with my hands on my head and my legs apart and wait for my master to tell me what to do next. You stroke over my body and sharply pull my nipples, bringing me round from my drift and then sit me down firmly on a chair in the corner and opening up a bottle of champagne that is on the desk. I am wriggling in the chair, trying not to moan out loud with the anticipation and my holes open.  You pour us a glass and turn around and sit on the sofa opposite and tell me to crawl over to you. I slowly crawl across the room my nipples rubbing on my shirt my clit rubbing when I move my legs because it is so swollen. I get to you and you tell me to kneel...  You lift me into your lap by my nipples making me get tears in my eyes and roughly hold me by the neck sideways on your knee...  With your free hand you pass my drink and tell me to drink it I am thirsty from breathing hard and knock it back. You put the glass down and spread my legs and tap on the plugs in my holes staring into me while I beg you to open me up and touch me inside....  You pull the sink plug out of my cunt tube leaving it held open and poke up inside me so I can feel the tip of your fingers deep in me but nothing where the tube sits making me really aware that I am gaped....  I can hear myself begging... Please Master, fill me up with your fist and cock I need it so much. .... then I feel a bit of a lurch and sway into you, I can still hear myself begging and moaning but everything is getting a bit weird and I realise, as I pass out that you are telling me that when I wake up I will get what a Slut deserves......  I don't know how long I am asleep.  I come to hog tied.  It is dark so I am blindfolded  I can't hear anything except my own heart and inner voice.  My mouth is now plugged like the other holes.  I wonder how this going to go!

Ladies...You are welcome and encouraged to apply if you are honest and can obey.  This is a real home and a safe harbor.   I am not personally interested in women sexually, however I am not entirely adverse to the idea of shared intimacy with time.  Mainly, women have entirely unique qualities they bring to a home and to service which I can and do appreciate.  I respond well to women who are straightforward and even a bit tomboyish. On another note.... Some of you gents are real doozies.  The up side is that this has made way for some amazing men to move front and center.  You know who you are - you delight Me and inspire Me and your supportive nature and devotion make all the difference to Me and inturn to Mum.  Thank you. Further.... I see a foot slave...toilet slave...a humiliation slave, lets get real for a moment.  While I appreciate you all have your specialties and preferences, I have to wonder where are all the administrative slaves, the bookkeeping slaves, and refinishing slaves? lol  I'm looking for My own personal TEAM!  Trust in Me when I say, you will be a creative lot and busy busy bees!    

The Women here are inundated with unwanted messages. For that reason, I won't initiate contact. If you would like to know about me, see if we have kinks in common, you'll have to start the ball rolling yourself. It really isn't that difficult. You won't be one amongst dozens of other messages I receive, I promise you. worshipru123 -Michigan

If you'd like a reasonable answer and a good prospect of meeting me for real, message me and Don't assume any titles. You can tell me how you like to be addressed. You can ask or tell me once how you are going to address me unless I. Start with a greeting. It says so much. Not using any also tells me novels about you. Very disappointing and frustrating ones though. Tell me the reason why you contact me. Is it based on my profile and to figure out if, when, and how we'll have a real session offline? Tell me. Respect your own prospect and mine. If there is no overlap between what we are looking, don't ignore that. Don't ask me or try to play online for instance. Ask me questions if you like, but don't ask me something you can look up. You can always ask about my own definitions or opinions about something but give me context, please. I need to know why you ask. Tell me something about you but not everything, especially not right from the beginnung. Start with the most relevant information concerning your reason to message me. Open up a bit. Personal information is a give and take. Our balance gives away a good portion about the prospect to meet. Manage your expectations. This is the internet. Without closer contact, you don't know in which situation I am in, any sudden accident or sickness for example. I expect having to filter through a lot of crappy messages, people not reading, lack of manners, disrespect, crazy people, insults, plenty of people just disappearing. The list goes on. Don't expect a 100% reply rate, even from me. I am only human. It's the internet. Don't stalk or annoy (see respect above) but be patient and persistent. The only way to filter strangers is time and continuous communication. Liars have a hard time keeping up consistency. Con and scammers people don't like to invest too much time into the same contact. Trust is most valuable, time is second to that, followed by other resources like money. Try to include a question towards progress on trust, checking if it's a match, and possibly a real meeting.

If all You're doing is collecting pics, just ask. i'm an exhibitionist and happy to send You non-identifying images that You can use as wank fodder or whatever You do with them. If You want to mock and humiliate me because of my physical attributes, that's fine too --- i'm an emotional as well as a physical masochist.  What i don't appreciate is somebody who leads me on and gets me hopeful that i may have found somebody who's serious about developing a true M/s or D/s relationship and who, after messaging back and forth and me sending pics, disappears, erases their profile and whom i never hear from again. That's both rude and cruel.  Thank You.

