lostnlooking9

I figured I would do a quick about me.   This isn't planned and will likely be random and all over the place.

First of all, vanilla - as this is the most important thing to me, If we don't connect here, than sexually doesn't matter.

I'm an extravert. I find energy in groups and crowds usually(not allways) And I find people fasanating, so I would enjoy people watching sometimes even.
However, I would be ok being with an introvert and limiting my actions with groups.  This isn't a must and being closed off and contained isn't an issue.  It's the relationship that matters and as long as that is strong, I will be happy.

I tend to enjoy a little bit of everything.  Travelling, hiking, board games, movies and tv, reading. trying new things and activities.

My tastes range from Downton Abbey, to Yellowstone, to Battlestar to NCIS(not as much anymore) to parks and rec.

I love independant and foreign films/tv as well as classics just as much as anything above.

I've become a board game and puzzle nut.  It's an interesting way to spend time, have fun and use strategy/think.

I enjoy conversations and debating.

I'm the sort of person willing to try everything at least once.

Some weird/different stuff about me:

I am very Ticklish.  To the point that if you wish to tickle I have a very strong ask that I be tied down. I have punched people before being unrestrained and flailing about. I do not enjoy it, but I enjoy the pleasure it brings my torturer I guess.

I have a fear of heights.  I have learned to manage this, I usually have no issue in a plane, on a ladder or even a roof. And if I can hold onto something solid, I am fine.  But every now an again(top of a mountain looking over a cliff as one example) I do have that fear crop up.

I'm a nudist at heart. I'm fine with nudity and I would be nude all the time if I could. Sometimes I am.

I believe I'm undiagnosed ADHD.  In no way really bad, but I do have quirks.  When I have a list of tasks I can and tend to jump between them mid-task randomly.  I can and have been known to fidget usually, usually just my fingers.  And other really minor things. Nothing that I feel needs to be managed, it's more of a "wow it's crazy you work like that" sort of response from people when they know me, and like I said, not all the time, but enough it would be noticable long term.


The kinky/sex stuff:
I'm Pansexual.  I have been with both sexes before, maybe I will again. To me it's about the person, not their parts. I have no requirements there, I don't 'need' both sexes in my life and I can and am able to be monogomus.

My Limits: No Scat, No felonies.(an aside here - a lot of people say nothing illegial. But public nudity is illegial, and I would do it leading to -), Nothing that involves others without their consent.  Wearing a collar in public is just apperal, being naked involves them.  Being naked where a kid can see is a felony, so context matters there.
No permanent changes without my ok. As soon as I ok being tatooed or pierce once, I'm good forever.
Nothing involving friends or family or work without my ok. This includes collars and such.
No Degredation.  I was picked on as a kid.  It wasn't fun. If you want to treat me like crap - no thanks.  
If you don't want to treat me like a prized pet, a love, a favorite possession, or something like that, I'm not for you.   This includes namecalling, and includes for punishment.
Humiliation is different, I love humiliation.

My main joys(in no ways all)
Being controlled/a lack of control.  The more real this is, the more I tend to enjoy it.
Tell me not to move or else is one thing, tell me not to move and bind me so I can't even if I tried and it's mentally a different level.  And no, I don't expect this 24/7 365 or even often, just explaining control is key.

Pleasing/serving/bringing smiles.  Are you happy?  Are you satasfied? Are you smiling?  This can be from an act I did - cleaning your kitchen, bringing you to a great orgasm, or just submitting to something difficult for you.

Humiliation.  This is an aspect of control.  Being naked around others is one example.  The way I look at it, if it makes me blush or shy it's humiliation.


In no ways is that all but the main ones.

However note, I'm focused on #2, and that is most important to me. If I cannot and am not pleasing, this wouldn't work for me(and I imagine you either). 

Some other sexual/relationship notes:

I have the mindset that I learn what an owner wants, needs and desires and it's my job to fit inside that, that a possible owner shouldn't need to change for a sub/slave.  That I need to find somewhere that I can fit, and mold myself around their desires, fantasies and interests.  This includes things like chastity as well as other activities. Some like it, some don't, in the end I can give or take.

