Interesting day today. 

I spent it in bondage in his car. Ankles in metal shackles, black out lenses in, white noise on, nappy on, both holes filled. plastic spiked nipple shields on, Gum shield gag in. wrists secured behind my back. Master, meanwhile went to get food leaving me in the locked car. 
I felt relaxed and calm, not knowing what was going on outside in the car park. I almost fell asleep I was in my happy place. It was a great way to spend an hour. 

this is what I love the most, the unexpected and the unusual  A perfect Thursday, also the sun was out so at least it wasn't cold today, unlike previous days  

So it's been a while since I've been on here, nothing much has changed. A lot of the same faces and profiles still looking for that 'one' perfect submissive.  Is there such a thing? Perhaps you are limiting yourself by having greater expectations of finding the one female who ticks every box instead of someone who you can learn from and they learn from you, who am I to say what is right or wrong. 
I've been very fortunate for the last 18 months to have found someone who gets me, knows me better than I know myself at times and to him I am very grateful and beyond words to express what he means to me. Life isn't perfect and I know that for as much as I love and adore him, he will never be solely mine. He won't be the one to tuck me up in bed at night, to hold me whilst I sleep when I'm hurting, and that is what I truly want and need. 

My beloved mum passed away on the 4th of April and it's times like this that remind me I am alone, my Master does all that he can to help me, but ultimately he can't be with me, which adds to the hurt I'm feeling. I would love him to be free to be with me 24/7 and he knows it. I don't hide what I need and want from him, he is perfect just the way he is (apart from not being single). 

I'm feeling very alone right now. 

It's been a while since I updated my journal, so here goes:

4 stone lost now, although it's getting harder to lose as I'm working out at the gym, turning the blubber into muscle. I'm enjoying cycling more, especially after buying a new bike. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed riding the bike around, it's quite liberating actually. As a teenager I cycled everywhere and at weekends go out for a bike ride with my best mate at the time. 

I'm loving that my legs are more toned now as are my arms, the rest is coming along. It has definitely made me more confident and now I wear shorts out and about and get some sun on my lilly white legs. lol

I'm not going to lie, I love being caned, well, I love the bruises and marks left afterwards and the ache of fresh cane marks upon my backside, tenderly sitting down on a hard chair afterwards pushes my head back into subspace. I adore it, crave it and want it more and more. 

All that I have received at His hand makes me very grateful that He has come into my life, and has given me back the will to live life and enjoy it more. 

One very happy owned slave. 

I have been a collared and owned slave for some months now, since the end of November, in fact. It has been an interesting few months. Quite a lot of punishments given with the cane. 

That collar that I craved so much, was locked on along with ankle cuffs, permanently. I couldn't be happier, with all that I have learnt and experienced at His hands. Weight loss of over 2 stone so far, fitter and have loads more energy - which is good, but it also means this slaves mind is more active too. Not always a good thing, especially when the mind is over thinks things and won't switch off. 

Bedtime routines are working really well, edging, positions and lights out by 10pm, bondage at bedtime, no longer able to sleep without any bondage upon my body. Dummy and blindfold being a constant, along with wrist and ankles attached together and connected to the bed. 

However, one really silly lapse in concentration yesterday caused Master some serious concern. I thought I'd unlocked the door for His arrival, meanwhile, I was hooded with headphones in and music on via ipod, not my phone as usual. Wrists secured to the bed with handcuffs, key hanging nearby, but being in a sensory deprivation hood with no eye holes, just a small hole for breathing, didn't help. Slave lay on the bed, waiting for His arrival, hearing the dog go wild between tracks. Eventually, Master found the back door unlocked and came in. But it was a few minutes of panic from me, until I pulled the ring off the bed that I was attached too. I knew it would come away with a good yank - Master, didn't realise as He viewed it on a camera in my room with limited views. The day together was kinda spoilt, but slave got to hug Master's body, an activity she loves so much. 

Needless to say, yes, slave got a caning, one extra hard one and now is being made to wear a nappy 24/7 for a week, along with written on her udders 'dumb slut'. Last night she subjugated herself for Him, made sure she was uncomfortable during the sleeping hours, tiger balm, leg spreader, nipple suction cups, all part of her sleep, along with the normal things, bondage belt, bound udders. 

