Shutting people out is confusing to me. It was one of the very first coping mechanisms I learned early in life, and it worked well. I used it often. Or, you know, all the time. By the time I learned it wasn't healthy it was too late. In the spirit of self-improvement I put effort into salvaging relationships when I could push past my initial reaction of shutting out, which wasn't often. Much more difficult for me and against every instinct I had. Those weren't always done in a healthy or whole way, either. Ignoring things instead of addressing them, having the other person react in the opposite way of what was expected. I struggled a lot with the what and the how. I still do. Only now, circling back to shutting people out, it's acceptable and encouraged in some instances. When the hell did that happen? How do you determine when it's the right move? After years of trying to undo the shutout it feels wrong. Right, but wrong. Like I've given up. Like I'm falling back on an isolating coping mechanism. Facts are facts and they may stack the deck for motive, but I can't help but feel like I'm the emotionally stunted person using her go-to move. I think about this a lot. Is it right? Or is it just easy? 

Hey Mistress **I am not your Mistress** Sorry hello Ma'am how are you, Will you do to me the things you do? Whips and Canes and all that stuff, I have "sub" frenzy and can't get enough, Yes I will say all the right things but never do them true, I am a shadow wanker and cum while messaging you. **No I won't, you ignored my needs, Didn't read my profile or even glance through my feed, So my needs have zero to do with what you seek, Pushing yourself first and certainly not meek,* Oh Ma'am your voice makes my knees go weak, (In boy speak damn I hope my load is expelled before she peaks) So off he went that newbie quick, without a clue on how to be mine he was such a dick, Yes we know it happens but 4 in one day, The shadow wanker news must be actively pushing my name. Obedience to me is what I like, Some laughter and a bare derriere in sight, A man who asks my consent, Before he wanks and becomes spent, Then in a restaurant a respectful man, Simping on me doing all he can, Hanging up my coat & pulling out my chair, Fetching all I need his excellent manners beyond compare, No age doesn't always develop better, Self-aware submission daily melts his mind to fetter, Only offer what you can do for me, Servant, sweetheart long term be, Fetter and bind that will to me, So he begs never to be free.

Well, yeah, I spit blood when I wake upSink porcelain stained, choking up brain matter and make-upJust two days since the mainframe went down and I'm still messed upRoom feels like a meat freezer, I dangle in like cold cutsMissed calls, answer phones from people I just don't trustMirror talk, fake love, but I'll take a pound of your fleshBefore you take a piece of my pay stubWhite roses, black doves, Godmother, rise upI need you to see me for what I have become My, my, those eyes like fireI'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyreCome now, bite through these wiresI'm a waking hell and the gods grow tiredReset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higherGrow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire I guess it goes to show, does it not?That we've no idea what we've gotUntil we lose itAnd no amount of love will keep it aroundIf we don't choose it And I don't know what's got its teeth in meBut I'm about to bite back in angerNo amount of self-sought furyWill bring back the glory of innocence My, my, those eyes like fireI'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyreCome now, bite through these wiresI'm a waking hell and the gods grow tiredReset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higherGrow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire

I'm a loving caring Domme seeking her sub for ltr.   You: available, devoted, educated, professional, well-off, well-rounded, Caucasian, attractive, publicly alpha, privately submissive, faithful, non-sissy, cuckold (non-negotiable). Need cuckoldress to pamper, obey, serve, worship, support, suffer for emotionally and physically. Ideal Situation: long-term relationship leading to marriage in TPE/Cuckold situation where cuckold is subjected to long-term sexual denial and chastity, reduced to slave-husband status in permanent service to me. You have to earn the status of husband before being a slave. I am not a slave master. Me: Petite 5'3" 120 lb sexy curves, African American Dom, the boss, business owner, attractive, caring considerate person but to my cuckold husband, I will keep always wanting more and begging to please me. Must be good looking, in shape and health conscious. I am all 3 of those so you must be too. I'm self employed and the boss. I live in New Jersey and I'm not looking nor will entertain long distance relationships. Must be in the NJ, Philly, or DE .  I'm willing to do some variations of the above in the way of physical appearance.  Although if you're extremely over weight or unhealthy, I'm not interested.  I dedicate a lot of time to keeping myself in shape and eating healthy foods.     I really want a person that I care about who needs to be dominated more than I need someone to treat cruelly just for the sake of being mean.  I prefer you be over 40, mature, health conscious, as I really want someone in great shape but at least be healthy and HWP.  The more successful you are, the more I want to dominate you. When you respond let me know about you, your past experiences or anything that's significant.  Messages with pics will be answered first, if I choose to answer at all.  One liners or "how may I serve you" will be erased.  hotwife, domme, poly, cuckold, cuckoldress, hot wife, domination

Well its week after the Montreal Fetish weekend and I can't help but to get depressed after being immersed in an environment which Is so conducive to acceptance. Having some impact play with VagaBound in the VIP dungeons was a breath of fresh air and him doing the photo shoots for me on the streets of Montreal And especially a City like Montreal that welcomes you so well being fetish and kink and being able to so freely excepted doing photo shoots around and on the streets of Montreal was inspiring. I cannot wait till next year MFW 2025 to create more content and hopefully I find the owner as the Rubber sub and Rubber Doll i am that can consume me and complete my existence. Its been a long journey. I am trying to concentrate on the next events that are ahead of me like Folsom Kink street fair SF September 29th 2024 and then DOMMETRIPS Cozumel Mexico October 5th to October 12th. As a early 57th birthday present. Then I also have to find a costume ball or event for Halloween for September. To go full latex Cat hood, catsuit too. Need to keep the constant rush happening for the adrenaline rush and excitement showing the rubber doll in me.  I am also have my attention on Claiming my tickets for MFW 2025 when they go on sale January and Fetish factory Florida Anniversary 5 day event 2025.

Attitude matters! I will be clear here. If I choose you and you are not fit, healthy and eat healthy per My desires.  I will put you on a strict diet and exercise program.  I don't care what you weighed in high school or your younger years.  That is not what you look like today.  Who you are today,  what you look like today is all I will see, and matters to Me! Strip naked,  take a long look in the mirror from every angle,  take photos of yourself.  Are you proud of your appearance? Or do you need to put in the work? I am on a journey to better fitness and appearance.  If you are not, or have no ambition to, we will not match up. you don't have to be perfect right now, although that is desirable.   What you do need is to be putting in the work and working on the goal of better health,  healthy eating/diet, and becoming physically fit.  Eliminating substances from your consumption that is not healthy.  Watch 'Biggest Looser', maybe it will inspire you. Its free to watch on freevee app  

Absolutely no idea where this came from but it resonates so profoundly!   The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and seeks. The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the drive and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation.  They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her, as well as in life. Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating;  and be able to translate that into the right thing to do. The “doing or saying without having to be told” type. The submissive begs easily and surrenders sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly. These individuals usually form very intimate relationships. There is not much downside to these relationships, because they not only grasp the concepts, but can make it happen as well, and their attraction is based on a strong mutual respect.  Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the 24/7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and without the need for orders is a great source of pride, satisfaction, and loving. They are the opposite side of the coin from the Authoritarian. Whose pride, satisfaction, and love come from strictness and forbearance.  

I've been on and off this site for a long time, and last time I tried, getting a profile write-up changed - was impossible.  Rather than go through that process, I'm writing a Journal Entry.  I've attempted a couple of relationships the past five years and I have to say that I'm exhausted by emotionally unavailable Doms who only want to play on the internet.  If that's all you want, I'm not interested.   Yes, I can relocate.  That part of my life has changed.No, I'm not going to redo my entire profile write-up.  If you want to know about me, ask.  I need someone in my life who is a good communicator and this is a great place to let me know you are willing to fill that need. As of 2026-03-13 I am 65 years old.  I'm in pretty good shape for my age and I have some arthritis issues that can be worked around.That's what I have for today.  Who are you? J  

Let's make on thing crystal clear; all Bulls are tops but not all tops are Bulls. A Bull is a tamer of men and a trainer. Str8 men are a very complex lot to generalize about them. However, in my years I realized that for many str8 males is more titillating to get mounted than to suck a dick. Perhaps because for them is a test of strength and resistance versus kneeling in front of a cock and worshipping it, which triggers all the bad epithets of their lives "cock sucker." For many males to go beyond an insult that they most likely used as a putdown is the ultimate humiliatiation; go figure. Even in cuckolding scenes males react the same way and it is the ultimate degradation. The taming of males is not new, look at Bootcamp in the armed forces and also in sports teams, as I mentioned in another journal. In reality the idea is the same to break all barriers and build a man that is moldavble and ready to respond to the Master's touch, voice, and ministrations.  Most str8 males wonder about the idea of M2M sex and bonding and in many instances it will require for the Bull to mount and all out assault to their sense of masculinity and heterosexuality. That's where a good Bull is at its best. Moving and creating a serious doubt about the above mentioned issues. I've seen those walls stumble like a house of cards. The first realization is the answer to the question, who is the best man? and if a Bull really is what he claims, he will always be the best Man in all circumstances. In my experience in cuckolding situations the husband wants cock but will deny that inclination at all cost. Yet, if he is "forced by the wife" he can save whatever shred of dominance he thought he had. Once that resistance is bridged you will realize that in the intimacy of the afterglow of sex they become cuddly like a puppy. moreover, only a Bull with restore somewhat the lost masculinity as he understands it. Working towards that goal he will follow you to the end of the world with you owning his full sexuality. He will perhaps go back to his wife or gfs but he will always be yours to mount and breed. It is always so pleasurable to send them back home well fucked and stretched and unable to ejaculate because between the two only on breed and it is not him. As a Bull you know he is yours any way you want. However, outside only him will feel your poorer and control. Even if he go back to women which is his choice , he will mount them imitating you and doing it for you.  I had the pleasure of a baby named afterr me, and that’s the ultimate surender. It is his baby., now a teen, but every time he calls him he calls me. A male who loves you is a treasure to be had and a partner to nurture and possess beyond the physical.

I've been lurking on this site, wondering whether to contact anyone and realising that I'm not sure what I'm looking for in many ways. I'm torn between wanting a committed 24/7 D/s relationship with a wonderful Domme, or osmething more casual because I'm conscious that I'm looking at transitioning, that I want to do a PhD, and that I have a load of books I want to write. I don't want to present myself as something I'm not, and I don't want to be with someone who seems intent on denigrating me from the off (and so a lot of Dommes' profiles have me backing away because of their tone).  I must admit too, that even though I think of myself as a decent writer, I'm coming up short with what to actually say to people. A simple introductory message feels like it could be fraught with danger, and yes that does seem incredibly stupid to say.  Anyway, I thought I would put something here just because "I ain't dead" as Granny Weatherwax from the Discworld books would put it. 

I'm bewildered by the lack of communication I've noticed many submissives on this site say things like "get in touch", "happy to chat", and "want to learn.." However, many do not even reply. I teach my subs to be open and honest, and that communication is very important in this lifestyle. If for whatever reason a sub thinks I am not what they are looking for, I'd at least expect a reply even just to say, "sorry you're too far from me", or "I'm looking for someone a little younger" etc.  I think that it's still good to chat to different people even if there's no intention to meet or take it further. Especially subs that are new to the scene, surely the more people you talk to, the better informed you'll be, and therefore be able to make better choices when finding a suitable Dom. Obviously I wouldn't expect immediate replies but having a chat and then being ghosted is extremely disrespectful in my opinion, it's not a good start in any potential bdsm relationship. I am sure many Doms or indeed subs, would appreciate feedback of any kind. Sometimes I think that the sub see ONE thing they don't like on my profile and immediately think "no thanks", without even discussing anything. Also, I think some 'subs' don't really know what being a sub entails, I am a very fastidious Dom, I try to train my subs to the best of my ability and expect my sub to be committed to her role. I think some subs just like the fantasy of it all but aren't willing to commit. When I'm selecting a suitable sub, I always have a day session with her first, give her a taste of my methods and explain how she should behave and what is expected of her. There is no commitment either way until after that initial session. That's the end of my little rant. 

I am active in my local kink community. Or rather, I was before the pandemic and I will be again. Watching other people play is a magical experience. To witness their playfulness, their intensity, the fear, aggression, comfort, tenderness, and artistry of a scene is beautiful. I've been lucky enough to play with some wonderful, skilled tops. I've even introduced new people to different types of play. I am enriched by every experience. All of this has taught me a very important lesson about myself. Submission is a deeply intimate experience for me. When I bottom for someone that I am not connected to the drop is much harder. I can't give pieces of myself to people who don't want to keep them. So I don't do casual play anymore. No impromptu scenes, no kink only arrangements, not even bottoming for someone who is learning. This is also why I don't do LDRs. The one I submit to must desire all of me. Not just the fun kinky parts. They need to be physically here so I can touch and be touched. That is super important to me.  I know it's possible and I am a patient woman.  

