I've been asked many times over the years, what is the difference between a submissive and a slave? One could say, by common definition, that is submissive, gives up control, but only within the constraints of the bedroom. The submissive can set limits, boundaries and more. So, it's not truly giving up control, but they giving up of limited control within certain areas, usually limited to strictly sexual. The slave, on the other hand, gives up all control at all times, both within and outside the bedroom. Her limits may be observed by her or his master or mistress. But, they don't have to be. Furthermore, giving up of control usually applies to all areas of life, not just strictly sexual. Still, that can be seen as a rather limited definition. if one truly wants to defined the difference between the two, it boils down to this. A submissive will give up control within the parameters of still satisfying her needs, wants and desires. A slave is able to sublimate her own needs, in order to put the needs of someone else before her own at all times. That's the big difference. A submissive may give up control, even total control, but only within the duration of a scene, or a particular situation. A slave not only gives up control, but puts the needs of her master before her own at all times. A submissive can always say, "Not tonight. I'm not feeling up to it." A slave has no such options. Her place and purpose is to put the needs and wants of her Master ahead of her own, and if Master decides that he wants to use his slave, it's her place as a slave to meet and even exceed his expectations. The problem is, with so many, having been raised with this being either fantasy or online role-play, combined with the Tinder culture expectation of "If this doesn't amuse me, I can just ghost him." It's becoming increasingly difficult to find those that truly have a slave mentality. So, those of you who are putting yourself out there as slaves, make sure that you understand the difference between submissives and slaves. Not only for your own benefit, but for the benefit of others as well. That way, no one's time is wasted, not expectations dashed and you'll be more successful at finding what it is you're truly looking for.

Someone male on the other kink site was talking about dating as a market, and when the "dick is plentiful" comment came up as a point of why it doesn't "sell" he got a bit butthurt.  When someone else tried to point out that dicks are generally attatched to men, and so the problem wasn't the dicks but the men they are attatched to, the quality of which vary a lot, he said "In general, a shirt is not necessarily better than another shirt"Which granted, is absolutely in my wheelhouse to respond to with an informed opinion, so this was my comment.   "Actually, as someone with an education in fashion merchandising/design, and as a costumer, I can say that is not at all accurate. Quality is an easily defined set of properties, such as the tye of materials used, workmanship, colorfastness of dye, functionality of design, etc and varies HUGELY from one shirt to the next. Which is why a shirt from the dollar store may be good enough for a few months, but may soon start to pull apart at the seams, or fade, or wear through, or shrink and become misshapen, etc. whereas a shirt that looks similar from a better manufacturer may last for years and still look fine. I have several shirts my Dad wore for years before he died, which I have now worn as an overshirt for gardening, etc for the two decades since.  I have also bought similar looking shirts new at Walmart and they fell apart within a couple years.   Quality matters. Being an educated consumer matters. Learning to recognize quality, and what to look for before you purchase is the difference between having to replace said shirts frequently, vs keeping something you like for as long as you want it, and possibly even passing it on if you no longer need it.   The same can be said for partners.  So it's important to understand what quality is in people, as well as shirts, and learn how to spot it and the lack of it, and learn to take your time shopping to avoid buyer's remorse. Or even debt and bad contracts...   "Maybe there are fuckbois who one can easily replace if that's what your view of men on average is." Exactly. There are fuckbois, and posers, and trash toys, and upstanding quality men. There are men who do the work to become better, to do the right thing, to play fair and self-manage, etc, and men that just wanna get dat dick wet. There are pretty people, plain people,  low quality people, high quality people, people who are pretty and cheap, people who are less pretty but quality, and vice versa.  You either learn to appreciate quality over superficial properties, or you bounce from crap to crap to crap, always wondering why nothing is ever as good as it looks and everything starts SO nice but never lasts.   As to what market? Dating is advertizing, more than anything.  You have what you have, and they have what they have, and you have to figure out what you want, and how to trade what you have for what you want. Fortunately, you can add to what you have in lots of ways, if what you want is out of reach at a given time. Learn new skills - dancing cooking, massage, etc. Dress better, spiff your appearance. Read books on relationships. Hit the gym. But you have to find out what THEY want, figure out if you can provide it (or are willing to lie about it, as many do) and then learn to explain how what you have will provide what they want.   As someone once said - you don't sell shovels, you sell holes.  "A customer’s ultimate goal is not a product but a change and improvement to their life. "   A man should not try to sell his dick to a woman.  Dicks are EVERYWHERE.  There are literally stores full of dicks that don't even require another person.  No matter how amazing a guy's dick is, I can go buy one better, and not have to bother with having a guy and what he wants attatched.   So, what a man needs to sell is *orgasms*.  And if he wants to be more than just a one-off, he needs to sell the aweome fun before and after the sex.  A submissive man needs to sell how he will make a Domme's life easier and more comfortable. A Dominant man needs to sell how safe and valued his sub will feel.   Sell the value point - how having whatever you are selling will improve the potential buyer's experience. Will is lessen the workload? Provide pleasure?    Increase security? Create comfort? Ease pain? Improve something they already enjoy?    THOSE are what need to be in someone's profile and first emails if they want to find their "market share" and get what they want here.

