Thank goodness there are Dominant Masters out there looking for little playthings like me!

I've been corresponding via a very intersting Master I met on Locanto.com.  This is the second really good lead I've gotten through this site.

Anyway, I'm hoping to meet up with Him soon.  He's someone who is genuinely interested in dominating and owning another person, and He seems happy to take control whether I'm dressed or drab, which is a good sign.  

What He wants is obedience and control.

Mmmm! Just had a lovely spontaneous meet with a local guy who wanted someone to use on a regular basis.

He picked me up and we drove to a secluded car park where I gave him a blow job while he fingered my pussy and swallowed it all like a good girl!

Hopefully soon I'll be serving Him fully!

So, how submissive am I?

I met up with a new Master today. He'd answered an ad I'd put up on a personals page and we'd chatted and swapped pics for a few days on Telegram.  

He was very dominant and talking about 'dehumaising' me - I didn't quite know what that meant but I was definitely curious - it flicked a switch in my submissive mind.

This morning he asked if I was free - and luckily I was able to move things around and go over to his place.

With a beating heart I knocked on his door (I always forget how frightening it is until I'm standing outside a new Master's house again!), and he let me in.  

He was very good looking - amazing eyes, good build.  The flat was a down-at-heel studio, and a complete tip - so that was very off putting.

Anyway, he didn't hang around; after I'd stripped he gave me a bit of a spanking and bit my ass a few tmies, then he had me kneel down, and take his cock in his mouth and proceeded to piss and hold me there while I drank it all.

This wasn't something I'd ever done before and whilst it was gross, I guess that was the point and so I swallowed it all, not spilling a drop.

Next he agve me an enema, even though I'd cleaned myself before I set out; and then he had me sit on the loo and watched while I discharged it all. No privacy.

I then got to suck his cock which was short and circumcised, but quite fat.  He was an Indian guy and I'd never been with a guy like that before.

Next I knelt on the cold tiles of the bathroom and he ordered me to rim him.  This was another thing I'd only done once and again I found the idea rather gross - but I did as I was ordered.

Next into the bedroom, more cock sucking and then a very firm talking to in which he said that after this meeting I'd have a choice about whether to continue to serve him, or to walk away.

Then more rimming.

I dont know what it was, but during this part of the meet, I suddenly thought "I don't want to do this", and so I stopped and said so.

He ordered me to stand at the end of the bed and explain why, and I just said I wasn't enjoying it.  So he let me get dressed again and I left.

He was very nice about it, and afterwards sent me a telegram message with a video of him deleting the pictures he'd taken during the session.

And I went home on the bus, wondering whether I was submissive and ready for a Master's collar, or just a little slut who loves getting fucked - and should therefore stop calling myself a sub.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Well, after all that it looks like I may crawl back to him. It's been a funny few weeks since I met him.  I didn't like it or enjoy it and I left. But a little part of me realised that what I liked or enjoyed wasn't the point.  As a slave, my role is to serve.  I did quite a bit - submissively knelt in front of him and swallowed his whole bladder of pee; worshipped his ass; sucked his cock.

As time passed and i began to process the expereince and put it into context, I began to feel bad about leaving, so I wrote to him and apologised.

And it seems he is prepared to take me back and to try again.

I know what awaits me this time - I'm seriously considering accepting the offer.

Do all slaves go through this moment of doubt and rejection before finally accepting their role and the dscipline of slavery?

Very interested to find that with the passage of time, my feelings about the things I expereinced with the Dom I met a few weeks ago are changing.  I'm now very turned on not just by what He made me do - drinking His piss, worshipping His ass, etc - but by the memory of how He looked at me, how He treated me.  The thought of what would have developed if I'd stayed and gone back two or three times is intoxicating.

It's interesting to carry on with my processing of th eexperience I had last week.  

Did I enjoy it - not really.  Am I going to do it again with that Master?  No.

But it doesn't alter the fact that He 'marked' me.  Nothing can erase the fact that I knelt at his feet and drank a bladderful of his piss; noting can erase the fact that I worshipped his ass with my tongue; nothing can erase the fact that I submitted to him giving me a full enema and then watching as I sat on th etoilet to let it all come out; nothing can erase the fact taht I grovelled at his feet and sucked His tow.  Nothing can erase the fact that I called this other Man 'Master' and allowed myself to be totally debased by Him.

And all that for someone I didn't actually like or get any kind of buzz from.

Now I'm thinking:  how low would I go for a Man that i really longed for?  Is there anything I wouldn't do?

Perhaps I really am veyr submissive after all!

Sometimes I feel such a fraud.

During lockdown I had a really intense online interaction with a somewhat dominant guy in London.

The idea was that we'd meet up once restictions lifted, but when they did he wouldn't commit to meeting and the thing fizzled out.  

Then around New Year he got back in touch saying he did want to get together, kept thinking about me and the things we talked about, etc - and he's kept writing ever since.  

I have been quite distant and offish with him, because I have mentally moved on.

But here I am, still looking for a Dominant Man to master me, and there he is, offering to be that guy - and yet I keep saying no.

What am I thinking about? Surely I should just write to him, apologise for being so rude and submit to him - and let this thing go where it will go.

If I don't - what does that say about me?

I just dropped in for my usual morning browse of this site, and was struck once again by the ages of the Masters on this site.  Men, wonderful Men, but late 40s, 50s and 60s.  

And it made me wonder whether this was beacuse it really takes this long to know what kind of lifestyle O/one wants to lead - and that there's just too much noise from relationships, kids (sometimes), career, mortgages etc when W/we are younger.

Just putting it out there in case anyone has a view!

Thank You Sirs!

In my new found enthusiasm for the Journal function, I have taken the liberty of borrowing the following from Master Scoollink's site which struck me as very interesting. After training, He writes, 

"slave will have the ability to prepare a "USERS MANUAL."  A document that identifies what slave is good for. The goal of this document is to describe how to best interact with slave to achieve desired response. It is a manual that could be handed to a stranger to provide the tools to better provide any Dominant a satisfying experience with slave. The "Manual" can also serve as a foundation for a future Dominant.

I love the thought of preparing a document like that - not least because it would provide my current Master with an excellent diagnostic tool for the mind-set of His slave.  It might be that the slave thought its utility was best described in one way whereas the Master's view was otherwise - in whcih case some retraining would be indicated to get slave reoriented in th eright direction. 

I'd like to thank Master Thatch from Michigan for His very insightful comments on the issue of Ownership which I found very reassuring!  Thank you Sir!

"My last boy was owned We both live in the United States He lived in Ohio I live in Michigan We had a long distance Master and slave relationship Its possible You dont have to be a live in to be owned Now Im not saying that Master is wrong Every Master has their own ideals and definitions so theirs may be live in slaves are owned So that would indeed make them right but my definition of owned is when a boy has kneeled and pleaded their mind, body and soul to me and I have placed a collar around their neck and we are intertwined in a relationship Distance isnt an issue And Im not into live in slavery

The relationship is monogamous, the boy is owned by only one Master and has only one Dom and that is me However that boy was leased out to other Doms from time to time"

A Master asked me how I can expect to be 'owned' if I am not able to move in with Master on a 24/7 basis.

I had always imagined that I could be 'owned' mentally by a Master whilst remaining married etc.

But maybe Master is right (Masters are always right in this slave's experience!): 'ownership' may not be the right word for what i seek.

I wonder whether 'captive' might be a better word?  Do any Masters or other slaves have thoughts on this matter?

Hello world!  So pleased to see the Journal functon is back up and running.  I just wanted to add a not to say I'm still here, I'm still real, and I'm still searching!