I am tired of let people in....  I feell stupid for trusting.  I'm tired of finally letting my walls down, opening up and to someone who has such a special and major important role in my life.. only to be discarded at the slightest change of mood.  People just don't care what it does to a person.  My feelings.. matter.. I am who I say I am.. Some people want to just form a judgment and assumption of me unfairly and to disregard my truth because they find some created idea in their mind to be more legitimate.  So they pick manufactured fiction formed by their imagination... over the facts and truth from the source.. yeah.. that makes a whole lot of sense huh..   I think I need to learn that if someone wants to believe the worst about me, then they were looking for an excuse.  I just want to say these men who message me deep and all acting like they care for me or my well being and like they have my back and talk to me every day and block me over nothing??  Please do not put me through this and play games with me.. Please.  I have been through enough and you have no care for the emotional hell and self loathing and mind fuckery you leave me to stew in..  My mental health matters and there is no need to lead me on and let me drop.  I need to keep putting myself out there to find the right one for me, but the fallout from the disbelief and hurt and confusion.. It makes me feel an absolute fool for believing someone who seemed genuine with a real interest in me..  That's a mind fuck.  My psyche cannot keep taking this kind of unfair and immature mistreatment.     Please... I just want someone real, for once.  Not put on or an act or manipulation.  Just be real.  

thoughts from the peanut gallery  i am sure that it is the insulation of the internet that inspires such trollish behaviors but the attempts at baiting are truly pointless.  i know my true nature, and my place within a mutually gratifying Ds relationship, and my partner never has reason to question or doubt my submission to him.  that being said,  I am not particularly submissive to others,  strangers with whom I have never engaged in conversation, family who would take the opportunity to walk all over me, etc, I  am respectful to all but am not everyone's submissive.  i do live my life in service to others,  caregiving and family household management,  but again,  my most true and strongly alpha submissive personality is only visible to the one individual to whom i freely grant possession of myself to.  should you read this and think,  well she isn't really a submissive at all,  or she should be on some other site, or I'm going to tell this bitch what is really up, please move on to someone else's profile,  perhaps they are better suited to your interests.. i wish you all much luck and safety in your endeavors.   

  A day in service    I rise at dawn, my body sore, To chores and tasks, and much, much more. The floor I scrub, the dust I chase, A flick of the wrist, a stern command sets the pace.   Her coffee brewed, just so, just right, I dare not fail, in morning's light. Her silk robe flows, a queenly sight, I bow my head, avoid her light.   The day is long, a string of tests, To prove my worth, to quell her jests. A word of praise, a precious prize, Reflected in her knowing eyes.   The afternoon, a humbler task, Her boots to clean, that's all I ask. To kneel and wipe, to polish well, The story that my movements tell.   The sun descends, the day is done, The final test has now begun. She summons me with one sharp look, My place is found, my writing's in a book.   Her throne awaits, a velvet chair, I crawl toward her, breathless, aware. The day's devotion finds its end, My goddess, whom I can't transcend.   Her sacred space, my final quest, My weary head upon her breast. My tongue performs the rite so true, My world is her, in every hue.

Am I a monster? by Sintara » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:21 pm I am a female sexual sadist. I spend hours on end fantasizing about torturing men. I don't hate men, I love them actually. The more I like them and the more I feel sexually attracted to them the more I want to hurt them. Nothing turns me on more than the whimpering sounds and wincing facial expressions they make or if they cry. I also find myself turned on if I see a guy limping. Its even more exciting to me to see other people who care about them feel sorry for them when they see the injuries they have later. I would love to be able to torture a guy and then send him home to a loved one and get to be a fly on the wall so that I could watch that person feeling bad for them and trying to help them.I obsess over CBT. My fantasies get pretty extreme. I know that there are many sexual sadists out there but I feel like a monster because my fantasies are so extreme. I feel guilty because despite feeling like a monster I also feel a strong desire to find a man who is masochistic enough to allow me to do these things to him. I try not to think about it but I can't stop. I can't get sexually aroused without picturing suffering men in my mind. I collect pictures of injured and tortured men to look at so that later I can have sex with my husband without him knowing how sick I am.I also have a blindness fetish. I would like to find someone who would agree to wear contacts that made them blind so that I could watch them try to make their way around without sight. I would also enjoy hurting them without them being able to see when it was coming. I might make him complete tasks for me blind so I could watch him struggle. With contacts instead of a blindfold I chould still fully see their facial expressions, which are very important to me. Then I would be aroused enough to have sex with them. I would want them to still wear the contacts during sex so I was in complete control.I'm so tortured by all of this because my husband called me a "sexual psychopath" and I have to hide it from him now. It has ruined our sex life. I'm addicted to it and don't know what to do. SintaraConsumer 4 Posts: 92Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:57 amLocal time: Wed Apr 20, 2022 12:37 pmBlog: View Blog (0)

