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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Female Dominant, 49,  Louisville, Kentucky
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Reaper13 subbyboyky MsStarlett DarkSteven LadyAndCuck
PeonForHer MsConstance alexbeth2 DarkBastard pantherblade

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Last Online:


 Dominant Female



 5' 5"

 168 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Submissive Transgender

Submissive Female

Submissive Male

Switch Women

Switch Men

Sub/Sub Couples

Friends Only

 Lives For:


 Dancing (Expert)

 Massage (Getting) (Expert)

 Sewing (Expert)



 Flea Markets

 Garage Sales

 Renaissance Faires (Expert)

 Horseback Riding

 Anal Play


 Body Worship

 Breast Binding/Play




 Local BDSM Community

 Hair Pulling

 Massage (Giving) (Expert)


 Horror Movies

 Science Fiction

 Alternative Medicine (Expert)

 Body Art

 Intellectual Discourse



 New Age Music

 Taoism (Beginner)



 Art Galleries




 Tai-Chi (Beginner)


 Yoga (Beginner)

 Bondage (Beginner)

 Hypnosis (Beginner)

 Masks (On Partner)


 No Strings Housework

 Orgasm Control

 Plastic Wrap

 Public Play


 Role Playing

 Rubber Fetish

 Sensory Deprivation


 Speech Restrictions



 Comedy Shows

 Historical Shows

 Web Surfing


 Candle Making









 Female Supremacy

 Goth Lifestyle

 Lifestyle BDSM


 Alternative Music


 Classical Music

 Folk Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Industrial Music

 New Wave







 Curious About:

 Martial Arts



 Electrical Play

 Fire Play



 Soap Making

 Victorian Household



 Simulation Games


 True Crime


 Certified Massage Therapist

 Computer Expert

Dont write me unless youve read my full profile, and be prepared to show up or shut up.
No excuses. No second chances.
1)Any message that does not refer to me as Domina will be deleted without a reply. It just tells me you didnt obey that first order up there.
2) Go read my journal. I dont want to hear from you until you have a clear understanding of what *I* want and ideas on how you can serve. I expect to see that reflected in your introductory email. I already know what *you* want. The details get discussed if you impress me.
3) Go read Slave Training w Miss Abernathy and The Bottoming Book and start getting yourself prepped for service.
4) Decide which local munch you can attend to meet me. If you are within driving distance, I will expect you to come for coffee or a munch within the first week or so.
5) Understand that if you dont do these things, and follow through, I wont waste an email reply on you. I dont do second chances.
6) I am in a long term committed, loving relationship with my male kink partner of 10 years.Be respectful of that.
7) I am seeking a bisexual sissy service sub, someone to help around the house, bring me tea, massage my back and shoulders,... maybe lead around on a chain, torture when I am feeling cruel, to be our playtoy.... someone to paint and dress in goth drag before I force them to go out dancing with me at my favorite dive bar.... If this is not what you are looking for, we can discuss other things, but understand that you are asking for what YOU want, not asking to fill what *I* want. You will be asking a favor from a very busy stranger. Plan accordingly.
RULE 1 - Dont Waste My Time!
I dont have much free time to start with, and I have many many many things I enjoy doing with it. If you want my time and attention, even just the time and effort it takes to write real responses to emails, make sure youve done your due diligence of reading the profile and journals to find out what I want, and if we are remotely compatible. Theres nothing worse than spending hours trying to find out who someone is, if we are compatible, try go set up a meeting and a week into discussions realize that they dont have the nads to actually show up, or that they dont actually know what they want or why, or that what they thought they wanted was some sad fantasy based on BSDM porn and that the reality was going to be REAL WORK, mental, psychological, emotional, and physical. They suck up valuable hours and energy, then vaporize when reality sets in. Any energy I put into those conversations is gone with no return.
Dont be that idiot.
I am not interested in online domination in general.

I am a computer tech who reads Peter McWilliams, Alan Moore, Richard Bach, Clive Barker, and many related authors. I do lots of crafty stuff, and have many vanilla interests.

