My Personal D/s Relationship Requirements The question was posed to me (back in 2019) “What do you require in a D/s relationship?”  While at first, I thought it would be a simple reply over a text, one thought led to another and it quickly snowballed.  (Phrasing, I know…)  I quickly realized that there really was no quick, succinct answer and 70 characters would not be enough to relay my requirements.  Some thoughts came quickly (Phrasing!) while others I feel I need to ruminate on. First and foremost, I require honesty.  Don’t lie through omission or do it to save my feelings or whatever.  I’d rather have an honest, adult relationship rather than a childlike fabrication where I don’t know if I can trust what is being said to me.  You may be brand new and that’s as ok as being an experience veteran.  You may be barely legal; (that I will require ID for) I’ll still teach you.  If I can’t trust you, I can’t play with you. Secondly, I require that my “s” have the ability to effectively communicate with me.  Whether it’s with words, sign language, texting, or moaning, they need to be able to make their opinions known to me.  As the Top/Dom in the relationship, it ultimately falls to me whether to acquiesce or deny any requests.  The bottom needs to understand that I’m never going to do anything to intentionally harm them but I also recognize that I often fail to effectively communicate my actual intentions/motives if not asked the correct questions. That can be alarming or scary. I’m not going to punish someone for wanting to understand what I’m doing or thinking; I encourage questions.  If I’m not conveying myself satisfactorily to the point where danger may be legitimate, I do expect (safeword) to be invoked. I also expect to be kept in the loop as far as my bottom’s day to day life goes.  I don’t need a thorough breakdown (0700- woke up, 0703- used bathroom, etc.) but if there’s something bothering them, it will effect what happens between us.  One thing bothering them, one lingering suspicion about something seemingly trivial can and will through off their ability to assess a situation and their reaction to stimuli.  I do understand that, sometimes, a day can push you to a mental breaking point that just requires a thorough flogging to take your mind off it; if that’s what is needed, I will allow it but I will know to check in frequently.  Plus, especially if there’s distance between us, I like to know you’re still alive.  There’s nothing quite as undervalued as the text, “Hey. I had a rough day; I don’t feel like talking now.  I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.” That tells me you’re alive and I can back off on the worry. (Be ready at 6 am for my text/call though.)   The third thing I want out of D/s relationship is a connection.  Not just an interpersonal one, but one on a deep mental level.  For lack of a better phrase, I need to be in someone’s head.  I need to understand how they think on a deep level.  Many take my classic Cannibal question (yes, I got it from “Silence of the Lambs”), “What is your worst memory from childhood?” as overly personal and creepy.  Not my intent.  Unfortunately, to date, that is the best question (leading to follow ups) that I have found that truly lets me get into someone else’s head.  It tells you

Gorilla - A BDSM/Kink Anthem or Poetry? I just needed a distraction. Saving the lives of the chronically ill is draining. I pondered my options, what better way to regain my sanity than to drown myself in music. It helped...for a bit. Until my playlist stopped at Gorilla, by Bruno Mars. Of course it's familiar, it's on my freaking playlist. But it's a bit odd that I never really took the time to devor the words...until today. As a self-proclaimed sapiosexual with a narrotophilia fetish, I started to wonder - is Bruno an undercover kinkster or a creatively raunchy poet? I mean come on... -"I'm feeling like I'm 30 feet tall" - I'm a powerful dude (aka- Dom or Master) -"Lay it down, lay it down", "Let me hear you say you want it all...say it now, say it now" - a demand -"Look what you're doin', look what you've done" - I'm hard/game on -"But in this jungle, you can't run" - this world/BDSM/Kink, you can't escape And if you listen closely to the melody, not only can you actually feel him thrusting, with every perfectly timed percussive beat, you can also "hear" the girl cumming through the chaos of instruments that ramp up to the highest note near the conclusion of the song. Suffice it to say, I struggled to focus for the rest of the day, but it was so worth it. As for my pondering, the jury's still out - bestowing the title of anthem or even ode to BDSM is a bit much, so I think I'm leaning towards a deliciously raunchy poem. Thoughts from the horde? -RJ

i am pretty sure he's done with me.  No idea how I'm going to get through this feeling of failure.  I don't think I possess the ability to move on.  He owns every part of me. My thoughts are wrapped around him, our interactions, our love.  I don't surrender temporarily. I don't quit just because things get hard. I never have.  But somehow I'm supposed to quit him? Quit us? And just carry on? The very thought is viscerally painful.  I miss him. He still won't talk to me. Not even to tell me one way or the other.  On FetLife he's still listed on my profile. I suggested he remove it if he was done with me, that it would give him a way of telling me without the need for direct contact, if that's what he wanted. He is still listed.  All I know is, it's going to take the death of hope to let him go. 

this is a follow up to the 4/3/2018  post People have said I am negative, yet I come here and I see all the negative profiles and wonder to myself, how on earth will these people find happiness, with this kind of attitude? I have gotten the oh I will be your slave if you pay my way to you... after a 5 minute conversation. I have heard about so many Dom's passing away, I feel like the term Dominant is cursed! I want to find someone who has a sense of humour, who doesn't mind taking their time getting to know each other and seeing what can happen. What would you rather have a store bought frozen and thaw cake, although good, it would never match a cake that was made just for you, because the one made for you has one special ingredient has that the other doesn't, and I do not mean mono sodium glutamate. I mean love Cheers And always remember to watch out for motorcycles when you are on the road

i really cooked with this one. kitty gang kitty gang kitty gang ah.     being a mystic of the scriber variety i have learned when i am going through something of a personal nature that is just for me to figure out on my own and hold deep in my heart. but there are often things that i'm going through that the collective is going through. either as fellow femmes be it afab woman gay men with a feminine essence non gendered third gendered with a feminine vibe..all in between...or even a human experience...there are times where i'm going through something.i was going through something..something is coming for me to come through that is a MESSAGE. this is one i know that i'm not alone in..i see it on social media all the time. this is a collective thing for femmes. i hear it when i do leave the house....but this one is more raw for me because i haven't mastered it yet. and it's something i actively work on, prayer, meditation magic to the self, therapy, inner work, inner dialogue, dialoguing with coaches, working with my sisters..practicing carrying wood, chopping water..under the cold as ice water meditating.....running up the stairs rocky style trying to master.....i am better at this now..but the deep raw wound..the deep raw wild unbridled intense all consuming pull..it's still very real for me...and whenever i've been in a romantic relationship or trying to get one that never launches because dating a dark goddess with intuition and a deep psychic awareness of others emotions is a heavy task to sign up for...haha there is no hiding with someone like me and most men can't hang. and even those that want the challenge will often be met past their personal limits and ragequit out quietly or loudly.  this one is harder for me to share because i'm still in the belly of the beast with this. i haven't mastered this yet. i'm much better than i was in my 20s...and each time before i ejected myself from the sauce i got better and better..but there's still so much for me to master..and these feelings..they are so primal it's hard to wrangle or even admit is a thing. but this is definately a collective message i am individually still working on figuring out the solution too that i'm being called to be bold, brave, and as a mystic scriber connect myself to.   the vulnerability has to this point earned me zero dollars, so no bacon yet....but the bacon is in the spiritual emotional mental decorations i have as a solider of love. ai no message with a puffed chest not fake but due to everything i have and will go through that many will never recover from or begin to touch. a puff my chest for knowing the depths of what i have and will face. an earned prowess.   being vulnerable about what’s hard for you and acknowledging the discomfort as part of the mystic path. It’s that raw honesty, mixed with the courage to embrace being “a lot,” that resonates deeply. Mystics often have to sit with their shadows and discomfort, and turning that into glory is part of what makes the journey so transformative. Writing about this, even when it’s difficult, is where the real magic happens. You’re not just owning your strength but also showing others the deep, spiritual work behind it. It’s a brave, warrior-like approach to the mystic path, facing the discomfort head-on to find glory on the other side.   let me call in my sophia encoded soul sister doja cat here. when you play at this level people confuse the outward expression with being troubled and alone...we usually only get this way becauseeeeeeeee we have the outside support including therapy..we only GET to unearth this rawness because we AREN'T alone..don't confuse the heavy topics and unraveling with aimless direction.   "I read it, all the comments sayin', "D, I'm really shooketh" "D, you need to see a therapist, is you lookin'?" Yes, the one I got, they really are the best Now I feel like I can see you bitches is depressed I am not afraid to finally say shit with my chest   Look at me, look at me, I'm naked Vulnerability earned me a lot of bacon I put a thong all in my ass and taught you how to shake it I paid all my respect to those who taught me how to make it And now I reap the benefits with no confrontation Y'all fall into beef but that's another conversation I'm sorry, but we all find it really entertaining 'Cause we all wanna see them slip and fall right on their faces And we all wanna be the one to see the devastation Not be in it, but ain't the bad press good? The disrespect's real, how this Patek look? Pull out the checkbook, now why your neck crooked? I never learn to superstar from a textbook Talkin' 'bout, "She fallin' off, why she get booked?" Man, I been humble, I'm tired of all the deprecation Just let me flex, bruh, just let me pop shit "Why she think she Nicki M? She think she hot shit," hmm I never gave a F, go stir the pot, bitch I got y'all head all in the dirt just like a ostrich Of course, you bitches comparin' Doja to who the hottest" a love and light bitch would do naked to appeal to the male sexuality or the light sexuality. she would be posing provocatively to entice someone to want to fulfill their urges to touch themselves to engage and interact with the sexual energy. they would've touted a good girl sweet aesthetic, a girl next door or a playboy bunny vibe. we're old enough and human enough to know what sex is for a man of any gender that is attracted to a woman be it straight pansexual bisexual whatever. we know what the vibe is....when a man and woman think sex and naked we know.   doja is my tribe she is a wolf she is a devil as she said a demon a yokai like me.   we're bloody when we're naked. we stare at you deep in your soul. if you tussle with us we look you in your eye that's why so many black rapper lilith girls rap that we stare you in the eye when we're fucking because we ain't scared. those eyes maybe white in the back of our sockets but we're doing it because we face the uncomfortableness head on. her body stance isn't leaning to a side or trying to make curves...it isn't trying to be soft or feminine or wild or water....it's at attention it's direct it's commanding it's powerful. her chest isn't hiding her breads it is straight puffing it.   she's bloody because like me we face our uncomfortableness over and over and over again. this is a different type of naked..and if you tussle with a dark goddess of any variety and are blessed to either emotionally mentally spiritually or even hitting the jackpot of love and sexually be naked with her..this is what you get. kudos for the sacred sigil symbology here too sis. love her for that. we're magical girls with foresight.   and yet with all this power.....there's a deep struggle....in this level of nakedness...in how we engage with the complimentary but opposite energetics of men and how they operate and their worlds and how they are made....ad doja is helping me dive into that; if you listen to the song..how does she say look at me? it's not nice, it's not sweet....IT'S DESPERATE IT'S LIKE SOMEONE YELLING CLAWING BEGGING MAD AGGRESSIVE WAILING OVERWHELMING IT'S DIFFERENT LAYERS OF FEELING ALL IN ONE WILD CHAOTIC SECOND. LOOK. AT. M.E LEWKATME LEWK-AT-ME.....   LOOK AT ME   and for the men who aren't sacred away by that passion and want to try and will reach back and will touch and won't ghost, won't dip, won't demonize, won't therapize, won't logic but meet this wild nature creature..how does she respond?   qui

