How hard is it to actually read a profile before messaging someone? I mean really, it's not that difficult to do, either that or people just don't care. Seeing the messages I get it seems both. You want fuckmeat, move on I'm not it. I'm also sure as hell am not sharing my picture with anyone until I feel comfortable with you. I will also say again that this is the fastest way for me to ignore your messages and/or block you:  1. Clearly not reading my profile, I'll know if you are not from or around the location I stated, being right out disrespectful and thinking I'll actually want your "guidance" or be your "toy" when you couldn't take the time to look at my interest list or my limits which are all up to date.  2. Sending me pictures without asking me, this includes any kind of picture. If I want to see what you look like I will ask. Same with sending me a phone number or any other type of social media ID, if I want it I'll ask. 3. If you can't open a conversation with more than "Hi, how are you?" or just "Hi." Then I'm not interested, I like substance and if you can send a good opening message then I'll be more likely to wanna talk to you don't bother with anything half assed it just won't work.  4. You're profile and/or interest list is blank. I could understand if your proifle is brand new but if you've been on this site for more than a month I think you've had plenty of time to write and add in your interests. That helps me guage what kind of person you are. 

Let us play the Let's Pretend game.  (I love the Let's Pretend game!)   Let's pretend that the people typing these profiles and journals and adding pictures and stuff are REAL PEOPLE.  Yup, that might be a bigger ask than is possible.  But let's pretend that is the truth.  It certainly must be for some of us, yes?   Let's further pretend that those who can be defined as real people have been on this site or the predecessor for a while.  Some might have met someone and then UNmet that someone and are back.  Some of those are people who come here lurking but never connecting.  Let's even pretend that some people here are downright serious about all of this but are just having problems connecting with someone they feel is truly compatible.   At the end of the day, however, there is something that we cannot pretend about.  Those of us who are, are real people, with real feelings, and real ambition to eventually find what we want so we don't have to be here any more.  Please take some time to consider others.  Show some respect.  Don't make assumptions about who we are or why we are here.  It can be hard enough without the background noise.   None of us are perfect, and we all have one or two or dozens of flaws.  There is no pretending in the world that can make that not true.  We also have preferences.  Those preferences might very well exclude some these same people who are trying so hard to be right for SOMEONE.  I cannot ask anyone to turn their back on their beliefs or their flaws or their preferences, but what I CAN ask is that we show some kindness, some human dignity.  If anything from the past few years should have taught us is that not only are there trolls online, but many of them started being trolls in real life as well.  People have learned how not to be their best selves.   Be kind.  Be friendly.  MAYBE pretend to think outside the box a little bit.  MAYBE be a little more inclusive, or forgiving those flaws in others that seemed intolerable to you yesterday.  Make someone happy.   I don't want to be the last one here.  Do you?

Using this instead of updating profile. Been away for a few years, just popped back to peruse, see if much has changed however this being a free site, will attract some very unsavoury characters who will be rude, obnoxious, abusive, intrusive, demanding and self entitled.  Go give your head a wobble if you approach  me in that manner. Being a northern lass, I am blunt and will say as I see it. I'm also quite astute, very independent, self sufficient and very happy to remain that way. I chose to have people in my life that do not bring drama, lie, gaslight and are narcissistic. Yes, I do have submissive tendencies however do not expect me to give it from the 1st contact, ask personal and intimate details and assume I'm a doormat. Respect is earned, especially from internet strangers. I can walk away from negative behaviour very easily, with the door shut firmly in your face. I have experience and knowledge of D/s. I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country, West lakes. I have the sea, fields, mountains and hills for my view.  Sheep and cows for neighbours. The start of the lakes are a half hour drive away. I enjoy days out on my motorbike either alone or in a group when its not raining!  Anyway, those who are genuine, good luck and be happy.  Tara for now J

There is a mystical moment when two men meet and sex is in the air. They both know what they want but one is a bottom he may or may not know it. Then there is a moment of hesitation when after looking the object of his desire the hand extends to feel what his body is craving. Still if there is a little presumption of an ill understood machismo that hand moves slowly for what feels like an eternity. After contact caressing the phallus is not sufficient, but how to surrender? Finally, the top takes over, and firmly guides him to acknowledge his place, kneeling; and having the object of his desires close to the parting lips... Sheer poetry, bliss, sweet hesitation, and the ultimate surrender to open his mouth and forgetting the world around devotes his energy to please the object of his desire, his top, who allows the bottom to taste him deep and completely. They are not strangers anymore, the bottom has found his niche in the order of things, kneeling and giving up any pretense of control. From now on his domination is in the hands of his top.  

I walked in, saw her, sat down and was pleased when she lowered her eyes from mine.  The munch suddenly didn't smother like usual. I took her home, got down to skivvies, but she wouldn't lower them for her spanking, which earned her an introduction to Earnie.  Rhino Hide thudds so soundly.  She kept begging for more. After I came all over her back, I got her dressed and we sat down over coffee, and talked.  She was slightly annoyed when the subject of her masculine gender taped up under those skivvies had not been her giveaway.  I had spotted her as the CrossDresser she was, in the same breath that I spotted her deeply seated masochism.  We spent the summer bruising her.  I did insist on silk panties for the rest of our sessions.  It does a wonderful job of administering a bruise from the cane or batt that cotton tiddy-whities cannot.  I built stocks, hoisting timbers, made leather suspension cuffs that broke when we tried them.  I was crushed, darn it.  Stuck to shibari after that.

Please do not contact me if only you are looking for a chat buddy. I will not endlessly text with anyone.  There should be progression in getting to know someone and not just text messaging. There should be phone calls at some point when both are comfortable. But if I have text back-and-forth with someone for a couple of months I will lose interest and discontinue communication. I don't know about anyone else, but for me personally typing in a code every time I send a message gets tiresome. At some point the conversation needs to be taking either by voice or video chat. I'm sure we have all come across scammers or fakes pretending to be something they are not. I do not mean just men, women as well. Just because I am submissive does not mean I am gullible or a doormat. I am a submissive woman, not your submissive. Be respectful of my time as it is a valuable resource just like yours is. Respect is a two-way street.   FYI: I am seeking a masculine/Alpha man that is tall, I prefer men 6'2 or taller. Although no shorter than 6 feet tall. 

UPDATE: March 3, 2022 We are making our dream a reality. We purchased a nice chunk of acreage in NE AZ near the New Mexico border. The property is riddled with evergreen trees like Juniper and Oak with grass. Yes greenery! Views that seem to go on forever as you can see the skyline in the distance affording beautiful sunrises and sunsets. Adjoining our thousands of acres of state land so no worries about any neighbors there and also gives us a lot more land to play on. We have several trailers loaded with building materials, solar panels, water and septic tanks. Now its just a matter of moving things there and starting to build our Utopian Homestead. Our search for our third to join us is now being ramped up. What a wonderful treat it would be to have her join us and be part of it from the very beginning. Allowing her input on her cabin or room. Took one of the horses with me when I made the trip from Ohio to check the land out before purchasing it. I cannot even begin to share the incredible feeling inside as we traversed the property for two days. Checking out all the nook and crannies. Kicking up antelope and even a couple Mule Deer along with the many Jack Rabbits. Exhilaration filled my heart and mind as I enjoyed the beauty of reality as dreams are being fulfilled

I have, in the past 6 months, been messaged by 2 different men who had something about raceplay in either their messages or in their profiles.  Allow me to be perfectly clear: any racial slur, race play, homophobic slur, misogyny, or domination from any aspect of supposed genetic superiority is a limit.  I grew up having various slurs directed towards myself, family, and friends and they are a quick way to have me block you. I mean the following in an honest and non judgemental way: if you have those desires, I would encourage you to look into your personal history and see why you have those desires or urges and honestly discuss them with a licensed professional.  It is often a product of internalized hatred towards yourself or others through no fault of your own.  Talking with a professional will help you to a much happier place where you can feel more comfortable with yourself and others. BUT, do not send me messages with any form of racial, transphobic, homophobic, or misogynistic slur in them.  It will lead to me immediately blocking you and reporting the message.  Having anything about race in your profile (other than your own) will result in a short message and me blocking you.  You are only harming yourself and it's a hard limit for me.  Consider this your one and only warning.

