Ever flown a FemDom across the country for a first date? I'm a huge Frank Turner fan.  He's currently doing a 50 states in 50 days U.S. tour.  Thus far, I've made it to 4 of them - MD, PA, NY and NJ.  My east coast boytoy can't make it to the west coast shows, so I'm in need of a new one.  If interested, I'm looking at Seattle on 7/22, Phoenix on 7/28, L.A. on 7/30 and/or Honolulu HI on 8/1.  Making it to the L.A. show and then to Hawaii would be epic!  Message Me with a clothed, tasteful photo if interested... UPDATE: Made it to the show in LA--so much fun!! 

Everyone criticizes CM but I like this site.  I've heard people complain that there are no genuine lifestyle dominants. I've had waaaay more success making real time connections on CM than on any other site.  I've met several awesome lifestyle male dom/sub couples and other female dominants (with a couple that I know personally who are LOCAL non-pro and looking for personal relationships).  These are folks we hang out with regularly who are terrific people in addition to being lifestyle. I also communicate with a small number of non-pro Ladies in other cities. I've also met a few local quality male subs who are genuine submissive gentlemen and who fit my very stringent requirements for distance and fitness level. I've played with a few as well and even when it didn't necessarily become a "relationship" I've maintained a friendship with them and invite them to events or gatherings.  I've even visited a couple of them and stayed in their homes when I was in their area for events such as Tampa's Fetcon. Yes, I have to weed out the morons looking to wank just like anyone. I also communicate with a few out-of-town boys who have cam verified and talk about making a visit to my area. We'll see. So, why is everyone so down on CM?  While I imagine that the experience is very different for a male sub, but is it THAT bad?  Are there other sites that have been so much better for you?  I met my current sub via ALT years ago...which I'm no longer active on, too commercialized.  I met the other boy that I've been training since August 2011 via CM. It DOES happen.  

I DID EDIT A COUPLE ENTRIES WHEN I REALIZED THEY WERE HARD TO READ, UNTIL I NOTICED IT CHANGED THE DATE... I don't know if I should just give up or redo my profile or what. I have lost contact with some I wished to talk to due to short term memory issues that pop up from time to time. Those that I have a great conversation with just seem to disappear. If I am screwing up-tell me. I do talk a lot when nervous. I also try to lay it all out there so things don't come up later and be a red flag, and that  can be overwhelming. I am very honest and open because I know what I need and want. Very few have been as open back, but I have appreciated it, Maybe I just need a break? I have grown weary of the search.

This just to see what its say but I am way more than this but its was funny to try. lololol   == Results from bdsmtest.org ==  98% Rope bunny  94% Pet  93% Submissive  89% Voyeur  81% Experimentalist  79% Degradee  55% Slave  54% Exhibitionist  41% Masochist  35% Vanilla  27% Non-monogamist  5% Brat  0% Ageplayer  0% Boy/Girl 

I really dislike trying people on. The awkward small talk and insincere laughing, picking through the rolodex to create temporary common ground. Sorting feelings. I don't like dating, don't like more people touching me. I am a one person person. The right person. Maybe a number of people fit that, I'm not of the soulmate mindset. Rather, a click. A feeling. A knowing. Instinct? I tried waiting. Waiting brought sadness and pizza. A lot of time in neutral. Or maybe sleeper mode, good ol' ursa time. I'm ready to wake up. Still don't want to sift through the racks for the right fit, keep your hands to yourself. Maybe just window shop for a while. Or better yet, put myself in the window and see who wants to shop. The flower and the bee, friends. Know your role.  I was in such a serious mode right there, and as I reread for autocorrect typos my dog started snoring. Sweet girl, she brings lightness to my heart. He may come, he may not, but she is mine, and sometimes that's enough. 

Who else has come across dozens of profiles over the years that go like this: "Not much to say now but I'll be adding lots more detail SOON" Date of profile: Years and years ago (yes I realize that in theory they might have just put that current profile in yesterday (so before that it said what exactly?) Also unlikely..and usually confirmable that they've had the profile say that for years..profiles the login page features again and again so you've seen it say that same "much more, soon!" promise on their profile for a long long time) And this went on long before making changes in profile put your profile on hold for weeks or months on end, so while today I can understand people hesitating to change, this "will add lots more detail soon" and yes they say "soon"..this has always gone on. Makes you wonder..  Unrelated, and non sarcastic praise for part of a recent journal entry where she said:  "My life has included fantastic sex, better than yours in most cases.  I prefer to wait to have a superior time..." The praise is for the "in most cases" part she put in. Accuracy and recognition of variosu shades, rather than mere bravado. Yes it's a low bar, but still nice to see people exist here that are gounded enough to add those words.