I must be doing something wrong because ever since covid come along nobody wants to talk to anybody real time I mean I just bought a house in Mississippi moved from New Orleans a beautiful house by the way I'm very proud of and I was going to use it for a dream home of because I'm trans and I have other attributes I mean I'm a disabled veteran I wear diapers and fortunately for me my my Uncle Sam decides to keep me stocked and anyway I don't know what's wrong with people nobody has conversations anymore it's just these one line sentences no pictures it's just really is everybody running that scared I don't know maybe I'll see if this makes any hits I mean it's not very interesting but I'm just like since journals are back I'm just trying to see how it works out with me see if it actually shows up so anyway hope everybody is having a great holiday you know Halloween anyway look forward to hearing from anybody that wants to have a real time conversation I mean I don't even know what I mean anymore I haven't talked to another human being since covid except that the VA clinic and stuff but anyway with all that said ciao for now

Co-Top Co-topping is when two tops are sharing control in a BDSM scene. A typical BDSM scene has a top and a bottom, with the top in control and/or giving sensation and the bottom giving up control and/or receiving sensation. In a co-top scenario, two tops are sharing the control in a negotiated way. More About Co-TopThere are many different situations in which two tops may choose to work together. There are coordinated forms of play, such as two people wielding whips at one recipient. Their are collaborative forms of play where one top may be taking more of an assistant role. Co-topping can be a way to mentor a new top so they can practice their skills in a supervised way. It can be a way for friends or partners who are both tops to play together in a scene, or it can simply be a way to provide a more intense or complex experience to the bottom.

Question: I would be interested to hear about your journeys and how you navigated finding your D/s type. ANSWER: In my experience, it can be an occasionally rewarding, but largely difficult and frustrating journey. But then I guess a lot depends on who you are (I mean, really are as a person and what you expect/seek). At its best is more honest and intimate than anything else I know, but then it can also be hugely intolerant and judgemental too - something of an irony to my mind. There is such a broad spectrum of interests and needs that simple labels - no matter how many there are - are not sufficient. Unless you identify as a victim and ride like flotsam on the tides of kink, it is important to know yourself. If you don't know you, how do you expect anyone else to?? Mine has been a long journey, the most recent insight being that I am an empath, albeit an unusual one. Knowing this now makes so much sense of things in past, both in BDSM and vanilla life. But I know I am still processing it all and have a way to go. I will leave you with two thoughts: Through BDSM, one is made aware of who one truly is. This may not be who they thought they were, who they want to be or even who they think they should be, but it will be them. (and more controversial) Everyone (dominants and submissives) is damaged in some way - not always obviously and often not admitted even to themselves - and this will have bearing on how they contribute to and what they take from BDSM. The links are not simple linear ones, but they are always there. Understanding one's own damage is healthy. Understanding the damage of a potential partner is enlightening. And finally, when you find a place, however brief, you will feel with intensity and know what it is to be alive!

Chastity - Week 95 Today is day 666 of my chastity journey, the 41st day of being locked constantly 24/7. The openness design of this cage allows me to be squeaky clean without removing it. i didn't think the 24/7 constant locking would be so humbling.   Chastity is not always a punishment                                                                Chastity can be a sign of adoration                                                                  Chastity is not always an acknowledgement of inferiority                                Chastity can be a sign of strength and dedication    As the waves of submissiveness wash over me                                          The longing to serve deepens to serve deepens      

To elaborate on my interest/search: First, no headless profiles or photos of yourself heavily edited or otherwise masked by a photo app, otherwise my first and last impression of you will be that you are a fake or catfisher -- I won't respond.  Bad English is also a tip off. Sexual encounters are not a priority, in fact most of my fetish play encounters to present have been non-sexual; as anyone who has played before knows 99% of fetish is mental.  A regular relationship with someone who has common interests, particularly with bondage, is ideal for developing intimacy but not essential.  Just play is perfectly fine.  I'm not here for a 'blow and go' so if you're just looking to get off I am not for you. Finally, I've dated or otherwise met a number of different indviduals over the years;  in my opinion life is too short to 'search for the perfect one'; I prefer those like myself who are open minded and grounded that I get along well with to see where it goes over time.    