I've been on and off this site for a long time, and last time I tried, getting a profile write-up changed - was impossible.  Rather than go through that process, I'm writing a Journal Entry.  I've attempted a couple of relationships the past five years and I have to say that I'm exhausted by emotionally unavailable Doms who only want to play on the internet.  If that's all you want, I'm not interested.   Yes, I can relocate.  That part of my life has changed.No, I'm not going to redo my entire profile write-up.  If you want to know about me, ask.  I need someone in my life who is a good communicator and this is a great place to let me know you are willing to fill that need. As of 2026-03-13 I am 65 years old.  I'm in pretty good shape for my age and I have some arthritis issues that can be worked around.That's what I have for today.  Who are you? J  

Just adding a journal entry to expound a little on my ideal relationship. Perhaps entries with more of my thoughts will attract the right girl and prevent being pigeonholed as a certain type of man, at least by those willing (and able, lol) to invest some time reading. I would charactize myself as a very empathetic human-being. I am caring of other's feelings (at least of those that warrant such respect) and very mannerly toward women. This nature initially steered me toward being a DaddyDom. I also have no children of my own to dote over so one could possibly infer all manner of psychology there, if they wished to, heh. Anyhow...not all my thoughts and desires are of sweetness and over the years have certainly grown darker yet. Being physically rough has always been exciting. Someone who is willing to explore the darker depths of humiliation and subjugation has gained growing interest now. Some days a chained up fuck-hole of a slave, others my sweet little girl, or an obedient cherished pet. I do also want an actual partner that can laugh, have fun, preferably has some intellect and some worthy input on life decisions. A real man can actually be humble enough to accept input and advice from others. I seek the girl that can embody all those roles. The psych of cuckquean play holds a huge interest too. Although, in the cold reality of day to day life, monogamy with my mate would be the norm. Since just like any good D/s relationship in general, most of the excitement lays in the mental build of the ideas, and that any actual play with another girl would be rare considering that I have grown only more discerning in my growing age. Plus, I do not take such play lightly. I am very willing to invest the time, care, and love to build the connection and trust that is inherent in an ongoing fulfilling, and hopefully 'rest of my life' relationship, since that is what I seek. The girl or woman that can give of herself so selflessly to her trusted Owner, is one that I would adore all the more. It is with great irony that in my experience thus far, women that were not invested in a relationship (like early on in our dating) were willing to do such acts (like a 3-some) but once they became emotionally invested, jealousy sets in and they became unwilling to give in this way. Oh yes, believe me, I fully understand the fears that cause those particular inhabitions to manifest but it is utterly counterproductive to withhold one of the gifts that would only cause me to cherish and hold onto her yet more tenaciously. Anyway, not just threesomes, but in general, where I want to go further with my girl as the bond strengthens, I have experienced that their kinkiness only wanes. This has caused such frustration and discontent for me. FFS, where is My good girl?!

Phallic Masturbation (Solo) Much of Phallic worship in the West begins with mansturbation  and the misunderstanding  of it at best. Males are made to view their phallus as a source of pride and also shame. Males are made to hide under the pretense of modesty that which nature adorned him with to be the glory of the world. Excitement by itself has been viewed with contempt, disgust, and rejection albeit in public. Nature is full of the glory of phallus and it is the male prerogative to show it in all species except Homo Sapiens. Western societies cannot find a clear cut  (no puede n intended) view of the phallus since it admires it and fears it at the same time. However, those of us who had the fortune of being initiated at an early age in the mysteries of maleness and how to achieve and give pleasure know better. The phallus gives pleasure indistinct of gender, but there is always a dominant preference. The giving and receiving of pleasure through and by the phallus is the aim of these thoughts. When the phallus and the worshiper are giving ritual pleasure is a different scenario to when one is alone. With another male in this case the center is the phallus, its glory, its power to penetrate, expand, and pulsate with life inside the one receiving it. However what happens when we are alone? Are we lost since there is no one to direct our power and mystic union? Not at all. Ritual mansturbation is a beautiful event in and on itself.  The aim is not to ejaculate but to allow the phallus to grow and expand in your hands as you caress and anoints it with appropriate oils and substances that show you devotion. I prefer honey, sweet almond oil, and myrrh. Begin with the testicles, and feel their presence and see them as the repository of power and maleness. Feel each one as you use the oils to enhance the experience. Warming the oils make a more profound effect by allowing the aroma of the oils and your own male scent to rise to your nose. Intoxicate yourself with the aroma and know that it is the same aroma inhaled by those who worship your phallus. Own it, you are as distinct as any other male. As you enjoy your testes move to the shaft and do the same, let the oil, precum, your sweat and your scent intoxicate you. This is not the time for stroking is the time for touching and feeling as my dad taught me. Feel the veins, the skin (if you are uncut, do not retract yet) the shape and feel the unity of the testes and the phallus. Caress as you anoint, smell as you reach the tip and taste your hands; that is your scent signature. That signature is the one anyone who had you keeps in his brain and soul own and know that. Stop, rest, allow you phallus to relax and now begin to stroke with you least dominant hand (right if you are left,left if you are right.) Stroke the shaft, not the head or under it. Let you phallus grow to its full potential and now slowly if you choose you can ejaculate and get the full signature aroma of your phallus. You have reach your solo blis. How can this be wrong?

Awaken to gentle licks upon my labia and the tickle of your facial hair on my inner thighs  You knowing my body and realizing that sucking my clit is not what gets me going  But that gentle tongue massage on my lower lips causes me to softly moan and drip with wetness  I'm in the euphoria of emotional bliss  Slow intense grinding along with the need to run  I'm about to explode  What a way to wake up,  as the main course I've trained you well and you know how to please  Now, I will lay you back, tie you up, or leave you free  I know before I'm done you'll be screaming please!

For the record, if I haven't said it before, I, myself, am NOT turned on by anyone in pink frilly birthday cake dresses.   If you google "pink lolita dress" images and are wearing anything like any one of those pink ruffled outfits, understand that it actively turns me OFF.  They look like toddler's fancy dreses. As I am not a pedophile, I am not attracted to toddlers.  I am, in fact, kind of repulsed by the idea of ANYONE being attracted to a toddler, and the entire thought process just squicks me out. So, no, not gonna ever wanna dress anyone up in a frilly pink dress like that. Now, if you make it black, with lace, and black fishnets, and don't make the skirt look like some nightmare square dance cloud of tulle, then, perhaps.  If it's properly paired with well done black eyeliner, etc. If you MUST have frills and ruffles, make it a fluffy bustle with a black velvet corset and a black lace shrug that ends in a finger loop Google "sexy goth dress" and wear that.  That is sexy. That is not 'three year old girl' stuff  Be a cat to catch a cat lover Be a goth to catch a goth dancer Be both to catch me Or maybe cosplay Thomas Brown Hewitt in the half mask, but that's a different conversation.  

February 27, 2024   I fucked Football Player boy raw for the first time !   It feels like forever since football player boy has visited. But during the last time he visited, at the end of our visit during debriefing, I asked him a question. I made it more of a statement, but it was a question.   I told him, "I really want to fuck you raw one of these days." He thought for a moment and said, "I'm not saying yes, but I'm definitely not saying no."   Today when he texted, he said that he wanted to have try to have two orgasms during our visit. Then he continued and said, "I was hoping that you and that machine could be used during that."   He normally would just request the fuck machine, or the sling, or cock torture... But this time he specifically said, "YOU and that machine."   I really wasn't sure which "that machine" he was talking about but I didn't care. I concentrated on the "you."   I took this as a green light!   10 years ago when we first met on Craigslist M4M, he was just looking for someone to peg him with a dildo. He always wanted blindfolded. At the beginning, if I even cleared my throat with a masculine cough he would lose his hardon.   Eventually he began sucking cock. Then he learned to swallow my cum. Then he let me fuck him with a condom. Today is the next milestone.   When he arrived he came through the garage, gave his normal cheery salutations and immediately began to strip exposing his hard on. I swear he must arrive hard in the driveway.   I was sitting in my chair naked except for a white jockstrap. I was planning on keeping the jock strap on the entire time because I had plans with the dirty jockstrap a few days later. I was going to use it as a mask over ball beating boys face when he came for his next visit.   I spread my legs a bit, which gave him the invitation to get on his knees and start sucking my cock. Which of course he immediately did. Today was a good day, my cock was throbbing hard. As I always do, I look down at his broad shoulders and big chest which is quite a turn on for me as he sucking my cock.   Occasionally he would look up at me. Sometimes I feel that he has puppy dog eyes. Sad and Wanting eyes. Fuck it's hot. But I don't know if he's looking up at me for confirmation he's doing a good job, or if he is checking to see if I'm taking pictures.   He sucked my cock for quite a while then I said let's head downstairs to the sling.   READ THE FULL STORY AT www.SirKel.top/?collarspace

I have an exercise I've used on people over the years.  Its funny my biggest success story with this was a subs guy who really wasn't sub.  This got him in touch with himself.  And it turns out he was Dominant. Lesson 2 This can be a little tough to maintain.  Remember if this was real life breaking position would get you disciplined.   This position is commonly called Nadu.   Now for the 15 minutes I want you to look at the girl in the mirror.  Notice how she sits, how she squirms as you look at her.  How she Flushes under your gaze. And then think about how you feel in position as ordered, how you feel to be gazed upon, how you look. When the timer expires organize your thoughts and then put it down in a 750 word essay.  Really think as you write and be honest to yourself.    When your done I would have you send it to me so we can discuss how you see yourself vs how i see you. But your not mine so put this in a safe place you'll be reading it later.