I have my fantasies and things I'd like to try or do, and I will talk about them if asked or desired.  I have a desire to be an open book as best as I can be.

Finally and most importantly - 

I'm looking for a relationship.  With that, I would be with a couple as long as if there is another sub, that I am equal to the sub.  I do not desire to be a side piece or a toy that is brought out on occasion.  Likewise, I'm not looking to be a servent or "domestic only".  In most cases that isn't a relationship that is a job.   I would be domestic only if it were a relationship, but it would depend on the situation.  I think 99% of domestic only searches fall outside that situation.

I want someone to accept me for me.  If you cannot do that, I will move on.  Small changes I can and will make, Big ones I would only make if there is a really good reason(addiction) or something, of which I don't think I have anything currently.
I'm not talking what I wear or my haircut or if I'm shaved or not.  I'm talking "you can't like this or that because I told you to" sort of stuff.  

Also, I would like someone who listens to me and who allows me to speak my mind.
It doesn't have to be always, or often, It can be at set times,  and you do not need to do whatever I speak about or say, but you do need to really listen and understand.  I do not want to be a robot.

I will chat with anyone, from anywhere.  Relationship oriented, or just general chat about..  anything.
I am open to, and possibly able to relocate fairly soonish, possibly anywhere I so choose.

I am able to visit anyone, anywhere.

However note, that if our messages here get serious to the point of thinking about or talking visit/relocation, I would expect to video chat, at least a couple times before doing so.  At a minimum.   
This is only a requirement before I spend hundreds or thousands to visit you.  If there is no such plan, I'm happy to keep things message only forever.

I do not need, expect, desire, or want anything kink or sexual.  Just some "face to face" conversations.   If we can't do that via online, why would I expect it would be so different in person?

And video chat requirement doesn't apply to someone I can reach by car within a day or so.  But as soon as I need to take a flight somewhere, that is where things change.

That said, I do believe online, long distance relationships can work if both sides wish it to. Abd I am able to relocate.

The relationship matters, not the location I live in.

It's time for me to stand up and fight.  I changed my profile picture because I needed to, I had to.  As more time goes on, the more I see, the more our possible future scares me. This upcoming election, and heck up to next Jan 20th possibly, will possibly go down as one of the more important times in US history. 
And it scares me to the point that I'm being more political than ever before, to spread awareness, to educate.

For myself, I've ALWAYS been independant.  I've always voted 3rd party.  I hate the 2 party system.  Every year I could.   Up to 2020, the first year I voted anything else. And again this year. In the future, when the threat has passed, I'll go back to it, but now is the time to stand up and fight.

I'm a submissive/slave, and I'm not a passive one waiting for someone to provide orders.  But being a slave is my choice.  My freedom.  And I believe 100% in the freedom that everyone should have, to decide for them what is best for themselves.

I believe in Science.  That experts in their fields know better than politicians, or really anyone else.
I believe in equality.  It doesn't matter who you are, what you like, or what you do, we should all be equal.
I believe in education. and in line with that:
I believe in critical thinking. Children - everyone should learn, and should be able to learn, everything they can or want. And even more importantly they should learn that questions, and questioning is ok, to not believe everything that they read or hear and to actually use their brain to think for themselves.

I believe in Books.  In line with education, nothing should be banned.
I believe in morality. Both teaching it but also living it. Don't do as you are told, instead think for yourself and do as you feel is right.

I believe religion is the most toxic thing that has ever been introduced to humanity, but:
I also believe that people are and should be free to worship whoatever, whomever, and however they wish, with:
I also believe that religion, thoughts, views, and desires should not be thrust upon anyone, as everyone should be free to make their own decisions, and shouldn't be pressured or manipulated into anything.

With the above and more...   

I believe that Donald Trump will destroy the US if elected again.
I believe that project 2025 is real and that Trump is a part of it.
I believe that many republicians are not bad people, in the end, but they believe the fake news, the lies, the fear-mongering and the manipulation they are being told, and do not have the skills, or experience, or education to use critical thinking to see through it all.

I believe that I must help fight the hate, the lies, and stand up for what is right.

