i really feel badly over what transpired this past week. i have enjoyed many rewarding experiences in r/l and sometimes talking via this site can open up minds and really get minds thinking towards a r/l meeting.

there have been some special people i have met and they are exactly what i expected. i think i need to step back from this site. it hasn't happen in sometime, but i think someone has ghosted me, i guess they were not up to coffee or a meal. i do not play on my first meet. that is just dangerous. 

so my mind closes again until someone is clever enough to open it.

this world is not bs to me, but maybe vanilla is the answer....

well, all good things have to come to an end i guess. i really loved it there, loved my drive, loved my suppliers and loved my job. i did not hate waking up early and going to someplace where my work meant something. now i am not sure what i am going to do. for now maybe enjoy the summer. i would love to barter golf lessons for play with someone. maybe someone will see this who really wants to learn to play golf...


anyone interested in bartering golf lessons for play? i normally charge $25 for a half hour or $50 an hour... just saying..

I don't want to and I cannot make any rash judgements,but I know in my heart of hearts what I search for is not someone to spank me. But it is for someone to love me.

Is it going to happen? I truly do not know.

good things come to those who wait... it happened today, for the first time in 25 months i will be a full fledged employee and doing something i love.!! now if i could only find someone to spank my ass!!

to Her wherever She may be

You will be the one i think of when i awake

and i will smile when i think of Your touch, be it sweet or hard

my life will not stop when we are apart i can be me

but each day another thought of how to please

i will begin each day knowing i have Your protection

You will be on my mind when we are not near

i know You have my best interests in mind

when Your head moves to the side instead of up and down

i will worship the ground You walk upon and be at Your side when You call

know that i seek You and i will not stop until i am Yours.

i want to give a special hello to the Ladies and Gentlemen in my life from collarme. this site is not always reliable but it does give the best kind of search. i have met a few very important people in my life from here. they may not be current lovers or friends but they know who they are and i cherish all the time i have shared with them. i believe in fate and meeting people for a reason. i want to always be kind to the people i meet and try to show them i am not only a good person but a very desirable submissive. i think about it often serving my One. it does not have to be 24/7 but i will make the most of anytime we share that i promise.

i guess i have to come out and say it. i really am NOT looking for anymore male companions, play partners or Dom's. the men that are in my life are more than enough.
honestly, i search for a woman Dominant. i ache for Her actually, there is only one feeling to describe when serving a Woman and feeling Her touch. it is the ultimate to me, i hope i find Her or She finds me. i will be so happy when it happens. it is what i desire for fulfillment. i want to feel Her sharp nails on my body, to feel the sexy bite on my skin and to feel Her breath on my cheek.

one of my pet peeves is an email unanswered, i understand if it is just a comment and less than a sentence, as i also rarely respond to those. but if someone takes the time to write another, isn't it a common courtesy to at least respond? Isn't that just common etiquette?Sometimes i wonder about people here, are they sitting behind a computer screen and thinking this is a joke? if i write to someone here it is because i see something that interests me. all i ask is just a one line response saying " thanks but i am not interested" to put yourself out there, taking the chance, rejection sucks, so thanks for being so cordial and ignoring my attempt to make a connection.

everyday we try to become accepted by society, and now we have a place where we can be ourselves, only to have the rudeness showing in even kink people. it infuriates me to no end.

had an interesting conversation via email from someone who knows a little about bdsm - well i guess they know much more than a little. anyway, i was so happy to know i had validation for some feelings i experienced. there is always so much to learn. i am really glad this is going at a slow pace. i know this is a good thing. yes it is a very good thing.

well , it is my birthday today, i had a wonderful time last night, got some birthday spankings and some electrical work( wink) . i am very happy to have met some great friends and i am encouraged by this next year of my journey!

ATTENTION - I do not do long distance at all, i need to see You at least once a week. it is the minimum for me, it is so important to have that contact i believe don't You?

today was a day like no other day. i was with a very special woman who was exceptionally kind and sadistic as well :)

many changes in my life as of the last year.  when i think back on how things were a year ago with me struggling in school and struggling with my identity and my desire to find someone who understands me.

i am happy to say i have found a very special man who shares intimacy with me that i have never experienced before, he is kind, selfless and very warm hearted, thank You J. i also have met  a  new, wonderful friend who is also a submissive and kind hearted. thank you k.

then i come to the two new friends in my life who happen to be Dominant Women. One who befriended me and let me in a little in Her life, for that i am blessed to know a very warm woman. She has a busy life but still stops by my profile to say hello which makes me happy. Thank You MsL.

