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I'm a cheerful, creative, playful, Dominant, Demisexual Rubenesque Woman. I use the following names: Ms. Sydisa, Ms. Syd, Ms. S, or MS. I do not use other honorifics if we have not met in person. Using anything else shows you do not pay attention, don't know how to read, or don't care, which is too bad for you. I regularly attend local munches at different venues. If you message me and want to meet, plan to visit one of the munches. Stop by, introduce yourself, and enjoy the community! That's how it starts, building connections and community. I don't bite unless we agree to it. I can't speak for anyone else at the munch, though. Note I prefer to meet in person sooner rather than later. If you need to be discrete, I am not the Lady for you. I will not be a secret. I do not blast my business all over the place, either. I'm fully vaccinated for Covid and keeping up with boosters. I'm vaccinated to remain healthy, and I believe in the science of vaccinations. I do not participate in online domination. I enjoy venturing around the Bay Area and beyond. I enjoy vanilla things like movies, day trips, etc., and the FLR/TPE lifestyle together. I am seeking a local submissive(s) for a Power Exchange Dynamic; I fully embrace Total Power Exchange/Transfer. The submissive will strive to give devotion and obedience in their submission. The submissive understands submission is about behaving in a way that pleases me. I expect the submissive(s) to perform at their best and continue to learn what they do not know. They should be willing to pay attention, learn, and ask questions in a way that considers what I desire. Their thoughts should always be what my Lady desires. What services would I want my submissive to perform? A chef, handyman, and masseuse are a few. The submissive must live close by and be able to drive to my home regularly. What do you offer? If you are interested in one area of submission, such as cooking or yard work, we can discuss if you would be appropriate for me in this role. The same rules and expectations apply. I do not provide punishments for submissives failing to do what they agreed on. If they think about bratting (acting out) or failing to serve to get punishment, forget it, I will dismiss you and walk away. If what you have to offer has to include sexual service, don't bother. The submissive(s) should be able to focus on the Dominant and not the submissive(s) needs. Special times, play, and treats are at my whim. I adore PDA, touching, hugging, cuddling, snuggling, or watching TV together—ideally, a partner who desires physical touch and affection makes me happy. It would be best if you liked to be touched because I want to feel your energy through touch; it feeds me. Touch is an intimate connection that creates a personal, physical, and mental relationship as two people grow together. My primary receiving love languages are Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation. I adore handwritten notes or letters. A man who says he is interested never lets Me forget it by his actions. I should never be left guessing. Requirements, not Expectations  Respect My time ~ Be there, be on time (words/actions)  Match My efforts ~ I will not work harder than you  Keep your word ~ Your word is the honor you start with  Always be honest ~ An omission is a choice you willingly make  Stay consistent ~ Consistency builds trust Messages If you send me a single-line message, one-word comments, etc., you will not get or keep my attention or a response. Show interest in a respectful petition and try to keep my attention. Boundaries and Limits I have boundaries and limits in My kink and vanilla life. Meeting Me I will insist on an initial face-to-face meeting sooner rather than later to determine whether there is a connection and chemistry. Is there anything between us to grow with? If you are not open to meeting in person or using the word discrete, the answer is “NO.” Friends are lovely, but I do not want only to chat online or be a secret. Use your voice to ask questions. Don't make assumptions; ask me if you don't understand. Understand communication is essential to Me Consistency is vital with my submissive or those I'm considering. I require regular communication. I prefer phone conversations to texting because texts lose context, meaning, and inflection. Texting works in some situations for short periods, but silence is never golden when it comes to communication.

Things I pay attention too

  1. I read profiles and journals to see what you are about. 
  2. What is your name? Names are telling. Is it something about a fetish, kink, or what you are focused on?  
  3. I don't care what your fetish or interest list is unless it is your dislikes or hate. Those are mostly the truth and not what you are focused on. 
  4. Where do you live?  
  5. How far away are you from me? 