  Extremely few Mistresses/Masters have actually the capability; the discipline, the economic and mental ability to keep a slave. The problem is that many Dominants takes Ownership easy, proclaiming themselves Mistress-Masters and disregard the gravity of these facts due to lack of experience and commitment.   Most who think they want slavery are really looking for D/s     As you can now better understand: Dominance and Submission, or D/s, is not equal to "slavery".       To be submissive is more close to what 99% of those who claim they want to be a "slave", really wants. A submissive has a degree (no matter how tiny) of influence over the relationship. A submissive retains (no matter how few or how ineffectual) rights and liberties; while a Dominant might be able to assuage some of the power a submissive retains, the submissive does, in fact, retain the real power.   A real slave has no such power whatsoever. In fact, a slave has nothing at all, only what their owner grants them and that can be taken away without warning. A slave has only such “rights”, “liberties” and “influence” that their owner may, or may not, allow them.     An owner can give the world to their slave, but, in a heartbeat, an owner can take everything back from a slave leaving them, truly, with nothing at all.   A slave has no claim to any power whatsoever. A slave has no entitlement to influence anything.   A slave no longer has any claims to natural civil rights or liberties. Whatever a slave might have has been given to them by their owner, and even then it is an illusion as, in reality, the owner owns the slave – therefore the owner owns everything the slave appears to own.   A slave does not have possessions – a slave is a possession. Some people say that, in a D/s relationship, the submissive holds the real power; that a dominant "needs" a submissive, needs their “gift” of submission. That is not the case with a slave.       A submissive deserves respect; respect as a lover, respect as a person, respect as a partner. A submissive maintains the prerogative to choose the level to which they submit; and these levels may vary throughout the relationship. In a D/s relationship, the submissive really controls every aspect of the relationship in a passive manner.   In slavery there exists no “topping from the bottom”. In slavery owner controls absolutely everything with unchangeable power and real authority. (If you had the discipline and invested the time to get that far with your reading, kindly prove Me this by writing "total devotion" with capitals in your message to Me).     Generally estimating, most Dominants could not handle the force and power of the authority of an owner, and most "submissive" would vehemently defy the idea of absolute,total and real ownership. Which is perfectly fine, and expected.   So: now that I have exhaustively attempted to depict the definition of real slavery, and if you still think you are, or want to become a ‘real’ slave, or if you believe you are ready to, and capable of, being a slave or owning your own slave(s), you may pursue with your plans.   This is the basic philosophy of BDSM slavery.   If you don’t share it that is, of course, your prerogative.   And if you, finally, are one of the very few genuine slaves, remember:   THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU COMMIT BECAUSE IT WILL BE YOUR LAST ACT OF FREE WILL. BE WISE, CHOOSE RIGHT.          

Scared off the Dom that It was presently Under consideration too.A Civvie that he didnt keep it confidence and discussed things about it without checking with it first Especially about it Military deployments and active duty.He went to a friend as a sounding board he trusted that person told him that he should run away as fast as he can because of what it has been involved with and committed too on its old life. How fucked up it is mentally and physically because of wars deploying and willingness to sacrificing its life for the greater good to make a difference.He told his friend that It works as a Prostitute to survive after another Dom it sacrificed its careers for to be totally focused on him and later he was found out to be a closet serial killer.And all the medical treatments and surgerys ahead of it. He turned out to be a frightened little rabbit that breaching it trust was the betrayal was so big he knew It couldn't forgive him.

I am not looking for casual, short term or long distance anything.  If that's you move along With you an an experienced Slave or Submissive on a daily basis ( not solely a play bottom for the bedroom = no thanks) who lives in London/Essex/Kent. Don't bother if you are more than 2 hours from those locations. 

My story......Back in 2007 I filed for divorce divorce after 20 years of marriage. I got very tired of his narcissistic behaviors. There was one time that I should have called the police on him and I didn't and that's when my ex attempted to choke my oldest child, because she said something under her breath and he heard it. It was Israel also in 2007 that I was introduced to this lifestyle, by a doctor friend of mine. He was the one to train me so to speak and introduce me to it. I am very thankful for him.  in 2009, my divorce was finalized, the day before my 52nd birthday.  I have had many subs and slaves over the years. Mostly part time.  People have asked me why don't I have one now and that is because when I moved to Florida from Connecticut I released my sub/slave.  It's very difficult to find one that is not a "do me" type. I am looking for a very specific type. I am looking for one that will be able to mix vanilla and Ds. I'm also looking for a long term relationship. I'm not looking for a live in, at this time. Please be sure to read the rest of my journal entrie. 