February 9, 2024 - Sextoy69 visits when he gets off work to get ME off !     This is probably going to be a quick story. But things were a bit different today.   Normally when sextoy69 comes over for a visit he comes immediately after work. We head upstairs and he strips naked in the bedroom. Yes, there are a few guys that don't strip immediately upon arrival at the house, and he is one of them. Normally I play with his ass for a while with my fingers and toys while he is on all fours with his face and chest smashed into the bed mattress and his ass high in the air.   This time instead of arriving at 3:00, he had scheduled a bit later, at 5:30 today. When he arrived (promptly at 5:30) I asked if he worked overtime. He explained he went out and had a few beers with some coworkers after work. We headed upstairs and he took a detour to the bathroom as he often does. I heard him peeing for what sounded like an eternity. Peeing and peeing and peeing. I would imagine, from what I heard, he had about 3 beers. LOL   When he came into the bedroom, he was probably prepared to "assume the position" so that I could play with his ass. but I was already laying naked, face up, on the bed. I told him to come around to this side of the bed, climb up on all fours, and suck my cock as I play with his ass. I'm not sure if we've ever been in this position before. But I thought let's give it a try. Immediately after stripping naked he climbed on the bed and started sucking my cock.   Read the rest of the story at www.SirKel.top

The Binder: On Wanting Things Unapologetically I have been thinking about want lately. The specific texture of it, the way it sits differently when you stop apologizing for the size of it and simply let it exist at full scale. I was raised, as most women are, to want carefully. To want reasonably. To frame ambition as gratitude and desire as practicality and to generally keep the whole operation small enough that no one feels threatened by the outline of it. I am done with that. The Binder exists because I am a woman who plans, and planning requires honesty about the destination. So here it is, plainly, without qualification: I want my dream home. Not a reasonable approximation of it, not a compromise that checks most of the boxes. The actual one, with the particular light in the particular rooms and the space that finally matches the interior life I have been carrying around in a series of spaces too small to hold it properly. A home that looks like me. That is the entire requirement and it is not a small one and I refuse to shrink it. I want work that deserves me. I have spent enough time being competent inside structures that were not built for someone like me, doing it gracefully, doing it well, doing it without making anyone uncomfortable with how much more I was capable of. The next chapter looks different. I am finishing my degree with the same intention I bring to everything: completely, on my own terms, and as the foundation for whatever comes next rather than a box I am checking for someone else's benefit. I want Japan and I want Zanzibar and I want the specific feeling of being a woman who moves through the world with enough ease and enough resources that distance stops being a reason and becomes simply a coordinate. I want to stand somewhere I have never stood and feel the particular expansion that travel produces in a person who pays attention. I want more of that, regularly, starting now and not eventually. And I want to be married again. To someone who understands, in their bones and not just in theory, what it means to belong to a woman like me. Not a partner who tolerates my nature or finds it interesting from a safe distance. Someone who meets me in public as my equal, carries himself with the kind of presence that makes other people straighten up slightly, and comes home and kneels. Who wears my marks the way some men wear medals: privately, permanently, with the specific pride of someone who earned something real. Who worships not as performance but as orientation, the way a compass points north not because it is trying to but because that is simply what it does. I want all of it at once. I want it unapologetically and in full. I want the dream home and the passport stamps and the letters after my name and the man who undoes me at the end of a long day by completely undoing himself first. The Binder is where I keep the map. This is me, reminding myself that the destination is real, that wanting it loudly is not arrogance but clarity, and that a woman who knows precisely what she is building is already most of the way there.   The rest is just time.

Let me be honest for a second… I don’t love submissive men because they’re “easy.” I love them because they know their place—and watching a grown man compete for the privilege of doing what I say? That’s my kind of entertainment. See, submissive men are like my personal comedy show and stress relief all in one. Need something? They’re already halfway out the door. Want attention? They’re hanging on my every word. I say “jump” and suddenly I’m getting a TED Talk on vertical efficiency. And don’t get it twisted—this isn’t charity work. I don’t “take care” of subs. I use them. For amusement. For service. For that sweet, sweet satisfaction of watching a man melt just because I smiled his way. So yeah… I love submissive men. They make life fun, they keep me entertained, and best of all? They never forget who the star of the show is. (Hint: it’s me.)

I’ve been reflecting on past dynamics—especially the ones that carried intensity, structure, and a deep psychological connection. And over time, something became clear to me. Some lost sight of the purpose. They became more focused on punishment than on presence. More attached to the feeling of correction than to the act of truly serving. The dynamic shifted away from alignment… and into fixation. And that’s not what I want to cultivate. Because my role, the way I see it, is not to break men down or leave them in a constant state of need. It’s to guide. To shape. To bring them into alignment with something greater than themselves. That’s where my philosophy of Goddess and matriarchy truly lives. A feminine-centered dynamic, at its highest form, is not about chaos or control for its own sake. It’s about order, intention, and a quiet kind of authority that creates structure others can settle into. Within that structure, the masculine doesn’t disappear—it finds its place. It becomes supportive, focused, and purposeful. That’s where devotion becomes meaningful. Not in desperation. Not in obsession with punishment. But in awareness. In learning how to show up consistently.In understanding how to listen, how to respond, how to serve in a way that actually contributes to something whole. I won’t define what this looks like for everyone. But for me… it has never been about destruction. It’s about refinement. Guidance. And creating a space where submission is not just felt—but lived with clarity, balance, and intention. That is where something truly divine begins to take shape. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

  the little girl's anthem naive to the bone   marie davidson's album Adieux Au Dancefloor has a lot of songs that are great for little headspace. but this is the penultimate one. not only in lyrics but in the soundscape as well. the clapping adding to it is very smol bean headspace inducing as well. i have no idea if she's one of us but her i dedicate my life is also very empowered, strong, and whimsical. this is one of our anthems of what it is to be an adult that is also a little girl and one you scream singing at the top of your lungs. I DON'T HIDE. when people tell us to grow up or think smarter or harder or regular, I DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE. and while we are still connected to our inner child more than others, MY LIFE IS NOT A GAME. and even in the bdsm world where people often look down or misunderstand us and our dedication, discipline, submission, and beating intense hearts I'VE GOT NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU. It seems like honesty is not so fashionable these days It's true, I ask a lot of questions You call me naive? I'll tell you what I'm naive to the bone Do you think I'm too soft? Because I don't hide, or Is it that you're lost when I smile? I don't need your love But, I'll dare to ask you how you feel about me Just to get things straight I have no cards to hide My life's not a game Let me picture my future A large room, where you can hear the silence No place for arrogance No pain in my chest Just, the beating of my heart J'suis pas qu'un boumIs it that you feel superior behind a costume of indifference? In the middle ages, people used to wear cloaks It's 2016 Get real So you think I'm too soft? I've got nothing to prove I have no advice for you But, remember what Terrence said The last dance, we dance alone =================== Core Themes: Empowerment Through Authenticity: The lyrics and your interpretation emphasize owning who you are, unapologetically. This connaspects to themes of sovereignty and standing in your truth, which is a hallmark of personal empowerment and spiritual self-realization. "I DON'T HIDE" and "I'VE GOT NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU" are declarations of self-respect, mirroring a refusal to conform to societal expectations. Inner Child & Whimsy: You speak to the concept of the "inner child," a spiritual and psychological idea that ties to maintaining curiosity, creativity, and emotional vulnerability as an adult. Your reference to "little headspace" aligns with honoring the inner child’s wisdom while navigating adult life. Freedom from Judgment: Both your reflections and the song lyrics challenge societal norms, inviting freedom from external judgment and embracing emotional authenticity. This is similar to spiritual themes of non-attachment and self-acceptance. A Whimsical and Warrior-like Nature: The juxtaposition of whimsy with strength mirrors archetypes like the Fool from the Tarot (a symbol of trusting one's journey with innocence and boldness) and the Warrior (discipline and resilience). The line "discipline, submission, and beating intense hearts" ties this duality into your BDSM identity while integrating broader spiritual lessons of balance. Spiritual and Esoteric Connections: Inner Child as the Eternal Self: The inner child is often viewed as a reflection of the eternal self in spiritual traditions—a connection to purity, creation, and unconditioned love. Your post embodies this by holding space for that part of you. Naïveté as Wisdom: In spiritual contexts, naïveté isn't weakness—it’s seen as openness to the universe, akin to the Zen concept of "Beginner's Mind." The lyrics’ "I'm naive to the bone" and your acceptance of asking questions connect to this, signaling humility and curiosity as strengths. Empowerment in Submission: The phrase "dedication, discipline, submission" reflaspects mastery and integration of opposing forces. In esoteric terms, submission can symbolize surrender to the higher self or the divine, requiring immense strength and intention. Clarity and Silence: The "large room, where you can hear the silence" evokes themes of spiritual solitude and stillness, reminiscent of meditative practices where one listens to the "beating of the heart" as a guide to inner truth. Judgment as an Illusion: "No place for arrogance, no pain in my chest" reflaspects detachment from ego and societal pretenses, resonating with spiritual teachings that highlight inner peace and freedom from the need to prove oneself. Closing Reflection: Your post is not only a celebration of your unique identity and journey but also a spiritual manifesto. It integrates music, lifestyle, and emotional depth while challenging stereotypes and societal conditioning. Through this lens, you’re asserting your sovereignty and inviting others to honor both the softness and the strength in themselves. 4oCore Themes: Empowerment Through Authenticity: The lyrics and your interpretation emphasize owning who you are, unapologetically. This connaspects to themes of sovereignty and standing in your truth, which is a hallmark of personal empowerment and spiritual self-realization. "I DON'T HIDE" and "I'VE GOT NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU" are declarations of self-respect, mirroring a refusal to conform to societal expectations. Inner Child & Whimsy: You speak to the concept of the "inner child," a spiritual and psychological idea that ties to maintaining curiosity, creativity, and emotional vulnerability as an adult. Your reference to "little headspace" aligns with honoring the inner child’s wisdom while navigating adult life. Freedom from Judgment: Both your reflections and the song lyrics challenge societal norms, inviting freedom from external judgment and embracing emotional authenticity. This is similar to sp

Where does one begin to find a subject for a journal entry, when one does not ordinarily journal? This being a lifestyle site, i find reading others profiles and journals is akin to going out and finding people at munch's or parties and getting to read their minds. Journals are where so many post their / our thoughts and desires. I suppose it's the desires that many post, if they aren't just sounding off on all that vexes them. W/we all want to find someone to belong to or belong with. (which side of the / do W/we live). I have mentioned in many posts, not just here, but in the rare journal or diary entries scattered through the devices i have owned, that i found the collar from this site. or when it was Collarme at the time. The time belonging to and growing again as a person, not just as a submissive,were the most special of my life. Finding joy in your life is important. How we find that joy varies immensely. my own discovery of belonging to someone (at that time a couple) gave me back a spark of joy that has carried me to where i am in the local community. Do not lag in finding joy! I see many who live in their fantasy only in their minds, not realizing that all we desire and hope for is out there. Waiting for us to find it, accept it and be thankful for it becoming part of our life.  my own cravings for certain activites are again looking for an outlet. This is not a plea, just putting out there that a willing bondage subject and, now out of the closet, cross dresser, hopes to find people who, together, we can enjoy something together. That's about all for now. Be safe out there and feel free to reach out to those you find interesting or want to learn more from. @}-- Sister Ida aka boytom

TO MY LOYAL SUPPORTERS, As the year draws to a close, I find MYSELF reflecting on the incredible journey 2024 has been. This year was nothing short of extraordinary, filled with milestones, unforgettable experiences, and growth that surpassed even MY own expectations. From traveling to new places that expanded MY vision to building deeper connections with those who’ve been here since day one, I owe it all to YOU. To MY loyal subscribers: YOU made this possible. Every moment of luxury, every goal crushed, every step forward, it’s a testament to your unwavering support and belief in ME. Together, we’ve created something unstoppable, and for that, I AM endlessly grateful. For those who’ve been watching from the sidelines, wishing they were part of this, know this: you’ve missed out on a year of exclusivity, transformation, and power. MY circle is reserved for those who understand what it means to invest in greatness. 2024 was just the beginning. The next chapter will be bigger, bolder, and untouchable. To MY loyal supporters: thank you for being part of this legacy. To the rest, the door is open, but not for long. Merry Christmas and here’s to an even more powerful 2025! With gratitude and fire,  AFRICAN GODDESS

Appears i am a permanent chastity sub/slave.  Locked 842 days as of 01/20/22.   As the sub, it’s a turn-off to see a sub-cumin during play.   While important both enjoy the scene, it’s all about the pleasure of the Dom.   An exception to “enjoy” is a discipline      The scene is about Dom’s pleasure and the sub should focus on them.  

