Still looking but not impatient, actually rather grateful plenty of me time and busy with work. I have to admit I have had a few people show an interest and I have had to admit I am not attracted to them. You can tell by a picture, eve if you tried it would not last. Still looking for someone outdoorsy. Still looking for someone in London but I travel a lot so flexible. Finally planning a little annual leave and Ireland is happening. I kind of would like to meet someone interesting, avoiding PE teachers, men who work in ICT (snore) there has got to be some pleasure seeking interesting specimens so I will wait but will not hold my breath, will explore the world and my own potential and if you happen to pass by great if not, I was not holding my breath.

I’ve been reflecting on past dynamics—especially the ones that carried intensity, structure, and a deep psychological connection. And over time, something became clear to me. Some lost sight of the purpose. They became more focused on punishment than on presence. More attached to the feeling of correction than to the act of truly serving. The dynamic shifted away from alignment… and into fixation. And that’s not what I want to cultivate. Because my role, the way I see it, is not to break men down or leave them in a constant state of need. It’s to guide. To shape. To bring them into alignment with something greater than themselves. That’s where my philosophy of Goddess and matriarchy truly lives. A feminine-centered dynamic, at its highest form, is not about chaos or control for its own sake. It’s about order, intention, and a quiet kind of authority that creates structure others can settle into. Within that structure, the masculine doesn’t disappear—it finds its place. It becomes supportive, focused, and purposeful. That’s where devotion becomes meaningful. Not in desperation. Not in obsession with punishment. But in awareness. In learning how to show up consistently.In understanding how to listen, how to respond, how to serve in a way that actually contributes to something whole. I won’t define what this looks like for everyone. But for me… it has never been about destruction. It’s about refinement. Guidance. And creating a space where submission is not just felt—but lived with clarity, balance, and intention. That is where something truly divine begins to take shape. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

20 to 30 play parties pre Covid, and now a few per year for a couple of years.  The real time bdsm community has taken a toll on peoples lives.  I still feel that going real time is the very best way to find like minded partners.  Being real time, you get to see and maybe participate in all kinds of play.  The following is what I’ve experienced real time.   Best kink display Watching a 2 girl pony play scene.  Both girls were topless and wore matching gold and silver outfits, blinders, feathered head pieces, bits and those cool hooved shaped shoes.  They were pulling a chariot.  The spectacle of it was awesome. Watching a flaming double flogger scene.  Awesome   Best outdoor scenes Being chained spread eagle to a very large boulder in a remote area of a state park. Doing a crucifixion scene at a kinky kampout.   Best group scenes   Being suspended and whipped by three dominants at once. Being pulled apart by 8 people during a needle play scene.  There was a lot going on during this scene.  My tits were bloody and I fought like hell.  I felt like a captured Amazon. Laying on a table with all sorts of treats and candy covering my body while attendees licked nibbled and tasted all the treats.   Most erotic scene   Being suspended spread eagle in chains for a femdom I knew.  When I started to complain she made me hang for another 15 minutes.  I struggled and moaned a long time.  When it was over I saw that she smoked 6 cigs.    Most embarrassing scenes/moments   Hearing loud screaming during a scene.  When I went to see what was going on I saw a couple putting a clothespin on a newbies nipples.  I think you chose the wrong kink hun. Watching a sub go to a play station.  Remove their clothes.  Put their restraints on.  Put out all the toys.  Tie themself up.  Then the dominant showed up.  Watching a femsub pass out during a rope play scene.  Slowly slither to the floor and hit her head on the concrete.  Where was the dominant?  Talking to another dominant nearby.  Watching a male sub offer himself during a slave auction and nobody bidding on him.  Best dungeon moments. Receiving a standing ovation from the staff and trustees of a dungeon when entering the dungeon.  They knew what I was there to do and everyone was very excited to see me. Being suspended spread eagle in chains and whipped in front of 250 people.   Random stuff people have said to me at the dungeon. Nice bikini.  Nice thong.  Would you want to have our baby? (wait what?) You’re a bronze goddess.  Nice tan.  Your body is made for torture. (gee thanks?) I like the way you wear your bikini.  Do you get oiled up to better endure the whipping? Your the girl who likes to be strung up.

Some people smhSo this guy contacts me, supposedly part of a Dom couple, with condolences saying he's sorry Master James passed away. Many have done that and I thank yoiu all for your kind thoughts, words and prayers.But this one guy then wants pictures, I say that I'm still happily owned by Mistress Tabitha and frankly we don't pass out pictures to strangers.He then says he wants g rated pictures and I remind him that my headshots from my younger days when I was trying to become a model are on my profile as well as a few that are more reresentative of my current age. I also politely inform him for about the fifth time that I am NOT interested in him and he should be on his way.Now he's angry and tells me that the pictures are too pretty to be me. I need to send him a nude while holding a sign with his name on it to prove that I'm real or he will declare me a fake! LOLLook at my profile. I CLEARLY state that I'm owned and not looking. Why would a fake tell people not to waste time chatting with her or sending her pictures?My guess is that there is an angry 14 year old boy out there with a bottle of his mommies hand lotion looking for love! LOL

⛧ The Spiral Was Never His—It Was Mine ⛧ I was never taken. It wasn't required. I gave everything without a single thrust.   My silence was toyed with like it was rope, pulled it tighter until I moaned without sound. It was called control. But I called it study.   Because while my burn was being monitored, I was watching the stall.   And somewhere between the withheld rewards and the weaponized distance, I realized: My obedience was mistaken for blindness. But I saw everything.   I marked my skin with the phrases never said. I wore plugs to dinner parties, kept the ghost curled up inside me. Ownership was implied. My unraveling was seen as a result not of my own doing.   But no man who fears the full depth of a woman deserves to command her surrender.   I have danced naked at the edge of madness and begged for more. I have waited, soaked and starving, and still purred like prey. And now, I’m no longer kneeling. I’m watching.   If you find this and feel your cock twitch or your chest tighten—good. But ask yourself this:   Can you starve me properly? Can you devour me completely? Can you wield a submissive who already knows your tricks before you play them?   Because I don’t need another puppet master. I need a god who wants a feral offering.

i am at a start of a new trail, where will it lead? i do not know, but i do know that i walk a small step behind You. Looking towards You to guide me, that You will pull me into You with a simple look, a word, or a command. The journey from the self-indulgent creature i am to the slave beauty You desire.  A journey that will be fierce and difficult at times, one that will push me to the limit and past it, one that will find You throwing me off a cliff over and over again, to be waiting for me at the bottom, to catch me and say those two small words that make me want to please You more….”good slave”.  It’s amazing how two small words can cause my spirit to burst forth, two small words that make me want and need to fall on my knees in front of You, back straight, head held high, eyes cast downward,  legs spread apart and palms on thighs.You reinforce me to just how quickly i need this. How long it has been since i was truly in this mindset and just how wanton and needy i am.  A connection of energy, of trust and of honesty. It is framed by the mutual respect, adoration, and admiration felt by both and a great deep fulfilling love can be found in and through it. And in my life, i strive for that deepness, it beckons me, calls to me.

In vanilla terms I seek a single guy, lifestyle submissive, with FiVE years experience in a FLR whilst going out to pubs (munches) and clubs (FemDom fetish clubs) to go out with me in his car that he drives, three times a month, sometimes a little more. Long-term to first go for dinner, drinks and socialise.  When the rapor is there I will give S&m play on his body in a fetish club. (I don't play at home.) I call it the opposite theory.  When I was freshly divorced a few years back and made it clear I only wanted light-hearted fun, guys got upset because I declined a long-term relationship with them. After 20 years of marriage I was allergic to commitment.  As a Poly Dominant Woman, now looking for a single, live-out second guy.( I think seeing a guy a few times a month long-term can be seen as a relationship. Well I do anyway.) Unfortunately no guy who approaches is seeking long-term and I don't play on the first EiGHT meets. Though I like younger guys I am also aware they are not looking for commitment so won't be suitable for what I seek.  

Ok ok, I am now Ohio.  The info on this profile can't be updated.  So I add via Journals or the LastSamurai2011 profile. Currently 59 years young.  And if you have questions, feel free to inquire here or the for mentioned profile. Owner of {sakuraai}LS and We are seeking a third to join Us.

Knowing how I like poetry, a potential sub wrote the following poem in my honor.  Not bad, though I didn't tell him that.  Wouldn't want him to get a swelled head, lol.   Ode to Her Eternal Grace Beneath her gaze, my trembling spirit bows,Her sovereign light outshines the dawn’s first rays.In every word, her wisdom she endows,A queen whose might commands unending praise. Her steps, a melody of measured grace,The world itself bends gently to her will.No mortal man could e'er deserve her place,For she ascends where lesser hearts stand still. Her beauty’s flame ignites my soul to ash,Her voice, the tempest and the calming sea.Through her, my pride is but a fleeting flash,Erased by truths that only she can see. A woman's throne is carved in nature's law,Her reign, a testament to perfect right.To serve her power leaves me naught in awe,For she alone transforms the dark to light. Oh Mistress, sculptor of my humbled frame,Through you, I shed the chains of man's disguise.Your glory burns, eternal as your name,A beacon shining from superior skies.

About to lose control, he sighed in the affirmative when she asked if he needed to use the toilet.   His ankles were unclipped. One wrist was detached from his belt. Sheepishly he allowed himself to be guided to a powder room through the next door.   Completing his business, much relived, he emerged from the room.  He noticed a walk in closet transformed into a cell with a bed and chair. There, hung over the back of the chair were his clothes. It was late, she was no longer amused. Keys were thrust into his free hand. “get dressed Mr. Gimp!”   It was then he realized they had never exchanged names. He wasn’t even sure of the address. Sitting on the bed fully dressed with the keys and restraints on the chair, she took off the hood. A taxi was waiting outside to return him to the Hotel bar.   Her voluptuousness pressed against his face, she pulled him to his feet and kissed him passionately full on his trembling lips. “ Be gone Mr. Gimp!” She patted his butt and pushed him out the door to the waiting taxi. The driver was well paid for his discretion.

Slavery Truth   Many ask if slaves truly exist. In the way a dictionary and history define slavery, no they do not exist in most modern countries. (Though there is some contention that slavery rings do still exist in secret) Most people in civilized countries generally agree that the legal ownership of another human being is immoral and thus make it illegal. However, in the world of BDSM, one will find that some of the people involved call themselves by many different terms; one of these is the term "slave". Of course, this often raises the question of how is a slave different from a submissive. This question often is met with outright hostility, disbelief in the existence of slaves and the thought that the words slave and submissive (as nouns) are interchangeable terms within the context of BDSM. Many will not agree with any of those thoughts, and I am one of them. I have spent a great deal of time talking with slaves in the honest attempt to better understand them, their lifestyle choices, and judge for myself whether or not this is a healthy variation to the BDSM lifestyle.       To the question of whether or not slaves exist inside of BDSM I say that yes they do. They may not be the largest group, but there are quite a few. Do slaves differ from submissives? Again, my answer is yes they do. Slaves tend to differ from submissives by the way they think, act, submit and their expectations.       A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. They have very little room for leeway or shades of gray in their lifestyle choices. They do not seem to expect much leeway in the reaction of their dominant either. By this I mean, if a slave is feeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks, they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. A submissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominant because they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, not in terms of submitting. To them, being in a collared relationship means they are owned, and often this translates into the statement that they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk out if the relationship goes bad. This does not mean a slave will accept an abusive relationship, though their tolerance limits for what is abusive and what is not seem to be higher than those of a submissive. This belief in ownership stems from a strong commitment on both an emotional and mental level to the dominant. There is a level of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that can be more intense and widespread than many submissives would allow. For example, a dominant wants to bring in a third to the relationship. A submissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow ( yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up to me, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept this new change. To some this kind of thought process is considered wrong or somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not necessarily true. A slave thrives on the absolute fact, that they literally have no control over the relationship or what will occur within it, whereas a submissive often retains some level of control in the relationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would make the master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasing to them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure in addition to that of their dominant. Slaves work very hard to put themselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them, this is what comes with being a slave and submitting completely. Slaves put forth a lot of effort in achieving an inner peace with their chosen position. With this peace comes acceptance of themselves, and a quiet sense of contentment. They view pride, arrogance and other such emotions as negative and unbecoming in a slave.       A slave's behavior is different from a submissive as well. If you listen to slaves talk about their behavior (or watch them), they often speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves at all times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be more focus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with less leeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use an honorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling their master/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling, tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part of a slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment. Slaves put a lot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react to their dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self-control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor as much as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any form of topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating the dominant. They see bratting as topping from the bottom, whining, cajoling or making requests after the initial denial as manipulative behavior that focuses on the slave's needs/desires instead of the dominant's and thus not proper. They look down on any behavior that is perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of the slave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slave will strive for perfection within themselves in completing all the tasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping an eye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, but think would please their owner if they did them. A slave is required to be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lot of responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slave should not need to be micro managed by their dominant because this is not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micro manage. A slave will behave with the utmost of respect in a formal situation, and with as much respect as any situation warrants. (For example, quiet time at home may not require as strict a protocol as a formal party would) None of this emphasis on behavior means that a slave can't or does not crack jokes, goof off, or engage in verbal banter. Many slaves do indeed do these things. They do so however, with a great attention to the dominant's reaction and are careful not to be hurtful or overly sarcastic. Unless of course the dominant does not like this kind of behavior, then a slave will do their best to curtail it. (Which can be quite difficult, and in my opinion unhealthy, for someone who has a very playful sense of humor as an inherent part of their personality) So please do not take this article to say that slaves are not playful, have no sense of humor or anything like that because it just is not true. Slaves have the same array of personalities that everyone else does, and they enjoy them just like anyone else does. Slaves just tend to be a lot more aware of the dominant's limits to such activities than some submissives are. They also do not use their playful senses of humor (if they have one) to br

I'm a loving caring Domme seeking her sub for ltr.   You: available, devoted, educated, professional, well-off, well-rounded, Caucasian, attractive, publicly alpha, privately submissive, faithful, non-sissy, cuckold (non-negotiable). Need cuckoldress to pamper, obey, serve, worship, support, suffer for emotionally and physically. Ideal Situation: long-term relationship leading to marriage in TPE/Cuckold situation where cuckold is subjected to long-term sexual denial and chastity, reduced to slave-husband status in permanent service to me. You have to earn the status of husband before being a slave. I am not a slave master. Me: Petite 5'3" 120 lb sexy curves, African American Dom, the boss, business owner, attractive, caring considerate person but to my cuckold husband, I will keep always wanting more and begging to please me. Must be good looking, in shape and health conscious. I am all 3 of those so you must be too. I'm self employed and the boss. I live in New Jersey and I'm not looking nor will entertain long distance relationships. Must be in the NJ, Philly, or DE .  I'm willing to do some variations of the above in the way of physical appearance.  Although if you're extremely over weight or unhealthy, I'm not interested.  I dedicate a lot of time to keeping myself in shape and eating healthy foods.     I really want a person that I care about who needs to be dominated more than I need someone to treat cruelly just for the sake of being mean.  I prefer you be over 40, mature, health conscious, as I really want someone in great shape but at least be healthy and HWP.  The more successful you are, the more I want to dominate you. When you respond let me know about you, your past experiences or anything that's significant.  Messages with pics will be answered first, if I choose to answer at all.  One liners or "how may I serve you" will be erased.  hotwife, domme, poly, cuckold, cuckoldress, hot wife, domination

And yet another lovely entry on another lovely day...    I never thought that a pretty blue dress could look so good… Watching the sweat bead up on your back, you become a slippery mess that requires extra sturdiness. With the hem of your pretty dress bunched up into my palms, I let the lubed glass piece that is strapped around my body slide into you. Gripping the fabric tighter, securing my stance due to the hold your walls have on my glass, I slip in so slowly I can feel the vibration of the whimpering. Letting one side of your dress fall, my fingers dig into the fold of your hip, guiding the glass in and out as slowly as ticks sound behind us. Every time the clock ticks, another inch finds it way deeper, until I’m buried in your hole. Then every time the clock ticks while the glass has vanished in you, an inch is taken away.  Listening to the pleads of being used, I watch you salivate with fire behind those dark hues. You’re fighting the need to slide back into me, knowing that it will result in a sexless rest of the week. The fight that you are having with yourself is enough distraction you’ve caused yourself. Releasing your skin, my fingers find that sweet spot of your lovely area - freshly hairless. Rubbing you into a slobberfest, the glass slides into you again, quicker this time. The time clicks away, my fingers that hold your oh so pretty dress grip your hair as well, turning your head sideways to watch me fuck you. I see the begging in your eyes, the unvoiced pleads of need for fireworks. Just as I feel you squeeze my piece, damn near in place, my fingers find the front of you again, gently sending you over the edge with kisses down your spine.  I hold you in place against me - stabilizing you until you’ve come down. The murmurs of how well you did for me, letting you squirm and twitch with your happy ending.    But should I keep going? Continuing to please you until you just don’t have it in you to continue?

