A couple nights ago, a self-defined submissive made some generic comment in his email, but did call me Domina, so I responded. A little earlier tonight, he wrote back to ask if I was looking for a slave. Specifically, "slave." I responded "Well, if you had actually read more than the first line, you would have found your answer before you asked" To which he replied "oh, read the profile syndrome that tells me everything I want to know not for me bye" Do you see the problem here? He didn't make any effort, while simultaneously offering himself as a "slave." To a total stranger. 'Cause lawd knows, a slave ain't gonna be asked to do anything as outRAGEOUS as... READ. This kind of obtuseness just blows my freakin mind every time. I mean, the twit has exchanged less than a hundred words with me, is using not the mild mannered "submissive" or "sub" which is kind of like dating, if you think about words (and you sure as shit better be the kind that thinks about words if you are writing ME) but instead chose the serious and committed word "Slave" which is a lot more like suggesting marriage. And obviously, he's heard this before, because he had a whole big feeling about it, and has pathologized it as something only demented women expect from a man who was already offering the pinnacle of servitude. It's funny because it's so sad, and so common. I had just never heard it put that way before. Such over the top, blatant gaslighting. 'If you want this, you must be CRAZY!' I mean, really who wants to actually KNOW someone they have given all power over their lives??? I guess I'm more tired than I thought, and a bit bummed over lack of snuggle time with DB on account of snow, but I didn't even bother replying to laugh at him. Block, delete, on to the next. Maybe I go watch TCM The Beginning again. (I fast forward through all the parts that Thomas isn't in. Much shorter movie, but I enjoy it a lot more.)

drama at home :( mom turned her back on me and gave me an outcasted look earlier today all for her hubbys aproval... however i know shell do anything in the world to give my little brother a "fauther" exp. even it mean Xing me...  in the end i cant hate her for what shes doing but dang .... talk about a shotgun round to the heart :(    big empty hole needs to be filled .... lol get it.    im very loyal and honest to the bone probably the nicest person youll ever encounter however dont get misslead ... i totally love to push my envolope and live life on the edge... ive expirienced and expiriemented with a lot in my opinion ... please dont ask... "" what kinda exp do you have -_____-"" just fill in the blanks as we conversate ... ... im ALL go with the flow so more then likey i dont know what im doing next week so idk if id be available or intrested in meeting you.. i know im not always on here but im ready for my next chapter and willing to give a special someone all of me to mold into their perfect being :)note im intrested in heading out to Texas, NY or socal(home) however not a deal breaker im just as intrested in nearly anywhere on the east or west COST!! more inland .... ehhh but will consider of course :) if your intrested drop a message anyone who takes a chance on me wont be disappointed. oh ps.. NO Flakes and for gods sake picture please .... 

I believe daily humiliation is necessary to keep a slave in its place. Keep it naked and on display as i tell it what a cunt whore it is. Repeat often that its only value is the value I give it.   Remind the slave that it is not a person but My property. Tell it that it no longer has rights, opinions or independent thoughts. Tell it those things are reserved for people and it is not people Call attention to the wetness of its fuck hole as I call it names. Enlighten it to the fact that its hole wouldn’t be dripping if it didn’t enjoy being treated like the cunt it is. Write demeaning things on its body as I tell it that I'lll use its holes as they were meant to be used. Tell it that its mouth is now its top cunt, its ass is now its rear cunt and its pussy is now its front cunt. Keep it naked, show off its udders, rear cunt and front cunt to whoever You choose. Make it suck Me and use it as a masturbation device in front of My friends. Talk about it as if it isn't even present.   Laugh at it when it tries to make a decision on its own.   Make it eat My left overs covered in My cum out of a dog bowl at your feet as I enjoy My dessert. Slap its face when it doesn’t sit correctly with its legs spread open. These, among other things will keep the slave in its place. In a short time I'll have a perfectly obedient, cock hungry, happy slave at My feet willing to do anything it needs for My praise and use.

Just adding a journal entry to expound a little on my ideal relationship. Perhaps entries with more of my thoughts will attract the right girl and prevent being pigeonholed as a certain type of man, at least by those willing (and able, lol) to invest some time reading. I would charactize myself as a very empathetic human-being. I am caring of other's feelings (at least of those that warrant such respect) and very mannerly toward women. This nature initially steered me toward being a DaddyDom. I also have no children of my own to dote over so one could possibly infer all manner of psychology there, if they wished to, heh. Anyhow...not all my thoughts and desires are of sweetness and over the years have certainly grown darker yet. Being physically rough has always been exciting. Someone who is willing to explore the darker depths of humiliation and subjugation has gained growing interest now. Some days a chained up fuck-hole of a slave, others my sweet little girl, or an obedient cherished pet. I do also want an actual partner that can laugh, have fun, preferably has some intellect and some worthy input on life decisions. A real man can actually be humble enough to accept input and advice from others. I seek the girl that can embody all those roles. The psych of cuckquean play holds a huge interest too. Although, in the cold reality of day to day life, monogamy with my mate would be the norm. Since just like any good D/s relationship in general, most of the excitement lays in the mental build of the ideas, and that any actual play with another girl would be rare considering that I have grown only more discerning in my growing age. Plus, I do not take such play lightly. I am very willing to invest the time, care, and love to build the connection and trust that is inherent in an ongoing fulfilling, and hopefully 'rest of my life' relationship, since that is what I seek. The girl or woman that can give of herself so selflessly to her trusted Owner, is one that I would adore all the more. It is with great irony that in my experience thus far, women that were not invested in a relationship (like early on in our dating) were willing to do such acts (like a 3-some) but once they became emotionally invested, jealousy sets in and they became unwilling to give in this way. Oh yes, believe me, I fully understand the fears that cause those particular inhabitions to manifest but it is utterly counterproductive to withhold one of the gifts that would only cause me to cherish and hold onto her yet more tenaciously. Anyway, not just threesomes, but in general, where I want to go further with my girl as the bond strengthens, I have experienced that their kinkiness only wanes. This has caused such frustration and discontent for me. FFS, where is My good girl?!

Touch  I am sure I had sensory processing disorder as a kid. I totally remember crying all the time from some of the stuff my mom used to want me to wear, and I remember her just sitting there looking at me totally baffled trying to assure me it was the softest she could find. Or having to stop 15 times on a school field trip to sit on the floor in the middle of a museum and take off my shoes and pull up my socks because they kept shifting in my shoe and the seam was by my toe... I grew up in the NJ/NY area around Italians, and Jews, and Irish, and lots of "Old World Europeans" who at a minimum bear hugged and kissed one cheek, if not both, if not multiple times each time they greeted you.  I am in the Midwest now where they are a little more reserved.  I can't remember the last time I got a cheek kiss and most of the hugs are just side hugs... I still tend to crash in and hug anyone I know won't flip out from it though lol.  I miss those bear hugs!  Getting one now days is enough to bring tears to my eyes my body needs it so much! The chemical release in my brain is outside of my control! I need this.  Need.  Need like I need food, water, and shelter.  Studies during the pandemic have shown  am not alone in this, but my sensory processing issues probably make it a little extreme for me.  For years scientists have studies out hands and fingers, joints, skin, etc and their sense of touch, but recently they are becoming interested in a subset of touch sensitive nerves in the core regions of our body, such as the back, which have one been discovered.   *“This second type of sensory nerves send signals to areas of our brains that deal with emotional processing. They are most responsive to skin temperature and gentle, stroking touch. Observational studies find that when people are asked to caress their infant, or their romantic partner, they spontaneously use the slow stroking speeds that these nerve fibres prefer. This touch is subjectively perceived as pleasant; it calms and soothes us physiologically, reducing heart rate and buffering against the effects of stress. When stimulated, these nerves send signals via the spinal cord to the brain where they release a cascade of neurochemicals. One of the most notable chemicals among these is oxytocin, a hormone released by low-intensity skin stimulation such as hugs. Oxytocin is known to play important roles in social bonding, and can reduce stress and increase our tolerance to pain. The release of oxytocin during social interactions is context-dependent: only when a hug is wanted will the comforting and rewarding effects be felt. When touch is desired, the benefits are shared by both partners in the exchange.” This explains my desperate need and the reason I melt like a purring kitten when I get it and shut down like an angry Doberman when I don’t.  Take me from a culture that touched all the time, and in sensory processing issues, and then throw widowhood in a post-pandemic world… Touch me.  Don’t ever keep it from me.  I can’t be held responsible if you do.  Just saying…    excerpts from *From the Article “The science of hugging, and why we’re missing it so much during the pandemic by Susannah Walker”  

I had some lovely intro messages today, was nice to be introduced to the civil side of this site. I did notice in the wave of change one message that is still behind the times. Instead of introducing, or building rapport they offered a time stamped plan which included several hours of satisfying their one-sided fantasy. The itemised itinerary marked 4pm you do this to me 5pm you do this to me 8pm you do this to me. I do 6 hrs of unpaid overtime a week to help members of the public and now you want me in my 1 day off on my weekend to spend hours milking your fantasy.  In the great words of Elton John will you F-off.   C  

