The concept of being Owned refers to a person who has surrendered themselves as the personal property or chattel of their Owner - Master or Mistress.   A submissive has usually given up their rights and freedom for their Owner to exercise authority over them within a relationship that may extend to full time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.   The submissive has given up all limits except those which their Owner sets or has agreed for them.   From that point on obedience will always be expected first and foremost regardless of its personal feelings. 

Why we aren't drowning in playmates. Playmate/ submissive playtoy - someone we like enough to interact with, who either comes to provide service, or kink, or some combination of both. I was asked how often I get this. Someone else asked "where are the success stories?" Why I have so many stories about the failures. If we have a fun playmate, that's private, unless they are comfortable having their kinky fun splayed all over the net. I post about the failures, usually in my group, to help future readers figure out what NOT to do. What my limits are and why, and ideally how to avoid fucking up with Dommes in their own searches. Now, the first question - how often? Seldom. And here's why - We have spent a lot of time working on ourselves on many levels for many years, to become better, mentally/emotionally/spiritually healthier human beings in general, which unfortunately has the problematic side effect of causing one to have a lower tolerance for people who haven't done that work. And as was said in Star Trek Next Generation - "the higher, the fewer." The more you level yourself up, the higher the standards you try to live by, the better the human being you try to be, the fewer people you will be able to be around. The fewer people will be tolerable. The fewer people will be able to understand you when you talk about anything more than the weather. The more you work on yourself, the more alone you will be. Then again, the more you work on yourself, the more you will like your own company, and the more you will prefer being alone to being with the wrong people. People who aren't automatically honest, who don't work toward direct, open communication as the default, people who don't make every effort to say only what they mean, and stick to what they do say, people who don't self-analyze and self-correct and so on. People who can't or won't set healthy boundaries. And so on. All of these things create practical problems, (lying, STDs, flaking, anger issues, failure to respect limits or requirements, etc) as well as emotional stress. All of these things impact consent, safety, and trust. All of these things are solely under the control of the individual, and while we can set the boundary that we won't engage in interactions with them unless they commit to them, the average person isn't actually interested in or concerned with being a better person beyond lip service, or even to getting their kink on enough to make the work worth it for them, even if it would make their entire lives better in the long run. It's almost impossible to have real conversation with people like that, too. We just don't seem to speak the same language anymore, and we get people telling us how we are "taking (ourselves) too seriously" or accusing us of being stuck up and putting on airs. The reality is that we just don't want to deal with the problems that dysfunctional people bring with them anymore. And if we never find another really awesome people to play with because of that, we still come out ahead, because we won't have trash people fucking up our lives. Not to put too fine a point on it.

People are fascinating. We are a true mix of talents, experiences, complexities, desires, strengths, weaknesses and hope. Relationships are a balancing act of attraction, relation, commonality, goals and ideals. Kink adds an extra layer of intricacy. I see a dichotomy in many profiles on here: the desire to be seen alongside a desire to be enveloped in a new lifestyle.

Before you can be taught, you have to know what classes interest you to attend.  But that's not submission, I hear you ignorantly complain. No, but most of you don't understand the difference between being submissive and being A submissive. Most of you try and convince the world you are the latter whereas you are barely the former.  Nosce te ipsum, is the first order of any day. Youre not qualified to know anyone else before you get to know yourself. Life becomes a series of dead-ends and u-turns unless you know where youre heading. Understand this - there is nothing wrong with not knowing, there is nothing wrong with asking and there is glory and purpose is learning. Act accordingly, before that laundry list of expectations and demands that you carry becomes nothing more than a shield against actually experiencing anything. And to those desparing of finding their place and purpose, remember that when you're falling out of the tree, any branch you can grab before hitting the ground is a blessing and should be appreciated. Even if it's not where you want to be, its better than the thud at the end of a drop. There is precious little enough joy in this world these days that any of us should spurn the chance to feel some when the possibility presents itself. Here endeth the lesson.