When my ex and I were exploring BDSM and doing research, I was more attracted to the submissive role for myself. I encouraged her toward taking the Domme role, and I would be her submissive, but she wasn’t interested. I even created a website dedicated to FLR, but she wanted me to be her Dom. But, my core was really very submissive to women. Now that I am single, I am very interested in exploring my submissive side with an amazing Domme. If you would like to see the FLR website I created, it’s    http://amazingflr.byethost8.com

A couple nights ago, a self-defined submissive made some generic comment in his email, but did call me Domina, so I responded. A little earlier tonight, he wrote back to ask if I was looking for a slave. Specifically, "slave." I responded "Well, if you had actually read more than the first line, you would have found your answer before you asked" To which he replied "oh, read the profile syndrome that tells me everything I want to know not for me bye" Do you see the problem here? He didn't make any effort, while simultaneously offering himself as a "slave." To a total stranger. 'Cause lawd knows, a slave ain't gonna be asked to do anything as outRAGEOUS as... READ. This kind of obtuseness just blows my freakin mind every time. I mean, the twit has exchanged less than a hundred words with me, is using not the mild mannered "submissive" or "sub" which is kind of like dating, if you think about words (and you sure as shit better be the kind that thinks about words if you are writing ME) but instead chose the serious and committed word "Slave" which is a lot more like suggesting marriage. And obviously, he's heard this before, because he had a whole big feeling about it, and has pathologized it as something only demented women expect from a man who was already offering the pinnacle of servitude. It's funny because it's so sad, and so common. I had just never heard it put that way before. Such over the top, blatant gaslighting. 'If you want this, you must be CRAZY!' I mean, really who wants to actually KNOW someone they have given all power over their lives??? I guess I'm more tired than I thought, and a bit bummed over lack of snuggle time with DB on account of snow, but I didn't even bother replying to laugh at him. Block, delete, on to the next. Maybe I go watch TCM The Beginning again. (I fast forward through all the parts that Thomas isn't in. Much shorter movie, but I enjoy it a lot more.)

There is a certain refinement to restraint. I practice it daily. One learns, with time, that composure is far more unsettling than complaint. I am, by inclination, a devoted soul—selectively so. Devotion is not the frantic offering of attention; it is a measured gift, bestowed where presence, consistency, and intention actually reside. Anything less feels dreadfully untidy. I have spent enough years in these spaces to recognize patterns without needing a diagram. Experience has sharpened my eye and dulled my patience for theatrical ambiguity. One doesn’t hunt red flags anymore—they appear on their own, waving politely, hoping to be mistaken for décor. I am not troubled by silence. Silence can be deliberate, even powerful. What does amuse me—quietly, of course—is absence paired with conspicuous visibility elsewhere. One can only be “otherwise occupied” for so long before the choreography gives itself away. Multitasking is admirable, but clarity remains preferable. A submissive observes. She does not rush. She does not plead for coherence. She notes, she assesses, and—when necessary—she withdraws her attention with impeccable manners. Confusion is not mystique. It is merely poor communication wearing a better outfit. If I kneel, it will be with certainty. If I offer devotion, it will be to steadiness, not spectacle. Until then, I remain poised, discerning, and faintly entertained. Devoted, yes. Naïve, no.