Gabriel was Jesus.  In Daniel chapter 8 through 10 a man visits Daniel. A voice confirms that it is Gabriel in Daniel 9:21. When the man appears to Daniel again in chapter 10 it does not state that it is Gabriel but I would think the same man would continue to come to him means though he showed up twice already to Daniel. It would not be needed to state a third time that it was Gabriel. And I believe if it was another person Daniel would have been told who it was like how he was told before that the man was Gabriel that came to him in chapters 8 and 9.   In chapter 10 it states that this man's appearance has a body of beryl, face like lightning, eyes like lamps of fire, arms and feet like polished brass, and a voice like the sound of a multitude. He is in the form of a man.    In John 17:5 Jesus is praying to his father in heaven and he states that he wants to be glorified at his side with the glory he has alongside the Father that he had before the world was.    This could be why Mary didn't notice him and mistook him as the gardener and why the one disciple had to put his fingers in the holes of Jesus's hands to truly believe that it was him.    Also in John 8:58 Jesus says before Abraham was I am. He was formed before we were ever created. He created us. He is the invisible image of God but gives all the glory back to the Father as he listens to the Father and does the Father's will. He was Gabriel the mouthpiece of God.    In revelations Jesus is said to come back with his face shining like the sun, voice like the sound of many waters, feet like burnished bronze, eyes like the flame of fire, and hair as white as wool, as a Son of Man meaning a human form with a divine presence.   

I find it tether offensive that too few people have actually read my profile. I mean I put forth the effort to not only share a bit of myself and what I am looking for but wrote it out rather clearly.  i mean if you can not respect me or at least pretend to give a fuck long enough to read it, why the hellshould I believe you would respect me. If I can’t trust you with the smallest of things like reading my profile, then what the hell makes you think I would trust you to care in a session, date, whatever? i put things in my profile to help YOU understand me and what I am looking for, as well as what I can offer. Furthermore I am not going to tell you read it. I shouldn’t need to. BUT, I do know if you have read it or not. How do I know? Maybe you should have read the thing in the first place. As I am on my soapbox at the moment, to all the people who send a one line, or worse one word greeting message, listen up. That may work at a bar or speed dating, button here a lot more is needed. I know you want to do the least amount of actual effort you can but you get out what you put in. If you can’t even try to make a nice and prober introduction, I can only assume you equally lazy with everything else and not worth my time.   just something to think about

Today might become a special day for me.  It's the day I decided to fully give in, and commit to my sissy nature.  The very first time I'm actively searching for a dominant 24/7 owner to serve as live-in sissy maid.  Of course I'm aware that for such a complex and intimite dynamic to work, it's quiet important to get to know and learn about eachother for more than two days, but not afraid to admit that this is what I am hoping to find.  An experienced dom who knows how to control, condition, and further sissify me.  It's crazy what can happen in a year or two.  A rather vanilla straight male, transforming into a submissive obidient sissy crossdresser.  So proud that one by one, I started exposing myself to my family and friends.  Almost everybody knows now...  And I'm actually proud of myself that I did!   Yet I wonder?  Could all this actually be the result of the hypno I've been listening for some time now?  Who knows...    Interested dominants or sissy sisters, I'm always in for a chat...  Feel free to dm.    Love Nikita 😊      

tonight i miss you   19 years and counting. i still don't know your name. i still don't know your face. but you have to be out there.   i miss you every day. but nights like tonight are harder.   things are rough right now....big jess is worn and little jess is despondent. just for tonight if only i could see you, if only i could hear you, smell you feel you.   maybe if you could hold me and tell me somehow this will all work out i could keep going better. but i can't.   tonight i hit another wall another moment where the adult me has to push and the little me hides more and more, it's not safe to be out.   daddy i don't know why you've been gone for so long but i really wish you could hold me right now and talk to me and just for one night we could go to sleep together. even if it was just a moment and the stars and spirit took you away from me again...just one moment would fill my juice cup so big.   someone told me it sounds like a good country song, "19 years of looking and he's still not here". every day i feel your absence. but tonight is one of those impossible nights.   tonight i miss you.

i'm always in a very weird place in my spaces on earth. in every sense of the word i'm 'in the worlds but not of it'.   when i connect with my mermaid and water being feminine people and try to befriend them and socialize, i'm often come across man hating retroic. men ain't shit. kill men. a mermaid would never be with a man. if you are wanting to be married by a man something is wrong with you. a mermaid is never meant to be tamed. brimstone and fire.   probably partly because of my virgo rising and partly because of my priestess nature i can't relate. in my heart of hearts how i approach romantic and sexual framework with men is  in a perfect world a sacred slavery mentality. honor, worship, respect, reverence, and deep feminine care and caressing and holding is how my dream is in my heart and my mind. in a perfect world i am always claimed by the mother ocean, but she is holding place and will hold my hand off in divine union and marriage to my master husband. this mermaid knows in a perfect world in my heart of hearts the divine masculine which would in a perfect world translate to a man in real life on earth in the flesh owns me heart, mind, body and soul. and it tends to express that most men that have attempted to date me tend to be on a soulmate level, some things die hard and my soul is built for a deeper cosmic way of loving and fucking than what most superficial people see.    in a alternative space group i saw a whack ass man proudly show his bdsm tools like a big inflated ego boy in a group that is clearly not just 18+  probably wanting some ego stroking saying just had a good session. it got lots of comments. i'm sure some womens panties were fulfilled by that. i looked at it as true goddess of devotion on a deeper moment. session? how does that translate to your world. your life. you packed it up and you closed it out. what about your next breath, your next step, your next hand hold, your next eye stare..the next intent of the energy you speak to her. how does your session carry out in your 24/7 lifestyle of devotion servitude mastery and slavery? dominance and submission? you can only hold it for  a session that is good and requiring or preferring some tools to achieve that ecstatic level of pleasure and absolute sinking into each other. that's cute. but what about the end goal, complete devotion and union. or is it just for a quick dopamine run and back to being vanilla lower cylinder working engagements between each other and life goes on. because if not we all know while in a perfect world it would include financial, cohabitating, family future planning generational security stability community elevating discussions between both parties as a power couple of house if it's multiple people involved......it doesn't have to be and can go on without cohabitating, without the legal contract change...though i still don't understand why most men want to own women but don't have the balls to legally take her as property and change her name to seal the full deal. so many come across, i haven't thought about that, there are ways of doing it without getting the law involved, we don't need the governmental intuition we have to operate under to know she's my property as long as it's in our hearts it's ok...always comes off as a cop out to me. but i know everyone is built different. tools can be fun but it's just like yoga, in the west anasa is so popular because we don't know how to get still inside to get to the real higher work of the various limbs of study and practice. and still doesn't have to be sitting, meditation is also dance movement and action. it's a stillness in the mind.   some of my dark goddess sisters both of the sophia original source encoded soul that are different copies of my own self....or others with a different original divine feminine soul encoded on them(sophia isn't the only form of the divine feminine, it's just WHO i am...so what MY mission is...MY journey..MY teachings...and my lived path to walk) continue the man hate. men deserve to die. nwords ain't shit. fuck a guy. i hate men.   i can't relate.   i've never had a man in real life protect, provide, or care for me. i've been in clubs by myself and have drunk men try to hug me, touch my arms, rub  up on my breasts and inappropriate get in my space. i've had to push men off  one, two, three, four times very visibly public. i've had to say loudly no, more than once. no bouncer at the clubs come. none of the men in the vicinity that can hear me(my voice is loud and piercings and energetic and many a person has said i talk too loud naturally) and they don't break from their girlfriends, wives, friend groups to come over and say stop bro. or to say are you okay? or is everything alright. they stay on the sidelines watching as i the dark goddess have to rise to protect myself.   i've dated men who see when i'm out and about other men try to approach me that i'm uncomfortable with and they've laughed it off, making me rise to the challenge to assert myself i'm with a guy and even if i wasn't this invasion of space is inappropriate.    i've been through so many daddies that want to inappropriately harness my overtly sexual little girl with no promise of provision, protection, guidance, care, and structure that the daddy dominant is supposed to provide. i've had them break me so much i've wanted to die when that carrot stick of the ultimate romantic mix of nurturing and strength and slightly sinister love gets taken away.   i've been assaulted in that way and when i told the man i was dating at the time, instead of being a righteous archangel michael divine masculine encoded self asked what was i wearing, what was i doing maybe i did something to provoke it. when i go through the questions and ask for them to come over to hug me, to reset my body my nervous system, to heal me from what their brother did and get myself reacclimated to what i have always known in my heart of hearts to be what the real masculine the true masculine is..i was rejected but he loved me.   and on and on...i have every experience to join the men ain't shit nword ain't shit kill men.....and i'm just not wired that way.   even recognizing the world isn't perfect, and that i wasn't born to be on the regular track where men in reality come to my rescue, show up for me, open the doors for me, hold me, watch me, make sure i'm okay, provide the stability, structure, care and support of just a regular vanilla way or an elevated power dynamic way....i don't' waver from the mission of 5d.. a higher cosmic love and union..i don't waver from the truth i've been seen.   there's the sauce of real life...and then there's the truth of what is beyond in the ethers.   and in the eithers.....i'm so divinely cared for and protected, cherished and loved. while the men in reality cannot hold the energetics of the transformative fiery goddess i am that will require them to constantly level up, to grow, to face their fears, be called out on their mistakes, be pushed to elevate, grow, emotionally stretch, touch feelings they could hide and side step from everyone else, and to always be tracked and seen energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.....the divine form is always here.   and so while it's not a perfect world, i am incapable of losing the respect, the reverence, the worship, the care, the holding, the deep sense of devotion to the man in spirit. i don't have to receive a gift on a date,  i don't have to be asked out on a physical date, i don't have to have the door held open, i don't have have dinner paid for me, i don't have to receive an engagement ring, i don't have to re