Honestly, some of these "top from the bottom" people.  lol This jerk off, on email ONE, mind you, was making arraingments. Didn't even say hello.  SERIOIUSLY????? I have everything in my profile on what to send if wanting consideration, did he send it....no. Demanding that I jump on phone and talk about moving, etc.  Then stomping off having a fit because things are not done YOUR way, even though I say exactly how i do things within my profile, is not my idea of submissive. I am talking to a real gentleman submissive, a few actually, but one in particular (you know who you are)  LOL  They could teach you a thing or two. If you want to play submissive, and have everything done your way, then I suggest you go to a pro  LOL I so love the delete without reading feature, never have to read is crap ever again  LOL Hope this a-hole is gone for good.   lol

The meanest man that I never knew From the day I walked on the floor, all of the staff warned me about you. They said you were a mean old man, it's best to always enter the room with two. He is grouchy, and hateful, and always a mess,  he refuses to let you change him, and gets quite ugly when you have to force him to. he always has chew in his mouth, be careful they said, he will even spit at you. I walked in and introduced myself, my name is Sarah and I'm new here,  it's nice to meet you. he ignored my hand and grunted as a response, I smiled and said, I'll be back to check on you. My first night, he grumbled at first,  we got the lift and changed the meanest man I never knew. we stuck to the routine for a short while, when at three a.m. and making some rounds, I hear a man yell, hey, so I stopped and turned around. I walked into his room, all alone, he looked at me warily, and said I'm ready to be changed. I couldn't help but smile at him, the meanest man I never knew, progress is progress, and he was beginning to trust me too. I asked the others, what his story was, they proceded to tell me of his past some spoke with disdain as they tarnished his reputation, no stone is ever left unturned in a small town population. Our routine continued at three a.m. and then at six, before I realized it, he allowed me to tend to him every two hours.at the least, and most days he even greets me with a smile and seems happy to see me. As time went on I noticed a pattern, the girls would give me report, and say with a smile, that the meanest man I never knew, refused to let them give him care  and said he is waiting for you. Covid came in the building and as it swept through, it got ahold of him and then me too. we were short staffed and there was no one left to call, so they allowed me to come in and stay only with the positive patients to work. That night we made a pitiful pair, but I held his hand, and gave him a pep talk, I told him we were in this together and we had to fight our way through, he squeezed my hand, and said, I don't feel good, but I'll fight with you. it was touch and go for awhile, I really didn't think he would make it, but, true to his word, he fought his way through, this meanest man that I never knew. time had passed and he never was quite the same and over the next several months, he slowly began to deteriorate. he became very clingy and held my hand when he talked, he often pulled me in for hugs he even told me he loved me once. his time was drawing near, the signs were plain to see, the meanest man I never knew was Tired and in pain he was ready to go but afraid at the same time he had no family left, he was all alone. I came back to work after my days off, the Girls said he was still hanging on and that they thought he was waiting for me. I made my rounds and sat with him in between  I held his hand for the last time  as the meanest man I never knew  took his last breath with his hand in mine.

Below is a cut and paste of a partial response to someone who asked me "where am I from?" I told them to google why asking a POC that question is racist. For a change, they did. My response explains not only why one should not ask where I am from, but also why I require my potential anything to be an intersectional feminist.  I will also point out that it is not my responsibility to educate you, it is your own responsibility to educate yourself. ***** If we simply look at the stats from last weeks international mother language day, English is the most spoke language in the world. The reason for that is because of the colonization by the British empire. Which leads me to point out how not homogeneous the population of UK is as during that time, the colonists literally kidnapped from every corner of the world then forced (the kidnapees) to reside in the UK. The "barbarians" were regularly brought back and exhibited then dumped to live in the worst conditions if not as slaves. The white majority forced all these minority to erase their rich culture in order to survive. And not just in the UK but at their homeland. Simply research into chicken tikka masala - not a dish that existed in India before the British invasion. One also simply has to trace the development of rice as a cash crop around the world to observe the change abolition had the Chinese diora. There are many examples in the history to demonstrate the diversity of UK's population. ... This is why in my profile I clearly state I am looking for partners who are intersectional feminists. People who have at least attempted educated themselves about how different factors in the world that have affected peoples lives, specifically that of disadvantaged individuals. Because while I do not expect my partners and I to share common life experiences, empathy and the willingness to understand where each other comes from is an important thing to have in every relationship. Being supportive and an ally is another.

Well life is different. After 12 years of being owned almost 1 year being Free and looking to step foot back into things again. I am looking to start with a play partner or so and work my way up. Vetting will be a must. I am not going to just drop to my knees at first meeting we need to get to know boundaries limits likes dislikes each other etc. Play parties with local hosts and munches can and will be enjoyed. why things failed from my perspective. Rose colored glasses came off when I was the one putting 99% of the effort into the relationship. I stayed faithful throughout but he cheated. He stopped putting effort in first as a dom then as a partner yet still married him. I was trying to hold onto the spark we had in the begining and the man I saw so full of potential. I cooked I cleaned I provided I got forgotten. No birthday christmas mothers day nothing. I had to on many occasions buy my own presents. Even when he picked them I then had to pay for them (we were both working) I made his dreams come true he wanted to own this kind of vehicle sure thing. a motorcycle here got ya set up for one. Hey you need a motorcycle club to join I networked and found one that I thought he would mesh with. I got the day after christmas chocolate covered cherries on clearance and the only kind i didnt like (theres 2 major kinds i didnt want the creme ones) I wanted to be touched loved fucked beaten and i got ehh nothing. I made him a little jealous by going to a kink party without and he came the next one but the flogging just didnt have his heart in it and i could tell. My platonic play partner did a better job than my spouse. He had Poly Pride tattoeed on his person so I asked to find a girlfriend and he blew his stack at me screaming calling me all sorts of names and even by his ex wifes name. Gaslight me about his sexuality that he had told me years ago he was ace (nope never said that) Tried to gaslight me on that argument and broke some of my boundaries that night. I asked him to go to therapy and find couples therapy. He went a couple times then quit. I tried to hold on hope until my kid said mom your not happy dont wait for me to graduate go be happy. So Now thats what I am.  

