Normal 0 Yes i put it on my other one too   lol Thought I would put this here.  We all know how long updating your profile takes  LOL  I was passing the time one evening responding to emails (sorry I'm behind, getting better though  lol)  I accidentally pushed the "home" button, which no longer refreshes the page, but shows you profiles of all that are currently online. I started reading other's profiles (Dominant and submissive) and I was surprised to see there are still some lifestyle people on this thing  lol   Below are some phrases here and there and adjusted them to fit me, as well as some of my own words, to explain yet another way what I am looking for. (So thank you fellow CS'ers for the help  lol):    Even though I have a rather in depth profile, I still get asked what I'm looking for.  So hopefully this will work for everyone (yeah yeah yeah I know the wankers aren't going to read this either LOL):    Looking for a slave to train with love and discipline. I'm looking for a partner(s) that is no where near a doormat, like so many on here,  I am way too busy to deal with the game players that seem to keep finding me here. I am looking for someone who can hold their own in the vanilla world during business functions, etc., but also has the ability to enjoy and obey the rules and regs of the D/s lifestyle.    I want my companion slave to be my lover (someone that can and will hold me at night), a friend (someone I can talk to on any level about anything),one I can trust and love back. Go on trips, day or otherwise and have actual fun. (D/s doesn't have to be done just at home ya know?   lol)  And, "no" for all you one handed typers that get mad and say, "You are just looking for a husband" just because I won't "assist" them in their efforts   lol  Trust me, a piece of paper is the LAST thing I'm looking for.  I know they say to never say never but.......NEVER!!!!     LOL   I believe submission is a gift to give not one to take    I mix D/s with everyday vanilla life.  That means I also want a balance in family, friends and the lifestyle.  And I mean our actual families (i.e. mothers, fathers ,brothers, sisters, nephew, nieces, cousins, aunts, uncles;  are all important to me and should be for you as well)  (and "no" this does not mean that we will be shouting in the streets to our family and friends about our personal life, it just means we need to mingle with others just as much as we would if we were just vanilla.  Nothing makes people start nosing around like someone or a couple that only keeps to themselves.  LOL     I usually read history and profile before I respond to someone.  And guys for you that say you don't have kids but want them some day, just move on to the next profile, because that obviously won't be happening here   LOL    Nothing makes me happier than to know that I have a loving, trusting, supportive family/foundation under me (yes, this time I am referring to my "in house" family)  My man/men are happy when I am pleased with them and nothing makes them sadder than knowing that they have displeased me. Me and my guy or guys and that we are all happy and taken care of and that we are living the life that is perfect for what we were all looking for.  Not someone who just says he wants it.  Those kind either try to manipulate you into what they want eventually, or they are here but miserable, making everyone else the same.  Or the worst ones that go with a family just to be with "anyone" and the whole time they are online trying to better deal you  lol    No I wont meet or even DM you after we have a 5 minute conversation in mail if you want to meet me (usually just "hi" back and forth), Take your time. Talk to me.. I think there is a very special person behind this computer screen. If you are a real lifestyle submissive then you should want to take your time and learn as much as you can about the life that you claim you want to walk into, forever. If this isn't your style and you need to move faster, that's awesome, it's just not my way, so we can agree to disagree and you can move on to the next profile. No I don't plan on talking here forever before DM's but I will move on to whatever the next step is, when "I" am ready.  Nothing else will fill the void but what I seek. So don't ask, try to manipulate me, or think you are so special that I will change what I want.  You get to choose who and what you want, I deserve the same respect.                      

Is there anything else I can help you with? You never know when bdsm enters your life in the vanilla world.  I really enjoyed living in SW Florida.  I used to live in Cape Coral which is a suburb of Fort Myers , a much bigger city where I worked.  On days off I would go to the nearby beaches of Ft.Myers, Sanibel Island or other places to sunbathe and swim.  There was a yacht club nearby where I went a lot to lay out and preen in the bright sun.  Guys would whistle at me as they moved along in their boats and I would smile.   Between my house and the yacht club near the corner of Cape Coral Parkway and Coronado Parkway was a bikini shop located in a small strip mall.  I would go in there to look at their bathing suits from time to time.  I bought a few bikinis from them.  I think it was the third or fourth time I went there that I realized they also sold adult toys.  It never occurred to me to look around the entire store when I was there.  I'd go in and head straight to the swimsuits and the dressing room and the cashier area.   Had I looked, there was a wall that separated the clothes from the toys.  I just never looked.  There were vibes, lubes and other sex toys displayed on the wall that was out of sight from the rest of the store.   On the way back from the yacht club I stopped at the store.  I was wearing a crop top and bikini bottoms at the time.  This was normal for Floridians to be dressed this way.  I bought a bikini one time and went to pay for it.  It was then that I noticed for the first time that underneath the glass counter was a whole selection of restraints and other bondage items.  I glanced at them while I waited for the owner to come to the register.  She was a tall BBW, about 50 and had long red hair.   Owner:  Anything else sweetie? Smiling Me:  I never noticed before that you sold bondage stuff.  I usually just bought bikinis here.   O:  Is there anything you want to see?  M:  Yes, I'd like to see those suspension cuffs and that spreader bar.   She reached under the glass case and brought out the cuffs and the bar.  The cuffs were very nice.  The leather was thick and the buckle was sturdy.  It was the spreader bar I wasn't too sure about.  It was made of wood and had eyebolts on either end.  It was about three feet long.   M:  This doesn't look very sturdy, at least for suspension.  Do you sell metal ones? O:  You're about 120 pounds right?  It'll hold you up.  I'm sure of it.  M:  Hmm I don't know.  I like the cuffs and I want a spreader bar but I'm not sure a wooden one would do the trick.   I was kind of embarrassed having this conversation in this store but when I looked around nobody was there but us at the time.  O:  Look, I can have you try it out in the back room if you want.  I can hook you up and you can see how it feels.  She pointed to the back room behind a curtain near the adult area. I looked at the area where she pointed and thought, well if this is a trick I can at least yell out to anyone who comes into the store.  I looked at her again and thought, well she doesn't look like a serial killer.   M:  Ok. She led me past the curtain and it was just a plain ok storeroom with boxes and shelving units and clothes racks.  There was a chain hanging from the rafter in the ceiling that hung in an open area underneath a sky light.  I put on the cuffs and she attached them to the ends of the spreader bar.  She told me to stand on a chair and she attached the bar to the chain.   O:  Ok step off the chair.   I stepped off and hung there while she pulled away the chair.  She smiled as she looked at me.  O:  How does it feel?  Try moving a bit.   I wiggled around and the bar held my weight.  I was about to say something when we heard the door chimes.   O:  Oh shit a customer.  Be right back.   She left me hanging there alone in the stockroom.  I could hear her talking to the customer.  There was a bit of back and forth.  She was gone for only a minute or two.  She came back and peeked at me through the curtains.   O:  Are you ok? I nodded yes.  She went back to front and I could hear more talking.  Finally after a few minutes I heard the door chimes again.  She came back and smiled at my suspended body.   O:  I'm so sorry.  You look amazing by the way.   She got the chair and helped me down.  She helped me remove the cuffs and we went back to the front together.  It took me a few moments to comprehend just what happened.  I just did a suspension scene in a bikini store!   O:  Is there anything else I can help you with?   M:  No, I'll put it on my credit card.    