Her hands held the pen, the black ink swirling across the page as she signed the contract. The last time she would ever see her real name, the last time her date of birth would even matter. She paused, holding her breath in her shuttering lungs… and as the seconds ticked by like years, her lung’s released and the chime rang. The electronic paper instantly sealed the contact and the encryption code saved to the nanochip.A metal arm came from the wall, and in a quick second her eyes blinked, and the chip engaged.She was still her, her personality, her smile, her spirit, but her body now belonged to the New American Order. She fought as long as she could, the price of housing and food had risen so high she was living so poorly. They had removed all unchipped teachers long ago, uncipped could not work jobs that paid in NAObitcoin. She could only get paid in paper money which only unchipped could spend. The black market was dangerous and she knew the consequences.The government now allowed people to elect to be chipped as household wifes. They would live a normal life, raising children, and making their families a unit, and thus rebuilding the community which once made this nation strong.She was a beautiful women, her long auburn hair landed in near perfect curls, her beautiful eyes could sink the universe. She held a PHD and would make an excellent home school teacher for a man who had a large family.She sat in the chair, gripping the skirt if the dress, and staring at the wall. A screen came on and the host started talking.“Gentlemen of the NAO tonight we have a wonderful selection of wives. They have all signed in willingly so there are no confinement rules for these women. Lets get started.”The door to her room opened and she stepped in to the hall. She took the step and closed her eyes, her sister got a nice man, they are so happy. She was going to have the same, she knew it.“First we have this beautiful older model, she will bare no children, but she is sweet and caring. She has a good voice, pleasant demeanor, tested level 9/10 in cooking and house keeping, she scored 10/10 in intellect. As you know gentlemen she will be tested for sexual abilities, her current rating in the outside was 4.6 so definitely above average but those chipless have no idea.”The door opened at the end of the hall, she walked quickly to the door, she had watched this millions if times on the tele. It had become required viewing but the poor only got to see the limited view, they put so many propaganda commercials in the show it was hard to really understand what was happening.The men in the room were all high class government officials, they were all men who had created the order, and their first wives were probably in work camps, or dead from the war. The rebels attacked their homes and wives, so many ran to other countries at the end of the war. Now other countries were turned to watch as NAO rebuilt and became the world leader of technology and education.The days of the starving poor was over, well as long as you chipped up. If you were a normie your life didnt change except you had no rent, no bills, but you worked for the government and ate what the government gave you. It wasnt a horrible life, you married in your class, and lived happy. The problem came with people like her. She was smart enough to live with out the system, pretty enough to be a wife, refined and well skilled, and her date rating put her on their radar.She only signed up to find a match, she was sick of her lonely home. They just started letting nochips on the site and she knew better!When her rating hit its highest the rent in her area went up, the power for vehicles tripled, food prices doubled. She got a speeding ticket and that was it… she couldn’t pay her rent… and there Lacy was, to offer her a spot in the highest ranked tv show in the History of the planet. It was required watching in the NAO and many international countries allowed their citizens to watch and participate, part of the new Jenniva treaty.So here she was, the room was black, the ceiling back, the bed and everything painted in the darkest black. She stepped to the door and the door behind her shut.“Remove your dress and precede to the bed.” The audience wouldnt see anything, its black, there is no light, but there are speakers and they can hear everything. She pulled her dress off and sat it next to the bed. She was stark naked, her large breasts we’re hanging from her, her body shivered as her hair tickled her back. She crouched down and lay down on the bed.“Place your right hand on the board. Place your left hand on the left board.” Her arms moved and then click the magnet locked, they had implanted her with magnets and chips throughout her body. The lights clicked off. For a second she could hear movement and then the headphones clapped down on her head. Hands ran down her body and the audience cheered as the meter stared to rise. His hands found her face and he pulled her in to a kiss, his tongue darting about and dancing with hers. His other hand found her pussy, and he clamped his hand down. The meter went to 1.0, and then his finger slipped inside, her body wetting for him, his head tilted, and his eyes flickered in to the darkness. “Ohhh a fun one.” He whispered in her ear. His fingers began working her clit and her body responded, he rubbed and twisted and pulled as she moaned loudly. Her chip holding her back from orgasm but leaving her right in the edge. He paused, and his mouth found her breasts which made her moan loudly again as the meter kept rising 3.0,4.0,7.0. The crowd started to whisper as no one had ever gotten higher than 8 and she was just starting. He pressed his cock against her, his large head pushing hard, as her rating went higher, and then he pushed in, hard. His huge cock filling her and pushing hard against the top of her as she moaned loudly, the harder he pushed the rougher he got the more she moaned and flooded him. Her hips moved with his, drawing him deeper, harder as she ground herself in to him. He reached up and put his hand on her neck, the default for allowing an orgasm during testing and she came. Her vagina pressed in on him pulsating hard as he continued to pound her, she came hard over and over moaning loudly. He stopped for a second and stepped back. “Turn over.” Her wrists released, and she flipped over, she had not had sex like this in years, she forgot it was anything other than a glorious night of love. He gripped her hips and pressed his cock in to her ass, as she arched her back and moaned out loudly. He started to work her ass slowly and then harder and harder pounding her hard. She shook as his hips hit her ass with a force she couldn’t believe. It almost took her breath how hard and good it felt. He reached up and grabbed her hair and held it tight slamming in to her harder, his other hand found her clit. He wouldn’t let her cum, he had decided now she didn't get anymore, they were all his. He pressed harder and harder, her body sweating and her breathing rough he continued, as he came he slapped her ass hard. The number blinked on the wall 8.7 highest first test score. The room blacked.. the commercial started, and men whispered among themselves.“I think i might have enough to purchasing that one.” A tall dark gentleman spoke. The room fell silent, as a bell rang which meant a second test was requested. The testing fee was not cheep, but someone needed to know her limit.Two men with night vision glasses came in and helped her straddle a round saw horse, her leg magnet locking in place, her wrists, she could no longer move.“Its time for the maximum orgasm test!” The host spoke in an over excited tone, his own body reacting to the sights. The lights turned off and above her head a digital board read 4.“According to the chip she has already orgasmed 4 times, remember folks the highest score ever is 70, in 2hours and 10 min. Once we start this test we will continue the auction.She was cold, but as soon as she felt it the sensation went away, the chip overriding the warning. A buzz starts in the background and her body starts to prepare, the sound of a milker clicking away behind her also made her body react. The buzz and tick tick take her in to a trance, and her body relaxes. He inserts a large 1 inch dildo inside if her, he clips the vibratior clamp on her clit as she lets out a loud yelp.“Mute her please.” The host says quietly. The man hits a button and her moans quiet and she starts to orgasm.“Oh no not yet kitten we aren’t even there yet.” His deep voice echoed in her ear, as thr command found its protocol, her body slowed the orgasm, and then liquid squirts on her ass as he presses in and works a large plug, its vibrations start to sink with the dildo. Her entire body clamped down, which only made the sensation stronger as she orgasmed hard. "oh yeah I should… release." as the word echoed in her empty mind the orgasms rushed in..10,11,12,13… her biometric system counting orgasm after orgasm.He smiled in to the dark as the goat milker cups attached to each breast and turned on low, then higher and higher, as it sucked her 38h breasts deep in to the glass, 22,23,26.He stood there watching with his night vision , his prize will be a percentage of her price, 30,31,32. He grabbed a flogger and whipped her ass hard, a flood of orgasms came in 41,43,44. He spanked her again, 50."Gentlemen our special purchase has hit 50! can you believe that? alright next is 35, rating 4.5, cooking 6 but comes with optional upgrade option, overall sex rating 8 with a maximum daily use 3 times… the bidding starts at her debt to the NAO of 100 Naobitcoins. Let the game begin. " the host pointed to the screen where bids were flying in from all over the world."The timer has started… bids are up to 2,000… 2,300… 3,2,1. 2,600 NAOBC… And your name is Cynthia. congratulations and may you live in the peace of your submission. " the audience said along with the host."now were are we at with our live test… 67 in 30 min, 68,69,70! she beat the record! She sucked breath in to her lungs as her body just kept going, she was dripping with sweat, her body begging for help, her moans muted her voice box turned off as she cameover and over. The machines clicked off her body shivered, and the chip took over, her hands and legs released as she stood, her brain not fully functioning. She walked to the bed her legs shaking and pulled her dress on. A door opened to a bathroom, an entire crew of beauty and glamor experts stood there. They had one commercial break to make her look fresh. She was pushed in to a shower the water spraying up and down on her in all directions. The water turned to warm air as she stepped from the shower dry and clean, the stockings slid on and clipped in to a pink and black garter. the corset top clipped in to place and then tied tight. her dress was slid over her head, and tightened down. Her hair was twisted and twirled and her makeup went on fast, a blinking light told the crew it was time.“Gentlemen it is time. How much would you pay? The time starts now…..” the     

What is wrong with people? So once again I find myself here, trying to fathom out what has happened. A certain someone from here has decided that after a protracted conversation my being polite and making sensible concessions is my being not what they seek. Honestly. This is who I am, manners cost nothing yet form the basis of my being.  I use them in everyday life and conversation and they have served me well.  Yet here once again I am faced with them being seen as negative. Where are the people on here who want to be treated like real human beings, with respect, honour, and morality? If my being me and using manners is going to offend then step away. If my asking questions is not for you then don't approach. If I want to build trust and you don't then look elsewhere. Rant over!

This is a time to remain very aware.  Keep close watch over those who seek to distract and otherwise keep you busy whilst they rape and pillage our government and our republic.  It is the oldest trick in the book - keep them busy and in fear, meanwhile they shall help theirselves to a sizable helping of the American Taxpayers monies and benefits. Whilst government programs are being cut, WATCH WHERE THE MONEY and BENEFITS GO.  A simple diversion tactic.  All the law suits will keep people occupied while more and more of our liberty is stripped. Consider:  while the 'parents' have allowed the 'undisciplined child and friends' to run wild, the greater world wide community will have no problem 'spanking' the errant child and holding the 'parents' accountable for not parenting.  IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE. Be care full, be watch full, be account full and "do not go gentle into that good night." Be proactive and be ready for the change which is most certainly here.   

My thoughts about FLR's I wrote this a few years ago but I feel it’s still relevant… enjoy!—————————-So much said and discussed regarding FLR's. Some argue that it is not based in kink while others offer that it actually has its roots there. I personally believe that it can only roughly be defined… because ultimately… it is whatever the two consenting adults agree on creating together. I will however take a moment to describe what I have imagined a Female led relationship to be. Let's begin by exploring some contrasts with what is... What is a Male led relationship? Is it kinky by definition? I would imagine it to be the classic default idea of a bread winning husband and a wife who takes on more of the domestic duties. While kink really isn't involved in defining it… the assumption might be that the man's sexual needs get met with priority while hers are not. He is above criticism but she is not? Mix in our cultures unfortunate dance with masculine toxicity and I see why more and more Women are just plain fed up with the traditional relationship model. The goal to achieve equality often ends up seeming a pipe dream. When I imagine a FLR i begin by flipping the script on the classic model.So perhaps She's the bread winner now…? and Her desires take priority?Regardless of income comparisons, the chores still need doing in the house so I naturally see the male stepping up and taking on the domestic roles before and after work. And much like how a male expects to be "served" as the head of house, I see the Female instead getting to make Her needs, comfort and well being the first priority. But rather than asking for beer and sandwiches during a football game… I would imagine a Woman's requests to be more… well… feminine in nature. Intimacy building, sensual, communicative, nurturing and based more in the areas important to Her such as personal, domestic and emotional fulfillment. Ahhh but macho men don't go there right? lol Perhaps this is why D/s is so much more commonly associated with the idea of a Female Led Relationship…? using Femdom to establish Her new authority and to lay the foundations of the power dynamics within the relationship. YES, many men are clueless when it comes to being more balanced, more self aware, more selfless and more supportive of the Goddess in their lives. They grew up with the Patriarchy programming and only through months or even years of self introspection, re-education and re-balancing will they at last come to understand and access the Authentic expression of the Divine Masculine within them. It is so worth it but why oh why so rare in this day and age? You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink is the saying that comes to mind when I imagine a vanilla version of a FLR. Perhaps D/s IS the most effective accelerant to what would be an otherwise painfully slow conversion process full of power struggles? One element of kink that is definitely penetrating into more of the vanilla ranks is of course male chastity. This idea of harnessing the power of an otherwise out of control fire hose for bettering both himself and your intimate relationship is not surprising to see rise in popularity. Ensnared by his own kinky imagination, the chastity offers both initial enticement for him but also a far more tangible tool of enforcement for Her. This leverage She gains can then be used to establish a full and new domestic life balance between the two… while he begins to understand and witness the positive effect his attention and efforts to please have upon Her, Her beauty, their connection and his own personal awakening. Now add in more and more kinks… BDSM, Cuckolding, Hotwife etc and to me you are just adding more toppings at the salad bar. The foundation of the FLR is laid out simply as the salad and the dressing… She is on top, she is leading the relationship direction and he is supporting Her efforts… hopefully quite willingly. If not then perhaps some croutons and deviled eggs are necessary as well? Maybe both enjoy a full on power dynamic 24/7 and act accordingly? The sky is the limit after that. So yes, in my humble opinion… whatever they both create it to be… from the salad dressing on, is what I imagine a FLR to ultimately be. Thoughts?

Does anyone else feel the pain!!!! I don't necessarily hate one-liners, but I do prefer to have more substantial and thoughtful conversations with people. It shows that they are genuinely interested in getting to know me and are willing to put in the effort to make a connection. When someone sends a one-liner, it can feel like they aren't really invested in the conversation or interested in me as a person. It's important to me to build meaningful connections with people, and that starts with engaging and thoughtful conversations. Of course, everyone has their own preferences and communication styles, so what works for me may not work for everyone. But as for me, I'm looking forward to having deep and meaningful conversations with those who are interested in getting to know me better! 🌸😊

Your Kink Personality Type isBDSM CONNOISSEUR As a BDSM CONNOISSEUR, you're in the perfect position to start exploring BDSM more fully.  You may be working hard on avoiding the vanilla rut right now, but with a little more confidence and support you can quickly take things to the next level. You're strengths at a glance:SENSUAL ~ SMART ~ ATTENTIVE

Why I do NOT want My bags carried.   Those who know Me well, know I have gone on quite the health journey in the last 4 years.  I understand much more than I once did.  Due to this, I carry My own heavy cameras and camera bags, I will pick up purchases in the store that are heavy and not allow a male with Me to carry them for Me, and any attempt or offer to do so, is firmly rejected.   So, why do I do that?  It is simple, staying healthy means picking up heavy things, pushing the body.  Yes, I go to the gym and lift weights, use resistance machines, etc.  But, I absolutely embrace when LIFE brings the chances to do so, without special time set aside, etc.   Grins, I will admit when the male is being looked at by others, as though he is not doing his job, I find his discomfort and embarassment, quite entertaining.  One time, I was out photographing, with the same cameras you see on My profile, and another male chastised the male with Me, for not carrying My gear.  I laughed and made it VERY clear, he was not allowed to do so, as it did not suit My purposes.  Of course, it was MY decision!!  