I will speak with anyone about anything, if you wish to have a conversation, I'm open, however if you plan on voting for Donald Trump, it is a hard limit and expect nothing more than conversation.

I will not be overly political here aside from this journal and the image, but sometimes a very little is all that is needed.

I may or may not post other journals, but as of now I neither plan nor intend to, but as I said above, I'm going to stand up and speak for all, so that doesn't mean I won't.

So -  Am I a masocist?  I've wondered about that some.

Firstly I hate and dislike pain.  Well maybe not hate, but I break down quick.  Cry squirm, beg.  Instant - I'm not one.

Secondly, I love to please.   it's my goal, my purpose and my life.   As such I'd be willing to submit to whatever pain that may please.

And in the end, I would be very very happy and satisfied, assuming they are as well.   AKA I pleased.   And as such I would be in heaven.

So..  the act of taking pain I enjoyed.   Not the physical part, but the mental/emotional part.

So does that make me a Masochist?   I wonder...

I used to post all the time I feel.  Thease went away for far too long and i've gotten out of practice.

As submissive as I am, I need and MUST respect the person(s) that I submit to and serve.  It pains me to say and write this, but I think I need to.  If you are supportative of Trump, no matter what your reason, I do not respect you.

Talking why's and reasons are unneeded.  Things are so polarized now, that most people know why or why not.   Though if you want to talk, I'm open to polite discuession and debate.

what about serving other Republicians who don't support Trump?   That is a very strong "it depends".

I'm a huge huge huge fan of Freedom(funny enough huh?  ;). ), and things like extreme strictness abortion laws where women are at risk of dying, as well as this Moms for liberity crap and banning books seems very much like restricting freedom and Control.

So the "it depends" depends a lot on your views and values overall, as well as your acceptance of mine.   Because with what I say above?  I'd imagine there are many a Republician who have similar feelings about people with my views.  Though after this post, I doubt few republicians would care to speak with me.

I figured I'd make a post about my perfect Domme and Mistress.

I've hesitated doing anything of the sort, so as to not put off or cause anyone to eliminate themselves because of such.

This is perfect, ideal, likely doesn't exist.   Like most Dommes have with their 'perfect' sub.  The sub they find won't be perfect, but you find one that fits closely.

for me, my Domme is controlling.  That is key.  100%.  if she gives an order, anytime anywhere anyhow, I am expected to obey without question or hesitation.

But she doesn't expect or like a robot.  I would do my own thing, pick my own food, clothing, activities and whatnot.  But she knows she can tell me anytime what to eat or wear, and I would obey.

She controls, but doesn't need to always micromanage.   As I think such would be far too stressful for both of us in the reality of life.

She is realistic.  she doesn't expect me naked and in a cage 24/7.  she understands I have family, work, that sometimes sex and d/s and her desires get pushed aside because of life. She rolls with the punches and adapts as needed.  She doesn't blame me, nor fault me, nor get upset when the issues of life cause changes and adaptions.  "sorry it wasn't my choice the car broke down"  etc.

She understands that we could still be 24/7 even with life and work and family.  She is realistic about such.

She cares about me, she likes me, she protects me.   She understands and respects my limits, and cares about and likes..  loves me.  To her I'm not a number.  I'm not property.  I'm me.  a valued pet so to speak.  lover, bf/husband/whatever.  but I'm more than nobody.  more than just any other sub to her.

She is my friend.  we can laugh, chat and talk about more than sex.  we can for hours on end even.  We have similar tastes.  Not perfect, but close enough that we can enjoy doing or watching or listening things together and both enjoy and have fun.

She likes me for me.  She respects that.  perhaps that is why she appreciates and loves me.  She could and might change my hairstyle, or dress, or how I eat, or what I do..  but she would never seek to change who I am.

She is challenging.  She keeps me on my toes.  She enjoys change on occasion, and trying new things.  Knowing what you like is great, but being open and willing to spice and change things up on occasion is greater still.  :)

She is easygoing.  Doesn't get pissed often, nor stressed, nor let things bug or bother her.  On occasion everyone is like that, but all the time, and it is a struggle to live with such a person.  let alone try to make her smile often.