So I'm at the gym today  I witness this tall white male with an extremely fit body in these light blue tights with a tiny tiny bulge it was giving squirrel nuts. Now that's not the issue! I watch him go and put all the weights he could find on to the leg press thingamajiig, and I mean it was filled to the rim (no pun intended) He lays flat on his back and lift the weights with his legs. Now here is where things got interesting. He just lifted the weight (that was obviously to heavy) one time and strained for at least 10 minutes. I mean not one single rep done. Veins popped out of his forehead and sweating like a hydrated crackhead. I asked my friend should I go ask him if he would like to come to my BDSM party because he must just enjoy pain 

A second story I wrote for a friend after she told me the 1st was too sweet. . . The Visit The time leading to this moment had been unbearable but now at last the bell was  ringing, the waiting was over. The woman walked quickly along the hall and opened the door to see a man standing there."Have you got rid of them?""Yes." she replies."Get me a drink," he says and waits for her to turn away from the doorway and walk down the hall before entering.To her back he says, "are you wearing what I asked for?""Yes." The woman answers and goes to pour whiskey into a glass. The man, standing by the door, watches her prepare the drink then walks into the living room and looks around with a smile on his face."Here." The woman hands him the glass and the man takes something from his pocket and throws it at her."Put this on." The thin strip of black cloth falls at her feet and as she bends down to pick it up her short skirt rises up her leg and exposes stocking tops and the pale skin of inner thigh. She holds it not quite sure of its purpose."Over your eyes." The man snaps, "and be quick."The woman feels fear swell inside her as she looks at the material held between her hands."Do it." There is no warmth, nor for that matter any feeling at all, in the man's voice. When she as tied the cloth she feels ungentle fingers test the band and then a hand grabs her and, stumbling, she is led to her settee and pushed down onto it. She presses her knees together and hugs herself to try to stop the tremors that suddenly take hold of her. She feels more than hears him walk away then a metallic click followed by something plastic falling on the floor.She jumps as the music centre bursts to life playing something loud and frantic that she does not know. The floor is vibrating with the heavy thud of the base and she is surprised when hands grab and pull her to her feet.She keeps repeating in her head, don't show fear, this will be over soon, relax, but she has to choke back a scream as strong fingers crush her breast through her clothes."Now we can play without undue notice." The man says and rips apart her short top and sends buttons flying over the carpet.Instinctively she covers herself with crossed arms. The man laughs and forces his hand up her skirt and between her legs.She clenches her teeth and holds her head still and tries not to show how she feels so he will not get any further excitement from her. She feels him fumble with the zip at her hip and the skirt fall to the floor.He steps back and looks at the woman before him. She is in good shape and he savours the thought of the time to come. The black bra supports rounded breasts which show over the thin lace. A flat stomach and trim hips meet his approval as too do the thin narrow panties which show a neatly trimmed triangle of fair hair. He turns her around and grabbing material pulls it sharply up between her legs.He barely hears her g but his erection grows as her hands fly down to ease the pain in her crotch. In the blackness of the woman's head see tenses for the next pain but none comes and she has to relax her muscles then shivers with the thought of this is what he is waiting for.The time in the dark void passes without any way to measure and the pounding music seems to have no beginning or end but repeats the same mind numbing beat.She wants to say something, anything, to the man to make him not hurt her but no words come to her and she waits. She had thought the waiting, after the phone call, was going to drive her insane. With the way he was dealing with the evening she realised that he had known it would do. Oh Christ why did I keep those photos? Why didn't I install that burglar alarm when I thought about it? She is shocked back to reality as hands grab her and force her to walk blindly. "What do you want?The words sound pathetic even as she speak them and she hopes he does not hear her weakness over the music. Her legs hit something and her hands reach out letting her know she is up against the settee back. The man says in her ear, "Take off your bra."She reaches back and unclips the hooks and tries to take it off without showing her fear. The man moves to kneel facing her, on the settee, and takes both breasts in his hands and gently caresses them.The woman breaths hard and thinks about her child sleeping safely at her friends home and hopes her body will not respond. She feels wetness on her breast and the familiar sensation as her nipples expand.The man smiles and rolls flesh between thumb and finger watching as small bumps rise around the woman's nipples. He reaches down and pulls the skin back over his erection. He always likes the first stroke as the slight pain burns at the head. With his left hand he traces small circles on her body as his right hand moves faster and faster bringing him to he brink. His right hand leaves his prick and darts out and hits the woman's left breast in a upwards swipe. The woman cries out and the man shudders with the effort of withholding his ejaculation.   When he has controlled himself he is pleased to see tears appearing from