Be intelligent and interesting if you want our interest. Be a feminist if you clam to be submissive. A sense of humor is a non-negotiable requirement. Those wishing to be considered for any open positions should NOT be allergic to pets (we foster for a local animal rescue,) have an understanding the intricacies of the splenius capitus, suboccipitals and their manipulation, like working with their hands, preferably like to garden, and be good at deep tissue massage. The ability to launder, iron, fold and organize yards and yards of fabric is a plus.

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Journal Entries:
2/27/2018 11:02:36 PM
First impressions matter.

Contrary to popular belief, your picture is NOT more important than your first message.
First messages create your first impression, so they need to be the text equivalent of showing up in a nice suit or gown, well groomed, smelling of a warm, inviting, possibly exotic scent.
It needs to paint you as steady, with a strong, balanced gait.
You are introducing yourself. They don't know anything about you other than what you write in that message and what's in your profile. No matter what you've been before to other people, now you can be the person you have always wanted to be (as long as you can actually BE that.)
It is your chance to present yourself to a total stranger however you'd like to be seen. 

Remember that most strangers don't want to meet people who stumble around, clawing for whatever is in front of them, yammering gibberish or unable to have a normal conversation.

Almost no one is attracted to the crazy homeless person who shambles up to them with their hands out, reeking of piss.
We may feel compassion for them, we may give them what we have in our pockets, we may even want to offer help if they are able to accept it, but most of the time, the average person isn't really equipped to heal them and magically mold them into some perfect partner, and those that try without some hardcore education and training often find themselves not only failing them, but getting badly damaged in the process.

We've all seen people on here that are the dating equivalent of that.
Most of us steer clear.
Those that don't are usually predators, seeking to victimize someone who is obviously not able to handle themselves, much less anyone else.
Also not a good look.

I've often compared contacting a Dom or Domme the first time like submitting an application for a job. You have to figure out what kind of job you want, who has a position open, find out what they want in a candidate, then try to frame yourself to look like that applicant in order to get an interview.
Every job hunting advisor will tell you NEVER go to an interview dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
Bad spelling and poor writing in a text based conversation is like showing up in dirty sweat pants and a raggedy shirt smelling like stale sweat and sporting a week's unshaved stubble.
You may have an ok picture, but the picture you paint when you write me a message like that is shabby.

Add asking for attention without bothering to read their profile first, you become the raggedy panhandler begging for change.

When you pair that with professions of undying adoration of someone you've never met, you take it to the next level - you are the potentially crazy person talking to invisible people, because you aren't actually talking to the Domme, you are talking to the fantasy person you want to pretend they are. They have become your imaginary Dominant, with no relation to the actual person you've emailed.

When you write, take the time to run a spell check. Then a grammar check. Make sure you have whole sentences. Make sure you have followed any rules they put in their profile to weed out pud pullers and fakes. Mention something in their profile to let them know you've actually read it, and you think they, specifically, are awesome, and not just because they are a Dominant. Take the time to find out what they want before you write, and mention your skills if you can do any of it, in that first email. Don't write your life story, but if you have five years of experience as a live in servant, or went to classes to learn proper tea service, or have been watching Youtube to learn to give pedicures and want to try it in real life, that's worth mentioning in your introduction.

"Hello Domina! I'm Submissive Person X, and I was reading your profile and saw where you like X thing, and it caught my attention. I've been working on providing X (or learning X, or provided X for my last Dominant) and would love a chance to come show you and your partner my skills. I really liked where you said Y thing, and it makes me think you are Z kind of person, which I really think would be a good fit for me. I think  we could all be very compatible because ZY reasons. I hope to hear back from you. Thank you for reading. Submissive Person X."

It doesn't have to be a book. It just has to be a real message, written to that specific Domme or Dom, about things they would be interested in, that doesn't look like a 3rd grader wrote it with their alphabet soup.

Even if you don't get the relationship you want out of it, you won't look like a rude idiot, and maybe you'll end up with a referral to someone else who has a position open. Maybe you'll end up as a munch buddy or get introduced to someone else or just become part of a community that leads you to your Dominant.

Be the kind of person that you'd want to know. I know it's hard sometimes, but dating is next level adulting, and adults write real letters.