Self confident.  along with the above..  if I have to tell you every day you are beautiful and fight with you that you are not an ugly horrible person, then that would drain me very quickly.  and upset me.  I'm not like that and I find it hard to understand.

Active.   She doesn't need to be all run run run.  But it doesn't and shouldn't be all sitn and watch tv either.  A mix between the two.

She doesn't smoke, and she respects others as well as animals.

hmm..  not sure what else.

but those are the key points for my perfect Domme.  :)

So I dislike the belt.  :(

It wore ok, yet it was maddeningly frustrating.  Something about it caused me to ache half the night.  I couldn't sleep.  My cock just throbbed for touch, ached for more, for orgasm.

Maybe the tightness of it?  

Anyways around 3 in the morning I took it off.  Didn't really touch or play other to check to see the overall condition(making sure everything was good, no ill effects).   So I failed.  But I had a busy day today, and couldn't afford to not sleep at all.

Took it off, checked, and then passed right out.

Sitting here now reflecting.

Why did I do it?  Because I crave to be controlled.   Self bondage would be difficult, this was easier.  Plus it was practice.   So many Dommes and Mistresses desire, want and expect their boy to wear one.  Not all, no.  But many.  I understand reasons and whatnot.  And I am and would be willing to should my future one wish.

But after last night I fear that it would be...  detrimental.  

I'm sitting here, having not touched, played or cum since last night.  A slight ache and throb to, but otherwise normal, feeling able and ok.   With that belt...  I ached for touch.  I throbbed for touch, and it teased me greatly.  made me crave for more.

I worry that a belt, and that wearing one long term would affect me.  Would cause me to be overly sexual and focus on that.

I can see how people say that it causes men to better obey, because after 12 hours of that I would focus so much to earn release, I would beg and plead and be a good boy.

But in the end it would be self serving.  And I honestly don't want that.   I don't want to serve because I'll get a reward.  I don't want to do so to earn an orgasm, or to anything of the like.   I want and crave to serve because I want and crave to serve, because I enjoy it.  I don't need any motivation for such.  In fact I fear my service would suffer greatly if I'm teased too much like that.  

Why?  because I would focus much more on my ache, my desires, than I would hers.  I would try not to, but in the end, I am a man, with all the failings of our sex drive.

In conclusion..  some part of me hopes to find a Domme and Mistress who has no desire for me to wear one.  Perhaps one who likes and desires lots of sex?!?  ;)  lol  Oh well, in the end, all the above matters little to me.  What does matter is her.  If she desires such, like it or not I'll let her lock me away and suffer as long as she desires.

Because in the end, it's about what she wants and desires, not what I do.  And a simple thing like disliking the belt because of such, is nothing that would keep me away from serving one that fits and works perfectly for me.

So we'll see...  maybe more practice is needed?  hmmmm  Maybe when I don't have such a busy day the next day?  or maybe on not such a busy day?  lol

So, I got a larger ring for the chastity belt, and it fits much better.  Wearing it now.  It is still very tight and squeezes the head.  I'd be afraid to wear it long term without further research and trials.  But unlike last time, I'm not getting numb.  Though..  it is frustrating.  can't touch, cannot ITCh.  cannot fully close my legs.  It's an experience.

Goal is wear it to the morning and then take it off and reflect and see.  then after a couple nights like that, wear it for longer than 12 hours, and go from there.  fingers crossed.  :)

Just joined .  Yes, behind the times there.

Lets see how much of an adventure that might be.  :)

I've posted a bit about submission.  About how it's the Domme and what the Domme wants and desires.

This doesn't mean I don't have my own wants and desires.  They are there.  If she wishes to know I'll tell her.  If she doesn't ask I'll keep them to myself.

I do this not to be difficult but to try to be accommodating.  

If she asks perhaps she doesn't care, or wish to know, or want to know right then, but may ask a week from now.  who knows

If I offer and blurt them out, it makes me feel that I'm expressing my desire for such, my need of them.  In a way telling her what I want and expect.

