Compelled  compelled to Dominate Men. No matter how much she tried, no matter what she wore, her mirror, overwhelmed her with Dominant Femininity. An aura of command perfumed the atmosphere. Exotic, clinging, rising upwards from her hips. Intoxicating any man foolish enough to look in her direction.   With greater frequency and intensity the Dominant Cravings filled her heart with glee.   Experience taught her that the less she cared about her object of submission, the greater her excitement and consequently her satisfaction.   By encasing the object in a leather or rubber hood, it became a flesh and blood pleasure unit. A thing to torture. A quivering, drooling, grunting and sweating thing. She panted with laughter at the thought of her wicked ideas becoming reality.   She had but to dial the phone to summon a pleasure unit. Satisfying to be sure, however, not nearly as much fun as putting a vanilla subject under her heel.  

2026 - What will you bring? It is a while since I developed a contact here into a rewarding encounter or relationship. But as you can see I am still here. Why, you may well ask? Why suffer the frustration? Well, simply because I know how good it can be.....when the connection is there. I have been extremely lucky a handful of times in my life, with special ladies - I cherish the memories of every one. A couple are no longer with us, a couple wanted more than I could give at the time and others just ran their course, parting as friends rather than partners. So I know!!! In late 2025, I encountered a soul that brought out the Dom in me, the best of me. If you like,  she awakened the beast within or the dark passenger I carry. It was not perfect. I misjudged an early element. She is hesitant to make any "move" or say anything - waiting for the Dom ( ie me ) to orchestrate everything. I prefer and am used to a more balanced partnership, but neither could deny the primal connection. During 2026 I tried to recover from my early faux pas and build a stronger bond. I knew and understood that she really wanted a full-time, 24/7/365 relationship, but hoped we could find a middle ground. While she stayed resistant to my charms and I harboured hopes, I could cope with the ambiguity - but that was lost in early December. I am not the jealous sort, but I don't share well - just the way I am. She has now visited and stayed with another single Dom at least twice, so backed off. I miss her. I miss our interaction. But I respect her choice. Submission is a gift that she holds in her hands until she trusts it to another. It is something I would treasure, but it is not something I could or would demand. I wish her will and hope that I may find another muse in 2026. Recently most interest in my profile has come from submissive men. I am not sure why, other than the number of men on this site? I don't judge, but it is not my thing. The interaction does not reach that beast within.  

Hey the journal function is finally fixed!! Time to write a story about one of my (our) experiences: I shut the car door and wave goodbye to my husband, P. He blows me a kiss and pulls away. I wait until he's turned the corner and out of sight until I begin to walk up my master's driveway. It's a short walk, the house set back from the street but my path leads me into the open garage. Once past the threshold, I press the button to shut the garage door behind me. As it trundles on its tracks, I grab my sweater and pull it over my head in one quick motion. I won't need it again this weekend. My shoes, jeans, panties and socks all follow. I savor taking them off and folding them neatly, making the moment last. My backside is still sore from the punishment I received one week earlier. It had been a maid week and I had done an inadequate job with the chores. My master did not let it slide and he wanted to make sure I remember. As I stroked my bruised cheeks, I hoped it would be a kitten week. Something nice and easy, where I could be cherished and all I needed to think about was pleasure. The crate is open and I place my clothes inside. My cell phone follows along with my keys. With a sigh, I shut the crate and padlock it. Master will come and take my phone in due time, better to document my weekend for P's enjoyment and my potential humiliation. But the clothes are gone. Feeling the chill of the garage on my feet, I enter "the servant's entrance" as we jokingly call it.  Three boxes await me in the foyer. Oh shit. This is different. Usually I have no choice in how I spend the weekend. It's always one box, with either the maid's costume, the cat ears, or ... the other. But with three gift wrapped boxes in front of me, it's up to fate.  I can't open one box and change my mind. Not that disobeying master is ever an option. Whichever one I open is my weekend of service.  Can I weigh them? As I reach for the first box, I see a string attached. Nope, he'll know. I have to pick. Eenie. Meanie. Miney. "Ahem." A cleared throat from the other room. I'm in trouble already.  I make my decision and tear the wrapping paper off. Inside the box is ... Nothing. The slut this weekend, then. I walk into the living room, my hands folded in front of me, my eyes down. Master is sitting in his chair, drinking whiskey and reading. There's a pillow in front of him, directly between his feet. Keeping my eyes down, I kneel. He makes me wait, finishing this week's New Yorker. Occasionally my eyes flick up as I weigh my options. I could reach up and begin undoing his belt - the stretch of fabric in his lap tells me he's interested and excited for my weekly visit. I went for a wax earlier in the week and made sure to put my perfume on my skin so he could smell me no matter what I wore. And in my role as the slut, that would be in line with expectations. But I'm so conditioned to serve at command that I stay frozen.  He shakes his glass and I spring up to take it from his hand. I walk to the bar and as I reach for the whiskey, he says "The drawer." I open the top drawer. Inside is my collar, simple and black, a pair of silver handcuffs, and a red ballgag.  "Shall I--?" I start to ask. "Don't ask questions you should know the answer to," he says with disinterest.  OK then. I put the glass down and pick up the gag. I push it between my teeth and secure the belt behind my head. Next, the handcuffs. Does he want them in front or behind? I wish I could ask. The maid gets handcuffed in the front, so she can work. The slut, behind, so she has no control. So I slip the cuffs on behind my back, hearing the satisfied clink. But in my haste, I forgot the collar! It takes me several tries, standing on my tippy toes, mmphing with effort, to pick the collar up with my cuffed hands behind me. I trot to master happily. He finally looks at me. "My drink?" He asks. Damn it. What to do? I blink at him, fluttering my eyelashes. Push one foot in front of me and circle it back and forth on his loafer. Don't blame, I don't know any better? He takes the collar from me and cls it around my neck. Seizing my throat suddenly, he pulls me in close. "A slut does not mean you're stupid," he whispers in my ear.  One of our agreements when I first began serving him is that he'd never call me a bitch. A slut is something a person chooses to be. It's a sigh of power, both mine and his. I feel my body warm at his words and I lean down to rub my gagged mouth against his neck. He indulges me for a moment and then grabs a fistful of my hair. It's been a little while but I remember how slut weekends go. I'll be confined to the bedroom, chained to the bed most of the time. He'll film my submission and send it back to P. There's an entire box of toys for me to (mostly) enjoy, though the word "no" is gone from my vocabulary until Sunday night. My rest will be dependent on how often master wants me and how he wants me.  It will be a long, fun weekend.

before its asked or implied or suggested, no, i do not ignore my basic rules he knows i will not cause trouble or drama and i , do not go behind -MY R./T-bACK,lie to him, or disrespect him or shame my family in any way.    Y'all only get this one  warning and reminder and well, i have a really really  button pushing finger that i do not want to be tempted into taking Last memo i promise.   if ya are responding to me and i click open your mail and the first thing i see is a picture floating out of a close-up of your cock, you can pretty much accept your fate that you are instantly blocked and will not even exist on the same playing field as the others here regardless of their gender or energy level, or role identifier.    so simple unforgettable notice for you... 1 dick pic+1 ignorance of my rules or warning = -alarm bells guard dogs, sharpshooters and everything else turn you into dust to be cleaned up and mixed into the sand never to be heard or seen of again.  ---yes yes i know;...graphic and dramatic.. but pleads innocence since she is unsupervised currently with her other half in bed this fine dark night;I truly do look forward to any and all responses i might have to be honest.. you being there for me today just means the world to me as putting myself out there is terrifying for me in general.   *can not help the impish excitement of how many right now pigging out will even read the whole note and the panic sets in.   just as A team heads off for their camps.. in comes  B team who makes the realization not much got accomplished and something had to have happened...? maybe?. 

Not sure what it is with Sundays but  jeez   lol A lot of you shoot yourself in the foot on the first email.  You know what they say about first impressions.   lol Just cause you send me a message does NOT make you under consideration. I have people contacting me for different reasons so I don't assume why people are contacting me, thus is one reason I put that in my profile on what to send me if you are wanting consideration. Also, just because you want consideration doesn't mean I'm interested If you can not approach me with a "hello" before you start rattling off what YOU want, then we are not a match On that note if you approach me rattling off what YOU want and how I might be "good enough" for you we are not a match If you can't follow the instructions within my profie, then we are not a match If you don't realize that "I" get to choose who I pick and it's not all about what you want, then we are not a match If you think the dominants on here and are all the same and only here to serve you like we are some prostitutes that take clients, then we are not a match If you don't agree with what I am looking for and the way I want to achieve it, that's fine, no hard feelings move on the the next profile.  But don't waste your time or mine trying to manipulate me into your perfect, whatever Have a good Sunday

How can a str8 male fall in love with his Bull? This is a question that always calls my attention but lately it has become a surprising reality. For a Bull to pursue and obliterate any idea of str8 identity on a self proclaimed heterosexual male is a la or or of love. The Bull knows that this identity is misplaced but to convince the other male of this requires a deep knowledge of the male psyque.  Our society has done much of the work for us, str8 males (I said it before) admire sports figures to the edge of homoerotism. But of course that's admiration and it stops there. These males will follow a strong male to hell and back and allow any sort of intimacy with the leader of the band, actually they crave it. When they finally come to me I know there's a need a need that eventually could turn into love and that is a great feeling. However if one finds a male that is slowly falling in love not only giving you ownership of their bodies but also their feelings; that's a sacred charter that cannot be underestimated. Why? Because that male is into you and your dealings with him you are a model they can submit and surrender to. In short,  you've found a male bride and you must nurture that male and his feelings.  For the str8 male to acknowledge such feelings is confusing because is attraction, lust, respect, and the acknowledgement that he has fallen in love with the man and his phallus; but most of all the character and security it brings to his life. He is now realizing that the best place to be is anywhere his Man places him: between his legs, under him, or on his back awaiting the entry of the phallus that will change his life forever.  As a Bull you know he is yours  anyway you want that however, to the outside only him will feel your power and control. Even if he goes back to women which is an option if they still want to claim his str8 persona, he will mount them imitating you and doing it for you.    I had the pleasure of a baby named after me, and that’s the ultimate surender. It is his baby, now a teen, but every time he calls him he calls me. A male who loves you is a treasure to be had and a partner to nurture and possess beyond the physical.

On Realistic Expectations and the Woman You Are Serving   Let me be plain with you, because plainness here is a kindness and I have never been interested in the alternative. I attended a funeral last weekend. Alone.  I want to sit with that for a moment before I say anything else, because it is the most precise illustration I could offer of everything this journal is about. There is a specific and particular indignity in navigating grief in public without someone beside you. Not because I cannot do it, I can do anything alone, I have proven this repeatedly and without fanfare. But because a woman like me should not have to. Because the presence of a devoted and capable partner at your side during the hardest moments of ordinary life is not a luxury. It is what partnership is for. It is, in fact, one of the most fundamental things a serious dynamic should provide: someone who stands beside you in the moments that cost you something, who carries the social weight of difficult occasions, who is simply and solidly there so that you can grieve or endure or simply get through the day without also having to do it visibly alone. I disdain it. I will not dress that up. I disdain walking into rooms full of people as a woman unaccompanied, not because my worth requires a witness, but because I have built enough of a life to deserve someone who shows up for it completely, including the parts that are not beautiful or exciting or charged with the particular electricity of our dynamic. The funeral is not glamorous. It is not a candlelit dinner or a weekend in Greece. It is a Saturday in grief clothes standing in a room full of loss, and I will do it with my back straight and my composure intact because that is who I am, and I will come home to an empty house afterward, and I will feel the absence of what should be there with the specific sharpness of something that is missing rather than something that never existed. This is what I mean when I talk about realistic expectations cutting in both directions. I am a mother first. This is not a disclaimer. It is not an apology. It is the organizing fact of my life around which everything else, including you, arranges itself. I have two children in their preteen years, which anyone who has raised children knows is one of the most demanding and most critical seasons of a young person's life. They require my presence, my attention, my emotional availability, my time, and my energy in quantities that do not leave a remainder to be distributed according to your preferences. If you have arrived here expecting a Goddess with unlimited hours and frictionless availability, you have arrived at the wrong door. This weekend, I had my children.  My time was spent on them, because it is exactly where that time should be spent.  I am also finishing my education, because I am a woman who does not stop building herself simply because life has become complex. I work. I manage a household. I carry the particular and invisible weight that women carry, the planning and the anticipating and the holding of a thousand threads simultaneously, the mental labor that has no clock-out time and no weekend. What this means for you practically is something I need you to hear completely before you decide whether this life is what you actually want or simply what you have romanticized from a comfortable distance. My time is not abundant. It is finite and it is precious and it is allocated with the precision of someone who cannot afford to waste it. There will be days, entire stretches of days, where the children need me and school demands me and work requires me and what is left over is not nothing but it is quiet and it is mine and I will spend it restoring myself rather than managing your need for attention. This is not neglect. This is the reality of serving a woman with a full and serious life, and if you cannot hold yourself with dignity and purpose during those stretches then you are not the caliber of person this dynamic requires. A serious long term FLR TPE with a woman like me is not a constant performance of dominance and submission playing out in real time every hour of every day. It is a structure. It is an understanding so deeply embedded in the way we live that it does not require constant activation. It runs underneath everything, informing how the household operates, how decisions are made, how resources are allocated, how your time and energy are directed even when I am at a school pickup or a study session or simply in a bath with the door closed and my phone face down. Your place in this dynamic is to raise me. Not in the sense that I require raising. In the sense that your devotion, your service, your resources and your effort should be oriented toward elevating my life, reducing my load, creating space around me so that I can be the mother, the student, the professional, and the Goddess that I am without the additional friction of a partner who has become another item on my list of things to manage. You are not here to add to my weight. You are here to carry some of it. That means the household runs because you run it. It means my children's lives are easier because our home is stable and managed and full of the kind of calm that only exists when someone competent is handling the infrastructure of daily life with care. It means you have found your purpose and your structure in the service itself, not in the moments of explicit dynamic play, because those moments are real but they are not the whole of what this is. The whole of what this is lives in the Tuesday afternoon when I have a deadline and a tired child and you have already handled dinner and the house is quiet and I can do what I need to do because you have made space for it. It lives in the Saturday morning of a funeral when I do not have to walk in alone. That is the submission I am describing. Not the aesthetic of it. The actual weight-bearing practice of it, daily, in the ordinary moments that make up most of a life. The grief clothes and the school pickups and the late study nights and the hard weekends. The presence that does not require the occasion to be significant in order to show up for it completely. If you can find your satisfaction there, in the real and unglamorous work of elevating another person's existence, then you understand something essential about what I am offering and what I require. The collar and the candlelight exist. They are real and they are extraordinary. But they rest on a foundation of consistent, intelligent, humble service that asks nothing of me except that I receive it well. I receive it very well. But you have to bring it first, and bring it correctly, and bring it to the funeral as readily as you bring it to the beautiful moments, because the funeral is where it counts the most and the beautiful moments are easy. I am worth the patience. I am worth the long view. I am worth showing up for on the hard Saturdays. The question is whether you are the person who actually does.

