Current Mood...... I have climbed highest mountainsI have run through the fieldsOnly to be with youOnly to be with you I have runI have crawledI have scaled these city wallsThese city wallsOnly to be with you But I still haven't found what I'm looking forBut I still haven't found what I'm looking for I have kissed honey lipsFelt the healing in his fingertipsIt burned like fireThis burning desireI have spoke with the tongue of angelsI have held the hand of a devilIt was warm in the nightI was cold as a stone But I still haven't found what I'm looking forBut I still haven't found what I'm looking for I believe in the kingdom comeThen all the colors will bleed into oneBleed into oneBut yes I'm still runningYou broke the bondsAnd you loosed the chainsCarried the crossOf my shameOh my shameYou know I believe it But I still haven't found what I'm looking forBut I still haven't found what I'm looking forBut I still haven't found what I'm looking forBut I still haven't found what I'm looking for []https://youtu.be/e3-5YC_oHjE?t=74url)

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

At Her feet… …a place to kneel in devotion …a place to listen attentively …a place to adore Her mind …a place to worship Her body …a place to understand a lesson …a place to feel home …a place for so much more…

The “Honest” secret to a truly happy life I came to this epitome recently which felt as if I found a jigsaw piece that I didn’t even know I had loss. I have always known that I do not think the same as most people but never thought about why. As a young kid I was exposed to motivational speakers and realized that the affirmations, meditation and even the music I listened to affected my mood. I grew up confident in my abilities and became a natural leader but never questioned why. I watched an interview where the topic of honesty and lying came up. The interview prompted me to research the physical and mental effects of lying and I was surprised. What resulted caused me to self-evaluate my some of my deepest personality traits. I felt as if I had been bumping into things in a dark room my whole life without even knowing it and a light was turned on. Nothing in my life is any different today but I can now clearly see how being completely honest has had a major impact in my life. It has affected me physically, mentally in amazing ways that I had not considered until now. When I was successful at something I took credit and if I failed, I accepted the responsibility. There were no participation trophies, if I screwed up I learned to accept the consequences. As a result, I develop strong mental and social connections with those close to me because people inherently understood that I had integrity and they could trust me. While still in high school I recognized that most of my peers were interested in sex but few knew anything about it. I was experienced which high school girls found very attractive so I took advantage of it. As an athlete I used affirmations that I was going to be successful it was uplifting and positive. My success with girls gave me confidence and it became self-fulfilling the more experience I gained the more they were interested in me. Self-deception shapes our reality, influencing choices and beliefs both negatively and positively. Many types of ‘lying’ also involve self-deception, in Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Grapes". The fox in the end, gives up and walks away, saying the grapes weren't that good anyway. The fox demonstrates how self-deception can be useful for avoiding the discomfort of unmet desires. When I was not successful with a girl, I would chalk it up to it was her loss not mine. It was because of that attitude that I never let failure slow me down. I have shared a story many times that, I honestly thought everyone was having sex when I was in high school because I was. Several years after high school I met a friend and we talked about the girls we dated. I was amazed that he never had sex with any of them, he was a virgin until he was in college. I screwed every girl I dated, if fact I flat out told them if I was going to go out and spend money on them, I would require at least a blow job. A few were offended but most were intrigued some even enough to pay for the date. That story always meant something to me because all of my guy friends were talking about getting laid but come to find out they were all full of shit. It has proven to reinforce my confidence and success with women. It turns out that studies have shown, those who believe lying will give them monetary or social recognition are more likely to continue being dishonest. Those who tend to be insecure or have an anxious, avoidant or attachment issues are more likely to be dishonest to avoid being