The Guest House This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival.   A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor.   Welcome and entertain them all!Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.He may be clearing you outfor some new delight.   The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.   Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent by a guide above. 

Why are humiliations beneficial for me? Humiliations help me develop humility by reminding me that I am not perfect and that I have limitations. Facing them with serenity strengthens my patience and my ability to endure punishments or training calmly. Additionally, it is an opportunity to practice forgiveness towards those who humiliate me and to develop greater compassion towards them. Receiving humiliations helps me let go of my ego and the need for recognition or approval from my Teacher. These experiences, seen as tests or challenges, contribute to my growth and the strengthening of my character when they are overcome. They also prompt deep reflection and self-examination, leading to greater self-awareness and understanding of my own weaknesses and strengths. Accepting humiliations strengthens my dedication and trust in my Teacher, recognizing that everything happens for a reason and has a purpose in her plans.

I get the fact that if you don't ask for it, it is harder to find. But some people are so particular about the it they seek, that they don't give others with similar but not the same exact specifications, an opportunity. On this site, we aren't given a lot of choices as to the role we put on our profiles. Using myself as an example, I have changed my orientation from dom to sub to switch hoping to find a woman I am compatible with because I feel the person, not the role is more important. If we get along otherwise, she and I can decide which role is best for US. So many filter out potential partners for really minor reasons. It must be nice having the luxury of so many people desiring you, that you can cut some of them off without further consideration.   I guess it doesn't matter, who is going to even read this?

June 2024 All the years that have passed since my last entry and I'm in an insane mirror world where I'm trapped with him again. Choosing the kids again. My soul is gone, there's no love and laughter to greet with, no holding hands and thrilling looks, no anticipation... of good or bad. I am still No longer in steel, proof how I'm undesirable. He is a hollow shell, a ghost of who he was - all he was. The man who hobbles through my apartment is bitter, broken, deeply unhappy.... the attitude has become apathy, the confidence has become bitterness. The grief muscles cover his face until he's unrecognizable and the missing limbs make him think something inside is missing too. What once was powerful now is pitiful and whatever we once had; faded memories. I try to force him to leave, but he laughs as he curls up on a chair outside with his laptop... homeless yet not in the least. the kids scream at me about why can't I just be a good wife, a good cook, a better housecleaner? Why can't I just shut my mouth and let him die in peace? (Though they know i may go first) They can't understand the sorrow in my empty eyes and as he revives again in simple motions. They also don't understand... the hate, the rage, the abuse, the ugly words and texts. Neverending abuse I lived through for more than decades to TRY to give them a dad. They can't see what I go through - both good and bad - every time he rounds a corner. The way I flinch when his head whips around or the way I refuse to put my back to a wall... anywhere. They don't know I remember his magic hands on my body or the best friend by my side for decades. They don't see when we smile at a shared memory that it hurts both of us.  They blame me, as well he's taught them. Hell, I did right, but I blame me too. I've tried, so. Fucking. Hard. For years to forgive and forget. But when his hands grab my neck I react, when he gently touches me, and I know what pain is next, i can't stop freezing. When he kisses me and I sob.... he walks away with a look of disgust, hate, retribution. Away enough to hear me cry and beg forgiveness, enough to hear me beg to be his again, no love even, just property. Beg for the gag, the collar, the pain, the burns and broken. The plead for the hood so I don't see him and he can't see me. To even be taken, this life from the kids in exchange for death or use. Anything but this horrible hell I suffer every single day.  But what is it a sadist wants? REAL PAIN. What is more painful that making a slave a single mother? Anything more soul destroying to hear her beg to choose you over them, to see you've won. They don't want her, they want you. To hand her the loaded gun and laugh that she won't pull the trigger because she won't leave the kids with that final thought.  My mom destroyed my childhood, but in disliking herself - my mom ruined my life too, by taking hers.  I can't  

So why am i still here? Honestly i didn't think i would be. I've met people here, but life is complicated by the fact that i live with my mother (it's London, give us a break!). But i went to uni - miles away (clear across the country) and i thought that, i had a room of my own, a double bed, no one to explain things to, i could finally spend some real time getting to know a dom. And for some reason no one wanted to get to know me. A dom i'd known for literally years and who lived in the place i went to uni at, disappeared for five months and came back with a girlfriend, he wouldn't even meet for coffee as friends (and as a mature student boy did i need friends), another guy who said he'd love to have a holiday there, just didn't make it, one guy who agreed to come and see me started demanding that i go to see him instead, another guy ghosted me a few weeks before we were due to meet...yada, yada, yada. Now i don't believe i rushed any of these guys,  i was there for three years after all, so i guess they never had any intention of meeting in the first place.   So that's why i'm still here. But i can't say i'm still looking

I cheated on my wife, and I wound up paying for it.   I had gone out on my wife, and my sister-in-law found out about it. She told me she wouldn't tell her sister if I agreed to help her. After all, they weren’t that close, and she knew she could be a bitch. I agreed, and she told me to be at her place on Friday night at 8:00. I asked why, and she said you’ll see.    I got there at 8. She met me at the door and asked if I was ready. I replied, “I guess.” She said, “Here’s the deal: me and some friends are having a toy party, and we need someone to demo the toys on.” I was a little nervous, but she said, “Oh, you will enjoy it, and if you want, you can back out." I couldn't let her tell on me, so I agreed. She said follow me to the den.    When we got there, I saw the fuck bench for the first time. She told me to strip and hop up. I asked what it was for, and she said it would be easier to demo cock and ball toys and lubes or anything else. She said, "Hurry up; the girls will be here anytime." So I did, and she strapped me in and then blindfolded me. I never knew who the women were who were there that night. Let's say that, like my sister-in-law, they had more curves than the women in the following video. And you know how much women with curves excite me.   She left the room, and in no time, I could hear voices coming in the living room. Women laughing and drinking and looking at sex toys. After a while, how long I couldn't tell you because I had lost track of all time, I heard her tell them she had another surprise in the den. I hoped that none of these women got too drunk or knew my wife.   They walked in, and they all couldn't believe it. They told her that when she held a party, she held a party. She told them to get their favorite toy and try it out. I could feel hands rubbing my cock and balls and ass. Before long, I felt the first dildo rubbing my lips and then another, and they just seemed to get bigger and farther down my throat. Finally, I heard her say, “Is anyone going to bust this ass cherry, or am I going to have to bust it myself?” I tried to protest but my words came out all muffled and unintelligible because of the dildo that was shoved into my mouth. She said keep that dick down his throat, girl, to keep him quiet.    Well, she had a strap-on belted already because in just a few seconds, she was behind me squirting lube on my ass and fingering it in, and then I felt her pressing the head of her cock against my helpless asshole. She said you need to relax, and you will enjoy this, I promise. She just kept steady pressure, and it just kept stretching me out until it finally popped in. She was a very muscular and sexy gal, and she worked out every day, so I knew she could give me a very good pounding if she wanted. She wanted. As soon as her cock went in, she started fucking slowly but with increasing speed and depth. Before long, she had her feet up on the bench next to my legs and was squatting fucking me with blistering speed and to the point I could feel the sack of the strap-on bottoming out on me. With the cheers of the women, she only seemed to get faster and harder.    Needless to say, I took several "cocks" in both ends before the night was done. She saw the last woman out, then came back. As she was undoing the restraints, she thanked me for going along with the night and making her so proud in front of her friends. She finished freeing me, leaned over, and kissed me. Not a friendly sister-in-law kiss, but a deep, wet, passionate one, which I returned. Without another word, she led my naked ass to her bedroom. I spent the night, and when I awoke, I knew my marriage was over.   With thousands of porno videos out there, I could not find one with a male on a similar bench, but lots of ones with females on all sorts of benches, swings, chairs, etc. This one is almost like my sister-in-law’s, so I include the link more for explanation than demonstration. The second link is a video of how the night seemed to go for me in my mind.   https://www.etsy.com/listing/1219988334/spanking-bench-sex-bench-bdsm-bench?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=sex+bench&ref=sr_gallery-1-5&pro=1&organic_search_click=1   https://xhamster.com/videos/anal-extreme-for-kinky-butt-slut-7573248

Messy Little Piggy  Had the best time today rolling around in the bath in piss and custard. Oinking as I poured it all over my head, down over my snout and finishing by rubbing it all over my tits and pussy. Piggy piss play and sploshing, yum, my favourite. What food do you like to wallow and oink in?

Be Available! Here is why I stress that potential online submissive men be single--meaning you should not be married or partnered or attached in any way:    I am not interested in competing for attention with this partner or spouse, nor am I interested in being their stand-in for a sexless relationship or otherwise help you sneak around behind their back. I do not intend to be held responsible should you be caught. And anyway, how can you truly be made mine if you belong to someone else?    Here is also why I make clear that you should be living alone--meaning you are the only one who resides in the house with no roommates or tenants (or partner or spouse):    If you feel the need to hide because you believe they would not understand, how can you freely behave in service to me? It would also mean never-ending waiting on my end until you were alone. Sure, you may have a job or may have an errand come up but at least when at home, you are able to freely behave according to your true nature (and my instructions).    Finally, here is why you being constantly busy or engaged will not work in my favor: Like the above two examples, it would hinder your availability and performance. I understand if you had a job that lasted from nine to five, but if the work (or any other activities) keeps you away for entire days, that does not make for satisfying service or effective communication (my tutelage and control). And I have done enough waiting.    At the end of the day, this is taking place between Me and you; the nature of the dynamic requires you to be at my beck and call as well as your undivided attention.    How can you make yourself useful to me if you are always hurting for time?    How can constant supervision be possible if you are hardly even there?    How would this respect my own time and energy?    I may have patience but only up to a certain point, especially if you’re screwing around and wasting time.