As slave isn't leaving the house this weekend, bound udders remain, bondage belt and wrist cuffs all remain in place. 

Currently on orgasm denial for another 6 days, 18+ days, but still made to edge for 20 minutes every night, with that and the bondage, this slave is constantly aroused and wet.  

So, yes, it is possible to get what you want from this site. For those that still think this is about sex primarily, it isn't. There is more to a Master/slave D/s relationship that fucking, you just have to find the right person for your desires and needs. 

Why, just fucking why? 

Feeling somewhat low this afternoon, not that the day yesterday was over exerting physically, mentally yes. Being made to use my brain instead of being on the end of a beating takes more out of you than I'd realised. 

Other nipple now pierced, so a lovely matching pair, one already increased in gauge to 2.5mm, next size up 3.2mm. There is nothing more satisfying that hearing the skin rip as the needle pushes through. Using a 2.1mm needle beats faffing about with the 1.6mm and increasing slower. 

Best get some stretchers in hand for the next stages. 

I now have the lovely tingle of dull pain from the newly pierced bud, it's about the only thing cheering me up today. The weather hasn't help, blooming cold, heating on, watching the pound notes, sorry coins, fly out the window! 

Positions practiced, diary needs to be updated, story needs more content....guess that's my evening taken care of. How I need to feel a collar around my throat and a lead held by a lover! *sighs

Today has been an interesting day, it’s amazing how someone can control you and your body without the need for an instrument, other than their voice.

The hardest lesson I have learnt today is to do as you are told, don’t think you know better, as it invariably results in a punishment.

How difficult can it be to lie there, not open your eyes, not move any of your limbs or head – you’d think it would be a doddle, especially on a comfy bed. How wrong you’d be. It was the hardest thing for me to achieve, raising my head, opening my eyes, all after being clearly told not to.

Positions, again, easy when you’re not being watched, but add another person looking over at your naked body and all it’s flaws, then it adds a new dimension to the scenario.

Fighting an inner battle not to move, speak, blink, shrug, so difficult, such a mind fuck. It really is.

I always thought that being beaten was the answer to my needs, it isn’t, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to ever feel that again, it surely doesn’t mean that at all. But everything in context, with the control handed over to a more dominant person, who controls your body by words not a cane, wow! Amazeballs.

I have been emotionally numb for some time, and despite all of the above, those emotions are hidden behind a very solid brick wall. I want to knock it down, let those emotions out, but the hurt and pain I’ve experienced of late, won’t/can’t let that happen, yet.

I am trying to find my way back, very slowly, talking with a few Dominant men who are guiding me with their words of support and encouragement. Make me feel my worth, making me realise that I have something good to offer, but not to give it away freely.

Today was a very good day, an enjoyable day, spent in the company of a very nice man who is easy to like, but god help me if I ever disobey him, I dread to think – I have been warned, so I will only have myself to blame if I fail.

edited to correct a spelling mistake, so then it puts it on for a new date! weird.

I'm going to have a rant now. fucking royal mail. I'm waiting for some items that have been posted ages ago, but because of this ongoing random strike days, my stuff isn't getting delivered. 

Carry on like this royal mail and no one will use your service. For fucks sake, I'm waiting for my dummy, wahhh I need it. 

I'd guess I'd better be sucking my thumb instead, for now at least. Ordered in Aug 30th!! 

Amazon! lets have a look on there, I need it for the weekend. 

one very pissed off pup. 

control, control, control, not in the bedroom, all the time! 

Not a pastime, a lifestyle. 

Do I need to confirm anything else. let me know - once everything is in I will change the profile if needed. 

whoops may have missed a word out in my profile, so rather than waiting for it be approved now, I will update it another time, but this is the paragraph with the missing word in - as it should be:

I love rope bondage, hoods, gags, control. That is what I am looking for, a Master or Dominant who cares and nurtures his slave. One who is imaginative, creative and doesn’t stick to a list of his wants and needs only.

