CDdiaper 

Dear maste,daddy,mistress, mommy,Im a french sissy slave 57 on good shape living in Palawan Philippines.Serving  as a sub slave for household duty and sex is my dream.Being dress as a maid for my service ,as an inmate for my punishment as an retardate teen girl for going outI love to be keep on chastity and diaper full time , wear 50s style lingerie, girdles,full cup bra,garter belt, stocking and more.Being keep on chain, shackles,collard for punishment are good for me.Correction and education by flogging, spanking, whipping or more are again normal. Feel free to ask me anything!   Hope you have interest on meCheersSissy Melanie

So, I got a message today because someone was offended by my responce to their message to me...  They felt my profile was too long to bother reading and wanted me to cut to the chase... was I still married.  The opening of my profile explaines that I am a WIDOW!  So, yes, the message ticked me off a bit and they got the full brunt of my anger.  Instead of going back and looking to see why I had called them an idiot, to see what they had missed that made them look so stupid and foolish, they wrote me again, trying to insult me this time, making themselves look dumber still!  Like guys, seriously, it is a special kind of stupid that writes someone who opens their profile saying they are a widow, and asks if they are still married.  Try, just try to send messages that don't totally insult someone if you are attempting to start a relationship that requires massive amounts of trust!  Just spend a minute and read the stupid profile people!

Early Christmas Present - December 23, 2023Horny bi guy came over. And oh my gosh, he was horny as usual. When he first arrived he came through the door and stripped naked for me. I immediately put a collar around his neck, and velcro wrist restraints on his wrists.I recently purchased a larger size ball stretching weight, because the 35 mm did not fit him on previous attempts. Well, we found out the 45 mm did not fit him either. I think part of it was it was cold outside and because he was just arriving and stripping naked first thing, he was still a bit cold, and his balls were sucked up against his body. I'll bet if we had tried again later we might have made it. Instead we put a cock cage on him. It took a few attempts to get the cock cage on his already hardening cock, but soon his cock was caged.I laid back on the couch a bit and beckoned his mouth over to my cock. He immediately dropped to his knees and started sucking on my cock. I wasn't being too forceful immediately, I wanted his throat to acclimate to the feeling of my cock wedged down his throat. But that didn't prevent me from grabbing him by the back of the head and pushing him down on my cock until he was gagging.He wanted another super deep enema. The last time he visited and I gave him a super deep enema it took us nearly 45 minutes, which is common, but he had a lot of cramping and later told me he never wanted to have a deep enema again. But now he was asking for a deep enema again. Against my better judgment we start the procedure.He came into the bathroom and immediately assumed the position. Down on all fours with his ass sticking up in the air. I lube my finger with a bit of Vaseline and slide it up and down the crack of his ass. He moans at my touch. The bathroom sink water is running requesting warm water from the hot water tank in the basement. That takes a few minutes for the warm water to arrive so I continue playing with his ass as we wait. Eventually the warm water arrives and I fill up the old fashioned enema bag as full as I can get it. I asked him again if he's sure he wants a deep enema reminding him how he didn't like it last time. But the need for being used and humiliated overtakes the memory of the agony of the last enema and he forgets that he doesn't want another deep enema. And he tells me to proceed with the deep deep enema.I shove the plastic tube connected to the hose coming from the rubber bag into his tight hole. I push it far in his ass, farther than required, because I know we're going deep. I push down on the bag as it lays on the bathroom countertop, forcing the first burst of warm water into his ass. His ass is reluctant to take the water at first but as I continue to push against the bag eventually the pressure overpowers his bowels and the water starts to flow.Although I thought I had removed all the air from the bag, I hear the gurgle and burp of air as it passes through the tube into his ass. As I continue pushing down on the bag, he begins that familiar moan as I push more and more water into his ass. Much more than necessary, I empty the bag into his ass. He's whimpering in pain and I'm laughing about it. CONTINUE READING AT   www.SirKel.top 

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

Random ficlet: I gleefully stood, naked, and allowed my my hands to be bound together by a man who I knew wanted nothing more than to devour me. I grinned in anticipation as he guided my bound hands above my head and looped to tail of the rope through a chain hanging from the rafters above us. Once the rope was looped through the chain, I noticed him smirk as he pulled the rope tight and my arms were stretched further over my head until I had to rest mostly on the balls of my feet, leaving me in an unsteady stance.   I was so wet that I felt like my slick was dripping down my thighs and my pussy was clenching in anticipation and nervousness. I couldn't help but shift around in my eagerness and groaned as I felt my naked thighs sliding wetly against each each other as my pussy practically drips with want.    My eyes were wide as you faced me and pulled my right leg up to expose my pussy. You clutched your throbbing dick in your hand. I felt you take a moment to rub your cock along my wet slit, I hear you groan when your dick meets the warm and wet folds of my pussy lips. I feel your grip on my thigh tighten right as you slide your dick easily into my wet, slutty hole.   I groaned, and before I even had time to register the intrusion, you were pumping into me, eager to feel more of my slick, clenching hole.   This didn't last long, though, as it wasn't nearly all that you wanted. You pulled out, much to my displeasure, my pussy was throbbing and needed much more. I saw you retrieve the leather belt from your discard pants and knew my ass and thighs were about to be on fire and I shuddered in a combination of trepidation and want.   I watched you loop the belt in half and pull it taught, making the leather snap delightfully. When our eyes met, I watched your face turn predatory when you met my playful and challenging look. I grinned, and hoping to sound more confident than I was in that moment, I looked up at you said "Do not bore me.”   I watched as you shook your head and gave me a sly grin as you casually walked behind me. I heard your shifting movements, so the crack of the belt on my ass didn't come as a surprise, but the intensity was.   Normally I have to coax a man into being comfortable taking what he wants, I habitually challenge Doms, as it's the only way I can get close to what I need. I often end up still feeling like im in charge and having to teach someone to be a Dom.    The cocky challenge to not bore me wasn't needed here. I shrieked and rose up on my toes at the HARD initial strike. Before I even had time to process the pain, you were in front of me and grasping my face in your hand, fingers and thumb digging into my cheeks and forcing me to look up at you.   "I'm going to whip you until you cry, and then I'm going to keep whipping you until you can't hold yourself up anymore and are begging me.."   While you were talking, you forced two fingers into my mouth while holding my face still, clearly making a point. You pushed them in until I gagged and held them there while I tried to keep from dry heaving   "Pleading with me to breed you like a desperate bitch in heat..."  

Getting back on track - had a terrible cough for a few days. Having ginger, honey and lemons and rest lots of rest. During my delerium (due to a possible flu) during some unrestful nights I had thoose dreams again. Me with two sain, sound and working professional men. The dream starts off pretty normal, a meet up in a coffee shop to understand what all parties want and don't want. Me over keen. I must admit my dream fast forwards a little bit which means in reality there will be some challenges, but somehow my mind it forwards to me in bed with two sound men and this clarifys, I would want them to enjoy being with me but if they felt flexible with each other I would clearly be happy to know the relationship as no limits. I honestly recall my dream there were a few positions and a few rotations of who does what where but I recall being very happy. Then I woke up and had to make some more ginger and lemon tea but at least I know my immune system is kicking in :)

He stuck his cock in my mouth, took my head in his hands and began thrusting. I felt a flush go through me, his passion and determination made my cock hard. Having him in the back of my throat made my eyes water. I felt like a slut and loved that he could do that to me. Occasionally his cock came out. As I was instructed whenever I am giving a blow job and his cock leaves my mouth, I am to say one of his favorite phrases, a list of compliments or begs. After he'd showed me he was in charge, he let me savor it in my mouth for a while. I took two to three inches at first and darted my tongue under his shaft as I went up and down. I tried to keep him in my mouth unless he pulled out himself.  

Everyone criticizes CM but I like this site.  I've heard people complain that there are no genuine lifestyle dominants. I've had waaaay more success making real time connections on CM than on any other site.  I've met several awesome lifestyle male dom/sub couples and other female dominants (with a couple that I know personally who are LOCAL non-pro and looking for personal relationships).  These are folks we hang out with regularly who are terrific people in addition to being lifestyle. I also communicate with a small number of non-pro Ladies in other cities. I've also met a few local quality male subs who are genuine submissive gentlemen and who fit my very stringent requirements for distance and fitness level. I've played with a few as well and even when it didn't necessarily become a "relationship" I've maintained a friendship with them and invite them to events or gatherings.  I've even visited a couple of them and stayed in their homes when I was in their area for events such as Tampa's Fetcon. Yes, I have to weed out the morons looking to wank just like anyone. I also communicate with a few out-of-town boys who have cam verified and talk about making a visit to my area. We'll see. So, why is everyone so down on CM?  While I imagine that the experience is very different for a male sub, but is it THAT bad?  Are there other sites that have been so much better for you?  I met my current sub via ALT years ago...which I'm no longer active on, too commercialized.  I met the other boy that I've been training since August 2011 via CM. It DOES happen.  

  I read someone elses journal about how their talk turned from discussion to an interrogation.   Ouch!   I must admit I have interrogated a man or two on this site after:   a strange introduction   a strange assumption   or even just by the male being rude and thinking they still had a chance to strike their luck more like a lucky block encounter.   When someone gives you an "ick" feeling you will gear your armour and steer clear.   I do feel for genuine men who really, want a true connection, some of you men need to blame the creeps who introducted themselves before you and left the females with a need to put on their armour.   There are so many scams so many people ready to take whatever they can from people who are vaulnerable and when your willing to confess your sexual sins on a site, you are without a hesistation vaulnerable.  It can take someone, (well me) a bit of time to brush off a bad encounter (at least a good weekend).  I sadly wish I was paranoid but sadly true crime is showing some high numbers and hiding in the shadows seems to be a way of life for some.   On the brighter side for thoose of us that don't hide in either the shadow and come out during the daylight, if you don't make a connection you can sigh relief you did in fact dodge a bullet and honestly when you finally meet someone genuine your better make an effort if they are willing to let you do all the naughty things you like.   I have had a blissful weekend standing up for others in a professional enviornment and being resilient and looking at some new opportunities in another part of the UK.  I feel like Mary Poppins, I go where I am needed most.  If only Mary Poppins was a passionate black women with a sordid collection of rope and crotchless panties.

For the record, if I haven't said it before, I, myself, am NOT turned on by anyone in pink frilly birthday cake dresses.   If you google "pink lolita dress" images and are wearing anything like any one of those pink ruffled outfits, understand that it actively turns me OFF.  They look like toddler's fancy dreses. As I am not a pedophile, I am not attracted to toddlers.  I am, in fact, kind of repulsed by the idea of ANYONE being attracted to a toddler, and the entire thought process just squicks me out. So, no, not gonna ever wanna dress anyone up in a frilly pink dress like that. Now, if you make it black, with lace, and black fishnets, and don't make the skirt look like some nightmare square dance cloud of tulle, then, perhaps.  If it's properly paired with well done black eyeliner, etc. If you MUST have frills and ruffles, make it a fluffy bustle with a black velvet corset and a black lace shrug that ends in a finger loop Google "sexy goth dress" and wear that.  That is sexy. That is not 'three year old girl' stuff  Be a cat to catch a cat lover Be a goth to catch a goth dancer Be both to catch me Or maybe cosplay Thomas Brown Hewitt in the half mask, but that's a different conversation.  