The Most Dangerous Woman in the Room Intelligence is non-negotiable for me. Not as a preference, not as a nice-to-have. As oxygen. The dynamic I crave lives and dies on the quality of mind across from me, and frankly, a dull submissive is the least interesting thing I can imagine. What would be the point of the subversion without something worth subverting? Because that is what this is, at its core. Subversion. And it is my favorite thing about my own dominance. There is a particular kind of woman the world has decided it understands. Beautiful, polished, old money in her bones and silver screen glamor in the way she moves. The kind of woman who makes a room recalibrate when she enters it, not loudly, but inevitably. The world looks at her and thinks it knows the story: the accomplished man beside her, the elegant life, the complementary pair. Matched. Balanced. Conventional, underneath the gorgeous surface. The world is wrong, and I find that endlessly delightful. He is, to every outside eye, exactly what he appears: successful, intelligent, the kind of man other men respect without quite knowing why. He carries himself well. He speaks well. He is, in every social context that matters to anyone watching, her equal, if not more. The couple that makes people feel vaguely inspired just by existing in the same room. And then the door closes. And he kneels. That gap, between the world's assumption and the private truth, is where the magic lives for me. It is cinematic in the way that only real things can be cinematic, because no one scripted it, no one performs it for an audience, no one gets to see it but us. It is entirely, privately ours. A secret folded inside the most publicly acceptable packaging imaginable. There is something about a genuinely powerful man choosing, with full understanding of what he is doing, to place himself at the mercy of a woman who will use that power exactly as she sees fit, that feels like the most honest thing two people can construct together. Not despite his strength. Because of it. Submission means nothing from someone who had nothing to surrender. The kneeling matters because of who is doing the kneeling. And I will not pretend the aesthetics are irrelevant, because they are not. The cut of a well-made dress. The particular quality of composure that reads as warmth to strangers and means something else entirely to him. The way the room sees two people and I know, with complete and unhurried certainty, exactly what is happening under the surface of every pleasant exchange. That knowledge is its own kind of power, and I wear it the way I wear everything: beautifully, and without explaining myself to anyone. The Trad wife trope exists as a container for a certain kind of woman. Lovely, accomplished on the correct terms, a complement to the man she stands beside. I find that container useful primarily for how satisfying it is to blow the bottom out of it, privately, completely, in ways the people who built it will never see coming and never get to witness.   That, to me, is what real magic looks like.

  New Year After a brief discussion this morning we have agreed on a few things to try and get the most out of 2023. wearing my daily collar more often (as permitted by job, etc) more butt plugs less underwear more outfits with access when home more use of the belt more opportunities for us to explore with others Happy New Year!

It’s no surprise that I have been on this site Collarme now called CollarSpace a long time since Two thousand and eight and I am becoming impatient. I try to be as transparent as possible whenever the time arises. I have been lied to way too much to do anything less than be honest and hopefully get the respect of honestly back. I have been lied to most of my life about big and small things As my birth mom would say I HATE LIES especially volunteer lies I felt that in my soul when she said that. Willingness to communicate clearly is easier said than done I have to say I put my all in everything I do and say and for many of these sites that I am on I feel like guys only see or want what they see or want and dont actually want the real deal just the fantasy of it all. I would love to find a balance between the vanilla and the S/M world. I feel like I am a very direct and transparent person but maybe I am not? I am very tired of expending resources, time, and energy on frivolous endeavors. SIGH!!!

Today I had a meet and greet with a man who was:   local within my preferred age range available for a publicly acknowledged relationship interested in some of the same significant kinks that I am cuter than his photos   The conversation flowed well. This seems promising.

The only people I judge are judgmental people themselves. OK, and people who've asked me to judge them. But that totally muddies the nice, clean quote. ;) I have kicked around this scene of ours for long enough that I remember when YKINMKBIOK was plain survival. Before the web got into every home, if you knew a few people in your area, who were into kink, you clung to them. It didn't matter that I was into the mental side of things, into D/s, while one of them was into sploshing, another into male masochism and the third was into vinyl. That there were three others who were just as weird as me was AMAZING. The huge growth of the scene, that we worked hard for, has been a huge blessing. But it's also given us so many others, that we can find so easily, it's easy to slip into judging others because, well, we'll have plenty of friends left. Don't like the way they do rope? Let's label them as wrong or dangerous. Squick over diapers? Let's call them freaks and borderline pedophiles. Don't like the way they do heavy mental play? Clearly abusers! And look how much better it makes our insecure selves feel about ourselves that we've managed to tear down others! That's not me. I can't do it. I'm not into Daddy/little. I'm not into diapers. Fifty Shades isn't my BDSM ideal. Mind you, I'm not a huge fan of O, or Gor, either. But I love that others are! I love that you freaks and perverts have  so much passion for the things you love. I think it's amazing, the really strong relationships you build around your interests. I am so deeply, deeply, happy that you can find peace in who you are. Your Kink Is Not My Kink But It's OK. It's more than OK. Not for me, but I love that it works for you and good luck to you!

To be a Domme   This ideology (that you have to peg someone to dominate them) is everything that is wrong with femdom porn.   I don’t need to penetrate anything other than your mind to dominate you.   Dominance is not about penetration.   Exchanging power is not about penetration.   I assert my dominance by being dominant.   I can lay back, have you penetrate me, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.   I can suck your cock, have your cock penetrate my mouth, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.   I can go on all fours, have your cock penetrate my ass, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.   No act is inherently dominant or submissive.  Most especially penetration.   BDSM and D/s is not about the things that you can do - it is how you love.

I am slowly starting to handle some things slowly, when everything comes at me in a great mass, I shut down and that isn't the real me. I used to handle everything straight on. I have found a way to push things back more into organization so I can handle it slowly on my terms. I still drive ppl nuts because I am dominant and it my home and here it is my way or they know the outcome. Shit will hitting the an in a day or two, as the person they gave permission to store a bear skin in one of my freezers that I thought was empty and shut off hasn't made attempt to come get it. I pay to keep the damn thing in deep freeze, and no one gets why I am pissed. I want it gone so the freezer can be cleaned and sold. Yes I am trying to down size makes me laugh they think I want to leave my belongings for them to use. I get a good momentum going and then someone pulls a shitstorm and I have to deal with it, because they are all attached at the hip. Oh well life is grand if you know when to duck.

Why do you do this? So here is my question and my issue...  Why are you here?  I know that the fakes and scammers are here to try and make a buck, and the Doms and Dommes are hre for their respective reasons, but this goes out to all those subs and slaves that need to pull their heads out of their asses. I have been around CS since it was CM, Not even sure if my old account is still active or not but regardless I want to know, why it is you dont have at least the basic respect for the ones giving their time to write you a simple reply? I can understand scrolling the mouse over an email and ignoring it if it has one sentance, but if some one takes the time to write out a whole paragraph introduction and you still ignore it, leaving it unread for years and yes I said years, there are some that I personally did a cleanup on this last month on my email dating back to pre covid still unread Seriously, there needs to be the old user notes back on profile so that you can make note of those you talk to, have mail unread with, etc And to those reading this that actually have notes in their mail like this be it from me or others, at least give the common respect that We deserve and write back that your not interested at the LEAST so that we can, at least those that are level headed, can simply move on I know that I only talk to one at a time here, and if a mail goes unaswered for a few days of seeing that user online every day, I will move onto the next But not everyone is like that here, some will bitch, rant, and wine that why aren't you answering your emails etc Now not all of those are trolls or fakes, but a good portion are mentally children if they do that A good not to the Doms and Dommes ,,,  Dommes not so much really,,,  SOMETIMES you get better results with honey than spite

One of the first things parents teach their toddlers is that 'I want, doesn't get'. We can't have everything in this world - and we certainly shouldn't expect things to fall into our laps just because we ask for them. But perhaps the point is more about the way that we ask. After all, if you don't ask for things, why would anyone give you anything? Of course, you have to prove yourself worthy. But it's important to be clear, so that other people are able to engage fully and clearly with our goals. On that note ,although we learn, when we're young, not to voice all our thoughts, I am  someone who's prepared to take risks when it comes to sharing ideas; I  don't suppress my feelings or opinions for the sake of polite pretence. I like being with people i  can be honest and open with.

It has been years since I've been on here. I left because the ability to journal was no longer an option. Apparently it has been restored!! This past Summer someone who first viewed me here, found me on Fet.  He remembered my profile and reached out. I was not looking to find someone. And pretty much saw  myself as content to be alone. It was a fluke that I went on Fet , after 1.5 years. Just as I am on here for several years away.  Presently,  I am in a lovely dynamic, with a very good Dom.  He and I see the world and more through  similar lenses. While a new dynamic, I feel so comfortable.  We fit. It is not easy to find someone who has similar,  faith, politics, perspective on D/s , and compatibility, as well as have vanilla life be a great fit too. We have found the needle in the stack of needles!    I appreciate this man very much, and can see myself with him , I can see a future. Tony I am yours, through thick and thin,  I have your 6 and feel the same. You have my heart ❤    M.