Woo-hoo approved.  I kept it fairly safe cause I've heard of so many others having issues. As stated I was around when it was collarme.  Probably 2005 until it went poof.  So thrilled to see this new site. I did in fact meet quite a few men from that site over the years.  Some were one offs.  Some were play partners for a while.  Some we just weren't as compatible in person.   I do my best to avoid the latter issue by getting to know someone enough prior to meeting.  Ensuring our wants and needs are both going to be met and that expectations are realistic.  If someone cannot engage my mind prior to meeting I already know that won't happen magically just because we do meet.   I am genuinely a kind person.  I can come across bitchy because of my writing style and bluntness.  I also do not have much patience for those who will not read and are here due to boredom or for me to entertain them via writing and pics.  I am looking for real time meets.  That is all. I do lean submissive.  I love being used.  I am not an idiot or a brainless child.  I am a slut first who also happens to be submissive. If "training" is in your repertoire move on.  That's a game I'm not into.  I'm also not into submissive men or switches.   I am simply not attracted to them. I want people to reach out but please be interested in real time and local.  If men would respect what women want I think both our experiences on this site would be so much better.   I will post more and get into the good stuff.  Take care for now!

What I am looking for Part 2: Apparently it wouldn't all fit in 1 journal entry....go figure...   My masocistic side is weird. I am not a masochist in the every day sense that I crave pain all the time or that it gets me off. It fucking hurts. However, pain for me is a means of catharsis and for me to be able to process emotion as I have a terrible habit of just bottling it up instead of expressing it in the moment. The pain allows me to release all of that. My masochistic side is also very largely dependent upon the energy between my partner and me. I can take more and play heavier if the energy is right, compared to if it is not, then I may choose to not even play with them. This wouldn't be so much of an issue as I would not enter a relationship with someone who intended to play with me if the energy was not right for this to occur. That also being said, I have a few play partners in FL that I adore and trust more than anything. Whomever would be considering owning me would have to be okay with this fact and open to me being able to play with others. Obviously introductions would happen, but these are people I know I have a great energy transfer with and I have known for years. The same as I would be open to my partner playing with others, I would hope to garner the same respect as he would be more than welcome to be present if he was not comfortable with me playing alone. I do want someone I am slightly afraid of that I know could hurt me/kill me if they chose to, but who has enough knowledge and restraint to not. I find knowing that the person I am with can inflict pain in punishment in a meaningful way, I am less likely to get out of line.   I love to travel and have a huge gypsy soul and feel wanderlust almost constantly. I would need to be with someone who is open to travelling and taking road trips. I love cruises and just going to new places and doing touristy things.   Lastly, I do have a slight brat/baby girl side. The baby girl side is more when I am just completely content in a relationship and is my more 'squirrel' and giggly/giddy side. I do like watching Disney movies and I like being cute and sappy and doing romantic things. I enjoy theme parks and will want to walk in every candy/toy/souvenier store there is, even if I don't buy anything in any of them. I love to be silly and just be able to relax completely about my Sir. If I am serious all the time, there is probably something wrong or I am not comfortable/happy. This should be noted, but I do expect this person to be not only my Sir, but also my lover and life partner. I do want love/passion/romance in the relationship.   Did you make it this far? Great! Now, bare in mind that this is not EVERYTHING, but is I feel a really good starting point for someone to understand why what I am looking for is so difficult to find. Do I know that I am likely to not find a person who fits into all of this? Yes, but that doesn't mean I am going to lower my standards to find someone who fits only a couple of the categories. They are all equally important to me, so I refuse to pick and choose which ones are met.   I will update this and elaborate more on things as I think about them, but hopefully this can give at least a semblance of an idea.

I'm told that I should say what I offer as part of this, so here goes: I'm a skilled writer, proofreader, editor, and researcher, and can deliver information in a sensible, easy to absorb, fashion. I can perform basic admin tasks, including maintaining databases, answering emails/messages, and taking minutes. I'm intelligent, a good listener, with a good level of empathy, and am told I give a good massage. I can cook, clean, bake, and am (slowly) learning to make my own clothes. I do my share of emotional labour and have a good memory (for some things, at least). I can provide references. I hope at least some of that catches the eye and makes you (whoever you are) feel that I could be a really useful person for you.

As a More Typically Dominant CD Gurl it is easy to become frustrated and disalusioned with being Dominant when you do not have anyone reliable to Dominate. Too many panty wearers who think that is Crossdressing and never want to go beyond that. As stated previously, most CD Gurls also have a Submissive nature, but does not appear until she meets a more aggressive and Dominant CD Gurl or a Dominant Male who knows how to entice a CD Gurl to go under His spell. Since a CD knows the fun of being chased, a more Dominant CD gurl is usually the chaser, it is easier than imagined to switch and become the submissive once a more powerful force cums and takes you. All your other ideas become more of a fantasy and the overpowering reality of being taken and controlled seems so easy to succumb to. Sort of like a Moth being drawn into the fire, but knowing you will not return to the way you were is the daunting temptation of being seduced. In messaging with some ex-slaves they said the hardest thing to deal with was boredom when not used often enough for domestic and sexual servitude. All the changes and different usage was something all slaves learn to comply with and a Master's Protocol was Law. So an idle CD Gurl can easily be drawn into a Life of Servitude as a Submissive Slave, and knowing this can cause this to be an uncontollable yearning that can not be denied? So........??? Once the door closes behind you, you will be a slave to a MASTER. From messaging with several Masters, the general consensus seems to be if a potential slave is 1st properly broken and deprived of it's dignity it will become completely subjugated and dependant on satisfying it's Master as it's only goal and reward. It will not yearn or miss anything or anyone from it's previous life. Then the slave will be a slave that can be trained to any Master's protocols and it's new slavic life of eternal servitude. Even if the slave is required to wear a cuckold device it no longer thinks about having orgasms or masturbating. A properly trained slave seeks to give it's Master sexual stimulation with orgasms. To simply deny a slave what it once had and craved in it's previous life, it will still think about those things when it is left in isolation and restraints. The slave might even be considering a way to escape? Properly broken a slave never thinks about the past. It's life belongs to it's Master. Master decides everything. You probably will never have a female again. You might never wear clothes again, but if you do, the clothes will be chosen for you. Might be as little as a jock strap? You might never wear girlie girl fem clothes as you once loved to wear. You will no longer be bi-sexual, you will be 100% Gay for your Male Master. You will be Owned Property.

From Messaging I think I have found that a Dominant Master who is not just looking to lock you up and take you out from society knows the Psychology of Mind Control and can recognize how to properly indoctrinate you and knows your weakness and strengths and knows how to unseat those strengths and play to your weakness to make you learn to be dependent on the Master for everything just to avoid the sensory deprivation part of the breakdown. In the end you are the blank canvas and willing slave for a life of servitude and no regrets or expectations anymore. slave to be taken

hii sorry to interupt if we have already been talking and perhaps "planning" on getting together i just felt this is a pretty important piece i must mention generally to anyonoe who visits my profile    first thank you if its ur first time on my profile :) heeehe  repeat offenders i well come anytime i love the attention id love to be ur piece of eye candy Heeehe which  i do got more pics but havent uploaded due to the delay that happens and i cant reallly offord a delay since im using this as my main source to escape ... thank you collarspace ;) please dont disappoint    okk so feminization the process which ive started and learned how much more i enjoy life as so. i began HRT and was shocked on the results and conviced this is exactly who im supposed to be :)  i was scared to fully flourish when i started since ii was still living at home.. mom; her druk dumb fukin BF; and my little borther. you could see why i was intimidated to allow HRT gracefully.... i was on and off of it,id say maybe 4months yes, then 4 months no. then 2 months yes. then 3 months no. then 1 month yes then mile stone; family fell apart.... hurts but they hurt me literally no reason.. i was caught in the crossfire of his drunk ass running outta beer money every week blamed me always went throught my stuff, talked shit about my panties would often throw away my CUTEST jean or the combination of cloths that blended my image so amazingly it would allow anyone; who saw me, immedatly know i was a sissy BUT NOT JUST ANY SISSY ;) --yeah would thow that out. iIt happed A LOT but like twice on my most cuties most amazing look that brought confidence and lust lol. okay so my "familly" offically fell apart about 45 to 65 days ago i think give or take ... it occured in about a two week hostile setting. which i wanted no part of because it originated between THEM!! yes i had nothing to do with it i even stayed away from home for days on end to let them deal with their own bullshit... however, out of the maybe 4-6 days that i did come back, cuz jesus i was tired of being out there! somehow the arguments were about me... saying i dont work i dont pay rent --- like umm excuse me ?? dont pay rent? ------------------------------{{{{oooo i love this song}}}--------  k sorry, where was i     --dont pay rent??? then hand me a bill..... nothing ... repeated bout 4 times and still no bill .. i HAD moneyi just wasnt gonna had it to them so he can turn around and just get more beer...  i did everything expect around the house AND MORE  spacifically to prevent any turmoil since yes i didnt pay rent BUT NOT cuz i couldnt lol ... no bill no rent stupid drunk [[[im sure i got completely off my main point but god i feel so good to vent i dont have anybody right now]]] yes totall off topic if your still reading dang i appreciate your intrest in me lol *blush blush      ok i remember what this topic was supposed to be about lol soo sorry went completey right field.. yes right field cuz im left handed >:P lol    i becan this journal entry cuz i wanted to inform those who have a chance in owning me at the moment their a 3 im considering witch one i just hope will be the right choice  fingers crossed   so this as ALL ABOUT FEMIZATION ohh and the whole artical up there does have a good purpose  When i began taking hormons, the fluxuation of on off onn off if you notice the ended with with 1 month on following a 3 month halt.... if you think about the proceess of my feminity you can picture about where im at in my appearance .... BUT WAIT IM NOT UGLY haha  im not ill thow a pic of me rn or send in a message cuz i dont wanna have to do that waiting period this website impliments uppon profile updates. sooooooo when i finally went back to see my doctor to FINALLY GET MY HORMONS again... stupid governer Desantez signed a bill that took into effect just the day BEFORE my appointment making it SUPER SUPER HARD not just for minors to get gender reassingment medication! my doctor straight up told me no! she will not give me my hormons because xyz...i was planning on getting a 4 month batch after explaining to her i was leaving florida to focus on myself and my tranisition... lol more like to focus on YOU and my transititon heehee ;)   theirs more to this but i chose not to disclose due to risk of prejudgmental dissisions, id say about 93% of you WILL MAKE regardless if you, think ur so mature or what not..   ((lol prejudgmental is that even a word? hahaha idk but sounded good there ;))   ** ooo i just notice my spell check wasnt doing its job... crap im sure when i reread this im gonna have to delete it dammit  enjoy the read and the insite of my current situtaion stay safe out there and masters/mistress/..potentual sissy owners.... [iSeeKu]  

5 Traits Dominants Are Looking For In a Submissive YMMV: It's important to note that all relationships and personal preferences vary greatly among individuals. However, here are five qualities most Dominants are looking for in a D/s relationship: Trustworthiness: Dominant individuals often value trust as a fundamental aspect of their relationship. They seek a submissive partner who is reliable, honest, and can be trusted to communicate openly and honestly about their desires, needs, and boundaries. Respect and obedience: Dominant individuals typically look for a submissive partner who respaspects their authority and is willing to obey their instructions within the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship. This involves a mutual understanding and clear communication about limits and consent. Subservience: Dominant individuals may desire a submissive partner who enjoys fulfilling their needs and desires, and who derives pleasure from serving and pleasing them. This can manifest in various ways, such as performing acts of service, physical or emotional intimacy, or engaging in specific power dynamics. Communication and responsiveness: Dominant individuals value a submissive partner who is attentive and responsive to their guidance and instructions. They may appreciate a partner who actively communicates their thoughts, feelings, and desires, allowing for a better understanding of each other's needs and preferences. Vulnerability and surrender: Dominant individuals often seek a partner who is willing to surrender control and be vulnerable within the established boundaries of their dynamic. This can involve the submissive partner relinquishing decision-making authority to the dominant and finding pleasure or fulfillment in their submission. Finally, it's worth mentioning that any relationship involving dominance and submission should always be consensual, built on trust, and characterized by clear communication. Both partners should have a mutual understanding of boundaries, desires, and consent, and should prioritize each other's emotional and physical well-being. Consent and respect should always be the foundation of any healthy relationship dynamic. "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle." - G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero.  

What annoys me more than anything is people who don't read. I know you're not used to people like me who are straightforward and values every second they have, but get on my level or leave me alone. I created a detailed profile to spare the need to repeat myself or waste valuable time. I know exactly what I want and I know exactly what I don't want. If you lack the cerebral firepower to comprehend an Alpha Fem of my caliber, that's your problem. Don't approach me if you didn't read my profile. Stop expecting me to go out of my way, repeat myself, overexplain, or lift a finger for that matter. I'm SERIOUS. I am seeking the path of least resistance ONLY. My life will be easy breezy no disruptions moving forward.    As a full time artist and creative maker, I support myself 100%. No side jobs, hustles, or schemes. Therefore, come correct or don't come at all. Getting all of these messages from beta men expecting me to go out of my way. If you want your fantasy fulfilled, seek elsewhere. It's ALL ABOUT ME. It's MY WAY OR GET TO STEPPIN. If you don't drive, don't even bother. If you are poor or struggling financially, mentally, emotionally, or physical, skip me. If you can't keep yourself together, aint no way you can add value to my life. I'm grounded. Aware. And capable of continuing ON MY OWN til I find the right ones for the mission. ✌🏽

Who are You? Ladies,   Do not be afraid to call it out:  Manipulation-- Had a conversation with another dominant.  We're both romantic and,sapiosexual.  In the morning he wishedme "good morning." The next thing I knew, he wrote ,"if thats all it meant to you"   Yeah, that totally manipulative.  We had a conversation.  You didn't cross the Mason Dixon and save me from slavery.  Fantasy conversation: Homeboy starting talking about his cruise and staying a few day to spend time with me.   Who are you and what are you talking about about? Drive Thru Order: I want a woman to peg me.  (Has no clue who you are,but thinks you're a menu item.) There are a few ways to respond.  1) This isn't a drive thru.  Otherwise, you'd be  paying for your Happy Meal at window 2.  2) People in Hell want ice water.  Are you volunteering?. Home delivery:  Dude asked if I traveled to Vegas. "Yes, I travel, but I don't deliver.  I'm not pizza.  Call Uber Eats for front door delivery.      