People are vastly different. So to find a single needle in 100 haystacks is seemingly an impossible feat.   Be yourself and be completely open and honest. Don't ever lie in order to find what your looking for because the lie will eventually come to the surface. .   In my opinion to be dominate is not to act or be mean to someone. It's not to hate or belittle in order to get someone to do what you want them to do.   Being self assured and dominate means to take care of and pass on knowledge.  To take someone and fulfill their lives and make them useful.    We all have a role to play in this universe. When your happy and content that means your exactly where you should be  and doing what you should be doing at that moment. So many people are on here searching ... searching but never finding or not really knowing what they are looking for. ( I'm a dom, no wait I'm a sub, no wait I'm a switch...wait wait maybe I'm a dom slave lesbian male )  When I talk about giving yourself up completely you should only ONLY do that to someone you trust and know that they have your best intention at heart. I'm not talking about a romantic relationship , that is silly to think that would happen that way over the internet. It's unrealistic and delusional .   I'm only talking to those that are looking to be owned and cared for. In turn you need to think about what you would give up to get that.

As M and I take our search for a bull more serious I would like to give you a little background on me. The following is my very abbreviated true life story and an explanation of how M and I ended up here.    As a young girl, I was always fascinated with sex and the power of what I knew was different from what others were into. I grew up in the middle of New Hampshire on a small farm and knew nothing of pop culture. My mom cut my hair, and her own willow switches. Both felt like their own brand of punishment. I was often bullied in school. Always by the boys. The girls tended to ignore me as I was bookish and weird. I will never forget the very first time when, backed into a corner, I finally kicked my aggressor in the balls. I felt a rush of power. Instantly I went from simply wishing they would leave me alone to read my book in peace, to looking forward with anticipation to the daily assault I would give them. Looking back now, I realize that some of them enjoyed the power exchange. By high school, I was a sexual demon. I didn’t know there were names for the roles I enjoyed. I just knew that sex was power, and I needed to feel that rush as often as possible. During my last year in college, I finally found a name for those roles. I started working at a fetish and fantasy house in Manhattan in 1998. I started there as a switch, and enjoyed it as a learning experience, but I quickly found myself drawn to playing the role of the Dominant Sadistic Goddess. Always with a wicked sense of humor. This was a great place to explore my kinky sexuality and fostered a lifelong love of the kink and BDSM community. But soon enough – I outgrew that space. I moved to San Francisco and spent the next 8 years as an independent professional Dominatrix. It was the way for me to explore myself and the world. I traveled all over the world to visit devotees. I put myself through law school, which became my “real career”. Turns out, I could not stay away and returned to my love of being a professional Dominatrix and BDSM educator in my limited free time.  In 2012, while visiting the East Coast, at a scene night in a Manhattan club, I saw a young man standing alone in rather vanilla clothing. He looked so helpless; it was clearly his first event. I saw not only a potential client, but someone I knew needed help. This young man turned out to be M who would later become my husband. We spent years building a relationship through sessions and dates that would follow. It was a slow process but we started involving each other more and more in our separate lives. Eventually my work outside BDSM brought me back to the East Coast. My relationship with M blossomed even more at that point, he was no longer a client. We were getting very close and were no longer exploring his interests, we were exploring mine. I decide to stop seeing clients and we moved close to each other. I turned my free time attentions to coaching women in BDSM and kink. After so many years of catering to the fantasies of men, I was captivated by women’s sexual journeys and helping them name and realize their own deepest desires. My experiences learning from other women confirmed what I had always suspected – that toxic masculinity is bad for EVERYONE’S sex life and I bring that ethos to my marriage and my life. M and I were married in a private ceremony in SF in 2016. I have stopped teaching in my free time and have focused all my kink energy in creating the exact lifestyle marriage I have always dreamed of.  Potential bulls, f you have questions and would like me to elaborate please don't hesitate to ask.  K

There’s a certain elegance in control. Not the loud, brash kind — but the quiet certainty of knowing someone’s will is bending under your hand, moment by moment. I don’t rush the process. Breaking someone isn’t about snapping them in half; it’s about unravelling them thread by thread. Watching pride give way to obedience, seeing the way humiliation transforms from resistance into desire — that’s the real artistry. I’m not in this for a scene or a fleeting rush. I want the slow burn, the kind that seeps into everyday life until submission isn’t something you do, it’s something you are. If you’ve ever felt that pull — the need to be seen, stripped bare, and claimed — you already know the beginning of the story. The question is: do you know how far you want it to go?  

