Since my last journal entry things have moved on fairly significantly. Glenn who is Sue's former bull from years ago and his partner Deb are very active swingers as well as being into the bdsm scene and have encouraged Sue to visit them on a fairly regular basis. At the moment she is going virtually every other weekend plus the occasional night away. I will confine this entry to just one of her visits and hopefully keep you updated on a more regular basis if anyone is interested.  On this particular occasion Glenn and Debs were going to an event up country so rather than Sue drive down to there house she arranged to meet them at Exeter services and I was to drive her there. Sue had taken the Friday and Monday off to allow plenty of time. Usually Glenn specifies what Sue should wear for the journey and this time was no different although a little more discreet as they would be stopping at services, so Sue was dressed in a silver satin blouse, black knee-length skirt, but with a rear slit, black seamed stockings with suspender belt and black patent heels as she wasn't driving. Over this her shiny pvc mac, she was in full make up including bright red nails and wearing her handcuff necklace and ankle chain and I must admit she looked so fucking sexy. At the services I dropped her off in the carpark and she walked into the entrance to meet Glenn and Debs pulling her wheeled suitcase that had several outfits, toys and hoods in. I was in my new tiny chastity cage and wearing satin panties and stockings under my trousers as instructed by Glenn.  I will add more as soon as I have time. 

Today I read a journal entry on here asking where is the love on this site. Personally I don't share deep sentiments online, particularly on here. Why? Many are new bottoms seeking transactional kink which gets them blocked. In my view a submissivelistens to how I lead and answers questions I have. A bittom pushes to play to start how he-wants it=my Lady boner dropp means he gets ignored and BLOCKED. Returning to the topic of love: Any deep emotional feelings are mutual and developed over time within my poly group I am the Boss of a long-term face-to-face relationship. On here are my entry level thoughts regarding me, my life and who attracts my interestas a friend or potential long-term Slave in a TAT poly relationship.  Of course getting to know each other prior to anything developing takes time. I don't talk kink online at all. First meet is at The Mawney Munch in Romford in Essex, UK. No exceptions.  Pretty clear right?

Just for fun!   There is a lovely toilet in TX that has Me wiggling My toes for joy of them being licked clean!  lol  I know it is not everyone's thing, but I have nice toes and they SOOOOOOOOOOO love to be licked.  Mayhaps I shall start with the list of likes for yall to drool or ewww over!  lol   Number 1:  Likes to have feet washed and massaged and licked and sucked!  My toes delight in pampering.  Yum!

