Grey-Sexual submissive.

Da hell, right?

Sounds strange.  i always thought i was.... broken. Not finding any enjoyment in sex.  But it would please the guy, and in turn, i felt happy, a little bit.  Although i ignored my own confliction.

i know i'm already odd here, i don't sound like anyone else i've seen.  i know my heart though... So, i feel like i do belong, i guess?

Still learning about myself.  Guess one never truly knows themselves.  Always a work in progress.

Sometimes i feel badly, not replying to people who take the time to send me a message... (who have no picture of themselves included).

However, i don't ask anyone anything i'm not willing to do, or do do myself.

The fact they send me a message, likely expecting a reply, says they neither respect me as a person and or my simple wish to see their face, since they have seen mine.

Turn about and all that.

i may be a submissive, but i am not a door mat and certainly have standards and sense of self worth.

Sometimes physical things are not the heaviest things to remove.  Told that just now to a friend who recently lost their mother, and was tasked with cleaning out the house. 

Sometimes i say things so deep, that i make myself pause and think.

Last night, i was venting to one of the people in my RPG guild in ESO.  He was saying how he just needed reminders about posting stuff on the site and whatnot.  i told him i was done giving him reminders, and he asked why.  That was when a dam i hadn't known was ready to break, burst.  i told him, that if someone really wants to do something, they will do it.  They will do whatever they must, to ensure it happens.

i reminded him that he has a wife, and a professional life, and he must be doing well enough to govern himself.  i asked him, who looks after me, who gives me reminders to do things? i reminded him, how i have -no one-.  i have sticky notes all over the place, a phone full of alarms and reminders, because my memory is crap... How is it fair, that i should have to hand-hold grown adults in the guild, to remind them and chase after them to look after their own characters.  Told him i was done, time people sink or swim.

Of course, all that has ~nothing~ do to with the Lifestyle or genre on this site... Just another peek though, into my mundane life.

Love and Leashes

Quite a great movie on netflix right now.  Unlike 50 Shades, i found it to be endearing, hilarious, and well written.  Oh, and the asians... Mmmmm LOVE asians.  Such a sexy race.

There were times i was laughing, literally, out loud. 

i'm only sorry it wasn't a series; and that i don't have anything like that in my life yet.

Another Christmas 'alone'.

But you know what?  i'm ok with that.  It's become my new normal.  i sincerely hope everyone out there who hasn't found the person they are looking for yet, the same contentment that i feel. 

It's not that i don't want to find my Owner... i'm just not frantic and stressed out and beaten up over not having found Him yet.  It'll make the time even more sweeter if i do.

Happy holidays to you all.. may you, and those you love all remain healthy this Christmas and into the new year.

Seems the site has finally fixed the issue they were having with uploading images.  Upon approval, i should have some more recent pictures up soon.

Different strokes for different folks, right?  i support that.

i'm not one of those types who wants to be beaten and bruised and bled and strung up... Even spanking is a hard no for me due to past issues.

However, i'd like to think, in this vast, beautiful Lifestyle we are all in, there is an Owner out there who has no interest in doing those things to his property.

i've been here awhile... and that's ok.  Maybe i won't find an Owner in this lifetime... What's meant to be will be, right?

As far as pets go, i'm like one of those rescues... not a young kitten anymore, has a history, lotta scars, but love, dedication and loyalty to more than make up for all those things.

Oh- and my lack of pictures is not my choice.  The site is buggered up  making it pretty near impossible to upload any.

had forgotten i can leave 'journal entries'.

i've been unowned for almost nine years... or so?  i've kinda lost track. That's a long time to be wild. To be a stray. i've kinda settled into being alone.  i'm in no hurry to fall into someones lap again. 

i read a lot of profiles here, see a lot of pictures, get a decent amount of messages from people who clearly haven't taken the time to learn about me.  Still makes me shake my head.

i wonder sometimes if i belong here... The bulk of Doms here seem to want only a slave... they want to bruise and abuse, and hey, that's fine... for them, and for the people who seek that kind of... treatment. It's NOT for me though. 

i don't exist to be treated like that.  i won't, be treated like that.

i'm on vanilla dating sites too.  Coz, why not. Tossin that line into multiple ponds in hopes of finding -Him-.  While a lot of my views are vanilla, a lot aren't.  i feel like i don't really belong anywhere...

i hope... one day, i will find someone as rare and unique as i am. Who wants to own me, train me, take care of me... bring out the utter best of me so that i can return it all back to Him.

May those reading on this Halloween, find lots of treats, and enough tricks to make it interesting.

So Support has told me the issues with being unable to update my profile is on their end.

 i also noticed, that my age is incorrect here.  i just haven't changed it as the years went by... guess it doesn't update on its own. 

 So, if anyone is actually reading these posts... i'm 43, not 38.  Born in 1978.

Does age really super matter?

Been trying to update my pictures... Can't seem to.  They are a few years old... and it kinda bothers me i can't change them.  This site isn't very user friendly.

For those 'fixers' who are reading this and wanting to help, i did choose the box to delete photo, then it takes me to a page that says i've been blocked.  When i come back, nothing has changed and the pictures remain.

Oh well.