Wow. Looks like this is my first journal entry in almost 9 years. Guess life got busy in that amount of time. The world has changed since then on many levels.  I will save many of you some time. I've read everything I've written on my profile and journal so far. It is all more true re my opinions today as it ever was.  Also, I am what many consider to be an open-minded, arch liberal. How could I not be?  In order to be unapologetically who I am in this lifestyle, a free thinking approach is needed. So it follows that if you are set in your ways, hate the current president, detest liberals, have maga swag, and own any let's go Brandon paraphernalia, save us both some time and move on to the next profile. There are plenty of women who feel like you do. No need to feel I can, or should be, convinced. Could I have convinced you to vote for any democrat much less Hillary Clinton? I didn't think so. I don't want to spend time on this site having political discussions  And since Im looking for serious play partners, I felt it best to leave this note here   Its better this way. More politically conservative males can click to the next profile and I won't have to read so many message. LOL I wish each of you the best. Happy hunting! Roxanna

  This submissive’s Creed:   Respect Your time   Match Your efforts and requirements    Keep my word   Always be honest   Stay committed and consistent regardless 

The Binder: On Wanting Things Unapologetically I have been thinking about want lately. The specific texture of it, the way it sits differently when you stop apologizing for the size of it and simply let it exist at full scale. I was raised, as most women are, to want carefully. To want reasonably. To frame ambition as gratitude and desire as practicality and to generally keep the whole operation small enough that no one feels threatened by the outline of it. I am done with that. The Binder exists because I am a woman who plans, and planning requires honesty about the destination. So here it is, plainly, without qualification: I want my dream home. Not a reasonable approximation of it, not a compromise that checks most of the boxes. The actual one, with the particular light in the particular rooms and the space that finally matches the interior life I have been carrying around in a series of spaces too small to hold it properly. A home that looks like me. That is the entire requirement and it is not a small one and I refuse to shrink it. I want work that deserves me. I have spent enough time being competent inside structures that were not built for someone like me, doing it gracefully, doing it well, doing it without making anyone uncomfortable with how much more I was capable of. The next chapter looks different. I am finishing my degree with the same intention I bring to everything: completely, on my own terms, and as the foundation for whatever comes next rather than a box I am checking for someone else's benefit. I want Japan and I want Zanzibar and I want the specific feeling of being a woman who moves through the world with enough ease and enough resources that distance stops being a reason and becomes simply a coordinate. I want to stand somewhere I have never stood and feel the particular expansion that travel produces in a person who pays attention. I want more of that, regularly, starting now and not eventually. And I want to be married again. To someone who understands, in their bones and not just in theory, what it means to belong to a woman like me. Not a partner who tolerates my nature or finds it interesting from a safe distance. Someone who meets me in public as my equal, carries himself with the kind of presence that makes other people straighten up slightly, and comes home and kneels. Who wears my marks the way some men wear medals: privately, permanently, with the specific pride of someone who earned something real. Who worships not as performance but as orientation, the way a compass points north not because it is trying to but because that is simply what it does. I want all of it at once. I want it unapologetically and in full. I want the dream home and the passport stamps and the letters after my name and the man who undoes me at the end of a long day by completely undoing himself first. The Binder is where I keep the map. This is me, reminding myself that the destination is real, that wanting it loudly is not arrogance but clarity, and that a woman who knows precisely what she is building is already most of the way there.   The rest is just time.

Time to clarify a few things, I guess. I wrote something to help clarify an age bracket I am interested in and why… but I guess on a sit like this I need to narrow it down a little further.   IF you were born with two X chromosomes, i.e. what the human race once called female… I have zero interest in dating you. If you live your life proud of those two X chromosomes we can be good friends!   IF you were born with one X and one Y chromosome, i.e. what the human race once called male… AND you live your life proudly as a fully blooded man, AND you are local, AND you are not married, OR living with someone, OR have a LTR significant other, AND you are gainfully employed (or independently wealthy and thus not needing employment) AND you have a residence (your mothers basement and brothers-in-laws garage do not count) AND you have transportation (Public electric scooters do not count) AND you like to chant Let’s Go BRANDON!… THEN, you have made it through the initial screening process and we can start chatting…   IF you have rainbows for anything other than the promise of God on your profile… you should probably not contact me. IF you like to wag your hand when you talk for reasons other than being Italian, you should probably not contact me. IF you have to practice speaking in high pitches, you should probably not contact me. IF you have to decide between apples and socks in your bra, you should probably not contact me (Unless the cause is cancer related) IF you need a tuck it bathing suit, you should probably not contact me. IF you have two XX chromosomes and look like a cancer patient for no reason, you should probably not contact me. IF you have a Y Chromosome and wear makeup and are not an actor or news anchor, you should probably not contact me. IF you are a bottom, realize you can contact me, but it will be friends only. (Same for most switches) IF you are far away, it is pretty pointless to contact me. I can keep going but I am getting bored and if this doesn’t get the point across I don’t’ know what will.   Oh and if you want to friend me… I am flattered… but maybe try speaking to me? I am not a check mark to tally up on your friends list, actually make a friend of me. Like a box pops up and asks you, do you know this person, are they a friend, and you click yes, and you haven’t read my profile, or spoken to me… and I am supposed to agree, and say, oh yeah, that imbecile is my buddy! Yeah, nope. I only bite if you like it…

They say before I knew you were mine, that I already was. That you knew from the start. From the beginning of time. Did you know how stubborn I'd be and how it's hard breaking and building someone being distants away? The ability to turn off submission when I want to do my own thing? As many times as I've sinned against you, I don't deserve you. Yet you stay, you say get back up try again. Even if we go through the same battle a thousand times you may go silent but you never leave. I feel my shame. I feel my guilt. I want to change but darling why is it so hard? I want to give you every good thing I am and know I could be. The potential is there waiting to be awakened into firey motivation and passion. Even if you can't save me, lead me in the way I know I should go so I don't influence others to do the wrong things. Let me be a righteous leader leading with grace and let me be a proper role model to look up too. If you can't save me, can you at least stick around until the end? I like you Jesus. Always have, always will. 

i am a submissive man... i have had submissive tendancies for as long as i can remember... it all started with a dream... Around the end of Oct '22 i met a kitten... how we initially met isn't that important. But the chemistry was obvious, to me at least. We arranged to meet at the coast where we both live.. as it turned out the kitten lives about a 10 minutes drive from where I live. While we were walking the boarwalk, we stopped into a bar.. neither of us drank alcohol, but the conversation was interesting, as the kitten pointed out women she thought attractive.. which led to her confession that she was bi. As we left the bar.. we stopped at a tattooo shop, inquired about nipple piercings (for me, as i always wanted one pierced).. turns out both of hers are pierced, as i discovered while there. We walked back to our cars.. stopping for some frozen yougurt concoction, it wasn't very tastful as I recall.. while having the snack at a table by the sand... kitten admitted that she "was into pain if properly administered". I was a bit taken aback, but as i am core sub, i understood completely what she was saying. Understanding, that, for me, infliction of pain in various manners produced chemicals and allowed me to forget the grinds of life for a moment or two.  We enjoyed each others company. Upon departing, as I walked her to the car, I stole a hug and a kiss, that we both seemed to enjoy, and i recieved a positive vibe as we said our good bye's. We texted each other later the following week, "I hope to see your place sometime soon" she texted.. I decided to invite her to the beach again the the following Sunday morning, but schedules wouldn't allow... we did decide on late brunch, we would meet at my place. (the story goes... she was clamped on the couch.. i pulled her nipple clamp chain while i banged her with ma fingers, she came multiple times) CMNF for he most part during tis session.   Decided she was a slave and not a kitten or a submissive..  Reminder notes to write about...  The next Sunday we had brunch... I finger banged her on the couch and told her I wasn't going to fuck her yet... i was going to make her wait.. she wanted to get slapped in the face.. I had serious Dom drop after this as it went against my grain to soo much as lay a finger on a woman.. called her the next day to check on her mental state, cause mine wasn't great.. she was in a very good mood and happy.. the slapping got easier to deal with as we progressed in our process and play. Two Sundays later we had cropping session.. and caned her.. with her new cane.  She got covid... two or three weeks later.. she came over for an hour or two before going on break with family.. in front of the fire.. she dry humped me until orgasm.. she came when i pulled her hair while she was doing this... like instantly as I tugged on her main. She went on xmas break When she got home Jan 12th, that Sunday started with otk after she came out of bathroom in nothing but xmas gift panties... told her to pick a tool from the closet, she chose crop, dragged her into the doghouse by her hair.. we had a cropping session, left marks, she rode a dildo stuck to a saucer plate (while throating me) had a very intense convulsive orgasm while doing this... dildo was expensive and nice one, after cropping and then gave me the blow job of my life... sucked on my balls while stroking my cock, almost made me nut but i stopped her.. was going to fuck her later.. after she worshipped my feet, failed doggy, as I lost my erection in hassle for condom, or she would have gotten fucked.. i was hard all night before that, but she was kind and understanding about it.. I just felt like my cock had been hard for so long all night it was just done lol.. after cropping.. she came again before she left on the couch, during her aftercare session i rubbed her button until she came... after she had put all her clothes back on... they all came off again.. she dressed and left.   We met briefly.. at a bar.. i don't drink but she had two glasses of wine.. we flirted with each other and she said she was going to fuck me.. we went our seperate ways.. we will go to a club to see bulesque next Thursday, but she will come of to get used monday prior.. to be continued.  We met again when she came over.. i wonder if she stricly comes over to be used.. i was giving her aftercare and massaging her red welted ass... i noticed her butthole was so pink.. and pretty.. my mouth found its way there somewhat naturally.. it was a first for both of us.. she loved it and so did i. She certainly earned it.  Haven't seen the kitten going on three weeks... between her studying and spring breaking... I was taken aback when she texted me saying she wanted to come over next weekend.. i think the stress of school and all the studying has gotten to her.. she misses the distraction of the crop.. and needs some masochistic distraction. More to come..         

I don't really like doing "negative space" posts, but a few things:   I do not do "sessions".  I'm not a prodomme, I'm not interested in casual anything.  If I pursue something, its because I think it has potential for an ongoing dynamic of substance.  I'm also not a findomme, and have no interest in folks whose primary motivation is in that realm.  Doms - some of your cohort are giving you a seriously bad name.  Here's what keeps happening. A Dom contacts me, says they want to do the equivalent of talking shop.  Within a few exchanges they're pushing boundaries, either telling me they want to flip the and sub, or telling me how wonderful they are and bragging all around, or in one case, attempting to pathologize my own participation in the lifestyle and dismissing any woman with interests in this realm.  Guys, don't do this.  It just makes you look bad, and I'm happy to use the block button when things go down that path.  You're here on a site for finding people who complement  your preferred power orientation. Go forth! Pursue them!  Have fun!  Just leave the Dommes alone, we're not buying.  Geez, what else.   Please be ready to engage in conversation of substance.  I'm not looking to chat forever, but I am looking to chat until I can see that you are a consistent, reliable, engaging individual who can connect with me on a materially significant level.  I'm not going to invite you to my off-site world unless I feel you've proven those things, because I don't need fifteen "hi" messages a day blowing up my phone from folks who don't bother to string together a full sentence.    Ahh, venting complete.  I might even delete this later, but for the moment, it needed to be said.    