Limits.. No online only, must progress to real time and hopefully 24 7.No pro Doms. Paying money to my Dom or Master for the privilege of being his is ridiculous.No blood, needles, knives, fireplay, brown showers, or pimping out. No STDs, no kneeling.. on account of bad knees, which actually upsets me greatly that i cannot do this. No children or under 18 years old, my own children are Completely off limits.. there is NO grey area on this. i am not pansexual, bisexual, bi curious, or a lesbian.. i have no interest in being sexual with another woman. However, should my master ask this of me, i would try my best to comply.There may be more to add.Interests.. Being restrained, discipline, guidance, micro management.. if possible with my prospective, being spanked. Possibly more to add later.

Reflecting i sit here in chastity, reminiscing on my past, contemplating the decisions i have made, rationalizing some and regretting others.  It is the ones i regret which pierce deep into the soul, humbling the spirit, causing conflict within, creating a helplessness that overwhelms me into a deepening slavishness. Recollections of disobedience consume my mind, no relief, no escape, an affirmation that i am not perfect.  Is it possible for me to make reparation? Are there limits or do i kneel quietly and endure whatever is given to me for my disobedience?   geo

My car died.  It died the same day I closed on my new house/dungeon pair.  The cobblestones of my new town ate the last reserves that the power steering pump had.  I got back to the rental, 50 miles East with a ride from a friend.  I sat there for 2 weeks, trying to put together enough crap to move in.  Borrowed a truck from a friend in the local-to-my-rental, got one load made with the washer/dryer stack, got them into the new place, not installed. got back, didn't get another load for another week, on borrowed trailer, called my soon-so-be-exlandlady, who pulled the trailer, got me over with half my stuff. two weeks later, we got a 3rd load, so I am mostly moved in.   I then started in on settling down, straightening up the debris.  The dungeon will need lots of work, plenty of cash, which I have none of.  Stay tuned!

I am presently not owned. I have had interesting experiences in the past few years, and I am taking my time looking for the special person(s) whom I fit very well with. My interests have changed since I’ve written my profile, and my interests have grown.  I am looking for people who enjoy corruption sexually. Those who love engaging in humiliation and degradation.  Individuals who are looking for “untraditional” service submission. I may not be able to remember to check if you need drinks regularly or breakfast, but I bring other skills and talents to the table. My skills include butler service, administrative assistant, massage, cooking, and baking. Those who love non-monogamy and loaning out submissives. Out-of-the-box creative sadists. Please note that I want things to progress and meet up with individuals. The long-term goal should be to have an actual relationship. Things work out best with well-humored individuals who appreciate sarcasm and are skilled at being relatively evil, petting my hair and saying I’m such a good girl while pressing pressure points, bringing me to the floor.

Through the Lens of Rika: The Sophia-Michael Connection Unveiled this piece is on the vibes of the soul lineage/shard/fractures of the sophia energy woman and the archangel michael guy. of course as it always is on my side of the internet. but this time it's about either the beginning of the relationship or what happens when one of us meet each other either online or in person but do not go through with initiating past a surface level connection. this is through the analysis of the song the others by rika. even the music video showcases this lovely too.   when a femme/women of any gender expression meets an archangel michael soul encoded guy fireworks spark. chemistry is there. and an underlying pull comes. it can be pretty clear to those who work with energy and all the signs that will come if it's just this dynamic going on or something more. there will be more signs/synchronicities/depth/alignment going on if they are supposed to be your woman and you are supposed to be their man....but each of these sophia's and michaels have an underlying current of spark, magnetism, and probably some type of attraction going on than other energetic signatures out there. just do. why? not sure i was given the esoteric awareness without the whys yet.   let's pull out the lyrics to start the incantation as usual shall we?   verse   We're not together but I feel like we're together   And you know what   That when you leave you're like a mission puzzle piece   'Cause you know   Yeah boy you know   pre-chorus   I try and try a million times   I wish that I could read your mind   Day to day I can't come back   I love the way   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like like the others   verse   I can be the lion, no one got you on my mind   It feels good, so good   Mhh, you're away I'm dreaming of those days   This is so good, so good   pre-chorus   I try and try a million times   I wish that I could read your mind   Day to day I can't come back   I love the way   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like the others   bridge   I can know myself, I can now myself, no one, no one knows   You know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   No, I can know myself, I can help myself, no one, no one knows   'Cause you, you know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like the others   outro   I can know myself, I can now myself   No, you know you're nothing like the others   You know me so well, you know me so well, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others (Yeah boy, yeah boy)   You're nothing like the others   instead of starting at the beginning i want to start with the bridge.   "I can know myself, I can now myself, no one, no one knows   You know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   No, I can know myself, I can help myself, no one, no one knows   'Cause you, you know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves"   sophia again is the archetype of the original source of women that comes from knowledge knowing the foresight the ability to understand what is going on..a deep awareness of the future the deep ability to see ahead of the present and to tap into past present and all directions of awareness right?   this song says, i can know myself.   she knows HERSELF first....only by knowing herself can she understand what she sees around her. and in knowing herself she sees her outside world clearly.   through seeing her outside world clearly, i typo-ed outself.....i think that's a spiritual interesting typical..outside of the self....anyway through that she can clearly understand how other mens energies around her work. and she can seek the michael aura and how it looks in the sphere of men vs. the other energy and archangel qualities men carry. and if a man doesn't have angelic energy what that looks like as well.   unless you have the ability through whatever your psychic strength is to see it, no one else might be able to pick up on what you see. and then, no one might know or the average person might not know what you are picking up on.   not only that...no one will know yourself more than you. and through knowing yourself, you can see how deep this michael uses his golden boy the lead of the angel's keen tactical warrior senses to hone in on you. to see beyond what most men would not go into understanding. and because of your awareness of yourself and others, you see how heavy this man is going in on you. and for these michael men they sniff out women like me, like my sisters in a way they can just pick up on nuances that many would take longer to get.   michael and sophia after all are the same soul cyrstal if you will broken between two gender energy expressions. and now that we have the masculine and the feminine in different bodies it can often look in a multitude of ways...and this dark starseed archetype of the two spreads the way this looks into more finite details. a core of shared basics but things people might deem as 'too separate' simply different variables to figure out which way is the most optimal at once.   once she uses her knowledge and sees you....she's ready regardless of what the outside world or other appearances say to lose herself in you! why?   because she found your energy signature and essence.   YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THE OTHERS!!!! the song opens up in a fanfare brass moment. and it has cheers and celebratory vibes. this also goes into a vibe of fanfare of winning a war/battle spoils that would come naturally for an archangel michael masculine energy and her coming

In correspondence with a gent, I was inspired to write this.  I am posting it here because it will help you understand me. Q1 - Are you looking for a Unicorn?  Since it has only been a few months since my beloved hubby died, I am NOT seeking My Unicorn at this time.  Instead, I seek D/s friends and experiences so that I can enjoy My Dominance.   Q2 - What do you like to do or have done to you? I'm not going to list specific sexual activities here.  You can read my preferred activities in my profile.  I put much care into what I have selected there. I will, however, tell you about Me and My sexuality.  I enjoy connected conversation, a gents' scent as we hug and that tingle in My loins as he kisses My hand.  I enjoy the angst on his face when I direct him to lift My hair while I put on My jacket.  An then, I revel in the public intimacy as he reaches into the warmth at the nape of My neck and lifts My hair. I'm very oral and tactile.  I love kissing, massage and foot worship.  I love to be touched and tasted.  Yes, he shall tend Me.  But more, he shall adore Me.  I am possessive of My boys' genitals and ass.  CFNM seems a natural way of being and reinforcing status.  I am private.  My gent and I understand the quality of our time together.  But, it's nobody else's business. LadyD.

I identify as Heteroflexible so I updated my profile to show my interest in submissive men and transexuals. Im really surprised at the amount of emails I have received in response to that update. The most common question I get is "how can I serve you?" so I thought I would add a journal entry to answer that question. First, Im not gay so I am not attracted to men. However, because I have a control fetish I am flexible in my preferences and am willing to play with men or transexuals that are submissive. My definition of submissive is one that is willing to submit even if there is no sex involved. More specifically I am looking for individuals that want to serve long term. I am a big man so I prefer the bois and gurls I play with to be petite and very feminine. I have a strict one cock rule so you must own a chastity device and I will expect you to wear it whenever you are in my presence. I will not allow you to cum before, during, or after we play. The last thing that I look for in a boi or gurl is that your are close enough to me to meet real time. As for those that are not local but still want to serve, perhaps you could offer me something else. . 

Someone asked me the other day why I love my dog so much. I am a nurturer by nature, it's just what I do. But that's not the only reason. Dogs are not dogs, they are people, and she is my family. She is the family that is separate from my terrible family. She is the family that is happy to see me every time she looks at me. Every single time. Comes over for kisses and snuggles. Wants to be close to me. Puts her paws on me if I'm not giving her enough attention. She sleeps in my lap, I'm not kidding. If I move during the night she gets up and repositions herself between my legs. She loves me unequivocally. I don't feel like I hold much value for my family. And because I don't trust them with my feelings I don't get to let my guard down and be soft. But to my dog, I'm happiness. I give her all of the love and hugs and kisses and belly rubs and snuggles that she lets me. I feel like I matter. She is my heart and I will choose her over my terrible family every day of the week. She's lying next to me now, turned away from the light of the screen. I know as soon as I get into bed she will walk over my leg and settle, anchoring me. 

In Januaury of last year I started a path I never saw myself doing... I hired a trainer and started working out 4 days a week... I feel like there should have been a betting pool, or something, because I NEVER expected to be on that same path a year and four months later...but here I am, healthier, at least 40 pounds lighter, and feeling so much better, physically, mentally, emotionally and about myself. I constatnly amaze myself with things, like how four years ago my doctors said I'd never lift more than 10 pounds... last Wednesday, I did dead lifts at 205 pounds for 5 reps... or how they said I would never be able to handle running again, I started jogging on the treadmill (supervised of course) and have a total of 5 minuets over 2 days, not bad for something I haven't done in over 20 years, and for someone with "heart failure"... In the last 20 years of my life, I've gone from an active live to inactive, a 30 waist to a 46, now back down to a 38, inching (get it?) closer to 36 actually... and all I can thinks is "Wow! I really like doing this!" You see, when I was a kid, it was the "jocks" the weightlifters, the football ogres, I mean players, that bullied harrased and made me feel insecure about being gay, if only they tried that today... anyhow, I never figured that this training I do now would be enjoyable because of that. Actually it's more than enjoyable. I get out of bed in the mornings with energy, ready to conqure my day and all that it throws at me! All because one day, I decided I wasn't gonna let heart failure win. Because I decided to be a healtheir, better me. And because I literally dared myself to do it! Who knows, maybe in a few weeks I'll give a progress update...