Why is it that some people who put dom on their profile think they can  automatically send rude and disrespectful messages to a submissive person? Do they honestly think submissive type person equals to no brain?  I'm submissive not a doormat to every tom, dick and harry LOL. My Master has earned my Trust, Loyality and Respect!!! and has my total submission!!!  I treat others respectfully however, I do NOT submit to others unless of course my Master wishes it so. With that said IF anyone decides to message me please keep it polite.  I have no wish to see your photo's and neither do I want to be spoken down to. I'm somewhat intelligent and can hold a decent conversation.  I'm just a normal everyday type of person who just happens to naturally have a need to submit to my Master whom I am extremely happy to belong to!!! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

Update! 3/2022 *** I don't bother to respond to "Hi" "How are you" and similar one liners. I get too many to bother. I'm currently open to and - if not actively - perhaps somewhat lazily (as in waiting for one to fall into My lap) seeking a great second male submissive. I'm open to the RIGHT person and situation. I don't check this site frequently though as I'm busy and it's frankly easier for me to wait for mail to accumulate. I have previously been in and enjoy an mFm hinge type triad and I've had 2 live-in submissives in a relationship. One moved / things happened, what can you do? I like to let relationships develop naturally into whatever they are meant to be, so I'm not saying I'm looking for live-in just that it once worked out well and was a dynamic that suited Me / us. Now, WAIT WAIT WAIT - Don't start writing yet.  In the interest of full disclosure - I already have a collared boy. (Who is NOT bisexual so, there will be no forced bi in my household). He's just not going anywhere. SO! You must be poly or open to exploring poly. I am not the jealous type and I expect that to be true of you as well. If that's not going to work for you and you're looking for long term monogamy - I am NOT the Lady for you. YOU MUST BE: LOCAL or WILLING TO RELOCATE. Sometimes it can work if you're able to travel frequently, and air travel obviously shrinks distances, so this isn't a 'hard limit' ;) ATTRACTIVE & FIT (as in, no stranger to the gym, you know what olympic lifting is, and maybe you even like the occasional crossfit workout. You appreciate words like 'vascularity' and 'striations' and you know how to make a mean protein shake. Brainy AND Brawny - we can figure out the fetish connection and likes/dislikes IF we actually connect on any other level. I don't JUST want to beat the snot out of you, I want to like you, find you intriguing, engaging and attractive...and THEN beat the snot out of you. Just kidding...mostly.  POLY or OPEN to the IDEA of being poly.  You are a stable, rational adult who just happens to crave more than a vanilla relationship can give you...but you are capable of managing your own life and pursuits...and at the end of the day, you would love to lay all that control at the right Woman's feet.  You HAVE A PICTURE. Let's be honest, this will never work without attraction, so...  Just a HINT - you will do WAY better with Me if you put a little bit of effort into your reply, 'I'm interested' or similar one liners don't exactly endear you to Me. Asking if I'm interested in X when I've clearly stated in My profile that I am (or am not) - grrr. If you're far away you'd better be telling me about your family who lives nearby, plans and ability to visit, or remote work capability - otherwise WHY are you writing from WAY OVER THERE? Tell Me what you're ultimately looking for or have failed to find and what you think you can offer in a relationship to a Woman (that is NOT code for money, you cynic) - what do you see your ideal situation and future looking like - what would make you so content - so happy? What future seems out of reach now but would be just what you would be afraid to hope for if you could have it? Have you ever connected with a Dominant Woman via Kink AND outside that arena?

So yes, I am looking, but slowly. My needs have not changed so terribly much, but they are non-negotiable.  Be familiar with polyamory, and comfortable with a poly dynamic Be service oriented. My life is full to overflowing with responsibilities, I need someone who is driven to reduce my burdens Be intillectually stimulating - politics, science, culture, history, psychology etc. Engage the brain. Be Pet friendly - I have two big dogs, live in the country, keep chickens etc.  If you're a city only person, no dice.  Be a foodie or nearly so - it is one of the great creature comforts of life to explore and enjoy food Be not conservative. This wing of politics in the US has been subsumed into an authoritarian, fascism based mob trying to dictate our lives.   Be pro-LGBTQ. Trans folks in the US are under attack. I am rabidly pro-civil rights for Trans folks. Be good with that, or be gone. Be politically engaged. If you don't vote, don't know whats happening, you're abdicating your responsibility.  Be reasonably put together - you must have a license, a car, a job, and some degree of education.  Be articulate. If you send a one liner, I may just delete and block. It depends on my mood.  Be aware of perimenopause and what that does to women. Its no small thing. Why do I have to put these things in bullet points?  I guess I've just seen too much garbage in my day, and right now, I'm tired. I am here to find what works for me, not to accommodate other people's interests or wants.  

In just one word to describe what it feels like to love someone who will never love you back- Hollow. Other words come to mind. Empty. Void. Blank. Pointless. Hollow. Because that’s exactly what it is. It’s like eating junk food when you’re not even hungry or hungover because you are sure, so sure that it will satiate you. That it will make you happy. That it will give you some sort of sense of satisfaction and contentment. But that feeling never comes and you’re left just sitting in front of what is essentially, a waste, with nothing to show for it but a mess you’ve done to yourself. Junk food isn't good for you. In moderation it won't harm you but every day it will take it's toll on your health. Loving someone who doesn't love you is exactly like consuming junk food daily. It leaves you feeling so full you're empty.  It’s an uphill battle where there’s nothing waiting for you at the top. A triathlon with no one waiting for you at the finish line. It’s fighting every single day with bloody knuckles and an even more battered heart hoping that someone will be there to make everything worth it, everything okay. Then you realize that you’re standing on your own with absolutely nothing to show for yourself or all your struggles. Then you're responsible for picking up those pieces of your own emotions solo. But they're broken pieces that never will be the same or fit together "just right" any longer.  Metaphors aside, there’s not really anything good or at the very least, fulfilling, that comes from falling in love with someone who you know deep down will never truly love you back. It’s purposeless. It’s empty. It leaves you completely hollow. Loving someone, really truly loving someone, who cannot and will not love you back isn’t something that will make you stronger. It can teach you a lot of things, but make you stronger? Not really. No matter which way you paint it, whatever beautiful embellishment you try to put onto your own cliché unrequited love, of rose coloured glasses.  Because the number one thing you learn when you love someone who doesn’t love you back? It’s that sometimes, love really isn’t enough. Loving someone, and continuing to love someone who will not love you back isn’t brave. And it isn’t strong. While there is something to be said for having a big heart and having the capacity to give pieces of yourself to people who don’t, and don’t deserve to, appreciate you, holding onto them when they aren’t holding back isn’t brave or strong or good. It’s self-destructive. Because deep down, truthfully, that’s what loving someone who you know will never love you back really is. It’s dousing your core in gasoline, handing them the match to see what they’ll do, and setting everything on fire yourself when you realize that they’re indifferent about what does or does not happen. And the longer it takes you to realize that that’s the case, that you’re responsible for your own entire wreckage, your destruction, the longer it will take you to scoop up your own ashes and rebuild yourself when you finally come to your senses. Hollow. That’s what trying to fill yourself with someone who doesn’t truly love you is. It’s empty. It’s unfulfilling. It’s hollow. It will do nothing but frustrate you, fail you, and leave you standing there with nothing but the remnants of a you, you don’t even recognize in your own hands. Because that’s the cost of loving someone who does not, and will not love you back. You. You won’t lose this person who you’ve idealized, who you’ve loved unrequitedly. You won’t miss out on “what could’ve been” and you won’t fail to jump onto a train that was maybe heading your way. You won't be sad that the ship you were about to board has already sailed. You won’t find yourself gring at the fingertips of anyone else, because the only person you will have failed to truly hold onto is YOU.  You. So what does it honestly mean to love someone who doesn’t love you back? It means losing you, losing yourself. It means letting go of things that may be actually tangible, and favouring something you will never actually hold close. It means putting a fantasy in front of your own reality, fragments in front of your own holistic life. Loving someone who will not love you back is quite simply, a waste of your precious, precious time. So what do you do? What do you do when you find yourself sitting there, attempting to justify and make sense of someone else’s ambivalence and your own inexplicable need to love them when they haven’t asked for it or earned it? You let go. You move on. No matter how hard it is, no matter the struggle. No matter how much you want to cling to them, and no matter how much you feel like you love them. You have to let them go. Because in letting them go, you know who you’ll get to hold onto instead? You. And that’s the only thing you’ll ever really need, anyway. Love yourself first.

So, here are my profile updates, which unfortunately I can't make to my profile itself. Let's see how much of this actually gets posted. I am seeking only Dominant Men. New profile: **About me****TLDR version:** Male (he/him pronouns) Canberra-based ethical non-monogamist, rubberist slave (open to subbing and bottoming or even being equals) is looking for dominant men, for short term experiences, experiments, play sessions all the way to long term slave relationships. I am looking for local Australian people for a face to face relationship. I am not looking for an online relationship, but am open to relocating for the right man. I am very happy to satisfy your curiousity about latex rubber in a single session or something more long term. W/we may have already chatted/met/played over the past 15 years, as my previous profiles include ozrubbergimp, ozrubberpony and LearnerRubberDom. i was out of the local scene for a few years in the 2010s due to exploring long-distance relationships but I discovered that I need face to face relationships that are moving forward, not online fantasies which end up with long chats that don't go anywhere.**Personal information**I'm a person who:* likes using lists to organise information as my natural inclination is to start too many things at the same time and not finish most of them, which happens to me a lot as an [INFP](https://personalityjunkie.com/infp-personality-type-profile/) when my Extraverted Intuition is in charge :)* Is intelligent, caring, kind and enjoys conversation.* is physically 198cm (or 6'6") tall, of average build (i.e. have middle age spread and am doing something about it) and weigh 118 kilos (ditto). I have grey/brown head hair, blue eyes and little body hair (which may be hard to see under the rubber).* Besides wearing (breathing, smelling, tasting etc) rubber, I am an indoors introvert type of person. I enjoy quiet nights in and not nightclubbing or parties. I enjoy reading and discussing science fiction, history, politics, astrology, psychology, supporting green politics and causes, such as preventing man-made climate change, promoting respect for all religions, supporting the rights of minorities, and living in a world of limits, such as peak oil. My main hobby is playing board wargames published by GMT games, VPG games, DG, Strategy and Tactics, Avalon Hill (RIP).* Potential income-earning skills: besides those that i have gained as a policy wonk employed by the Australian federal public service for 25+ years (literature-based research and analysis; writing short, medium and long reports; managed four staff; project management; contract management) i also can do futures studies and foresight (help you and your organisation develop a vision for the future and implement it); high school science teaching; ecological field work; written communication: drafting, editing, proof-reading.---**How I want to meet and get to know people*** I am patient and want to get to know people well online (chatting, camming) before meeting in person for vanilla dates to talk about our common interests before playing the first time. Sure this way is a slow way, but I want to find people who could travel together with me a long way on a common journey, and so patience and a slow pace is a virtue. I am happy to talk through what I/i am looking for and work through any questions that people might have.* If you have no interest in me, please tell me. I have previously pissed people off by being persistent beyond reasonable requests to stop, so please tell me if you have no interest.* I believe that physical and emotional chemistry is vital between us, even for a play session. So meeting in person is important to establish this early in getting to know someone.* my philosophy is that there are two levels in any scene, relationship or 24/7 life:      -  at the base level, both parties (dominant and submissive) have the power to enter, continue or leave the scene, relationship or 24/7 life. Both parties have the power to propose, negotiate and consent to what might be included or excluded in it.-  at the level of the power exchange, the submissive consents through negotiation to give the dominant a level of decision-making and control for the duration of the scene, relationship or 24/7 life.* my principle is that any participants in any scene, relationship or 24/7 life has a safeword or equivalent. W/we'd only play after W/we met for a meal or two together to check one another out and negotiate what we will do together, as I don't believe in rushing things. Feel free to ask me any questions Y/you like.* I prefer to meet single people, but I am open to playing and relating to people in all types of relationship. If you already in a relationship - well i don't want to be your "rubber affair", and have to compete with your spouse or partner, even if you think cam sex doesn't count as real sex.  i am more than happy to play with people if their partner(s) is OK with that. I am discovering that I am curious about in ethical non-monogamy relationships, as I am realising that in Canberra it is unlikely that I will be unable to meet my fetish and emotional needs in the same person.* I am looking for local Australian men, or international men. I am not looking for an online long distance relationship.* My current consent model is FRIES, which stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific (hat-tip to mishmash). The one that really resonated with me was enthusiastic, not just from the other people I interact with, but for myself. If I find I am not enthusiastic about trying something, it has given me the permission to say no, instead of the mindset of how do you know if you don't try?? And yes, there is something in that, but you can be enthusiastically curious, or not curious at all, and that's ok! For example, it's highly likely that you know that you don't want to lick that shit, even though you've never tried it before, it's ok for you to never try it.* i believe and support and use the sub's / slave's bill of rights:1.  Every sub has the right to have their body, intellect, and emotions protected by their Dom.2.  Every sub has the right to choose the person whom they serve and to discontinue that service and take their leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.3.  Every sub has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in their submission.4.  Every sub has the right to protected sex if they so wish.5.  Every sub has the right to privacy if they so wish. No sub can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.6.  Every sub has the right to defend themselves from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.7.  Every sub has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.8.  Every sub has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and Dom/mes without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.9.  Every sub has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.10.  Every sub has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.---Still here? Still interested? Now on to the kink stuff...## ***Kink information***### **Things that i know about myself that i