Tonight I took my wife to her Master's house. We often stay overnight and weekends at his home as he lives alone. My lovely wife as occasionally stayed with him on her own. Tonight we had arranged that she would spend the night with him on her own. I find this so erotic and I have a hard on pretty much the whole time she is away. Tonight he had arranged a special treat for us. He wanted her to stay over night and told me that he had a special friend who would be also staying with them. He knew that I would be extremely excited as we had spoken about this previously. When we arrived his friend was already there. He introduced him over a glass of wine although I chose coffee because I had to drive home.  After a some banter and laughs her Master decided to get the proceedings going and ordered my wife to take her clothes off. She was told to give each item of clothing to me and I had the job of folding her clothes up and putting them into a bag. It was very horny watching her undress in front of two men. I knew Master had seen my wife naked many times but watching his friend stareing at her was a real turn on for me as I'm sure it was for him too. As she  stood there looking gorgeous in just her bra and knickers I almost cum as Master told her to remove everything to the delight of his friend who had not said a word up till now. He watched with a smile on his face as she obeyed her Master an unhooked her bra handing it to me before removing her panties. He told her to put her hands on her head and stand directly in front of his friend. "What do think of her"? he asked him "Beautiful" he replied, "absolutely beautiful and very compliant" "I told you" said Master. "You have my permission to touch her" he said knowing that him giving another man permission to touch my wife would humiliate me further.. Don't worry about her husband" he saoid, I am her Master and she answers only to me, she is my submissive slave" he explained. Deliberately humiliating me he told me it was time for me to leave. He told me to take the bag with all her clothes in it with me as she wont be needing them. He said he would call me to return with them once they had finished with her. I don't know how I managed to drive home. All I could think about was my wife alone and vulnerable and stark naked with two men.

Thought for today.... A mediocre Dominant tells,  a good Dominant teaches,  a excellent Dominant explains ...  but a true Dominant Inspires.

In Januaury of last year I started a path I never saw myself doing... I hired a trainer and started working out 4 days a week... I feel like there should have been a betting pool, or something, because I NEVER expected to be on that same path a year and four months later...but here I am, healthier, at least 40 pounds lighter, and feeling so much better, physically, mentally, emotionally and about myself. I constatnly amaze myself with things, like how four years ago my doctors said I'd never lift more than 10 pounds... last Wednesday, I did dead lifts at 205 pounds for 5 reps... or how they said I would never be able to handle running again, I started jogging on the treadmill (supervised of course) and have a total of 5 minuets over 2 days, not bad for something I haven't done in over 20 years, and for someone with "heart failure"... In the last 20 years of my life, I've gone from an active live to inactive, a 30 waist to a 46, now back down to a 38, inching (get it?) closer to 36 actually... and all I can thinks is "Wow! I really like doing this!" You see, when I was a kid, it was the "jocks" the weightlifters, the football ogres, I mean players, that bullied harrased and made me feel insecure about being gay, if only they tried that today... anyhow, I never figured that this training I do now would be enjoyable because of that. Actually it's more than enjoyable. I get out of bed in the mornings with energy, ready to conqure my day and all that it throws at me! All because one day, I decided I wasn't gonna let heart failure win. Because I decided to be a healtheir, better me. And because I literally dared myself to do it! Who knows, maybe in a few weeks I'll give a progress update...