my first entry since i created my account.   Its only a thinking about how much difficult to have a relationship with a person, normally its already difficult with vanilla, because you have the choice of saying your "truly desire" or just lie, like a lot of other kinkster. I did the first because i dont like to lie, trust is important, even if after this will be difficult. Then if youre lucky like me your vanilla romance can be transformed into a kinky romance. But ahaha, luck with me came only in half, she liked the kinky community but shes a dom and.. im a dom. Then having sub, slave and partner play came really fast to us, but the problem is...  I can releave my desire of spanking, doing general sadism, experiments this with her with complicity but.. Sexual desire, humiliation, degradation and dicipline/domination i can't! because both of us are dom! If the person beside you is a kinky person this can be helped but if that not the case, youre doomed! After 8 years of relationship, we will broke, not because we dont love each others but because of the path we need to take separatly. Being a kinkster if you didnt find a person to walk with you at this long life and with the same desire, same way of living, some time this will broke or you will broke. make the good choice, and assume it. only like this you will never regret it. 

Outcomes over urgency. When the roles change, so do the rules. Old paths seem to have a way of reopening because timing is always tactical... What's understood doesn't need explanation.     

:'( :"""( :"( :""(  wish i had someone to be here care ease my pain a little comfort hold me something. so hurting down used cheated on lied to hurt never good enough so much bad in life and hurt

A Raven and a Wolf   He sat, kneeling really, slowly panting, under a soft leather hood. It was laced tightly, almost preventing his every breath. And in the darkness, under the hood, he strained his ears to hear whether she was near, or far. He inhaled, trying to find her scent, but could only smell the leather of the hood. He tried to feel if he could sense her presence closer, but nothing. The air was still. His mouth, dry from nerves, with lips slightly agape, didn't utter a sound.   So he waited, arms bound, shoulder back, chest forward and exposed. Uncomfortably upright.    She sat before him, watching him lazily, like how a cat does with a weakened mouse, very still. A hunter and their prey. She was breathing evenly to hide the excitement pooling inside of her. Hands encased in buttery soft lamb skin gloves, the color of his hood, the color of her whip, the color of blood. The color of her lips. A red so beautiful. Her eyes sparkled at the idea of it coming from his body. Beautiful and broken. She could sense he was searching for her; a slight turn of the head, listening, perhap? Leaning forward gently; trying to smell? Like a dog, she thought, just like a dog. And she sat there far longer than even she desired to see how far this "dog" would go.    "Bark, dog" she commanded in a low voice  And he barked immediately, no hesitation. She pulled back her hand and slapped him, his head jerked, body lurched, chest rising and falling rapidly. A noticeable difference between his legs. There it was again, a hunger to bite into him. Taste his blood. Consume him. But only silence. No whimper, no moan, not a sound escaped him. She wondered if he were bleeding from his cute little mouth. Again she slapped him. Softer than the first, a loving caress, bits of his hair peeked through the laces of the hood and she wanted to grip them and tear them away. Would he let her? Perhaps.    The next slap, and the one after, opposite hand, and he fell forward just enough that his face touched her thighs only separated by the hood and her own stockings. The rule was he wasn't allowed to touch her unless she said. This was a broken rule, however accidental. She stood and let him slump forward in a stupor, supported only by the tension of the rope tied to the foot of the bed.   Bark, dog. Dog. He barked.  Up, dog, and he returned to his previous place, exposed and upright. She stepped forward, the toe of her shoe pressing down on the sensitive flesh of the head of his dick. She crushed it gently until he sat even straighter. She held his head in her left hand, caressed it gently, leather on leather. The smell intoxicating her. Raising her right hand she slapped him again, over and over until her hand grew hot even under the glove. Was he bleeding? She hoped so. She hoped to kiss him and bite his lips and taste his blood. She wished she could see his eyes, dazed, glassy, far away. She caressed his head. And whispered, "you may touch me" and he pressed his face into her hands, her thighs. Still no sound, he was so silent.   "Bark, my handsome boy" and he barked, hoarse and painful as she encircled his neck with her hands. This was his idea, he had inspired in her a lust for choking him until he was nothing and drifting away in the ether. She squeezed, her hands perhaps too small, until he gurgled. She wondered if his eyes were open or if they were dimmed. The hood obscured so much. She squeezed until he seemed to go limp. And she let him. Shoulders yanked uncomfortably under his weight.    He awoke. Arms aching, face hot but no longer enclosed by the hood. He could see her though his vision lacked acuity. She was standing over him, wrapped in pink except for gloves. He yearned for them then. Yearned for them to be around his neck, feeling the bones of her fingers threatening his very life. He wanted to ask for it, for her to choke him, strangle him, but knew it was to her whim that he obeyed. Obeisance was her pleasure. He looked at her, eyes soft, left cheek swollen, lips split ever so slightly and she leaned down and kissed him, sliding her tongue over the drying blood. He kissed her back, gentle, but hungry.    Her kiss was soft but grew more passionate until she bit him and suckled his mouth. Did he love this part of her? The softness before the sting.  She broke the kiss. Her lipstick perfect but her mouth and chin stained crimson with what must have been his blood. "Open your mouth, I'd like to try" she said softly. A shy whisper. So unlike the command to "Bark".  He angled himself upright, head back, lips parting painfully like a little bird. She leaned forward and let her own saliva pool in her mouth and slowly let it fall into his. He shuddered. His excitement excited her and she kissed him again before he could even swallow but this time it was wild and wet. Her saliva all over his mouth, chin, cheeks.    "I have to whip you now, are you ready?" She asked and he nodded. A question was not a command to speak. Dogs do not speak unless commanded to speak. She untied him and his body fell forward. Not used to its old range of motion. His limbs buzzed from having sat in one position for too long. He wondered about how much time had passed. Funny thing, time. Why did it matter now when he was in the moment with her.   Without the hood he realized he could smell her. A warm sweet scent, perhaps arousal. And he thought then about being forced to please her like they talked about in passing, forced until exhausted and even beyond. After play. Her, in her pink, looked like candy and he wanted to lick her. She must be sweet.      She looked down at him and his face was peculiar, his mind was somewhere else and he looked rather cute. But she was jealous at the idea that his mind wasn't on her and she kicked him in the stomach to bring him back to her. He coughed and curled up as she walked to retrieve her whip, preparing for the next step in her courtship.  "Up" she commanded and he got to his feet, winded, bruised. Arms still behind his back. She released them to tie them around the post of the bed. The bed post being the whipping post, isn't it somehow romantic, she thought.    "If you need me to stop, tell me, I won't be gentle otherwise" she said to him, her mouth on his ear. His hair was slicked down with sweat and he smelled musky. She liked his smell. She bit his earlobe and stepped back a couple of feet and threw the whip. Lash after lash until he tried moving away. Pulling at the post until it creaked. She wanted him to cry but he only moaned and groaned, no tears. Just a brow drenched in sweat as his back went from fine pink lines to slowly oozing wounds. If he didn't give her tears then she would have blood.  He pulled desperately as if trying to escape her and she threw the whip furiously, lashing whatever she could reach, his ass, thighs, calves, neck, even the back of his head. The post groaned as if it would break under the strength of him trying to flee.   "Do you want to get away from me?" She asked. His breathing heavy, labored, his body wobbled as blood poured from him, he shook his head no, weakly, and looked over his weeping shoulders with hazy eyes. Finally he spoke, a clear and clean "No, ma'am" from his lips now dry from mouth breathing, swollen from having been bitten and slapped.   The no rang through her body and she leapt at him and kissed and licked his mouth, his shoulders, his back. Barely containing her arousal, her hips moving in slow circles. She was so hungry.&n