12/7/2017 8:47:31 AM

I like to read. I love to find things that explain why things are the way they are, or that suggest ways things could be in some way better. I like to share the things I read that sum up my perspectives on things so that people can find out my views on things before they waste their time writing and get disappointed. I like to share the things I think will help people with a specific problem.

People don't often read what I share with them, so when they continue to have the problem, I admit, I give them the stink-eye in my mind.

Here are some things that I have read, and which I share often. I think they explain some of the problems women encounter in a patriarchal world, and sometimes how we handle it. I think reading these would benefit any male sub that wants to approach a cisgender Domme (read, one who grew up dealing with these specific problems her whole life) without looking like the "typical wanna-be Do-Me sub."

From a blog by a Domme who discusses the problem clearly -…

An article explaining the "mansplaining" problem by the person that coined the term-…

An incredibly long discussion about the problem of men wanting women's attention, without giving anything back, and the male expectation that women will want to provide emotional work out of the goodness of their hearts because they tell themselves that we are "wired that way" or that it's "in our nature."…

Sending me an email that starts out "I read that article you linked to, and I thought it was interesting because (insert your thoughts on it here) and I think it has changed my perspective in (insert how it made you think differently here) way" might be better than the usual "Hello mistress" or "I would do anything so serve you goddess" mails I usually get.

11/14/2017 9:41:27 PM

First rule - figure yourself out BEFORE you start negotiations

"I want to learn by trying things, not reading."
That was said to me by one of my co-workers the first year I started looking into this lifestyle. He was in an unhappy marriage, etc, felt "paying for it" was offensive even though he literally couldn't offer anything else because of his situation, felt he couldn't go to munches or any other event, and absolutely knew what he wanted, how he wanted it, etc., almost all of it expensive and requiring a lot of work from a Domme. The one effort he could have made was to educate himself by reading, and he didn't want to do that. The most he would do was watch FemDom porn, and that's what he expected BDSM to be - him as the star victim in a BDSM porno.

"Shit happens and most people at least give you 2 or 3 strikes or let you try to make up for it. But honestly? I don't think you was ever or will ever really meet no matter how many months you talk to a sub. I think we are both fucked up. But I'm trying to make up for it. "
This written to me by an applicant who had stood me up TWICE, two weekends in a row, was caught lying about why, etc, and felt I was obligated to give him a third chance.

"I went in Adam and Eve I had the baby doll I asked woman if she take my picture and she did I explain that I'm submissive and a friend of hers lives close by if I can stay there she could dominate me. She dominated me in the changing room and it was fun going home to shower and bed"
Texted to me by a sub applicant that had come to meet me, had to run to a previous commitment for a friend, and was supposed to come back after to continue negotiations for long term service and play.

"I just have alot happening right now I'm trying to make you happy and get my stuff done also"
That was written by this last self-labeled "slave" applicant in response to my pointing out that after several days of steady conversation and my one request that he contact me daily while under consideration, he had suddenly been almost silent the day before, and completely silent all that day too. Sending a single message via yahoo was too much for him, and although he did send exactly that - a single message - the next day, he didn't respond to any others after and hasn't since. No arguments, the last thing before the silence was us discussing finding activities that would interest him while respecting the boundaries of my partner, and he was smiling when we parted company. Not a single word to say why he'd vanished, after protestations of how he didn't get how other people could do that to someone.

Dominant Women wade through this sea of bullshit constantly. We invest hours, days, weeks and once, even months, trying to get to know a sub, find compatibility, work out common interests, make plans, change plans, and so on, only to have an applicant have no understanding of BDSM beyond that they want to get pegged and spanked with an aversion to learning about anything else, or be self-sabotaging, or have no understanding of what the word "submission" means, or be completely unable to meet even the simplest of requests.
We occasionally rant a little to our fellow Dommes, who get it because they are all in the same boat, maybe online, and then we move on to the next.

I will never say I have it all together. I try not to judge people who have issues if they are honestly working on their issues. And I won't say that anyone has to be a BDSM expert before they start a conversation. But just as in any vanilla relationship, there is some obligation to have some idea of who you are, what time you have to put into any interaction you undertake, how far you are open to going with it, etc.