  An insight for a slave downunder to understand the sadist side of me.   I found along the way somethings very interesting.   Pain   Pleasure   Intense pain   Intense pleasure.   An hour later, while marks remain, you can not remember how either felt so it must be performed again   And again   And again.     Endorphins   The little body chemicals that respond to pain over time, and not just mask it, but make it feel pleasurable.     For example, if you ever hit your shin very hard on something, it really really hurts... but if you pay attention, your body may well begin to feel better, 'good', 'happy'.    These are those endorphins taking hold just as they do during a serious orgasm.   It is setup with very strict escape proof bondage.  Whispers in the ear of the hopelessness she is in, the pain and abuse that is coming, she is softly petted before the sudden abuse envelopes her, and she will wiggle and moan and scream and plead but nothing will relent.  Nothing will hold back the pain she will feel   Nothing.   And she is reminded of this verbally, which often primes her mind for the direction will will take, and since she has no control, she is told to release it all without holding anything back.   The mind begins, anticipate and then demand such as it goes along, thus you have slave screaming 'harder' and 'more'  and dont stop.  Do not ever stop.   It is a semi-conscious state many call subspace but it is just the effect of endorphins.  The more the better as they say   Thus you have the state where the sadist feeds off the slaves love of and need for pain and she encounters pleasure in abundance that she is not allowed in any other way.   I have whipped women long and often and very hard to achieve the end result.  While they are passed out I watch them to make sure they are breathing ok and such.   When they come out of it, I teach them to parade in front of me after I release them.  Show off their marks, their colors, which ones hurt the most and inspired the deepest reaction.  Then to kneel and forehead on my right boot to thank me and then forehead on my left boot to beg to do it again.   And I hold them for a while and let them recover more whispering how the next one will feel and how long it will last.   Then they can go about their daily slave duties with purpose.   They will fell totally secure and safe in their purpose.   Its a very nice place to be.

Effective and Transparent Communication  In a Poly house, it is crucial to maintain honesty and open communication with the Master and all other members. This practice is not only ethical but also necessary for the smooth functioning of the household. Honesty is the foundation of trust and mutual understanding in any relationship, and in a Poly house, there are more people involved, making it even more vital to be forthright.  Being open and honest sets the tone for the type of relationship you want to have with the Master. It shows that you are invested in the relationship and committed to making it work. By being transparent, the Master gains a better understanding of your needs, expectations, and boundaries. This understanding forms the basis of a deeper and more meaningful relationship.  Creating an environment where everyone can communicate freely without fear of judgment or retribution is crucial. It allows for a more collaborative and inclusive approach to decision-making within the house, fostering a culture of trust and mutual support. While the Master has the final say, it is crucial to hear the thoughts of all members.  Before joining a Poly house, asking questions is essential to understanding the dynamics and ensuring it is the right fit. It is a significant commitment that requires trust and openness, and clarifying expectations and responsibilities minimizes misunderstandings and conflicts.  In conclusion, effective and transparent communication is essential to creating a healthy and stable relationship in a Poly house. It builds trust, fosters collaboration, and creates a culture of mutual support. Honesty and communication should be embraced by all members of a Poly house.

Sadly most who have contacted me on here want so much more than I wantI want a real relationship with lots of tender vanilla timeBut this is sex. Just this. Mid week is jacking off on my healing tits or titty fucking meVery rarely do we have penetrative sex. I seek an equal partner in my vanilla life. I'm strong and independen.  I just need to be degraded like this and used as titty cum rag

Master's WritingsDo We Force or Do We Cultivate Submission?As Dominants, do we take or do we nurture? Do we force or do we cultivate? Do we allow for discovery and awareness or do we force a submissive to become the vision of submission we held in our minds before even meeting them?Nearly every Dominant I have ever talked to has a fantasy or a story about "taking" a submissive. We hold an ideal in our mind of what a submissive should be like, act like and perhaps even sound like. But do we truly, as Dominants, cultivate a submissive to find their own unique, natural path to their truest self?I believe in guiding a submissive, there is an easy road and a hard road. And like all things the harder road will always produce the richest results. The easy way is to take, force, and command them to fit into a predefined mold. For a skilled Dominant, grooming a submissive this way may be swift, but shallow, suitable for play, but not for a lasting dynamic.The only submission I find worthy of my time and energies, is one that is freely given, honest and genuine, where the submissive understands why they have chosen to submit. I find there are several critical aspaspects that are always part of this "harder" and, what I believe to be, a more fulfilling road. Though it might sound manipulative, it is not when done openly and honestly with the purest of intentions toward your submissive.Understanding: One cannot dominate another without knowing the person. One must understand the individual, both the vanilla and the kink. You should spend time to get to know how they think, what they believe, and the motivations behind them all. Share freely of yourself as well to create mutual understanding and build trust. Seek to discover the things that have shaped their life, brought them to the lifestyle - fears, joys, struggles, and fantasies. Each truth either of you share, unlocks a clue about how best to bring them out of their shell and open them up.Engage the mind before the body: The lifestyle and all its kink, when done right, will always be vastly more mental than physical. So many of the things we do here require deep trust, openness, and communication. I know you have heard this all before, but have you thought about what cultivates such trust? It is the mental closeness that comes from sharing, talking, connecting, explaining, and engaging in ways that are respectful of the thinking being standing in front of you, and generous in the giving of yourself. It is the understanding of how a mind works that reveals their blocks, their turn-ons, their fears, and the past damage that continue to color their present self, for good and for bad. As Dominant, be inquisitive of what takes place between their ears, not just between their legs and always engage the mind before you touch the body.Cultivate their awareness of self: In order for any of us to participate fully in the lifestyle, one must have an awareness of who we are, what we want, and why we want it. Few have taken the time to fully explore this in a meaningful way. If you have not, I encourage you to do this for yourself. Ask at least 3 why's after ever truth you think you have uncovered. Dig, explore and be curious. Don't be satisfied with superficial awareness but strive for the hidden understanding behind each “why”. Then when you have a better understanding of yourself, help your submissive explore in this same way. No judgment, no shame, no allowance for them to become self conscious or hide from a hard truth (of course in a supportive and respectful way that allows us all to share in our own time - some truths are really hard to share). Remain open, honest and welcoming. Create a safe place for them to share all with you. Don't lead or channel them to a specific place but allow the discovery to be organic. There is beauty in watching a flower unfold on its own. Question, reflect, explore and require total honesty as you go deeper. Only in this way can you guide them to an awareness of their most authentic self.Build confidence: Few dominants speak of the power of a submissive. I find that there is enormous power in the confidence and submission of an submissive. To know your most authentic and natural self is one of the highest forms of enlightenment I can think of. As a Dominant, I see it as our job to build that confidence, not break them down.It has been my experience that as you begin working on this fourth aspect, all of the work you have done comes together to provide you a depth of overall understanding of your submissive and quite frankly, they will, and should, understand you as well. I have always seen the yin and yang of D/s and M/s relationships being a growing together rather than a forcing to comply or taking of a submissive. There is no sweeter fruit than the fruit that is given freely and for an s to give themself freely, without reservation to a Dominant who truly "knows them" is priceless beyond compare. Once you have tasted such fruit, I doubt you will ever settle for less.A word of caution: This is powerful guidance, and not to be engaged in lightly. We do not use this for manipulation or deceit. We engage openly and honestly in order to seek the same in our partners. If you, yourself, are not yet ready to be fully open with your partner, please do not attempt this, you will only cause pain and emotional harm when you cannot reciprocate the openness that you have worked to create.For those on both sides of the slash, I wish you understanding and beauty and hope this helps in some small way in your life.