As I said previously, in a prior journal, I don't want her to adapt for me.  I should adapt for her.  I plan to ask and find out what she wants, expects, needs and desires.  And If I can accept such, or submit to such, then so much the better.

I'm human afterall.   And what human doesn't desire?  :)

I find it difficult to be able to mentally submit to a switch.

I wonder..  is it me?  Am I wrong?

There are even some Domme and "Mistress" profiles on here that are like "I'm 99% Domme, I only submit to one"  And even then I find it hard to grasp for me.

I mean, if she is in control of me, yet someone else is in control of her...  is she truly the one controlling me?

On top of which, I cannot accept that she isn't in control.  I wouldn't be able to.

If she wanted something I'd seek to give it to her.  If her Dom refuses her such, and causes her to refuse to allow me to give her, her desires it would make me feel bad.  As though she isn't truly in control.  Because in the end, she isn't.

I could accept, I think, someone who submits on occasion, or rarely.  For play or whatnot.  But not as an all the time thing.

Personally if she doesn't make the final decisions I find it hard being able to submit to her.  I find it hard accepting that she is deserving of my service.  I find it hard to be in a position where I might be able to make her happy, yet outside forces might keep such from happening.

Maybe I'm scared that I might develop a great relationship, only to have her Dom tell her to end it because he wants her to stop being a Domme and she obeys leaving me where I am currently, unowned, unpleasing.

Maybe I think too much.

But if she doesn't have the final end all say over her own life and actions and desires and wishes, is it right to assume she wouldn't have the final say over mine?

Am I so wrong?

Edit:

I can and would submit to a switch, however it all depends on many factors.  If she is part of a couple that I'm joining, perhaps, for example.

What I speak of above are the ones who desire a one on one thing, yet outside they have a different one on one thing where they submit.  

I would always question and second guess things.  wonder and worry.  And well, it wouldn't work in the end for me.

What is the point of messaging a Domme across the world from you? The complexities of relocating even to another state are vast, let alone farther. Do you seriously think you have a chance with a Domme from Cali when you live in NY and have never crossed into even the central time zone?

Why do you do such?  what is the point?

I understand the friendly messages, or ones about the profile or whatnot, I mean more about those looking to serve.  I just don't understand men sometimes...  Even though I am one!   Maybe I'm broken?  lol.  maybe they are?  hehe

So, time for another rant/meandering/reflection/observation/what have you.

This is directed to subs, slaves and pets just as much as it is to Dommes, Mistresses Masters and owners.

I see and have seen many Domme profiles that  say "Don't tell me what to do"  "Don't tell me what you want"  "I don't care what you like"  etc etc etc.

And many sub profiles are seemingly oblivious to this.  "I want to be put in chastity and..."  "I want to be made to"   "I want to get on my knees and pleasure you with my tongue"

Well.  I know to each their own, but YOU'RE BOTH WRONG.  Yup, it's true.

Now this may differ as every relationship differs, so this won't apply to all situations and people, however it will and does apply to most.

For the Dommes.   You are partly correct.  We shouldn't detail out what we want.  We shouldn't detail out what we expect.  However I assume that most of you actually want to care about your sub, have a relationship of sorts with them.  So as such they should matter in part.  You should understand them and at least know their desires and wants, if only to use as an occasional reward or incentive.

What really matters, and should matter:

1) their Needs.  You don't need to wear panties, you don't need chastity, you don't need to play or bondage.  you need to eat.  You need to keep your job(most of us)  you need to watch over and raise your kids properly(some people)  etc etc

2) Understanding their Wants.   It doesn't mean you have to do, or provide or offer any, but you should know what they are.

Personally, though not being a Domme this is an outside observation, if his wants differ from yours, you should take it upon yourself to talk to him about such.  Make sure that he understands that by serving you he will have his needs taken care of, but his wants are different from yours and he would have to be accepting and willing to give his up for you.  Though it's far from needed to do such.

For the subs, we should stop demanding anything.  Even attention.   Our only demand is and should be that our NEEDS are met.  And we should understand needs and if our 'needs' are really needs.