Being honest from the start about that with anyone with whom you start a conversation is mandatory, even more so in BDSM, because you can't mess around with trust when someone has you tied and potentially gagged. Full disclosure includes more than just the results of your latest STD screening - it has to mean that you sat down, asked yourself some big questions, and made yourself be honest with the answers.
It should mean that you spent a little time either reading books, or Fet posts about your interest so you know what is involved, or went to a munch and asked questions and learned some proper etiquette for approaching people, preferably both, or at the very freakin least watched some information YouTube videos about the BDSM lifestyle.

There's a lot of information out there. Plenty of it is free. There are more people than you could count who will discuss and share what they've learned just for the asking, as long as your first question isn't a variation of "how do I get you to spank me?"

Treat us like human beings, and we will treat you like one. Unless you don't want that, but the first step is always to be honest, respectful, considerate and polite... walking up to a stranger and announcing that you want to be their slave when you don't like being told what to do or being corrected when needed? Not ok. Not honest, with yourself or them, not respectful of their time, not considerate of the fact that they are a person who might be looking for a slave but will be disappointed when you figure out your facts, and not polite in the least.

Basically, don't be intellectually lazy, and don't be a dick because you were lazy.

11/14/2017 9:19:52 PM
Considering your target audience.

Women are not men.
I know it seems obvious, yet the majority of men still pursue women without really considering what that means.
They write profiles based on what THEY would like, what men value, what men think is impressive, and what they wish they saw on women's profiles.
They take and post pictures the same way - based on what they value, what they think is impressive, what they wish women put in their pictures.
They send emails, again, that same way.
Women are not men.

Dating, at it's bottom line, is marketing.
You have something. You want something. You want to exchange what you have for what you want.
In a store, you exchange money for goods and services.
In dating, you are mostly hoping to sell.
You are hoping to purchase the attention of a partner, in the long or short term, in exchange for your attention, your time, your services.
You are selling you, in exchange for them.
That's actually a very basic equation.

You can't sell to someone unless you know what they want, and find a way to market what you have to that want.
This is where most men fail - at the basic premise.
They know what THEY want.
They don't spend a lot of time researching what their target market wants to buy.
So they market based on what they know, and what they think they know.

They know themselves.
They know men, in general, and they know what commercials and movies and tv and all media everywhere has told them is attractive to women.
They, being men and raised in a male dominated world, never seem to realize that all of those things are ALSO targeted to men, to get men to buy things, usually by appealing to make egos.
They show women draping themselves over men who drink this beer, or drive that car, or wear that brand of clothing.
They show this so that men will want to buy those things.
Most of the time, women couldn't give less of a fuck about those things. But men are surrounded by all of this input, so they think we do.

I'm not going to try to define what all women want on here.
Right now, I'm just going to clarify that what WE want is usually not the same as what men want.
You need to find out what those things are and tailor your pictures and profile to market to that.
Basic things like "don't use a picture of your penis as your profile pic" have been said a million times but it's always the first thing we see everywhere we look.
Yes, I like to see a pretty penis. No, I don't see a pretty penis in a picture and become suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have it right this second.
I can't say that I've ever gone looking through the internet just to look at pictures of penises. And when I get one shown to me when I haven't asked to see it, I'm not horrified, but I right there decide that the guy showing it is a pushy, insecure jackass. I lose all interest in interacting with him.
It's not that the penis itself is a problem, but that it tells me something about who he is when he has to insist on showing it around - that he's not interested in pleasing ME.
He's interested in his own pleasure.
And I can do better than that.
And honestly, a picture of your chastity device is pretty much the same as a dick pic.

You don't want your profile to be a long list if things you want, either.
Yes, you want things.
You will need to communicate those things.
And the world you were probably raised in told you that women do things for men, even Dominant women.
All that BDSM porn shows lots of women in black leather and rubber getting a LOT of enjoyment doing those things to men.
Again, that is written specifically to be bought by men, so they show men what they want to see.
Yes, I like doing those things to a man.
I like doing them to my partner.
I sometimes want to do them to someone other than my partner.
But I almost never want to do them to some total stranger just because I like doing them.
Your accountant may like his job, but he doesn't go out on the street offering free tax jobs to strangers, ya know?