Dear Diary Tonight, the air is electric, charged with the power of MY presence. As the moonlight bathes MY skin, I feel the pulse of the universe within ME. Every beat echoes with the knowledge that I AM the embodiment of strength, beauty, and authority. To MY devoted submissives, know this: when you serve ME, you are not just serving a woman—you are serving a force of nature. Your obedience is the tribute you offer to the divine energy that flows through ME. Each task I set before you is a test, a ritual that draws you closer to the essence of your purpose: to please and honour your GODDESS. When you kneel before ME, you are not just submitting your body, but your soul. Your surrender is sacred, a powerful exchange that binds you to ME in ways deeper than flesh. In your submission, you find liberation. In your obedience, you discover the true meaning of devotion. Remember, MY desires are not just commands; they are opportunities for you to prove your worthiness. Every whisper of MY voice, every glance from MY eyes, is a call to action—a call to show ME the depth of your loyalty and the extent of your adoration. So, listen closely, MY devoted ones. The night is ours, and in its darkness, your true nature will be revealed. Serve ME well, and you will find the fulfilment that only the Black Goddess can offer. BLACK GODDESS 

hello I feel the need to write a post. I  have been on here trying to seek someone to help me maybe come out of my shell. Yet I get messages from so called men or Doms on here that think that a woman should bow down to them. Act there kings when there not. Some one here can't act like slave Masters, well slavery days have been long gone. Some on here want to just act out storie, if I wanted that I would read a book, or wat h a movie. I have brains and a strong willed femal. I know what I want and don't want. I will not be talked to like I'm less then a woma. yes I came on here to meet someone to help me come out of my shell. Yes I stated I wanted to try anal play, I have never had anal but open to trying tha. No o don't want bruised or have my boobs tied up for what pain, or marks on my boobs no, do you want you dick tied up and bruised?? Well done might but still. Just maybe I'm on the wrong sit. uggg this is frustratin!!!!!!!

I Wonder Who We Are... I often look at myself thru the eyes of my mind. Who do I **think** I am? Who do I want to be? Who am I? What am I? I wonder how many others take the time to self-reflect like this? I try to do this weekly.  Sometimes late at night as I bask in the quiet night’s arms I find my mind drifting to the day gone by. I replay the days events and scrutinize my actions at times.  TODAY, did I live my life to my best potential? The gift of life I was given is a treasure that we so often under value. It's easy to get caught up in the daily struggles that inflict us as we sometimes dredge thru the day thankful it's over.  Guilty! After all we are all human.  In a world filled with hate, selfishness, struggles and woes sometimes its all we can do not to scream. Allow a blood curling sound to exit our lungs, travel up our throats picking up momentum as it exits our lips with a shiver echoing thru the darkness to find no respite.  A primal sound that perhaps evolved from our primal ancestors to never develop or change in the millions of years gone by. Signaling our frustrations and every other imaginable negative energy that exists within us today. As we yearn to release it all allowing them to somehow be absorbed into the cosmos, never to return. A cry for help perhaps? Perhaps.  Perhaps it's just an evacuation of all that we resent exiting us hoping we can fill the vacancy with the positive. I like to think that's the case with me. But as I look around each day, looking for positive energy, from my fellow man I am left starving. Wanting to see more beauty I can absorb to act as my muse. Guiding me to be a better me as it motivates me to want to feed love back into the world.  But alas, it has become a daunting task. Disappointment abounds the empty caverns of my heart and mind. Have we become so shallow as a society that the only thing that now defines us is instant and momentary self gratification? Often at the expense of others. Is this what thousands of centuries of evolution has led us to? NAY I say! Not I today! Unable to find it readily at the hand of my two legged peers I turn to nature. I find myself being blindly led to the pasture where my four legged friends reside. I hear their whinnies as they see me approaching. Running towards me anxious to see me. Besides me walks my fury four legged best friend. My canine soul mate who has dedicated his life to unselfishly and unconditionally love me. To never leave me no matter what I do or how I treat him. He is bound for life to me. Arriving closer to the gate a thunderous echo of stampeding hooves envelopes the air. Filling my ears with its roar as it approaches closer. Standing on the lush green carpet of grass I am surrounded by these four legged majestic creatures that so easily could do me harm. My smaller companion eyeing them carefully under his protective gaze.  Wet nuzzles against my hands searching for treats. This action is common place here. All fighting for my attention as there are so many and I am only but one. The creative one among the group, finding no need to challenge the rest for the position of my hands. He quietly walks up behind me. I am made aware of his presence among the distraction as I feel rubbing against my back. His side turned head using my back as a scratching post to satisfy his itch?  No my friends that is not the self centered case of this half ton creature. He is saying, "Daddy I am here. I missed you. Where have you been?" He is most certainly not the alpha but nor is he the omega. He falls somewhere in between the alphabetically defining realm of personality letters.  Turning to let him know I acknowledge his presence with rubs I manage just a few. The other horses quickly pushing him away to look to my moving hands for what they desire. Treats and rewards to fill their already fat full bellies. Yet he stands alone a mere stones toss away watching. Reaching into my pockets I retrieve a handful of treats. Allowing the surrounding herd to acknowledge them with their keen sense of smell I toss them in the opposite direction of my inamorato who stands there with no desire to chase such petty treats. The rest of the herd now busy vying to retrieve the hand tossed delicacies he approaches me. I hold his head against me with love and affection. It is as much his fuel as it is my own. I turn to exit, followed at a respectable distance by my adoring and adored friend.  Holding it open signaling him the permission he seeks to exit the field and the others who physically resemble him. As the three of us stand there, me enjoying and soaking up the moment, I can't help but observe. Acknowledging and absorbing the actions that just took place.  My plotted journey observed and responded to. The actions and reactions as I entered. The easily manipulated distraction I created that all but one fell prey to.  His dedication to follow me outside his defined boundaries and the company of the others physically like him who have near matching DNA. His choice to leave the safety of his peers signals to me that he finds safety and comfort in my company. His trust in me that I always have and always will be his caregiver, his provider, his protector fills my now empty heart.  The many journeys we have traveled together since his birth are safely tucked away in my mind. Easily retrieved to reminisce upon when needed. As I stand there admiring this majestic creature of God before me my mind retrieves from the filing cabinet labeled with his name. Quickly sorting thru day 3 of his birth begins to play.  He is laying curled upon a stack of hay within a stall of the barn. His protective mother standing guard over him. Her ears pinned back warning anyone that intends to do him harm to stay away. Her eyes soften and ears relax as she recognizes me as the source of the sound. Carefully not to startle the sleeping foal I slowly approach. His mother content with who the human visitor is allows me safe passage.  I find myself first sitting next to him admiring his beauty. Astounded by the miracle of birth that he is. His soft breathing seen in the way the straw beneath his nose moves back and forth as he inhales and exhales so gently. Leaning in closer to touch him I look at his guardian looking down at me as if silently asking for her permission to get closer. When I see no warnings of alarm in her I move my hand gently running it across his neck.  His days old fur so soft I am jealous not to have something as comforting as this to sleep upon myself. He releases a soft sigh as if finding comfort in my loving strokes.  Now realizing that the submissive love his mother has given me extends to the trust of her new born, I inch closer. Soon I find myself laying along side his tiny body. Curled up next to him I drape an arm over him. Another soft sudden exhale of breath reaches my ears. Is he communicating his pleasure in feeling my warm body against? Is he capable of such a thought process? I lay there for what feels like hours pressed against him. Only to realize as he begins to finally stir that it’s only been 10 minutes by my watches time.   Emancipated from this world lost in head space I return the the physical by his movement.  He turns his head, in what seems to be, a search to find the source of his sighs. I softly look into his eyes hoping he can peer into my own and see the love and adoration I have for him. THAT moment etched in my mind forever more NEVER to be lost or forgotten.   Slowly he rises as if not to harm me and stands over my still prone form. I find my heart overflowing with love. If only I could find this form of love in my own breed. His mother content that no harm will befall him under my watch, complete and loyal trust bestowed upon me finds comfort in our bond to now lay down herself.  Obviously exhausted by the ritual of birth and having to provide  protection to her child. Her 1400 lb mass taking up much of the stall but careful not to invade my space. Suddenly I find myself lost in thought. Who do I think I am? Who do I want to be? Who am I? What am I? To THEM.  A brushing against my calf returns me to the world of today as the drawer filled memories are closed. In the universe of my mind I lost a momentary connection to this plane of existence.  My canine comrade standing now by my side waiting for direction. He looks at me then glances to the tack room and back at me. As if he is asking me, in the best way he knows, “Are we going for a ride?” my eyes look down at him as I rub his head. “Not today good boy. Today daddy just needed affirmation to who he is. My hearts full again. Thank you.” “Go get him and let’s go back in. Daddy has work to do.” Doing what he’s been taught to do under my caring tutelage he bounds off to bring back my blessed 4 legged gift. A simple double click from me, seeing his adopted brother heading his way, he knows its time to go back. With the look of a bowed head he walks to me as I rub his face and ears. I whisper in his ears, “Good boy.” As if content to hear these words he heads for the gate. Opening the gate I let him return to his pasture mates where he looks like just another horse. “Come on dog. Daddy has to go search for someone! “ he says as he turns to go back into the house. Because now I know who and what I am. I know what I was meant to be.

Where do pirates get their hooks? A second hand store.    Thank you for taking the time to read my profile. I’m looking for someone who naturally has a happy personality and only wants to make others around them happy also. She needs to be drug and tobacco free with only an occasional drink.  What do you call cheese that’s not yours?  Nacho cheese.    I would like to find that type of feeling like when we were in high school and we have that super crush on each other. I do everything to avoid conflict. I don’t argue or fight, if you want a masochist I’m not for you. Trust and respectful communication are important. I am not a social bug so my friend circle is small.  I have 2 kittens but love most pets. I’m not looking for perfection I’m looking for happiness and someone who has the suction of a shop vac. 