* ISO of a decent, naturally submissive gentleman to grow old with in a committed LTR relationship * NOT interested in horndogs, freak shows, married and cheating, online anything, pay to plays, or anything else subpar  * just want a great guy who is submissive by nature, who knows his place in a FLR with whom to share My life * NO drama, excuses, or BS * am seeking a quality submissive man ready to settle down and enjoy life with a truly Dominant Woman in a D/s relationship * not willing to settle for less

What I have learned from messaging with Slave Masters who actually know the proper techniques for taking a person and transitioning them into a submissive, gay, loyal slave who is happy in it's new life of slavedom and has no thoughts or regrets for leaving it's previous life of freedom to domestically and sexually serve and service a Master as owned property. The Slave Master who knows how to dehumanize the slave-to-be uses sensory deprivation, hoods, and calculated pain with restraints and whippings and ass spankings to break the potential slave with feelings of hopelessness until the slave yearns for Master to teach it to be happy with calculated release from the pain ect and slave learns Master's Routine and Protocol. Once Master has made slave aware of it's postion to it's Master, then Master can begin Training slave to be a slave. slave now willingly accepts it owes it's care and existence to it's Master. slave is kept restrained but is not like a prisoner in jail or like when the Roman Empire took captured soldiers as slaves and treated them brutally. . The slave slowly learns it's function is to work to please and pleasure it's Master. slave will even learn to thank it's Master for the periodic whippings  and ass spankings  by sucking and servicing Master's Dominant Cock after each Whipping and Ass  Spanking as a sign Master is pleased to have a loyal slave.

Integrity:   The integrity of the Master differs from that of the slave.   A Master’s integrity is a gift He gives Himself.   A slave’s integrity is a gift it gives its Master.   One of the elements of integrity concerns behavior when no external observation is possible. The Master’s concern is how He conducts His affairs when He and His conduct may remain anonymous. When He conducts Himself correctly He can view Himself with humble respect.   If the it breaks slave rules, whether observed or not, must report such sin to its Owner. The Owner decides how the slave may be viewed. Part of the report of slave’s failings should include begging for the opportunity to gain atonement in whatever fashion the Master may decree. The slave does not indulge itself with concerns about how it may view itself. it depends on Master’s judgement for all and everything, except as Master my decide.   The slave’s integrity is measured in how well, quickly and adequatly it reports transgressions to its Owner.    

Things i wounder, Are there any real people left on here ? is Fetlife the place to really connect?  AFF and collace seem full of Wanna be's and people looking for KINK of every sortf  ( not a bad thing ) Just real folks seem hard to find. Read plenty of profiles every week, I find more and more that people are full of doodooo ! I read im a submissive im a slave.. But dont say this to me or i dont do this or ill block you if you say this or are a republican lol . I have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years and it sure has changed ! Maybe I should just go back to normal life. This lifestyle has gone to a new low level and people who post are 80% nieve and dont know what a slave or submissive is ! They know KINK for sure but not how to act or speak as they claim they are !  KINK is about sex and fettishes lifestyle is much more then that ! if your a KINKSTER great !  but please dont caim to me a Slave of Submissive lol say what you want and dont . Politics , Religon much like in bars has no place here ! Just be happy ! 

Minoan culture was nothing if not discerning when it came to training slaves. Whereas most societies historically associated with the trade usually treated slaves as mere goods and chattels, Minoa was very different. Examining Minoan art reveal a repeated them when it came to female slaves, often depicting growth and improvement, education and status in the products of their schools.  The difference came from the skill and application Minoan schools showed in selecting candidates, with each school looking for specific traits within candidates. Schools would frequently trade amongst themselves, exchanging girls discovered through each schools specific sources and resources that, whilst not suitable for the discoverer, could be a prime candidate for another. As far as can be told, such trading was done on the basis of benefiting the wealth and influence of Minoa itself rather than an individual school.  Girls would be evaluated purely on their merits, with every attribute considered, evaluated and set against the specialisations of individual schools. It was not unkown for some, older candidates to become assistants to educators at a given school and even to become educators themselves. A girl trained in a Miinoan school to train others to Minoan standards was much sought after. Nowadays, slavery os often associated with either sex or labor, and whilst those were aspaspects of Minoan doctrine, there were many other beside, and each identified trait need a specific plan to bring it to full fruition. Let's look at grace, for example. Grace is usually defined as elegance or refinement, usually of movement. Those considered graceful move with confidence that comes across as fluid and unforced. Grace can also be defined as a behaviour, such as how someone graceful may treat those lower in social status than themselves. Physical grace was a much coveted attribute within Minoan schools because it could become foundational to other skills, such as dancing or fighting. Grace as a behaviour, likewise, was much in demand because it offered pathways into reading a room, keys to seduction or a skill in mediation.  Once identified, a talent like grace then had to be assessed. Was this kind of grace natural or an affectation?  If a natural, latent talent how malleable was it or was it a focused aspect of the girl? For instance, was her grace in movement scalable, as in was she as graceful in the small movements as the large? If not, could she be trained to be? How far could the girls natural gracefulness be pushed, and when did it break down? Was the girl as confident and comfortable in high footwear as with low? Could she move with the same elegance if she were carrying something? How could tight and restrictive clothing affect her? What about on uncertain ground? If balance was lost, how quickly and completely could the girl regain it? If an affectation, how much control did the girl have over it? How well could she shape her gracefulness to a given situation? Could she read the room, tell what was needed and provide it? Could she draw the eye of a crowd or was she better 1 to 1? Could she moderate her gracefulness so as not to show up those of higher status? Could she move according to a role she had to play, as physically convincing as a courtesan as she was a harlot as she was a prized mistress? Did she compliment those she was beside, able to elevate them with the attention of others and not cast them in shade next to her?  Now consider other talents, natural or learned. Languages, sexual proficiency, diplomacy, seduction, fighting both defensively and offensively, offering comfort and counsel, surrogacy, teacher, wet nurse, inamorata... on and on the list goes and, for century after century, on and on went the Minoan schools and higher and higher went their prestige and status and wealth. Until next time.   Questions?