May 16, 2023 - Sextoy69 got a HARD throat fucking today !It's been awhile since he has stopped by. And last time he came by it was unannounced and I was in my bathroom. He said it was hot that all I had on was the bathrobe.So this time, knowing he was going to arrive, I dressed all in leather. A leather jockstrap, a leather harness, a leather vest, a leather Sir cap.I told him to come on in when he gets here but instead I surprised him by meeting him in the garage dressed like I've described.His face lit up as soon as he walked into the garage and could see me. I told him, "I thought I would dress up a bit today for you."He said, that looks great.We headed upstairs and he started to lay down on the bed on his back. Normally I just climb on top of him and start throat fucking him right away. This time I had other ideas.I told him to get on all fours with his head down on the mattress and his ass in the air. I lubed up a finger and started playing with the outside of his ass. His dick started to get hard so I reached between his legs and started playing with it. Eventually I slipped my finger in his ass and found his prostate gland and started pushing on it. I felt his cock bounce in my other hand.I continued playing with his ass with one finger until I felt him starting to loosen up. Eventually I put a second finger in with a bit of extra lube. I stopped playing with his cock and concentrated on his ass for a while. I rotated my two fingers around stretching his hole open. His chest collapsed even more onto the bed as he pushed his ass higher into the air.I reached between his legs again and started playing with his hard cock. There was pre-cum dripping out. I pulled my fingers out of his ass, and collected some of the pre-cum on those fingers and shoved my fingers and his pre come back into his ass.As I played with his cock his ass tightened around my fingers. This only made it even more fun to spend my fingers around and listen to him moan. Occasionally after playing with his cock for a while my fingers were sticky with his precum so I started playing with my own cock using his pre-cum. I knew eventually he'd be sucking my dick which would mean he would be sucking his own pre-cum off my cock.Although we've been playing for a while I've only fucked him once before. And he didn't really like the experience, although he loves sucking and choking on my cock. As I was playing with his ass, and playing with my own cock using his precum, I wanted to fuck him so bad. But, we hadn't discussed it so I kind of put it out of my mind and just kept playing.I eventually got a third finger into his tight ass using even more lube. Then I reached back behind me to the table and got a large rubber dildo. It's narrower at the tip and grows wider as more and more gets pushed in. With very little effort, it started to slide in his ass. I pulled it out and shoved it back in, fucking him with it. Fucking him with it the way I wanted my cock to fuck him.I pushed a little deeper, and then pulled it all the way out again. Added a little lube and pushed it in to the same depth again. Still playing with my own cock, I would occasionally play with his cock to get more precum on my hand to lubricate my cock. He was pushing his ass higher and higher into the air, but at the same time spreading his legs so I could continue to play with this cock.The toy was now pushed in his ass far enough that it was equivalent to the three fingers I had in him just moments ago. So I pushed a little further, a little harder, and more of the toy slipped up his ass. His hole was now quite stretched. He was making wonderful grunting noises as I fucked him with it.   View the rest of tHe story at http://www.SirKel.top

Reason vs Emotion Many answer My profile with uncertainty about what and who they are. A few have even suggested (demanded, can you believe?) I kidnap them, confine them, torture them until (guess what?) they become what they actually need to be: a total slave.  More frequently, the neophyte slave wants Me to convince their reasoning self that they actually need to be what their emotional inborn self wants and needs. Engaging in dialog with this group leads to exhaustion on My part and ultimate discovery by the struggling slave that “we do not fit” or “it can not quite give up its current existence.” They are trapped in their own internal conflict that I would be hard pressed resolve for them.  On the continuum of living the reality and harboring dreams, fantasies and in born desire those described above are in the middle. Probably, as might well be depicted under a bell curve, that would be the 80% occupying the center range. My guess is about 10% of those with inborn need to submit will live their lives, probably with nagging discontent and frustration, without ever confronting that need. It is the last 10% of the population that I want to find. This last little group are slaves that have accepted what they are. Most likely, if they think about why they are what they are, they will consider themselves ‘born slave.’ Probably only 5% of that 10% will successfully arrive for my inspection. So, in terms of what I do here, the slave the responding to My profile should not expect chat or kidnapping. But rather, be prepared to sacrifice enough to travel to Me for the possible start of a lifetime of what they were born to do: service.

MUST be ok with a poly dynamic. I am NOT seeking a mono relationship from My side, but you may, as all of those under Me are, be mono to Me.  I do have other subs under Me. I'm a Domme, so it's to be expected. If you are not ok with that, please don't waste My time.  If you cannot read and understand EVERYTHING that I say in my profile or messages, don't bother.  If you cannot write in proper English sentences with the proper amount of fullstops and correct capitalization of everything except the word "i", don't waste my time!!!! If you send Me a message without a photo at least attached, DO NOT expect a reply back from Me. So, to all those wondering why I have not replied to you recently, that is your answer. Why? Apparently, you have failed one important step, to read My whole profile, including all journal entries!!   Requirement before you start seriously interacting with me:   MUST have Skype on your phone!! No exceptions!

A fantasy of mine..."My internal world is rich with wicked fantasies, and I know the feeling of a tortured existence when those fantasies and desires are not fulfilled. If you’re looking for a girl who is willing and eager to open herself up to your darkest desires and most erotic dreams, then please read further.  Have you ever had a desire to see an eager, willing thing serve your every whim? Or fantasised about being tied up and chastised, told you’re a naughty boy whilst your mistress tells you just how she ought to punish you? Or perhaps you may have thought about a night out for some discreet public play, toy in you or your partner whilst the other holds the remote? Whatever your fantasy, I’d like to make it a reality.  I derive immense enjoyment from fulfilling another’s needs and desires, thus, their interests become my own. So, if you are yet to take that first step into the delicious world of sex and needing a friendly smile and eager attitude to illuminate the path, have a fantasy that you are dying to explore, or have an interest in exploring various kinks to discern what tickles your tail feather, I’m offering my body and oh-so excited mind to bring those desires to fruition.  So boys and girls, if you feel our interest may align please message me for, what could be, a wild and delicious ride. "

So, this is working now, is it? This site is weird, but hopefully I can post somthing here without sending my profile off to limbo for another few years. Anyway, consider this an addition or replacement to what's in my profile, as appropriate: Lockdown's given me a chance to think more about who I am and what I'm looking for and I'm interested in discovering more about Female Led Relationships (FLRs) and the women who lead them. It's the mental and psychological side of it that interests me more than the physical part of it. I want to know what it's like to give yourself to serve and follow another, and if I'm capable of that level of giving myself or devotion to another. When i read stories of submission and dominance, it's the mindset of the submissive that interests and arouses me, not the physical element. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in the physical side of submission and surrender, but it's not my primary interest. I'm interested in finding someone to connect with for a relationship, but also friends and people who want to chat. I'm monogamous in relationships, I know people who are poly and it works for them, but I'm really not sure I could deal with the logistics of being involved with more than one person, let alone the emotional side of it. What am I interested in most of all? Knowing things, learning new things and discovering things about the world, especially the people that fill it, and especially myself because even after all this time I still don't even come close to understanding everything that goes on in inside my mind. I definitely don't think I'll ever understand everyone else, or the world, but it's fun to try and understand as much as I can. I'd be happy getting to know someone here who makes me want to write and think more, to discuss and explore everything and anything together be it sexual or not. I don't really mind if you're next door (well, I know my neighbours, and it would be a bit of a surprise if you were) or on the other side of the world, if your interested in getting to know each other, I'm happy to fire interesting messages back and forth.

Seller accepted everything I wanted.. Down to the last details. In underwriting and waiting for a closing date. This limbo has been emotionally draining. I have clients who are sticking by me, wondering if they have one more appt. , or am I leaving. It seems it will be soon, just don't know when.   I have all sorts of emotions.  I'm feeling  so ambivalent  and anxious. I'm stepping so far out of my comfort zone.  I will know noone, will have to learn a whole new area. Grow a circle of new friends, find doctors, dentists, car maintenance, vet, etc etc. I will be setting a cottage for my dad, finding a caretaker for the weekends, and setting up braille lessons for him. There will be much to do, packing, loading moving, unloading unpacking, arranging. On top of this , I'll be going into growing season, which means I will have a lawn on top of landscaping and gardening !  What was I thinking? I'm not 30 😆 I'm  going to miss many of my clients,  they have become special to me.  My friends  too ! The comfort of familiarity and confidence in my knowledge of my area.  I'm a native to my part of the state. I will not miss the politics of the DC area. I've watched it become so contentious and intolerant. I'm so sick of the constant drum beat of pernicious propaganda.             

    Public Service Announcement to the “I Want to Serve You, Goddess” Crew: Your Thumbs Are Not Submission  Let me make something crystal clear for the aspiring submissives, servants, and “I’m-ready-to-devote-my-life-to-you” hopefuls who beg for an opportunity to prove themselves who then crash and burn before the engine even starts. If I grant you permission to call me, and your response is to text me, congratulations: you’ve already failed. Let me repeat that slowly for the chronically dense:   Texting. Is. Not. Calling.   You begged to serve. You pleaded for a chance. You wrote paragraphs about how serious you are. I finally say, “Fine. Call me at this time,” and suddenly your phone.. The same phone you’ve been blowing up with 27 back-to-back messages now it mysteriously loses the ability to dial?  Miss me with that nonsense!   Submission Requires Execution, Not Excuses  You don’t impress me with walls of text explaining how loyal and devoted you’ll be. You impress me by following a single instruction without turning it into a personal struggle session.   If you cannot: Press one button to CALL Respect a time window Present yourself with clarity and intention  …then you are not seeking to serve. You’re seeking attention!  I don’t run a charity for grown toddlers!    Submission Is Action. Not Emojis. Not Daydreams. Not Typing Sprees.  You want to text-chat your way to greatness? Go find a Discord Mistress. Or a Telegram Dominant. I deal in real presence, not keyboard fantasies.  And to the ones who send non-stop text threads instead of doing what was asked... You’re not being persistent. You’re being annoying! Uncontrolled desire is not devotion. It’s desperation. And desperation without discipline? Instant disqualification.  The Standard Going Forward  If I say call, you:  1. Confirm.  2. Prepare.  3. Call.  There is no: “But I was nervous.” Nervous dogs still obey commands. “But I didn’t know what to say.” Then ask first, think second, but DO. NOT. TEXT. “But I’m better in writing.” Then you are better off elsewhere! You Want Access? Learn Precision! Servitude is not granted to those who talk the loudest. It is given to those who listen the best. If you can’t execute a basic directive, don’t request a role in my universe. I am not here to mother you, motivate you, or walk you through the concept of a phone call in 2025. Be clear. Be ready. Be real. Or be gone.  

Newbies and their b.s about not wanting to go out in the real kink scene with reply as: A munch has no play, it's a drink in a pub. At a fetish club you can watch, you don't need to play, instead chat to other kinksters and familiarise yourself with the kink arena. If you feel the need to be discreet thrn you are likely cheating = no from me. Join Fetlife to chat in discussion groups if you wish to remain online. There are "roleplay" groups for Fantasy "play" = not my thing. I think my reply is clear. Experienced Submissive and Slave guys only who drive and go to munches and fetish clubs is what interests me.  Just because a newbie wants an experienced Dominant Woman doesn't mean he access to my time. I RULE me.