Cookies. I promised several people that, if this adventure happened, I would write it up and share it in my journal. well, it indeed did happen last evening, Saturday, but not exactly as I thought I had it planned.  The set up for this story is that I did some work for a woman living in a over 55 community and only charged her for the material costs which I commonly do when I first work for someone I want them to like the work and not worry about the price. she was very grateful and gave me one of those looks like she was ready to pay me back in a way if you know what I mean and then she said: I'm sure you can think of something that I can do for you and shot me a wicked smile I knew that was my opportunity so I very calmly said: Willl you bake me pecan chocolate chip cookies? She let out what could only be described as a horse laugh, which I'm sure they heard in the adjoining units on either side. and then I followed up with, but that's not all, I want you to bake those cookies naked with 8 inch by heels, fishnet stockings and garter and a bright red ball gag. there was a long pause, kind of like dead air on a radio station and she finally opened her mouth and said you've got to be kidding! I'm not burning my boobs so that you can get off on some weird fetish! And I said OK what about wearing a tight swea and no bra? I expected another flat out no response but she said yes I think I could do that. But I'll also be wearing a skirt, nothing less than that, and no ball gag! And if That isn't good enough then you can go bake your own cookies! While it wasn't what I'd hoped for, I was still going to get my cookies, so on Saturday I came over with the ingredients she told me to get, and I sat in her kitchen, drinking coffee, while she walked back-and-forth across her kitchen in her very tight, white fuzzy sweater, and a very tight short leather skirt, plus stockings and heels, and she was an absolute delight to view. The blush in her cheeks said it all. But the best part was, she was actually baking my cookies! Once they were bagged, she Pulled them from the oven, tucked the tray up under her breasts and she said, would you like a cookie little boy? YES, Yes I would! then I asked so are all those cookies in the tray mine? Or should I ask if everything on the tray is mine? She just smiled and put the tray on the counter. She grabbed me by the hand, pulled me down the hall. We walked into her bedroom and she took off her sweater., God, those were better than any cookies!  We did all sorts of things that evening and late into the night. Considerind we're both in our mid to late 60s, so it wasn't like your first high school sex, in the back of your dad's car, but it was close.  in the morning, I woke up to the sun streaming in on my face lying next to a woman who still had her stockings and garter belt on, my head nestled between her large breasts, one of her arms underneath me,the other around my neck, and I thought to myself.... life is good! Lou  

I'm seeking local subs to have real-time play with. I get a lot of messages asking Me to make an exception and I don't find it that fun to sit around on a computer while you guys perform on cam. If there is a different type of online serving that interests you, feel free to message.  As for Local subs who are available to play....    I am seeking a locked sissy maid for domestic service. Located in the NW Ohio area. After being fully vetted I will expect you to travel to Me. Dressed (wear your own or I will ).  The domestic duties can be wild or mild it just depends on O/our relationship.    I also am seeking a foot slave. The feet of a Goddess deserve to be worshiped. The seriously stinky and fresh smell after I take off My shoes. Warm wet feet right in your face to be worshipped just doesn't really feel the same online. Although an only foot slave situation could interest Me what I really want is real time.  My creative mind wants more but these two types of subs are what I want the most these days.   

It's odd to me that some men don't understand why there are women on here (and in general) who don't want to do what they want.  Men who contact women dick or fetish first, either visually or through words, and are peeved that the women aren't ready to immediately engage with them the way they expected.  "Hey, lady, if you don't want to do what interests me, why are you even here?!  Since I find you attractive, you have to find me attractive, too!"  How terribly disappointing for them to discover that women have their own interests and come here (and anywhere else) to pursue what they want.  Like, a xxx69MasterChode69xxx or a MrSirDomPencilDick4Lyf are really under the impression that women have been online just waiting for when they would contact them.  There's no other reason a woman would be online.   I know I certainly don't have my own interests and kinks.  Of course not.  I've just been waiting for another pic of an utterly forgettable male member in an endless onslaught of utterly forgettable male members or a lame headless torso, or worse yet, a vanilla guy who thinks a sloppy bj qualifies as "kinky" on a kink site.  I'm interested in pursuing my own kinks with the people who interest me.  I don't care what a guy wants.  I didn't ask about his fetishes.  I don't request pictures, so I'm not trying to see someone's face, body, or dick.  And unless my curiosity has been piqued enough that I'd be open to pursuing anything with a guy, none of those things are relevant to me.  I am here for my reasons, my kinks, my sexual pursuits.  They don't have to be the same as yours.  I am not going to pander to what a guy wants just because he wants it.  

Values beyond the flesh So often I hear from ladies how this guy just wants sex, that guy just wants nudes, or even in a local trend "Doms" charging sex for scenes claiming they deserve it for all the work which gets put in by them :eyeroll: The desires of the flesh leaves so much unseen. The beauty of the mind, warmth of a heart, passions of ones soul have always been so captivating to me. Even at a young age in gradeschool I found myself writing poems well beyond my years. I was recognizing the fact that the flesh fades. Wrinkles will form. The body changes with stress, kids, injuries, and any number of factors which life throws our way. That "perfect wrapper" was purely a deception and the true beauty laid so much deeper. So over the years I dated ladies of a wide range of physical descriptions. Race, weight, disabilities, prior traumas, were not detractors but seen as part of the history she had lived and what helped shape her into the wonderful person she was. I put my heart and soul into the relationship easing away the scars revealing the beautiful lady which laid beneath all those layers. In return I was presented with someone stronger, wiser, and more loving than ever before. It was a healthy wonderful exchange with great rewards. I took on many scars of my own over the years. My face is wrinkled with the stress of it all. My heart is tired and sore. For all that I took on in my life I have been showing the wear and tear. Even still I hear those same complaints. Nomatter the smiles I try to bring the story is always the same. Lady's will complain about all the heartache brought by such disgusting leaches which drink their heart and soul dry all while overlooking the guy who can truly love them and treat them as they truly deserve. As more than a piece of flesh, but as that person deserving of support, compliments, a partner truly there for them in this life. The person standing right there next to her through all this heartache crying his own tears at her pain. The one called upon in distress, but never seen truly.  

Things I want to get during 2024 Succubus Womb Tattoo Nipples Pierced Ears Pierced even a single win in a local yugioh tournament

Public Service Announcement For those who have a tendency to delete their own profiles multiple times in a few weeks just because they're getting contacts from people of a less desirable gender, age, role, or location there is the option to set Mail Controls so that messages from people of:   certain genders- either any, or who identify as certain kinky orientations outside of specified age ranges outside of your country of residence part of a couple's profile a situation where they have no profile available at the time of contact ... go into the Bulk folder, and thus you don't get a notification that they've contacted you. Depending on how hard-core you are about your filters, you can delete every message that appears in there unread.You can either follow the link I included above, or you can find the Mail Controls button at the top, right-hand corner after clicking on "Read Mail."Now, if you tend to dig into your Bulk Mail no matter what, um, good luck with that.

If you're not within 60 miles of me and don't have "willing to relocate" in your profile", then I'm not going to message you.  I completely understand and respect that inability\unwillingness to move.  I'm not going to bother you if I think you're too far away. That being said.  If you are far away and are open to finding someone and possibly traveling to see them, please either put that in your profile or message me first. I was recently accused by someone on here that this kind of mentality of not wanting to bother folks wasn't "real alpha behavior".  Yes.  Thank you.  I have no wish to be a part of that kind of bullshit and bad science.  Six Sigma is a business process, not a lifestyle philosophy.  I will respect you until I own you, then I will respect your value even more, but in a violently sadistic manner.  If I never own you, then I'll continue to give you respect until you do something to lose it.  That’s just decency.      

Hello again to all,   There is so much more complexity to life and interests.  In actuality, I am a natural born dominant personality and that is separate from and precedes bdsm.  My mother said I learned to talk before I learned to walk because I realized I could get everyone to do what I wanted.  Being dominant is as natural as breathing and has nothing to do with sex specifically, it informs all parts of my life and being. First assumption people have is that being a Dominant is part of doing bdsm.  I am not looking nor seeking anyone or anything.   My life is doing and experiencing and achieving.    I would rather focus on art and business and watch shows and smoke bud and chill with my pits than deal with someone else's bucket list and wishes that I will fulfull it for them.  Waste of my time when that is absolutely not sex for me.  Just me doing something well for someone else because they need it and I am exceptional at most things I choose to do doesn't really make it interesting or exceptional for me.  Just run of the mill.   My sex type is a younger ab'd up sexy twink in their 30's to 40's.   Please note I am not looking for that either.   I am doing me and working on my income and business.  Here to talk to and meet interesting intelligent people and honestly, practice blogging somewhere while I get my website up.  Have the domain and the hosting set.....  for a few businesses actually.   If you want to be used and are concerned with sex primarily, find someone else.  If you want a fun and interesting life and to do more in it... maybe I will find you interesting.      I was sexually explorative and a NYC club kid (excellent dancer) in the 80's which was a shit ton of fun. Being in charge and very considerate can all be part of a dominant personality and are integral to all ects of my life. Silly men who contact me asking about what fetishes I enjoy miss the point, fetish doesn't drive my life.   I do.  If you are telling me you want and it is only about your sexual bdsm needs in your first contact, you will get one email and then I will ignore you if you continue only talking about bdsm and sex. While I do love many things bdsm, I do not love talking about them unless I already know someone.   If I am going to share details like that, I will do so when my website is done and I am blogging and podcasting and using those stories and details for business for all to hear/read rather than tell them to a casual questioner. I have stories enough from many ects of life to tell and let others live vicariously throughthem while I get some residual income.My being here on collarspace is to practice blog and, every once in a while, I make a good friend which I value more.   Most of my actual relationships happened in every day life.    If you really want to know your chances with me, below is the criteria that matters: I am more attracted to someone in shape, 15 years younger, with a brain, abs, and an interest in something that intersects with my businesses  which use skills/crafts like painting, graphic design, wearable art, clothing/t shirt design, website design, leather work, beadwork, blogging, and podcasting, computer tecg hardware and software support.  There must also be a connection with personal interests which include a lot Marvel, DC, and sci fi/fantasy shows while working in photoshopand going out dancing and fine dining, when I don't cook at home (excellent home chef here), in-depth conversations,yes I read global news and poltiics and science every other fucking intersting thing I run into and research.   I learn a lot, talk fast, think faster and most people are overwhelmed.    I do all of these things and more and I want someone who can get involved, keep up, and be rewarded with fun things that include yes, bdsm and just plain old hardcore fuck for an hour and get damn sweaty type shit at least once a day...which is actually my favorite thing.    No huge dicks wanted jsut ones that can go for an hour or more...lmmfao.    Older, petite and that shit don't fit, and not what I want.Lola the Iron Mistress        

I have been asked to update my journal and my relationship status since its been a few years.  I am polyamorous. I believe in multiple loves, multiple relationships, communication, trust and respect for everyone involved. I currently have my own submissive whom I've been with for 10 years. He lives with me and does not expect to be included in my exploits.   I love being poly. I have so much of myself to give.  I am looking for a Dom of my own.    If you have any questions and would like me answer them here in my journal please feel free to write me. 

I'm so happy to be back on Collarspace. This is where it all started for me....about 10-ish years ago when I was just finding out about BDSM and really exploring my kinks (which is currently still evolving)...With that being said... being here is so nostalgic because I've met some amazing people here over the course of years. I'm especially excited to run into some old friends here. So a quick story time....years ago when I was here one of my friends from MIDDLE school found me on this site (not really sure HOW) but we had really good conversations and he talked about the way I use to treat him in middle school as far as being very bossy, dragging him around, TELLING him that he was my boyfriend made him KNOW that he was meant to be a sub/slave. It really put a lopt in perspective for me too because it showed me that this was in fact a n inherent part of my personality....to dominate...to take control...to be the boss...and it came to me so easily...so long short, I'm hoping that i run into this guy here again that would be amazingggg... either way I'm looking forward to the connections I foster this time around. 

2/13/23 Hey everyone just wanted to make an update to my profile with this Journal.... My profile pics are from 2017 but I am always willing to send newer ones. Some new developments in my life are: I am no longer owned cause My old daddy moved away, I found out I also like being a sissy baby but if your not into thats okay Its not something I have to do. I also am willing to relocate! So if you are looking for a prissy sissy slut like me msg me. Thanks for reading this, Love Sissy Amber

  The script was essentially a love story.  The narrator, Heather, describes how she gets revenge after her husband cheats on her.  There's lots of sex and torture going on as any porn movie would have.  My character was simply an innocent girl who was captured and tortured because Heather's character thought I was the one her husband was with.   We'd have these read through sessions which to me were funny because I didn't have any dialogue other than some moaning and screaming.  If you think about it, not everyone has a good scream.  It took some practice.   I met with the makeup girl who handed me a bag of stuff.  What's this? I asked.  It's your costume she said.  I looked inside and there were 20 string bikini bottoms in various colors inside.  I gave her this puzzled look.  She said I know, there's a lot but I had the material and wanted to make them in different colors in case the director wanted it.  I held up a black one and it basically was a couple of triangles and some string.  I tried it on and it looked great.  I was able to pull the strings up high on the sides like I like it.  Can I keep them? I asked.  Of course she said.  I smiled, thanks!  After she styled my hair and did my make up we headed for the set.  There was a lot going on.  Gaffers were busily adjusting cables and lights and the cameraman was setting up.  I could overhear a conversation between the director and the set manager. SM: Ok Heather heads for the dungeon and her and a guard go at it.  Then they talk about torture girl.  Who's torture girl? Jim:  She's that new bondage model from the pool party.   SM:  Oh, ok.  They go to the dungeon where torture girl is tied to the wheel of pain.  They spin her around and interrogate her.  Then they leave her there and go to the bedroom and the guard and the servant girl do it on the bed while she watches.  How do you want to light that? Jim:  I want it as natural as possible.  No floods.  The prop master, the nice man who built all the equipment on set came over to me.  I stood in front of him wearing my bikini bottom.  He looked me up and down.  "Ok you look great.  Are you ready?".  I nodded yes.  He led me to the wheel.  I was instructed to stand inside the wheel spread eagle with my back to a small square pad.  My wrists and ankles were bound to the rim of the wheel and a wide belt was strapped to my belly.  Tight.  A gag was put on me.   PM: It takes about 5 seconds for you to spin around.  Thank goodness you're tall so it should look fantastic.  When the director says action I'll flip the switch.  You'll keep spinning until he says cut.  Got it? I nodded yes.  I looked directly ahead.  I sucked my tummy in as much as I could.  I heard "Action!". I slowly was spun around and around.  I just stared forward trying not to react.  I could see my image in the monitor in the background as the camera slowly panned down from my head to my  toes.  My ribs were showing and my hip bones were sticking out.   Heather stood in front of me and pretended to interrogate me.  I heard  "Cut!". The machine stopped.   Jim: No no this won't work Heather.  You're asking her questions and she's wearing a gag.  It doesn't make sense.  Let's do it again without the gag.  He walked over to me and asked, Are you ok? Do you think you can do it again? I nodded yes and smiled.   My gag was removed and the scene was reshot.  After it ended the set erupted in applause.  I was untied and helped to a nearby chair.  The actors on set said I looked awesome and sexy.   Jim:  We can stop here if you want or we can do the rack scene.   Me:  I feel good.  I'd love the rack.   Jim: You see Heather?  Those muscle girls were a joke.  What good are all those muscles if you can't take any pain?  Ok everyone, take five and we'll stretch her on the rack.  