More and more, I'm seeing females talking about wanting to go back to a '50's household.  Usually, they are over 30, having failed to get the free ride our society says is owed them.  Typical.  Things are getting rough.  And instead of taking responsibility for their actions or in-actions, they want to "re-negotiate" and go back to a time where they can just stay home while their husband works 60+ hours to pay for everything, including a maid to come in and do all the cleaning, because she's above all that.  Which will allow them to complain about their husbands never being home to give them an excuse to cheat on them with the whomever.  And then divorce them, taking half plus alimony.  So no.  No man should even consider that.  You want a "50's" relationship?  Sure.  50 BC, Roman Republic time.  You want what we got, including protection from what's right around the corner according to most pundits right now?  Prove your worth to us.  I'm not negotiating. 

So, if you ask have you owned or collared someone.. The answer is quite definitely yes. Currently collared.. little boy..Shyboy. I see him on the weekends and on some occasions on Friday  stay over into Saturday.  I have another potential that I will see what happens with Natasha.   Under consideration for a 24 7 live in domestic slave position.    I do have a few play partners that I do see as submissive on occasion.    Now in the past had a collared masochist.. He was amazing, and I do miss him. I have had a sissy collared. And I have had one who signed a contract with me 6 yrs sgo.ago.. That actually turned out to not work and had to have his collar removed. Due to topping from the bottom, as well as found out he was into illegal activities that are not tolerated.  Plus his attitude showed that he was totally unworthy.     

I don't know when I'll update my main profile, so here's a little about me: I was born in 1974. My hair is much longer than in my pictures here. I rarely initiate contact, but usually respond. I am open to online play, though would love something irl. I will send newer photos upon request. Also: == Results from bdsmtest.org ==  100% Rope bunny  100% Degradee  95% Masochist  95% Submissive  89% Pet  84% Exhibitionist  71% Switch  61% Rigger  60% Degrader  58% Experimentalist  52% Brat  49% Vanilla  46% Voyeur  44% Non-monogamist  42% Slave  42% Ageplayer  41% Sadist  35% Owner  33% Dominant  32% Primal (Prey)  15% Master/Mistress  13% Daddy/Mommy  6% Primal (Hunter)  5% Brat tamer  0% Boy/Girl   

Yesterday, Thursday: 15/08/2024 Dear Diary,  MY day begins at 10 AM, just as I like it—on MY own terms. I wake up knowing that the world is MINE to shape, and I take MY time easing into the morning. MY routine is deliberate: a workout that awakens MY body, followed by a long, hot shower where I let the steam clear MY mind. As I prepare for the day, I’m already planning MY moves, each one purposeful. Dressing for the day is a ritual, even when I’M working from home. Today, I chose something comfortable yet powerful—an outfit that reminds ME of the strength I carry. Before I head to MY home office, I check MY phone, smiling as I see the messages from MY submissives. They know what pleases ME, and today, I’VE received a few thoughtful gifts—tokens of their appreciation and respect. It’s a satisfying reminder of the influence I hold, and I allow MYSELF a moment to savour it. MY home office is where the magic happens. As a web designer, I create, innovate, and build. The morning is spent in focused work—crafting designs, and connecting with clients. Even though I’M not in a traditional office, MY presence is undeniable. Every email, every project, every call reflaspects MY vision and MY control. I love knowing that MY work drives success and shapes the online world. I’M in charge, and it feels exhilarating. In the afternoon, I switch gears to focus on growth and giving back. I mentor young black female entrepreneurs, helping them navigate challenges and harness their strengths. Empowering others is part of MY power, and I take pride in guiding them. Their progress fuels ME, just as much as MY own success. As evening falls, I pour MYSELF a glass of Hennessy and dive into the course I’M developing. This project has been months in the making, and tonight, the ideas are flowing effortlessly. The warmth of the drink, the satisfaction of creating something meaningful—it’s a perfect combination. This course will be a game-changer, and I’M excited to see it come to life. The night deepens, but I’M energised. I’M building something incredible, and I know it. When I finally wrap up, I feel a deep sense of accomplishment. I’M not just a woman with a career—I’M a force, shaping MY world with precision and pride. As I lay in bed, I reflect on the day. I’M proud of who I AM—strong, confident, and in control. The gifts from MY submissives, the success of MY work, the course I’M creating—it all reminds ME that I navigate this world with grace, power, and a touch of indulgence. Tomorrow is another day to conquer, and I’M ready. This is MY world, and I own it.   BLACK GODDESS xx

I'm sorry I'm too hard to love and own. I'm sorry I didn't make it easier. I'm sorry I didn't do better. I'm sorry I'm not a good slave. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry I'm too neurospicy. I'm sorry I info dump and it made you feel like I didn't care about you. I'm sorry I couldn't get my head out of my own ass long enough to realize I was hurting you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough slave to make you want me for the long haul. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize that I'm selfish and only think of myself. I'm sorry for screwing up so much. I'm sorry for letting my fears and traumas win. I'm sorry I made a mess of things. I'm sorry I didn't keep my promises, my word. I'm sorry I made you not want talk to me anymore. I'm sorry I gave you so many reasons to doubt me. I'm sorry I made you stop believing in me. I'm sorry I couldn't be, do, or say the right things. I'm sorry I pushed you to the point where you're done with me. I'm sorry I took so much and didn't give nearly enough in return. I'm sorry for my mouthiness, my disrespect, my words. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to let go enough. I'm sorry I held back again. I'm sorry I ruined our forever. I'm sorry I made it easier not to talk to me, than I made it to be around me. I'm sorry I'm so exhausting and draining. I'm sorry I made you see me in all the ways I was afraid you eventually would. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to embrace happiness with you. I'm sorry I became too much. I'm sorry I was clingy and needy. I'm sorry for causing the distance between us to expand rather than decrease. I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'm sorry I couldn't get it right. I'm sorry I don't understand things like you do. I'm sorry I'm not logical enough. I'm sorry I'm too sensitive and too emotional. I'm sorry I took everything for granted. I'm sorry for becoming your problem, your stress, rather than your peace. I'm sorry I didn't focus enough on you and your needs and wants. I'm sorry I never learned my lessons. I'm sorry I info dumped and over shared too much. I'm sorry I couldn't get out of my head. I'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry for every single thing that disappointed you and displeased you. I'm sorry I vented, complained, and bitched too much. I'm sorry for all of the whining I did. I'm sorry I wasted your time, your love, and your patience. I'm sorry for being difficult all of the time. I'm sorry I didn't show how grateful I am and how much I appreciate you. I'm sorry I didn't show how much you and our dynamic means to me. I'm sorry I chose misery and fighting you because it was more familiar to me than the healthy dynamic and love you offered and freely gave to me. I'm so sorry, Sir.

Another day, another copied and pasted message from a fake sub. This is the not uncommon "repeat offender" who tells me how much he enjoyed my profile, and how he really REALLY wants to find a Domme for whom he will do this, that and the other thing.He makes a point of saying that he is sincere, hard working, etc. And it's literally the exact same message word for word that he's sent me twice before, starting in 2022. I've replied in the past. I pointed out the first time that he failed to read any of the profile that he says he enjoyed. Then I told him it was insulting to get the same message over and over because he is basically saying he can't be bothered to remember who he's already written. And now, I've just reported him as spam and blocked him. If I lower my standards to try to find ANYONE remotely acceptable, I end up with what I had a couple years ago - someone who comes to stay a week to "help with my house" but spends all their time smoking pot, watching youtube, and generally having a vacation without ever trying to do anything useful, and having a panic fit when I finally ask them to turn off the tv.  This is where the bar is, guys.  This is why you aren't getting kink.  It's not a lack of Dommes. It's a total lack of effort to be more than the average lazy male couch potato, while expecting kinky sex from a hot chick. not a good look. YOU are the reason you are failing here.