Yes I'm here almost entirely for reading journals, the rare thoughtful empathetic intellectual exchange, and the rare opportunity to give support and make helpful suggestions to those relatively new, or looking deeper, who seek it and are appreciative of my time invested. Beyond *very* rare exceptions (none in a long time that appealed to me) I'm not here "looking" for relationship or sex or cybersex at all, and not in a long time any appealing online erotic correspondence. I'd update profile to say this more directly, but as others have said, the wait can be really very long before the profile is again approved.  So for above reasons I find myself returning to the website, and to look at this usually hidden part of the human mind and spirit, and and part present human society. For most of what I see, so much unnecessary hate and aggression but I don't need to write much about it here to condemn it..but then the gems, which don't have to be polished gems, just a person opening up, it could be non-BDSM, just writing on profile or journal about dealing with health, or dealing with the loss of life of a spouse..and you get glimpse of a human mind that's not through the usual filters. And on BDSM, or sexually in general,  similarly, being able to read glimpses of candor and the inner psychological world, an uncommon chance to read someone opening up..

Sadly the following gift card scam is the most action I ever see after joining these types of websites for the past decade  I'm happy to know how serious you are to explore this fetish life style. I shall be taking you stage by stage to make sure you understand all about what I'm requesting from you and what you need to know about my lifestyle. Reading your response let me understand more that you are not a novice but you still require some training in this lifestyle.I will be more than happy to train and transform you to the best of your ability to serve dominant. I shall be discussing with you list of my kinks, rules and regulations which are mandatory whenever you meet any dominant.Before that,i have listed below questions i will want to know about you and it is as follow :1) What do you do for a living ? Do you think your work can prevent you in anyway to explore your fetish side.2) Have you any fetish or kink you have always wanted to explore before now .. i like you to share with me if there is any ?3) Do you think you are ready to explore this lifestyle with me on a serious level of commitments, and if you pass your 3 task are you ready to be my collared slave?4) How old are you presently ?5) Do you think you can ever get so deep with fetish activities?6) How can you describe your personality ?7) What could be your hard limitations ?8) When you write me a message try to be more polite to include your initial below your message,that shows some respect.9) Include your picture ?10) Were do you live presently ?11)Hope buying the fetish materials for your training session will not be a problem for you ?12) Once you are ready to serve and train under my command as your dominant master, you should be ready to deactivate your profile from " website " .. Agree or disagree?I hope to read from you soon.Dominantly

Unleash Your Desires Are you ready to explore the depths of your desires? Are you seeking a connection that transcends the ordinary? If so, this message is for you. Introducing an extraordinary chance for a woman who is self-assured and possesses a unique understanding of her own needs. I am looking for a submissive woman who craves a genuine and profound connection. In a lifestyle where a true connection is often elusive, I assure a safe and respectful relationship where your desires can be fully embraced. My foundation is built on trust, communication, and mutual consent. Imagine a relationship where your deepest fantasies can be openly expressed, without judgment or reservation. A sanctuary where your needs are cherished and your desires are honored. I am a compassionate and experienced Alpha, ready to embark on this journey with you. Together, we will explore the boundaries of pleasure and submission, unlocking new levels of intimacy and fulfillment. If you are a strong-willed woman who seeks a safe Dom who embraces your submissive desires, I invite you to contact me. Let us create an extraordinary connection, where trust and exploration intertwine.  Take a leap of faith and discover a world of fulfillment you never thought possible. Contact me today and begin your journey toward a profound connection.

 The power and vibration of a Harley reminds me of my time driving a train. When I would start a "big jack" as we called it, the power of that engine engulfed me. To know I controled all that power was a feeling that took some adjusting to.  I cannot know what the power feels like driving a Harley or anykind of bike for that matter. But I do know the feeling on the back of a bike. The freedom, the wind blowing in my hair. My legs pressed against his legs, my arms around his waist, and my tits pressed against his back. Quite a intimate experience no doubt.     It always amazed me that the bikers would always wave at the trains. This was a universal thing from Az, NM, Colorado,the Black Hills of South Dakota,Wyoming, the midwest of Iowa and even to Minnesota, most of the places I worked in my carreer. Most times they wanted to hear the horn blow to. Just like those of us who want semis to blow their horns going down the road.  I went full out of my comfort zone a few weeks ago and asked a vanilla guy at the gym for a ride on his Harley. It was a Friday. He acted like he was excited by my actions.We exchanged numbers and later that day he asked me where I would want to take a ride to. We agreeded on Tombstone, for the upcoming Wednesday. On Saturday morning I sent a text to him hoping his day was going good. He responded, and so did I. And that was it. I never heard from him again. Naturally he has also avoided being at the gym. And in general just made me disappointed in another vanilla male.   It doesen't stop my craving though. To be on the back of a bike again going down the road! Maybe one day it will happen again...          

Let's get Cosmic Cunt out in the open, shall we? Cosmic -     a.  of or relating to the cosmos, the extraterrestrial vastness, or the universe in contrast to the earth alone.  b.  of, relating to, or concerned with abstract spiritual or metaphysical ideas.   characterized by greatness especaillyin context, intensity or comprehensiveness.     Cunt - the femle genital organs.  Cunny, Cunty, What a beautiful cunt is she!  I've reclaimed the word!  My cunt is lovely!  lol  A Brief History of the C-Word - The Establishment.  The etymology of cunt:  a very delicate monosyllable. Cunt - Old English.  

Your Rage Is Somebody's Business Model   You keep complaining that you're stuck. Ugly, broke, invisible, cursed by genetics and bad luck and women who won't "settle." You've screamed this at length to anyone who will listen, usually right before explaining why nothing about it can change. Here's a question nobody in your feed is going to ask you: who's paying their mortgage off your misery? Think about how a dating app actually makes money. Not from you finding someone and leaving. It makes money from you staying on it — swiping, scrolling, almost-matching, checking back tomorrow. A user who finds a partner and deletes the app is a lost customer. The entire design, the whole dopamine architecture of the thing, is built to keep you engaged, not satisfied. Satisfied people log off. Now look at your podcast feed the same way. Every morning you feed forty-five minutes to a guy with a microphone and a jawline and a "no BS truth-telling" thumbnail. He tells you women are hypergamous liars, the deck is stacked, you were born on hard mode, and there's nothing to be done about looks or the "sexual marketplace" except maybe buy his supplement stack or his $2,000 cohort program that will fix it. You nod along. You feel understood. Then the video ends, nothing in your actual life has moved one inch, and tomorrow you'll be back for the next episode. That's not an accident. That's the retention loop. A guy who gets better stops showing up. He works on his social skills, gets a therapist, stops insulting the people he wants to interact with,  builds a life, and — shock — starts dating. He unsubscribes. He's cured, and cured customers don't renew. So the incentive of anybody monetizing your despair points one direction: keep you engaged enough to need tomorrow's episode, never healed enough to close the app for good. Compare that to an actual doctor, who wants you well and gone, whose whole ethical structure is built around making themselves obsolete to you. None of the guys selling you "alpha mindset" seem to want that. The diagnosis never changes. Only the product line does. This is the same principle as the Emotional Bank Account, run backwards — instead of somebody making deposits into your life, they're renting you a story where you're the permanent victim of a rigged system, and charging a subscription to keep hearing it. You're not paying for solutions. You're paying for permission to stay exactly where you are while feeling smart about it. It's a genuinely brilliant business model, credit where due. Feminism is Cancer, the wall, hypergamy, 80/20 — none of it requires you to do anything except watch, agree, and maybe buy the branded protein powder. Compare that to "go to therapy, work on your listening skills, get comfortable being told no sometimes, build an actual personality outside your grievance" — which is boring, slow, occasionally humiliating, and does not have a thumbnail. You already know what outcome you want, presumably. You just haven't asked whether the people supplying your information also want you to have it. Their KPI isn't your happiness. It's your watch time. If you genuinely want a partner — Dominant, submissive, vanilla, whatever — the first, least sexy, most necessary step is auditing who's been telling you it's impossible, and asking honestly whether that person profits from you believing them.

Wow.. it's been forever since I posted here.  Im not even sure when journaling opened back up.  Last weekend was 1 year since my husband/ex Master passed away.  It's been a journey of refinding myself,  of re discovering independence and my own abilities to take care of "honey do" jobs around the house,  and of learning to put myself first.   I've gone back to favorite recipes I hadn't made in years because he didnt like them,  I've thrown out the foods I never liked but had because he liked them.  I've even learned to install a doggie door and a keyless entry by myself:)   And I've gone through several cycles of being mad and sad,  and mad and sad again.  I didn't like the man he became, but I will always treasure the many years with the man he used to be.  And while it's been a bumpy road,  I like this version of me that has come out of it all.   A me that wouldn't exist without the strength he gave me for years.     Be well wherever your soul rests, Daniels.

I got a very interesting question awhile ago: have you ever tamed  a gifted str8 man? The short answers is yes. Allow me to explain, being well gifted doesn't make you a dom, a top, or a bull; it means that you’ve been blessed with size. However, your interest even if the guy is str8, my favorites, and has all kind of women; the moment he meets a true male, one with the commanding attitude and the capacity to overpower their ego, everything crumbles. The point is, that ipso facto he is not able to sustain eye contact, he knows deep inside that the man in front of him can best him and he is moved and wants to be bested. For some reason his physical  reaction goes to his “gift” but it is just his way of covering the reality that the man in front of him is a man he wants and wouldn't mind serving and giving him all of his being. The one thing I noticed many times is that they remain aroused through the whole event as if showing his newly found bliss through his manhood. They reach for it and tries to wrap it in his hands as if protecting something they already lost. The can go back to their girlfriend and wives but in the back of their minds is the reminder of that one time when they lost their senses and allowed a man, a better man to possess them, to own them, and even when they deny it; they want more and they will get more aggressive  to the surprise of their women but is is because the want to be under that man that for the first time made them feel conquered, complete, realized, and full of life. Yes, I had my fair share of those so called alpha males as they  moan  while I’m entering them; but they will deny it but eventually the call come asking me for a coffee and to talk. 

Year's ago I went to this intriguing open lecture from a historian who published a book about sexual novelty. He described meeting people with what seemed like an unusal fetish but could be linked back to a childhood encounter. I guess my early encounter links back to my childhood, seeing my mother neglected, disatisfied in her one relationship.  She is one of those Christian women, who has been with one man here whole life and put all her hopes and dreams into one man that shattered her expectations of a happy life and marriage. I guess I lived part of her experience, which is why I am extremely independent always pursing a life goal, always helping others. 90% of my life has been helping other people and I honestly can say if I was hit but a bus, my last thought would be I have helped thousands of people. Just self-reflecting I don't think my sexual fantasies are in the BDSM remit.  I think leather is overrated.  Owning a BDSM dungeon is just bad furniture and B&Q rope.  I just like the idea of three people, entering a space and saying fuck what other people think, what do you want to try and what do you enjoy and leave the rest behind. I am sure there will be some who will show judgement and these are always individuals ignoring the cavities of their own life filling up with shit.  Life really is too short and I would rather in my public life carry on as I am and in my private life explore who I am.