After my first marriage to a cheater, I developed the confidence to start exploring bondage. I have a strong need for connection with a lover. Random hook-ups don't feel right to me. On the other hand, I love to flirt and have no problem meeting people anytime, anywhere. To balance this out, I experimented with chastity, both mental and physical. Around this time I made some good looking friends who got me comfortable with showing off my body for them. This was all very exciting but was not matching my desire for a relationship built on trust that includes times of intense sexual expression. I wanted to have a bondage partner that was as strong minded and aggressive as I was.With years of searching, it is dawning on me that my natural manner attracts compassionate and often sexually submissive women. My hidden desire is to be the submissive partner, however, I wanted to feel my submission during daily life rather than in the bedroom, without squashing my masculine personality. I'm searching for an unusual balance where I am appreciated for being a responsible man navigating every day life but with my happy partner having the power to flip my switch into a lusty and aggressive lover who will pin her down and take us both into sexual adventures in bondage and submission. I am now picturing a scenario in which my I commit to someone by surrendering the keys to my chastity belt. On days of her choosing, she provides me an opportunity for freedom knowing that I am quite frustrated with lust for her. This is my license to drop my normal demeanor and become a little meaner, taking what I need in the way that I want. When the time to revert to public persona returns, it is understood that she should claim the keys and remind me that I belong only to her. This is what I might term a submissive led switch, with the role-reversal determined by the woman not by playing domme but by choosing to let the dogs out! Yes, I want to have to freedom to using my ability to capture and dominate, but I don't want to have to suppress my desire to do so. If I hand you the keys, I want us to be comfortable knowing that when sex happens, it happens only because you want it to happen. You will know I am always ready when you are because you are my only release.

not to complain, but I'm gonna... you see, my mean evil hateful trainer took away my sugar... it's been a week of no sweet tea, sugar in the coffee, no donuts, sodas, cookies or even worse, no ice cream (who the hell does he think he is???)!!!!  honestly, except for the no ice cream thing, I am taking it pretty well... I mean, no one has died... yet...  the IGRA Royalty Competition is coming up fast, October will be here before I know it, just a few (60) more pounds to lose to my goal weight, and a few more inches to shave off the gut and waist, I'm getting there slower than I wanted but getting there... I am almost ready, just a few things left to sort out...  I still want ice cream... (are you sure this isn't "cruel and unusual punishment"?)

Well I have been asked why my Profile says Dominant. I think most all CD Gurls have both Dom and Sub persoanlities. Sometimes a CD Gurl just needs to be able to stand up for herself and yet other times when feeling very fem, likes to flirt and enjoys being sexually chased. Been many times very frustrated dealing with the Dom personality and has considered to become a Switch and taken by a Slave Master. Again, this poses some special issues. Nobody I know wants to impose a death sentence on themselves but to be taken, broken and retrained for servitude as a slave seems very appealing and might solve issues of needing to be always making the decisions. Being a slave means you most likely become an "IT" as owned property and you no longer get to choose anything. Everything is chosen for it by the Owner/Master that it is bound to. As a CD, Domestic Servitude seems very attractive while flitting to and from it's chores, dressed in something fem and cute and of course Sexual Servitude is without saying, a very real life situation as a slave. CD Gurls do not fear this because most all are Bisexual   and retrained as a Gay Slave is only a slight change. One of the main changes is a sexual slave provides sexual satisfaction to it's Master without expecting any of it's own, except the learning to be satisfied that Master is satisfied. A slave might never experience another orgasm for the rest of it's life as a slave? A slave will need to learn Master's protocols for everything and expect punishments when it does not perform to Master's standards. A Master may want to brand His slave. He may want to have slave pierced in many areas of it's body. Many Gay Masters want the slave to wear a permanent metal collar so can never be removed by slave. They also want slave to be nude, rather than clothed. This would be a hurdle a "former CD gurl" would need to overcome or be constanly thinking of fem clothing and how it felt to be wearing these girlie girl garments and enjoying the fabrics and texture of fabrics and array of colors and prints in fem clothing.   And this most likely would cause it's Master distain and cause Master to punish slave more frequently and harshly with whippings, rather than just spankings. From messaging with slaves and former slaves, it finds out it would need to learn to appreciate punishments from Master and thank Master for his guidance. All of these things are perplexing and need to be considered before taking that "One Step Beyond" into a new life style and forever leaving the past behind. Once it enters Master's Dungeon there is no going back or returning home. Some Masters require male slaves to be castrated to make them more mellow and permanently change them so they are even more, less likely to think of escaping in those beginning months of training and breaking slave down to a blank canvas for it's life of servitude. Simply stated, a Submissive is someone who "chooses" how to give pleasure and enjoy receiving pleasure with a more Dominant person. A Slave has NO choices. A Slave does what Master says and goes where Master takes it.  

Due to medical reasons and the fact I have loss the use of my left arm I am removing myself from the market, those that wish to keep in contact can message me by text. It been real and it been fun but can't say it's been real fun. This account will be deleted in two days

As we stand at the threshold between years, there is a natural pause that invites reflection. The closing of 2025 is not merely the turning of a calendar page—it is a moment to breathe, to remember, and to take stock of who we were, what we endured, and how we grew. 2025 was a year that asked much of us. It was not a year defined by a single event or headline, but by accumulation—of effort, of resilience, of quiet victories and hard lessons. It was a year that reminded us that progress is rarely loud, and strength is often forged in silence. For many, 2025 began with hope tempered by realism. The world continued to navigate uncertainty—economic shifts, global tensions, evolving technologies, and changing social landscapes. We were asked to adapt yet again, to rethink how we work, how we connect, and how we care for one another. And while adaptation can be exhausting, it is also proof of endurance. We are still here. This past year reminded us that stability is not guaranteed, but neither is despair. Even in moments of strain, communities showed up. Neighbors helped neighbors. Families reconnected. Friends checked in when it mattered most. In ways both big and small, people chose compassion over indifference—and that choice matters more than we often realize. 2025 also challenged our understanding of time. It moved quickly and slowly all at once. Weeks red together, yet certain moments stand crystal clear: a conversation that changed us, a loss that reshaped us, a success that reminded us of our own capability. These moments form the true record of a year—not the dates, but the meaning we attach to them. For some, 2025 brought achievement—goals reached, milestones earned, dreams realized after years of effort. For others, it brought disappointment, delay, or grie

Many messages- let's addres and be clear and concise.  So many have this aversion to Dominants who are interested in transactional ects of this lifestyle and so many have been taken advantage of, hurt, scammed. I am so sorry you've put yourself in such position, except- own it and wear a helmet. If youre that desperate but only wish to live bi-curiously through your online persona, behind the security of a screen and your cowardice; please do not judge and condemn those of Us who truly are committed to who We are as dominants.  This may not be the absolute truth, it is simply My experience in over fifteen years in this particular site, lifestyle and walking in My truth and acceptance as a Dominant Woman, you seek leadership, direction, guidance, for someone else to take the responsability (often times, the burden) of where you are and guide you to be the best you can be, to serve Us. Power exchange is not, at least for Me, a kink. It is My identity, in every ect and area of of My life. So, approach with humility, accountabilit and honesty to your own self, to who and what you say you are. Do not, however, message me with aimless superficial comments, idle or vain conversation or the worst- requests as though you are pulling up a drive thru window topping from the bottom making requests and commands.    Infinite question?-" How does one earn a spot at Goddes' feet?"   Through committed, consistent actions. Bdsm aside, that’s how a man, woman( however it is you identify as)who knows who he/she is/ they are, what he/she/they is/are doing, what his/her/their purpose is and what he/she is /they are willing to be or become to get it knows the price for anything is actions for it speaks of who he/she is they are, his/her character and value. Values are simply what W/we value most above all else. Values are Priorities. The higher the priorities, higher the standard- My standards. The higher the price paid in any power exchange is and will always be submission and sacrifice of who you are through your actions, not words.  sacrifice of your time, commitment and honest and consistent actions and communication. That in itself is money, is the kind of money, finances, many here do not have  because as subs or slaves the are simply not it or are not at the level I and many dominants deserve. All is well, so lukewarm and flakes or those who revel in nice ideas and words but are not in a covenant and commitment towards who they are. Many are not even aware they are required and must take ownership of their identity. Who it is you, as a sub or slave, at best are mediocre, and at worst are cowards. so they’re filtered away by their limitations and mediocrity. Many of you discarded and ignored to continue to repeat the same level, course, process, lessons over and over and over because you are completely comfortable in your discomfort, victim hood and mediocrity whilst continue to complain why you are where you are, why you suffer, for you do not see that is you who limits yourself. Without said self revelation and acceptance, there cannot be space for the discipline and obedience to your own self as a submissive, slave. Taking ownership, accountability and responsibility of this self awareness is to be committed and loyal to who it is you are at your core and pay whatever price necessary; whether it is parts of yourself, to be transformed, upgraded, or simply let go and let die so your true self can be liberated through deed. This is one very finite answer to what I mean by “earn a spot at Goddess’ feet”- at any dominants feet quite frankly.   We are what W/we give and in return what W/we are and give is also what is returned to U/us ten fold. To serve is a privilege that requires sacrifice and courage, to give is also to receive. Both are one and the same. For Me? This is the standards I adhere and live by- so whatever is done for Me I know is the minimum for I know who and what as a sub or slave with trust, committed actions and guidance My subs have flourished and transformed into their own personal and professional lives. 

