Hmm let's see it is now 2022, so a lot have time has passed between my last real post. So many things have gone on in my life since then. In 2019 I took part in the World Transplant Games in the UK. That was a hell of a trip. Spent a few days in London, then went north to Yorkshire, to the land of James Herriot, Castle Howard, and my friends farm. I spent 5 days helping take care of their herd of pigs. Can't wait to go back. I return to London for my last 9 days and ate great food, saw amazing things, and got to see New Japan Pro Wrestling do their first show in England. Got home just before second year started. my next games are next year in Perth Australia. I will be cycling I will have a 5k time trial, a 20km team time trial, and another 30k time trial. Boy my legs are going to hate me. I had a pair of custom painted shoes done just for the games. I am hoping to be able to get a racing suit and a helmet wrapped in the same pattern.  i am hoping to spend a bit of time in Tokyo on my way to Australia. Maybe spend 5 days. 

Master's WritingsCategorizing Levels of SubmissionOthers, in an attempt to categorize submissives, have described submissives by the levels of their submission, moving from role play to slave, while others suggest there are distinct categories of submission, where the motivation behind one’s submission drives their role such as for fantasy, relationship and/or fetish. Acknowledging that all submissives are different and any such categories could only apply in the loosest of terms, I find both model instructive in its own way, yet somehow missing the mark in some aspaspects.The creators of both models clearly identified that each individual submissive is unique and comes to their submission and depth of submission in their own way for their own purpose. And to this, I completely agree. Yet we are humans and we live to label things, so I will offer my own model, recognizing full well that mine too will fall short of describing all submissives and their motivations. I would also note that what I suggest here may have already been put forth. If so, I offer this only as my own ideas without the knowledge of their contribution to our body of knowledge. Thus I would offer a third model for consideration and discussion.I see it more a kin to the structure of Maslow‘s hierarchy of needs, Where Maslow identifies our most basic needs, moving from basic survival to self-actualization, I see submissions moving from role play to self-realization. The model I put forth is as follows:     Role play. A connection to the role based on whatever preconceptions or second hand knowledge they may have. While one might act the part, they have no emotional or mental connection to the role.     Exploration. The beginning stages of submissive awareness where thru trial and error or training, real experiences begin the development of a connection to a submissive’s awareness and one's submissive self. This level usually includes an over indulgence or over compensation of doing what they think a sub "should do".     Connection. The birth of inner connectedness to one’s submissive self, and the realization of what it feels like to give of one’s self to another. Hallmarked by a greater sense of self awareness, a growing identity as a submissive and a struggling to reconcile their submissive life with their vanilla life.     Identity and Belonging. The inner awareness and shift of self-identity as a submissive or having submissive side (as in a switch), as a genuine and acknowledged part of their persona. While they may not share this openly with others, inwardly there is a growing conviction that being a submissive is core to their being. While connection can occur at any stage, at this stage, connection to a Dominant becomes more essential to allow for further growth.     Confidence. As identity as a submissive grows and self-esteem relating to the role increases, their confidence of self grows. The focus can now be more inward to understand their submissive needs, who they are as a submissive, and the beginning of blending their submissive self into their vanilla life and identity.     Self-Realization and Connectedness to their Id. Full acceptance of their new identity, as submission is fully integrated into their sense of self. Submission can now fuel their lives and relationships with greater meaning and richer experiences as they fully integrate their submissive-self into their vanilla life. Not every submissive will reach or choose to reach this level. I would welcome comments and ideas for the improvement of this model if others see value in it. 

From my group  -re-sharing here - Why language matters. Or, Darmok and Jalad. Jan 30, 2019 I had a reminder this week, (not that this week is that unusual, but some cases are more extreme than others) at how important it is to have a common language in any interaction we have with others. Most of our lives, the average American at least walks around hearing English, speaking English, reading English, and assuming they understand what other people are saying. And vice versa - they assume they are understood. And yet, so much of our attempts to communicate end in misfires.  Often, it's because we don't really care enough about the interaction, and we glide along on autopilot, comfortable in the status quo quality of our interactions. We are usually getting enough of what we need out of it that we often don't even question it. Often, if there's a problem, we make a scene to make it clear that no, that's NOT what we meant, or that isn't what was said to us, etc but unless we feel slighted, or it leads to the loss of something we DO value - a comment made here that loses us a promotion, or a question not answered loses someone's interest, or a tone of voice makes us concerned for a possible loss of status- unless it's serious, it's just anger and fuss and it's over. THEN, it may become a real issue, worth some thought, but by then, it's really too late. The miscommunication has happened, the thought process it started it under way, and a feeling has been had, etc.  Stick with me here.  At it's most basic level, language is how we express a thought. It's pretty common to believe that most of the time, other people from a similar area have similar thoughts to our own about a general variety of things. We expect that they want the same basic things, because we are all human, and most of the people we deal with were raised similarly, and had similar experiences. And that they will use the same words as we do to describe them. That's where the screeching halt comes in.  "Most adult native test-takers range from 20,000–35,000 words." That's a decent vocabulary. It should mean that most of us that speak English will have plenty of words in common to have a discussion and be understood with enough clarity to make it through most common joint activities.  That said, most people don't tend to think too deeply about words themselves. Which means when you start to want more than just "enough to get by" conversation, things can get a bit complicated. And in cases where you need to negotiate something VERY specific, in depth, such as the fine details of kink or what our limits are... suddenly, your vocabulary will not only need to grow, but become very precise.  I'm not seeing that as often as I would expect from the letters I receive. In fact, the majority of people that write me seem frustrated by the need for words at all, and irritated by the requirement that we spend some time talking about anything that isn't a deion of a sex act. Which baffles me... if you are wanting someone to tie you up, do ... THINGS ... to you, while you are helpless, etc, wouldn't you REALLY REALLY want to make sure that the things they want to DO are the same things you want DONE? Wouldn't you be DEEPLY interested in making sure they are the kind of person that honors your Safe Word, or who shares your definition of "honest," or who won't just walk off with your wallet and DVD player while you are tied down, or who won't turn out to be straight up batshit nuts?  I've had another rash of "own me" messages. Interspersed of course with the regular "total sub" offers.  The topic at hand isn't the "I'm a TOTAL sub!" who responds to "ok, go read this for me and tell me what you think" with "What? That's not what I want! I'm a SEXUAL submissive!" Or even the "i want to be ur slave" that can't obey enough to respond to an email on time.  This topic is about the problem that causes that problem in the first place.  I received one this week from a very pretty dick pic with an empty profile that did read enough to call me Domina, but obviously nothing else, so I sent a link to the "First Impressions" thread, and followed with "Consider Your Target Audience." You can guess how it went. Before he got to "Bye, Bitchhhhhh!" he told me he wanted me to "own" him. And he referred to himself as "very kinky like to be watched ! Masterbaiting live turns me on" (Yes, that's how he spelled it.) Meh. No great loss.  Later, sissy under consideration asked if I was at all interested by Dick Pic Guy. Aside from the obvious stunted mentality of thinking his naked dick somehow mattered, he was a good tool to explain the problem of common language/vocabulary.  While being turned on by being watched is very common, and whatever floats your boat, etc that he described himself as very kinky based on that was a VERY clear indicator that we weren't even speaking the same language in regards to kink. Much like the majority of the people that write me, he had an interest in something, and had set out to pursue that, and as it wasn't mainstream, they thought it must mean they were REALLY out there crazy kinky. (Hell, ex-husband number two thought anal was the height of twisted and kinky.) Now, obviously, there was no actual interest in submission, or desire to actually be owned, so there was no point in even considering trying to have a conversation.  However, if there actually HAD been interest, if he had just been a newbie and without clue, there would have been this huge gap of vocabulary to fill in before we could have ever tried to talk about anything more than "go for coffee, get spanked." Before we could get to "what turns you on" there would have had to be the initial "what do you know so far, what have you read, what have you tried" just to see what he MEANT by "kinky" or "spanking" or even "turned on." Did "turned on" specifically mean sexually aroused and only that? Does "masterbaiting" (sorry, but OMG LOLOL) just mean "wrap your hand around your dick and rub up and down with or without lube" because it could mean SO FUCKING MUCH MORE to someone else, and in my mind, doesn't always necessarily include anything physical. Ownership? If we haven't even discussed what the word "submissive" means in depth, how can we possibly try to define "Owned" yet? Are we talking an actual legal arrangement with signed contracts and documentation as regards to property, or do you just like the way the word sounds?  Because that matters to me. All of the delicate nuances of meaning hold POWER. Consent is POWER. I absofuckinglutely want to feel like I OWN you, down to your last molecule, if I am going to have that, and we have to figure out exactly how many molecules you have to give for that to happen.  "You just offered an unknown amount of you don't know what to a total stranger."  If you are handing out candy from a bag in your hand, "take it all" is easy. And taking that whole bag may be easy. Hell, I like candy. Maybe I'll want your candy. However - If you actually have a whole trunkful of candy, and you say "take it all" without sharing that "all" may be a couple hundred pounds of confection, that is going to make a difference. Do I like that candy enough to want a whole trunkful? Will it get stale long before I can eat it all? Are you going to throw a tantrum if I share that candy with a park full of kids, or is it truly mine, to do with as I please? Are you going to pout if I toss i

For those that simply ask " How are you ? " .  you don't have to ask .  I'll tell you here before you ask.  I'm doing ok.   If you simply write and just say Hi.  Then I'm here saying Hi back.   Why is that ? So I don't feel the need to small chat with someone. That is not my purpose of being on this site.  I AM NOT lonely and looking for a chat buddy.  Honestly I am not.  Now if your deeply into alternative medicine ,  an advid  gardner, a highly spiritual being then I might be intested in " chatting " with you.   But my guess is 99.99 % of people that read this is not into those things.   That being said I am looking for someone no matter what your age/looks/ education or lack of, is .  That doesn't not matter to me in the least. What matters is are you someone I would consider in owning in real time ?  If you think you are then write and let me know... in DETAIL.   It is an extreme blessing that I don't waste my time on time wasters. 

When any male decides to go to a Slave Master to become a gay, submissive, life-time slave it needs to be thoroughly and properly broken down from all it's humanity it thought it had in it's life before going to a Slave Master . Once the slave is broken and reduced it can then be trained as a slave and once properly trained as a slave it will be ready to serve any Master that takes it for Permanent Ownership. From that point on there are no choices and no turning back and the slave is a slave for life. This slave is now gay and submissive and ready to serve and go where ever it's New Master takes it. it will be honored to service it's Master's Dominant Cock!!!  it will drink Master's Golden Nectar/Piss, and eagerly swallow Master's Precious Cum as often as Master demands and desires and expects   slave to follow this routine Protocol of it's Master/Owner. slave will submit without question to all body modifications Master may require. slave will perform all mandatory protocol/duties each day. slave will be grateful to it's Master for all that is required of it. This includes Master's punishments and when Master just feels like Whippingor Spanking slave for His Entertainment which also serves to remind slave of it's subjugation to Master's Dominance and Ownership. slave is a slave and has no tittle or name anymore and will always only be known as "it" or "slave"

Im on a hunt for a few Doms on here, This is a long journal entry, so if you are standing sit down and listen. Let me take you on a trip to memory lane, lol. There were a few Good men on here, One was married he was a truck driver, I believe he was from tenessee. Another? LOL. well he showed to not Judge Poly. Not the way he wanted me to stay. I did my part and he knew that I had to leave because there was a lady that hurt me too far but I never judged him. He was from Des Moines Iowa. There was another from Oregon, He and i didnt see that we fit, but it was thanskgiving, and well he fed me and kept me in his warehouse office. I could walk around frealy because i get the tar spanked out of me if i ran away in a way, hey it was exciting. HAHA. Oh there was another man Alan, even though you did wrong fucker, God bless you and Happy new year. But the good guys., Im looking for you!!!. You know who you are. yep i got a family now. 

