The Binder: On Wanting Things Unapologetically I have been thinking about want lately. The specific texture of it, the way it sits differently when you stop apologizing for the size of it and simply let it exist at full scale. I was raised, as most women are, to want carefully. To want reasonably. To frame ambition as gratitude and desire as practicality and to generally keep the whole operation small enough that no one feels threatened by the outline of it. I am done with that. The Binder exists because I am a woman who plans, and planning requires honesty about the destination. So here it is, plainly, without qualification: I want my dream home. Not a reasonable approximation of it, not a compromise that checks most of the boxes. The actual one, with the particular light in the particular rooms and the space that finally matches the interior life I have been carrying around in a series of spaces too small to hold it properly. A home that looks like me. That is the entire requirement and it is not a small one and I refuse to shrink it. I want work that deserves me. I have spent enough time being competent inside structures that were not built for someone like me, doing it gracefully, doing it well, doing it without making anyone uncomfortable with how much more I was capable of. The next chapter looks different. I am finishing my degree with the same intention I bring to everything: completely, on my own terms, and as the foundation for whatever comes next rather than a box I am checking for someone else's benefit. I want Japan and I want Zanzibar and I want the specific feeling of being a woman who moves through the world with enough ease and enough resources that distance stops being a reason and becomes simply a coordinate. I want to stand somewhere I have never stood and feel the particular expansion that travel produces in a person who pays attention. I want more of that, regularly, starting now and not eventually. And I want to be married again. To someone who understands, in their bones and not just in theory, what it means to belong to a woman like me. Not a partner who tolerates my nature or finds it interesting from a safe distance. Someone who meets me in public as my equal, carries himself with the kind of presence that makes other people straighten up slightly, and comes home and kneels. Who wears my marks the way some men wear medals: privately, permanently, with the specific pride of someone who earned something real. Who worships not as performance but as orientation, the way a compass points north not because it is trying to but because that is simply what it does. I want all of it at once. I want it unapologetically and in full. I want the dream home and the passport stamps and the letters after my name and the man who undoes me at the end of a long day by completely undoing himself first. The Binder is where I keep the map. This is me, reminding myself that the destination is real, that wanting it loudly is not arrogance but clarity, and that a woman who knows precisely what she is building is already most of the way there.   The rest is just time.

Who I Am I believe Mastery begins with self-mastery. I know what I want. I know what it costs. I have the discipline to follow through. Structure isn't a constraint for me, it's the foundation of Mastery. Yield control of your body, behaviors, and attitudes to me, and I will apply equal discipline in sculpting you into my vision of feminine perfection: a strong, confident, beautiful domestic goddess who knows her place is to love, serve, and please her man, and knows exactly how to do all three while being held to the highest standards.  Such a treasure is rare, and to be valued accordingly.   What & Who I'm Looking For Conversation by message primarily.  Perhaps supporting someone in exploring their submission and its link to femininity and inner nature more deeply, whether that be just talking about it, coaching, or some degree of connection. Your understanding of where you are is not important, your interest in discussing it is. I am open to and interested in messaging with a range of women at different places in their understanding of themselves.  I also love hearing about woman's fantasies (even if they'd never consider living them out), as I write a good deal of erotica and am always looking for good plot material.  If you've got some to share, who knows, maybe they'll make it into my next novella. Some women may just want to chat with someone who genuinely knows this life and will talk about it honestly, without agenda, without pressure, and with equal interest in its non-sexual dimensions as in anything else. That has real value and I mean it when I say I'm glad to have it. Some are further along. They know what they are but haven't found the right container for it. They want something structured, something that builds over time, a real dynamic even if it lives at a distance. That interests me as well. And then there is the woman who knows, somewhere beneath the surface, exactly what she is but hasn't found someone who could be trusted with all of it. The need is there, but not the means. A woman who wants not just to be led but to be genuinely shaped. Who understands that submission at its deepest includes being remade over time by someone with a clear and considered vision of what she is and what she could become. That isn't something I take lightly. It is the most intimate thing I know how to do. I'm open to exploring that with the right person, but it is not something I will enter into lightly. If the right person and the right circumstances were to intersect to where something in-person were to eventually become possible, I'm open to that too. That isn't a promise or a goal I'm pushing toward. It simply exists as a possible future out on the horizon, honestly named for what it is. Wherever you fall in that range, if this life calls to you in a way you haven't quite been able to satisfy or understand, reach out. You don't need to have it figured out first. If you find me interesting but are interested in something else - long distance dynamic, roleplay, casual conversation, whatever - reach out.  Who knows, maybe you've thought of something I hadn't even considered. One thing worth knowing: my natural orientation is toward depth rather than breadth. While something is still finding its shape, genuine conversation can begin with more than one person and I welcome it. But I'm not built for maintaining multiple meaningful connections simultaneously. When real depth begins to develop with someone, my attention moves there and stays there. If that means a conversation with someone else has run its natural course, I'll say so directly rather than simply go quiet. That's what honesty looks like in practice. That kind of focused, undivided attention is simply what I prefer to give.