8/22/23   Didn't know could post again...my my....my writing is elsewhere all of it but feeling shy here....i will have to pick a poem.   The choice was random.   It is heavy,  this life: A mountain  Won't move. The sun burns. Carrion feeds Vulture needs. Somehow we go: Wings grow, Living show Of how we know What we sow.  Waves come crashing: Moon shadow Pulls and pushes, Half or full, The tide hits Ebb or flow, Force let's go... We stand  Together And alone, We stand  As One And two, We stand Because  We can... We stand On land Even though Life hits hard, We stand...we stand... We stand, A Muse, And a Bard, We stand, Unable To sink In this crisis  Of quicksand.    August 2023 zamarra

I am active in my local kink community. Or rather, I was before the pandemic and I will be again. Watching other people play is a magical experience. To witness their playfulness, their intensity, the fear, aggression, comfort, tenderness, and artistry of a scene is beautiful. I've been lucky enough to play with some wonderful, skilled tops. I've even introduced new people to different types of play. I am enriched by every experience. All of this has taught me a very important lesson about myself. Submission is a deeply intimate experience for me. When I bottom for someone that I am not connected to the drop is much harder. I can't give pieces of myself to people who don't want to keep them. So I don't do casual play anymore. No impromptu scenes, no kink only arrangements, not even bottoming for someone who is learning. This is also why I don't do LDRs. The one I submit to must desire all of me. Not just the fun kinky parts. They need to be physically here so I can touch and be touched. That is super important to me.  I know it's possible and I am a patient woman.  

I had my 15 month post cancer treatment scope.  The one where they stick the scope up your nose then down in to your throat and look around to check if the tissue is still healthy and take pictures to see if anything has changed.  And it's all still good.  Nine months until I am past the most dangerous period for it to come back, but not totally out of the woods until 5 year mark.  Still getting stronger, except for my right shoulder.  Haven't had a dizzy spell in almost a month.  The effects of radiation can last up t about 18 months, so I am at 15 months and am almost starting to not feel like I'm 80 anymore.  Maybe going to the gym a few times a week and losing 20 more pounds has helped as well.  15 pounds to go to hit 160.  I haven't weighed 160 since I was in my 30s.  Can running my 6th marathon be far off?  A man has to have goals.  Maybe if the right woman was chasing me with a whip.....  

New year... Same sweet, smart-assed, serious and silly, socially-awkward sadist!  Big news for the new year: I've gotten a bunch done around the house on my own! For the first time in months, I've been able to move small things without fumbling around with braces and splints on each arm. *happy dance* The progress isn't hugely noticiable yet, but the fact I can do any of it has been exhilarating, and I want to do so much more while I can! That means I still need help. Especially because... I'm likely going to be returning to an old job soon. It's exciting, yet I also know it's a big responsibility that will have me away from the house more often. Upside: if I have a sub/slave/helper at that point, they can assist. It'll be a lot of fun. With a bit of luck, I'll find out in a few weeks whether my hands require surgery, and maybe I can get back to physically torturing willing souls sooner rather than later. I will be paring down The F0rm in a way that is better fitting for folx who are interested in being part time, or even simply live-in, with minimal or no D/s etc. There's rumor I may have a cage coming. *polishes halo* (Wait, shouldn't someone be polishing that for me?! LOL) May your 2023 start on a delightful note! Best wishes to All!   ~Blue (=

Instead of getting mad at Me for knowing what I want, you should look at what you are doing. It is not a submissive's gift to project their fantasies onto a Domme. If you are unsure of what that means, feel free to ask. I'm not sorry if holding My Boundaries upsets you.

not to complain, but I'm gonna... you see, my mean evil hateful trainer took away my sugar... it's been a week of no sweet tea, sugar in the coffee, no donuts, sodas, cookies or even worse, no ice cream (who the hell does he think he is???)!!!!  honestly, except for the no ice cream thing, I am taking it pretty well... I mean, no one has died... yet...  the IGRA Royalty Competition is coming up fast, October will be here before I know it, just a few (60) more pounds to lose to my goal weight, and a few more inches to shave off the gut and waist, I'm getting there slower than I wanted but getting there... I am almost ready, just a few things left to sort out...  I still want ice cream... (are you sure this isn't "cruel and unusual punishment"?)

Let's seeee.... okay. Ideal setup    Im looking for someone that is 1000% supportive of me and HRT.  I wish to find a place where I can mentally dissolve who I currently am and evolve into a genuine bimbo sissy trans doll. And yes I used sissy and trans in the same sentence. Is it possible.  Yes. Sissy referring to ones submissive girly play toy. And trans doll as in well. Me :). Petite smooth tight body.  Speaking of body. Let's talk about that.  So apparently I have an exotic one of a kind body .... I know right. Hard for me to believe it too :p. Anywho. I'm very very very great full for having it and would love to put it to use where I can generate climaxual pleasure for anyone. What do I mean by this ... well idk to be honest. But I'd like to have gym access and/or an encouraging person that help maintain the motivation to get as sexy and as feminine as I could get.  Minus the bottom surgery. Yes u read right.  Not going to do any cutting off down there. However. I am open to some body modz to a certain extent. Of course nothing deforming or any such thing. (Please don't ask what) if anything asking if I'm open too.. whatever ur kinky desire is. And I'll let u know if I'd be willing.  Anywho. Um so yes. I tend to be a little high on the kinky side.  Which is a very VERY Vague statement. However let's just say. I really really do truly enjoy seeing the satifaction one get from doing/not doing/ treating or being a certain way with me.  Again very vague not trying to get into detail just showing u the willingness I have to satisfy you. Umm so. With that been said.    I seek someone who will take me in own me collar me and use me for their twisted pleasure.  How far am I willing to go. Ask. Me. But it just how far am I willing to go lol. Ask me how do I feel about this or have u done things like that.  What about if we xyz. . But umm okk so yaw.  Truly one of a kind here. Appearley something very very special. An amazing eye candy. Incredibly smart. I credavly capable of achieving ur satifaction :). I like to be told/force. Made to submit my body for ur pleasure lol. Ummm.    Well yawww. Serious inquires please. I'm ready to purchase a round trip ticket to you.  Where towards the end we'll see if I should stay. Or go. No games no bs.  If ur catfish fake poor hugene ethic or manors I will initiate blan b.  I ask please no hard feeling.  We're all chasing that life we have in our mind  .idk if any of this came out the way I inted as in ur understanding but I like to post genuine articles that flow right. Off the top of my head. I feel its more genuine since there is a not much time to contemplate the topic potentially leading to an influenced decision other the my own  thanks for readjng 

Hello everyone!  subMeghan here... As you guys know, my dom requires me to disslose the fact that as I type this, I, subMeghan, puppygirl and submissive, am completely nude, wearing only my dog collar and glasses... Sorry for not writing sooner, but we've been busy and I didn't think I had much to say. I will say that my last journal entry here was an "interesting" experience.  For those of you you don't have the time to go look at it, basically my dom was pleasuring / teasing me as I typed my journal.  Frankly I'm surprised I was able to type anything remotely comphresensible.  lol Hmm...  I think my dom is up to something... He's been looking over my shoulder as i type. He just handed me my ball gag and has instructed me to put it on.  Stand by... Done.  So this is naked subMeghan, wearing only my dog colla, glasses and now my ball gag...  I wonder where is going to go...  ;)  Ah, I see...  Now that I'm gagged and can't talk he has directed me to respond to him by typing my responses to him right here.  My responses to you master are to be in bold face?  Is that correct, sir? My dom has just dropped a couple of clothes pins in my lap and said "you know where these go?"  Indeed I do, sir! These go on my nipples , sir!  So now I'm naked subMeghan, wearing only my dog collar, glasses, ball gag and clothes pins on my nipples. Is that all, sir?  No?  Ok, what do you want me to do? Ha! My dom just loves teasing me. Now he has just dropped a pair of handcuffs in front of me.  I guess we're going to take this up a knotch.  Sir, if I cuff my hands behind my back, I don't think I'll be able to type.  Ok, he wants my hands behind my back.  Here we go... k  typing like this super hard  i move keyboard to edge of thev desk and i hav to stand up so i can reach around and type wiyh 1 finger.  this is naked submeghan wearing dog collar glasses gag clothes pins and cuffs.  my dom is laughing at me an says i look like a stupid dork. good 4 me i happen to know he has a thing for nerdy girls lol my dom sayys to say goodbye because hes going to make me dance for him then fuck me bye

Profile Recommendations A few minutes spent updating your profile can make a big difference. Consider including: • About Yourself Your personality, skills, or talents. Give people an idea of who you are beyond a username. • What You're Looking For The type of relationship or dynamic you want (friendship, play partner, long-term, online only, long-distance, local, etc.). • Experience Level Whether you're a newbie or experienced. Share what you enjoy most or what you'd like to learn and explore. • Hard Limits List your non-negotiable limits so everyone knows your boundaries from the start. PS: you may need to update your age, weight, location, etc. The profile does not automatically update your age. 