Took all the time to write this so I thought I'd save it here.     Two explorer's are deep in Africa when they are captured by head hunters.  The head hunters bind them each to a pole and carry them for 3 days over hills across a river and through the forest where they finally come to the village.   At the village they are untied and thrown into a cage.  That night the villagers throw a massive party where they feast drink alcohol and dance.     At the height of the festivities the Chief calls for silence and approaches the cage.  Our two explorers see this huge guy standing about 6' 8" tall approach them and they begin to quake.   The Chief points at our first explorer with his big hammock like hands and yells in this deep voice that carries to all ends of the village.   "You! Death or RooRoo?   The first explorer squeaks out " I don't want to die, I'll take RooRoo!"   The Chief turns back to the village and yells "ROOROO!!!"   The tribe goes insane with cheering dancing and drinking and our explorer is pulled from the cage stripped and thrown face down over a log and every man in the village jumps his bones.   The Chief then stomps back to the cage and points at the other explorer.   "You!!  Death or RooRoo?"   The explorer with a look of fear on his face yells back.  "Screw that Rooroo deal I choose death!"   The Chief turns around raising one  raising one massive paw and pronounces the sentence.   "DEATH BY ROOROO!!!"   And the crowd goes wild!  

i'm always in a very weird place in my spaces on earth. in every sense of the word i'm 'in the worlds but not of it'.   when i connect with my mermaid and water being feminine people and try to befriend them and socialize, i'm often come across man hating retroic. men ain't shit. kill men. a mermaid would never be with a man. if you are wanting to be married by a man something is wrong with you. a mermaid is never meant to be tamed. brimstone and fire.   probably partly because of my virgo rising and partly because of my priestess nature i can't relate. in my heart of hearts how i approach romantic and sexual framework with men is  in a perfect world a sacred slavery mentality. honor, worship, respect, reverence, and deep feminine care and caressing and holding is how my dream is in my heart and my mind. in a perfect world i am always claimed by the mother ocean, but she is holding place and will hold my hand off in divine union and marriage to my master husband. this mermaid knows in a perfect world in my heart of hearts the divine masculine which would in a perfect world translate to a man in real life on earth in the flesh owns me heart, mind, body and soul. and it tends to express that most men that have attempted to date me tend to be on a soulmate level, some things die hard and my soul is built for a deeper cosmic way of loving and fucking than what most superficial people see.    in a alternative space group i saw a whack ass man proudly show his bdsm tools like a big inflated ego boy in a group that is clearly not just 18+  probably wanting some ego stroking saying just had a good session. it got lots of comments. i'm sure some womens panties were fulfilled by that. i looked at it as true goddess of devotion on a deeper moment. session? how does that translate to your world. your life. you packed it up and you closed it out. what about your next breath, your next step, your next hand hold, your next eye stare..the next intent of the energy you speak to her. how does your session carry out in your 24/7 lifestyle of devotion servitude mastery and slavery? dominance and submission? you can only hold it for  a session that is good and requiring or preferring some tools to achieve that ecstatic level of pleasure and absolute sinking into each other. that's cute. but what about the end goal, complete devotion and union. or is it just for a quick dopamine run and back to being vanilla lower cylinder working engagements between each other and life goes on. because if not we all know while in a perfect world it would include financial, cohabitating, family future planning generational security stability community elevating discussions between both parties as a power couple of house if it's multiple people involved......it doesn't have to be and can go on without cohabitating, without the legal contract change...though i still don't understand why most men want to own women but don't have the balls to legally take her as property and change her name to seal the full deal. so many come across, i haven't thought about that, there are ways of doing it without getting the law involved, we don't need the governmental intuition we have to operate under to know she's my property as long as it's in our hearts it's ok...always comes off as a cop out to me. but i know everyone is built different. tools can be fun but it's just like yoga, in the west anasa is so popular because we don't know how to get still inside to get to the real higher work of the various limbs of study and practice. and still doesn't have to be sitting, meditation is also dance movement and action. it's a stillness in the mind.   some of my dark goddess sisters both of the sophia original source encoded soul that are different copies of my own self....or others with a different original divine feminine soul encoded on them(sophia isn't the only form of the divine feminine, it's just WHO i am...so what MY mission is...MY journey..MY teachings...and my lived path to walk) continue the man hate. men deserve to die. nwords ain't shit. fuck a guy. i hate men.   i can't relate.   i've never had a man in real life protect, provide, or care for me. i've been in clubs by myself and have drunk men try to hug me, touch my arms, rub  up on my breasts and inappropriate get in my space. i've had to push men off  one, two, three, four times very visibly public. i've had to say loudly no, more than once. no bouncer at the clubs come. none of the men in the vicinity that can hear me(my voice is loud and piercings and energetic and many a person has said i talk too loud naturally) and they don't break from their girlfriends, wives, friend groups to come over and say stop bro. or to say are you okay? or is everything alright. they stay on the sidelines watching as i the dark goddess have to rise to protect myself.   i've dated men who see when i'm out and about other men try to approach me that i'm uncomfortable with and they've laughed it off, making me rise to the challenge to assert myself i'm with a guy and even if i wasn't this invasion of space is inappropriate.    i've been through so many daddies that want to inappropriately harness my overtly sexual little girl with no promise of provision, protection, guidance, care, and structure that the daddy dominant is supposed to provide. i've had them break me so much i've wanted to die when that carrot stick of the ultimate romantic mix of nurturing and strength and slightly sinister love gets taken away.   i've been assaulted in that way and when i told the man i was dating at the time, instead of being a righteous archangel michael divine masculine encoded self asked what was i wearing, what was i doing maybe i did something to provoke it. when i go through the questions and ask for them to come over to hug me, to reset my body my nervous system, to heal me from what their brother did and get myself reacclimated to what i have always known in my heart of hearts to be what the real masculine the true masculine is..i was rejected but he loved me.   and on and on...i have every experience to join the men ain't shit nword ain't shit kill men.....and i'm just not wired that way.   even recognizing the world isn't perfect, and that i wasn't born to be on the regular track where men in reality come to my rescue, show up for me, open the doors for me, hold me, watch me, make sure i'm okay, provide the stability, structure, care and support of just a regular vanilla way or an elevated power dynamic way....i don't' waver from the mission of 5d.. a higher cosmic love and union..i don't waver from the truth i've been seen.   there's the sauce of real life...and then there's the truth of what is beyond in the ethers.   and in the eithers.....i'm so divinely cared for and protected, cherished and loved. while the men in reality cannot hold the energetics of the transformative fiery goddess i am that will require them to constantly level up, to grow, to face their fears, be called out on their mistakes, be pushed to elevate, grow, emotionally stretch, touch feelings they could hide and side step from everyone else, and to always be tracked and seen energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.....the divine form is always here.   and so while it's not a perfect world, i am incapable of losing the respect, the reverence, the worship, the care, the holding, the deep sense of devotion to the man in spirit. i don't have to receive a gift on a date,  i don't have to be asked out on a physical date, i don't have to have the door held open, i don't have have dinner paid for me, i don't have to receive an engagement ring, i don't have to re