Next i leave the best for last, a Lady that can only be summed up one way, real. i look forward to our journey as we learn about each other. i am so glad i took the chance to reach out to Her and let Her know what i thought when i saw Her profile. Thank You MsK.  if you never make that step and put yourself out there you will never find amazing people.

i thank all of You for becoming my friends

i am so glad that i am honest and open about who i am , it makes me proud to know there are people who recognize that in me , thank You :)

i would like to know what is it that people seek from another, love, sex, money, herpes, std's?

seriously i have always been open to who i am and what i am. i took my photos off because people judge by looks all the time and they do not go any further than that.

sometimes you have to laugh..

when you sit and think about how much time is wasted trying to impress others, how to "outsub" others or to "outDom/me" others.

what the hell was i thinking and what the hell did i think was so right? poor choices and things i have learned from those choices. i am NEVER going to let someone dictate to me how i "should" be, but i will be me and accept their direction. i know i am a good person inside and express myself with honesty and with good manners and etiquette. if a person does not want this in a sub, then well it is their loss.

i am not a fucking doormat and will never be that again to anyone.

jumps off soapbox

i have met a few people from this site and have made some friends who i am still in touch with and some who were not exactly who they said they were. it happens with any site, hell even on match.com people are phonies. you get it everywhere. so i think i am not going to put so much faith in people and believe things when someone proves that they are who they are.

i have decided that i will not email anyone unless i talk to them on the phone, just to say hello. i want them to prove to me they are the sex they claim they are. yes my time is as valuable as theirs.

i am not trying to be a smart-ass just telling the truth.

Pride fest is this weekend and i will go to people watch and enjoy some music. it will be fun and entertaining, hope the weather is good.

there have been some changes in my life these last few months, I am single and wanting to meet a woman Dominant who is seeking a submissive as Her primary. I do hope to hear from Her.

this is the time of year where i look forward to because of the golf season starting. now i am not that excited because the weather has been crappy. but maybe by may it will be warm enough. until then i will just keep busy. if the sun would come out i know my mood would change. i could really use a vacation out of this state.

what a nice time i had today with some friends, i enjoyed myself and so did They. i feel wiped out as i always do, but things are really good and i am happy.

i stepped into chat this evening and immediately i let someone's ego got the better of me and really reminded me how i hated going to college the first time around. people still think it is so important to "one up". i hate that, why do people do that? oh algebra isn't as hard as trigonometry, oh calculus is so much harder... BLAH BLAH BLAH.my decision to go back to school was the most difficult thing i may have ever done. because when i was in school i didn't know how to study, i had add all this time. 

i will not have anyone shi* on my parade - yeah so you have your masters, then why are you not in that field??? why did you waste all that time?  

just pisses me off when people gloat  

i just had to vent

the first 2 months of this year have been interesting and enjoyable. i have kindled some good friendships and have enjoyed the current ones i have. thank You to J, S and B for their friendships, may they grow to be exactly what we all wish for.

From now on here i will not state negative things, i do not want to steer good people away from me. i know there are plenty of good people around. once i do not look i may find them.

still believe there is a special person for me, if i have met that person, i cannot be sure. it all depends on the future i guess. there are a few special people i am fond of and do hope to see them on occasion. you just cannot tell what your future fate is. i do know i will do my best to make myself the best i can be. i am the only one that can make ME happy.

life is good because of someone special in her life, the girl is still troubled of what she does not know. she thinks it is because she wants to be the best for Her. can she be that?

she hopes so because her need is to please.

things are good , yes i am happy

i am happy and safe again and no longer looking

what a wonderful afternoon it was, i am very happy

i do not have a problem talking to others, but unless You have the energy that it takes to make a profile i will NOT answer- please don't waste Your time and mine. to me when someone has a blank profile , they have something to hide or are dishonest. however if You have other reasons for not having one, please explain if You contact me. i hate one line greetings as i am sure You do.

i am so done with empty promises and being strung along by people who do not have the time for me. i am someone who is worth it and know i am stronger than to put up with bullshit.