criticized, rejected. Lying affects self-esteem, emotions and can lead to psychological consequences. Dishonesty puts the brain in a state of heightened alert, and this stress increases with the magnitude of the lie. There are very real symptoms of anxiety like increased respiratory and heart rates, sweating, dry mouth. That is how a lie detector works it measures your anxiety but there is a reason it does not work on everyone and I will get to that. The gut-brain axis refers to the two-way communication between the two systems, and explains why people describe feeling butterflies in their stomach under extreme stress. Research has shown the act of lying stimulates the neocortex, limbic system the temporal lobe and other areas of the brain. When we deceive someone the Amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates emotion, is activated, and we tend to feel shame or guilt. Brain imaging experiments have shown the limbic system in a dishonest brain lighting up like a fireworks display. Unfortunately, they also show that the brain can adapt to dishonest behavior. Studies have found that habitual lying can desensitize our amygdala and may even encourage people to tell bigger lies to get the same rush in the future. Those that lie all the time about little things tend to pass a lie detector because their body does not respond normally. A 2002 study performed found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation, telling an average of two to three lies. A 2010 study have shown that the average American tells one to two lies a day. Many people find deception essential for survival and social interaction to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I will do my best to avoid confrontations and avoid topics where I anticipate difficulties but I will not lie to protect feelings or keep someone’s secret. I have always told people, do not lie to protect me because I will tell the truth no matter the consequences and you will get burned. At least to me being honest about everything is not a moral choice, I just find it a lot less stressful. If you have nothing to hide, there is nothing be worry about. If you fuck something up own it and get past it. The facts prove that I am right, if you are in a small group you have to keep track of what you told each person so not to create a confusion. A liar has to steer conversations to avoid tripping over lies which will create the need for more lies or blend, bend lies to make the fit. I am sure that some enjoy the mental gymnastics and get a rush out of deceiving people and they become pathological liars. For most, it just creates anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and all kinds of other stresses. I take the time each day to appreciate what I have achieved. I try to meditate, say affirmations, practice yoga in order to center myself. Life is good…. I have always known I look at life different than most people but never questioned why. I now have a better understanding why a lot of women I correspond with eventually ghost me. My actual life is their fantasy world and they either assume that I am lying. When it becomes clear that I am serious it can scare the shit out of them. I have found that when faced with everything they say they want, their reality kicks them in the ass. They have family obligations, children, career or other considerations that will prevent them from leaving the world they know. In the end they are just looking for a masturbation partner. There a few adventurous enough, that when provided an opportunity to recreate their life, step out of their comfort zone and make the changes necessary to make their fantasies come true. Choosing to live your life before it is too late can be scary. Imagine your life six months from now not having to worry about going to work, paying rent or other bills and everything you need like food, clothing, shelter is provided. The perfect 1950’s homemaker that spends her time taking care of the Master of the home. I have been active in the kink community for my entire life and can make fantasies come true. I won a successful business, multiple vehicles, my home, a bar that hosts monthly BDSM lifestyle events and have organized the Key West kink community for over ten years. I now realize that when I share my reality, the truth about what I have accomplished and what I have to offer it sounds like a lie. Nothing in my life is any different today and I do not know what I am going to do with, this new found understanding of what makes me who I am. I guess the funniest thing is, when I am not successful with a potential slave it is truly her loss not mine. If anyone who knows me wants to comment on what I have written, please feel free. I would appreciate any feedback.  