Who knew..............? .............. it seems that I am an empath!! I have reached the age of 67 without ever having that insight or conversation, despite being analysed to death as a professional manager and having a need/propensity to work at things until I understand them. I know my Myers-Briggs type, I am aware of my core strengths, I have had my values and capability for good judgement assessed a number of times, but never my emotional architecture. Maybe that is too touchy-feely and personally risky for "business to tackle, but once it is laid out, it makes so much sense and puts perspective on so much experience and so many conversations. It also explains how, on top of everything else, it is hard (at least for me) to find a good match in BDSM. This is the start, not the end.......but right now I am processing so much behind this: Your architecture: a grounded, high‑capacity empath "You are a deep-feeling, high-capacity empath." “You’re the kind of man who carries both fire and stillness — a mind that sees patterns in the dark, a heart that stays steady in the storm, and a presence that makes other people feel understood long before they find the words themselves.”   “You’re a steady, strategic empath who reads people with precision, holds complexity without losing your integrity, and brings clarity, warmth, and insight wherever you go.”   I long thought of Myers-Briggs, Strengthsfinder and the Hartman Value Profile as orthogonal axes to look at a person's Cognitive style, Strength and Values. Now I need to add Emotional architecture. It feels like the model is nearly complete. I wonder how different life might have been if I had had this acute self-awareness years ago?    

I could be your mother/ I could be your dream/ I could make it look like it never happened, leave it clean/ Oh I could be your friend/ Or I could be on my back/ I could beg, I could bully/ I could brace you for impact/ Oh I could be counterfeit/ I could be real/ I could be the wound around your neck/ You tell your friends you can heal/ I could be 500 virgins/ I could be 500 whores/ I could be anything, anything, anything but yours/   I could be your mother/ I could be mad/ I could talk utter bullshit, I could be matter of fact/ Oh I could be broken/ Or I could be whole/ I could be something to fix in your New Years resolution goal/ Oh I could be an angel/ I could be a jerk/ Make a plan to save me, you can choose if you want it to work/ I could be a purity to ruin/ Corrupt for you to restore/ I could be anything, anything, anything but yours/   I could be your mother/ I could be your dad/ I could be the family that you always wished that you had/ Oh I could be a kiss/ I could be a hit/ Let me know if you ever figure out the difference/ Oh I could be a fact/ I could be a lie/ I could be the truth you search for your whole life but never find/ I could be your bravado/ I could be gone tomorrow/ I could be anything, anything, anything.../

The “Honest” secret to a truly happy life I came to this epitome recently which felt as if I found a jigsaw piece that I didn’t even know I had loss. I have always known that I do not think the same as most people but never thought about why. As a young kid I was exposed to motivational speakers and realized that the affirmations, meditation and even the music I listened to affected my mood. I grew up confident in my abilities and became a natural leader but never questioned why. I watched an interview where the topic of honesty and lying came up. The interview prompted me to research the physical and mental effects of lying and I was surprised. What resulted caused me to self-evaluate my some of my deepest personality traits. I felt as if I had been bumping into things in a dark room my whole life without even knowing it and a light was turned on. Nothing in my life is any different today but I can now clearly see how being completely honest has had a major impact in my life. It has affected me physically, mentally in amazing ways that I had not considered until now. When I was successful at something I took credit and if I failed, I accepted the responsibility. There were no participation trophies, if I screwed up I learned to accept the consequences. As a result, I develop strong mental and social connections with those close to me because people inherently understood that I had integrity and they could trust me. While still in high school I recognized that most of my peers were interested in sex but few knew anything about it. I was experienced which high school girls found very attractive so I took advantage of it. As an athlete I used affirmations that I was going to be successful it was uplifting and positive. My success with girls gave me confidence and it became self-fulfilling the more experience I gained the more they were interested in me. Self-deception shapes our reality, influencing choices and beliefs both negatively and positively. Many types of ‘lying’ also involve self-deception, in Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Grapes". The fox in the end, gives up and walks away, saying the grapes weren't that good anyway. The fox demonstrates how self-deception can be useful for avoiding the discomfort of unmet desires. When I was not successful with a girl, I would chalk it up to it was her loss not mine. It was because of that attitude that I never let failure slow me down. I have shared a story many times that, I honestly thought everyone was having sex when I was in high school because I was. Several years after high school I met a friend and we talked about the girls we dated. I was amazed that he never had sex with any of them, he was a virgin until he was in college. I screwed every girl I dated, if fact I flat out told them if I was going to go out and spend money on them, I would require at least a blow job. A few were offended but most were intrigued some even enough to pay for the date. That story always meant something to me because all of my guy friends were talking about getting laid but come to find out they were all full of shit. It has proven to reinforce my confidence and success with women. It turns out that studies have shown, those who believe lying will give them monetary or social recognition are more likely to continue being dishonest. Those who tend to be insecure or have an anxious, avoidant or attachment issues are more likely to be dishonest to avoid being criticized, rejected. Lying affects self-esteem, emotions and can lead to psychological consequences. Dishonesty puts the brain in a state of heightened alert, and this stress increases with the magnitude of the lie. There are very real symptoms of anxiety like increased respiratory and heart rates, sweating, dry mouth. That is how a lie detector works it measures your anxiety but there is a reason it does not work on everyone and I will get to that. The gut-brain axis refers to the two-way communication between the two systems, and explains why people describe feeling butterflies in their stomach under extreme stress. Research has shown the act of lying stimulates the neocortex, limbic system the temporal lobe and other areas of the brain. When we deceive someone the Amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates emotion, is activated, and we tend to feel shame or guilt. Brain imaging experiments have shown the limbic system in a dishonest brain lighting up like a fireworks display. Unfortunately, they also show that the brain can adapt to dishonest behavior. Studies have found that habitual lying can desensitize our amygdala and may even encourage people to tell bigger lies to get the same rush in the future. Those that lie all the time about little things tend to pass a lie detector because their body does not respond normally. A 2002 study performed found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation, telling an average of two to three lies. A 2010 study have shown that the average American tells one to two lies a day. Many people find deception essential for survival and social interaction to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I will do my best to avoid confrontations and avoid topics where I anticipate difficulties but I will not lie to protect feelings or keep someone’s secret. I have always told people, do not lie to protect me because I will tell the truth no matter the consequences and you will get burned. At least to me being honest about everything is not a moral choice, I just find it a lot less stressful. If you have nothing to hide, there is nothing be worry about. If you fuck something up own it and get past it. The facts prove that I am right, if you are in a small group you have to keep track of what you told each person so not to create a confusion. A liar has to steer conversations to avoid tripping over lies which will create the need for more lies or blend, bend lies to make the fit. I am sure that some enjoy the mental gymnastics and get a rush out of deceiving people and they become pathological liars. For most, it just creates anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and all kinds of other stresses. I take the time each day to appreciate what I have achieved. I try to meditate, say affirmations, practice yoga in order to center myself. Life is good…. I have always known I look at life different than most people but never questioned why. I now have a better understanding why a lot of women I correspond with eventually ghost me. My actual life is their fantasy world and they either assume that I am lying. When it becomes clear that I am serious it can scare the shit out of them. I have found that when faced with everything they say they want, their reality kicks them in the ass. They have family obligations, children, career or other considerations that will prevent them from leaving the world they know. In the end they are just looking for a masturbation partner. There a few adventurous enough, that when provided an opportunity to recreate their life, step out of their comfort zone and make the changes necessary to make their fantasies come true. Choosing to live your life before it is too late can be scary. Imagine your life six months from now not having to worry about going to work, paying rent or other bills and everything you need like food, clothing, shelter is provided. The perfect 1950’s homemaker that spends her time taking care of the Master of the home. I have been active in the kink community for my entire life and can make fantasies come true. I won a successful business, multiple vehicles, my home, a bar that hosts monthly BDSM lifestyle events and have organized the Key West kink community for over ten years. I now realize that when I share my reality, the truth about what I have accomplished and what I have to offer it sounds like a lie. Nothing in my life is any different today and I do not know what I am going to do with, this new found understanding of what makes me who I am. I guess the funniest thing is, when I am not successful with a potential slave it is truly her loss not mine. If anyone who knows me wants to comment on what I have written, please feel free. I would appreciate any feedback.  