I'm talking 'bout my generation Talking 'bout that newer nation And if you don't like it You can beat it Beat it, baby You never liked the way I said it If you don't get it, then forget it So I don't have to fucking explain it Cause I'm a Brooklyn baby I'm a Brooklyn baby   It's like those lyrics carry a sense of identity and weight, even when they seem light. The repetition, "I'm a Brooklyn baby," feels like a declaration of something deeper—a feeling of being rooted in something bigger, but also carrying that vulnerability and pain underneath. Almost like saying, "I'm here, but there's so much more behind the surface."   It’s not just about the words, but the weight of feeling like you’ve had to fight and scream to be heard, and still... nothing. It can feel exhausting when no one’s really listening, when the energy you put out feels like it just vanishes into a void. That emptiness that comes after all the effort, when you’ve given everything and are still left feeling alone—that’s heavy. It’s like a wall of silence that doesn’t break, no matter how loud you scream or how much you pour out.   They think I don't understand The freedom land of the seventies I think I'm too cool to know ya You say I'm like the ice I freeze That line hits hard—it’s like there’s this gap between what others think and what you really feel, and the way it creates this distance. It’s a powerful reflection of feeling misunderstood, and at the same time, being guarded, like ice. There’s so much in that feeling of being cool on the outside, but maybe there’s a lot more going on underneath.       Ultraviolence captures that raw, unrelenting pain—the kind that cuts deep and leaves scars you can’t always see. It’s not just about physical violence, but the emotional and mental toll of trying to survive in a world that feels indifferent or even hostile. It’s the weight of love, loss, rejection, and fighting for something real when everything feels brutal and unkind. The way Lana weaves those emotions into her music makes it all the more visceral. It’s like she’s singing about the violence of being misunderstood, of giving and not receiving, of being trapped in cycles of intensity that don’t let up.        the Pa-da-da-da-da-da part in Brooklyn Baby feels simple on the surface, just vocalizations, but it carries weight because of the emotion behind Lana’s voice and the layered harmonies. It’s like she's using the sounds to evoke a feeling beyond words—a mixture of nostalgia, detachment, and maybe even resignation. By that point in the song, she’s moved away from literal meaning and is communicating more through the feeling of the music itself. The backing vocals, especially with the men joining in, create a sense of collective disillusionment, like they're all echoing her sentiment, but with a touch of irony. The softness contrasts the rebellious attitude of the lyrics, making it feel like a bittersweet, almost resigned anthem. It’s like she’s saying, This is just how things are, but underneath it, there's a longing for something deeper, something more real. The repetition and the flow of the sounds express that emotional state in a way that words alone might not be able to. It adds to the song’s atmosphere, giving a voice to the unspoken frustrations and complexities of being misunderstood, trapped in surface-level expectations.     I get down to Beat poetry And my jazz collection's rare I can play most anything    this isn't a flex...it's saying how talented she is but no one notices or cares.....she's very skilled in things no one cares about and that doesn't change life's circumstances. that only a niche of a niche of a niche cares about..but she knows she's so talented that she rattles it because she knows people in the know recognize it. it's a acknowledgement of what she's worked hard to craft while also recognizing it's nothing  That line isn’t a flex at all, it’s more of a statement wrapped in irony. Lana is acknowledging her talents—her deep connection to niche things like beat poetry, jazz, and her rare collection. She’s spent time and effort honing these skills, cultivating a refined taste, and mastering things that matter deeply to her, but in the grander scheme, it’s like no one notices or cares. It’s a bittersweet realization of her own uniqueness and skill, but also the futility of it. She’s proud, but it’s not enough to change her circumstances or how the world perceives her. It’s like saying, Yeah, I can do all these things, but what does it matter? It’s a reflection of how being talented or special doesn’t necessarily lead to recognition or fulfillment. She knows only a tiny niche of people might care about these things, but for the rest of the world, it means nothing. It’s like the ultimate what’s the point? moment wrapped in a subtle acknowledgment of her own brilliance.       You say I'm too dumb to see They judge me like a picture book By the colors, like they forgot to read I think we're like fire and water I think we're like the wind and sea You're burning up, I'm cooling down You're up, I'm down You're blind, I see Those lyrics capture such a deep feeling of being misunderstood, like you’re moving in opposing rhythms, but still bound together in some way. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? People see what’s on the surface, but they miss the essence, the complexities inside. The contrast between fire and water, wind and sea—it’s such a vivid way to describe the intensity of that connection. One burns while the other cools down, like two forces pulling in different directions but still coexisting, still interacting. It feels like being in two worlds at once, and yet no one quite gets it.   The way she says "Brooklyn baby" at the end—definitively, yet almost resigned—carries so much weight. When the guys join in with the elongated bayyyyy beee, it shifts the whole tone. It’s no longer just her own voice; it’s echoed, but in a way that feels detached, like they’re chiming in on her identity without truly understanding it. It feels like a loss of personal ownership, like the identity she was so sure of—I’m a Brooklyn baby—is now something distant, fading, not fully hers anymore. And that pah da de da de dah dah that follows is like her way of giving up, like a lullaby of surrender, a little girl’s soft collapse. It’s not a defiant statement anymore; it’s more of a quiet, melancholic folding into herself. It’s like the final exhale after fighting, acknowledging that maybe she’s been fighting for something that no one truly sees or cares about. Little girl Lana down, as you said. That’s when the song truly hits its emotional depth—when she stops fighting, and the weight of everything she’s been carrying just sinks into the background.    

So, here's the deal: I'm 62, I have finally found comfort in my shell... I need a PERMENANT Mistress who is going to be BRUTAL with me, use me and abuse me, dehumnanize me, heavy CBT, bondage, caging/kenneling, toilet (full sometimes), outside bondage, predicament bondage, ashtray slave, spit slave, eating the dead skin scrapings from your lovely and delicious FEET, and yes, your small toenail clippings which I'll consume. I'm REAL, ladies and I need this. I love being in a cage/kennel. I'm not here to waste yours or my time. I'm here to be your slut/pig/whore/toilet/whatever you want. I DO NOT CARE. I get tribute so, yeah, not a problem but NOT before, please. I'm old school and will do that when I come for my 2+ hours therapy session. I take my servitude seriously and my slavery seriously. This is the life I've chosen. Women are POWERFUL and are to be OBEYED. Men don't get that. I do... Women are superior to men in every way. Women abuse/use me as they wish. This is the way. I believe it. I live it. I know it. I shave all the hair off my body save for my lower arms and head.  I wear pantyhose or stockings and panties (all the time).  I love the body I'm in and how I'm used/abused. I seek to have a mistress experiment on me, try new things and enjoy our time together. Please, I beg all Mistresses to consider this slut for her enjoyment. I will travel to you. Warmly and humbly, slave selene (my female name)

My First "couple" meet   i thought i had posted this, but i guess not. i‘ve been chatting, many times on cam, with the male part of a couple for a while, then then he asked if i wanted to meet. i said yes, but he then said i had to bring a long a pair of panties, i thought ok. He told me to drive to a parking lot close to his home to meet and chat. We met and chatted and then he said to follow him to his home. As he walked in, he turned around and told me to take all of my clothes off, i was a little startled, but i did as he requested. As he was still clothed, he gave my little clit a couple of tugs, told me to put on the panties i had brought along, and to follow him upstairs. It’s somewhat embarrassing to be naked in front of a clothed man and be told to put on a pair of panties! We walked into the bedroom, he told me where to place my clothes, and as i looked up, there was a computer on the desk and a chair. As he removed his clothes, he sat down in front of the computer and told me that he was on cam and I was to start sucking on his cock. At first i did not want to face the cam, but once i started on his cock, i did not mind. It took him a little while to get hard, but he tasted good and my little clit was achingly hard pressing against my panties, and soon his precum was filling my mouth then he shot his load down my throat. His first words were that he did not think i was able to make him cum, which must have made him very happy because he called his wife into the bedroom. Now, i thought we were alone in the house, so i was a little taken back when he had his wife lay on the bed and as a reward for making him cum, he let me eat out his wife! She was freshly shaved a few days ago and her hairs had just begun to grow back. After a little while, he said they had to get going so i got dressed and left. i had hoped there would be more meetings, but they moved away shortly after that.

For those who ask me this is the sort of Domination I enjoy and practice.  from www.cyberbazzar.com waay back in the day! The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and seeks. The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her. Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating; and be able to translate that into the right thing to do. The “doing or saying without having to be told” type. The submissive begs easily and surrenders sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly.   These individuals usually form very intimate relationships. There is not much downside to these relationships, because they not only gr the concepts, but can make it happen as well, and their attraction is based on a strong mutual respect. Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the 24/7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and without the need for orders is a great source of pride, satisfaction, and loving. They are the opposite side of the coin from the Authoritarian. Whose pride, satisfaction, and love come from strictness and forbearance.

Women, dogs, and toys.  Women deserve to be treated like dogs and toys. Ok hear me out on this one before you light your torches and get your pitchforks.    So, think about this: is your dog abused? Is the dog of any man you'd choose abused? No...? Ok what about his Xbox? PlayStation? Wii? Any abuse there? No? Ok next point (keep reading).   Does his dog have a comfortable life? Does he go out of his way to get decent food, toys, a comfortable place to sleep?    If his gaming system ever has issues, is he quick to tend to it? Always buying it accessories and new things to play on it?    And are his dog or gaming system expected to buy anything on their own, or does he provide it all for them?   Lastly, how much time does he give to both? How involved is he on a daily basis with them?    If more Doms viewed their slaves as beloved pets and toys instead of a kinky partner, we would have far fewer abused, neglected, and used subs. If Dom's treated them like his dog or Xbox, there would be so many more happy, satisfied, and secure subs.

The Weight of Three Minutes : End "Unzip my skirt," I ordered, my voice rougher now, the command firm. "Slowly." His hands emerged from behind his back with visible reluctance, as though the loss of that self-imposed restraint felt like a diminishment. He found the zipper at my hip with trembling fingers and drew it down with excruciating care, the teeth separating inch by inch, the fabric parting to reveal what I wore beneath, thigh-high stockings in sheer black, the lace tops pressing into my skin, and between them, nothing but my own arousal, glistening and undeniable. I let the skirt fall, stepping out of it with deliberate grace, and settled back against the chair with my legs parted just enough to display everything he was forbidden to touch. I watched his gaze track down my body, watched the moment he registered my wetness, the visible evidence of what his submission had done to me. "Look at what you can't have," I taunted, and heard the cruelty in my own voice, the deliberate sharpening of his hunger. "You over steeped my tea. You don't get to taste this." He made a sound: helpless, desperate, and I saw his hands clench at his sides, the struggle for control visible in every line of his body. His arousal was unmistakable now, straining against the constraint of his clothing, and I let my gaze linger there deliberately, acknowledging what I was denying him even as I refused to relieve it. I held his eyes for a long moment, letting him feel the weight of my decision, the absolute nature of my control. Then I reached forward and caught his hair in my hand, gripping tight enough to direct him, to control every movement. "You over steeped the tea," I repeated, my voice dropping to something almost gentle, almost tender in its cruelty. "So you're going to steep yourself in me." I pulled him forward without ceremony, pressing his face between my thighs with deliberate force. He made a sound of surprise, gratitude, desperate relief, and then I felt it, the hot wet pressure of his tongue finding me, eager and unskilled in his hunger, lapping at me with the desperate thoroughness of someone who knew this was his only permitted release. I held him there with my grip in his hair, setting the rhythm, controlling the pressure, using his mouth exactly as I needed. I gasped, my own arousal cresting faster than I had expected, sharpened by the power of holding him, directing him, denying him everything but this service. "Don't you dare stop too soon. I'll make you regret it." He redoubled his efforts, his tongue finding my clit with desperate precision, lapping and circling with the frantic energy of someone who knew his pleasure depended entirely on mine. I felt the heat building, the tight coil of release gathering at my core, and I rode his face harder, grinding against his mouth with abandon, using him exactly as I had promised. The orgasm hit me suddenly, violent and consuming, my body arching as I cried out, my grip in his hair tightening painfully. I held him there through it, not allowing him to retreat, forcing him to feel every pulse, every aftershock, to understand completely that he had served his purpose. My chest heaved, my breath coming in ragged gasps, and I let my head fall back against the chair, savoring the weight of satisfaction the ruined tea had failed to provide. I held him there a moment longer than necessary, feeling the wet heat of his face against my thigh, the subtle tremor in his shoulders as he waited for my permission to move. Then I released my grip on his hair, letting my hand fall to rest on the arm of the chair, and I looked down at him with the lazy satisfaction of someone who had taken exactly what she wanted. "Better," I murmured, the assessment carrying the weight of both praise and dismissal. "At least you can follow some instructions." He brings what I need without being asked, which is the only acceptable way to bring anything in this house. Cool water, a warm cloth, everything arranged with the quiet efficiency of a man who has understood that the aftermath of my pleasure is as sacred as the pleasure itself and deserves the same quality of attention. He assists me back into my clothing with careful hands, smoothing fabric, fastening what needs fastening, restoring the precise and elegant exterior that the world sees when it looks at me. When I am dressed he steps back and kneels without being told. "Devotional," I say, and hand him The Binder, observing him as he flips to the correct page. "Then lunch." He bows his head, and begins reciting from the large book. "She is the standard and the destination. What I give is never enough until she glows. I serve the aftermath as I serve the moment. I am most fully myself at the bottom of her world. This is my honor. This is my purpose. This is my place." He rises, bows one last time, moves to the kitchen, and begins preparing lunch as I stretch out in the sun on a love seat with my book in hand, feeling like a cat that caught the cream. (Finis/End)