“The Lesson in the Red Chair – Part IV: Devotion at the Edge” T.L. Duncan His forehead rested lightly against my thigh— not touching enough to claim contact, but close enough to breathe in the heat of my skin. That was important. He hadn’t earned full touch yet. “Don’t lean on me,” I warned softly. “You’re in my space, not holding onto me.” He exhaled a broken sound, forcing his trembling legs to support him while keeping his forehead just shy of resting. Good. That tension would serve me well. I let my fingers hover over the back of his neck— close enough for him to feel the warmth, but never letting my skin meet his. “You’re still shaking,” I murmured with quiet amusement. “Yes, Ma’am…” “From the edge?” “Y-yes…” “Good. Stay there.” His breath caught. “You think edging is just denial,” I said, tone low and precise. “But real edging—my edging—turns your obedience into instinct. Not wanting. Not hoping. Serving.” His fingers twitched behind his back, desperate to steady himself. “Keep them still,” I said without raising my voice. He froze instantly. “That’s devotion,” I continued, leaning close enough that my breath brushed his ear. “Not touching me. Not begging. Not climbing into my lap the way your body wants to. Devotion is obeying while everything in you shakes.” He swallowed hard. “Now lift your chin. Keep your hands behind you.” He raised his face slowly, eyes wide and glassy from the ache in his thighs, the tension in his spine, the constant, torturous nearness of pleasure with no release. I placed two fingers under his jaw—light as a whisper—tilting his face up further. “There,” I murmured. “That’s what devotion looks like on you.” A shudder rolled through him, nearly taking him off his knees. “Careful,” I warned. “If you fall, we start over from the beginning.” His breath hitched; he forced every muscle to obey. “Good boy.” The phrase hit him like heat, full-body and overwhelming. His lips parted in a helpless moan he tried to swallow. “That reaction,” I said softly, tracing my fingertip down the air just above his throat without touching his skin, “is why I keep you hovering. Your devotion sharpens when your pleasure threatens to break you.” He breathed harder. “You’re going to show service while you stay edged,” I said. “Slowly. Precisely. Without touching me unless I allow it.” He nodded once, reverently. “Start by spreading your knees wider.” He did—shaking, breath catching. “Back straighter.” He corrected himself. “Open your mouth.” He did—soft, vulnerable, obedient. I leaned down, my lips hovering a fraction above his. One-inch distance. Half an inch. A breath away. His entire body seized in anticipation. Then I pulled back just enough to make him exhale in a stunned, broken whisper of need. “Not yet,” I murmured. “But your devotion just earned you something else.” He swallowed hard. “Place your hands on your thighs,” I said. He obeyed instantly. “Now run your palms slowly down them… not to touch yourself… but to show me how you present for your Domme.” He slid his palms down in a reverent motion, every movement slow, controlled, worshipful— his hands trembling as he fought not to drop into instinct. “Good,” I whispered. “Again.” He did it, hips shifting involuntarily as the edging tightened in his body. “Hold still,” I snapped. He froze, teeth clenched, lower lip trembling. “Look at me,” I said. His eyes snapped to mine, raw and pleading. “You’re offering yourself,” I said softly. “Not for release. For service. And you’ll keep doing it while your body begs you to fall apart.” He moaned, breathless. “Because I said so,” I added. His head fell back slightly, overwhelmed. “And that is what devotion feels like at the edge.” His palms slid down his thighs in that reverent, trembling motion I commanded. He was barely holding the edge of himself together — breath shuddering, muscles taut, the ache between denial and devotion turning his whole body into a live wire. “Again,” I ordered. He obeyed, slower this time, because he was losing the ability to do anything quickly. His mind had melted into obedience. His body was shaking from the precision of holding position. “Good boy,” I murmured. That word — good — broke him more than anything else. I saw it happen. The micro-collapse. The body betraying him before the mind could stop it. His knee shifted. Just half an inch. But enough. He knew it immediately. He gasped softly, panic flashing across his face, and tried to return to the exact posture — but he was already too late. I stood. The room froze around him. His breathing quickened, edging into fear-laced anticipation. I walked a slow circle around him, letting the sound of my heels carve dread into every nerve he had left. When I stopped behind him, I spoke in a low, controlled voice. “What did you just do?” His voice cracked as he whispered, “I—I slipped, Ma’am…” “You didn’t slip,” I corrected, leaning down so my breath grazed his nape. “You broke position.” “Yes, Ma’am… I’m sorry…” <