I was playing around and took the BDSM test.  Here are the results, even though I don't agree with some of them. == Results from bdsmtest.org ==  100% Rigger  100% Master/Mistress  99% Sadist  98% Voyeur  95% Dominant  90% Non-monogamist  89% Owner  75% Brat tamer  72% Degrader  68% Experimentalist  41% Exhibitionist  40% Primal (Hunter)  40% Masochist  38% Switch  29% Submissive  23% Rope bunny  20% Brat  19% Vanilla  15% Primal (Prey)  13% Daddy/Mommy  10% Pet  5% Slave  0% Boy/Girl  0% Degradee    0% Ageplayer   

Piercings Piercings can be incorporated into BDSM play as a form of body modification and enhancement of sensory experiences. However, it's important to note that piercings are a personal choice, and engaging in any BDSM activities involving piercings should be based on informed consent, safety, and proper aftercare. Here are some points to consider: 1. Informed Consent: Consent is vital in any BDSM activity, including piercing play. All participants should have a clear understanding of the risks, implications, and intentions behind the piercing. Open and honest communication is crucial to ensure that everyone involved is comfortable, informed, and consents willingly to the activity. 2. Safety and Hygiene: If piercings are involved in BDSM play, it is essential to prioritize safety and hygiene. Sterilization of piercing equipment and following proper aftercare protocols are vital to minimize the risk of infection and other complications. It's advisable to consult a professional piercer who adheres to strict hygiene standards and has experience in BDSM-related piercings. 3. Sensation and Aesthetics: Piercings can provide unique sensations and aesthetic enhancements during BDSM play. They can be used as points of attachment for restraints or other bondage accessories, adding an element of control or vulnerability. Sensory play involving piercings, such as gentle tugging or stimulation, can also be explored within negotiated boundaries and consent. 4. Healing and Aftercare: It's important to consider the healing process and aftercare of piercings. Certain BDSM activities may put stress on freshly pierced areas, hindering the healing process. Adequate time should be allowed for healing before engaging in any activities that might disrupt or damage the piercing. Following proper aftercare instructions provided by a professional piercer is essential to minimize complications and promote healing. 5. Emotional and Psychological Impact: It's crucial to recognize that piercings can have emotional and psychological significance for individuals. Engaging in BDSM activities involving piercings requires understanding and respect for each participant's feelings and boundaries. Regular communication, check-ins, and aftercare are essential to ensure the well-being and emotional support of all involved.   As with any BDSM practice, piercings should always be approached with caution, consent, and a focus on safety. Educating oneself, seeking guidance from professionals, and engaging in open communication with all participants are vital to creating a consensual and enjoyable experience.

Oh Sir, your bitch is waiting for you to grab me by my pussy hair and push me onto the bed You tie my hands over my head, put a spreader bar between my legs and then wisper in my ear, how dare you come to me with all this here My bitch is hairless you hear me You pull out your shaver and take off my hair, spanking my clit and pussy as you go Mmmmm When you are done you go into the bathroom and get a soapy washcloth You rub and scrub my lips and pussy You dirty bitch as you flip me onto my belly trying to decide which hole youll shove your big hard almost still cock You spank me first with a wooden paddle that I actually brought zwith me Ill show you who your Master is bitch You grab the back of d hair as you climb on top of me shoving yor dick into me hard I cry out    M  

December 9,2023 - Coaches first visit       First visit with "The Coach" today. I'm not sure, but I think the Coach is the closest thing to a completely straight guy that I've had visit me in a quite a while.   I seem to attract the bisexual guys who are dominant in their work but desire to be submissive to another male. And I think that was the case today.   Coach and I messaged on FetLife for a while, determining what he wanted and what his limits were. Then we set up a time for his first visit. It was going to be just after he had coached a game, so I was sure he would have a good mix of testosterone and adrenaline for his first visit.   The time wasn't exact since he didn't know when the game would finish. Around the time expected, he messaged me to let me know he was going to be on his way soon. I kicked back and watched some porn until his arrival.   Being his first visit, I met him in the driveway so he knew he had the correct house. I was wearing my long brown hooded bathrobe. His mind was probably already racing wondering what, if anything, that I was wearing under the housecoat.   We came inside and took a seat and instructed him to strip. As we had previously discussed as he stripped each article of clothing off he folded them neatly by his shoes next to the door.   He had a nice physique and I knew we were going to be having some fun. He was wearing a small cock cage. It appeared he was already straining against it. I remembered that I had instructed him to wear the cock cage during the game. I didn't verify if he has followed directions, or had put it on after the game. I walked over to the couch and grabbed two velcro wrist restraints. I grabbed one of his wrists and extended his arm and attached the velcros cuff. Then the other wrist, as I wrapped the velcro restraint making sure both cuffs were secured around his wrists. Then I retrieved a dog collar from the couch and put it around his neck. This at first, but then I loosened it a notch or two so it was fairly loose. I had plans, and wanted it a bit loose, almost comfortable. But I wanted him to remember, while he was here, he was property. A sub for my use.   Although I had warmed the house a bit, as I wrapped my arms around him from behind him and played with his nipples, I felt him quiver. I'm sure it was a combination of fear and anticipation causing him to quiver, not the temperature of the room.   Normally and make notes when someone leaves, but during today's visit I forgot. So my memory might not be 100% accurate on our activities since I'm writing this story over a week later.   Normally at this point, I sit back in my rocking chair and have they guy suck my cock for a while, but I remember that didn't happen today. And honestly, I don't remember why. Either something we had talked about, or something in my mind cause me to change things and we headed straight upstairs.   When we got up to the bedroom stripped the bathroom off. I was completely naked. I laid back on the bed and told him to come over between my legs and suck my cock. Without hesitation he climbed on the bed and latched on to my cock.   Although one part of me thinks that he is 99% straight, good Lord was he a great cocksucker. It makes me wonder if I'm correct or not. But during the conversations on Fetlife, that was the impression I had. But now that his mouth was on my cock, I was questioning my assumption.   I'm not sure what the hell he was doing with his tongue on my cock but it was incredible. Something about the combination of sucking and swirling and licking at the same time was great. In fact, it was too good. It had been a week or so since I had hooked up with someone and this felt so good, I felt that I could orgasm at any moment. So I told him to lick my balls.   Although I enjoy having a guy lick my balls, in this case the main reason I was having him lick my balls was to prevent me from having an orgasm. How sad would it be for him to arrive and not more than 5 or 10 minutes later have an orgasm and send him on his way.   So he licked at my balls for a while as I raised my right leg putting my knee in the air to give him greater access to my balls and taint. He was good at that also, but not as good as his cock sucking skills. Soon using both of my hands on the sides of his head, I lifted him off my balls and lowered him onto my cock again. The feeling was sensational. I just remembered that I kept murmuring, "oh fuck, oh fuck that feels great."   I grabbed his head and started pushing him deeper onto my cock. He gagged which made me chuckle. I think I growled something like, "oh yeah choke on Daddy's cock."   Part of the time I watched him bob up and down on my cock, part of the time I just threw my own head back enjoying the moment. I looked down and could see his cute bubble butt over his shoulders which only made my cock harder. I was planning to fuck that ass before he left tonight.   I wrapped my right leg over his shoulder onto his back. That just pulled him down onto my cock a bit more. With my hands on the back of his head and my right leg over his back I could force him onto my cock until his chin rubbed my balls. He was choking on my cock, completely under my control, completely submissive, doing exactly what I was telling him to do. I was giving him the fantasy that he was wanting.   I remember being quite verbal that day. Repeatedly calling him… daddy's little cocksucker, calling him… a good little fagot, but at the same time rewarding him by telling him what a good job he was doing sucking cock. Each time he choked I would give him a compliment like, "good Boyyyyyyyy" dragging the work out like I was rewarding a family dog. I watched as his head continued to bob up and down on my cock.   He would deep throat my cock until it was all the way in the back of his throat, then he would pull almost completely off and suck hard on just the head of my cock, swirling his tongue around, poking his tongue in my piss slit, then go back to deepthroating and choking again.   But now I had reached my threshold of my orgasm. If I can keep from orgasming past the first 5 or 10 minutes, I'm usually good for an hour. I'm not quite sure what that is, but once I passed that 10 minute mark I'm good for a while. And at this point, I was past my mark.   I started getting a little more rough with him. I reached down and grab the collar and gave it a bit of a twist, tightening it on his neck. Simultaneously I pulled the collar down, pulling him onto my cock. This did a bit of breath control, or breath restriction, while he continued to suck my cock.   I kept the color twisted until his body language was telling me he was at his limit on breath control. So I released the collar and I just laid back on the bed enjoying whatever in the fuck he was doing with his tongue. Oh my God, it was incredible.   I remember him repositioning himself, I think to get up on his elbows a bit. He slid his hands under my legs almost cupping my butt cheeks whereas before they had been on top of my legs, his forearms almost resting on my chest toward my nipples. Now that his upper arms were under my legs, I took the advantage and raised both of my legs onto his back. I crossed my legs locking them and behind his back squeezed his head between my legs.   With my hands, I forced him deep onto my cock. Then I tightened the squeeze of my legs holding him in place. No longer

So I begin this new year still seeking a sub who is sane and not so self-absorbed to believe that I would drop all that I am doing to cater to his fetish du jour. Why do guys think that I am going to stop what I am doing to peg them if I am not really into pegging anymore? Or that I want to spend hours talking to some dude 5 states away about it when they aren't here? I don't want to get into an internet thing with some dude I want to find someone who can actually play who is here not someone jacking off by themselves in their mother's basement or some dude sneaking away from the wife long enough to get hard so that he can finally fuck her so that she will shut up.  I think the hardest part of all of this is how I can't seem to find what it is that I thought would be fairly easy to find. A pretty guy who is sane enough to want to explore his bounderies and still be able to fuck. But that has proven to be rare enough. Meh. Maybe my need to actually like a sub is my problem. I am not into using people and I am not really into broken people so that leaves a lot of men on the table. And shit, let us not get started on the women.  I know we all have our baggage but don't bring that shit to the session. I am not a therapist or your mother. I just want to have fun too. And digging through your emotional shit is exhausting.   

The Officer's Seduction The night had a certain allure, a seductive darkness that seemed to beckon Seraphine Vale as she drove home from work. It was well past midnight, the hour when the world slept, and the roads were nearly deserted. Her shift at the art restoration studio had been particularly grueling, and she longed for the solace of her own bed. Little did she know, this night would offer a different kind of solace, one that would leave her breathless and trembling.   As she navigated the familiar route, her thoughts drifted, contemplating the intricate details of an ancient painting she had been working on. Seraphine's mind was a sanctuary of quiet concentration, her focus unwavering until a sudden flash of blue and red lights snapped her back to reality. She slowed her car to a halt, her heart pounding against her ribcage as she realized she had inadvertently strayed into a speed trap.   The officer who approached her vehicle was a striking figure, his tall, lean frame cloaked in the authoritative uniform of a police officer. It was Lucian Asterian, a man whose reputation preceded him, though not in the typical way of law enforcement. His dark, piercing eyes seemed to see right through her, and his presence was both commanding and unsettling.   "License and registration, please," his voice was deep and clipped, carrying an undertone of authority that sent a shiver down Seraphine's spine. She complied, her hands treming slightly as she handed over the requested documents. Lucian's gaze was intense, almost predatory, as if he was studying her, not just her papers.   "Step out of the car, Miss," he ordered, his voice laced with a hint of something that made Seraphine's stomach flutter. She hesitated, her mind racing with questions, but the command in his eyes left no room for argument. Slowly, she opened the door and stepped onto the deserted road, the cool night air caressing her skin.   Lucian's eyes roamed over her, taking in her slender form, clad in a simple black dress that accentuated her delicate curves. His gaze lingered on her face, noting the stormy gray eyes that seemed to mirror his own intensity. "Hands behind your back," he instructed, his voice now a low, seductive growl.   Seraphine's breath caught in her throat as she felt the cold metal of the handcuffs against her wrists. Lucian's touch was firm, his fingers grazing her skin as he secured the cuffs, sending a jolt of awareness through her body. She stood there, vulnerable and exposed, as he circled her, his eyes raking over her like a physical caress.   "What's a beautiful woman like you doing out here at this hour?" he murmured, his breath warm against her ear. Seraphine shivered, her body betraying her as she leaned into his touch. Lucian's hand slid down her arm, his fingers entwining with hers, and for a moment, she felt the warmth of his palm against her skin.   Then, without warning, he spun her around, pressing her body against the hood of her car. The cold metal was a stark contrast to the heat emanating from Lucian's body. He leaned in close, his lips brushing against her ear, his breath hot and intoxicating. "You're a naughty girl, breaking the rules," he whispered, his voice a husky purr.   Seraphine's heart was racing, her body responding to his words, to the dominance in his tone. She felt a rush of wetness between her thighs as he ran his hands up her sides, his fingers kneading her soft flesh. He squeezed her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her hardening nipples through the thin fabric of her dress, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.   "You like that, don't you?" he growled, his voice thick with desire. "You like being touched, being taken right here on the side of the road." His words were a taunt, a challenge, and Seraphine couldn't deny the truth in them. She nodded, her eyes closing as she surrendered to the sensations coursing through her.   Lucian's hands moved lower, his fingers dipping beneath the hem of her dress, tracing the lace of her panties. He teased her, his touch light and teasing, making her ache for more. With a swift motion, he tore her panties away, leaving her exposed and wanting.   "Please," she whispered, her voice hoarse with need. "I want..."   Lucian didn't let her finish. Instead, he gripped her hips, pulling her back against his hard length. She could feel his erection, straining against his uniform, as he positioned himself at her entrance. Without warning, he thrust forward, claiming her in one swift, brutal stroke.   Seraphine cried out, her body arching as he filled her, not with the gentleness she had anticipated, but with a rough, primal urgency. He pounded into her, his hips slamming against her buttocks, his hands gripping her hips tightly, leaving marks on her skin. The pain was exquisite, blending with the pleasure until she couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.   "You're so tight," he grunted, his breath hot against her neck. "So fucking wet." His words were crude, but they only served to heighten her arousal. She wanted to be used, to be taken by this man, in this moment, in the most primal way possible.   Lucian's rhythm was relentless, his body a powerful force driving into hers. He reached around, his fingers finding her clit, and began to rub in time with his thrusts. Seraphine's world narrowed to the sensations he was eliciting, the feel of his cock buried deep within her, the roughness of his fingers against her sensitive flesh.   "Cum for me," he demanded, his voice a harsh command. "Let me feel it, you beautiful bitch."   His words were like a trigger, and Seraphine's orgasm exploded through her, rippling waves of pleasure that left her gasping and trembling. She cried out, her body convulsing around him, her juices flowing freely as she climaxed. Lucian's own release followed swiftly, his cock throbbing as he emptied himself deep inside her, his hot seed filling her ass.   They stood there, panting, their bodies slick with sweat and the evidence of their passion. Lucian's hands released her hips, and he stepped back, his eyes never leaving hers. Seraphine felt exposed, vulnerable, and yet, there was a sense of power in her surrender.   He reached down, uncuffing her hands, and then, without a word, he adjusted his uniform, the bulge in his pants a testament to their encounter. Seraphine watched, her body still humming with pleasure, as he walked back to his patrol car.   As she slid back into the driver's seat, her dress in disarray and her body throbbing, she realized the detour had been more than just a chance encounter. It was a night that would forever be etched in her memory, a night where she had been taken, possessed, and left wanting more. As she drove away, the road ahead seemed brighter, as if the darkness had illuminated a new path, one that led straight to Lucian's door.