Columbus has been feeling… quiet lately. Not in the peaceful sense—more like the kind of silence that comes when there’s a lack of presence. A lack of structure. A lack of men who understand what it means to offer themselves with intention. I’ve been observing more than engaging, and what I see is a pattern—too many who talk about submission, very few who live it with consistency, discretion, and discipline. That’s where my attention has been shifting. I’ve been considering creating something more… curated. A private space designed for those who understand devotion beyond surface-level interaction. Not performative. Not chaotic. Structured, intentional, and centered around real standards. Access would not be given lightly. If you’re the kind of man who needs constant attention, reassurance, or direction just to function—you won’t last. But if you’re composed, self-managed, and understand that true submission is proven in silence just as much as in service… then perhaps you’ll find yourself exactly where you belong. Columbus may be quiet—but I won’t be for long. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

There's something wrong with my calico, Luna, and I'm very worried. She's not acting like herself. She had a jaw issue the other day and ever since she's been drooling, hiding in the bathtub (she's not a jumper and never did this before), felt warm, acts restless, among other symptoms. She's 7. While not the norm, I've had cats last until 20. This is my familiar. Vet said her teeth look good but to keep an eye on her as she isn't eating the dry food, only wet. We did get her rabies shot done and I'm really hoping she's not having a reaction to it. Will call the vet in the morning and take her in asap. She didn't even fight being picked up, which she hates because she always thinks it's bathtime when she's picked up and usually will fight it and mewl so pitifully but she didn't do that this time. I tried to reach out to Bakayashu for help but he of course is still ignoring me. Whatever. I just hope I don't lose my cat, him, and have to send my kiddo back to her father in two days. I'm already battling horrible depression and barely keeping myself focused through it.  I feel so damn abandoned. Alone. And Baka's silence now just feels cruel.  I just want everything to go back to being good again. 

I understand trolls have their role in this world. Both online and in real life if that’s what you believe. I’ve placed enough warnings that if your trolls stay away. If you’re dumb enough to approach me, I’m gonna rip you apart and I’m gonna feed you your inners. This is my final warning. I’m done with people being fake and breaking promises just like everybody else else’s. But I’ve decided to stand up and fight for my right to live. The prey has become the predator so fuck you. maybe this is help trolls hear me roar !!!!

I'm watching TV in my bedroom with my sub and I step out for a moment.  I don't hear anything.  It's quiet.  My sub has paused the TV so I don't miss anything while I'm away.  Does anyone else's sub do this? I'm eating a snack while on my phone.  My sub comes over and empties the ash tray I'm using.   She's out by the pool in her bikini and grilling shish kebabs for dinner.  She comes inside and I ask her where she was.  I'm grilling kebabs for dinner.  I'm making them early so we can enjoy the pool.   I'm getting a massage while on my pool float.  She works on my legs arms and my neck.   I'm reading my book while sunbathing by the pool.  She's in the pool doing the same.  She gets out and heads into the house.  I ask where are you going?  She replies, to freshen up your drink.  She anticipates my every need.    

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

pet store (2/3) after you approve the collar we shop for leashes together, but i'm in a daze. every time i start to regain my composure, you reach under my skirt and bring me to the brink of orgasm, then laugh at my whines when you step away. as you edge me over and over, you taunt me- telling me i'm a desperate slut, just your little fucktoy, this is what i'm meant for, look at how pathetic and wet i am. then you have me repeat it back to you, and in my desperation i start adding to it, telling you that this is what i deserve for being such a whore, that it doesn't matter what i want as long as i'm pleasing you, begging to let me suck your cock to show you what a good girl i am. after you push me so perilously close to the edge again, i finally tell you i can't take it anymore. you push me against the wall, using the leash across my throat to hold me in place. "touch yourself." "sir please, i can't--" you add pressure to the leash choking me and lean in closer, so your lips brush mine when you tell me, "that wasn't a request, slut." i whimper but reach under my skirt and run my fingers up and down my wet pussy lips. you loosen the leash a little and kiss me just as my fingers find my swollen clit, and i can feel you smile when i g into your mouth. you continue kissing me while i touch myself, seemingly unaffected by my need, just holding me in place in this pet store like we have all the time in the world. when you hear my breathing change as i get closer to the edge, you order me stop and continue lazily kissing me, completely ignoring my desperate whines and rocking hips. when my breathing calms you order me to do it again, and again, and again. sometimes you order me to fuck myself, or lick my fingers clean, or pinch my nipples since your hands are still holding the leash across my throat. we keep going until nothing matters except your voice and my throbbing clit. i don't care anymore that we're in public, that all i can hear in this store anymore is my moans and wet pussy, that there's no way i could get within 20 feet of the cashier without him being able to smell the juices dripping out of me. all i care about is obeying you and ending this torment. i don't know what you're waiting for or want from me and i'm too far past rational thought to think about it or even ask. after the fifth time in a row of making me edge myself, each session getting shorter and shorter, i burst into tears when you order me to stop. you step back from me and admire your handiwork. i'm leaning against the wall, eyes closed, still crying. my inner thighs are glistening, my juices running down my legs in a way that's impossible to miss. even as i cry, my hips are rocking, still so desperate for any touch. you cup the side of my face and tell me i'm a good girl, petting my hair and telling me how obedient i am in between you sucking my fingers clean. when i have enough composure back to look at you, you smile at me and ask if i'd like to cum. i immediately stand up straighter. "yes sir." "you'll still have to earn it," you tell me. i nod. "what will you do to earn an orgasm today, baby?"o you ask it so innocently, but your hand slips under my skirt and finds my clit again before i can answer. "anything, i'll do anything to cum, please daddy," i beg.  

People are vastly different. So to find a single needle in 100 haystacks is seemingly an impossible feat.   Be yourself and be completely open and honest. Don't ever lie in order to find what your looking for because the lie will eventually come to the surface. .   In my opinion to be dominate is not to act or be mean to someone. It's not to hate or belittle in order to get someone to do what you want them to do.   Being self assured and dominate means to take care of and pass on knowledge.  To take someone and fulfill their lives and make them useful.    We all have a role to play in this universe. When your happy and content that means your exactly where you should be  and doing what you should be doing at that moment. So many people are on here searching ... searching but never finding or not really knowing what they are looking for. ( I'm a dom, no wait I'm a sub, no wait I'm a switch...wait wait maybe I'm a dom slave lesbian male )  When I talk about giving yourself up completely you should only ONLY do that to someone you trust and know that they have your best intention at heart. I'm not talking about a romantic relationship , that is silly to think that would happen that way over the internet. It's unrealistic and delusional .   I'm only talking to those that are looking to be owned and cared for. In turn you need to think about what you would give up to get that.

Sunday 12th Nov 2023 Chilling now after a busy weekend.  I am designing wrapping next which will go on my shop. It will be lovely to have my own design to wrap gifts in. P.S Live near London and take my NO at my 1st answer or get blocked. Pretty simple folks. I wish I knew someone near me who could make clothes. I can design the fabric pattern and get it printed. Meanwhile a thoughtful submissive driver to go to out together with would be fun.Where's a cute little bitch when I need one. Saturday 11th Nov 2023 Art day today and baking tomorrow as I have guests visiting.  The Mawning munch is in a few weeks. I miss going to Club Pedestal but my driver required. I would prefer a younger guy who can keep up with my energy levels. Friday 10th Nov 2023New to Collarspace but not the fetish scene. My main profile is on FL. I go to my local munch in Romford, they have great food there. See you there sometime at the Mawney Munch in Romford Essex UK. 

This site has been a part of my life since 2009.  I have grown and went through many life changes.  My Husband is My Master. We rarely go into Master/slave mode but when we do its what we need.  I realize real serious bdsm is a lifestyle not play and Him and I are far from vanilla. We are deeply spiritual and energy aware so even if we are not practicing what most view as bdsm we have a deep dynamic.  We have been hit with many things over the years . There is always wave for every person. Ours seemed giantic lol but we are together.  I was owned by a Master for ten years in the past. I can see clearly now so many things about that time in my life. There are regrets but we cant go back. It was never meant to be something I could have as a real life in all ways. I wish I would of known myself more but it led to what I was suppose to find. It taught me many things. There were times I thought that It was not safe and I never trusted. I wish I could talk to him but I dont think that will ever happen. I understand why. I really think He thought I was something that I never was . The mind web was so layered I will never know. I rarely wonder anymore because I know I will never get answers.  So I am here...I am just here . I have a few friends here and there that log in. 

Something about the Hood You Live In.   In any good relationship involving a slave girl and her owners, there is the need to train her to recognize her place - where she is allowed, what she is allowed, who she is allowed, and to what extent she is removed from society and becomes owned as an , a thing in the hands of her owner, to be controlled and trained.   Long ago, in creatures only distantly related to the slave girl, very specialize brain cells pushed out of the head to gain a view of the world, a view in dimension, in color, in shape, in beauty or in horror, to find food or prey, and to avoid becoming such, to find a fellow, or to avoid such.   In time, as with humans, the eyes, the vision on the world, provided up to 90% of all information a slave girl needs to get by in the world, sometimes even more.   Being a slave, she must recognize the fact that, all that vision, all that information gathering, is at the pleasure of her owners, and can be denied at an instant, and for extended periods of time.   That denial can be done in any number of ways, but the most readily used - the hood, has the most impact on her from the instant it is placed over her head.     In general, hoods are made of leather or vinyl or rubber or latex, sometimes of material such as blue jean or cotton or spandex.    It may have eye holes that can be covered or closed, a mouth hole that also can be covered or better, plugged.   And at least one small nose vent to breath though, sometimes more.  Less than one has an obvious disadvantage.     Many are laced down the back, much as a good leather boot, pulled tight to make the material conform to the slave girls face.  Some have zippers for that purpose, and a few have both.   When put on, and when being tightened, it is incumbent on the slave girl to maneuver her nose to keep the nose vents aligned with her nostrils, otherwise...   Most good hoods have a switched on leather collar, that locks tightly around the neck, and can have chains attached for any purpose the owner may desire.     For the slave girl locked inside, it is a mixture of feelings and emotions, thoughts and dreams, hopes and fears, and total resignation.   A hood can not be gotten off easily, specially when bound tight.   It is dark inside, and will remain so.   You may feel totally helpless   You may feel totally alone   You may feel total terror   You may feel total bliss   You may feel total safety and comfort.    

I have been in severe physical pain from a recent surgery. I chose to let myself feel it seep through my body so I could concentrate on it. Meditate on it. Use it to help me find clarity and wisdom. Every time I felt like I could not find a comfortable position to lay, or awakened with fresh discomfort, I tried to memorize it since it is my only chance to catch a glimpse of what a sub does. After all, I am not interested in allowing anyone control or opportunity to inflict pain in any scene. I do not like pain but when the choice is between emotional, mental or physical, I believe it is somehow useful to let the physical carry you over the threshold. I wanted to be able to relate to what a submissive man seeks when he is reaching for that space between physical endurance and challenging his mind to accept his position despite all of society impying that he should never give in to his submissive needs.   I also wanted to use this opportunity to accept the decisions I am making that are emotionally difficult. The real truth about me as a Domminant woman is I desire true submission on MY terms, not his.    