Dark Chocolate can be an exotic flavor  So creamy and smooth, you desire a taste  The aroma is inviting The visual draws you in and puts you on your knees I see you salivating so eager to please  I pull you closer and utter the words breathless and moaning "oh my goodness, stay right there!" You're such a talented pet and you know ho w to please

Desire   I lay in bed reading. My mind lost in the ecru pages with its black ink scrawled across. I was thoroughly enjoying my book when I felt a hand on my left foot. I looked up and at the foot of the bed he stood, looking at my legs, finger tips grazing my toes and tracing them to my foot and then my ankle.    I cleared my throat and he looked up at me, sheepish grin on his cute little mouth. He appeared to be waiting, perhaps asking for permission.  I sighed, pretending to be annoyed, and said, "fine, my sweet boy, you may" and I lifted my foot to his face.  "Thank you, Empress." He cooed as he began first to inhale and then kiss my foot.   "Don't start anything you don't intend to finish, puppy" I said as I returned to my book. Trying to focus on the words as his tongue lathed each little digit, tickled the arch of my foot, lapped at my heel, was difficult. I curled and uncurled my toes at the sensations that tickled its way up to the juncture where my thigh met my panties.    I peeked at him over the book. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavy. A bulge existed in his sweatpants. I may have moaned under my breath and at that he began to rub my calf muscle, massaging me. He must have been in a mood. Anticipating one another's desires hadn't always been easy but it seemed today he wanted to touch and be denied.    He was supposed to fetch his cage when he was in this mood otherwise he was left free. I enjoyed most to tease and play when he had access but couldn't find release without permission. I liked feeling it against me and saying no to it.    "My love?" I said with an imploring tone   He opened his pretty eyes, hazel green with flecks of gold, and stopped moving but kept my toes in his mouth as he said, "yes, Empress?".    "Are you wearing your cage?"   He released my leg and toes and pulled his sweat pants down to reveal that he was locked up in his cage. His cheeks warmed, maybe I made a face of appreciation. Now that he was in it he'd have to beg to be out of it. As he went to pull up his pants I stopped him with my right foot. Pressing my toes into the cage and pushing it up into his body. He opened his legs to give me more room as he reached for the foot he'd forfeited. "Did I give you permission to lock away my property?"   "No, Ma'am, sorry Ma'am." He said with his cheeks flushed.    I was no longer trying to read and I maintained uncomfortably long eye contact before nodding at him to resume his current task. I returned to my book but could only look at the words swimming across the page.  They were like nonsense to my brain as my other senses were being over powered by the pleasure of my love's service.  As he began to rub my leg harder and kiss my foot with more passion I suddenly kicked him away. Loving the look on his face at my sudden rejection.  I crossed my legs and pretended to read as he stood waiting. A whimper escaped his throat, truly a puppy, and I laughed.   This game was a favorite of mine.    If he wanted anything he'd have to ask, beg, crawl and suffer for it.   "Please..." he said.  I pretended not to hear an incomplete sentence, waiting, my heart racing and my pussy growing wetter. I crossed my legs again and the little bells on the anklet on my right ankle made a beautiful sound. I curled and flexed the toes on that foot, encircled by two rings, knowing I had his attention.    He cleared his throat. "Please, Empress, may I touch you, your feet?"   "Hmmm, no" I turned the pages of the book that I hadn't been reading. I made a mental note to memorize the page I could last remember. What I wanted was to ravage my boy. Make him cry. Shove my toes into his mouth even if it was too far and he gagged. I needed the tears now.    "Kneel", I said softly as I looked at the pages of the book in my hands.  "If you want anything you'll have to bleed for it, fetch the toys."    He crawled and carefully brought back a bag of equipment from the hall closet. Belts used to bind him, rope, tape, hoods, gags, and a cattle prod.    I turned the page of my book slowly as he remained on his knees with the bag on his upright hands. Endurance would benefit him. We had grown fond of torturous tasks.    Walls squats near my chair so I can rest my feet on his knees. Bridge pose for the same reason. Back bends so I can sit comfortably on his body as I tie my shoes. Anything to put his body to the test. Kneeling with his arms out, palms up, holding the heavy bag was just the thing to amuse me. When his arms began to tremble is when I decided to close my book and focus on him entirely.    I took the bag from him and gave the rest command. He relaxed on his knees, palms up waiting to receive. His face was flush but not just from the shear pleasure of being allowed to serve or the humiliation of being an object, but also due to the arduous task, and he had begun to sweat.    "Undress." He stood to follow my command and then returned to the rest position. I slowly picked out the tools we'd need to play today.  "Are we in the mood for pain, I think so" I said out loud as if truly asking him, as if it weren't my decision to make" he remained quiet.  I took out his special hood. Custom just for him. It laced down into a neck corset. He couldn't see, or speak from within. He couldn't kiss me or be bitten on his lips.  I took out leather belts with satin affixed to the side that would touch his skin. For his legs and arms.    "Open" I commanded and he spread his legs, exposing himself straining in his cage. I could see the beating of his heart as the cage bobbed. I got down to his level and affixed two belts to his bent legs, preventing I'm from standing.    "Inspection." I commanded and he put his hands to the back of his head which prepped his arms for being equally disabled by two shorter belts on each arm.    "Now, how will you touch me without hands?" I asked. Quietly he pushed his face into my legs and rubbed against them, scooting his body closer and attempting to rub his full body on me. I pushed him off and laughed as he fell backwards with a thud.    I sat on his chest and slid the hood onto his head but couldn't lace it. I lifted onto my knees and he rotated knowingly so that I could tie him tight. Then I stood up, leaving him alone in the dark. I tiptoed and climbed quietly into bed, on my tummy, as he lay on the floor, I watched him for a long while to see what he would do.    What COULD he do? Bound as he was, I had not ever tested if he could crawl. I climbed down from the bed and tiptoed out of the room and walked back in as if I was returning from elsewhere. He jerked in the direction of my sounds, bells tinkling on my anklet, I noisily gathered a chain leash and walked to his helpless body and attached it to the ring on the collar of his special hood.    "Come, puppy." I called in my sing song voice, the very one I use for my cats. "Come on, my h

Polite heads up to anyone I engage with. I am a real person, with real honest values, with a real job in the public sector. I hop on in the middle of the night but during work time frame you will never see me on here. I actually enjoy serving the community but my goal was to find like minded individuals to have an open relationship. Open to me means we are single and not married and freely respecting our bodies and choices (can't be done when your married your disrespecting your wife and kids, you got problems at home pay for your wifes gym membership and have that honest chat to turn things around don't come to me). I don't entertain time wasters. I do expect the men I engage with to be employed, be in good job, be generous. No I am not trying to con you, nor get your bank balance, I am not entertaining another bad experience where I discover on multiple dates I am the only one paying the bill and a 5 day date cost me £400 because the other person was a cheapskate. I am independent, I am generous but I am no longer entertaining time wasters. Other than that have a nice day.   C

Vanilla relationships and monogamous relationships are perfectly acceptable.  However, these things are NOT my interest and are not for me.  While this site is a bit limited in orientation, I identify as a dominant sadist.  While I can enjoy sex occasionally, I tend to require kink as an aspect of my relationship.  I am also an ethical non-monogamist, and require that any partner\playmate be accepting of that. Really, I'm looking for a good person who's understanding and reasonable who I can sexually destroy and finish the evening with hot tea and cartoons under a warm blanket.

The following stated by another Rubberist summarizes my passion:Those that enjoy full rubber enclosure are into it because It's about being cut off from the outside world and being controlled in bondage, objectification. It also arouses by the feel of hot rubber on the skin, the aroma, the sound and the look.😍Rubber envelopes and controls the senses and combined with bondage and breath control is a total experience 😁I love it.

Guess What? You've been rejected. No long explanations. No closure. No friendship offers. No “maybe later.” Just a big, bold, unapologetic NO. And don’t worry...I won’t block you. Blocking would imply I need peace from you. But I don’t. I want you to sit in the front row for my rise. I want you to watch me glow, knowing full well you’ll never touch it. I want you tormented by the fact that someone like me was once within reach,  but now I'm a constellation you’ll never map again. Consider this my final gift to you: A lifetime subscription to spectator status. Enjoy the show, peasant. This is my FUCK YOU à la mode  topped with success and served cold. As a sadist this really tickles my soul and warms my heart!  