  The pool party was in Royal OUak,  a very nice suburb of Houston.  I was admiring all the large homes with long driveways and manicured lawns.  When I arrived at the house, I pulled into the driveway and parked behind a Tesla.  I checked my face in the mirror and got out of my car.  I wore a black string bikini under a black cover up with a pair of wedges and some sunglasses.   I could hear voices, music and splashing on the other side of the privacy fence.  I opened the door and I looked around.  From my left was the back of the house that had a covered patio.  The large yard surrounded a big pool with lounge chairs and tables with umbrellas.  To the right was a tiki bar.  I headed there.   Heather called out to me , "Hey! I'm glad you made it.  Why don't you get a cocktail and chill? Bartender?  Give her whatever she wants." I smiled and asked for a hurricane.  Coming right up, he said.  I looked around and saw people enjoying the day.  Most were in or near the pool.  There was mostly a mixture of 20 and 30 somethings.  A group of four were sitting at a table enjoying a blunt.  I headed there.   Me, smiling:  Can I try? "Sure gorgeous" a handsome guy said and handed it to me.  "Hey are you that new girl I heard about?"  Me, smiling:  "Maybe!" Heather, waving to get my attention:  "Come here I want to introduce you to someone.". She led me towards the house as Jim and another man were emerging from the back.   Jim, looking at the other man:  This is the one I told you about."  This is Renee, he provides the financing for my movies. " Renee, smiling at me:  It's nice to meet you.  I heard you have a nice set of abs. May I see them? I opened my cover up and showed off my body.  I flexed my abs and instinctively did a bicep pose.   Renee, still smiling:  You have a very nice body.  Any tattoos?" Me:  "No, I'm all natural.". I glanced at Heather, smiling.   Jim, to me:  "Enjoy the party.  We'll talk later." And the two men walk back inside the house.   Heather, to me:  "Let's go swimming." And we spent the rest of the afternoon just partying and enjoying the pool.  Throughout the day I met other people in the movie business.  There was a black female actress.  A Latino male actor said hello.  I met a lighting guy, a sound guy, some grips, gaffers, a set manager, a camera man and an editor.  I had no idea what some of them did until they explained it to me.  No wonder films are so expensive.  Next, The Pitch  

Stand here.  Nice and still. Nice and straight. Just listen to my voice and do everything I tell you to do. Good girl.  Don’t move.  Don’t make a sound. Put your hands behind your back. Don’t resist the rope.  Just relax and let the rope do its work.   Be still while I put the collar on your neck. Head up.  Let me move your hair out of the way.  Good girl. Now the blindfold.  Don’t move. Be still. Now I attach the lead to the collar. As I pull on the lead you follow.  Walk slowly wherever I lead you.   Now I control you.  Listen to my voice. Do everything I tell you to do. Don’t resist my touch or direction in any way. Be totally obedient and compliant. Don’t think.  Just do everything I tell you to do. Good girl.

I walked in, saw her, sat down and was pleased when she lowered her eyes from mine.  The munch suddenly didn't smother like usual. I took her home, got down to skivvies, but she wouldn't lower them for her spanking, which earned her an introduction to Earnie.  Rhino Hide thudds so soundly.  She kept begging for more. After I came all over her back, I got her dressed and we sat down over coffee, and talked.  She was slightly annoyed when the subject of her masculine gender taped up under those skivvies had not been her giveaway.  I had spotted her as the CrossDresser she was, in the same breath that I spotted her deeply seated masochism.  We spent the summer bruising her.  I did insist on silk panties for the rest of our sessions.  It does a wonderful job of administering a bruise from the cane or batt that cotton tiddy-whities cannot.  I built stocks, hoisting timbers, made leather suspension cuffs that broke when we tried them.  I was crushed, darn it.  Stuck to shibari after that.

I'm bewildered by the lack of communication I've noticed many submissives on this site say things like "get in touch", "happy to chat", and "want to learn.." However, many do not even reply. I teach my subs to be open and honest, and that communication is very important in this lifestyle. If for whatever reason a sub thinks I am not what they are looking for, I'd at least expect a reply even just to say, "sorry you're too far from me", or "I'm looking for someone a little younger" etc.  I think that it's still good to chat to different people even if there's no intention to meet or take it further. Especially subs that are new to the scene, surely the more people you talk to, the better informed you'll be, and therefore be able to make better choices when finding a suitable Dom. Obviously I wouldn't expect immediate replies but having a chat and then being ghosted is extremely disrespectful in my opinion, it's not a good start in any potential bdsm relationship. I am sure many Doms or indeed subs, would appreciate feedback of any kind. Sometimes I think that the sub see ONE thing they don't like on my profile and immediately think "no thanks", without even discussing anything. Also, I think some 'subs' don't really know what being a sub entails, I am a very fastidious Dom, I try to train my subs to the best of my ability and expect my sub to be committed to her role. I think some subs just like the fantasy of it all but aren't willing to commit. When I'm selecting a suitable sub, I always have a day session with her first, give her a taste of my methods and explain how she should behave and what is expected of her. There is no commitment either way until after that initial session. That's the end of my little rant. 

As far back as I can remember, I've had a compulsion to be with alpha males. Even as young as 6 or 7, I remember fantasizing what it would be like to be kidnapped by men, tied up and taken away. I suppose that says something about my early childhood, but what difference does that make now. And it wasn't that I hated my family. I just wanted to be the property of a strong older man.    Somewhere around that time I began trying self bondage. I would take my mother's supply of ace bandages, go up into the hot, humid attic and tie myself as best I could and fantasize about being some man's captive. Occasionally I would hear “what are you doing up there” and I'd have to spit the sock out of my mouth and come up with some passable answer. I don't remember ever getting caught but there were many near-misses.   We lived directly across from a factory where my father worked and from my bedroom I could watch all these macho blue collar workers file in clean and then file out sweaty and dirty. I was always mesmerized, especially when they were sweaty and dirty.    I'm rusty these days and not as agile as I used to be, but serious bondage was always one of my favorite fetishes. People would ask why and I would always say “there's freedom in bondage.” Freedom to go within and see what you can take and how much deeper you can go in your submission. And then there's the freedom of letting someone I trust take control of me and make my decisions for me.   I've always been hard-wired to be submissive to superior men. It's my nature. To be in the service of men is still the driving force in my life.   If you're reading this far and find yourself interested, I appreciate that deeply but I'm not available at the moment. I'm caring for an 80+ year-old Dom that I've known forever. I'm not even in the US. I park myself in Nevada on this site because there are very few people who understand my needs where I am.   I've been on this site for almost 10 years. First journal entry because I'm bored and a bit lonesome at times. I still feel the need to be owned and probably always will. I'll just have to be patient like a good sub.

The Cuck is a gentle submissive slim built guy. He can be orally bi but is not into anal or any other form of gay sex. He is  happy just to watch his wife used by other men or group of men. He is just as happy to be made to wait outside once any action is due to start. He sometimes likes to strip his wife naked in front of a bull or a group of men. He will then offer her for play. The wife is a true polyamory woman who enjoys the attention of other men but has no desire to leave her loving husband. She is a natural submissive woman who happens to enjoy degradation in many forms. She also enjoys the finer things in life. Taken out for dinner or drinks by the bull with or without the cuck. She can dress for any occasion but likes to show off in sluty clothes. Taken out in see through tops and micro skirts aspect, this also pleases the cuck.

Vanilla Life In my vanilla life:   Lost in the pages of spiritual gems like the Master Key System, Secret, and the wisdom-filled "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari." I'm also captivated by the magic found in books like "The Magic of Thinking Big," "The Power of Letting Go," and the timeless "The Power of Now." On a different note, I love getting lost in the realms of romantic fiction.   Yoga and jogging are my go-to activities for staying active and centered. I've delved into the realm of Reiki, even gaining practical experience, and I've honed my massage skills from the knowledge I've gathered.   My love for adventure extends to frequent trips and hiking. I'm intrigued by hypnosis, fascinated by the idea of my mind being guided by a partner's influence.   In moments of relaxation, I'm an avid reader and practitioner of deep breathing techniques. Idle moments used to be a challenge, but I'm making strides in embracing them.   Gaming was once a significant part of my life, with a PS4 that hosts titles like Red Dead Redemption 2, GTA V, Call of Duty (Aw, MW), Wolfenstein, Hitman (from Code name 47 to Blood Money), NFS (up until Payback), Max Payne, and the list goes on.

Thoughts on a new 'person' one step removed . Sending messages to new people is fraught with nervousness and trepidation as there is no real way to know how they will be received. A non-reply obviously shows something, but only if the sender knows the message was received to then be ignored. Age, sex, orientation, role, even distance, of both parties, will also give an indication of how it will be read and dealt with, but this can be offset by the BDSM world where some of the more obvious criteria do not apply so ‘strongly’. Asking the question(s) that you really want the answer to, but almost dare not ask or do not ask, does not make life any easier – for both parties. Being submissive or ‘overly’ friendly can lead to misunderstanding when replies are sent. Or lead to further messages to clarify the previous text ‘meanings’. Obviously, this is like real life too, social media is also full, maybe more so, of miscommunications. So, from the perspective of this writer, being: Male, semi Straight, Dom, Creative, of no discernible cult or type (unless being a keen biker counts), older than most, slightly shy and as arrogant as fuck concerning his own Domly skills. Writing a message and sending it out into the ether to land at a stranger’s mail box is still a thought provoking act. Therefore, after drafting a message, editing it, almost sending it before seeing ‘there’ and not ‘their’ so editing it again and then rewriting half of it you press the send key and sit back and try not to wait for the answer. If no answer appears after a week, or a month, then you don’t need to think about it anymore and file it under ‘ah well, that’s a shame’. If a reply appears, especially with witty words ‘linked’ to your (what you hoped were) witty words, then a whole new set of ponderables start to take form as you sit in front of your keyboard about to reply. Was the reply sent because ‘she’ is a polite submissive, because 'she' was a polite human being, liked the style of the message compared to the dross many send, or is ‘she’ actually interested in getting another message? So, message 2: More forward, Certainly. More confident, hopefully. An easy question or three, taken from their profile info to show you have read it, is a good idea. A little more information about ‘Me’ and even more about why the first message was sent – bravery test time. The wait begins again! If a quick reply this is either a good sign with answers and questions of ‘her’ own or a version of ‘Go away, I was polite once don’t push your luck’.If a long pause, then the normal questions nag at your lizard brain again until that ping sounds, and a reply appears – the previous 2 types obviously still apply. If the reply is positive then now it is time to stop pussyfooting around, ask the question, give your reasons why they really should say yes and agree, and, if using a useless forum, like FetLife or the million other internet sites, give them your email or phone number, for text or WhatsApp, for easier chatting. This will either get a happy 'ok' response or the ‘maybe later’ reply, which is not so encouraging, If you reach this point, then it should be fairly plain sailing to send the next message, getting to know them and even meeting or, obviously, putting your foot in your mouth and getting a 'goodbye'. Thoughts over, now just need the 'she' to see this in the hopes it helps with My communications.