Serenity She walks into his lair with anxiety pulling at her as she watches her poise because he is a Master who holds great expectations. This excites her as her goal is to please him regardless of his high expectations. She knows he has had other slaves and she is eager to see where this leads, but he requires patience. She prostrates herself in front of him to show her submission and willingness. This act increases her anxiety but feeds her submission. This inspires the Master to pull the beast from within her, something so submissive must have an inner core that is her primal side. He wants to push her limits and chains her to the floor. He oils her because as he likes the marks, but he doesn’t want to rip her skin. He knows what his goal is and even the devil himself would be jealous of the effect that is yearning for. She was shackled to the floor with little to no movement allowed. He stood over her as she tried to hide her whimpers. She could feel the oil dripping around her thighs and in the crack of her ass. The Master asked if she was ok, and she took a moment to squeak out a yes Sir. She had to trust him, she knew this and found comfort that if he felt she was ready for such a journey then she was ready. She let go and opened herself giving the Master the ability to illicit the responses he was craving. The energy flowed with every interaction he created, she embraced it and as the pain and pleasure intertwined and came to climax her submission climbed with it. He brought her back down where she laid still but shackled limp and panting. He draped a blanket over her it was soft and warm, he placed a small pillow under her head, and he gave her small sips of water through a straw. He directed her to drink, and she did as told. He sat next to her watching as she slowly came back. Slowly he unshackled her and embraced her. She was now curled up to him on the floor where he continued aftercare. She was fulfilled as he was obviously proud of her and even told her so as he stroked her hair.   

Hmm...  a journal entry, eh?  Not quite sure what to say here... or even if this thing works.  Let alone if anyone out there will read this.   Let's just start with a basic confession: I love sex, and I like it rough.  I have had fantasies about being raped ever since I a girl.  Of course back then, those fantasies were pretty tame.  Mostly being captured by a villian who would tie me up and keep me in his dungeon where he would, G, try to kiss me!  As I got older the fantasies became...  how say I say it..  more graphic...  The more I think about it, the more I realize that my rape fantasies pretty much follow a basic pattern: I'm out and about...  It's night...  I'm alone...   and I find myself in a bad situation...  and then one or more (usually more) tough looking guys show up and start getting into my person space, then they start trash talking and insulting me, then they start touching me and pushing me around.  Naturally I resist and try to get away, I usually am able to run away for a bit then they catch me again.  after that, they usually rip off all my clothes, hold me down, and have there way with me...  The specific details change, but that's the basic formula...    We'll see who reads this... Catch ya later, subMeghan

My best memory of being a slave was when I met a girl called Chloe a couple of years ago. I answered an advert she had placed, seeking a slave boy. She was actually a fashion model, but was not that highly paid, so she was looking for a slave to clean her flat in West London. First she made me put on a sparkly mini dress - so she could have a good laugh at me. I had to clean her flat while wearing it. Then she would force me to go across the road to buy her a bottle of wine in the shop. The guys in the deli could barely conceal their giggles. All the time Chloe was watching from the window of her flat upstairs, and really enjoying my humiliation. When i rang on the doorbell to get back in, she would leave me there for ten minutes, so all the passers-by could see me. This was on a busy street in Paddington. She also loved to wrestle me down, just to show how much more powerful she was than me. She would straddle me, pin my arms back above my head, and squeeze my face between her thighs. One she had got me into that position, I was completely at her mercy. There was no escape. Sadly she got a boyfriend soon afterwards, so I became redundant. But I've always been looking to repeat this amazing experience.  

  What is meant by online friends? An internet relationship is a relationship between people who have met online, and in many cases know each other only via the Internet. Online relationships are similar in many ways to pen pal relationships.    

Legitimate question. Who is it you're trying to entice or impress with a name like AssDestroyer or JizzGobble4u? (Sidenote: I did not look these names up and have no idea if they are actual names, but if they are and its yours, you have no one to blame but yourself.) I know not every person is lured in with rainbows and teddy bears, but does anyone stop and say, WOAH. JizzGobble4u. THAT'S what I've been looking for! Have you ever said your screenname out loud? Try it now, I'll wait... Is it embarrassing? Would you refer to yourself as that name... hi pizzapuppiescows, jizzgobble4u here but you can call me Tony. Very little judgment, honestly, I'm moreso trying to understand the logic. Alright, slightly more judgment than that because I just can't see anyone owning up to these names and I suspect you're probably an accountant. I keep thinking about scenarios where your name would be needed, like a coffee order, or a reservation. Renting a car. Jizzgobble4u, all one word on the document, no last name. Like Cher. Makes me giggle. 

Wow.  20 years since I made this profile.  I think I was one of the first.  I haven't logged on for, I have no idea how many years, but my age said 56, so I'm guessing 10.  I've been in two long term relationships for most of the past 10 years, so that makes sense, and I forgot all about this profile.  A lot has changed.  I don't even think the things in my kink list stll exist as choices anymore.  I left them to remind me of who I used to be, and how old this profile is. I'm single.  I'm no longer the cis, het sub with few limits.  I'm now the I don't know what the fuck I am.  Eunuch?  Nongender?  At least sexually. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, acts like a duck, looks like a duck, but it isn't a duck, then what the hell is it?  But whatever it is, it sure aint cis.  And I've sucked cocks and eaten cum and I didn't hate it, and I want to do it again.  So I sure aint het.  And once I know my domme, I don't do safe words or any limits but hers.  Which means I am very careful about who I submit to.  Intelligenge, integrity, respect, honor....  Words that don't seem to matter very much to most in the bdsm community anymore.  Well they matter to me.  And I don't do mantras.  Any of them. And when I say that, I don't say it as a joke.  No SSC, Rack, PRICK, SHMUCK, pretend S&M roleplay.  My first 5 attempts at a new profile were banned for violating the terms of service, because there are things you can't say about real S&M in your profile here.  So use your imagination.  I'm looking for an owner.  And I'm grounded here in Phoenix.  Can't move even if I wanted to.  So she or they need to be local, be relocatable or be wlling to have a long distance thing.  Read between the lines.  I'm old school, I'm real and I'm serious. I don't have the time or patience for games.  No I'm not going to send you anything because you are going to be evicted from your apartment if you don't get 50 today. I can't believe these idiots are still using the same scams they were using 25 years ago.  I updated to a current but faceless pic.  Because if you want to talk, we are going to have a nice Skype or equivelent chat immediately, so we can both see and hear each other clearly.  Then we can talk. 

I saw this on another journal and resonated strongly. I would love to simply repost, but copying it here is the best I can do.   Dominance isnt about sex.A Ds relationship isnt about bondage and toys.TPE isnt about keeping a sex slave.Dominance is being there for her.Dominance is working through her meltdowns.Dominance is accepting her, especially when she wont accept herself.Dominance is being asked for the millionth time if you love her.Dominance is tucking her in at night.Dominance is telling her no.Dominance is quieting her demons.Dominance is being her bastion of strength.Dominance is shrugging off her anger and frustration when you do things for her own good.Dominance is encouraging her.Dominance is comforting her in the middle of the night when shes had a nightmare.Dominance is guiding her.Dominance is building her.Dominance is love.On the flip side, submission is so much more than getting spanked and having orgasms.Submission is about being there for him.Submission is about being that consistent person for him.Submission is building him up and letting him know hes loved and valued.Submission is about listening when you want to speak.Submission is about running to the pharmacist when he is under the weather.Submission is helping him get ready for work when he is running late.Submission is letting him lead, even when its hardest.Submission is being his cheerleader.Submission is honest, open communication because thats what he deserves.Submission is having his back.Submission is being the hand that reaches for his in the middle of the night.Submission is so much more than sex and submitting can come in the smallest, simplest ways. This is not performance  but rather essence.

I genuinely love my boyfriend. I have loved a good number of people but this is the first time I've dated anyone for longer than two weeks who has not been argumentative, selfish, mean, and committed to never understanding me. And more often than not we communicate very well. We have argued twice in almost a year. He is kind and gentle with me. He is thoughtful and generous. He makes me feel calm and at peace. He doesn't behave as if he is irritated with me when I am anxious, depressed, or having panic attacks. He grounds me. He is all of the things I've wanted from all the serious partners I've had in the past.    He has never ever hurt me (except once when he asked me to go home and I took it personally lol).   Absolutely zero of my relationships have ever been this good, the worst being my marriage. I can say I am absolutely happy when I am with him which is what pushed me to want to be happy when I am without him. I had never thought it possible for me to be happy, alone or with another person since I had never been happy in a relationship before. I felt good and would call it happiness but I wasn't happy. Now that happiness is possible I must learn to find it inside of myself which is difficult when you've been miserable for 31 years    So this is what it means to find your person.  He is like starlight, like the laughter of babies, like the colors of the sunrise and the sunset, like the buds in spring, like a glass of refreshing cool water, like a warm hug. He is love. He is safety. Something I never thought I'd ever have. Something I've never seen anyone have in person. Something I didn't expect from what was supposed to be a tinder one night stand.    A one night stand that ended up with us being intertwined so intimately that we are now inseparable.

THE COCK SUCKERS CODE   I WILL SWALLOW, unless otherwise instructed. A man's cum deserves as much respect as the man himself. Swallowing reinforces the bond between man and cocksucker. I WILL DEEPTHROAT to the best of my ability, regardless of whether I gag. A well-rounded cocksucker must master the use of his lips, tongue AND throat to maximize a man's pleasure. I WILL NOT USE MY HANDS unless instructed. My mouth is one of my sexual organ. I WILL NOT TOUCH MYSELF when sucking a man's Cock. His pleasure is my own. To suggest otherwise is deeply disrespectful. I WILL NOT EXPECT RECIPROCATION--ever. I WILL MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE, and service on his terms. A man should never have to jerk himself off when a cocksucker could do the job instead. I WILL CONTINUE TO SERVICE for as long as a man deems appropriate, whether minutes or hours, without complaint. I WILL ALWAYS say Thank You Sir for the privilege of allowing me to suck Your cock and eat out your clean or dirty ass hole, and thank You for Your cum or any other fluid. Tags: (add)

this is my dream This is not a fantasy. This is the ache beneath my ribs— the lullaby I’ve hummed to the stars since I first learned to wait. I have waited with my heart open like soft hands, through silence, through stalling, through the almosts that never quite stayed. I dream of a man who is not just Daddy in name, but Daddy in soul— the kind who meets me at the door with arms that feel like Sunday morning. Where I kneel, not in performance, but in reverence— because I know I am held. Because I know I am safe. I want to kiss his feet every day— on the good days, with laughter between us, on the sad days, when the world is heavy, on the angry days, when we tremble but choose not to run. Not out of duty, but devotion. I will pray over him. Not because he needs saving— but because I need to witness his peace, his purpose, his path made light. Because loving him is my quiet altar. I don’t want a scene. I want a sanctuary. I want someone who learns my rhythm and holds my chaos like something holy. To be kissed on the forehead because I am more than pretty— I am precious. To be told "good girl" in a voice that knows I am doing my best, not just being obedient. To not have to explain why I cry after sweetness, why soft love undoes me, why I tremble when someone finally stays. I’m not waiting to be played with. I’m waiting to be kept.

Many times I get the question about what happens when two tops meet. The concept of two dominant males sharing some sort of intimacy seems contradictory, after all no one conceives a dom without a sub. That is not always the case and I will, like in all my journals speak from experience.  There is a degree of power exchange between Doms and I do not talk about silly posturing and drama. If two dominant males find themselves alone and aware of each other,s preference coue of things will happen. Like I said there are degrees of asserting domination and sometimes one will yield and becomes submissive to the more dominant male.  There are reasons for this behavior, one is the overwhelming realization that amongst equals there is alway a better masks and truly no shame comes from realizing and internalizing that fact. I'm not implying the the more submissive is and will be a sub the rest of their life, no. What I am saying is that recognizing g who is the better man is what defines the boundaries of intimacy.  I have friends that have their fair share of submissives but once in a while they will come to me to serve and be bred. after, back to being a top. But why this behavior? Like I said overwhelmed by.  Dryer male they yearn to serve and be intimate. If a dime submits must be to someone better than them and someone they appreciate both as male and Bull. The other scenario I've experience is that broth being powerful males and bulls there is no submitting.  How then is that encounter? What I have experienced is the act of respectful admiration of each other bodies and rods. Eventually, it will get to self exploration and release by mastication. There is no phisicl contact but the admiration that can only a true bull can bestow on another bull.  It is very intense to have two powerful males together, alone, and horny. Their mutual pheromones make the atmosphere thick and  eventually there’s only one way out, taking matters in our own hands. there is no mystery, two males will do what comes naturally and either occupy their place or remain on top gloriously alone. That's the natural order of things. 

