DesertDream 

You kneel, and the room inhales—not from fear,but from the gravity of your trust. Power rests in my palmlike a living thing—warm, breathing, delicate. The collar is not conquest.It is a circle drawn carefully,a boundary I vow to guard. When I give a command,it is shaped with intention,measured to the rhythm of your pulse. I do not take your will—you place it in my hands,steady as a gift. And I hold itnot to break you,but to build a world where your surrenderand my controlfit together like lock and key.

A Master takes away his slave's free use of time. Her time no longer belongs to her. She rises in the morning when instructed, and her use of time is at Master's will. She will work at what Master orders when he tells her. If she works outside the home, she is expected back at a certain time, her time belongs to him. When she eats, sleeps, perhaps uses the bathroom, when she does her chores, and when and if she has leisure is not for her to decide. Her time is not her own. If Master calls her to his side, she goes, no matter what she was doing. Her time is not her own, it belongs to Master. When you take away a woman's free use of her time, it no longer belongs to her, but becomes Master's time. I think there is no more powerful psychological experience than that of not owning your own time. Physicality: The experience of one's body as one's own. A slave's body does not belong to her. She is instructed on how to wear her hair, whether and how to use makeup, when to be clothed, and in what clothing, and when to be naked, how to care for her skin and nails. She can be stripped and inspected at will. She is denied free access to her own pleasure. She may not masturbate without permission. She may not climax without permission. She may not take irin for a headache without permission. She has sex when, how, and with whom her Master decides. She must bear whatever pains are inflicted upon her. She has no right to say "no" to the use of her body. After a time, her psychological reality becomes "my body no longer belongs to me." When you take away a woman's free use and handling of her own body, it no longer belongs to her, but become's Master's property. It is a powerful shock that first moment a woman recognizes that her body is no longer her own. Privacy: We free beings are used to the right to privacy. We close bathroom doors. We perform our ablutions in private. We would prefer to be left alone when we are ill, perhaps, or cranky, or not looking our best. We hide the evidence of our menses: flush the tampons, wrap the used napkins. We take our deepest fears, our most intense angers, our illogical primitive emotions and hide them from others, lest they turn from us in disgust or fear. We note our dreams in morning and consign them to the dream ether from whence they come; they disturb us and we wish to forget. A slave has no right to any of that privacy. There is no private space in which a slave can hide from Master, either literally or metaphorically. She may not close a bathroom door. If Master wants her to experience her lack of privacy, he may choose to intrude upon her bathroom functions. She may not hide her fears, her angers, her emotions, for when Master intuits she is astir, he will be in her face until she opens them to him. When a woman has no privacy, neither physical nor psychological, she no longer owns her space, her external or internal space. When you take away a woman's privacy, she no longer owns her internal or external space, her very essence belongs to Master. We can see why this takes time. It takes time because one must repeatedly, consistently, doggedly take ownership of a woman's time and body, and strip her of the right to privacy. And it's no wonder there is resistance along the way: it's not only willfulness that must be addressed, but resistence out of fear when a woman begins to be transformed, when she feels her ownership of her time eroded, her ownership of her body stripped away, her privacy gone. A woman enters this process a free agent, comfortably familiar to herself, and is truly transformed. She becomes something more beautiful then she ever thought possible, she becomes a slave

I've been asked a few times how far I'd go with modifications. The short answer is as far as I can without limiting the toys usefulness. Ideally to turn her into a combination of Jessica Rabbit and Hellraiser. So if I find someone as into modifications as I am this is what I'd do. If not, then not. Reality is, if I connect well with someone who has no interest in any of this, the relationship takes priority. I need to find a surgeon who will do some semi illegal procedures once I find a toy. The polypropylene breast implants certainly, so it's udders never stop growing. If not, then silicone up to an H cup. Bone anchor rings in its ankles and wrists to make hobbling it simple and permanent. Pull out its teeth with dentures to be used so it looks better, until it's time to use it orally. The tracheostomy as I already mentioned. Shorten its Achilles tendon so it can only stand in ballet boots. Ass implants if squats don't create enough.                                                                        The rest of the changes I can do: Total hair removal except for pigtails. The nipples, septum, clit and labia all pierced with 8 gauge rings. The tongue split and each side pierced cross ways. Induced lactation. Chastity piercing. Brands and tattoos of ownership as well as for punishment and humiliation. Corset training to 14-12 inches.

The Weight of Three Minutes - An Erotic Short Story  The marble is cold under your knees. I designed the room precisely for this quality of cold, for the way it travels upward through a kneeling body and reminds it, without a word from me, of exactly where it is. The morning light moves across your bowed shoulders and finds the faint lines on your skin, my lines, exactly where I left them.   You hold the cup steady. I will give you that.   My fingers brush yours as I take it. A conductivity test, reading the current of you through brief contact. You do not tremble. Good. I bring the rim to my lips.   The first sip tells me everything. The base notes are correct, the Darjeeling first flush I require. But beneath it, the steep is wrong. Three minutes would have given me what I require. You gave me four. The tannins have opened in a way they should not have been permitted to, and the result is an astringency that sits at the back of the palate like a small, deliberate insult.   You know. You felt it before I tasted it, felt the error in the air the way a barometer feels weather. Your world has narrowed to the space between my slippered feet. Good. That is where it belongs.   I say your name. Just that.   "Yes, Goddess." The word hangs in the quiet room like an offering I have not yet decided to accept.   "The specifications are precise and they are not suggestions. Water temperature ninety degrees. Steep time three minutes. Measured. Not estimated. Not felt."   "Yes, Goddess."   "Explain the deviation."   The muscle in your jaw tightens. I catalog it. "The leaves were newer stock. I thought a longer steep would develop the flavor more fully. Bring out the muscatel notes you prefer."   "You thought."   I begin to circle you. Slowly. I am never in any hurry. I place my gaze on the back of your neck with the deliberate weight of something being pressed into soft material.   "You introduced variables. You assumed. Perfection does not accommodate feeling. The muscatel note I prefer is arrived at in precisely three minutes. Not your interpretation. Not your instinct. Three minutes, measured, as specified."   "A flaw in the cup is a flaw in the man. Do you doubt my parameters?"   "No, Goddess. Never."   But your fingers curl inward where they rest on your thighs. I see it. I note it. Nothing is too small to matter.   "Stand."   You rise in one fluid motion, taller than me, broader. And yet you make yourself smaller in my presence, as you have learned to do. It is one of the things I have built in you that I find most satisfying.   "Look at me."   Your eyes meet mine. The familiar desperate focus is there, the terror of demotion. But beneath it, a flicker. Not defiance. Something more interesting. A spark of independent thought, alive and un-extinguished.   My fingers, cool and precise, trace the line of your jaw. The shudder that moves through you is full-bodied and involuntary. Your breath catches.   "The grade for today's service is pending. We will see if the rest of your performance can correct the imbalance."   I turn toward the lounge. "Follow."   Two steps behind, as trained. The cage sits in its corner, black steel and clean lines, always the outer boundary of the visible world.   "Kneel here. You will remain until I have need of you. You will not speak. You will not move. You will contemplate the difference between three minutes and four."   You sink into position. Back straight, hands on thighs, head at the precise angle I have trained into you. You are, when you are like this, a beautiful object. I have made you that.   Not a muscle moves. Your breathing barely disturbs the air. Every resource of you pointed at the single task of being still enough to please me.   And yet. You chose to deviate. You chose to trust your own palate over my doctrine.   Something uncoils in my attention. Not anger. Sharper. Interest, which in my world is rarer and more dangerous than fury.   I say your name again, soft as a petal released from a great height.   Your eyes lift instantly.   "Come here."   You cross the distance on your knees and stop before me, your face level with my lap. You wait with your entire body.   "The grade is failing. A failing slave is placed in the cage. Denied touch. Denied sight."   Your throat moves. "Yes, Goddess."   "Do you wish to be caged?"   "I wish only what you wish, Goddess."   "That is not an answer. It is a recitation. The one who extended the steep had a wish. What was it?"   "I wished for it to be perfect for you. Not just correct. Perfect. The new harvest felt like an opportunity and I wanted to find something in it that you had not yet tasted."   There it is. Your ambition, layered over my specifications, believing itself generous.   I slide my fingers into your hair and close them. The breath that leaves you is unsteady. Your eyes close. "Your wish introduced error," I say, close to your ear. "Your personal pursuit of my pleasure contaminated the delivery of it. That is the failure."   I pull your head back. Your eyes open, wide, stripped of calculation. Simply present. Exposed. Looking up at the only person in your world who matters.   "And yet," my thumb finds the pulse hammering in your throat, "it was a beautiful ambition."   I release you.   "The grade remains failing. But the correction will be hands-on."   "Remove your shirt."

Name Change as a Sign  Since ancient times names has been a map to knowing people and places. A name is you in sound. Many societies used multiple names to protect the inner soul and very lives of individuals. Certainly secret societies, religions, and associations use name change as a way to signal a change of life and alliances. The ideas of acquiring a new name appears in ancient and sacred texts and invariably signal a deeper commitment and a sign of change and transformation. Part of many rites of passage include after the third step, reintegration, the new name. That is why after such rites people speak about the new person that has emerged after the ritual. The name is then a way to mark ownership, commitment, and deep understanding of the individual’s newly acquired status. We tend to give names to those things and individuals that we possess or at least hold a claim to. The selection and bestowing of a name in those circumstances is a provocative moment in which one end of the equation decides (based on his understanding) the name of the individual to be reborn through the new name. The level of intimacy this act requires and entails will bound both individuals beyond their wildest dreams. In this case the Alpha be one Sir, Lord, Master, etc and the sub will take the neme his superior bestows; and in that moment the bond created will be consummated constantly through the word and specifically through sex. 