What I want you to know

  1. If you message me from out of state or anywhere further than 50 ish miles away and tell me you want to serve, I want you to know. 
    1. You will come to me to meet in California at a local munch at your own expense. After all, you chose to message me and offer to serve. 
    2. If you say you will relocate, know you should not assume you will live with me. For this to happen, I would have to know you very well, and the connection would have to be there. This takes time. 
  2. I go out into my community to attend munches, play parties, or significant events. I meet like-minded people and meet people who become my friends. 
    1. I expect my submissive to do the same and attend to me. 
  3. I do not engage in the bedroom, only D/s or M/s.  This is not what I consider being submissive, nor what I am looking for. 
  4. I am not interested in sexual services with anyone except the person with whom I am in a romantic relationship. 
    1. Romantic relationships take time. 
    2. Intimacy is important in any relationship, but to me, it is not sexual. 
  5. I do not jump into and out of relationships willy-nilly. I take my time. 

I saw this today in someone's journal and I decided to write about it as my interpretation of what Protect the Property means. 

To me, protecting the property is part of the protocols I have adopted as my own. 

To my submissive, it means protecting yourself. You are charged with making sure you are healthy by taking care of yourself, eating correctly, drinking enough water, etc.  Ensuring I am well taken care of to the best of his ability. 

To me, it means the same for myself, and it means I am to ensure my submissive is well cared for. 

To both of us, care for the relationship. Water the garden of the relationship, and help it grow together. If the relationship is not cared for, it will not succeed and this is done by both of us. 

What is your intent regarding service? 

Is it performing services to your Dominant? 

In summary from Ms. Rika in a group in another site and also in the book written by her submissive husband. 

'A submissive is one who is focused on fulfilling their Dominants preferences and expectations.' 

"There are no submissive acts, only submissive intent" 

Think about what you are offering and what your intent is. 

Want to know more? Read her newest book by her submissive husband.

When you message me and live in another state, you should plan to attend a munch that I am attending in California. I require a face-to-face meeting sooner rather than later. You need to make the trip out to me if you are serious about serving me. There are no guarantees, but a meeting needs to happen sooner rather than later. My rule is not negotiable. 

I have the same meeting sooner rather than later requirement for the men who live around me or in the state.

The question I am considering is, Do I want to have dinner with you? Do I consider you worthy of my time while enjoying a meal? (Seinfeld: When Elaine was deciding if suitors were sponge-worthy—We all have a thing.)   

If you aspire to be my submissive, you will have a job and be able to provide for yourself, a car to transport yourself in, and a home to live in and commute to my home to serve as needed. 

“You Never Get a Second Change to Make a First Impression.”

This quote has been attributed to Oscar Wilde and Will Rogers, although nobody knows for sure. Studies show a person will form a first impression within seven seconds or two minutes.


First Impressions- True for both sides of the sash 

This was being discussed in a group, which made me think about some of the people I've met over the years. Some I remember fondly because they made a great first impression; despite how things turned out, I still hold them out as friends.

Others may have made a great first impression, but it went south. Maybe they are good with words but less so about showing up; maybe they are keyboard jockeys and only want online, perhaps they are introverts, perhaps they are already in a relationship and want "discrete," or some other excuse not to show up.


I love that new little add-on to profiles where I can make notes about those who make a terrible impression, ghosting, those horrid one-liners by mail, etc., whatever it is. On the flip side, Use this to note those who are quite the opposite and make a fantastic impression and great messages. Why did you like them?


Here is my boundary regarding pictures.


I don't share photos on kink sites, period. My job puts me smack in the middle of the public, and they don't need to know the amount of information made possible on these sites. My alternative is to meet sooner rather than later, which is also why I say come to a munch I attend and let's see if there is something there. I also ask the person who lives close enough to the Bay Area to participate in a munch and meet for coffee. I bet you are better in person, too.

This boundary creates unhappy men who want their way; they want a picture, yet some don't have facial pictures either. I suppose a dick picture is representative of the little brain in action. Some don't like to be told no or are looking for something specific in a woman. This is not my problem; it's theirs!!! I let them hold their problem tight to their needy bosom. I find it entertaining when they lash out and start saying I'm fake this or that. Such fragile egos make them look like an asshats and make me realize I was right not to send or post pictures.

