A couple nights ago, a self-defined submissive made some generic comment in his email, but did call me Domina, so I responded. A little earlier tonight, he wrote back to ask if I was looking for a slave. Specifically, "slave." I responded "Well, if you had actually read more than the first line, you would have found your answer before you asked" To which he replied "oh, read the profile syndrome that tells me everything I want to know not for me bye" Do you see the problem here? He didn't make any effort, while simultaneously offering himself as a "slave." To a total stranger. 'Cause lawd knows, a slave ain't gonna be asked to do anything as outRAGEOUS as... READ. This kind of obtuseness just blows my freakin mind every time. I mean, the twit has exchanged less than a hundred words with me, is using not the mild mannered "submissive" or "sub" which is kind of like dating, if you think about words (and you sure as shit better be the kind that thinks about words if you are writing ME) but instead chose the serious and committed word "Slave" which is a lot more like suggesting marriage. And obviously, he's heard this before, because he had a whole big feeling about it, and has pathologized it as something only demented women expect from a man who was already offering the pinnacle of servitude. It's funny because it's so sad, and so common. I had just never heard it put that way before. Such over the top, blatant gaslighting. 'If you want this, you must be CRAZY!' I mean, really who wants to actually KNOW someone they have given all power over their lives??? I guess I'm more tired than I thought, and a bit bummed over lack of snuggle time with DB on account of snow, but I didn't even bother replying to laugh at him. Block, delete, on to the next. Maybe I go watch TCM The Beginning again. (I fast forward through all the parts that Thomas isn't in. Much shorter movie, but I enjoy it a lot more.)

Let’s stir it up: if pegging the untimate submissive or just kinky play Do you think it’s:• A way to explore masculinity in a new light?• A form of psychological and physical domination?• Just hot ass play and we’re all overthinking it?• Still too taboo for most men to admit they want? For those who get pegged…What really goes through your mind when she straps in and tells you to present yourself? For the the curious guys…What’s stopping you from trying it (or asking for it)? Let’s hear it — the messy truths, the bold takes, the confessions, the horror stories.Is pegging overrated? Underrated? Or secretly the gateway drug to the best sex you’ve never had

Here are a few things that I should have added to my profile but didn't and I don't wanna wait forever for it to be approved again. 1. Do not message me if you are not in my state, it clearly says in my profile I am looking for a Dom in or around my area. This means in North Carolina only (maybe as far as SC but I am not willing to travel). 2. Do not contact me if you are a sub or slave male asking me if I want to own you and you be my so called puppy. I am NOT into pet play and I have a real life dog that is already challenging enough, I don't need a human wannabe dog. I am also NOT a Domme, my name clearly says that I am sub and my profile clearly points that out.  3. No I will not do online with you, my life is very busy as is and sending me a message that says "when are you available" as your first one as well as you having no profile except that you wanna be please orally then yeah you're not getting a response from me.  4. If you think that all subs should be sexual to be in a dynamic move on, I know plenty who are in nonsexual D/s dynamics and they have been going strong for years.  5. Do not tell me that you want to mentor me yet want to play with me. A mentor never plays with who they are mentoring, the person being mentored is looking to that person for advice. If you think differently then don't bother contacting me.  6. Yes I am married, yes he knows I am in the lifestyle and yes he does approve. I have written this in my profile but it seems like it goes ignored. Just because I am married is not the only reason why I am nonsexual, I have other reasons as well.  7. Please stop asking if I have kids. Just because I'm married doesn't mean I do and the answer is no I do not and never want them. If your first message to me is "what's your availability" and you have a virtually blank profile then you will more than likely be ignored.

Dallas — April 23–25 I’ll be in the city briefly, and I don’t waste time on unfocused or unprepared men. I’m open to select company while I’m there—but understand this is not casual, and it’s not for those who need to be convinced of their place. I will not be alone. My wife will be present—she is intelligent, composed, and fully aware of my dynamic. You will conduct yourself with the same level of respect, awareness, and restraint you would expect in the presence of accomplished women. This is not a space for nervous energy, over-talking, or performative behavior. I expect presence, discretion, and a clear understanding of how to approach properly. You should come prepared—mentally, logistically, and otherwise. I don’t guide from the ground up in a limited window. If you understand structure, composure, and how to present yourself with intention, you may be worth my time. Dallas is a short stay. Make your approach count. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

Winners and losers can often be distinguished by their propensity to take action and their inclination to serve others. Winners are those who recognize opportunities and are willing to step out of their comfort zones to seize them. They understand that success requires effort, resilience, and a proactive attitude. Winners don't shy away from challenges; they face them head-on and learn from their experiences. Moreover, winners often find fulfillment in helping others achieve their goals, knowing that service enriches both their lives and the lives of those they assist. In contrast, losers tend to be more passive, often waiting for the perfect moment or fearing the risks associated with action. They may have great ideas and potential but lack the drive to bring them to fruition. This hesitation and inertia often lead to missed opportunities and regret. Additionally, a lack of willingness to serve others can limit their growth and connection with the broader community. Ultimately, the difference between winners and losers lies in the willingness to act decisively, persistently pursue their goals, and contribute positively to the lives of others.