This past week was superb!   Had a few friends over for a turkey dinner I made.  Brined the 15 lb turkey in a sugar and salt brine, then AIR fried it.  The bird was done in 3 hours and ready to mate up with the other sides I made.   I enjoy my time in the kitchen as it relaxes me.  My friends continually rave about my cullenary skills.  Part of the fun of entertaining during the holidays is being free about who you are, what you enjoy and being able to share it with your friends.   Yes, the ladies are collared by their owners, including my friend Veronica, who brings her lovely slave girl Jessica.  Set the table for 9, myself and my four couples.  Turkey, dressing, green beans, hot rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, and of course a white wine.  I was asked when I would find a woman to wear my collar again.  Said that was up to the good Lord himself, and maybe a bit of luck and reckoning. Been single again now for 3 years, and have not been actively looking too much.   When / if it happens again, I am hopeful her training will not be too stressful for her.  Holidays are so much fun, even with the games we play.  Sometimes the single life does suck, but I am not hurry to cross over and explore the alternative quite yet, Lord be willing!   Thats all for now youall, I will try to post again after the holidays..  

  So I have had a few people now ask me what I am looking for and normally I don't like to put this in to words because it isn't something that is set in stone. It is definitely fluid and ever-changing, but I guess I can put the basics. Firstly, in order to define what I am looking for in a partner, I have to define who I am as my partner would be, in the most base sense, the opposite side of the same coin(s) (note the plural and you will start to see why this isn't so easy for me to define). So lifestyle me in a nutshell: -masochistic tendencies - primal - kajira - slave - submissive - doll - baby girl tendencies (not a little) - slight brat tendencies - service-oriented - energy practitioner Vanilla me in a nutshell: - high functioning anxiety/manic depression (sometimes not so high functioning) - extremely introverted - Norse Pagan - Gypsy Soul/ Wanderlust - dog mom - Scorpio (almost to a T, honestly minus the high sexual side) - highly intelligent and logical - overthinker - animal lover - hopeless romantic So in the most BASIC sense, that is me...so from there I would be looking for someone to complement me in these areas. Great! So what does that look like? Well, let me attempt to paint a picture: If you thought this part would be a bullet list, you will be sorely mistaken as it is not so easy to define. Him- The Dominant that I am searching for, as I stated before, would be my other half. I have MANY sides and nuances and so the person I need is someone who has all of the same sides, just on the opposite end of the spectrum. This is what I mean when I say I am searching for a unicorn as I am pretty sure it just doesn't exist. In the most base sense, I need someone who is 100% an Alpha Male. Yeah, I know that society today frowns upon men being men, but I also know that there are some that are still out there as it is just a part of who they are. I get toxic masculinity, but I also know there are many 'manly' men out there that aren't just a meathead. I have an extremely large and active primal side and it will not submit to just anyone, so that Alpha presense is needed. I need someone who can put me in my place and who isn't afraid to be rough at times. I love things like pursuit, take down, capture; CnC; wrestling; etc. If you made it past that part, the next thing would be someone who has more traditional views of a BDSM relationship. I am old school in a lot of my interests, wants, needs, and that zone in which I thrive. 24/7 M/s is where I find that I function the best. I love the depth of the relationship between a Master and a slave/kajira..but I also know how long it takes to foster the trust and depth of those relationships. I love the ritual and protocol of the M/s lifestyle and do extremely well in situations where everything in my life is controlled. This is not to say that only the daily that my outfits needs approved, but in like making sure my wardrobe is all choices that would be approved and they are sorted by occassions so that no matter what I would wear, it would be appropriate given the occasion and would have been approved. I understand there are not many who want the responsibility of how involved this type of relationship is and they do not want to control every ect of someone's life. They just want their bedroom play and that is it. That is great for those people, but not what I am looking for. I have a HUGE interest in the idea/concept of dollification. I know that most submissives/slaves may say that they want to be perfect for their Sir, but how many will go to the extent of actually doing it? This goes back to the slave mindset I believe in that I do want to be perfect for my Sir. If that entails changing hair color, getting tattoos, piercings, the type of clothing I wear, implants, waist training, etc...then so long as it is not illegal, it is want I would do/want with my Sir. This also includes sexual things such as stretching to be able to be fisted, or anal training, etc. This goes along with the 24/7 ect as typically enforced diets/excercise are a part of this. My masocistic side is weird. I am not a masochist in the every day sense that I crave pain all the time or that it gets me off. It fucking hurts. However, pain for me is a means of catharsis and for me to be able to process emotion as I have a terrible habit of just bottling it up instead of expressing it in the moment. The pain allows me to release all of that. My masochistic side is also very largely dependent upon the energy between my partner and me. I can take