OK, profile not going offline, but has been re-written. I couldn't set up another, despite deleting cookies etc. So I have adapted and cleaned this one up. 

If you message and I read your message but don't reply, it's because I'm waiting for my new profile to be updated. I'm not being ignorant or rude. 

Let's see what the update brings to my door. 

Profile going off line again soon. 

I have realised that by saying I enjoy pain it is attracting the wrong type of people to view and message me. I am far more than a person who enjoys pain, I am sensual, love so much more than I can even express - a lot which I have yet to experience. 

I want control, total control, but that doesn't mean you can take me and use me to your own ends, neglecting what is inside of me and my enjoyment. By being intent on only pleasing yourself, then no relationship will ever last. 

Yes, I identify as a slave, but I have a brain too, so many seem to ignore that fact and just want a doormat, don't deny it. How dare a slave question your motives or agenda? 

I may well set up a new profile that explains me better, but I will link it to this one. If you have contacted me previously and we've never met, it is unlikely that by messaging me on a different profile will change that.  I haven't decided if I am going to do it yet, I need to give it some deep thought. 

Those that have remained friends for a long time, you will have my email address or phone number, please feel free to contact me that way in the future if you wish. 

It's been fun, but I think it's time for a re-think. 

thanks A/all. 

I've actually received a lot of positve messages regarding my honest profile and it has been really nice.

I am not everybody's cup of tea, I am the first to acknowledge that. Equally, just because you are dominant, it doesn't mean we'll get along. 

Had a quick sort out of all my bondage gear today, jeez, I didn't realise I had accumulated so much over the years. 

I do like to make things too, recently made some bondage straps for my big fat saggy udders using acupressure spikes on binding. Wore them overnight last night, and boy, they hurt, but only in the way a masochist would understand their pleasure. 

Just waiting for some items to make some lockable ones and then make some nipple shields with the same spikes. These spike are the best discovery ever, just need to sort out some waterproof material and then make a liner for underwear. 

Well, you get the idea, my imagination knows no bounds, I write too, but thats for another day. 

was going to update my profile, then read the warning. so here are the updates for anyone interested:

Moved back to Leicestershire now, no long in Cheshire. 

also modified profile: well as per usual, another one bites the dust....ghosted so many times, met in real life, had a real connection, love, lust and longing. 

Not sure why I am back on here, just nosey I guess!

I know I'm unlikely to find what I seek here, but I'm happy to chat with male dominants who don't mind an overweight honest submissive/slave to chat too. If it leads to more, well so be it, but I am not going to suffer fools for long. 

If you want to insult me, then please, just don't bother wasting the energy typing a message to me then to block me! At least have the decency to explain why you feel so compelled to send a revolting message, because, I mean, you must be perfect in every way possible - are you? 

I am fat, I know what I am, thanks for pointing out the bleeding obvious. But I do have a mind and can hold down a conversation with the best of them. I am sarcastic and will be honest. 

My kinks, are knife play ( i do have scars from previous cutting over my body and I bloody love them), breath play, hoods, rope, oh so much rope, breast torture. I'm NOT into dressing slutty, wearing stockings and heels, all that lady shit! I'm a tomboy through and through. I will not grow my hair for you, but I will shave it off if you ask nicely. 

I'm not everybody's cup of tea, a bit like the old marmite comparison I'd guess. 

I love with a big heart, which means I get hurt very easily - I'm only human. 

Well thanks for reading this far. You have yourself a good day now. I hope that you find all that you desire. 

Apologies in advance, I’m feeling slightly philosophical today for some reason, not sure why, but hey here goes:

People, well no, you Domly types ask me ‘what are you looking for’, or ‘What do you expect to get from this site’, both questions I have posed back to them also, I will admit.

So what am I looking for, well, a man – firstly, do love a bit of cock to suck, ok that’s as crude as it’s going to get guys, sorry!

I want to be someone’s world, I want to make their life better for having me in it and I want to hear them say those words, ‘my life is better for having met you’, that would be the ultimate for me. To be loved and to give so much love in return. To trust someone without question, for them to be so honest it’s almost annoyingly adoring.  To do stupidly childish things together and just laugh and laugh until we wet ourselves, then laugh some more about that.

Then there’s the serious side, to be controlled, but not micro-managed, to know by a look or a signal that, ‘girl you’ve stepped out of line, draw yourself back in’, is what you’re saying to me through that look. To explore more of what is out there, to develop as a person, to prove to myself that all that I am I can give to you and you won’t abuse it, but enhance and develop me into the person you have always wanted and craved.

To have the moral and emotional support to get fit, lose weight, and gain the confidence in myself to allow others to see me how I want to be seen. But for that person to support me in my decisions even give me guidance and to reprimand should I fall astray and resume bad habits.

To hold me in their arms, tightly embraced, just as the ropes do, to calm me, hush me, praise me, and be as one together.

I have so much to give, but do not begin to think that I will just settle for second best for anyone, I have to be higher on your list of priorities other than a passing glance when you have a free moment.

Is there anyone who would appreciate me as their partner/submissive/slave/pet? I am beginning to doubt that very much.

Please note - I am not the author. This comes from a Tumblr blog that has long since been deleted and I am posting it here because I believe the points made are very worthy of preservation.

If you are truly going to own and dominate a woman, you must understand her. Everyone, of course, is unique, but I’ve seen some of the same things over and over between the submissive women I have known:

They are motivated by a deep desire to please. When you ask a “vanilla” woman what to do, she will sometimes reply “whatever you want”, which is simply annoying. However, you must understand that phrase for what it is from a submissive. She wants more than anything to please you. Whatever plans or ideas she had on her schedule, if she can make you happy she will be more fulfilled than doing whatever she wanted to do for herself. You must understand that phrase for what it is.

Now, this can easily become abuse. Every submissive woman I have ever personally known has been through a number of abusive relationships. She gives and men take and take and it becomes abusive. Weak men with self-esteem issues are often drawn to these women, which compounds the problem. It takes enormous strength and experience to take from a woman like this (which is what she needs) without abusing her. Your job is to soak up all her love and affection and attention, help her find ways to please you, while supporting and strengthening her as a person. This takes wisdom, experience, and, I believe, some age. I cannot imagine a 20 year old guy being a successful “dom” in any real sense of the word.

When you find her, she will likely have things in her past she is not proud of, and you may not be either. That doesn’t matter. You must accept her exactly as she is, with all of her flaws, imperfections and mistakes and you must never hold them against her. If you are worthy of the task, she will be transformed by her relationship with you… practically an alchemical transformation… lead into gold was only a metaphor for transformation you know? It was always about transforming the common and the broken into the sublime. If you can’t accept her, you can’t have her.

She needs to understand and to come to trust that you are not like the people who have hurt her in her past. She has developed complex coping and self-protective mechanisms. If you would possess her, you must strip them away and this takes time, love and persistence. If you do not do that, then your relationship will be a sham because you don’t have her, you have the face she has prepared to protect herself from the outside world.

She will naturally subjugate her desires to yours. In my opinion, you have a sacred responsibility to build her up and to strengthen her as a person. Again, you better have the wisdom and experience to do this… if not, find your way together, but be honest with her that you cannot give her what she needs.

A continuation of the above point: not every submissive is a masochist… often they are, but not always. New and wanna-be Doms need to be told this because if she sees you want to beat her even if she doesn’t want it, she won’t say no. In my opinion, if you find a woman you really care about, you need to do a lot of work understanding what makes her tick, and that does take work. My girl, for instance, literally could not answer the question “what do you want?” when we started talking. Could not answer it. You do not realize how difficult that question can be for a natural submissive, but you need to teach her how to think about it and answer it sometimes.

Above all… above all other things… be honest with her. In a relationship like this, trust is the one thing that cannot be repaired. If you damage it, you’re done. You also need to be aware that most of these women (in my experience) have an uncanny sixth sense. They are actually or very nearly psychic and will read all of your communications on every level. Don’t lie to them. It’s not worth it and once they catch you in a single lie, you now go into the same pile of “men who hurt her” and you will never truly be trusted again.

There is no depression or sorrow that can compare to what happens when you hurt or disappoint one of these women. Make sure you understand the responsibility you are assuming when you begin a relationship. On the other hand, they are capable of loving on a level that you probably cannot even begin to comprehend.

Again let me say this clearly: you have tremendous, profound and sacred responsibility for and to this woman. Don’t fuck around with this lightly.

This post is not about sex. Done properly, neither is your relationship with her.

Well I'm back after a short time away, and I see nothing has changed.

Read the 'kin profile, I seek something that perhaps less than 1% will understand, I know it's the proverbial needle in a haystack scenario and that quite a lot of men on here are ruled by their cocks and the desire to take a woman to satisfy his own needs because that is what a Dominant does isn't it?  Is it? Really, if that is what you think then why are you surprised that you are still single, there is far more to being a Dominant than meets the eye.

There is far more to me than big tits, when you can see past that then I might actually take the time to talk to you.

no longer taking domperidone, going to try natural methods to induce lactation after medical advice sought.

Happy New Year to everyone xx

can I just say, I fucking hate liars with a vengeance.

that's all I have to say on the matter.

just discovered these

http://www.fetters.co.uk/baby-fetter-bear/

fetters leather bears...omg I want one

I have a leather dog from fetters (I think) a few years ago that was a lovely present, but a bear would be awesome.....won't someone buy me one pwetty pwease I will love you long time...LOL

preference (not that I will get one of course) 40cm, brown with cream nose, a collar if you are feeling generous in your choice of colour (I am considerate aren't I). Just the one will do thank you, not greedy, they are well cute! LOL

x

Submissive 100%

Experimental 93%

masochist 79%

bondage 71%

*************

the rest don't matter! LOL

saw this tonight on another site - some people should take note of this and decide if actually this one is worth suffering for and finding it in their heart to forgive a genuine mistake led by upset and heartache. Because I sure as hell don't give up on someone quite so easily.

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

― Bob Marley

http://www.boundstories.net/storiessz/visit.html

a story I wrote in 2009

Time out folks!

I need time to think, I am not sure I will be on here much more this week.

I appreciate everyones messages and offers, but I can't contemplate anything at the minute, otherwise I will walk from one failure to another.

I have taken time out and I am up in Scotland to chill and study.

I have been asked recently what completes me, this was my reply:

To have someone who understands me and my needs, who isn't a bully but is controlling, who is forceful without threats, who is loving and giving and understands that at times I need space or time alone. A man who is who he says he is and knows his own mind, but again without the need to threaten or bully.  A man who knows that this is my lifestyle and it is who I am, but realises equally that this lifestyle does not revolve around sex, but can enhance it.
 
A look or a touch is a reminder of my place even when out in public, who doesn't want me to dress like a slut or exhibit myself in a way that brings humiliation to either person or my family. Who can be the perfect partner in vanilla surroundings but then once the door is closed knows when to grab me by the throat and bring me to my knees. Who accepts my family for all their faults and flaws and doesn't ask me to choose my children or them. someone who can give me the time to develop and build our relationship up to what we both want. 
 

I don't think I will ever understand men, their needs their wants and their desires, I do try, but I am not grasping it somewhere along the lines.

Feeling very alone at the moment, despite being surrounded by friends and family. You know, you can be in a room but not in a room all at the same time. This is how I feel right now and I'm not sure that will change for sometime.

All I want is the 'happy ever after' part of a relationship with someone who I worship and adore with all my heart, for who I would do anything for, even walk on hot coals just to make them happy. All I ask in return is to be loved and treasured, if only it was that simple and we could all write our own happy endings, life just isn't like that unfortunately.

noticed that more and more 'Dominant's' are looking for 'hucow's', is this the new fascination these days then or what? do they have the kit to follow this up though? A good 'farmer' will have his own milking machine or something as near to one as possible, or is it just the whole humiliation factor they are looking for, especially as they tend to lean more towards the bbw section - understandably as us larger women do tend to have the large udders to milk - but you just have to look at the males profiles and pictures to wonder if it is just pure desperation that has meant they lean more towards this fetish.

Having been on a hospital grade breast pump and restrained during its use, I can say with all honesty it is the best thing going and the horniest thing I've experienced in a long time. So I do hope you 'farmers' take the role seriously when searching for your own 'hucow', get it right first time, invest money, time and research it properly before offering something you profess to have knowledge in.

Enjoy!

through sheer boredom I read some male 'Dom' profiles on here, LMAO, get real some of you. You write your fantasies down as if it is something you are going to do on the first date, who the fuck is going to let you do those things without knowing if they can trust you - well ok, perhaps some psycho nutter bitch will. But anyone 'real' will not and you wonder why you are still single!

I am happy with my lot and having a lot of fun with a real guy met on here - yes girls, they do exist. I have had my faith restored in the human race and that not all males are here to let you down. He is willing to try everything and is so caring it is unreal, something I haven't experienced in a long time - girls, a man who cares if you are happy and satisfied - I know...seriously they really do exist. Not all of them are 'kneel bitch and suck my cock' on the first meeting.

Ok, enough already I know I'm making you want to barf. but a breath of fresh air has to be shared, because it/they are few are far between.

Guys, fill out your profile, one line or one sentence is not enough. Having nothing at all is 99% likely to get you deleted and ignore totally. Tell the subs about yourself, what you are looking for, what you expect, what pleases you anything that gives an insight into you - without it you look like a fake and wannabe, actually you probably are - so make it easier for us girls and don't put anything and you'll still be here years later....knob head!

Just to add to the other men in my life - still here for you too - can never get enough! Greedy Girl here....bring it on!

if someone is willing to buy me a new goat milking machine I will love them long time....only kidding....but boy do I ever want one...hook up to that every night would be amazing. Saving pennies frantically for this.

decided to put a pic up of my new ink on my back. hope you like it, it bloody hurt

fed up with this site, full of promises and then nothing.....exactly the same as it's always been full of fakes and wannabe's.

blah blah blah - same old shit, just another day

please tell me what is the fucking point of talking, saying, yep will meet you - you give them your phone number then they run and block you on here.....fucking young blood - if you're under 30 don't bother to message me as telling someone to 'fuck off' seems to offend for some reason...

chat requests are not working for me for some reason = and if you want me to talk to you about this n that while you have a wank, move along...

i will NOT, clamp my tits, play with myself or anything of the sort whilst on here. REAL PLAY ONLY.

get yourselves down to the www.beds-and-more.com

website and take a look at this verstile bondage bed, you get so much for your money, only one piece of bondage furniture that does a multitude of things and even looks good naked! (ie without the four posts erected). Models not included, but wrist, ankle and thigh cuffs are and a swing with the addition of the chains. Go on, take a look. if you order quote COLLARME01 for reference purposes only.

Manners cost nothing! 

Thought I'd come back on here after a leave of absence after finding someone to spend my time with. I am still with him, and still developing and exploring new things, but wanted to see if little ol' Collarme was still the same as it ever was.

It was and always will be filled with 90% wannabe's, fakes and tossers, the 10% who are genuine are at a loss as to where to find what they really seek, this site is ok for what it is if all you want is some titilation and wank fodder, but looking for more than that, and....well you already know the rest.

Married men should say they are married, be clear and concise so that those naive little subbies out there don't get their hearts broken, ripped out and shoved down some rancid pooh hole. Subbies, likewise always be honest, tell the male/female what you want and of course what you don't want.

For some it has taken years upon years, dates, meetings, phone calls, emails and IM's to eventually find their one true soul mate. It may not last, but make of it what you can for as long as you can and have some damn good consensual fun in the meantime.

I've had the good fortune to meet some really nice genuine people from here in person, it's a shame they have had their own personal issues to deal with that have taken them away from what is inner most dear to their hearts (and loins). But that is life, the good times and the bad, you win some you lose some, but as long as you don't get physically hurt the emotional scars will heal eventually. Some of mine are still tender to the touch and fresh in my mind, but that's the way I like them, they are a part of me, a part of who I am, what makes me ME. Love me or hate me, I don't care, I'm who I am through and through, that will never change.

Don't always be fooled by the happy exterior, sometimes people are hurting on the inside!