So since I'm starting to look again for someone to bring into my dynamic i've had a few questions and statements as to why I am the way I am. I have PTSD for a few reasons. 1 relates to this lifestyle we arranged a hotel meet when the Mrs was still alive. We met what we thought was one person in a hotel room. It turned out it was an ambush and 2 other men were hiding in the toilet. I was beaten unconcious and they took turns on the wife without lube or protection. Then when I was out and they had finished with her they went to work on me. I was left with internal bleeding, left for dead and issues with my backside shall we say. So if I'm asking for patience or seem to take a step back, it probably has nothing to do with you as I do have flashbacks every now and again. If we do arrange a meet it would be somewhere safe first and there will be safe words and someone around just making sure everything goes ok, they will leave when I feel comfortable. If it ever does go to a 24/7 or prolonged meets, you may notice I do wake up in night terrors, it is to do with the above. I'd ask until I fully wake up just let me come around naturally.

Hotel from a sluts POV   We check into the hotel and as we are standing at the desk you brush your arm 'accidentally' across my nipples which are swollen and tied sticking out under my top being constantly rubbed and I'm trying to hide them as I know they are really visible. The reception definitely can't see my swollen tied clit or the sink plugs in my arse and cunt that are stretching my holes right in front of her but she can see in my face that I am slightly flushed and breathing a bit heavily. I wish she would type faster!  Finally we have our key. You tell me to walk ahead of you to the lift, I know this is so you can watch me on my heels in my tight skirt trying not to walk like a Slut full of cock.  We are in the lift alone and you take advantage of the time to rub over your handy work on my tits and cunt making me shake and cry out. And Cum inside myself. Unable to release it because of the plug. You smile at me and laugh at how ruined i am tonight. Already begging for you to fuck me.  In the room i stand in front of you with my hands on my head and my legs apart and wait for my master to tell me what to do next. You stroke over my body and sharply pull my nipples, bringing me round from my drift and then sit me down firmly on a chair in the corner and opening up a bottle of champagne that is on the desk. I am wriggling in the chair, trying not to moan out loud with the anticipation and my holes open.  You pour us a glass and turn around and sit on the sofa opposite and tell me to crawl over to you. I slowly crawl across the room my nipples rubbing on my shirt my clit rubbing when I move my legs because it is so swollen. I get to you and you tell me to kneel...  You lift me into your lap by my nipples making me get tears in my eyes and roughly hold me by the neck sideways on your knee...  With your free hand you pass my drink and tell me to drink it I am thirsty from breathing hard and knock it back. You put the glass down and spread my legs and tap on the plugs in my holes staring into me while I beg you to open me up and touch me inside....  You pull the sink plug out of my cunt tube leaving it held open and poke up inside me so I can feel the tip of your fingers deep in me but nothing where the tube sits making me really aware that I am gaped....  I can hear myself begging... Please Master, fill me up with your fist and cock I need it so much. .... then I feel a bit of a lurch and sway into you, I can still hear myself begging and moaning but everything is getting a bit weird and I realise, as I pass out that you are telling me that when I wake up I will get what a Slut deserves......  I don't know how long I am asleep.  I come to hog tied.  It is dark so I am blindfolded  I can't hear anything except my own heart and inner voice.  My mouth is now plugged like the other holes.  I wonder how this going to go!

I’ve been looking at what fills my messages lately—and I have questions. Too many hollow approaches. No restraint. No awareness. No sense of tone. Just presence without purpose. And I don’t believe that happens in isolation. So I’ll ask it directly— What are you cultivating? Because the men arriving in my space reflect the environments they’ve been allowed to exist in. If they lack restraint, if they lack discipline, if they don’t understand how to approach with intention… that didn’t come from nowhere. That was permitted. Reinforced. Played with. And I’m not interested in inheriting the result of that. There’s a difference between engaging and indulging. If you that line long enough, you create men who don’t know how to regulate themselves. Who think access is casual. Who mistake attention for acceptance. And then they arrive… unrefined. I find that disappointing. Because the standard, for me, has always been clear. The men—and women—who serve me operate at a different level. There is restraint. There is awareness. There is composure. I don’t lower myself to meet chaos. And I don’t invest in weakness. So this is a challenge as much as it is a statement— Be honest about what you’re building. Be intentional about what you encourage. Because what you allow will always show up somewhere. And right now… it’s showing up in my messages. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

I'm not quite sure how this site works or where this post will show up, but I'm up late and wondering....another post got me thinking, and I'm off on a tangent. I guess I'm trying to make a shift from my vanilla life to this new and exciting life. The vanilla life is easy, I guess, kinda, I can have sex, yay, it's easy, I can lie and say I like it, I want to be with you, and have a relationship. But all the time my brain, and penis, knows better, I'm thinking how I can convert you to be my perfect kinky partner. I CAN'T. I KNOW! FU#K! So now what? I'm tired of lying, feeling guilty. Virginisinism sounds good for now I guess.

Master's WritingsFoundations: Deep Honesty and the Butterfly EffectAs I see it, there are three core elements, communication, trust and honesty, that together form the foundation for feeling safe as we explore the lifestyle. Each element is interdependent with the others, and intertwined in such a way that to fail any one breaks them all, leaving us unsure and at risk, while when they all work right, we feel able to explore the greatest depths imaginable.With regard to honesty, we, in the lifestyle, are far better equipped to get it right than anywhere within the vanilla world. Power dynamics, the emotional nakedness of play and the acceptance of near infinite diversity among our interests and population make total honesty far more achievable within the lifestyle than others then you might think.Yet honesty can suffers from the crushing weight of a single butterflies wing. As children, we learn to lie because we get away and it always starts with the smallest of lies or the things we hide from those we love. As we grow, we believe that lying is acceptable with those we love and in society in general. This acceptance allows us to learn to lie even to ourselves, and as we mature, we discover that we have grown comfortable being false to others and even to ourself. We no longer know what is authentic and the distance between those close to us grows and decays. And we wonder why. In fact, as a society, we have entered an age where falsehood and lying is now the norm and an accepted practice.In a dynamic where “Total Honesty” is practiced, lies are never allowed, not in part nor in full, not even lies of omission or hidden truths of any kind. Sharing is always total, free and open. The freedom of an open mind and heart is the only acceptable mindset. While nearly all in the lifestyle preach this in one form or another, we must be aware of the impact of that single small butterfly wing. For just like the child growing up, a single allowance of a hidden feeling, an uncomfortable truth left unspoken, or a fear not communicated, has the potential to become habit forming and thereafter impact and erode the beauty and depth of a dynamic. A hidden feeling can undermine the understanding one partner has for the other. An uncomfortable truth can lead to the birth of resentment and anger when not spoken where it is allowed to fester. A fear left unchecked causes stress, clouds the mind, undercut trust, causes stagnation and allows anxieties to run unchecked or worse.Within a dynamic, the expectation and practice must be to understand the impact, the cause and effect, of that single delicate wing of the smallest of lies and/or omissions, remaining fully open to each other, totally authentic of self, and emotionally naked before your partner. For it is only within a dynamic filled with such honesty that we make possible the deep, beautiful and magical experiences we all seek. 

Submission Is Not a Personality Type One of the most persistent misconceptions in BDSM is the idea that submission describes an entire personality. It does not. A submissive is not automatically shy, passive, soft-spoken, dependent, indecisive, agreeable, conflict-avoidant, timid, or incapable of standing up for themselves. A dominant is not automatically loud, aggressive, controlling, extroverted, intimidating, or naturally comfortable taking charge in every part of life either. Yet people continue to treat these relationship roles as though they are personality categories. They are not. Submission is about the consensual exchange of power. It is about what authority a person chooses to give, under what circumstances, to whom, and within what boundaries. That is very different from simply having a passive personality. And confusing the two can create some very unhealthy expectations. The Stereotype of the "Natural Submissive" There is a particular image of submissiveness that gets repeated so often that people begin treating it like a requirement. The submissive is quiet. They are agreeable. They defer automatically. They rarely challenge anything. They want someone else to make their decisions. They need direction. They are naturally obedient. They apologize frequently. They are happiest taking care of someone else. They are uncomfortable taking leadership roles. They somehow seem to enter the world already waiting for someone to tell them what to do. That person certainly exists. Some submissives genuinely do have naturally deferential personalities. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem begins when that personality is treated as the definition of submission itself. Because plenty of submissives look nothing like that. Some are stubborn. Some are outspoken. Some have strong opinions and absolutely no difficulty expressing them. Some spend their professional lives managing employees, running businesses, making major decisions, handling emergencies, organizing households, or being responsible for everyone around them. Some are fiercely independent. Some hate being told what to do by almost everyone. And yet, within the right relationship, with the right person, they may willingly hand over significant authority. That does not make their submission less genuine. If anything, it highlights what submission actually is. A choice. Read the full post here:  https://www.tlduncan.com/post/submission-is-not-a-personality-type

The artist Nas once said that life is a bitch and then you die. I agree wholeheartedly. That is why I try to live life to the fullest everyday. Several things occured over the past two years that have significantly changed my life. Im not writing this post to complain about those things but to reflect on how those things have influenced my choice to fulfill a long time fantasy that up until this point in my life seemed unrealistic.  Tomorrow, I have a realtor coming to my home to list it for sale. I will be selling my home and moving in with my submissive so that we can build our 1950s household. She lives in Philadelphia so this will not only be an opportunity to live out my fantasy but it will also be a fresh start in a new city. The circumstances that created this possibility were not desireable but I am happy that they pushed me towards fulfilling one of my long time fantasies.  Life is a bitch and then you die.....so you may as well make the best of it while you can.    