So, how submissive am I? I met up with a new Master today. He'd answered an ad I'd put up on a personals page and we'd chatted and swapped pics for a few days on Telegram.   He was very dominant and talking about 'dehumaising' me - I didn't quite know what that meant but I was definitely curious - it flicked a switch in my submissive mind. This morning he asked if I was free - and luckily I was able to move things around and go over to his place. With a beating heart I knocked on his door (I always forget how frightening it is until I'm standing outside a new Master's house again!), and he let me in.   He was very good looking - amazing eyes, good build.  The flat was a down-at-heel studio, and a complete tip - so that was very off putting. Anyway, he didn't hang around; after I'd stripped he gave me a bit of a spanking and bit my ass a few tmies, then he had me kneel down, and take his cock in his mouth and proceeded to piss and hold me there while I drank it all. This wasn't something I'd ever done before and whilst it was gross, I guess that was the point and so I swallowed it all, not spilling a drop. Next he agve me an enema, even though I'd cleaned myself before I set out; and then he had me sit on the loo and watched while I discharged it all. No privacy. I then got to suck his cock which was short and circumcised, but quite fat.  He was an Indian guy and I'd never been with a guy like that before. Next I knelt on the cold tiles of the bathroom and he ordered me to rim him.  This was another thing I'd only done once and again I found the idea rather gross - but I did as I was ordered. Next into the bedroom, more cock sucking and then a very firm talking to in which he said that after this meeting I'd have a choice about whether to continue to serve him, or to walk away. Then more rimming. I dont know what it was, but during this part of the meet, I suddenly thought "I don't want to do this", and so I stopped and said so. He ordered me to stand at the end of the bed and explain why, and I just said I wasn't enjoying it.  So he let me get dressed again and I left. He was very nice about it, and afterwards sent me a telegram message with a video of him deleting the pictures he'd taken during the session. And I went home on the bus, wondering whether I was submissive and ready for a Master's collar, or just a little slut who loves getting fucked - and should therefore stop calling myself a sub. Does anyone have any thoughts?        

What am I intreseted in?  What am I looking for?  I am open to many situations.  Mostly I would like an online sub to be my babygirl.  Someone who wants to live her normal life and yet needs someone to give her stability and direction.  I would guess a Daddy figure is the most accurate description. All of that being said I understand we all have different views of the perfect relationship. While I search for my "perfect" match, I am willing to learn about what you want, and who knows, it may become what I want. Let's talk and see if we can meet on some common ground.

I have been asked to update my journal and my relationship status since its been a few years.  I am polyamorous. I believe in multiple loves, multiple relationships, communication, trust and respect for everyone involved. I currently have my own submissive whom I've been with for 10 years. He lives with me and does not expect to be included in my exploits.   I love being poly. I have so much of myself to give.  I am looking for a Dom of my own.    If you have any questions and would like me answer them here in my journal please feel free to write me. 

Just so you know I am addicted to cotton school girl plaid skirts with opaque white pantyhose  or thigh high nylons. Also addicted to gingham checks for skirts and dresses and blouses. These fabrics and patterns really get me excited and turned on sexually and always catches my eye when anyone is wearing these. Also addicted to white in most all feminine clothing, but especially white, tight denim fem jeans and shorts. Also get excited with cotton dresses and skirts and camisole tops in stripes. Love those stripes! Now do not laugh at this but the cotton check table cloths, like in Italian Restaurants and Pizza Parlors also turns me on. I like the smell of that type of cotton fabric along with the check pattern. Horny Crossdresser !!!

Hello :) I have been sick this last week with Covid. I'm finallly getting better but still sneezing alottt but I'm getting better and am soooo thankful for that. I've been feeling very little this last week. wishing I had someone to take care of me a bit. Someday maybe that will happen for me but right now it's just me! I'm glad I can start getting back to normal this week and go back to work. I feel Like I've lost a week of my life truly I have just slept for a week and ate saltine crackers because I haven't been able to taste anything lol. I'm miss writing on here, my old profile had many pages of my writing but I've lost all of that unfortunately. maybe I'll try to write more. I'm sure it won't be super exciting stuff all the time but it helps me get out of my head a bit.  i started talking to an old friend again. I've known him for 8 years which is crazy! Weve always talked about getting together but its hard with the distance and just life things. i am glad we are talking again, he makes me feel safe and special and sometimes that's all I need.   

Remote Controlled - Part 1This is a fiction story based on a real event The year was almost over once again and Sally had no one to gift her bound and helpless form to. Another year had passed and every dominant man she had met was a no-hoper. Scrolling on her phone she looked mournfully at the parade of bound subs that filled social media. Tapping over to her dating profile she sighed. It took a lot of patience to filter through the inbox. Determined to keep trying she browsed the various messages she had received. It was the usual stuff - men with empty profiles saying 'hey'. Disappointed she pushed on through message after message until she saw one with a photo attached. Steeling her courage, Sally tapped the message desperately hoping it wasn't yet another unsolicited dick pic.To her surprise it wasn't. It was a picture of an app that she recognised. She used the app herself for one of her toys. As she took in the picture she realised that her username was displayed. 'Random Control' was a feature of her app controlled toys. A butt plug and vibrator she owned could be worn and then controlled by a random user of the app. Sure enough, this picture was coming from someone who she had chatted with as he controlled her toys! For a moment panic made her blood run cold. Was it creepy that he'd tracked her down on a dating site? What other profiles of hers did he know about? Semi-paralysed by this surprise it took her some time before she read the message to which the picture was attached. 'Control doesn't have to be random. All you have to do is ask.' Sally froze. This was out of the ordinary. How is someone meant to answer this? She gulped, but found herself unable to tap away from the message. She had to know more. Quickly she tapped through and read this man's profile. Thepicture wasn't amazing, but there was a very well written description of what this man was looking for. With every line Sally found herself drawn in further and faster. On the screen at least this man seemed like everything she was looking for. At least, right up until he used a single word - pantyhose. Sally's growing smile dropped. He was likely American. No Brit would use that word. Sure enough, on checking there it was - Bridgeport, Connecticut. Still, he deserved a reply. It was the most interesting message she'd received in weeks. 'I remember our chat. It was mindblowing. I'm sorry to say I'm not looking for an online relationship. - Sally' Dispondant, Sally closed the site and settled down for a lonely night. Streaming the latest reality show nonsense, her brain numbed and the familiar rut closed in. Moments later her phone buzzed. 'What is it about online that worries you? - Jonathan' 'Consequences, there can't be any when its all online. I can say I've done something but you have no way of knowing if thats the truth. Its just not as fun for me. - S' 'I understand. Are you up for another fun chat then?' Sally smiled. An online D/s relationship didn't get her motor running, but the thought of someone else teasing her with her toys really did. She quickly messaged back before hurrying to her toy chest. A touch of lube later and her plug and vibe were in. A few quick taps and she had the app open and connected to the man on the other end. His voice wasn't terribly deep. In fact he spoke very softly and gently. Almost careful with every word he chose to use. 'I really did love the message Jon.' 'It's Jonathan, not Jon.' He hadn't raised his voice at all to say this, instead he chose to set her toys to vibrate at their maximum settings. Sally breathed deeply as the toys caused her to let out a low moan. 'S..sorry Jonathan.' 'That's okay. Now you know.' The vibrations stopped as he lowered the control on his app. Then a second later, there was a barely perceptable rumble from her plug combined with a slow rhythmic buzz from her vibe. Sally gulped, he was good. 'You know Sally, there are other toys like this. Other ways a long distance dynamic can work.' But Sally bared heard, he was clearly skilled at controlling these types of vibrating toys. He was varying not just the intensity but the frequency and the patterns of her toys. 'Or maybe, even this type of play isn't something you enjoy as much as it sounds like?' The vibration stopped from both of Sally's toys. Snapping back to reality her hips were wriggling around, desperate for the good feelings from the toys. 'Please, don't stop now!' 'Well then Sally, answer me. Did you know that there are a lot of different long distance toys like this?' 'I'm sure there are. I don't think it would help though. Even in person, I can be bratty. I find ways to make it seem like I've done what was asked of me.' The vibrations began again, but this time at a very low level. Sally's hips writhed against the air, desperate to make the most of the sensations from the toys. She gripped her breats, teasing her nipples. 'What if I had a plan? A way of addressing some of your weaknesses? Would you be willing to at least hear me out?' 'I...I suppose...I could keep an...oh...oh.' Sally struggled for words as he played with her toy's controls masterfully. 'An open mind?' 'Oh god! Ye...ye...yes, and open mind.' 'I'm glad to hear it. Now, when you are close, do be a good little slut and ask me for permission to cum.' Sally's entire body began to quake as both the plug and the vibe filled her with sensations that felt amazing. Closing her eyes, she flipped to her front and ground her hips into her bed, trying to get more from the sensations of the vibe filling her. A few moments later, she was begging the male voice she knew as Jonathan for the permission to cum. He managed to play the controls so well that he kept her right on the edge of an orgasm for another two minutes. To Sally it felt like twenty, but before too long he said in a gentle voice: 'Cum for me Sally.'