Other than that we should understand our wants, and even explain such, or offer such if it comes up, but more importantly is HER(or HIM)(or THEM.  ;)  )

We should be asking what THEIR wants and desires are, looking at ours, and considering if we can fit in with them.

WE are the subs and slaves.  They are not.  WE are the ones that should adapt and sacrifice for them, not the other way around.  

If she hates your music, you have to be(well should be) willing to give it up to serve her, not expect her or demand to her that you should be able to listen to it on occasion.  If you want that, suck it up, be a man and find a Domme who likes said music.

Heck if every guy did that this world might be a better place.  Instead of forcing everyone to do what we want or like, or conform with us like it or not, we instead do what they like, conform to them, and focus on them.

Isn't that they key for d/s?  Serving, being owned?

chastity, orgasms, licking pussy, strap on's, being forced, crossdressing, pain, humiliation, etc etc etc.  None of that should be demanded by us.  EVER.

We should ask what she wants and expects and desires.  oh..  And if she doesn't wish to say?  We should accept such.  Use the time to talk with her and learn more about her, or if you wish move on and find someone who may be more interested in you.

That leads to my next part.  interest.  Just because she's hot and you fell in love at first sight doesn't mean the feeling is mutual, for it is not always.  So don't act like it will and do not FORCE the issue.

If you wish to be persistent, that is your right, and hey, sometimes you may win out in the end, but as long as you understand one major thing:  SHE is the key, SHE is the important one.  Focus on her, and if you annoy her, be man enough to politly leave.  If you really want to be macho and be all high and mighty and have your way every time, go delete your profile and go make a Dom one.  If not suck it up and act like the sub/slave that you are.

It should not be about you, but her(or them or him).  Yes should a relationship form it would be about you(as a couple, yourself included) however it would be based on the foundation that she is the focus, it is about her.  and even then she should never be forced or demanded of.  If you cannot handle such, then maybe she's not for you.

Not that anyone who really needs to read this ever would.

I'd like to explain myself more.  Especially with all I said in the last journal.

I am against Pro Dommes for me.  I'm NOT against financial Domination of me at some point in the future.

I'm not against spending money or treating or even spoiling on occasion, my Domme.

In fact, ideally I will give all that control up to her at some point.

But only in a relationship.

A relationship where money is not the focal point.  where she and I are.  Where our connection and interactions are.

A Domme whom I trust to protect me, look out for me and care for me.

To each their own I know, but I see that a prime key aspect for a Dominant is ensuring their slave/sub/property is taken care of and safe.

If you look at that statement and raise your nose is disdain then you either misunderstand, or are nothing what I wish to serve.

As a slave I plan and expect to obey every order and do every task.  Even the hardest, most difficult, scary or gross or questionable ones.  As I said in my last journal many seem so very self focused.  And this applies to non Pros as well.  So much so that I would fear serving them because I cannot trust they would keep me safe.  Physically, emotionally, and yes, even financially safe.

This doesn't mean I top from the bottom.  Or that I expect her to pamper or serve me.  Just treat me like you love and care for me.  Even if it's only the love you have for a pet.

Trust is key.  So is the relationship.

I hope this better explains my complex meandering mind.

I don't mean to complain and in fact I don't think I am.  Just stating some observations, and asking an interesting question that I don't expect to ever be answered.

Pro Dommes.

Looking around here this site is becoming a Pro haven.  Maybe it's because the lifestyle Dommes don't spend all night here trolling for subs like Pro Dommes might and are.  But Some times I see far more pro prostyle ones.  And that's with me hiding a couple hundred pro profiles already.

To each their own.  I don't bash people for their kinks, their professions or whatever.  I've said before it's not for me.  

However it brings me to my point here..  I'm amazed by the number of Pro profiles that are so..  Hostile and degrading.  Some downright offensive.

Again, to each your own.  But I see many that say things like "Rape your wallet"  "bankrupt you"  "take everything you own"  And in reading some of their profiles and journals I see many, if not all are very very serious.

My question...  is there..  would there be any shame?  Any regret?  Any Hesitation?

Making a sub lose his job or his home.  In many ways perhaps ruining his life.