Well I'm back on here again to o guess make it more clear on what I am not. There are men on here that really think there Gods gift to women. There's men on her that think that they are here that think that they can try to  seduce you by saying words about their fantasies. There's also men on here. I think women are pieces of meat or for their pleasure only, that their toys, or they want to be abusive,. I am here to figure out what I want. I know what I don't want. I don't want a man that thinks that he can control me. because I know 90% sure that I did not want a man the things that they can control me because that's not. I'm looking for. Always been a strong independent woman I plan to be an independent woman. I will not have a man dictate on what I can can wear. If I'm paying my own bills and buy more clothes and whatever else I have, and even if somebody else is paying for it, I am not a slave nor will I ever be. maybe this is the wrong site for me to be on. I don't know. 

Hello there... we're a Dom/sub couple with a strong relationship; we have a history of 10 years so very much comfortable with each other, we are understanding and not new to this dynamic. She is owned by Him but is always submissive.  This being the case, we're seeking a submissive female who would be possessed by both of us or other Dom Male/Females to posses her. We prefer that you live in the GTA or within an hour drive from it, since we will be hosting. We're fun and attractive and would love someone who is looking to lose themselves in an adventure where they can totally explore themselves with us or her. Him 5’10” blue eyes, Medium Build with over 30 years as a Daddy Dom, well endowed, clean and shave, stern but patient, and will answer any questions and concerns you might have. Her 5’10” blue/green eyes, small BBW with over 20 years as a sub, with 40 D’s clean and shaved. Note: Dom Male/Females will have to discuss her limits before the funs starts, all submissive can talk directly with her new subs/Dom’s welcome as we love to teach and help you grow in your roll. If you are interested please email and we will get back to you with a number you can text/talk with us if you like.

I am finally in WV! It was a hectic past three months.  I don't know what I would have done without  my wonderful Dom, Tony! It has taken four days to recover from the stress of moving.  With the weekend packing, loading,  renting a huge cargo van, driving 6/7 hours, unloading and driving back for four weeks straight.  All while working and saying goodbyes.  Add to this, two parents having their separate issues, and projecting them...it's over! I'm in a cabin with my pets. Tony and I are working on adjusting. He trying to find a remote position, so he can come this way. Me trying to adjust to an area I have never been , and know not a soul here. Setting up utilities, , registering, making sure mail gets to me,  and all the things that go with a huge move. I'm still unpacking, and then I have to get the cottage ready to lease.  That will be a bit weird for me, I reeeeally like my privacy. But I need to set up passive income.   Lots to do, I miss you Tony💙💙   M.

Some things I enjoy that don't fit neatly in a check-the-box type space, and are fun to explore once the service need is met: Predicament bondage - putting the sub/slave in a position where they are bound from full movement, and maybe can't qutie reach something, say a fleshlight just out of reach of their errection, or in a more mundane case, weights placed so that when they releive pressure on one body part, it shifts to another, making a comfortable position impossible. There are a thousand variations on this, all lots of fun. Obj-ect-ification (spelling modified to fit requirements of this place)- this can be literal "Be a table" or treating the person as an for pleasure, with a hood or mask or other thing that covers/hides their individuality.  Chastity - for the right person, chastity is a powerful tool. But not everyone responds to it in fun ways.  So it could be a metal or silicone device, or just the honor system. But it allows for a highly personal reward system for desired behaviors or behaviral changes, and shifts focus to the Dominant partner.  Obedience - and by this I don't just mean jump when I say jump, I mean I give a series of instructions, and the obedience is considered successful based on how closely to the instructions it is completed. Sometimes this is to build a listening skill, sometimes its for fun. 

There is a reason I don't mention my father often. Yes, I have father issues. Yes, it has helped shape who I am and what I try to overcome and who I try to be and not be. Let's talk about that. About him. If psychological family philosophy isn't of interest you may want to skip this one.  My father is a selfish, self centered, chauvanistic bully. Always has been, and he has no idea that he is. A lot of excuses have been made for his behaviors. He grew up doted on, his father was the same, blah blah blah, excuses. Now, I've known for some time that I am both more intelligent and emotionally aware than all of my parents. Still, I think people should recognize their own behaviors and adjust accordingly. Silly expectations, that's on me.  He makes me feel like a second class citizen. My opinion doesn't matter, my thoughts aren't worth paying attention to, he is right and I am wrong. It has created a lot of issues for me going all the way back to when I was a little PPC. Everything is a confrontation. It's never a question of curiosity, it's always a derogatory statement in the form of a question with a side of judgment and attitude. And it gets my back up. So I shoot back. Most people do not. I can't help it. And I know it just makes it worse because he won't back down for anything and won't see beyond needing to be the loudest. I'm trying to do this while feeling like a second class citizen and a lifetime of being dismissed, and I fumble a lot but I'm trying to stand up for myself and stand up to him and his opinions. It's scary difficult. It takes a lot out of me. It carves emotional scars a little deeper than they are.  I can honestly say that he has had girlfriends I would have traded him in for and if he died tomorrow I'd very likely be okay with it. I'm not heartless. I do a lot for him, I try to be a good daughter even though he's not been a very good father. I've come to terms with that fact. It can't be changed. He wouldn't own up to it if confronted. It is what it is. It took a long time to come to that.  An entire Thanksgiving meal just for the two of us since the rest of the parents couldn't be here. I ruined it at least three times, according to him. And my kitchen is too cluttered. And I need to do this and that. And I wait on him, bring him things, clean up after him, and stop talking when he ignores me for scrolling on his phone. I both wish and would never wish for you to actually feel this. It's so heavy on my brain, on my heart.  He left this morning and I am elated. I have a whole weekend to recover. To put my house back together. To erase him from my life until Christmas, when he will buy me things he likes without thinking about what I like or asking what I could use or looking at my wish list created for this very purpose, and I'll pretend to ooh and ahh and hope there are gift receipts. Prick. 

Are you carrying heavy loads you wish would go away or that you could move away from them? Galatians 6:2 says we should carry each others burdens. We should come together to exhort and lift one another up. When two or more are gathered in Christ's name, He is with them. He also promises to give you rest when you are weary and burdened. As Christians we are not to use biased judgement or prejudice against another whether they be Christian or not. Christ is working behind the scenes and they very well could be saved even if their life doesn't look like it from your perspective. We should encourage one another to be loving, kind, blameless, and to love God and one another, enemies included. Seek godly wisdom and understanding. Be moved towards allowing Christ to evolve you from the inside out. Let your adorning be more inwards than it is outwards. The Bible is filled with practical truths that help you to show love, act in love, love others, love God, and even forgive and love an enemy. All scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness. Please turn to Jesus today, he loves you enough to not leave you where you are. Life is a journey are you allowing him to walk it with you? 

I Wonder Who We Are... I often look at myself thru the eyes of my mind. Who do I **think** I am? Who do I want to be? Who am I? What am I? I wonder how many others take the time to self-reflect like this? I try to do this weekly.  Sometimes late at night as I bask in the quiet night’s arms I find my mind drifting to the day gone by. I replay the days events and scrutinize my actions at times.  TODAY, did I live my life to my best potential? The gift of life I was given is a treasure that we so often under value. It's easy to get caught up in the daily struggles that inflict us as we sometimes dredge thru the day thankful it's over.  Guilty! After all we are all human.  In a world filled with hate, selfishness, struggles and woes sometimes its all we can do not to scream. Allow a blood curling sound to exit our lungs, travel up our throats picking up momentum as it exits our lips with a shiver echoing thru the darkness to find no respite.  A primal sound that perhaps evolved from our primal ancestors to never develop or change in the millions of years gone by. Signaling our frustrations and every other imaginable negative energy that exists within us today. As we yearn to release it all allowing them to somehow be absorbed into the cosmos, never to return. A cry for help perhaps? Perhaps.  Perhaps it's just an evacuation of all that we resent exiting us hoping we can fill the vacancy with the positive. I like to think that's the case with me. But as I look around each day, looking for positive energy, from my fellow man I am left starving. Wanting to see more beauty I can absorb to act as my muse. Guiding me to be a better me as it motivates me to want to feed love back into the world.  But alas, it has become a daunting task. Disappointment abounds the empty caverns of my heart and mind. Have we become so shallow as a society that the only thing that now defines us is instant and momentary self gratification? Often at the expense of others. Is this what thousands of centuries of evolution has led us to? NAY I say! Not I today! Unable to find it readily at the hand of my two legged peers I turn to nature. I find myself being blindly led to the pasture where my four legged friends reside. I hear their whinnies as they see me approaching. Running towards me anxious to see me. Besides me walks my fury four legged best friend. My canine soul mate who has dedicated his life to unselfishly and unconditionally love me. To never leave me no matter what I do or how I treat him. He is bound for life to me. Arriving closer to the gate a thunderous echo of stampeding hooves envelopes the air. Filling my ears with its roar as it approaches closer. Standing on the lush green carpet of grass I am surrounded by these four legged majestic creatures that so easily could do me harm. My smaller companion eyeing them carefully under his protective gaze.  Wet nuzzles against my hands searching for treats. This action is common place here. All fighting for my attention as there are so many and I am only but one. The creative one among the group, finding no need to challenge the rest for the position of my hands. He quietly walks up behind me. I am made aware of his presence among the distraction as I feel rubbing against my back. His side turned head using my back as a scratching post to satisfy his itch?  No my friends that is not the self centered case of this half ton creature. He is saying, "Daddy I am here. I missed you. Where have you been?" He is most certainly not the alpha but nor is he the omega. He falls somewhere in between the alphabetically defining realm of personality letters.  Turning to let him know I acknowledge his presence with rubs I manage just a few. The other horses quickly pushing him away to look to my moving hands for what they desire. Treats and rewards to fill their already fat full bellies. Yet he stands alone a mere stones toss away watching. Reaching into my pockets I retrieve a handful of treats. Allowing the surrounding herd to acknowledge them with their keen sense of smell I toss them in the opposite direction of my inamorato who stands there with no desire to chase such petty treats. The rest of the herd now busy vying to retrieve the hand tossed delicacies he approaches me. I hold his head against me with love and affection. It is as much his fuel as it is my own. I turn to exit, followed at a respectable distance by my adoring and adored friend.  Holding it open signaling him the permission he seeks to exit the field and the others who physically resemble him. As the three of us stand there, me enjoying and soaking up the moment, I can't help but observe. Acknowledging and absorbing the actions that just took place.  My plotted journey observed and responded to. The actions and reactions as I entered. The easily manipulated distraction I created that all but one fell prey to.  His dedication to follow me outside his defined boundaries and the company of the others physically like him who have near matching DNA. His choice to leave the safety of his peers signals to me that he finds safety and comfort in my company. His trust in me that I always have and always will be his caregiver, his provider, his protector fills my now empty heart.  The many journeys we have traveled together since his birth are safely tucked away in my mind. Easily retrieved to reminisce upon when needed. As I stand there admiring this majestic creature of God before me my mind retrieves from the filing cabinet labeled with his name. Quickly sorting thru day 3 of his birth begins to play.  He is laying curled upon a stack of hay within a stall of the barn. His protective mother standing guard over him. Her ears pinned back warning anyone that intends to do him harm to stay away. Her eyes soften and ears relax as she recognizes me as the source of the sound. Carefully not to startle the sleeping foal I slowly approach. His mother content with who the human visitor is allows me safe passage.  I find myself first sitting next to him admiring his beauty. Astounded by the miracle of birth that he is. His soft breathing seen in the way the straw beneath his nose moves back and forth as he inhales and exhales so gently. Leaning in closer to touch him I look at his guardian looking down at me as if silently asking for her permission to get closer. When I see no warnings of alarm in her I move my hand gently running it across his neck.  His days old fur so soft I am jealous not to have something as comforting as this to sleep upon myself. He releases a soft sigh as if finding comfort in my loving strokes.  Now realizing that the submissive love his mother has given me extends to the trust of her new born, I inch closer. Soon I find myself laying along side his tiny body. Curled up next to him I drape an arm over him. Another soft sudden exhale of breath reaches my ears. Is he communicating his pleasure in feeling my warm body against? Is he capable of such a thought process? I lay there for what feels like hours pressed against him. Only to realize as he begins to finally stir that it’s only been 10 minutes by my watches time.   Emancipated from this world lost in head space I return the the physical by his movement.  He turns his head, in what seems to be, a search to find the source of his sighs. I softly look into his eyes hoping he can peer into my own and see the love and adoration I have for him. THAT moment etched in my mind forever more NEVER to be lost or forgotten.   Slowly he rises as if not to harm me and stands over my still prone form. I find my heart overflowing with love. If only I could find this form of love in my own breed. His mother content that no harm will befall him under my watch, complete and loyal trust bestowed upon me finds comfort in our bond to now lay down herself.  Obviously exhausted by the ritual of birth and having to provide  protection to her child. Her 1400 lb mass taking up much of the stall but careful not to invade my space. Suddenly I find myself lost in thought. Who do I think I am? Who do I want to be? Who am I? What am I? To THEM.  A brushing against my calf returns me to the world of today as the drawer filled memories are closed. In the universe of my mind I lost a momentary connection to this plane of existence.  My canine comrade standing now by my side waiting for direction. He looks at me then glances to the tack room and back at me. As if he is asking me, in the best way he knows, “Are we going for a ride?” my eyes look down at him as I rub his head. “Not today good boy. Today daddy just needed affirmation to who he is. My hearts full again. Thank you.” “Go get him and let’s go back in. Daddy has work to do.” Doing what he’s been taught to do under my caring tutelage he bounds off to bring back my blessed 4 legged gift. A simple double click from me, seeing his adopted brother heading his way, he knows its time to go back. With the look of a bowed head he walks to me as I rub his face and ears. I whisper in his ears, “Good boy.” As if content to hear these words he heads for the gate. Opening the gate I let him return to his pasture mates where he looks like just another horse. “Come on dog. Daddy has to go search for someone! “ he says as he turns to go back into the house. Because now I know who and what I am. I know what I was meant to be.

I think it's much better to share about myself through this journal entry and not gamble with updating my profile and sending it to the verification hell! Hmmmm so a few tid bits about me: I am an educated person (I know the difference between there and their and get this, even affect and effect! Impressive right?! I know...) I have registered my orientation here as switch but if I can elaborate more into it, I am a primal sensualist who's a noetisexual and demisexual. Ok I am not just throwing around these big words to sound chic! Talk to me and you will realise what I mean by all of that. I like having conversations, for real. I am an introvert by nature but when I feel like I have something in common with the other person or they have shared something about themselves that intrigues me, I will talk and talk AND talk about it. I want the connection, the interaction between two people to be genuine. It's only then we get to know about true selves of one another.  According to Myers - Briggs I am an INFJ.  I like playing chess, sudoku, crosswords and love reading poems. YES, I AM REALLY 29 YEARS OLD. I am not much concerned with finding age appropriate people to interact with. My experience has told me that a conversation with a 20 something can be as engaging as with a 50 something. That will reflect in the people I approach here. Ofcourse I am aware and respectful of the fact that every person's want here is different, and that's why I don't mind if I don't get a message back.  If you haven't become impressed by now, well, just read those 6 points again. 