I have been on this site for years and see the same profile of ladies seeking a someone like myself. Contact is made, profiles viewed yet nothing. occassionally someone says hi and we exchange messages, and then nothing and i find that often times the dead air is asking for verification on where they live or interest that they have already posted in their profiles.  So many ladies want to be in charge, they advertise they are dominant seeking a male sub/slave, thye want to take the lead, yet nearly all wait for the guy to make first contact and when it happens they ghost or get upset that an I was not dotted or T not crossed. I realize the ladies may get slammed by a lot of players espcially on a freee site like this one. But if you reallyh want to be in control, ignore the players and seek out us real guys, make the first move and follow through. You seek perfectionn from the first hello but that is impossible for anyone including the ladies making contact.  We are two adults seeking to meet connect and build a relationship, if the only connection is BDSM the connection will be lost quickly. So my request is to stop searching for the ideal submssive and instead focus on building a relationship with said person and through your guideance and training help us /me to be perfct for you 

Just a thought My dear sublook at you. Lying there so patiently, a good boy eager to please. You know what's coming, don't you? You feel the anticipation, the delicious thrill of expectation. My cock awaits, and so does the sting. Yes, there may be a little discomfort, a little tightness at first. But you understand, don't you? This is necessary. This is how you earn my approval, how you make your Mistress C proud.I will be patient, for a while. I'll let your little hole adjust. I'll feel the warmth of your body as it yields, just slightly. It will be an exquisite dance, a slow burn of pleasure and pain intermingling. There may be tears, little whimpers of protest. But these are merely a testament to the depth of your surrender, the degree to which you are allowing your Mistress to claim you.Every inch will be taken. Every thrust will be felt.I will alternate, exploring each facet of your yielding flesh. This is for your own good, little one.I am both ruthless and gentle – a delicate balance that you are privileged to experience. You will learn to crave the sting, the pressure, the feeling of being completely at my mercy.And then... then the patience will end. The rhythm will quicken, the pace will become furious. I will pound your hole, hard and fast, until you are screaming through that pitiful gag of yours. You will beg for it to stop, but your pleas are just music to our ears.I will take your desperate cries and weave them into our own symphony of dominance.I will show you the true meaning of being owned. I will show you the power of a Mistress's touch. I will show you what it means to truly be mine.  

Now that we have journals back, it's time for an update. This is now a poly household. We're set up with both a dungeon and a medical playroom.  The dungeon is amazingly well stocked with just about every sort of cane, flogger and whip you can imagine, and some things you probably haven't.  Anyone who's interested in play time or dungeon time should feel free to ask. If you're interested in more than just playtime, there are some things you should understand:  This is a KINKY HOUSEHOLD.  It is NOT kid friendly.  If you have kids, and have custody of them, we can talk and even arrange some playtime, but we're probably not going to be a good match.  This is a POLY HOUSEHOLD.  In order to make this dynamic work, everyone involved needs to be willing to compromise and work as a team.  This is a balance that takes work to maintain, and is incomptable with drama.  We're only interested in women who are willing to try to contribute to the dynamic and thereby add to the household.  Chaos is not welcome here.    If you are under 25, we don't expect you to have your life together, but we do expect you to be sane and healthy.  Freaky is encouraged, but have a grip of reality - you've got to start with reality before you plunge down the rabbit hole.  If you are over 35, still living at home and unable to take care of yourself, or still going out to bars and clubs every night you can to get blitzed and hook up, you need to grow up before contacting us.  I am willing to travel to meet, but if you're outside PA, you're going to need to do a video call.  We travel by private plane on the east coast of the US.  If this excites you great, I'd love to have another pilot in the household.  If this terrifies you, we're out of your league.  I'm sure there will be more coming, but this is a good start. 

A slave define destiny ; A slave surrenders all its human rights and civil liberties and indeed it has no real need of them. The slave is after all just a mere nonentity that is the owned property of its lawful owner. A slave is not its owners spouse, lover, friend, associate, colleague; it is its owners owned property...period. The slave cannot say what it pleases, do what it pleases or go where it pleases. It can only do what it is told and go where it is told.  Being a slave is by no means an easy option in life. A slave must have plentiful labor to keep it busy during the day so it’s never really idle.  Some owners require it to endure painful suffering in order to alleviate their own stressful anxieties and/or to enhance their three dimensional cathartic euphoria and improve and maintain their general well being. Even when safety is ensured it is no easy task for the slave to endure.  it has been the custom and tradition for a slave to be kept completely in various types of restraint to restrict but not prevent movement. Such restraints have varied but included shackles, locked or soldered collars, locked chastity restraints. These have served a purpose of demonstrating to the slave and to others that it is property that owns and has access to nothing of its own and that it is completely owned and under the absolute power of its designated owner. It also additionally served to reinforce the slavery through humiliation, degradation and subjugation.    When it comes to clothing there is little room for compromise. Clothing for a slave is a privilege and slaves clothing is chosen for them, they embrace the Masters desires plain and simple . Failure to adopt this simple rule will give the slave ideas above his station.    A slave belongs to its owner and is on the periphery of its owner’s life, not at the center of the owner’s life. It places a servile and support function role only. Its conduct in slavery must be impeccable and it must never ever let its owner down.  A slave is never allowed to look at its owner's face.  A slave should never ever have access to the same luxuries that a freeborn person has. It should be housed in a small locked room or a cage when it is resting or sleeping or otherwise not required. Adequate heating and ventilation provided along with food and drink and mobile toilet facilities during its confinement stay.  Once owned the slave should not have any further contact with family or friends nor should it watch television, listen to the radio, read newspapers, periodicals, books, use the computer, or telephone and write to anyone. It also has no right of complaint about its treatment as a slave or any right of appeal to a third party.  It is property that is owned and so it must remain. Once negotiations have ceased and agreement reached about the parameters of the said slavery, the slave itself must offer itself unconditionally and not place any hindrance in the way of its owner’s legitimate right to use her owned property as she herself chooses within the agreed parameters.   

There is a movement coming in the world soon. The false Messiah is coming and will be celebrated as the real deal. This will cause anxiety in many Christians because they will be targeted and even some will lose their life because of it. Still some will have to leave everything behind and be isolated with God in the wilderness, leaning on God for guidance to survive the time and be part of the remnant. God will call you into action when it is time. There will be renewal for God's children even if you lose your life. He has a purpose and he will bring things back to how they were meant to be. Please don't throw away your confidence in God whether in sickness or health, in life or death, in the good times or the struggles. Keep the gospel commandments as best you can. He knows your heart. And when it comes do not take the mark of the beast when they offer it. Lay your life down for Jesus. Anyone who saves their life will lose it and those who lose their life for Jesus will be given life and life abundantly like he promised. In his Father's house are many MANSIONS if it were not so he would not have told you. He will prepare a place for you. Just choose him please. 

Awaken to gentle licks upon my labia and the tickle of your facial hair on my inner thighs  You knowing my body and realizing that sucking my clit is not what gets me going  But that gentle tongue massage on my lower lips causes me to softly moan and drip with wetness  I'm in the euphoria of emotional bliss  Slow intense grinding along with the need to run  I'm about to explode  What a way to wake up,  as the main course I've trained you well and you know how to please  Now, I will lay you back, tie you up, or leave you free  I know before I'm done you'll be screaming please!

Eurythmics: Sweet Dreams “Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by youSome of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused.”

So here's some more detail (and something to push down my previous whining about the site  ). My wife and I are both looking for our own play partners, so I guess you could call it an open relationship. She's looking for a friend with benefits, emphasis on "friend," as in somebody she could just as easily talk to about daily minutia as she would give him a blow job. I'm not looking for anything quite so equitable. I'm looking for someone who would indulge me in whatever my twisted mind comes up with, like exhibitionism and public play or breathplay or the "usual" spankings and other impact play. I do have some limits of my own, chiefly scat and blood. Also, even though I might want my slave to show a lot of skin and go without bra or panties while she's with me, I wouldn't insist she do that or anything else that might put her job at risk. Yes, I am definitely looking for in person contact at least once a week. My wife and I also have an agreement that we meet each other's play partners and basically vet them. It's not like we're conducting interrogations, it's just determining if we all get along and if there are any red flags.

Alot has changed since I first created our profile. What I have noticed over the past year or so since I last checked in is that is still many of the same faces.  People I suspect want the idea, but are too afraid to go for it when it is in front of them. So, what we are looking for also has changed.  I was looking to add to a poly family.  Well that part is done as there are now three of us under one roof. What we since decided is to find someone (female) who desires a complete loss of herself not for sensual BDSM, but for complete enslavement. The person who seek would be looking to disappear from society, and be locked away, perhaps never being allowed to leave our dungeon and your new home. In this role, you will spend many hours in bondage or caged, except when one of us decides we wish to enjoy your flesh for our pleasure.  That pleasure being anything from using you for our sexual gratification, to being tortured just so we can hear you cry or beg for it to be over, to simply clean the floor on hands and knees. Is this what you desire?  Seriously, because many people think it is, but few can really accept that they are offering themselves to a sadist who finds love only in hearing cries and whimpers.  Who favors the sound of leather agaist flesh over sweet 'I love yous'.  Many profiiles will read like this I suspect, yet less actually have experience in doing just that.  So, if you really want to atone for what ever sin you have done (and I could care less what that sin is), then lets talk.  If you want to be used while reminded what a worthless piece of crap you are, then your the woman we seek.