no blood clot. But lots of inflammation in my lungs. I've been sleeping a lot, taking meds for this illness. I'm starting to feel a little better, but I'm still so damn tired. Pneumonia isn't anything to mess around with. I spent a week thinking my allergies were getting worse, but now I think it was a sinus infection that went to my chest and yeah. I hate being sick, it always hits me hard. This is the second time I've had pneumonia this year. I'm glad I'm starting to feel better, but it sure does suck being immunocompromised.  Sir and I are working things out. He came to see me and now I have beautiful bruises in several areas. I know he's still mad at me, but I wear his marks with pride, because it means I served him, his pleasure, his desires. Now I must get better so I can continue serving him. So, that's the goal, recovering. I'm still on an antibiotic and see my doctor when I've finished it. So we will see what happens from there. 

My dom gave me a list of topics to talk about.  So here goes... Random stuff you may or may not find interesting about me:   - When asked to classify myself, I'd describe myself as a nudist who is a bit kinky.  My parents were both nudists and I grew up in a household were clothing was optional.  Around the house, being naked is no big deal...  So for example, I am naked right now... - Several people have asked me here if I've been officially "collared".  I'm going to have to say that I haven't officially been collared.  However I'm not 100% percent sure I know what exactly is involved in that.  I do have a dog collar which I wear when my dom requests it,  Since this collarspace afterall, he has requested that I wear it whenever I am here, so I am wearing it now...  My collar is a simple dog collar that we picked up one day at PetsMart... - Am I a "painslut"? No, I am not a painslut.  In no way do I like be beaten, whipped or punched...  I do like rough sex, but that generally involves being tied up, having my hair pulled, and being choked... - Am I a "gang bang slave". No, I am not.   That said, I have had fantasies about it (see my previous journal entries), but I am not interested in pursuing that.  That said, I have had sex with two guys at once.  But that was a long time ago... - Is my dom interested in sharing me with other men.  The answer to that is no.  However there is one exception.  There is a one couple that we've known for years that we feel safe with. On occasion we will swap partners with them.  - Why am I on collarspace?  I'm here because my dom wants me to be here.  That alone is reason enough enough.  He thinks it would be a good idea to have me interact with all kinds of people here.  My dom reads everything I write and everything that I recieve.  In particular, I think it amuses him to see how I interact with men who only view me as fuckmeat. So there you have it, todays journal entry from naked subMegan.  Hope everyone has a great Sunday and I look forward to reading your responses. subMeghan