Desire   I lay in bed reading. My mind lost in the ecru pages with its black ink scrawled across. I was thoroughly enjoying my book when I felt a hand on my left foot. I looked up and at the foot of the bed he stood, looking at my legs, finger tips grazing my toes and tracing them to my foot and then my ankle.    I cleared my throat and he looked up at me, sheepish grin on his cute little mouth. He appeared to be waiting, perhaps asking for permission.  I sighed, pretending to be annoyed, and said, "fine, my sweet boy, you may" and I lifted my foot to his face.  "Thank you, Empress." He cooed as he began first to inhale and then kiss my foot.   "Don't start anything you don't intend to finish, puppy" I said as I returned to my book. Trying to focus on the words as his tongue lathed each little digit, tickled the arch of my foot, lapped at my heel, was difficult. I curled and uncurled my toes at the sensations that tickled its way up to the juncture where my thigh met my panties.    I peeked at him over the book. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavy. A bulge existed in his sweatpants. I may have moaned under my breath and at that he began to rub my calf muscle, massaging me. He must have been in a mood. Anticipating one another's desires hadn't always been easy but it seemed today he wanted to touch and be denied.    He was supposed to fetch his cage when he was in this mood otherwise he was left free. I enjoyed most to tease and play when he had access but couldn't find release without permission. I liked feeling it against me and saying no to it.    "My love?" I said with an imploring tone   He opened his pretty eyes, hazel green with flecks of gold, and stopped moving but kept my toes in his mouth as he said, "yes, Empress?".    "Are you wearing your cage?"   He released my leg and toes and pulled his sweat pants down to reveal that he was locked up in his cage. His cheeks warmed, maybe I made a face of appreciation. Now that he was in it he'd have to beg to be out of it. As he went to pull up his pants I stopped him with my right foot. Pressing my toes into the cage and pushing it up into his body. He opened his legs to give me more room as he reached for the foot he'd forfeited. "Did I give you permission to lock away my property?"   "No, Ma'am, sorry Ma'am." He said with his cheeks flushed.    I was no longer trying to read and I maintained uncomfortably long eye contact before nodding at him to resume his current task. I returned to my book but could only look at the words swimming across the page.  They were like nonsense to my brain as my other senses were being over powered by the pleasure of my love's service.  As he began to rub my leg harder and kiss my foot with more passion I suddenly kicked him away. Loving the look on his face at my sudden rejection.  I crossed my legs and pretended to read as he stood waiting. A whimper escaped his throat, truly a puppy, and I laughed.   This game was a favorite of mine.    If he wanted anything he'd have to ask, beg, crawl and suffer for it.   "Please..." he said.  I pretended not to hear an incomplete sentence, waiting, my heart racing and my pussy growing wetter. I crossed my legs again and the little bells on the anklet on my right ankle made a beautiful sound. I curled and flexed the toes on that foot, encircled by two rings, knowing I had his attention.    He cleared his throat. "Please, Empress, may I touch you, your feet?"   "Hmmm, no" I turned the pages of the book that I hadn't been reading. I made a mental note to memorize the page I could last remember. What I wanted was to ravage my boy. Make him cry. Shove my toes into his mouth even if it was too far and he gagged. I needed the tears now.    "Kneel", I said softly as I looked at the pages of the book in my hands.  "If you want anything you'll have to bleed for it, fetch the toys."    He crawled and carefully brought back a bag of equipment from the hall closet. Belts used to bind him, rope, tape, hoods, gags, and a cattle prod.    I turned the page of my book slowly as he remained on his knees with the bag on his upright hands. Endurance would benefit him. We had grown fond of torturous tasks.    Walls squats near my chair so I can rest my feet on his knees. Bridge pose for the same reason. Back bends so I can sit comfortably on his body as I tie my shoes. Anything to put his body to the test. Kneeling with his arms out, palms up, holding the heavy bag was just the thing to amuse me. When his arms began to tremble is when I decided to close my book and focus on him entirely.    I took the bag from him and gave the rest command. He relaxed on his knees, palms up waiting to receive. His face was flush but not just from the shear pleasure of being allowed to serve or the humiliation of being an object, but also due to the arduous task, and he had begun to sweat.    "Undress." He stood to follow my command and then returned to the rest position. I slowly picked out the tools we'd need to play today.  "Are we in the mood for pain, I think so" I said out loud as if truly asking him, as if it weren't my decision to make" he remained quiet.  I took out his special hood. Custom just for him. It laced down into a neck corset. He couldn't see, or speak from within. He couldn't kiss me or be bitten on his lips.  I took out leather belts with satin affixed to the side that would touch his skin. For his legs and arms.    "Open" I commanded and he spread his legs, exposing himself straining in his cage. I could see the beating of his heart as the cage bobbed. I got down to his level and affixed two belts to his bent legs, preventing I'm from standing.    "Inspection." I commanded and he put his hands to the back of his head which prepped his arms for being equally disabled by two shorter belts on each arm.    "Now, how will you touch me without hands?" I asked. Quietly he pushed his face into my legs and rubbed against them, scooting his body closer and attempting to rub his full body on me. I pushed him off and laughed as he fell backwards with a thud.    I sat on his chest and slid the hood onto his head but couldn't lace it. I lifted onto my knees and he rotated knowingly so that I could tie him tight. Then I stood up, leaving him alone in the dark. I tiptoed and climbed quietly into bed, on my tummy, as he lay on the floor, I watched him for a long while to see what he would do.    What COULD he do? Bound as he was, I had not ever tested if he could crawl. I climbed down from the bed and tiptoed out of the room and walked back in as if I was returning from elsewhere. He jerked in the direction of my sounds, bells tinkling on my anklet, I noisily gathered a chain leash and walked to his helpless body and attached it to the ring on the collar of his special hood.    "Come, puppy." I called in my sing song voice, the very one I use for my cats. "Come on, my h

When it comes to phallic worship I am the altar and the sacrament. I begin by washing thoroughly and I cover my body around my phallus leaving the phallus and the testicles exposed after the person who is to worship bathes, perfumes his body and   approaches slowly with the sight on the vision I am offering him. He kneels, and anoints the phallus with honey, almond oils, sweet oil, (all edible) and prays. No touching at this moment just gazing. Slowly he extends the offerings to the testicle, the reservoir of universal power and caress them requesting permission to approach the phallus. At this moment there is no touching, kissing or tasting the phallus, just caressing and enjoying the testicles as the source of power. Eventually I allow him to caress the phallus and anoint it thoroughly but not to masturbate. This phase is a phase of discovery and joy. Since I am uncut this is the time to begin retracting the skin to reveal the glans and to taste whatever comes from it. This process will take time and no sexual play is allow, its prayer time. The session can end there and after a while it while after washing the phallus and anointing it with oils and essences the worshipper is allow to commune with the phallus orally. If the ministrations are right and he deserves, I will allow the climax for both of us. If not he must come back until he is worthy of the nectar that creates the universe. Now I have my own rituals to initiate those who worship before allowing them to approach the altar and the sacrament.