It is important to know that while I am seeking, finding and sharing, My time is not My own and I can and will only continue to engage those who understand and accept these circumstances for what they are - limited. I am a full time caregiver.  Not part time, not some time, not the times I choose.  I have minimal pockets of time, not of My own, when I am able to engage those who wish to be a part of My family and household and life.  Once you are here and serving, we are full time engaging and living these moments together. It's tough.  I get it - BELIEVE Me.  However it does not change that your position is to make yourself available to Me at MY times of availability.  This will not be a hurried process, nor will it be slow, but I am not free to just get up and do the hokey pokey any ole time! If you wish to be considered, at least have the ability share when I am available and understand that when My charge is unwell, everything goes full stop for about two weeks while I nurse and care for MYSELF and My charge. Just a little information for those who have no clue about Alzheimer's I've included some information below. -Any trauma to the head:  1. letter from the IRS or arguement, 2. head cold, COVID, headache, 3. head hit on the corner of the t.v., fall off a bar stool, slip on ice - these are all significant, affect the head, and depending on the intensity and duration of the impact, determines how long it will take to recover. https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/care-education-resources For those who care, Mum had covid and is doing much better.  It will be another week or so for full recovery - and yes, I am relatively okay, considering. A grateful thank you to those men who continue to display great character and worth to Me and in turn, to Mum.  There is one who continues to provide strength on the most darkest of days. 

I am building a House, an organization for many slaves, many. I offer a concept that is foreign to most, because most seek that one-on-one dynamic. As a result, not all but many flounder for years looking for the 'one'.What is offered is a home to those that cannot find the 'one' or no longer feel life must only be about the the 'one'. With this opportunity comes the offer of being able to call one 'Master', to fill that need, as they enjoy the larger chance to be part of something more than being alone within itself.Can I be a great Master to one? Definitely. It is very pleasing.But, I wish to be more, and more than just to one.I am trying to offer more to more, a home to many.Some would rather remain alone. I respect that.This is not for them. I offer something in lieu of nothing.More than that. I offer something for their 'one' and themselves, if they are so inclined.More than that, I offer community to the M/s community.A chance to be more, much more than just being alone or a couple.A opportunity to grow more than just themselves, to grow their world around them as they grow.To do that one must consider broadening, not limiting ones' possibilities.Master would love to see all grow with Master and the others in the House, as all enjoy the process of growth, of being more of what one seeks. To self-actualize both the light and darkness within.

I will take this pain into myself Wrap it in ribbons, and give you my self.  Wiping away my own tears,  Facing my own fears Everything you ever wanted The moment I became your biggest regret.  Oh, he doesn't speak anymore, My heart can't take it. You can't move on,  When the mind is wound around him. These wounds they bleed for you, But he's not around anymore to see. So I lick them slowly, Who are you to hurt me? Poison on my lips, These sweet words just slip out, The scorch marks on my tongue Tell you what I'm about. I tried to bleed for you, Tried to shed this skin for you, I'm just asking for some kinda sign, For the stars to align, Or for you to vacate my mind.   I'm not good enough for you, it's true, But goddamn it I'm in love with you. 

So, maybe I lack vision?  I am real, totally real, and wanting real, totally real... Why do people from across the country, or even other countries message me and want to like, just chat?  I am not looking to supply fantasies for some married man.  That is not my game here.  Local man, messages local woman, message back and forth a few times, move off site, message a few more times, (We can chat on the phone, but I will be honest, I hate phones, I use it to conduct business, and avoid it even at that, I even just emailed a doctor to avoid a phone call…  I read body language and facial expressions, and without them, I am lost in the conversation.  Voice inflection and pitch etc are lost on me.)  We meet for a quick coffee or something, so that if it is horrible it isn’t drug into a long awkward thing, and it if is wonderful we can sit and order a second coffee and sit for hours, or even get it to go, and find a park or someplace quieter to talk…   Then maybe progress to a meal, lunch, dinner, whatever schedules allow, and then progress from there… If you are in London, and I am in Kansas… are you planning to fly in for coffee?  Planning to relocate?  If so, cool, we can start chatting.  Otherwise… this is not the woman you are looking for… (waves Jedi hand and you pass on to the next profile…) NO You Star Wars nerd!  You did not just find the one if you are not local!  Go back to the begining and read again! Facepalm... lol

Stop looking for women to do some specific sex act to you. Women in general prefer to have sex with their lovers. Not some random guy who just wants to experience pegging. Want to get pegged? Socialize and be active in kink communities, make friends of all kinds, network, until you find a woman you like who likes you back and enjoys pegging her lover, and grow a relationship that includes sex and pegging. Or find a reputable pro who provides pegging as a service and pay her.

I feel the cold metal of my collar against my skin, a constant reminder of my new reality. I had signed the contract and now, I wait, could be now, or maybe never. The system decided who bought me, who owned me, but until that day, no taxes. I got to live tax free from the moment that collar locked, I was no longer a tax paying citizen. I was just merchandise on a shelf.The beep that echoes through the bookstore signals my salvation and damnation in the form of a large, commanding man. Baxter. He rushes toward me, his eyes filled with a primal hunger that sends a shiver down my spine. His hands roughly grab my arms, pulling me close as he examines me, his gaze intense and unyielding. I can't help but feel a sense of awe at the sheer size of him, the power that radiates off his body. "You're mine now," he growls, his voice deep and rough. His thumb brushes against the collar, a single drip of his blood and the control was engaged and I feel a jolt of electricity run through me at his touch. I'm his to command, his to use as he sees fit. He leads me out of the bookstore, his grip tight on my arm. People on the streets shaking their heads, another collared removed from the system, less government money wasted. I can't help but feel a sense of excitement as I follow him, my body tingling with anticipation. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, my training leading up to this very moment, to take the collar you have to serve years if service school, but no bills, no taxes, and after the rules all changed, I had no choice. As we enter his home, he turns to me, his eyes blazing with hunger. "Undress," he commands, his voice leaving no room for argument, the collar filling with heat. I comply, my hands shaking as I remove each piece of clothing, revealing my curves to his gaze. He watches me, his eyes taking in every inch of my body. "Kneel," he orders, and I obey, my heart pounding in my chest. He approaches me, his fingers tracing the outline of my collar. "You're mine now," he repeats, his voice softer this time. Then his hand clicks the l

The Blue you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please check the number and try your call again. (**If the above message doesn't make sense to you, or ring a Ma Bell, then you're probably too young for me. LOL.) 3/14/22 I'm going to be catching up on life stuffs for a bit. This happens now and then when I'm overwhelmed with answering folx on here, and rather than feel like a jerkwaffle for logging in and not responding, I just don't log in at all. *sigh*  You're welcome to leave a message, and I will get back when I can muster the mental resources to do so. If you're local, say hi at Game Night or the Kinky Carnival.  Wanna really get my attention when I'm back on? Show me your best Semantle score. *cackle*

Therapy was downright brutal tonight. Reliving and explaining childhood medical trauma I wouldn't wish on anyone. That shit is hard. So many unwanted tears. Present day, I mean. Back then it was screaming and crying because that was the only power I had when I was on a cold metal table in a dark room by myself and had to keep perfectly still. I screamed when I was allowed to move between tests. Spending time in that memory makes me feel powerless and angry and really fucking emotional. After the session was over my therapist told to me to snuggle my dog, which I am always happy to do. And then I dropped in on my latest obsession. I discovered these coloring videos, but they use markers and create very detailed pictures beyond what is on the page. I mean, it's still coloring, but it's intricate. I like it. I want to do it. Yes, you're right. I already ordered the markers. And um, a book or two. Small happiness. Especially after living in that memory. Childhood me survived, and mostly grown up me is in charge. Less trauma. More coloring. 