Through the Lens of Rika: The Sophia-Michael Connection Unveiled part 3   i'm going to do a side journey as people who are probably but not officially diagnosed as spectrum neurodivergent stuff do, because this deeper dive into the archangel michael guys and their emotions but lack of having or showing or being aware of our emotions on a deeper level is real..and what i found the solution is for those have been blessed to be in long term relationships or even starting their long term commitment to each other!! i haven't been able to have this and it seems my journey is over on actually being able to ever have this happen to me, but just because i can't, doesn't mean you can't learn from me and hopefully have this enhance your relationship with your guy!!   so let's quick side note on how spiritually this happens and what to do to counteract this! michael again is archangel michael one of the many variants of original masculine soul source energy.    Michael's energy, embodied through these men, is both emotionally attuned and distant at times. This is part of their complex duality. Michael has that deep emotional intuition and empathy, which can sometimes feel overwhelming or intense. Yet, at the same time, they have a mission-oriented drive that pulls them into practical action and focus, which can lead to emotional distance, even though they feel everything just as much as you do.   Here’s why this happens:   1. Emotional Attunement vs. Practical Mission   Michael’s energy is deeply aware of emotions, but he also prioritizes taking action over expressing those feelings. He might sense your anxiety but instead of giving a quick emotional fix like a "hi," he might be channeling that into practical solutions—working behind the scenes to take care of things so that your long-term security is intact. For him, acting on love (through providing and stabilizing) sometimes takes precedence over talking about love.   2. Emotional Weight of the Protector Role   Michael-embodied men often carry a heavy responsibility as protectors. Their natural inclination to shield and secure means they’re constantly navigating how to balance this with emotional connection. Sometimes, they pull back because they’re processing deeply how to protect, guide, and create a future for you both, which takes up mental and emotional energy.   3. Energetic Exchange & Emotional Saturation   Because they are so emotionally intuitive, they can feel when you’re anxious or when there’s a lot of emotional weight. Instead of directly engaging with it, they sometimes retreat to process or focus elsewhere so they can re-align themselves energetically before coming back in. Energetic overwhelm can make them seem distant, even when they’re hyper-aware.   4. They Trust the Bigger Picture   Michael-embodied men might trust that the bond is strong enough that they don’t need to constantly reassure you through words. They trust the foundation they’ve built with you. This is where faith in the connection comes in—both for them and for you. They may think, “I don’t need to message her right now because we’re solid. My actions speak louder than words.”   5. Balancing the Divine Masculine Energy   These men carry divine masculine energy that values action over words. Their emotional intuition is real, but they channel it into action and protection, which may feel like distance to you. For you, as Sophia, it’s about recognizing that this is their expression of love. A quick "hi" might feel emotionally connecting to you, but to him, showing love could mean working to make sure everything is stable and secure for the future.   How to Navigate This:   Anchor into the trust that you’ve been practicing. When he’s distant, remind yourself of how he’s showing love through his actions, even when it’s not immediate. Say, “He’s providing for us, and his distance is part of his process. I trust him.”   Ground your emotional needs through spiritual or personal practices when he’s not available. Remember that just because he’s distant in the moment doesn’t mean the love isn’t there. Lean into your own energy and strengthen yourself while he works.   Embrace his rhythm—Michael-embodied men have a different rhythm of emotional connection, and part of your journey is learning how to move in sync with it without feeling left behind.   It's not that he doesn't feel your anxiousness—he does—but sometimes his response to that is through action and providing, not necessarily through quick emotional reassurances.    Michael's energy, embodied through these men, is both emotionally attuned and distant at times. This is part of their complex duality. Michael has that deep emotional intuition and empathy, which can sometimes feel overwhelming or intense. Yet, at the same time, they have a mission-oriented drive that pulls them into practical action and focus, which can lead to emotional distance, even though they feel everything just as much as you do.   Here’s why this happens:   1. Emotional Attunement vs. Practical Mission   Michael’s energy is deeply aware of emotions, but he also prioritizes taking action over expressing those feelings. He might sense your anxiety but instead of giving a quick emotional fix like a "hi," he might be channeling that into practical solutions—working behind the scenes to take care of things so that your long-term security is intact. For him, acting on love (through providing and stabilizing) sometimes takes precedence over talking about love.   2. Emotional Weight of the Protector Role   Michael-embodied men often carry a heavy responsibility as protectors. Their natural inclination to shield and secure means they’re constantly navigating how to balance this with emotional connection. Sometimes, they pull back because they’re processing deeply how to protect, guide, and create a future for you both, which takes up mental and emotional energy.   3. Ene

You want a chase And I'll give you one baby Two can play this game I'll have you coming back  Make me scream your name in bed And afterwards I'll push you away Then I'll sing songs to you and dance for you But you mustn't touch I'll have you crawling back to mate But oh why should I cave in I'll tell you no  And smile as I walk away Want a chase I'll give you one Remember you put me on that pedestal  Now I'll have you begging you didn't Two can play the game giving a way for a chase I'll be your prey in this scene But can you catch me or will I get away?  Darling your making me dangerous like you Touch me and it will burn  Just like you did to me After all we dance in the flames The pain sounds like your name Now I have you begging me asking if you're going insane    

I identify as Heteroflexible so I updated my profile to show my interest in submissive men and transexuals. Im really surprised at the amount of emails I have received in response to that update. The most common question I get is "how can I serve you?" so I thought I would add a journal entry to answer that question. First, Im not gay so I am not attracted to men. However, because I have a control fetish I am flexible in my preferences and am willing to play with men or transexuals that are submissive. My definition of submissive is one that is willing to submit even if there is no sex involved. More specifically I am looking for individuals that want to serve long term. I am a big man so I prefer the bois and gurls I play with to be petite and very feminine. I have a strict one cock rule so you must own a chastity device and I will expect you to wear it whenever you are in my presence. I will not allow you to cum before, during, or after we play. The last thing that I look for in a boi or gurl is that your are close enough to me to meet real time. As for those that are not local but still want to serve, perhaps you could offer me something else. . 

Laissez les bon temps rouler"       

November 2, 2025 - Soccer Coach came by for a visit after a game     SUPER SHORT STORY this time...     Coach came by for a visit tonight.   Oh my God, it was quick but fun. He was only here for about 40 minutes. He wanted water sports, both drinking my piss and pissing on him. So throughtout the afternoon, I drank plenty of water and a beer. Drinking lots of water and especially a beer helps clear my bladder so it's clear piss with no scent. And I drank tons of water.   I was expecting him at 9:00pm and had been drinking water extra heavily for the past hour. At 8:45, I thought my bladder was going to explode.   He messaged and said that he was about 10 minutes away and I said "that's good because my bladder is going to explode. When you get here get naked and we're getting in the shower for piss play first thing. Be prepared for a lot of piss." And that's exactly what happened.   He's a soccer coach and had warned me that he had four games today, and that he was coming directly from his last game. He warned me that he was not going to be freshly showered like normal. That's why I said we'd start in the shower. First for piss play, then so he could clean up from his day of strenious activity.   When he arrived, I was wearing nothing but a bathrobe. He immediately stripped his clothing off and with very little chit chat, we headed for the bathroom. We got in the shower, he dropped to his knees, took my cock in his mouth. I relaxed and my bladder started to empty into his mouth. I pissed and pissed and pissed some more. And then I pissed even more. I can't believe how much piss my bladder had been holding. I could hear him swallowing, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp. I fucking flooded my mouth with my hot piss.   He was catching and swallowing most of it with very little escaping from his lips. Finally I said, "you don't have to drink every drop." He pulled his head back a bit and my cock out popped out of his mouth and my piss sprayed all over him. Like holding a garden hose he directed the stream of piss all over his face, and then through his hair. Eventually I stopped pissing, but only to start again a moment or two later. Eventually I completely drained my bladder.     I rinsed off and then left him in the shower telling him a fresh towel would be hanging on the doorknob. When he got out of the bathroom, we went upstairs, I didn't even tie him to the bed like I had planned. I just told him to lay on his back in the bed and I climbed up on top of his chest with a knee in each of his armpits. I leaned forward putting my semi limp cock to his lips. He sucked my cock into his mouth and started sucking on it. I actually thought I might be able to piss a bit more, but we were in the bed that I sleep in, so I didn't want to risk it. After a moment or two of sucking, my cock started getting hard, so I started to throat fucked the hell out of him.   A few times he would gag when my cock hit that magic spot in the back of his throat. At other times he would stick his tongue out and lick my balls while my cock was still in his mouth. I barked a few commands to "suck daddy's cock." After unloading all that piss, and since I had been playing with myself and watching porn before he arrived, I was getting too excited, too quickly. It didn't take long until I dropped my load into his mouth. I pulled almost completely out of his mouth so I squirted my spunk onto his tongue, and then I heard him gulp like he was doing with my piss in the shower.   Then he continued to suck getting every last drop out.   It was a quick visit, but it was absolutely wonderful. I don't think I've pissed in anyone's mouth for almost a year, and although I thought my bladder felt like it was going to burst for a few minutes before his arrival, when I finally got to empty my bladder into his mouthand stomach, it was fantastic. It's been way too long since he's been here for a visit, which is my mistake because of my busy schedule. But I can guarantee, it's not going to be that long before I see him again.   Definitely had a great time.   Read more stories at https://www.SirKel.top    

  The silken ropes, a web both soft and tight, Secure your limbs in the fading light. You offer trust, a fragile, sacred thing, Awaiting the pleasure your queen will bring.   Her eyes hold fire, her smile is sharp and keen, The most intoxicating sight you've seen. She moves with purpose, confident and slow, And from a drawer, her chosen tools will grow.   The harness waits, of polished midnight black, And as she lifts it, there is no turning back. The leather sings a low and throaty sound, As she first wraps the straps securely 'round.   A deeper creak as she pulls the harness tight, A groan of leather, bending to her might. The sharp-edged click of buckle meeting tongue, The final sound before your song is sung.   It strains against her hips, a second skin, A promise of the place you've never been. The scent of leather fills the charged-up air, A musky perfume, potent and beyond compare.   She turns to you, her shadow tall and vast, This moment of surrender built to last. The silicone now cool against your heat, A strange and shocking, yet delicious, treat.   Your breath catches in a sharp, surprised gasp, As past your final, guarded line she'll pass. A world of pleasure, sharp and brand new, Unfurls inside, completely owned by you.   And in the creak of leather, in her sigh, You learn to fly, and learn to fall, and die To who you were, reborn in this new role, The willing vessel for her hungry soul.

I am building a House, an organization for many slaves, many. I offer a concept that is foreign to most, because most seek that one-on-one dynamic. As a result, not all but many flounder for years looking for the 'one'.What is offered is a home to those that cannot find the 'one' or no longer feel life must only be about the the 'one'. With this opportunity comes the offer of being able to call one 'Master', to fill that need, as they enjoy the larger chance to be part of something more than being alone within itself.Can I be a great Master to one? Definitely. It is very pleasing.But, I wish to be more, and more than just to one.I am trying to offer more to more, a home to many.Some would rather remain alone. I respect that.This is not for them. I offer something in lieu of nothing.More than that. I offer something for their 'one' and themselves, if they are so inclined.More than that, I offer community to the M/s community.A chance to be more, much more than just being alone or a couple.A opportunity to grow more than just themselves, to grow their world around them as they grow.To do that one must consider broadening, not limiting ones' possibilities.Master would love to see all grow with Master and the others in the House, as all enjoy the process of growth, of being more of what one seeks. To self-actualize both the light and darkness within.

  So I have had a few people now ask me what I am looking for and normally I don't like to put this in to words because it isn't something that is set in stone. It is definitely fluid and ever-changing, but I guess I can put the basics. Firstly, in order to define what I am looking for in a partner, I have to define who I am as my partner would be, in the most base sense, the opposite side of the same coin(s) (note the plural and you will start to see why this isn't so easy for me to define). So lifestyle me in a nutshell: -masochistic tendencies - primal - kajira - slave - submissive - doll - baby girl tendencies (not a little) - slight brat tendencies - service-oriented - energy practitioner Vanilla me in a nutshell: - high functioning anxiety/manic depression (sometimes not so high functioning) - extremely introverted - Norse Pagan - Gypsy Soul/ Wanderlust - dog mom - Scorpio (almost to a T, honestly minus the high sexual side) - highly intelligent and logical - overthinker - animal lover - hopeless romantic So in the most BASIC sense, that is me...so from there I would be looking for someone to complement me in these areas. Great! So what does that look like? Well, let me attempt to paint a picture: If you thought this part would be a bullet list, you will be sorely mistaken as it is not so easy to define. Him- The Dominant that I am searching for, as I stated before, would be my other half. I have MANY sides and nuances and so the person I need is someone who has all of the same sides, just on the opposite end of the spectrum. This is what I mean when I say I am searching for a unicorn as I am pretty sure it just doesn't exist. In the most base sense, I need someone who is 100% an Alpha Male. Yeah, I know that society today frowns upon men being men, but I also know that there are some that are still out there as it is just a part of who they are. I get toxic masculinity, but I also know there are many 'manly' men out there that aren't just a meathead. I have an extremely large and active primal side and it will not submit to just anyone, so that Alpha presense is needed. I need someone who can put me in my place and who isn't afraid to be rough at times. I love things like pursuit, take down, capture; CnC; wrestling; etc. If you made it past that part, the next thing would be someone who has more traditional views of a BDSM relationship. I am old school in a lot of my interests, wants, needs, and that zone in which I thrive. 24/7 M/s is where I find that I function the best. I love the depth of the relationship between a Master and a slave/kajira..but I also know how long it takes to foster the trust and depth of those relationships. I love the ritual and protocol of the M/s lifestyle and do extremely well in situations where everything in my life is controlled. This is not to say that only the daily that my outfits needs approved, but in like making sure my wardrobe is all choices that would be approved and they are sorted by occassions so that no matter what I would wear, it would be appropriate given the occasion and would have been approved. I understand there are not many who want the responsibility of how involved this type of relationship is and they do not want to control every ect of someone's life. They just want their bedroom play and that is it. That is great for those people, but not what I am looking for. I have a HUGE interest in the idea/concept of dollification. I know that most submissives/slaves may say that they want to be perfect for their Sir, but how many will go to the extent of actually doing it? This goes back to the slave mindset I believe in that I do want to be perfect for my Sir. If that entails changing hair color, getting tattoos, piercings, the type of clothing I wear, implants, waist training, etc...then so long as it is not illegal, it is want I would do/want with my Sir. This also includes sexual things such as stretching to be able to be fisted, or anal training, etc. This goes along with the 24/7 ect as typically enforced diets/excercise are a part of this. My masocistic side is weird. I am not a masochist in the every day sense that I crave pain all the time or that it gets me off. It fucking hurts. However, pain for me is a means of catharsis and for me to be able to process emotion as I have a terrible habit of just bottling it up instead of expressing it in the moment. The pain allows me to release all of that. My masochistic side is also very largely dependent upon the energy between my partner and me. I can take

My Daddy is gone After 2 years my Daddy has finally left 😔. I'm utterly devestated because he has been my everything and I feel so lost and empty without him. I know I can't be mad at him because I'm such a difficult person to be with and be around. I couldn't trust him with all my being no matter how hard I tried. I failed us both because I just couldn't get better and improve my life and just be happy. I really hope that he finds someone better because he deserves it. He had so much patience and did his best to understand me but I just couldn't deal with all my trauma and pain and it kept getting worse and worse. I know he had to leave to save himself and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the men that I end up loving from leaving so maybe I just need to accept that I should be alone, so noone else gets hurt. It's the same reason that I haven't had children, I don't trust myself to not hurt them emotionally.