In lieu of the entry directly below, spent the first 2 weeks of February this year, in a Hospital bed dying from kidney failure. Thankfully the doctors caught it before it was beyond complete failure and before the need to discuss transplants became a topic. The issue basically meant my kidneys weren't cleaning my blood properly and my blood was effectively flytipping excess body proteins the kidney didn't transfer to the Bladder and Intestines, into the rest of my body, this was clogging up arteries, clinging onto muscles and organs slowly crippling my bodies ability to function. I went into hospital weighing in at 23 stone, and came out at just under 17 stone. Hell of a weight loss regimine, but I don't recommend it, its a potential killer (pun intended) I am now mostly free to pursue what I would like from this lifestyle, however I am still on the mend in some capacity and cannot perform every task I once used to enjoy to the full capacity and this will reflect on what I will agree to submit to. This problem is mostly physcial stuff like housecleaning, but also things like going out dressed in heels, as I get very dizzy sometimes with headaches when I stand for long periods, This is mostly a blood pressure issue, which I am in discuession with my doctor at solving, but in the meantime I need understanding from would be Dominant's I agree to meet, that these sort of things are not high on my list. I am still seeking a Dominant Male or the Elusive Dominant All Male couple, whethr they're married, friends or whatever isn't important. I see myself mostly as a sex slave who wishes to be put into bondage and used eventually with rough face fuckings and rear end action. I can submit to some pain play but nothing excessive, as a diabetic I just don't heal wounds such as welts and lesions on the skin, they take months to recover from and I am just not that kind of pain slut. If you cannot restrict your sadistic needs to sore skin or keeping your slave in uncomfortable bondage situations or furniture, I am unlikely to be what you seek. Any initial sex dates need to be safe anal sex, we can discuss things like bareback if we become a full time relationship, as I see bareback being between 2 people or more, who are only fucking each other, and theres trust in place that they're not sleeping around with anything with a pulse. Ideally I seek a Master or more with a decent sized cock, I am sorry but if you are under 7 inches, you are just not big enough to arouse my sexual interest and you'll be wasting your time.  If you're UK based and you are ok with my medical issues, at least willing to discuss their impact and accept my limitations on what I can and cannot do, lets chat and see if there is a spark.

My Name is Sara Sands I am a transgender M2F, I have always felt Femmine and submissive but not a Slave type, I have a great deal of experience in D/s and always craving to learn and expand my submission deeper, I have served Dom Men, Domme Females and Domme trans, and Dom/Domme couples I am very obedient and very clean, I know from my yrs of meeting that a Dominant and submissive connection starts with Mindset, Sexual acts are the product of unlocking that mindset, Verbal control of me to start is key to my submission, The only way I have found pleasure is in serving and pleasing my Dom/Domme Humiliation and Punishment, I understand is a tool to remind me of my place and purpose, Once I have given my gift of submission to a Dominant I do as I'm told without hesitation or resistance, I have limits that I know will be tested but do know they would be respected, I am openminded/kinky. This is my first Journal Entry, I will be adding more in time, Starting with some real-life meets both the good ones and bad ones, Sharing the bad meets I hope will maybe spare others the mistakes I've made in judgment Thank you, anyone, that has taken time to read this intro of myself , Sara

Results from bdsmtest.org == 7/19/202298% Submissive90% Masochist88% Voyeur86% Rope bunny75% Exhibitionist74% Pet74% Experimentalist60% Vanilla

So, here's the deal: I'm 62, I have finally found comfort in my shell... I need a PERMENANT Mistress who is going to be BRUTAL with me, use me and abuse me, dehumnanize me, heavy CBT, bondage, caging/kenneling, toilet (full sometimes), outside bondage, predicament bondage, ashtray slave, spit slave, eating the dead skin scrapings from your lovely and delicious FEET, and yes, your small toenail clippings which I'll consume. I'm REAL, ladies and I need this. I love being in a cage/kennel. I'm not here to waste yours or my time. I'm here to be your slut/pig/whore/toilet/whatever you want. I DO NOT CARE. I get tribute so, yeah, not a problem but NOT before, please. I'm old school and will do that when I come for my 2+ hours therapy session. I take my servitude seriously and my slavery seriously. This is the life I've chosen. Women are POWERFUL and are to be OBEYED. Men don't get that. I do... Women are superior to men in every way. Women abuse/use me as they wish. This is the way. I believe it. I live it. I know it. I shave all the hair off my body save for my lower arms and head.  I wear pantyhose or stockings and panties (all the time).  I love the body I'm in and how I'm used/abused. I seek to have a mistress experiment on me, try new things and enjoy our time together. Please, I beg all Mistresses to consider this slut for her enjoyment. I will travel to you. Warmly and humbly, slave selene (my female name)

before its asked or implied or suggested, no, i do not ignore my basic rules he knows i will not cause trouble or drama and i , do not go behind -MY R./T-bACK,lie to him, or disrespect him or shame my family in any way.    Y'all only get this one  warning and reminder and well, i have a really really  button pushing finger that i do not want to be tempted into taking Last memo i promise.   if ya are responding to me and i click open your mail and the first thing i see is a picture floating out of a close-up of your cock, you can pretty much accept your fate that you are instantly blocked and will not even exist on the same playing field as the others here regardless of their gender or energy level, or role identifier.    so simple unforgettable notice for you... 1 dick pic+1 ignorance of my rules or warning = -alarm bells guard dogs, sharpshooters and everything else turn you into dust to be cleaned up and mixed into the sand never to be heard or seen of again.  ---yes yes i know;...graphic and dramatic.. but pleads innocence since she is unsupervised currently with her other half in bed this fine dark night;I truly do look forward to any and all responses i might have to be honest.. you being there for me today just means the world to me as putting myself out there is terrifying for me in general.   *can not help the impish excitement of how many right now pigging out will even read the whole note and the panic sets in.   just as A team heads off for their camps.. in comes  B team who makes the realization not much got accomplished and something had to have happened...? maybe?. 

I am a good looking guy with that girl's attitude inside. A girl who wants to be dominated by a big man. I dream of being kept weak and skinny. I am a girly girl and more submissive than I can believe! I love to feel that way while helping you feel like a strong man. Very picky and never met with anyone yet. I do get hit on a lot here and sometimes real life but I want to get owned and collared by the right MAN. Not going to meet a bunch of guys. The strong Grizzly bear of a man will have to impress this gurl. Then I will submit to my superior Sir. I love feeling like a weak little cu%t so to speak. I am impotent making it my sensitive little cl%t , making me even more a weak little cu%t So being kept barefoot and knocked up is the path to my heart. I am Submissive ,weak and docile when I want to be and oh do I ever want to be. I am dainty and delicate boosting and caressing your manly ego and balls at my expense. Silly but it's how I feel. You real men run the world so I can stay barefoot and in the kitchen, ready to drop to my knees! Safe from everyone but you. I am quiet and shy in girl mode. Writing this makes me feel so weak and needy. That's just my vibe when we are together.  Proper girls like me believe you are superior! Not looking for overly serious situation. Unless you take away my rights and freedoms? If I got overwhelmed by your manly dominance I might willingly give up my current freedoms to be your slave wife daughter property. Micro manage this girl with your manly power! Brainwash me with your strong intellect making me more obedient and weaker and thinner from skipping dinner. Also pamper me by carrying me from the kitchen to your bed like I'm a weak little girl. Helps keep me weak. Are you still reading? :) I just admitted quite a lot here. I wish more profiles were as clear as this. So besides being femmy, I am smart and kind.     

We are unable to accomodate live in 24/7/365 situations or assist with relocation One of us will offer to meet with you via video or in person before engaging in any kink activity.  Both Owner and slave travel fairly extensively from their respective sides of the pond so while geography is not always a challenge, some places will be easier than others. Please be ready to meet us part of the way, be realistic about your abilities and availabilities. Currently we are looking for information about any private outdoor play space locations.  The Owner is also looking experienced heavy bottoms for sharps (needles, scalpel, hooks, and more) and folks into genital torture. 

Embracing My Feminine Submission 🌸✨ Today, I find myself reflecting deeply on my journey of submission, a path sprinkled with the soft petals of my femininity and the resonating echo of my girlish heart. There's an undeniable intertwining of these identities, each one validating and magnifying the other, creating a tapestry of self that I continue to weave with delicate, yet eager hands. 🎀. OMG, Total introspection! Like, deep-diving into my submissive heart and its BFF relationship with all things girly and femme. It’s crazy how these parts of me just click together. It’s as if the universe went, “Hey girl, here’s some sparkle for your soul,” and BAM, I’m living my authentic self. 💁✨ Being submissive isn't just a role I've adopted; it's a celebration of my most authentic self, where my natural inclinations to yield and please are not just accepted but revered. It's in this sacred space that my girlishness - the sweet, effervescent joy I find in the simplest things, and my feminine essence - the flowing well of nurturing, intuitive emotion, come together in a beautiful, symbiotic dance. 💃❤️. It is like...my heart’s home. It’s where my love for pleasing isn’t just okay; it’s adored. And this space? It’s where my inner girl - all giggles, twirls, and happy tears - gets to hang out with my woman-self. They chat, they laugh, they cry, they share skincare tips (lol), and together, they’re just me. 💕👛 Now, let’s talk fashion, because honey, my subby side loves to dress up. It’s like every outfit is a secret message, all “this is me, this is real.” The fabrics kiss my skin, the swish of a skirt, the jingle of my bangles - girl, it’s all part of the symphony, you know? 🎵👠 I dress myself in the aesthetics of my submission, each garment a symbol of soft surrender. The silk feels like whispers against my skin, the colors, pastel or vibrant, mirror my mood, and the act of choosing what to wear is less about fabric and more about wrapping myself in a visible representation of my identity. The bangles on my wrists sing with every movement, a gentle, constant reminder of the delicate strength I carry within. 💅👗 But real talk, submission isn’t just a look. It’s like...a heart agreement. It’s built on mega trust and this super special respect-package. It’s not a solo gig, either. It takes two to tango, and when His strong, guiding hand finds mine? Magic. It’s like I’m free in a way only us in the know get. 🙈💫. it goes beyond the tangible. My submission is painted in the strokes of trust, painted with the brush dipped in the hues of reverence and devotion. It's an artwork that requires two, though - one to surrender and one to accept the offering. It's a mutual dance, and when guided by a firm, loving lead, I find the purest freedom, a paradox that only those in this intricate dynamic can truly understand. 🌹🔐 In my day-to-day, whether I'm tending to my tasks, engaging with others, or lost in quiet moments of reflection, my submission hums softly in the background, a soundtrack only I can hear. It's in the way I craft my space, a blend of comfort, beauty, and order. It's in the way I express my care for those around me, a pour from the pitcher of my heart. And it's most loud and clear in the stillness of the night, when I journal my thoughts and experiences, each word a thread in the tapestry of my submissive journey. 🌙✍️ The resilience of my journey isn't lost on me. There's a profound strength in vulnerability, a courage in femininity that the world often overlooks. As I continue this journey, I do so with an open heart, celebrating the girly joy, the sensual submission, and the intricate femininity that makes me whole. Here's to the paths we walk, the roles we cherish, and the selves we continue to discover. 🥂💕