Her hands held the pen, the black ink swirling across the page as she signed the contract. The last time she would ever see her real name, the last time her date of birth would even matter. She paused, holding her breath in her shuttering lungs… and as the seconds ticked by like years, her lung’s released and the chime rang. The electronic paper instantly sealed the contact and the encryption code saved to the nanochip.A metal arm came from the wall, and in a quick second her eyes blinked, and the chip engaged.She was still her, her personality, her smile, her spirit, but her body now belonged to the New American Order. She fought as long as she could, the price of housing and food had risen so high she was living so poorly. They had removed all unchipped teachers long ago, uncipped could not work jobs that paid in NAObitcoin. She could only get paid in paper money which only unchipped could spend. The black market was dangerous and she knew the consequences.The government now allowed people to elect to be chipped as household wifes. They would live a normal life, raising children, and making their families a unit, and thus rebuilding the community which once made this nation strong.She was a beautiful women, her long auburn hair landed in near perfect curls, her beautiful eyes could sink the universe. She held a PHD and would make an excellent home school teacher for a man who had a large family.She sat in the chair, gripping the skirt if the dress, and staring at the wall. A screen came on and the host started talking.“Gentlemen of the NAO tonight we have a wonderful selection of wives. They have all signed in willingly so there are no confinement rules for these women. Lets get started.”The door to her room opened and she stepped in to the hall. She took the step and closed her eyes, her sister got a nice man, they are so happy. She was going to have the same, she knew it.“First we have this beautiful older model, she will bare no children, but she is sweet and caring. She has a good voice, pleasant demeanor, tested level 9/10 in cooking and house keeping, she scored 10/10 in intellect. As you know gentlemen she will be tested for sexual abilities, her current rating in the outside was 4.6 so definitely above average but those chipless have no idea.”The door opened at the end of the hall, she walked quickly to the door, she had watched this millions if times on the tele. It had become required viewing but the poor only got to see the limited view, they put so many propaganda commercials in the show it was hard to really understand what was happening.The men in the room were all high class government officials, they were all men who had created the order, and their first wives were probably in work camps, or dead from the war. The rebels attacked their homes and wives, so many ran to other countries at the end of the war. Now other countries were turned to watch as NAO rebuilt and became the world leader of technology and education.The days of the starving poor was over, well as long as you chipped up. If you were a normie your life didnt change except you had no rent, no bills, but you worked for the government and ate what the government gave you. It wasnt a horrible life, you married in your class, and lived happy. The problem came with people like her. She was smart enough to live with out the system, pretty enough to be a wife, refined and well skilled, and her date rating put her on their radar.She only signed up to find a match, she was sick of her lonely home. They just started letting nochips on the site and she knew better!When her rating hit its highest the rent in her area went up, the power for vehicles tripled, food prices doubled. She got a speeding ticket and that was it… she couldn’t pay her rent… and there Lacy was, to offer her a spot in the highest ranked tv show in the History of the planet. It was required watching in the NAO and many international countries allowed their citizens to watch and participate, part of the new Jenniva treaty.So here she was, the room was black, the ceiling back, the bed and everything painted in the darkest black. She stepped to the door and the door behind her shut.“Remove your dress and precede to the bed.” The audience wouldnt see anything, its black, there is no light, but there are speakers and they can hear everything. She pulled her dress off and sat it next to the bed. She was stark naked, her large breasts we’re hanging from her, her body shivered as her hair tickled her back. She crouched down and lay down on the bed.“Place your right hand on the board. Place your left hand on the left board.” Her arms moved and then click the magnet locked, they had implanted her with magnets and chips throughout her body. The lights clicked off. For a second she could hear movement and then the headphones clapped down on her head. Hands ran down her body and the audience cheered as the meter stared to rise. His hands found her face and he pulled her in to a kiss, his tongue darting about and dancing with hers. His other hand found her pussy, and he clamped his hand down. The meter went to 1.0, and then his finger slipped inside, her body wetting for him, his head tilted, and his eyes flickered in to the darkness. “Ohhh a fun one.” He whispered in her ear. His fingers began working her clit and her body responded, he rubbed and twisted and pulled as she moaned loudly. Her chip holding her back from orgasm but leaving her right in the edge. He paused, and his mouth found her breasts which made her moan loudly again as the meter kept rising 3.0,4.0,7.0. The crowd started to whisper as no one had ever gotten higher than 8 and she was just starting. He pressed his cock against her, his large head pushing hard, as her rating went higher, and then he pushed in, hard. His huge cock filling her and pushing hard against the top of her as she moaned loudly, the harder he pushed the rougher he got the more she moaned and flooded him. Her hips moved with his, drawing him deeper, harder as she ground herself in to him. He reached up and put his hand on her neck, the default for allowing an orgasm during testing and she came. Her vagina pressed in on him pulsating hard as he continued to pound her, she came hard over and over moaning loudly. He stopped for a second and stepped back. “Turn over.” Her wrists released, and she flipped over, she had not had sex like this in years, she forgot it was anything other than a glorious night of love. He gripped her hips and pressed his cock in to her ass, as she arched her back and moaned out loudly. He started to work her ass slowly and then harder and harder pounding her hard. She shook as his hips hit her ass with a force she couldn’t believe. It almost took her breath how hard and good it felt. He reached up and grabbed her hair and held it tight slamming in to her harder, his other hand found her clit. He wouldn’t let her cum, he had decided now she didn't get anymore, they were all his. He pressed harder and harder, her body sweating and her breathing rough he continued, as he came he slapped her ass hard. The number blinked on the wall 8.7 highest first test score. The room blacked.. the commercial started, and men whispered among themselves.“I think i might have enough to purchasing that one.” A tall dark gentleman spoke. The room fell silent, as a bell rang which meant a second test was requested. The testing fee was not cheep, but someone needed to know her limit.Two men with night vision glasses came in and helped her straddle a round saw horse, her leg magnet locking in place, her wrists, she could no longer move.“Its time for the maximum orgasm test!” The host spoke in an over excited tone, his own body reacting to the sights. The lights turned off and above her head a digital board read 4.“According to the chip she has already orgasmed 4 times, remember folks the highest score ever is 70, in 2hours and 10 min. Once we start this test we will continue the auction.She was cold, but as soon as she felt it the sensation went away, the chip overriding the warning. A buzz starts in the background and her body starts to prepare, the sound of a milker clicking away behind her also made her body react. The buzz and tick tick take her in to a trance, and her body relaxes. He inserts a large 1 inch dildo inside if her, he clips the vibratior clamp on her clit as she lets out a loud yelp.“Mute her please.” The host says quietly. The man hits a button and her moans quiet and she starts to orgasm.“Oh no not yet kitten we aren’t even there yet.” His deep voice echoed in her ear, as thr command found its protocol, her body slowed the orgasm, and then liquid squirts on her ass as he presses in and works a large plug, its vibrations start to sink with the dildo. Her entire body clamped down, which only made the sensation stronger as she orgasmed hard. "oh yeah I should… release." as the word echoed in her empty mind the orgasms rushed in..10,11,12,13… her biometric system counting orgasm after orgasm.He smiled in to the dark as the goat milker cups attached to each breast and turned on low, then higher and higher, as it sucked her 38h breasts deep in to the glass, 22,23,26.He stood there watching with his night vision , his prize will be a percentage of her price, 30,31,32. He grabbed a flogger and whipped her ass hard, a flood of orgasms came in 41,43,44. He spanked her again, 50."Gentlemen our special purchase has hit 50! can you believe that? alright next is 35, rating 4.5, cooking 6 but comes with optional upgrade option, overall sex rating 8 with a maximum daily use 3 times… the bidding starts at her debt to the NAO of 100 Naobitcoins. Let the game begin. " the host pointed to the screen where bids were flying in from all over the world."The timer has started… bids are up to 2,000… 2,300… 3,2,1. 2,600 NAOBC… And your name is Cynthia. congratulations and may you live in the peace of your submission. " the audience said along with the host."now were are we at with our live test… 67 in 30 min, 68,69,70! she beat the record! She sucked breath in to her lungs as her body just kept going, she was dripping with sweat, her body begging for help, her moans muted her voice box turned off as she cameover and over. The machines clicked off her body shivered, and the chip took over, her hands and legs released as she stood, her brain not fully functioning. She walked to the bed her legs shaking and pulled her dress on. A door opened to a bathroom, an entire crew of beauty and glamor experts stood there. They had one commercial break to make her look fresh. She was pushed in to a shower the water spraying up and down on her in all directions. The water turned to warm air as she stepped from the shower dry and clean, the stockings slid on and clipped in to a pink and black garter. the corset top clipped in to place and then tied tight. her dress was slid over her head, and tightened down. Her hair was twisted and twirled and her makeup went on fast, a blinking light told the crew it was time.“Gentlemen it is time. How much would you pay? The time starts now…..” the     

I always find female dominatrix BDSM boring.... Well, to be honest, I find female dominatrix BDSM boring. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can see why some people might enjoy it(not me), but it's just not my thing even to talk or suggest. For one, for what I can see and feel very repetitive against males and paranoid .we males especially straight heterosexual are target by other genders as maniacs, perverts and worse not trustable which i always find very offensive even if there are many idiots doesn't mean we all the same but further more is the attitude of others gender want hunting down straight heterosexual males;in my life i never done anything not consensual . It's like everyone is following a predetermined set of rules towards males just to get credentials and reputations , which doesn't leave a lot of room for creativity or spontaneity. Another thing that turns me off is the extreme nature of want to show their supremacy (when, how and with who) . Overall, I think it's important for everyone to figure out what they like and what they don't like in their BDSM experiences. Furthermore, I think that the stigma around male sexuality and the perception of men as potential perpetrators of sexual violence is untrue as not everybody are! As a straight heterosexual male, I feel that I am often unfairly targeted as a potential maniac or pervert, which I find offensive. The idea that there is a generation of women who want to hunt down straight heterosexual males is deeply offended me, especially as I have never engaged in any non-consensual behaviour in my life.

House of M UpdateDamaged (and Slightly Broken) As the song goes, "You're just broken. You're a little bit damaged, I'm a sucker for that" Something you might have seen in one of our past posts - "Seeking a slave who's slightly damaged" But what does it mean to us and why is it important to me and the House of M. First, We are all just a little broken and damaged inside. Nobody gets thru life without some degree of trauma, but so many of us just keep moving blindly forward, mindless of the bruises and scars that shape our actions every day of our life. We want those who are not blind to their trauma, and more, know how it impacts them and are connected enough with their inner self to confront it, so their brokenness does not blindly shape their life. Second, broken and damage adds flavor, uniqueness, and depth. Another song goes, "You might have fewer scars, but I'll have better stories" is absolutely true. I have found that those scars create depth of character and more interesting people. We love your scars! Third, to truly be able to be sympathetic to another, you have to have experienced struggles of your own. We want those who can be genuine, very real, and deeply emotionally naked with us as kinky people and vanilla ones too. If you cannot know the path we have walked, how can you truly "be" as real as we need you to be. Fourth, broken and damage leads to alternative methods to "cope". For whatever reason, it has been my experience that those who are slightly broken and damaged, have the deepest craving for kink. Could it be because they have found their healthy coping mechanism in their kink? Could it be that really letting go in the lifestyle is easier, deeper, more fulfilling because the kink, quiets the voices, eases the pain, brings the sensations that triggers that dopamine rush they need? Perhaps A causes B, who knows? Perhaps? Important: We will never take advantage of anyone. (That causes further abuse or harm). We respect each other, create a supportive environment, and are ALWAYS SAFE and SANE in our time together. So as long as it is healthy, we love help each other cope! Those who might hear manipulation or abusive use in this fourth aspect, know that is NOT it. Fifth, we are stronger together. In our House, we care for one another. Master is a Daddy, and Babygirl has a strong Mommy streak. There is big time nurture aspaspects going on here. We support each other. We care for each other. Our style of blending kink and vanilla lends itself to supporting each other. This is a value of our House that we take very seriously. So YES, we learned long ago that we connect the most with those who are slightly broken, slightly damaged. Our House will always be a safe (and exciting) place for you