What I am looking for: I would love to find an amazing submissive partner. This person should want to put in the time and effort it takes to become actual friends and form a real emotional bond. As in any solid relationship, this is not something that will happen overnight. If you lack patience or just want a quick hookup, I am not the One for you. The person in question should be local to me or able to visit on a very regular basis. What is most important to me is shared chemistry and emotional connection. I am not looking to rush into anything. Expect the process of getting to know each other and the vetting process to take TIME. Interested parties should be willing and able to communicate extensively through online methods. I prefer typed text to voice communication, but can verify that I am who I say I am if necessary. If you are someone who does not like to write words or who thinks saying 'hi' or telling me how attractive you think I am is a conversation, you won't stand a chance. My partner preference currently tends to swing towards cis women, trans women, and trans men, but I am pan and could be attracted to anyone if the right connection is there.Preferred Age Range - 30 to 50 Turn Ons & Main Interests: These are my "must have" vanilla and kink interests. While the exact dynamic of each relationship is unique to those involved in it, if any of this is a hard limit for you, we will likely not be a match. * Tease & denial * Orgasm control / orgasm denial * Massage (getting) * Cuddling & Physical Displays of Affection * Oral service * Laughter * Intelligence * Shared vanilla interests I've physically and mentally been through Hell over the past 5 or so years and need a partner who is truly service oriented, who will enjoy helping and caring for their Domme. I am completely willing to discuss this in detail with the right person. If you have fully read and understood my profile and journal, you may send me a polite message detailing why you are interested in serving me, how your vanilla and kink interests line up with my own, and a bit about yourself. Please also include the phrase "You remind me of the babe" so I know you actually read my complete profile. Bonus points if you know where the quote comes from.

Cookies. I promised several people that, if this adventure happened, I would write it up and share it in my journal. well, it indeed did happen last evening, Saturday, but not exactly as I thought I had it planned.  The set up for this story is that I did some work for a woman living in a over 55 community and only charged her for the material costs which I commonly do when I first work for someone I want them to like the work and not worry about the price. she was very grateful and gave me one of those looks like she was ready to pay me back in a way if you know what I mean and then she said: I'm sure you can think of something that I can do for you and shot me a wicked smile I knew that was my opportunity so I very calmly said: Willl you bake me pecan chocolate chip cookies? She let out what could only be described as a horse laugh, which I'm sure they heard in the adjoining units on either side. and then I followed up with, but that's not all, I want you to bake those cookies naked with 8 inch by heels, fishnet stockings and garter and a bright red ball gag. there was a long pause, kind of like dead air on a radio station and she finally opened her mouth and said you've got to be kidding! I'm not burning my boobs so that you can get off on some weird fetish! And I said OK what about wearing a tight swea and no bra? I expected another flat out no response but she said yes I think I could do that. But I'll also be wearing a skirt, nothing less than that, and no ball gag! And if That isn't good enough then you can go bake your own cookies! While it wasn't what I'd hoped for, I was still going to get my cookies, so on Saturday I came over with the ingredients she told me to get, and I sat in her kitchen, drinking coffee, while she walked back-and-forth across her kitchen in her very tight, white fuzzy sweater, and a very tight short leather skirt, plus stockings and heels, and she was an absolute delight to view. The blush in her cheeks said it all. But the best part was, she was actually baking my cookies! Once they were bagged, she Pulled them from the oven, tucked the tray up under her breasts and she said, would you like a cookie little boy? YES, Yes I would! then I asked so are all those cookies in the tray mine? Or should I ask if everything on the tray is mine? She just smiled and put the tray on the counter. She grabbed me by the hand, pulled me down the hall. We walked into her bedroom and she took off her sweater., God, those were better than any cookies!  We did all sorts of things that evening and late into the night. Considerind we're both in our mid to late 60s, so it wasn't like your first high school sex, in the back of your dad's car, but it was close.  in the morning, I woke up to the sun streaming in on my face lying next to a woman who still had her stockings and garter belt on, my head nestled between her large breasts, one of her arms underneath me,the other around my neck, and I thought to myself.... life is good! Lou  

Some people should stop watching porn Lets start with this umm Master, we will call him MasterJS. He has just joined and contacted me asking if I was interested in 2 slaves as he had to get rid of them. I asked why and he said he was getting too old and he was going back to his wife and kids.  How nice to take the time to dump them off with anyone. He tells me they were house slaves and listed what they would do, severl things which are against the law.  I asked him if he or they would be paying for all that was needed for them to move to another country. He said that would be at my expence.  It is funny he blocked me but what is sad was he did not read my profile where he would have learned I am not into women.  I have also had a message almost the same conversation a while ago so my guess is this person watches too much porn.  If you cant be bothered to read my profile dont contact me and make offers.