I'm irritated by the idiocy of some of these "subs" I'll meet you at a Starbucks and if I don't invite you home immediately thereafter you'll pull a typical fake sub move and not follow up. Most don't have the patience and respect to meet properly. To get vetted properly. Most think anybody declaring themselves a "sub" should be privy to my home immediately. No thought towards common sense or my safety?? I get these offers 5 times a week. Imagine if I gave my home address out that many times a week? I'd be murdered in less than a month by some fake predator. Or at the very least robbed and when you report something like that to police and say "I met him online" Boy how stupid do you look? Perhaps these idiots think I'm in a palace surrounded by gaurds? How much online porn must you watch before you actually think there's any likelihood that any of us REAL ladies are surfing for boys from within a palace. THAT lady isn't on collarspace, she has a caretaker whose job it is to find sub's. Out here in the real world a REAL domme works her 9-5 and expects her sub to do the same. To be sane. To be intelligent and productive within society. To be a regular guy and a sexy "trophy husband".

i am pretty sure he's done with me.  No idea how I'm going to get through this feeling of failure.  I don't think I possess the ability to move on.  He owns every part of me. My thoughts are wrapped around him, our interactions, our love.  I don't surrender temporarily. I don't quit just because things get hard. I never have.  But somehow I'm supposed to quit him? Quit us? And just carry on? The very thought is viscerally painful.  I miss him. He still won't talk to me. Not even to tell me one way or the other.  On FetLife he's still listed on my profile. I suggested he remove it if he was done with me, that it would give him a way of telling me without the need for direct contact, if that's what he wanted. He is still listed.  All I know is, it's going to take the death of hope to let him go. 

  Have you had a threesome? One or two, mmf with the Mrs. Do you like sex toys? I do, they are pretty. Would you ever have sex with your best friend? I experimented as you do with a male friend who was transitioning m to f. Something that will never fail to make you horny? Blood of course! Favorite parts of the opposite sex? Legs all the way, lips, eyes. Favorite parts on the same sex? Package obviously lol, smile, lips.

An important message follows this little plea for help, so, read on after this paragraph.  My old iMac has been opened and the hard drive taken out and tested.  The current tech can not download the data from it.  I understand there are others that might be able to.  My plea is help in finding some one.  Do you know of anyone or service accomplished in such a data rescue?     I have tried to inform prospective slave property what life as My chattel could be like.  I have put time and effort into describing what an accomplished slave might experience using examples to help make clear My desires.  The reader might do well to appreciate the fact that I am not trying to 'groom' anyone with false images of what might be.   However, as I read all I have written I fear I have misinformed about My expectations.  A read of all contained here in might well lead a prospective slave to discouragement with the thought it could not ever become what I portray.  I do not want any prospect to be discouraged with the thoughts of failure.  I do not expect anything like an accomplished slave property to start with.  Instead, I look for a slave type with a desire to become totally emotionally attached with Me and desirous of pleasing an Owner as a slave.  Nothing more.     In fact, many slaves will never become all I might desire.  That does not mean I would not want to own it.  Actually, I enjoy the process of training even if the results may not be all I might hope for.  The effort and dedication of a slave to that process is a treasure to me, not necessarily the results.   Here is an example of what I am trying to express: I have preferences with regard to the physical attributes of My slave property.  Although I am prepared to work with time and effort to make changes in the slave to make the property more desirable to Me, some changes are impossible.  An example might be the length of a slave tongue.  I want a long tongue to come from the mouth of a slave for certain services.  Very few slaves are so endowed.  There is little that can be done to lengthen a tongue, although the effort to do so can be rewarding, at least to me.  Does that mean I will not take to property a slave with a deficient tongue? No, certainly not.   The same is true of a slave that can not emotionally or mentally quite measure up to some of the wilder desires I have.  Does that mean I will not take to property slave with a deficient mental attitude?  No certainly not.  As with the tongue example, the effort of the slave property to gain a more pleasing, to me at least, mental attitude is rewarding and a treasure to me.     So, the slave prospect that is reading this should take heart and not become discouraged at the prospective future.  Rather, it should try to live in the current moment, allow the feelings that are natural to it to manifest inside it's head and heart allow the subspace it so dearly needs to flow through it and enjoy that feeling as it reads.    