+MULTIMEDIA What did you think was the worst movie of all time? - OH, I DON'T KNOW...THOSE GODDAMNED BLINDLY-PATRIOTIC/PATHETICALLY-THEOCRATIC MOVIES ARE NAUSEATINGLY-HORRENDOUS. 😑😑😑😑😑 If you could be any celebrity, who would you be and why?  - DUNNO...WINONA RYDER? 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 JULIETTE LEWIS? 🖤 DEPECHE MODE? 🖤💜🖤💜 Ever buy a bootlegged VHS or DVD? If so, of what? - NOT THAT I KNOW OF. Would you rather watch movies at home or in the theater? - HOME. I DON'T DO NASTYASS, GERMYASS, DISGUSTINGASS, ANNOYINGASS MOVIE THEATRES. 😑😑😑😑😑 What kind of food do you buy at the theater? - N/A. What artist do you love to sing along with? - MARILYN MANSON, TRENT REZNOR, ROB ZOMBIE, PETER STEELE, JAMES HETFIELD, DEPECHE MODE, DURAN DURAN, DOORS, ALICE IN CHAINS... 🤘😎🤘 What artist do you think has no right to be as popular as they are? - THAT OVERRATED BLOVIATING WINDBAG KANYE WEST. 😑😑😑😑😑 What’s a song that makes you cry?  😞😥😢💔 "I Love You Forever And Ever And Ever, Ma....." 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 - https://youtu.be/45ft7onAhR4 What movie makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts? - I DON'T KNOW. I ACTUALLY *USED* TO LAUGH. I EVEN USED TO LAUGH *HARD* SOMETIMES, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO. I JUST DO NOT LAUGH ANYMORE LIKE I USED TO. I REALLY DON'T. JUST KNOWING THAT I'M CURSED TO BEING ON THE SAME FUCKING PLANET WITH MILLIONS OF UNFORGIVABLY-STUPID TRUMP SUPPORTERS HAS CERTAINLY KILLED MY HAPPYHEARTEDNESS. 😑😑😑😑😑 Are there any dance/action/fighting scenes from a movie you can perform? - HM...NO. Is there any movie you can quote word for word? - HA...I USED TO...MAYBE "BEETLEJUICE"..."STAR WARS"... +LOVE AND DATING. What do you think of kissing on the first date? - IT DEPENDS. MAYBE IF I ALREADY KNEW HER & HAVE ALWAYS LIKED HER THEN IT'D BE OKAY. EVEN HAVING SEX, HEH. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? - YEAH. UNREQUITED LUST TOO. Have you ever dreamt about your crush/significant other? - YUUUUUUUP. Was it a good dream, or a nightmare? - SEXCELLENCE! 🤩😍🥰🤩😍🥰🤩😍🥰 I HAD A *LOT* OF CRAZY SEXUAL DREAMS ABOUT CASSANDRA; A HOT SEXY OLDER BOSS OF MINE. GODDAMMIT, IF I EVER SEE HER AGAIN, I HOPE WE FUUUUUUUCK MAYBE THOUSANDS OF TIMES THIS TIME. GODDAMMIT, I *WILL* FUCK THE UNHOLY HELL OUTTA HER A LOT! 😝🤪😜😛😋🤩😍 Do the words “I Love You” scare you? - No. I DO NOT BLINDLY-LOVE PEOPLE, I DO NOT BLINDLY-BELIEVE IN LOVE EITHER. Have you ever wanted to ask someone out but didn’t? Why? - OH, YEAH...WELL, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN GODDAMNED FUCKING *SHY*. BUT FOR A WHILE I ACTUALLY MADE MYSELF TO START ASKING GIRLS OUT, BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THAT JUST REALLY DOES *NOT* FEEL GENUINE TO ME. SO I JUST REVERTED BACK TO MY OWN NATURE. MY OWN FACTORY DEFAULT PROGRAMMING. HA. Have you ever been on a blind date? - UUUUUGH. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 YES. SHE WAS *INSUFFERABLY-HORRID*. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 I COULD *NOT* WAIT TO DROP HER HORRIBLE LITTLE AYASS BACK OFF TO HER HOME...WHICH I SUMMARILY DID POSTE HASTE AFTER THE CONCERT. UUUUUGH. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 "FORGET about Me even taking you out to Dinner, Movie, & Whatever Else Later....." *sigh* 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 #UGH! (I've actually written in-detail before about that particular Blind Date before. I won't here right now, though. Maybe I'll look for it & CopyPaste it here in my Blog again later) Does Interracial Sex interest you? -Haha...ummmmm...😛😜🤪😝😆 #iWantHotSexyChocolateDammit! 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫!!!!!!!😍😋 Do you think Freckles are sexy? -Ohhhhh, Damn Sexy. Yeah.🤩😍🥰 I've seen some Superhot Sexy Women before with LLOTS Of Freckles, yup. #BOINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!! 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 #FRECKLEPALOOZA. #FRECKLELICIOUS. +THE PAST. What was your favorite childhood toy? - KITES! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 BABY BAT! 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇 Did you play with kids in your neighborhood when you were little? - YEAH. I MISS MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND, SALLY. I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HA...SHE LOOKS GREAT TO THIS DAY. SHE'S ONLY A YEAR OLDER. DAMN SEXY, PASSIONATE, HYPER, & FIT. 🥰 I'VE ACTUALLY FANTASIZED HAVING HOT GORGEOUS SINFUL SEX WITH HER A FEW TIMES, HA...MAYBE ONE DAY...🤩😍🥰 How many times have you moved? - 5. What were your “awkward years”? - 13 ON UP. Did you have a security blanket/stuffed animal you always slept with? - HA. YUP. GAMBI! HE'S A PLUSHIE STUFFED CLOWN SINCE I WAS 1. I THOUGHT HE LOOKED A BIT LIKE GUMBY SO I NAMED HIM GAMBI, HEH...STILL HAVE HIM! ❤💙❤💙❤💙❤ What was your favorite childhood TV show? - STAR TREK. 🖖😎 Movie? - 'CAT PEOPLE'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE HUNGER'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE CROW'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'BEETLEJUICE'. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 'THE MATRIX' MOVIES. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 Did you have lots of new toys or hand-me-downs? - HM...HALF & HALF? I DIDN'T MIND USED TOYS. I EVEN PERSONALLY BOUGHT ME LOTS OF THEM TOO, HA. Is there anything you would change about your childhood if you could? - I G

Love degrading, deeply separatingMy distances of dark pride. DaringThis daggered being to a death ofIdentity. Damn me. May the dawnDraw dyed lines of words upon myDunes. May You, God of my dragons,Declare me as Your dirty darling.Where decadence decades theseDaymares of independenceWhere You define my worth, for thisDance of ours deepens our freedomDay and night, dusk into dust. DivineDreams. - We finally begin to exist. dirtydarling

Through the Lens of Rika: The Sophia-Michael Connection Unveiled this piece is on the vibes of the soul lineage/shard/fractures of the sophia energy woman and the archangel michael guy. of course as it always is on my side of the internet. but this time it's about either the beginning of the relationship or what happens when one of us meet each other either online or in person but do not go through with initiating past a surface level connection. this is through the analysis of the song the others by rika. even the music video showcases this lovely too.   when a femme/women of any gender expression meets an archangel michael soul encoded guy fireworks spark. chemistry is there. and an underlying pull comes. it can be pretty clear to those who work with energy and all the signs that will come if it's just this dynamic going on or something more. there will be more signs/synchronicities/depth/alignment going on if they are supposed to be your woman and you are supposed to be their man....but each of these sophia's and michaels have an underlying current of spark, magnetism, and probably some type of attraction going on than other energetic signatures out there. just do. why? not sure i was given the esoteric awareness without the whys yet.   let's pull out the lyrics to start the incantation as usual shall we?   verse   We're not together but I feel like we're together   And you know what   That when you leave you're like a mission puzzle piece   'Cause you know   Yeah boy you know   pre-chorus   I try and try a million times   I wish that I could read your mind   Day to day I can't come back   I love the way   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like like the others   verse   I can be the lion, no one got you on my mind   It feels good, so good   Mhh, you're away I'm dreaming of those days   This is so good, so good   pre-chorus   I try and try a million times   I wish that I could read your mind   Day to day I can't come back   I love the way   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like the others   bridge   I can know myself, I can now myself, no one, no one knows   You know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   No, I can know myself, I can help myself, no one, no one knows   'Cause you, you know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   chorus   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you know you're nothing like the others, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others   No, you're nothing like the others   outro   I can know myself, I can now myself   No, you know you're nothing like the others   You know me so well, you know me so well, yeah   'Cause you can call me, put you on me   'Cause I'm all you need boy   You know you're nothing like the others (Yeah boy, yeah boy)   You're nothing like the others   instead of starting at the beginning i want to start with the bridge.   "I can know myself, I can now myself, no one, no one knows   You know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves   No, I can know myself, I can help myself, no one, no one knows   'Cause you, you know me so well, you know me so well, so let's lose ourselves"   sophia again is the archetype of the original source of women that comes from knowledge knowing the foresight the ability to understand what is going on..a deep awareness of the future the deep ability to see ahead of the present and to tap into past present and all directions of awareness right?   this song says, i can know myself.   she knows HERSELF first....only by knowing herself can she understand what she sees around her. and in knowing herself she sees her outside world clearly.   through seeing her outside world clearly, i typo-ed outself.....i think that's a spiritual interesting typical..outside of the self....anyway through that she can clearly understand how other mens energies around her work. and she can seek the michael aura and how it looks in the sphere of men vs. the other energy and archangel qualities men carry. and if a man doesn't have angelic energy what that looks like as well.   unless you have the ability through whatever your psychic strength is to see it, no one else might be able to pick up on what you see. and then, no one might know or the average person might not know what you are picking up on.   not only that...no one will know yourself more than you. and through knowing yourself, you can see how deep this michael uses his golden boy the lead of the angel's keen tactical warrior senses to hone in on you. to see beyond what most men would not go into understanding. and because of your awareness of yourself and others, you see how heavy this man is going in on you. and for these michael men they sniff out women like me, like my sisters in a way they can just pick up on nuances that many would take longer to get.   michael and sophia after all are the same soul cyrstal if you will broken between two gender energy expressions. and now that we have the masculine and the feminine in different bodies it can often look in a multitude of ways...and this dark starseed archetype of the two spreads the way this looks into more finite details. a core of shared basics but things people might deem as 'too separate' simply different variables to figure out which way is the most optimal at once.   once she uses her knowledge and sees you....she's ready regardless of what the outside world or other appearances say to lose herself in you! why?   because she found your energy signature and essence.   YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE THE OTHERS!!!! the song opens up in a fanfare brass moment. and it has cheers and celebratory vibes. this also goes into a vibe of fanfare of winning a war/battle spoils that would come naturally for an archangel michael masculine energy and her coming