So it crops it's head up again, and I feel the need to address it head on.  My profile states that I am only interested in someone who is local. Yet I continue to hear from "subs" in new england, tennessee, iowa, you name it. Do they do me the courtesy of asking why I want someone local? No. Do they ask me if someone who is free to move to San Antonio would be considered? Do they ask if it matters that they are independently wealthy or can work anywhere in the country? No and no. Instead they assume that they know what is going on here, and they know what I want, and plow ahead with no consideration for my clearly stated boundary/interest level. I will therefore state (again) clearly: I am looking for someone who is local. I have no time or interest to engage in the kind of drawn out online vetting that I would require to allow someone to move to San Antonio because of me. It doesn't matter if you have money, employment, high employability, connections or a lack thereof where you are or in San Antonio. If you do not live in or near San Antonio or regularly (3 or more times a month) come to San Antonio ALREADY you are NOT LOCAL and I am NOT INTERESTED. If you are curious about what it tells me when you are not local but you contact me anyway with the intention of becoming my submissive, look for my earlier journal writing addressing this very same topic.

Master's Writings Fundamentals: What Turns You on is Good & The Struggle Against Social Norms Far too often I find individuals hung up on their internal permission to lean into what turns them on. They’ve discovered this or that excites them, but due to baggage from social norms, upbringing, or who knows what prior learning or pressures they experienced in their lives, they struggle to allow themself the space or freedom to explore this desire more fully. It tends to lurk in the realm of things taboo, and frequently causes them feelings of shame, guilt, or a need to closet this part of themself off from the world and hide. I was chatting with a submissive the other day, who was struggling with a kink, they clearly found exciting, but felt immense guilt each time they approached it. They were essentially stuck in this tug of war between internal acceptance and desire fulfillment of this new found pleasure. This causing significant anguish emotionally as well as guilt for liking this new thing but knowing it was “wrong” somehow. As a person and as a submissive, they were seriously struggling with this both as a person and as a submissive. I believe there are some fundamentals that I believe are core to this conversation, both for them as well as for others who struggle similarly: Note: I will preface all of the following thoughts with the limitation that I am referring to pleasures, fetishes, kinks and actions that are consensual and safe for all involved.   Life is short, enjoy it however you can. I recognize this is a hedonistic view of things but life can be hard at times, I believe we should find pleasure and enjoy it wherever we can. What feels good, turns you on and brings you joy should be enjoyed. Pleasure is a very personal experience and as is the internal permission to allow yourself to enjoy the sensation. Seek out those pleasurable things and allow yourself to let them bring you happiness. Life is short. What turns you on is good and Social Norms are just other people’s opinion. Regardless of what that is. If it floats your boat, its a good thing. Never let anyone else tell you its not. Most of us were brought up with social stigmas around sex, gender, nakedness, and so on. We were taught by parents, church, media what is what is evil or wrong. Social norms, prejudices, stigmas, and things designated as taboo are passed on by others. We are brought up believing them and because of that, they hold power over us and they are hard to shake off. Yet, I believe, so long as it does not impact another person, you and you alone have the right to determine what is right and good for you. You hold solvency over your mind, will, and body. As soon as you can see feelings of wrongness, taboo, or evil, as opinions conveyed to you by others. As soon as you begin thinking, evaluating and choosing for yourself what is right, good and pleasurable, you will be ready to embrace “what turns you on is good”, and you will be open to far more than you could imagine. The journey of self discovery is an essential one. I believe discovering what you like and why you like it, is one of the beautiful journeys we get to experience as we enter the lifestyle. If we can maintain an open mind, open heart, and free ourself from feelings of guilt, shame, self judgment as we take this journey, we can learn more than we ever thought we could about who we are in life. There is an entire world out there of kinks, fetishes, aspaspects and combinations that may excite you, intrigue you, turn you on, or turn you off. Discovering these is a beautiful journey that goes far deeper than whether or not you like a thing. Understanding the why and the how, exploring what it is about a thing that speaks to you, brings a deeper understanding of who you are in ways you could never imagine. Learning Acceptance for others builds acceptance of self. As we discover our own likes and dislikes, we learn that what turns you on is not always what turns others on. Accepting ourself and our own personal preferences requires us to embrace the idea that YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK). Here in the lifestyle community, we don’t judge, don’t condemn, or shame what others enjoy, just as we would never want to be judged, condemned, or shamed for what we like. The vanilla world is full of instances of non-acceptance and persecution, but not here. Accepting others perspectives and desires as different than your own, helps you find acceptance for yourself, and is a powerful thing. When you can step outside yourself to see the struggle and understand it for why and why it is, you will be able to free yourself to understand yourself deeper and truly explore. To this submissive I spoke to, and others why may read this, I wish you a healthy, positive, and guilt free journey in the lifestyle. I hope you can embrace your pleasures fully and allow yourself to revel in them. As someone wise once told me, when you discover your “Freak Flag”, that truth you’ve found about yourself, Waive it high and proudly.

This is my kind of Dominance     The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and is looking for.       The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the ive and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her.     Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating;

+MULTIMEDIA What did you think was the worst movie of all time? - OH, I DON'T KNOW...THOSE GODDAMNED BLINDLY-PATRIOTIC/PATHETICALLY-THEOCRATIC MOVIES ARE NAUSEATINGLY-HORRENDOUS. 😑😑😑😑😑 If you could be any celebrity, who would you be and why?  - DUNNO...WINONA RYDER? 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 JULIETTE LEWIS? 🖤 DEPECHE MODE? 🖤💜🖤💜 Ever buy a bootlegged VHS or DVD? If so, of what? - NOT THAT I KNOW OF. Would you rather watch movies at home or in the theater? - HOME. I DON'T DO NASTYASS, GERMYASS, DISGUSTINGASS, ANNOYINGASS MOVIE THEATRES. 😑😑😑😑😑 What kind of food do you buy at the theater? - N/A. What artist do you love to sing along with? - MARILYN MANSON, TRENT REZNOR, ROB ZOMBIE, PETER STEELE, JAMES HETFIELD, DEPECHE MODE, DURAN DURAN, DOORS, ALICE IN CHAINS... 🤘😎🤘 What artist do you think has no right to be as popular as they are? - THAT OVERRATED BLOVIATING WINDBAG KANYE WEST. 😑😑😑😑😑 What’s a song that makes you cry?  😞😥😢💔 "I Love You Forever And Ever And Ever, Ma....." 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 - https://youtu.be/45ft7onAhR4 What movie makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts? - I DON'T KNOW. I ACTUALLY *USED* TO LAUGH. I EVEN USED TO LAUGH *HARD* SOMETIMES, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO. I JUST DO NOT LAUGH ANYMORE LIKE I USED TO. I REALLY DON'T. JUST KNOWING THAT I'M CURSED TO BEING ON THE SAME FUCKING PLANET WITH MILLIONS OF UNFORGIVABLY-STUPID TRUMP SUPPORTERS HAS CERTAINLY KILLED MY HAPPYHEARTEDNESS. 😑😑😑😑😑 Are there any dance/action/fighting scenes from a movie you can perform? - HM...NO. Is there any movie you can quote word for word? - HA...I USED TO...MAYBE "BEETLEJUICE"..."STAR WARS"... +LOVE AND DATING. What do you think of kissing on the first date? - IT DEPENDS. MAYBE IF I ALREADY KNEW HER & HAVE ALWAYS LIKED HER THEN IT'D BE OKAY. EVEN HAVING SEX, HEH. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? - YEAH. UNREQUITED LUST TOO. Have you ever dreamt about your crush/significant other? - YUUUUUUUP. Was it a good dream, or a nightmare? - SEXCELLENCE! 🤩😍🥰🤩😍🥰🤩😍🥰 I HAD A *LOT* OF CRAZY SEXUAL DREAMS ABOUT CASSANDRA; A HOT SEXY OLDER BOSS OF MINE. GODDAMMIT, IF I EVER SEE HER AGAIN, I HOPE WE FUUUUUUUCK MAYBE THOUSANDS OF TIMES THIS TIME. GODDAMMIT, I *WILL* FUCK THE UNHOLY HELL OUTTA HER A LOT! 😝🤪😜😛😋🤩😍 Do the words “I Love You” scare you? - No. I DO NOT BLINDLY-LOVE PEOPLE, I DO NOT BLINDLY-BELIEVE IN LOVE EITHER. Have you ever wanted to ask someone out but didn’t? Why? - OH, YEAH...WELL, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN GODDAMNED FUCKING *SHY*. BUT FOR A WHILE I ACTUALLY MADE MYSELF TO START ASKING GIRLS OUT, BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THAT JUST REALLY DOES *NOT* FEEL GENUINE TO ME. SO I JUST REVERTED BACK TO MY OWN NATURE. MY OWN FACTORY DEFAULT PROGRAMMING. HA. Have you ever been on a blind date? - UUUUUGH. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 YES. SHE WAS *INSUFFERABLY-HORRID*. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 I COULD *NOT* WAIT TO DROP HER HORRIBLE LITTLE AYASS BACK OFF TO HER HOME...WHICH I SUMMARILY DID POSTE HASTE AFTER THE CONCERT. UUUUUGH. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 "FORGET about Me even taking you out to Dinner, Movie, & Whatever Else Later....." *sigh* 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 #UGH! (I've actually written in-detail before about that particular Blind Date before. I won't here right now, though. Maybe I'll look for it & CopyPaste it here in my Blog again later) Does Interracial Sex interest you? -Haha...ummmmm...😛😜🤪😝😆 #iWantHotSexyChocolateDammit! 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫!!!!!!!😍😋 Do you think Freckles are sexy? -Ohhhhh, Damn Sexy. Yeah.🤩😍🥰 I've seen some Superhot Sexy Women before with LLOTS Of Freckles, yup. #BOINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!! 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 #FRECKLEPALOOZA. #FRECKLELICIOUS. +THE PAST. What was your favorite childhood toy? - KITES! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 BABY BAT! 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 Did you play with kids in your neighborhood when you were little? - YEAH. I MISS MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND, SALLY. I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HA...SHE LOOKS GREAT TO THIS DAY. SHE'S ONLY A YEAR OLDER. DAMN SEXY, PASSIONATE, HYPER, & FIT. 🥰 I'VE ACTUALLY FANTASIZED HAVING HOT GORGEOUS SINFUL SEX WITH HER A FEW TIMES, HA...MAYBE ONE DAY...🤩😍🥰 How many times have you moved? - 5. What were your “awkward years”? - 13 ON UP. Did you have a security blanket/stuffed animal you always slept with? - HA. YUP. GAMBI! HE'S A PLUSHIE STUFFED CLOWN SINCE I WAS 1. I THOUGHT HE LOOKED A BIT LIKE GUMBY SO I NAMED HIM GAMBI, HEH...STILL HAVE HIM! ❤💙❤💙❤💙❤ What was your favorite childhood TV show? - STAR TREK. 🖖😎 Movie? - 'CAT PEOPLE'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE HUNGER'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE CROW'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'BEETLEJUICE'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE MATRIX' MOVIES. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 Did you have lots of new toys or hand-me-downs? - HM...HALF & HALF? I DIDN'T MIND USED TOYS. I EVEN PERSONALLY BOUGHT ME LOTS OF THEM TOO, HA. Is there anything you would change about your childhood if you could? - I G