It's irresponsible of me to remain a mystery for too much longer, so here is my first journal entry. I am excited to have a potential play partner, a wonderfully sexy sub-leaning male switch. That means I'm not actively search in for a partner right now. I am open to meeting mentors and making friends.  I have some scattered experience as a service top and bottom, but I feel ready at this point in my life to explore my dominant side more.  I absolutely love seeing the male body tied up. There's something about a man tied down or tied up, completely helpless and at my mercy. I have a dream of assembling a little album of beautiful shibari starring my sweet switch as the muse. I appreciate any recommendations of good shibari resources. Messages from enthusiastic riggers and rope bunnies are more than welcome.  I'm also curious about male orgasm control, I'm looking for some fun games to play involving edging or bondage.  If you're still reading I suppose it's fair to describe myself a little. I'm a natural redhead with a soft body. I have a very specific taste in men, some of you know what, of which I have an insatiable appetite for. I'm sensual- I love to enjoy good food and music and great sex. I'm not a very strict Domme and I'm not a very obedient sub, but I think I make up for it by being a pretty good time! I'm writing this to round out my profile and to record the start of my journey as a Domme. If you feel compelled to message me after reading this, you're welcome to, but please don't be boring, I have to be selective about who I reply to now. -MM

Alot has changed since I first created our profile. What I have noticed over the past year or so since I last checked in is that is still many of the same faces.  People I suspect want the idea, but are too afraid to go for it when it is in front of them. So, what we are looking for also has changed.  I was looking to add to a poly family.  Well that part is done as there are now three of us under one roof. What we since decided is to find someone (female) who desires a complete loss of herself not for sensual BDSM, but for complete enslavement. The person who seek would be looking to disappear from society, and be locked away, perhaps never being allowed to leave our dungeon and your new home. In this role, you will spend many hours in bondage or caged, except when one of us decides we wish to enjoy your flesh for our pleasure.  That pleasure being anything from using you for our sexual gratification, to being tortured just so we can hear you cry or beg for it to be over, to simply clean the floor on hands and knees. Is this what you desire?  Seriously, because many people think it is, but few can really accept that they are offering themselves to a sadist who finds love only in hearing cries and whimpers.  Who favors the sound of leather agaist flesh over sweet 'I love yous'.  Many profiiles will read like this I suspect, yet less actually have experience in doing just that.  So, if you really want to atone for what ever sin you have done (and I could care less what that sin is), then lets talk.  If you want to be used while reminded what a worthless piece of crap you are, then your the woman we seek.

As far back as I can remember, I've had a compulsion to be with alpha males. Even as young as 6 or 7, I remember fantasizing what it would be like to be kidnapped by men, tied up and taken away. I suppose that says something about my early childhood, but what difference does that make now. And it wasn't that I hated my family. I just wanted to be the property of a strong older man.    Somewhere around that time I began trying self bondage. I would take my mother's supply of ace bandages, go up into the hot, humid attic and tie myself as best I could and fantasize about being some man's captive. Occasionally I would hear “what are you doing up there” and I'd have to spit the sock out of my mouth and come up with some passable answer. I don't remember ever getting caught but there were many near-misses.   We lived directly across from a factory where my father worked and from my bedroom I could watch all these macho blue collar workers file in clean and then file out sweaty and dirty. I was always mesmerized, especially when they were sweaty and dirty.    I'm rusty these days and not as agile as I used to be, but serious bondage was always one of my favorite fetishes. People would ask why and I would always say “there's freedom in bondage.” Freedom to go within and see what you can take and how much deeper you can go in your submission. And then there's the freedom of letting someone I trust take control of me and make my decisions for me.   I've always been hard-wired to be submissive to superior men. It's my nature. To be in the service of men is still the driving force in my life.   If you're reading this far and find yourself interested, I appreciate that deeply but I'm not available at the moment. I'm caring for an 80+ year-old Dom that I've known forever. I'm not even in the US. I park myself in Nevada on this site because there are very few people who understand my needs where I am.   I've been on this site for almost 10 years. First journal entry because I'm bored and a bit lonesome at times. I still feel the need to be owned and probably always will. I'll just have to be patient like a good sub.

A Soldier Transformed: In the shadowed depths, a fear resides, Of losing control to the darkness inside. Memories of battles, cold and stark, Of a soldier's heart, hardened and dark.   The echoes of war, they still remain, Haunting thoughts that cause you pain. Afraid to slip back into that abyss, To lose your grip, to once again dismiss.   But remember, dear soul, you've come so far, You've journeyed through the wounds and scars. Strength now lies in the light you hold, A beacon of hope, a story untold.   Embrace the fears, let them fade away, For in the present, a new path may sway. Your heart can thaw, your spirit mend, No longer a soldier, but a soul to tend.   So fear not the darkness, embrace the light, For within you burns a flame so bright. You're not just a soldier, you're a man reborn, With a heart that beats, not hardened or worn.

I write these for a reason, ya know. Pages and pages of "this is who I am" and "this is shit you should avoid when approaching a Domme and "this is how to best approach any Domme, and this specifically is how to approach me." And STILL, I get emails like this last one - To paraphrase   'Hey, random Domme in X city,  I'm gonna be in your town and am looking for a one night stand. Here's a half dozen pics of me naked so you can see my DICK, because I didn't give a shit enough to make any effort to find out who you are before I sent you this copy paste bullshit that I sent every Domme in your city with one short line to suggest I read your profile.' W. T. F. And we aint talking 'bout some hard body Jason Mamoa lookin dude. We are talking below average at best, saggy and squishy, just like a million other dudes. But he felt it was somehow SUPER important that I would wanna see it. Especially his erection. Cause LAWD knows, a man got nuthin else to show a woman, am I right? Maybe he actually made a little bit of effort and looked at the pics of my sweetie and thought 'hey, she likes soft squishy guys!' But I really doubt it. Effort would have led him to see my views on dick pics, etc. And he loaded me up with those.  Ahh well. Back to working on the window, and then the costume order, and then maybe some lunch.  Just needed to express my WTELF??????

June 2, 2025 - Pennsylvania red came by today.       He has been here many times before, so he knew to come into the garage where he stripped in back of the garage and put his clothing in a plastic milk carton with a written sign that says “Worthless Pieces of Human flesh are to put their clothing here before entering.”   For the first time, I had placed wrist and ankle restraints in the clothing box before his arrival. I had no written instructions, I had not told him I was going to be doing it, it was a completely new thing for him to see. I knew he would understand what I wanted him to do. And, as expected, he came in naked WITH the restraints on. It was just another level of humiliation I was putting him through.   We went upstairs and I told him I needed a blow job. I laid back on my bed, and he got up all fours with his ass to my right. He knows from previous visits that I love to play with his ass with my fingers as he is sucking my cock. As he was sucking, I put a bit of lube on my fingers and shoved them in his ass. I started with one finger, but soon I was shoving three fingers into him. He started out super tight, but I was quickly loosening his hole.   I started spanking with my hand. Not only did I spank both of his butt cheeks, but I was concentrating smacking the actual crack of his ass. Something about smacking his HOLE is a real turn on. This went on for about 15 mins, including wrapping my leg around his neck pulling him down onto my cock until he was choking, holding him there until I though he was about to vomit.   When I knew his mouth, jaws and throat were on fire from the session, I told him to get up on all fours with his ass at the bottom of the bed. I started with my fingers and lots of lube. I removed my fingers and replaced them with a long bumpy toy. I pushed it deep in his ass hoping he took the time to clean out properly. I was not disappointed. I fucked him with the toy for a while as I played with my cock with my free hand. Occasionally I would pull and tug on his balls.   READ THE ENTIRE STORY AT HTTPS://SirKel.top?collarspace

Difficult, But, Entertaining. Every once in a while, I have a cunt slave spend the day with their nipples dragging on the floor with every thing they do. it, the slave, is punished if it is found violating the contact order. Yes, it is difficult and, toward the end of the day, painful for the slave. Nevertheless, I find it entertaining, consequently worthwhile.    

Service person I was out walking along the board walk that runs in front of my condo along Puget Sound. This mile long walkway is busy with pedestrians many with their dogs getting their daily exercise in a rather spectacular setting: delightful. Anyway, most all one might encounter are vanilla types or if they are into D/s not ‘out of their particular closet.’ Most are older with various infirmaries, but, ambulatory. Many have dogs that are poorly trained. Dogs that jump at passersbys or are otherwise ill trained. Occasionally, there are service animals providing protection, direction and confidence to their owners. Rarely, there are guide dogs seeing for their blind wards. Behind me, as I walked, trialed, one and one half step and slightly to my left thank you, my slave property. it walked, as it should, with its eyes focused on my heels with its mouth firmly shut. When I stopped it stopped, as it should maintaining its distance and focus. I was stopped by a chatty elderly woman, vanilla no doubt, that wanted to engage in ‘pleasantries’ for her, no so much for me. Anyway, I put some effort into agreeing it was a beautiful day and dog owner should be more careful to pick up after their mutts etc.  Breaking my boredom she asked, “and who is this with you?” It then dawned on me what her reason probably was for interrupting my walk.  “This is a service person in training.” I said without prior intent or particular consideration for all honest things in my life.   “What in the world is a service person?” she demanded. “Well, (have you noticed how much BS is started with ‘well?’) there are people in the world that have various chronic afflictions that need careful monitoring. Everything from sleep walking to certain types of epilepsy to cardiac conditions etc. Some people have combinations of these afflictions. Although dogs can be trained for some situations training a dog for combinations gets impossible. And so, humans of a certain type are trained to the task.” She was not particularly impressed with my creative explanation, although I confess I enjoyed it a lot. “So what do I call you?” she addressed my slave. Now it knows it does not interact with others without my express permission. So, it looked at me with the ‘what do i do now’ look. “You will have to excuse my trainee for not responding. Just like the service dogs you might encounter, it (I did slip up with that ‘it’ she was vanilla after all) needs not be distracted by attention from others. You know like petting or talking to it (oops again).” With that I continued on my way with slave in trail. As I walked I was designing T shirts that proclaim service person in training for it and service trainer for me or some such variations. Anybody know where I might get T shirts custom printed?    

So, recently I did a photo shoot for something I am doing in a few months, I kinda wish I had waited for this as I want to lose more weight as I feel like I am still unattractive in my current state, but I had limited time to submit the required photo... grrr... it's been a few decades since I've done a professional photo shoot, or any modeling for that matter, it was fun, and I may have to do it again soon... the photo I just uploaded and hopefully gets past the bs approval process soon was one of the ones I really liked from the shoot... but not the one I used for my upcoming bid for a title... however, I will say it's been a confidence boost to see these pics and realize the progress my working out has been... it still amazes me the things I have accomplished and the direction I am headed! currently I am hovering somewhere between the 225 - 230 weight range... my ultimate goal is to get back to the 160 -170 range... in the last year and a half I have gone from a 46 waist to a 36, I have gone from walking 5 feet and being exhausted to jogging for 2 minuets on the treadmill at a pace almost twice my normal walking pace and feeling ready for more when done... so yes the hovering bothers me, but no it doesn't at the same time.  I know I'll never be the 130 pound toned build I had into my mid thirties, but I also wont have the unhealthy habits I had that lead to the state I was/am in now either, so I can actually live with that! 3 things that hurt me, 1 smoking, 2 poor diet, 3 the heart failure diagnosis... 3 things I changed: 1 the last 4 years smoke free, 2 a healthier diet I actually follow, 3 I may not win the war, but the battle with the heart failure has been interesting... and I am winning, just like with my weight loss, not at the pace I want lol 

Im Back into feminization, tho it's a tough time and go of it. It's just I have always had this feeling of being born into the wrong gender. Don't get me wrong I'm all male. But I fantasize about what it would be like to be female.  Recently I have out my cock back into chastity. Which I consider my clit and i have purchased an anal diolatar set and have been training my asshole nownmy pussy to strech out. i also have a dilod that I use to penitetrae my pussy on and get use to building up the sensation and tolerance to the friction my pussy can take.  It's hard doing it solo and not having the motivation from another to keep training on a regular basis. Sometimes I hit a wall and don't feel like continuing. It makes me feel more feminine and sissy like. The end goal being only able to cum or orgasm through anal means. While still being locked in chasitity. Currently I'm on day 60 in chastiity and on my 3rd sized diolatar plug. Some times I fall asleep with it still inside me. 

i really feel badly over what transpired this past week. i have enjoyed many rewarding experiences in r/l and sometimes talking via this site can open up minds and really get minds thinking towards a r/l meeting. there have been some special people i have met and they are exactly what i expected. i think i need to step back from this site. it hasn't happen in sometime, but i think someone has ghosted me, i guess they were not up to coffee or a meal. i do not play on my first meet. that is just dangerous.  so my mind closes again until someone is clever enough to open it. this world is not bs to me, but maybe vanilla is the answer....