I was here awhile back and left. Hello again. I propose a power exchange. About me. I am a strong willed woman. I know what I want in life and am patient enough to wait for it. I've been active in this lifestyle for over 18 years. I would describe myself as a firm and demanding, loving sadistic, that delights in pushing her playthings to the point that is just this side of no return. I expect obedience. I give love, kink and a place to belong (kneeling at my feet). The setting. I live in the woods on the river, deep in the heart of a vast and beautiful land. Where the sun rarely sets in the middle of summer and rarely peeks it's head out in the middle of its winter wonderland. The exchange. I want to play with you. To hurt and humiliate you. To tend your wounds and then hurt you some more. At the end of the day I want you curled at my feet with a hot cup of tea in hand while we share witty banter about the days many activities. I also want my dishes done. My floor scrubbed. My door fixed. My garage cleaned. My art room organized. My garden weeded. My front deck built. This could start as a two week vacation or a repeat visit but should end as a lifetime venture. Serious inquiries preferred.

Attitude matters! I will be clear here. If I choose you and you are not fit, healthy and eat healthy per My desires.  I will put you on a strict diet and exercise program.  I don't care what you weighed in high school or your younger years.  That is not what you look like today.  Who you are today,  what you look like today is all I will see, and matters to Me! Strip naked,  take a long look in the mirror from every angle,  take photos of yourself.  Are you proud of your appearance? Or do you need to put in the work? I am on a journey to better fitness and appearance.  If you are not, or have no ambition to, we will not match up. you don't have to be perfect right now, although that is desirable.   What you do need is to be putting in the work and working on the goal of better health,  healthy eating/diet, and becoming physically fit.  Eliminating substances from your consumption that is not healthy.  Watch 'Biggest Looser', maybe it will inspire you. Its free to watch on freevee app  

UPDATE 2/7/22: I am looking for somene to do what amounts to several hours of part-time, light grunt work alongside me as I complete tasks... It will be mostly moving things from point A to point B, up or down stairs, with frequent instances of waiting on me to do my part. I've been having thumb & wrist problems and can't do much in the way of grabbing things to move them myself. I have a lot to do, but it's pretty easy, and except for trips to the trash and recycling bins, will be indoors. I'm need someone that does the work without questioning my decisions, so someone in a submissive or slave mindset is preferable. We can chat, of course... I'm not going to discuss the "why" of what I'm working on, though. :) If you're vaccinated and in the Denver area, send me a message and let's negotiate something that's mutually beneficial!

Keeping in mind that as soon as I saw that he had written before, I rolled my eyes and made a choice to respond, knowing how this was gonna go, and since I'm in a mood, it was slightly amusing and I almost chuckled when he did exactly what I expected him to do. Which I'm sure would have pissed him off worse... I received this today from someone listed as a Dom, who had contacted me well over a year ago, then again last December. Just 4 months ago, but he's once again completely forgotten that he wrote me before, that he was asked to do something then disappeared, forgot that he had written the second time and was REMINDED, and asked if he had done it yet, but wanted me to commit to being interested (in someone who had ghosted once already and hadn't done anything he was asked to do, which was to read and EDUCATE HIMSELF, not do anything that benefited ME, but instead forgot even speaking to me) and now he's written me again. With the same message as the first two times. 3/6/22 6:48 AM "Good morning, Miss, Hope you are doing well I am wondering if per chance you could possibly be open to a 64 going on 34 year old sub and iring slave located in North Aurora, west of chicago who is intelligent openminded kinky adventurous fun and selfassured about who and what he is? Most of all one who seeks a true Owner and Domme who is a totally devoted to you like me? It is so hard to find a genuine and suitable Domme and Owner in this lifestyle I hope you find me to be exceptional seems like we want the very same thingfor You to take total control of memind body and soul And what you depict your profile is quite interesting and just what I know I need Although my profile says I am a Dom, I have come to realize I am a stone sub I have the ability desire and wherewithal to host and come visit and ultimately relocate should it come to that I travel your way quite a bit on business But most of all I would love to just have the honor and privilege to get to know you you seem so genuine Hope to hear from you"   This is what I wrote him just now. I think it was pretty mild, all things considered. "angeldmort on 3/6/22 at 7:20 AM: Considering that we had a conversation not 4 months ago and you've already forgotten that, I guess not And you obviously didn't read my profile THIS time, either So youve spammed me twice, I let you off the hook last time and had a conversation anyway, and now you are back having done the same exact thing, so you learned jack shit last time and are telling me either how forgettable I am, or how incredibly forgetful and lazy you are Either way, buhbye" and his entirely predictable reply - "sorry Had I known you were such a cross, unpleasant, downer, negative and selfcentered personI would not have contacted you in the first placenot at all the type of Domme or person I want in my life Who wants to take the time to read all the gibberish anyway Thanks and buhbye to you, too"   Now, this is not at ALL even remotely uncommon. This is the Standard Operating Procedure for guys contacting women via the internet for the purpose of getting the attention they want. They bury us in compliments, make grand sweeping statements about their desire for a relationship, and when they don't get it, usually because of their own screwups, they immediately do a 180 and get verbally abusive. (Or if in person, physically abusive/violent/deadly.) And in this case, since it's a BDSM centered site, he stated he wanted a Domme "to take total control of me mind body and soul." But apparently that did not extend to actually asking him to DO anything. Even if it makes him better able to get what he wants.   When I asked him back in December if he had read any of the books I recommended to him, based on his complete lack of submissive experience and his stated desire to get some, he replied "Quite honestlyI have not But if You feel You are truly interested in me, I will gladly do so as I know that would make me better prepared to be the best I can be for you should it come to that And that would be my entire focus"   Do you see the problem? A total stranger on the internet. We have exchanged a few emails. That's it. I have to profess my TRUE interest in him, without knowing him beyond what his shown so far in this extremely limited way. After he has already failed to do the most basic of things - - actually READ my profile, which has a couple things in it specifically to let me know if someone read it, right at the very tip top where it's easy to see - written a profile that actually reflects who is is, instead of one that he thinks will get him laid as a Dom - write an actual email to me instead of sending me the copy/pasted message he sends every Domme - write a message to me that doesn't lie about having read my profile and "seems like we want the very same thing" - stick around in a conversation HE had initiated - done the only thing I actually asked of him, which was to read a book I thought would help him with his search - be honest about not wanting to do this, like a fucking adult, instead of ghosting like a little bitch - keep track of who he contacts so he doesn't insult my intelligence with another copy/paste message that just tells me I'm not interesting enough for him to remember Yeah. I'm gonna be SO interested. In blocking him from contacting me again. But he feels I should give that, before he has to give ANYTHING. He should get payment up front, before he begins the work of becoming someone in who a Domme COULD be interested in. Because ... He wants it? And being female, I should want to hand it to him on a silver platter.   And the second that is pointed out to him - the first time I explain that no, he has screwed up, and screwed HIMSELF over with his own actions, and lack of actions, and lack of basic effort on his own behalf, more than once? I am "a cross, unpleasant, downer, negative and selfcentered person." Because that's how a "submissive" responds to correction from a Dominant Woman? Or it seems to be, based on how this goes, over and over and over. No recognition of personal responsibility for his mistakes, no apology for ghosting, no appreciation of being given a reply despite the obvious lack of effort, no self-awareness at all that might lead to him fixing his mistakes, changing his course, and possibly finding what he claims to want. Just the immediate knee-jerk flip to insults and abuse. But hey, at least he didn't call me old, fat and ugly. That's the usual guy response to getting rejected.   And again, this is standard stuff. This is the main kind of interaction women have on dating sites. This is the main kind of interaction Dommes have on BDSM sites. It may as well be the same exact person writing me these, over and over. As the song says - "Only the names will change." This is not submission. This is self-entitlement. This is toxic masculinity. This is a fragile male ego. And THIS is what is standing between you and the Domme you want to kneel to. THIS is what we see and expect when you write us before reading our profile, when you send us a generic email that could have been sent to someone else, when you don't fill out your profile, when you want us to be "interested" before having an actual conversation and letting us get to know you. I know it sees like work, but honestly, without it, you are asking for a handout, and we know that hand will probably turn into