August 7, 2024 – Cock Hungry Slut gets his CHERRY POPPED TODAY !   I'm changing the name of one of the guys who have been hanging around for quite some time.   The first met him when he was single. He loved having toys shoved up his ass. But that was our limit. But he was young and hot and I definitely enjoyed playing with his ass.  It was common occurrence to have him hop up into the sling and shove all manner of things in his hole to stretch him.   Then he disappeared for a while. It turned out he got married. And after a while he made the decision he wanted to play again, so we did.   Now, he has outed himself to his new wife and they have opened the relationship and she has turned him into a cuckold. He tells me he's looking forward to sucking a guy's cock after that cock has fucked his wife. Or maybe eat some guys cum out of her snatch when some random guy is done using his wife. And eventually, maybe have someone fuck him while he's eating his wife out.   But he has to start somewhere. And that somewhere was losing his virginity with me today. I get to pop his cherry today and leave my load inside him.         When he arrived I was already naked sitting in my chair with a hard on. I told him to strip and get on his knees and suck my cock. As he stripped he was wearing a micro cock cage. It had a belt around his waist holding it up. It was one of the extremely small micro cages made of metal.   He had briefly sucked my cock once before a few months ago, but today was especially exciting knowing that cock was going to penetrate his ass today.   Oh my God he was good at sucking my cock. Maybe I was extra excited knowing I was going to fuck him for the first time and leave my load inside him. But while on his knees in front of my chair, I watched intently as my cock went in and out of his mouth.    I grabbed a handful of his hair, I grabbed it hard, and I forced him down on my cock. I just wanted to see how far I could push him both literally and figuratively. It appeared that he was willing to take any amount of abuse. But if he's going to be a cuckold, he needs to get used to being used.   He would choke occasionally and I would reassure him that was normal. That he would get used to a cock in his mouth. And eventually his wife would be having him suck on cocks much larger than mine, so he better get used to it.   After about 10 minutes of cock sucking we decided to clean his ass out. I led him to the bathroom and told him to get down on all fours.  I got the old fashioned rubber enema bag out of the closet and unscrewed the top. I let the tap water run until it was warm. I filled the red rubber enema bag almost completely full of water then screwed the tube back on the bag.   READ THE ENTIRE STORY AT www.SirKel.top  

I am finally in WV! It was a hectic past three months.  I don't know what I would have done without  my wonderful Dom, Tony! It has taken four days to recover from the stress of moving.  With the weekend packing, loading,  renting a huge cargo van, driving 6/7 hours, unloading and driving back for four weeks straight.  All while working and saying goodbyes.  Add to this, two parents having their separate issues, and projecting them...it's over! I'm in a cabin with my pets. Tony and I are working on adjusting. He trying to find a remote position, so he can come this way. Me trying to adjust to an area I have never been , and know not a soul here. Setting up utilities, , registering, making sure mail gets to me,  and all the things that go with a huge move. I'm still unpacking, and then I have to get the cottage ready to lease.  That will be a bit weird for me, I reeeeally like my privacy. But I need to set up passive income.   Lots to do, I miss you Tony💙💙   M.

You feel as if you're caught in the sticky web of a venomous and POWERFUL Black Widow spider. You want to escape... But you can't. And at the same time - You don't want to. You know those deadly, sharp fangs just may be the end of you... But your curiosity is at it's peak. Will She really eat me alive? You wonder... How powerful can She REALLY BE? Your heart beats rapidly at the thought of 'The Black Widow' - You can feel your heart in your throat. Beads of sweat drip down your pathetic little face! She's coming closer... And closer.... Too close for your comfort! And as she crawls to you with those poisonous sacs prepared to BITE - You realize.... Everything's OK. This is where you belong. The Black Widow didn't drag you here! YOU were the one eyeing the web! YOU were the one who felt it was 'safe' to enter, fully aware of the "could be's" and "probably so's". YOU were the one who entered on YOUR own free will! This wasn't a TRAP. You stumbled across Her web FOR A REASON. Her fangs are closer to you now as you again realize - Your "free will" is now Her's. The Black Widow is your new MASTER!It's time. Time for the BITE. You close your eyes as you find a mental place of relaxation. You're ready! You've eyed The Black Widow's nest for far too long... You've witnessed what She's done to those prior to you. Curiosity lured you in. Jealousy of the "others" may have also played a part. You've yearned to know what THEY felt while they were with HER. And now here's your oppurtunity... You're ready to DIE at Her fangs and be BORN AGAIN to serve Her. This is your new life - In Her web, catering to Her needs. This IS afterall, HER WORLD. And you were just a lost soul trying to find your way......You've found it now.. You've found yourself! You've found that your way is HER way! And all it took was a PAINLESS bite from The Powerful Black Widow.

So, here are my profile updates, which unfortunately I can't make to my profile itself. Let's see how much of this actually gets posted. I am seeking only Dominant Men. New profile: **About me****TLDR version:** Male (he/him pronouns) Canberra-based ethical non-monogamist, rubberist slave (open to subbing and bottoming or even being equals) is looking for dominant men, for short term experiences, experiments, play sessions all the way to long term slave relationships. I am looking for local Australian people for a face to face relationship. I am not looking for an online relationship, but am open to relocating for the right man. I am very happy to satisfy your curiousity about latex rubber in a single session or something more long term. W/we may have already chatted/met/played over the past 15 years, as my previous profiles include ozrubbergimp, ozrubberpony and LearnerRubberDom. i was out of the local scene for a few years in the 2010s due to exploring long-distance relationships but I discovered that I need face to face relationships that are moving forward, not online fantasies which end up with long chats that don't go anywhere.**Personal information**I'm a person who:* likes using lists to organise information as my natural inclination is to start too many things at the same time and not finish most of them, which happens to me a lot as an [INFP](https://personalityjunkie.com/infp-personality-type-profile/) when my Extraverted Intuition is in charge :)* Is intelligent, caring, kind and enjoys conversation.* is physically 198cm (or 6'6") tall, of average build (i.e. have middle age spread and am doing something about it) and weigh 118 kilos (ditto). I have grey/brown head hair, blue eyes and little body hair (which may be hard to see under the rubber).* Besides wearing (breathing, smelling, tasting etc) rubber, I am an indoors introvert type of person. I enjoy quiet nights in and not nightclubbing or parties. I enjoy reading and discussing science fiction, history, politics, astrology, psychology, supporting green politics and causes, such as preventing man-made climate change, promoting respect for all religions, supporting the rights of minorities, and living in a world of limits, such as peak oil. My main hobby is playing board wargames published by GMT games, VPG games, DG, Strategy and Tactics, Avalon Hill (RIP).* Potential income-earning skills: besides those that i have gained as a policy wonk employed by the Australian federal public service for 25+ years (literature-based research and analysis; writing short, medium and long reports; managed four staff; project management; contract management) i also can do futures studies and foresight (help you and your organisation develop a vision for the future and implement it); high school science teaching; ecological field work; written communication: drafting, editing, proof-reading.---**How I want to meet and get to know people*** I am patient and want to get to know people well online (chatting, camming) before meeting in person for vanilla dates to talk about our common interests before playing the first time. Sure this way is a slow way, but I want to find people who could travel together with me a long way on a common journey, and so patience and a slow pace is a virtue. I am happy to talk through what I/i am looking for and work through any questions that people might have.* If you have no interest in me, please tell me. I have previously pissed people off by being persistent beyond reasonable requests to stop, so please tell me if you have no interest.* I believe that physical and emotional chemistry is vital between us, even for a play session. So meeting in person is important to establish this early in getting to know someone.* my philosophy is that there are two levels in any scene, relationship or 24/7 life:      -  at the base level, both parties (dominant and submissive) have the power to enter, continue or leave the scene, relationship or 24/7 life. Both parties have the power to propose, negotiate and consent to what might be included or excluded in it.-  at the level of the power exchange, the submissive consents through negotiation to give the dominant a level of decision-making and control for the duration of the scene, relationship or 24/7 life.* my principle is that any participants in any scene, relationship or 24/7 life has a safeword or equivalent. W/we'd only play after W/we met for a meal or two together to check one another out and negotiate what we will do together, as I don't believe in rushing things. Feel free to ask me any questions Y/you like.* I prefer to meet single people, but I am open to playing and relating to people in all types of relationship. If you already in a relationship - well i don't want to be your "rubber affair", and have to compete with your spouse or partner, even if you think cam sex doesn't count as real sex.  i am more than happy to play with people if their partner(s) is OK with that. I am discovering that I am curious about in ethical non-monogamy relationships, as I am realising that in Canberra it is unlikely that I will be unable to meet my fetish and emotional needs in the same person.* I am looking for local Australian men, or international men. I am not looking for an online long distance relationship.* My current consent model is FRIES, which stands for Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific (hat-tip to mishmash). The one that really resonated with me was enthusiastic, not just from the other people I interact with, but for myself. If I find I am not enthusiastic about trying something, it has given me the permission to say no, instead of the mindset of how do you know if you don't try?? And yes, there is something in that, but you can be enthusiastically curious, or not curious at all, and that's ok! For example, it's highly likely that you know that you don't want to lick that shit, even though you've never tried it before, it's ok for you to never try it.* i believe and support and use the sub's / slave's bill of rights:1.  Every sub has the right to have their body, intellect, and emotions protected by their Dom.2.  Every sub has the right to choose the person whom they serve and to discontinue that service and take their leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.3.  Every sub has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in their submission.4.  Every sub has the right to protected sex if they so wish.5.  Every sub has the right to privacy if they so wish. No sub can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.6.  Every sub has the right to defend themselves from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.7.  Every sub has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.8.  Every sub has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and Dom/mes without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.9.  Every sub has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.10.  Every sub has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.---Still here? Still interested? Now on to the kink stuff...## ***Kink information***### **Things that i know about myself that i

      The Democratic Dom: While it might sound like an oxymoron this Dominant is one who controls by agreement. Limitations, conditions, safe words, and times & places are all agreed upon beforehand and strictly adhered to.  Discussions between the Dom and sub are the norm and written contracts are not unheard of.     Punishment is both a training tool and very often a reward. It is dispensed by the Dom to achieve or reinforce a certain behavior in his sub and at the same time as a pleasurable (sexual) stimulation for the sub. While both punishment and reward may be two distinct areas in the relationship, many times the lines .     Submissives who are attracted to these situations are those who want the same agreed condition and especially the limitations. They can be called feisty, bad little girls, spoiled, hard to tame, because they like to challenge the limits and/or rules. Or because they have certain fears.     This can be a game area where fun supersedes the Dominant/submissive operative. The Dominant and submissive like the actual and varied activities and enjoy each other when participating in them. In many cases the submissive does not actually want to surrender but likes playing as if she does.     These relationships seem to be less long term, as this is the area where “thrill seekers” usually reside. Many like this type of situation since it is a convenient and safe way to play with D/s. It is fun and it makes it easy to feel like they are indeed practicing D/s. These same people while enjoying D/s related scenes are not as into the emotional side of dominance and submission as are others.     On the other hand this type also serves a very good purpose, acting as a safe passage into other variations of D/s, or for learning, especially among those who are doing this for the first time with someone new, or they are trying it for the first time ever. After some experience is gained in D/s activities these people begin to learn the “rules of the road”, so to speak. Sometimes leading to a more intimate and stronger D/s relationship.      