Let me be honest for a second… I don’t love submissive men because they’re “easy.” I love them because they know their place—and watching a grown man compete for the privilege of doing what I say? That’s my kind of entertainment. See, submissive men are like my personal comedy show and stress relief all in one. Need something? They’re already halfway out the door. Want attention? They’re hanging on my every word. I say “jump” and suddenly I’m getting a TED Talk on vertical efficiency. And don’t get it twisted—this isn’t charity work. I don’t “take care” of subs. I use them. For amusement. For service. For that sweet, sweet satisfaction of watching a man melt just because I smiled his way. So yeah… I love submissive men. They make life fun, they keep me entertained, and best of all? They never forget who the star of the show is. (Hint: it’s me.)

The Journal has returned which was sorely missed for so long.  It now has so many conditions that are prespective viewed it's difficult to know what is allowed as non offensive. Given that this in on the edge of societal norms creating a list of what is and isn't allowed without defined definitions allows for open interpertations by all. Remember that you can't please everyone and anyone can be offended by any posting they chose to be.  As an example these items: Othering ~  This entire Life Style choice can be viewed as othering how could anyone not be offended if it was not their definition. Culturally insensitive or hurtful ~ What is culturally insensitive "C I" when spoken from one race to another is not when spoken to the as race.  Take the use of the N word. Anyone uses it to address a person of color when they are not and it is C I  and even viewed as racist. Yet when spoken between peoples in that race to another it is allowed. So the definition applies to the readers ideas and ideals which those who post have no idea of. The same applies to hurtful tell me what every reader thinks is hurtful and I can post in a way to not be. Of course I then lose any ability to express any thoughts as they have to be muted to what can be determined as hurtful. Again another eye of the beholder issue. Criticism of other users or lists of "Bad" users. ~  What if one of these Bad users is engaging in exactly what is prohibited in posting here.  How do you warn others if not in a post with the offending message included. You might want to ask these questions of the Web Master and see what the reply is. Of course you might well be unable to post it to your journal.     

🧑‍⚕️ You know you might be coming down with something, and I'm afraid some tests and a thorough examination might be in order. 🧐 Now I have to make sure I'm protected as well 😷, so I'll need to perform some hands on testing 🧑‍🔬 with tight fitting latex gloves on. Snap snap, all prepped and ready. I'm sure you won't mind. And I will have to lube them up as well to get into some spots on and in your body. Now why do you undress for me behind the curtain, leave your bra and panties on for now, and go ahead and put this gown on.🧖‍♀️ Good. Ok, so sit down on the examination table. I'm going to take your temperature, open your mouth. 🤒 And give me your left arm so I can get this blood pressure cuff on you around your bicep. Pump, pump, pump, and listening to your pulse. 120 over 80. That's ok, normal. Oh, your temperature should be ready. Ah yes, 99.3. You are running a little hot. Are you a nervous? I want to check your reflexes now. You'll feel a tap here on your knee. 🦵 And the same with your right. That's good. So go ahead and remove your bra from under your gown. That's it. And now your panties. Oh, you're not wearing any. I see. Let me make a note of that in your chart. ✍ Well let's have you lay on your back, and get comfortable. Yes, that's it, good girl. You're going to have trouble seeing things for a minute while I turn this bright light on. It's so I can get a really good look at you. 🧐 The exam table underneath you might be a little cold at first. You'll just have to deal with it. Comfy, great, now let's make sure you're centered on the table. That's it, get your wrists between the arm binders at your sides and the leather wrist cuffs near your hips. Good, ok everything looks symmetrical. And let's get your legs apart between the leather ankle cuffs down here at this end of the table. Those are for the unruly patients. Are you going to be a good girl? Tell me. I'm not going to have to use those restraints on you, or am I? 🤔

Well its week after the Montreal Fetish weekend and I can't help but to get depressed after being immersed in an environment which Is so conducive to acceptance. Having some impact play with VagaBound in the VIP dungeons was a breath of fresh air and him doing the photo shoots for me on the streets of Montreal And especially a City like Montreal that welcomes you so well being fetish and kink and being able to so freely excepted doing photo shoots around and on the streets of Montreal was inspiring. I cannot wait till next year MFW 2025 to create more content and hopefully I find the owner as the Rubber sub and Rubber Doll i am that can consume me and complete my existence. Its been a long journey. I am trying to concentrate on the next events that are ahead of me like Folsom Kink street fair SF September 29th 2024 and then DOMMETRIPS Cozumel Mexico October 5th to October 12th. As a early 57th birthday present. Then I also have to find a costume ball or event for Halloween for September. To go full latex Cat hood, catsuit too. Need to keep the constant rush happening for the adrenaline rush and excitement showing the rubber doll in me.  I am also have my attention on Claiming my tickets for MFW 2025 when they go on sale January and Fetish factory Florida Anniversary 5 day event 2025.

18 July 2023 Not posted anything for a while, i did step back from logging into a couple sites i am listed on to see if i could walk away from lifestyle and carry on in vanila life.Simple answer NO i CAN'T. its must be so deep within me and my blood, i think it would be impossible to walk away and try and forget what and who i am. So i am back to searching for an Owner. i have talked to a few Doms in last few weeks, but not being taken as yet, who knows maybe one fo these will or others come along - i hope and need to be taken owned as total slave property 247 (i know might not be possible for "live in 247, but at least knowing being owned 247 as used on demand) by someone one Dom or Domme or Dom/me Couple. The Dom/me Couple i sometimes serve have requested i attend them, from this coming Friday 20th July until the Monday, They are having a BBQ with a number of guests some lifestyle and some not. They often call for me to attend when having such as the female They have cant cover all that is needed when Guests are there. i never know exactly what will be required until i arrive, same with being clothed , in what and how and if in shackles etc. See if i can post some new pictures once over, as normally They will take some of me in service. NEWJust had a double Dydoe piercing done a couple days ago , have 2 x 10g 12mm long curved barbells in with 6mm balls will put a picture up soon, have to say it bled some when the needle went in, but no discomfort at all and seems to be healing up fast. Not sure whether will be a good thing for potential Owner or not . Well now back see if can post more as did in the past, see how it goes.Satrt my search for an Owner in earnest now fingers and everything else crossed  

Hello.  Hi.  You happened by my profile.  I think I'm just an average woman who happens to not shy away from searching out what she desires.  Am I a sub?  Yes.  Am I a slut?  Yes I am that as well.  I happen to also have a slightly masochistic streak in me.  I am many other things but those are fairly irrelevant within the context of my purposes here.   I am real and sincere about what I seek.  I wonder if that's common?  Oh wait.  It's not that many aren't real or sincere they just seek attention and other things. Not actual experiences in real time.  Some do but many don't.  Which you find in droves both with women and men.  So I typically reply to those who have similar goals in being here. Have I been a sub before?  To be clear sexually I am naturally submissive and yes I've had a couple doms over the years.  A role I treasured because it is so difficult to find the right dom.   The right dom for me craves control.  Not the micro managing kind.  Not old school types with a bunch of rules and routines ahd (shudder) honorifics.  One who recognizes I am a fully capable woman who simply enjoys allowing you to use me to enjoy your own selfish and perverted proclivities. One that seems strangely foreign to men.  That's how it appears at least. My interests or what I will do are so vast.  There are certainly things I won't as well.  Your best approach is to simply share what you desire.  I won't demonize you for your desires.  I just may not always be the right person for them.  Keep in mind if you don't have any or cannot share them you don't need me.  Lol. Also the more basic and common they are to me signal too safe of a reply.   I have to run for now.  I'll add more later.        

Well this is John no this is February I'm sorry yeah 2022 I haven't put a journal entry in a couple years now I really upset with the collar space people because I continue to write probably two different people everyday just let him know what's going on in my life and let him know that yeah I made this purchase of a house to use for people that have a hard time transitioning and giving them a place to come stay you know I I first ask him if they have a job if they have a car they have transportation otherwise what will you know we'll try to help some people if we can but I expect the people to come and you know make an effort and it doesn't matter to me you know what's your fantasies are a lot of people just want to talk to you and probably talk about their fantasies and get all horny and get off and then you never hear from him for months I'm not into all that people I mean you know I understand your your needs I've been there I've I've probably done the very same thing. There's people out here that have written to that I've never heard back and probably a couple years it shows if they haven't even been online in a couple years they're very cute very young very naive and I'm hoping that they're still alive that didn't get hooked up with a serial killer I mean that happens anyway so I wish people would just tell me to you know go to hell or yeah hey I'm interested in talking to you and hear when can you talk back to me I mean like stuff like that I'm not looking to fulfill your fantasies I'm looking for friendships lasting friendships just like in the real world folks so I'm transgender yeah I'm kind of a little and I'm real so I mean if I don't understand what's going on with covid here my God people yeah I'm all alone I hardly have contact with any of my friends because they're afraid to come outside their houses well I'm safe I I wear my mask I'm inoculated I've done everything I possibly can and yeah it's my freedom to do so so anyway with that said I'm done with this entity so as I always say it's ciao for now  

More and more, I'm seeing females talking about wanting to go back to a '50's household.  Usually, they are over 30, having failed to get the free ride our society says is owed them.  Typical.  Things are getting rough.  And instead of taking responsibility for their actions or in-actions, they want to "re-negotiate" and go back to a time where they can just stay home while their husband works 60+ hours to pay for everything, including a maid to come in and do all the cleaning, because she's above all that.  Which will allow them to complain about their husbands never being home to give them an excuse to cheat on them with the whomever.  And then divorce them, taking half plus alimony.  So no.  No man should even consider that.  You want a "50's" relationship?  Sure.  50 BC, Roman Republic time.  You want what we got, including protection from what's right around the corner according to most pundits right now?  Prove your worth to us.  I'm not negotiating. 

wheres the pain Where the pain i need to strive in this world i need pain to feel alive the marks arent there wheres the pain the pain that takes me to cloud 9 here we are no pain no marks am i still breathing am i where i need to be begging for pain this is all confusing why do i strive on pain how did i end up this way Master i feel like breaking down i need the pain i need the guidance you give me your hand around my throat the pain you inflict upon your property where is the pain cause this causing withdrawals i need the pain i need you i am nothing without you where oh where is the pain i want to feel the heat from each stroke of your toys Master what is wrong with me

Another day, another copied and pasted message from a fake sub. This is the not uncommon "repeat offender" who tells me how much he enjoyed my profile, and how he really REALLY wants to find a Domme for whom he will do this, that and the other thing.He makes a point of saying that he is sincere, hard working, etc. And it's literally the exact same message word for word that he's sent me twice before, starting in 2022. I've replied in the past. I pointed out the first time that he failed to read any of the profile that he says he enjoyed. Then I told him it was insulting to get the same message over and over because he is basically saying he can't be bothered to remember who he's already written. And now, I've just reported him as spam and blocked him. If I lower my standards to try to find ANYONE remotely acceptable, I end up with what I had a couple years ago - someone who comes to stay a week to "help with my house" but spends all their time smoking pot, watching youtube, and generally having a vacation without ever trying to do anything useful, and having a panic fit when I finally ask them to turn off the tv.  This is where the bar is, guys.  This is why you aren't getting kink.  It's not a lack of Dommes. It's a total lack of effort to be more than the average lazy male couch potato, while expecting kinky sex from a hot chick. not a good look. YOU are the reason you are failing here.