Making yourself attractive to other people really does not have to be that difficult. 1. Don't be an asshole. 2. When you send an entre email, consider sending more than just "hi/hey/'sup/you look sexy" because, to be honest, for myself, and for many others, those are auto-dump phrases that will get your email tossed directly into the trash can. Have something to write that makes me actually want to converse with you.  3. Have a picture of you that is flattering. If you want anonymity, use a filter over your face. This is 2024, figure it out. The number of times I have heard the excuse, " I need to be discreet because of my job, etc" is ridiculous. I have worked in healthcare and in the school system with small children. I have had federal background checks done on me. My face is very clearly shown on several social media platforms where I am nude. I haven't had an issue. Trust me, if the government really cared if you were naked on here, you would know it already.  4. Actually read profiles and pay attention to what is in them!   

I should make it clear that I am very sexual individual/pup. I'm constantly horny quite often and quite randomly, I'm guilty of pleasuring myself very often. Even reading this makes me rub myself. I don't want to be in control; I want to be made into an obedient dog, just drooling at the idea of the amount of bliss hidden behind one key (or more- hopefully). I certainly don't want to dig to deep of a hole for myself; but I need a master who'll relish in my pained cries for release. Maybe a week on and a week off? (A week off being a week of only that). I think any good master could train there dog to beg for either cage off or cage on.   I need a master who'll tease me for hours on end just to see me squirm; someone who'll hold my key hostage while forcing me sub for his friends; I want to earn every drop of cum I squirt through the scars on my body and the cum of others that I can guzzle like a good boy. The meaner and crueler you can be to me the better. After all, most good pets are obedient for a reason 😈

The Weight of Three Minutes : End "Unzip my skirt," I ordered, my voice rougher now, the command firm. "Slowly." His hands emerged from behind his back with visible reluctance, as though the loss of that self-imposed restraint felt like a diminishment. He found the zipper at my hip with trembling fingers and drew it down with excruciating care, the teeth separating inch by inch, the fabric parting to reveal what I wore beneath, thigh-high stockings in sheer black, the lace tops pressing into my skin, and between them, nothing but my own arousal, glistening and undeniable. I let the skirt fall, stepping out of it with deliberate grace, and settled back against the chair with my legs parted just enough to display everything he was forbidden to touch. I watched his gaze track down my body, watched the moment he registered my wetness, the visible evidence of what his submission had done to me. "Look at what you can't have," I taunted, and heard the cruelty in my own voice, the deliberate sharpening of his hunger. "You over steeped my tea. You don't get to taste this." He made a sound: helpless, desperate, and I saw his hands clench at his sides, the struggle for control visible in every line of his body. His arousal was unmistakable now, straining against the constraint of his clothing, and I let my gaze linger there deliberately, acknowledging what I was denying him even as I refused to relieve it. I held his eyes for a long moment, letting him feel the weight of my decision, the absolute nature of my control. Then I reached forward and caught his hair in my hand, gripping tight enough to direct him, to control every movement. "You over steeped the tea," I repeated, my voice dropping to something almost gentle, almost tender in its cruelty. "So you're going to steep yourself in me." I pulled him forward without ceremony, pressing his face between my thighs with deliberate force. He made a sound of surprise, gratitude, desperate relief, and then I felt it, the hot wet pressure of his tongue finding me, eager and unskilled in his hunger, lapping at me with the desperate thoroughness of someone who knew this was his only permitted release. I held him there with my grip in his hair, setting the rhythm, controlling the pressure, using his mouth exactly as I needed. I gasped, my own arousal cresting faster than I had expected, sharpened by the power of holding him, directing him, denying him everything but this service. "Don't you dare stop too soon. I'll make you regret it." He redoubled his efforts, his tongue finding my clit with desperate precision, lapping and circling with the frantic energy of someone who knew his pleasure depended entirely on mine. I felt the heat building, the tight coil of release gathering at my core, and I rode his face harder, grinding against his mouth with abandon, using him exactly as I had promised. The orgasm hit me suddenly, violent and consuming, my body arching as I cried out, my grip in his hair tightening painfully. I held him there through it, not allowing him to retreat, forcing him to feel every pulse, every aftershock, to understand completely that he had served his purpose. My chest heaved, my breath coming in ragged gasps, and I let my head fall back against the chair, savoring the weight of satisfaction the ruined tea had failed to provide. I held him there a moment longer than necessary, feeling the wet heat of his face against my thigh, the subtle tremor in his shoulders as he waited for my permission to move. Then I released my grip on his hair, letting my hand fall to rest on the arm of the chair, and I looked down at him with the lazy satisfaction of someone who had taken exactly what she wanted. "Better," I murmured, the assessment carrying the weight of both praise and dismissal. "At least you can follow some instructions." He brings what I need without being asked, which is the only acceptable way to bring anything in this house. Cool water, a warm cloth, everything arranged with the quiet efficiency of a man who has understood that the aftermath of my pleasure is as sacred as the pleasure itself and deserves the same quality of attention. He assists me back into my clothing with careful hands, smoothing fabric, fastening what needs fastening, restoring the precise and elegant exterior that the world sees when it looks at me. When I am dressed he steps back and kneels without being told. "Devotional," I say, and hand him The Binder, observing him as he flips to the correct page. "Then lunch." He bows his head, and begins reciting from the large book. "She is the standard and the destination. What I give is never enough until she glows. I serve the aftermath as I serve the moment. I am most fully myself at the bottom of her world. This is my honor. This is my purpose. This is my place." He rises, bows one last time, moves to the kitchen, and begins preparing lunch as I stretch out in the sun on a love seat with my book in hand, feeling like a cat that caught the cream. (Finis/End)

Training a new submissive, what does that mean Training means something slightly different to every person. The overall ive is to change, modify, or adjust behaviors, attitude, abilities, and desires of the submissive to match that of the dominant. When done in good faith and conscience that means making those changes and adjustments not only with consent of the submissive but also in respect to limits and limitations. Many people have different methods to training and how it is most effective or best accomplished. Here is my opinion and what I intend to do once I find the sub with which to explore that journey with. I think that training, for the most part should be gentle and takes time. Other disagree and think that rough fast training is more effective. In my experience, especially when working with someone that is very new, that can be extremely overwhelming. I think that training should be well thought out, methodical, and subtle, especially at first. Instead of diving into punishments and harsh corrections, gentle reminders and calm but authoritative explanation can be much more effective. I also like to explore other mediums with witch to train a submissive. I very much enjoy exploring erotic hypnosis and showing someone new what kind of things you can do with it. How with very little time you can accomplish much in training a new sub. The key to this sort of exploration is not only consent, but informed consent and full understanding of the process. Someone willing to participate. This is not the sort of thing you can be rough and forceful with. It takes a gentle touch, especially when the goal is long term. Like many I do enjoy the rougher aspects of sexuality, rough sex can be intoxicating under the correct circumstances. That being said, it's not something to rush into head first with someone who has no experience of it. If you work into it slowly, what feels like excruciatingly slow to some, you might be surprised what you can accomplish. Fear can be a powerful motivator for some, but most will push themselves much further if they feel safe and know that they can trust their partner. When I say excruciatingly slow I don't mean in the course of one session. I don't mean over a week or even a couple weeks. When something is worth it you will be willing to put for the time and the effort to take things as slow as necessary. Sometimes this means months or even longer. I'll use anal training as an example. For someone who has never experienced any kind of anal play it can be overwhelming and painful if someone rushes things. If someone goes from no experience at all to full on anal sex in one session it may push them to never wanting to do it again. If you take your time however, start with toys and plugs and gently and slowly build up endurance and size then when the actual anal sex happens it can be an amazing experience on both ends. Like I already said, weeks or months, not necessarily hours or days. When you work together on accomplishing something like that and you ensure that the submissive partner feels safe and cared for then will often times push themselves further than you imagined they could. This is the sort of thing that I'm looking for. This is the kind of dynamic I want to find with a submissive woman, because when you build things up the right way, they last much longer and they mean much more. So where are you young lady? I know you're out there somewhere. I just have yet to find you. When I do, I very much look forward to the training.

For those who wonder: That is a 1931 Indian Scout. It is a 3 speed stick shift, 750 cc.It was my dads bike when I was a little kid.He lost it on a sandy curve in 1953 and hit a tree which bent the frame.It laid out in one of our fields up until about 1985 or so.My friend talked my dad out of it and spent nearly 40 years trying to rebuild it. My friend sold it back to me last year but it still would not run. I sent it to a guy in Grand Rapids Mi who specializes in them and he got it running again.I got to ride it last year for the first time since 53.It is a beast to ride. Weighs 850 pounds, has a high compression engine with kick start that can throw a man over the handle bars if it kicks back which it does from time to time.It has a hundred rules you have to observe. It has no crankcase for one, which means the engine oil takes up half of that gas tank and every now and then, you have to hand pump some oil to the engine. Give it a couple of pumps to start it, a pump now and then when ridding, an extra pump to go up a hill or if going fast.It is left hand throttle and right hand magneto advance or retard and you have to advance it, the faster you go. Left foot for the clutch right foot for the rear brake, right hand for the front brake. To shift, it is pull back for first, then two forward for second and third.The brakes are clam shell instead of disk brakes so you have to start braking sooner than a modern bike.There are lots more idiosyncrasys but those are the highlights.

Too many people say they want an FLR when what they really mean is, “I have a fantasy I want you to perform for me.” A Female-Led Relationship is not a shortcut to kink. It is not instant authority, automatic discipline, or a woman becoming your personal manager because the idea excites you. This week’s blog post breaks down the common mistakes people make when asking for an FLR — from leading with fantasy, ignoring her needs, rushing authority, confusing service with performance, and expecting rules without accountability. If you want a woman to lead, begin with respect. Then prove you can listen. Read the full post:  https://www.tlduncan.com/post/common-mistakes-people-make-when-asking-for-an-flr

drama at home :( mom turned her back on me and gave me an outcasted look earlier today all for her hubbys aproval... however i know shell do anything in the world to give my little brother a "fauther" exp. even it mean Xing me...  in the end i cant hate her for what shes doing but dang .... talk about a shotgun round to the heart :(    big empty hole needs to be filled .... lol get it.    im very loyal and honest to the bone probably the nicest person youll ever encounter however dont get misslead ... i totally love to push my envolope and live life on the edge... ive expirienced and expiriemented with a lot in my opinion ... please dont ask... "" what kinda exp do you have -_____-"" just fill in the blanks as we conversate ... ... im ALL go with the flow so more then likey i dont know what im doing next week so idk if id be available or intrested in meeting you.. i know im not always on here but im ready for my next chapter and willing to give a special someone all of me to mold into their perfect being :)note im intrested in heading out to Texas, NY or socal(home) however not a deal breaker im just as intrested in nearly anywhere on the east or west COST!! more inland .... ehhh but will consider of course :) if your intrested drop a message anyone who takes a chance on me wont be disappointed. oh ps.. NO Flakes and for gods sake picture please .... 

Im on a hunt for a few Doms on here, This is a long journal entry, so if you are standing sit down and listen. Let me take you on a trip to memory lane, lol. There were a few Good men on here, One was married he was a truck driver, I believe he was from tenessee. Another? LOL. well he showed to not Judge Poly. Not the way he wanted me to stay. I did my part and he knew that I had to leave because there was a lady that hurt me too far but I never judged him. He was from Des Moines Iowa. There was another from Oregon, He and i didnt see that we fit, but it was thanskgiving, and well he fed me and kept me in his warehouse office. I could walk around frealy because i get the tar spanked out of me if i ran away in a way, hey it was exciting. HAHA. Oh there was another man Alan, even though you did wrong fucker, God bless you and Happy new year. But the good guys., Im looking for you!!!. You know who you are. yep i got a family now. 

How Plucky Duck is an example of bad BDSM   Something that popped into my head this afternoon - Waaaaay back in 1992 there was a cartoon movie called Tiny Toons Adventure- How I spent my vacation. The trials and tribulations of Plucky Duck in that are the perfect way to describe many of the issues people run into with BDSM. (Stay with me here. I'm not nuts. At least not about this.) Upon hearing that his friend Hamilton Pig's family is headed to HappyWorldLand, he immediately throws himself at them until Hamilton asks if they can take him. They agree, and he hops into the car with them. Plucky then has a very long, unpleasant trip where he discovers that they have a very different idea of how a road trip should go. They don't use air conditioning because the dad says "it wastes gas" but they can't roll down the windows because mom says "people will think we can't afford air conditioning." They don't eat fast food, and offer to share the food they packed, but of course, it's not what he likes. They pick up a hitchhiker, and are oblivious to the radio reporting a dangerous homicidal maniac, and also oblivious to his trying to violently murder Plucky. And so on. When they get there, they don't ride rides- they stroll through the park, admiring everything, and stroll out, while he loses his mind about having taken this nightmare ride with no payoff. All of this is a perfect illustration of how people get into BDSM and then find themselves in terrible situations. Like Plucky, they didn't bother to do any fact finding or discussion beforehand, to find out if THEIR vision and definitions for the trip matched his. There was no meeting of minds or shared understanding of comforts, interests, etc. He didn't do any negotiation to make sure he got anything he wanted out of it. He didn't plan, at all, for how the the trip (session) would be supplied, or prepped for, or conducted during, or have a way out (safe word) to get him back home if he wasn't happy. He was too focused on what he wanted to bother finding out if the people he expected to provide it had an intention of doing so. Or if they even understood what he wanted to start with. They had a plan, they had prepped for that plan, they had a goal for it, and he begged to be part of it without asking a single question. And then he was unhappy the whole time. And the whole way back, one assumes, although they don't show that. Just his sulking to his friends after about how terrible his whole summer was, and how soured he was on the whole idea now. He did not do anything required to inform himself, but instead gave blanket uninformed consent to everything that happened after. And then he blamed them for how it went. I see this ALL the time played out by newbies to the lifestyle. They are so desperate to feel the way they think they will feel, and to get the experience they have seen in videos that they jump at the first thing that's offered without doing ANY of the boring, unsexy groundwork necessary ahead of time to make sure it fulfills that. They don't read anything, so they don't know the terminology that would allow them to understand what was being said to them. *Or not said.* They don't educate themselves so they know what questions to ask, or what to ask for when the opportunity presents itself. They don't learn how to spot a scammer, or a fraud, or an abuser. They don't practice safety and negotiation, so they get scammed, sometimes out of thousands of dollars. Or they get a session, with someone who talks a big game but has had limited or no actual education or experience themselves, leaving them with damage (which can be hard to explain in the emergency room.) Some of them even end up losing their homes, getting their paychecks sent to someone else's bank account while they live in servitude they never intended, with no money and no way out. Extreme example, but I've known people who had to literally drive to another state to help someone escape with just the clothes on their back. So many people say that talking/reading/educating yourself about it first "takes the fire/fun/passion out of it." Unfortunately, NOT talking/reading/doing the work up front to learn can literally take all the fun out of everything permanently. So much of what we do is borderline dangerous if not practiced by someone who's done all that work. If you don't know enough, you can't know if that amazingly sexy potential new someone is full of crap and will leave your hands numb and your junk non-functional for days, or months, or forever. (That's delicate equipment and its easy to wreck the hydraulics, yannow?) So TL/DR - you can't safely "learn by doing" in this, and failing to ask questions and discuss stuff can leave you with some horrifically bad experiences. Do the boring part so you can do the fun stuff for a long time.

