Update december 8 2022  I don't know if anyone noticed but I was gone for a while. It wasn't by choice and I wasn't too happy about it either. What happened was I was logged out of CS (I usually never log out so I don't know why this happened) and it was impossible to log back on. In addition to user id and password the site requires a capchta, and there was none. I tried everything with no success. I wasn't sure if the problem was at my end or if Collarspace was broken. I could read but not write or in any other way take active part and I could not access my mails. After trying other browsers and other devices with the same result I figured it was Collarspace and I decided to contact support. Turned out one has to be logged in to do so, so no help to be found there. All I could do was wait and hope for someone to notice and do something about it. Meanwhile I lost some people hanging in the middle of our conversations without a clue to why I didn't reply. So here goes: I didn't ghost you! I was locked out! Happy Hollidays! (In case I don't update this until next year.)

This is something I wrote. . . . . .Why did you make me do it -I remember, and tears of anger will not stop, the time you forced me to strip that night knowing that others might see.Why did you make me do it -I remember, and I have to hold my arms tight to stop the shivering, that time you said your demanding friend was going to fuck me.Why did you make me do it -I remember all of the times your eyes watched from miles away as you made me perform on webcam debasing myself for your pleasure and I have to try and calm my heart as it beats in my chest and my breath catches in my throat.How could you make me do that -the countless times I stood in front of a mirror and looked at bruises and marks on my skin and felt fear as you left, wondering if you would return.What would make you do that -I re-live the times your hands were around my throat, breath withheld, as you pounded between my legs and I cannot put into words the fear I feel.Why do you make me do this -my hands tremble as I remember the times i stood naked before you made me wear the clothes of your choosing and sat watching to make sure my makeup was applied perfectly.How could you make me do this -my stomach tightens as I remember the, oh so many, times on my knees begging or with my mouth wrapped deep onto your prick in the hope I would please you.How can you make me do this –and I feel like screaming those word for the world to hear as I cled my hands together and can feel the rope you used to bind my wrists and even the belt that lashed my ankles tight as you left me on that cold floor and I know I cannot forgive you.How can you make me do this -my world is coming to an end, how can I live without your hands on me. Without your control and love where will my submission go?How can you make me go to that fucking University when I wish, and want, and need, and desire, and long to stay at your feet.How can you make me leave you for those three long years when all I want to do is stand naked before you and see the love in your eyes as you look back at me and the pride I see, when dressed, I am lead out on that, oh so, delicate silver chain that pulls at my collar.My body reacts as every memory comes back, vivid as if those wondrous things happened only yesterday, and you are forcing me to lose those joys.Why do you make me hate you for doing the right thing in letting my world expand, why do you make me do this?When all I want to do is serve?

I ran over a headlight. Not a bulb, no that would be too easy. I ran over a whole headlight kit. Set. Contraption. Whatever that entire piece is called. I ran it over. But not with a wheel, oh no, that would have been too easy. It got lodged under my car. I had to pull over and get on the ground in a dress and push and pull this thing to get it loose. Yep. I think my car is okay? It didn't blow up.  You know how things happen in threes, right? The two hour tour I took the other night was one. This was two. I didn't have long to wait for three. About an hour later I drove to not one, but two wrong pizza places to pick up my order. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. I have lost my mind. In trying not to jinx myself I won't mention this being over or what else could possibly go wrong because I still have two whole days to this week and I need to make it through without calling a mechanic. And I still have to try to fix the kitchen fan, did I tell you that one? A balloon wrapped around it and the whole thing is dead. The lights, the fan, an outlet on that side of the kitchen. I know, I checked the circuit breaker. That's not it. Life is hurling adulting fast balls at me one after the other and I'm trying not to strike out. I'd settle for a walk as long as it isn't because my car stopped working because I ran over a fucking headlight. 