It was a mixture of arousal, curiosity and his final reassurance that made her mind up. She knew she could say ‘Stop’ and he would, though that could be permanent, it was an instinctive decision that made her move towards the lift and later she realised why she made it. There was a logical progression to it. She was a stubborn person with a rebellious streak and a free will who made her own decisions and didn’t blame others when they went awry. Here she was reigning in her rebellious streak of her own free will and her natural instincts reinforced this. Her stubbornness would make her comply with what she wanted in this regard, even though it seemed counterintuitive.  Now it was a rush to the receptionist’s desk to get a pen, the envelope was already open and had the room number written on it. The contract was one piece of A4 paper and the male receptionist must have seen the bold type headline which stated ‘SUBMISSIVE’S CONTRACT’. She didn’t have time to read it all, her instinct told her that he would not put anything in it that he had not said. And what would be the point as it was a symbolic act, not a contract that could be legally enforced.  She hurried the short distance to the lift; the concierge seemed to have anticipated her need and he had pressed the button, she momentarily wondered if he knew. Once inside she selected the 4th floor. Her heart missed a beat when just before the doors closed a woman stepped into the lift causing the doors to recycle again and they selected the 3rd floor; she knew this would delay her further. She willed the lift to move faster but still almost in two minds about what she was doing, but she wanted to be the decision-maker on this and not subject to an arbitrary cut off due to time. Her pride ensured she used the time to check her hair and lipstick in the mirror as she would not countenance the thought he would not find her attractive.  The lift reached the 4th floor and according to the large sign room 417 was to the right, she almost ran, nearly tripping over her heels on the thick carpet.  The door to room 417 was slightly ajar, and a ‘do not disturb’ sign was hanging on the handle. She stood for a second or two to let her breathing steady, it seemed to take ages for her hand to travel from to the door, her knock was timid and her stomach almost jumped as she heard the noise her hand made.  A firm reply was forthcoming a few seconds later. ‘Come in Joanna’. She swallowed, took a deep breath and gripping the envelope, pushed the door open and whilst trying to look calm she stepped inside and the door closed with an almost imperceptible click.  The room was warm and gently lit from the lamp above the desk he was sitting at. His jacket was over the back of his chair and the few papers he was attending too were lying about.  Nonplussed for a moment she stood there waiting for some sort of guidance, she knew what she had to do but some sort of signal from him seemed essential.  He understood, or knew, and stood before quietly saying, ‘Come here Joanna’. It was about 4 steps and he stood almost impassively as she greeted him properly. Her arms went around his waist and she pressed herself against him until he said that she could stop. This time it seemed natural and gave a moment when she could do something that seemed familiar and that she was in control of. It also served to break some of her tension before she stepped back ready to kneel. Kneeling seemed a strange and almost alien act; she had been on her knees in front of a man before, but then she was in control of him, she forcibly overcame her rebellious streak and found it disappeared almost entirely.  Her eyes cast down she noticed her knees were together, it seemed inappropriate so she moved them further apart. Taking a larger breath she looked down at his feet and with the envelope in both hands, she held it up to him.  He didn’t seem to move for ages, and then he took it from her hands. He checked her signature was on the contract before placing it amongst the other papers on the desk. This was a small action, however, it made her realise that she had voluntarily signed this part of herself over to him. He had taken possession and she was now his.  He turned the chair to face her and sat on it.  She was on her knees only a few feet from a man she had just given her submission to in writing, she was no longer so nervous, it was now anticipation mixed with exhilaration and her senses were alive! She was now free to be what he decided. He leant forward and lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look him in the eyes, ‘Joanna, you are now mine’ he said quietly.  After a pause during which he just looked at her he then continued ‘The photography will wait until tomorrow as there are a few matters from earlier today I will address straight away.’ He wasn’t asking for a reply, he told her to stand and rest her elbows on the desk. She was a little taken aback, whilst earlier considering what might happen this evening she thought he might just photograph her. In a way that would be easier to contemplate, she could understand it would be a reasonable first private meeting, however, she knew it would disappoint her.  But now he was going to ‘Address some matters’ and that sounded ominous, it made the butterflies in her stomach come alive again. She did as asked, putting her elbows on the desk. He told her to arch her spine downwards, this meant she was bent over much further than she felt comfortable, it made her bottom more pronounced and her skirt was tighter. Her knees flexed as she tried to contain the nerves generated by her bottom being so vulnerable, he ordered her to straighten her legs and keep them so, as it tightened the skin of her buttocks. What he did next was unexpected, he ran his fingers around her neck gathering her hair into his hand at the nape of her neck. He expertly wound it into a ponytail using a band that must have been around his wrist. She now felt even more vulnerable without the usual shield of hair that would normally surround her face. She nervously moved her weight from one foot to another. He told her to spread her legs wider to shoulder width. She glanced up into the mirror above the desk; she could see him standing a few meters behind her, looking at her in a way few men had done. It was not simple lust, his face was almost impassive, she could see he was comfortable looking at the salacious view she presented.  His voice was calm as he told her that she had been disobedient when she broke away from the greeting before she had been told she could, she had also been demanding in their early email exchanges. For these, she was going to have her bottom spanked, he said it would be a ‘cumulative dozen’ and if she made any of these mistakes again it would be a stricter punishment.  He told her to raise her skirt over her back, this unnerved her more, it was one thing to have her skirt lifted, but another to do it herself! She thought she could not, but his curt statement of ‘disobey and I will use a strap instead of my hand’ encouraged her. She rested her forehead on the desk and reaching behind her with both hands she lifted the hem of her skirt until it lay over her back. He then described the view he had of her bottom in very basic language. His description of the way her swollen sex lips bulged into her panties was particularly crude and said with distinctive pleasure.  A short while later he moved to her left side. He reached over her back and pulled her right hip towards him, holding her still by trapping her against his thigh.

Are you ready? Because this one chaps my ass. Do you watch Hulu? Have you noticed the ads for hims meds that are for erectile dysfunction? and the ads for hers that are for anxiety disorders? Let's pause for a moment. The number one concern for this company is that men's dicks are working and women's brains are under control. What about his anxiety? What about her sexual dysfunctions? More women have trouble with orgasms than men, but there isn't a pill for that. Why? You know what the top medical issues are for men? Heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. For women? Heart disease, breast cancer, and cervical or ovarian cancer. Hmm, what's missing? You know what's missing? Wilfred fucking Brimley telling you to eat some oatmeal. The more nonfiction I ingest, the more I believe that women should run the world. No more pissing contests, all the kids would have food, and we'd have one massive war of all wars and then it would be done because we are ruthless and loving creatures. I'm kidding, but I'm also not. Pay attention to what you're seeing. Ask yourself these questions... What's the story? What's the other untold story? Who has the power? You'll see emerging patterns and maybe even want to join my army. And to that I say start soldiering in your own backyard and fight misogyny in your circle of friends. Use your male privilege to help balance the scale. 

Once agion I am reminded that "Werner Heisenberg — ‘Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think. so there is hope

7/25/24- Theres a part of our dynamic that doesnt seem to be acknowleged for what it is..  " Our aim is to connect with the right female who resonates with the idea and has the desire of joining a household but specifically our household... My first girl oversees everyone when I am not present, as work takes me for periods of time. Your domestic duties in the home would be light as its shared amongst the three of you. Simple mundane tasks that your basic upkeep any nucular family household would require, with opportunities to take on more responsibilities if desired over time. Your outward role may be that of a “roommate” or a "housekeeper” to those who don’t know the lifestyle," No this doesn't mean were looking for a maid. We're looking for a sub  and were trying to make it clear that we expect other people to not understand the lifestyle choices everyone makes and that if you are living in this house you will have house responsibilities and expected to help keep it clean. This is common sense. Yes there are two other females in this home but that doesn't mean you don't get to do anything but be in a bed 24/7.... I mean we have to let you out to shower at some point right?  All jokes aside- hoping to find a sub that is service orientated, has slave tendency, or wants to be a slave.  

