DominantbbwVT63

I went to see my pcp, and it was a successful appointment. He felt bad about everything that I endured since the last time I saw him, Oct 2024. Most of that time I was in and out of hospitals, 1st for clots in my lungs and being able to breath, 2nd time all I wanted was a tetnus shot but ended up over night with a majority amount of tetnus finding I was not experiencing side effaspects of that. Two weeks later I was admitted for pneumonia and flu 1, put on pain meds for who knows what. Badgered for 2 weeks of me telling them No to having my leg amputated without being told why. Still don't know the real reason. Told they were saving my life from what. Don't know just no I spent the month of February 2025 in the hospital with pneumonia, they wouldn't let walk into be showered or use the bathroom. I was put on a foley bag so I could void. And pumped full of pain meds for the month, then March 4th, they removed my right leg to above the knee and sent to a nursing home for rehab for 7 more months. I had trust issues before now they are even worse. 

I had a hellish ride in a wheelchair accessible van not because of the driver nope it was the roads fault. Actually would have been comical if I hadn't literaly slid partially out of my wheelchair my caregiver had the driver pull over and my caregiver adjusted me to make the rest of the ride home. It was my first trip out so yea I was a tad bit nervous, my caregiver did her best to make sure I got there and back in one piece. The only time she left the room was when the dr and I were doing the paperwork for down the line. That is now on the fridge in an envelope and I have my advanced directives papers to fill out and send copies to my dr and the health dept. I don't plan to die anytime soon, but I am preparing ahead of time so no one has any problems as it is my decision. I like structure and control and since I haven't been able to have that in my daily life I took the point and got it done.

I do still plan meeting someone this spring maybe more than one. And working towards a D/s relationship I think I deserve that. 

So when you come to meet me, I will be in my wheelchair. The leg hasn't grown back, hey I was hoping but nope still gone.  I have a wicked twisted sense of humor, but with all I been through I needed it. I have an issue with people who stare, I haven't made a scene but I do have googly eyes and a mouth and tongue for stump. I didn't use it at the drs office but there is always next time.

I am glad some of these supposed subs from CT think lying is acceptable communication and then when I call them out on it they think I am offended.

That does not offend me, just shows me who you are, and who you are is not someone I would put up with. You see on a person's 

profile there is a place write a comment they can't see, so when you make loop and act the you never spoke to me before, hmm my bad. 

I am not offended in the least but you are blocked from looping around against and FYI don't ever try to blame it on the distance you knew where I was

the first time but you had me make appt anyways oh oh not one but 2. Don't get a 3rd this isn't baseball.

And the guy who said hey I will catch you when your back on top, do you think my leg will grow back or something. 

I have been approached by a sub who wants to be treated like a piece of shit. Excuse me but I treat subs as humans not as feces. I am going on a limb here hopefully it holds me I don't get told by anyone who claims they are "subs" or are real subs 2 secs into a conversation such a this. Or the one who professed he has 17 years of fake experience by reading and watching porn, but no real life experience.  Come on really he said I needed a different perspective.  Ok here is my perspective you need to find a dominant besides me. That will give you a different perspective. Because your barking up the wrong tree with me. I think someone fed you too much fruitcake at christmas and you turned into one. 

I am stuck on a song by Victor Ray, You & I- Forever

I am definitely moving ahead, I will be ready by the end of June or July to get back in the swing of things.  

I know he's not going  to give up but I am done means I dont emails he sends I just delete them. I am not going to change my mind.

I gave him an inch and he wants a mile, not happening you proved you will never be who I want you cant be my world will

never revolved you.

KINDNESS IS SOMETHING YOU JUST CANT IMAGINE BECAUSE IT MEANS YOU HAVE PUT SOMEONE ELSE FIRST WHICH YOU WONT 

SO GET A CLUE I AM NOT MAD OR ANGRY BUT I AM DONE WITH YOU.

My stalker is back in full force but I am done. He can not torment me any longer. I am not angry or mad but I am DONE.

This is part of my self proclaimed therapy . It gives me the structure I have been missing.  I am a total freak when it comes structure and limits being with it for over 10 

months has left a void in my life and I fallen down the rabbit hole trying my damnest get some normalcy to my life.   It is  coming back but seriously very slowly. I want 

 moving I should be alright.

I was up in my chair today so I could do some paperwork. I paid my property taxes online and filled out my paperwork for weatherization for my house. Its Monday and 

I actually accomplished 2 things.  

Tomorrow I meet the new girl..

I got a lot of packages delivered from the store.

I printed copies of everything I did today.

Time to take my blood pressure and then evening 

Meds. Didnt take heart med this morning as it was super low 95/55 is very low for me.

I know some of who I was is still there because when I read what a sub wants or needs. It make me physically ill, I don't give a rats ass what you want.  It's not about 

you it never was. I am not looking to waste my time on someones fantasy. Do I want to spank some one most definitely not. Giving a sub a spanking does absolutely 

nothing for me. 