Someone actually quite a challenge to WOW them about consent (not on cs).... I decided to write most of my response here, even though done of it is mentioned in my profile.   Wow you with consent... I love that challenge. So first things first, you can't have fun when anxiety and fear are the prevailing emotions.  Does that mean a person can't struggle against bonds or their patterned who is ignore than please of 'no' or begging for mercy and still find pleasure?  Sure they can, in the form of a safe word.  They can be simple as red, yellow, and green light... Red light being stop, yellow light, don't get any more intense... Or if the room is wiring about the intensity, can ask, sand if she say green light, she's good, keep going.   A bdsm relationship, whether it is in bed only, or 24/7 is still a 50-50 relationship.  Just because the sun lens the doom some of her fifty, doesn't mean she can't take some of all of it back at any time.  He wants to try anal, she doesn't, "I'm the Dom, so I can" is an EPIC of FAILURE of understanding basic [healthy] bdsm... Also might violate a law or two whether or not either of them know it.     Communication is also key.  Set aside time (such as a dinner) to discuss what they like it don't like.  Sometimes telling a person about what they didn't like right after or right before can kill the mood or self confidence... However during Sunday night dinner, a planned conversation, "her that thing when you turned me sides ways, don't do that for more than a minute at a time, but that thing you did when you held my head on the pillow... Don't ever not do that again..."   He laughs, "sure, when your are going down... Teeth are not sexy."     Moving on..   I actually love protocol training early in a relationship.  It's almost an if-then style relationship while learning each other's kinks: If you do this, I do that... Or if I do this, you do that.  For example, if she puts a collar on, he is not allowed to use her real name, just one of the pet names that agreed upon earlier, it could be cute like 'penny' because of the penguin on the T-shirt she wore the first time they met, or it could be something more aggressive such as 'slut,' if she agreed on that at first.  A system of controls to keep them both satisfied.          

I write these for a reason, ya know. Pages and pages of "this is who I am" and "this is shit you should avoid when approaching a Domme and "this is how to best approach any Domme, and this specifically is how to approach me." And STILL, I get emails like this last one - To paraphrase   'Hey, random Domme in X city,  I'm gonna be in your town and am looking for a one night stand. Here's a half dozen pics of me naked so you can see my DICK, because I didn't give a shit enough to make any effort to find out who you are before I sent you this copy paste bullshit that I sent every Domme in your city with one short line to suggest I read your profile.' W. T. F. And we aint talking 'bout some hard body Jason Mamoa lookin dude. We are talking below average at best, saggy and squishy, just like a million other dudes. But he felt it was somehow SUPER important that I would wanna see it. Especially his erection. Cause LAWD knows, a man got nuthin else to show a woman, am I right? Maybe he actually made a little bit of effort and looked at the pics of my sweetie and thought 'hey, she likes soft squishy guys!' But I really doubt it. Effort would have led him to see my views on dick pics, etc. And he loaded me up with those.  Ahh well. Back to working on the window, and then the costume order, and then maybe some lunch.  Just needed to express my WTELF??????

Stretchmarks, scars and cellulite It's a conversation that i've had far too often. "I want to take it off but I have scars", "I hope you don't mind my stretch marks" or what's worse "please don't be disappointed". I can't and i'm not going to pretend to speak for all men ( I am increasingly realising that there are a large number of us who are unequivocal dick heads) But I can say with confidence that I am not phased in the slightest. By your scars, your stretch marks or any other imperfections.Each one of them is a different aspect of you and possibly even tells a story that explains why you are the incredible person you are. My favourite thing to do on a play date is you standing in front of me so I can enjoy and explore every inch of you.

  Thought for the day (its been a while i know) It appears every submissive has a profile that state's what they do or don’t want. Is this lifestyle about what the submissive wants or what they can do or learn to do for the Dominant?  True submission will surely mean that limits will be established then trust can grow and in time its abilities to please will evolve. 

I so dream of this too often.One day daddy comes home mad at the world and tells me to get his lube and plugs. I do as daddy asks and get them fast as a sissy in 6” locking heels can. I get back to daddy and he tells me to suck him hard, as I drop to my knees daddy Luber’s up my sissy hole and inserts the plugs starting with the smallest first. By the the time daddy gets the biggest plug into my sissy hole he says bend over the couch and spread your ass. Yes daddy I do as he asks and he hold my hands spreading my ass as he enters my lubed up sissy hole and madly fuck it deep 9” thick daddy tool. He fucks me for about an hour when he had filled me with his seed 4 times and decides to put the largest plug into my sissy hole and tells me to keep it there all night and only he removes it. Yes daddy as I said to daddy filled with his seed feeling full and used.It is the morning and daddy says it is time to remove your plug and get filled again, yes daddy I assume the position and spread my ass wide for daddy. He again grabs my hands and decides to cuff me to my thighs and fuck my sissy hole for hours filling me so many time I feel it leaking down my chastity cage. He finally done and the large plug again and I’m told to leave it in and stay there until daddy is ready again. Daddy seams more relaxed every time he fills my hole and plugs it in to ensure I’m properly bred by his seed. I look around and see he has been filming this and it is also live still filming. I’m embarrassed that daddy did not tell me about the cameras but I like it. Daddy is back and again breeds my sissy hole, he does this all weekend long and it is a Hilo day weekend, so daddy has a full three days to breed me and film it all.