I'm just back from holiday... and it's been a few days. I woke up this morning feeling exceptionally horny and kinky. I'm at work until 5pm, and can't cum till then. Give me tasks or dares to complete before then to keep me horny and busting to cum. Anything posted by males I will consider... anything posted by females is non optional and must be completed before I can cum. Keep me horny and on the edge of exploding! Only 7 hours to go...

no blood clot. But lots of inflammation in my lungs. I've been sleeping a lot, taking meds for this illness. I'm starting to feel a little better, but I'm still so damn tired. Pneumonia isn't anything to mess around with. I spent a week thinking my allergies were getting worse, but now I think it was a sinus infection that went to my chest and yeah. I hate being sick, it always hits me hard. This is the second time I've had pneumonia this year. I'm glad I'm starting to feel better, but it sure does suck being immunocompromised.  Sir and I are working things out. He came to see me and now I have beautiful bruises in several areas. I know he's still mad at me, but I wear his marks with pride, because it means I served him, his pleasure, his desires. Now I must get better so I can continue serving him. So, that's the goal, recovering. I'm still on an antibiotic and see my doctor when I've finished it. So we will see what happens from there. 

It has been a week since your initial inspection   I have had you serve me daily. Your domestic skills are very good and you are quite the handyman    You endure your daily spankings, but  your limits need to be pushed as far as pain tolerance    Today I have errands to run, prior to leaving, I blindfold you and lead you to the bed    I assist you to lay on your side and place you in a fetal position   I bound your hands behind your back and your feet they found it together   I slowly pushed your knees more forward to expose your man pussy   I grab my favorite remote butt plug lube it up really nicely and slide it in   I kiss you on the forehead and tell you I should be back shortly and as I'm leaving out the bedroom I grab my phone and begin the wonderful stimulation of your man pussy  

I had my 15 month post cancer treatment scope.  The one where they stick the scope up your nose then down in to your throat and look around to check if the tissue is still healthy and take pictures to see if anything has changed.  And it's all still good.  Nine months until I am past the most dangerous period for it to come back, but not totally out of the woods until 5 year mark.  Still getting stronger, except for my right shoulder.  Haven't had a dizzy spell in almost a month.  The effects of radiation can last up t about 18 months, so I am at 15 months and am almost starting to not feel like I'm 80 anymore.  Maybe going to the gym a few times a week and losing 20 more pounds has helped as well.  15 pounds to go to hit 160.  I haven't weighed 160 since I was in my 30s.  Can running my 6th marathon be far off?  A man has to have goals.  Maybe if the right woman was chasing me with a whip.....  

Dont be afriad to talk to me, but can we talk about life first. Always opened to talking to  Doms Dommes Switches Slaves Subs. 

How to find a Female Dominant aka Domme/Mistress? (Helpful hints for male subs) The first thing you should realize is that it is going to take time. Do not rush it or be inpatient. Dominant women are much sought after and will be very very picky. You have a lot of competition. So, what can you do to make yourself stand out? Know thyself! What do you need from a D/s relationship? Are you a service sub? Keep an open mind but know your hard limits. If you are new and inexperienced then state you do not know your limits yet. A Dominant will doubt your sincerity if you say you are a no limits sub. Examine what you can offer a FemDom. What skills to you posses?  Are you a good cook? Learn the art of massage perhaps. Have a variety of interests. Be well read. Brush up your conversation skills. Also, your personality and the ability to stimulate a Dominant's mind will get you further than your cock Appearance is important. You do not have to be an Adonis but take pride in yourself. Be well groomed with clean clothes and good hygiene. Improve your level of fitness. It takes a lot of energy and physical strength to be bound for example. Stand up straight, walk tall, and be proud that you are submissive.  Devotion and loyalty are a must. You must demonstrate that you can be loyal to HER. You are not hitting on every FemDom in the room. It is incredibly sexy for a man to openly express his devotion especially through body language. Are you standing at her side but looking at others? Being a slut to any FemDom is not respectful. Being her own personal slut alone is perfect. Have some self-respect. Confidence is sexy. You can be confident and submissive. Who wants someone who thinks they are worthless. Know that you have value! That your submission is a gift that you do not bestow willy nilly. It makes it more special and interesting to the Dominant. Learn about service. Not sexual service. Be prepared to do things for her that have nothing to do with your kink. Offer to help make life easier for her. Run errands for her. You can clean up her house or mow her lawn without having to be naked or wear a maid's outfit. Get involved in your local BDSM community. It shows you take the life seriously. You are trying to experience it first hand. Make friends in the community so that you have a support system as well. You may not meet your dream FemDom right away but the friends you make may introduce you to others Your profile needs to be a representation of you. Remember you never get another chance to make a first impression! Spell check, spell check, and spell check! Punctuation and proper grammar go a long way. Avoid text speak. Be concise but at least a few paragraphs about you as a person (not just as sub). List your main fetishes and dislikes in other words keep it simple. Enough to pique interest but not so much as to bore the Dominant to tears. Quotes that are reflective of you or your beliefs are interesting. A nice picture is worth a thousand words truly. No cock shots. If a Female Dominant wants to see your cock then she will ask.