Why language matters. Or, Darmok and Jalad. angeldmort 57F Domme I had a reminder this week, (not that this week is that unusual, but some cases are more extreme than others) at how important it is to have a common language in any interaction we have with others. Most of our lives, the average American at least walks around hearing English, speaking English, reading English, and assuming they understand what other people are saying. And vice versa - they assume they are understood. And yet, so much of our attempts to communicate end in misfires.   Often, it's because we don't really care enough about the interaction, and we glide along on autopilot, comfortable in the status quo quality of our interactions. We are usually getting enough of what we need out of it that we often don't even question it. Often, if there's a problem, we make a scene to make it clear that no, that's NOT what we meant, or that isn't what was said to us, etc but unless we feel slighted, or it leads to the loss of something we DO value - a comment made here that loses us a promotion, or a question not answered loses someone's interest, or a tone of voice makes us concerned for a possible loss of status- unless it's serious, it's just anger and fuss and it's over. THEN, it may become a real issue, worth some thought, but by then, it's really too late. The miscommunication has happened, the thought process it started it under way, and a feeling has been had, etc.   Stick with me here.   At it's most basic level, language is how we express a thought. It's pretty common to believe that most of the time, other people from a similar area have similar thoughts to our own about a general variety of things. We expect that they want the same basic things, because we are all human, and most of the people we deal with were raised similarly, and had similar experiences. And that they will use the same words as we do to describe them. That's where the screeching halt comes in.   "Most adult native test-takers range from 20,000–35,000 words." That's a decent vocabulary. It should mean that most of us that speak English will have plenty of words in common to have a discussion and be understood with enough clarity to make it through most common joint activities.   That said, most people don't tend to think too deeply about words themselves. Which means when you start to want more than just "enough to get by" conversation, things can get a bit complicated. And in cases where you need to negotiate something VERY specific, in depth, such as the fine details of kink or what our limits are... suddenly, your vocabulary will not only need to grow, but become very precise.   I'm not seeing that as often as I would expect from the letters I receive. In fact, the majority of people that write me seem frustrated by the need for words at all, and irritated by the requirement that we spend some time talking about anything that isn't a description of a sex act. Which baffles me... if you are wanting someone to tie you up, do ... THINGS ... to you, while you are helpless, etc, wouldn't you REALLY REALLY want to make sure that the things they want to DO are the same things you want DONE? Wouldn't you be DEEPLY interested in making sure they are the kind of person that honors your Safe Word, or who shares your definition of "honest," or who won't just walk off with your wallet and DVD player while you are tied down, or who won't turn out to be straight up batshit nuts?   I've had another rash of "own me" messages. Interspersed of course with the regular "total sub" offers.   The topic at hand isn't the "I'm a TOTAL sub!" who responds to "ok, go read this for me and tell me what you think" with "What? That's not what I want! I'm a SEXUAL submissive!" Or even the "i want to be ur slave" that can't obey enough to respond to an email on time.   This topic is about the problem that causes that problem in the first place.   I received one this week from a very pretty dick pic with an empty profile that did read enough to call me Domina, but obviously nothing else, so I sent a link to the "First Impressions" thread, and followed with "Consider Your Target Audience." You can guess how it went. Before he got to "Bye, Bitchhhhhh!" he told me he wanted me to "own" him. And he referred to himself as "very kinky like to be watched ! Masterbaiting live turns me on" (Yes, that's how he spelled it.) Meh. No great loss.   Later, sissy under consideration asked if I was at all interested by Dick Pic Guy. Aside from the obvious stunted mentality of thinking his naked dick somehow mattered, he was a good tool to explain the problem of common language/vocabulary.   While being turned on by being watched is very common, and whatever floats your boat, etc that he described himself as very kinky based on that was a VERY clear indicator that we weren't even speaking the same language in regards to kink. Much like the majority of the people that write me, he had an interest in something, and had set out to pursue that, and as it wasn't mainstream, they thought it must mean they were REALLY out there crazy kinky. (Hell, ex-husband number two thought anal was the height of twisted and kinky.) Now, obviously, there was no actual interest in submission, or desire to actually be owned, so there was no point in even considering trying to have a conversation.   However, if there actually HAD been interest, if he had just been a newbie and without clue, there would have been this huge gap of vocabulary to fill in before we could have ever tried to talk about anyth