Sub frenzy isn’t devotion. It’s a full blown psychological house fire and you’re standing in the middle of it, smiling like it’s candlelight. It starts as hunger. Then it becomes need. Then it becomes override everything just don’t lose this. And that’s where it gets dangerous not just for the submissive spiraling, but for anyone holding the other end of that dynamic. Because let’s be very clear If you’re a Dominant and you don’t recognize sub frenzy, you are either inexperienced or you’re part of the problem. Frenzy is loud if you know what to look for. It’s the rushed attachment. The “I’ll do anything” energy way too early. The collapsing boundaries. The constant seeking of approval like oxygen. The way they mold themselves to you before you’ve even proven you’re safe to hold that kind of power. That is not a green light. That is a warning flare. A submissive in frenzy is not in a grounded place to consent cleanly, to negotiate clearly, or to advocate for themselves when something goes wrong. Their “yes” can be soaked in fear of losing you instead of genuine desire. And if you take advantage of that if you push, escalate, or feed off that desperation without slowing them down? That’s not dominance. That’s exploitation with a title. A real D type doesn’t just take control they manage the state of the person they’re engaging with. They watch for the cracks. They check in. They pull things back when the energy gets unstable, even if it would be easier and more gratifying not to. Sometimes the most dominant thing you can do is say, “Stop. Breathe. We’re not moving forward like this.” Because power without responsibility is just dressedup harm. But here’s the part people don’t like to hear: Even with awareness, even with check-ins, even with good intentions sometimes a dynamic still turns toxic. Maybe the submissive stays in frenzy and refuses to ground. Maybe the Dominant starts enjoying the control a little too much and stops caring about impact. Maybe communication breaks down and what started as connection turns into damage. When that happens, you don’t “push through.” You don’t “fix it with more intensity.” You don’t cling harder like that’s going to magically make it healthy. You leave. Yeah leave. I don’t care how good it felt at the start. I don’t care how strong the pull is. I don’t care how rare you think it is. If the dynamic is harming you mentally, emotionally, physically you step out of it like your sanity matters more than the connection. Because it does. Staying in something toxic and calling it devotion is just a slower way to self-destruct. And for the submissives drowning in that frenzy spiral: You are not “failing” by pulling back. You are not “less submissive” for needing stability. You are not weak for choosing yourself over a dynamic that’s eating you alive. And for the Dominants: If someone is unraveling in your hands and your response isn’t to steady them but to tighten your grip? You need to check yourself before you wreck someone. Because this isn’t a game of who can fall the hardest. It’s about who can hold power without turning it into a weapon. Sub frenzy will make you forget that. Grounded connection will remind you. And if you have to choose between being consumed or being whole? You already know the right answer. Even if it hurts like hell to act on it.  

Let me make this very clear. You crossed a line you should have known better than to approach. You do not get upset with me for living my life, and you do not question how I choose to spend my time, especially when it involves my family. The fact that you felt entitled to react that way tells me you lack the discipline and awareness required to be anywhere near me. That is not submission. That is immaturity. So I’m correcting this quickly. I am pulling back your access. There will be no sessions, no casual conversation, no expectation of my time until I decide otherwise. If you are going to remain here at all, you will take this time to reflect and adjust yourself. Stronger boundaries are now in place. You will respect my time, my life, and my priorities without hesitation or commentary. If that is something you struggle with, then this ends here. Decide accordingly. Happy Mother's Day to me you sorry worthless excuse for a human.  — Goddess Nikki

Self-Education I’ve been on websites like this one for quite a few years but was only sporadically active. I was looking for information about things as well as for other people to talk with about it. But I was only sporadically active. Two or three times, I thought I had it figured out. I thought I knew what it was that caught my interest that led to my fetishes. Then I realized that some of those fetishes were more than fetishes. So I explored more. And the more I explored, the more I discovered that I liked or at least found intriguing. But I began to see a common thread between the fetishes, they all fit together. And they fit so well, I made a crossword grid out of them. lol I would put up pictures and take them down. I would make my profile out to be a personal ads and then change the wording later. A little frustrated that I didn’t know what to do with all of this knowledge and information I had been seeking and had now found, I threw my hands up in the air. What good was all of it if I didn’t know what to do with it? If I couldn’t answer the questions of what I liked and why? But I was never going to find the answers. And the reason why is because I was looking for them. I was behaving like an addict. And that needed to stop. There wasn’t anything wrong with liking and even liking something a lot. But if it was the greatest thoughts in my head, then it needed to be the most important thing in my life. It wasn’t until I stopped thinking about what I liked and what I wanted that it all began to fall into place. I began to read what others liked and wanted and what they posted. I would focus in on the postings of dominant women as they were ones I saw myself as a counterpart to. I’m one of millions who read the postings of dominant women. The first time I read these postings, I tried to imagine how I could fit into what they were saying. But I wasn’t finding that pathway in their words. At that moment, it really started to define itself. And things I guess I already knew were becoming clear. I’m not gonna be right for everyone. Lots of dominant women will not be right for me. I do know what I want and I do know what I like. And I’ll gladly share those things with someone in private messaging. (Although I fully understand that you can discover a lot of my kinks and interests and ideals and all on this profile. But that would require you to look at my profile, top to bottom. And a lot of people don’t do that on here. That’s something else I’ve learned.) The basis of everything I needed I already had when I made a profile on this site years ago. It was just a matter of continuing to learn. Being submissive, or believing myself submissive, was something I knew. But its definition I didn’t understand. And before I could be educated by anyone, I needed to do most of that education myself. My focus needs to be on her. It’s my rightful place. And it’s all about what feels natural because what feels natural is what IS natural. I’m not below her. She’s not above me. But the truth is SHE DOESN’T NEED ME. I need to show her why she would need me. And because she doesn’t need me, if she keeps me in her life, that is a privilege. I want to be useful to her. I want her to see me as being useful. This comes from actions. Actions first. Words second. Strong and confident woman deserves respect. My goal is always to make her happy and to keep her happy. To put her happiness on a pedestal. This doesn’t require her to be dominant and me to be submissive. It should be natural and feel that way. Make her life easier. Take her stresses away. Take her energy-draining responsibilities away from her. She wants to feel safe with you. If she doesn’t feel safe, why would she need you? Make her life ... better. This is where I’m at in the journey for knowledge. This is the point I have reached with my self-education. Many more lessons to learn yet.  

  An insight for a slave downunder to understand the sadist side of me.   I found along the way somethings very interesting.   Pain   Pleasure   Intense pain   Intense pleasure.   An hour later, while marks remain, you can not remember how either felt so it must be performed again   And again   And again.     Endorphins   The little body chemicals that respond to pain over time, and not just mask it, but make it feel pleasurable.     For example, if you ever hit your shin very hard on something, it really really hurts... but if you pay attention, your body may well begin to feel better, 'good', 'happy'.    These are those endorphins taking hold just as they do during a serious orgasm.   It is setup with very strict escape proof bondage.  Whispers in the ear of the hopelessness she is in, the pain and abuse that is coming, she is softly petted before the sudden abuse envelopes her, and she will wiggle and moan and scream and plead but nothing will relent.  Nothing will hold back the pain she will feel   Nothing.   And she is reminded of this verbally, which often primes her mind for the direction will will take, and since she has no control, she is told to release it all without holding anything back.   The mind begins, anticipate and then demand such as it goes along, thus you have slave screaming 'harder' and 'more'  and dont stop.  Do not ever stop.   It is a semi-conscious state many call subspace but it is just the effect of endorphins.  The more the better as they say   Thus you have the state where the sadist feeds off the slaves love of and need for pain and she encounters pleasure in abundance that she is not allowed in any other way.   I have whipped women long and often and very hard to achieve the end result.  While they are passed out I watch them to make sure they are breathing ok and such.   When they come out of it, I teach them to parade in front of me after I release them.  Show off their marks, their colors, which ones hurt the most and inspired the deepest reaction.  Then to kneel and forehead on my right boot to thank me and then forehead on my left boot to beg to do it again.   And I hold them for a while and let them recover more whispering how the next one will feel and how long it will last.   Then they can go about their daily slave duties with purpose.   They will fell totally secure and safe in their purpose.   Its a very nice place to be.

DO NOT ASSUME THAT I HAVE JUST GHOSTED YOU!  If you have messaged me, especially multiple times, and you see that I haven't responded or opened your other messages, do not assume that I have stopped talking to you or that I don't wish to talk anymore.  My life is a tad crazy right now, but for anyone I wish to not speak to anymore, I do let them know or they were told prior of why they were blocked. YOU WILL KNOW, & BE TOLD THAT THE COMMUNICATION IS FINISHED!

Wake up The day has been long and tiring. you get the last seat on the bus. you are grateful for the opportunity to sit. your legs are tired from the day. At the next stop several people get on. One old man ends up standing in front of you. you glance at him, but, try to ignore the old codger. Vaguely you hope his grey beard does not shed on you. Somewhere deep inside you a disquiet disturbs your comfort. you raise up and offer the old guy your seat. Other people on the bus admire your generosity. The old guy sighs as he carefully lowers his creaky body into the space you have left him. A lady sitting across from you says, "that was a nice thing to do." It was, but, that is not why you sacrificed. No, and not because you were thinking of one of your elderly parents. No, this was not a 'nice thing to do.' This was in compliance with your inner need to serve and suffer. you have a slave heart.