On Silk and Steel There is something about heels that shifts my spine the moment I slide them on. It is not the height, though the added inches are delicious. It is alignment. The tilt of the hips. The deliberate pace required with each step. Heels demand intention. They refuse clumsiness. They create presence before I even speak. Hosiery is quieter, but no less powerful. Silk against skin feels like a secret. A whisper beneath the surface. It softens the line of muscle and bone, yet it also sharpens awareness. Every movement becomes intentional because I can feel it: the glide, the stretch, the faint resistance at the back of the knee when I cross my legs. As a Domme, I have always loved that juxtaposition. Silk and steel. Leather and velvet. Silk is control wrapped in elegance. Steel is the structure beneath it, the unseen spine that holds everything upright. Leather is command. It does not apologize. It creaks softly when I move, announcing authority in texture alone. Velvet absorbs light. It deepens shadows. It invites touch while denying access. There is power in contrast. A stiletto heel pressing into hardwood floors, sharp and decisive, while sheer hosiery catches the glow of lamplight. The world sees glamour. They see polish. What they do not see is the discipline underneath it. Steel in the mind. Leather in the posture. Velvet in the voice when I choose. I love the ritual of dressing for authority. Selecting the pair of stockings that smooth and sculpt. Choosing heels that force my stride into something measured and unhurried. The act itself becomes preparation, armor made beautiful, intention made wearable. Dominance does not have to shout. Sometimes it is the softness of silk paired with the certainty of steel. Sometimes it is velvet brushing against skin while leather encircles a wrist. The interplay is what makes it intoxicating: strength wrapped in refinement, command dressed in the most elegant thing in the room.   I do not dominate because I am hard. I dominate because I understand contrast.     And there is nothing more striking than elegance paired with absolute control.

Demons We all have them .Just some are better at hiding them. Or think they are.WE choose what to do with the ones INSIDE us.The ones we see everyday.You can't hide them for long.We learn to deal as we get older and perhaps they go away. O just find a better hiding spot That not just little things make them show there ugly horns.Perhaps Our loved ones help with keeping the triggers away. Who really knows.Till you've tried on the shoes make sure that you can walk in them ESPICALY if there NOT your shoes.The demons in ones head can choke a priest.Med ya say? WHY I say?Groundings oneself can help. Meditation can as well. BUT do the demons ever go away completely?Sure when one is dead and gone maybe.How we deal is what makes US STRONGER.Take my hand and I'll help all I can.Without hurting myself of course .May the goddess and gods guide and help you be at peace within oneself.( By KA) me

Sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'Cause we don't have much in common People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair We talk about making music But I don't know if it's honest And you can't tell what you're feeling I think I know how you feel girl it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl   "Girl, how do you feel being a girl? (Girl, girl, girl) Girl, how do you feel being a girl, girl? (Girl, girl) Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl (girl, girl, girl, girl) Yeah, I don't know if you like me Sometimes I think you might hate me Sometimes I think I might hate you Maybe you just wanna be me You always say, "Let's go out" So we go eat at a restaurant Sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'Cause we don't have much in common People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair We talk about making music But I don't know if it's honest Can't tell if you wanna see me Falling over and failing And you can't tell what you're feeling I think I know how you feel The industry loves to spin And when we put this to bed The internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel 'Cause I ride for you, Charli (Charli, Charli)" this one is going to be shorter than usual because charli and lorde said it all. in the sophia context, carli is me. lorde is me. all the music performers are me. on a bigger screen. it's not the first time i've said it's not the last. if you are especially resonating with mjy writing, my profile, my page and you're femme(afab, woman, transgender, third gender, non gender, queer, femme man, metrosexual, whatever the label, the sophia aka divine feminine original soul is fluid...feminity is fluid and therefore the body and gender identity is wild in it's presentation on the spiritual tip) alternative, dark goddess, quirky, subversive, love different, feel different, relationship different, kink oriented, gothy, kawaii y, nerd y, geeky, on the add/austim 'spectrum' label or not, atheist or not, attracted to mermaids, space, aliens, sanrio, all the things....you might be me too. you might be charli too. you might be lorde too. the lyrics say it.....our ages are different, our race is vast, our locations are vast. the way it played out is slightly different. but there's a deep pattern. this soul is a stubborn bitch raging against the 'music industry' of life..the structure that isn't right isnt' working.....we're given harder deals of life than most. we're touching hard subjaspects of emotions relationships crappy family origins, and rough deals. we're touching a sense of deep loneliness and otherness when other ladies get to fit in and feel accepted at a level we never will...from someone like me who literally navigates 3d alone with a deep rich online community and community of people who love me but have more obligations and stuff that just translates to a more distant but deep resonnance.....to someone who has a husband or wife or partner and  kids and family but still has that deep sense of not fitting in. we feel deeply we love deeply we devour those we love and we have a fierceness in us that is trying to be quelled and normalized and packaged....we can only be eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and scott pligram in portions us. not just in our head....our livelihoods, our housing, our basic needs at times or maybe not basic..just the words actions of others viscerally tell us.... we can't be us..shape up morph and change or get destroyed. and were dark goddesses. we don't cave in like the others and submit. we know we're up against the powers at control and we still fight back even if we fall fucking hard. but we don't' give in....we don't become torturous violent vicious spirits....we hold our light navigating the tight rope of dark and being fully consumed by the abyss. we keep creating we keep screaming into the void we keep doing like sister lana says, 'our rare jazz collection, our beat poetry' we're so talented at our individual souls gifts in this bigger puzzle 'we can sing most anything' even when the 3d world doesn't properly compensate or secure us for this. "Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, how do you feel being a girl?" i have this higher perspective where my spirituality and deep inner work has cracked a code. in the auras of pictures or the words or just the being i see it. you're definately separate from me. but on a deep level i see it. you're me. even if they don't' see it or recognize it or want to admit it...deep down i know. you're me too. "Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Yeah, I don't know if you like me Sometimes I think you might hate me Sometimes I think I might hate you Maybe you just wanna be me You always say, "Let's go out" So we go eat at a restaurant Sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'Cause we don't have much in common People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair We talk about making music But I don't know if it's honest Can't tell if you wanna see me Falling over and failing And you can't tell what you're feeling I think I know how you feel" i navigate being on my own dark goddess/alt girl sophia journey but a deeper level of what i am. (if anyone is curious and wants a book reference that energetically activates this on a deep level, check out sister kaia ra. trigger warning early on without warning she talks about her betrayal and incursion event of why she had to grow up fast and what most people hear and think is heinous and something you can't recover from....her's is more intense than mine..the control is the family of origin 'hero's journey' but the variable is the degree to which it happened in this experiment on earth. and because she's where she's at she doesn't trigger warning or hide it. she's raw and says it.  ) when i see one of us breaking because their michaels hurt their heart and their daddy let them down i break. not because it just happened to me but i feel that collective hurt. when i see the struggles with our whack ass mom or sometimes dad, usually mom i grieve not just because of my own situation.  when i see the world take us out of our work or shit on our dreams i feel it so deeply. when i see us struggling with the physical issues of chronic whatever this or that or whatever issue we have because the body takes the toll i hear it. we're navigating a world that as the song says loves to see us not united. focus on the little variables of what makes us different and not support us. "I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures 'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in a hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head "Girl, you walk like

Today is a bad pain day.  Physcially, emotionally and mentally.   i am beyond thankful i work from home and do not need to face the world, aside from a visit to my parents house this evening for dinner.  Agoraphobia can be crippling and the very thought of stepping a toe outside of my "safe zones" is enough to throw me into a panic.  With my extremely high blood pressure and resting heart rate, i need to do all i can do keep myself calm.  The last thing needed to add to the litany of issues is a stroke.   On a happy not i found an adorable notebook and metallic pens (my glitter ones died...sad) to keep track of my daily blood pressure readings, and soon to be mood and food intake.   Daddy said He is so proud that i am finally working on fixing me.  the body parts are easy.  it's the mental part that scares me.  i truly do not know if i am ready to face my damage.  i hope i find a really good therapist that doesn't mind if a stuffy or two come along on my appointments...  