I'm addIng this more so I remember it than anything else. I'm not used to being afraid.  Death was never really a deterrent... He'll between the ages of 18 and 25 I was actively trying to get myself killed.  I've walked through Cabrini Green at midnight, stood and taunted a guy shooting at me because he was to drunk to be acurate.  I was on a first name basis with the cops in three counties by the time I was 21.  Just adding that for context. After my fall I was chained to a hospital bed for months.  The old age home I went to just exuded a miasma of death.  I had nothing to do but watch TV.  I didn't even own a TV at the time. The worst part was not being able to use the bathroom.   Now I get panic attacks thinking about it.  I'm not worried about being killed but I'm terrified of being a quadriplegic.  I can't read books or watch TV that includes guys in that condition.  Being trapped in jail seems to get to me as well.  Just being unable to move around or take a shower when I need it. I am not used to this.

What a maid should bring to Dragao Verde For your first visit, or if you have nowhere to store anything at home, I can probably lend you anything you have not yet acquired on your first visit, though I cannot guarantee it would be a good fit, flattering, comfortable, etc.! From top to bottom; Unless your hair is long enough to be styled in a credibly feminine style, you will want a wig. A long-hair hairpiece can look great, but will be difficult to keep it in good condition if wearing it daily. So I would recommend something that can be more easily maintained. I can offer one as a loan, but it may not be of good quality, the colour that suits you, or in tip-top condition. If all else fails, I will have you wear a snood cap over your hair and/or wig. I have something suitable. If you have pierced ears, small studs or sleeper-type earrings are fine; big dangly hoops are not. Or you can wear clip-on sleepers. If you want your ears (or anywhere else) pierced, I can probably arrange it. If you normally wear spectacles, try to have a pair in a gender-neutral or a feminine style, or wear contact lenses. (Sometimes when you buy a pair of glasses, they will offer an extra pair free, and you could have those in a suitable style.) If you want to show a bust-line, but don't yet have breasts, then you will want silicone breast inserts. No bigger than C cup, ideally. Definitely no bigger than D cup. It is hard to make bigger sizes look realistic. With a bra, and spare, to hold them in place. A chastity device, that you know you can wear for the whole period without pain or problems. My current recommendation for a chastity device is the custom Cherry Keeper. It is made to measure using 3D printing. You can choose the ring-size, cage-style, diameter, length, colour, and even finish.  See recent photos of Jessica's device in my Fet Life photos and read the captions and comments. I recommend an open-cage design, in white, and the minimum size you can get your flaccid penis into, to eliminate any chance of erections or chafing in the best possible finish. An anal plug, again, that you know you can wear for the whole period without pain or problems. Get one and some lube and try it. If too big, get something smaller, if you think you could wear something larger, get a larger one, and so on. A suspender belt and several pairs of black stockings. These are optional, but most girls like to wear them for evening table service. If one or more of your dresses is a pastel colour, not black, bring some in tan or nude. Black court shoes, modest heel, no more than an inch and a half for day wear. A pair of Crocs, or imitations, in a neutral colour, i.e. grey, white, black would be a less expensive alternative, the back stairs are very hard on shoes! Perhaps a second pair for evenings with a ~3 inch heel, but these are optional.  Maid dresses, ideally 2 or 3 to allow for laundry. Plain pastel colour or black, in cotton or polycotton, white collar and cuffs optional. I can loan you one or two dresses in your size, but it is better to have your own. The ideal would be at least two in grey, blue or burgundy or black. But anything similar would be fine. We look for a shared style, but not total regimentation with identical uniforms. There is an informal code on hemlines, above the knee for slave-maids who give sexual service, below the knee for those who don't, bondmaids. So everyone knows where they stand, or kneels. My rule is that the apron should never go below the hemline, but usually be quite close. Several white aprons, full and waist aprons, plain and fancy, ideally 2 plain in each style to allow for laundry. Again, I can loan these, if needed. If you have a fetish French-maid outfits or costume, whether in conventional fabrics, latex, PVC or whatever, bring that too, as you may be able to wear it doing table service at our kinky dinner parties. Makeup kit. Some practice in private beforehand will help. Wash-bag, toothbrush, paste, flannel, etc. (There may be some shampoo and conditioner available for communal use, e.g. left behind by other visitors.) Perhaps a skimpy, shortie nightie. If you have nowhere discreet to leave a uniform, you may store it in a plastic box in our loft until you use it again, though if it is there unopened for more than a couple of years we'll message you and ask if you are coming back. If not, we'll put it into stock.