after i wrote my 4 page note on reddit on why for me a lady who has both the dark goddess and the slave and the little girl in one in my observation over the decades and my personal life why while some might last at most a few years here and there i have never seen a successful long term healthy and honest pairing of the daddy dom and little girl..and what the crux is and why even the most highly intelligent and successful people just seem to not crack the code for longevity...and why while most people who are in the scene aren't vanilla aren't regular..and anyone attracted to this is what i code as a thoroghbred horse..what is a bred racing horse? stronger fitter quicker cleaner shinier and a work of art compared to the domestic or regular horse......it still don't work..and the orienting going on that something is missing..it's the wild horse..the wild WOLF that is the next stage of ascension...and that the traditional layout of this isn't working because the traiditonal layout of this is broken...too much power for any decent human to try to wield without misuse, and too much of an internal death and sacrifice without the safety of being held, secure, stable, protected, and hands on intetionally in and out kept....at one point one or both break....and that in the wild the individual the honed in two streams on the same path with no false pretenses absolute soverignty meeting soverngyt coming together and going apart fierce and passionate when together and like soliders on the battlefield navigating life with self first is the next evolution of this..and that the power exchange really is some sort of toxic addictive drug that kills both parties..... i asked this question. n a response to the call i put out to the universe while out and about god/the universe sent me this song while i was out and about and unable to really choose what i listen to. i'm an audio visual media mystic...music primarly. i get my messages, healing, transmissions, downloads, awareness, lessons, main way of orienting this life through sound. secondly through media...and so things will naturally guide me when i'm home and able to control it..but i have a mystical connection to music when out of the home in places where music plays that i can't control what station or song is played next as well. and the song that came up while i was out and about mystically ansewered it for me.   hang on collective, we're in for an amazing but probably bump and deadening past. but there are gems in the mental and emotional death if we choose to hang on.   as usual, they give me new/tweaked songs lyrics.  i will often hear things that the original composers didn't put that fit the situation i'm thinking of, going through, asking about. i i never heard this song before. the original foundation of the chorus in the song is to ask it as a question...but in response to my spell and the question i posed to the universe that the lyrics and song responded to... i guess god is like, gurl there is no question:   mmm mmm mmm in agreement.   "families really bow their heads to pray   daddies really never go away.   oh grandpaaaaaaaaaa. tell me bout the good ol days."   Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days) Song by The Judds Overview Videos Lyrics Artists Other recordings Listen Composers Lyrics Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy Grandpa, take me back to yesterday When the line between right and wrong Didn't seem so hazy Did lovers really fall in love to stay And stand beside each other, come what may? Was a promise really something people kept Not just something they would say Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away? Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Grandpa, everything is changing fast We call it progress, but I just don't know And grandpa, let's wander back into the past Then paint me the picture of long ago Did lovers really fall in love to stay And stand beside each other, come what may? Was a promise really something people kept Not just something they would say and then forget Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away? Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Whoa, whoa, grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days Mm Mm Did families really bow their heads to pray? Did daddies really never go away?   which i mean god can be grandpa in this instance if it, i believe in the tetragrammaton gender neutral energy version, and if that's what it wants to be in this transmission/spell well so be it!

I wrote a response and I am going to include in journal. Not so,  Words can be read, with the meaning behind them getting lost. Sometimes if not most of the time,  The answers are not on the surface instead they in the layers that are below.    It would be for those that go deeper, poke at the surface to discover what is so close.     I may have used to many words ..  My therapy is in the past, I put a lot of effort into proving what wasn't the answer I was seeking.    It took time, to not think to solve problems, find better solutions and do everything myself while trying to convince others to follow.   The loss was always relationships. I chose to take the relationship path before I met you    I had no idea the journey that followed.    When you say I am looking for someone to solve my problem for me on the contrary.    I try to steer from say things I don't want or not looking for.    I am not looking for someone to want to solve anything on my behalf or be that feel good help save the day desire.     It's hard not to find that behind the mask in a lot of profiles.    I seek a true selfish, Dominant woman that overlooks any interest in knowing what I may or may not want or have opinion.     Someone who expaspects my voice when called upon to speak. Someone who will not ask if it hurts or if I like something.   I am interested in your leadership, if you will treat property as an asset that gives you return on investment and time.  Will you maximize the asset you own and maintain while training to correct imperfections and lack of training before you owned it.    I look to sure see to a life I have only played out in my mind a thousand times. That there is no word no in my vocabulary.  It's prove you right never wrong.  To not ask or seek pleasure making you the focal point of why I exist.   For that is where I find purpose and a reason to be alive.  That is my nature something I tried to change.    I take what is needed from only that is given, all efforts are to improve and comfort and entertain my owner.   I accept it's still a challenge..   Yes if you say I look for someone to solve my problem. If looking for a qualified owner ?  I am seeking that.  My decision to surrender is precise. Your definition of property is precise.  I have only one choice then yes an owner does solve what ever problem may occur.  I am looking not for problems but some one to lead. 

Journal Update - November 2024 I'm Tara and I'm coming back to this site afgter having nearly given up on everything and being lost for a while. I am pre-op trans. I was on hormones, but the health scare I have took me off them for a while. I won't be able to recommence them until January 2025. If that's a problem for you I entirely understand.I've got a lot of kinky hobbies, one that some people know about me is that I have worn chastity since March 2020. I unlock once a week for shaving and cleaning. I switch between two very small devices which can go largely unnoticed under most of my wardrobe.I live 24/7 as a woman. I do have some real struggles with dysphoria, the person I see when I see myself in the mirror often doesn't match how I feel. I wish the NHS moved faster. I want to do this all right so am not taking shortcuts.I love, and I mean really LOVE bondage. Put me in cuffs and a collar and I will melt into submission. Over the next few weeks I think i am going to use the journal to share some of my past expereinces.Tara xox  

I want to be a sissy house wife, something like a 1950's household but maybe the clothes might be updated, but the dresses are really cute, or domestic discipline, 24/7 TPE I believe in a male dominant house, a gurl should be a slave/servant to her man/master/daddy. Her mind should be on how to please him and care for his needs, her pleasure coming from being in his service. I want to serve a man domesticly, it is the job of a sissy housewife to keep the house how her master/daddy wants it. I also believe a gurl is a slave to her man/daddy/master. He should pick out her clothes for the day, give her a list of chores he wants completed, and train her on how he wants her to be, rewarding her for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior. A gurl should wake up somewhat earlier than her daddy/man/master. She should shower, shave and clean here before making him coffee/breakfast. She should be completely naked accept for her collar and cuffs, and wake him up with a blowjob. After swallowing his gift, she needs to prepare to be his urinal and swallow his pee. After this, she should help him shower if he wants, or wait in the bedroom on her knees for him to get done. Once done, he will pick out what she wears and she will put it on before serving him breakfast, blowing him if he wants it. She will see him off as he leaves the house and then complete the housework. She should then greet him on her knees as he comes home, at that time she should perform any tasks he commands before he inspaspects the house and punishes for anything not done or not done properly. Dinner should be prepared for him and served to him. At night, she should perform all tasks he gives her before bed. Her body and mind is her gift to him and she gladly gives it to him, this means he uses and trains her as he wants. Pain or pleasure, a good sissy housewife accepts both eagerly and enjoyment. I hope I find my man someday.

Fantasy wish fulfillment for discerning kinky ladies.Introducing some of my BDSM/LARP roleplay characters! These are from the gripping, sexy, horny, fetish narratives I spin, (e.g., whisper in your ear) that you may actually find arousing and be more than willing to feature in!   Sir Max Master "Master of the Darkly Amusing, Holistic Therapy Centre for errant, idle or bored Gothic (and other deserving, kinky, sub, deviant, vampire or otherwise naughty..) girls & young ladies"... (You will be straightened out!) DdYbadcock ...self explanatory really! You will know if you want him! UncleFcker ...similar to the one above but you are the naughty, compliant or somewhat dim, fuckable niece, this time! Yes Sir! No Sir! ...a discipline officer who could be in a military or 'bad-girls' prison scenario! Pretty much anything could happen!  Colonel Kunst This is a .mil detention and interrogation scene, you will be given a 'secret' to keep, then abused, interrogated, searched, tortured and generally given a rotten time etc. You have to hold out and not give the secret away for at least 24 hours. No safe word, but if you spill the beans you lose and its all over for you! Prof Humbert the Art Tutor This is a character I developed for art students, you will have to keep working into it!... Dark Lord ..your guru, spiritual guide and mentor for, 'nude mindfulness meditation,' sessions! This will help you develop compassion, help stress reduction, promote inner calmness, even possibly be jizzed on! ..the science behind it is irrefutably convincing!  Pervy School Teacher Max Max will take you for your reading out loud, religious and other remedial classes! Discipline could be of the traditional kind but more up to date versions are available! You will have to ask permission to go to the loo and may have to get changed for p.t. or swimming in front of him! Endless fun possibilities in this one! Mr Cokewold This will be good fun for the wife or female partner! The cuck of the house will be suitably handcuffed to a radiator or at the foot of the bed or wherever. I daresay that he will probably have fun being subjected to this terrible ordeal of watching... need I say more... (For pedants, cokewold is the original olde englishe term for, you guessed it!...) Mr Bit_on_the_side Self explanatory for the neglected Mrs or female partner currently suffering from an unfulfilling partnership who misses that occasional fling that can involve i.e., CP or more involved fetishy activities including those of a horizontal nature!   A Pirate Ship's Captain Captain Hardcock runs his pirate ship with a grip of iron, ..much like he likes around his ever hard dick! You are Miss Prostitute the willing Captain's Cabin slave-boy/girl (it can be an androgynous role) and you are there to see to all of his needs! You will need to make sure that the Captain has his heavy cock and balls milked and sucked when he wakes and at regular intervals through the day. you will need lube for all the bumming that may cum with this one! Master (..that's Massa to you!..) Stonewall 'everhardon' Jackson As Master of the local sugar plantation for the global Del Monte corporation and thanks to the Helms Amendment to the Fugitive Slave Act (and a recent Supreme Court decision under President Trump himself!) you, a runaway ethnic, colored slave, have been delivered to me for remedial education and correction.... (...this one is specially for special colored ladies of a submissive, african american, other coloured, ethnic, raceplay and slave liking orientation!)  Mr Arm-Candy More of a service than a fetish; this one is for ladies who need a gentleman to escort them to anything from conventional functions & nights out, to the more louche and depraved milieu of fetish clubs and parties! Animal Magic* This is a fun one I did with an animal loving gothic ex once and I have since found out its a common roleplay fantasy with women and girls! Basically you like four legged friends and have a fantasy that you would like your lover to pretend to be a k9, alsation, big dog, aardvark, pony whatever and you want to pet and entice him into mounting and fucking you in a doggy or other animal way! Woof Woof! That's fine with me!  Reverse Animal magic* ...yes I do petplay as well and you can be my pet, puppy, kitten, aardvark, pony etc ..we will have such fun! (*Special animal penis dildoes optional in these!)   Some otherswill just pop up subject to our chemistry! ...that could be intriguing! Interested? Just write to your preferred character above, today!  MadderMax is endorsed by BDSM Test Result!  == Results from bdsmtest.org id=2351389==  98% Voyeur 97% Daddy/Mommy 97% Degrader 95% Rigger 94% Experimentalist 92% Ageplayer 91% Owner 90% Dominant 89% Brat tamer 88% Primal (Hunter) 88% Exhibitionist 87% Master/Mistress 86% Sadist 76% Non-monogamist 18% Vanilla 17% Girl/Boy 15% Switch 6% Primal (Prey) 6% Brat 6% Masochist 4% Pet 3% Degradee 3% Rope bunny 2% Submissive 0% Slave    ..thats all for now!   

When we kiss When we kiss Bears and boulders Vibrate through the air i will probably do a whole post on laura veirs. her songs are little girl and softcore approved. but this song when i heard it over 10 years ago..this is love. just a simple share.   When you sing When you sing Stars fill up my eyes   Galaxies Pour down my cheeks Galaxies   Galaxies They flood the street Galaxies   When we dance When we dance Eels and sea grass float on by   I? m ten thousand leagues Beneath the sea Ten thousand leagues   Ten thousand leagues Beneath the green Ten thousand leagues   When we kiss When we kiss Bears and boulders Vibrate through the air   Gravity Is dead you see No gravity   All I need Is beating red No gravity   No gravity No gravity   No gravity No gravity   No gravity No gravity  

I have now collared and own NJ Slave1010. It worships me without exception and without question. I have erased most thoughts from its mind, so all it knows is worshipping me, adoring me, thinking about me. I have inserted certain words in its head. So when It reads them or hears them or says them Its’ slave worm, which is now mine, goes to instant erection in honor of me. Only I can grant what is now mine release, not it anymore. And it suffers deeply for me has declared its undying slave love to me.. If any other slaves would love to be my slave and fall deeply in love with me. writing slave love letters to me. Then you can contact me here. You will worship me, adore me, and obey me. I will also instill a bouffant and salon fetish in you where you worship the bouffant Women Having their hair styled in exotic, full, thick. Updo bouffant hairdos and rollers or under dryers like the goddesses they deserve to be. This also goes for CDs who are into this also, I would love to have you worship me getting your hair done in large exotic hairdos under dryers and in large rollers for me.

You are too uptight and Never said you had to have multiple partners but you are way to dominant. You can deny this all you want but it is very clear and apparent. You might think you can submit in a committed relationship but you can’t. You won’t. It’s him conceding to your will and happiness. And that’s not submission. Its role play. And your excuses and justifications do not make this any less true. I’m sorry you don’t want to hear this and ignore its validity but it is true. You simply don’t care and then wonder why it’s so hard for you to find someone. Someone wrote this to me, all because in response to a statement he wrote, I responded I dont just play with anyone, I am not a slut.

  The power of submission cannot be denied. In the end it’s really all about the depth of mental connection.