you would think i would have learned after all these years on this site, when you think things are just too good to be true, tell that person you invest your time with to CALL YOU on the phone. they are either a different sex that you assume or maybe worse, cheating.

today was a great day actually the best in a while. i met a new friend, went out with an old friend and had a wonderful talk with a special friend. 

it helps to have a secure positive feeling about things in general, i feel truly blessed to have special people in my life.

it seems like it has been ages since i have allowed someone control of me and i miss it so much. after yesterday i am back home and alone again. i don't like this feeling and i want so much to be with my new friends. i cannot force anything i realize but want it so badly.

next week i am starting school and i am scared of failure, i wish i had the confidence i once had.

well this has been a very interesting week, we had a wonderful visit on Sunday and talked so openly and honestly. she called about 3 times this week and gosh i feel something turning the corner with us for sure. i will remain very upbeat and patient, i look forward to next year!

what a difference a day makes! She called me from work to invite me over tomorrow and 10 minutes later He called me to talk :)

things are looking better

i am not enjoying this time at all, the hardest part is not being a part of celebrations with people you care about, i wish i could be involved it is depressing. plus my fricking check didn't come today. christmas time is very depressing.

i had a most interesting evening last night, let's just say there were many nice views enjoyed by many people. i only wish the view i had was of a smile on the faces of my new friends. i miss them more each day we are apart.

the holiday season can be hard for people that do not live 24/7 with the ones they care about. selfishly i know what i want for Christmas, it would be the best gift of all. i would love it if i was asked what that was.

quite often during the day i daydream about how things could be in 24/7. feeling Their gaze on you as You do things that please, the warmth of Their simple touch on your face. how the butterflies are wild in your tummy and know you desire to submit but wait until the time is right... it has been a while since i was in that mindset, i so want and need the things that this lifestyle gives to us all but i have to be patient and wait for someone to beckon me to that place. my heart is so needy and my mind is so anxious, but i have to be patient for Their timetable not mine. i sometimes wish i could fast forward to that time, it will just make that connection be so much stronger. that is my hope that there is a reason for this, i know the answer is there...awaiting is the most difficult.

i had a nice weekend spending time with my new friends. things went well and we were able to have some nice discussions. they are really good people and clearly people i want in my life.

yes a positive attitude is what counts here. i spent the day today thinking about my future and i feel i am truly on the right path. i contacted some online schools today and have even spoken to someone about the possibility of taking classes. it is simply an inquiry into what is available to me, i do not have any idea what i need to do to make myself marketable but i do know that i have had some positive feedback from someone and i am thankful for that. right now i do not want to hear the negative from anyone, i already know i have put the negative into my job and that is what cost me my position. my desire is some positive feedback and if i ask for direction or suggestions then i would hope friends would offer. but i am NOT telling my siblings just yet as all i will hear from them is what THEY would do or what I NEED to do. That's bullshit i WANT to be happy in the job or path i choose, i do hope i am allowed to go down the road maybe in the wrong direction and then choosing the right fork in the road. But if i do NOT choose this fork i will remain stagnate and unhappy. i want to love what i do for a living and be enthused again with my daily life. my job was depressing me and others around me, there is no reason for that.

i heard from this special friend that there are two important things, one is to find a field that is marketable and/or a field where there a possibility of a job, and to find a job i enjoy so i will be happy once again.

i am in charge of my future and i want to explore it , please let me make these decisions.

this is a message to some very good friends who i am so happy i have met and can only hope this bond grows to something more. i am looking forward to growing with them.

it was a good day, i loved the phone calls i received today and got to thinking alot of people i miss and want to be with

pretty nice day today, got to talk to someone special this morning and heard from alot of friends on fb, i hope next bday is a little different but things are pretty good right now. yes it was a pretty darn nice day today.

over the years i have been very fortunate to have met some wonderful people through this site and i hope to continue that. thanks to the very special people who have come into my life and made a real difference. You all know who You are and my best to each and every one of You.

my best wishes to those who i speak of

bree

life is a journey and it isn't always a smooth road to follow, but what matters is what one takes from the detours and bumps in that road. how do we change or modify our behavior in the reaction from those bumps.

i am happy to say that i am under consideration of the Lakeside household.

i am exploring more of poly life and it's infinite possibilities, i am very close to my former owners and partners who are out of state and they have helped me in many ways grow to be a poly/ sub girl.i still love them both very much and we speak often but they are very happy i am exploring life here in wisconsin.