Random (consensual) bondage fantasy:   The room is dark and quiet, lit only with some kind of blacklight, and maybe some creepy ambient bass-heavy background music is playing. The room is full of mirrors, which allows me to see both my perfectly done makeup and the bonds restricting my movements I'm bound by heavy rubber inflatable inner tubes from my chest (right below my bra) all the way down to my ankles, my arms pinned tightly to my sides and each ring fitting its respective section of my body snugly enough that I can't move an inch. They're also so thick once fully pumped up that my feet don't touch the ground. I'm left on the floor face down, unable to do anything except attempt to rock side to side or look in the mirror to see my pouty red lips wrapped firmly around my ball gag.  This whole time I can also feel the stretch of the buttplug that was put in me before I was put in the constricting grip of my inflatable bonds. My dom eventually enters the room, clad from head to toe in a heavy rubber catsuit and a latex hood that completely hides his face, saying little beyond asking if I'm ready for the load he's been saving all week, to which I affirmatively moan around the ball gag. He casually rolls me over so I'm lying face up, taking the ball gag out of my mouth before he unzips his crotch, pulls out his cock and kneels down and straddles my face.  He proceeds to slowly thrust into my mouth while I wrap my lips as tight as I can around his shaft, unable to do much more in my distended bonds, his movements gradually increasing in pace until he blows a huge load directly in my mouth, spurting one shot after another into the back of my throat while I do my best to hold it all in my mouth. He then pulls his cock from my mouth with a loud pop and tells me to open my mouth and show him the cum.  I open my mouth and show him the copious pool of semen in my mouth, playing with it until he tells me to swallow it all.  He then tells me he'll be back for more before he exits the room, leaving me still bound and unable to clean off any cum that may have spilled out of my mouth. He then comes back half an hour later, already ready to use my mouth again, but this time he props me sitting up against the wall so that he can get a better angle, and then proceeds to fuck my face again until he blows another load. He then leaves again, leaving me sitting slumped and bound against the wall. He eventually comes back one more time, brining me back to the floor turning me over so that I'm face down again and removing the inner tubes trapping my lower body in order to have access to my ass.  He slowly pulls down the back of my panties, takes out the buttplug and begins to finger me with a gloved hand, edging me with his fingers alone as he intermittently and quietly asks me questions about sucking his cock and about whether I want to cum, with me moaning and answering in the affirmative as he uses his edging to make me subtly beg.  He then pulls out his cock (and puts on a condom and plenty of lube) and proceeds to fuck me, using the inner tubes still binding my upper body as a makeshift cushion as his cock gets even harder and eventually swells and pulsates inside of me until I cum all over myself inside the front of my panties while he fills up the condom, finally spent once and for all. He helps me out of my bondage, never removing his mask or catsuit until I'm gone, going only by the pseudonym he gave me and the calling card he left for the next time I want to help him relieve some stress.

Chastity Chastity strictly speaking is a state of being. The connotation is concerned with purity. In olden times a chaste person was assumed to be free form venereal disease. Further it was thought that person would also have certain character attributes. That their thinking was free of prurient interest was a major attribute. In other terms they did not sexualize things or people. An individual in locked in a chastity device without orgasm will over time gain the same state of innocence. So yes, My slave property will be kept in chastity. Once this state is entered the slave will find a peace and contentment it may not have recollection of ever entering in its past existence. For some, it will be a state of serenity. Will I allow slaves to live continuously in such bliss? Not likely. This state of being occurs over time in males after castration. This return to the innocence of prepuberty is the basis for My considering chastity as a form of castration if but temporary and reversible. Interestingly, if a chastised individual is allowed the pleasure of orgasm and ejaculation it will, over time, return to the sexually obsessed state it may have had prior to the period of denial. This phenomenon marks one of the differences between castration and chastity. The period of time differs from one to another. My experience indicates about six months. Freeing a slave from whatever sex centered ideation it may have leaves its brain available for service to its Superior Owner. This, of course, is a desirable thing. Therefore, most all of My slave property will be locked in chastity. slave’s period of denial, at least for the first couple of weeks, can be a grueling torturous event. Locking a slave’s cock in an inflexible irremovable cage will over time result in changes the Master finds most desirable. At least initially. Locked up some ‘male’ penises will try repeatedly and with marginal success to gain erection and relief for its swollen prostate. its mind will become fixated on sexual things and frustration. it may well experience actual pain and mental distress: true anguish. This period may last days or weeks. Sleep for a few nights may be very difficult. Nights will be spent awake, or semi so, with the sexual ideation and unfulfilled need for sexual release. The discomfort of the slave is one of many things that can bring pleasure to Me as a sadist. After the slave has served Me the blissful state of prepubescence I will start the whole process over again. Milking probably without orgasm will occur. A period of time will elapse with regular sexual release until its old way of thinking with its penis will be established. At some point in time after the establishment, the old chastity cage will be locked on it and it will start the delightful, at least delightful for Me, process over again. Yes, chastity will occur for female slave as well. Mechanically, with some differences as one might expect.  

I have been getting a lot of emails asking to hear from my husband M. He sometimes signs on here and speaks with those who write me. So, I asked him to write a little report about something meaningful that happened to him lately. This is what he produced.    This afternoon, I happened to be in my room (dressed in regular clothes minus pants) when K came in unexpectedly, wearing a sexy, silky, blue push-up bra, red ruffled panties, and her strappy white 5" heels. It was just prior to the 4th of July and this was supposed to be her holiday-appropriate outfit for her boyfriend.  Seeing that she had gotten dressed up for her boyfriend, I knew what was coming; in this house, when K gets dressed up in something sexy, I know I will be getting dressed up in the printed ABDL diapers instead of my typical white ones. Sure enough, after rummaging through my closet, she picked out a white and baby blue trimmed t-shirt that she then put over head after telling me to raise my arms. "Isn't that cute," she remarked with a pleasant but rather condescending tone. She really likes this shirt because it stops and my waist.  This was followed by telling me to lay down for a change from my usual plain white diapers to my thick printed diapers. It was a quick change, all business, she ignored my caged penis as usual other than dusting it with powder. As she stood me up and checked the tapes, I caught my reflection in the full length mirror that hangs on the back of my door. I felt so humiliated, the smell of pee-soaked diapers coming from the diaper pail in the corner mixed with the constant aroma of baby powder filling my nose as she dressed me like a toddler, knowing she was about to have wild sex in the other room--something I would be excluded from, as usual. "You look amazing, K. I can't believe what that bra does to your boobs." I complimented her. "Thanks baby, too bad they're not for you," she told me, cupping her big breasts in her hands to emphasize her point  with a little giggle and I felt my little penis straining in my chastity device. "But I could try again if you'd let me," I said, trying not to sound too desperate. "M, how long are you going to continue asking?", she said dismissing me, "I don't even understand why you ask at all. We already came to an understanding a long time ago now didn't we? Has anything changed? will it ever change?" I blushed at the memory and meekly replied, "No." She was right of course. When I think about the conversation we had the night she told me we'd never have sex again, I know that I accepted our new arrangement. It's just that I guess I haven't got out of the habit of trying.  Turning me around, she gave me a firm pat on my diapered bottom and strode out of the room. Looking in the mirror on the back of my door again as she closed it, I again blushed with shame. About a half hour later, I heard the knock and K answering the door. I stayed in my room, working on the computer listening to them chatting at first but then walking down the hall past my bedroom into hers. They had been in there with the door closed for about 20 minutes when I heard... "M, come in here." I walked in with a little waddle and an audible crinkle, to see her bent over her boyfriend who was lying on top of the master bed. She was deepthroating his big cock and I stared in mesmerized silence, watching the thick, slippery shaft disappear into her wet, eager mouth and throat.Some secret part of me wondered less how it would feel to have that done to me and more how it would feel in my own mouth. Swallowing hard, I instinctively put a hand on the front of my soft, cushiony diapers. I just stood there watching for what seemed like eternity ignored by both K and John, but in reality was probably no more than 5 minutes. Finally, with a wave of her hand, she dismissed me, sending me back to my room, or anywhere really, just not with them. Before long, the sounds of their enthusiastic lovemaking filled the house and I listened with rapt attention. Looking at my humiliating reflection in the mirror, I blushed with shame at my pathetic image. Both of them saw me as nothing but a complete submissive, that would never change. My cheeks flushed with humiliation at the thought and I rubbed the front of my diapers all the more frantically as I took in my reflection. The short shirt, the print on the diaper that was starting to fade from the wetness after two accidents, the outline of my cage on the plastic shell. I was in frantic need of an orgasm, but because of the cage, there was little effect. Feeling sexually frustrated and wanting more, I went to my dresser and grabbed my favorite jelly buttplug--the big clear one, which I rubbed down with the baby oil K sometimes uses during diaper changes. Pulling the back of my diapers down, I could hear K moaning in the other room and her boyfriend's subtle grunting as I began pushing the fat buttplug into my eager hole. I can barely handle the width of this plug, especially at first, and I moaned with a mixture of discomfort and angst. I couldn't get it in standing and dropped to all fours. At last, it slipped inside me and I exhaled in relief. Nevertheless, as I pulled my diapers back up and sat down in front of the mirror and soon began to savor the feeling of rubbery fullness filling my back passage. M was getting what she needed and I was getting as best I could.  I don't even know how long I had been sitting there grinding, which so far had only resulted in further desire when M staggered back into my room and right up in front of where I sat. I sat there frozen as she lightly guided her fingers between her legs then told me to stick out my tongue. I crawled to her, inhaling her amazing scent, caressed her legs as I plunged my face between her legs and she let her boyfriend's creamy cum drip onto my outstretched tongue. "I'm dripping baby boy, clean me up please" she said with a smug grin and stood now with her feet shoulder width apart.I couldn't help but hurriedly press my face into her body. I could smell the result of their lovemaking as another man's sperm completely coated my tongue while I cleaned her with my mouth. Some even dribbled down to land on the chest of my infantile t-shirt. Suddenly, to my surprise, she stood me up and pulled me with the waistband of my diaper to the chair in the corner of my room where she took a seat and I stood in front of her. She abruptly pulled my diapers down. I whimpered with fear as she bent me over her lap, selecting the wooden paddle on my dresser. Feeling the cool air on damp bare bottom, I squirmed knowing I wasn't going to like what was about to happen. "You will not ask for sex again", she quipped as she brought the paddle down across both my soft, tender cheeks pushing the plug into me. "I'm so sorry" I managed to get out between the 3rd and 4th smack. I cried miserably, occasionally glancing over at my humiliating reflection in the mirror. There could be no doubt who sat at the bottom of the social ladder in this house--that was for sure! At last she finished, and after setting the paddle down, she left closing the door. Leaving me to pull my diapers back up for myself.   Sigh...just another day's activities at my house...

In lieu of the entry directly below, spent the first 2 weeks of February this year, in a Hospital bed dying from kidney failure. Thankfully the doctors caught it before it was beyond complete failure and before the need to discuss transplants became a topic. The issue basically meant my kidneys weren't cleaning my blood properly and my blood was effectively flytipping excess body proteins the kidney didn't transfer to the Bladder and Intestines, into the rest of my body, this was clogging up arteries, clinging onto muscles and organs slowly crippling my bodies ability to function. I went into hospital weighing in at 23 stone, and came out at just under 17 stone. Hell of a weight loss regimine, but I don't recommend it, its a potential killer (pun intended) I am now mostly free to pursue what I would like from this lifestyle, however I am still on the mend in some capacity and cannot perform every task I once used to enjoy to the full capacity and this will reflect on what I will agree to submit to. This problem is mostly physcial stuff like housecleaning, but also things like going out dressed in heels, as I get very dizzy sometimes with headaches when I stand for long periods, This is mostly a blood pressure issue, which I am in discuession with my doctor at solving, but in the meantime I need understanding from would be Dominant's I agree to meet, that these sort of things are not high on my list. I am still seeking a Dominant Male or the Elusive Dominant All Male couple, whethr they're married, friends or whatever isn't important. I see myself mostly as a sex slave who wishes to be put into bondage and used eventually with rough face fuckings and rear end action. I can submit to some pain play but nothing excessive, as a diabetic I just don't heal wounds such as welts and lesions on the skin, they take months to recover from and I am just not that kind of pain slut. If you cannot restrict your sadistic needs to sore skin or keeping your slave in uncomfortable bondage situations or furniture, I am unlikely to be what you seek. Any initial sex dates need to be safe anal sex, we can discuss things like bareback if we become a full time relationship, as I see bareback being between 2 people or more, who are only fucking each other, and theres trust in place that they're not sleeping around with anything with a pulse. Ideally I seek a Master or more with a decent sized cock, I am sorry but if you are under 7 inches, you are just not big enough to arouse my sexual interest and you'll be wasting your time.  If you're UK based and you are ok with my medical issues, at least willing to discuss their impact and accept my limitations on what I can and cannot do, lets chat and see if there is a spark.

I am a bit concerned over the mail I get here on Collarspace.My profile CLEARLY states that I am a very happily owned bisexual slave.  I have been owned for eleven years. So why do all these male subs, switches and Doms mail me about becoming either their pet or serving me? I just do not understand. My profile seems very clear and concise to me. Are there that many Trolls that just resond to my pictures without even bothering to read my profile? Are these men complete idots who simply can't Master the english language? I am polite to people but I find these folks to be annoying. Please stop

I have been on weight watchers for a few years, and I am happy to report I have lost 100 POUNDS!!!!  I have more to go,. I would love to find someone that is also working to lose weight and be in better shape or someone that has and knows what it takes. Even better would be to have a friend to go walking with and support each other. having the other person be dominant would be even better to give me a push or a pull on the leash. 