About me: Well I can tell you that in the vanilla everyday world I present like a cisgendered male. I am definitely not a passive person, nor am I overly aggressive either. I'm more of a thinker and definitely analyze situations first before just reacting. With that being said I consider myself a high functioning individual. I own my own home, vehicles, and have raised a child to a functioning adult as well. I work in the white collar business world in a career that demands excellent communication, planning, organization, and implementation. Those communication skills also transfer into my private life. I am fortunate that I had Parents that are very open-minded and were able to provide a wide variety of experiences. That open-mindedness has transferred into my life as well. I have traveled overseas for work and pleasure and probably have been to most of the lower 48 states. As a result I have a very wide area of interests including the Arts, classical music, academics, and spirituality. I'm not obsessed with Fitness but I consider myself to lead a healthy lifestyle and I'm very active. __________________ During my sexual development I noticed that I never ever made the first move and always let the woman lead. I thought that was just the natural way that things were. After the first move is made, all bets are off I am not a passive or Lazy Lover. I just became to recognize that my need is for a woman to take charge. During my development from puberty to adolescence I was attracted to women who were intelligent, older, and the Femme Fatale type. The cheerleader or schoolgirl type never did it for me. Like many of us I started to explore my sexuality and relationships more deeply after my divorce more than 15 years ago.  I was drawn to my local alternative community which provided a safe space for exploration. However I am not active as the idea of public play or competitive BDSM games are not something that suits my values. Female lead relationships, or taken in hand relationships spoke to my inner soul in a way that is difficult to explain. To use an analogy, i view the relationship like a knight and her Queen. The Knight is still a strong capable being who happily and lovingly relinquishes control and Authority to the Queen.  I do also like the Goddess analogy as I think there is a spiritual component to this for me. I have had vanilla relationships where the woman was in control and led the way in terms of vacations, day to day life, and even being sexually in charge.  However, I have not had a formal female lead relationship like you would read in a book.  I am searching for a woman to develop and work on this with me in terms of rules, limits, and how we would live our lives together. For the past 10 years I've been at a point in my life where I know this is what I want and need. However, we as human beings cannot give up our personal values for relationship. Those values have to do with other areas of compatibility with a potential lifelong partner. More to come     

There’s a pattern I see far too often—and it’s impossible to ignore. Too many men hiding behind loud opinions, inflated egos, and surface-level submission. Talking endlessly, questioning everything, yet completely lacking the one thing that actually matters: direction. And no—I don’t place that blame entirely on them. Without consistent interaction, correction, and instruction from the Dom side, many never develop the proper tone of submission. They don’t learn restraint. They don’t learn how to listen. They don’t learn how to respond with intention instead of impulse. So they remain… reactive. Over-opinionated. Frustrating. Not because they’re incapable—but because no one required more of them. Submission has a tone to it. It’s measured. It’s aware. It understands when to speak, and more importantly, when not to. It doesn’t push for control under the guise of curiosity or “connection.” And without structure, without standards, without a Dom who actually enforces both—most will never evolve past that noise. That doesn’t interest me. I’m not here for unmanaged energy or misplaced ego. I’m here for discipline. For growth. For those who are capable of refinement—and willing to be shaped by it. The difference is always obvious. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

I've been asked a few times how far I'd go with modifications. The short answer is as far as I can without limiting the toys usefulness. Ideally to turn her into a combination of Jessica Rabbit and Hellraiser. So if I find someone as into modifications as I am this is what I'd do. If not, then not. Reality is, if I connect well with someone who has no interest in any of this, the relationship takes priority. I need to find a surgeon who will do some semi illegal procedures once I find a toy. The polypropylene breast implants certainly, so it's udders never stop growing. If not, then silicone up to an H cup. Bone anchor rings in its ankles and wrists to make hobbling it simple and permanent. Pull out its teeth with dentures to be used so it looks better, until it's time to use it orally. The tracheostomy as I already mentioned. Shorten its Achilles tendon so it can only stand in ballet boots. Ass implants if squats don't create enough.                                                                        The rest of the changes I can do: Total hair removal except for pigtails. The nipples, septum, clit and labia all pierced with 8 gauge rings. The tongue split and each side pierced cross ways. Induced lactation. Chastity piercing. Brands and tattoos of ownership as well as for punishment and humiliation. Corset training to 14-12 inches.

  I just reread my last journal and have to laugh, thinking I wrote that less than 3 weeks ago, with no fucking idea what was coming.  Shit does indeed happen.  So to be clear, this has absolutely no connection to my previous hospital stay.  But a week after I got out and wrote my previous journal entry, I felt some tenderness in my neck, and upon feeling around, I felt a lump.  So I went to the VA hospital emergency room, and one cat scan, scope down my throat, pet scan and biopsy later, I have cancer.  A really bad kind of cancer.  Head and neck squamous cell carcinoma.  I still haven't discussed treatment options and my chances of survivng this with my doctors, but I've done extensive reading online.  I've read medical journals, results of clinical trials, and it looks like a horror story.  The treatment is invasive, horribly painful, destructive, and the cancer keeps coming back.  Often within months.  My chances of surviving 5 years are 50%, and my quality of life for those 5 years isn't going to be wonderful.   And suddenly, BDSM, being a slave, my wants and needs, all seem a lot less important.  Like not at all.  What seems important is not wanting to face this alone.  Oh, I have lots of friends.  But no family within 2000 miles.  I live alone. What I need now, is a friend, a care giver.  Someone who is willing to relocate and be here 24 7 and help me get through this.  What do you get out of this?  Free room and board, and the VA will pay you a caregiver stipend.  And I live in a nice house in a nice area.  If I don't make it, I will make sure you receive a final bonus in my will.  If I do, we can discuss that.  All of this is negotiable.  I want this to be a woman into BDSM even though there wont be any BDSM happening because of my health because I at least want to be able to be open about who I am and have her be a kindred soul.  And if I don't make it, I need her to sanitize the house so my kids don't find anything to let them know I was into this.  Contact me if you are interested.  I will require a full background check.  Some medical background would be nice, but not necessary.  I will expect you to get CPR and first aid certified if you are not already.  If you are interested, let's talk  

I understand that this may sound bizarre to some folks, but I have an idea regarding the slow turnaround time for getting a profile updated here: only update your profile when you're considering taking a break from the site. Check your profile: what age does it list you as? If you haven't joined within the past year, it's probably not your current age. Rather than requesting a birthdate, CollarSpace asks us for our age. To keep an accurate profile, we'd have to edit it once a year. If you're taking a break anyway, maybe adjust your age to one year into the future - or however long your breaks from this site usually take - so that it has a chance of being accurate upon your return. Look at your photos: do you still look like that? Has your hair, body shape, or anything else changed at all? Before putting your profile on hiatus, consider updating your photos to be current. What about your location? Have you moved? Are you planning to move? Why not update that as well? Will your profile be perfectly accurate upon your return? Maybe, maybe not. Will it be much more accurate than it would be if you left it alone? Almost certainly, and you wouldn't have had to get grumpy about the wait. 

As I'm sitting here thoroughly enjoying Metallica Monday on WMMR, it occurs to me to mention something else about my thought process. (See, I told you it was all about me ) In the past, it was common to see "If you favorite me without messaging me first, I will block you" on profiles.  Unfortunately, I'm not particularly quick off the cuff. I turn things over in my mind and rewrite several times before my fingers ever touch a keyboard. One of my solutions to that is to favorite a profile, then let my introduction simmer for a few days so that I can stand out from the inevitable avalanche. At least, standing out as more than another "On Ur KnEeS, bIcH" type is the idea. So that's that. By the way, wasn't The Inevitable Avalanche an obscure X-Men character from the 90's?

Not interested in one liners -  Tell me who you are in your everyday life — not just online. If you’re too busy for effort, don’t bother. I’m not here for convenience or endless texting. I’m seeking something real, intentional, and in real life. And the fact that you’re on this site tells me you already understand the balance between kink and vanilla — and that kind of self-awareness matters to me.

25   The silver circle gleams in firelight, A hollow promise, cold and bright. She holds it like a favored gem, Between her fingers, diadem Of her control, his sacrifice, The metal ring, the final price.   "Twenty-five," she whispers low, Her fingers tracing, slow, The path his tongue has yet to take, A journey for her pleasure's sake. One by one, they'll be accounted, Each when she has mounted His willing mouth, his eager face, In this most intimate, sacred space.   The lock clicks shut, a tiny sound, That echoes in his soul profound. A key now rests between her breasts, A promise of his future quests. He feels the weight, the cool restraint, A newly formed, delicious pain.   "Begin," she says, and spreads her thighs, A universe before his eyes. His first obeisance, his first task, No time for questions that men ask. Just service, hunger, devout need, To plant his mouth's devoted seed.   He counts them not in numbers, but In trembling thighs, in every glut Of pleasure that he pulls from deep, While his own promise lies asleep. Twenty-four more, a worthy debt, The finest surrender, truly met.