Once Upon a Time....                 /\     /\                {  `---'  }                {  O   O  }                ~~>  V  <~~                 \  \|/  /                  `-----'____                  /     \    \_                 {       }\  )_\_   _                 |  \_/  |/ /  \_\_/ )                  \__/  /(_/     \__/                    (__/

I appreciate all showing an interest though I am not looking for any cross dressing or feminization.. I am only looking for a quality male slave that is local living alone or a male slave who can relocate at own expense and ability to get own place close by. Either living alone or another slave can be arranged to be a roommate brother slave sharing financial responsibility in maintaining the dwelling, sharing duties with chores and sharing in serving My needs.  Besides sexual service using your holes is a given. Being trained to take torment and torture, giving Me massages, worshipping My body including rimming and My feet.  When I have gigs, I will expect you to be a grunt, gopher and whatever else I need with the booth or encampment.  Expect to be locked in chastity for periods of time and plug training to open up for fisting.  Though not living under the same roof, I will have full control around the clock, taking deeper into being a completely devoted slave  with little to no limits with full TPE.  Some experience preferred though not required if fully willing to be trained however I want.  A visit within a few months from starting to chat at your expense to get a motel room and present for an inspection.     

How long does it take to inspect a piece of meat? I will start this little entry to My Journal with a quote from My writing about the first meeting with a prospective slave property, “Inspection may take just a few minutes. How long does it take to inspect a piece of meat?” This sentence was intended to address what I hope to find in a slave’s mentality. I want a slave to approach its possible future life as a piece of property as though it were on the auction block. When it is on the block, what ever trauma it experienced in the process of ending up naked on display available to the highest bidder, is not on evidence. Such trauma, or in the case of My inspection, is irrelevant to the ongoing process of slave acquisition. What I care about is the slave’s sacrifice to be exposed to My inspection with hope, but, maybe without expectation that it will become My property. Much like the slave on the auction block, to be viewed and passed by, rejected, by many and bid on by few up to gaining residence with a previously unknown Owner. A word about rejection. (Forgive My digression.) Many slaves that are into humiliation as an element fueling their need to become ‘less than’ have discovered rejection as an incredibly powerful humiliation and, therefore, a delicious element in the humiliation paradigm they inhabit. Others fear even the thought of rejection as the ultimate sanction from a Superior. Rejection bights deep and hurts in a long lasting fashion for many slaves. Some slaves think rejection is the worst form of punishment. The thing is, when I wrote the ‘piece of meat’ comment I did not expect that I would reject a prospective property at one look. The comment was more allegorical of the feeling a slave may have of being exposed on auction than actually running the risk of being immediately rejected. And then it, the piece of meat inspection and rejection, happened. I have inspected many slaves. I have delved into their mouths for teeth and brain for thinking. I use exhaustive questioning at times, but, always with the idea that this particular ‘meat’ would be what I am looking for. But the most recent inspection was different. My first look at the prospect caused Me to utter, “it is an ugly fucker, isn’t it?” Brutal and ‘unfair,’ might be the assessment of a casual observer. However, it was a truth spoken by Me to engender a response from the slave that would tell Me much about its attitude. The response it gave, “yes, Master,” was encouraging to Me. Nevertheless, My desire to own this particular piece of chattel went down hill from that instant on. I had picked it up at the airport. Driving to a restaurant for the initial part of the inspection, I always do the first face to face to face in a public place, I kept glancing at it. Each glance made Me feel more ill at ease. Until, I gave up on the restaurant idea and pulled to the side of the road. Looking it squarely in its eyes, I told it there was no way I want it and that I was taking it back to the airport. Yes, something happened inside of Me. I am not able to describe it other than it was the opposite of ‘love at first sight.’ Yes, it did not take that long to look at a piece of meat and reject it. Yes, I am a sadist. However, I am not sadistic without bounds. I am not attracted to killing or snuff fantasies. Nor, I am interested in severing limbs or causing bodily injury that might require anything but most minimal medical attention. With this ‘piece of meat’ experience I have found a new limit to My sadism. I did not enjoy rejecting it. Actually, I felt a slight tinge of remorse later when thinking about what My behavior. So, it turns out I have psychological bounds as well as physical to My sadism. Any thoughts, even negative, the reader may have on My little incident would be appreciated.    