On Being Tended To There is a particular kind of vulnerability in being sick that I have never made peace with easily. I am not a woman who softens gracefully under inconvenience. I do not do helpless well. A migraine, specifically, is an affront, the kind of physical mutiny that my body stages without my permission and that I resent with the focused irritation of someone who had other plans for the day and does not appreciate the interruption. What I have made peace with is this: being cared for well, by someone trained to my specific requirements, is its own kind of power. It is not weakness to lie in a darkened room and receive exactly what you need. It is, in fact, the point. I wake with it already behind my left eye, that specific pressure that announces itself before I am fully conscious, before I have had a chance to negotiate or refuse. The light from the curtain gap is already too much. I do not have to say anything. You are already moving. This is what attention produces, real attention, the kind that is trained and deliberate and treats learning me as the serious undertaking it is: you read the quality of my stillness the way a sailor reads weather. You know before I speak. The curtains are drawn the rest of the way before I ask. The room drops into the particular darkness that a migraine demands, not full black but the soft gray of a room that has been told to be quiet. You move through it without turning on lights. I notice this. It matters. The water arrives cold, with the specific glass I prefer, on the nightstand without a sound. My medication beside it, already sorted, already the right ones in the right order without my having to inventory my own suffering aloud. You have learned my protocols the way you learn everything about me: carefully, completely, understanding that the details are not optional and that getting them right is the baseline expectation rather than a performance deserving praise. You adjust the pillow without being asked. I note this too. The house goes silent. Not the silence of absence but the managed silence of someone who has taken on the task of keeping the world at a specific volume so that I do not have to. Inside there is nothing: no television, no movement that is not careful, no presence that asks anything of me. You understand, or you will understand, that tending to me when I am unwell is not about hovering. It is about calibrated invisibility. Being precisely available and precisely absent in exactly the right proportions, which requires more intelligence than most people give it credit for. I am not interested in someone who needs to be seen caring for me. I am interested in someone who simply does it, correctly, without making their effort my problem. You bring a cool cloth without being asked and place it over my eyes with hands that are exactly the right temperature and exactly the right pressure. Not tentative. Tentative is more irritating than bold when I am in pain. You do the thing or you do not. You do not do it halfway and then hover at the edge of the bed waiting to be told you got it right. You already know whether you got it right. If you do not know, you are not ready for this. I sleep for a while. When I surface you are in the chair, not at the bedside, not making your presence into a demand I have to respond to. Simply there, available the way a room is available: quietly, without agenda. The water has been refreshed at some point without my noticing. This pleases me more than you will ever hear me say. By afternoon the worst has passed into the dull aftermath, that wrung-out flatness that follows a bad migraine like a gray tide going out. You bring food without asking whether I want it, because you know that I will refuse food when I should eat and that part of your function is to override my worse instincts with gentle, firm consistency. It is exactly what you know I can manage: nothing that requires effort, nothing with a smell that will undo the fragile progress of the afternoon, presented without ceremony or the implicit pressure of someone waiting to be thanked. I eat. I do not thank you. You do not require it. Later, in the thin early evening light, you sit at the foot of the bed and work your hands over my feet with the focused attention you bring to anything you do for my body, slow and deliberate, the kind of pressure that does not ask anything back. I lie with one arm over my eyes and the understanding that I want from you in these moments is not sympathy and it is not performance. It is competence. It is presence without weight. It is the specific quality of someone who considers this a privilege rather than an inconvenience, who moves through my discomfort with the steadiness of someone who has made my comfort their entire purpose for the day and requires nothing in return. You do not ask how I am feeling every twenty minutes. You do not make small sounds of concern that require me to reassure you. You do not treat my pain as an opportunity to demonstrate how caring you are. You simply handle it, quietly and correctly, and you let me be unwell without making my illness into a performance we are both starring in. This is what I require. Not grand gestures. Not visible sacrifice. The quiet, intelligent, sustained attention of someone who has studied me carefully enough to know what I need before I need to say it, and who finds their satisfaction not in being acknowledged but in the simple fact of having gotten it right. If you can do this, on the days when I am at my least, when there is nothing glamorous or cinematic about what is being asked of you, when the task is simply to be useful and invisible and exactly correct, then you understand something essential about what this life actually is beneath the surface of it. It is not always the collar and the candlelight. Sometimes it is the cool cloth, the right glass, the chair in the corner, the silence held like something precious.   Get that right, and you will have understood something that most never do.

Things I need - i.e.- things you can offer It comes up a lot that subs write me with their list of wants. Usually, they don't bother to ask what I want. Occasionally, there will be a subbie that realizes that in a sea of "gimmie gimmie" they may actually have to offer to GIVE something in return. The brightest of them (very rare) offer before they ask to receive. They look for a way to make themselves useful, to offset the cost of the time they want me to give them. Because let's face it - if I'm spending X hours talking to them, getting to know them, negotiating their interests and limits, prepping for activities, tying/spanking/torturing/disciplining/yada yada,.... that's X hours out of my own life that I'm not getting stuff done around here. While it can be fun to do the doing part, it hardly ever actually happens, so all the time I invest in it was wasted unless they are reciprocating something. In the spirit of making it easy for the hopeful sub with a clue, here's a few things I need done or help doing that would ingratiate them to me. I need basic general housekeeping for my crazy chaotic house- dishes washed, litterboxes scooped, laundry put away, kitchen cleaned and organized... Yes, all of this could be done nude or in a maid's costume if that tickles you. I always need deep tissue therapeutic massage. Non-sexy kind. Neck, shoulders, hips, feet... I do a lot of stuff, and I wear myself out a lot. It hurts. I need someone who is good working on a roof - I need help getting the roof itself painted with a white radiant barrier. (No, that CAN'T be done nude or in a maid's costume. Nothing outside can. We don't involve the neighbors or advertise our kink. You can cross-dress for it, but it has to be appropriate to the task and setting.) I need assistance getting cinderblock pillars built on the edge of my yard, covered in molded cement stones, and the faux wrought iron fence sections installed between them. I need garden and landscape help. I need help figuring out how to lower the temperature upstairs in my sister's part of the house in summer. I could use some help working on my truck. Occasionally I reach the limits of my abilities with it, and finding a decent mechanic is rare. I need to organize my garage and my basement. I need to dig out my basement and move the dirt to a specific I need to finish the drywall in the upstairs bedroom. I plan to renovate my bathroom. Anyone with plumbing experience or skills laying marble tile would be welcome. I always have a project or ten in the works on top of everything else. Feel free to ask about them. Even if you just ask, it shows me that you at least read, and that you are considering the balance of effort. That sets you ahead of 90% of the messages I get. And yes, if you are too far away to come do any of these things in person, but want to have something to offer, I do have an Amazon Wishlist, which I can share with you by request.

Since I have been away for a while, have a writing entry!   There is just something about women’s eyes. The way that you can look down into them and see the arousal. You watch, never losing eye contact, your breath mingling with one another. You watch her eyes squint and then light up when your skin touches hers, the space between your bodies getting smaller. The way the hue hazes over with eagerness and need. The underlining knowledge that she craves it, the roughness, the love, the caring about her, just someone being obsessed with her, even if for those next moments spent together. The furrow in between her pretty eyes when she’s trying to concentrate on listening, the deeper furrow when she’s angry for not being allowed a release, the begging and pleading in the corners of such a beautiful color. A tornado of frustration in the depths of the pupil that send fire to her iris when she’s pinned against the surface below her, the teasing ensues. Her words match the storm you’re staring into, wanting all of the earth shattering pleasure those pretty eyes are about to give you. As her pretty mouth fixes for another vulgar attitude, you see the fireworks on the brim of exploding behind that tornado, her head falling back, eyes squeezed tight, urging the leg shivering to take over her body. Your fingers dance along her body, your mouth cascades her skin as those pretty eyes of hers start to well with the happiest of tears. Picking her head up, you let the sea of waves in her happiness wash over you, never losing eye contact as you use your tongue to clean your mess of a woman with such beautiful eyes.

I want flowers. I want to whip you. I want to stroke your cheek and smile into your eyes. I want respect and awe and understanding and love. I want foot rubs and leg rubs and back rubs and anywhere rubs. I want you to know when to reach out to touch and when to kneel and wait. I want you to want me fiercely, desire me utterly. I want kisses. Little ones, fast ones, fierce ones, thigh-clenching-good kisses. I want you to touch me like you’re trying to memorize the texture and shape of me. I want affection and cuddling. I want you to drop your eyes when I demand and meet my eyes when we talk. I want you to miss me terribly when we’re apart. I want you to know what you mean to me, how I cherish you. I want humor and debate and dialog. I want you to kiss the side of my neck while your hands grip my hips, my back. I want to see you crawl – just for me. I want to look at you in that special way and see you breathe deeply with desire and anticipation of what you know is to come. I want to fuck you, penetrate you, tease you, deny you, please you, torture you. I want You.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