Some of my messages are getting redundant - so I'll post answers to my commonly asked questions here - My bra size is 38G or 38DDDD - a 38G and 38DDDD are the same size - depends on manufacturer which way they choose to list it.  Yes. I like pain. It's one of the many aspects of BDSM that I enjoy. Despite the photos, and despite the fact that I have had a fair amount of experience with impact play and corporal punishment, I do not have a lot of experience with extreme pain.   I'm located in metro-Atlanta, specifically Marietta. No - I am not willing or able to relocate. No I am not interested in long-distance / virtual to start with Dom re-locating if we are good match. I am not equipped for virtual submission. I don't have any children and do not want to have any children at this stage of my life.  I am willing to be friends with couples but I do not want to serve a couple or become a subsister to your wife or existing submissive or slave.  Hope this helps. 

The earliest memories I've had of a female exerting their power over me date back to kindergarten, well before I knew anything about sexuality. My mom would set me up on "playdates" that involved me being trapped in a cage while the girls enjoyed tea time. At recess, being held down by girls while my guy friend was being chased by the other girls...I have no recollection of how these things happened, but these memories stand out in my mind to this day. As a young boy that fantasized and daydreamed about these types of scenarios quite regularly, I was often shy and nervous around most girls, especially the ones I was most attracted to. But I also think this type of thinking has contributed to me having a successful career in the arts in some way. Similar to a D/s relationship, evolving as an artist involves discipline, creativity, and the willingness to challenge your own perception and beliefs. I hope whatever relationship I involve myself in will allow me to further flourish in my career, which will in turn make me better equipped to handle the demands of a kinky relationship.

The Gift Pt ending About a month later my Domme tells me that we've been invited to the Doms house in Austin. We were going to party on 6th Street first and get some playtime that evening.  Bet!   So the four of us are in their living room and talking. The two dominants were chatting and I chatted with the sub.  She asked me. Do you want to do a scene?  Yes I said.  Would you like to watch me being tortured? With a big smile on her face she said Yes!     We head out to their garage which cleared out and had plenty of room. They had bought a chain hoist and set it up for a whipping scene.  (Another custom torture chamber built for me? Yes please!)    I stripped down to my black string bikini bottom and started putting on my cuffs.  Meanwhile, the other couple was moving a couch around so it was placed in front of the area I was going to be whipped.  I was attached to a spreader bar and hoisted up into the air. The other couple sat in the couch to watch. I was a little concerned because I wasn't told to wear any of my safety gear. It didn't matter I was ready for anything.    My Domme attached chains to my ankles so that I was spread wide and facing the other couple. She stood behind me with her long black single tail and began to whip me.    That familiar sound we all know rang out in the empty space. Wu-tish! Wu tish!  Each lash left a bright red mark on my skin.  The strokes were deliberate and paced.  Between strokes I looked at the couch to see their reaction. The Dom was now laying flat on his back and his sub was on top of him and they were fucking each other while watching me being whipped.  She's riding him hard.    This blew my mind. Usually, during a whipping scene I'm trying to concentrate on my breathing and ignoring the pain in my wrists and body. Being whipped while hanging is another welcome distraction so to speak. I try to anticipate every lash by tensing my belly.  I want to last as long as I can.  So my brain doesn't know which thing to concentrate on which makes the scene last longer.   Watching an older Dom fuck his sub during my scene I suddenly thought, I hope he comes! Otherwise I'm going to be here a long time.    My Domme is aware of all this. She's not only watching me but also then.  If she stops,  he might not cum.  So she's pacing things out in sync with their fucking.     After awhile I hear him yell out, Aaahh!  He's cumming inside her.  She's grinding him out, milking every last drop.  The whipping stops and my suspended and whipped body hangs limply in the chains.     My Domme stands in front of me and says, Stay her we'll be right back. (As if I had anywhere to go).  Then the three of them go back inside the house. After a minute or two the sub comes back out and stands in front of me. She says, I'm supposed to get you down.  She hesitates. Can I stretch you a little bit first?  I nod my head yes. She starts pulling the chain and stretches me.    I wince but I don't complain.  She licks my stomach and rubs her hands all over my stretched body. I can feel her warm hands go over my whip marks and it feels good.  I moan in pleasure. She then lowers me down. It's all over.    The next morning we're all in the kitchen. Nobody is saying a word. It's like nothing happened. What goes on in Austin stays in Austin I think. We're still good friends to this day.    Next up: The Show     

  Her previous Dom turned up at our house late one night with two of his mates He was saying things like where is your slut wife? Ive brought a couple of cocks for herThey had all been drinking and came straight from the pubI tried to explain that it was late and she had gone to bedHe went straight upstairs saying he was going to wake herI found out the next day when she told me that she was awakened when he pulled the bed covers completely off the bed She sleeps nude He made her suck his cock before dragging her out of bed by her hair She tried to put her house coat on but he wouldnt let herHe dragged her downstairs and into the front room naked in front of his friends This is Teds slut wife Holding her in front of them he pulled on her hair until she said yes, She loves big cocks dont you? again he pulled on her hair until she said yesThis went on for some time making her crawl on the floor barking and panting like a dog He made her Grunt like a pig and all three were laughing and making jokes about her I was told to go and fetch her whip and cat of nine tails he knew we had because he had used them on her before All three took turns whipping her leaving marks all over her He held her arms behind her back while the other two took turns whipping her tits She was crying her eyes out at this point They used beer bottles to masturbate her and even had her licking their shoes. They ended up fucking her in all holes They totally abused her as I could do nothing but watchAfter they left we went to bed and I gently made love to her She admitted to me that she loved every moment of her ordeal Her cunt was absolutely saturated so I knew she was telling the truthShe once said to me that it is not about the sex, she can walk into any bar and get a man for sex For her the sex is nice but it is all about the pain and humiliation She can get a man to tell her how beautiful she is but again that is not what she wants deep down

6 Minths Post 6 months post break up. Post world upside down post everything. The what if is strong for some reason  If I'd come home early and just started packing, said i know you've been cheating, I'm done. If I'd stopped fighting sooner. If If If All of them don't matter, it's done now. I am sorry I put you to the side I'm sorry your drinking got so badI'm sorry we lost us.I'm sorry I wasn't enough.