NEW!!  THE MEDIEVAL DUNGEON - ITALY The Medieval Dungeon is fully equipped with suspended bed, stocks, St Andrew’s Cross and full length spanking bench and bondage table and more. There is plenty of opportunity for play, pleasure and pain! The Medieval Boudoir is also available with two beds should you wish to chill out away from the Dungeon area. There is even plenty of space on the grounds for BDSM outdoor play and camping if it's your thing freedom and privacy guaranteed. The Medieval Dungeon is available to be booked for long decadent weekends or you can tailor your retreat to suit yourself by arrangement from the end of March. BDSM * CFNM * Domination * Flogging * Discipline * Corrective Therapy * Bondage * Spanking * & much more…bondage table so there will plenty of opportunity for play, pleasure and pain! IM HERE TO BOOK YOUR TIME IN THIS BEAUTIFUL RETREAT I shall be inresidence from the 26th March should you wish to visit me.   

If you're not within 60 miles of me and don't have "willing to relocate" in your profile", then I'm not going to message you.  I completely understand and respect that inability\unwillingness to move.  I'm not going to bother you if I think you're too far away. That being said.  If you are far away and are open to finding someone and possibly traveling to see them, please either put that in your profile or message me first. I was recently accused by someone on here that this kind of mentality of not wanting to bother folks wasn't "real alpha behavior".  Yes.  Thank you.  I have no wish to be a part of that kind of bullshit and bad science.  Six Sigma is a business process, not a lifestyle philosophy.  I will respect you until I own you, then I will respect your value even more, but in a violently sadistic manner.  If I never own you, then I'll continue to give you respect until you do something to lose it.  That’s just decency.      

I detest the world of text and email is little better.  How do we get to know one another?  Talking by phone is good, sharing space is better.  Nothing replaces breathing like air.   I'm here seeking now and am looking to install a slave in reasonably short order.  I've no intention of playing with ya'll for months on end.  We talk, we meet, we do. While different aspects are new, unclear, or undefined, this is not an impossible ask. This relating we do touches on our core and when we text and email, we are agreeing to open ourselves to misinterpretation.  We have lives going on, usually complex and not meeting our inner needs, we are over tired, sick or caring for others.  We dont have the luxury of seeing one another at work or at the pub to work things through.  We need to listen and give the benefit of the doubt until or unless discussions implode. Have you ever heard that the more ingredients in a food, the worse it is for your body?  Bingo!  The more division we put between us and our get to know, the harder that climb and claiming is going to be because their is more opportunity for misunderstanding.  

I cheated on my wife, and I wound up paying for it.   I had gone out on my wife, and my sister-in-law found out about it. She told me she wouldn't tell her sister if I agreed to help her. After all, they weren’t that close, and she knew she could be a bitch. I agreed, and she told me to be at her place on Friday night at 8:00. I asked why, and she said you’ll see.    I got there at 8. She met me at the door and asked if I was ready. I replied, “I guess.” She said, “Here’s the deal: me and some friends are having a toy party, and we need someone to demo the toys on.” I was a little nervous, but she said, “Oh, you will enjoy it, and if you want, you can back out." I couldn't let her tell on me, so I agreed. She said follow me to the den.    When we got there, I saw the fuck bench for the first time. She told me to strip and hop up. I asked what it was for, and she said it would be easier to demo cock and ball toys and lubes or anything else. She said, "Hurry up; the girls will be here anytime." So I did, and she strapped me in and then blindfolded me. I never knew who the women were who were there that night. Let's say that, like my sister-in-law, they had more curves than the women in the following video. And you know how much women with curves excite me.   She left the room, and in no time, I could hear voices coming in the living room. Women laughing and drinking and looking at sex toys. After a while, how long I couldn't tell you because I had lost track of all time, I heard her tell them she had another surprise in the den. I hoped that none of these women got too drunk or knew my wife.   They walked in, and they all couldn't believe it. They told her that when she held a party, she held a party. She told them to get their favorite toy and try it out. I could feel hands rubbing my cock and balls and ass. Before long, I felt the first dildo rubbing my lips and then another, and they just seemed to get bigger and farther down my throat. Finally, I heard her say, “Is anyone going to bust this ass cherry, or am I going to have to bust it myself?” I tried to protest but my words came out all muffled and unintelligible because of the dildo that was shoved into my mouth. She said keep that dick down his throat, girl, to keep him quiet.    Well, she had a strap-on belted already because in just a few seconds, she was behind me squirting lube on my ass and fingering it in, and then I felt her pressing the head of her cock against my helpless asshole. She said you need to relax, and you will enjoy this, I promise. She just kept steady pressure, and it just kept stretching me out until it finally popped in. She was a very muscular and sexy gal, and she worked out every day, so I knew she could give me a very good pounding if she wanted. She wanted. As soon as her cock went in, she started fucking slowly but with increasing speed and depth. Before long, she had her feet up on the bench next to my legs and was squatting fucking me with blistering speed and to the point I could feel the sack of the strap-on bottoming out on me. With the cheers of the women, she only seemed to get faster and harder.    Needless to say, I took several "cocks" in both ends before the night was done. She saw the last woman out, then came back. As she was undoing the restraints, she thanked me for going along with the night and making her so proud in front of her friends. She finished freeing me, leaned over, and kissed me. Not a friendly sister-in-law kiss, but a deep, wet, passionate one, which I returned. Without another word, she led my naked ass to her bedroom. I spent the night, and when I awoke, I knew my marriage was over.   With thousands of porno videos out there, I could not find one with a male on a similar bench, but lots of ones with females on all sorts of benches, swings, chairs, etc. This one is almost like my sister-in-law’s, so I include the link more for explanation than demonstration. The second link is a video of how the night seemed to go for me in my mind.   https://www.etsy.com/listing/1219988334/spanking-bench-sex-bench-bdsm-bench?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=sex+bench&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&pro=1&organic_search_click=1   https://xhamster.com/videos/anal-extreme-for-kinky-butt-slut-7573248

Well another Kinkfest is upon us.  I am so very excited to attend.  This year, like all the other years, there are a lot of classes I look forward to going to.  I am doing things different for next year, however.  I am going to start my search for a sub/slave to go with me very early.  They will be my slave friday, for lack of a better diion.  I doubt I will find one but hey, maybe I will get lucky.   I am going to be stricter on my dealings with people here.  I expect photos.  I will give a person a task to do and I expect proof that they do it.  I am SO VERY tired of flakes here.  The one thing, bar none, I will expect someone to do is write a journal.  They will buy a new journal and start writing in it every day.  Every 3 days they will send me photos of what they have written.  If someone can't or won't do something so simple they have no place in my life.  I want real time.  Online is fun but it can NOT take place of real life.

Regarding safewords and such... saw a journal post that caught my attention. My two cents worth: Don't rely on colors or even simple code words like "uncle" or "mercy" playing the very first or even first few times with someone new. If they don't agree with "No" means "No," at the outset, don't play with them. Don't be the sub that consents to having any choice taken away with someone new, and don't be the Dom(me) who takes that choice away. Save the word games for later in the friendship, after more trust is built up, and you have more assurance of your partner's safety and care for your welfare, or they have from you of their own. I for one have gone so far as to have actually used "Mercy" in a scene that I felt was going too far, but She didn't hear me, and I didn't repeat it. And I endured it. It was Someone I knew for almost 20 years by then. It didn't destroy what we had, and I was okay with it afterwards. But here's the thing: We had known each other that long, and we had that deep a trust while in the Dungeon. It wouldn't have been acceptable the first time we played if I had said "No" and She didn't stop. But She was always much more attentive than that. I've been fortunate that all the Tops and Dommes I've been with (only several, I assure you) have not crossed acceptable consent boundaries at all. They have known not to without having to negotiate it. Every Top should know not to, and every bottom has a right to expect that. I would call it common sense, if sense were really common.

Thoughts on a new 'person' one step removed . Sending messages to new people is fraught with nervousness and trepidation as there is no real way to know how they will be received. A non-reply obviously shows something, but only if the sender knows the message was received to then be ignored. Age, sex, orientation, role, even distance, of both parties, will also give an indication of how it will be read and dealt with, but this can be offset by the BDSM world where some of the more obvious criteria do not apply so ‘strongly’. Asking the question(s) that you really want the answer to, but almost dare not ask or do not ask, does not make life any easier – for both parties. Being submissive or ‘overly’ friendly can lead to misunderstanding when replies are sent. Or lead to further messages to clarify the previous text ‘meanings’. Obviously, this is like real life too, social media is also full, maybe more so, of miscommunications. So, from the perspective of this writer, being: Male, semi Straight, Dom, Creative, of no discernible cult or type (unless being a keen biker counts), older than most, slightly shy and as arrogant as fuck concerning his own Domly skills. Writing a message and sending it out into the ether to land at a stranger’s mail box is still a thought provoking act. Therefore, after drafting a message, editing it, almost sending it before seeing ‘there’ and not ‘their’ so editing it again and then rewriting half of it you press the send key and sit back and try not to wait for the answer. If no answer appears after a week, or a month, then you don’t need to think about it anymore and file it under ‘ah well, that’s a shame’. If a reply appears, especially with witty words ‘linked’ to your (what you hoped were) witty words, then a whole new set of ponderables start to take form as you sit in front of your keyboard about to reply. Was the reply sent because ‘she’ is a polite submissive, because 'she' was a polite human being, liked the style of the message compared to the dross many send, or is ‘she’ actually interested in getting another message? So, message 2: More forward, Certainly. More confident, hopefully. An easy question or three, taken from their profile info to show you have read it, is a good idea. A little more information about ‘Me’ and even more about why the first message was sent – bravery test time. The wait begins again! If a quick reply this is either a good sign with answers and questions of ‘her’ own or a version of ‘Go away, I was polite once don’t push your luck’.If a long pause, then the normal questions nag at your lizard brain again until that ping sounds, and a reply appears – the previous 2 types obviously still apply. If the reply is positive then now it is time to stop pussyfooting around, ask the question, give your reasons why they really should say yes and agree, and, if using a useless forum, like FetLife or the million other internet sites, give them your email or phone number, for text or WhatsApp, for easier chatting. This will either get a happy 'ok' response or the ‘maybe later’ reply, which is not so encouraging, If you reach this point, then it should be fairly plain sailing to send the next message, getting to know them and even meeting or, obviously, putting your foot in your mouth and getting a 'goodbye'. Thoughts over, now just need the 'she' to see this in the hopes it helps with My communications.