I Don’t Know Where My Poppa Is: A Little Girl’s Song, An Adult Woman’s Pain   "Food & Liquor" by Lupe Fiasco has always hit different for me, but tonight, "He Say She Say" felt like it was speaking straight to my soul. "You see what his problem is He don’t know where his poppa is…" It’s one of those songs where the lyrics carry everything. No extra words needed from me. Just sitting here feeling it deeply—for the child in the story, for the mom trying her best, and how it translates to me as an adult woman with a little girl inside who never went away. Navigating a world where my core family of origin is my biggest enemy and the men I’ve tried to vet and sift through—the ones I hoped would be the real poppa—never came. It left both the adult me and little me saying the same thing: "I don’t know where my poppa is." "You see what my problem is That I don't know where my poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "It's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since I was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that I don't deserve to get used to that" As you read the lyrics and listen to the song, imagine that this is what us women go through—what I go through: "Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when my momma try to provide And I tell her, 'That ain't your job'" This lyric is repeated twice—once from the mom's perspective, saying "When my momma try to provide and I tell her that ain't your job," and once from the son's perspective, saying "When I try to provide and he tells her that ain't your job." For me, the adult me and the little girl—Little Jess—are saying this simultaneously, in one body, clearly, over and over. It’s deep. Like the Lupe Fiasco song I wrote about previously, "The Coolest," the dangers and the stories are all there. And yet, I can’t help but wonder—if men really evaluated what this is like when they pretend to step up and then leave horrendously, do they truly understand what this does? Not just to the adult woman they let down, but to the little girl inside, who they treated as a kind of Pied Piper, leading her into heartbreak. Lupe, thank you for songs like this. "I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave I don't know what you want You want more from me She said to him, "I want you to be a father He's your little boy and you don't even bother Like 'Brother' without the R and he's starting to harbor Cool and food for thought but for you he's a starver" "Starting to use red markers on his work His teacher say they know he's much smarter but he's hurt Used to hand his homework in first Like he was the classroom starter" "Burst to tears, let them know she see us Now he's fighting in class Got a note last week that say he might not pass Ask me if his daddy was sick of us 'Cause you ain't never pick him up" "You see what his problem is He don't know where his poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "He's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since he was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that He don't deserve to get used to that" "Now I ain't asking you for money or to come back to me Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when I try to provide And he say, 'Mommy, that ain't your job'" To be a man, I try to make him understand That I'm his number one fan But it's like he born from the stands You know the world is out to get him So why don't you give him a chance?" I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave Now, now, I don't know what you want You want more from me So he said to him, "I want you to be a father I'm your little boy and you don't even bother Like 'Brother' without the R and I'm starting to harbor Cool and food for thought but for you I'm a starver" "Starting to use red markers on my work My teacher say they know I'm much smarter but I'm hurt I used to hand my homework in first Like I was the classroom starter" "Burst to tears, let them know he see us Now I'm fighting in class Got a note last week that say I might not pass Kids ask me if my daddy is sick of us 'Cause you ain't never pick me up" "You see what my problem is That I don't know where my poppa is No positive male role model To play football and build railroad models" "It's making a hole, you've been digging it 'Cause you ain't been kicking it Since I was old enough to hold bottles Wasn't supposed to get introduced to that I don't deserve to get used to that" "Now I ain't asking you for money or to come back to me Some days it ain't sunny but it ain't so hard Just breaks my heart, when my momma try to provide And I tell her, 'That ain't your job'" "To be a man, she try to make me understand That she my number one fan But it's like you born from the stands You know the world is out to get me Why don't you give me a chance?" It's like, I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave Now, now, I don't know what you want You want more from me I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave I don't know what you want You want more from me I can't, I won't, I can't I won't let you leave" Have you ever connected deeply with a song like this—one that feels like it speaks to both your pain and your strength at the same time? If so, which one, and why?

I read this profile today and think its nearly perfect"   Hello slaves and Masters. Dom is looking for slave who knows that he/she was born to serve. Im looking for slave bois for permanent ownership. I will break you down. I will show you that your place in life is to serve and please me. I will degrade and discipline you. I wont stop until you truly believe you are shit and that you were destined to be mine. I will make you an my own personal property. Im looking for a live in , cleaning ,sex slave, dinner makeing, foot stool,  urinal, cumdumpster,  whipping post, slave  Im looking to humiliate abuse, degrade slaveboy for my pleasure.  Only interested in smooth, submissive, straight acting, slim bois who know that they are made to suffer, serve, obey, please, and commit accept any order from their Master. Absolutely every decision will be taken by Me, what the slave eats, drinks, when, where and how long it sleeps, what to wear should outside activity be granted, no social contact to others. I also do online training so slaves welcome.   Im also looking for disabled slaves and Masters, sissies   My rules are:   The proper way of things. i.e the way it will be   As My slave you have no rights; in fact you have nothing at all. You will take your place in  fully recognizing the truth of My Supremacy, My Superiority and your own lowly status.     You will obey My commands eagerly to the letter without questioning any of them and you will accept My authority and judgment of your servitude. My word is law and My whip is the implement of its enforcement. You will spend all your waking hours learning to exist exclusively for My pleasure, comfort, and glory and that of all masters . You will not allow your mind to wander even for a moment from Me and when it is not occupied in My service you will remember that all you do is at My whim and command. Even the basic privileges for you to eat and sleep, are mine to command.  Do not expect to be cared for in the normally accepted meaning. In My world you will be valued for what you are (a slave) provided your servitude is acceptable. Understand that it will never be perfect in My eyes. You are considered nothing more than an object of My property. You will never forget that you, as a slave, are merely My plaything, a work horse and toy existing only for My service, amusement and pleasure. In your role as My slave I need merely to look after your welfare. You will be kept fit for purpose.   From this moment you will be known as “slave”. If there are, at any times, more than one  slave present you will be known as “slave S” or simply “S”.   All of the following rules which are for guidance in your servitude to your superior will apply from henceforth. I will expect absolute adherence to these rules in every detail. Any failure on your part to follow the rules in every detail will result in punishment administered spontaneously or extended over a period of time determined by me.               Slave Rules          applicable to S, slave of master   RULE 1 I make the rules and can change them and add to them at any time   RULE 2 slave has no entitlement to discuss the rules or question them in any way.       Appearance   RULE 3 Nakedness for a slave is an overt sign that the slave owns nothing. slave will therefore never be permitted clothes in the house unless there are visitors who are unaware of its status and may be embarrassed.   RULE 4 If we have been away from the  home, on return slave will, after any other routine duties, immediately remove its clothes and kneel at my feet to await instructions.   RULE 5 The following (highlighted in red) will be worn at ALL times with the single exception of when passing through airport metal detection equipment.   a stainless steel collar. This will be permanently locked in place.   A thick stainless steel ring around the base of its cock and balls.   a stainless steel chastity device, 24/7/365. This will be locked in place.   stainless steel wrist and ankle cuffs..    Rings piercing Its nipples and penis head.   A chain between its nipple rings.   A heavy steel cock ring-butt plug combination, locked behind its chastity cage. (This will be worn for periods of up to 12 hours for anal training).   slave will be branded with My initial, such branding to be repeated yearly on its birthday.   slave will have its international slave registry number tattooed  at the back of its neck and on its buttocks.   RULE 6 slave will shower, shave its face, head, under arms and pubic area first thing daily.     RULE 7 slave will keep its whole body free from hair using an electric epilator.     BASIC RULES OF RESPECT   RULE 8 slave will treat all  masters as its superiors.   RULE 9 slave will address Me as ‘Master’ and all other  masters as ’Sir’.   RULE 10 In the presence of  masters slave will be on its knees unless carrying something or performing a task which requires it to stand.   RULE 11 slave’s eyes will be always lowered so that it looks only at its superiors’ feet.   RULE 12 slave will remain silent unless spoken to.   RULE 13 slave will never turn its back on a master.   RULE 14 If slave meets a master anywhere in the house whilst carrying out its duties it will immediately kneel, nose on the floor, until He has passed and is out of sight.   RULE 15 If I or any master enters the space where slave is working it will remain kneeling, position 2 until it is ordered to resume its work or carry out some other command or until I leave.     RULE 16 slave will accord all  masters the same respect as it accords Me   RULE 17 slave will obey all commands from  masters as if directed by Me   RULE 18 slave will beg permission to do anything that is not a direct order from me.     RULE 19 slave will

Thought I would do an quick update. I am okay, anxiety is absolutely no joke, I finally got some meds that are helping with that and things are looking up. I started a new job, got my realtors license. I think when I quit my job of 8 years my reality kind of broke so I've been rebuilding a bit.  Thankful I have a daddy that has constantly shown up when I've felt like I wasn't worth the time or patience. I've never really had someone in my life that shows up and doesn't just walk away. I mean my mom and sister but that's not quite the same. when I was falling apart I had so much fear of being abandoned. I'm not sure he totally understood that fear but I am so grateful he didn't make that fear worse.  For now I'm selling houses and trying to build my book of business. 🙃 for someone who didn't want to sell insurance I'm surprised how much I'm loving being a relator and can't wait to see where it takes me ☺️   I hope everyone is doing okay and can take a moment to appreciate the small things in life. 

Warning: This is a long rant...So I got my first really nasty message today regarding my political leanings.  He called me an ugly ignorant cunt among some other choice words that I don't even remember now. Funny thing is I am a cunt but I don't consider myself ugly but, of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  To each his own.  I don't expect to b everyone's cup of tea.  To this coward (he blocked me before I could go off on him lol)  I will say that insults like these tell me more about you than about myself.  The fact that you blocked me tells me you're probably a baby incel living in your mother's basement. This is all well and good when you're in your 20's but beyond that makes you pitiful. You were well over 30 ad clearly need to get fucked. To anyone else out in CS land I will say that you don't need to show me your ignorance by attacking my political beliefs or my physical appearance.  It's pretty fucking clear to anyone with at least one brain cell that this orange imbecile and his band of ass lickers are destroying our democracy in the worst dumpster fire this country has ever seen. We;re a laughingstock of the entire world. And just when you think he can't possibly do anything worse than he's already done he goes and does a few more detrimental things to the American people.  That inclues you ignorant repugnicans! You're worshipping a moron and you can't even see he's fucking with you, too!  Now that's what I call IGNORANT!!! In ending I will say that I'm glad this asshole showed his ass to me today because it gives me a chance to rant.  My final words are if you don't like my politics you need to scroll right because I don't want to know you anyway and it saves me the trouble of asking, unless of  course you're dumb enough to wear your ugly red maga hat in your profile pic. 

Master's WritingsSubmission, as I see itSubmission comes in many forms and on my journey different subs have approached it from different angles. Some see it as service, some as opening themselves up to another, and some even see it as a rejection of the world with it demands and requirements. Over the years, I have trained several submissives to reach greater depth in their submission and I’ve tried to work within their mindset, helping each to reach their potential in a way that is honest, true, and unique.At its core, submission is and should be a genuine reflection of an individual’s inner truth. A sense of their own purpose and way of life they choose to accept. It comes from a place within each submissive that reflaspaspects their own nature, and their most authentic expression of self.The nature of any true “submissive training” should and must be focused on helping the submissive connect with their nature, create the pathways to more fully access their own unique form of submission, and then finally build on that to blend it into their daily life. All the tasks and sexual acts, the “yes Sirs” and downward glances of respect, mean nothing and are worthless self-indulgent Dominant games, if the goal of these acts are not designed to deepen a submissives connection to their own beautiful, natural, and authentic submissive self.Submission is a gift. This single phrase bears repeating, because it is so very true and frequently overlooked - Submission is a gift. When fully developed, submission is a powerful and sometimes spiritually beautiful thing to behold. It is never to be taken, coerced, or forced. It is not for role play or pretend, Of course one could act like a submissive as if putting on a costume, but not with me as their Dominant. I hols submission, true submission in the highest regard. And to pretend to be one only cheapens the gift of those who truly feel its calling.As a Dominant, I see my role as helping others in any way I can on their journey, as their guide, nurturer, and mentor.