Saw something on here today that was a HUGE RED FLAG for me. Some guy checked me out, so I in turn checked him out, and saw that he was using a picture of a former sub or playmate or whatever on his profile, face and all.  I gotta ask, does she know that you are using her picture, showing her ladybits and her face on a bdsm site for all to see?  How many women are having their privacy violated because a guy thinks the best way to advertise himself on here or other sites is to show pics of women, identifying chracteristics and all?  Frst of all, is that all you got?  You can't make your own profile attractive on your own?  You have to resort to pcitures of other people? Second of all, how do I know that if I played with a guy who does this to other women, that he wouldn't do it to me also?  I am not the only one that thinks this way.  Check out the questions about this on discussion boards on Fet.  Lots of women say/think the same thing. HUGE red flag.  HUGE.  

To clear up some answers before you reach out. I am a Bigger Person. I am around 290 in weight and have put a lot of energy, time, and effort into myself. I go to a nutritionist every other week, stick to my meds, and have no issue with my size. If you are not into me at 290 (about 30 pounds lighter than earlier this year), then I will not be into YOU when I am lighter than 290.  I am biologically female, Assigned Female At Birth, and identify as non-binary. I am no longer in a power dynamic. I am looking for people interested in a non-traditional service submissive with particular specialties. I have realized I am more of an alpha personality because if there is too much drama/ multiple alphas, I will back off and do my own thing. I am loyal as fuck but independent as well. I am looking for Sadists who enjoy physical, emotional, and psychological play while being aware of their mental and physical health. I am aware of my mental health; I expect you to be mindful of yours.  

Surviving Dead by Daylight:   In the shadows, I roam, chased by dread, In "Dead by Daylight," where hope hangs by a thread. Heart racing, I evade, my breath but a sigh, Survivor in this twisted game, never ready to die.   Through the fog and the fear, I must find my way, Trapped in this nightmare, where I cannot stray. With every heartbeat, a killer draws near, But I must persevere, conquer my fear.   Pallets crash, windows shatter, as I make my stand, Against the darkness closing in, in this cursed land. Alone or with others, we fight side by side, In this deadly game where survival is our pride.   Generators hum, a beacon of hope in the night, Guiding me towards dawn, towards the light. Though hunted and haunted, I refuse to yield, In "Dead by Daylight," my fate is sealed.   So I'll run, I'll hide, I'll do what I must, To escape this fate, to rise from the dust. A survivor, a warrior, in this never-ending fight, In "Dead by Daylight," I'll cling to the light.

this site doesn't want me to be great. it keeps cutting off my piece i'm trying to share and it's not even as lengthy as other works i've written. oh well, can't stop won't stop. is the 5th upload attempt the charm instead of the 3rd? let's see if it cuts it off in this format.   Wavy Baby: Sirenade, The Lullaby of Power, Love, and Connection this song is excellence. it provides nuturing in such a cool and curated vibe. it's an updated lullaby in a song. it's a shh shh shh whisper hug in an art deco haute couture framework. this song could be so many versions. it could be a connection to spirit and the water goddesses since it is sirenade...serenade as a siren.....it could be a song for women connection to other women. but my focus here is always about the power dynamic. in that context i hear it in two ways..it could be the submissive woman singing to the man. in the first part...it could be then the man reciprocating in the other half after the mermaid season breakdown. it could be a segment i don't talk about often due to my complete inexperience of being able to attempt this to happen for me but what exists, the daddy through the dominant woman...be it a more butch or masculine or gender fluid et all woman....or a femme woman...because similar to submissive daddy men, the feminine presenting and aligned woman that is a daddy is often overlooked...but they have and do exist for long periods of time as well.... i feel contextually given the singer is a woman it makes more sense for it to be sung for the submissive woman straight up from the dominant daddy woman's perspective in that relationship. but i feel all those apply. her cover says love is war and i've experienced that. but something in me knows it doesn't have to be...and while not getting there can be emotionally, mentally, spiritually hard..the actions of avoiding it being a war are quite easy. be ready to burn everything and anything that doesn't serve your highest good for the good of the third energy, the relationship. burn like a phoenix, shinier, brighter, more you, and more elevated. over and over between the dance of you and your beloved. claim them and hold on for the ride knowing your life partner is there along with you birthing this new you this new union.....the rollercoaster inside will eventually subside and when you don't make love war, you always have your emotional/mental/spiritual/sexual/physical/financial partner there with you step by step into the challenges of life by you. i see and have only experienced what happens when the other person can't go through the fire. and i have experienced only the love is war. but i see it in others all around me online, offline, before social media, after social media. love doesn't have to be war if both parties or if polyamorous all parties don't let it. "Wavy, baby Baby, baby, baby Yeah" iamddb says, 'urban jazz'...but it sounds vocally like 'harbinger'...and that mishear nuance the way she pronounces it adds another layer to this chicly crafted lullaby. "har·bin·ger/ˈhärbənjər/nounnoun: harbinger; plural noun: harbingers a person or thing that announces or signals the approach of another."witch hazels are the harbingers of spring"Similar:heraldsignindicatorindicationsignalpreludeportentomenauguryforewarningpresageannouncerforerunnerprecursormessengerusheravant-courierforetoken