Master's WritingsFoundations: Commanding vs LeadingI came across a Dominant who appeared to miss understand the difference between leading and commanding. A thing seen too often in the lifestyle, where these two terms become red into one, yet for Dominants they should be viewed as quite different.Command is a singular act at a specific moment in time. A direction given to another to do something and when that thing is done, the moment is over. There is no longevity, no lingering emotion or sense of something larger. Command exists to accomplish a specific thing at a specific moment - nothing more.Leading, on the other hand, is a process that cannot be accomplished in a single moment in time. It is more about a direction than a specific action and as such requires vision of the goal as well as awareness of the individual. It involves motivating, developing and inspiring people into action. Leading requires both the skill to communicate and the presence of a leader to identify the goal and describe the path how to get there.When command and leading become interchangeable, they typically devolve into commands strung together and submissives running to accomplish tasks, under the pretense of leading. Even though sometimes these tasks have legitimate value in the development of a submissive, in the larger scope, they miss the mark because what gets communicated to the submissive typically lacks the values, principles, and/or underlying lessons that connect the submissive to the dominant or to the lessons to be learned.So is one better than another? They are the equivalent of a scene compared to a dynamic. Commands are adequate for a single scene, yet commands will never provide the foundation for a power-imbalanced dynamic. For this, Dominants must lead and lead with vision of what they intend to create, clarity of roles, a sense of purpose about why even the little things matter and the commitment to live path they set forth, committing to the same level of quality they expect from others.

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

Oh, George… bless your heart for writing me a whole novel about how you want to “look into a sadistic woman’s eyes” while she perverts you into anal bliss. Truly poetic. But here’s the problem: you’re out here asking for a woman to host you for a month like you’re some kind of kinky exchange student, and all you’re offering is sexual gratification—as if women are sitting around saying, “You know what I need? A strange out-of-towner living in my house for 30 days to eat my food, hog my bathroom, and tell me how multicultural he is in between begging to be pegged.”   You spent time in multinational corporations? Cute. I’m sure your old coworkers will be thrilled to know you’re now out here writing essays about “soft sensual erotic rape play” and “verification photos” like you’re running a BDSM HR department. And let’s be honest—if the highlight of your pitch is “I’m not into pro dommes, but please abuse me sexually,” you might need to realize… sir, you are basically asking for free labor with room and board included.   It’s giving: “Hi, I’m George, I bring nothing but my dick, my mouth, and a suitcase of sci-fi DVDs. Please ruin me, host me, and feed me while I explore my journey.” My love, women are not Airbnbs for your perversion vacations. You wanting someone to host you for a month and offering nothing but orgasms is like me telling Amazon Prime, “I’ll pay for my package with good vibes and a smile.”   So, George, no—no sadistic woman is out here waiting for a floundering consultant to move into her house for a month-long pegging intensive. But I truly hope you find someone on Collarspace who’s willing to take on your… dissertation of desires. Godspeed.

AcadaMay CFNM End Of Year Ball - Saturday 6th December - Applications now open The AcadaMay CFNM Ball celebrates female empowerment through elegance, confidence, control, and connection in a respectful, sensual, and beautifully refined setting, but all dynamics of BDSM are welcome to attend. It is open to everybody, whether Dominant, sub, switch, kinky or just plain curious! Couples, single ladies, single gentlemen are all welcome. Step into an evening of elegance and intrigue at the Enchanting AcdaMay CFNM Ball where sophistication meets sensuality. Set in a stunning large and comfortable dungeon in North London this inclusive gathering invites guests to engage their sartorial splendour and immerse themselves in an unforgettable experience. This fantastic venue is fully equipped with all sorts of interesting equipment on two floors; St Andrew’s Crosses, Spanking Benches, Schoolroom, Medical Play Chairs, Queening Chairs and comfortable sofas and Chesterfields for relaxation and socialising. There is even a curtained 4 poster bed for those who may wish to have a private or public moment - a little voyeurism never did anybody any harm! The evening starts at 9pm and I would ask you to arrive promptly so we can get the party started and not waste any valuable time so that we can get stuck into the evenings events. In the interest of privacy and security I will send attendees the exact address nearer the time. Bring your favourite tipple which the naked waiters will serve to you during the course of the evening, and of course, your favourite selection of toys for your debauched use throughout the evening. CFNM (clothed female, naked man) males and CMNW (clothed men, naked woman) females are invited to attend in white shirt collar, black bow, white wrist cuffs, black dress socks and black polished shoes, otherwise you will be naked.  You will be expected to serve the other guests upon request. The dress code for gentlemen is black tie followed by fetish attire for the commencement of play. The dress code for ladies will be LBD and heels for the cocktail hour followed by fetish attire for the ensuing decadence. Whether you're a seasoned attendee or new to the scene, the Ball promises laughter, conversation, and connection among like-minded individuals who appreciate charm, class, and decorum and most of all, plenty of BDSM! With limited availability and high demand, we encourage early application to ensure your place at this exclusive affair. Come celebrate freedom, elegance, and community in one truly extraordinary evening.  If you wish to attend please do email for further details of how to reserve your place. email:acadamayevents@gmail.com Website: acadamay.com under CFNM

Well this is long overdue.  Thank-you to the Domme that reminded me.  My profie is pretty much devoid of meaningful information, and my original intent was to add that here.  Where to start?  Of the things I look for, intelligence and humour are of the utmost importance to me.  Grammar, spelling and punctuation matters, although much is to be forgiven due to this website eats apostrophes and other random punctuation.  Being in Canada, humour is spelt exactly that way.  I may be 62, but I have younger chldren.  My youngest will be 9 shortly and is with me every other week. My eldest is halfway through high-school and is here 100% of the time.  Obviously I therefore cannot relocate for the foreseeable future.  That's enough for the moment.  Good luck to each of you in your quest.

Today I was reflecting on something that has long been present in my life. As a youth, long before I had any language for BDSM or for how my attraction actually works, I hated environments like discos where the boys flocked around the pretty girls like bees around honey. I wasn’t a great dancer and I’ve always seen myself as fairly average looking, so I assumed I just felt “uncompetitive”. But it wasn’t just discos. The same thing happened in school groups, social circles, anywhere the dynamic shifted into a subtle contest. If I was interested in a girl and other admirers appeared, something in me would simply switch off. The interest didn’t fade - it vanished. I’d step back, not in defeat, but in disconnection. With my recent understanding of myself as demisexual - and recognising the emotional architecture that comes with that - I’ve realised it was never about insecurity or feeling “not good enough”. It was about wiring. I don’t experience attraction in environments built on competition, performance, or scattered attention. My system is tuned for depth, for attunement, for the kind of connection that grows slowly and privately between two people who are actually present with each other. When the field becomes crowded or performative, the signal dilutes. The possibility of depth collapses. And my interest shuts down automatically. Some people thrive on the chase, the rivalry, the adrenaline of “winning” someone’s attention. I never have. For me, attraction only exists where there is intentionality, reciprocity, and a sense of genuine one‑to‑one resonance. If that’s not the energy, I don’t compete - I disconnect. Not from fear, but because competition is simply the wrong ecosystem for the kind of connection I’m built for. I am left pondering where sites like Collarspace and Fetlife are right for me? So much seems to hinge on performance. But if not them, then what? Where?

What is Y/your WHY? If You are familiar with the Simon Sinek video which You'll find easily enough on Utube he asks the question about what is your WHY.  The Why is what gets you out of bed in the morning, it's what motivates you and pushes you and keeps you constantly striving and pushing forward. I was thinking about that video again today because I feel like it's a good question to consider when figuring out where I belong in this lifestyle.  And simply put, I think that while I am searching for an Owner just like every other s-type here, I realize that what I am really seeking is my WHY or more specifically, that person who embodies my WHY.  I'm not seeking an Owner because of the kink or because of some fetish though those are certainly the spices of this lifestyle.  I'm seeking my Owner because I believe they will be the WHY in my life.  I don't think I currently, truly have a WHY. I think everyone wants to live a life of meaning and purpose.  I think everyone wants to matter.  I think everyone wants to know that when it's all said and done, there will be something they can look back upon and smile knowing that what they did made a difference. I have a good job, but it's just that, a job.  I've achieved professionally, but the truth is that my career has never been more to me than a means of paying the bills.  I don't have any kids.  I know a lot of people live for their kids but life didn't work out that way for me.  So what is my life for?  What is my WHY? I think that's what I am searching for here. I think my Owner will be my WHY.  I think They will be the reason i get out of bed smiling every morning.  I think that in surrendering to Them, I allow Them to direct and control my life in a way that pleases Them and give me a sense of purose, direction and that through my service, worship and obedience to Them, I am living a life of meaning.  A service sub or slave takes joy in pleasing, in washing every dish and scrubbing every floor for their Owner.  We take pride in our willingness to do whatever it takes to make Them happy and we are grateful to Them for every single thing They allow us to do in service to Them. It's why we want to say "Thank You," when we fetch that glass of water for You.  It's why we want to say "Thank You," after You've allowed us to pleasure You.  Or, why we say, "Thank You," when You deny us pleasure as a means of making You happy. There are certainly a lot of people who are only in this for the kink and fetish but I think there are a lot of us who are in this looking for our WHY too.  And our WHY is a person we get to please and in allowing us to do so, they give our lives meaning.  That's an extrordinary gift.  And the truth is no matter how much You demand of us, no matter how hard You work us, no matter how much You push us, we will never be able to repay You for that gift.  It's the difference between a life looked back upon with joy or with regret.  It's why wanting to own an s-type is an act of grace and benevolence.  