Punishment is based on creating a fear response of some kind. Fear erodes trust and connection. Trust and connection are essential for the surrender of a submissive. Therefore, punishment erodes what is essential to a healthy, successful Ds dynamic. This makes punishment of any sort incompatible with my relationships.  I am a leader and a carer in my career and daily life.  I do not punish any of my charges, and it insults the dignity of another creature to punish them. I make mistakes, but never intentionally. I have no motivation to brat or test the boundaries a partner may set for me. I hate failure, and I hate displeasing. My motivation is to make a partner proud. That is incentive enough to avoid mistakes. That is, provided I have a partner capable of feeling and expressing pleasure, and who wants to have pride in who serves him. A constructed, unnecessary punishment added on top of knowing I have failed or displeased just creates more pain for everyone, and even has more subtle, insidious impact, such as contributing to feelings of inadequacy. The best way to avoid making a mistake is communication, flowing clearly and in quantity in both directions. The best response to a mistake or misunderstanding is to try to get clarity, then discuss it, find common ground, and discuss how to avoid what went wrong. I believe in accountability and responsibility, and also in practicality. I acknowledge that my position on punishment is perhaps unusual or unexpected. I consider myself well healed from my traumas, none of which I would consider terribly serious to start with. I know myself, and I know my needs. I have no hope of serving anyone if I cannot serve with an open, vulnerable heart. Some submissives apparently require a punishment mechanism, either to set aside their mistakes with a physical reminder or something else to even the scales, or to have some sort of other constructed reminder of which way the power exchange flows. I am not so unfortunate. I can understand these concepts perfectly well through verbal reassurance.

We are now in the land of 2022  And even now after all of these years, at least on Collarme, whoops I meant to write Collarspace the thing that pisses people off the most is not what one would expect.  I think we all had our share of quote, unquote BOT PROFILES or that one LMAO several fake Doms, Dommes, or anyone for that matter The punctuation and grammar grid is irritating as hell at times.  But of all of these and some, I have not pointed out.   The biggest ASSHAT of them all is trying to keep your profile CURRENT with new information, likes or dislikes, and even updated photos.   I dare any to disagree with me, especially reading some profiles lately how some have been locked out of their accounts still PENDING approval, LIKE WTF is really going on??? One of the main reasons even as a DaddyDom I am afraid to update my account, this is supposed to be a joke but I am serious as an old man busting a nut, a heart attack!!! But I digress...

Clocks. Have we talked of this before? It feels familiar. Let's set the stage. There are four clocks in my bedroom - one on a surface against each wall, and one of those clocks also casts onto the ceiling. Basically, open your eyes wherever you are and you can easily know the time. Or a time. For six months of the year I live in the wrong time. I do not adjust my clocks for daylight savings. Which means I have to remember, at 3 in the morning when I look at the clock to see how much longer I can sleep, if the clocks are accurate or if I need to do basic math in my head.  One clock kept randomly alarming. I gave up, it's unplugged. Down to three and a ceiling. Whenever it was that the power went out months ago, it knocked out all of the clocks but one. Meh, good enough. One clock it is. Yesterday I was tidying up and reset two of the three clocks and the ceiling. It's a small thing (that's what she said), but it made me happy to look at that one other clock from where I was sitting and also see the ceiling time. And then four hours later the storm knocked out the power for thirty seconds. Sigh. But okay. This morning I reset them. I came home to blinking clocks again. Why, Universe? I am back to my one original clock, currently no math needed. Unlike the kitchen appliance clocks that basically hold your cooking rights hostage until you set the time, I don't have to deal with bedroom clock terrorists. I'll try again in a few months. Maybe. 

Remote Controlled - Part 2b Author's Note - The word count was a little too long for the journal, so I have had to split it in two. This is the conclusion of part two. 'If I have captured your interest enough, I want to ask you to submit to me using this app and your toys. If you agree Slut, you will leave the call open and put in your vibe and buttplug. If you do not agree, then you can end that call and I will not have any hard feelings toward you.' 'I'd like to try Jonathan.' 'I am glad to hear it Slut. Now, go and put in your toys.' Through the open line Sally could hear some noises on Jonathan's end. He quickly explained that he had purchased himself a toy that would connect to hers. As he thrust into his toy, it would capture some of the sensations and she would feel them repeated in her toys. Deep within her something fluttered. Sally didn't think that the inventors of the internet ever forsaw this use case, but she was thankful for the people with the ingenuity to make things like this work. Reporting that everything was in place, she lay down on her bed. A notification flashed up from the new app - Jonathan has sent you a new task. Turn on video when using your toy (50 point reward). She stared at it for a moment or two before turning video on the call. Immediately the buttplug began to vibrate. 'I am going to enjoy controlling your ass tonight Slut.' Sally couldn't quite imagine the device he was using on his end, but she smiled as the wonderful feeling of being controlled set in. Another notification flashed up on her phone. Put on a collar (25 point reward). If these tasks were all so simple, it wouldn't be long before she could claim both of the rewards on the app. She reached over to her toy box and buckled a simple leather collar around her neck. Flashing a smile to the camera she reached to her nipples and began playing with them as the toy in her ass vibrated and quaked away. Maybe an online dynamic had some potential after all she thought...then the vibrator in her pussy kicked in and before too long waves of pleasure were washing over her mind and body.