The ritual for asking to speak I get questions from slaves frequently. Many slaves seem to think it is a slave's entitlement to ask questions of a Master at any time in any fashion. This is a false assumption to make with Me. Below is the ritual a slave must follow if it desires to speak when in My presence. A slave that wishes to ask Me a question on line should at least observe the ritual as best it can. The ritual for asking a question (or being allowed to speak for that matter) of Me when it is My presence is to kneel and put its lips and tongue to use on My shoes. Then while it kisses and licks, it waits for Me to acknowledge it. This may take a while as what ever I am engaged in is more important than the slave's request for recognition. Should I tire of its presence I may dismiss it with a word or a, maybe not so gentle, kick to the side of the face. The slave must wait at least 15 minutes before attempting to get My attention again. its question must have some value to what I care about, or, the slave will be punished. If slave should intrude on My time on line to ask a question that is answered in the writings it can find herein it risks being blocked.

Message to a new submissive/slave   So you love service. And you have discovered the great world of BDSM. Allow me to tell you a few things. I'm going to tell you what I tell every new person whether they are Christian or not. You have to find what works for you. If you are happy being a submissive then learn to be the best sub possible.    First find a Mentor. A good mentor is not a sexual partner. Mentorship is a personal developmental relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. However, true mentoring is more than just answering occasional questions or providing ad hoc help. It is about an ongoing relationship of learning, dialog, and challenge.* – Wikipedia I suggest a good mentor would be another submissive or slave. Not that Dominants/Masters can’t mentor a sub/slave, I do it all the time. But I just think someone who has been what you are going through would understand. I understand because I was trained from the bottom up. That means I started as a sub before earning my title of Master. Join groups. Fellowship with other submissives is a good thing. You do not want to isolate yourself. Hanging and talking will help you understand what you are and that there are others like you.   Ask questions. Questioning is a good thing and a good way to stay safe. A Dominant/Master should be willing to answer question. Ask other subs/slaves questions too   Also, just because someone claims to be a Master does not give them the right to start dominating you.  If a Master that you have not negotiated with, tells you that you are a sub or slave, therefore; you have to follow their orders, then it is a good idea to cut off communication with them.     Don’t settle for the first Master that comes along.  Think of this as a romantic relationship.  Do you marry the first man or woman that smiles at you?  Get to know more than one.  Until you are ready to make a commitment to a Dominant/Master/Mistress, you have the right to talk to several.   Also remember that your feelings matter.  In play a Dom/Master/Mistress might say that they do not, but this should only be in play.  In r/l your thoughts, emotions, desires, and even your health matter.   Ok let’s talk about power and power exchange. And remember the submissive/slave has all the power. Not the Dominant/Master/Mistress, we have no power except what you give us. The power exchange can be a beautiful thing when done right.     The foundation and corner stone of this lifestyle is consent. You have a right to consent. If someone does something to you that you do not consent to. Run away, don't walk.. run. Part of consent is setting limits. You have a right to set limits. Submissive will do this within the relationship. A slave should set her limits in negotiation. Yes slave you have that right. You should always negotiate with a Master. If a Master says you do not have that right, run away.  Remember these: SCC & RACK. The first SCC stands for safe, sane, and consensual. A Dominant/ Master/Mistress should keep you safe and play safe. The use of drugs or alcohol during play is not safe because they alter perception and dangerous mistakes can be made.    Although what we do looks insane to the outside world, it can be very sane, and the bottom line is consent. Every thing we do is with consent. You never lose the right to consent. Slaves, let me be very clear. You always have the right to walk away. If a Master tells you different, he is not a Master but an abuser.    Next is what I believe and that is RACK. The R stands for risk. There is risk in what we do. No matter whether it is BDSM, M/s, or D/s, there is risk. Which brings us to the A. the A stands for aware. A Dominant/Master should make you aware of the risk you are taking. C=consent or Consensual, again I can not stress this enough. It is the foundation and cornerstone of all we are. Last, the K is for kink. Yes we are a very kinky people and remember your kink may not be someone else’s kink. But that is OK.      Communication is essential.  Keep in mind, a potential Dom/Master/Mistress cannot read your mind.  If there is something that scares you or that you are uncomfortable with, tell them!  If they are unwilling to listen and talk to you about it, run away!  Keep in mind that when a person is a Dom/Master/Mistress they are also human.  They will make mistakes.      Respect should be earned I am not talking about common courtesy. Being polite always makes you look good. But respect is earned. And a Dominant/Master should never demand it. If a Dominant demands this you should run. We command respect by our actions. And a Dominant should be willing to earn that respect. One last thought on respect, you should respect yourself. Self respect is important. If you can’t respect your self how can you respect someone else?   Trust is also earned. If someone is not willing to earn your trust, or if they demand your trust, walk away. You need to trust to have a good relationship. But trust needs to be earned. A dominant/Master should be willing to earn your trust   This is a great way of life or it can be. But it can be dangerous. It is used by abusers to abuse. It is used by pretenders and predators also. We wrote this to help keep you safe.  .  

A second story I wrote for a friend after she told me the 1st was too sweet. . . The Visit The time leading to this moment had been unbearable but now at last the bell was  ringing, the waiting was over. The woman walked quickly along the hall and opened the door to see a man standing there."Have you got rid of them?""Yes." she replies."Get me a drink," he says and waits for her to turn away from the doorway and walk down the hall before entering.To her back he says, "are you wearing what I asked for?""Yes." The woman answers and goes to pour whiskey into a glass. The man, standing by the door, watches her prepare the drink then walks into the living room and looks around with a smile on his face."Here." The woman hands him the glass and the man takes something from his pocket and throws it at her."Put this on." The thin strip of black cloth falls at her feet and as she bends down to pick it up her short skirt rises up her leg and exposes stocking tops and the pale skin of inner thigh. She holds it not quite sure of its purpose."Over your eyes." The man snaps, "and be quick."The woman feels fear swell inside her as she looks at the material held between her hands."Do it." There is no warmth, nor for that matter any feeling at all, in the man's voice. When she as tied the cloth she feels ungentle fingers test the band and then a hand grabs her and, stumbling, she is led to her settee and pushed down onto it. She presses her knees together and hugs herself to try to stop the tremors that suddenly take hold of her. She feels more than hears him walk away then a metallic click followed by something plastic falling on the floor.She jumps as the music centre bursts to life playing something loud and frantic that she does not know. The floor is vibrating with the heavy thud of the base and she is surprised when hands grab and pull her to her feet.She keeps repeating in her head, don't show fear, this will be over soon, relax, but she has to choke back a scream as strong fingers crush her breast through her clothes."Now we can play without undue notice." The man says and rips apart her short top and sends buttons flying over the carpet.Instinctively she covers herself with crossed arms. The man laughs and forces his hand up her skirt and between her legs.She clenches her teeth and holds her head still and tries not to show how she feels so he will not get any further excitement from her. She feels him fumble with the zip at her hip and the skirt fall to the floor.He steps back and looks at the woman before him. She is in good shape and he savours the thought of the time to come. The black bra supports rounded breasts which show over the thin lace. A flat stomach and trim hips meet his approval as too do the thin narrow panties which show a neatly trimmed triangle of fair hair. He turns her around and grabbing material pulls it sharply up between her legs.He barely hears her g but his erection grows as her hands fly down to ease the pain in her crotch. In the blackness of the woman's head see tenses for the next pain but none comes and she has to relax her muscles then shivers with the thought of this is what he is waiting for.The time in the dark void passes without any way to measure and the pounding music seems to have no beginning or end but repeats the same mind numbing beat.She wants to say something, anything, to the man to make him not hurt her but no words come to her and she waits. She had thought the waiting, after the phone call, was going to drive her insane. With the way he was dealing with the evening she realised that he had known it would do. Oh Christ why did I keep those photos? Why didn't I install that burglar alarm when I thought about it? She is shocked back to reality as hands grab her and force her to walk blindly. "What do you want?The words sound pathetic even as she speak them and she hopes he does not hear her weakness over the music. Her legs hit something and her hands reach out letting her know she is up against the settee back. The man says in her ear, "Take off your bra."She reaches back and unclips the hooks and tries to take it off without showing her fear. The man moves to kneel facing her, on the settee, and takes both breasts in his hands and gently caresses them.The woman breaths hard and thinks about her child sleeping safely at her friends home and hopes her body will not respond. She feels wetness on her breast and the familiar sensation as her nipples expand.The man smiles and rolls flesh between thumb and finger watching as small bumps rise around the woman's nipples. He reaches down and pulls the skin back over his erection. He always likes the first stroke as the slight pain burns at the head. With his left hand he traces small circles on her body as his right hand moves faster and faster bringing him to he brink. His right hand leaves his prick and darts out and hits the woman's left breast in a upwards swipe. The woman cries out and the man shudders with the effort of withholding his ejaculation.   When he has controlled himself he is pleased to see tears appearing from

It's fun how often men approach me online proclaiming that they're somehow "floored" by my intelligence, and that it's just sooo difficult to find intelligent women online, and of course, they recognize intelligence because of how extremely intelligent they are themselves.  They're looking for someone intelligent just like me, but obviously they don't actually want someone intelligent just like me since I am not flattered by such clownery.  But they sure do want me to be flattered by such a clown tactic.  There are a number of reasons it doesn't work: I know I'm intelligent and don't need the validation for it from random strangers online.  Just like these men don't seek validation for their intelligence from strangers online. When you're smart or funny or kind or any number of traits, you don't need to start conversations by announcing it to others and trying to convincing them that you have those traits; people recognize them for themselves - especially when those people are as "intelligent" as you're claiming they are. I am not some grand exception; there is a limitless number of intelligent women online, here and on every site.  It's easy to tell there are so many since they message me and we talk - they just aren't interested in reaching out to you.  You haven't flattered me by announcing how dumb other women are to you, but you've told me a lot about what you think of women and their intelligence, mine included. The men who expect a woman to be flattered by telling her how very exceptional she is for being intelligent are simply using it as a pickup line.  People who think I'm smart, and who want to engage with me as a result, simply engage with me, without waxing poetic about how smart I am and how smart they are and how they've been looking for someone smart just like me. It's a pick up line.  Talking about how smart they are and how smart they find me isn't even a conversation.  They're interested in me and they hope that by appealing to my intelligence rather than by being more blatant in their tactics, I'll be more receptive.  It's not flattering to me, but it is an unflattering look on these guys.  Genuine people engage genuinely.

Here it is years later and still the same guys looking for the same old thing. While I don't mind the admiration from those who contact me, it seems like all they want is to be dominated and used sexually. When I ask them what else can they offer, all I get is the usual. "I'm a great cocksucker." "I'll take your hands up my ass anyday." "I'm great at house cleaning" YADDA YADDA YADDA!!! If all you're going to offer me is a piece of meat, than no thanks. Do you have a brain? Can you understand big words and know how to use them? Can you put a sentence together without a lot of ums and uhhs? Do you know what's going on in the world? So if you're a box of rocks, with not a brain cell in your head, move on move on. And here I am....still looking. Sigh!

I'm not quite sure how this site works or where this post will show up, but I'm up late and wondering....another post got me thinking, and I'm off on a tangent. I guess I'm trying to make a shift from my vanilla life to this new and exciting life. The vanilla life is easy, I guess, kinda, I can have sex, yay, it's easy, I can lie and say I like it, I want to be with you, and have a relationship. But all the time my brain, and penis, knows better, I'm thinking how I can convert you to be my perfect kinky partner. I CAN'T. I KNOW! FU#K! So now what? I'm tired of lying, feeling guilty. Virginisinism sounds good for now I guess.