I read this profile today and think its nearly perfect"   Hello slaves and Masters. Dom is looking for slave who knows that he/she was born to serve. Im looking for slave bois for permanent ownership. I will break you down. I will show you that your place in life is to serve and please me. I will degrade and discipline you. I wont stop until you truly believe you are shit and that you were destined to be mine. I will make you an my own personal property. Im looking for a live in , cleaning ,sex slave, dinner makeing, foot stool,  urinal, cumdumpster,  whipping post, slave  Im looking to humiliate abuse, degrade slaveboy for my pleasure.  Only interested in smooth, submissive, straight acting, slim bois who know that they are made to suffer, serve, obey, please, and commit accept any order from their Master. Absolutely every decision will be taken by Me, what the slave eats, drinks, when, where and how long it sleeps, what to wear should outside activity be granted, no social contact to others. I also do online training so slaves welcome.   Im also looking for disabled slaves and Masters, sissies   My rules are:   The proper way of things. i.e the way it will be   As My slave you have no rights; in fact you have nothing at all. You will take your place in  fully recognizing the truth of My Supremacy, My Superiority and your own lowly status.     You will obey My commands eagerly to the letter without questioning any of them and you will accept My authority and judgment of your servitude. My word is law and My whip is the implement of its enforcement. You will spend all your waking hours learning to exist exclusively for My pleasure, comfort, and glory and that of all masters . You will not allow your mind to wander even for a moment from Me and when it is not occupied in My service you will remember that all you do is at My whim and command. Even the basic privileges for you to eat and sleep, are mine to command.  Do not expect to be cared for in the normally accepted meaning. In My world you will be valued for what you are (a slave) provided your servitude is acceptable. Understand that it will never be perfect in My eyes. You are considered nothing more than an object of My property. You will never forget that you, as a slave, are merely My plaything, a work horse and toy existing only for My service, amusement and pleasure. In your role as My slave I need merely to look after your welfare. You will be kept fit for purpose.   From this moment you will be known as “slave”. If there are, at any times, more than one  slave present you will be known as “slave S” or simply “S”.   All of the following rules which are for guidance in your servitude to your superior will apply from henceforth. I will expect absolute adherence to these rules in every detail. Any failure on your part to follow the rules in every detail will result in punishment administered spontaneously or extended over a period of time determined by me.               Slave Rules          applicable to S, slave of master   RULE 1 I make the rules and can change them and add to them at any time   RULE 2 slave has no entitlement to discuss the rules or question them in any way.       Appearance   RULE 3 Nakedness for a slave is an overt sign that the slave owns nothing. slave will therefore never be permitted clothes in the house unless there are visitors who are unaware of its status and may be embarrassed.   RULE 4 If we have been away from the  home, on return slave will, after any other routine duties, immediately remove its clothes and kneel at my feet to await instructions.   RULE 5 The following (highlighted in red) will be worn at ALL times with the single exception of when passing through airport metal detection equipment.   a stainless steel collar. This will be permanently locked in place.   A thick stainless steel ring around the base of its cock and balls.   a stainless steel chastity device, 24/7/365. This will be locked in place.   stainless steel wrist and ankle cuffs..    Rings piercing Its nipples and penis head.   A chain between its nipple rings.   A heavy steel cock ring-butt plug combination, locked behind its chastity cage. (This will be worn for periods of up to 12 hours for anal training).   slave will be branded with My initial, such branding to be repeated yearly on its birthday.   slave will have its international slave registry number tattooed  at the back of its neck and on its buttocks.   RULE 6 slave will shower, shave its face, head, under arms and pubic area first thing daily.     RULE 7 slave will keep its whole body free from hair using an electric epilator.     BASIC RULES OF RESPECT   RULE 8 slave will treat all  masters as its superiors.   RULE 9 slave will address Me as ‘Master’ and all other  masters as ’Sir’.   RULE 10 In the presence of  masters slave will be on its knees unless carrying something or performing a task which requires it to stand.   RULE 11 slave’s eyes will be always lowered so that it looks only at its superiors’ feet.   RULE 12 slave will remain silent unless spoken to.   RULE 13 slave will never turn its back on a master.   RULE 14 If slave meets a master anywhere in the house whilst carrying out its duties it will immediately kneel, nose on the floor, until He has passed and is out of sight.   RULE 15 If I or any master enters the space where slave is working it will remain kneeling, position 2 until it is ordered to resume its work or carry out some other command or until I leave.     RULE 16 slave will accord all  masters the same respect as it accords Me   RULE 17 slave will obey all commands from  masters as if directed by Me   RULE 18 slave will beg permission to do anything that is not a direct order from me.     RULE 19 slave will

110224 The gall of the so called experienced male domestic household servant types - more often then not seeking their next victim for exploitation.  They play to anothers desires, and build a repetiore of information on the women of CollarSpace.  Women tend to be sharing types and often give personal information about family, friends, work, pictures, personal tastes, you name it, and those parasites - they seek it and FEED OFF of it. It is a dangerous person who asks without giving, seeks without meaning, uses for their own desires and has no ability or intention of follow through.  Deception at their core. They leave a bad taste in ones mouth and give good, well intentioned men a harder time of it. When you think of a man here who has literally thousands of screen names - just popping off down the list of his many names, daily, monthly, whatever, in every state, every country, COUNTLESS IDENTIES, throwing out a line to this woman and that, all around the world, gathering sensitive information - critical I imagine sometimes - it is frightful to think of the power this person holds behind the scenes.  Who is he?  Who does he associate with?  How does he use this information?  It would be great to think his antics here are for amusement only, but I can assure you there is nothing amusing about being duped.  There is nothing amusing about someone sharing intimately, gaining your trust, building false beliefs in them.  Nothing amusing about a man submitting himself to you through your desires and through your need.  Imagine a man who says, "hey your mother has Alzheimer's and I have personal and meaningful connections with people who can help - I can help - If you permit Me to serve you to the best of My ability, I will help care for and provide for the well being of your dying parent."  I know - if it sounds to good to be true, then it is.  Still, when you are in the thick of confusion and the unknown, that is when these parasites go in for the kill! WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?  iS THIS ANOTHER FORM OF EDGE PLAY TO BE EXPECTED IN THESE PARTS?   It is lying, it is fraud, it is deceit at its basest level and it is promoted here thorugh this medium.  I enjoy CollarSpace - I really do appreciate the opportunity which is afforded in order to meet people of similiar mind.  I am grateful for the men I have met who continue to add joy and benefit to My life.  I don't know how to fix this aspect - the preying aspect - the illness which spreads and infects. It is unfortunate that sad lost souls such as this british parasite continue to use this as a feeding ground for their sorry existence and thus I shall continue to attempt to educate others here.  I am a formidable woman and the likes of this cockroach wont undo Me, but I do feel for My sisters and brothers deserve better. Dont we do that which we do to feel better, to give and take more, but where is the ethics behind using another person, AGAINST THEIR WILL?  

The Cuck is a gentle submissive slim built guy. He can be orally bi but is not into anal or any other form of gay sex. He is  happy just to watch his wife used by other men or group of men. He is just as happy to be made to wait outside once any action is due to start. He sometimes likes to strip his wife naked in front of a bull or a group of men. He will then offer her for play. The wife is a true polyamory woman who enjoys the attention of other men but has no desire to leave her loving husband. She is a natural submissive woman who happens to enjoy degradation in many forms. She also enjoys the finer things in life. Taken out for dinner or drinks by the bull with or without the cuck. She can dress for any occasion but likes to show off in sluty clothes. Taken out in see through tops and micro skirts aspect, this also pleases the cuck.

As a late bloomer through high school, I felt like an ugly duckling so I avoided romance by focusing on science and sports. After college I met a free spirit who encouraged me to wear revealing swimsuits, even pushing me to strip for her friend's birthday party. Having women go gaga over me and ask me to wear speedos was mind blowing! However, this shifted my thinking from being a shy nice guy to being someone who could deliberately seduce just to satisfy my urges, making me feel guilty and even fearful. Then an older friend a hippie doctor convinced me that mental chastity was healthier than chasing bikinis or jerking off. She claimed that I suffered from PE and that Tantra taught how withholding ejaculation during intercourse was best for both partners. She knew I liked bondage so she began tempting me into accepting domination because she discovered she liked the power that my jingling keyring gave her after having escaped an abusive marriage. Sometimes she put me to work in her garden and cleaning her house while she teased me with words and costumes. I stopped looking at sex as hormonally necessary and starting seeing submission as respect. But after a year without normal sex and no actual device to enforce my agreement to stop masturbating, testosterone won so I neglected my commitment and wandered off feeling very alone. Thankfully she taught me a lot about my self which likely saved me from some serious life disappointments. I think I gave her enough confidence to begin dating again so I hope I also helped her heal.

I have been asked to update my journal and my relationship status since its been a few years.  I am polyamorous. I believe in multiple loves, multiple relationships, communication, trust and respect for everyone involved. I currently have my own submissive whom I've been with for 10 years. He lives with me and does not expect to be included in my exploits.   I love being poly. I have so much of myself to give.  I am looking for a Dom of my own.    If you have any questions and would like me answer them here in my journal please feel free to write me. 