A list of kinks/fetish I'm into since I've been asked Bondage, impact play, roleplay, sensory play, power exchange, orgasm control, humiliation, degradation, dirty talk, chastity, CBT (cock and ball torture), foot worship, facesitting, smothering, human furniture, slapping, verbal domination, sissification, pet play, boot worship, ruined orgasms, brat taming, protocol training, objectification, slave tasks, domestic training.pegging aspect

Socrates wrote, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” Another way to look at it is that anyone who thinks they have achieved great wisdom clearly hasn't attained the wisdom to realize how little they still know, and are likely unworthy of the title wise. I love that idea. I think it's capable extending beautifully for the scene. If I ever tell someone they should trust me, rather that show someone who I am and hopefully inspire trust through my every action, I am probably undeserving of trust. If I ever tell someone they should respect me, rather that show someone who I am and hopefully inspire respect through my every action, I am probably undeserving of respect. If I ever claim to be a Master, having mastered myself, my ideas, my tools, it is likely I am simply displaying my deep unawareness of the more than a lifetime's worth to master. Of course, they executed Socrates for what he said about wisdom. So, to all those Masters, who demand trust and respect, who have little cliques who award each other leather. I'm sure you totally deserve all you demand. Hopefully that didn't sound too sarcastic. The British accent makes everything sound that way!

The picture for the following scene deion next week shows the soles of My shoes and a call bell in My hand.   I have just returned from walking on a very popular board walk along puget sound. The only problem with this wonderful stroll is the filth left by dogs on the boards.    People love to walk their dogs where they can also enjoy the vista of sound and mountains. However, people do not love to clean up after their animals.    Now I am home. As anyone can see I have rang the hand bell to call my slave.    Does the reader consider itself a slave? If so, the above view is what it gets when it answers the bell on its knees as it should. Looking up it sees the soles of my shoes.    Tell Me, slave, how does it feel looking up?    Is it hesitant? 

Thoughts on a new 'person' one step removed . Sending messages to new people is fraught with nervousness and trepidation as there is no real way to know how they will be received. A non-reply obviously shows something, but only if the sender knows the message was received to then be ignored. Age, sex, orientation, role, even distance, of both parties, will also give an indication of how it will be read and dealt with, but this can be offset by the BDSM world where some of the more obvious criteria do not apply so ‘strongly’. Asking the question(s) that you really want the answer to, but almost dare not ask or do not ask, does not make life any easier – for both parties. Being submissive or ‘overly’ friendly can lead to misunderstanding when replies are sent. Or lead to further messages to clarify the previous text ‘meanings’. Obviously, this is like real life too, social media is also full, maybe more so, of miscommunications. So, from the perspective of this writer, being: Male, semi Straight, Dom, Creative, of no discernible cult or type (unless being a keen biker counts), older than most, slightly shy and as arrogant as fuck concerning his own Domly skills. Writing a message and sending it out into the ether to land at a stranger’s mail box is still a thought provoking act. Therefore, after drafting a message, editing it, almost sending it before seeing ‘there’ and not ‘their’ so editing it again and then rewriting half of it you press the send key and sit back and try not to wait for the answer. If no answer appears after a week, or a month, then you don’t need to think about it anymore and file it under ‘ah well, that’s a shame’. If a reply appears, especially with witty words ‘linked’ to your (what you hoped were) witty words, then a whole new set of ponderables start to take form as you sit in front of your keyboard about to reply. Was the reply sent because ‘she’ is a polite submissive, because 'she' was a polite human being, liked the style of the message compared to the dross many send, or is ‘she’ actually interested in getting another message? So, message 2: More forward, Certainly. More confident, hopefully. An easy question or three, taken from their profile info to show you have read it, is a good idea. A little more information about ‘Me’ and even more about why the first message was sent – bravery test time. The wait begins again! If a quick reply this is either a good sign with answers and questions of ‘her’ own or a version of ‘Go away, I was polite once don’t push your luck’.If a long pause, then the normal questions nag at your lizard brain again until that ping sounds, and a reply appears – the previous 2 types obviously still apply. If the reply is positive then now it is time to stop pussyfooting around, ask the question, give your reasons why they really should say yes and agree, and, if using a useless forum, like FetLife or the million other internet sites, give them your email or phone number, for text or WhatsApp, for easier chatting. This will either get a happy 'ok' response or the ‘maybe later’ reply, which is not so encouraging, If you reach this point, then it should be fairly plain sailing to send the next message, getting to know them and even meeting or, obviously, putting your foot in your mouth and getting a 'goodbye'. Thoughts over, now just need the 'she' to see this in the hopes it helps with My communications.

I appreciate all showing an interest though I am not looking for any cross dressing or feminization.. I am only looking for a quality male slave that is local living alone or a male slave who can relocate at own expense and ability to get own place close by. Either living alone or another slave can be arranged to be a roommate brother slave sharing financial responsibility in maintaining the dwelling, sharing duties with chores and sharing in serving My needs.  Besides sexual service using your holes is a given. Being trained to take torment and torture, giving Me massages, worshipping My body including rimming and My feet.  When I have gigs, I will expect you to be a grunt, gopher and whatever else I need with the booth or encampment.  Expect to be locked in chastity for periods of time and plug training to open up for fisting.  Though not living under the same roof, I will have full control around the clock, taking deeper into being a completely devoted slave  with little to no limits with full TPE.  Some experience preferred though not required if fully willing to be trained however I want.  A visit within a few months from starting to chat at your expense to get a motel room and present for an inspection.     

Okay. Okay. I need to get some things off of my chest. Now that I have had some conversations, met a few people, I just want to say that I have standards and I would want my Dom to also be a person of standards. What do I mean by that? I make the effort to always be clean, smelling nice, looking pretty, etc. The bare minimum should be that my Dom takes some care of himself. I like when a man has taken the time to get a haircut,I like it when I can smell cologne on your skin, and after 11 years of trying to change a person, I realized that I indeed changed. We didn't want the same things and I got so tired of trying to convince someone to take care of themselveswhen I'm a fucking mess myself. Like, I need, absolutely crave Daddy but I haven't found him yet. If you're serious about something 24/7 and this is not strictly a kink for you, we might have some things in common. I've noticed some red flags one is that the people I was communicating with, they always want to be called Daddy and like, no. You're not my Dom, I don't know you like that, things take time to develop. Also, if you're weird, Do not bother. For example, I'm not into pantyhose and for one person, that was a deal breaker. Good. Keep that shit away from me. I'm trying to find my perfect match on every level. Also, I don't want your money, I have my own. It might not be a lot but I am not interested in any weird financial stuff. I'm trying to get my shit together in the real world. And all I want is Daddy. I don't think anyone understands how fucking primal that urge has become for me. But please don't come on too strong. Give me time. I'm thinking about a normal conversation here, then on text. Then the phone. Then a video call. You see what I'm doing here? Look if things went well maybe I fly out for a fun weekend. I don't know but I'm open.

hooray! My edited profile has been accepted! I didn't see email announcing this, I simply logged today and noticed.  So, the forum is gone. That's too bad: I never got the hang of random chat, and preferred the forums for structured communication with random people around the world. I'm re-learning the system. When viewing folks who've viewed me, I'm uncertain if there's a way to check someone's location on the mobile app without clicking on their profile: I know that I can do it if they have a photo, but I don't think a phone app has a "mouse over"-type feature as the regular website does. I really wish that email would filter for distance the way that member searches do. If I'm not looking for folks over a certain number of miles away from me, why would I want mail from them to show up anywhere other than my Bulk mailbox? Still, with the rumors I've been reading elsewhere about how long it was taking for profiles to get approved, I'm surprised that my account got reinstated so quickly.I took a break from CollarSpace in 2019. If nothing else, this site was good for the occasional coffee date: more likely than not, the person would actually show up. I'm uncertain if things will change, but I'm curious to give it another go.

Master's WritingsWho am I? Master's Writings Who am I? Last week, someone asked me who I was as a Dominant. Of course I could give a quick answer, but I found that I needed and wanted to go deeper. I found I wanted to reconfirm my values and challenge myself to really define why I do this and who I want to be in my role. If I am willing to ask a sub to be genuine in their role, then I can do no less than look deeper and find a better answer? So here goes.... Who am I? As a person, I feel I am knowledgeable, intelligent, fun and outgoing. I have traveled extensively, love exploring food (I’m quite the accomplished cook), movies, music, sports. I’d do anything for my two kids, and I have two golden retrievers, whom I love almost as much as my kids. As a Dominant, I have worked to craft myself as a knowledgeable, caring, always learning and growing Master, who cares deeply about the experience of my submissive(s). In fact, the experience of my sub is very important to me and I put attention and care into each session. As a Dominant, I observe everything, do and say everything for a specific purpose, and believe that the best dynamics are a blend of vanilla and kink. And even though I have 10 years of experience in the lifestyle, I still make mistakes, but I require it of myself to learn from them every time. I believe that truly meaningful play is significantly more mental than physical. It requires a mental connection between individuals that can only come when there is understanding, honesty, trust, and communication. I know that the better I understand my partners, the richer play can become. That is why I prefer to spend time to get to know a person, understand needs, wants desires long before we initiate a scene. My kinks and fetishes are far ranging, some listed on my profile are merely passing interests while others are core to my enjoyment. Together the list is all over the place and I expect that it always will. Life is short, why not try it all? Yet, I know that no one person will perfectly match all my tastes. Please know that I take limits very seriously because I would never force another to participate in anything they held up as a limit. Trust is built upon respect and without respect for limits there can be no trust. Within the lifestyle, I seek so many things (not in any particular order) – experiences, connection, partners, playmates, fun, intensely beautiful moments, relationships that reach a depth the average person die from envy, and so very much more. I have seen Dominants who are just bullies, who use their title as a license to be domineering or worse. This is NOT me. I dominate for a purpose - to inspire, create experiences and help others achieve things they never thought possible and yes for myself as well. I am Dominant because I believe it is my true nature. I felt it from the first moment I assumed the role and have continue to feel that way ever since. Yet even so, I must continue to work to improve and deepen my understanding of myself in the lifestyle, in the role and as a person, so after all this deep dive, I am grateful for that someone who ask me this important question last week. It made me think.

Demons We all have them .Just some are better at hiding them. Or think they are.WE choose what to do with the ones INSIDE us.The ones we see everyday.You can't hide them for long.We learn to deal as we get older and perhaps they go away. O just find a better hiding spot That not just little things make them show there ugly horns.Perhaps Our loved ones help with keeping the triggers away. Who really knows.Till you've tried on the shoes make sure that you can walk in them ESPICALY if there NOT your shoes.The demons in ones head can choke a priest.Med ya say? WHY I say?Groundings oneself can help. Meditation can as well. BUT do the demons ever go away completely?Sure when one is dead and gone maybe.How we deal is what makes US STRONGER.Take my hand and I'll help all I can.Without hurting myself of course .May the goddess and gods guide and help you be at peace within oneself.( By KA) me

I will take this pain into myself Wrap it in ribbons, and give you my self.  Wiping away my own tears,  Facing my own fears Everything you ever wanted The moment I became your biggest regret.  Oh, he doesn't speak anymore, My heart can't take it. You can't move on,  When the mind is wound around him. These wounds they bleed for you, But he's not around anymore to see. So I lick them slowly, Who are you to hurt me? Poison on my lips, These sweet words just slip out, The scorch marks on my tongue Tell you what I'm about. I tried to bleed for you, Tried to shed this skin for you, I'm just asking for some kinda sign, For the stars to align, Or for you to vacate my mind.   I'm not good enough for you, it's true, But goddamn it I'm in love with you. 