Oh no Im Blocked So you contact someone after reading their profile. You can see that you don't fit what they seek but hell you contact them anyway.  They chat with you whilst trying to make it clear that you are looking in the wrong place for the help you seek. You then decided to call them names and block them. Maybe you need to look in the mirror as they are not the issue you are. Respect is what you need and just because they seem to be what you want does not mean you are what they want. SoS

A recent message asked me to name "one experience thats shaped your journey in the BDSM world", and I thougt of this poem. It is about a scene I monitored in the early summer of 1999. The title is the name of the wonderful, beautiful woman, a friend, mentor, and so much more, to so many people over the years, and the sub in the scene. I miss you, "Mom".  Allena Beautiful golden hillside Lush with fine, silken grasses Trembling as he works his Mastery With every crack like thunder, Another crimson dewdrop appears; Meeting one another, dancing into rivulets, Until her hills and valleys run with ruby wine. Over and over, agony meets ecstacy; Mingling tears with sighs As she shudders with pleasure and pain. I shudder too, as I watch. Start at every strike; Feel each blow as it lands. I imagine I am there beside her; And for a precious moment...We are one. ©Khaos WolfKat 2001  

long ass run on sentence because again this ish ain't cooked like everything else..but i feel i have a foundation enough to share. so the team sacred sexuality, spiritual sexuality in the bdsm camp isn't anything new.but it's often unlooked upon, not talked about often.   AND THEN WHEN IT IS PEOPLE TEND TO BE FREAKIN CULTISH or TRAFFIC like about it. again   GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE SAUCE OF IT.   don't get caught up..don't go full you know what tropic thunder.   i wanted to delve into my unique mystic reference points of what i'm supposed to embody. less of a personal share and more these are the frequencies of that that people aren't talking about. and a more 3d anchoring of why if it's not torture, violent, malfiencent, demonic(DARK AND DEMONIC IS DIFFERENT), cycle of low vibes depression negative just to stay stuck this is powerful work going on here.   whichhhhh i'd say probably 85% of the people in the scene aren't open to doing, aren't doing...and then the 15% of us that are open to or trying often get lost in the ego/chemical/obsession/blah de blah sauce of it.....i'm sure some are doing the work but i'd say the temptation of falling into the earthly clutches is too hard for even the strongest souls out there. but i don't doubt some of us are...i'm just going to from my experience observation and etc. over the years say it's teeny tiny tim.   so i think eventually i'll start pulling specific texts, passages, etc. to reference...but at the moment this is what i'm cooking with here.   i got some seasoning on this meat and some side dishes. it might be in the oven but it got a few minutes left before it's fully cooked.   i want to at some point figure out this connection to triggering your mind to finding some sort of joy,release, ecstasy, penchant, tick for this to help with the initiation vibe of this life cycles of pain, struggle, internal external death, and rejuvenation rising to a new level of awareness, consciousness, playing life at a new game layer. and having to repeat crushing your soul over and over because at this point that's the only wu wei through it..the only way out is through..and if you somehow tweak or were born with a tweak of having some sort of pull to this on some level....it can definately ease that transition between i don't even want to be here anymore, i don't see what i can do, the next step forward is hard, getting out of the chair is hard. getting out of bed is hard, eating is hard...i'm in either so much chronic mental physical emotional whatever pain i don't even know how to make it to the next second..and yet here i am...and eventually sitting there long enough WOW that answers something i've been struggling with my whole life or wow...i really be on the other side and people say i look feel like a new person..cause i am. vibe. but i haven't cooked that yet.   