I am real. It hurts when I stub a toe or get a papercut. I have expectations, and if you do not like them, we will not work out. If you can see the possibilities by showing up away from the keyboard and coming out in public with other like-minded people, I would enjoy meeting you and starting a friendship. Meeting in person is so much better. 

I will meet you at a munch sooner rather than later.

It is not a date; it is a short period to meet to see if there is anything further to act on. This time together answers the question, Do I want to have dinner with you? 

If the answer is yes, and you feel the same way, let's do dinner and continue the conversation.

If not, nothing is lost.

A munch is a community event. Sometimes, food is involved, and other times, it is a drink. A munch is not a play space, and I do not want anything other than conversation to get to know you. 

Other people are at the munch to talk to if things do not work out. Neither person has to stay if they don't want to. 

I prefer to meet sooner rather than later so I do not have to continue texting or emailing if there is no in-person connection..  


Today, a TED talk from Christina Wallace and the Zero date came across in a feed.  She made valid points.  Christine names it and puts it out there.  "Let's face it, online dating can suck. So many potential people, so much time wasted -- is it even worth it? Podcaster and entrepreneur Christina Wallace thinks that if you do it right, In a funny, practical talk, Wallace shares how she used her MBA skill set to invent a "zero date" approach."

Is anyone going to Dark Odyessy - Surrender in San Jose, Oct 20-23, 2023?  


I am curious. I asked this question of several submissive men who responded to my ad; do you have a kinky resume?  This is exactly like a normal resume but instead details your kinky experience. I was told no; they did not have one. 

Because my group is D/s oriented, we took on an Owner's Manual and Kinky Resume for our group.  Wow, the responses and excitement were awesome. As a group, we decided the work put into both of these items would help either side of the sash get to know their partners on a deeper level, and if triggers were set off, we each could handle them better.  This ramped up negotiations to a new level.  As one of the co-moderators for the event said, every car we own comes with an owner's manual, so why not one for us, like a car, we have moments when our "lights come on," or the shit hits the fan. 

This is something I want to see. Everyone claims experience, but what classes are they taking to be good at XYZ?  What events do they attend, and so on. 

What do you think? 

Requirements, not Expectations. 

 Respect My time

Match My efforts 

Keep your word

Always be honest

Stay consistent


  • Show up, be on time (words/actions)
  • I will not work harder than you
  • Your word is the honor you start with
  • Omission is the choice you willingly make
  • Consistency builds trust.


Start out being the best you can be and grow.

Think about each of these: how to improve a relationship or blow it up by choosing not to do these things. 

Dear men,

Before you say I'm "extra" and "too much," ask yourself ... "are you even enough"?

Compliments of the Single Woman.

The right man will love you right.

Favorite statements~

  • Whatever you wish, Madame
  • I'll do whatever she tells me to do


This is the intimate relationship I want~

The mandate of transparency means that we can be open about our flaws, work through them, and come together stronger. 

We are each other’s safe space, brave space, and necessary space. 

The commitment to the relationship in a long-term way makes us both more willing to dig in and make things work. We need to be motivated to figure out ways to make it work. 

“Trust Junkie” – Earning Trust by being trustworthy.  I can’t demand trust unless I give him every reason to trust me. At the same time, the same is true for him. Work together always for the betterment of the relationship. 

Understand that trust can be earned, and as fast, trust can be lost. You choose how or if you earn or lose trust.  Getting trust back takes a glass house, if at all. 

Regular check-ins, not a time out or a break from the relationship to talk about the relationship. Make regular time to talk with each other. Note I am not saying at the person but rather with the person. Make lists to help you remember what you want to talk about.  Spend time after the check-in together. Have a meal/snack, snuggle, cuddle, touch each other, and feel the person you are so close with. 

         This builds positive reinforcement – closeness.


R. Kaldara made a post and talked about similar things. I rewrote/twisted it to match my desires. Some of the wording is mine, and some is his. I give some of the credit to him.