I Don’t Know Where My Poppa Is: A Little Girl’s Song, An Adult Woman’s Pain   "Food & Liquor" by Lupe Fiasco has always hit different for me, but tonight, "He Say She Say" felt like it was speaking straight to my soul. "You see what his problem is He don’t know where his poppa is…" It’s one of those songs where the lyrics carry everything. No extra words needed from me. Just sitting here feeling it deeply—for the child in the story, for the mom trying her best, and how it translates to me as an adult woman with a little girl inside who never went away. Navigating a world where my core family of origin is my biggest enemy and the men I’ve tried to vet and sift through—the ones I hoped would be the real poppa—never came. It left both the adult me and little me saying the same thing: "I don’t know where my poppa is." "You see what my problem is That I don't know where my poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "It's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since I was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that I don't deserve to get used to that" As you read the lyrics and listen to the song, imagine that this is what us women go through—what I go through: "Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when my momma try to provide And I tell her, 'That ain't your job'" This lyric is repeated twice—once from the mom's perspective, saying "When my momma try to provide and I tell her that ain't your job," and once from the son's perspective, saying "When I try to provide and he tells her that ain't your job." For me, the adult me and the little girl—Little Jess—are saying this simultaneously, in one body, clearly, over and over. It’s deep. Like the Lupe Fiasco song I wrote about previously, "The Coolest," the dangers and the stories are all there. And yet, I can’t help but wonder—if men really evaluated what this is like when they pretend to step up and then leave horrendously, do they truly understand what this does? Not just to the adult woman they let down, but to the little girl inside, who they treated as a kind of Pied Piper, leading her into heartbreak. Lupe, thank you for songs like this. "I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave I don't know what you want You want more from me She said to him, "I want you to be a father He's your little boy and you don't even bother Like 'Brother' without the R and he's starting to harbor Cool and food for thought but for you he's a starver" "Starting to use red markers on his work His teacher say they know he's much smarter but he's hurt Used to hand his homework in first Like he was the classroom starter" "Burst to tears, let them know she see us Now he's fighting in class Got a note last week that say he might not pass Ask me if his daddy was sick of us 'Cause you ain't never pick him up" "You see what his problem is He don't know where his poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "He's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since he was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that He don't deserve to get used to that" "Now I ain't asking you for money or to come back to me Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when I try to provide And he say, 'Mommy, that ain't your job'" To be a man, I try to make him understand That I'm his number one fan But it's like he born from the stands You know the world is out to get him So why don't you give him a chance?" I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave Now, now, I don't know what you want You want more from me So he said to him, "I want you to be a father I'm your little boy and you don't even bother Like 'Brother' without the R and I'm starting to harbor Cool and food for thought but for you I'm a starver" "Starting to use red markers on my work My teacher say they know I'm much smarter but I'm hurt I used to hand my homework in first Like I was the classroom starter" "Burst to tears, let them know he see us Now I'm fighting in class Got a note last week that say I might not pass Kids ask me if my daddy is sick of us 'Cause you ain't never pick me up" "You see what my problem is That I don't know where my poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "It's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since I was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that I don't deserve to get used to that" "Now I ain't asking you for money or to come back to me Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when my momma try to provide And I tell her, 'That ain't your job'" "To be a man, she try to make me understand That she my number one fan But it's like you born from the stands You know the world is out to get me Why don't you give me a chance?" It's like, I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave Now, now, I don't know what you want You want more from me I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave I don't know what you want You want more from me I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave" Have you ever connected deeply with a song like this—one that feels like it speaks to both your pain and your strength at the same time? If so, which one, and why?

You want to be a Sub/Slave/Sissy/Pet/etc..? Then you need to bring something of worth to the table too. First of all, we're NOT here to support you! You better have a job & be capable of supporting yourself. And we're not here to get you your hormones, implants, electrolysis, clothes, wigs, shoes, makeup, breastforms, nails, or sex toys either. If I want dependents, I'll go start a family!! Unrealistic lifestyle expectations is another HUGE turn-off for Me. "I want to be kept in nothing but panties & a bra 24/7." Yeah, right! That's nothing but wank-fodder.

Here it is years later and still the same guys looking for the same old thing. While I don't mind the admiration from those who contact me, it seems like all they want is to be dominated and used sexually. When I ask them what else can they offer, all I get is the usual. "I'm a great cocksucker." "I'll take your hands up my ass anyday." "I'm great at house cleaning" YADDA YADDA YADDA!!! If all you're going to offer me is a piece of meat, than no thanks. Do you have a brain? Can you understand big words and know how to use them? Can you put a sentence together without a lot of ums and uhhs? Do you know what's going on in the world? So if you're a box of rocks, with not a brain cell in your head, move on move on. And here I am....still looking. Sigh!

For those who ask me this is the sort of Domination I enjoy and practice.  from www.cyberbazzar.com waay back in the day! The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and seeks. The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her. Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating; and be able to translate that into the right thing to do. The “doing or saying without having to be told” type. The submissive begs easily and surrenders sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly.   These individuals usually form very intimate relationships. There is not much downside to these relationships, because they not only gr the concepts, but can make it happen as well, and their attraction is based on a strong mutual respect. Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the 24/7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and without the need for orders is a great source of pride, satisfaction, and loving. They are the opposite side of the coin from the Authoritarian. Whose pride, satisfaction, and love come from strictness and forbearance.

1. In your first message don't say something like. " Hi how are you doing?" and that is your only message/words.  I won't even answer that. Be more upfront.  2. Please understand here is what I am NOT looking for    A. Not looking for someone that is married   B. Not looking for a weekend here and there   C. Not looking for someone that drinks, smokes and addicted        to drugs. (herb is ok)   D. Not looking to change your diapers   E. Not looking for attention seekers or someone high           maintance   F. Not looking for someone that is new and looking for     someone to train it (unless your ready to go full in)    G. I'm not a Pro and I'm not looking to play games.   H. Not looking for someone that isn't willing to better themselves   I. In general I'm not looking for a city person that is afraid to get dirty.    J. I'm not " needy " I'm more interested in finding a service slave/sub.   K. I'm not interested in seeing your ass pictures.  I'll probably add more to this list later. But HOPEFULLY you read this and don't bother writing if ...your not what I'm looking for. I try to make things simple and to the point.  p.s. I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A DOM.  I PROMISE YOU I WILL NEVER BE YOUR SUB OR SLAVE. I'm not an egotistic person and I do my share of what needs to be done around here. I  believe in harmony. 

I used to think hrt pellets was not really viable  I think they are a brilliant tool for forced feminisation if there is to be no games.    I used AI to inform me, us. It’s also given Master some serious ‘weapons’    Pallets  offer several advantages over patches or injections for MtF hormone therapy, providing steady hormone release for 3-6 months with minimal daily effort.[medicalnewstoday +2] Steady Delivery Pellets dissolve gradually under the skin, delivering consistent estradiol levels directly into the bloodstream without the peaks/troughs of injections (which fluctuate weekly) or patches (which can detach or vary with skin absorption).     This mimics natural hormone production, potentially leading to smoother feminizing effaspects like fat redistribution and mood stability.[alluremedical +3] Convenience and Compliance  No daily patches to apply/change or weekly/biweekly injections— just a quick in-office insertion every few months, improving adherence for long-term therapy. Users often report preferring pellets for this set-it-and-forget-it approach over messier gels or adhesive issues with patches.[queerdoc +2]  Additional Benefits Bypasses liver processing (unlike pills), may enhance energy, libido, and bone protection with fewer applications overall. Note: Pellets are often compounded (off-label for estrogen HRT), so monitor levels with a specialist.   One key advantage of estrogen pellets is that once implanted, they continuously release hormones without interruption, essentially putting feminizing effaspects on “auto pilot.”    This means the therapy works steadily and reliably without daily effort or forgetting doses. Even if you wanted to stop temporarily, the hormone release will continue until the pellet naturally dissolves over months, ensuring consistent feminization throughout that period. This steady, long-term commitment can bring peace of mind for those seeking a smooth, hands-off approach to hormone therapy.   Over the first 6 months after estrogen pellet insertion in MtF hormone therapy, feminizing changes unfold gradually as the pellet releases hormones steadily (about 1/3 in month 1, tapering over time).[pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih +1] Months 1-3 Skin softens and becomes less oily within 3-6 weeks; breast buds/tenderness emerge by 2-6 weeks. Emotional shifts, reduced erections/ejaculation, decreased libido, and subtle mood improvements often start in 1-3 months, with early fat redistribution to hips/thighs.[transcare.ucsf +2]  Months 4-6 Breast growth continues (typically A-small B cup max for post-puberty starters); muscle mass decreases for a softer appearance; testicular atrophy and slower body/facial hair growth become noticeable. Monitor blood levels at 4-6 weeks for adjustments, as full early effaspects peak by month 6.     Using a chastity device alongside estrogen pellets in MtF HRT could accelerate permanent erectile dysfunction (ED) outcomes by preventing erections, leading to faster penile disuse atrophy and fibrosis from lack of blood flow and tissue oxygenation.[cagechastity +1] Mechanism HRT already reduces spontaneous erections; a well-fitted chastity cage b