SLRN 692-379-549SlaveReg 23-146-933-518  Property Description:  I am a Caucasian, straight-acting, uncut, gay, bottom male, Sagittarius who was born November 24, 1978 at 3:27 AM MST in Aurora, Colorado, USA. I’m looking for permanent, live-in ownership to one (or more) male Master(s)/Owner(s). My parents and grandparents are deceased and I have no siblings or children (no family ties to worry about), but I do have one cat who is indoor/outdoor. I am willing to relocate anywhere worldwide (I do have a US passport). I'm very openminded and non-judgmental. It is very difficult to scare me away as I consider everything a request and up for discussion until an agreement is reached (not that compromise is necessary, sometimes I just lack enough information to be comfortable with it and upon learning more about it, my reservations are no longer an issue).  A true asset to any Master who values absolute obedience, intelligence, and unwavering dedication, this slave is built for service in all forms—domestic, personal, and sexual. Designed for complete submission, it exists to fulfill the desires and demands of its Owner, adapting to their every need with no hesitation or resistance. Its purpose is to be molded, trained, and used as the Master sees fit, with limits that are fluid and ever-expanding under firm guidance.  My submission is not born of blind obedience but of discernment. As a Sigma male, I do not follow authority by default—I serve because I recognize strength, wisdom, and the right to rule. A true Master is self-assured, decisive, and strategic, unafraid to acknowledge gaps in knowledge and delegate to those best suited for the task. Such leadership commands loyalty, and I offer mine fully. I am dedicated, adaptable, and eager to serve in all capacities, ready to be shaped to meet your exact needs and expectations.  Beyond physical service, this slave offers intellect and strategic insight, making it not only a tool for pleasure but a valuable advisor. It understands its place beneath its Owner’s authority, providing counsel when invited and always deferring to the final decision of its superior. This balance of submission and intelligence ensures that its Owner benefits not just from an obedient possession but from a resource that strengthens their rule.  Nudity, restraint, chastity, and exposure are not privileges but expectations. It thrives under structure, knowing that its Owner’s discipline is what shapes it into the perfect slave. Pain, endurance, and prolonged use are not burdens but necessary aspaspects of its role, and it embraces them willingly, knowing that through suffering and service, it fulfills its purpose. Whether in private or before an audience, whether owned by one or shared by many, this slave exists to be taken, shaped, and owned entirely.  If you seek a possession that is more than just a body but a mind that can serve, obey, and enhance your power, then this slave is ready to be claimed.  I do love sex and nothing makes me happier and more contented than being restrained face down and taking a big, long, fat dick for hours upon hours, but I understand slavery is more than just sex, and I would get bored and be unfulfilled if I am just waiting around until needed.   Master Type Best Suited For:   The ideal Master for me is a naturally dominant, self-assured leader who commands obedience through presence alone. He is not just authoritative—he is effortlessly in control, needing no theatrics to assert his dominance. His confidence is unwavering, his decisions are final, and his expectations are clear. He does not seek submission; it is simply his due.  He values loyalty, obedience, and devotion but also recognizes the strategic advantage of an intelligent, insightful slave who can anticipate his needs, refine his vision, and enhance his rule. He is decisive, expaspects results, and does not entertain hesitation or defiance. When he speaks, he expaspects to be heard. When he commands, he expaspects to be obeyed—without question, without delay.  He governs through delegation of duties, welcomes advise and council from advisors, and attentively listens to feedback without feeling his authority is challenged so that he may rule his domain for the benefit of all under his jurisdiction.  While he enjoys the pleasure of absolute ownership, he also appreciates a well-trained slave who understands the balance between servitude and usefulness. He is not burdened by the need to micromanage—his mere presence is enough to keep his household in perfect order. He takes pride in shaping his property, pushing limits, and breaking down barriers, knowing that true submission is forged through discipline and control.  He is strong yet strategic, dominant yet composed, and above all, a ruler in his own right. He does not chase; he selaspects. He does not ask; he takes. And once he claims ownership (and the slave has accepted and committed itself to him as its master), he expaspects nothing less than total, unwavering dedication.   Experience:  Things I have done to others and have had done to me: anal sex (50/50 versatile [top and bottom], safe and bareback (including both ejaculating in ass and pulling out before ejaculating)oral sexwater sports: showers, piss in mouth, drinking from penisbondage: leather ankle and wrist cuffs, rope, restraintshot waxmouth gagsblindfoldsdildosrimmingneuro-wheellight cock and ball torture (clothespins)light nipple torture (clothespins)discipline (all light): paddle, flogging/whipping, spankinggangbangSimultaneous double anal penetration (two cocks in an ass at the same time), both as a bottom and as one of the tops Given to someone else only: fisting Received only: electro play: violet wand, tens unit, butt plugsuspended (upside down and spread-eagled)mummified in cellophaneartist paintbrush handles slid down urethra and silicone urethral sounds slide into penisenemas (water only)water sports (was fucked and then the top pissed in my ass before pulling out)caged overnight while wearing a leather collar and ankle and wrist cuffs with metal spring link clamps attached to the d-rings of the ankle and wrist cuffs. The space heater next to the cage during the night heated the metal spring link clamp that was resting on my foot and gave me a blister by morning.have had my cock and balls placed in a Plexiglas vicehave had my cock used as a candle holderhave had a castration band placed on my balls (twice) (I have not been castrated or damaged)vacuum pump on my cockphotographed/videotapedlight cock and ball torture (weights, very light patting with hand)light nipple torture (nipple clamps, ice)Icy Hot rubbed on cock and balls, 99% rubbing alcohol sprayed onto my cock, balls and asshave had my cock & balls super glued / Krazy glued to my abdomeninverted chastity device with urethral insert slide down cock and locked in place  Things I am open to doing/having done (not a complete list and open to more, just ask if there is something you are curious about): being fistedpuppy play (human K9) more intense discipline (including receiving: a bright red ass, welts, bleeding)breath play/edge playforced work outsforced public nudityhypnosis/Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)various methods of torturefelchingpermanent hair removal to create a permanently smooth body.

