BlackPhx

Respect is a versatile word in that it has multiple meanings depending on use.

I mostly see the word respect by the definition to place high or having great esteem or admiration.

This form of respect is something that can not be given, nor can it be taken away as noble words and deeds must earn it.

A second aspect of the word respect is giving consideration or special attention.

I do not like to use respect in this way. I prefer to use the word courtesy instead as it is more often viewed more favorably by audience, especially in the bdsm community

Misogyny
defined: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

I have dark impulses that involve a desire to dominate, and inflict pain upon my sexual partners and since I am straight that means the target of these impulses are women. But these impulses and cravings are strictly a bedroom phenomenon and does not carry over into everyday, or professional life. One of the reasons I have to pass on so many profiles is that the women that truly are hardcore masochist are also wanting a total immersion of it. Frankly it is not in my personality to be sadistic as a default state for me. This is a painful reality for me to accept that I have a dual sided nature. But, the question comes to mind. Am I a misogynist? Is the dark impulse to sexually dominate, inflict pain and suffering some form of dislike, contempt, or prejudice against women. I ask my wife and she does not seem to think I am because of our loving and 14 year long relationship. I asked our roommate and she also said I did not feel like a Misogynist to her. Despite these assurances the question still lingers why do I want to nail tits to a board, why do I want to degrade the of my lust. How can I have respect and love for my sexual partners and still want to abuse and sexually control them? I know humans are contradictory and irrational beings that much of our mating rituals, behavior, and emotions is instinctual. It comes from the part of the brain that is never logical nor makes any sense. But still my rational mind is perplexed by this seemingly paradox of my nature. And is there a sexual partner out there for me that wants only bedroom extreme sadism and can accept my more genial personality in everyday settings and situations?

We recently have had some bad some let downs on a couple of potential prospects on Collarspace. Some of which inspired some of my writing of late on Respect, Courtesy, and the use of proper etiquette that seems to have fallen out of use today especially in message ettiqutte. A submissive friend of mine called nightsweets who is supportive to the max and really boosted my self image told me in plain and simple terms that issues I am having is not me. She said me and my wife are great people and that we are have earned her respect with our actions and deeds with how we help out friends and even strangers when they are in need. She told me that the people who reject me, do not read my messages, who do not respond are doing so because they can not handle real people with real needs. That it was a problem with them and not us. This put a much needed perspective to our search for the right partners in our need for a real life pain and abuse slut.

I often find the two traits of anonymity and courtesy do not go hand in hand. Too often the anonymity of the internet lower the inhibitions on our behavior and courtesy falls by the wayside as a result. Many of the actions and words I am assured everyone has observed would never take place in face to face meetings. A certain civility and courtesy is necessary in real life because you never know who would take offense and take measures to physically display their dissatisfaction that may end in physical injury or death. I suspect all these recent mass shooting are in some small part because of how people are being treated to the point that they boil over and strike out blindly because they can not strike directly at the anonymous sources that they can not confront directly.

Ok I have done a lot of journal posts in the last couple of days on Respect and Courtesy. Now I want to focus on the concept of courtesy and how it relates to messaging. The first and most important rule in messaging is that you are dealing with real people with real feelings. You should extend all the rules of manners and courtesy that you would extend to someone you met on the street for the first time. I know using the formal has fallen out of favor even in real life but your first message should be like a handshake and a greeting. Remember the person you are dealing with is a stranger who does not know you from Adam. The first impressions are always important even when looking for a play partner for kinky sex or to fulfill your deepest darkest sadistic desires. Coming after someone spouting off your desires and how they will fulfill them will hardly ever work because it displays a deep seated selfishness with little consideration for others. In essence you are basically telling them they do not matter and are not worthy of basic consideration and manners. Even women that profess a deep need for humiliation and masochism wants to know that their needs will be a consideration and you will have the courtesy of learning those needs and desires as much as having them learn your needs and desires. Second rule of courtesy and messaging is responding to communication. When someone takes the time and effort to message you, it is common courtesy to respond in kind. Even if the response is to tell them you are not interested in communicating with them. When you respond you should be clear and concise with what you want, if you are interested respond in a matter that makes your intentions clear and unmistakable. A lot of angst and anger that comes off is because one party felt the conversation is going good and the other party feels it is going nowhere. If you feel the conversation is a dead end then explain your reasons why and then inform them you are ending communications and you are not going to reply to further communications. Again the rules of consideration and courtesy apply, if you would not want that happening to you then you should not do it to others. On the other end of the spectrum when a party declares they do not want further communication and has taken the time to tell you why do them the courtesy of accepting their decision, trying to talk them out of it only reinforces their perception that you are selfish and immature. Chemistry is a fickle and difficult thing and more times then not thing will not work out especially when all they have to judge you by is a few words and pictures on a profile, a couple of messages and no pheromones and physical ques that would inspire attraction in a face to face meeting. Last rule of messaging and courtesy this is a specially important one for us males. Women rarely send pictures of themselves without asking unless they are already in a committed relationship. Do women the same courtesy and ask if they want to see a picture of you before sending them one especially of your sexual genitalia.

Well that is enough of my rant and observation.

Respect. I hear it bandied about a lot. I also know it has 2 meanings when defined in the dictionary. One definition is to have great esteem for another. The second definition is to show courtesy to another. In my humble opinion the second definition is redundant, and causes obfuscation of the intent of the word respect. The two different meaning of the word respect have 2 different implication in interpersonal relationships. The first definition means that respect is not a given as great esteem is not magical granter to every person you meet and in actuality has to be earned, through both impressive words and deeds. The second definition of the word respect means that it should be extended to everyone as the convention of our society courteousness should be extended to everyone until they are proven that they do not deserve to be treated with common decency. These two conflicting applications of the same word does little but sow confusion into conversations that get bandied about. That is why in my mind the word respect will always represent the first definition, something that has to be inspired and earned and I discard the second definition entirely and instead use the word courtesy. When I deal with people I treat them with courtesy, when I come to trust, value and depend upon some one then they have earned my respect.

Taking stock of my toys. going to have to find a place to store them and clean them up a bit. Right now I have them scattered all over the garage. I think I lost my keys to the handcuffs but a quick search and I found some replacement on the internet and eyed some leg shackles as well. Given my fixed limited income will have to make do with making my toys again. First project will likely be a spline whip. I got plenty of braided rope whips and my trusty floggers. Still have the violet wand and suction cup set. The hard part is play space. We still have people staying with us. We finally set a deadline for them to leave by the end of April. So I got to clean out the room and maybe tile it. Might just paint the concrete floor to keep the austere look. I never approved moving the cage from the garage to shed out back but my wife did it behind my back. We will get more space back in the garage once our guests leave.

I have been absent and inactive for quite some time. When Butter left my household I was too busy working to have time for owning a full time sub/slave plus we moved into a place with a smaller foot print for the bedrooms. My cross and cage which I was storing at the rental house got moved into storage in the new house. The toys got stored and I went into hibernation of my deep and dark desires and left them unfulfilled. Then I had an incident that landed me on disability and my ego and confidence got demolished. That and the medications I am taking have dimmed my sexual appetites. But, now as I approach 50 I have realized there are many fantasies and desires and ects of my dark personality I have never let loose in freedom of expression and deed. So now I contemplate the future I have begun the preparations and will now take the time to dust off all my old toys. Before I die I will make my demented dreams come true with some willing victim.

I know no one ever reads these journals. But lately I just feel the need to unburden my soul. I love my wife but she really can not have sex with her back and I have come to love her and really do not want to hurt her. But within me is a dark sexual predator. I want to reduce a woman into the status of a thing, dehumanize her and unleash every evil toxic impulse into her. I want to use them as a personal urinal, have them lick my asshole dry after I come out of the shower. I want to pin their nipples to a board then whip their tits with a cane until they are black and blue. I want to whip their ass with a spline whip and hear them cry out in pain and then make them kiss my feet and ask for forgiveness for taking up my time to use them. I want to shove my cock down into their throat until they gag and repeat that until they learn to properly deep throat with ease. I want to give enema to them then fuck the shit out of their ass and then after I come have them clean it off with their tongue.I want to use a spreader board and pull a woman's pussy lips out and pin them to the wood like a prized butterfly. I want to bind them and shove their soaked panties in their mouths and duct tape it over so I would not have to hear grunts, moans and pleadings. I want to tie their legs apart and slowly smear peppermint oil on their clits and shove raw ginger root in their pussy and watch them squirm as the burning sensation drives them wild in pain. I want to make them eat out of one of the dog bowls and sleep chained line an animal to the base of the bed. I want to call them dirty whore, useless pig, shit stain and generally treat them like dirt. I want to carve "slave" "piss dump" "cock whore" into their flesh with needle slicing. I want to do all sorts of evil and twisted things to a willing victim. But these impulse these desires are not something of a habit, and the taboo of exercising this level of physical mental and emotional sadism is what makes it exciting and such a sexual turn on for me. I know deep in my soul if I was to have my cake in a 24 hour a day 7 day a week environment the tasks would dull and the excitement would fade and the activities that I would so much enjoy would eventually feel like work. So I when I see a profile of someone wanting these things on a constant basis I talk myself out of it despite the deep unrelenting hunger that lurks inside of me.