The following I did not write, but came across in here and it very much resonates with me.I think you are more suited to being kept as a submissive fetish sissy. When most people talk about a shemale they mean a girl who has a cock a girl who uses her cock... A frilly fetish sissy is something else entirely. A fetish sissy is not even allowed to have a cock we call it her clitty and we treat it like a clitty keeping it in locked chastity. The more needy horny a fetish sissy gets, the more she becomes controlled by her clitty and quite quickly she finds herself doing utterly humiliating things to please her superiors without so much as a whimper in fact, she often begs for more of the same. She is overwelmed with the desire to suck cocks or be bent over to be doggie bitch butt fucked to obtain her erotic pleasure. To become a submisive creature that wants men to subjugate her and use her to satisfy all their sexual desires and perversions. Using her and ifying her as a sexual toy for their pleasure and orgasmic release. Her oral and anal slut holes just cock receptacles to be filled with hot cum. A sissy sexslave as it were, obediently doing everything she is told no matter how humiliating it might be. Her desire for utter and total submission and humiliation compels her to obey without question.If you google shemale, youll be directed to sites of TS girls fucking males. If you google sissy, youll find frilly little creatures, often dressed in extremely fetish feminine attire getting fucked by a strapon cock or a real mans cock. Often the sissy is on her knees submissively sucking a mans cock like a good sissy cumslut. I think you are the later. I think you are a submissive fetish sissyslut.I think what you need is to have every trace of male left in you removed until you are hopelessly feminine in the most exaggerated ways possible. Totally transformed into a hot sexy slave bitch, then dressed, displayed and used as one.Willing even to submit to large breast implants. Your clitty needs to be locked away and the only way you would be allowed to find orgasmic relief is by being penetrated with stiff hungry cock or a dildo. Your libido and lust turned inward, your slutty desires only satisfied by phallic anal insertion or a mouth full of hard cock. Soon you will find your hips wantonly grinding up to meet your penetrator to attain your orgasmic femme sissy relief. Soon you will crave the company of dominate horny males seeking to use you as a cock slut for their pleasure and perversions.Now picture yourself like that deliriously horny tightly corsetted, locked in a chastity belt with large butt plug stretching your rosebud and filling your bottom, dressed in frills, garters, nylons, panties, petticoats, short revealing skirts, fetish leather or rubber, open ass hobble skirts, locked in the steepest stiletto high heels or ballet boots, ribbons, satin, latex and lace, often humiliated even in public. Often kept in some of restrictive bondage, your will or choice to resist your male suitors completely removed. Forced to submit to horny men orally and anally on a regular basis, transformed into a willing and wanton cocksucking cumslut sissy and bend over pussy butt bitch... Does that sound like you? Yes it most certainly does. You are a fetish sissyslut.

A handful of journals on here discuss disability and sexuality. It shouldn't be challenging but it does make me think why should a disability hinder your true feelings or needs. Some interesting artists have popped up locally: Mari Katayama Very inspiring. For some of the creative appreciators in the fetish scene.

His results from bdsmtest.org 100% Master/Mistress  100% Sadist  100% Dominant  100% Degrader  88% Rigger  88% Voyeur  81% Owner  80% Primal (Hunter)  75% Non-monogamist  67% Experimentalist  64% Brat tamer  17% Exhibitionist  Her results from bdsmtest.org 100% Dominant  100% Rigger  94% Sadist  94% Master/Mistress  91% Voyeur  88% Degrader  81% Brat tamer  79% Experimentalist  76% Non-monogamist  75% Primal (Hunter)  70% Owner  46% Ageplayer  40% Exhibitionist  26% Daddy/Mommy  13% Vanilla  5% Submissive   

BOOM! Dignity and Grace for our aging Elders in the new term, over corporate greed and SELF INTERESTED narcissistic dictating fascists!  I am an Independent and have voted equally for Republicans and Democrates.  In My lifetime, I have never voted for a liar or a thief or a convicted felon or an insurrectionist. Team work makes the dream work. No one ever lost because they helped another.  ~ Leave the sorting to God and get busy helping your fellow man. I know WHAT I am voting for and who I shall surround Me.  Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

A bit of a rant here but Men SUCK!   They are selfish, rude, inconsiderate and far, far too unreasonable.   I fully see and understand why so many women are weary and overwhelmed and just done with men online so often.I have said before i'm pansexual.   Over the past year, I have spoken with several men.   I wouldn't call them Doms as their actions don't warrant the term.   I am learning that Most men fall into one of 3 categories.  Most, but not all.   Most of whom have spoken to me anyways.   And at least one, but many of the many fall into all 3.1 - very very very sexual.  So very sexual focus even when I push and try to talk 'relationship'.   Having no desire or interest of talking likes or hobbies, or what they like to do for fun(besides sexual comments) and usually very quickly stearing the conversation back to sex or kink.2 - very very very unreasonable.I understand the desire to move quick and to not string things along.   I'm more than willing to meet for coffee the same day if it works out and you are 30 min or an hour away or so depending on circumstances.   I HAVE before.But most men online that I speak to are much further away.One after speaking for 2-3 days kept asking nonstop about trying to make plans to meet.   I offered to videochat(I know, but if done the RIGHT way it's like taling over dinner or coffee at a coffeeshop)(almost a Must to establish and maintain anything long distance without a lot of money invested in travel)Bit he didn't want to videochat.  Just make plans and set up a flight(paid for by me) in the next couple weeks or month or so.   I didn't lead him on, was honest and upfront, and frankly..  after 2-3 days?!?Another after a week started active planning a trip, HALFWAY across the country(1500 miles away), to come pick me up and take me to a new forever home with him about a month later.  He also gave me a list of rules and to call him Master and wanted to be very controlling of me very overnight, after a week of talking.(disappointing as he was one of the few that wasn't all sex)Among others....3 - Petty, rude, insulting, almost bipolar when they get pushback.I try not to ever be rude.   But saying no, or i'm not interested, or in the case of the 1500 mile man I was very polite and didn't push baco other than saying this is all moving too fast, i'm overwhelmed and can we please slow down some so we can get to know each other better first.   Plus I'd like to meet at least once(if not more) before upending my life to move to you.  Can we look at setting up a meeting instead first?   His reaction?   call me some names and block me on everything.  Like what?!?But it seems like blocking is very common as it happens over the slightest thing.   Send a pic?  block.(not always, but it has happened)  I say no, can we talk more, i'm not interested, can we go slow, or even once "i'm not really into country music"   almost always block.     The one rare case?   he kept messaging and emailing me for weeks, even after I told him we wouldn't be a match and i'm not interested.it's so very exhausting.....  MEN -  Do better.  Be better.   Be honest, be truthful.  and don't be afraid.   Like I would stalk someone who told me off?   no, i'd just move on.  but be polite and respectful about it.  not rude and insulting...