What kind of a Dom am I? Right away you can tell that I have a sadistic side. I've often used floggers, paddles and whips on the asses of those that were mine. Flogging the ass has been my favorite, I get into a kind of zone when I get into the groove of things. I just don't wind back and let 'er rip. I will repeatedly work a small spot over and over again building up the sensitivity until it gets to that stinging phase. Sure I could just crack a whip on her, but where is the fun in that? I like to put the work in. In this instance I like to work harder, not smarter. I like a little bit of ification, humiliation and degradation. Putting my fingers in her mouth and slide them down her throat, rubbing her and my spit in her face. Place a hand on her throat and squeeze with one hand and rub that little clit with the other. Tie her up and over stimulate that clit with a strong vibrator. Messy throat fucking and gagging, I love that saliva build up. Squirting. I love that as well, and have gotten pretty good at fingering it out of her and will see how many times I can get it out of her in a session. Those were some examples of my hard side, but I also have a soft side. I can comfort her, make her feel safe and loved. Treat her kindly and sweetly. I enjoy cuddling very much, because there is that feeling of closeness that is almost hard to describe when we are in each other's arms just enjoying each other's company. A submissive with the tendencies of a little would not be a terrible thing. The spectrum of BDSM is vast, and I do not have experience in every single thing. Though one of those things I would desire more of is a sub that would enjoy anal play. I've only dipped my toes in anal sex a little bit and used butt-plugs on them, just because the girls I have been with were not all too keen in exploring it very far, which I could respect. I would enjoy delving into using larger butt-plugs, anal beads, dildos, and maybe anal fisting, but that is a big maybe because my fists are on the large side. Those are more like wants than actual needs. I am pretty much open to just about anything except for blood and shit play. There is such a thing as too messy and smelly for me.

What being a little/middle is for me For me it is not a choice. I am a natural little and middle because of things that both happened and didn't happen. I'm not a roleplay little I have involuntary age regression! I need to feel safe and be protected during these times. I also have little/middle traits during every day life and even more so when I feel something is wrong or I did something wrong. So the lifestyle allows me to be accepted as I am and can't help but be. I'm extremely inquisitive, at times super bouncy, needy, playful, well behaved, but I can also be ornery ( in a playful way) , I have some difficulty understanding things, I make mistakes in verbalizing what I mean or need at times, I need alot of reassurance especially in the beginning. Although I am a passenger princess, I have difficulty just asking for attention, I'm super into my person and lovey.

Well, all who follow me on the internet - I have relocated to Eastern Tennessee near ETSU.  My home is finished and soon I will resume teaching special women all about submission, obedience, and cock worship.  Too many of you believe that you are sitting on gold, but secretly fantasize about being used as a woman should be!  All three of our glorious holes drilled and utilized for the sadistic pleasure of your Master!   Think of it girls - Going out on the town - good food, great drinks when nobody can tell that under your clothing you are wearing a steel chastity belt, tight corset, rubber panties with two plugs, a remote-controlled vibrator affixed to your clit. your erect nipples poking through a rubber-lined open nipple bra, feeling the cool southern air through the silk blouse.   Suddenly you g as the vibrator begins to torment your erect clit!   Are you ready to rush home and please your owner in order to cum yourself?  Will he allow it, or will you suffer much and many more torments throughout the night?   Perhaps you will spend a long night in a cage, or strapped into bed until the batteries die. ONLY I WILL KNOW what and how your torments will end!

My Daddy is gone After 2 years my Daddy has finally left 😔. I'm utterly devestated because he has been my everything and I feel so lost and empty without him. I know I can't be mad at him because I'm such a difficult person to be with and be around. I couldn't trust him with all my being no matter how hard I tried. I failed us both because I just couldn't get better and improve my life and just be happy. I really hope that he finds someone better because he deserves it. He had so much patience and did his best to understand me but I just couldn't deal with all my trauma and pain and it kept getting worse and worse. I know he had to leave to save himself and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the men that I end up loving from leaving so maybe I just need to accept that I should be alone, so noone else gets hurt. It's the same reason that I haven't had children, I don't trust myself to not hurt them emotionally.

**Journal Entry for jloveslut:**   I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey of self-discovery and exploration that led me here, to a place where I can openly embrace my authentic self. My experiences as a switch, and my desire to connect with others who understand the nuances of my gender identity and orientation, have been pivotal in shaping who I am today.   In the realm of BDSM and kink, finding a community where I can express both my dominant and submissive sides has been incredibly empowering. It’s a space where I can explore, learn, and grow without judgment. I’m continually learning about what it means to be part of a community that values consent, respect, and communication above all else. These elements are at the core of the connections I’m seeking, and I appreciate how spaces like this offer that opportunity.   I’m looking forward to meeting others who share similar values and interests. Whether it’s engaging in conversations about lifestyle choices, exploring new dynamics, or just making friends who understand this part of my life, I am excited for the possibilities that lie ahead. Here’s to continuing the journey of exploration, growth, and meaningful connections.   Thank you for reading, and feel free to reach out if any of this resonates with you.   — J

My late wife whom I lost 10 years ago, loved bondage in many forms. On a trip to vegas I setup a situation to totally driver her mad..... We went out to a nice dinner very well dressed and a show. She attired as follows for it..... thigh boots well heeled, stocking with garters PVC Garter belt, a steel chastity belt no plugs, all under a leather mini skirt, tight strong pvc under bust corset well laced, pvc string bra, covered with a white satin blouse. She was my arm candy for the night. Needless to say she was whispering in my ear delicious thoughts, needs, desires, and beggings to be used. Being so bound and restricted via the chastity belt meant she was not able to effectively finger herself in the booth as we ate and had to endure the knowledge that I controlled her sex and its release. When we retired after some gambling and teasing by both of us, once in the room she seductively stripped her shirt and begged me to release her, i made her spread against window in the hotel room and released her chastity and held her firmly by the hair and ravished her to my pleasure..... that evening she stayed booted and corseted and skirted but bound at the feet and wrists... I took her 2x more that night and she crawled on me begging for cock and talking about how much she was made into a object of sexual pleasure.

profiles take far too long to update on here, so here is what would be my updated profile...    Friendly notice:  *Please read before messaging - it’ll save us both time :)*    These are just *my* preferences, no offence intended.    - Age range **29-45** -  **NO** interest in joining an existing couple/dynamic -  **NO** interest in married/partnered up men - **NO** interest in online/cyber relationships  - **NO** interest in one off meets  - **NO** interest in switching  - **PLEASE** do **NOT** send me dick pics or request any nudes from me   The Vanilla Stuff:   I am 26 years old and I live alone in a sleepy little village in Oxfordshire. I currently work part time. I enjoy spending my free time socialising with my friends/family, going for long country walks, swimming, dining out and weekends away. I passed my driving test earlier in the year so I am always taking myself on adventures. I am lucky enough to be well travelled and have been on some amazing holidays to beautiful countries. I love cooking and baking (I make a mean cookie). I used to work for a local radio station so I have a strong passion for music… anything 70’s or 80’s. I don’t watch much TV but I do have a slight obsession with the BBC series ‘Inside No. 9’ (if you’ve never seen it, you’re in for a treat!)    I am very calm, patient, honest, understanding and I like to think a caring person. I always try to see the best in people, and will always do what I can to help and support others. I like to have a laugh, and would say I have a somewhat dry and at times dark sense of humour.    Now is probably a good time to mention that... **I am autistic**. Please don't let this put you off. I’d like to make it clear that being autistic does not hold me back in life. I am able to work, I live alone, I drive, and I lead a fairly “normal” life. For me it mostly means that I struggle in some social situations, especially when meeting new people, or going to new unfamiliar places - although I always try to push myself and overcome these social barriers. I don’t let being autistic hold me back or dominate (the irony) my life. If you’d like to know more then feel free to ask me any questions. I’ve written a couple of things **(see below)** which may be helpful.    - [A guide for potential Doms ](https://fetlife.com/users/15225326/posts/10736910) - [Autism, kink and me ](https://fetlife.com/users/15225326/posts/10736903)   I am very much a ‘plain Jane’. I don’t cover myself in make-up, fake tan, and I have never used fillers. I am more comfortable in long dress tops and leggings than overly revealing clothing. I am 5’3, curvy, have shoulder length auburn hair, hazel eyes, mostly wear glasses, and have very pale skin.     The Kinky Stuff:   For as long as I can remember I have always been interested in the idea of BDSM and being submissive, even before I knew what BDSM was I found myself having thoughts of wanting to be tied up, humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used and abused during sex. All my previous relationships had been very vanilla, so I never had a chance to explore my submissive side until a few years ago when I began seeing an older guy. He was not a Dom, but he was kinky as fuck… he would restrain me, gag and blindfold me, use canes, floggers and riding crops on me, and have rougher sex with me - to date he’s the only guy to ever make me cum! Since then I have craved nothing more than to explore my submissive side fully within a D/s or M/s dynamic.    My kinks include: *impact play, breath play, restraints, edge play, humiliation, degradation, face slapping, nipple torture, blindfolds, gags, punishments, praise, orgasm control/denial, hair pulling, rough sex, TPE, CNC and much, much more **(see my fetish list at the bottom of my profile).*** Safe words and aftercare are super important and non negotiable.    I am at a point now in my life where I am very happy and settled. I feel ready to start looking for a Dom/Master who I can go on a BDSM journey with. I no longer have any interest in finding a purely vanilla relationship. So… I am looking for an experienced Dom with a dark/sadistic streak who would be willing to take his time to train and guide me on this journey at a slow and steady pace. I realise that my wants from a dynamic probably mean I am more of a slave than a sub...I’m looking for a Master/Dom who over time I can **fully** submit to - in and out of the bedroom. A Dom who has a majority of control over my life, eg - full sexual control, control over my appearance, over my body and mind, over day to day activities etc. ideally - TPE eventually. A dynamic with rules which if broken result in punishments. A dynamic where my sole purpose is to fulfil the needs of my Dom. I crave nothing more than to be owned. To be the property of a Dom.   I am looking for **long term and regular,** with the end goal to be to eventually live together. I’m **not** looking for a dynamic where a Dom barks orders at me, cuts me off from the outside world and keeps me locked in his basement all day, every day. But where I can look after the house, prepare meals, do all the cleaning and laundry etc. what some may refer to as ‘1950’s living’. (I’d still be happy to remain working and help toward bills if that was agreed upon.) For me this ins't just about having rough sex and a bit of kinky fun, it means much more than that to me... maybe my autism plays a part in that, the want and need for structure and routine in life...   I prefer guys who are older **(29-45)**, who take good care of themselves, are respectful, caring and are drama free. I have no issues if you have children but I do **NOT** want children of my own.      End:   If you're interested then please feel free to message me. I have quite a few writings on my profile about myself, my (limited) previous kinky experiences, fantasies and information about my autism, so please take a look. I never respond to instant sex chat/stories or dick pics.    Ideally I’d prefer it if you can host or we meet in hotels to begin with - due to my autism I do not feel comfortable even having my friends and family over at my house, it's my sanctuary/safe space. I drive and enjoy driving, so distance is not a huge issue for me.    Unfortunately it’s got to the stage where I will just ignore messages from anybody that is outside of my preferred age range, or married, seeking an online dynamic or ONS, etc… I am simply not interested and far too many people just don’t respect this, so please do not be offended if I don’t respond, but that’s probably why.    As so many people don't tend to bother to read profiles on here, please let me know you have done so while messaging me! I hope to hear from you!  ~ M x   