What being a prey means for me Finding someone who will grow with me and pursue me always. Someone who enjoys the chase. Someone who will look for ways to outsmart me and capture me. Someone who will put in the effort to get me. Someone who craves me! Play wrestling, biting randomly and many other aspaspects appeal to me in many ways even though it's much newer than the other parts of me it is still there.

Kids dog was trying to cough something up and was acting really odd. Called the vet for an emergency trip. Turns out it was a good thing. The dog has Gastric dilatation-volvulus (GDV) and is having emergency surgery UPDATE  Dog is ok, $1,500-$2,000 out to the vet who did surgery at midnight. Doggie is home sleeping it off. Poor poor baby though, looks so sad. The vet and her hubby had to carry her out to my car and she weighs just under 100 pounds. We however could not carry her in the house. After a lot of gently leading got a sleepy dog into the home and into her bed. Poor thing was still so out of it, she pooed over herself and had to have an outside cold bath at like 5 am. Poor Poor puppy

In lieu of the entry directly below, spent the first 2 weeks of February this year, in a Hospital bed dying from kidney failure. Thankfully the doctors caught it before it was beyond complete failure and before the need to discuss transplants became a topic. The issue basically meant my kidneys weren't cleaning my blood properly and my blood was effectively flytipping excess body proteins the kidney didn't transfer to the Bladder and Intestines, into the rest of my body, this was clogging up arteries, clinging onto muscles and organs slowly crippling my bodies ability to function. I went into hospital weighing in at 23 stone, and came out at just under 17 stone. Hell of a weight loss regimine, but I don't recommend it, its a potential killer (pun intended) I am now mostly free to pursue what I would like from this lifestyle, however I am still on the mend in some capacity and cannot perform every task I once used to enjoy to the full capacity and this will reflect on what I will agree to submit to. This problem is mostly physcial stuff like housecleaning, but also things like going out dressed in heels, as I get very dizzy sometimes with headaches when I stand for long periods, This is mostly a blood pressure issue, which I am in discuession with my doctor at solving, but in the meantime I need understanding from would be Dominant's I agree to meet, that these sort of things are not high on my list. I am still seeking a Dominant Male or the Elusive Dominant All Male couple, whethr they're married, friends or whatever isn't important. I see myself mostly as a sex slave who wishes to be put into bondage and used eventually with rough face fuckings and rear end action. I can submit to some pain play but nothing excessive, as a diabetic I just don't heal wounds such as welts and lesions on the skin, they take months to recover from and I am just not that kind of pain slut. If you cannot restrict your sadistic needs to sore skin or keeping your slave in uncomfortable bondage situations or furniture, I am unlikely to be what you seek. Any initial sex dates need to be safe anal sex, we can discuss things like bareback if we become a full time relationship, as I see bareback being between 2 people or more, who are only fucking each other, and theres trust in place that they're not sleeping around with anything with a pulse. Ideally I seek a Master or more with a decent sized cock, I am sorry but if you are under 7 inches, you are just not big enough to arouse my sexual interest and you'll be wasting your time.  If you're UK based and you are ok with my medical issues, at least willing to discuss their impact and accept my limitations on what I can and cannot do, lets chat and see if there is a spark.

In my latest writing called, The Fitting Room... my characters meets a younger, submissive woman named Beth. I am looking for my own Beth... like the woman I imagined in my writing. if you are intrigued ... message me :) ======== The Fitting Room: Part 1 | Beth .... (erotica) We met in the fitting room of a local boutique. I had just tried on my new dress and came out to stand in front of the large 3-piece mirror. It was one of those faux wrap around dresses and I really liked the pattern and material. I had my hair clipped up and wanted to see what it would look like with my hair down. I took the clip out and shook my hair.. fluffed it a bit with my fingers, and stared. Turned... even lifted my breasts a little, as if to say... 'Get up there girls.. knockers up'. As I was standing there staring at my reflection.... the door to the fitting room closest to the mirror opened up and a younger woman stepped out. I assumed she wanted to get a look at herself in the mirror so I smiled.. and stepped aside. She stepped ahead of me to stand in front of the mirrors, and like I did.. she turned and looked at her new dress. She was easily 20-25 years younger than me and I thought of where I was in my life at that age. She had long dark hair and the dress accentuated her curves. I found myself wondering what she looked like without the dress on. I had told my Daddy that I was curious about being with another woman. Feeling another woman's breasts... her curves... tracing her bottom lip with my thumb... leaning in for a very full and sensuous kiss. I wondered to myself if this younger woman standing in front of me had ever thought those kinds of thoughts about another woman. I cleared my throat and said, 'That looks really good on you'. I looked her up and down and met her eyes directly. She stared for a moment, and then looked down and blushed. 'Thank you.. but I'm not sure if I should get it.', she said. 'I had ordered it for a party I was going to go to with my girlfriend, but we broke up. When the store called me to say the dress was in, I wasn't sure if I should have told them that I had changed my mind.. or come in and try it on.' She sighed and looked down at the floor, and bit her bottom lip. When she looked up, I could see she was holding back tears. 'Oh goodness', I said. 'It'll be alright... you'll see.' I touched her shoulder to show some comfort, and she smiled a bit -- but she still wore that sadness that only a recent break-up can bring. She was still examining herself in the mirror and asked, 'So... what's the occasion for your new dress?' Well... I smiled rather big and blushed really hard. How was I going to tell this woman that I had bought this dress for a rather special.. and very sexy dining experience? One where.. I was going to be.. the meal. I decided to put my big girl panties on and take a chance. 'I needed to wear something extra special for a dinner that my.... Daddy, is putting together.', I said. I watched her facial expression to see if I could detect if she knew what I was talking about. I was curious if she was in the lifestyle or knew about Daddies and Master's, etc.   She blinked a couple of times and cleared her throat and said, 'Oh.. your Daddy is having a party for you?'.. and her smile said it all. She had a sweet smile, and was biting her bottom lip again. She knew.. and she now knew that I knew, she knew. 'Yes.. He is.', I said. I smiled and stepped around her back and we both looked in the mirror. I came in close to her ear.. still maintaining eye contact with her in the mirror. 'After my Daddy helps me take off this new dress, I will be helped onto a table to lie down so his guests can eat food off of my body... among other things.' She smiled then and said, 'Really?', to which I replied, 'Absolutely', and leaned in a little more. 'Are you a good girl or a dirty little slut?', I asked in almost a whisper. I watched her in the mirror and saw her slightly rub her legs together and reply, almost automatically, 'I'm a dirty little slut, Ma'am.' I could see her flush start to creep from her face, down her neck and travel downward.. and I smiled to myself. I knew right away.. she was a very good girl.. and I was already thinking she would be a very good little slut for me and my Daddy. 'You wouldn't like to come to this party.. would you?', I asked. 'Really? Yes Ma'am, I would really like that.', she stammered. I swear I felt giddy at how sweet she looked right then. 'I'm sure my Daddy will be pleased that I'm bringing a... special guest. He is always very pleased when he knows I have met a good girl who wants to serve and please both of us. ', I said. "You would like to serve and please both of us, correct?' 'Oh Yes Ma'am.. Yes. I would like that!, she said. 'Oh gosh.. where are my manners.. my name is Beth', and she stuck out her hand to shake mine. I smiled and took her hand in mine. Her handshake was strong and firm. I liked it. 'I'm pleased to meet you, Beth. You may call me, Ma'am for now.. maybe Sis in the future', I said. 'Here is my card. You will call me tomorrow but in the meantime, may I call you later tonight?' She gave me her phone number to put in my phone, and her email. 'Yes Ma'am.. I would really like that.', she replied. 'Good girl... we'll talk later then.', I said. With that.. I walked back to my fitting room, stepped in and shut the door behind me. She had no idea how hard my heart was beating and how nervous I was. I opened a new text message and typed.... "Hi Daddy.. you're never going to believe what happened while I was at the boutique picking up my dress for the party...." To be continued.....   Written 07/06/2024 MPH 💜