We are now in the land of 2022  And even now after all of these years, at least on Collarme, whoops I meant to write Collarspace the thing that pisses people off the most is not what one would expect.  I think we all had our share of quote, unquote BOT PROFILES or that one LMAO several fake Doms, Dommes, or anyone for that matter The punctuation and grammar grid is irritating as hell at times.  But of all of these and some, I have not pointed out.   The biggest ASSHAT of them all is trying to keep your profile CURRENT with new information, likes or dislikes, and even updated photos.   I dare any to disagree with me, especially reading some profiles lately how some have been locked out of their accounts still PENDING approval, LIKE WTF is really going on??? One of the main reasons even as a DaddyDom I am afraid to update my account, this is supposed to be a joke but I am serious as an old man busting a nut, a heart attack!!! But I digress...

February 20, 2024 I've been speaking with Edgingfun23 for a while on FetLife. He came over for his first visit recently. He told me he was interested in getting a deep enema, and I explained that a deep enema takes time and it might not be necessary. So when he first arrived, as I do with all my guys, I met him in the driveway and we came inside. He was dressed straight from work. Usually guys that come for a visit wear jeans and a t-shirt, very relaxed looking. But edgingfun23 had clearly just come from a day of work. I sat back in my easy chair, looked straight into his eyes and simply said, "well… Strip!" I could tell that he was a bit nervous, but he started stripping his clothing off and putting them in the chair next to where he was standing. I just watched intently as he took off each article of business clothing. When he was naked, I just stared at him for a minute and he stood there wondering what would come next. I got up from my chair and went to the couch and grabbed a pair of wrist restraints. His hands were hanging down to his sides, and not recognizing these were wrist restraints, he did not extend his hands. So I grabbed a hand and pulled it out in front of him, putting the velcro restraint on his wrist. And then I put a restraint on the other wrist. Back to the couch I got a dog collar and put around his neck. I stood behind him and reached around playing with his nipples, groping his cock and balls, and tugging a bit on the dog collar. I told him to come to the bathroom where we were going to clean him out. I briefly explain the difference between a deep enema and a light enema. I told him we would start with a light enema but he would have to tell me when the water he was expelling into the toilet was clear. If it cleared up after a few cycles we would be done, if it didn't we might have to switch to a deeper enema. Apparently never having an enema before, he wasn't sure what to do. I told him to get down on all fours on the bathroom floor. When he was in the doggie position I smeared some Vaseline on my finger and slid it up and down the crack of his ass. I filled a small enema bulb with warm water, put some Vaseline on the tip of the tube, and using two of my fingers spread his ass cheeks so I could insert the tip of the enema bulb into his ass. As I squeezed all the water into his ass he didn't make a sound. I told him to stay in that position as I filled the bulb a second time, inserted it and added more water to his bowels. I smacked his ass and told him that I would leave the room to give him some privacy, and that he should take his time and expel the water. When he was done, he was to flush the toilet and as I heard him flush the toilet I would know it was time to come back in for the next round. I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It wasn't too long until I heard the toilet flush. I went back in and he was standing as I filled the enema bulb again. I told him to get back down on all fours. Two more bulbs of warm water filled his bowels before I left him to expel again. He learned quickly because the next time I came in the bathroom he was already on all fours. I think we went through four cycles of rinsing him out when I asked him how the water was. He said it was pretty clear. I think we went through one more cycle. I forgot to tell him on the last cycle to make sure he gets as much water out as possible. When we were done in the bathroom I told him we were going to head upstairs. He had previously told me he might need to work on his cock sucking skills so I thought the best place to do that would be upstairs. Although I knew he was extremely interested in the cow milking machine and the fuck bench, I needed my cock sucked first, so we were starting upstairs. We got upstairs and I briefly showed him all of the toys that I keep in the bedroom. Cock cages, ball weights, paddles and whips, and plenty of anal toys. I passed him a tight fitting cloth hood that has eye holes and a mouth hole. I told him to put it on. At first, as he pulled it over his head, I don't think he realized there were eye holes. I told him to pull it a bit forward that there were eye holes and we wanted to center the mouth hole so my cock had access to his mouth. After he made the adjustment to the hood I told him to climb on the bed on all fours. I wanted to check out his ass. I wanted to start playing with his hole immediately. Instinctively his ass rose into the air as his shoulders went down onto the bed. I think he has been in this position before. I grabbed some lube and squirted it on my finger as I rubbed it across his hole. I slipped my finger back and forth over his ass and then pushed a finger inside. Oh my god, it went in easily. I knew his ass was going to get a lot of play today. This was going to be fun. READ THE REST OF THE STORY AT   WWW.SirKel.top

    Desire fires: a machine gun Turning love to hate. You could never Be my mate... Tears fall, heart aches. i poison myself Day after day till  Pneumonia hits In ways You never did. Grief buries feeling, As i cleanse, Breath by breath, Coughing sadness Till life deceives, yet i defy death And hate, For God knows As i let go In prayer, love feeds What love makes.   6/14/24    

Computer Log 2023/12/23 Well, first time has gone well. Met several men, no women in sight.  Oh!  Not true. I met a lovely lady that is part of a partnership who runs a bnb and sponsors play events on the coast. That is a dream!  I would give a lesser favored digit to attend one of those weekends.  I am so very eager to learn both sides of Dom/Sub relationships. I'm a natural Switch with Dom leanings. I think I might make a feisty sub, unless I employed my pretty strong self-discipline.  I don't know. I'm eager, so eager. But tonight, too many messages to respond to and I've lots to do before we move.  If people would like my friendship, and possibly more, disclosure is helpful. One new friend is married, and to that disclosure, I applaud. I'm very faithful, honest, open and open-minded. I do not wish to engage in play with persons in "monogamous" relationships, without the knowledge and approval of both parties. I'll be friends with anyone, as long as my boundaries are respected.  I think you could call me an Earthy type. I'm just the girl next door who just happens to enjoy having fun in new and creative ways.  I consider myself a neurd. I'm neuro-atypical, intelligent, creative, and "disabled" because of chronic pain conditions. I'll tell you more if you want to know.  I'm versatile in life, as in sex. If I had the proper clothing, you could take me to a symphony one day and I'd fish with you the next, cleaning and fileting my own catch.  I'm looking forward to my new life in a new city. I'm working on myself in myriad ways.    Life is for growing, not stagnation. 

Mixed emotions today. Lastnight was the first real munch we have had since COVID where everyone in our bdsm community was present. Not a real BDSM play event as usualy. Mostly friends catching up, conversation and casual sex.I was laughing with Goddess Tabitha when Master William put his arm around me and started to fondel me. I got tense and Goddess reninded me to know my place. He took me to the couch and he used my body for his pleasure. I don't know what is troubling me most, the fact that another man used me without Master James looking on or the fact that I really enjpoyed him using me. My orgasm was shattering both physically and emotionally. Master James stroke took him from us months ago, but I still feel unfaithful even though he and Goddess Tabitha have always aloowed the men in our group to use me for their pleasure. Just when you think your heart has healed.....

I feel like the majority of people on this site are clinging to an unachievable fantasy. There. I said it. Don't get me wrong... Kink, total power exchange, all of that stuff is GREAT, and I wouldn't be here if I didn't want that in my relationship. But so many people here seem to blow those things up into EXTREMES. We are all here ultimately seeking some form of relationship. Even if you want your relationship to entirely revolve around sex and kink and that is all you care about, it's still a relationship. Especially if you're seeking to be a live-in slave, how do you expect to fill the void when you're NOT in the middle of sex stuff? The emotional connection is SO IMPORTANT. Yes, it's important to me that my boy be cute and his looks match what I want, but I would get bored of him SO quickly if he had the personality of a potato. I know some of you want to be totally o b j e c t ified and locked away when you're not in use, which DOES sound hot and appealing, but I also feel that would get SO boring, lonely, and miserable after like... a week, if not a day. The kink and power exchange should definitely be present, but to me there is no satisfaction in owning someone without a soul. We are social creatures, and you should be giving more than just your body to me. The TOTAL o b j e c t ification stuff can be a fun activity we do sometimes and turn on and off as I please, but I just don't see the reality in centering a whole lifestyle around it. (Though the total power exchange element WOULD always be present. You are still my human after all!) If you plan to approach me, PLEASE be ready to talk about more than just sexual stuff. Be your authentic self, let your personality shine through, give me a sense of who you are and what you're all about! I promise it will make me want to own you all the more. My favorite people are the ones with lots of personality.