Even at my age, I seem to be surrounded by players. One would think maturity might thin the herd, but no—apparently nonsense has no age limit. Be it any website, platform, or so-called “community,” they’re all there, lined up confidently with impressive titles and very little substance. Everyone is a “Master” now. Capital M, of course. Profiles full of rules, expectations, and declarations of authority, yet curiously light on patience, consistency, or basic courtesy. It’s rather like browsing for a decent cup of tea and being offered only energy drinks. Loud, stimulating, and ultimately unsatisfying. What I notice most is the hurry. The rush to claim ownership, demand obedience, or shortcut trust. It’s all very enthusiastic, but enthusiasm without discipline is just noise. A proper Master, I’ve learned, doesn’t need to announce himself repeatedly. He shows up, stays present, and understands that submission isn’t collected like badges. There’s also a particular type who mistakes control for confidence and silence for depth. They talk endlessly about what they want, rarely about what they can hold. When questions arise—real ones about boundaries, stability, or responsibility—they tend to vanish faster than manners at a buffet. Still, I find myself more amused than discouraged. Experience has sharpened my eye. I know the difference between someone performing a role and someone capable of carrying one. If that means more waiting and fewer conversations worth having, so be it. I’d rather be selective than entertained. So I continue looking, calmly, with standards intact and expectations realistic. The players can keep playing. I’m not here for a game—I’m here for something that lasts, and I’m quite content to wait for it, tea in hand

Masturbation   A book could be, should be, has been? written on the subject. However, in this little piece I am going to address those that masturbate to My writings.    First thing I want those that engage in the practice of jacking off while reading or chatting with Me to know is your behavior is OK with Me. Whack off to your hearts content. Edge yourself.    Some few might even have a cock sucker serve you while you peruse My site. Go for it. Good for you.   Sorry, I have not included female pussy players up to this point. Yes, I know you are out there. Same for you; enjoy.   Here is what I would like you to do. Tell me. I know some are to embarrassed to shy or, maybe, to selfish to share their activity with Me. Get over yourself. Do you really think you are all that much that you cannot share?   Ok, enough shaming. One of the adverse effaspects of your spanking your monkey is when you come and the subspace disappears from your head you just drop any communication you are having with me. Do you think that is fair to me? No. No it is not.   Here is what I would like you to do. Just tell Me of your activity when you begin. What are you afraid of? I am not going to reach through your screen and slap you. (Hum, that is an idea, though.) No, just let me know so when you lose sub space and want to leave just say so. That way, you do not feel like you can not return out of embarrassment or what ever self involved feeling might make you reticent.   Anyway, if you tell me of your forbidden(?) activity we might both enjoy it.   I hope everyone has good sex. Except those poor bastards that become My slave property, but, that is another story.    

Warning: This is a long rant...So I got my first really nasty message today regarding my political leanings.  He called me an ugly ignorant cunt among some other choice words that I don't even remember now. Funny thing is I am a cunt but I don't consider myself ugly but, of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  To each his own.  I don't expect to b everyone's cup of tea.  To this coward (he blocked me before I could go off on him lol)  I will say that insults like these tell me more about you than about myself.  The fact that you blocked me tells me you're probably a baby incel living in your mother's basement. This is all well and good when you're in your 20's but beyond that makes you pitiful. You were well over 30 ad clearly need to get fucked. To anyone else out in CS land I will say that you don't need to show me your ignorance by attacking my political beliefs or my physical appearance.  It's pretty fucking clear to anyone with at least one brain cell that this orange imbecile and his band of ass lickers are destroying our democracy in the worst dumpster fire this country has ever seen. We;re a laughingstock of the entire world. And just when you think he can't possibly do anything worse than he's already done he goes and does a few more detrimental things to the American people.  That inclues you ignorant repugnicans! You're worshipping a moron and you can't even see he's fucking with you, too!  Now that's what I call IGNORANT!!! In ending I will say that I'm glad this asshole showed his ass to me today because it gives me a chance to rant.  My final words are if you don't like my politics you need to scroll right because I don't want to know you anyway and it saves me the trouble of asking, unless of  course you're dumb enough to wear your ugly red maga hat in your profile pic. 

The parcel She didn’t often get the house to herself this early in the day.  The kids had been collected by their father at 3pm and her Friday evening and the weekend stretched before her.  Pub with friends tomorrow night, she thought. But this afternoon she had planned to masturbate herself stupid.  She ignored the usual, quieter, stick vibe in her bedside drawer.  Instead she slid the innocuous-looking brown box from under her bed.  It was covered in dust but, inside, her large black mains wand was pristine.  She stripped off, put some lube onto the large head and lay on her bed; legs spread wide. Something was waking her up.  She had brought herself to orgasm 3 times before having to stop because her clit was too sensitive for her to make herself hold the wand there any longer, and she must have dozed off.  The light through her curtains had dimmed considerably and she guessed it was about 6pm.  What the hell had woken her?  Then she heard the knocking at her front door and realized that someone was outside.  Shit!  The new set of butt plugs she had ordered.  She didn’t want to miss the delivery; not when she had the whole weekend in front of her to try them out.  Worried about how long the delivery person had already been stood on her front doorstep, she threw on the closest thing to hand - an oversize jumper - and started down the stairs. As she approached her front door she shrugged irritably at the jumper, which was far too large and kept slipping off one shoulder.  She paused for a moment when she saw the large shape through the frosted pane of glass in her door.  Whoever was out there was enormous and she was wearing nothing but a jumper.  Quickly she reminded herself that she lived on a main road, surrounded by neighbours, and that she really wanted those butt plugs.  She opened the door. He had been about to push a card through the letterbox and go back to his van, kind of annoyed that the last delivery of the day was out and he would have to return the parcel to the depot, when the door suddenly opened.  His eyes widened in surprise and he lowered the parcel to waist level when he saw what stood in the doorway.  The woman’s long blonde hair looked delightfully tousled, like she had just got out of bed and her green eyes looked very dark.  Her exact shape was difficult to see in the shapeless jumper she wore but, as it stopped high on her thighs, he could guess that she was plump and curvy in all the right places underneath it. One of her shoulders was bare and he could see that the last of her summer tan hadn’t quite faded from it.  The woman quickly folded her arms.  He thought she looked a little embarrassed to be standing there in just a jumper.  Didn’t she realize that folding her arms pushed her very large breasts together and increased the amount of cleavage he could see?  “Lovehoney delivery for you,” he said, instantly realising that he had let slip the fact that he knew what was inside the ‘discreet’ brown box he carried.  The sight of her had obviously driven that knowledge to the forefront of his mind. Her mouth opened and she felt her cheeks turn crimson when she heard the words from the tall stranger.  Her arms unfolded and fell to her sides and, for a moment, an image of this hazel-eyed stranger pushing one of her new butt plugs into her arse as she held it open for him flashed across her mind.  She blinked and the image was gone, but she wondered how long she had stood there, staring, before stepping forwards and saying, “Yes, that’s right.” As she stepped forward he noticed that she hadn’t corrected him about the origin of the parcel.  He also noticed that she was still not quite as tall as he was, even though he was stood on a step below the level of her hallway. God she looked attractive, he thought, like she’d just finished having sex but wanted more.  She probably had her husband upstairs waiting, although he noticed that she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.  “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything,” he said, handing the parcel to her.  He watched her flush again and say, “No, no, I’m all alone.”  As she took the parcel he found himself staring straight into her eyes.  They were dark green and seemed to be asking for something that she hadn’t articulated yet.  He couldn’t believe the next words out of his mouth, “Look, I hope you don’t mind, it’s been a really long shift, please could I use your toilet?” She made a small step back into her hallway and stared at the man in front of her.  Medium build but very tall, he was wearing work boots and jeans; a casual shirt was tucked loosely into the jeans and she could see a t-shirt underneath.  Her eyes lingered on a well-worn, brown leather belt, then they travelled to his face.  His eyes were twinkling mischievously but he also looked a little nervous, like he was about to change his mind about something.  He looked strong and gentle at the same time and she felt her belly warm as she looked at him.  “Of course, the cloakroom’s just behind me.” He stepped over the threshold and pushed the door closed behind him before saying, “Thank you.”  The hallway was very small and she had stepped back into another doorway, to the left, that looked like it led to the living room.  There was a door in front of him so he took off his muddy boots and stepped through it.  The cloakroom was small; fitted under the staircase.  He suddenly wondered how he was going to urinate when his cock was semi hard.  He would have to wait for a moment to let it go down. She put the parcel on the kitchen table before returning to the living room and perching on the arm of one of the sofas.  She tried to collect her thoughts.  There was a large, strange man in her house, and she was naked apart from a loose jumper.  She quickly came to the realization that she didn’t care one bit.  In fact, she recognised that she was aroused.  Maybe because she had fallen asleep masturbating, but she suspected it was more to do with the man in her cloakroom.  If someone had stolen knowledge of the physical attributes of her ideal man, they would have created the person in her downstairs cloakroom.  She heard the flush and water running and then realized he was stood in the doorway looking at her again.  Making a decision, she straightened her back and shoulders and confidently asked, “Would you like a nice hot coffee before you head off?” He had been about to thank her again and say his goodbyes, when the woman with the just fucked hair and bedroom eyes thrust her tits out and invited him to stay for a coffee.  He agreed but, as she asked him to follow her into the kitchen, he realized he was playing with fire here.  He told himself, and by that he meant his cock, to wait for a very clear signal before committing himself to making a move.  After all, perhaps all the 40-something women in this suburb invited delivery men into their homes for coffee, whilst strolling around in next to nothing, just to tease and give themselves something to talk about at the school gates the next morning. She flicked the kettle on and took milk out of her fridge, noticing that he had leant himself on the back of one of her kitchen chairs.  Watching her.  She could see the parcel containing the butt plugs on the table behind him and her cheeks blushed again.  He had folded his arms across his chest and crossed