Your profile on a dating page is your resume.
Your sales pitch.
Your introduction to make us think you have something worth our giving up a few minutes of our time to read further or possibly even have a conversation with you to get more details.
This site is a kink/fetish site.
Your target audience is a Dominant Woman.
Most Dominant women I talk to are drowning in emails and offers from men who call themselves submissive.
Most of them are requests for US to do what THEY want.
Which is the first mistake.
It's usually their last.

Your sales pitch should NEVER NEVER EVER be "I'll let you spank me!"
One, why do I WANT to spank you in the first place?
Two, why you and not someone who is offering something I want?
I'd rather talk to the subbie over here that is offering to give me a full body massage, no strings attached.
Or the one who likes to do yard work and will free me from mowing all summer.
Or maybe the one who can help me with my pet projects.
Who knows... but that's where I'll be starting.

Your pitch needs to start with what you OFFER.
It needs to show how knowing you will improve her life.
How having you around will improve her day.
What skills you have that will give her pleasure outside of the bedroom.
Because in the bedroom... yeah... every guy wants to provide that.
Your focus is on showing how you are the best candidate for the more important job - pleasing her in all the ways that other guys fail to.

Your picture should be one of you looking your best, doing whatever it is you are best at in that area - you kneeling with a tea tray, or you serving her a lovely meal, or you giving a foot rub, or you giving a non-sexual massage, etc.
You get the idea.

You are competing with literally THOUSANDS of other people for a position that will most likely be part of her every day life.
You are asking to be in a relationship that requires extreme trust, hardcore sense, heavy dependability, and which sometimes can mean putting your safety and even your life in her hands.
You have to be someone AMAZING if you want to stand out from the crowd.

Honestly, given some of the profiles I've seen and the messages I've received, that won't even be that hard, if you just DO THE HOMEWORK FIRST.

This may mean going in to the Groups and reading a lot of threads where Dominant women talk about what they want and what annoys them most.
It may mean hearing things that aren't fun, recognizing where you have made mistakes, and fixing them.
It may mean re-thinking what being submissive means.
It may mean reconsidering what you want.
It absolutely will mean finding out what WE want.
Because let's face it - the one thing Dominant Women all have in common is that we absolutely know that we should settle for nothing less.

11/8/2017 1:07:11 PM
Not the actual conversation, but snippets of it condensed to reduce the repetition. This is how to lose the interest of a Domme who is willing to return your emails. Don’t be this guy. ‘Mistress I’ve never met, you are so beautiful and I would love to come serve you by do X thing I like to do. I’m going crazy thinking about you doing X and Y and Z that I love doing. I think we’d have a blast doing all of these things I want to do because you are so beautiful.’ ‘Random Sub #XXX, your profile is empty except a couple fetishes. Please fill it out. And you haven’t read my profile or journals to find out what I want. Do that and answer these questions please.’ ‘Mistress I’ve only exchanged one email with, I think we should meet in person and you would so love me I want to dress up for you and shouldn’t be allowed to do things and I am thinking about you all the time.’ ‘Random Sub #XXX, you didn’t do anything I asked, you are ignoring my questions, and you don’t actually know anything about me, so I’m not sure how you think I’m going to love you, or what you think I’m like, but you’re coming across as kinda in a fantasy world. Back up a bit and try having a sane conversation, and we can discuss stuff with the possibility of moving forward, and do the things I asked.’ ‘Mistress I’ve been fantasizing about for a few days, I have been thinking about you.’ ‘Random Sub #XXX, I don’t think we are compatible. You don’t sound very grounded or realistic.’ ‘Mistress I am fixated on while ignoring everything she says, I will do whatever you tell me. You are a beautiful woman. Except I’m still not doing it and am instead fantasizing again. It seems like you are pushing me away and making it hard for me. I think you would love doing these things I want you to do.’ ‘Random Sub #XXX, I said we aren’t compatible, I said that you aren’t answering questions, I said that you are too fixated on your fantasy, and if me expecting you to stop being an entitled, self-serving male is “making it hard for you” then you don’t understand what a Dominant Woman is. I will not pander to your expectations and won’t waste more time on this.” ‘Mistress I’m not getting what I want from – geeeezzz. good day’

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