Ahh, my favorite season is here... Anything-But-Summer! I love the cooler weather in general, plus it gives me an opportunity to spend more time working in my yard. Now is the perfect time to look over my plants to see what was successful, and what may need relocated or even replaced. Once again, I'm enjoying the small surprises, such as the blueberries that have survived and even appear to be thriving in the bags in which I purchased them this spring. I'm saddened by the plants that looked promising in the spring, yet didn't survive the summer.  Much like those plants, although pleasant for a while, apparently I need to reassess some of the relationships in my life and consider finding others that have the potential to last longer and grow even more beautiful. Who wants to frolic and grow in my garden? *ominous grin*

what about kinks?   a lot of people are only spécialised in only one thing, or just have interest on 3 or 4 things at most.   im spécialised only on sadism, but, what is sadism?  sadism can take a lot of form, and to understand what a person love and why, you need to understand what gave him interrest in this. for myself, i like sadism because i have fascination about it, im litterraly in urge to find a new trick to gave pain, i have a huge curiosity about a lot of thing, and im very creative, this define my sadism.   why i have fascination about it? take an exemple,  totally out of this. when you see an abandoned build, you can see the plants growing, maybe how much time its on this state, the building certainatly was beautiful before but now declining. a person is the same, when she/he came first the state is good, and i will work to change it, to corrupt/deprave it into another state. the difference is a person turn into the first state again, and again, given you the possibility to do it differently, finding another way, maybe better, maybe even if you didnt thought about before. that's my way of sadism. but yes i concede, i like to hear scream, sound of pain too. like i said before my fascination about this include the visual and the touch, when i finish my session i like to see all the changes, and touch it, swelling, bruises, sensing the heat of the body. and when they come again, i know again this time will be different...

People are fascinating. We are a true mix of talents, experiences, complexities, desires, strengths, weaknesses and hope. Relationships are a balancing act of attraction, relation, commonality, goals and ideals. Kink adds an extra layer of intricacy. I see a dichotomy in many profiles on here: the desire to be seen alongside a desire to be enveloped in a new lifestyle.

A good mantra for a submissive to live by... A submissive’s life is to be in service as required and of service however desired and solely for their Dominant and Owners pleasure amusement and comfort. A submissive’s function should be to strive to be a completely willing and capable of serving for the constant enhancement of the Dominant and Owner's daily life and pleasure in every way possible and on a continuous basis with absolute obedience, commitment and dedication. A submissive understands that the decisions and rules of the Dominant are to be accepted and followed without hesitation or conflict at all times regardless of personal feelings or conflict.  A submissive understands and willingly accepts that it needs its Dominant’s control, use, discipline and punishment as deemed fit at anytime. A submissive needs to accept that it's Dominants and Owner's pleasure, amusement and comfort must be its priority and be all that really matters to the submissive foremost.A submissive understands and accepts that its own pleasure must come from how well it pleases, serves and accepts being used and controlled by it's Dominant and that it may be rewarded if deemed appropriate or pleasurable to its Owner.

I guess the thing to do is Post the resupts to this, so here it is.  Can't say I believe it is really accurate becuse there were many statments that had more than one statemement within them, and I agrees 100% with only half the statement... The quandry of my brain lol.  I mean, if anyone who is following my journals, read the entry right before this one, you know I am 100% NOT 66% Masochist lol == Results from bdsmtest.org ==  100% Submissive  97% Brat  66% Masochist  64% Rope bunny  57% Vanilla  52% Degradee  47% Experimentalist  45% Primal (Prey)  33% Exhibitionist  31% Slave  12% Pet  0% Daddy/Mommy  0% Rigger  0% Voyeur  0% Switch  0% Sadist  0% Ageplayer  0% Owner  0% Non-monogamist  0% Master/Mistress  0% Boy/Girl  0% Dominant  0% Degrader  0% Brat tamer    0% Primal (Hunter)   

As usual , My inbox overflows.  There are many reasons why I may not reply to a message.  My time is limited. If I allowed it, responding to messages could be a full time job.  There have been plenty of times I have accidentally or internationally opened a message  and found I wanted to reply. However,  I  didn't have time at that moment.  Later to find the message was too far lost amongst the rest. Recently I strolled through the pages of messages and came across a very well written message  from a submissive  who seemed to have potential.   If you send Me a message which is not acceptable . One which does not show respect it will surely not get a kind reply if it gets a reply at all. If I was communicating with you and you did not comply with My demands you can assume I stopped communication.  If I was communicating with you and some time has lapsed there is a good chance your messages are lost in the masses.   If you want My attention write an amazing message to Me. Include a respectable,  recent, clear photo of yourself. Expect to share your email address and phone number if I ask for it. I will not text you.  I will not be sharing My phone number with you,  unless I decide to.    I  will only ask for your phone number if I wish to interview you further via phone. I use no apps, except whatsapp for international.    I am not here to serve you! I expect you come to Me to serve Me.

Having spoken to you for a few weeks now, we understand each other. Our face to face meeting is at hand. I know what motivates your need to serve and please your man. In the vanilla world, you have confidence - or at least a veneer of confidence you maintain - but internally you feel yourself unsure, uncertain and that sometimes you just want to run away. I pick you up, dust you down with warm encouraging words, embracing you as you feel the strength of me and know I give you care and comfort. I know you. I know your thoughts, I know your experiences and I know what you need from me. I know your hard limits and the agreed safe signals.  We share a strong connection already. We have an emotional bond and an excitement between us as we plan to become a unity, planning our homelife and talking about our values of partnership and family together. I value your intelligence, your feminine elegance and your utter submission to me, only me. Your devotion, loyalty and eagerness to please whilst still maintaining your vanilla pride and confidence - I respect that and appreciate those qualities. You enjoy the guidance I give you, my mentoring, the boundaries that I give you and my affection.  Soon, you will arrive. We have discussed this many times. We know what to expect of each other, and yet, there is still that excitement. I hear footsteps approach my front door ... 

Effort and Results There are at least two parts to a slave's existence.  Effort and results.1. Effort is up to the slave.  At all times the salve must exhibit, even live in, effort.  Always doing the best it can with whatever resources it has, mental or physical, to achieve total involvement in the work assigned it.  This effort goes beyond duty, it is life incarnate for slave.  Nothing in slave's cognition takes priority over effort to please its Owner.2. Results are the province of the slave's Owner.  In fact, results have nothing to do with slave except how the Master may determine.  To judge results is God like.  slave is only related to God through its Owner.  It may well be slave has experienced life without an Owner.  This 'Ronin' state is the worst possible existence a slave can have.  One of the reasons for this is the freedom the slave has when it has an Owner that takes possession of determining the quality of results. As the Bible indicates the only man (person) free of God’s judgement is a slave.  Thus the slave needs to live in gratitude for everything.  This grateful slave state can never be 'assumed,' but, must always be expressed outside slave's brain in every thing it does and says.  Living in gratitude helps slave apply itself to effort at hand.

Honesty Would I trust the word of an addict? No, of course not. I would trust an addict will be true to its addiction and use reason, including deception, to maintain its drug supply. But, one might say, we are not addicts here. We are into Domination and submission. We have fetishes. Not drug use. Well, here is the thing about addiction. My body does not care where the drug it wants comes from. Like if I were into sticking needles in my body to deliver any one of many legal or illegal drugs my body would not care about legal niceties. Any old drug source would work. A drug that works inside the body is almost always one the body creates naturally. The needle merely delivers higher concentration or more frequently than my body can provide. In other words, there are basically only two delivery systems. One from outside the body and one from inside. Well, how about stimulating the body to create its own drug with out the use of a needle. We do that all the time. Not infrequently referred to as satisfying emotional needs. Serotonin, adrenalin and oxytocin to name a few. Can one be addicted to the internally created drugs? Well, that would explain things like infatuation and love. In fact addiction is used by nature to help insure the survival of the species. Adults must attach, or become addicted, to offspring in order to insure the progeny survive and become, hopefully, useful members of society.  How about long distance runners? What kind of high do you suppose they are chasing? What happens when one is ‘addicted’ to sub space? All the hallmarks of addiction are present. Increasing stimulation, or altering tolerance, of the feeling of submission both in intensity and frequency is needed to achieve ever deeper and more desirable sub space. Withdrawal occurs when the stimulation is not available. What stimulates? How about humiliation? But, most prevalent, masturbation and fantasy are the ‘needle’ that causes the body to deliver the desired result. Now a rational person would know without any reminder from me that fantasy is not truth or reality. But, the subspace addict tends, in an increasing fashion, to live in the fantasy. Fantasy, because of the social sanctions and false ‘sex images’ delivered by ones environment (more about social influence below). An outside observer might well say the afflicted person is lying to itself. Maybe. The subspace addict must live to some degree, greater for some; less for others, in a real world. You know, wife, kids, boss, minister, parents, siblings and most painfully of all a world steeped in bias, prejudice, beliefs and simplistic thinking. How does one do that? Why the subspace addict becomes adept at presenting a, hopefully, believable facade. But, the inner self is crying out for its drug. So, the addict lives in internal conflict. That of between what it is and what it thinks it should be. That of trying to resolve reasonable needs of real world with the emotion of inner needs. Good luck. Actually, emotion always wins if the contest prize is about serenity. There is no serenity as long as the emotional needs are not met. Good luck. But, this much too long essay is titled ‘honesty.’ Why is all the above relative to honesty? Well, as a Dominant I search for a submissive, actually I search as an Owner for slave property. Anyway, the prospective property lie to me. They are so conflicted that they get tangled up in their minds about all the overwhelming reality their fantasy does not consider. They say one thing, but, are unable to deliver when reality bites.  I require a slave property show up in person for an initial ‘inspection’ before I get mired in explanations examples and details of life as My property. As a practical matter, if I engaged each and every ‘slave’ that contacted me in their fantasy or in their fear or in their inner conflict, I would have no time left in the day to live a life. The slave must conquer its fears of real life consequences and physically commit to an action: that is show up. Many say they will, but, fail to show up. Did they lie to me? Not in my book. They were honest to their ‘addict.’ They just lost their ongoing battle with their accommodation to the ‘real’ world. They will probably go forward in their life, steeped in conflict, with thoughts of what if and what could have been and self recriminations. In other words no serenity. Do I think less of them for not showing up? No. They are flapping around like a recently landed fish dying on the dock. I pity them. I wish I could do more to help them deal with their inner conflict.  I do try.