i never want to close any doors which are open to me , nor do i wish to be used. i am looking for the real thing, the real bond between 2 or 3 or 4 people. i have lots of love in my heart and want to share it with someone. i am a true submissive and have had about 6 years of real time experience. i am devoted and i want to be truly cherished as i will truly cherish the love i find whomever they may be.

i just came back from a wonderful family trip and am feeling very excited about the new chapter in my life, it will happen itself no need to push anything. i am finding myself very comfortable.

sometimes i guess i am confused and get mixed signals- me over thinking again, i am so guilty of this at times - all is good

the last couple weeks have been pretty interesting and makes me believe that i can have an open mind and really be happy. there is something about being poly with two people that makes me feel like i have to not be open for more love. so i vow to be optimistic and not worry so much of what may not be but be positive about what can be. i really believe i have so much to give to another(s) and i am bursting inside to give, to make others happy and proud really is very important to me.

sometimes when i am having everyday conversation i feel like i have to defend myself and i am not happy with that.

because i cannot be with my poly family and of the distance we have put a hold on the d/s part of our relationship. so at this time i am not technically owned by them they are my partners and being vanilla is what they have decided what is best for now. they also encourage me to meet others and live life. i am torn between loving them with all my heart and also wanting my happiness as i cannot be with them. after some thought about this and some very emotional thinking i have decided that even if someone shows interest in me i cannot accept anyone's advances at this time. i would rather be alone for a few months then to jeopardize anything we have together. this distance is so hard when i know my life belongs with them. i am truly at odds right now and i feel i have disappointed them again, i hurt inside and right now all i want to do is be with them. oh gosh i know it was not supposed to be easy but i am really having a hard time.

i love You Sir and Mistress Robyn

bree

Please be respectful and don't send emails to me before lordofmyclan. i want to give back control , i hate being in limbo

i crave to be owned again

yesterday April 9th will be a day i will remember for a long time. it marked the first day i was able to play golf this year, lol it was important for a very serious reason as well.

You see it marked a new beginning in my relationship with my owners and partners. This makes me feel so happy in knowing that we are back to where things were meant to be and i will not be lost again. for a little time the break in tpe was refreshing but i know i could not live 24/7 without it.

Thank You for this Sir and Mistress Robyn

love

bree

i am learning to trust my instincts and if things were meant to be they would happen. no sense forcing anything.

as i type this i am reminded why i fell in love with them and why i know we need to be together. my life can never be the same without them i have discovered this week. it has been the worst week of my recent days. i am hurting so badly and want to heal ... i can't stop thinking about life without them ,, makes me so down.. i hope i can find the place i need to be

update- i wanted to speak with them and i texted that it was important that we talk. i spoke in a polite tone and asked if i was in their future plans and should i still show my condo ? and i recieved the answer i looked for and that was - yes of course. we had a wonderful talk and this week was purposeful. they wanted to make sure this is what i wanted and i was the one that spoke up after being so alone this week. it was an honest wonderful talk and i feel like i am whole again.

i love You Sir and Mistress Robyn so much

bree

i love them so much and i know we will be so wonderful together when we finally get to be 24/7.

i have returned from meeting my partners and owners and i could not be happier. this is what a poly lifestyle is all about.

compersion

love that

good things happen to good people. no need to rush into anything if it is meant to me it will happen. only when i am ready will i go looking again.

please get well soon Ma'am

i wish i was there to care for You

becky

receiving someones collar is a serious process, until W/we meet i will be under His protection and not wear His collar. if W/we click then perhaps i will be lucky enough to receive it.

early this morning i was honored with a collar from my Master and Mistress, i cannot thank them enough for this as it makes me feel so good being owned by such beautiful souls.

i love them both dearly.

it is funny how things happen, someone who i have known for a while comes into my life and makes me so happy. i feel so much better now, it feels right and i feel safe.

i viewed a painful experience today,,,which i feel needs to be journaled,,,as far as this lifestyle goes,,i have always felt free to be who i am,,and that Others could have their own kinks,,,beliefs,,and fetishes,,,without being judged or chastized,,,it hurt today to see that there are Those that don't follow that protocal,,,because of that,,can actually hurt real people with real feelings,,,i really wish All could accept and respect One Another like the way this lifestyle is all about.