And should they do that..  what would a pro dom do with a sub they took everything from and who cannot pay any more?   cast them aside?  So you ruin his life, take everything and leave him with nothing.  Does it bring a tear?  Would you even remember his name a month later?

And Why?  is it sadism?  greed?  laziness? 

And yes..  it's half the subs fault, but also half the Domme's for allowing it to happen.

What about those with mental illnesses?  Like it or not they are out there and here.  People with heavy self esteem issues or social issues.  So focused and in love of the attention that you give they are killing themselves in the process.

Once again..  why?   

I know..I know..  to each their own.  Pros are not all bad, and in many cases fit well and work well with everything.  But not all are.

And well...  Why?

I say this not to bash those pros.  But to hopelessly learn why.  what is the use or point or purpose of such.  Because hurting or destroying someones life, for your benefit.  Someone who to you is no more than a client or paycheck is not what I call safe or sane.  It's not what I call being dominant or submissive.  It's not what I call BDSM or D/s.

It's what I call ABUSE

So...  Why?

I don't normally rant, but I need to.  

.........

Seriously guys?  Seriously?

I just spent a little bit in the video chatroom.  Nobody really chatted with me so I mostly sat and observed. And what I saw was in a way part sickening, part interesting, part humorous and part saddening.

I saw guys come in and well...  make me feel bad for being a guy.

Not all mind you, but many more than just one or two, enough to be disappointing.  Doms from across the world from a sub really pouncing at her and maneuvering her with very not so subtle hints that they had in mind to make her theirs.  Without even a heavy conversation and without even knowing her at all.

And then the subs..  I saw many.  far too many.  

"Any dommes control on cam?"  "i'm about to play want to direct me miss?"  "I really want to do this, can't someone tell me and watch me do that?"  

And well..  *sighs*

I know how it can be.  I'm a guy.  I get horny far more than might be healthy for a sub.  I understand being focused on sex and being distracted and what have you.  But why do we not think?  Why are we so demanding?  And why do we look at and treat every woman, Dom or sub, like they are horny and want us also?

I treat everyone online like I would in person.  And then I look back and around...  rapes almost daily.  rapes and murders.  Guys going around and flashing and masturbating in public.  Yes girls flash to, but they do it for fun and laughs, not because they are a creeper.

And all that is because of guys.  guys getting and being horny and uncontrolled.  Guys being denied.

Maybe like the fantasy stories all guys should be locked in chastity and carefully controlled with release.

There would be no more rapes.  and much much fewer kidnappings/murders.  Especially if the keys are kept so that they cannot get out easy.

And the chatroom..  would have many fewer guys.  Cannot masturbate so where is the joy of watching cams for most?  Cannot hope to be controlled for kicks because that would be a tease.

I know silly..  but..  watching the idiots in the room..  just really gets to me.  I mean seriously?

It makes me feel bad that women need to deal with that crap.

And as a guy..  I'm sorry for that...

Why do so many people, both Domme, Dom and sub or slave, expect or seek or look for instant submission?

Are people just a number for you?  For subs...  are you willing to submit to anything willing to give you attention and control you?

Doms/dommes are you willing to dominate the same?

Does the person behind it all even matter to most anymore?

For those into relocation..  why would you expect a commitment for such before even meeting the person face to face?

Have we all gotten so shallow?  so fickle?  so greedy? so Desperate?  

I am respectful, but I look on all the same, as a person I'd meet off the street.  I do long to submit and serve.  But I don't quickly or easily.

Maybe that is why I'm still single and unowned.  I have yet to find one to see me as more than a number.  To see me as me.  To want and desire me to serve them.  And who also gives me reason and desire to want to serve them in return, to work and long and desire to make them smile, not because they are my owner or in control, but because I want to because of who they are.  

Confusing is it not?  lol  such is my mind.

i have limits, I have thoughts, I can think, I have interests, I can converse, I am intelligent, I dream, I hope, I yearn, I ask, I talk, I lead, I protect, I guide, I help, I answer, I am there, I do, I give laughs, I work and I take.