I don't know when I'll update my main profile, so here's a little about me: I was born in 1974. My hair is much longer than in my pictures here. I rarely initiate contact, but usually respond. I am open to online play, though would love something irl. I will send newer photos upon request. Also: == Results from bdsmtest.org ==  100% Rope bunny  100% Degradee  95% Masochist  95% Submissive  89% Pet  84% Exhibitionist  71% Switch  61% Rigger  60% Degrader  58% Experimentalist  52% Brat  49% Vanilla  46% Voyeur  44% Non-monogamist  42% Slave  42% Ageplayer  41% Sadist  35% Owner  33% Dominant  32% Primal (Prey)  15% Master/Mistress  13% Daddy/Mommy  6% Primal (Hunter)  5% Brat tamer  0% Boy/Girl   

The below is a great place to start.. Rules 1. The male must always practice respect, whether in private or public. Stand when she enters the room. Sit (or kneel) as soon as She is seated. 2. Be totally attentive: open doors, offer her your coat, she sits first, begins to eat first, and always ask permission to leave her presence. 3. The male should never speak unless spoken to, or unless anticipating the needs of his Mistress. 4. The submissive will never sit with legs spread or slouch in a way typical of untrained males. Good posture and decorum is a sign of respect. 5. The male will never stare at a woman without her permission. Unless the woman seeks eye-contact, the submissive will keep his eyes lowered at all times. 6. When walking with his Mistress, or any woman, the submissive will keep his gait in step with hers, which usually means taking smaller steps. The male should always be at least 1-2 steps behind, but not too far because he must open all doors. 7. The submissive must always be pleasant, never argue and never pout. 8. The male surrenders control of how he spends his time, how he dresses, what he eats, where he sleeps, the friends or acquaintances he is allowed to keep. 9. The submissive must remember that his orgasm does not belong to him but to his Mistress. It is Hers to use or deny... however she sees fit. 10. The submissive may never touch his own genitals without the permission of his Mistress. When washing, he must use a wash cloth or brush, never his hands. 11. The submissive should never buy his own clothing without the guidance of his Mistress. He should buy what pleases her, not what he likes. 12. When urinating, the submissive will always sit on the toilet... no exceptions. 13. The submissive must submit to eating only “submissive food” selected by his Mistress whenever she requires it. 14. When a meal is over the submissive must be quick to clear the table and wash the dishes. 15. The submissive must always give his Mistress the first choice of everything — She picks the channel on TV to watch, the restaurant to go to, the movie to see, the friends to entertain, etc. 16. The submissive will perform all household chores for his Mistress , to include(but not limited to): sweep and vacuum all floors and carpets mop all floors dust and polish all furniture make the beds every day wash and fold all clothing linen scrub bathrooms clean kitchen Cook meals wash dishes set the table shop for groceries take out trash and sort recycled items run all errands. Keep the lawn and grounds in great shape. Fix broken things around the house. Keep things maintained ie change the furnace filter every 3 months. Wash all cars inside and out. 

Dating economics. Or, how you get what you want. When you consider your dating purchase power, remember that what you value is not always what someone else values, and that what they are looking for may not be what you think you need to advertise.  In my personal case, I am VERY picky about what I want, how I want it, when, why, etc.  My aesthetic appreciation is also rather specific.  My current partner of 13 years offers a wide range of things I enjoy a lot.  He gives amazing hugs and snuggles. (Never underestimate the value of being physically pleasant to touch.) He is tall, and a big guy, so I can feel small and feminine when I'm wrapped up and entangled with him. He's secure enough that I don't have to pretend to be less intelligent or capable than I am. He makes the effort for my pleasure, in bed and in daily life. He is extremely considerate and generous, and tries not to be a hassle, while going out of his way for others. He's smart, and thinks about things, and cares about more than just what's on tv, or what he wants, etc. He's honest, and loyal, and I can trust him with almost anything. He's just a quality human being. While there are things I might enjoy that he doesn't bring to the table, they are obviously not dealbreakers, and well offset by what he does, and apparently he feels the same about me.  And that is what I am willing to have in my life.  Now, I may not be your cup of tea.  I may in fact be a rusty bucket of haunted bog water.  I may be a lot of things, or not, but those looking to purchase my time and energy need to be able to offset any hassles that come with them by more than a narrow margin, because while I'm always up for a good bargain, I'm not hardcore shopping with a need to buy right this second. This means it's a buyer's market when you approach me. And probably when you approach any Dominant Woman. I can take or leave whatever. So if you want to interest me in what you are/have/do, you need to have a good understanding of what I want, and have something to offer that makes you worth giving up the time I could be painting or gardening or crafting, etc to - read your email,  respond to your mail, exchange more emails to get to know you,  talk to my partner about you, make room in my schedule to meet you,  then make whatever arrangements and preparations are required to play. On top of this, the average female experience with a new partner is seldom heavily weighted on the pleasure side, as the average new partner has little idea how to please her, even if they are decently experienced in general and know "how to please a woman" (as if that were a simple skillset that worked for all women.)  Often, an experience with a new male partner is considered good if it isn't actively painful or unpleasant. So the average woman knows going into a new situation with a new male that she probably won't have NEARLY as much fun as the man, and so unless the plan is for multiple assignations, wherein he would then learn more about what she likes to be able to provide it, the motivation to try out a new guy is pretty limited. The expectations are low, and the alternatives may not be fabulous, but they are offset by the ease they bring to the table.  So that is your competition, guys. Not other guys. But our own company. Which means -  if you want to gain my time and energy, you have to impress on me that you have made the effort to learn as much about me as a person as possible, decide that you feel I AM your flavor of tea or bog water, and have thought of something you can do to make all that effort worth both my time and lack of immediate gratification.  If being with you isn't significantly better than being alone, I can just be alone and avoid all the hassles that come with you. Understand - this is not me bragging on being hard to get. This is me explaining what is probably a deep truth for almost any guy trying to get any woman. And absolutely any Dominant Woman.

I am a good looking guy with that girl's attitude inside. A girl who wants to be dominated by a big man. I dream of being kept weak and skinny. I am a girly girl and more submissive than I can believe! I love to feel that way while helping you feel like a strong man. Very picky and never met with anyone yet. I do get hit on a lot here and sometimes real life but I want to get owned and collared by the right MAN. Not going to meet a bunch of guys. The strong Grizzly bear of a man will have to impress this gurl. Then I will submit to my superior Sir. I love feeling like a weak little cu%t so to speak. I am impotent making it my sensitive little cl%t , making me even more a weak little cu%t So being kept barefoot and knocked up is the path to my heart. I am Submissive ,weak and docile when I want to be and oh do I ever want to be. I am dainty and delicate boosting and caressing your manly ego and balls at my expense. Silly but it's how I feel. You real men run the world so I can stay barefoot and in the kitchen, ready to drop to my knees! Safe from everyone but you. I am quiet and shy in girl mode. Writing this makes me feel so weak and needy. That's just my vibe when we are together.  Proper girls like me believe you are superior! Not looking for overly serious situation. Unless you take away my rights and freedoms? If I got overwhelmed by your manly dominance I might willingly give up my current freedoms to be your slave wife daughter property. Micro manage this girl with your manly power! Brainwash me with your strong intellect making me more obedient and weaker and thinner from skipping dinner. Also pamper me by carrying me from the kitchen to your bed like I'm a weak little girl. Helps keep me weak. Are you still reading? :) I just admitted quite a lot here. I wish more profiles were as clear as this. So besides being femmy, I am smart and kind.     

LongTerm Chastity The waves of denial come and go.There are days when i forget that i am locked up, then a wave of reality hits and the feeling of helplessness and inferiority pound on my psyche.The need to be teased, aroused and denied as others enjoy their sexual freedoms intensifies..i started this journey out of curiosity and now i am overwhelmed with the need to be locked.i have gone back to my original device. It is open and i can keep myself clean without removing it.i am wondering if i should forgo any shaving, thus eliminating any reason for the occasional unlocking.Thoughts of making this permanent and irreversible have entered my mind. It would be easy enough to do: Hex button Stainless Steel screw, a tap, Locktite 266. (Don't forget to round out the Hex hole with a f=drill bit after it is tightly in place, to render the Hex key useless.) .Yes, the thought has crossed my mind..........a few times..

Gabriel was Jesus.  In Daniel chapter 8 through 10 a man visits Daniel. A voice confirms that it is Gabriel in Daniel 9:21. When the man appears to Daniel again in chapter 10 it does not state that it is Gabriel but I would think the same man would continue to come to him means though he showed up twice already to Daniel. It would not be needed to state a third time that it was Gabriel. And I believe if it was another person Daniel would have been told who it was like how he was told before that the man was Gabriel that came to him in chapters 8 and 9.   In chapter 10 it states that this man's appearance has a body of beryl, face like lightning, eyes like lamps of fire, arms and feet like polished brass, and a voice like the sound of a multitude. He is in the form of a man.    In John 17:5 Jesus is praying to his father in heaven and he states that he wants to be glorified at his side with the glory he has alongside the Father that he had before the world was.    This could be why Mary didn't notice him and mistook him as the gardener and why the one disciple had to put his fingers in the holes of Jesus's hands to truly believe that it was him.    Also in John 8:58 Jesus says before Abraham was I am. He was formed before we were ever created. He created us. He is the invisible image of God but gives all the glory back to the Father as he listens to the Father and does the Father's will. He was Gabriel the mouthpiece of God.    In revelations Jesus is said to come back with his face shining like the sun, voice like the sound of many waters, feet like burnished bronze, eyes like the flame of fire, and hair as white as wool, as a Son of Man meaning a human form with a divine presence.