The “Honest” secret to a truly happy life I came to this epitome recently which felt as if I found a jigsaw piece that I didn’t even know I had loss. I have always known that I do not think the same as most people but never thought about why. As a young kid I was exposed to motivational speakers and realized that the affirmations, meditation and even the music I listened to affected my mood. I grew up confident in my abilities and became a natural leader but never questioned why. I watched an interview where the topic of honesty and lying came up. The interview prompted me to research the physical and mental effects of lying and I was surprised. What resulted caused me to self-evaluate my some of my deepest personality traits. I felt as if I had been bumping into things in a dark room my whole life without even knowing it and a light was turned on. Nothing in my life is any different today but I can now clearly see how being completely honest has had a major impact in my life. It has affected me physically, mentally in amazing ways that I had not considered until now. When I was successful at something I took credit and if I failed, I accepted the responsibility. There were no participation trophies, if I screwed up I learned to accept the consequences. As a result, I develop strong mental and social connections with those close to me because people inherently understood that I had integrity and they could trust me. While still in high school I recognized that most of my peers were interested in sex but few knew anything about it. I was experienced which high school girls found very attractive so I took advantage of it. As an athlete I used affirmations that I was going to be successful it was uplifting and positive. My success with girls gave me confidence and it became self-fulfilling the more experience I gained the more they were interested in me. Self-deception shapes our reality, influencing choices and beliefs both negatively and positively. Many types of ‘lying’ also involve self-deception, in Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Grapes". The fox in the end, gives up and walks away, saying the grapes weren't that good anyway. The fox demonstrates how self-deception can be useful for avoiding the discomfort of unmet desires. When I was not successful with a girl, I would chalk it up to it was her loss not mine. It was because of that attitude that I never let failure slow me down. I have shared a story many times that, I honestly thought everyone was having sex when I was in high school because I was. Several years after high school I met a friend and we talked about the girls we dated. I was amazed that he never had sex with any of them, he was a virgin until he was in college. I screwed every girl I dated, if fact I flat out told them if I was going to go out and spend money on them, I would require at least a blow job. A few were offended but most were intrigued some even enough to pay for the date. That story always meant something to me because all of my guy friends were talking about getting laid but come to find out they were all full of shit. It has proven to reinforce my confidence and success with women. It turns out that studies have shown, those who believe lying will give them monetary or social recognition are more likely to continue being dishonest. Those who tend to be insecure or have an anxious, avoidant or attachment issues are more likely to be dishonest to avoid being criticized, rejected. Lying affects self-esteem, emotions and can lead to psychological consequences. Dishonesty puts the brain in a state of heightened alert, and this stress increases with the magnitude of the lie. There are very real symptoms of anxiety like increased respiratory and heart rates, sweating, dry mouth. That is how a lie detector works it measures your anxiety but there is a reason it does not work on everyone and I will get to that. The gut-brain axis refers to the two-way communication between the two systems, and explains why people describe feeling butterflies in their stomach under extreme stress. Research has shown the act of lying stimulates the neocortex, limbic system the temporal lobe and other areas of the brain. When we deceive someone the Amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates emotion, is activated, and we tend to feel shame or guilt. Brain imaging experiments have shown the limbic system in a dishonest brain lighting up like a fireworks display. Unfortunately, they also show that the brain can adapt to dishonest behavior. Studies have found that habitual lying can desensitize our amygdala and may even encourage people to tell bigger lies to get the same rush in the future. Those that lie all the time about little things tend to pass a lie detector because their body does not respond normally. A 2002 study performed found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation, telling an average of two to three lies. A 2010 study have shown that the average American tells one to two lies a day. Many people find deception essential for survival and social interaction to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I will do my best to avoid confrontations and avoid topics where I anticipate difficulties but I will not lie to protect feelings or keep someone’s secret. I have always told people, do not lie to protect me because I will tell the truth no matter the consequences and you will get burned. At least to me being honest about everything is not a moral choice, I just find it a lot less stressful. If you have nothing to hide, there is nothing be worry about. If you fuck something up own it and get past it. The facts prove that I am right, if you are in a small group you have to keep track of what you told each person so not to create a confusion. A liar has to steer conversations to avoid tripping over lies which will create the need for more lies or blend, bend lies to make the fit. I am sure that some enjoy the mental gymnastics and get a rush out of deceiving people and they become pathological liars. For most, it just creates anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and all kinds of other stresses. I take the time each day to appreciate what I have achieved. I try to meditate, say affirmations, practice yoga in order to center myself. Life is good…. I have always known I look at life different than most people but never questioned why. I now have a better understanding why a lot of women I correspond with eventually ghost me. My actual life is their fantasy world and they either assume that I am lying. When it becomes clear that I am serious it can scare the shit out of them. I have found that when faced with everything they say they want, their reality kicks them in the ass. They have family obligations, children, career or other considerations that will prevent them from leaving the world they know. In the end they are just looking for a masturbation partner. There a few adventurous enough, that when provided an opportunity to recreate their life, step out of their comfort zone and make the changes necessary to make their fantasies come true. Choosing to live your life before it is too late can be scary. Imagine your life six months from now not having to worry about going to work, paying rent or other bills and everything you need like food, clothing, shelter is provided. The perfect 1950’s homemaker that spends her time taking care of the Master of the home. I have been active in the kink community for my entire life and can make fantasies come true. I won a successful business, multiple vehicles, my home, a bar that hosts monthly BDSM lifestyle events and have organized the Key West kink community for over ten years. I now realize that when I share my reality, the truth about what I have accomplished and what I have to offer it sounds like a lie. Nothing in my life is any different today and I do not know what I am going to do with, this new found understanding of what makes me who I am. I guess the funniest thing is, when I am not successful with a potential slave it is truly her loss not mine. If anyone who knows me wants to comment on what I have written, please feel free. I would appreciate any feedback.  

Tonight was a very bad night.  My sub collapsed  trying to get up out of bed.  He also had a fever of 101.8, was sweating up a storm and had a very high pulse rate.  Since he hates going to the hospital I gave him 2 choices.  I told him I could call 911 or take him to the ER.  We where lucky and the ER was almost empty when we got there.  They got him right in.  They gave him 3, yes THREE, huge bags filled with iv fluid.  I was surprised to find out that all his symptoms where related to a UTI.  I never thought that muscle weakness, fever, and a host of other symptoms can be related to something as simple as a UTI if you are over 50 y.o.  They gave hime fluids and i.v. antibiotics and sent him home.   He has been very good about drinking water, but since he had the infection he wasn't drinking enough water.  I am SO very glad we caught it before he fell in the yard or in his shop when he was alone.   Onto other matters.  I was talking to someone I thought was a good choice for a slave,  CS has proven me wrong again,  I sure hate the flakes here.  Why is it so hard to find an intellegent, honest slave?  I get flooded with emails, but very very very few seem to be the real thing.  I have two interviews in the new few weeks, but those I found someplace else.  Real life experence is the best way to play. I can't wait till another Kinkfest 2022.  It is a sold out event again this year. I am going to make a huge efffort to go to the play parties after all the classes.  I am so happy all of us kinky people can get back togeather again.  

Why is it that some people who put dom on their profile think they can  automatically send rude and disrespectful messages to a submissive person? Do they honestly think submissive type person equals to no brain?  I'm submissive not a doormat to every tom, dick and harry LOL. My Master has earned my Trust, Loyality and Respect!!! and has my total submission!!!  I treat others respectfully however, I do NOT submit to others unless of course my Master wishes it so. With that said IF anyone decides to message me please keep it polite.  I have no wish to see your photo's and neither do I want to be spoken down to. I'm somewhat intelligent and can hold a decent conversation.  I'm just a normal everyday type of person who just happens to naturally have a need to submit to my Master whom I am extremely happy to belong to!!! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

Using a journal entry so I don't have to wait for approval to change my profile.  I'm 50 now and no longer a vegetarian.  I do not have any pets.  I'm no longer looking to move outside of Michigan.  I need to stay here due to the license for my job.  Moving within Michigan might be an option.   Things I'm truly looking for:  an intelligent, service oriented submissive who is between the ages of 40 and 55 and who is both single and available for a long term relationship.   Hard limits:  chastity, cross dressers or sissy maids, pegging, people who try to masturbate to my emails, people who have one main kink and only want that need met, people who don't read my profile, people who expect Barbie with a whip and leather catsuit.    I want to have fun with this again!

Haven't written anything in a while, and I had a quiet minute between tasks, so I thought I would write about a recent experience I had out in the wild. I had done a pop in at a Dollar Tree. I hadn't done anything special that day - no makeup, no sexy clothes, just my vibrant magenta hair and my bright orange mirror sunglasses. Maybe my hand bleached mandala design tank top was cool. So when a very bald guy walking my way kind of leaned toward me and told me really liked my hair, I said thank you, and casually commented that I also had some hair loss and the bold color helps hide that. He apparently took that as an opening, and asked if I was married, and I said I have a partner, and that we are "complicated." He asked what that meant, and I asked if he knew what polyamory was. He gave a noncommital sound like he wanted to seem like he did, and I followed it with saying that we are always open to new playmates if they are compatible. So he asked me about going for coffee sometime. I said I was open to discussing it and offered him my business card. Now, I designed my own cards, for goth costuming and art and such. They are mostly black and purple and lacy with gothic lettering.  And they have QR codes on the back to my Etsy and Instagram and email, etc. No numbers. He looked at it, turning it over and back, like he had no idea what I'd handed him.  He said "Let's skip all that and you give me your phone number." I said no, I don't really do phone calls.  So he hands me back my card and says "So you aren't really interested. Good luck with all that" and walked away with this smirk like he'd caught me trying to trick him.  At this point in my life, I can look at the whole thing and laugh. This is so common in my expeirence, but its still amusing to watch happen.  I was pretty positive this wasn't going anywhere when he first asked, but I was willing to listen to his pitch. But interested? No, I was not "interested." This guy did not look like Jason Momoa. He didn't talk like a heavy intellectual. Nor did he dress like anything more than your average rando - tshirt, long shorts, etc. He hadn't said anything, either, other than asking for my attention. He didn't ooze seduction or ... anything other than averageness, honestly. He walked up to a total stranger, made the barest effort, divulged nothing of use or value in the 2-3 minutes we spoke, but expected... something more from me. Then when I didn't make up the difference for him, he bailed and wanted to act like I'd led him on somehow with my simple failure to be rude, and basic honesty.  He was *INTERESTED.*  He was not in any way *interestING* on the surface. So there was nothing to be interested IN at that point.   But he wanted to be butthurt that I wasn't equally interested in him. I wasn't even snarky about the phone. Just not insecure about saying no. And he tried to turn it into something personal. Weak men are everywhere. Here, at work, in daily life, etc. Men who want something, and sometimes will profess great interest in getting it, but at the slightest bump, they flail and pout and throw up their hands and play helpless. Well, except when they decide to get violent about it. Which is why I carry pepper spray on my keys and a stun gun in my purse.  There's a tictok video where a woman expresses her frustration with men who want to complain that women all want '6 foot, 6 figure, 6 pack' and all we REALLY want is for you to be nice to us and feed us tacos. She's not wrong.  And I have a whole profile outlining what I want, and what I don't want, as well as countless journal entries laying out how to avoid pissing off me, and every Domme I know. And yet... It doesn't have to be this hard, guys.  Just don't expect us to make all the effort for you. 

:'( :"""( :"( :""(  wish i had someone to be here care ease my pain a little comfort hold me something. so hurting down used cheated on lied to hurt never good enough so much bad in life and hurt

i'm a painslut, plain and simple. i am more than that, but i am very much that. i have fantasized, for as long as I can remember, about being bound and gagged, helpless and vulnerable, as a confidently sadistic woman inflicted exquisite agonies upon me. CBT was an essential component of these fantasies from the outset, and in ways i couldn't understand at the time, my suffering pleased Her, which made me want to please Her more. With all my heart, i want to please Her now and forever. i want to serve and please Her in many other ways, but make no mistake: i'm a painslut, and i will adore Her for devouring what i give to Her.

Do you like that?/ I keep his throat in my pocket/ He tries to bite back/ I'm sleeping deep in his lungs/ He wants to deny that/ He's on the edge of his seat/ And he's trying not to break, but I give it 'bout a week/ I'm made of linen and salt, my blood is made up of feathers/ He runs on language and laughter, he's made of leather and pepper/ Our limbs walk over to each other, the bodies are shoving/ And I grab him by the tie and, oh god,I think he's blushing/ And the tactics, accents, rip my seam/ He's a hopeless, focused, fucked up dream/ And he's trying not to crawl, 'cause he won't say he needed me/ And he's trying not to sleep, 'cause all he does is dream of me/ His family's scared of me 'cause the concept of sex is stronger than the concept of god/ And when he's missing on Sunday, they know who's at fault/ And I'll return him home, sick with a fever/ 'Cause his still on the ground, on his knees, in a theatre/ 'Cause I'm the backyard heathen/ The girl he's dreamin'/ I'll bend him over backwards, give him something to believe in/ No end, no completion/ He says stop teasing/ We'll play the game, both go insane, and then we'll call it even/ 'Cause his chest is heaving/ His knees got weakened/ All strong and rough and tough, but I ruined that in an evening/ I sunk my teeth in/ And by next weekend/ You're admitting I'm the only god that you'll ever believe in/

Newbies and their b.s about not wanting to go out in the real kink scene with reply as: A munch has no play, it's a drink in a pub. At a fetish club you can watch, you don't need to play, instead chat to other kinksters and familiarise yourself with the kink arena. If you feel the need to be discreet thrn you are likely cheating = no from me. Join Fetlife to chat in discussion groups if you wish to remain online. There are "roleplay" groups for Fantasy "play" = not my thing. I think my reply is clear. Experienced Submissive and Slave guys only who drive and go to munches and fetish clubs is what interests me.  Just because a newbie wants an experienced Dominant Woman doesn't mean he access to my time. I RULE me.