Since I've gotten a lot of inquiries from Men, let me make it clear; You must be within the NYC metro area or close (Jersey, PA, Connecticut) I am open to being a sissy slave for the right man, perhaps even the potential to become my Master in a long term relationship. I'm into men who have experience in handling a sissy, and I'm interested in exploring pony/puppy play.  My prefence in a potential Master is a large man who is aged 45-55..In a potential Master, I like darker Men who are naturally hairy.. Also a Master who has experience in bondage and is able to properly tie me up whether it's with ropes or chains. He would also lock me in chastity as his sissy slave and have me yearning to take his cock in either hole on demand.

I went to a new (to me) munch today. One thing I promise myself is that during a first meeting with an individual or group is NO BOOZE. Yoinks ago, while intoxicated, I had a couple of bad experiences with people who were just mean. Trying to clamp down on my reactions while intoxicated AND upset is worse than figuring out what to do when sober and upset. As in, I can feel the restraint taxing my poor, hooch-addled brain. Not that I cannot be lulled into a false sense of security, because shit happens, but at least I will have some comfort in knowing how things are supposed to go. Although kombucha is a fermented beverage, I have only gotten a buzz off of "kombucha beer" products, so I think I am being pretty careful. Lovely munch. Lots of conversation. I learned some new facts about reindeer. 

March 13th 2023 - football player tells me this was his most powerful orgasm ever I'm going to tell you the ending of the story before I even start the story. In fact the title has already told you the ending. Football player tells me this was the most powerful and extreme orgasm he's ever had in his life. So here is what happened. He came over and as usual showed himself through the garage and came into the house through the garage door. He said, "hello, how have things been" and was being cordial as he stripped naked without me needing to say a word. As usual he already had a hard on. In case you're a new reader, he's not an actual football player, but he has the build of a football player. Big broad shoulders. Beefy thighs. Strong muscular arms. He's got a nice beard and mustache that is always nicely trimmed. The hair on his head is cut short and always looks great. And he shaves all his pubes. He's wonderfully smooth everywhere. Sometimes he drops to his knees, if I tell him to, and sucks my cock. But I'll be honest with my readers, my doctor started me on a new medicine and things aren't working downstairs right now until my body gets used to the new medicine. But that doesn't stop me from having fun, and clearly didn't stop him from having the best orgasm in his life. So we headed straight downstairs and he jumped up into the sling. He's been in the sling enough times he didn't have to ask any questions. He just hopped up and threw his legs in the air so I could attach them to the loops around his ankles. Sometimes I put a blindfold on him, but not today. I wanted him to watch in the mirror above us. And I noticed instantly his eyes were staring into the mirror. He likes the smooth feeling of a rubber glove on my hand as I assault his hole, and I was watching his eyes look into the mirror as I put the gloves on my hands and put lube on my fingers. His hands were holding onto the chains near his head that hold the upper side of the sling in the air. He was gripping The chains rather tight today, this just made his biceps bulge even more. Mmmmmmmmm. As soon as I was gloved and lubricated I instantly started with a finger up his ass. It slid in with absolutely no difficulty. With that one finger I pushed in deep and rotated back and forth then pushed a little deeper and found his prostate and started to play with it. He was still watching in the mirror as he let a moan slip out of his lips. Soon I had two fingers in his ass. Spinning them around. Twisting and shoving. I applied some more lube. I had mixed up some powdered J-lube. I mentioned to him that we were using a new type of lube today. He corrected me and said, "I remember that stuff, it's very slippery." My bad, I don't remember using it with him before but we must have. I quickly worked in four fingers coating my hand and his ass with J-lube. I twisted back and forth. I wanted to get my fist in him today if possible. I was on a mission. I kept working my fingers into his ass, twisting around stretching him more and more. His cock was so fucking hard it was incredible. Read the REST of the story at http://www.SirKel.top

after i wrote my 4 page note on reddit on why for me a lady who has both the dark goddess and the slave and the little girl in one in my observation over the decades and my personal life why while some might last at most a few years here and there i have never seen a successful long term healthy and honest pairing of the daddy dom and little girl..and what the crux is and why even the most highly intelligent and successful people just seem to not crack the code for longevity...and why while most people who are in the scene aren't vanilla aren't regular..and anyone attracted to this is what i code as a thoroghbred horse..what is a bred racing horse? stronger fitter quicker cleaner shinier and a work of art compared to the domestic or regular horse......it still don't work..and the orienting going on that something is missing..it's the wild horse..the wild WOLF that is the next stage of ascension...and that the traditional layout of this isn't working because the traiditonal layout of this is broken...too much power for any decent human to try to wield without misuse, and too much of an internal death and sacrifice without the safety of being held, secure, stable, protected, and hands on intetionally in and out kept....at one point one or both break....and that in the wild the individual the honed in two streams on the same path with no false pretenses absolute soverignty meeting soverngyt coming together and going apart fierce and passionate when together and like soliders on the battlefield navigating life with self first is the next evolution of this..and that the power exchange really is some sort of toxic addictive drug that kills both parties..... i asked this question. n a response to the call i put out to the universe while out and about god/the universe sent me this song while i was out and about and unable to really choose what i listen to. i'm an audio visual media mystic...music primarly. i get my messages, healing, transmissions, downloads, awareness, lessons, main way of orienting this life through sound. secondly through media...and so things will naturally guide me when i'm home and able to control it..but i have a mystical connection to music when out of the home in places where music plays that i can't control what station or song is played next as well. and the song that came up while i was out and about mystically ansewered it for me.   hang on collective, we're in for an amazing but probably bump and deadening past. but there are gems in the mental and emotional death if we choose to hang on.   as usual, they give me new/tweaked songs lyrics.  i will often hear things that the original composers didn't put that fit the situation i'm thinking of, going through, asking about. i i never heard this song before. the original foundation of the chorus in the song is to ask it as a question...but in response to my spell and the question i posed to the universe that the lyrics and song responded to... i guess god is like, gurl there is no question:   mmm mmm mmm in agreement.   "families really bow their heads to pray   daddies really never go away.   oh grandpaaaaaaaaaa. tell me bout the good ol days."   Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days) Song by The Judds Overview Videos Lyrics Artists Other recordings Listen Composers Lyrics Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy Grandpa, take me back to yesterday When the line between right and wrong Didn't seem so hazy Did lovers really fall in love to stay And stand beside each other, come what may? Was a promise really something people kept Not just something they would say Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away? Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Grandpa, everything is changing fast We call it progress, but I just don't know And grandpa, let's wander back into the past Then paint me the picture of long ago Did lovers really fall in love to stay And stand beside each other, come what may? Was a promise really something people kept Not just something they would say and then forget Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away? Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Mm Mm Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away?   which i mean god can be grandpa in this instance if it, i believe in the tetragrammaton gender neutral energy version, and if that's what it wants to be in this transmission/spell well so be it!

What is wrong with people? So once again I find myself here, trying to fathom out what has happened. A certain someone from here has decided that after a protracted conversation my being polite and making sensible concessions is my being not what they seek. Honestly. This is who I am, manners cost nothing yet form the basis of my being.  I use them in everyday life and conversation and they have served me well.  Yet here once again I am faced with them being seen as negative. Where are the people on here who want to be treated like real human beings, with respect, honour, and morality? If my being me and using manners is going to offend then step away. If my asking questions is not for you then don't approach. If I want to build trust and you don't then look elsewhere. Rant over!