Her hands held the pen, the black ink swirling across the page as she signed the contract. The last time she would ever see her real name, the last time her date of birth would even matter. She paused, holding her breath in her shuttering lungs… and as the seconds ticked by like years, her lung’s released and the chime rang. The electronic paper instantly sealed the contact and the encryption code saved to the nanochip.A metal arm came from the wall, and in a quick second her eyes blinked, and the chip engaged.She was still her, her personality, her smile, her spirit, but her body now belonged to the New American Order. She fought as long as she could, the price of housing and food had risen so high she was living so poorly. They had removed all unchipped teachers long ago, uncipped could not work jobs that paid in NAObitcoin. She could only get paid in paper money which only unchipped could spend. The black market was dangerous and she knew the consequences.The government now allowed people to elect to be chipped as household wifes. They would live a normal life, raising children, and making their families a unit, and thus rebuilding the community which once made this nation strong.She was a beautiful women, her long auburn hair landed in near perfect curls, her beautiful eyes could sink the universe. She held a PHD and would make an excellent home school teacher for a man who had a large family.She sat in the chair, gripping the skirt if the dress, and staring at the wall. A screen came on and the host started talking.“Gentlemen of the NAO tonight we have a wonderful selection of wives. They have all signed in willingly so there are no confinement rules for these women. Lets get started.”The door to her room opened and she stepped in to the hall. She took the step and closed her eyes, her sister got a nice man, they are so happy. She was going to have the same, she knew it.“First we have this beautiful older model, she will bare no children, but she is sweet and caring. She has a good voice, pleasant demeanor, tested level 9/10 in cooking and house keeping, she scored 10/10 in intellect. As you know gentlemen she will be tested for sexual abilities, her current rating in the outside was 4.6 so definitely above average but those chipless have no idea.”The door opened at the end of the hall, she walked quickly to the door, she had watched this millions if times on the tele. It had become required viewing but the poor only got to see the limited view, they put so many propaganda commercials in the show it was hard to really understand what was happening.The men in the room were all high class government officials, they were all men who had created the order, and their first wives were probably in work camps, or dead from the war. The rebels attacked their homes and wives, so many ran to other countries at the end of the war. Now other countries were turned to watch as NAO rebuilt and became the world leader of technology and education.The days of the starving poor was over, well as long as you chipped up. If you were a normie your life didnt change except you had no rent, no bills, but you worked for the government and ate what the government gave you. It wasnt a horrible life, you married in your class, and lived happy. The problem came with people like her. She was smart enough to live with out the system, pretty enough to be a wife, refined and well skilled, and her date rating put her on their radar.She only signed up to find a match, she was sick of her lonely home. They just started letting nochips on the site and she knew better!When her rating hit its highest the rent in her area went up, the power for vehicles tripled, food prices doubled. She got a speeding ticket and that was it… she couldn’t pay her rent… and there Lacy was, to offer her a spot in the highest ranked tv show in the History of the planet. It was required watching in the NAO and many international countries allowed their citizens to watch and participate, part of the new Jenniva treaty.So here she was, the room was black, the ceiling back, the bed and everything painted in the darkest black. She stepped to the door and the door behind her shut.“Remove your dress and precede to the bed.” The audience wouldnt see anything, its black, there is no light, but there are speakers and they can hear everything. She pulled her dress off and sat it next to the bed. She was stark naked, her large breasts we’re hanging from her, her body shivered as her hair tickled her back. She crouched down and lay down on the bed.“Place your right hand on the board. Place your left hand on the left board.” Her arms moved and then click the magnet locked, they had implanted her with magnets and chips throughout her body. The lights clicked off. For a second she could hear movement and then the headphones clapped down on her head. Hands ran down her body and the audience cheered as the meter stared to rise. His hands found her face and he pulled her in to a kiss, his tongue darting about and dancing with hers. His other hand found her pussy, and he clamped his hand down. The meter went to 1.0, and then his finger slipped inside, her body wetting for him, his head tilted, and his eyes flickered in to the darkness. “Ohhh a fun one.” He whispered in her ear. His fingers began working her clit and her body responded, he rubbed and twisted and pulled as she moaned loudly. Her chip holding her back from orgasm but leaving her right in the edge. He paused, and his mouth found her breasts which made her moan loudly again as the meter kept rising 3.0,4.0,7.0. The crowd started to whisper as no one had ever gotten higher than 8 and she was just starting. He pressed his cock against her, his large head pushing hard, as her rating went higher, and then he pushed in, hard. His huge cock filling her and pushing hard against the top of her as she moaned loudly, the harder he pushed the rougher he got the more she moaned and flooded him. Her hips moved with his, drawing him deeper, harder as she ground herself in to him. He reached up and put his hand on her neck, the default for allowing an orgasm during testing and she came. Her vagina pressed in on him pulsating hard as he continued to pound her, she came hard over and over moaning loudly. He stopped for a second and stepped back. “Turn over.” Her wrists released, and she flipped over, she had not had sex like this in years, she forgot it was anything other than a glorious night of love. He gripped her hips and pressed his cock in to her ass, as she arched her back and moaned out loudly. He started to work her ass slowly and then harder and harder pounding her hard. She shook as his hips hit her ass with a force she couldn’t believe. It almost took her breath how hard and good it felt. He reached up and grabbed her hair and held it tight slamming in to her harder, his other hand found her clit. He wouldn’t let her cum, he had decided now she didn't get anymore, they were all his. He pressed harder and harder, her body sweating and her breathing rough he continued, as he came he slapped her ass hard. The number blinked on the wall 8.7 highest first test score. The room blacked.. the commercial started, and men whispered among themselves.“I think i might have enough to purchasing that one.” A tall dark gentleman spoke. The room fell silent, as a bell rang which meant a second test was requested. The testing fee was not cheep, but someone needed to know her limit.Two men with night vision glasses came in and helped her straddle a round saw horse, her leg magnet locking in place, her wrists, she could no longer move.“Its time for the maximum orgasm test!” The host spoke in an over excited tone, his own body reacting to the sights. The lights turned off and above her head a digital board read 4.“According to the chip she has already orgasmed 4 times, remember folks the highest score ever is 70, in 2hours and 10 min. Once we start this test we will continue the auction.She was cold, but as soon as she felt it the sensation went away, the chip overriding the warning. A buzz starts in the background and her body starts to prepare, the sound of a milker clicking away behind her also made her body react. The buzz and tick tick take her in to a trance, and her body relaxes. He inserts a large 1 inch dildo inside if her, he clips the vibratior clamp on her clit as she lets out a loud yelp.“Mute her please.” The host says quietly. The man hits a button and her moans quiet and she starts to orgasm.“Oh no not yet kitten we aren’t even there yet.” His deep voice echoed in her ear, as thr command found its protocol, her body slowed the orgasm, and then liquid squirts on her ass as he presses in and works a large plug, its vibrations start to sink with the dildo. Her entire body clamped down, which only made the sensation stronger as she orgasmed hard. "oh yeah I should… release." as the word echoed in her empty mind the orgasms rushed in..10,11,12,13… her biometric system counting orgasm after orgasm.He smiled in to the dark as the goat milker cups attached to each breast and turned on low, then higher and higher, as it sucked her 38h breasts deep in to the glass, 22,23,26.He stood there watching with his night vision , his prize will be a percentage of her price, 30,31,32. He grabbed a flogger and whipped her ass hard, a flood of orgasms came in 41,43,44. He spanked her again, 50."Gentlemen our special purchase has hit 50! can you believe that? alright next is 35, rating 4.5, cooking 6 but comes with optional upgrade option, overall sex rating 8 with a maximum daily use 3 times… the bidding starts at her debt to the NAO of 100 Naobitcoins. Let the game begin. " the host pointed to the screen where bids were flying in from all over the world."The timer has started… bids are up to 2,000… 2,300… 3,2,1. 2,600 NAOBC… And your name is Cynthia. congratulations and may you live in the peace of your submission. " the audience said along with the host."now were are we at with our live test… 67 in 30 min, 68,69,70! she beat the record! She sucked breath in to her lungs as her body just kept going, she was dripping with sweat, her body begging for help, her moans muted her voice box turned off as she cameover and over. The machines clicked off her body shivered, and the chip took over, her hands and legs released as she stood, her brain not fully functioning. She walked to the bed her legs shaking and pulled her dress on. A door opened to a bathroom, an entire crew of beauty and glamor experts stood there. They had one commercial break to make her look fresh. She was pushed in to a shower the water spraying up and down on her in all directions. The water turned to warm air as she stepped from the shower dry and clean, the stockings slid on and clipped in to a pink and black garter. the corset top clipped in to place and then tied tight. her dress was slid over her head, and tightened down. Her hair was twisted and twirled and her makeup went on fast, a blinking light told the crew it was time.“Gentlemen it is time. How much would you pay? The time starts now…..” the     

Well its week after the Montreal Fetish weekend and I can't help but to get depressed after being immersed in an environment which Is so conducive to acceptance. Having some impact play with VagaBound in the VIP dungeons was a breath of fresh air and him doing the photo shoots for me on the streets of Montreal And especially a City like Montreal that welcomes you so well being fetish and kink and being able to so freely excepted doing photo shoots around and on the streets of Montreal was inspiring. I cannot wait till next year MFW 2025 to create more content and hopefully I find the owner as the Rubber sub and Rubber Doll i am that can consume me and complete my existence. Its been a long journey. I am trying to concentrate on the next events that are ahead of me like Folsom Kink street fair SF September 29th 2024 and then DOMMETRIPS Cozumel Mexico October 5th to October 12th. As a early 57th birthday present. Then I also have to find a costume ball or event for Halloween for September. To go full latex Cat hood, catsuit too. Need to keep the constant rush happening for the adrenaline rush and excitement showing the rubber doll in me.  I am also have my attention on Claiming my tickets for MFW 2025 when they go on sale January and Fetish factory Florida Anniversary 5 day event 2025.

i am not ignoring You, i am overwhelmed, and struggling to coherently externalize, and well, i cannot rush anything God Wills (choose Your Name or lack thereof); and, neither can You (well maybe You can, i cannot speak in Your Name).With that known, know that i do not intend to be rude to any Soul, and that i would still prefer to be Claimed Now, in a way that will finally definitively quiet my Divine craving-yearning-longing-emotional knot in my Core... this search can be scattering... and that i am simply attempting to navigate my situation ethically, and find Master, so i may function and serve best; both Master and Earth Mother...Wish my Love and Devotion... and may You All find the one(s) You Seek.

Blessing for the Leather Boys of San Diego 2026 May the spirit of fellowship guide us tonight.We gather as brothers, friends, mentors, and community membersto honor those who step forward with courage, pride, and a willingness to serve. We celebrate not only competition, but the values that bind us together: integrity, respect, accountability, and love for our leather family.Bless these contestants who have offered their hearts, their stories, and their commitment to this community. May they stand confidently in their truth, knowing that their worth is not measured by a title, but by the character they bring and the service they give.