  PLEASE DO NOT SEND ONE LINE MESSAGES AND PLEASE READ THIS SHORTENED PROFILE BEFORE WRITING.  IT'S UNLIKELY THAT YOUR PROFILE WILL ADDRESS ALL THE ISSUES I MENTION HERE SO I MAY NOT WRITE TO YOU EVEN IF I LOOKED AT YOUR PROFILE EVEN IF WE MIGHT BE A GOOD FIT. IF YOU HAVE AN INTEREST OR THINK IT'S POSSIBLE WE COULD FIT IT WOULD BE A GOOD THOUGHT FOR YOU TO WRITE AND FIND OUT......  Because this site mangles punctuation and foreshortens some words I have tried to get around some of the issues as best I can. Please don't think we are illiterate and don't have good communications skills.  We suppose the best thing is to eliminate the majority of people on this site who don't fit with what we're seeking. That is not a judgement since not being right for us doesn't mean you're not right for many people here. We are seeking a slave or two who can be comfortable being owned by a fairly radically liberal Dominant man. We have cats and 2 Great Danes so pet allergies are a problem. We need to live with bdsm as the focus of our household so custodial children won't work. Even though  many people think I am younger than my years I am old and probably only going to be able to function as a Master for another 15 years or so. Once a family is established we will seek another dominant to be mentored and groomed to provide continuity for the family but there are no guarantees. Even so I still expect a one hundred percent buy in and c0mmitment. That literally means NOTHING held back, total honesty and devotion. Anyone afraid of hard work, total honesty or keeping a daily written journal won't work out long run.   I've been a live in slave owner most of my adult life but still have a lot to learn. If you need someone who has all the answers or can tell you exactly what you'll be doing in a year that's not me. My experience is each relationship is unique and takes on a life of it's own meaning as we each grow and evolve together our path will open up in front of us but neither of us can know exactly where it leads until we're on it.   We are a sadistic male dominant Master and his masochistic but highly service oriented slave. We work hard at living bdsm full time and still have active careers and time for the vanilla world.  We are very liberal, open minded, caring and dedicated to our way of life. Master is experienced and even skilled with over 50 years in bdsm communities and having owned live in slaves for most of that time. He is not judgemental and can probably address most any fetish or bdsm need you may have if he beleives you are capable of dealing with the outcome of living it as part of your way of life.We seek open, honest, drama free and not jealous slaves to join us in creating a caring small bdsm poly family. We don't tolerate bigotry of any kind. The mantra of ALL OF US BEING ON THE SAME TEAM might explain a lot. We require an extraordinary amount of c0mmitment, complete honesty and devotion. The ability to trust and share everything going on for you is critical.Together as a family I expect us all to work for common goals, be supportive of one another, always be excited and willing to explore further everything in bdsm. Adventuresome and self aware of your need to serve and live bdsm would be good. I am flexible and will consider slaves of any  legal age or gender or situation as in couples, singles or even an existent poly family because everyone has something to offer that could be useful to this poly family at each stage in their lives. But do keep in mind I ask for and expect a lot from slaves, That means literally 100 percent from you whatever that turns out to be.  We believe we offer a lot in return and if we connect this is an extraordinary opportunity for you and us. Please write if you feel an interest. We hate to waste your and our time if you cant envision an older owner or being expected to stay in slave space mindset almost all the time. There is a lot that we havent said here but again in the interest of not wasting your time I will stop and have more to share if you have an interest. We always answer questions as honestly as possible, feel free to ask anything.

I haven't been on this site in over a year. It took me about 10 tries to remember my password. I'm not sure how I feel about peeking in again. Same old, same old maybe.   For anyone new tripping over my profile for the first time, I'm currently 59 years old, and many of my pictures here are over 5 years old. Some of the earlier ones are closer to 10 years old, so keep that in mind. I'm not updating anything though since this site is so glitchy. If you want to see more recent pictures, I have active profiles on FetL-f- under the names Neolloydia and SoulSiren. Otherwise, all the info on my profile is accurate. I'm only interested in making local in-person connections.   I will add that to me, kink is something you layer on top of a healthy vanilla relationship. In no way, shape or form can kink replace a healthy vanilla relationship, imho. Therefore, I won't engage in S&M with anyone I don't like as a person, and I won't have sex with anyone I'm not in a healty mutually beneficial relationship with. Keeping this in mind, If you reach out and our conversation goes well, I will want to meet quickly and see how we click face to face on an old-fashioned vanilla date, and go from there.   Happy 2026 Everyone!

Scared off the Dom that It was presently Under consideration too.A Civvie that he didnt keep it confidence and discussed things about it without checking with it first Especially about it Military deployments and active duty.He went to a friend as a sounding board he trusted that person told him that he should run away as fast as he can because of what it has been involved with and committed too on its old life. How fucked up it is mentally and physically because of wars deploying and willingness to sacrificing its life for the greater good to make a difference.He told his friend that It works as a Prostitute to survive after another Dom it sacrificed its careers for to be totally focused on him and later he was found out to be a closet serial killer.And all the medical treatments and surgerys ahead of it. He turned out to be a frightened little rabbit that breaching it trust was the betrayal was so big he knew It couldn't forgive him.

Oh friends. What I'm about to describe may change our relationship, but it 100% happened just now and I'm not sharing this story with anyone else.  My puppy woke me a short time ago to go outside. Glancing at the clock and seeing it was 4:30, I didn't do any of the things I would normally do before taking her outside. Her waking me means we need to go now. Yes ma'am, let's go. We get outside and she decides that dandelions are interesting and this patch of grass tastes divine, and so on, as she does sometimes leading up to her business. She has a flare for the dramatic, like her momma. Meanwhile, I've had to pee since the moment she woke me. All the way down what felt like ten thousand stairs, through every moment of her moseying outside, I. Have. To. Pee. And I'm not going to make it back to the house.  Chances are if you're reading this you are genetically male (is that the correct term?) and so you would just pull up a patch of grass and unzip. Not having that luxury I faced my two options. Either I could wet my pants, or I could squat and tinkle. Friends, I really tried to use all of those downstairs muscles to make it back to the house. Truly I did. But it wasn't going to happen and I did laundry earlier today. So I did the unthinkable. I moved to a spot less lit. I slid my pajama pants down a bit. I squatted. And I peed. I'm sure someone's door camera caught it, or maybe someone out for a walk. Hopefully it was just me and my puppy. And now you. It's our secret, okay? 

PROFILE UPDATE, JULY 2023:Looking for mentally and emotionally rich connections with intelligent, curious, playful people. Gender and/or location are not important to me, as long as there's chemistry.Online is essential, at least until a lot of trust is established.I'm educated, eloquent, and can write messages in (more than) full sentences. I adore getting to know people. Sharing fantasies, embarking on intimate explorations of our shadowy sides, learning what makes people tick, and pushing buttons.Kink-wise I enjoy the mental aspects over the physical: Power exchange, task-setting, humiliation, devotion, worship, chastity, teasing and denial, hypnosis, intoxication, psychological manipulation, magic and mindgames.Also up for making friends, casual chat, and mentorship. I'm very friendly and up for talking to anybody so feel free to say hi, whoever you might be.

The idea of domination and control permeates the fantasies of many tops.  However, is very rare to find individuals that are willing to explore the realms to which they demand their subs to go. It is not enough  to take the sacred charter of the sub's will, the top must earn the right to be called lord, master,sir,or any other name the sub is required to use.  The sub gives freely what he is not willing to take back from his top.   That is the theory behind the creation of armies since the beginning of our belligerent history. The sexual background noise the armies have used to veil the idea of how willing men are to follow those who they consider superior specimens of the gender has been obscured by ranks and uniforms.   Now back to our top/ sub relationship. If we consider how intense and painfully personal the relationship of top and sub is, it should not surprise us that people will misunderstand power with abuse. The sacred charter of this relationship is better to start with ritual behavior to cement, clarify, and establish boundaries. The idea of ritual as a psycho drama has been the language of choice for our species since the beginning of our humanity. On a power charged relationship the idea of surrender and possession is better expressed through ritual behavior. This ritual behavior is key to understand how powerful is the mounting of the sub by his top. Once the power relation is established it is consummated and powerfully demonstrated through the penetration at the end of the role playing that occurs between the top and the sub. It is always good to remember that the power of the top comes from the sub willingness to give himself to his master.

Finding the Dominant you want.  There are a lot of submissives looking for a Dominant. Your initial interaction can make or break if you move forward.  Figure out what you are looking for. Then, look for someone who fits that vision.  A loving relationship? A scene occasionally?  Do you want someone who does precisely what you want?   Are you basing your need off porn and fantasy? Think about this one. Don't look for perfect because you might pass up someone who can grow to be your "perfect" person in all the right ways. Don't be blind to imperfections; you might miss out.  Get to know the real person you are talking to.  Don't hold the person to your porn fantasy?  No one will meet the fantasy built up in a realistic relationship.  Great advice, I read this morning. "The best advice I can give any submissive man is do not look for a domme; look for a person."  Build the relationship after getting to know the person in a vanilla way. You might be surprised how much more fulfilling the relationship will be.  Be the amazing, intelligent person you are, and let yourself shine while getting to know her. 

  My thoughts and understanding between the difference between a sub and a slave.  Yes, everyone thinks that a slave has no rights. They are property.  I view slavery as the utmost form of submission.  When a sub says to her dom or master "please own me." What the slave is meaning is that she has such trust in her dom that she trusts him with her life. Not only physically, but psychologically as well. She knows that any decsions that her "owner" makes is in the best interests of the slave.  This subsmission should not be taken lightly but after a high degree of trust is earned. That trust has to be mutual or the relationship will suffer.   Basic Rules    1. The sub/slave will address all men as Sir or other appropiate title within the BDSM lifestyle, All women will be addressed as Mistress or other appropiate title within the BDSM lifestyle. If agreed too all vanilla men and women will be refered to as sir or ma'am.   2. The sub/slave wil report any changes to health physical or mental.   3. The sub/slave will commincate any concerns, requests, or desires in an honest and respectful manner as well as keep a journal and make one entry per day in the journal and will present the journal for review weekly.   4. The sub/slave when entering the houshold shall remove all clothing and present herself naked for inspection. Once inspected she is to remain naked or dress in appropiate clothing as directed.   5. The sub/slave will accept any restriction as agreed too including mental or physical bondage.   6. The sub/slave will adhere to all protocols, modes of speech, positions as agreed too. All positions must be done in a graceful manner.   7. The sub/slave will accept any discipline and punishment as agreed too and realize that thisis a corrective action to aid her in her journey of submission.   8. The sub/slave shall perform any sexual service as agreed too, unless there is a health issue that would prevent her from performing that sexual service.   9. The sub/slave shall perform any domestic service as agreed too, unless there is a health issue that would prevent her from performing that domestic service.   10. A collared sub/slave shall honor her collar and not engage in any activity that would dishonor her collar, herself, or her dom/master.

Covid. Yep. Add me to the tally. I actually feel like I'm on the mend so I was shocked when I tested positive this morning. 8 days until Christmas. This might just give me a quiet Christmas at home, and really, isn't that the best present? No family drama! I'm on board with that. I mean, I'll see what my doctor says, but I'd rather not jeopardize anyone's health just to open some presents, and that's really saying something because I love presents. And if I can't smell or taste anything I'm going to live on spinach smoothies because why not? I already miss the scent of my dog, if you can believe it. She doesn't smell like dog. Or it's her own unique spin on dog. I miss it. She's been hovering more than usual, like a little four legged nurse. I even woke in the night to find her gently licking my side. Such a sweet girl. Can people pass covid to dogs? Don't tell me. I don't want to know. Except now I'm Googling.  Okay, it's rare, but possible. And I should avoid contact with her. Very unlikely. And she shouldn't sleep in my bed. Not happening. And I shouldn't snuggle her. Out of my control. I hope she's okay. It's too late for me. Save my dog. 

Desire part 3   I slapped his erection and asked, "do you belong to me?"   "Ehn" he nodded, the veins in his arms standing out as he tensed and raised his hips again nodding as best he could.   I squeezed his erection roughly. Scooting my body backward and hovering over it.    "Do you want to be inside of me?"    He made a strangled noise and thrust up in my grasp. I slammed down on him. Filling myself. Fucking myself with him as if he were just a living dildo. He moaned under his hood. A faceless man. An object. A dog.  Not allowed to cum unless I used the command word. The special word. One I won't write here.   I moaned and rode him leaning back and grinding so that his pubic hair tickled my clit, then leaning forward to press the sensitive bud into his pubic bone. I could feel myself clenching around him and dripping, soaking us both as I drew closer to my orgasm.   "Please. your. Empress," I hissed, "hold your breath for me." I pressed my hands over his mouth and nose in his hood and rode him harder, my ass and thighs clapping against his thighs. And for 40 seconds he seemed to be calm but then he began to buck, fighting for air as he neared a minute without, his heart beat furiously in his chest, visibly so, and his bucking slowed, I felt myself there at the edge of my orgasm, I let him have air and released his bound arms. Tired from restriction he reached out slowly and grabbed my thighs and hips and thrust up into me furiously as I cried out in pleasure. Dripping around him as my pussy sucked and twitched and clenched around him.  Obediently he didn't cum.  Once I finished he put his hands back beside his head so that I could bind him again. He lay there still. His dick still deep inside of me. His heart still racing as his chest rose and fell.   I climbed off of him and stumbled towards the door as he lay there on the floor. I gave him one final look and said, "good night, my pet", before I clicked off the light, left the room, and locked the door. Leaving him there on the floor, tied in his hood, bound, naked, alone, erect and frustrated in the dark. While I, well fucked and satisfied, returned to my bed and my book.   