Having fun doing scheduling and booking all of the models for footnight event.  Always spending time researching and being sure the people who attend are true fetishists.  No fakes.  Getting some feedback on why we are so choosy.  Is this bad?  When learing of different fetishes and participating.  Never wanted to play as a fake.  Always wanted to be clear that a fetish is respected and the energy exchange is coming from a true place.  FN, being around since 2002, the fact that foot fetish is so open and mainstream now, we do try to respect it for those who are not just trying to make rent or pay their cell bill, but have a community that does not judge and understands foot worship.  Are we wrong?  I don't think so.  Respect and trust goes right next to consent. Don't you? FootNight Savage

Good evening you beautiful, wicked, sharp eyed deviants. I’m writing about this in case some of you have not yet heard about this disgusting behavior, because silence is where predators thrive. A major investigation has exposed what many are calling an “online rape academy” hidden forums, chat groups, and websites where men allegedly trade advice on how to drug, assault, film, and violate their own partners while they sleep or are unconscious. Let that sink in. Not strangers in alleys. Not monsters in masks. Husbands. Boyfriends. Men sharing beds, homes, and trust. These spaces reportedly included users swapping tactics, selling so called “sleeping liquids,” sharing videos of abuse, and even livestreaming assaults for paying viewers. It is predatory, calculated, and evil using internet anonymity. Let me be crystal clear for those in kink and BDSM spacesthis is not BDSM. This is not dominance. This is not edgy play. BDSM and kink are built on a foundation of consent, negotiation, trust, communication, boundaries, and mutual respect. Without consent, it is not kinkit is abuse. And with some of the disgusting, vile profiles I have personally come across on FetLife, I am sure some people with those same mindsets are here too. Please be careful. Vet people thoroughly. Trust actions over words. Listen to your instincts. No scene, no dynamic, no amount of charm is worth your safety. Women are taught to fear the dark street, the lone walk home, the stranger behind them. But too often the danger is already inside the house, smiling over dinner, saying “I love you,” then treating consent like it’s optional. This is why consent matters. This is why believing survivors matters. This is why calling out misogyny, coercion, and “jokes” about assault matters. Because that culture feeds these places. If this is happening to you, or has happened to you, please reach out immediately. Call local authorities. Contact a sexual assault or domestic violence hotline. Tell someone you trust. You do not have to carry this alone, and help is available. I’m sharing this so more eyes are open, more people stay aware, and fewer predators get to hide in shadows. Spread this. Talk about it. Protect your people. Check in on your friends. If someone tells you something felt wrong, listen. To every predator hiding behind a keyboard your secrecy is cracking.Stay dangerous to systems that protect monsters. Stay soft with survivors. Stay loud when silence helps abusers. Myst

Dominus Mea SacramentumMente, cordis, et CorpusServitium cum HonorePraeceptum est mi

I smiled, as I pushed you on the bed, seeing as your body hit the pillow top and sink into its softness.I felt you, as you body contorted when I ran my tongue over the hood of your clit, like a pace horse.I was turned on, at the way you looked at me ging when I slid between your thighs.I melted when you ease into your role as you were given direction.I got excited, as I felt you explode after trying so hard to hold on to that feeling.I am proud, as you walk away naked legs shaking like a newborn calf.I feel relief when you put your head on my chest with a wicked smile on your lipsI can be at peace, knowing that the morning will come and you will still be mine.

I know this sounds harsh but due to all the players it has to be said... dont bother to message me if you are here for a quick hook up, mind games, players, people that have no idea what BDSM is and even ones that think you may know ...first I am in a monagamous relationship and it will stay that way. Ive been here for years. i know all the games and the attempts at control and topping from the bottom or pretending to be whatever to get what you need ...i am real and i have real friends. I also have great knowledge about bdsm in all ects and have experience. I am not seeking to partake in the lifestyle with anyone else other than who I am already in a relationship with. Im not here because i need anything other than just to be here. my reasons for being here have nothing to do with trying to be with anyone else. REAL convo is hard to find and most people pretend and as soon as they find out they cant get anything from me that they need they stop talking.   Im here im not leaving the site . I want to be here .    what really gets my attention is honesty and real ...no masks... just real honest open people who are not trying to get what they can out of another person with no care about them what so ever  ...    

I haven't been on this site in over a year. It took me about 10 tries to remember my password. I'm not sure how I feel about peeking in again. Same old, same old maybe.   For anyone new tripping over my profile for the first time, I'm currently 59 years old, and many of my pictures here are over 5 years old. Some of the earlier ones are closer to 10 years old, so keep that in mind. I'm not updating anything though since this site is so glitchy. If you want to see more recent pictures, I have active profiles on FetL-f- under the names Neolloydia and SoulSiren. Otherwise, all the info on my profile is accurate. I'm only interested in making local in-person connections.   I will add that to me, kink is something you layer on top of a healthy vanilla relationship. In no way, shape or form can kink replace a healthy vanilla relationship, imho. Therefore, I won't engage in S&M with anyone I don't like as a person, and I won't have sex with anyone I'm not in a healty mutually beneficial relationship with. Keeping this in mind, If you reach out and our conversation goes well, I will want to meet quickly and see how we click face to face on an old-fashioned vanilla date, and go from there.   Happy 2026 Everyone!