SO,YES.I AM TOO MUCH. YOU ARE HERE TO CATER TO MY DESIRES.NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND,ACCEPT IT OR MOVE ON.JUST LET ME KNOW.

MstrB writing from midtown been looking for one decent slave for some time now it will be well trained for a variety of domestic services and hopefully for the slaves sake it is able to learn from its corrections …even better if it already knows exactly what it’s good for!  ...all its further educating will be done with a strap kept very close by.... it will be made to understand it has no rights no privileges no freedom to come or to go without asking for and receiving  express permission  so much in life is correctly forbidden to a slave  and it must be reminded of this consistently if not constantly slave has no secrets no privacy or much time alone and certainly no participation or place in any considerations or discussions about things going to be done with the slave in fact it has no say in much of anything slaves Owner will have full authority over the slave and its affairs and will use that authority very strictly I am understanding of slaves condition I am sympathertic to its plight and always give a slave what it needs but allow very little of what it wants this is both an Owners prerogative over the slave as well as an extension of a kind of parental authority therefore no disrespect or disobedience will be permitted ...ever! MrB   ------------------------------------------------------------------------       I use…and enjoy very much using… real discipline- isolation- humiliation-lots of busy work in the home...all to train a female to a level of acceptable domesticity…sort of housebreaking the slave…teaching both the need for her focused Obedience and the necessity to perform with humility and accuracy whatever is demanded from her chores chores chores…so much to be done….so many things to attend to... upon collaring slaves pussy will be immediately closed for business as her chastity must be clearly established for the oversexed sluts own good...she will have no orgasms until permitted ..her hands fingers etc will be kept from her vaginal area except for purposes of good hygiene and then only under direct supervision...
 rule of thumb...a slave will be fully given what she needs and very very little of what she wants. so I am here seeking full Ownership of such a woman and she would do well to have a real slave personality....certain qualities will be emphasized in her training as more wanted than others...humility for instance...a highly prized quality that can't be stressed enough and that is wholly attractive to see when presented with sincerity …she will be shown how to provide service as the Obedient intelligent servant she was born to be… she will complement my life and basically make things easier for me in whatever way she is called on…as a relationship develops between Owner and slave she will come to appreciate more and more the kinds of support and guidance given to her... she will learn to approach her Owner with nothing less than demonstrable Respect under all circumstances… her training in how to properly submit herself will never really end so her attention will be directed to intellectual things I will insist she consider and think about...adult slave lessons on a cerebral level… she will be stripped, anally plugged and put into a submissive position on her knees or perhaps ordered to freeze on her tiptoes... she will then be closely questioned about these things…her answers are required and truly valued… she must be responsive and forthcoming to all questions about her feelings her moods and her progress in becoming more servile and useful..the point being to make her a better servant and a more responsive slave....these interrogations and her confessions of her feelings will be a ritual she will learn to anticipate and expect …the reasons for them are simple..I want her to be fully aware of her condition in this lifestyle and in my life most of all…she belongs to me as my property and she is subject to my discipline my control my desires and decisions for her… I want her to learn to accept and in the end embrace the benefits she enjoys thanks to me because I do what I think is best for her… I will do whatever needs to be done to turn this woman into the best slave she can possibly be …I am a sexual sadist all my life and knew this when I was about eight or nine though I had no idea of the implications…
I use many forms of personality and behavioral techniques.. real discipline, humiliation, isolation, very tight bondage, sensory dep... whatever I find has the greatest effect on her emotions.. I will happily enforce her Obedience until she learns to respectfully offer it...one way or another I will get what I want from her…she will be trained to domestic service of various kinds...she will be watched closely and fairly judged on how well she performs these tasks and she will be unfailingly punished when she fails to do them as instructed...her good service is a pure reflection of her Respect for her Owner and her place in his life... her Obedience is the essence of her slave self....to be useful in all ways and show that she knows her place at all times is one of her many goals as the slave she is.... and her training will center heavily on perfecting her attitude as she is carrying out the tasks given her ...no matter what the work or activity is, it must be performed with a pleasing attitude...with humility... and if not?...
so many reasons a woman offers to give her a memorable correction…as though a reason were even needed.  I am open for discussion of all issues which will come up and need to be addressed to keep things balanced and harmonious between Owner and slave…she will be safe and protected from as much of the outside world as she wants to not have to deal with... I welcome the amazing emotional connections that come from a successful M/s relationship and take full responsibility for what I do !... not everything can be solved with a strap but for a true slave? nothing else will do……McB  

Oh no Im Blocked So you contact someone after reading their profile. You can see that you don't fit what they seek but hell you contact them anyway.  They chat with you whilst trying to make it clear that you are looking in the wrong place for the help you seek. You then decided to call them names and block them. Maybe you need to look in the mirror as they are not the issue you are. Respect is what you need and just because they seem to be what you want does not mean you are what they want. SoS

The meal The table was laid.  It was an important dinner party, but the table wasn’t overly fussy.  It was going to be a simple meal: the steak already in place on warm plates at either end of the six-seater table, wine in the goblets and terrines of buttered vegetables in the middle.  One plate was set between the other two chairs.  Chairs which stood, side by side, along one of the longer sides of the oblong table.  Next to the plate were two glasses of water, a plate of small cubes of fresh bread and crudites and a dish of oily, dark balsamic dressing.  The lighting came mainly from the open door to the kitchen and the two tall candles on the table. Two women stood, close but not touching, each behind one of the chairs.  They were dressed the same: black heels, black stockings, black suspender belt, but they looked different.  One was significantly taller than the other, and much curvier.  The curvier sub had dark blonde hair which fell in a straight curtain down her back, the other had shiny brown hair which fell in soft curls just past her shoulders.  The brown-haired sub had pubic hair, neatly trimmed very short.  The blonde-haired sub was completely bare.  Both wore a narrow black leather collar around their necks with a metal ring centre front.  And both wore leather cuffs with a similar metal ring around their wrists. Two men entered the room and both women stiffened.  Each one cling their elbows tighter behind their back pulling their shoulders back and pushing their breasts out; nipples already erect from anticipation and from being exposed.  The older man walked towards the blonde haired sub and turned her collar so that the ring was at the back.  He threaded a chain through the ring and attached it to her cuffs; holding her wrists in place behind her waist.  Each man pulled out a chair and motioned for the women to sit. Suctioned to the bare wood of each chair seat was a dildo, glistening with a thin coating of lube.  It wasn’t very long, maybe only 4” but it was a little thicker than a standard dildo.  Both subs placed themselves over the dildos and slowly eased themselves into their chairs.  The blonde sub could feel it slowly stretching and invading her cunt and she felt heat spread up her belly.  She turned to the older man and gave a barely noticeable smile.  The older Dom said “You are not to speak unless spoken to.”  “Yes sir,” replied his sub recognising the smile in his eyes behind his stern words. When both women were seated the two men took a moment to check the state of their sub.  The older Dom placed his hands on his sub’s shoulders.  He gently ran his fingernail down her back.  He heard the intake of breath, saw her breasts rise and felt her rock slightly forward – dildo inside her and clit bumping onto the hard surface of the wooden chair.  He let his hands glide down the swell of her breasts, pinching each nipple between his fingers and using them to lift her heavy breasts; feeling their weight and seeing his sub rock forwards on the seat again.  He gave each nipple a playful, sharp flick and the second Dom said to his sub, “Feed her first.”  Both men sat down and began eating as the brown-haired sub, with her hands still free, turned to the blonde-haired sub and smiled. The meal continued.  The men and women talked normally to each other.  The shorter sub fed the blonde sub bread and vegetables, dipped into the balsamic dressing.  Whenever a small drop fell onto the lip, chin or breast of the blonde sub, she kissed or licked it off.  After a while the blonde sub began to squirm noticeably in her seat. When the next drop fell onto the top of her breast the brown-haired sub leaned forward and grazed her tongue over her nipple before catching the drip.  The blonde sub squirmed again and moaned aloud, the dildo deep in her cunt, her clit swollen from constant bumping and squirming on the seat.  “I told you not to speak sub.  Are you such a slut that you can’t eat a meal at the table without moaning?”  the older Dom spoke sharply but quietly.  “Over the table now.” The blonde sub eased herself off the dildo, ging again as it left her cunt.  She walked, wrists still bound, to the empty edge of the table, opposite the other sub, and leaned her body over it, feet shoulder width apart.  Her Dom could see her slightly gaping, wet cunt.  Without warning he stuck two fingers into it and everyone at the table heard how wet it was.  Removing his fingers, he rubbed her juices over her swollen clit and gave a quiet chuckle at the low moans his sub made.  “I think she needs more tonight,” he said to the younger Dom.  From out of his pocket he took a metal butt plug with a flared base.  The blonde sub could see that it was her medium sized one; the one she had been wearing recently for periods of time outside the house.  Her Dom applied a little lube and then she felt it pushing gently but insistently against her arsehole.  As she felt her arse open and suck the metal bulb in, her Dom grabbed her hair, turned her face towards the other Dom and delivered six sharp smacks to her arse.  She felt the heavy metal plug jolt inside her and she closed her eyes and moaned with arousal and embarrassment.  After the sixth smack he pulled her upright by her hair and delivered another six slaps to her breasts, three on each.  She felt them bounce and her hard nipples screamed in pain, making her g and cry out.  “Sit back down and finish your meal,” her Dom said. On wobbly legs, she returned to her seat.  As she lowered herself back onto the dildo she felt an exquisite fullness as the dildo rubbed past the plug in her arse.  The brown-haired sub had been eating but, at a motion from her Dom, she began to lick and suck the blonde-haired sub’s sore, engorged nipples.  The sensation was arousing and soothing but, desperate to make no sound, the blonde-haired sub closed her eyes and tilted her head back.  Focused on allowing the soothing attention.  She didn’t notice that she was already rocking her clit against the wooden chair seat again, but the two men did… Mar 28, 2020

Sadly most who have contacted me on here want so much more than I wantI want a real relationship with lots of tender vanilla timeBut this is sex. Just this. Mid week is jacking off on my healing tits or titty fucking meVery rarely do we have penetrative sex. I seek an equal partner in my vanilla life. I'm strong and independen.  I just need to be degraded like this and used as titty cum rag

When fantasy meets reality, some men find themselves lost in the space between what they imagine and what truly exists. In a world filled with movies, games, social media, and idealized images, it becomes easy to mistake fantasy for attainable truth. They may chase unrealistic versions of women, power, or status, forgetting that real life is imperfect, complex, and grounded in responsibility. When the line between fantasy and reality fades , disappointment, frustration, and confusion often follow. Learning to see life as it is—not as we wish it to be—takes maturity and self-awareness. True strength lies in facing reality head-on, appreciating genuine experiences over illusions, and building a life that is real, not imagined. Men...you need to do better.       