How long does it take to inspect a piece of meat? I will start this little entry to My Journal with a quote from My writing about the first meeting with a prospective slave property, “Inspection may take just a few minutes. How long does it take to inspect a piece of meat?” This sentence was intended to address what I hope to find in a slave’s mentality. I want a slave to approach its possible future life as a piece of property as though it were on the auction block. When it is on the block, what ever trauma it experienced in the process of ending up naked on display available to the highest bidder, is not on evidence. Such trauma, or in the case of My inspection, is irrelevant to the ongoing process of slave acquisition. What I care about is the slave’s sacrifice to be exposed to My inspection with hope, but, maybe without expectation that it will become My property. Much like the slave on the auction block, to be viewed and passed by, rejected, by many and bid on by few up to gaining residence with a previously unknown Owner. A word about rejection. (Forgive My digression.) Many slaves that are into humiliation as an element fueling their need to become ‘less than’ have discovered rejection as an incredibly powerful humiliation and, therefore, a delicious element in the humiliation paradigm they inhabit. Others fear even the thought of rejection as the ultimate sanction from a Superior. Rejection bights deep and hurts in a long lasting fashion for many slaves. Some slaves think rejection is the worst form of punishment. The thing is, when I wrote the ‘piece of meat’ comment I did not expect that I would reject a prospective property at one look. The comment was more allegorical of the feeling a slave may have of being exposed on auction than actually running the risk of being immediately rejected. And then it, the piece of meat inspection and rejection, happened. I have inspected many slaves. I have delved into their mouths for teeth and brain for thinking. I use exhaustive questioning at times, but, always with the idea that this particular ‘meat’ would be what I am looking for. But the most recent inspection was different. My first look at the prospect caused Me to utter, “it is an ugly fucker, isn’t it?” Brutal and ‘unfair,’ might be the assessment of a casual observer. However, it was a truth spoken by Me to engender a response from the slave that would tell Me much about its attitude. The response it gave, “yes, Master,” was encouraging to Me. Nevertheless, My desire to own this particular piece of chattel went down hill from that instant on. I had picked it up at the airport. Driving to a restaurant for the initial part of the inspection, I always do the first face to face to face in a public place, I kept glancing at it. Each glance made Me feel more ill at ease. Until, I gave up on the restaurant idea and pulled to the side of the road. Looking it squarely in its eyes, I told it there was no way I want it and that I was taking it back to the airport. Yes, something happened inside of Me. I am not able to describe it other than it was the opposite of ‘love at first sight.’ Yes, it did not take that long to look at a piece of meat and reject it. Yes, I am a sadist. However, I am not sadistic without bounds. I am not attracted to killing or snuff fantasies. Nor, I am interested in severing limbs or causing bodily injury that might require anything but most minimal medical attention. With this ‘piece of meat’ experience I have found a new limit to My sadism. I did not enjoy rejecting it. Actually, I felt a slight tinge of remorse later when thinking about what My behavior. So, it turns out I have psychological bounds as well as physical to My sadism. Any thoughts, even negative, the reader may have on My little incident would be appreciated.    

I've had to narrow down my profile considerably so ive popped it in the below. But I have been here before for many years. Boredom brought me back; "A Lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp My Lord,as long and sharp as yours."-GoT-RoC "That which yields is not always weak." ** Gideon Falls.** SAPIOSEXUAL ♌ About the Delicacy ♌ "Always more" I know what I want & I know what I need. These kind of sessions are one per every other month. I am seeking intensity above all, not only physical, but mental ( Please ask about that). The below still more or less describes me well, with little to update there! Suits attract me, a good cologne stops me ,intelligence will ensnare me.- I am a sapiosexual, know this. Understand this. \~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I will always play fire with fire. There is no turning back when you reach me. We will touch, and we will ignite and then the dance of two flames will begin. For you are me, and I am you. I will collect your sin, and you will harbour my shame.We will bury each other alive. I will hate you and love you for it. \~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There is something beautiful in yearning. In wanting the impossible. To reach out and almost have it; to feel it upon your skin like the petal of a rose, only to be pricked by the thorn of disappointment, or hopelessness. To desire, what you can never have. A dance of wills, a tango of conflicts. To be humbled, and brought low by the simple word "no". To endure nothing, but everything in A simple moment. Passion-Patior(patï)-To Suffer This is what I breathe.   Alpha-Predatory; It takes a special kind of man to make me kneel. I am alpha by nature; what do I mean by alpha? I mean controlled. Independent, strong willed motivated (most of the time).I hunt predators for fun,with a depraved and unrelenting hunger. They are my speciality. I answer to no-one, but my conscience. And do only what my conscience dictates. I am in full control of my life, and everything around me has a purpose. Without the purpose or organisation things would crumble. I like organised chaos. It may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to me-and that is all that matters. Hey, I'm a Leo. What can I say. In every day life, I am alpha. Neither sub nor dom. Just a mode of personality which evolves with the surroundings I am in. I am the type who always needs to be in control of a situation, if not, things become complex. This is more then likely what you will see and notice when you first meet me. If you happen to find me kneeling infront of someone, it's down to two reasons: a mockery or said special man (my dominant), is around and has requested it of me. I will only ever truly Kneel for one person. That is my rule.

¡Nueva publicación en mi blog! No olviden: ¡Suscribir, compartir, comentar y darle "Like"!¡Provecho! https://amaasht.art.blog/2022/10/10/de-premios-y-castigos/

I’ve been sitting on an idea… and I think it’s time to bring it to life. I’m putting together a show called Hierarchy Protocol. A real space. A real house. Real people. For one week, a select group of submissives, slaves, and Dommes will live under structure. Roles will be assigned. Tasks will be given. Behavior will be observed. No fantasy. No hiding behind a screen. Just how you actually function. I’m not looking for everyone. I’m looking for people who are serious, who understand discipline, and who are willing to step into something real and be seen. This is still in the early stages, so I’m also looking for people who are willing to help build it—production, ideas, structure, whatever you bring that’s actually useful. So I’ll ask you directly— Would you be willing to step into something like this? Or help me bring it to life? If so… come talk to me. — Goddess Nikki

A Master takes away his slave's free use of time. Her time no longer belongs to her. She rises in the morning when instructed, and her use of time is at Master's will. She will work at what Master orders when he tells her. If she works outside the home, she is expected back at a certain time, her time belongs to him. When she eats, sleeps, perhaps uses the bathroom, when she does her chores, and when and if she has leisure is not for her to decide. Her time is not her own. If Master calls her to his side, she goes, no matter what she was doing. Her time is not her own, it belongs to Master. When you take away a woman's free use of her time, it no longer belongs to her, but becomes Master's time. I think there is no more powerful psychological experience than that of not owning your own time. Physicality: The experience of one's body as one's own. A slave's body does not belong to her. She is instructed on how to wear her hair, whether and how to use makeup, when to be clothed, and in what clothing, and when to be naked, how to care for her skin and nails. She can be stripped and inspected at will. She is denied free access to her own pleasure. She may not masturbate without permission. She may not climax without permission. She may not take irin for a headache without permission. She has sex when, how, and with whom her Master decides. She must bear whatever pains are inflicted upon her. She has no right to say "no" to the use of her body. After a time, her psychological reality becomes "my body no longer belongs to me." When you take away a woman's free use and handling of her own body, it no longer belongs to her, but become's Master's property. It is a powerful shock that first moment a woman recognizes that her body is no longer her own. Privacy: We free beings are used to the right to privacy. We close bathroom doors. We perform our ablutions in private. We would prefer to be left alone when we are ill, perhaps, or cranky, or not looking our best. We hide the evidence of our menses: flush the tampons, wrap the used napkins. We take our deepest fears, our most intense angers, our illogical primitive emotions and hide them from others, lest they turn from us in disgust or fear. We note our dreams in morning and consign them to the dream ether from whence they come; they disturb us and we wish to forget. A slave has no right to any of that privacy. There is no private space in which a slave can hide from Master, either literally or metaphorically. She may not close a bathroom door. If Master wants her to experience her lack of privacy, he may choose to intrude upon her bathroom functions. She may not hide her fears, her angers, her emotions, for when Master intuits she is astir, he will be in her face until she opens them to him. When a woman has no privacy, neither physical nor psychological, she no longer owns her space, her external or internal space. When you take away a woman's privacy, she no longer owns her internal or external space, her very essence belongs to Master. We can see why this takes time. It takes time because one must repeatedly, consistently, doggedly take ownership of a woman's time and body, and strip her of the right to privacy. And it's no wonder there is resistance along the way: it's not only willfulness that must be addressed, but resistence out of fear when a woman begins to be transformed, when she feels her ownership of her time eroded, her ownership of her body stripped away, her privacy gone. A woman enters this process a free agent, comfortably familiar to herself, and is truly transformed. She becomes something more beautiful then she ever thought possible, she becomes a slave

 One of the hardest things to learn as a Domme type because it goes against a lot of societal programing, is extracting obedience when there is resistance and things are going wrong. These rules from a military prospective should be kept in mind to help us. -You can’t expect obedience because someone owes you.-You can’t expect obedience because you have won a popularity contest.-You can’t expect obedience because it makes sense to them.-You can’t request obedience.-You can’t bargain for obedience. It is something you must command.

i stay stresssed out and depressed all the time anymore its hard for me to think its hard for me finding someone to be in my life when your family mistreats you your thinking pattern gets off of what you was going to do with screaming and yelling at me all the time it never fails i speak i get jumped on for breathing or moving 16 years of there mouths and mentally i really take much more it's killing me mental im already dead on the inside but idiots  doesn't care about me my feelings or my needs they dont care if i die anyways they tell me to kll myself nobody wants your stupid ass anyways fucking whore your nothing but a worthless piece of ass nobody wants ... and one cop in my hometown october said your ruthless piece of ass nobody wants when i was living at the apartment i was at so i stopped socializing i stop going to the store i busted my phone so i wouldn't have to deal with stupid ass bullies and i am at my breaking point and my landlord would let who ever in my aprtment because in august i was watching tv an smoked a joint before i went to bed an took my mucsle relaxer and then who ever had a key to my apartment did something because i was stiff an couldn't move and woke up next morning couldn't hardly move my right arm the second night they molsted me in my sleep and i can't walk for a week... they grab my right foot that is how i knew an i checked my self and i got pissed off them letting people in my apartment landlord was a jealous jesus christ freak that almost got me raped... i have no trust left with anybody at this point because when i do they abuse me 

We now have our male slave we have completed training him so we now have the time to find one more female slave. We are considering have some part time subs all genders welcome to apply. For the part time position reply and answer the following questions   1. What day(s) can you you serve?   2. Are you local to the DFW area? If not can you reguarly make the trip to serve us?   3. What skills could you bring to us for service?   4. What are your kinks? Masocists to the front of the line.   5. What are you expecting out of this? Since this is a part time mainly playtime arrangement do not be afraid to tell us what you hope to get out of it.        We wiil not have any type of sexual contact with part time subs sorry but we have two slaves and since they serve 24/7 that is the one advantage they have over part time subs.   We are not looking to micro manage a part time subs life away from our house. However, part time subs will be required to follow house rules during visits and will not be treated differently than slaves in this regard.    We do expect part time subs to be present when they say they will be here. Life happens so yes sometimes you may have to cancel but if it becomes a reguar thing you will be released.        We will begin the part time sessions in January but you should begin to apply now.   

Ahh, my favorite season is here... Anything-But-Summer! I love the cooler weather in general, plus it gives me an opportunity to spend more time working in my yard. Now is the perfect time to look over my plants to see what was successful, and what may need relocated or even replaced. Once again, I'm enjoying the small surprises, such as the blueberries that have survived and even appear to be thriving in the bags in which I purchased them this spring. I'm saddened by the plants that looked promising in the spring, yet didn't survive the summer.  Much like those plants, although pleasant for a while, apparently I need to reassess some of the relationships in my life and consider finding others that have the potential to last longer and grow even more beautiful. Who wants to frolic and grow in my garden? *ominous grin*

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==  100% Slave 100% Rope bunny  96% Submissive  91% Masochist  89% Non-monogamist  86% Pet  83% Brat  80% Experimentalist  79% Degradee  71% Voyeur  62% Primal (Prey)  43% Exhibitionist  34% Vanilla  3% Ageplayer  0% Daddy/Mommy  0% Rigger  0% Owner  0% Master/Mistress  0% Sadist  0% Boy/Girl  0% Dominant  0% Switch  0% Degrader  0% Brat tamer  0% Primal (Hunter) 

Year's ago I went to this intriguing open lecture from a historian who published a book about sexual novelty. He described meeting people with what seemed like an unusal fetish but could be linked back to a childhood encounter. I guess my early encounter links back to my childhood, seeing my mother neglected, disatisfied in her one relationship.  She is one of those Christian women, who has been with one man here whole life and put all her hopes and dreams into one man that shattered her expectations of a happy life and marriage. I guess I lived part of her experience, which is why I am extremely independent always pursing a life goal, always helping others. 90% of my life has been helping other people and I honestly can say if I was hit but a bus, my last thought would be I have helped thousands of people. Just self-reflecting I don't think my sexual fantasies are in the BDSM remit.  I think leather is overrated.  Owning a BDSM dungeon is just bad furniture and B&Q rope.  I just like the idea of three people, entering a space and saying fuck what other people think, what do you want to try and what do you enjoy and leave the rest behind. I am sure there will be some who will show judgement and these are always individuals ignoring the cavities of their own life filling up with shit.  Life really is too short and I would rather in my public life carry on as I am and in my private life explore who I am.