Absolutely. This topic has teeth, and the core point is strong enough to carry the whole post. Tenacity Is Not Submission: When Persistence Becomes Pressure There is a particular kind of message that some people mistake for devotion. The repeated check-in after being told no. The “just seeing if you changed your mind.” The second profile after the first one was blocked or ignored. The email after the site message went unanswered. The insistence that persistence proves sincerity. It does not. Persistence can be admirable when it is used to improve yourself, honor a commitment, or follow through on something consensual. But when persistence is aimed at wearing down someone else’s boundary, it is not devotion. It is pressure. And in BDSM, pressure is not submission. A submissive who cannot obey a boundary is not showing devotion. He is auditioning his disobedience. That may sound blunt, but it needs to be said plainly. Submission is not measured by how many times someone keeps coming back after being told no. Submission is measured by respect, self-control, honesty, and the ability to listen when the answer is not the one he wanted. “No” Is Not a Negotiation Invitation One of the biggest red flags in early BDSM communication is the person who treats “no” as the beginning of a negotiation. No, I am not interested. No, that dynamic does not work for me. No, I am not available for that kind of play. No, I do not want to continue this conversation. Those are complete answers. They do not require a court case. They do not require repeated follow-up. They do not require the other person to justify their boundary in a way the rejected party personally approves of. A respectful person may feel disappointed. That is normal. Rejection stings. But an emotionally mature person accepts the answer and steps back. An unsafe person keeps pushing. “But I’m Just Being Persistent” Persistence is often romanticized, especially by people who do not want to examine their own behavior. They frame it as loyalty. They call it determination. They insist they are proving how badly they want to serve. But there is a difference between being consistent and being invasive. Consistency says, “I respect your pace.” Pressure says, “I will keep appearing until you give me what I want.” Consistency says, “Your boundary matters.” Pressure says, “Your boundary is an obstacle.” Consistency says, “I can accept your no.” Pressure says, “I only respect your answer if it benefits me.” That distinction matters. A submissive who wants access to a Dominant’s time, attention, authority, or body needs to show that he can be trusted with limits. If he cannot respect a simple “not interested,” why would anyone trust him inside a more intimate or vulnerable dynamic? Disobedience Does Not Become Cute Because It Is Wrapped in Flattery Some people try to soften boundary-pushing with compliments. “I’m still interested.” “You’re exactly what I’m looking for.” “I just can’t stop thinking about serving you.” “I know you said no, but I had to try again.” No, he did not “have to.” He chose to. And that choice reveals something important. Flattery does not erase disrespect. Desire does not override consent. Interest does not create entitlement. A person can use all the submissive language in the world and still behave in a way that is controlling, invasive, or manipulative. Calling someone “Mistress” while ignoring her boundary is not submission. It is cosplay with bad manners. Real submission requires discipline. That includes the discipline to accept disappointment without turning it into someone else’s problem. Early Behavior Predicts Later Behavior The beginning of communication is not separate from the dynamic. It is part of the screening process. How someone handles a boundary early on tells you a lot about how they may handle limits later. If he argues with your preferences now, he may argue with your rules later. If he ignores your disinterest now, he may ignore your safeword later. If he creates new ways to reach you after being blocked, he may escalate when denied access. If he treats your “no” as temporary, he is telling you that consent is only meaningful to him when it can be changed in his favor. That is not a small thing. In BDSM, trust is not built by intensity alone. Trust is built by repeated evidence that someone can hear a boundary, understand it, and honor it even when they are disappointed. Submissive Does Not Mean Helpless There is also a pattern where some self-identified submissives act as if their desire excuses their lack of self-regulation. They present themselves as overwhelmed by need. They act wounded when they are not chosen. They imply that a Dominant is cruel for not giving them attention. They confuse emotional dependency with devotion. That is not service. A Dominant is not responsible for managing the emotions of every stranger who wants access to her. A submissive still has adult responsibilities. He is responsible for his conduct, his reactions, his expectations, and his ability to leave people alone when asked. Submission is not an exemption from emotional maturity. In fact, submission requires more emotional maturity, not less. When Persistence Becomes Pressure Persistence becomes pressure when the other person has already declined. It becomes pressure when contact continues after interest has been clearly refused. It becomes pressure when someone changes accounts, platforms, or methods to get around being ignored or blocked. It becomes pressure when the person being contacted feels they must manage, explain, soften, or repeat a boundary that was already clear. It becomes pressure when the goal is not connection, but access. That is the moment the behavior stops being flattering. It starts feeling desperate. Performative. Entitled. Unsafe. And no one owes continued politeness to someone who repeatedly ignores a boundary. The Better Response A submissive who receives a no has one correct r