 I shouldn’t have drank coffee late in the evening.  So now I am up writing out my thoughts. I will be paying for this tomorrow. -sigh- I’ve been seeking a Dom for the past four years without much success. Partly because I feel jaded with most of the men I have encountered. Also, I admit, sometimes I self-sabotage. I become immensely turned off by men who refuse to show themselves, as well as those who immediately refer to me as “Princess”, “babygirl”, and even “girl”. Or, when they are speaking with me OUTSIDE of an official dynamic and say “Good Girl”. I immediately become uninterested.  I am not fully inexperienced, though I’m also not fully experienced either. I have had one Dom. I learned a hell of a lot from him. Good and bad. Especially, how I should be treated. I get that this is a kink site with a LARGE spectrum of diversity when it comes to kinks. However still, I would prefer to be approached respectfully. I would like to be courted. Is this even possible within the realm of kink? Goodness I hope so.  I don’t have much on my page regarding to what I am seeking, well, because I’d like to keep my options open and not narrow down my dating pool even more than it already is. Plus, most of what I am seeking is repeated on multiple profiles, so it all sounds regurgitated after a while.  I would love to find a man who is secure with himself. I am somehow attracting men who aren’t in some ect or another. I won’t go into detail here. But, I’ve noticed. Right now, in my life, I’m focused on working, saving money for visits with my children, and seeking a partner. So to me, while it is life, I self-sabotage due to thinking others may not find that appealing. Which it may not be. However, I would prefer a family oriented kinky partner. I believe someone is out there for me.

Kids dog was trying to cough something up and was acting really odd. Called the vet for an emergency trip. Turns out it was a good thing. The dog has Gastric dilatation-volvulus (GDV) and is having emergency surgery UPDATE  Dog is ok, $1,500-$2,000 out to the vet who did surgery at midnight. Doggie is home sleeping it off. Poor poor baby though, looks so sad. The vet and her hubby had to carry her out to my car and she weighs just under 100 pounds. We however could not carry her in the house. After a lot of gently leading got a sleepy dog into the home and into her bed. Poor thing was still so out of it, she pooed over herself and had to have an outside cold bath at like 5 am. Poor Poor puppy

All in the Name There are still many people on this planet who don’t know the acronym BDSM and what it stands for. Here’s one example of this: “A company is hiring someone for a Business Development, Sales and Marketing positionufpu

Hello all, I want to take a moment to give out some tips to cathing my interest with your messages. Some of these are gonna sound bitchy but take them to heart they will help you not only with me but probably every woman on this site.  1) In less than 24 hours I have recieved nearly 30 pages of messages. If I don't get to you immediately when you send a message, do not spam me with stupid are you there, pay attention to me, come here slut, and so on messages, that only slows me down and pisses me off and i will most likely just block you. 2) Do not write a thesis paper as a first message. I have 30 pages of messages to read and If your first message to me is more than a paragraph I am not investing the time into you.  3) On the opposite side of above, don't just say hey, or whats up. You need to catch attention with your first message. Also don't just tell me to look at your profile. If your message catches my eye I will go look on my own. 4) Don't send me a dick pic without asking first, come on its 2023 women shouldnt have to say this anymore. I am submissive but all your cocks look the same and I don't care to pretend otherwise lol 5) This might just be me and not all women but I do not want to immediately jump to some other messenger. All thousand of you who have messaged me today want to use a different app, I don't want to have 1000 apps, and if i cant keep up here alone why do you think 1000 apps will be faster? If we click and get to know each other i might move to an app, until then if you dont want to chat here why bother being here? Ok, rant over. The jist is guys, women here get absolutely flooded, dont be an ass about it. And if you think you deserve my sole undivided attention after one message get over yourself, if thats how it worked the first guy who messaged me would be the only one i talked too and where would that leave all the rest of you?

I read it but.... * I didn't really read the words I just looked at the pics * I didn't think when you said I had to be in the same country that you meant physically had to be * I didn't think when you said no one under 50 that you would not make an exception for me as I am very mature * I didn't think when you did not say to send the pic, I have of myself to you when I ask that you really didn't want to see the pic of myself.  * I didn't think you meant you would not give me a chance, after all, how can you resist me Well, I filled out my profile and made it as simple as I can so please don't think you can get me to play a game so you get what you want. Read my profile and respect it. I am happy to chat nothing more if you don't fit the bill. 

  A submissive without an Owner has a life that seems to be without a purpose. 

This is my kind of Dominance     The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and is looking for.       The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the ive and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation. They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her.     Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating;

thesis statement activiated.       for years i've been studying this dynamic on a spiritual, esoteric, comsic, deep level. seeing so many little girls like me of various ages, genders, nationalities, all that. and yet something was always the SAME. the story kept repeating. it feels like being on a conveyor belt. pumped out trying to figure out the answer faster by dissementing us all..mostly the same with slight variables.       and it feels it's the same but different journey for the men who are daddy dominants. and bit more aloof at times for me to track because i'm not a man..but i've been tracking it too.       if curious, all my writings of this are now on reddit...some time i lost some of what i wrote when i gave up on this for a few years in the past. ask for my name if anyone stumbles upon it and wants to see. i'm divining this through spiritual messages, mostly music, sound, visual, sonic, pop culture media magic. a la goofy fellow little girl from harry potter professor treelawny style.       i don't usually want to write stuff down here. i see what people wrote here on collarME..because i was on here in my 20s when it was called that. and i go yeah that won't stick.       but i know this will for me. i cracked the code. and even if i haven't cracked my michael and our long term permanent phyiscal union as of this creation...i'm pretty sure that this will work.       check this out...as i play the song hidden sign by visage longer version is on..for those who are mystical you'll get what's going on.       i've already tested this with 6 other little girl friends from 20s-50s differen races mostly unmarried...we need to get better at this..how are we going to evolve into the new earth with so many of us continually seperated and too chicken shit to ride it out and face our individual storylines of insecurites together without running away at the first uncomfy hiccup.....come on everyone....but one or two married thank god. and they all checked. they all had uncanny things they forgot or didn't piece it together.       so i know i hit into it.       i at this point have probably 10 pages of this and growing.....and i know my breadth on here is already too long enough for most people's capacity. though i'd like to pass this esoteric knowledge on to the community on this true deepth path beyond physicalness, beyond fun, beyond roleplay, beyond a unawkaen sleep approach that's deeply tapped into the mission.       sailor moon and mamaoru aka darrien and serena, usagi and mamoru are this tale as well. ai no message..message of love for the good of the future.       so if anyones ready to dive deep of any gender and isn't being creepy weird or not serious about it hit a girlie up..i'll give you my reddit..and if you ask nice i'll give you the trascripits of this mystical message i unfolded.....with clear instructions on how to navigate these waters and more....but only if you ask nicely.       until then.....let's start with theis.....there are images to attach but collarme won't let me....so....images are on reddit.       i cracked the code for those that have been following my musings..i've been trying to fucking track this energy. the guy converybelt the girl converybelt........the synergy the unique qualities that keep repeating itself over and over and over and all the fucking over again. an endless journey.   i went deep into my professor treelawny divining....the tea leaves were tea leaving..the music was musicing..the channeling was challenging...the messages were messaging. and i was asking other girlies that i've been friends with..i found this out about me..and i know it's not ME it's an original collective thing..this happened to you too right..yes...okay..what about this in your life..shit when i was 5...of course....   WHAT ABOUT FUCKING THE DRAGONS THOUGH. CYBERPUNK 2077 MR. BLUE EYES...........SPACE...alot.   i'm holding off on my book/dissertation on it cause it's too big for now.   but i figured it all out.   what the fuck is the whole daddy dominant and little girl cycle that keeps happening? why are we humans so instinctively same carbon copy with only small minute changes......because in spite of what society says.. the age, the race, the location, the uniqueness..those are all the fucking details. i had a rando tell me one time that they were unique and i was like oh the things i could tell you about yourself and you don't even know me....unique only to a very finite extent.   welll...here it is.   this is the michael sophia code. i thought it was persephone/hades but that doesn't have the space not quite human life is foreign familiar but not familiar etheric/angelic/galactic thing going on. that was the rough draft.   i was looking for an image to finish this...the lesson isn't learned, the message isn't done...   FIRST FUCKING RESULT UNDER ARCHANGEL MICHAEL AND SOFIA   i'm going to still have go to back to the books for this......i'm still in research mode..how deep is this going to go cause damn...i already passed the twilight zone and the multiverse near the end of time.   this one has that trickster energy you can tell.     i have a penchant to the statue era...it was a vibe. it was a moment..it was a era.   it gives chris brown....one of yall for sure..vibes of   "I don't see how you can hate from outside of the club You can't even get in Leggo"     to be continued as i keep doing this doctoral degree on this shit. but damn i had to come to the surface to say i finally figured out the thesis.       case in point...as i finished verification string says ahshua.....found this       "Ahshua is not a widely documented term in mainstream esoteric, spiritual, or cultural traditions, but based on the pattern and sound of the word, it may carry roots in mystical or sacred languages. Here's some exploration based on its phonetic and spiritual associations:       1. **Hebrew/Aramaic Influence**: The term "Ahshua" could potentially echo the sounds of Hebrew words, particularly related to divine or messianic figures. For example, "Yeshua" is the Hebrew name for Jesus, and the similar sound of "Ahshua" might evoke an esoteric or mystical connection to salvation, divine intervention, or sacred naming traditions. In Kabbalistic teachings, names hold significant power and vibration, so it’s possible this name resonates on a mystical level, even if it’s more modern or personal in origin.       2. **Angelic or Channeled Knowledge**: Sometimes names like "Ahshua" emerge in the context of channeling or angelic traditions. If you're connecting with Archangel Michael or higher-dimensional beings, this name could be part of an energy or being that you are tapping into. Certain spiritual figures are only known within smaller or more esoteric groups.   &nb

Maintenance Beating There has been an on going discussion about maintenance beating.  Generally, I adhere to the idea of that in order to keep the slave's mind right. Of course, regular maintenance beatings are seperate and apart from punishements that may have been earned by the slave. Certainly, when intially entering My service daily maintenance beatings are necessary to promote acculturation.  Service to Me requires a greatly reduced ego in the slave.  That energy that was once selfe centered in the slave must be redirected to My benefit. Thing is, the slave that I desire wants exactly the same thing.  However, not infrequently its social adjustments have included messages about itself that contradict its inborn nature and it lives in conflict.  To the degree that conflict is resolved to that degree it finds peace and fullfilment. There is the issue of pain sluts.  These masochists crave punishment.  With this type I do have alternate means of ego right sizing. On an ongoing basis maintenance beatings will most likely be the rule in My house.  The frequency and intensity of the beating will be tailored to My desires, not the slaves.

The Gift Pt 2 I first met a male Dom couple at the West Texas event.  He was an older gentleman with a grey ponytail.  His kink was the cane. He always had one with him wherever he went.  He was married to his sub, an olive skinned red head.  While my Domme and him talked, his sub saw me sunbathing on a bench nearby.  My eyes were closed as I soaked in the sun in my white string bikini.  She walked over to me and said. "Mm, mm, mm."   I opened my eyes and glanced to my left and I saw her smiling face admiring my body.   So your her sub? She asked.    Yea I replied.  Is that your Dom talking to her?   Uh huh. It's nice to finally meet you.    Months later we saw each other again at the SW Leather convention in Dallas. We wanted to go to the host hotel because there was a pool and I wanted to go swimming and attend a small meet and greet going on in the hotel courtyard. The area was set up for a cookout and a pot luck. So I spent time making sure my Domme was comfortable and got her something to drink.    Most of the small group there belonged to the Dallas group. There were several couples and half a dozen singles. I knew everyone by their IRC handles so it was nice meeting everyone face to face.l for the first time. The male Dom couple we met was also there.  So we sat at a picnic table talking.  Someone started the grill to cook hamburgers.     My Domme turned to me and said.  I want you to go cook some burgers.  Take off your clothes and make yourself useful.    Ok I replied.    I stripped down to my bikini.  That day I was wearing one of my favorite suits.  It was a brightly colored Brazilian string bikini.  It was very thin on the sides and high on the hips. I go to the grill and start placing burgers on it.  My presence there was a bit awkward for me.  I could feel eyes on me from everyone there.  I tried to ignore the attention and focus on the grill.    Pop! Pop!    The grease from the patties were spewing hot oil and some landed on my skin.    Ouch! I cried. What the hell!    I could hear snickering.  Psst! I hear.  My Domme held out an apron.  Put this on.  I walked over to the table and took the apron to put it on.     Have you ever watched those safari shows on TV where the lions are watching a gazelle in the brush?   I felt like that as the Dom watched me put the apron on and tie it around my waist.  His gaze kind of threw me off and I felt a bit shy.  Later on we hit the pool where my Domme made sure I was oiled up and on display in front of her chaise lounge.    It was a fun day. The convention was awesome and the event went well.