A day off on the road. This trip to California is brutal 12 hour days. But we are making progress. It is shame I do not get a chance to see the sights. But that is the cost of making a living. I only have 8 more days of this Grind in LA area then I get to go home to my lovely poenkitten and kitn and romp all over them.

"I ran across this, this morning and all I could think was EWWWWWWWW!

Vulva Original," from a German company, VivaEros, is the "scent of a beautiful woman," reported in Harper's magazine in August 2010, and selling as a fragrance concentrate for the equivalent of about $35 for a small roll-on container. (Its promotional video is of a lavishly photographed gym scene, with a handsome male, observing a beautiful female working out on a stationary bike, followed afterward by the male's gently sniffing the seat.) "The female smell of intimacy," promised VivaEros, "triggers sexual attraction and desire," which men can address "more intensely during self-stimulation." [Harper's, August 2010]

Well I have been very busy and there is no end in sight. Next Week I got to do a job in Austin, TX and on the week of the 27th of March I am in Sacramento, CA for a week.

Well two more days here in New Orleans. I always like meeting new people so if anyone wants to do lunch or dinner for good conversation and meet a real live person from collarme just give me a call

Peace and Blessings
BlackPhx

321-480-4692

SuthernComfort she deleted an email I sent her for light conversation without even reading it. Now, I am not offended after all everyone has the right to choose who they talk to and who they don't. I have even done the same when time was tight and interest was low.

That being said, she did miss a golden opportunity. I am in her neck of the woods, and I am a highly intelligent, highly interesting person worth getting to know. Further I am a strong believer in social networking. This last weekend we had a houseguest. I am now doing my best to promote her on and actively looking to help her find what she is looking for.

Collarme is a social networking site, why shut doors with such discourtesy, to this end I will my best to respond to all my emails. After all what we do is a strong indicatio of our character.

Working in new Orleans this week. Things are going well. Dismayed on how many people read our mails but never respond even with a courtesy reply to say they have no interest in talking to us.

Having a BBQ on the 9th with some of the local kinsters.

We were honored to have a house guest. painslave22 stopped on by for some southern hospitality. We offered her food and a bed for the night and a cool place to sleep and a chance to wash off the grie of the road and were blessed with her company for a night.

Peace and Blessings
BlackPhx

Ok we have moved into a serious phase of finding another submissive to join us. Buttah is missed, but it is time to move on and find the right person to complete the household. I know the spam is about to go up, but hopefully we will find the gold among the dross.

MC aka poenkitten

Well tonight I am denning in Clearwater, on behalf of my boss while I am doing work in Tampa.

Peace and Blessings
Blackphx

Damn got a chance to talk to Lushy tonight. Looks like Lushy will not be able to make the lunch date on Thursday afternoon. It is a real bummer, but she had a religious event she was already committed to before my trip became a possibility. Still things could be worse. Tonight I am in South Bend Indiana. Things are going well as far as work. My poenkitten got bad news from the dentist, looks like a lot of work. I do my best to provide, but sometimes I feel I fall short no matter how much I try. But, being a dominant is not being perfect, it is to always move forward, temper oneself until one’s will becomes reality.

Peace and Blessings

BlackPhx

It is official I am flying into Chicago on Tuesday the 7^th and then driving to Mishawaka , Indiana for a 3 day training event. I fly out on Thursday the 9^th. I also get to have lunch with lushy (aka lushiouslips19) someone I have not seen (or spanked) since Greedy Top’s wedding. It will be good to see her again.

Looks like my work is shooting to send me on the road to the Indianapolis area on Tuesday September 7^th, 2010. Like always this is a tentative but if there is anyone in that area that wants to meet a real person from CM just drop a line.

Peace and Blessings

BlackPhx

Here is a nice exchange with coupleswanted, I will let you be the judge of her sincerity.

couplewanted

yummy looking couple

BlackPhx

Thank you for the uplifting and positive comment it is much appreciated.

couplewanted

your welcome, how is fla, i used to live in Melbourne

BlackPhx

Not much has changed. It still rains in the afternoon. It is not really hot, but the humidity makes it feel scorching. All in all it is Florida. We live in Titusville so it is not the shopping mecha that melbourne is, but Orlando and Merrit Island are both only 30 minutes away, so no real complaints.

couplewanted

and are you looking for someone

BlackPhx

The funny thing is, the more you look the more you get fustrated.

Collarme is filled with a lot of lost souls. Some live only in a dream, some only to stare and precipace terrified of actually falling into the dream, and those rare few that actually have the courage and conviction of making those dreams a reality.

I find looking is a bad way to find something, and more often then not success comes from taking advantage of the opportunities that come your way.

Are you an opportunity?

couplewanted

i could be

BlackPhx

You have looked over our profile, so you understand the role you would play in our household correct?

You also know a large number of unsolicited email are from scam artists looking for the desperate and lonely to take advantage of. Because of all this chaff, you understand we take all offers with a grain of salt.

couplewanted

then ill leave you be, i really dont need your crap

It is not just the need for pain. It is the need for the pain giver itself. To be blessed not just with the euphoric bliss, but to be caught when you fall from that might plateau. When you awake and you are gnawing with emptiness after such intense sessions the reassuring presence that bespoke the promise of future bliss. This too have the names, security and certainty against the specter of being alone.

Peace and Blessings
BlackPhx

Pain is life. You know you are alive when you are in pain. With pain comes excitement of fear and that is a multibillion dollar industry for Hollywood. But for a selected few, like yourself, it is not enough to just live vicariously through fictional characters on a screen, it is not enough to flirt with death on roller coasters, or hang gliding, or rock climbing actions where no real risk because you are in total control. Some like yourself wants the visceral and tangible feeling of terror and vulnerability that can only be attained by sacrificing your body to the unholy desires of a true sadist. Only then can you feel the full thrill of being alive on the edge of losing that life. Is it sick? I can not answer that, but if it is, it is a sickness that afflict many. If it is sick, then what of the man or woman that enjoy’s the tears of flesh wracked in pain. I for one find it a blessing god made women such as you to need men such as I.

Peace and Blessings

BlackPhx

We are not measured solely by our success or by our material things we have collected. To measure ourselves in that manner is to live in the past and to be dead in the future. No, I say it is the quest to fulfill our hopes, dreams, wants, and yes needs that gives our lives meaning to step into the future. To give up on those dreams, those hopes, is to merely exist and not to live. To be in control is not to be flawless or never to fail. To be in control is to strive ever forward to your goals no matter the adversity, no matter the obstacle. For that is definition of will, for that is the definition of control (to bend something to your will)

Peace and Blessings

BlackPhx

Merry Christmas to all.

Peace and Blessings

I am in such an energetic mood any female need a holiday christmas abduction?

Two entries in two days. don't know whats got into me. Been looking over profiles as darkness and desire rises again in my soul. Not sure why I have these desires to enslave, torment and degrade. I am not sure why my sexual desire is so interlinked with these wanton needs. I just know I want women who are not only willing but eager to be put to the cane, to wimper under a lash, to lavaciously slicken as the sight of my bat (paddle). Tied down and chained, neck held in place with a thick leather collar. Hair wrapped and leashed dental dam makeing her mouth ready for use.

My hormones are just raging, as is my need.

Peace and Blessings
BlackPhx

8:30 PM slaveX makes a profile looking for a Master.

9:00 PM slaveX gets overwhelmed by under whelming emails that are rude, disgusting, innane or pathetic.

10:30 PM slaveX dispares and gives up on all the emails

11:00 PM slaveX changes profile to Lesbian.

11:01 PM classy intelligent and dependable Dominant Man loses his chance.

OK I admit it I do not put a lot of journal entries up especially when I am busy, and enjoying myself. Buttah is leaving next week to take care of her mother. Life is change, and I accept that.

While being on the road I have been reading a lot of journal entries, insomnia is a bitch. I have even commented on one or two.

Now I am not really much into Lifestyle rants. Seems to me you ought to be enjoying the delightful and positive experiences rather then gripe about the negative. You see this website is a portal to dreams, fantasies, wants, needs, and hopes. If you gripe about the negative it may allow you to vent and feel a little better about yourself may even make you feel a little more superior compared to others, but it harms others hope, dreams, and fantasy fulfillment. Every entry they read like that reinforces the idea there is little chance of obtaining what you want and need. Each negative comment contributes to the death of that hope, and interferes with the purpose that this website is supposed to have: To assist with people with usual desires to meet and create something beautiful. I am not saying there are not scam artist here. I am not saying there are not mindfuckers here as well. But, focusing on them destroys the real potential of this site.

To that end I would like to thank and acknowledge all the people I have met in Real Life on this site.

SavageFaerie: You came down for GreedyTop's wedding and stayed for 7 months. You brought a unique beauty to my household. You fret about your anxiety and your depression, and never realize how much of a blessing you really were.

Gwenvyd & SoftandShy: I remeber the weekend you came over for pull pork and movies. I am glad you found SoftandShy and wish the trials and tribulations you now face could be lessen with time and care.

LushiousLips19: It was a pleasure to meet you and both MC and I enjoyed taking care of your needs at the Woodshed during the wedding and afterward at CaliChicks birthday party.

CaliChick: You were kind enough to meet with us when we were in California and introduce us to TGIF (That Group In Fresno) I only lament that I do not get out to California enough to keep our friendship fresh.

luv4pashn: You also met us in person in California and you were beautiful to watch at the play party later that day. Your open soul was an inspiration.