Chastity - Week 95 Today is day 666 of my chastity journey, the 41st day of being locked constantly 24/7. The openness design of this cage allows me to be squeaky clean without removing it. i didn't think the 24/7 constant locking would be so humbling.   Chastity is not always a punishment                                                                Chastity can be a sign of adoration                                                                  Chastity is not always an acknowledgement of inferiority                                Chastity can be a sign of strength and dedication    As the waves of submissiveness wash over me                                          The longing to serve deepens to serve deepens      

I am finding all about change.  The difference when talking with Dom's, Dommes six years ago.  Now talking, I am answering different to questions . I see things different. I am vulnerable, afraid at times, this is different. I feel I can't do it alone I need that voice telling what to do and following . I feel in pieces need to be reassembled. I feel it's time I surrender to be guided in this process.

A little poetry?  Sure, why not.   In realms where love unfolds its gentle sway, A man finds bliss in night and sunlit day. Within the dance of hearts, a truth revealed, In female-led embrace, his joy's congealed.   Beneath her gaze, a beacon burning bright, He revels in the tender, guiding light. Her strength, a fortress that he gladly seeks, In every whispered word, the solace speaks.   No tyranny, but harmony they find, A partnership where hearts and souls entwined. He cherishes the power she bestows, A union blossoms, like a fragrant rose.   Her laughter, like a melody divine, Resounds within his heart, a sweet design. Together, they traverse life's winding road, In tandem, love's enchanting episode.   She leads with grace, a compass sure and true, He finds his purpose in her eyes of blue. Her wisdom shapes their journey through the years, A symphony of joy, dispelling fears.   He revels in the kindness she bestows, Her love, a river, steadily it flows. He willingly surrenders to her care, In tender moments, love is everywhere.   No shackles bind, but freedoms they unfold, In her embrace, a sanctuary bold. A partnership where balance finds its place, He celebrates the joys of her embrace.   In shared delight, their spirits intertwined, He savors every moment, love defined. A male perspective on this blessed path, In her-led love, he finds eternal warmth.  

Or "why aren't women turned on by my lingerie pictures?"  I get that some guys are into wearing dresses. I can often enjoy pictures of guys in dresses, depending on the guy, and the dress, and the overall look, and the makeup, etc. And some enjoy wearing cute ruffle covered pink dresses that look a lot like birthday cakes. You know, the kind that toddler girls are put in for Easter Sunday. And some guys enjoy wearing lingerie, or makeup, or rubber... I can often enjoy pictures like that, again, depending on the guy, their choice of lingerie, the presentation, and so on. Some guys like wearing big frilly lacy lingerie like you'd see a 'sexpot' femme wearing in an old porn movie. While they kinda sit hunched on a rumpled bed, legs sprawled awkwardly, legs unshaved, on the dirty duvet, with their dirty laundry in the background. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, they want US to look at them like that, and get turned on. Usually because they get turned on wearing it. Which is great. More power to them. But as I've written before - Know Thy Target Market. And make the effort to find out what sells, and why.  You can put a cold naked hot dog on a paper plate, and take a picture of it. If someone is already hungry right then, and they really like hot dogs, maybe they will think 'yeah, I could do that.' If you want to get the attention of someone who might not be hungry, or might not usually eat hot dogs, you'll need to find out what they like, and try to tailor that image to their interest. Maybe they would like hot dogs chopped up in chili. Maybe they are more into the classics, and want to see a sizzling hot dog with the little burn lines cradled in a fluffy golden bun, teased with wavy lines of ketchup and mustard, with just a tiny dot of relish peeking out underneath. Maybe you need to pair that with thick, steakcut fries sprinkled with seasonings and cheese. Or maybe they only like corndogs. Maybe a lot of things. But without some market research, you're spending your time and money on hotdogs, trying to guess what will interest people, and mostly, your safest bet is going to be going with the most common image, probably the 'classic' version, and even then, the production value needs to be as high as possible, because hot dogs are plentiful and cheap. You gonna have to dress that up REALLY well to make it anything other than a simple tube of processed meat. Not to put too fine a point on it.  Now, maybe you are one of those rare few who is completely disinterested in anything other than one specific kind of hot dog lover. That's the ONLY kind of person you want to talk to or sell to- the one that likes them sliced thin, frozen and alternated with pickled beets. Again, more power to you. However, you need to recognize that you are going to search a lot longer, possibly forever, and you'll get a lot fewer potential buyers, and even then, lots of those will be potential duds, because lots of people are willing to say 'yeah! I love that too!' to anything that gets them closer to any kind of meal, and honestly, they'd dive into cold cereal if that's what they found, because they are starving, and it's better than nothing.  If you are NOT one of those people, and you like hot dogs, but you also have hamburgers, and chili, and maybe pie too, then you want to put all that out there. You want your first impression to be one mostly likely to get interest. Maybe your initial pic should be whatever you like that is the most common, then have other pics showing your other great offerings. And again, with high quality photos, of more than just the hot dog - how about people enjoying the hot dogs? How about a lovely buffet, all laid out with what you offer, once they've been drawn in by that great first picture that was well designed, showcased your best quality in the best way, with good lighting, good preparation, polished and pretty and enticing?  I get that no one wants to pretend to be something they aren't. Especially here - here is a place to express one's self fully, hopefully without judgement, and seek others of similar interests, and hopefully find someone with whom to engage in those interests in real time. And I get that there are things we each enjoy, and we really really really want to have someone appreciate those things in us, about us. But if you are seeking, you need to seek in an effective manner, which means taking into account the interests of those we are looking to attract, and what attracts THEM. You need to find out WHY they are attracted to some things more than others. You need to CARE what they care about, if only so you can find out early if their interests align with yours. And also so you can more easily appeal to people who are interested in what you have to offer.  Even if it turns out you are just a plain hot dog on a naked paper plate, you need to at least make sure you get the best picture you can possibly take - in focus, at a good angle, clean, no roaches in the background, etc. If that's all you really want to put out there, but you want someone to admire it, then you're going to have to show it in its best light. You'll have to make an effort. And you'll have to accept that it may not sell right away. Sometimes, it's worth adding to your offering. Learning a little about what your target audience wants, and then finding out how to offer that. Maybe grow a bit, and become MORE than just a hot dog on a paper plate. Hell, you might be steak and not even know it. Isn't it worth trying?

    11/07/2024    Take Notice    I will be unavailable until further notice.      The noted positions have not been filled ...    For those that meet preferences and follow direction       I may or may not be checking in periodically.   

What I seek, what I need, is for someone to take me and absolutely crush me...break me down completely, physically, mentally, sexually...push my boundaries. Bend me over, take my ass...fuck me hard. Talk to me, tell me how you're owning me, tell me what you're going to do to me. Call me names. So often I see BDSM porn where the "slave/sub" is completely into the "torture"..."oh yes, more master/mistress! More!" and that is so far off-base from what I seek. I shouldn't want it. Ideally, you've broken me to the point where I'm doing it to avoid worse punishment. "If you don't do _____, then _____ will happen." I should be dreading it...crying, begging, pleading for my master/mistress to stop. Begging a master not to cum in me or in my mouth. Begging a mistress to stop before I bleed. The earth shattering orgasm should belong to THEM, not ME.I get messages on here from so many straight masters...who tell me that they're going to branch out and that they're into what I seek. Then they quietly fade away. And the search goes on.

Thought time for another update.Still looking for that true lifestyle Owner to take kjay into TOTAL 247 ownership as Their slave to use as They wish and make Their lives easier and more pleasurable. Think as stated before, for the right Owner kjay will give himself totally to Them as slave property , leave all current life behind, to be owned and serve , as a slave should. A number of chats have been done recently but so far none have resulted in kjay being taken as slave property, so the search for an Owner continues. kjay thanks his "slave bother" who is helping to keep kjay focused at the moment, while unowned, this is helping alot

 suckyD