As M and I take our search for a bull more serious I would like to give you a little background on me. The following is my very abbreviated true life story and an explanation of how M and I ended up here.    As a young girl, I was always fascinated with sex and the power of what I knew was different from what others were into. I grew up in the middle of New Hampshire on a small farm and knew nothing of pop culture. My mom cut my hair, and her own willow switches. Both felt like their own brand of punishment. I was often bullied in school. Always by the boys. The girls tended to ignore me as I was bookish and weird. I will never forget the very first time when, backed into a corner, I finally kicked my aggressor in the balls. I felt a rush of power. Instantly I went from simply wishing they would leave me alone to read my book in peace, to looking forward with anticipation to the daily assault I would give them. Looking back now, I realize that some of them enjoyed the power exchange. By high school, I was a sexual demon. I didn’t know there were names for the roles I enjoyed. I just knew that sex was power, and I needed to feel that rush as often as possible. During my last year in college, I finally found a name for those roles. I started working at a fetish and fantasy house in Manhattan in 1998. I started there as a switch, and enjoyed it as a learning experience, but I quickly found myself drawn to playing the role of the Dominant Sadistic Goddess. Always with a wicked sense of humor. This was a great place to explore my kinky sexuality and fostered a lifelong love of the kink and BDSM community. But soon enough – I outgrew that space. I moved to San Francisco and spent the next 8 years as an independent professional Dominatrix. It was the way for me to explore myself and the world. I traveled all over the world to visit devotees. I put myself through law school, which became my “real career”. Turns out, I could not stay away and returned to my love of being a professional Dominatrix and BDSM educator in my limited free time.  In 2012, while visiting the East Coast, at a scene night in a Manhattan club, I saw a young man standing alone in rather vanilla clothing. He looked so helpless; it was clearly his first event. I saw not only a potential client, but someone I knew needed help. This young man turned out to be M who would later become my husband. We spent years building a relationship through sessions and dates that would follow. It was a slow process but we started involving each other more and more in our separate lives. Eventually my work outside BDSM brought me back to the East Coast. My relationship with M blossomed even more at that point, he was no longer a client. We were getting very close and were no longer exploring his interests, we were exploring mine. I decide to stop seeing clients and we moved close to each other. I turned my free time attentions to coaching women in BDSM and kink. After so many years of catering to the fantasies of men, I was captivated by women’s sexual journeys and helping them name and realize their own deepest desires. My experiences learning from other women confirmed what I had always suspected – that toxic masculinity is bad for EVERYONE’S sex life and I bring that ethos to my marriage and my life. M and I were married in a private ceremony in SF in 2016. I have stopped teaching in my free time and have focused all my kink energy in creating the exact lifestyle marriage I have always dreamed of.  Potential bulls, f you have questions and would like me to elaborate please don't hesitate to ask.  K

I was logging in the other day when I spotted a random profile, where the owner was bragging he'd had a profile on here for some 11 years, I nearly said something to him as to however long you've had a profile on here doesn't make you a better Dom, anyway my seventeen years trumps his eleven. I'm sixty five in a few day's time, the first thought that enters my mind most mornings is "How the hell did that happen"I've spent many years looking for my miss right I guess if I've not found her by now the chances are I'm not going too. I spent far too many years fighting to stay alive I guess I just missed out on life, but I can't say I've been unhappy I've just never really known the joy of finding a partner, there was a few attempts but nothing that lasted for long, I did have a live in sub for a few years but she turned out to be violent and on one occasion managed to put me in hospital. It's said what one has never had one will never miss, I really don't know how true that is.

Sub frenzy isn’t devotion. It’s a full blown psychological house fire and you’re standing in the middle of it, smiling like it’s candlelight. It starts as hunger. Then it becomes need. Then it becomes override everything just don’t lose this. And that’s where it gets dangerous not just for the submissive spiraling, but for anyone holding the other end of that dynamic. Because let’s be very clear If you’re a Dominant and you don’t recognize sub frenzy, you are either inexperienced or you’re part of the problem. Frenzy is loud if you know what to look for. It’s the rushed attachment. The “I’ll do anything” energy way too early. The collapsing boundaries. The constant seeking of approval like oxygen. The way they mold themselves to you before you’ve even proven you’re safe to hold that kind of power. That is not a green light. That is a warning flare. A submissive in frenzy is not in a grounded place to consent cleanly, to negotiate clearly, or to advocate for themselves when something goes wrong. Their “yes” can be soaked in fear of losing you instead of genuine desire. And if you take advantage of that if you push, escalate, or feed off that desperation without slowing them down? That’s not dominance. That’s exploitation with a title. A real D type doesn’t just take control they manage the state of the person they’re engaging with. They watch for the cracks. They check in. They pull things back when the energy gets unstable, even if it would be easier and more gratifying not to. Sometimes the most dominant thing you can do is say, “Stop. Breathe. We’re not moving forward like this.” Because power without responsibility is just dressedup harm. But here’s the part people don’t like to hear: Even with awareness, even with check-ins, even with good intentions sometimes a dynamic still turns toxic. Maybe the submissive stays in frenzy and refuses to ground. Maybe the Dominant starts enjoying the control a little too much and stops caring about impact. Maybe communication breaks down and what started as connection turns into damage. When that happens, you don’t “push through.” You don’t “fix it with more intensity.” You don’t cling harder like that’s going to magically make it healthy. You leave. Yeah leave. I don’t care how good it felt at the start. I don’t care how strong the pull is. I don’t care how rare you think it is. If the dynamic is harming you mentally, emotionally, physically you step out of it like your sanity matters more than the connection. Because it does. Staying in something toxic and calling it devotion is just a slower way to self-destruct. And for the submissives drowning in that frenzy spiral: You are not “failing” by pulling back. You are not “less submissive” for needing stability. You are not weak for choosing yourself over a dynamic that’s eating you alive. And for the Dominants: If someone is unraveling in your hands and your response isn’t to steady them but to tighten your grip? You need to check yourself before you wreck someone. Because this isn’t a game of who can fall the hardest. It’s about who can hold power without turning it into a weapon. Sub frenzy will make you forget that. Grounded connection will remind you. And if you have to choose between being consumed or being whole? You already know the right answer. Even if it hurts like hell to act on it.  

When Peter came to visit us. Peter loooked older in real life than he did in his profile picture. He was extremely well dressed and well spoken. He seemed mild mannered and not the typical Dom my wife normally goes for. After what seemed like hours of chit chat and a few glasses of red wine he finally got on to why he was actually here. That was to inspect Katie my wife and to find out how obiediant we were. The conversation eventually got around to Katies underclothes. He started asking her questions about her bra and knickers. What colour they were, what material they were, where she bought them, how much she pays for them, how often she wears them. The questions were relentless. Then he asks if he could see her in just her bra and panties. He looked at me "You don't mind that do you Ted"? "er No" I replied. "Ok Kate I want you to stand up and strip down to your bra and panties for me" "Good girl" he said as she stood up and started undressing. She looked lovely standing there in just her undies. "Mmm" he muttered "A matching set, just what I like to see" He looks again at me. "Your wife looks very sexy Ted, does it bother you" he asks. "Does what bother me? that she looks sexy" I ask. "No Ted, does it bother you to see your wife take her clothes off so easily for another man"? "haha Oh no" I nervously laugh trying to make light of it, "I'm used to it now" I replied. "Does she make habit of it then Ted" he asks. "Well she is an exhibitionist" I reply. "Ok Ted for this next part I'm going to require you to leave the room " "Oh no, Im comfortable now, I wont be a problem" I assure him. "No Ted as part of your obiediance test I must insist that you leave the room, go and sit in the kitchen and have a beer" he tells me. I want to interview your lovely wife in private, be a good boy and wait in the kitchen until I call you back in and don't worry I am not going to have sex with her, I will instruct her to get fully dressed shortly, I simply want to test her obiediance and limits, yours too Ted so be a good boy and wait in the kitchen until I call you back" "Well if you insist" I mumble as I get up to leave.   Of course I don't go to the kitchen as told. I stand outside the front room door listening to what is being said. I hear him telling her to remove her bra. the silence tell me she is complying. "Thats it my dear, just drop it there" I hear him say. "You have beautiful breasts Katie. stand closer so I can feel them, thats it" I hear him say. He asks her if her nipples are sensitive and by the sound of her shreek I'm guessing he is squeezing her nipples while fondelling her breasts.I can just about hear a few Mmm's and Arrr's and It sounds like he is playing with her tits for some while. "There lovely" I hear him say. "Ok Katie, now the panties, Just lower them down a little. Mmm I love a fully shaved pussy, Wow that is very smooth Kate, Did Ted shave that for you"? I hear him ask.   "Yes he did" I hear her say in a soft shy voice. Did he do that for ny benefit Kate" he knew I was coming to inspect you today.  "Lower your panties a little more for me. Thats hit down to your knees. Part your legs a little more, Mmm thats it. That's lovely. Mmm your so wet Kate. Do you like this"? I hear him ask her.  She replies faintly "Yes Sir I do" He tells her to let her panties drop to her ankles. "Mmm just stand there like that for me" I hear him tell her. "You are so horny" he says. "I must get a couple of pictures" it goes quite and I'm guessing he is getting his phone out and photographing her. I have been standing outside listening and wanking myself. I didn't want to cum as I wanted to fuck her after he had gone but I couldn't help cumming at the thought of what was happening.  I heard him telling her to kneel down and unzip him. She was obviously complying. "Thats it put it in your mouth, Ohhh thats lovely" I can hear him moaning as she sucks him off. After a while I hear him telling her not to swallow. "Hold it in your mouth" he tells her. from his groans it is obvious that he has cum in her mouth."Open your mouth let me see" he tells her. "Good girl" He tells her to gargle before allowing her to swallow. He again tells her shes a good girl and she knows how to suck a cock.  "I bet you've had a lot of practice" he jokes. Just clean me up a little" Mmm thats very good" he tells her. I hear him say "Ok my dear you can get fully dressed now and go tell Ted I said he can come back in" "Thank you Sir" I hear her say in that soft voice of hers.