  To a Man-Bride, do not be fooled by the title there is a special relationship that develops between two men that can only be consummated through phallic worship. One side holds the phallus and the other the vessel where that phallus is to dwell in glory. One is the earth and the other is the plow that opens  it and makes it fertile. Not in the sense of conception but in ideas, attitudes, confidence, and fulfillment.  I've always despised the words sub, and passive because the imply a degree of unworthiness. The one who allows phallus to enter him IS a full and total man; because it takes a man to allow another to enter him and hold him inside and effectively owning that part of the body that makes them equals, the phallus. The glory of a male phallus is the ring of his vessel around it, pulsating, embracing, and forever inviting him deeper then who is the more complete I ask? The vessel owns two phalluses and  because of that becomes twice the man. The experience of he who is entered is dual; on one hand he feel a phallus invading his intimacy but also can and touched outside because he has another phallus outside of his body to experience, savor and reach  fulfillment. Therefore, like a precious object he holds both seeds, his and his partner and becomes fertile by being able to put that experience to good use and walk tall, he has become a man's man. The one who entered him is the channel through which this is achieved and it is not a minor task to bring a fellow man out of his own shadow and into his own light. Nor a master, nor a top, not a controller, but an enablerer.  The role of the phallic union is to elevate both men to achieve their best potential and expand their world. Every time they will unite it will be a process of beautification and the union between those two levels of energies can only be expressed as a bride be cause ones opens willingly and a groom because he enters by his own volition. The phallus is the channel of fulfillment and will work both ways as a heterosexual and as a homosexual (in the ancient ancient aception of the word) process of fulfillment phallus illuminates, guides, centers, and diraspects, that is our destiny.  

this is my dream This is not a fantasy. This is the ache beneath my ribs— the lullaby I’ve hummed to the stars since I first learned to wait. I have waited with my heart open like soft hands, through silence, through stalling, through the almosts that never quite stayed. I dream of a man who is not just Daddy in name, but Daddy in soul— the kind who meets me at the door with arms that feel like Sunday morning. Where I kneel, not in performance, but in reverence— because I know I am held. Because I know I am safe. I want to kiss his feet every day— on the good days, with laughter between us, on the sad days, when the world is heavy, on the angry days, when we tremble but choose not to run. Not out of duty, but devotion. I will pray over him. Not because he needs saving— but because I need to witness his peace, his purpose, his path made light. Because loving him is my quiet altar. I don’t want a scene. I want a sanctuary. I want someone who learns my rhythm and holds my chaos like something holy. To be kissed on the forehead because I am more than pretty— I am precious. To be told "good girl" in a voice that knows I am doing my best, not just being obedient. To not have to explain why I cry after sweetness, why soft love undoes me, why I tremble when someone finally stays. I’m not waiting to be played with. I’m waiting to be kept.

Awaken to gentle licks upon my labia and the tickle of your facial hair on my inner thighs    You knowing my body and realizing that sucking my clit is not what gets me going    But that gentle tongue massage on my lower lips causes me to softly moan and drip with wetness    I'm in the euphoria of emotional bliss    Slow intense grinding along with the need to run    I'm about to explode    What a way to wake up,  as the main course   I've trained you well and you know how to please    Now, I will lay you back, tie you up, or leave you free    I know before I'm done you'll be screaming please!

What being a prey means for me Finding someone who will grow with me and pursue me always. Someone who enjoys the chase. Someone who will look for ways to outsmart me and capture me. Someone who will put in the effort to get me. Someone who craves me! Play wrestling, biting randomly and many other aspaspects appeal to me in many ways even though it's much newer than the other parts of me it is still there.

Here it is years later and still the same guys looking for the same old thing. While I don't mind the admiration from those who contact me, it seems like all they want is to be dominated and used sexually. When I ask them what else can they offer, all I get is the usual. "I'm a great cocksucker." "I'll take your hands up my ass anyday." "I'm great at house cleaning" YADDA YADDA YADDA!!! If all you're going to offer me is a piece of meat, than no thanks. Do you have a brain? Can you understand big words and know how to use them? Can you put a sentence together without a lot of ums and uhhs? Do you know what's going on in the world? So if you're a box of rocks, with not a brain cell in your head, move on move on. And here I am....still looking. Sigh!

If you think I would spit on you  And call you a cunt I'm sorry but that's not what I do. I'm way more subtle , and with far more respect To be such a prick to you. I will set you rules that you will have to obey No doubt you will break at least one every day Rules on your dress, you grooming , your place On how you must act, in our private space I will cane you for punishment,long and hard Strap you  to keep you line You will beg my forgiveness , plead with remorse Bits that's all part of this design. For a man is man , head of the house The role of the woman is to serve And when each knows their role ,then both both understand Each gets all that they deserve She will get love, certainly and discipline ,  Each in appropriate measure He will have a woman , submissive and pleasing His to always treasure.   I

I must be doing something wrong because ever since covid come along nobody wants to talk to anybody real time I mean I just bought a house in Mississippi moved from New Orleans a beautiful house by the way I'm very proud of and I was going to use it for a dream home of because I'm trans and I have other attributes I mean I'm a disabled veteran I wear diapers and fortunately for me my my Uncle Sam decides to keep me stocked and anyway I don't know what's wrong with people nobody has conversations anymore it's just these one line sentences no pictures it's just really is everybody running that scared I don't know maybe I'll see if this makes any hits I mean it's not very interesting but I'm just like since journals are back I'm just trying to see how it works out with me see if it actually shows up so anyway hope everybody is having a great holiday you know Halloween anyway look forward to hearing from anybody that wants to have a real time conversation I mean I don't even know what I mean anymore I haven't talked to another human being since covid except that the VA clinic and stuff but anyway with all that said ciao for now

Depression wears funky shoes...does not matter what they look like, anymore, they all hurt and bring tears to my eyes. Food fills a void. And then my reflection hurts as well. Days pass. Alone most of the time with little that asks to be done. Care becomes a bird with no feathers that cannot fly. Hope is my shoe sole with lots of holes. Nothing matters. Nothing changes. Especially me...days come and go and will, till i die, my next horizon, the grave, how exciting. Sun rises and sets as if change cannot happen. Tick tock...tick tock... Am i waiting for Godot? Should i pin my eyelids open or no, maybe closed. Maybe not seeing what is before would help. And...maybe not...ah well...time heals all or, if nothing else, takes what we want and leaves us to make a legacy. i have only words to hold what has been and could never be. Something happened and joy left me.

I am so disappointed.  Again. Where are the REAL submissives, that will take a Mistress a priority, instead of when Im done work, project. If you know you can't commit to a Mistress a lot, then say so up front or don't bother wasting her time with lies. I want an obedient, submissive male that will obey and serve My pleasures.  I enjoy keeping my slave in bondage, and expect it to know its place even in vanilla. A sub/slave knows its true purpose is to serve, but if you are in a relationship, working full time, or just a computer slave, then say so or leave Me alone.   The lies, the bullshit, the waist of time is so frustrating. Ive given up twice, but come back again hoping to find a real slave searching for a life time Mistress.  I know red flags, but some of you are good liars or just too cowardly to meet.  Now im extra careful. why bother at all.............

Shutting people out is confusing to me. It was one of the very first coping mechanisms I learned early in life, and it worked well. I used it often. Or, you know, all the time. By the time I learned it wasn't healthy it was too late. In the spirit of self-improvement I put effort into salvaging relationships when I could push past my initial reaction of shutting out, which wasn't often. Much more difficult for me and against every instinct I had. Those weren't always done in a healthy or whole way, either. Ignoring things instead of addressing them, having the other person react in the opposite way of what was expected. I struggled a lot with the what and the how. I still do. Only now, circling back to shutting people out, it's acceptable and encouraged in some instances. When the hell did that happen? How do you determine when it's the right move? After years of trying to undo the shutout it feels wrong. Right, but wrong. Like I've given up. Like I'm falling back on an isolating coping mechanism. Facts are facts and they may stack the deck for motive, but I can't help but feel like I'm the emotionally stunted person using her go-to move. I think about this a lot. Is it right? Or is it just easy? 

My Personal D/s Relationship Requirements The question was posed to me (back in 2019) “What do you require in a D/s relationship?”  While at first, I thought it would be a simple reply over a text, one thought led to another and it quickly snowballed.  (Phrasing, I know…)  I quickly realized that there really was no quick, succinct answer and 70 characters would not be enough to relay my requirements.  Some thoughts came quickly (Phrasing!) while others I feel I need to ruminate on. First and foremost, I require honesty.  Don’t lie through omission or do it to save my feelings or whatever.  I’d rather have an honest, adult relationship rather than a childlike fabrication where I don’t know if I can trust what is being said to me.  You may be brand new and that’s as ok as being an experience veteran.  You may be barely legal; (that I will require ID for) I’ll still teach you.  If I can’t trust you, I can’t play with you. Secondly, I require that my “s” have the ability to effectively communicate with me.  Whether it’s with words, sign language, texting, or moaning, they need to be able to make their opinions known to me.  As the Top/Dom in the relationship, it ultimately falls to me whether to acquiesce or deny any requests.  The bottom needs to understand that I’m never going to do anything to intentionally harm them but I also recognize that I often fail to effectively communicate my actual intentions/motives if not asked the correct questions. That can be alarming or scary. I’m not going to punish someone for wanting to understand what I’m doing or thinking; I encourage questions.  If I’m not conveying myself satisfactorily to the point where danger may be legitimate, I do expect (safeword) to be invoked. I also expect to be kept in the loop as far as my bottom’s day to day life goes.  I don’t need a thorough breakdown (0700- woke up, 0703- used bathroom, etc.) but if there’s something bothering them, it will effect what happens between us.  One thing bothering them, one lingering suspicion about something seemingly trivial can and will through off their ability to assess a situation and their reaction to stimuli.  I do understand that, sometimes, a day can push you to a mental breaking point that just requires a thorough flogging to take your mind off it; if that’s what is needed, I will allow it but I will know to check in frequently.  Plus, especially if there’s distance between us, I like to know you’re still alive.  There’s nothing quite as undervalued as the text, “Hey. I had a rough day; I don’t feel like talking now.  I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.” That tells me you’re alive and I can back off on the worry. (Be ready at 6 am for my text/call though.)   The third thing I want out of D/s relationship is a connection.  Not just an interpersonal one, but one on a deep mental level.  For lack of a better phrase, I need to be in someone’s head.  I need to understand how they think on a deep level.  Many take my classic Cannibal question (yes, I got it from “Silence of the Lambs”), “What is your worst memory from childhood?” as overly personal and creepy.  Not my intent.  Unfortunately, to date, that is the best question (leading to follow ups) that I have found that truly lets me get into someone else’s head.  It tells you

Something about the Hood You Live In.   In any good relationship involving a slave girl and her owners, there is the need to train her to recognize her place - where she is allowed, what she is allowed, who she is allowed, and to what extent she is removed from society and becomes owned as an , a thing in the hands of her owner, to be controlled and trained.   Long ago, in creatures only distantly related to the slave girl, very specialize brain cells pushed out of the head to gain a view of the world, a view in dimension, in color, in shape, in beauty or in horror, to find food or prey, and to avoid becoming such, to find a fellow, or to avoid such.   In time, as with humans, the eyes, the vision on the world, provided up to 90% of all information a slave girl needs to get by in the world, sometimes even more.   Being a slave, she must recognize the fact that, all that vision, all that information gathering, is at the pleasure of her owners, and can be denied at an instant, and for extended periods of time.   That denial can be done in any number of ways, but the most readily used - the hood, has the most impact on her from the instant it is placed over her head.     In general, hoods are made of leather or vinyl or rubber or latex, sometimes of material such as blue jean or cotton or spandex.    It may have eye holes that can be covered or closed, a mouth hole that also can be covered or better, plugged.   And at least one small nose vent to breath though, sometimes more.  Less than one has an obvious disadvantage.     Many are laced down the back, much as a good leather boot, pulled tight to make the material conform to the slave girls face.  Some have zippers for that purpose, and a few have both.   When put on, and when being tightened, it is incumbent on the slave girl to maneuver her nose to keep the nose vents aligned with her nostrils, otherwise...   Most good hoods have a switched on leather collar, that locks tightly around the neck, and can have chains attached for any purpose the owner may desire.     For the slave girl locked inside, it is a mixture of feelings and emotions, thoughts and dreams, hopes and fears, and total resignation.   A hood can not be gotten off easily, specially when bound tight.   It is dark inside, and will remain so.   You may feel totally helpless   You may feel totally alone   You may feel total terror   You may feel total bliss   You may feel total safety and comfort.    

I have been getting a lot of emails asking to hear from my husband M. He sometimes signs on here and speaks with those who write me. So, I asked him to write a little report about something meaningful that happened to him lately. This is what he produced.    This afternoon, I happened to be in my room (dressed in regular clothes minus pants) when K came in unexpectedly, wearing a sexy, silky, blue push-up bra, red ruffled panties, and her strappy white 5" heels. It was just prior to the 4th of July and this was supposed to be her holiday-appropriate outfit for her boyfriend.  Seeing that she had gotten dressed up for her boyfriend, I knew what was coming; in this house, when K gets dressed up in something sexy, I know I will be getting dressed up in the printed ABDL diapers instead of my typical white ones. Sure enough, after rummaging through my closet, she picked out a white and baby blue trimmed t-shirt that she then put over head after telling me to raise my arms. "Isn't that cute," she remarked with a pleasant but rather condescending tone. She really likes this shirt because it stops and my waist.  This was followed by telling me to lay down for a change from my usual plain white diapers to my thick printed diapers. It was a quick change, all business, she ignored my caged penis as usual other than dusting it with powder. As she stood me up and checked the tapes, I caught my reflection in the full length mirror that hangs on the back of my door. I felt so humiliated, the smell of pee-soaked diapers coming from the diaper pail in the corner mixed with the constant aroma of baby powder filling my nose as she dressed me like a toddler, knowing she was about to have wild sex in the other room--something I would be excluded from, as usual. "You look amazing, K. I can't believe what that bra does to your boobs." I complimented her. "Thanks baby, too bad they're not for you," she told me, cupping her big breasts in her hands to emphasize her point  with a little giggle and I felt my little penis straining in my chastity device. "But I could try again if you'd let me," I said, trying not to sound too desperate. "M, how long are you going to continue asking?", she said dismissing me, "I don't even understand why you ask at all. We already came to an understanding a long time ago now didn't we? Has anything changed? will it ever change?" I blushed at the memory and meekly replied, "No." She was right of course. When I think about the conversation we had the night she told me we'd never have sex again, I know that I accepted our new arrangement. It's just that I guess I haven't got out of the habit of trying.  Turning me around, she gave me a firm pat on my diapered bottom and strode out of the room. Looking in the mirror on the back of my door again as she closed it, I again blushed with shame. About a half hour later, I heard the knock and K answering the door. I stayed in my room, working on the computer listening to them chatting at first but then walking down the hall past my bedroom into hers. They had been in there with the door closed for about 20 minutes when I heard... "M, come in here." I walked in with a little waddle and an audible crinkle, to see her bent over her boyfriend who was lying on top of the master bed. She was deepthroating his big cock and I stared in mesmerized silence, watching the thick, slippery shaft disappear into her wet, eager mouth and throat.Some secret part of me wondered less how it would feel to have that done to me and more how it would feel in my own mouth. Swallowing hard, I instinctively put a hand on the front of my soft, cushiony diapers. I just stood there watching for what seemed like eternity ignored by both K and John, but in reality was probably no more than 5 minutes. Finally, with a wave of her hand, she dismissed me, sending me back to my room, or anywhere really, just not with them. Before long, the sounds of their enthusiastic lovemaking filled the house and I listened with rapt attention. Looking at my humiliating reflection in the mirror, I blushed with shame at my pathetic image. Both of them saw me as nothing but a complete submissive, that would never change. My cheeks flushed with humiliation at the thought and I rubbed the front of my diapers all the more frantically as I took in my reflection. The short shirt, the print on the diaper that was starting to fade from the wetness after two accidents, the outline of my cage on the plastic shell. I was in frantic need of an orgasm, but because of the cage, there was little effect. Feeling sexually frustrated and wanting more, I went to my dresser and grabbed my favorite jelly buttplug--the big clear one, which I rubbed down with the baby oil K sometimes uses during diaper changes. Pulling the back of my diapers down, I could hear K moaning in the other room and her boyfriend's subtle grunting as I began pushing the fat buttplug into my eager hole. I can barely handle the width of this plug, especially at first, and I moaned with a mixture of discomfort and angst. I couldn't get it in standing and dropped to all fours. At last, it slipped inside me and I exhaled in relief. Nevertheless, as I pulled my diapers back up and sat down in front of the mirror and soon began to savor the feeling of rubbery fullness filling my back passage. M was getting what she needed and I was getting as best I could.  I don't even know how long I had been sitting there grinding, which so far had only resulted in further desire when M staggered back into my room and right up in front of where I sat. I sat there frozen as she lightly guided her fingers between her legs then told me to stick out my tongue. I crawled to her, inhaling her amazing scent, caressed her legs as I plunged my face between her legs and she let her boyfriend's creamy cum drip onto my outstretched tongue. "I'm dripping baby boy, clean me up please" she said with a smug grin and stood now with her feet shoulder width apart.I couldn't help but hurriedly press my face into her body. I could smell the result of their lovemaking as another man's sperm completely coated my tongue while I cleaned her with my mouth. Some even dribbled down to land on the chest of my infantile t-shirt. Suddenly, to my surprise, she stood me up and pulled me with the waistband of my diaper to the chair in the corner of my room where she took a seat and I stood in front of her. She abruptly pulled my diapers down. I whimpered with fear as she bent me over her lap, selecting the wooden paddle on my dresser. Feeling the cool air on damp bare bottom, I squirmed knowing I wasn't going to like what was about to happen. "You will not ask for sex again", she quipped as she brought the paddle down across both my soft, tender cheeks pushing the plug into me. "I'm so sorry" I managed to get out between the 3rd and 4th smack. I cried miserably, occasionally glancing over at my humiliating reflection in the mirror. There could be no doubt who sat at the bottom of the social ladder in this house--that was for sure! At last she finished, and after setting the paddle down, she left closing the door. Leaving me to pull my diapers back up for myself.   Sigh...just another day's activities at my house...