IronTulip, DaddiesRedhead, Hejira, Cuffkinks, ResidentSadist, ReiRei, sunshinemiss, DarkSteven, and all the others I met at both the wedding and at Calichick's birthday party. Especially mdr who gets my vote for rookie of the year.

leona101, softdove, and bdsmslut... lovely ladies I had the pleasure of intimacy before meeting my wonder wife and soul mate poenkitten.

MasterCecil, wench80, jersey328, PonyGroom, PonygirlLyndsey tekka, and all the real people I have had the pleasure of either talking with, learning from, or playing with at the Woodshed.

And most of all I want special recognition to MonkeyandPirate. Your beauitful romance is an inspiration to all of us who share a kinky bent. It has been a pleasure to assist and cater for your wedding. Though I only got to meet you in person for a very hectic wedding Jhonny you impressed me with both your grit and your determination to make a moment special for GreedyTop. GreedyTop I will always remember fondly trying to resuscitate your computer over dinner and Machingun Girl video.

All in all Collarme has been a blessing in my life, sure there are a quite a few mind screws and scam artists on this site but patience and persistence will always win out in the end.

The wedding was incredible and beautiful. We now have "Butter" staying with us for at least a week. Met a ton of the CM this weekend and we all had a blast at the woodshed. Butter has been incredibly helpful and playful. Apprently I was a yum yum eye candy during the wedding. Hope I can get a couple of the pictures to post on the profile.

Well been in the office for almost a month. But it looks like things may be cooking in the next couple of weeks. It looks like I probably will do 3 sites in Tampa next week. Then on the week of the 16th I am going back to California to install fuel management in 4 asphalt plants in and around Corona and Irvine. I will see if I can make some. Like always it will be lot of work but I may have time to say hello and meet a few people in that neck of the woods, despite my lousy success rate socializing on the road. This time I just might have enough of a heads up.

BlackPhx

Today was a day of stress. Greedy's wedding is only a week away. We have a couple of Friends staying for us next weekend. But most important was today was the day we decided to put Ebony to sleep. My wife got her on death row at the pound in 98 and she was already 5 years old. Ebony was probably the most submissive bitch (literal) I had ever had the pleasure to meet. I am not all that much of a dog person, and even though I only knew her for 4 and half years, I have to admit I am going to miss her and even shed a tear when we took her to the shelter. Last night I gave her most of my meal, I brushed her, and I gave her a walk as long as she could bear with the weakness in her legs. I even allowed her to enter the veterans cemetary to sniff around a place she always wanted to go but was strictly forbidden. I know, my profile portays me us as somewhat extreme and cruel. In my mind I want that kind of control sincearly and truely, but when that dog was suffering from blindness, pain of arthritis, and deafness and the cruelest thing I could do was to let her live, I choose the mercy of a quick, painless, death for her. I do not doubt my fittness as a dominant I do not doubt my capability of cruelty. But, I do care for my possessions and I could not force her to live no matter how much it would pain me to lose her and how selfishly I wanted to keep her around. Poenkitten says that makes me apart from so many, I do not know and I can not understand why I have a hole in my life with her missing, but it is there. Not even going to the shooting range helped.

BlackPhx

Well our good friends Kimmy and Paul was nice enough to give us a home depot gift card. So we decided to paint the bedroom. We settled on a color called silvery moonlight. It is a light grey and looks real good now that we redid the room. In addition I finally installed the winch on the wall and stained the book case to match the decor. All in all it came out very nice. My New Years resolution is to make toys sell them on ebay till I get enough cash to build a workshop in the backyard and enclose the garage to make into a play room.

Master is off and on the road again and is sorely missed. Thankfully he will be home for the holidays, but as usual they will be hectic and I suspect much of our time will be spent with family. The horrible part is come January I will be starting school (online) and doing the last minute stuff for the Greedy Pirate wedding ( I Love doing stuff like this for deserving people) but hate that school will distract me from Masters needs from time to time. I will be carrying a full 18 credits and it is going to stretch my mental resources. Been a long time since I was in college, nearly 30 years. Feh..who needs sleep. Oh Master I don't want to study, will you beat me while I try to figure this crap out? Hmmm that has possibilities.
Now if I could only find someway to get him to stop worrying about everything...

Well today I am in Kansas with a head cold. Travel entails risk and picking up a bug on the road is one of those risks. Well Greedy is getting married on Febuary 7th in Orlando and my wife poenkitten has become the wedding planner and organizer. Boy, she is great, many are now getting to see her organiztional skills, diligence and attention to detail I am a beneficiary of every day. It makes me proud to be her owner and reminds me what a great slave she is and how lucky of a man I truely am. I will do my part by providing funds, crash space, transport, and permission for the use of my slave to this endeavour. Still I have to sit back and marvel at her skill and take time to publicllly acknowledge all her hard work.

BlackPhx

Well travel has been hectic. Houston TX, Hagerstown MD, even another trip to Seattle. Had the pleasure to attend the woodshed on Dec 6th and it was a blast and a full house. Me and poen did some needle play I got to tie and spank jearsy328 and even got a picture of her in the outfit I got her back in August. I convinced her to post the picture on her profile and her website. I got a chance to make some rope floggers for christmas presents for some friends of mine including Master Cecil, Desponena, jersey328, Gwynvyd, SmokesMirrors, Kimmy, and Bea & Andrew. I will take the time to take a couple of pictures of the pair I made for myself and post it here. Heck Poenkitten got to inaugrate jersey's rope flogger on her that night lol. Poenkitten did some wicked work on ponygirl lyndsey while she was suspended upside down with just her hands. All in all that night brought a lot of life back into my soul and to all who attended thank you for the wonderful night. Next week it looks like I will be headed to Wichita Kansas.

Well looks like I will be on the road a lot. Travel schedule for September subject to change. September 9th-12th Boston, Massachusetts September 15th-19th New Orleans, Louisianna September 22nd-26th Meridian, Mississippi (outside Jackson) September 29th- October 3rd Could be Orlando, Florida or Knoxville, Tennessee.

Cage is done, corset is done and Master is on the road again, this time they sent him out even knowing a Tropical Storm was headed our way. Fortunately it was not too bad, but I will barely have time to hug him before he is shipped out again to Boston and then Fresno. Meanwhile, I managed to get things stowed away despite my balance problems. Hopefully next time they will consider the weather before kiting him halfway around the country..but probably not.

About that corset..Not bad for Masters first attempt. He got a little carried away with the stays and it could have doubled for body armor before he removed them, but it is sharp. Please make note dear readers, if you put stays every other inch, not only with the corset NOT bend, but you could probably turn a knife with the plating.

Ok looks like the cage is done. It will be a couple of days before the new photo of the cage is approved. The cage came out nice and sturdy but it takes up more then half of the play room. Need a bigger house.

Spent most of this week off working on the cage. Uploaded a some pictures. I had to decompress from 4 months on the road. I got a lot of yard work done and the cage just needs sanding, painting, and padding to be finished. Still need to put up the pully I purchased in the play room. I also weeded out the flower bed, cleaned up the weeds in the sidewalk cracks, and cleaned off the fence. Thinking about planintg grapes on the fence but still need to dig up the roots of the weeds to keep the fence clean. We also went to three movies this past week and going to another this friday. Next week or the week after I may be going to Boston, Mass.

BlackPhx

Well today we are in California. The last three days we have raced across the state from Los Angeles through Bakersfield and have landed in Tulare where we will be for about the next five or six days. Like most trips I have been doing work and not much else. This time I got poenkitten with me it is nice to have the Companion pass from Southwest, especially when the company keeps sending me out of town. One of these days I have got to take the time out and message a few people where I am going to do some meet and greets in the kinky community.

I must apologize for not taking the time to do additional journal enteries of late. Poenkitten has gone through some proceedures to maintain her health and I have been traveling a lot. I was in Mississippi two weeks ago, Seattle last week and this week I was in Columbus, Georgia. My work has me scheduled out next week in Kentucky (Near bowling Green, Owensboro, and Lexington area) The week after in Shreveport, Louisanna and after that I am doing a 2 week job in Southern, California not sure which area. Poenkitten will be attending me on the Kentucky trip and maybe the trip to California. If there is anyone in those area that wants to meet and get to know us feel free to drop us a line, and we will see if we can schedule a lunch or dinner. This is not an invitation for a hook up or to engadge in BDSM activities. We have been going to the Woodshed about once a month and our public exposure has made us a little more active in the local BDSM community. We have made some new and interesting new friends which have enriched our lives of late and I hope they all know how much we appreciate thier company and the experiences they share. It is kind of funny how many people poen knows. Our last visit to the woodshed poenkitten ran into one of her sisters Harmony when they were in JT's and ancillia household way back when. I guess it is a small small world.

Dearest Master and those who bother to read our journals..

I am alive, a tad reclusive with the gastroenteritis and grumpy

I ususally am when the choice between which end is over the toilet is a coin toss. 2 WEEKS of this has driven me to a rage at my own body. I get mostly better and then relapsed into the ER..mostly better, relapsed into nearly spraining my groin exploding over garbage can and toilet at same time. This plus the number of meds I am taking just to keep body and soul together, has me kinda non-social.

I love you, but as anyone who has dealt with this can tell you, company is pretty much the last thing you want to share, especially if they can laugh, drink, eat and play and you have lived on soup for 2 weeks.