Lately I feel like a lot of my time is spent being adulty. I could really use some unrestricted time to not have to be doing and thinking and being responsible. I've been thinking a lot about coloring, which is not a typical hobby of mine. I don't age play, I don't have stuffies and binkies and pink sippy cups with glitter unicorns on them. But I find myself wanting the freedom to be less complicated, and maybe coloring is a way to do that. After a very specific search, I found a couple of simple books with bold outlines. They sat in the kitchen for a few days. Today, after a responsibly busy morning of chores, I grabbed a pillow and dropped to the living room floor with a box of crayons. Swinging my feet back and forth in the air as I lay on my stomach, selectively choosing colors and testing them on the side of a page like I was being paid for my efforts, I completed my first picture of a cup of ice cream with sprinkles and cherries. I hummed. I deliberated on the correct shade of pink. I carefully stayed within the lines. It's a perfect picture.  Here's what I noticed... I like being little, doing little things. If someone had stuck a binky in my mouth I'm pretty sure I would have happily sucked on it while swinging my feet and asking for a snack. It turns me on. Weird? I'm not really sure what to think of this. Or maybe I don't need to think anything of it and let it be. But great googlie mooglie, am I a little little? I already know that all those cute little names and specific praise all but set fire to my panties, but little activities? What do I do with this? Who even am I right now? 

I am worth more than the sum of this profile.  I  love dogs, have a smart mouth and take delight in making someone I care for laugh. I am not perfect .I believe in being transparent.

had forgotten i can leave 'journal entries'.   i've been unowned for almost nine years... or so?  i've kinda lost track. That's a long time to be wild. To be a stray. i've kinda settled into being alone.  i'm in no hurry to fall into someones lap again.  i read a lot of profiles here, see a lot of pictures, get a decent amount of messages from people who clearly haven't taken the time to learn about me.  Still makes me shake my head. i wonder sometimes if i belong here... The bulk of Doms here seem to want only a slave... they want to bruise and abuse, and hey, that's fine... for them, and for the people who seek that kind of... treatment. It's NOT for me though.  i don't exist to be treated like that.  i won't, be treated like that. i'm on vanilla dating sites too.  Coz, why not. Tossin that line into multiple ponds in hopes of finding -Him-.  While a lot of my views are vanilla, a lot aren't.  i feel like i don't really belong anywhere... i hope... one day, i will find someone as rare and unique as i am. Who wants to own me, train me, take care of me... bring out the utter best of me so that i can return it all back to Him. May those reading on this Halloween, find lots of treats, and enough tricks to make it interesting.

So many letters asking about the intro quote in my profile. Nope, it's not from a book. I wrote it. For all those who are asking, here's the full version:::   That sweet girl, with the world in her soul, the heart of it on her sleeve, tears like diamonds never shed for the pain of the world felt too sweetly. She holds it all, your dreams, your desires, and the ability to take your darkest fantasies and make them whole. She is strength of spirit, and her soul flies free above you. You can take her to arm, like a falcon coming to roost, but you will never tether this feather of sunlight. Yet, fragile is this creature. As if to say, all your words were glass in delicate hands. One false word, and the glass shatters, shards of bloody pain amidst her fragile fingers. Oh, speak you the truth, that her gentle hands stay soft and her eyes glow for you. Speak you the truth, that the world, your world, not shatter and leave her with glow extinguished. Rather let her fly, admiring the curve of her as she soars, knowing that it is to you she returns, that sweet girl, to let you glimpse the heart of it all deep within falcon green eyes."  by yourgirljoy 2022

to those of you who think that a meeting should be hurried: this is something that you should know about me. I need to have a sense of who I am meeting and the only way I know to do that is to have a lot of conversation and correspondence beforehand. I will not engage in primarily sexual based conversations before establising compatibility and mutual interest. I am much more interested in what's between your ears than what's between your legs.  I have, on occasion, met people off the internet without spending much time chatting with them. Most times it has never led to anything beyond that initial meet. The majority of the people that I do correspond with on here does not lead to a face to face meeting. If it did, consider yourself lucky.  In particular, the need to know the other person is more important than if I was embarking on a vanilla relationship.I don't consider this process 'time-wasted because the search is usually interesting whether it results in a face to face or not. I refused to be hurried in the process. If you cannot articulate with me in an email then the chances are pretty damn high you will not when we are face to face. If any of the above statements seem too trying or unreasonable, I honestly don't care. Just don't contact me.

You come to my apartment with flowers, a bouquet of roses, baby's breath, snapdragons, alstroemeria. I invite you in, and make no apologies for what will happen to you. You are already trembling, skin warm but the sensation like a cool breeze as I circle you, eyeing you up and down.    I give you a glass of water, I ask, "Ready?"   And you answer, "Yes Goddess."   I nod.   I come home.   You are punished. Daily. Thoroughly. A lash for every sin against me or the others. I watch you bleed. I clean your back, smiling at every wince.   Your family doesn't understand, and I rub their noses in it. I punish them, too, for their part in your deceit. They made you monstrous and in need of training from a firm hand. They will never again poison the well. No one will. You are MINE. My influence is the only thing of consequence.    I will lead my horse to drink, and you will swallow every bitter drop.   I want to come home, to let my sludge of a soul slide down your throat, to watch you choke, to watch you squirm.   I want my curse to leave my fingertips, and travel inches instead of miles.   You will suffer and I will seethe and it will be beautiful, because that's all the hope I have left.   You will crawl on your knees, and learn your place on collared lead, you will feel every second of the earth's contact on your broken vessel.   You dare to defy, and I dare to ask you back for recompense.   I spit in your eye, while you pray for more.   Have you forgotten that it was you who made my altar, and it is your blood that I crave - it is you who created this mess.   It was you, it is you, always you.   My throne awaits, and calls for me.  