I fantasize about being made to cum over and over, no breaks between. Breaking my brain with so many orgams...Begging for mercy, crying for it to stop, but being ignored. Finally passing out from orgasm overload. Waking up to it not having stopped even while unconscious.24 hours straight of orgasms. Only then released into chastity with toys that are too large locked in my holes, and keys put away for a month

So why am i still here? Honestly i didn't think i would be. I've met people here, but life is complicated by the fact that i live with my mother (it's London, give us a break!). But i went to uni - miles away (clear across the country) and i thought that, i had a room of my own, a double bed, no one to explain things to, i could finally spend some real time getting to know a dom. And for some reason no one wanted to get to know me. A dom i'd known for literally years and who lived in the place i went to uni at, disappeared for five months and came back with a girlfriend, he wouldn't even meet for coffee as friends (and as a mature student boy did i need friends), another guy who said he'd love to have a holiday there, just didn't make it, one guy who agreed to come and see me started demanding that i go to see him instead, another guy ghosted me a few weeks before we were due to meet...yada, yada, yada. Now i don't believe i rushed any of these guys,  i was there for three years after all, so i guess they never had any intention of meeting in the first place.   So that's why i'm still here. But i can't say i'm still looking

He opened the drawer and smiled. “So you’ve been keeping a secret.” I looked away, unable to answer. The delicate lingerie i"d hidden for years suddenly felt impossible to explain. “Put it on,” he said gently. With shaking hands, i disappeared into the closet. Minutes later, I stepped into the living room, unable to meet his eyes. Every movement made me acutely aware of the unfamiliar fabric against my skin. He didn’t laugh. Instead, he studied me quietly before saying, “You’ve imagined this moment for a long time, haven’t you?” I nodded. “Good,” he replied softly. “Tonight isn’t about hiding. It’s about finally allowing yourself to experience the fantasy you’ve kept locked away for so many years.”

The Rules of the House of DL. * Family comes first. * I am here to satisfy my Master's needs and in return he will fulfill my needs. * I will be respectfulto my Master at all times. * My Master is always there for me, no matter what my need may be. * I will not put myself down. * I have to get enough sleep, rest and maintain my health. * Any big decisions, I ask Master. He listens to me and if I have a problem we discuss it. * No pets on the furniture! * 10. Be in compliance with the 4 agreements:   * 10A. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.   * 10B. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.   * 10C. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, saddness and drama.   * 10D. Always do you best. Simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. [(www.miguelruiz.com )]