AI am feeling better. The Food experiments continue with me adding them back slowly in small amounts. So far so good. MAYbe this time i am good to go. If I am I will be back to my old gregarious self soon..if not.. just call me

poenDRAGON

Well poen got a bit of food poisoning and I have to keep her warm and safe while she gets through this. Tommorrow it looks like I am going to Orlando. poen is also trying to convince me to go to the Pony/Pet day at the woodshed on May 3rd. Well I am inclined to go with wonderful people like smokie, jersey, ponygroom, and a whole host of other to encourage me. It is time I interject some life and fun with the work and surprisingly public play was not the nightmare I thought it was going to be. In fact I am excited at the prospect and eagerly await the chance to mingle with my fellow off beat passion players.

Till next time
BlackPhx

Two updates in one day. Looks like I have gotten the clearance from the boss to sign up my poenkitten for the companion pass on our airline. That means she can come along with me on some of these trips. Yippie !!!!!

Update time. Wow it has been more then a month. FSC Munch blew up in poltics. Business is good. Things are looking good in the stock market and I am finding more and more reasons to appreciate my wife. Last night I had the pleasure of going to the Woodshed in Orlando and getting to enjoy public play for the first time. It was amazing, I flogged my wife poenkitten on a nice whipping post and with the music and the flogger she danced so divine and pushed me to a rage. I wanted to ravish her there she was so sexy and beautiful. We also had the pleasure of commanding a young lady who's Master was not in attendance. She was wonderfully sub and in a strange way brougth out some paternal instincts. It was a rush that she took to us and trusted us enough to play with. I got to strap her down to a table and alternate between pulling her hair, spanking her then flogging her with her cat. She responded beautifully, but I think she came to the club because she needed hugs and reassurances due to some doubt and turmoil in her life. Seems to be a lot of that lately and old play partner of mine lost her residence on Thursday. I wish her well, but if I know her she will not be homeless long, she has contacts, industry, and intelligence, so I know she will be ok. On another note poenkitten got a overwhelming accolades that night, apparently her early work on the alt.torture and alt.bdsm newsgroups way back in the day, inspired a lot of people to take up the lifestyle. More the 10 people approached to give thier respects and admiration at her writing skill. I had always known she was involved in the community but I never realized her scope of her infamy lol. poenkitten said it is weird her 15 minutes of fame has lasted 15 years.

New day new stuff rolling along. Been a while since I did a update on the journal. Been working out with a sword I picked up at the charity auction at FSC munch. Unfortunately I am doing this at the same time running over 5,000 feet of cat5e cable for the state of Florida so I am bushed tonight. Poenkitten is quitting smoking and I am adament about not letting her have a drag to cut on the cravings. Having been through this three times I suspect only quitting cold turkey is the key, so I am sticking to my guns and refusing her permission for a quick puff or two. It pains me to see her like this and it is rough because I only like the pain I inflict upon her. Looks like I am going on the road next week to New Orleans area around slidell and I am scheduled to spend another week in Houston around March Third. poenkitten has signed us up for the FSC cruise for the kinky. I can not wait for this months FCS munch they are going to do some needle play demos. I drifted away from the munch scene for a long time because the local munch was so political. It is amazing to see the changes a few years can make and Master Zoom has made a ton of improvements since I attended last.

BlackPhx

Whew, some nasty thoughts rising this morning. I juts watched an episode of Criminal Minds that got me thinking. Yes Master, I am holding this one for you, but, the story only sparked the thoughts, not paralled them. Everything that we do leaves marks upon our bodies, our minds, our souls if you will. Some types of work leave callouses on the hands, others can embed debris in the skin or etch the signs of stress upon our faces. Life leaves marks. We, those of us who delve into the darkness that is the soul and heart of BDSM, collect them as badges of courage and wear them proudly. At the end of our lives, the book of our lives is read by those who may have little clue as to the story we were really trying to write. Police, Coroners, Morticians all read the story of our lives in the marks embedded deep in muscle and tissue. They see the brands, the burns, the points of electrical contact, the areas where sharps were played with. They can track every cane stroke that crossed our flesh and bit into muscle beneath. How many understand the willingness of it? How many turn and read the story and misinterpret it as domestic abuse? Few enough I suspect as even with a living record they have charged that people cannot agree to their own abuse or assault. Few enough as they have arrested some in the past for agreeing to something that another has wanted and charged them with manslaughter and other felonies. Even if there is record of the search, the need and desire, it is still illegal. And so if we are smart we leave a track, a record in places like this and hope and pray for the best. We persevere in our search for the right hand, the right Master, the feelings that tear us from ourselves and springboard us into ecstacy, the service that we need to give and recieve and write our stories in our flesh, hearts and souls. We do everything within our power to protect those who feed our flesh with the pain and passion we desire. Slave, Sub and Master, Mistress and pray that at the end of our days, the person who reads the story understands it was written with love, honor and need.

Clue by 4 to the head. Date night January 14th, 2008.

The previous entry is so hard to achieve when one is caught up in real life. He tired from a day at work, She buried beneath the responsibilities of her own job, or the house, errands and effluvia of the day to day. Sometimes I wonder if it is not better to just have those moments when a Master and Slave come together in a "date" but don't live together faced with the reality of the daily grind.

But it can happen, and it does, when both remember to work at it the same way they did when "dating". (rueful laugh) Yep it's the same in "vanilla" relationships as well. Living gets in the way of Romance, just as often. So many "Professional" advisors tell couples to make time for themselves. Date Nights, where they go back to the time they didn't have kids, chores and just plain old tiredness interferring with their focus on each other.

We have to remember to build, to anticipate. Rarely does a snatch, whip and bumping uglies for 30 minutes do anything for EITHER partner other than build frustration. The care as you set a "scene" when you were first getting to know one another, is just as important now. Perhaps even more so, for your partner (both sides) have seen the feet of clay, the bad times and good, and stepping back to the wonder, capturing the mind, bringing back that thrill of lust and anticipation is important.

We delve deep in our nightly dreams and remember. We long for the feel of those times, but rarely take the time to recreate them. We hunger for them, but fail to shop for the food to feed that hunger, instead snatching open the fridge and then complaining that we are settling for hamburger helper when what we want is Beef Wellington or Filet Mignon. You can't make filet Mignon out of ground chuck, no matter how hard you try.

The effort, the ingredients have to be there. Turn off the phone, the TV, the computer. Lock out the world as you once did, and take the time to savor each stage to that Dance. Rush nothing, Savor all.

Have you ever watched a Tango? If not in life, maybe the one between Gomez and Morticia in Addams Family Values. It has a Beginning, a Middle and an End and requires nothing more. Not sex, not kisses, nothing save the dance, totally focused on the other. It is, in and of itself a complete act of sex (while fully clothed no less and in public). Properly executed a Tango is ALL that is needed and yet a prelude possibly to more, a lesser unneeded act of sex. Your bodies have already said it all, anything more is just gilding the lilly.

Sorry, just Sunday morning thoughts and a wondering, how many subs, Doms et al find themselves wondering what happened to the magic once real life has set in.

An essay by poenkitten
copyright 4/2000

Dance with the Devil

                      Eyes snap open
                      Body tensed to begin
                      The call of pain
                      Sings deep within

Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight….fanciful words from Batman the movie, but did the Joker truly know how those words would resonate with some people. People like me . . people to whom the night calls. A steamy tide of surging blood, heated and filled with unnamed desires. Desires that force us out into the night, online , real time, seeking searching for our own devil to dance with.

That first touch, as hungry flesh calls to the leather, “Caress me, Touch Me, Sing with me” His eyes boring deep as he marks and measures for that first stroke, aflame with his own desires. The moment poised…silence…teetering on a single second like the Maestros’ Baton , waiting for that first perfect stroke to fall and the dance to begin.

No matter how prepared, how ready, still that first gasp greets the stroke, the flesh recoiling and then rising to grip at the leather like a lover, reluctant to let it leave. Deep within the beast wakes, raises its head, opening feral eyes. Snarling it rises, seeking the source of the call. Each stroke calling to it, demanding it feed it back in a rush of pain and pleasure. The Dance with the Devil has truly begun.

The lash falls, the cane, pain that sends the beast, the hunger clawing at the flesh until both Master and slave are one. A single person with four arms and legs, two heads with but a single thought, a single need to complete the dance. Enclosed in a world of infinite possibilities contained within two bodies they dance. Nothing else exists, nothing else matters save the other. Slowly it builds, it can not be rushed, each step of submission, each stroke of Mastery, building a foundation , a place of perfect balance and then. . .

Eyes. Hers lost in a world of pain and lust, filled until they well with tears at the beauty before them. His, hungry for her pain, her submission, her soul.

A single tear.

Tasted.

Earned.

Drawn from that place where she no longer exists as a single person but as a part of the universe.

LOCKED.

He is she, she is He, they are one, the beast and its Master feed one another…the flow Electric, full of ambrosia, nectar of the Gods, a drink more potent than any other made by man. He has entered the heart of her volcano and both are transformed, she the diamond, he the Master craftsman…and the dance begins to fade. Until the next time. But his arms will hold her as she flows back into herself, and he will savor every taste of her soul, her mind, and her body. For she has given him the greatest gift of all, her trust. She has looked into the abyss of her soul and found him there waiting with open arms. They have both danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight, and no one, comes away …unchanged.

