Omg, I laughed til I cried...thank you threeforall! ;)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMZxm-EisrQ

NOT interested in poly or married men/women.

I might not answer if you haven't a picture posted. Nothing personal, I've just noticed a high incidence of unpleasant/phony types have no pics, so I tend to eschew out of habit.

NO MARRIED MEN. If you're hiding it from her, I'll not be a party to hurting another woman and, truthfully, will not be interested even if she DOES know. This does not pertain to friendly chat, as I'm always seeking information and intelligent discourse from experienced, sane and friendly people.

Looking for intelligence, patience and humor. Not really a brat (at least not when it really counts) but those last 2 things are probably the most important to have when it comes to dealing with me. ;))   

A busy vanilla life, I think, is paramount, and there should be a seamless blending of the 2 in my ideal world, though I'd want to be under your control and guidance even then - just discretely. I like rituals okay, but a preponderance of stilted, stylized speaking and constant physical performances would be difficult for me (read preponderance - I like doses of this kind of thing). The more "natural", the better, I believe. 

Limited experience within the lifestyle, but craving a long term dose of it. D/s and 50's household types suit me best, but I can hang with light bdsm. VERY interested in the mental and psychological aspect of D/s, so if you can discuss this with some knowledge and implement a good dose of mental bondage, yourself, that is a plus with me. 

Would like someone not very far, as I've learned the long-distance thing just...well...sucks. Within a 30 minute drive preferred.  Also prefer someone 42-50, but might, rarely, be persuaded differently on that matter. 

Looking for my one and only, and seek to be your one and only as well. Poly, or even "playing" with another would be soul-killing for me and not conducive to any long-standing relationship we could have.