Hey the journal function is finally fixed!! Time to write a story about one of my (our) experiences: I shut the car door and wave goodbye to my husband, P. He blows me a kiss and pulls away. I wait until he's turned the corner and out of sight until I begin to walk up my master's driveway. It's a short walk, the house set back from the street but my path leads me into the open garage. Once past the threshold, I press the button to shut the garage door behind me. As it trundles on its tracks, I grab my sweater and pull it over my head in one quick motion. I won't need it again this weekend. My shoes, jeans, panties and socks all follow. I savor taking them off and folding them neatly, making the moment last. My backside is still sore from the punishment I received one week earlier. It had been a maid week and I had done an inadequate job with the chores. My master did not let it slide and he wanted to make sure I remember. As I stroked my bruised cheeks, I hoped it would be a kitten week. Something nice and easy, where I could be cherished and all I needed to think about was pleasure. The crate is open and I place my clothes inside. My cell phone follows along with my keys. With a sigh, I shut the crate and padlock it. Master will come and take my phone in due time, better to document my weekend for P's enjoyment and my potential humiliation. But the clothes are gone. Feeling the chill of the garage on my feet, I enter "the servant's entrance" as we jokingly call it.  Three boxes await me in the foyer. Oh shit. This is different. Usually I have no choice in how I spend the weekend. It's always one box, with either the maid's costume, the cat ears, or ... the other. But with three gift wrapped boxes in front of me, it's up to fate.  I can't open one box and change my mind. Not that disobeying master is ever an option. Whichever one I open is my weekend of service.  Can I weigh them? As I reach for the first box, I see a string attached. Nope, he'll know. I have to pick. Eenie. Meanie. Miney. "Ahem." A cleared throat from the other room. I'm in trouble already.  I make my decision and tear the wrapping paper off. Inside the box is ... Nothing. The slut this weekend, then. I walk into the living room, my hands folded in front of me, my eyes down. Master is sitting in his chair, drinking whiskey and reading. There's a pillow in front of him, directly between his feet. Keeping my eyes down, I kneel. He makes me wait, finishing this week's New Yorker. Occasionally my eyes flick up as I weigh my options. I could reach up and begin undoing his belt - the stretch of fabric in his lap tells me he's interested and excited for my weekly visit. I went for a wax earlier in the week and made sure to put my perfume on my skin so he could smell me no matter what I wore. And in my role as the slut, that would be in line with expectations. But I'm so conditioned to serve at command that I stay frozen.  He shakes his glass and I spring up to take it from his hand. I walk to the bar and as I reach for the whiskey, he says "The drawer." I open the top drawer. Inside is my collar, simple and black, a pair of silver handcuffs, and a red ballgag.  "Shall I--?" I start to ask. "Don't ask questions you should know the answer to," he says with disinterest.  OK then. I put the glass down and pick up the gag. I push it between my teeth and secure the belt behind my head. Next, the handcuffs. Does he want them in front or behind? I wish I could ask. The maid gets handcuffed in the front, so she can work. The slut, behind, so she has no control. So I slip the cuffs on behind my back, hearing the satisfied clink. But in my haste, I forgot the collar! It takes me several tries, standing on my tippy toes, mmphing with effort, to pick the collar up with my cuffed hands behind me. I trot to master happily. He finally looks at me. "My drink?" He asks. Damn it. What to do? I blink at him, fluttering my eyelashes. Push one foot in front of me and circle it back and forth on his loafer. Don't blame, I don't know any better? He takes the collar from me and cls it around my neck. Seizing my throat suddenly, he pulls me in close. "A slut does not mean you're stupid," he whispers in my ear.  One of our agreements when I first began serving him is that he'd never call me a bitch. A slut is something a person chooses to be. It's a sigh of power, both mine and his. I feel my body warm at his words and I lean down to rub my gagged mouth against his neck. He indulges me for a moment and then grabs a fistful of my hair. It's been a little while but I remember how slut weekends go. I'll be confined to the bedroom, chained to the bed most of the time. He'll film my submission and send it back to P. There's an entire box of toys for me to (mostly) enjoy, though the word "no" is gone from my vocabulary until Sunday night. My rest will be dependent on how often master wants me and how he wants me.  It will be a long, fun weekend.

Ahh, my favorite season is here... Anything-But-Summer! I love the cooler weather in general, plus it gives me an opportunity to spend more time working in my yard. Now is the perfect time to look over my plants to see what was successful, and what may need relocated or even replaced. Once again, I'm enjoying the small surprises, such as the blueberries that have survived and even appear to be thriving in the bags in which I purchased them this spring. I'm saddened by the plants that looked promising in the spring, yet didn't survive the summer.  Much like those plants, although pleasant for a while, apparently I need to reassess some of the relationships in my life and consider finding others that have the potential to last longer and grow even more beautiful. Who wants to frolic and grow in my garden? *ominous grin*

I'm forced to choose a garish background color, and my favorite color isn't among the options.  How tremendously frustrating.  Anyhow, if you've come so far as to view my profile and read my journal entries (entry, really), I thank you.  Some notes: I'm 46 now (2026) My main profile text is old and I have matured since I wrote it.  I don't want to incur the disabled-profile penalty by changing it.  Please ignore most of it. Men and women have vastly different experiences on these sites.  While I try my best to be understanding of the female firehose-of-idiots experience, I ask that you also be understanding of the male ignored-despite-effort experience, and consider if a polite negative response might be better than no response. I'm a sadistic Dom with a bent for degradation and punishment/pain.  That said, my interests are flexible. That's enough for now.  I think most matchmaking sites are slowly dying, and collarspace is no exception.  Here's hoping for a few more good connections before it breathes its last.

Absolutely no idea where this came from but it resonates so profoundly!   The Equalitarian Dom: Is one who controls by teaching, mentoring, and leading. This Dominant knows that when he finds a comparable submissive that things will happen as a natural progression of the interaction. Usually just a short learning phase is required to receive the correct response from the submissive. Both the Dom and the sub “get it”, there is very little need for so called “training” and they naturally know what the other needs and seeks. The Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. Besides the activities (sexual and others) it is the surrender as a result of the Domination that is the drive and enjoyment. Creativity is an important part of this situation.  They tend to intellectualize and be more into the philosophical and psychological mechanisms of this life style. They understand the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life. They do not need many rules like the Democratic type, nor do they like the heavy S&M activities of the Authoritarian, preferring submission to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to surrender. She “wants” to submit as a result of the Dominant’s knowledge and skill in dominating her, as well as in life. Sensuousness is the rule. Pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation. Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular activity in this area. Both the Dominant and the submissive must naturally be this way. These are the people who will claim to be “born that way”. They fully understand the concept of D/s, it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a submissive that truly and naturally desires to please and who will observe and sense what it is that the Dominant is communicating;  and be able to translate that into the right thing to do. The “doing or saying without having to be told” type. The submissive begs easily and surrenders sweetly. They understand the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly. These individuals usually form very intimate relationships. There is not much downside to these relationships, because they not only grasp the concepts, but can make it happen as well, and their attraction is based on a strong mutual respect.  Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant, but they are always subtly in the 24/7 mode. The fact that these things come forth naturally and without the need for orders is a great source of pride, satisfaction, and loving. They are the opposite side of the coin from the Authoritarian. Whose pride, satisfaction, and love come from strictness and forbearance.  

Frequently Asked Questions: Q: How is your search going? A: Are you fucking kidding me with this question!? If my search to become a slave was going well I wouldn't fucking be here would I?  My search sucks because of assholes who send me emails that say, you look like you'd be a good fuck, how's your search going?  I hate my search.  I hate being allowed to use a computer and have a profile here.  I hate that I'm allowed on the internet.  I hate having rights.  That's how my search is going you fucking idiot.   Q: Are you on hormones? A: Well are you on viagra or Cialis?  How's your blood pressure?  Do you still get full erections?  If you think this is an appropriate question to ask someone in a first email then you are not intelligent enough to own me.  I'm so sorry that you're too dumb to own me.  It could have been really special but I'm a real cunt who doesn't answer medical questions to perfect strangers who think THAT is a good way to break the ice.   Q:  How's it going? A: It's going fine.  I am blown away by what an amazing first email this is and I want to be yours now.  You are clearly the one.  You asked me how it's going.  No one has ever thought to start an email like that before.  You are so unique and charming I can help but want to suck every drop of cum out of your cock that I can.   Q: Your profile says you're 18 but you've been here for years. A: Wow. You're super smart.  No fooling you.  No Sir.  I tried to pull a fast one but you were all over it and now I'm busted.  You got me.  It has nothing to do with the fact that this site doesn't update age on it's own and updating it myself means my profile might be down for weeks while they approve it if ever.  Here's an idea though.  Since you're so clever why don't you add the number of years I've been here to the age listed on my profile and conclude that's how I old I am now.     Q: Wanna be my slave? A: No.    Q: Do you really think you're going to find a Master with an attitude like that? A: Yes.  He just won't be you.  Unfortunately, you are a moron.   Q: You're very beautiful. A: That's not a question but it is something every asshole on this site says to me so you saying it to me makes you exactly as special to me as it makes every other dude.   Q: You're so funny.  I can't believe these guys ask you all these dumb questions.  They are all idiots.  I loved the sassy way you dealt with them in your FAQs.  It's too bad there are so many fake doms on this site.   A: Shut up.  This is almost as lame as the You're very beautiful or Are you on hormones emails. I get it.  You read the FAQs.  You must be better than the rest.  Oh please Master, let me lick Your asshole clean now.  You are amazing.    

If these words resonate, reach out.   I’m seeking a kindred spirit—relaxed, creative, and adventurous—someone drawn to trust, curiosity, and the possibility of a long-term D/s dynamic that grows from genuine connection.   I’m contemplative and sometimes quiet, always seeking balance in mind, body, and spirit. I find joy in laughter, art, books, good food, and music. Creativity moves through my days, whether I’m solving a problem, writing something small, or savoring stillness.   Nature centers me. I live on four acres in southern Arizona, nurturing a young permaculture forest through rainwater harvesting. I hope to meet someone who loves the land, appreciates regenerative living, and feels at ease in a semi-rural rhythm. I wander deserts and mountains, enjoy festivals and flea markets, and cherish quiet nights by the fire or beneath the stars.   I believe physical sensation can open deeper truths—where curiosity meets intention and transformation begins. In partnership, I care for emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being as one woven whole.   In D/s, submission is trust and intentional surrender and control is earned not taken. I’m drawn to someone self-aware, resilient, and grounded—someone who can lean into guidance while keeping a strong sense of self. Honest dialogue and mutual growth matter to me.   I envision a disciplined relationship where structure supports your evolution, where I take daily direction seriously and help you rise to your best self. This dynamic thrives with someone who craves clarity, consistency, and meaningful standards.