Seller accepted everything I wanted.. Down to the last details. In underwriting and waiting for a closing date. This limbo has been emotionally draining. I have clients who are sticking by me, wondering if they have one more appt. , or am I leaving. It seems it will be soon, just don't know when.   I have all sorts of emotions.  I'm feeling  so ambivalent  and anxious. I'm stepping so far out of my comfort zone.  I will know noone, will have to learn a whole new area. Grow a circle of new friends, find doctors, dentists, car maintenance, vet, etc etc. I will be setting a cottage for my dad, finding a caretaker for the weekends, and setting up braille lessons for him. There will be much to do, packing, loading moving, unloading unpacking, arranging. On top of this , I'll be going into growing season, which means I will have a lawn on top of landscaping and gardening !  What was I thinking? I'm not 30 😆 I'm  going to miss many of my clients,  they have become special to me.  My friends  too ! The comfort of familiarity and confidence in my knowledge of my area.  I'm a native to my part of the state. I will not miss the politics of the DC area. I've watched it become so contentious and intolerant. I'm so sick of the constant drum beat of pernicious propaganda.             

I wrote a response and I am going to include in journal. Not so,  Words can be read, with the meaning behind them getting lost. Sometimes if not most of the time,  The answers are not on the surface instead they in the layers that are below.    It would be for those that go deeper, poke at the surface to discover what is so close.     I may have used to many words ..  My therapy is in the past, I put a lot of effort into proving what wasn't the answer I was seeking.    It took time, to not think to solve problems, find better solutions and do everything myself while trying to convince others to follow.   The loss was always relationships. I chose to take the relationship path before I met you    I had no idea the journey that followed.    When you say I am looking for someone to solve my problem for me on the contrary.    I try to steer from say things I don't want or not looking for.    I am not looking for someone to want to solve anything on my behalf or be that feel good help save the day desire.     It's hard not to find that behind the mask in a lot of profiles.    I seek a true selfish, Dominant woman that overlooks any interest in knowing what I may or may not want or have opinion.     Someone who expaspects my voice when called upon to speak. Someone who will not ask if it hurts or if I like something.   I am interested in your leadership, if you will treat property as an asset that gives you return on investment and time.  Will you maximize the asset you own and maintain while training to correct imperfections and lack of training before you owned it.    I look to sure see to a life I have only played out in my mind a thousand times. That there is no word no in my vocabulary.  It's prove you right never wrong.  To not ask or seek pleasure making you the focal point of why I exist.   For that is where I find purpose and a reason to be alive.  That is my nature something I tried to change.    I take what is needed from only that is given, all efforts are to improve and comfort and entertain my owner.   I accept it's still a challenge..   Yes if you say I look for someone to solve my problem. If looking for a qualified owner ?  I am seeking that.  My decision to surrender is precise. Your definition of property is precise.  I have only one choice then yes an owner does solve what ever problem may occur.  I am looking not for problems but some one to lead. 