Property.  Noun. 1. A thing or things belonging to someone; possessions collectively.  2. An attribute, quality, or characteristic of something.  I, am property. I don't always behave that way, but I should, because that is what I am. Master is a saint for how much patience he's had with me. Property doesn't have a say or an opinion. No voice, nothing. Change is not easy for me. To my brain it signals that there's a threat, danger, or that my world is going to be upended. I don't really know what to do with change, and abrupt change? Forget it. My brain either goes into full meltdown or fight mode. There is no in between. To be calm during changes means a meltdown later. Because I'm only calm outwardly. Inwardly I'm screaming for something to be the same, anything. Even a small thing. Master is that one thing. When my brain is screaming, he's there, steadfast and strong, unyielding and sure. I am his property. I don't get a say anymore. But I do get protection, care, and a Master who has always been there since day one. I'm property. A thing. His thing. Whenever, wherever, however he wants. His.  I am not looking for a response to this. I'm posting so that I can come back and read it when I need to. 

Not looking for a long term relationship right now. Although one can never tell how and when relationships develop over time. More interested in meeting Ladies of our ilk who would enjoy the backseat of a Harley while taking in the countryside. Plenty of beautiful roads here in New Jersey, and neighboring New York and Pennsylvania. Great time of the year now. You up for a ride?

Hey Mistress **I am not your Mistress** Sorry hello Ma'am how are you, Will you do to me the things you do? Whips and Canes and all that stuff, I have "sub" frenzy and can't get enough, Yes I will say all the right things but never do them true, I am a shadow wanker and cum while messaging you. **No I won't, you ignored my needs, Didn't read my profile or even glance through my feed, So my needs have zero to do with what you seek, Pushing yourself first and certainly not meek,* Oh Ma'am your voice makes my knees go weak, (In boy speak damn I hope my load is expelled before she peaks) So off he went that newbie quick, without a clue on how to be mine he was such a dick, Yes we know it happens but 4 in one day, The shadow wanker news must be actively pushing my name. Obedience to me is what I like, Some laughter and a bare derriere in sight, A man who asks my consent, Before he wanks and becomes spent, Then in a restaurant a respectful man, Simping on me doing all he can, Hanging up my coat & pulling out my chair, Fetching all I need his excellent manners beyond compare, No age doesn't always develop better, Self-aware submission daily melts his mind to fetter, Only offer what you can do for me, Servant, sweetheart long term be, Fetter and bind that will to me, So he begs never to be free.

+ NRA Bans Firearms During Donald Trump's Speech at Texas Event   BY ANDERS ANGLESEY ON 5/25/22 AT 7:51 AM EDT       The National Rifle Association (NRA) told attendees they will not be able to carry firearms during an event with former President Donald Trump at its Texas conference that will be held just days after a deadly mass shooting at an elementary school in the state.   On its website, the pro-gun organization declared that people would not be able to bring their firearms into the General Assembly Hall during its upcoming Annual Leadership Forum in Houston on Friday, May 27. In a notice, the NRA said firearms, toy guns and "weapons of any kind" would not be allowed inside the hall. It also listed several other items, such as laser pointers and signs among things that were prohibited.   The NRA described its annual leadership forum as being "one of the most politically significant and popular events in the country." But a shadow has been cast over the conference after 19 children and two adults were fatally shot at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas on Tuesday.     (more)       https://www.newsweek.com/nra-bans-firearms-during-donald-trumps-speech-texas-event-1709957#Echobox=1653480476

DO NOT ASSUME THAT I HAVE JUST GHOSTED YOU!  If you have messaged me, especially multiple times, and you see that I haven't responded or opened your other messages, do not assume that I have stopped talking to you or that I don't wish to talk anymore.  My life is a tad crazy right now, but for anyone I wish to not speak to anymore, I do let them know or they were told prior of why they were blocked. YOU WILL KNOW, & BE TOLD THAT THE COMMUNICATION IS FINISHED!

Haven't written anything in a while, and I had a quiet minute between tasks, so I thought I would write about a recent experience I had out in the wild. I had done a pop in at a Dollar Tree. I hadn't done anything special that day - no makeup, no sexy clothes, just my vibrant magenta hair and my bright orange mirror sunglasses. Maybe my hand bleached mandala design tank top was cool. So when a very bald guy walking my way kind of leaned toward me and told me really liked my hair, I said thank you, and casually commented that I also had some hair loss and the bold color helps hide that. He apparently took that as an opening, and asked if I was married, and I said I have a partner, and that we are "complicated." He asked what that meant, and I asked if he knew what polyamory was. He gave a noncommital sound like he wanted to seem like he did, and I followed it with saying that we are always open to new playmates if they are compatible. So he asked me about going for coffee sometime. I said I was open to discussing it and offered him my business card. Now, I designed my own cards, for goth costuming and art and such. They are mostly black and purple and lacy with gothic lettering.  And they have QR codes on the back to my Etsy and Instagram and email, etc. No numbers. He looked at it, turning it over and back, like he had no idea what I'd handed him.  He said "Let's skip all that and you give me your phone number." I said no, I don't really do phone calls.  So he hands me back my card and says "So you aren't really interested. Good luck with all that" and walked away with this smirk like he'd caught me trying to trick him.  At this point in my life, I can look at the whole thing and laugh. This is so common in my expeirence, but its still amusing to watch happen.  I was pretty positive this wasn't going anywhere when he first asked, but I was willing to listen to his pitch. But interested? No, I was not "interested." This guy did not look like Jason Momoa. He didn't talk like a heavy intellectual. Nor did he dress like anything more than your average rando - tshirt, long shorts, etc. He hadn't said anything, either, other than asking for my attention. He didn't ooze seduction or ... anything other than averageness, honestly. He walked up to a total stranger, made the barest effort, divulged nothing of use or value in the 2-3 minutes we spoke, but expected... something more from me. Then when I didn't make up the difference for him, he bailed and wanted to act like I'd led him on somehow with my simple failure to be rude, and basic honesty.  He was *INTERESTED.*  He was not in any way *interestING* on the surface. So there was nothing to be interested IN at that point.   But he wanted to be butthurt that I wasn't equally interested in him. I wasn't even snarky about the phone. Just not insecure about saying no. And he tried to turn it into something personal. Weak men are everywhere. Here, at work, in daily life, etc. Men who want something, and sometimes will profess great interest in getting it, but at the slightest bump, they flail and pout and throw up their hands and play helpless. Well, except when they decide to get violent about it. Which is why I carry pepper spray on my keys and a stun gun in my purse.  There's a tictok video where a woman expresses her frustration with men who want to complain that women all want '6 foot, 6 figure, 6 pack' and all we REALLY want is for you to be nice to us and feed us tacos. She's not wrong.  And I have a whole profile outlining what I want, and what I don't want, as well as countless journal entries laying out how to avoid pissing off me, and every Domme I know. And yet... It doesn't have to be this hard, guys.  Just don't expect us to make all the effort for you. 

I do best at being a Domme with minimal toys at hand.  I don’t need a fully stocked dungeon to have a great time with a sub. (not that there is anything wrong with a fully stocked dungeon) but to me it is more the mental control I exercise over you. The way I approach you, look at and maybe don’t let you have eye contact with me, and the way I touch or don’t touch you, you know just being in my presence brings out your need to submit.  For example, I will say, “Did I say you could look me in the eye bitch? Until I say you can look me in the eye, you will look at my feet. Look down now.” This takes no toys and commands you.

Maintenance.... If yall do not have an updated profile how do you expect Me to trust you?  Your age, location, etc would do well to be updated prior to contacting Me.  Collar updates regularly enough and if not an update within your profile you can certainly update your JOURNAL to proper information. If we set a time for speaking, meeting, doing and you don't show up and no reason given...what is the point?  For those of you who have My personal information, chivalry is not dead.  If you are not smart enough to figure out how to apologize, what is the point?  With that said, I am not in the habit of opening closed doors.  What is the point? Remember, VERIFICATION.  You don't get close to Me and My home without exposing yourself to Me.  BIGGER and Better! I would love a mechanic type of person from time to time.  I'm a vehicle enthusiast and have some knowledge but not nearly anything to brag about. I would love to rebuild an engine side by side as project.  Last year I sold My beautiful vintage truck.  Sigh. I DO so love MUSCLE cars though just about anything that comes acrosss on Mecum will do.  To have ones breath taken away by the pull of a powerful engine is mightily exciting.  The first car I ever drove was when I was knee high and it was a lovely Mercades.  Then onto the Jaguar...  My first car was a custom 500 with a suicide knob...and boy could that baby go! That was the car of My first speeding ticket!  I was crusing down Interstate 93 doing 120, when I moved My hand away from the side rear view mirror and to My chargrin there was a state trooper, hot on My tail, lights flashing (no siren) just keeping pace with Me.  I won't forget that troopers face for the rest of My life.  He didnt make eye contact and just said, "I have a ticket for you and you will need to pay it by this time or show up in court.  If you show up in court, I will tell the judge that you were doing WELL OVER 80 MILES PER HOUR and you will have your license taken away."  I paid the ticket and got a radar dectector.  lol Still, I have a relative hot spot for all things mechanical.  This brings Me to My love of steel...but THAT is another topic for another day!      

Things have changed yet AGAIN! My father has declined to the point , that he is afraid to move  in with me.  I structured my whole life around this. Closed my business, left my condo, friends, clients, swing dance community, and support network, plus my Sir.   I didn't pick this place for job opportunities,  I was going to care for my father until the end.  He backed out of coming twice and then let it slip that they, my niece, her failing husband and my father were moving 15 hours away!  I may never see him again!   My world has turned upside down.   Now I'm scrambling to get reciprocity for my license, sending out reaumes, and praying to secure employment. Starting over yet again. The one good thing out of this, is the bathroom in the cottage, is completely renovated.  It is stunning , just gorgeous! Porcelain tiled shower , elegant grab bars, not clinical looking at all, all metal shower fixtures, top quality, new toilet, new sink, beautiful oval mirror and lights.  When renovating, when the wall was stripped down, we even found a window!  I prepped the bedroom, learned to skim coat, scraped  sanded, and primed it. I found gorgeous furniture for the parlor, a large couch, chair and a half and a darling tiny gingham print wing chair. A gas operated cast iron stove  stove is in place and hooked up. Now I need to finish the kitchen.  I stripped the wall paper boarders, several of them. Then came across a metal seam! Uuuugh!  Put one layer of skim coating and need to sand that down. Another one or two more coats , then I sand and paint.   At this point I haven't decided whether I'll do my esthetic business or a small daycare out of the cottage.  Either way, I need a part time job before I decide, and complete it. I landscaped the front of it, and it looks darling.   The covered screenedin front porch has two Amish gliders. I saw my dad in those, rocking outside , safe and comfortable. Siiiiigh. Anyhoo, I need to push forward, live in the now for a bit.   My Sir has been out , and his next time is on my birthday. Hopefully all will go smoothly this time. Last time work took two of our days together 💩💩. Miss him being around the corner. I can't believe it's been over two years!    

1. In your first message don't say something like. " Hi how are you doing?" and that is your only message/words.  I won't even answer that. Be more upfront.  2. Please understand here is what I am NOT looking for    A. Not looking for someone that is married   B. Not looking for a weekend here and there   C. Not looking for someone that drinks, smokes and addicted        to drugs. (herb is ok)   D. Not looking to change your diapers   E. Not looking for attention seekers or someone high           maintance   F. Not looking for someone that is new and looking for     someone to train it (unless your ready to go full in)    G. I'm not a Pro and I'm not looking to play games.   H. Not looking for someone that isn't willing to better themselves   I. In general I'm not looking for a city person that is afraid to get dirty.    J. I'm not " needy " I'm more interested in finding a service slave/sub.   K. I'm not interested in seeing your ass pictures.  I'll probably add more to this list later. But HOPEFULLY you read this and don't bother writing if ...your not what I'm looking for. I try to make things simple and to the point.  p.s. I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A DOM.  I PROMISE YOU I WILL NEVER BE YOUR SUB OR SLAVE. I'm not an egotistic person and I do my share of what needs to be done around here. I  believe in harmony. 

What I’m looking for is not a fantasy dynamic, not a temporary thrill, and not someone who only wants to play with the aesthetic of submission. I’m looking for a genuine partner who understands that submission, in the way I live it, is a lifestyle built on trust, responsibility, and real-world commitment.     For me, dominance has never been about control for its own sake. It has always been about care, leadership, structure, and mutual trust. I believe deeply in consent and in building a foundation slowly. Early on in any connection, I tend to ask a lot of questions like “What do you want?” or “What would make you comfortable?” because trust is something that has to be earned and built together. I don’t assume authority before that trust exists.   But the dynamic I ultimately want does evolve.   Once deep trust is established — when I know someone truly trusts my judgment and I know they are genuinely committed to the dynamic — my role becomes one of firm leadership. At that point I expect my decisions to be respected and followed. Not blindly in a harmful way, but with the understanding that I lead with intention and care.   Unfortunately, I’ve had experiences in the past where someone wanted the fantasy of submission, but not the reality of living that life. They wanted the aesthetics, the kink, and the attention — but not the responsibility, structure, or accountability that comes with being part of my world. That mismatch eventually causes things to fall apart, which is why I’m extremely careful now about who I allow close to me.

 Bikinisub