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

switzerland is limited. by what? yes we have a healty system, good finances, gorgeous places, multicultural food and here its very clean. but our bdsm comunity is....small, only 2 principal places lausanne on the center switzerland and zurich on the north. most of the kinkster are spreaded around the country not knowing other ways than classified website. rare knows fetlife.. no one know website like this one. if youre lucky and do shibari or even soft bdsm you can find youre partner or even more. but if youre like me with a lot of kinks, more passionate, curious and creative, your unfortunate... you will need to be very pacient or...search outside... then the only way is to find person who can relocate themself, and this type of person are rare. because a lot want your money/scam, others prefer only online, or even you can find fantaisist person searching only to excite themself and when things turn real they stop. thats tiring and difficult to filter all this mess, ive been thinking for a long time but for me switzerland is not a good place for bdsm, theres a lot of countries better like USA, germany, france but only in paris, ive been thinking if asian country have better community too, like china, korea or even japan.   i hope someday i will find someone diversified like me to like a total lifestyle.

  Tonight's play party was a huge success with hundreds of people attending.  Still filled with adrenaline we did not want to go home yet.  It was early in the morning so a group of us decided to go someplace to grab a bite to eat.  We ended up at a diner located near the industrial part of Houston.   My friend and I ended up in a large booth with a couple of acquaintances, Jim and Heather. Jim was a nice looking man, 50ish with salt and pepper hair.  Heather was in her 40s, petite and long wavy brown hair.  We were chatting about the party and sipping on coffee and juice.   Jim looked at me and said, I watched your suspension scene tonight and I was impressed. Heather was smiling and looking at me. Me: I'm glad you liked it.  I've been doing that for a long time.   Jim: Do you know me? Do you know what I do? I glanced at Heather and looked at Jim.  Yes I know what you do.  You make porn films.  To be honest I don't think I've seen any of your work.   Jim smiling: Ah yes, my reputation precedes me again.  Yes I've made a lot of films over the years.  I I think I have a pretty good eye for these things.  Do you know much about the business? Me: I can't say that I do.  Why do you ask? Jim:  I'm having a pool party later.  I think you should come.  It'll be fun.  Heather:  Have you been to Jim's house yet?   Me:  No.   Heather:  You will.  It'll be fun.  Next, Pool Party  

What is truth?:   In the depths of night, in the light of day, We ponder the truth that won't betray. Is it a fact, or a subtle art, A guiding light, or a shattered part?   Do we seek truth in words we hear, Or in silence, when none is near? Is it a mirror, reflecting clear, Or a whisper, elusive, never near?   In the echo of history, in the depths of time, Do we find truth in prose, or in rhyme? Does it lie in the stars, in the sky above, Or in the beating heart, in the depths thereof?   Is truth a rock, unyielding and stark, A guiding beacon through the dark? Or does it shimmer, a shifting beam, A distant hope, a fractured dream?   In the soul's deep yearning, in the mind's keen quest, We question the truth, we put it to the test. Seeking answers amid the fray, What is truth? We ask, day by day.

Oiled up.  Shortly after I came to Texas I got oiled up before I scened.  I'd grab some Hawaiian Tropic or Banana Boat and take it to the dungeon with us. I did this suspended whipping scene once where I was oiled up before the scene.  This was a really nice dungeon in Oklahoma City.  Afterward, we went to the lounge area to chill for a bit.  "Why do you use the oil?" this femsub asked me. In the back of the room, this male dom said, "it makes it easier to take the whip!" WRONG. Haha. The oil is to make me look sexier!  My Domme loved to slowly massage oil all over my body while I was tied up. This was for her. We had to stop doing it because people started to complain about the smell. It didn't matter that we used bleach solution to wipe everything down. So we stopped. We were at one of our favorite dungeons doing a rack scene. They had a long wooden one with a roller on one end. So we're doing our thing and I'm lying there on my back all stretched out getting into sub space. My Domme pauses and steps away for a few seconds. I'm not wearing my contacts so I can't see anything but the ceiling. And I hear, "Yes that would be nice." Interrupting a scene in progress without permission is a big no no. You can get kicked out for that. But this was different. Next thing I know is I'm being oiled up while I'm stretched on the rack. If I wasn't in subspace before I'm surely going there now.  Here's what happened.  The dungeon owner, a tall slim 40ish brunette who works in law enforcement, saw us doing a rack scene. She owned that rack but nobody ever stretched someone on it.  Most used it like a bondage table. So when we used it she loved watching us play. So she was watching us that night and thought to herself, she (me) would look so much better if she was oiled up. So during our scene she waved at my domme and once she got her attention, told her that. She heard the story about why we stopped and she suggested a solution.  Mineral oil.  It's water soluable and has no smell. Problem solved.  So now when I do a scene, I'm getting oiled up. Whoever is topping me gets to rub warm oil all over my tits, belly, arms, legs and butt. I like it when its slow.  Shout out to that dungeon owner. Thank you. 

Rush I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. My skin was flushed and I could feel my heart beat with excitement. I cast my gaze downward, taking in the full length of the beauty who had submitted to me. Sweat glistend from her soft skin. Her arms and legs stretched to their full extent. Her eyes pleading. Her mouth clentched on the gag which stifled her words, but did little to muffle her moans. It was her idea. She wanted to have her limits pushed. Pushed beyond her previous play. I was riding her edge in so many ways. Keeping her on the brink. Permission withheld. Applying pleasure, and pain according to her liking, but never enough. She could flirt with her orgasm, but I held her back. Torture, but not from pain. Torture from the pleasure without release. I abandoned her to her need. That look on her face. Pleading with her eyes and body. I wanted a break. Taking my time. Poured myself a tall ice water to cool off. I walked back the ice clinking in my glass. The bed complained as I settle next to her. She did not. I was greeted with an expectant look. A smirk even. She was ready for the next chaper. She knew that the story had not run its course. I admired the marks that I left on her body. Hand prints and crop marks set upon a pink background from a generous amount of flogging. I plucked an ice cube from my glass. Gentlly traced my marks with the ice, leaving a trail of water and a slight shiver from my submissive. My tracing spiraled around her breasts encouraging her nipples to their full extent. I teased her belly button then towards her clit. I alternated between a vibrator and the ice until it melted. I retrieved the remaining ice from my glass. Traced her inner thigh. I rub the entrance before slipping the ice inside. I could see the discomfort, as I relished my control. Inserted another piece for good measure. I could feel the blood flowing to my cock. Engorged and ready. I rubbed the head against her, before sliding inside. I savored the cold created by her internal ice bath. It was time to get started...

Maintenance.... If yall do not have an updated profile how do you expect Me to trust you?  Your age, location, etc would do well to be updated prior to contacting Me.  Collar updates regularly enough and if not an update within your profile you can certainly update your JOURNAL to proper information. If we set a time for speaking, meeting, doing and you don't show up and no reason given...what is the point?  For those of you who have My personal information, chivalry is not dead.  If you are not smart enough to figure out how to apologize, what is the point?  With that said, I am not in the habit of opening closed doors.  What is the point? Remember, VERIFICATION.  You don't get close to Me and My home without exposing yourself to Me.  BIGGER and Better! I would love a mechanic type of person from time to time.  I'm a vehicle enthusiast and have some knowledge but not nearly anything to brag about. I would love to rebuild an engine side by side as project.  Last year I sold My beautiful vintage truck.  Sigh. I DO so love MUSCLE cars though just about anything that comes acrosss on Mecum will do.  To have ones breath taken away by the pull of a powerful engine is mightily exciting.  The first car I ever drove was when I was knee high and it was a lovely Mercades.  Then onto the Jaguar...  My first car was a custom 500 with a suicide knob...and boy could that baby go! That was the car of My first speeding ticket!  I was crusing down Interstate 93 doing 120, when I moved My hand away from the side rear view mirror and to My chargrin there was a state trooper, hot on My tail, lights flashing (no siren) just keeping pace with Me.  I won't forget that troopers face for the rest of My life.  He didnt make eye contact and just said, "I have a ticket for you and you will need to pay it by this time or show up in court.  If you show up in court, I will tell the judge that you were doing WELL OVER 80 MILES PER HOUR and you will have your license taken away."  I paid the ticket and got a radar dectector.  lol Still, I have a relative hot spot for all things mechanical.  This brings Me to My love of steel...but THAT is another topic for another day!      