One got to love those indecisive str8 males. They know what they want, crave it, and dream with it. However, they are terrified to discover their true desires which for against their concept of masculinity. I am well aware of the effect I have on males in general. But in the case of indecisive str8 males I am terrifiying. not good looking, not a body to look at, but full of attitude and a very noticeable bulge that is always an eye catcher. I understand the conflict, there is a struggle between what the body is telling them and what their rational mind opposes. The truth is that there is a physiological contradiction; the find themselves aroused and painfully hard and their hole quivering and wet. not into guys, never had been, so what's is wrong? Nothing is wrong, the fact and plain truthe is that they found a male a man that swept them off their feet and there is no denying; the want to be close and to feel the totality of  a sexuality that now awakened refuse to retreat.  They can rationalize all they can and they can flatly denny the obvious but the fact remains the proud str8 male fell for another more powerful male! What to do? Society, religion, the wife or gf at home, and the friends know this male as a man man , and now he is still is but there is an interest a craving, a thirst that only another man (me) que quench and there is the conflict that can only be solved by surrendering and realizing that there is no label only an expansion of sexuality; a top and leader in public and asubmissive with the man that owns your most treasured space; your virginity. Step Up to the plate be a man and give your body what you now now it needs; a true male a Bull. 

What is truth?:   In the depths of night, in the light of day, We ponder the truth that won't betray. Is it a fact, or a subtle art, A guiding light, or a shattered part?   Do we seek truth in words we hear, Or in silence, when none is near? Is it a mirror, reflecting clear, Or a whisper, elusive, never near?   In the echo of history, in the depths of time, Do we find truth in prose, or in rhyme? Does it lie in the stars, in the sky above, Or in the beating heart, in the depths thereof?   Is truth a rock, unyielding and stark, A guiding beacon through the dark? Or does it shimmer, a shifting beam, A distant hope, a fractured dream?   In the soul's deep yearning, in the mind's keen quest, We question the truth, we put it to the test. Seeking answers amid the fray, What is truth? We ask, day by day.

You know how it's been on my mind lately, and for a while if I'm honest, about the spinning circle of the good but not right for me guy, yes? Yesterday an opportunity presented itself and I took a deep breath and set boundaries. Literally. I said we needed better boundaries because we're just friends, right? And he said, I don't know. Here's the courageous part... I said I didn't want to be a placeholder. !!! This is huge in my world, in my head, in my learning how to value myself. Standing ovation, I'm waiting.  I am guessing he didn't take it well. He said okay. And I haven't heard a peep since. Which is part of the problem. Was. Saying you want open communication and actually doing the open communicating are two very different things. As a friend I would have listened. As a friend I care and don't want to hurt him. As anything more, severed ties. Okay, more like severed ties that were reattached and cut again several times these past two years. Just like training wheels, leaning on the comfortable and convenient, being the comfortable and convenient. I'm in a much better place than I was two years ago. I don't know if you've heard, but I set boundaries. Tell your friends.  Back to me. Of course I feel bad. Worried I hurt him. Worried the timing is all wrong. And yet... not my circus, not my monkeys. You're familiar, yes? I have to remind myself of this all the time. If I ruled the world I would move from task to task, make it efficient or pretty or whatever it needed, and then hand it off to someone to continue running with my changes so I could fix the next thing. If there is a job where you are never responsible for finishing anything you start please let me know.  Oh. Right. I'm okay. I'm not beating myself up. It was long overdue. It's what I need and I'm proud of myself for following through. Sending him positive thoughts as I move forward without monkeys. 

The meanest man that I never knew From the day I walked on the floor, all of the staff warned me about you. They said you were a mean old man, it's best to always enter the room with two. He is grouchy, and hateful, and always a mess,  he refuses to let you change him, and gets quite ugly when you have to force him to. he always has chew in his mouth, be careful they said, he will even spit at you. I walked in and introduced myself, my name is Sarah and I'm new here,  it's nice to meet you. he ignored my hand and grunted as a response, I smiled and said, I'll be back to check on you. My first night, he grumbled at first,  we got the lift and changed the meanest man I never knew. we stuck to the routine for a short while, when at three a.m. and making some rounds, I hear a man yell, hey, so I stopped and turned around. I walked into his room, all alone, he looked at me warily, and said I'm ready to be changed. I couldn't help but smile at him, the meanest man I never knew, progress is progress, and he was beginning to trust me too. I asked the others, what his story was, they proceded to tell me of his past some spoke with disdain as they tarnished his reputation, no stone is ever left unturned in a small town population. Our routine continued at three a.m. and then at six, before I realized it, he allowed me to tend to him every two hours.at the least, and most days he even greets me with a smile and seems happy to see me. As time went on I noticed a pattern, the girls would give me report, and say with a smile, that the meanest man I never knew, refused to let them give him care  and said he is waiting for you. Covid came in the building and as it swept through, it got ahold of him and then me too. we were short staffed and there was no one left to call, so they allowed me to come in and stay only with the positive patients to work. That night we made a pitiful pair, but I held his hand, and gave him a pep talk, I told him we were in this together and we had to fight our way through, he squeezed my hand, and said, I don't feel good, but I'll fight with you. it was touch and go for awhile, I really didn't think he would make it, but, true to his word, he fought his way through, this meanest man that I never knew. time had passed and he never was quite the same and over the next several months, he slowly began to deteriorate. he became very clingy and held my hand when he talked, he often pulled me in for hugs he even told me he loved me once. his time was drawing near, the signs were plain to see, the meanest man I never knew was Tired and in pain he was ready to go but afraid at the same time he had no family left, he was all alone. I came back to work after my days off, the Girls said he was still hanging on and that they thought he was waiting for me. I made my rounds and sat with him in between  I held his hand for the last time  as the meanest man I never knew  took his last breath with his hand in mine.

Well, ladies and gents, the holiday season is again upon us. I'm debating with myself whether to invite several friends over once again or just have a quiet, eventless evening at home for Thanksgiving.   Last year I did a 20Lb turkey, in my outdoor air fryer, which turned out much better than I expected. It is a lot of work to put together a huge meal with all the fixings.  I will have to thank my mother when I see her again up yonder for all her work.  Maybe I will link up with a woman who is by herself this season and is seeking a Dom of her own to hold and cherish?  It would be nice going into the holidays and especially Christmas!  If not, I'll go to my church's Christmas Eve candlelight service again. Perhaps there is a woman who would like to spend the holidays with me, and join me for Christmas?   Lost 2 friends this past year and one cousin my age.  LIFE is SHORT and Quickly catches up with us all! 

I've been trying not to add any new journal entries because I don't think people really read them. But I don't want my profile to be super long (especially since the punctuation gets removed), so I'm going to add this journal entry AND put a note in my profile to refer to it.  1) I am very appreciative of the people who send a quick, complimentary note. As I'm sure everyone on this site is aware, there are more men than women, so if I don't respond - it's not because I'm rude - or I don't think you're attractive - more than likely it means that a) you are not local or b) I saw something in your profile that indictated that we are not a match. At first, I was trying my best to respond to every seemingly sane person how messaged me, but I simply don't have the bandwidth to do that AND respond to people who genuinely might be a match.  2) I was on this site once before YEARS AGO, or it's former iteration, collarme, and I left the site when I found a match. I trained with that particular Dom until he moved away and while I didn't move away with him, we remained friends, so I had fond memories of this site. After that D/s relationship, I tripped and stumbled back into a vanilla relationship. My photos are new, but I don't think I look SO very different that anyone I conversed with wouldn't recognize me. Maybe I'm delusional, so let me be fully transparent, my former screen name was sweetlucky7's. I have noticed that some of the Doms messaging haven't updated their photos since that time ;-).  But I digress. If you and I conversed a decade ago and it didn't go well, and you 'recognized' me and you've reached out to me again - with a new profile name and no photos - please don't waste time with some sort of weird vendetta. In that same vein - I'm also on Fetlife and my photos are the match the photos here on my profile. So if we didn't hit it off on Fetlife. Then you saw me here and decided to message me ... Please don't. This is a waste of time for us both. This leads me to my final point. 3) If, for some reason, you have multiple profiles on this site - and you message me from both profiles. Or, even worse, I block you on one profile and you then message me from the other profile, or if I blocked you on FetLife, please ask yourself, "What is your end game here?" I am a stranger to you. If we are not a match, that just means that we are not a match. It doesn't mean you're awful. It doesn't mean I'm awful.  There's no need to send me crazy messages or warn me that "I don't know what I'm missing out on." Remember the old adage, 'the best thing you can do to someone who doesn't appreciate you ... is to remove yourself from that person's life. This loss will sting the most."  Also ... if you're messaging me from two different profiles to try to figure out if I'm 'juggling men on the site' or 'lying about who I am' - I think that a) you might have some unrealistic perceptions about how online dating works - communicating with multiple people as part of a general veting process is typical; and b) the need for this type of subterfuge is good indication that your basic trust issues might mean  you're not a good candidate for online pursuits (kink or vanilla). Even if we aren't a match - I wish you all the best of luck in your search!

  The Gateway For a long time I have thought that D/s, or in general kinky people, naturally relate to the superheroes of comics. This is not really an original idea - many gay guys have a superheroe fetish, and it is not just because of the tight uniforms. The typical superheroe lives a double life to preserve his secret identity from his enemies. By day a conventional, perhaps conformist character, he transforms by night to live dangerous adventures in an exciting underground world.  Fortunately, the need for gay people to hide their orientation has greatly diminished, but the dicotomy is still there - and it has its own appeal. Kinky people are in a very similar situation (complete with tight outfits). Many of us are selective about who can know our interests, and to what degree. And this, I believe, will continue much longer than for gays, because some areas of kink are just harder for the mainstream to assimilate. So we have a double identity - a gateway that leads to an exciting, sometimes dark world. A world where sexuality and power are both more naked and more sophisticated than in "the surface". A world that is also inside us - the gateway leading not just to others, but to a part of ourselves that is often a surprise. The Great Unknown, right in our core.  It is not a trifle. And it is all a present we receive when we face our inner cravings - and fears.  Sed timeo dominas et dona ferentes.

Personal growth is the evolution of the mind to catch up with our soul. It comes in stages. For some it takes a while for others it's their daily obligation to themselves. One must sit back each evening after the sun has set and before the stars have risen. Take advantage of this purgatory moment in the heavens to lose oneself inside their being. Drift through the thoughts of the day gone by and squarely face it for all it was as we search for the answers of what it could be. Inspect ourselves for the quality we expect and demand of ourselves. Find errors in our ways and vow to be more mindful of tomorrow. For tomorrow is only a day away.  And hence the process proceeds as the journey continues.  Never ending, never arriving at our destination but always traveling.  Being mindful of the journey and appreciating the ability we have to be able to travel. Sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of others. At times even in the company of others but alone and lost within ourselves. Yet always traveling. The road blocks we encounter may sometimes lead us astray but never stopping us unless we allow them.  It is not only our obligation to meet them head on but to also overcome them with speed and efficiency. If not for us for the others in our lives. So take the moments when you can. Lose yourself and search your very depths and face your humanity as often as possible. Find the strength to look at yourself flaws and all and the courage to admit your weaknesses. Mistakes are just flaws not repaired.  Just like a pencil has an eraser to clean an error, let acknowledgement be yours.

Waiting is a bondage all of it's own We understandably often focus on the flashier, more explosive, more dramatic, expressions of power exchange and bdsm. I would imagine many people when they were exposed to an alternate concept explored online. Obviously porn and much of what you'll find is going to showcase the most visually appealing elements, the most outrageous. We might get this idea in our head of something we desire and then we might spend years trying to find someone who matches us to even start to engage in it. We get impatient, we want to get to the "good stuff". Slow everything down. Power, control, dominance, submission, these things are a mental/emotional experience, an alternate reality. The physical is simply how we express, create, maintain, and enjoy something that exists in our minds. My power over a woman is entirely based around her perception and belief that I have power over her. There is a kind of serene intensity to the most simple but pure expressions of power between us. I thrive and love when I am in complete control of the pace of the experience. I want to be slow and deliberate. I like to take time to let things stew, to examine, to explore, to analyze. Punctuating that with moments of faster pace intensity creates a stark contrast and a rollercoaster that tears down her walls. Don't underestimate the power of and presence that mental bondage and time can have. Having to take a position and just hold it. You can't pretend you are doing anything other than completely surrendering to me. Waiting is like water slowly eroding the cliff, eventually the water always wins.

 SadisticEye