And with all that and more I am still a slave.

slaves are people.  Slaves are subs. Slaves think, and slaves act for themselves.

What makes a slave a slave?  Just their willingness to give of themselves for others.

A slave does not want for themselves, they want for others/their owner.

They are willing and ok with giving up their desires and wants to make another happy.  They are willing to do what they may not desire and may not want for another.

This doesn't mean we never say no.  This doesn't mean we are abused and this doesn't mean we can be unhappy.

The key with finding the right owner is to find one who makes us happy.  Where serving them makes us smile and happy.   A slave like i describe cannot serve just anyone.  we are not robots.  we are real.

feel free to disagree.  your allowed.  ;)

way way too busy lately.  :(   *sighs*

Please,

I do not ask what you can do for me.  I ask what I can do for you.

I do not ask what I want, I ask what you want.

I do not ask to have my fantasies, I ask for yours.

I do not ask for my orgasm, I ask about yours.

I do not ask to be served or pleased...  I ask to serve and please.

I do not want to control, I wish to give it up.

*disclaimer* That said I am SAFE and intelligent(enough so anyways)

Just because of the above doesn't mean I'm spineless, doesn't mean I'm a robot and doesn't mean I'm helpless.

It also doesn't mean that I expect to dive right in.  I don't expect to sign anything, or move or live in or be collared or anything of the sort without fully knowing and learning and understanding that which I am getting into.

Maybe such will happen quick, maybe not.  It depends a lot on distance and trust.

:)

I have been thinking and wondering.

Is the desire to give up control, the ache to please, the want to serve and obey, demanding in and of itself?

Am I being a selfish boy when I ask someone or beg someone to take control?

And I selfish for begging them to do what they wish and what might please them and make them happy..  even at my expense?  because it's what I also desire and crave?

Is the desire to be a slave a selfish thing to seek for a slave?  lol

Am I wrong in thinking it's somewhat ironic and funny in a way?  lol

If I don't like you and can't stand you as a person, I won't like you and can't stand you as an owner.  Simple as that.  :)

I do not seek sex.

I do not seek play.

I do not seek bondage.

I do not seek orgasm.

I do not seek kinks

I do not seek fantasies to be fullfilled.

I seek only 2 things.

I seek my limits to be respected.

I seek to serve and please, to be owned and submit, to bring smiles and happiness, and to give of myself to make my owner pleased and happy.(I know long and meandering but it's basically all the same thing.  :)  )

in My search for chastity belt answers and help for my issue I stumbled across an interesting website.

www.chastity.com

I must say I found it very very very amusing.

This comes from the same kind of people that are saying in the middle east that if women Drive it'll cause more people to have sex.

Idiots.

Yes Yes, not the same religion.  The same kind of people:  Idiotic super religious people that if they could would destroy the world because everyone else is an 'infidel' or 'sinner'

Just one day I would like to meet some and fuck with their heads.  lol  Maybe not.  I'm too nice and sometimes too shy for that.

Just had to mention it.  If you have a chance read what they say about porn and masturbation and sex and etc.  It's really quite disjointed and humorous.  To me anyways.  :)

So I now Have a CB6000.  Yea!?!

I'm worried I may be a touch too large for it.

I almost couldn't get it on and needed a ton of lube pushing pulling and pinching.

I'm using the largest ring and spacer and everything seems so tight.  I worry about cutting off circulation.  =o/

There is no numbness and I can get a finger barely between the ring and my skin, but to do so requires pushing down on my skin. but still it's something.

But basically there is no leeway or give.

i can only fit my head in with a ton of lube and a small amount of the shaft is in.  The rest of the shaft is bunched in the open area of the spacer.   When I try to get hard it sort of grows around the cage as it grows larger than the cage almost instantly.

Even with just the head in there is 0 chance of me getting it out or pulling out or slipping out it's that tight.

Anyways..  what I'm getting at is..  thoughts?  advice?  Does anyone have experience and know if any of the above is bad?  or is it and would be ok?

i'm going on 2 hours now and will likely take it off and reflect in another couple if all continues as is.  But if anyone has experience and advice, and they care to offer, I would appreciate it.

thank you.