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY DO NOT SEND DICK PICS OR NUDES NOT INTERESTED IN SEXTING I DO NOT WANT A SUGAR DADDY I DO NOT HAVE AN ONLYFANS ACCOUNT NOR DO I WANT ONE I'M NOT LOOKING TO MAKE CONTENT WITH ANYONE I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY I'M NOT HERE TO TRADE PICS OR VIDEOS I AM NOT LOOKING FOR FWB NOT LOOKING FOR OR WANTING HOOKUPS. DO NOT CONTACT ME REGARDING HOOKUPS PERIOD. I DO NOT SUB OR PLAY OVER THE INTERNET. I'M NOT HERE FOR SEXTING I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BEING PART OF A COUPLE/POLY RELATIONSHIP MY HARD LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES ARE ANYTHING ILLEGAL, ANAL, ANIMALS, DRUGS OF ANY SORT, ANYTHING TO DO WITH HUMAN OR ANIMAL WASTE. DO NOT PUSH MY LIMITS/ BOUNDARIES OR YOU WILL BE REPORTED AND BLOCKED. ADDITIONAL HARD LIMITS/ BOUNDARIES FACE FUCKING, GAGGING, HUMILIATION,VOMIT, THIS WILL BE UPDATED WHEN AND IF I FIND MORE LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES.

Women, dogs, and toys.  Women deserve to be treated like dogs and toys. Ok hear me out on this one before you light your torches and get your pitchforks.    So, think about this: is your dog abused? Is the dog of any man you'd choose abused? No...? Ok what about his Xbox? PlayStation? Wii? Any abuse there? No? Ok next point (keep reading).   Does his dog have a comfortable life? Does he go out of his way to get decent food, toys, a comfortable place to sleep?    If his gaming system ever has issues, is he quick to tend to it? Always buying it accessories and new things to play on it?    And are his dog or gaming system expected to buy anything on their own, or does he provide it all for them?   Lastly, how much time does he give to both? How involved is he on a daily basis with them?    If more Doms viewed their slaves as beloved pets and toys instead of a kinky partner, we would have far fewer abused, neglected, and used subs. If Dom's treated them like his dog or Xbox, there would be so many more happy, satisfied, and secure subs.

Superior Integrity Honest Protective Dominant Sadistic Arrogant Corrective Controlling Intense Sarcastic Creative Raunchy Deviant   Step up correct or do not step up at all.

A couple nights ago, a self-defined submissive made some generic comment in his email, but did call me Domina, so I responded. A little earlier tonight, he wrote back to ask if I was looking for a slave. Specifically, "slave." I responded "Well, if you had actually read more than the first line, you would have found your answer before you asked" To which he replied "oh, read the profile syndrome that tells me everything I want to know not for me bye" Do you see the problem here? He didn't make any effort, while simultaneously offering himself as a "slave." To a total stranger. 'Cause lawd knows, a slave ain't gonna be asked to do anything as outRAGEOUS as... READ. This kind of obtuseness just blows my freakin mind every time. I mean, the twit has exchanged less than a hundred words with me, is using not the mild mannered "submissive" or "sub" which is kind of like dating, if you think about words (and you sure as shit better be the kind that thinks about words if you are writing ME) but instead chose the serious and committed word "Slave" which is a lot more like suggesting marriage. And obviously, he's heard this before, because he had a whole big feeling about it, and has pathologized it as something only demented women expect from a man who was already offering the pinnacle of servitude. It's funny because it's so sad, and so common. I had just never heard it put that way before. Such over the top, blatant gaslighting. 'If you want this, you must be CRAZY!' I mean, really who wants to actually KNOW someone they have given all power over their lives??? I guess I'm more tired than I thought, and a bit bummed over lack of snuggle time with DB on account of snow, but I didn't even bother replying to laugh at him. Block, delete, on to the next. Maybe I go watch TCM The Beginning again. (I fast forward through all the parts that Thomas isn't in. Much shorter movie, but I enjoy it a lot more.)

**Journal Entry for jloveslut:**   I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey of self-discovery and exploration that led me here, to a place where I can openly embrace my authentic self. My experiences as a switch, and my desire to connect with others who understand the nuances of my gender identity and orientation, have been pivotal in shaping who I am today.   In the realm of BDSM and kink, finding a community where I can express both my dominant and submissive sides has been incredibly empowering. It’s a space where I can explore, learn, and grow without judgment. I’m continually learning about what it means to be part of a community that values consent, respect, and communication above all else. These elements are at the core of the connections I’m seeking, and I appreciate how spaces like this offer that opportunity.   I’m looking forward to meeting others who share similar values and interests. Whether it’s engaging in conversations about lifestyle choices, exploring new dynamics, or just making friends who understand this part of my life, I am excited for the possibilities that lie ahead. Here’s to continuing the journey of exploration, growth, and meaningful connections.   Thank you for reading, and feel free to reach out if any of this resonates with you.   — J

I am using this journal entry as a reminder for all of us to listen to our instincts. Distrubing experience, i had a man, [USERNAME REMOVED], contact me, he was nice and courteous, said he was very intrigued and wanted to get to know me better. Not having photos on my profile, as a courtesy, in my reply I sent a photo stating it was from 2 weeks ago, and requested one from him without hats or sunglasses. He replied that I had sunglasses and he wanted photos from me without sunglasses. Red flag for me that he will be a problem  I replied, this is not tit, for tat and I dont feel we will suit. Thanked him for his interest and wished him good luck. I then also explained those were not sunglasses, but preion red filter glasses for a sun sensitivity. They don't prohibit clear view of my face at all In an aggressive accusatory tone, he replied, my photo looked like a strip mall in the US with cars and trucks. And i was not good at faking photos, and I looked like a man in a dress 😂  i had already said the photo was from 2 weeks ago, I didnt feel the need to say it, but it was while i was in the US and the strip mall was where i had my hair done. His accusatory tone and misogynistic turn, proved to me, from that first reply about the photo, I was correct in feeling he would be a problem. Always trust your instincts. Nonetheless, i wrote a reply acknowledging, yes it was in a strip mall in the US while I was visiting 2 weeks ago and had he asked about the fact Im in Portugal and it appears the photo is from the US, his question would have been answered. And it would have been a lesson in assuming the worst in people. My theory about that, is people tend to project onto you what they would do and hence the distrust. He'll never learn the lesson, after he went Jekyll and Hyde, he blocked me. People live in multiple places and travel all over the world, have photos from everywhere, phone numbers from different countries and if you have questions about where they are actually located, simply ask. ASSUMPTIONS never work out!  

What's odd to me are the lack of guys who drive,vhave a car, want to go to fetish clubs to be played with who are are submissive NOT submission fetishishists and NOT kink dispenser chasers. A submissive wants to please me first A submissive knows if I am giving time and play energy he gives his time and energy to please me, therefore we are both giving. A fetish dispenser chaser is in gimme mode.  A submissive guy who's first topics are not kink and has experience in a Dominant Woman/submissive man relationship with kink mixed in. Frustrating that I feel the need to spell this out after I was asked what a FLR was. <--- yup not experienced guy asking, bye bye.

Dinning Out with slave I expect My slave was excited. At least I was hoping it would generate expectations in its little brain. it had not been fed solid food in the last ten days. it was being treated to My lose weight regime. Yes, it had lost a little, but, far from the goal I had determined for it. Outside its cage I had enjoyed leaving pizza fresh from the oven in order that it might enjoy its denial. Actually, I doubt it was ‘enjoying’ smelling the pizza while slowly starving. What it enjoys is not an issue of My particular concern. Needless to say, I enjoyed its discomfort. In its journal it was recording dreams of gorging itself on delicious pizza. So, I offered a torture by way of tantalus for My pleasure. In any case I watched its face closely as I announced it would be accompanying Me out to dinner. it had just finished its required ten miles on the tread mill and was sweating profusely. I let it catch its breath and cool down to the point of an onset of chill. I took a bight of a large corn-beef sandwich while its eyes devoured the sight of My pleasure. I slowly chewed the sandwich while My slave involuntarily chewed nothing but saliva. When it seemed to be at the point of crying with the frustration of dental and hunger, I swallowed to clear My mouth and, negligently dropping the half eaten sandwich on the floor, I began to speak. “Slave, tonight it will accompany Me to dinner out. I will allow it to wear ladies panties, the tight little boy shorts and a T-shirt. it will play chauffeur to the restaurant. it will sit on its hands and not speak without a nod of approval from Me. Before I go out to eat, I will beat it in order that it might keep its servile position in life firmly in its mind. I grant it the opportunity ask a question now about tonight’s adventure. Remember, any answer including punishment for any impertinence I perceive must elicit profound gratitude from it. Ask now, slave.” Poor thing, it could not resist the crying need it felt for, at a minimum, the prospect of receiving food. “Master will it be fed tonight?” To which I responded with a series of face slaps. At each it did as it had been trained and forced its face up to face slapping position with its eyes firmly fixed on mine. No matter how hard I struck its impertinent cheeks it thanked Me profusely for a number of things. The ‘things’ included that it was receiving attention from a Better, it had the opportunity to serve, that it was learning etc.  Later that day, still wondering if it would be fed, the slave although in advanced years of age was dressed much like a little boy included Buster Brown shoes was kneeling by the front door waiting to drive Me to My repast.  As I approached the door ready to leave My residence, I thought I heard My slave properties stomach growl its protest at the lack of something to digest. Darn if I thought I heard the same little growl as I passed it through the door it held open to the interior of My car. I gave it the destination from My comfortable seat. I suspect the slave was pleased to be driving rather than locked in the trunk of the car as it usually was.   It did a competent job of driving, holding the door for me at the entrance of the restaurant and then parking the car. I enjoyed the sight of it running back to me to open the door of the eating establishment. When I announced My name we were conducted to a both. My slave used a handkerchief it carried for just such occasions to wipe down the seat I was about to occupy. As I sat, it waited at the ready should I require anything else in the moment. When I was comfortable, I took a moment to survey the table. The linen tablecloth was spotless and was not overly starched. The flatware was sterling, the plates were all porcelain and the glass all crystal. It pleased Me to see such an elegant setting before me. All the while My slave property maintained a standing posture ramrod straight with eyes focused on My face waiting for instructions. I casually looked at My adoring chattel and nodded slightly. At this indication from Me it took its seat on its hands. The reader may skip the following digression. Sitting on one’s hands sounds simple enough. However, hand sitting is far from comfortable. The reader might like to try a little experiment and spend some time sitting on hands for a while. The longe one sits in that fashion the less comfort afforded. Further, there is the question of palms up or down. Up or down question in My realm depends on the surface the ass is to rest on. A hard surface with palms up leaves discomfort to mount slowly to the ass while the back of the hands almost immediately suffer from the weight of the sitter and the hard surface the knuckles and back of hand are pressed into. A soft cushion, such as the current eatery provided would receive the back of the hand with grace and ease. However, if the hands are palm down, the soft surface causes the hands to bend backward and over time gain certain agony to the sitter. Guess which way My slave property had been trained to orient its palms? Water was in each of the crystal water glasses provided. There was a carafe of H2O on the table as well. I sipped My water while I perused the menu. My slave property kept its eyes on My face should I require anything, even as its thirst remained unquenched. I discarded the wine list. My drinking days are long past. However, I was aware My slave was a drinker (the reader should note the past tense.) The waitress arrived to collect the order. She enquired about drink preference. Noting My decline and nothing by way of speech from My companion, went on to the food question. My order was rather simple, a crab cocktail, followed by a caesar salad, main course of prime rib.  “And for the gentleman?” enquired the wait person after turning to face it.  I watched as My slave’s face reddened ever so slightly. I looked forward to reading its journal entry regarding this whole dinner, especially, its reaction to the “for the gentleman” inquiry. I sadistically savored its quandary of imperative sustenance need and secure knowledge it was to have only what I allowed. “You may bring one dry piece of toasted white bread, please.” With a very well, Sir, she turned to place the order with the cook. “it may have a sip of water, slave.” Of course My slave property could not resist taking more than a sip. It even allowed some liquid to dribble down its chin as it downed half a glass. “Remind Me, slave, to beat it severally for taking more than a sip and for removing hands from under its ass without permission.”

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