Integrity:   The integrity of the Master differs from that of the slave.   A Master’s integrity is a gift He gives Himself.   A slave’s integrity is a gift it gives its Master.   One of the elements of integrity concerns behavior when no external observation is possible. The Master’s concern is how He conducts His affairs when He and His conduct may remain anonymous. When He conducts Himself correctly He can view Himself with humble respect.   If the it breaks slave rules, whether observed or not, must report such sin to its Owner. The Owner decides how the slave may be viewed. Part of the report of slave’s failings should include begging for the opportunity to gain atonement in whatever fashion the Master may decree. The slave does not indulge itself with concerns about how it may view itself. it depends on Master’s judgement for all and everything, except as Master my decide.   The slave’s integrity is measured in how well, quickly and adequatly it reports transgressions to its Owner.    

Old profile saved here.   Jan 2018- Some servitude possible again around my ongoing building project commitments... not as fully able to commit as I'd like but it's a start and WILL enable proper regular service in the near future.   My Face pictures are in my Pictures Collection All the pictures are my own. All details here are NOT just fantasy, in fact more a list of real life experiences, I've been around a bit, had a taster or three of many situations, now looking to build on past experiences and be taken deeper. If any or all of these Keywords resonate with you then read on or get in touch: TPE, Sadist, Masochist, Extreme, Prisoner, Hostage, Cell, Cage, Total rubber encasement, True Slavery, Chains, Heavy Bondage, Mummification, Prolongued Bondage Predicaments, 24/7, Hardcore, Gimp, Doll, Hoods, Gags, Sensory Deprivation, Isolation, High heels, Locked on footwear/clothing, Corsets, Ballet Heels, Waist Training/Tight lacing, Fetish, Latex, Feminisation, Feminine training, Deportment, Strict dress codes, Strict control of behaviour and appearance, Forced prolonged standing/caged standing (in extreme heels), Slut, Whore, Deepthroat/face rape, No safeword, Judicial Caning, Heavy Whipping, Bruises, Welts, Treated as meat, Abandoned chained to a wall in a dark isolated concrete cell for days or weeks with only piss and stale bread provided, Anal, INSEX, All holes plugged, Permanent hole dilation/plugging, Liquid toilet, Foot torture, Forced to walk long distances in heels / unsuitable attire / extreme footwear and restrictive clothing.          Longer version......  Serious **male (see below) slave & masochist with supressed transgender feelings looking for equally serious sadist(s) of any gender or situation (i.e single, couple, poly) for either casual meets or preferably something more meaningful and long term, or even permanent if the relationship develops........   In Vanilla life, I am a self employed business person. Professional, highly skilled, educated and intelligent. Very easy to get along with, witty, talkative and without a hint of kink on show, very good all round company that you can take anywhere. My business can also go anywhere, all I need is a room to work in, and use of eyes and fingers. I can generate a good income from home and rarely need to leave the house... or my cell..   Looking for an absolute TPE D/s situation (once mutual trust established), leading to no safeword, no rights, no opt outs, no kind fluffiness, sympathy and caring, just total slavery, pain, suffering, degradation, humiliation, abuse and torture.... Limits, yes of course I have them, that would be utterly stupid, however you will find they are very few and only there to protect my long term health and not to stop extremes of S&M and slavery. No legal activity is off limits and severity can be mild to hardcore/extreme.     I'm a total realist, Vanilla times are a necessary evil, bills need to be paid and an income to be earned and so on.... However, behind closed doors, when the vanilla commitments allows we have a running 'regime' where I'm usually kept in chains and preferably in female mode but that's not essential, just an ideal, your the boss and I will present as instructed.   Put me to work for all your domestic chores, diy, general fetching and carrying, your personal pleasures and pamperings and also used for any sadistic pleasures. I beg during slave times you show me no kindness, no mercy, no comforts or pleasures, just pain, suffering and serving.       Sill awake?..........     We all have to live in the real world, with bills to pay and essentials to be done so it's nigh on impossible to genuinely keep a slave, gimp or doll locked up 24/7/365 despite the desire to do so. If the chains do come off, we both know there is the underlying knowledge that we are not equal and this temporary freedom is just that, temporary.   Even doing the mundane shopping run, my restraints and symbols of ownership may not be on public display to protect the innocent from our kink, but there is still a strict hierarchy at work. Underneath my clothing chosen by you, there may well be subtle but effective devices and equipment at play, fitted onto me, or fitted inside me to keep me subdued, controlled and obedient whilst on our trip out, but on the surface and to the casual observer it's all composed normality, despite the fact I may be hiding absolute agony within.     ** I am 'non-op' Transgender (as in, less than pre-op) transgendered. I live and work in semi male/androgynous mode. Male image and persona is all there, so no need to worry about embarrassing freakish looks in public. I look totally everyday male except I have long and well maintained hair and perhaps if you look very closely you may notice my jeans, T shirt and trainers are ladies .... I barely have any male clothes but you wouldn't really notice due to very careful unisex or androgynous selection, I haven't shopped in the men's section for years.   Inside I live a tormented existence from the birth defect of being blessed with a feminine brain, cursed with a male body.... and that doesn't have to change...... However I have a deep and ever nagging need to be female, either in looks, mannerisms, treatment or the whole hoggette.... This is not just 'dressing up' or wanting to play the sissy maid or drag queen, but a natural desire to beco

Do you want to online chat ? Message back and forth for months ? Are you a snowflake ? If so ....Then your best bet is to pass by this profile! Are you 100 % serious ? Are you able to relocate if you aren't in my state ? Do you have serious life skills or willing to learn? Do you mind not being the only male I own ? I'm not on here looking for a boyfriend I'm warm hearted and cold-hearted. I'm a sensible and sane person. I'm easy to talk to . I don't like talking about useless stuff. I've been in and out of this lifestyle for years. I'm not NOT interested in fulfilling your sexual fantasy. I'm honest and looking for loyality and honestly. Before you attempt to write to me re-read and understand this profile, even if it's just a little understand. I prefer a straight male, but if you like being a sissy as well I'm ok with that. However it's not about you , seriously it is not about you . If you want things to always be about you and what you want then don't bother with me.

 quirkylittle4daddy