Things have been very rough this last few years. In the middle of the horror I discovered my exact needs and desires. All are leaning to 24/7. A TRUE EXPERIENCED Dominant. One compatible of course. One with similar interests as we need time together outside of just bdsm. I need fully trained. Supervised. Someone who pays attention when I think I can get away with something though I try my best to be a good girl. Someone to nurture me. Guide me. Ensure I hydrate and eat properly.  I need the rules. The punishments. The after care and the sincere love. I am in a vanilla relationship and beyond unhappy.  I have had limited human contact in years. The vanilla is too old. Impotent and zero desire. We live separate lives. I am more of a care giver.  I am willing to move almost anywhere but as a full time submissive.  I'm too poor to use what little I have to move in and find out we aren't compatible.  So meeting 1st is a must. I am fine with a hotel or cabin or even fly to you but trust must be established.  I will accept nothing other than EXPERIENCED. I am not switch. I'm fully submissive.  I want 24/7 but also would like a little loosening on my chain to feel semi normal. Yes I expect completely your knowing my comings and goings at all time. Mutual interests are time well spent. What are you looking for in a submissive?  

Master's WritingsDo We Force or Do We Cultivate Submission?As Dominants, do we take or do we nurture? Do we force or do we cultivate? Do we allow for discovery and awareness or do we force a submissive to become the vision of submission we held in our minds before even meeting them?Nearly every Dominant I have ever talked to has a fantasy or a story about "taking" a submissive. We hold an ideal in our mind of what a submissive should be like, act like and perhaps even sound like. But do we truly, as Dominants, cultivate a submissive to find their own unique, natural path to their truest self?I believe in guiding a submissive, there is an easy road and a hard road. And like all things the harder road will always produce the richest results. The easy way is to take, force, and command them to fit into a predefined mold. For a skilled Dominant, grooming a submissive this way may be swift, but shallow, suitable for play, but not for a lasting dynamic.The only submission I find worthy of my time and energies, is one that is freely given, honest and genuine, where the submissive understands why they have chosen to submit. I find there are several critical aspaspects that are always part of this "harder" and, what I believe to be, a more fulfilling road. Though it might sound manipulative, it is not when done openly and honestly with the purest of intentions toward your submissive.Understanding: One cannot dominate another without knowing the person. One must understand the individual, both the vanilla and the kink. You should spend time to get to know how they think, what they believe, and the motivations behind them all. Share freely of yourself as well to create mutual understanding and build trust. Seek to discover the things that have shaped their life, brought them to the lifestyle - fears, joys, struggles, and fantasies. Each truth either of you share, unlocks a clue about how best to bring them out of their shell and open them up.Engage the mind before the body: The lifestyle and all its kink, when done right, will always be vastly more mental than physical. So many of the things we do here require deep trust, openness, and communication. I know you have heard this all before, but have you thought about what cultivates such trust? It is the mental closeness that comes from sharing, talking, connecting, explaining, and engaging in ways that are respectful of the thinking being standing in front of you, and generous in the giving of yourself. It is the understanding of how a mind works that reveals their blocks, their turn-ons, their fears, and the past damage that continue to color their present self, for good and for bad. As Dominant, be inquisitive of what takes place between their ears, not just between their legs and always engage the mind before you touch the body.Cultivate their awareness of self: In order for any of us to participate fully in the lifestyle, one must have an awareness of who we are, what we want, and why we want it. Few have taken the time to fully explore this in a meaningful way. If you have not, I encourage you to do this for yourself. Ask at least 3 why's after ever truth you think you have uncovered. Dig, explore and be curious. Don't be satisfied with superficial awareness but strive for the hidden understanding behind each “why”. Then when you have a better understanding of yourself, help your submissive explore in this same way. No judgment, no shame, no allowance for them to become self conscious or hide from a hard truth (of course in a supportive and respectful way that allows us all to share in our own time - some truths are really hard to share). Remain open, honest and welcoming. Create a safe place for them to share all with you. Don't lead or channel them to a specific place but allow the discovery to be organic. There is beauty in watching a flower unfold on its own. Question, reflect, explore and require total honesty as you go deeper. Only in this way can you guide them to an awareness of their most authentic self.Build confidence: Few dominants speak of the power of a submissive. I find that there is enormous power in the confidence and submission of an submissive. To know your most authentic and natural self is one of the highest forms of enlightenment I can think of. As a Dominant, I see it as our job to build that confidence, not break them down.It has been my experience that as you begin working on this fourth aspect, all of the work you have done comes together to provide you a depth of overall understanding of your submissive and quite frankly, they will, and should, understand you as well. I have always seen the yin and yang of D/s and M/s relationships being a growing together rather than a forcing to comply or taking of a submissive. There is no sweeter fruit than the fruit that is given freely and for an s to give themself freely, without reservation to a Dominant who truly "knows them" is priceless beyond compare. Once you have tasted such fruit, I doubt you will ever settle for less.A word of caution: This is powerful guidance, and not to be engaged in lightly. We do not use this for manipulation or deceit. We engage openly and honestly in order to seek the same in our partners. If you, yourself, are not yet ready to be fully open with your partner, please do not attempt this, you will only cause pain and emotional harm when you cannot reciprocate the openness that you have worked to create.For those on both sides of the slash, I wish you understanding and beauty and hope this helps in some small way in your life.

i am pretty sure he's done with me.  No idea how I'm going to get through this feeling of failure.  I don't think I possess the ability to move on.  He owns every part of me. My thoughts are wrapped around him, our interactions, our love.  I don't surrender temporarily. I don't quit just because things get hard. I never have.  But somehow I'm supposed to quit him? Quit us? And just carry on? The very thought is viscerally painful.  I miss him. He still won't talk to me. Not even to tell me one way or the other.  On FetLife he's still listed on my profile. I suggested he remove it if he was done with me, that it would give him a way of telling me without the need for direct contact, if that's what he wanted. He is still listed.  All I know is, it's going to take the death of hope to let him go. 

night air, a primal rhythm that echoed through the park. Lily's cries mingled with his grunts, their bodies moving as one, driven by the raw, animalistic need. He reached around, his fingers finding her swollen clit, rubbing and pinching it in time with his thrusts. "Cum for me, you little slut," he demanded, his voice harsh and commanding. "Cum on my cock." Lily's body tightened, every nerve alight with sensation. She was on the edge, teetering between pain and pleasure, as his fingers worked her clit and his cock filled her to the brim. With a final, powerful thrust, she shattered, her orgasm ripping through her, causing her to scream into the night. As her body convulsed around him, he groaned, his own release building. He gripped her hips tightly, holding her still as he emptied himself deep within her, filling her with his hot seed. They stood there, panting, their bodies still joined, as the echoes of their passion faded into the night. Lily's mind reeled, struggling to process what had just happened. She had been taken, used, and yet, she couldn't deny the pleasure she had experienced. The man released her, stepping back, his breathing heavy. "You were a good fuck, Lily. But now, I must go." Lily's legs trembled as she leaned against the tree, her body still throbbing with the aftershocks of her orgasm. She watched as he zipped up his pants, the moonlight glinting off his hooded figure. "Wait..." she whispered, her voice hoarse. "Who are you?"

 AKRONOHIOMAN