My late wife whom I lost 10 years ago, loved bondage in many forms. On a trip to vegas I setup a situation to totally driver her mad..... We went out to a nice dinner very well dressed and a show. She attired as follows for it..... thigh boots well heeled, stocking with garters PVC Garter belt, a steel chastity belt no plugs, all under a leather mini skirt, tight strong pvc under bust corset well laced, pvc string bra, covered with a white satin blouse. She was my arm candy for the night. Needless to say she was whispering in my ear delicious thoughts, needs, desires, and beggings to be used. Being so bound and restricted via the chastity belt meant she was not able to effectively finger herself in the booth as we ate and had to endure the knowledge that I controlled her sex and its release. When we retired after some gambling and teasing by both of us, once in the room she seductively stripped her shirt and begged me to release her, i made her spread against window in the hotel room and released her chastity and held her firmly by the hair and ravished her to my pleasure..... that evening she stayed booted and corseted and skirted but bound at the feet and wrists... I took her 2x more that night and she crawled on me begging for cock and talking about how much she was made into a object of sexual pleasure.

As a man who has worn various chastity devices I have learned useful lessons for staying locked without excuses. The three types I have had the best success with provide different advantages. The tube style belt from Fetish Felix in Germany is easiest to put on and take off during play time, but is too large to hide under clothes. The small cage that locks through a CBR piercing is the most practical for continous wear to the office and during sports, allowing me to pee standing up. The Behind Barz is modular so the intensity of confinement can be adjusted to suit the whims of the keyholder. The big tube belt is the only one in which I was ever able to cum and only after prolonged edging and being re-locked. The tight cage has allowed me to trickle out a few times, but never with pleasure. It is the most effective and practical choice especially for long distance ownership. The Behind Barz is surprisingly comfortable after a lot of work bending and shaping, I have worn it for weeks at a time while doing landscape and remodeling work which included running wires through an attic. The essential trick to any device with a ball ring is using silicone lubricant at least once a day to eliminate pinching the chaffing. For any lady who is considering full time restraint of a man's jewels this knowledge will help her to overcome her worries about keeping him locked for as long as she wants control.  

It must be said as it is, not all str8 males that submit wish or desire the full and total dominance by their Master. Most str8 males feel the abyss that open between them and their percieved sexuality and that casm devours all their idea of their str8 nature as they conceived it. They know they've found their man, a better man, one that surpasses their own masculinity and the want to serve, comply, and surrender all their being. But, do they? It is very hard for a str8 male to get used to being looked at sexually by another male, especially if that male is stripping their identity piece by piece. Not easy to accept but like a moth to a flame, impossible to ignore. However, curiosity can be damming and once all social structures are removed they are alone with  the man they fear and are attracted to. This process is what I call taming. Like a fine horse you must earn the trust and eventually they will on their own volition allow and almost beg to be mounted. Yet, their idea of themselves is from now on in crisis mode; outside assertive and powerful but deep inside they know better and that conflict can any be resolved in the bedroo. In cuckold scenes he is forced" by the female and he submits to what he always wanted but feared to accept. Not that they are pleasing their woman, that is only the official version; but inside, deep they knew it will end that way and it is fine. For a line str8 male, one that chooses the bull that starstrucke them on their own is different; they are lat a loss. How can they feel that lust and attraction is they are Str8, they are not into guys but "this man is different." This man deserves all they can offer and it is an impossible feeling, who to blame, where to hide? That's were I come in, guiding, shaping, and reforming. However, as I push the boundaries that sometimes there is a hard line in the sand and that line, for now is a limit the str8 male is not willing to cross. For example, sending or taking them to a barh house or telling them to perform in person the things they've been taking pictures and sending. Once you get to that like if the bull relents his authority is shattered  In that case one must let go and release that sub. The will come back and beg to be taken back with conditions, don't. It must always be my way and my pleasure, that simple. If they cross that line you have tamed a fine specimen, one that will serve you and thank you for it.  Str8 males are not sissies that is another reality, one that I will address in time. 

The below is a great place to start.. Rules 1. The male must always practice respect, whether in private or public. Stand when she enters the room. Sit (or kneel) as soon as She is seated. 2. Be totally attentive: open doors, offer her your coat, she sits first, begins to eat first, and always ask permission to leave her presence. 3. The male should never speak unless spoken to, or unless anticipating the needs of his Mistress. 4. The submissive will never sit with legs spread or slouch in a way typical of untrained males. Good posture and decorum is a sign of respect. 5. The male will never stare at a woman without her permission. Unless the woman seeks eye-contact, the submissive will keep his eyes lowered at all times. 6. When walking with his Mistress, or any woman, the submissive will keep his gait in step with hers, which usually means taking smaller steps. The male should always be at least 1-2 steps behind, but not too far because he must open all doors. 7. The submissive must always be pleasant, never argue and never pout. 8. The male surrenders control of how he spends his time, how he dresses, what he eats, where he sleeps, the friends or acquaintances he is allowed to keep. 9. The submissive must remember that his orgasm does not belong to him but to his Mistress. It is Hers to use or deny... however she sees fit. 10. The submissive may never touch his own genitals without the permission of his Mistress. When washing, he must use a wash cloth or brush, never his hands. 11. The submissive should never buy his own clothing without the guidance of his Mistress. He should buy what pleases her, not what he likes. 12. When urinating, the submissive will always sit on the toilet... no exceptions. 13. The submissive must submit to eating only “submissive food” selected by his Mistress whenever she requires it. 14. When a meal is over the submissive must be quick to clear the table and wash the dishes. 15. The submissive must always give his Mistress the first choice of everything — She picks the channel on TV to watch, the restaurant to go to, the movie to see, the friends to entertain, etc. 16. The submissive will perform all household chores for his Mistress , to include(but not limited to): sweep and vacuum all floors and carpets mop all floors dust and polish all furniture make the beds every day wash and fold all clothing linen scrub bathrooms clean kitchen Cook meals wash dishes set the table shop for groceries take out trash and sort recycled items run all errands. Keep the lawn and grounds in great shape. Fix broken things around the house. Keep things maintained ie change the furnace filter every 3 months. Wash all cars inside and out. 

Well this is John no this is February I'm sorry yeah 2022 I haven't put a journal entry in a couple years now I really upset with the collar space people because I continue to write probably two different people everyday just let him know what's going on in my life and let him know that yeah I made this purchase of a house to use for people that have a hard time transitioning and giving them a place to come stay you know I I first ask him if they have a job if they have a car they have transportation otherwise what will you know we'll try to help some people if we can but I expect the people to come and you know make an effort and it doesn't matter to me you know what's your fantasies are a lot of people just want to talk to you and probably talk about their fantasies and get all horny and get off and then you never hear from him for months I'm not into all that people I mean you know I understand your your needs I've been there I've I've probably done the very same thing. There's people out here that have written to that I've never heard back and probably a couple years it shows if they haven't even been online in a couple years they're very cute very young very naive and I'm hoping that they're still alive that didn't get hooked up with a serial killer I mean that happens anyway so I wish people would just tell me to you know go to hell or yeah hey I'm interested in talking to you and hear when can you talk back to me I mean like stuff like that I'm not looking to fulfill your fantasies I'm looking for friendships lasting friendships just like in the real world folks so I'm transgender yeah I'm kind of a little and I'm real so I mean if I don't understand what's going on with covid here my God people yeah I'm all alone I hardly have contact with any of my friends because they're afraid to come outside their houses well I'm safe I I wear my mask I'm inoculated I've done everything I possibly can and yeah it's my freedom to do so so anyway with that said I'm done with this entity so as I always say it's ciao for now  

I'm so excited, Tony is coming tomorrow.  It has been so tough with his job and three challenging kiddos.   Yet he is making the drive tomorrow and we'll have the weekend! WOOT!.   Been working around the cabin, so a lot has been put away, gallery walls completed, furniture and rugs placed, things look so much different from the last time he was here!  I left Christmas up, so we could have our own celebration .  I usually leave things til the end of Eppphany , a wee longer is no big deal, especially because I was late in getting things up . My father has been calling me a lot. He said he wants to move in with me , again. Not til Spring.  I don't know if he is mad at my niece and using me as a threat, or if he's finally ready to do it.     We'll see, I'm not holding my breath. Cataract surgery next week, I can't wait!  I have been struggling for a year and a half!  Hopefully all will go well, and glasses will be occasional, rather than continuously!. Bedtime.    M.  

   Ali’s Story      Ali's Story had a lot unsaid, a lot unrevealed. I have discussed aspaspects with friends and recently someone asked me what I'd do if Ali called me out of the blue. I don't know how I'd react, I really don't know. What would you do?   For my friends and the curious here is.       Ali’s Story It’s my epic summer. I crave the heat. Heat seems to stir up my happiness genes. I had no idea how my organized, careful world would come to such an abrupt and decisive end. You can direct and plan your life in a fashion that corresponds with your economic means and social demands or you can try to self-actualize. I had gone the safe route with occasional side trips to my secret life. I say chuck it all, why not live in the brief time you have. Revel in your oneness. Narcissism in small bites might not be a bad thing. Why all the detail? I wanted to make sure you understood I wasn’t bored and looking for some gratuitous action. I had a lot of cool things to hold my attention. Why I encouraged a visit to a part of my life I always thought of a

wanting more He stole my heart he took my submission to the next level he knows just what to say and the tone to match the way his hand wraps around my throat leaving me begging for more here we go all over again begging to be in your presence i need you to guide me i know im not the easiest to be around or talking to because i seem to put walls up leaving you to break them down you have left me wet and squirming everytime i hear your voice this is the hardest thing to do is keep my composer i love you and for ever will your in my dreams your name being mentioned has me fighting against how you make me feel what have you done your like a drug i cant say no to your hands around my throat at least once when we are together