Remote Controlled - Part 2 A fiction story Usually, waking up was a gentle thing in Sally's home. She'd take a few moments to stretch in bed, to wake gently before turning out of bed. This morning though her eyes landed on the evidence of last night. Instead of her crossword book on the nightstand she caught sight of her plug, phone, and wet wipes. No, last night certainly wasn't a dream. She'd been floating high after her online encounter with Jonathan. A shame flooded through her though. She'd fallen asleep instead of cleaning her toys properly. Sighing, the drawbacks of a long-distance dynamic welled up. If she were in a relationship with a dominant in person they'd never have allowed her to fall asleep and be such a lazy slut. Not wanting the near £200 she'd spent on her vibrating toys, Sally threw herself out of bed and set to cleaning up the mess she'd left for herself last night. Running some hot water, and taking her toy cleaning solution from the shelf she set the toys to soak a little in the sink before attending to the nightstand. As she began spraying and cleaning down the nightstand she noticed the texts. 'Aren't you going to thank me?' 'Just because I let you cum, does NOT mean you get to ignore me.' 'When you see this I want you to message me, slut.' Sally's heart slumped. This was exactly what was wrong with online play. Sure the thought of someone she couldn't see was hot and steamy, but the aftermath was disappointing for everyone. Caught in this thought loop she carried on cleaning until her phone buzzed. 'I am very disappointed Sally. When you are next online I would like us to talk.' Sally sighed, she was just as disappointed in herself. He was right of course. He'd done something for her, and what had he gotten from it? Immediately he thoughts shifted gear. Sally had told Jonathan why she didn't enjoy this dynamic. He knew what he was getting into. Why does he get to be disappointed? Why should she feel guilty? She could quite understand her own reactions, and needing to get on with her day, she pushed them aside to finish her cleaning and start her day.It would be a day or two before Sally next saw that Jonathan was online. In that time she'd put some thought into her feelings. Into this disappointment. She had no idea how online could work. 'Jonathan, I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. I told you I hated online' 'Don't worry. I won't take it personally. I have a suggestion for you if you're willing to be open minded again?' Sally's hands lingered over the phone screen for a little while as she considered her response. As she thought her eyes wandered around her room, eventually resting on the toybox she kept. It was a wonderful orgasm. What could it hurt? Sally, tapped the voice call. The ringtone tormented her for longer than she could bare. She could see he was still online, so why was Jonathan taking so long to answer? She could feel herself anticipating the conversation. How would this go? 'Hello Slut.' Jonathan's tone shook Sally. Instinctively she hated being called a slut. It was such a horrid word. She decided to overlook it for now. As much as she hated that word, she wanted even more for people to think well of her. Impressing and making good with Jonathan was more important than a four letter word. 'Hello Jonathan. I am sorry you know.' 'Oh slut, I know you are. Do not worry. I still think you are interesting.' His tone took her by surprise. He sounded...understanding. Calm. As the conversation went on, she did her best to apologise and to explain but he was calm and reasonable. He truly seemed not to be mad about it. His tone comforted her just as much as it made her feel uncomfortable. Eventually though in what seemed to be another effort to put her at ease, Jonathan made her an offer. 'Do you want me to give you a way to make it up to me?' 'Please Jonathan, it would set my mind at rest.' 'Very well. I have an app I would like you to download.' Almost immediately a message flashed on her phone. The link was easy to follow and the app looked legitimate enough. 'What is it?' 'Download it and find out.' Sally downloaded the app and set herself up on it as best she could while they talked. It appeared to allow one person to set rules, tasks, punishments, and rewards. It used a series of points to track things and could be shared between two people. Almost as soon as she was set up a request landed on this app - Jonathan would like to be your partner 'You do not have to accept, but I know you will slut.' Sally was disarmed by the confidence in his voice. Curious and still hoping for another long distance session where she could benefit from her vibrating toys, she clicked accept. The pages of the app seemed to immediately become filled with things. As she tapped through Jonathan began to explain. He could set her some daily tasks that she would need to mark as having completed. There was even a feature where he could request photo proof if she was comfortable with it. The rules was blank for now, but if the app proved useful Jonathan explained that he'd start giving her some rules to follow. The rewards tab contained two very simple rewards. 1. You may cum even if Jonathan denies you permission. (100 points) 2. Request a new toy from Jonathan. (50 points). Jonathan explained that he had found a delivery locker in her town and he could safely send items there without needing her physical address. She could be assured of her safety and not have to hand over sensitive information. Sally couldn't help but smile, he had really thought this through. Continuing on to the final tab, the punishments page had one punishment listed. You will tell Jonathan a name or descriptive word that you do not enjoy being called. Jonathan will use this word to address you for an entire week. 'I can hear over the phone the gasp of breath when I call you slut. I know you don't like it.' Sally couldn't deny it. She hated being called a slut. And then it clicked. He hadn't called her by her name since the night she'd fallen asleep on him. He was punishing her and he wasn't even here. Sally couldn't help but be impressed by his skill. The two talked for a little while longer, with Jonathan asking what toys 'Slut' owned. She reeled off the toys that she owned, taking and sharing some photos along the way. They discussed her limits, the things he enjoyed, the things she enjoyed. Then he announced something. 'If I have captured your intertest enough, I want to ask you to submit to me using this app and your toys. If you agree Slut, you will leave the call open and put in your vibe and buttplug. If you do not agree, then you can end that call

It's Bewildering. So, I'm absolutely bewildered by a certain female submissive that adds me to their friends list, AND adds me to their favourites, but doesn't answer any messages, then deletes the last message without even reading it! Can anyone explain that to me? Is there really that many females on this site that really are a waste of time? I mean why would you do all that if you've no intention of communicating? Does my profile make me look strict and scary? I really am not. I'm a genuine, nice, easy going person who'll chat to anyone. The only time I'm strict and scary is when I'm dealing with a bratty or disobedient sub or slave. Anyway, rant over lol. If any subs do like the sound of my profile please chat to me. You never know I might be just what you're looking for.

  New Year After a brief discussion this morning we have agreed on a few things to try and get the most out of 2023. wearing my daily collar more often (as permitted by job, etc) more butt plugs less underwear more outfits with access when home more use of the belt more opportunities for us to explore with others Happy New Year!

The Matron   Some parts of this story are true and actually took place. Many parts have been added to dramatise a fantasy.   Real names have been changed to protect identity.   After arriving in this country (U.K) in the late 70’s, I found a part time job at a large nursing home in West Sussex.   I had just turned 18 and I was extremely naive due to my upbringing and not at all experience in the matters of opposite sex.   I was employed as a handyman, there were two other handyman there, who were in their late sixties.   After a few months of working there, I got to know most of the staff.    Wendy, who worked in the kitchen, asked me if I could look at the cooker switch as the element was not heating up.   

 COSMlCCUNT