I have a few minutes to sit still, so I figured I could follow up on my previous post, and discuss the topic of pictures a bit more.  But I realize I'll probably never do better than what I wrote a few years ago, and I know no one ever scrolls back and reads, even if I few do read the current posts. So I'll re-post that, and maybe it will help someone. ____________________________________ Women are not men. I know it seems obvious, yet the majority of men still pursue women without really considering what that means. They write profiles based on what THEY would like, what men value, what men think is impressive, and what they wish they saw on women's profiles. They take and post pictures the same way - based on what they value, what they think is impressive, what they wish women put in their pictures.  If they crossdress, they take and post pictures similar to those of women they found sexy - scantily clad in lingere, posed seductively or sluttily, etc. without considering that those pictures, like porn, were meant to appeal to men.  They send emails, again, that same way. I repeat - Women are not men. Dating, at it's bottom line, is marketing. You have something. You want something. You want to exchange what you have for what you want. In a store, you exchange money for goods and services. In dating, you are mostly hoping to sell. You are hoping to purchase the attention of a partner, in the long or short term, in exchange for your attention, your time, your services. You are selling you, in exchange for them. That's actually a very basic equation. You can't sell to someone unless you know what they want, and find a way to market what you have to that want. This is where most men fail - at the basic premise. They know what THEY want. They don't spend a lot of time researching what their target market wants to BUY. So they market based on what they know, and what they think they know. They know themselves. They know men, in general, and they know what commercials and movies and tv and all media everywhere has told them is attractive to women. They, being men and raised in a male dominated world, never seem to realize that all of those things are ALSO targeted to men, to get men to buy things, usually by appealing to male egos. They show women draping themselves over men who drink this beer, or drive that car, or wear that brand of clothing. They show this to men so that men will want to buy those things. Most of the time, women couldn't give less of a fuck about those things. But men are surrounded by all of this input, so they think we do. I'm not going to try to define what "all women" want on here. Not all women want the same things anyway. Right now, I'm just going to clarify that what WE want is usually not the same as what men want. You need to find out what those things are and tailor your pictures and profile to market to that. Basic things like "don't use a picture of your penis as your profile pic" have been said a million times but it's always the first thing we see everywhere we look. Yes, I like to see a pretty penis. No, I don't see a pretty penis in a picture and become suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have it right this second. I can't say that I've ever gone looking through the internet just to look at pictures of penises. And when I get one shown to me when I haven't asked to see it, I'm not horrified, but I right there decide that the guy showing it is a pushy, insecure jackass. I lose all interest in interacting with him. It's not that the penis itself is a problem, but that it tells me something about who he is when he has to insist on showing it around - that he's not interested in pleasing ME. He's interested in his own pleasure. And I can do better than that. And honestly, a picture of your chastity device is pretty much the same as a dick pic. You don't want your profile to be a long list if things you want, either. Yes, you want things. You will need to communicate those things. And the world you were probably raised in told you that women do things for men, even Dominant women. All that BDSM porn? It shows lots of women in black leather and rubber getting a LOT of enjoyment doing those things to men. Again, that is written specifically to be bought by men, so they show men what they want to see. Yes, I like doing those things to a man. I like doing them to my partner. I sometimes want to do them to someone other than my partner. But I almost never want to do them to some total stranger just because I like doing them. Your accountant may like his job, but he doesn't go out on the street offering free tax jobs to strangers, ya know? Your profile on a dating page is your resume. Your sales pitch. Your introduction to make us think you have something worth our giving up a few minutes of our time to read further or possibly even have a conversation with you to get more details. This site is a kink/fetish site. This particular discussion is about 'finding a dominant woman.' If you are reading my journal, your target audience is a Dominant Woman. Most Dominant women I talk to are drowning in emails and offers from men who call themselves submissive. Most of them are requests for US to do what THEY want. Which is the first mistake. It's usually their last. Your sales pitch should NEVER NEVER EVER be "I'll let you spank me!" One, why do I WANT to spank you in the first place? Two, why you and not someone who is offering something I want? I'd rather talk to the subbie over here that is offering to give me a full body massage, no strings attached.