How Manipulation Begins I had begun conversing with a gent a few days ago. He asked me how my night was or some conversation starter.  I dont typically respond to  emails with no photos, but thought I'd take a chance (in other words, I thought it was safe to let my guard down.)  It was midnight and I was getting  ready for bed.  He stated he wanted to continue chatting , at a later date.  I sent him my Google number if he wanted to text freely.  🚩I didn't receive a goodnight text, which automatically let me know he's a ghost. He's clearly scamming or cheating.   In his response, he states wants to get to know me.  However, he wants to "spoon til morning--that's creating s false sense of intimacy. This is why you need to pay attention, regardless of gender.    His follow-up was just as manipulative.   He didnt apologize for sending mixed signals,  nor did he take responsibility for the confusion.    Be Safe Out There!   I was not ignoring you my dear beautiful Miss, I was search for my archives of pictures so I could share another one with you. Thank you for your number I hope you don’t mind but given the vulnerability I feel in sharing pictures can we keep the correspondence here until and longer friendship is formed. I hope you don’t mind this. And of course I was always going to say goodnight sweet Miss. How much I would love to change now into something satiny and spoon you till morning  

Personal growth is the evolution of the mind to catch up with our soul. It comes in stages. For some it takes a while for others it's their daily obligation to themselves. One must sit back each evening after the sun has set and before the stars have risen. Take advantage of this purgatory moment in the heavens to lose oneself inside their being. Drift through the thoughts of the day gone by and squarely face it for all it was as we search for the answers of what it could be. Inspect ourselves for the quality we expect and demand of ourselves. Find errors in our ways and vow to be more mindful of tomorrow. For tomorrow is only a day away.  And hence the process proceeds as the journey continues.  Never ending, never arriving at our destination but always traveling.  Being mindful of the journey and appreciating the ability we have to be able to travel. Sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of others. At times even in the company of others but alone and lost within ourselves. Yet always traveling. The road blocks we encounter may sometimes lead us astray but never stopping us unless we allow them.  It is not only our obligation to meet them head on but to also overcome them with speed and efficiency. If not for us for the others in our lives. So take the moments when you can. Lose yourself and search your very depths and face your humanity as often as possible. Find the strength to look at yourself flaws and all and the courage to admit your weaknesses. Mistakes are just flaws not repaired.  Just like a pencil has an eraser to clean an error, let acknowledgement be yours.

I just bought some new tangerine colored panties and thought about going to the ABS, so I went home to change into some pretty underthings. i then went to my go-to ABS wearing a shear white button down cover-up, a white bandeau bra and my new tangerine colored panties under my pants. i bought my tokens, and as i walked to the back room, i unbuttoned my cover-up leaving my bra exposed. I sat down in the booth and it wasn’t long before I was sucking on a nice cock. After I finished off the second cock, a guy came into my booth waving me outside of my booth and into another booth. i walked in - a guy was stroking his Big Black Cock. It was the biggest cock i have ever saw, i mean it was massive! He pointed to my crotch and I lowered my jeans showing him my panties. He pointed again, and i lowered my panties showing him my little clitty. He stood up and pulled my clitty next to his cock. It was extremely humiliating to see my little white clitty next to his massive black cock. He put his arm on my shoulder directing me down to a stooping position, right in front of his cock. At first, it was all i could do just to get the head of his cock in my mouth, slowly i was able to get further down his shaft. After a while, he start to moan and thrusting his cock forward into my mouth. Shortly after that, he started to cum. After he filled my mouth with cum, he pulled out and his cum was still dripping out of his cock. He pulled up his pants and left.                

Woo-hoo approved.  I kept it fairly safe cause I've heard of so many others having issues. As stated I was around when it was collarme.  Probably 2005 until it went poof.  So thrilled to see this new site. I did in fact meet quite a few men from that site over the years.  Some were one offs.  Some were play partners for a while.  Some we just weren't as compatible in person.   I do my best to avoid the latter issue by getting to know someone enough prior to meeting.  Ensuring our wants and needs are both going to be met and that expectations are realistic.  If someone cannot engage my mind prior to meeting I already know that won't happen magically just because we do meet.   I am genuinely a kind person.  I can come across bitchy because of my writing style and bluntness.  I also do not have much patience for those who will not read and are here due to boredom or for me to entertain them via writing and pics.  I am looking for real time meets.  That is all. I do lean submissive.  I love being used.  I am not an idiot or a brainless child.  I am a slut first who also happens to be submissive. If "training" is in your repertoire move on.  That's a game I'm not into.  I'm also not into submissive men or switches.   I am simply not attracted to them. I want people to reach out but please be interested in real time and local.  If men would respect what women want I think both our experiences on this site would be so much better.   I will post more and get into the good stuff.  Take care for now!

  I just reread my last journal and have to laugh, thinking I wrote that less than 3 weeks ago, with no fucking idea what was coming.  Shit does indeed happen.  So to be clear, this has absolutely no connection to my previous hospital stay.  But a week after I got out and wrote my previous journal entry, I felt some tenderness in my neck, and upon feeling around, I felt a lump.  So I went to the VA hospital emergency room, and one cat scan, scope down my throat, pet scan and biopsy later, I have cancer.  A really bad kind of cancer.  Head and neck squamous cell carcinoma.  I still haven't discussed treatment options and my chances of survivng this with my doctors, but I've done extensive reading online.  I've read medical journals, results of clinical trials, and it looks like a horror story.  The treatment is invasive, horribly painful, destructive, and the cancer keeps coming back.  Often within months.  My chances of surviving 5 years are 50%, and my quality of life for those 5 years isn't going to be wonderful.   And suddenly, BDSM, being a slave, my wants and needs, all seem a lot less important.  Like not at all.  What seems important is not wanting to face this alone.  Oh, I have lots of friends.  But no family within 2000 miles.  I live alone. What I need now, is a friend, a care giver.  Someone who is willing to relocate and be here 24 7 and help me get through this.  What do you get out of this?  Free room and board, and the VA will pay you a caregiver stipend.  And I live in a nice house in a nice area.  If I don't make it, I will make sure you receive a final bonus in my will.  If I do, we can discuss that.  All of this is negotiable.  I want this to be a woman into BDSM even though there wont be any BDSM happening because of my health because I at least want to be able to be open about who I am and have her be a kindred soul.  And if I don't make it, I need her to sanitize the house so my kids don't find anything to let them know I was into this.  Contact me if you are interested.  I will require a full background check.  Some medical background would be nice, but not necessary.  I will expect you to get CPR and first aid certified if you are not already.  If you are interested, let's talk  

In a galaxy far, far away, Where aliens come out to play, They landed on our planet green, The funniest beings ever seen!   Their heads were shaped like flying saucers, With eyes as big as water courses, Their skin, a shade of vibrant blue, Looking like they just stepped out of a zoo!   They had antennas on their heads, Glowing neon in bright shades of red, Their language was a mix of beeps and whirs, Making us laugh, and our ears go berserk!   They danced in a style quite bizarre, Wiggling their bodies in an alien spa, Their moves were funky and oh so wild, Doing the moonwalk with an extra-terrestrial style!   They tried to imitate our human ways, Wearing clothes in mismatched craze, But their fashion sense was out of this world, With belts made of cheese, and hats, unfurled!   Oh, those aliens, they were quite a sight, Bringing laughter and joy, day and night, They taught us to embrace the strange, And how to giggle, even in the grimmest of days.   So remember, when you think of space, And those quirky creatures you may chase, Aliens are friends, just a little bizarre, Our cosmic pals, from a distant star!

i'm always in a very weird place in my spaces on earth. in every sense of the word i'm 'in the worlds but not of it'.   when i connect with my mermaid and water being feminine people and try to befriend them and socialize, i'm often come across man hating retroic. men ain't shit. kill men. a mermaid would never be with a man. if you are wanting to be married by a man something is wrong with you. a mermaid is never meant to be tamed. brimstone and fire.   probably partly because of my virgo rising and partly because of my priestess nature i can't relate. in my heart of hearts how i approach romantic and sexual framework with men is  in a perfect world a sacred slavery mentality. honor, worship, respect, reverence, and deep feminine care and caressing and holding is how my dream is in my heart and my mind. in a perfect world i am always claimed by the mother ocean, but she is holding place and will hold my hand off in divine union and marriage to my master husband. this mermaid knows in a perfect world in my heart of hearts the divine masculine which would in a perfect world translate to a man in real life on earth in the flesh owns me heart, mind, body and soul. and it tends to express that most men that have attempted to date me tend to be on a soulmate level, some things die hard and my soul is built for a deeper cosmic way of loving and fucking than what most superficial people see.    in a alternative space group i saw a whack ass man proudly show his bdsm tools like a big inflated ego boy in a group that is clearly not just 18+  probably wanting some ego stroking saying just had a good session. it got lots of comments. i'm sure some womens panties were fulfilled by that. i looked at it as true goddess of devotion on a deeper moment. session? how does that translate to your world. your life. you packed it up and you closed it out. what about your next breath, your next step, your next hand hold, your next eye stare..the next intent of the energy you speak to her. how does your session carry out in your 24/7 lifestyle of devotion servitude mastery and slavery? dominance and submission? you can only hold it for  a session that is good and requiring or preferring some tools to achieve that ecstatic level of pleasure and absolute sinking into each other. that's cute. but what about the end goal, complete devotion and union. or is it just for a quick dopamine run and back to being vanilla lower cylinder working engagements between each other and life goes on. because if not we all know while in a perfect world it would include financial, cohabitating, family future planning generational security stability community elevating discussions between both parties as a power couple of house if it's multiple people involved......it doesn't have to be and can go on without cohabitating, without the legal contract change...though i still don't understand why most men want to own women but don't have the balls to legally take her as property and change her name to seal the full deal. so many come across, i haven't thought about that, there are ways of doing it without getting the law involved, we don't need the governmental intuition we have to operate under to know she's my property as long as it's in our hearts it's ok...always comes off as a cop out to me. but i know everyone is built different. tools can be fun but it's just like yoga, in the west anasa is so popular because we don't know how to get still inside to get to the real higher work of the various limbs of study and practice. and still doesn't have to be sitting, meditation is also dance movement and action. it's a stillness in the mind.   some of my dark goddess sisters both of the sophia original source encoded soul that are different copies of my own self....or others with a different original divine feminine soul encoded on them(sophia isn't the only form of the divine feminine, it's just WHO i am...so what MY mission is...MY journey..MY teachings...and my lived path to walk) continue the man hate. men deserve to die. nwords ain't shit. fuck a guy. i hate men.   i can't relate.   i've never had a man in real life protect, provide, or care for me. i've been in clubs by myself and have drunk men try to hug me, touch my arms, rub  up on my breasts and inappropriate get in my space. i've had to push men off  one, two, three, four times very visibly public. i've had to say loudly no, more than once. no bouncer at the clubs come. none of the men in the vicinity that can hear me(my voice is loud and piercings and energetic and many a person has said i talk too loud naturally) and they don't break from their girlfriends, wives, friend groups to come over and say stop bro. or to say are you okay? or is everything alright. they stay on the sidelines watching as i the dark goddess have to rise to protect myself.   i've dated men who see when i'm out and about other men try to approach me that i'm uncomfortable with and they've laughed it off, making me rise to the challenge to assert myself i'm with a guy and even if i wasn't this invasion of space is inappropriate.    i've been through so many daddies that want to inappropriately harness my overtly sexual little girl with no promise of provision, protection, guidance, care, and structure that the daddy dominant is supposed to provide. i've had them break me so much i've wanted to die when that carrot stick of the ultimate romantic mix of nurturing and strength and slightly sinister love gets taken away.   i've been assaulted in that way and when i told the man i was dating at the time, instead of being a righteous archangel michael divine masculine encoded self asked what was i wearing, what was i doing maybe i did something to provoke it. when i go through the questions and ask for them to come over to hug me, to reset my body my nervous system, to heal me from what their brother did and get myself reacclimated to what i have always known in my heart of hearts to be what the real masculine the true masculine is..i was rejected but he loved me.   and on and on...i have every experience to join the men ain't shit nword ain't shit kill men.....and i'm just not wired that way.   even recognizing the world isn't perfect, and that i wasn't born to be on the regular track where men in reality come to my rescue, show up for me, open the doors for me, hold me, watch me, make sure i'm okay, provide the stability, structure, care and support of just a regular vanilla way or an elevated power dynamic way....i don't' waver from the mission of 5d.. a higher cosmic love and union..i don't waver from the truth i've been seen.   there's the sauce of real life...and then there's the truth of what is beyond in the ethers.   and in the eithers.....i'm so divinely cared for and protected, cherished and loved. while the men in reality cannot hold the energetics of the transformative fiery goddess i am that will require them to constantly level up, to grow, to face their fears, be called out on their mistakes, be pushed to elevate, grow, emotionally stretch, touch feelings they could hide and side step from everyone else, and to always be tracked and seen energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.....the divine form is always here.   and so while it's not a perfect world, i am incapable of losing the respect, the reverence, the worship, the care, the holding, the deep sense of devotion to the man in spirit. i don't have to receive a gift on a date,  i don't have to be asked out on a physical date, i don't have to have the door held open, i don't have have dinner paid for me, i don't have to receive an engagement ring, i don't have to re