Main Entry:: mas·ter
Pronunciation:: \ˈmas-tər\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: Middle English, from Old English magister & Anglo-French meistre, both from Latin magister; akin to Latin magnus large — more at much
Date:: before 12th century

1 a (1): a male teacher (2): a person holding an academic degree higher than a bachelor's but lower than a doctor's boften capitalized : a revered religious leader c: a worker or artisan qualified to teach apprentices d (1): an artist, performer, or player of consummate skill (2): a great figure of the past (as in science or art) whose work serves as a model or ideal2 a: one having authority over another : ruler governor b: one that conquers or masters : victor superior c: a person licensed to command a merchant ship d (1): one having control (2): an owner especially of a slave or animal e: the employer especially of a servant f (1)dialect : husband (2): the male head of a household


Function:: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s):: mas·tered; mas·ter·ing \-t(ə-)riŋ\
Date: 13th century

1: to become master of : overcome

2 a: to become skilled or proficient in the use of b: to gain a thorough understanding of

“Before you can master someone else you must master yourself.”

I am sure everyone who has attended a munch, gathering, or chat room has heard this phrase at one time or another. It seems from my observations that so many refer to this adage to confirm their skills as a dominate or to defame another as not being a “true” dominate. Words are now the weapons of choice in the arena of competition among the alpha disposed personalities. Reasonably in this modern age we have replaced sticks, stones, swords and guns with words to keep the bloodshed minimal and unity of the community to at least a functional level. Still, with the perceived pool of acceptable partners limited most dominates find the easiest targets in the hands of others. So, inevitably this situation leads to competition, politics, and sadly conflict. This is when the adage “Before you can master another you must master yourself.” comes in to play. When a Dominate displays even a modicum deficiency of skill in any area, a lack of nothing less then total emotional control even a momentary lapse of judgment, out comes the criticism. Most who crusade against others embrace the adages as a war cry under the banner of caring concern for the submissive. While I will not decry this action as false, feigned, or duplicitous, I will say it is backed by enlightened self interest, and in most cases spun to cast the competition in worse light.

Example: (Tell me if you have witnessed this one)

Dominate 1: “I think women are pathetic creatures with out any value and must be reminded of their place by any means necessary”

Dominate 2: “I think that is irrespensible, a true dominate man doen't need to use force to control a woman.”

Dominate 1: “How can you tell me what a real dominate is. You can't even spell responsible or doesn't. How can you possibly master another when you can't even master your native language. You are nothing but a fraud.”

This implies if you don't master typing, English, and multitasking skills you could never be a good dominate and shouldn't even try. Frankly I am not sure what those skills have to do with any of the definitions of master I posted at the beginning of the article, but I still have seen it a lot. But it seems to me if a dominate show any deficiency with any skill they open them selves to open criticism of not being a “real” dominate.

    The reality is no man can master all skills and all aspects of their lives. I am sure a number of you took the same classes in Psychology I did in college and know full well it takes an average of 20,000 hours of practice to become an expert or master of a skill. Compile all the skills there are and multiply by 20,000 hours it soon become apparent no one lives long enough to master every skill. This leads to the conclusion that either 1) There are no masters and everyone is a fraud who call themselves one. 2) Being a master does not require being a master of all skills.
     I would rather think option #2 is more rational and reasonable choice. This opens another question as to which skills are essential to being a dominate, which skill are useful, and which skill are unnecessary. Again, reading a number of book and consulting other supposed authority sources I got a wide variety of responses and priorities. That is when I came to the realization that the most important skills are what ever skills work to achieve the end you are looking for. It also depends on the aptitudes, abilities, and inclination you already possess. If you can parley your desire and skill at fungus farming to getting a woman (or man) to kneel at you feet consensually and serve you as a slave then you are a dominate even if you can not spell or wield a whip with absolute precision. This is absolute truth....If someone can achieve consent of another to accept their authority over them they are a Master or a dominate.
     This line of thought applies to personal discipline, emotional control, financial success, and even leadership style. Each area that I have seen held up as examples of what a dominate should have achieved is only essential because it worked for the person who hold those attributes, skills, etc in high regard. My reflections lead me to believe that if you want to be a Master first be yourself, find out what you are good at and hone it because that is where your interest lies. Share your accomplishments with people you know and soon enough you will attract the attention of someone who will marvel at your mastery and lay at your feet.
     Next, time you see a dominate rallying to shame or ostracize another for lack of skill, ability, or mistake. Remember, they have their own best interest at heart and take their ramblings with a grain of salt.

Thoughts from BlackPhx

sub·mis·sion
Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin submission-, submissio act of lowering, from submittere

Date: 14th century
1 a: a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators b: an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)

2: the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant

3: an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

sub·mit

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting

Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send

Date: 14th century transitive verb

1 a: to yield to governance or authority b: to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation

2: to present or propose to another for review, consideration, or decision ; also : to deliver formally

3: to put forward as an opinion or contention

intransitive verb

1 a: to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : surrender b: to permit oneself to be subjected to something

2: to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.

Found these definitions in Merriam Webster Dictionary. It strikes me that each of these definitions are not absolutes. One can submit to the will of another part of the time and not others. Most of us submit to the will of our employers or to the will of our customers if self employed in consideration for remuneration. Even the staunchest of Dominates have to abide the will of others in this aspect. We abide the government and the laws that they pass and their representatives that enforce them. Does submitting to these forces make them any less of a dominate? I would think rather not. The acts of submission are necessary to achieve ones goals and attain ones desires to enable a person to control the aspects of his life he cares about.

Likewise, many submissive have to be assertive and take charge of their situation to become noticed or to find the level of and type of dominance they seek in their partners. In relation to the dominates they don't do it because they enjoy it they do it because it is necessary to achieve their goals and attain their desires to enable them to submit in the aspects of their lives they care about. Do these acts of dominance lessen their softer yielding soul, again I think not.

As a dominate I want someone that on most occasions submit absolutely to my authority and will... with a bit of a challenge every so often so it does not become boring. I guess that is one of the reasons I married a MPD woman. But, if I was looking for just such a woman she would most likely not be found on this site or others... The very act of advertising their availability takes a certain amount of assertive aggressive take charge action that is often associated with dominates.

Likewise, Dominates that shop online must face the fact they have to submit to the expectations of the submissive to a certain degree. As I read over and over the profiles on this site what is clearly written in them outline what will get prospective suitors blocked or ignored. If a dominate is going to be successful they must adhere to these expectations and submit to them even alter his behavior. Things like reading profiles, coming up with imaginative interesting and passionate responses. All these acts of action are associated with submitting to the authority and will of another.

In both cases I do not see that it demeans or lessens the dominate or submissive aspects of their personality for with out a smidge of compromise it would be impossible to weed out con artists or mystery players that gouge our time and resources and frustrate our apparent desires and keep the reality we seek out of our grasp. Or worse real passive submissive would never even appear on the market.

Thoughts from BlackPhx

Been a while since I did a journal update. poenkitten has been having a few health problems first she had a biopsy on her throat which came back benign. Still her thyroid was kicking out a ton of hormones and they had to kill it with radioactive iodine. I have been on the road a lot almost three out of four weeks out of the month. I have been to Texas, North Florida, and Oregon. But most of the trips have been to Texas. Next week I am going to go New Orleans for a week. This is also a dark time for poenkitten because it is the anniversary of a loss of her son. I have been learing Linux to deal with the new NN Boxes we are using to connect up to Nucleus point of sales. Took the time to set up a Linux server with Ubuntu on it now I just need to learn how to operate it and set up websites services. The trip to Lousiana will entail a lot of work with G-Site 11 sites in 4 days. Lot of work with no time for site seeing. Well I guess that is all I appreciate the mail we have gotten.

BlackPhx

Dear Master
I miss reading your thoughts here. I hope that your Harry Potter Day gave you the mental health day that you needed. Your slave is about to get to work on taping up the kitchen for painting. I have got to be nuts. Love you, worship you and occasionally want to trap you in the house and make you rest. Boy that sounded really slavish didn't it!

Sigh...somedays it seems you can't do anything right. I have been having one of those months. I am behind in everything save my refusal to be dominated by Windows Vista Ultimate. THAT I seem to be becoming an expert on. One of Masters desires was to dominate me with another Dom. I tried to make that come true, and I did to a degree, the floggings were nice, though they seemed to be feeling each other out as well, regarding how to treat me during it. Of course my SAMishness reared it's head to my chagrin. Sigh. Just can't seem to keep that part of me down, the challenge for control always seems to buck the system no matter what i do. this time it was over the use of the hood. I couldn't just "explain" to Master that my sinuses were clogged and that mouth breathing was all I had..Noooooooooooo, I had to fight it every step of the way. Always seems I HAVE to fight and do things the hard way. I know he gets tired of it and I wish I could change that, but, those very traits allowed me to survive my childhood, and they are hard to squash. Sometimes I wish i was more submissive, but I am more the old school slave, e.g. real world, bought and paid for type, not BDSM games slave. Maybe I should have been born pre-civil war. Obedience coerced through pain etc..submission not necessary.I know Master wanted to share my sexual services during and after play with the other dom, but having talked to him ( an old friend), and finding out that he had been sexually active with someone who was, hmm, old word, promiscous still works, I immediately became concerned about STD's. Master and I have been exclusive since we first got together and I hadn't been sexually active for several years prior that with anyone. Dealing with an STD or HIV is not something I want in our future, and until friend can verify medically clean, an exchange of fluids in anyway is not in the picture. Condoms can break, and I have broken more than a few in the past. Call me paranoid, but i prefer that to a lingering death. SOO anyway things were not all that he wanted them to be, and Master was a bit disappointed and grumpy afterwards. Gonna find a way to make up for it, somehow, someday, but yanno some months fate seems to be carrying BBQ suace when it visits you.