I wrote this "Story"   My First Pain Pig I'm a Service Dom. My Dungeon is my playroom, to create pleasurable sensations. I was mid 20's, living the bachelor dream, whoring in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I landed an ok job with Hilton Hotels after graduation. The French Quarter bars stayed open 24/7. It was a place you partied every night. How I survived, 14 New Orleans Mardi Gras is beyond me, they were all real benders, lasting 3+ days. I lived 1/2 Block off Bourbon Street, it doesn't get better than that. It was at Beer Bust Sunday at The Parade Disco, it was 1982 or so. To drum up LOCAL business, The Parade Disco, had a "Tea Party" a beer bust all the beer you could drink from Sunday 5PM until the Kegs went dry. I'm having a "tea party" beer, and a girl walks up to me and asks why I'm dressed in black leather, am I into BDSm? I told her I'm a "leatherman" I like power-exchange, I like to lead, direct, command, suggest. She asked if I enjoyed spanking a girl, and I said yes, and I liked using my belt as well,. We danced, and drank a few beers, and kept chatting. So she grabs my hand and pulls me to the outside balcony, where folks, can actually hear each other talk since the music inside the bars is always loud.. She tells me her friend Freddie whose into BDSm has talked about me He says your known as a fun sadist. He told, me the rumor is, your a creative sadist.. I replied, something like. I'm a service top, I get off when we both get off. I do love mind fucking folks. Could you make me feel and endure pain? Not continuous relentless pain, but Intermittent shearing flashes of pain like strikes from a thin stick, the sting of the hand, or the thud of the belt? I asked, if she had done anything like this before? No, she just listened to all the hot stories her friend Freddie told her, of being a masochist. At some point, I said My safe word is FROG. Say the safe word and she repeated FROG. Good, I also use a safe gesture. I will squeeze your hand TIGHTLY and shake it, you squeeze my hand 2 times, in reply, This reply tells, me all is great, with you. If you fail to give back 2 quick squeezes I will end our playtime. The conversation went something like that, dam, when you get old, sometimes you just got to fill in details you forgot. I pointed from the Parade Disco's Balcony, Thats where I live across the street 800 feet away, the green shuttered walkup apartment.. She said, lets go to your place and play, make me feel real pain. Let me, tell a friend, I'm going to your apartment and I will call them to get picked up later. We walked hand in hand to my apartment. I opened the door to a typical French Quarter "Shot-Gun" apartment, like a boston row house, 25 feet wide and 60 feet long. The living room in front, a half wall jetty between the living room and the small kitchen. A Hallway the first door, the bathroom on the left, the door at the end of the hall, my bedroom and playroom. I had just finished building my "Playroom" I nick named "The Erection Set". (see my profile for photos) I think, my super-power, as a dom is creativity. I think, I give a good mind-fuck. My first rule as a dom was tie them up, to experience the reality of giving up control. Any act of bondage, is a reality of submission, physically felt and experienced. I had a pro-domme "friend" that I would occasionally drink with, at Jewel's Tavern, a Gay Leather Bar. Dex ,loved telling stories of here recent clients. I learned a lot from Mistress Dex! Maybe the most important thing she ever said, Hugo people don't come to Pro-Domme, looking for sex. If submissive's wanted sex they would go to a call girl. Submissives come to a domme to live out a fantasy. The key to a good scene is, living out a fantasy inside a submissives head. That BDSm lesson about Fantasies, was the best lesson I was ever given. The second best lesson Dex shared: Start a BDSm scene extra slow and build up a scene slowly to a climax. I had an established routine, in dom mode, have submissives undress, tie them to the st andrew cross or some other object, like in a chair. Next, introduce sensation play, running my hands everywhere on my tied up subs body. I would take sensation play to the next level, by adding a blindfold, not knowing where I might touch, pinch, pull next. Clothes Pins, are my absolute favorite toy. I have done scenes, with 100s of clothes pins, pinching everywhere on a submissives body. Ear Lobes, Lips, nipples, breasts, inner thighs, nose, the clit, cunt lips, any flap of skin. Clothes Pins are a great beginner activity. Clothes Pins are a great assessment tool as to how much pain a submissive can tolerate, as clothes pins build up pain slowly. I like starting, clothes pin play, with the breasts, many women have sensitive breasts and nipples, plus they can see the clothes pins, the object of pain tormenting them. This is about the time, I light up a cigar. Domination and smoking a cigar seem to go hand in hand for me. I do enjoy, Hot Ash Play. I know, I had 300 clothes pins on her body and she was feeling it but, not moaning or whimpering She wasn't even close to her limits. I like to flick off clothespins, using a cop or ruler or something similar object. I usually progress to Wax play because wax play looks painful, but isn't. Wax play is truly, a great erotic sensation play activity. Its about this point I asked, her to repeat what she came here to experience. I want pain sir. My massage table,doubled as my bondage table, I tied my sub face down, like in a position for a back massage. I would use, rope, saran wrap, tape, straps, to secure a submissive to the massage table. Hand Spankings, are probably the lightest form of corporal punishment. Then, the ruler, belt, fly swatter, rod, hair brush, next in intensity over a hand spanking, next would be the wooden spoon and paddle in pain or intensity, and in my opinion the cane is the most feared implement, used on the ass. . I got to a frat paddle. I think, my sub liked the belt the best, as she seemed to thrash about a bit. She stayed silent as she took the paddle usually a sign that there isn't a lot of eroticism going on. I want a sub moaning, mumbling, swearing, shaking, that tells me they are having a good time. I remember, it was this moment. I did the "CHECK-IN" hand squeeze. I got 2 quick firm hand squeezes back telling me she with me, "all ok". I asked her what she wanted now. What she wanted, was to be used like a hole. To FILL AND OVER FLOW her senses. To feel totally fucked and exhausted. I knew what she needed, she needed to be fisted, to have her cunt stretched out, rubbed raw. In the French Quarter leather community, I was known, as the Dom that enjoyed fisting and handballing. Back in the 1980's vaseline was the fisting lube of choice, crisco if you were handballing. Now, the cool part, when this happened is my playroom was already semi-functional, I had a sling. (see profile photos to see a sling) If your into fisting or handballing you know someone's intensely into fisting, they own a sling. Using a sling, your in a OB/GYN examination table. position, perfect access.