What you’re describing resonates strongly with the idea that BDSM, particularly for those with a spiritual and sacred sexuality approach, can be an initiation into understanding and transmuting difficult experiences—whether they’re emotional, mental, or physical—into something transcendent. It's about finding power, joy, and meaning in what others may perceive as pain or limitation. For those walking a dark goddess/god path, engaging with these deep, often uncomfortable aspaspects of existence is like walking into the fire, embracing it, and coming out transformed. In BDSM, the submission or domination, the intensity of sensations, the structure—it’s a way of surrendering to those darker, more primal energies and learning how to dance with them, instead of running from them. It's not about causing harm or deriving joy from suffering in a malicious sense, but rather seeing those experiences as potent tools for growth and alchemy. There’s also something deeply spiritual about how BDSM can allow you to break down barriers, bring shadows to the surface, and release them through intensity. It’s like a sacred practice that mirrors life’s larger trials, offering a space to explore things that society tells us to avoid. And in doing so, you find those hidden gems of power, resilience, and sometimes even ecstasy in places where most people only see pain or discomfort. So, yes—BDSM, especially in the context of sacred sexuality, can be a path of transmutation, of turning the 'dirt' of life into something meaningful, powerful, and even ecstatic. You’re describing a kind of soul initiation where the difficult, the structured, the disciplined all serve as catalysts for deeper transformation.   Yes, we can definitely tie this concept to esoteric traditions, Sophia, Archangel Michael, starseeds, and even biblical or magical texts like Psalms and Hoodoo. These deeper mystical paths often acknowledge the need for initiatory trials, the transformation of the self through discomfort, and finding the divine within both the light and the dark. Here's a way to weave these threads together, creating your own unique spiritual framework:   ### **1. Sophia and Sacred Sexuality** Sophia, as the embodiment of divine wisdom, often represents the balance between the light and the dark. She is a figure who, in Gnostic traditions, descends into the material world, experiencing fragmentation and pain, but ultimately returning to divine unity. This resonates with BDSM's transformative potential: going into the depths of what might seem uncomfortable, fragmented, or even painful, only to discover wisdom and ecstasy on the other side.    Sacred sexuality in esoteric traditions often involves embracing what others reject—taboos, hidden emotions, and primal instincts—and finding divinity there. Sophia's journey could reflect how through embracing both joy and pain, domination and submission, we find higher wisdom.   **Reference**: In the *Pistis Sophia*, Sophia’s ascent after her fall from grace mirrors the transformative aspaspects of BDSM, where the soul undergoes suffering and constraint, only to rise again, stronger and more enlightened. BDSM can be seen as a ritual of descent into shadow to reclaim lost parts of ourselves.   ### **2. Archangel Michael: Protection and Structure** Archangel Michael represents protection, order, and the warrior spirit. BDSM often requires a sense of discipline, safety, and structure, particularly with the use of boundaries and consent. Michael's energy is about upholding divine law and justice, which ties into the consensual power dynamics found in BDSM relationships.    Through the lens of sacred sexuality, Michael’s sword can symbolize the cutting away of illusion, helping us embrace our true selves—including our shadow aspaspects. This is about understanding that through structure, we gain freedom.    **Reference**: In esoteric teachings, Michael is the protector of divine truth, often seen battling darker forces. This can be connected to BDSM as a way of confronting and working with those darker forces within ourselves under Michael’s guidance, using discipline (bondage, power play) to bring about clarity and transformation.   ### **3. Starseeds and Initiation** For starseeds (Sirius, Pleiades, Lemuria, etc.), the idea of spiritual initiation is key. Many starseeds believe they are here to awaken the planet, often through unique and sometimes unconventional paths. BDSM can serve as a modern-day initiation, where one experiences intensity and then learns to channel it into spiritual or emotional awakening.