Alone in my own Damned Skin..snicker. Yeah sometimes I think it would be nice, but then I wonder how Singles do it, how they get along without everyone lending an opinion, advice, and different point of view before a decision. Besides beloved Master, I don't want you gone on your trips so I can be alone in my own skin..I just sometimes need sometime when I don't feel crowded, and when I can actually get ALL the laundry done and the house cleaned without tripping over the debris from your coming home :) You should know from the frantic calls to make sure you have landed safely and the calls during the day to make sure you are OK, just how much we miss you and worry about you. You may never know the panic that you have abandoned us, when you don't call before bed. We know that you are tired and busy, but, it is hard for that panic not to set in. Irrational we know but, there it is.

Sometimes I wish we could talk more about this with you, but I am not always sure that you can understand and accept without trying to equate it to something in you or your past. I can extrapolate a lot about your childhood having of course seen your family at it's best, and to be honest I WISH mine had been anywhere as wonderful as yours had been. Please do not get me wrong Master, the equating is something all humans do, if they have any empathy in them, you have to have a point of reference to take in some of what someone is telling you. But as much as we love our Dogs and give them "human" emotions so that we can understand and live with them, can we really understand the way they think or why they will remain loyal and loving to someone who abuses them, or has nothing to offer? We can only really equate what we feel to what they may display, without understanding their feelings or reason behind their actions.

Ok..I seem to have made my usual mess of this, please forgive me. Maybe it is time we really do sit down and talk about some of it, what we can at least...See you tonight for the changing of the motherboard....GULP!

Well today most of the support fell on my shoulders, J was out of the office and I think I did rather well. I am also a bit impressed with the towel rack I did yesterday came out nicer then I anticipated. Been reading a real interesting profile today got me thinking about some of my actions and place in the world. There were echo's of displacement in my life where I never really fit in. While I do not submit to anyone in my personal life and I am Master of my own house hold I never really felt a part of the clicks that form dominate groups. In some ways I mercurial in my morals or standards. In some circles I don't go far enough and in other I go way too far. I am not gorean, or old school, new leather, or "player". Like always I fit no true molds or blindly follow any established path, questioning, defying and refusing to accept what I am supposed to be. It is a lonely and isolated path, but one I am coming to realize is what makes me truely unique, truely courageous, and ultimately what gives me strength. It is no wonder I have been drawn to someone as unique and powerful as myself yet willing to submit to my will and trust in my judgement. poen my love you justify my choices and make me realize how much you do to make me the man I am today.

Yesterday, I kept my journal entry short due to how busy I was. The toilet was wobbly ended up filling the space between the sewer line and concrete with "great stuff" boy was it effective. Ened up filling the hole in the wall the last towel rack occupied. They named it approperiately after it dried you shave it down and then sand it. It also is pretty solid as well. I was watching a comercial today about a car shop show and realized how thier terminology so mirrors that of the BDSM community. After all we both have "Rim jobs", "Trims jobs", and "Body Mods".

Ok spent today putting in a new toilet and some new towel hangers. I also got some tuff to help organize the garage as well as some more wood. Will give some more time on the cage project. poen is spending a good deal of time on the phone with microsoft support. The brand new Microsoft Vista operating system she been waiting to get her hands on won't install on her system. Well at least she got it by playing crossword games on Live One search.

It has been a few weeks since my last journal entry so I think it is time for some updates. Lets see been in the office most of this week. We switched to Direct TV and I need to rustle up a new Brighthouse bill. Stock are riding a rollar coaster but still edge upward. Looking at an 8% return at this moment not too shabby for 6 months. Poen is getting mor and more beautiful at least in my eye she surprised her master with a special service with whipped cream last nigh yum... I tried to be gentle but end up biting her anyways. I am getting more confident in my work. Though glitchs still seem to make the road bumpy. Really need to get to work on the cage and some more toys, we are in negotiation with a gracious dom for the temporary usage of submissive, my luck I will be out of town during that time lol. No big deal poen used to Domme professionally so I trust her capable hands in this. Still lot of work to do.

Love you Master

Something I wrote many years ago..

A Rueful Laugh Safe:Sane:Consensual:

Yep I am laughing but not much humor behind it...I was up on DSnet yesterday, spending a quiet afternoon when Safe, Sane and Consensual became the topic. Won't mention the channel, not important.

Where for the most part I do promote the Saying and the meanings behind them, I also understand that for some of us..it is well shall we say...not quite true? And I will admit, I did say Not always Safe, Not Always Sane, not always consenusal....I was immediately jumped on by 2 persons...You can't say that...we have to make the newbies understand those rules. Somewhere TPE and Edge play seems to have been omitted from the things that we can teach newbies as well.

Why do I say Not always?

Safe: I play on the edge...a lot...needles, cuttings, burnings, you name it...some of these things ARE dangerous, for me...not for everyone, They can be done safely...but are NOT safe. It is not my place to judge whether a desire that a "newbie" has for asphyx play, castration ( well not the females), or humiliation play is safe for them. It IS only my place to point out some of the dangers, and possibly ways to go about it and survive. "Newbie" does not mean innocent..they may have been playing these games for many years alone, and are now seeking a partner.

Sane: Frankly little of what we do would be considered sane by the vanilla world. Some of it is not always considered sane by us. Few people look at a TPE relationship and consider the slave or the Dom in their right minds. After all you are allowing someone else to choose what happens to you. Yes...I am careful...I don't walk into prisons and stand on death row and yell kill me. I try NOT to allow Ted Bundy into my home, I don't go to sleep with my window open, me naked and a neon sign flashing outside that says rapist wanted. BUT I do place my precious flesh in the hands of a man who will whip me, torture and torment me, take me to the very depths of my being and make me look, and then hopefully bring me back again. Is it sane to want to take out and play with all the things that others keep buried? Not always, not really. Our mind bury them for a reason...to protect our sanity...but some of us just HAVE to peek under those bandages and say ooooo while poking at it.

Consensual: Here I think was one of the main sticking points. Consent. In BDSM consent is handled in many ways...from the sub who negotiates every scene..to the TPE who has only one choice..accept or decline the collar. As a TPE slave once I have acknowledged that someone is my Master, that is the end of my consent. I hate paddles with a passion, wooden ones, they bring up nothing but extremely bad memories..but...IF he decides that is how I am to be punished, or HE decides that it would please him to use a paddle on me...then it is HIS choice. Someone else can say...you use that on me and you will eat dust as I leave, or you are not going to ever use them. And there are Doms who will accept this....those Doms are not for me. How close to abuse is TPE? It is an extremely fine line, but the one thing that keeps you on the right side of it, is choice. I choose to do this and ultimately I have chosen to do this with someone I trust to have the same value for my life I do. Can I just walk away from that collar if things are not as I want them...no. I can only choose to leave if my sanity or life is threatened. Not edge, but him saying I am going to do this even though I know it will cost you your life, then yeah I am out of there. Something like that would be asphyx play for me...because once my lungs go down, they hate restarting, or him deciding to perform a hysterectomy using a text book and a scalpel. An no it does not have to be said in so many words, actions DO speak louder.

Any way, I think the whole upshot of this is a bit convoluted, but essential. Newbies are not necessarily innocents...yes there are dangers that we all have to be well aware of, but we can not coddle them at the same time. Someone who is new to a real life BDSM relationship, may still well have years of self explorations in areas. If we are going to present hard and fast rules someone who has been doing X...is gonna say that this is not for me...not because X doesn't belong in BDSM, but because it is beyond what we are telling them it is safe, sane or consensual to do. So they sit on the outside, without help, advice or a feeling of belonging, knowing that there are subs and Doms, but not that there are TPE relationships that go beyond D/s, beyond B/D and into the realm of S&M. For us too there are pitfalls and times that we have to be cautious...really cautious...for what we stand to lose is not just self -esteem, but our lives and limbs. Not Always Sane, Not Always Safe, Not Always Consensual...but definitely On The Edge and In Control.

Dearest Master of my heart and to any others who read this, Enslavement of another is hard work. Slavery is hard work. No matter how easy it seems in books and movie clips, it ain't. Especially for the Master. How can he enslave another, control another when he has questions about his own needs, ability to fulfill them or even to control them? How can s/he who is enslaved, subourne their own needs, desires and self to the needs of another? The answer is simple and complicated at the same time.. Hard Work. We, as much as we belong together still have areas where we do not match. Where your sexual needs do not always match your emotional ones. Where my emotional needs outstrip my sexual desires, even where our levels of experience wander in our way. I have been a part of this life for many years more than you, and there are times that i know I should let you make mistakes, but experience and instinct scream say something. There are things that you have more experience in, and a need for that, sends me deep into scream for help mode. Trust, is the key and sometimes the hardest thing to maintain. For both of us. I know there are times that you DO NOT want to hear me say something is not right because it hits you as if I am saying you are doing something wrong. I am not. I am saying there is a problem that needs to be addressed, but I also know that is seen by you as a challenge to your skill and wisdom. Trust. Trust that I am not trying to control the scene, that something is not right and as yours, it is my place to let you know. I have never used our red word with you. I trust that you will hear me. I trust that you will modify it to correct whatever the problem is.
I suspect we need to talk more.