I was reminded of My father tonight.  Soon to be the tenth anniversary of his passing.  I miss him.  I miss his laughter and his guidance and his honesty.  I never did meet a more honest person and he is responsible for teaching Me what not lying, cheating or stealing means.  I remember when I was young, he said, "when someone takes from someone else, they are in essence saying that they deserve that thing more than the person whom they took it from."  Once put into that light, I realized I never deserved something more than another person.  I will work for it, I will fight for it, I will not deny another in order to have it for Myself.   He was full of wisdom.  He lived in the fast lane and caught fire.  When it burned it burned it all.  From the ashes, he resurrected himself and lived an honest life.  He loved Me enormously and told Me there was nothing I could not do.  I was born ready. Thank you daddy for giving Me the strength to be bold and to love deeply and for never EVER settling.  RIP

Wow.. it's been forever since I posted here.  Im not even sure when journaling opened back up.  Last weekend was 1 year since my husband/ex Master passed away.  It's been a journey of refinding myself,  of re discovering independence and my own abilities to take care of "honey do" jobs around the house,  and of learning to put myself first.   I've gone back to favorite recipes I hadn't made in years because he didnt like them,  I've thrown out the foods I never liked but had because he liked them.  I've even learned to install a doggie door and a keyless entry by myself:)   And I've gone through several cycles of being mad and sad,  and mad and sad again.  I didn't like the man he became, but I will always treasure the many years with the man he used to be.  And while it's been a bumpy road,  I like this version of me that has come out of it all.   A me that wouldn't exist without the strength he gave me for years.     Be well wherever your soul rests, Daniels.

I went to a new (to me) munch today. One thing I promise myself is that during a first meeting with an individual or group is NO BOOZE. Yoinks ago, while intoxicated, I had a couple of bad experiences with people who were just mean. Trying to clamp down on my reactions while intoxicated AND upset is worse than figuring out what to do when sober and upset. As in, I can feel the restraint taxing my poor, hooch-addled brain. Not that I cannot be lulled into a false sense of security, because shit happens, but at least I will have some comfort in knowing how things are supposed to go. Although kombucha is a fermented beverage, I have only gotten a buzz off of "kombucha beer" products, so I think I am being pretty careful. Lovely munch. Lots of conversation. I learned some new facts about reindeer. 

What I seek is more than play/sex. Maybe if you get to know me as a human being you might have more luck. I seek that feeling of danger, but knowing I am safe from harm. He is in control of his life and doesn't have to beat his chest to prove his dominace. He doesn't beg for my submission, he proves himself worthy of it by consistency, that calm controled authority, and care. He may well be sadistic, but that is not what drives him.  He is playful and has a great sense of humor, but can tame my brat with a look, a growl, or a snap of his fingers. He is demanding, an asshole even, but he gives of himself freely. His time, his energy, his focus.  He has time for the mating dance and is dedicated to the process.  He is equally at home beating my behind or taking a romantic stroll down the beach He is not afraid of his inner sadist. I seek 24/7 tpe with the right one but I have learned that not everyone, in fact very few, are worthy of my submission. I cannot leave NZ perminantly.

Who says BDSM is not theraputic... I found this interesting: Russian scientists from the city of Novosibirsk, Siberia, presented a sensational report at the international conference devoted to new methods of treatment and rehabilitation in narcology. The report was called “Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior.” Siberian scientists believe that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases occur when an individual loses his or her interest in life. The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins - the substance which is known as the hormone of happiness. If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, hard spankin, whipping, flogging, etc... , it will activate endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness”, and eventually relieve feelings of depression. Russian scientists recommended the following course of the therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment. The results can be described as good to excellent. Doctor of Biological Sciences, Sergei Speransky, is a very well known figure in Novosibirsk. The doctor became one of the authors of the shocking "whipping" therapy. The professor used the self-flagellation method to cure his own depression. He also recovered from two heart attacks with the help of physical tortures too.

 Sadist4painpigs