Using this instead of updating profile. Been away for a few years, just popped back to peruse, see if much has changed however this being a free site, will attract some very unsavoury characters who will be rude, obnoxious, abusive, intrusive, demanding and self entitled.  Go give your head a wobble if you approach  me in that manner. Being a northern lass, I am blunt and will say as I see it. I'm also quite astute, very independent, self sufficient and very happy to remain that way. I chose to have people in my life that do not bring drama, lie, gaslight and are narcissistic. Yes, I do have submissive tendencies however do not expect me to give it from the 1st contact, ask personal and intimate details and assume I'm a doormat. Respect is earned, especially from internet strangers. I can walk away from negative behaviour very easily, with the door shut firmly in your face. I have experience and knowledge of D/s. I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country, West lakes. I have the sea, fields, mountains and hills for my view.  Sheep and cows for neighbours. The start of the lakes are a half hour drive away. I enjoy days out on my motorbike either alone or in a group when its not raining!  Anyway, those who are genuine, good luck and be happy.  Tara for now J

From Messaging I think I have found that a Dominant Master who is not just looking to lock you up and take you out from society knows the Psychology of Mind Control and can recognize how to properly indoctrinate you and knows your weakness and strengths and knows how to unseat those strengths and play to your weakness to make you learn to be dependent on the Master for everything just to avoid the sensory deprivation part of the breakdown. In the end you are the blank canvas and willing slave for a life of servitude and no regrets or expectations anymore. slave to be taken

What if being a subbie is not about sex? WHAT if being a subbie is about holding the hand of the man she cherishes as he dies slowly over 14 months. When he can't be the DOM he used to be. When he needs her to help him use the bathroom or eat or simply sit with him for the whole night, playing him Viking music. THERE is nothing he can do for her. There are no floggers or commandments to 'kneel'. All the hundreds of hours of kneeling are done in the Catholic Church by her, praying for his Atheist soul to have a peaceful death, which he did have. Brain cancer is one of the worst ways to die and he did not feel pain, right to the end. She offered G-d her life just so he would not go to hell...she cried and cried and cried...on her face at home alone, in church, in the street, in the bus, while cooking and cleaning she lamented and weeped till it hurt her to breathe.. for his soul. So what is a subbie? I get these messages asking me what I WOULD DO FOR YOU IF YOU WERE MY DOM. Do you want me to help you use a bottle in the hospital to relieve yourself? or change your wet clothes because the nurse is too busy? or walk 3 miles to buy your favourite biscuits? Do you want me to continue living nearly even when my money runs out months before your life runs out, so that I stop eating for 24 or 48 or 72 hours so I can keep living nearby, losing 16kg and not caring. Do you want me to be berated by your mother because she thinks I am weak and pathetic and flaky and not a strong woman and I take it and take it and take it, because it means I can be near you? Do you want me to wait until you die before I think of 'moving on' as you have been telling me to do for 4 years, but hoping that I will not? Do you want me to be indifferent to the criticisms from others for not getting over you, long after you stopped making love? Do you want me to keep on talking about you even when they are stripping your flat of your belongings and kicking me out and you are still not even in the ground but in a cold fridge somewhere? Do you want me to cry into your puffy jacket as I smell deeply your faint smell...almost gone but my body knows and remembers...? Do you want a slut and a cunt and who knows how to beg for sex or do you want a woman that will lie on your grave and wish it would swallow her up so she can be close to you? Do you want 'until death do us part' or do you want her to offer her body and life and blood to G-d in exchange so that you can be redeemed?  Do you care what she is going through, the pain that is ripping her heart from her chest, if it just means she will stay available until the day you die and beyond...? Do you? Do you? Or do you think you are invincible? Do you think you are the BIG MAN who will always be there for her? Do you write notes and stick it to the fridge saying you will always have her back, and it turns out you cannot fulfil your promise? Do you think you can replace her the way you replace a car because she does not have the 'options' you wanted and you think you can upgrade, but found out you could not? Do you wish you had not rejected her because she got fat and instead had helped her lose weight? Do you want the perfect barbie out of the box, and not someone who has flaws and mistakes in her? Do you tell her off all the time for the tiniest mistake she makes until she is wracked in nervousness but keeps on loving you, even when you get cancer and cannot walk straight or use your phone and need her to turn the key in the door? Are you a prick and should of stopped treating her like a cunt? Do you know that you missed the whole bloody plot of what a slave is...that she is at your feet, devoted like a dog to its master, and you could not see the tree for the woods.? Do you imagine the perfect slave is pretty so as to impress your mates but do not see that the perfect slave sheds tears at your bed that only you see fall? Are you too busy planning the fantastic life you want to have and wonder if she is good enough to be your partner in these great schemes, but years after she has left, she is the one you send a message to when they find a tumour in your brain? Are you humbled by your own downfall and she is the one who supports your 205 meter /150kg frame with all her might so you do not fall over like a tree that has been felled? Do you? Do you? Do YOU? Are you in a fridge somewhere, waiting to be lowered into the ground and you let down the slave that was at your feet, even when you sent her away and told her to find another Master...and she tried, oh she tried, and they all told her she is flaky.... and you look down from your disembodied soul and cannot wipe the tears from her eyes as she cries alone in your flat...? Are you sorry? Are you? Did you wish you were less angry with her for not closing the curtains properly and less angry with her for tripping when she could not keep up with you on the pavement, and less angry with her when she dropped the shopping? Do you wish you had not read so many bloody forums about slaves and subs and wanted the cut-out of the perfect little version and could not see that a slave is human like you and old and fat and not a barbie? Do you wish you saw that she has a heart that bleeds for you? Do you wish you had given her some lovin' and a cuddle instead of punishing her with chastity and never told her why because you are a bastard? Do you wish you could go back to 2017 when she arrived at the airport in total trust and you could do it all again? Do you wish you had known then what you knew now? Do you wish you knew she was the last women you would ever enter and feel that warmth wrap around your cock and cling to you and tell you she loves you? DO you? DO YOU? What if you could go back 9 years and tell yourself she was the last one? What if you could go back and be more gentle when she arrived and not have a list as long as your arm of all she was supposed to do to PROVE HER WORTH? Do you wish you knew that she would prove her worth not in the beginning but in the end...when the cancer had eaten your brain and you could no longer talk or walk or hold up your head but she was there, holding your hand? DO YOU? and what if...what if you could tell all the pricks and bastards out there to WAKE UP and smell the roses! TO appreciate the imperfect little slave in their life. TO let her know she is cherished. TO stop beating the crap out of her emotionally each time she makes a mistake but instead mould her through love and not rules...OH BUT YOU WOULD NOT, WOULD YOU...not if the other blokes thought less of you...no you prefer to send her away and pretend you did not, and that she left because she had somewhere better to be than at your feet. You would lie to everyone but SHE KNEW AND SHE KNOWS and she still came back as soon as you made that call from the hospital saying ' I need you'. She came, just like you knew she would. She stayed just like you knew she would. She mourned and weeped and pleaded with G-d, just like you knew she would...and when you died...she is turned out like the useless bitch that she is, because you never told anybody that she was more valuable than gold...They throw her out with the trash because your ego was bigger than your love for her... and she will say mourners kaddish for 11 months like a widow even though she is not even considered your girlfriend... yet all along she was your slave...and slavishly loved you in a way you did not deserve. The very last thing you said to her when she leaned over to kiss you to whisper how beautiful you are and she loves you was to say 'I am not worth it'. THE LAST HONEST CONFESSION OF A DYING MAN. You lost your ability to speak in the days that followed and could only hold her hand and hold her gaze and hoped she understood how sorry you were....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is the intimate relationship I want~ The mandate of transparency means that we can be open about our flaws, work through them, and come together stronger.  We are each other’s safe space, brave space, and necessary space.  The commitment to the relationship in a long-term way makes us both more willing to dig in and make things work. We need to be motivated to figure out ways to make it work.  “Trust Junkie” – Earning Trust by being trustworthy.  I can’t demand trust unless I give him every reason to trust me. At the same time, the same is true for him. Work together always for the betterment of the relationship.  Understand that trust can be earned, and as fast, trust can be lost. You choose how or if you earn or lose trust.  Getting trust back takes a glass house, if at all.  Regular check-ins, not a time out or a break from the relationship to talk about the relationship. Make regular time to talk with each other. Note I am not saying at the person but rather with the person. Make lists to help you remember what you want to talk about.  Spend time after the check-in together. Have a meal/snack, snuggle, cuddle, touch each other, and feel the person you are so close with.           This builds positive reinforcement – closeness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ R. Kaldara made a post and talked about similar things. I rewrote/twisted it to match my desires. Some of the wording is mine, and some is his. I give some of the credit to him. 

Submissive men are sexy. Period.   It’s a damn shame how many don’t realize it—thanks to a society (and yes, even parts of the kink scene) that tells them they’re not desirable. Newsflash: I don’t Dominate because I hate men—I Dominate because I desire them. Deeply. I crave their surrender, their effort, their devotion. A good submissive man? Baby, that’s my kink.   What turns me off? Entitled dudes who slap on the “submissive” label just to demand kink services like I’m some drive-thru McDomme. Sorry, but barking orders while calling yourself a “sub” just makes you a bratty top with boundary issues. Gross.   And let’s talk about the trope that Dominant women have to look like leather-clad porn bots but aren’t allowed to actually enjoy sex—especially not with submissive men. Um, what? I like sex. I like desire. And I like submissive men who know how to bring both respectfully.   So here’s the tea: I’m not here to play out broken porn stereotypes. I want real, respectful power exchange—where male submission is honored, not humiliated. If you think submission means weakness, you’re not ready for a woman like me.   And female supremacy? Cute in porn. But in real life? Power is about character, not genitals. Respect is sexy. Submission is sacred. Get into it—or get outta the way.