Bad day yesterday, had an install that caused me all sorts of trouble, wanted to go back today but the boss told me to hold off. I got my marching orders for next week, going to be a training run. I got to meet and greet the customers and go over repair and installation procedures and try to make them happy. The boss has a lot of faith in me despite my occasional misteps. Today me and poen kitten had to go to melbourne and get a medical collar for Baast spent the day shopping got my sister a christmas/birthday present a nice tea set.. I picked up some hardwood chopsticks for myself and poenkitten. All in all a good day, but I did not get a chance to get more wood or work on the cage. But I did get to flog poenkitten and try out the chopsticks.

Humm, it seems to me you are being more contrary to yourself then to me. I do understand that the full depth of transfer of power and ownership of the mind, body, and soul is not instant. Nor am I blind to the fact that slaves and submissives are in pursuit of thier desires and needs, of which I hope we are suited to fulfill them. Which I suppose is the essence of your journal entry. Then you eloquently pointed out a male sub that in self centric terms was "topping from the bottom". From both of our experiences you can agree that such attitudes are not desirable and more then likely not able to be corrected. Correction and behaviour modification can only take place when you have absolute authority to met out rewards and punishments to make pleasing behaviour ever present (think Komodo). Slaves/sub who state what will or won't happen do not cede enough authority for that and other purposes. Those with training or natural propensity to yield often shines through durning the interview process. I do not demand respect or instant obiedience from all I communicate with online. I do keep an eye out for people who show deference and courtesy to me as those traits indicate 1) a desire to serve that goes deeper then the surface fantasies 2) a willingness to elevate others above herself 3) puts the feeling and desires before her own. These are traits I am looking for because those who do not demonstrate them are far more likely to not to adopt them after we get involved then it is likey those that do demonstrate these traits will drop them after involvment. Now I could have my mind changed if and when a submissive/slave could prove to the exclusion of a resonable doubt that they would cede absolute authority after we adopt them. But, as cynical as I am it would be some trick

I am more than sure dearest Master of my heart that caning is in the works :) Especially since I am about to be contrary :)

I will admit that I don't expect anyone to be submissive to either of us on the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd meeting. Sumission given that way is not submission to either you or I but instead to the self of the person yielding it. I know that I try your patience at times, but the times you have drawn submission from me have been honest ones as you know I am not by any reach of the imagination a submissive slave. Those times are a testament to your strength, not my fantasies.

This is the reason i found the male sub who contacted us to be less than interesting. It was all about his needs, and telling me how to handle him. that is not submission, that is sad to say, basically a form of prostitution.. without pay. Yes you need to know the needs of the person, and to meet those needs, but it has to be mutual, and come from conversation and knowledge, not menus..1 from column A, 2 from column B.

Exploration, mistakes, and learning is what makes a realtionship, not just a play mate. If we are to take another into our home, then it needs to be something earned by ALL involved, not just a token submission, because I call you Master. No one plays or dances all day, and life takes up more than fantasy every will. The match needs to be in many areas, not just in the bed.

Last night had a particually strong and cruel dream of using a slave. Involved the service of a meal upon her body while she was recieving shocks from a TENS unit. Of course if she spilled even one morsel she was going to get thirty from the cane while on the cross. Ah the stuff that dreams are made of. Level3 got a chunk of a 20 Billion dollar governement contract for an online network infrastructure build up so that stock should get a boost. I even have options for september at $7.50 So I am on my way to getting a decent return. poenkitten accompanied me yesterday while I did some work in Daytona Beach but she has been a bit negligent in contributing to this profile. I have given her orders to add some worth while content today. If it is not up to my approval or she fails I think that caning I dreamed about will have to come true.

This weekend I played with poen and worked on the cage. The cage's rabbit joints did not work out well I will need to redesign for it to work out better. I also need to trim the bars a bit more. Well, looks like more positive runs in my stocks. ConAgra has moved almost 1.50 since I bought it in mid-May, I do not know what is up but the directors are buying close to 1/4 million in stock. Some thing is up I see some up side coming. Going over the conferance calls for American Superconductor it has some real good potential over the next couple of years. Like 70% gain isn't enough. MAD is making a run too, it is really undervalued, some is for the latin america discount but it has strong growth and literally make money (mints blanks for the euro coins). What can I say about Stanely Works it just keeps going up and when the hurricanes hit and those Hurriquake nails start selling like hotcakes it could go to 80. I am hoping that Level3 stays below six for 2 more weeks would like to snag another $500 in stock.

Ok two whole journal entries in a day, wow. Thought I would change up color and font. Change is good as long as there is a framwork of order and purpose for those changes. Today I explored the ethics and social dynamics playing a devils advocate on social debate. It was not intended to demonstrate my preferences or as a rationalization for my actions. The profile we have assembled seems a bit extreme and uncompromising, and this was intentional. We are looking for submissives. Now so are a lot of other people and the term is subjective the traits attributed vary from person to person. "submissive" is defined as "inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient:" by Dictionary.com or "submitting to others" by Webster Dictionary. It is this trait of being inclined or ready to submit and unresistingly or humbly obedient we are looking for. If a slave or sub is not demonstrating these traits in the interview process then it is unlikely that the trait is intrinsic to their character, based on both of our experience. Just because we demand that a slave not make any rule or limits on how we will use them does not mean we intend to utilize the full range available to us. The process of finding and capturing a slave is long and labor intensive. Permenantly damaging or disposing of slaves is both risky and economically expensive. This process is also why most Dominates or Masters make concessions to subs and slaves demands for meeting "thier limits". This coupled by the oversupply of dominates and limited supply of submissives creates the "fakes/wannabe" term that gets bandied about so much by both masters/slaves. Slaves want uncompromising dominates willing to take what they want and have the strength to do it; they want the thrill and danger of being with someone can permanently harm or kill them and dance with death to remind them they are alive, yet they want to be safe and know and trust them. These ideas are mutually exclusive and many find thier needs not fulfilled because of it. Instead of looking inward and realizing they have to put thier full trust in the dominate without knowing for sure it is safe that they will get the submissive high they are looking for. Instead they blame the Dominate for not making the magic happen and then label them "fake" or "wanna be". Now to be fair the same happens to the dominates when it comes to submissives/slave. Most dominates do not communicate clearly thier needs or wants and expectations. They demand the submissive make the magic and put them in top space. They compromise because it helps get the submissive into thier chains not realizing it undermines the very nature of thier dominace and errodes the submissives responses. Can a sub really submit to someone that they can manipulate from the very get go? Instead of looking into themselves and putting the responsibility on thier own shoulders and continue on the road of self perfection they blame the subs calling them "fakes" "wannabe" or "tease".

Finally, I am home. Practically mugged poen last night. Been doing a lot of thinking of late reading the forums and trying to revise my philosophy a bit. One of the most problematic idea is a number of groups promote "Safe, sane, and consentual." which is fine and probably a good philosophy for long range conservation of both Dom and Sub resources. Doms and subs that live thier lives Unsafe, Insane, and Forced/coerced extreme edges of our society inevitably lead to the death and incarceration of both Doms and Subs. Like wise living in that realm brings the ire of the rest of our American culture. This in turn focus that ire into action against the BDSM subculture. So it is understandable that some have taken it upon themselves in the BDSM community to police the rest of us. Many of the rules are imposed to conserve the precious resources and iimprove the image of the BDSM community. But, thier authority is self declared and thier rules imposed by fiat. They claim that for the greater good of that they have a right to create and enforce these rules often by social osticisim and turning states evidience on those seen being too extreme. Unfortunately, ths view point is hypocritial.
Anyone who is a practicing Master/sadist is by definition in most Law Dictionaries a criminal. Our activities if observed by law enforcement officers means we can and have been carted off to jail even if our partners don't want to press charges. This means any moral imperitive that justifies the actions of these groups in the BDSM subculture to police others in the BDSM community can also be used by the greater society to enforce it's rules on the BDSM community. If you embrace to idea that your activities deemed irresponsible and illegal by our society should be tolerated by that society then you should inturn tolerate the actions of others even though you believe them to be irresponsible or by your beliefs irreprehensible.
The same hold true about the concept of sane and safe. For work I fly all over the country while I believe it is safe some people refuse to fly, desipite the odds of dying in a car accident is many times higher. I also will go on roller coaster while almost every woman I have been with including poen won't. What we do in the BDSM community is percieved as intrinsically more risky or unsafe then what people do in Vanillia relationship (again there is no way to accurately gather data in an underground culture to prove otherwise).
And the courts are choked with cases that try to define what is considered sane. That means what is sane is to a degree is subjective. What is considered sane and safe for a majority of people in the United States is not what we practice. Why should our perceived scale of what is sane and safe is any better then that of our detractors?
Now, let examine the psychology of our desires and why we take risks. Some, but not all are attracted to this lifestyle for the thrill of walking on the edge of dangerous. Taking precautions, preperation and even gaining great skill and knowing it robs some of the excitement because it is no longer dangerous. Just like doing something constantly robs the uniqueness of it. Some people thrive on danger, the do rockclimbing, parachuting, etc. for them the act of safe and sane is pretending to live and not truely living. How can we validate our desires while condeming the desires of others and not by hypocrital?