Winners and losers can often be distinguished by their propensity to take action and their inclination to serve others. Winners are those who recognize opportunities and are willing to step out of their comfort zones to seize them. They understand that success requires effort, resilience, and a proactive attitude. Winners don't shy away from challenges; they face them head-on and learn from their experiences. Moreover, winners often find fulfillment in helping others achieve their goals, knowing that service enriches both their lives and the lives of those they assist. In contrast, losers tend to be more passive, often waiting for the perfect moment or fearing the risks associated with action. They may have great ideas and potential but lack the drive to bring them to fruition. This hesitation and inertia often lead to missed opportunities and regret. Additionally, a lack of willingness to serve others can limit their growth and connection with the broader community. Ultimately, the difference between winners and losers lies in the willingness to act decisively, persistently pursue their goals, and contribute positively to the lives of others.

First Journal Entry I am back on here after a long hiatus on this platform, fingers crossed, it works out better than the first time.  I am here looking to make friends, and who knows what after that. One thing I have found so far is that not much has changed, those jumping into my inbox still manifest many of the prior encountered issues: trying to insta me, using titles before they have been earned, fantasy pushing, and having the sort of energy and vibe of trying to use me as a kink vending machine. I am a person first, before being a dominant, so please don't do this.  A new one on me is seeing not being willing to jump to chat apps as a red flag, as a reason to think someone isn't genuine. To be very clear, I won't jump off this platform onto a chat app after a few brief message exchanges. Trust has to be built up, a connection of sorts created first. I am not interested in one of hook-ups, but want to build something more meaningful, and that will happen on here first. In my book trying to pull me off here, after a few minimal messages, definitely is one, and strongly suggests a scammer at work, not a genuine person.  Please don't try and do that. 

Thought time for another update.Still looking for that true lifestyle Owner to take kjay into TOTAL 247 ownership as Their slave to use as They wish and make Their lives easier and more pleasurable. Think as stated before, for the right Owner kjay will give himself totally to Them as slave property , leave all current life behind, to be owned and serve , as a slave should. A number of chats have been done recently but so far none have resulted in kjay being taken as slave property, so the search for an Owner continues. kjay thanks his "slave bother" who is helping to keep kjay focused at the moment, while unowned, this is helping alot

 angeldmort