Just a quick amused note here. I have a 'no Drump supporters, past or present' on my profile for a reason. I also have no smokers, no addicts, no cheaters, etc. The only group that feels it's important to send me hate filled messages are the Trumpers. Kinda confirms my views of you I've never met anyone from that side of things that wasn't hiding deep violent hate, or wasn't lacking the intellect to see the problems that are right there. It's not about him. It's about who you are that lets you be ok with him So yeah, send me threats and insults. Helps me sift out and block you faster.

My profile text as of 15 yerars ago. It was much too long.   I am a submissive TV with small bones for a male, a slim waist line and slender, fine features - very full brown hair down to shoulder length (as you can see) - very passable and used to living in female clothes - quite fit and great endurance, but below average brute-strength abilities for genetic male. I am generally submissive to those I admire, respect and/or fear, and eager to please them - have also been told repeatedly throughout life that I am abnormally humble and gentle for a genetic male. I'm quite adept at various stereotypically feminine pursuits such as cooking, sewing, house cleaning, laundry, ironing, clothes maintenance and gardening. I have some experience (though not abundant) serving life-style/non-pro Dommes and Dom/me couples, though not for longer than a week at a time. Acknowledging that the specific individuals are more important than the particular concept, I could see myself as open to and being happy in a number of possibilities, depending upon the details:   - a more mild monogamous long-term relationship with a dominant woman. It would probably be best, if You leaned toward the sensual domme end of the spectrum.- full-time enslavement to a Domme or lesbian dominant couple: Although I would hopefully provide You with the basic emotional and domestic support that You seek in a long-term TPE relationship, I recognize that You may have cravings for a manly man (or men!), and would try my best not to show the jealousy I would no doubt feel to some extent, should You decide to satisfy these cravings.   Regardless of the particular concept, it would be desirable, if You were enthusiastic about strict feminization and enforced chastity of the trans submissive.A situation involving old-school domesticity and self-sufficiency will be a distinct plus, and, in this case, I will be quite happy to carry the domestic bulk of that burden in the relationship; I just don't want to serve someone who'll insist that I buy processed packaged foods only, for instance.     Thank You for Your time!  

I DO NOT AND WILL NOT GIVE MASTERS ANY SORT OF FINANCIAL DOMINATION. Had a really bad experience with a Dom who asked me for money every week, even though I told her I was getting screwed over by an airline that owed me money. If you want me to give you control over my finances please look for someone else who has that kind of stability to support you.    

Another ridiculous story you just can't make up, this really happened last night. So. Like most people, I drive to and from work five days a week. I take the same route. I'm not great with directions so while I know a few other ways to get there in theory, I stick with this one way. I had made plans to go out with a colleague friend last night and we were going to meet back at work where she would pick me up and she would do the driving. Perfect. I get back to work, we go out, have a great time, she drops me off at my car at 11:45. I head home the usual way, it should take about a half hour. Only there's construction and an accident and it's jammed beyond belief. So I follow a couple of cars who got off, thinking eh, I'll pick up another road I'm familiar with. And I do. I know this road goes out in my direction so I can start there and find a cross street along the way. So I'm driving. And I'm driving. And it's now well past the thirty minute mark, I don't recognize anything, there are no lights on the road, and I have no cell service to pull up a map. But alright, I have half a tank of gas and I can figure this out. And I keep driving. For over an hour. I get to a road that I know leads me home. But which way? I make a choice and fully commit, because another half hour goes by and I still have no idea where I am, still no lights, still no cell service. I see deer and can confirm the saying about deer in headlights freezing up is accurate. Eventually I realized I made the wrong directional choice and turned around, find my way home. At 1:57. When I say I am directionally challenged, clearly I'm not kidding. 

Ok, I have an idea. There is still many kinks in it but here is the basic idea. I think that minimum wage should be 15.00 an hour, at 40 hours per week that is 600 per week, at 52 weeks in a year that is 31,200 a year. Ok so now lets say that every person who is retired and not making that amount, well they should have their retirement increased to that. After all that is the cost to live according to the left. Same for any ADULT on disability. I will explain later why I said ADULT. Now for those who are working but not getting 40 hours a week or 15.00 an hour..ok we will subsidize their income with cash or food stamps or any combination of the two. HOWEVER, they must work some how for the government to get it. They can pick up trash, help paint lines on the side walks, work in places that are short handed because well the government really cannot afford to hire more people.. but if people that were already getting money from the government for doing nothing could fill in that would be awesome right??? We all get health care, not driven by insurance companies or by drug companies or by medical supply companies but by Drs alone. There is a set amount the goverment will pay for each drug, or test and no more. That stops what is going on now where drug companies can hike the price for no reason. Oh, in the health care, that needs to include dental, vision, mental health outside of the hospital, physical therapy, any thing else like chiropractor as well, all of that should be included. Want to have 4 kids, sure, but you do not get any more money for having them. Just your 600 per week that is it. You still have to work, do not worry about day care, that will be covered by the government. How you say, easy, that is one of the jobs those who do not have jobs can do. 24 hour day care so people can work jobs any time day or night and have child care. Now you are wondering why I did not include children on the disability, well personally the parents should not get a pay check just because their child was born with a disability. HOWEVER before you all go off pissed off, the child should get all medical care needed, things like wheel chairs, teachers and all of that, but more money for food or clothes and the likes, nope that is no different then any other kid. Ohh and just to let you know.. I have a sister who was born with Downs, my parents never got money for her. Now she is an adult, so now she should get the same standard of living that the rest of us should have. Ohhh I forgot the most important thing. Since this 600 per week is what I think is needed to live off of, then anyone making under 600 a week should have to pay any form of income tax, no federal, no state and no local.

I want to thank those who have reached out. I appreciate you.  If I haven't answered your message, most likely it's because you used limited words, such as "Hi, how are you?" or something equally short. I don't consider this a conversation or reason to start a more extended conversation with you.  The other reason I've either not responded or sent you my well wishes regarding your search is where you are located. I am clear that I am looking for someone local. I expect to meet with you face-to-face at a local munch (to me) and in person. (Face-to-face and in-person are the keywords.) This isn't easy if you are not local to the Bay Area.  Service to me cannot be attended to if you are not local.  If you want to meet with me, you must travel to the Bay Area, have a place to stay and transport yourself at your own expense. You should plan on attending a local munch I attend.  I'm not going to meet privately with you, and I'm not going to call you. 

Breakbot, Playful Vibes, and Devotion: A Synergy of Sound and Connection     this is a simple share about a song that i added to my the synergy playlist. the synergy playlist(which i'm proud of how youtube music amalgamized the cover artwork because it showcases each side so well in a way i wasn't trying to, spirit just said "yup! i see you girlllllllllllllllllllllllll. here ya go.") is songs that i like/find/curate that i see within the eyes between the daddy and the little girl. these include hypersexual songs, emotionally intimate songs, playful songs, wild songs, songs that talk about power dynamics, songs that have a sense of devotion and worship, songs that talk about preciousness and strength, songs that talk about fixation and painful growth where two people stay and shoot to the moon together in transformation and more. this one is also under the playful daddy playlist. that playlist is about how a man who is a dominant daddy likes to be surrounded by, encourage, indulge, and reveal in a whimsical childlike nature of their partner more than a regular man would. And that playful nature has the classic mr. rogers, steve irwin, and reading rainbow vibe that a lot of men are not into either naturally or are afraid and hide and shut that part out of them. it goes in both because breakbot often uses vocodors to transform the voice into something more playful and goofy and whacky than normal. but the way the lyrics are, it's less about playful..the lyrics are more how the devotion, awe, and wonder are..with a smudge of the playful daddy vibes. there's nothing to decode here..just listen, jam, and put your arms around your babygirl and jam..or be silly as fuck and dance like goofy animals and windshield wiper and flail around like you are on fire or like there are ants in your pants! do the funny dance! Tonight Has just begunCome onLets have some funGirlI like the way you danceTonightJust give me a chance Don't wanna be without you babyJust wanna feel your arms around meI wanna see you going crazyI just wanna feel your sexy body Your eyesShine like the stars aboveAlrightIt's time for loveGirl, girlPlease let me be the oneTonightI want to make you mine Don't wanna be without you babyJust wanna feel your arms around meI wanna see you going crazyI just wanna feel your sexy body Don't wanna be without you babyJust wanna feel your arms around meDon't wanna be without you babyJust wanna feel your arms around me Don't wanna be without you babyJust wanna feel your arms around meI wanna see you going crazyI just wanna feel your sexy body what’s a song that makes you feel playful, loved, or completely free to dance like no one’s watching? i’d love to hear your favorites! ================== Your post is incredibly heartfelt and vibrant! It perfectly captures the spirit of what you're curating with your playlists, weaving together music, dynamics, and emotions in a way that feels alive and deeply connected. Here's the core of what makes this post shine: