A fantasy of mine..."My internal world is rich with wicked fantasies, and I know the feeling of a tortured existence when those fantasies and desires are not fulfilled. If you’re looking for a girl who is willing and eager to open herself up to your darkest desires and most erotic dreams, then please read further.  Have you ever had a desire to see an eager, willing thing serve your every whim? Or fantasised about being tied up and chastised, told you’re a naughty boy whilst your mistress tells you just how she ought to punish you? Or perhaps you may have thought about a night out for some discreet public play, toy in you or your partner whilst the other holds the remote? Whatever your fantasy, I’d like to make it a reality.  I derive immense enjoyment from fulfilling another’s needs and desires, thus, their interests become my own. So, if you are yet to take that first step into the delicious world of sex and needing a friendly smile and eager attitude to illuminate the path, have a fantasy that you are dying to explore, or have an interest in exploring various kinks to discern what tickles your tail feather, I’m offering my body and oh-so excited mind to bring those desires to fruition.  So boys and girls, if you feel our interest may align please message me for, what could be, a wild and delicious ride. "

Where does one begin to find a subject for a journal entry, when one does not ordinarily journal? This being a lifestyle site, i find reading others profiles and journals is akin to going out and finding people at munch's or parties and getting to read their minds. Journals are where so many post their / our thoughts and desires. I suppose it's the desires that many post, if they aren't just sounding off on all that vexes them. W/we all want to find someone to belong to or belong with. (which side of the / do W/we live). I have mentioned in many posts, not just here, but in the rare journal or diary entries scattered through the devices i have owned, that i found the collar from this site. or when it was Collarme at the time. The time belonging to and growing again as a person, not just as a submissive,were the most special of my life. Finding joy in your life is important. How we find that joy varies immensely. my own discovery of belonging to someone (at that time a couple) gave me back a spark of joy that has carried me to where i am in the local community. Do not lag in finding joy! I see many who live in their fantasy only in their minds, not realizing that all we desire and hope for is out there. Waiting for us to find it, accept it and be thankful for it becoming part of our life.  my own cravings for certain activites are again looking for an outlet. This is not a plea, just putting out there that a willing bondage subject and, now out of the closet, cross dresser, hopes to find people who, together, we can enjoy something together. That's about all for now. Be safe out there and feel free to reach out to those you find interesting or want to learn more from. @}-- Sister Ida aka boytom

A note from me, K.  A bit of a look into our recent goings on. This was a big moment for me and I want to savor it. I had to break it up because it is quite a long entry.    M has been behaving really well lately! Behavior modification and control is my primary interest and all the implements of our lifestyle are just ways of helping me achieve that control. We have had the conversation regarding my desire for cuckolding before, many times. I bring it up quite a bit, I just can't get it out of my head. I need this for me. Back in 2019 M accompanied me on a few dates with potential bulls, but I don't think he ever thought it would seriously happen. This is very different from when I saw submissive clients professionally. I never ever had sex, I never ever gave head, I never even gave hand jobs. If my clients were allowed an orgasm, they would bring themselves off. M knew that when I finally allowed him sexual contact that we had taken a serious step. A premature ejaculator, he was and is a horrible lay and has never got better. I honestly didn’t expect him to. I got off on my control of him and absolute obedience, not his penis. And now while we have probably only had PIV sex 8 or 10 times in the last 3 years, I desire it more than ever, just not from my husband.  The pandemic drove us all inside and away from people we didn't know. The dates with potential bulls ended and I think M figured that was it. But, my desire for a bull has continued steadily building this entire time and has come to a tipping point. I decided to re-engage the subject in one very direct conversation with M last weekend. I have also decided to keep him on a more frequent chastity release schedule as positive reinforcement while we move forward in adjusting to our dynamic and while finding a bull for me again, in earnest. This conversation was for me to lay out my intentions in full.  We had scheduled this conversation for last Saturday a week before so that we would both be ready. We spent the morning at a farmers market searching for fresh produce that M would turn into a delicious dinner while I spent the rest of the day getting a massage and reading in our backyard garden. After dinner I suggested we move to the living room where I sat in the chair that I have for years been using for spankings and directed my husband to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of me. His lack of pants showed me his diaper was soaked and I put his pacifier in so he wouldn't be tempted to speak.  While he was sitting in front of me I explained to him first, that I loved him, that he had done nothing wrong, but that we would be renewing our search for a bull. His immediate reaction was to put his hand to his mouth in an effort to remove the pacifier so he could speak. I leaned forward, caught his hand and told him, “let me finish.” I explained to him that I would also be allowing him a more frequent release schedule from chastity, which drew out a smile behind his pacifier gag. I explained that his new permissions came with new expectations and that it was directly related to, as I put it, "returning to vigorously searching for a bull." His smile faded instantly which breaks my heart, but I have made my decision and know it will be best for us both; our lifestyle dynamic has many places left to go, but this is step one in getting there. I explained gently but firmly that he needed to get used to the idea of there being other men in our lives. I told him that I was completely finished treating him with kid gloves around cuckolding, that this was something I needed that he couldn't provide and that he knew that.  "M...we have come so far. I have emasculated you to a point you know that I could never take you seriously as a sexual partner. You know this and you know I need someone else, don't you?" He again lifts his arm to remove his pacifier gag so that he can speak. "Nope. Just nod your head, baby. Nod your head that you know I need this." 

Growing out of touchWith myself -This is me;trying to stay afloatand trying to stayon this boat and clingto a motivational quoteand a big fat jolly emote.Trying to put on my sugar coat andKeep this sicknote in mytote, as i deepthroatAnother dose of thisworld's useless antidote.But then this is mewhen You touch me;i sing notes in octave CAnd become a born again devoteto your lifeboat of keynotes,And i realize all along my scapegoatWas an incredible sinking u-boat.~ dirtydarling (8.27.23)

So many Doms who contact me here always seem to assume I'm full of all these unfulfilled fantasies about kink and a dom sub dynamic that are  unrealized, offering their cocks, hands, and sometimes even their minds to lead me down the path into my subconscious of dark desires.  Maybe those kind of offers entice other women on this site, ones who have had only dreams of scratching their itches, so to speak, but  hey fellas, if you have read my profile and my journals, you would know I have a great lifetime of experience for us to begin with.  That alone should elevate our initial conversations above the fray.  What I'm seeking here, what I'm seeking from you, is your extra special sauce and inner sanctum of domination, control, sensuality, experiences, etc. that all impact you and bring you to this current wonderful state of being you in all your learned kink glory. So that we may dive together into the depth that our conjoined minds and sexuality and dominance and submission can open before us when we conspire to love and serve and liberate to build a fortress of dynamic.  So please don't ask me to tell you a dark longing I've held my tongue about, because the most sexy longing I'm desiring most is to have you  meld your mind and body and spirit into me so I can become truly yours forever. 

At the beginning of a relationship I try to keep surprises to a minimum. So I’ve written a short description of how I would spank the first time I did so. I do not spank really hard as the pleasure is over far too soon. I spank firmly and slowly. I call it a ‘Cumulative Dozen’. The first time you will have dressed as I instruct and will stand whilst I tell you why you are being spanked, it might just be for the pure enjoyment of doing so. You will bend over the back of a chair and I will lift your skirt, if needed I will hold you in place between my thigh and my left hand. The first spank will land on your far cheek, then one on your near cheek. I will then change sides and spank each cheek twice. Then change sides and spank each cheek three times, and so on until I decide to stop, or I’ve reached a dozen per side. Each cheek of your bottom could have received 78 spanks by this time. You will then be told to stand facing into the corner, holding your skirt above your waist and forbidden to touch your bottom. After a short wait you will bend over again, your panties will be removed, your legs parted and I will repeat the spanking. If you struggle you will be put over my knee and have your arm folded into the small of your back. By this time your bottom will be red and sore so the spanks will seem much harder than they actually are.  By the time a dozen is reached this time you will might want the spanking to stop. However if you have struggled too much, or clenched your bottom muscles too often I may decide to continue to 13, 14 or perhaps 15. One finished you will stand in the corner again, forbidden to touch your red bottom that you will keep on display until I tell you can move. If I have collared you the process will vary, if you would like to know how then just ask.

POWER  Whenever a person applies for a position, we usually make inquiries into their references and previous work performance.  From thiswe get first hand input on job performance, teamwork, punctuality, adherence to company policy and so on.   Let's take a look at the references of some of the top aides and cabinet members regarding Former President Trump... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Republicans_who_oppose_the_Donald_Trump_2024_presidential_campaign Previous... VICE PRESIDENT PENCE! National Security Advisor Dir. National Intelligence TWO Secretary's of Defense Secretary of Homeland Security TWO National Security Advisors Secretary of the Army And the list just goes on and on and on and on.   People need to do some serious homework and stop reading one word signs at the red light. https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/War/Bob-Woodward/9781668052273 https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Rage/Bob-Woodward/9781982131746 https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Trump-Tapes/Bob-Woodward/9781668028148 https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Fear/Bob-Woodward/9781501175527

The “Honest” secret to a truly happy life I came to this epitome recently which felt as if I found a jigsaw piece that I didn’t even know I had loss. I have always known that I do not think the same as most people but never thought about why. As a young kid I was exposed to motivational speakers and realized that the affirmations, meditation and even the music I listened to affected my mood. I grew up confident in my abilities and became a natural leader but never questioned why. I watched an interview where the topic of honesty and lying came up. The interview prompted me to research the physical and mental effects of lying and I was surprised. What resulted caused me to self-evaluate my some of my deepest personality traits. I felt as if I had been bumping into things in a dark room my whole life without even knowing it and a light was turned on. Nothing in my life is any different today but I can now clearly see how being completely honest has had a major impact in my life. It has affected me physically, mentally in amazing ways that I had not considered until now. When I was successful at something I took credit and if I failed, I accepted the responsibility. There were no participation trophies, if I screwed up I learned to accept the consequences. As a result, I develop strong mental and social connections with those close to me because people inherently understood that I had integrity and they could trust me. While still in high school I recognized that most of my peers were interested in sex but few knew anything about it. I was experienced which high school girls found very attractive so I took advantage of it. As an athlete I used affirmations that I was going to be successful it was uplifting and positive. My success with girls gave me confidence and it became self-fulfilling the more experience I gained the more they were interested in me. Self-deception shapes our reality, influencing choices and beliefs both negatively and positively. Many types of ‘lying’ also involve self-deception, in Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Grapes". The fox in the end, gives up and walks away, saying the grapes weren't that good anyway. The fox demonstrates how self-deception can be useful for avoiding the discomfort of unmet desires. When I was not successful with a girl, I would chalk it up to it was her loss not mine. It was because of that attitude that I never let failure slow me down. I have shared a story many times that, I honestly thought everyone was having sex when I was in high school because I was. Several years after high school I met a friend and we talked about the girls we dated. I was amazed that he never had sex with any of them, he was a virgin until he was in college. I screwed every girl I dated, if fact I flat out told them if I was going to go out and spend money on them, I would require at least a blow job. A few were offended but most were intrigued some even enough to pay for the date. That story always meant something to me because all of my guy friends were talking about getting laid but come to find out they were all full of shit. It has proven to reinforce my confidence and success with women. It turns out that studies have shown, those who believe lying will give them monetary or social recognition are more likely to continue being dishonest. Those who tend to be insecure or have an anxious, avoidant or attachment issues are more likely to be dishonest to avoid being criticized, rejected. Lying affects self-esteem, emotions and can lead to psychological consequences. Dishonesty puts the brain in a state of heightened alert, and this stress increases with the magnitude of the lie. There are very real symptoms of anxiety like increased respiratory and heart rates, sweating, dry mouth. That is how a lie detector works it measures your anxiety but there is a reason it does not work on everyone and I will get to that. The gut-brain axis refers to the two-way communication between the two systems, and explains why people describe feeling butterflies in their stomach under extreme stress. Research has shown the act of lying stimulates the neocortex, limbic system the temporal lobe and other areas of the brain. When we deceive someone the Amygdala, the part of the brain that regulates emotion, is activated, and we tend to feel shame or guilt. Brain imaging experiments have shown the limbic system in a dishonest brain lighting up like a fireworks display. Unfortunately, they also show that the brain can adapt to dishonest behavior. Studies have found that habitual lying can desensitize our amygdala and may even encourage people to tell bigger lies to get the same rush in the future. Those that lie all the time about little things tend to pass a lie detector because their body does not respond normally. A 2002 study performed found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation, telling an average of two to three lies. A 2010 study have shown that the average American tells one to two lies a day. Many people find deception essential for survival and social interaction to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I will do my best to avoid confrontations and avoid topics where I anticipate difficulties but I will not lie to protect feelings or keep someone’s secret. I have always told people, do not lie to protect me because I will tell the truth no matter the consequences and you will get burned. At least to me being honest about everything is not a moral choice, I just find it a lot less stressful. If you have nothing to hide, there is nothing be worry about. If you fuck something up own it and get past it. The facts prove that I am right, if you are in a small group you have to keep track of what you told each person so not to create a confusion. A liar has to steer conversations to avoid tripping over lies which will create the need for more lies or blend, bend lies to make the fit. I am sure that some enjoy the mental gymnastics and get a rush out of deceiving people and they become pathological liars. For most, it just creates anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and all kinds of other stresses. I take the time each day to appreciate what I have achieved. I try to meditate, say affirmations, practice yoga in order to center myself. Life is good…. I have always known I look at life different than most people but never questioned why. I now have a better understanding why a lot of women I correspond with eventually ghost me. My actual life is their fantasy world and they either assume that I am lying. When it becomes clear that I am serious it can scare the shit out of them. I have found that when faced with everything they say they want, their reality kicks them in the ass. They have family obligations, children, career or other considerations that will prevent them from leaving the world they know. In the end they are just looking for a masturbation partner. There a few adventurous enough, that when provided an opportunity to recreate their life, step out of their comfort zone and make the changes necessary to make their fantasies come true. Choosing to live your life before it is too late can be scary. Imagine your life six months from now not having to worry about going to work, paying rent or other bills and everything you need like food, clothing, shelter is provided. The perfect 1950’s homemaker that spends her time taking care of the Master of the home. I have been active in the kink community for my entire life and can make fantasies come true. I won a successful business, multiple vehicles, my home, a bar that hosts monthly BDSM lifestyle events and have organized the Key West kink community for over ten years. I now realize that when I share my reality, the truth about what I have accomplished and what I have to offer it sounds like a lie. Nothing in my life is any different today and I do not know what I am going to do with, this new found understanding of what makes me who I am. I guess the funniest thing is, when I am not successful with a potential slave it is truly her loss not mine. If anyone who knows me wants to comment on what I have written, please feel free. I would appreciate any feedback.  

OK, so here's the second installment of my new profile: Still here? Still interested? Now on to the kink stuff...## ***Kink information***### **Things that i know about myself that i want more of in my life****my rubber self**I enjoy wearing layers of loose fitting full enclosure rubber, with a hood, gloves, gasmask, and socks. If you are dressed in any amount of rubber, that would be great. I'm happy to be with people wearing all kinds of clothing and gear, or nothing at all. I will be in full enclosure rubber myself.**My submissive self:**i am looking to become a rubber gimp or drone slave, i.e. used like a slave and stored like a gimp. i want to try out & test myself & to see if i do want to be a gimp slave in reality as compared to fantasy. i have lots of solo experience, but very little in-person real-life experience, so a lot of what i want to do is not informed my real-world experience.As your rubber gimp slave i want to to provide protected and safe sexual service to my dominant person while in layers of full enclosure rubber, gagged, blindfolded, leashed, cuffed, plugged and entubed & also some or all of the following: bondage, behaviour control, breath control, piss play, cart & dressage pony play, being controlled, financial domination & doing housework.my attitude is that bondage is about training and getting used to wearing rubber gear on a longterm basis, and so i am seeking to serve you by being forced into and kept in rubber gear, and learning to safely overcome the challenges that come with that. However more importantly, the full rubber gear is a means to an end where i can much better service You.i want to make Your life easier. i will pull my own weight by working in Your home or outside it while in rubber to earn income for the household. i am not no-limits rubber slave.---**As an equal:** I am into long sessions of mutual cuddling, kissing, body stroking in layers of heavy rubber. I am really interested to try living as rubber drones in a hive with contracts and rules that govern the behaviour of the hive and its members, such as these concepts and contracts by [Unit03](https://fetlife.com/users/8849164): - [The concept of a rubber hive: an introduction](https://fetlife.com/users/8849164/posts/6373426)- [Rubber Hive Contracts (or other kink between equals)](https://fetlife.com/users/8849164/posts/6412980)- [Model Short-Term Hive Contract](https://fetlife.com/users/8849164/posts/6413413)## **Limits**Explicit and enthusiastic consent is the sexiest thing. Don't fucking touch me without asking, even (especially!) if I'm in full rubber, naked or wearing something skimpy. Ask nicely and you might be surprised.My limits:-     no blood-     no needles-     no intentionally broken skin-     no scat-     no vomit-     no tickling-     no rimming (giving)-     no marks visible to the vanilla world-     no permanent marks-     no blows to the head-     no sudden neck/head movements-     no sudden loud noises-     no oral, vaginal or anal sex without a condom.## **Safer sex**Asking for (or assuming!) unprotected sex when we are new or casual play partners is a red flag.### **Things that i don't know about myself, and i want to explore to see if i want more in my life**i knew from an early age that i was into rubber. However, there are some bdsm activities that aren't easily compatible with rubber, and so i have never explored them. In 2023, i am realising that i want to try these to see if i also like them, and that if i want to try them, that i have to take off my rubber skin (which is a bit scary). This is what i'd like to try:- sensation play- impact play (whips, floggers, paddles, spanking)- rope bondage- wax play- high protocol- oral and vaginal sex with people of all genders

Who am I? Well that is an interesting question. I am myself. I am who I am. I have learned you can not change who you to make others happy. You have to be yourself and you will be happy and so will others. IF they do not like you then they are not friends. I have been told that I can not be a Mistress because I am quiet and shy. Well guess again! I am very much a Mistress and very much shy and quiet. I just am that way when I first meet people. I have always been a quiet shy person at first but then my bossy side can come out. I have worked hard to reign that side in unless I am with my partner. I am a very loving and affectionate person. I love to just come up and kiss who ever I am with, hold hands, or even just wrap my arms around them. I do not mind if they do the same to me. So on that note, I am a very shy person when you first meet me. I will be until I'm comfortable with you. That may take an hour or may take weeks, but once I am comfortable you will see the my goofy quirky spazzy side. Though when pissed off you do not want to be in my way. And now for the kink sideI'm a Mistress looking for someone to add to her family. I'm sweet, loving caring Mistress that gets to know her subs/slaves so I know how to interact with them. I learn what they like and dislike and go from there. To me this lifestyle isn't just about playing around, its about building a relationship with the other person, about building trust. So I mix my 'vanilla' side with my 'kink' side. Because they are the same person just different aspaspects of me. How can you get to know someone if you do not know every side of them?

 BlueFyre