Things are turning around for me. I know its going to be a long haul but I keep pushing forward.  I worked on my gofundme page its on my profile on fb.

I am not angry at the world. But it was so traumatic this past year. I have found my voice and am able converse with my caregiver better. She is a little 

Upset I found anoher caregiver nearby

I have to do whats truly best for me. My lawyer has all my  hospital records its time for 

My drs to see me for who I am no wonder they kept me sedated.

Losing a limb is hard enough losing it for no reason other than money is so wrong on so many levels

And of course my stalker returned. Apologizing again he is an abuser and I am so over that. He needs to get a life but not 

Mine.r

I dont feel like I am home. I am treated not the greatest unless I have company then she puts on a show of how good she is to me. It is all an act. When I am in the sling of the hoyer she will cause it to jerk which puts fear into me that she drop me. She does it on purpose. I am so tired this bs. This is a total nightmare and I am not waking up from it.  Yesterday she pointed her finger at me and bitched me out. It is getting rediculous. .f

Lost another goat this time it was my doe Delhila

She was the mom of a couple of my wethers aka boy goats. I now have 3 left. Of my orginial 4. 

No more nursing its been over 2 weeks. I still keep it covered so my dog doesng pop the new skin when lays on the stub. 

Had a very. pleasant visit from my sissy submissive. Gave him peace that I am on the mend. No quite where I need to be to take him back on but working t I wards that goal.

It is just a matter of time before the scab falls off. Then no more nurse then

Then contact the carpenter about widening my doors. Buy a new mattress for bed in my room. Leaving hospital bed in the living room just in case. I have 3 gas heaters to purchase to heat my place and buy hay again 150 bales this time. Have farrier come take care of hoof care.

My wound is very close to being healed finally. 

It is ..2 cm less than 1/8 of an inch open.

Bought a new hoyer pad so I can be out of bed more

Have another one coming today to it's always good to have more than 1

my wound is literally almost healed something less than a quarter inch left.

Lost another goat I am to the original  4  I started withi

I have not been on here for awhile. I am healing it just takes awhile.v

I am seriously looking for a caregiver someone to help me my ADL's and put me in my wheelchair with the hover lift I have. If interested let me know. 

into a new month we go, am starting to feel more like myself even though I don't look it. was out of bed today via the hoyer assist, for 2 ppl who have never used one they did quite well. I was out for about 1/2 hour but still felt great not laying flat. Hoping I can be out again every couple of days, will help build confidence in all involved.

my life is so completely upside down, I literally can't do anything for myself. That isn't totally true I can wash the front half of my body in bed. I can't get into the bathroom with out a hoyer assist, I want to find out what it would be to change my shower to make it bigger so I could use a shower chair in it. My left leg isn't strong enough for it to stand and pivot into my wheelchair. So I can't get out of bed with out a hoyer assist. I do the major wipe ups when I soil my briefs my roommate has done it but she didn't sign up for it.  

I am praying the contractor I hired comes and widens the doorway to the entry hall so I can go to my appointment. I have tried calling him and get no where so holding my hand on my ass and waiting. Right now I have very little control and that drives me nuts, as I thrive on control. Being totally out of loop for 5 months has not been easy on me or having to be dependant on others. 

I wasn't sure if I would come back to collarspace or any of it after all this time in trauma. And really now I am in limbo not sure if this is what I need anymore. Time will tell.

I have been home for 3 days bed ridden for now. I am an amputee of my right leg above the knee. No I am not diabetic, I am handling this loss of limb better now as I think tetnus may have been running up my leg so I had to lose it to live. I am home with a wound vac and I see a nurse 3 times a week and OT and PT will be coming to work with me, and teach my housemates how to move me with a hoyer which I bought. Life is different but at least I am alive.

probablty longer

this is going take some time, have dr appt with my dr end of the month.

been the hospital sunday morning til last night, I am not going to get into details takes a lot out of me lay on side and type. I will be off my feet for the part 2 or 3 week, If every works right.

I am searching for a live in sub or slave. Not that I think I will find one but I have come up empty handed many times. I will even take newbies every one starts somewhere I have over 40 yrs experience. As I see it newbies do not carry emotional baggage from a previous dominant. But I am open to any level of experience you may have. Why not take a chance to change for the better.

I have been asked in the past where will they sleep, in my room of course it is quite large there plenty of room. I have been asked if they would be kept naked and the answer is No. You will be naked during trainings, other wise you will be clothed. 

Do not give me laundry list of what you want I am not interested. 

I am a 69 yr bbw dominant female who will not put up with any thing but I want.  If you can not handle that keep on stepping.  I am not your girl friend, your sugar momma, or your mommy so wake up pull your head out of your ass and either email me or not but do not waste my time. If you think I sound like I know what I want you might have chance.  

Oh, there are no visits to see if it is what you want that will not fly with me.

If I am emailed and I give you a time and date to meet and tell you where you best not leave me waiting on a no show.  No shows get a block real quick. Be honest and truthful other wise dont bother.