Tough day knocked out 4 sites and only have one more to do but looks like the boss has decided to send me to Georgia to fix a phone problem at a boswell site. Well there goes my day planned visiting Ruby Falls and Rock City in Chattanoga. I can't wait for this weekend to play with poenkitten. It has been almost two weeks on the road and Memorial Day is an anniversary the time I first etched my initals into her flesh need to renew my oaths and markings. Also plan to start the building the cage.

Well have not goten to add to the journal for a while. Spent the weekend going to Dallas and visiting the museum there. It was very nice I suspect my father would liked it more. Actually attended a Camarilla game for the first time in a year, was refreshing to be social. I was very aggressive when I got back with poen. We went and had Ethopian Food a first for both of us in a small resteraunt on I-Drive and then went to Universal Studios and watched Shrek III. By the end of the movie my hand were all over poen's ample breasts. She accuses me of leaving finger prints on her blouse. By the time we got home I mugged her, I was a bit rougher then usual as I took her after a nice light whipping along her back, thighs and ass before drilling her. These long trip sure build the appetite. Poen as usual did a very good job cleaning the house I must say. I would like to see her spend more time working on Web Sites and Web graphics, she is so talented but her devotion is admirable.

Had very vivid dream last night about leona..It has been almost four years since I last contacted her. leona was a bundle of contridictions, emotionally distant yet the one of the most passionate painsluts I have ever encountered. So yielding in private but distainful of affectionate contact in public. She was the target of some of my most vicious darkest acts and craved them in a flood of desire. I never truely understood leona until poenkitten explained her actions. Her family obligations made a permanent relationship out of the question. Even though she was not my first slave/sub she was the most responsible for crafting me as a dominate...enough to land poenkitten when she came along. poenkitten and my fourth year of being together is coming up this memorial day and I plan to carve my intials into poenkitten's breast like I did when I first played with her. I miss poenkitten, being on the road is rough sometimes.

Last two days have been a real bust. I was unable to get the Transac12's working. Did some training for the customer's Maintenance personel got some problems resolved. Made a trip today to New Braunfel almost two hours out from Austin. The install was more complex then anticipated the owner wanted me to run additional cable to connect up the computer upfront I talked him into buying some cable and did the work, I ran additional cable to connect up the Data capture box so it worked out still it took a good 4 hours to do the install granted I took a 20 minute break to go buy the cable but it was still a lot more time then I wanted to spend on one site. I miss my poenkitten...evil thoughts have flooded my mind for memorial weekend which is our

anniversary. I was thinking of some nice bondage and maybe some fireplay. Nothing says I love you then setting your female slave on fire. Looks like when I get back I will have to fly out next week to Alabama on Tuesday next week. poenkitten will not like it but I am trying to boost my value to the company. Today I heard that there is 3 more solar IPO along with First Solar and Evergreen Solar issuing stocks. Also later this year there will be Nanosolar building 300 MWT production plant. The supply will boom and not as fast as the demand. Lots of competition means lots of price wars and sliming margins in a field that only a handfull are profitable. So I am selling my last 100 shares of ENER which makes more then 75% of it's revenues in solar. The good news is solar cells prices will drop giving me a chance to set up a grid tied Solar Cell system. The question is what to put the 3200 into. I would like down defense stock

BlackPhx: As always my poenkitten you eloquently hit the nail on the head. Reality is a cruel mistress and many time what we reach for is an ideal we wish to be. But, the desire and goals are there and we just need the conviction to achieve them. Your slavery is the most sweetest most delicious, more then a fantasy full and lush with emotion, love and desire.....Now, I need to fulfill a promise I made on Memorial Day some four years ago, for I have failed that promise and need to fulfill it fully on my return home. Work is tough made three sites got them all partially working. Damn AdvTelemetrics and Transac 12G. My flogger for working equipment to hook up to.

Dearest Master of my Heart;

I cannot say much yet about the prospects. I suspect many harbor a fantasy view of slavery. It is a common one, and one that you also labored under to some extent before we met.

So much of slavery is NOT the kneeling and obeiance that one would hope. It is the caring for the little things, searching for keys for the 40th time and cooking when one is ill. It is actively listening sometimes to the same tale you have heard 15 times, and urging the dominant to take care of themselves as well as they care for thier slave. It is all the things a wife is, and more, because the focus of the slaves life is to make yours wonderful without the self coming first.

This is why it is harder to find someone this way than to go out and meet people. The fantasy is so much easier to maintain, but the reality can be a harsh mistress.

BlackPhx-Well today did not start off too well found out both I and my beloved poenkitten forgot to pack my belt. I also was very late getting to the customers HQ. Looks like I need a whole lot of RS485 to RS232 converters. The first site had a calbe for the transact 12 but when I tested the port it was dead. The second site the ATG probe was taken out by lightning and also killed another RS485 to 232 converter I also had to replace the DC equipment as well. The third site had a similar problem but the ATG was totally fragged. Found out we have not written 12 POS's for port capture code and had to go back to the first site and put in ALLPOS code. I would have hit a 4th site but something got me hacking and wheezing. Got a nibble at the profile not sure about it though. With all the scam artists looking for loot and people looking to yank chains I am not going to get excited. Until the bona fide are cleared I will approach this as a only a potential canidate. The cynic in me is looking for hole to burst the illusion something about the use of syntax makes me doubt this one. I will discuss things with poen she has a shrewd sense of character and lived with the worse mindfucks anyone has ever had to survive so I will trust her judgement. Beside, I am looking for a slave to serve her as much as myself and a good fit is what I am after for the entire household her input would be invaluable in making a sound decision.

BlackPhx- Sunday, what can I say spent the morning grabbing equipment for my week in Texas. I forgot RS485 to RS232 converters. I hope I don't have any Advanced Telemetric's ATG on this run. The flight was not too bad but really bumpy when we were landing into Austin.

I made contact with Kim in Fort Worth through poen's efforts and looks like I am going to attend a Camarilla event in Dallas/Fort Worth which means I need to get all my work completed by Friday. I really need to work my social skill this will be the first event in over a year.

Started to plan out a cage. poen say I should just get a large dog collapsable cage.. I guess I could, but I have not done woodworking (well kinky kind) in almost a year and think it is about time. Need to get a picture of the Cross and post it.

Ok I did due dilagence in the last night the directors of ConAgra have been buying stock to the tune of over a quarter of a million dollars since the first of the month. When the top dogs have that kind of belief in thier stock something big is about to be announced. I will improve my position by another $500 on the 15th.

BlackPhx- If anyone is reading this journal, which is doubtful, it may seem odd that it contains less then kinky stories, poems, or anything else designed to impress or tempt possible slaves. Well this is intentional. One of the biggest complaints I see when lurking through the profiles is "be real". I know some of that mean be a real "Dom" which of course has as many interpretation as people's have expectations. For those I can only say qualify the attributes that describe what you think a "Dominate" should be to save everyones time. The other "be real" is attributed to those people who manufacture imaginary personas only to manipulate others hopes and desires and dash them in the end. I can understand and got an education in that end about 15 years ago. To this end I post the day to day activities to provide a glimpse into my life and my world. Profile never seem to give a good accounting of what the person is really like. Thus the journal entrys that describe my life.

Good evening.
Work was hectic, got the documentation from yesterday done with pictures and took a lot of tech calls. Wish I could have gotten a couple of the trickier problems resolved.

Put pictures on the profile of me and Poenkitten and Komodo our ever loving Akita.

Last night I put some padding on the St. Andrews. Now the main pivot bolts will not poke poen in her tits. Been planning a cage. I have half of the wood and all the steel for the bars. A couple of ideas are kicking in my head but I am not married to any one idea.

Stock market was up especially ECD, SWK, and AMSC. The Shares of MAD I bought went down but what the hey. LVLT is still holding bottom hopefully this will last till next week and I can double my position in it.

Work was somewhat successful we got the slip & Jrnl printers to operate on the G-Site but the Edge Port eluded integration. I suspect the data feed is image file and not telnet terminal data. Gonna need to scramble tommorrow I have to pack and plan for my trip to Austin, Texas for MBG.

Got home and suprised poenkitten by being early. Her smile warms me.

Looks like I did not get the 150 shares of MAD I put an order in for. Generally the market was down wish I had a load of cash to buy some more stock. But the sale of 50 shares of ECD was the day before last was fortunate got 1800 for it :).

Pulled out some leather to cover the center piece of the cross still need some batting and some upolstery pins. Seem strange trying to make a St Andrews cross more comfortable. The things we do for lust and/or love.

Work got interesting today, got a new toy to play with a Blue Tooth RS232 serial adaptors. Took a little work but got them to operate.

Tommorrow I am going to drive to Tampa to work on a G-Site journal setup and hopefully I will meet up with Matt in Orlando and work on an Edge Port Server.

Poenkitten is spending a lot of time on the computer doing mystery hide and seek games she looks cute. Love sniffing her hair.

Thinking of putting some padding on the cross. Been a while since I worked on toys spending too much time watching stock doing D&D online need to work with my hands more.