I prefer to take thing, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission Plus permission can be hard to come by. Why now just take it and break it into what you want  Just be comfortable with yourself in skin.   Anything can be beautiful with confidence 

A little clarity about what I’m looking for… I’m not interested in one-night stands, endless fantasy chat or people who only appear when they’re horny. I’m looking for a genuine connection with someone who wants BDSM and a real D/s dynamic to be part of their life. Age and gender aren’t particularly important to me, but attraction is. You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to look after yourself. I’ve lost 3½ stone over the last 12 months and take pride in the effort I’ve made. I’m simply not attracted to people who are very overweight or seriously out of shape. If you’re genuine, want to build trust and actually meet when the time is right, say hello. And yes, I’ll expect to see a normal photo of you before we meet. Nothing kinky or explicit. I just want to know who I’m talking to. Please, be real. I’m not looking for pen pals and promises.

Things I pay attention too I read profiles and journals to see what you are about.  What is your name? Names are telling. Is it something about a fetish, kink, or what you are focused on?   I don't care what your fetish or interest list is unless it is your dislikes or hate. Those are mostly the truth and not what you are focused on.  Where do you live?   How far away are you from me?  What I want you to know If you message me from out of state or anywhere further than 50 ish miles away and tell me you want to serve, I want you to know.  You will come to me to meet in California at a local munch at your own expense. After all, you chose to message me and offer to serve.  If you say you will relocate, know you should not assume you will live with me. For this to happen, I would have to know you very well, and the connection would have to be there. This takes time.  I go out into my community to attend munches, play parties, or significant events. I meet like-minded people and meet people who become my friends.  I expect my submissive to do the same and attend to me.  I do not engage in the bedroom, only D/s or M/s.  This is not what I consider being submissive, nor what I am looking for.  I am not interested in sexual services with anyone except the person with whom I am in a romantic relationship.  Romantic relationships take time.  Intimacy is important in any relationship, but to me, it is not sexual.  I do not jump into and out of relationships willy-nilly. I take my time. 

From my group  -re-sharing here - Why language matters. Or, Darmok and Jalad. Jan 30, 2019 I had a reminder this week, (not that this week is that unusual, but some cases are more extreme than others) at how important it is to have a common language in any interaction we have with others. Most of our lives, the average American at least walks around hearing English, speaking English, reading English, and assuming they understand what other people are saying. And vice versa - they assume they are understood. And yet, so much of our attempts to communicate end in misfires.  Often, it's because we don't really care enough about the interaction, and we glide along on autopilot, comfortable in the status quo quality of our interactions. We are usually getting enough of what we need out of it that we often don't even question it. Often, if there's a problem, we make a scene to make it clear that no, that's NOT what we meant, or that isn't what was said to us, etc but unless we feel slighted, or it leads to the loss of something we DO value - a comment made here that loses us a promotion, or a question not answered loses someone's interest, or a tone of voice makes us concerned for a possible loss of status- unless it's serious, it's just anger and fuss and it's over. THEN, it may become a real issue, worth some thought, but by then, it's really too late. The miscommunication has happened, the thought process it started it under way, and a feeling has been had, etc.  Stick with me here.  At it's most basic level, language is how we express a thought. It's pretty common to believe that most of the time, other people from a similar area have similar thoughts to our own about a general variety of things. We expect that they want the same basic things, because we are all human, and most of the people we deal with were raised similarly, and had similar experiences. And that they will use the same words as we do to describe them. That's where the screeching halt comes in.  "Most adult native test-takers range from 20,000–35,000 words." That's a decent vocabulary. It should mean that most of us that speak English will have plenty of words in common to have a discussion and be understood with enough clarity to make it through most common joint activities.  That said, most people don't tend to think too deeply about words themselves. Which means when you start to want more than just "enough to get by" conversation, things can get a bit complicated. And in cases where you need to negotiate something VERY specific, in depth, such as the fine details of kink or what our limits are... suddenly, your vocabulary will not only need to grow, but become very precise.  I'm not seeing that as often as I would expect from the letters I receive. In fact, the majority of people that write me seem frustrated by the need for words at all, and irritated by the requirement that we spend some time talking about anything that isn't a deion of a sex act. Which baffles me... if you are wanting someone to tie you up, do ... THINGS ... to you, while you are helpless, etc, wouldn't you REALLY REALLY want to make sure that the things they want to DO are the same things you want DONE? Wouldn't you be DEEPLY interested in making sure they are the kind of person that honors your Safe Word, or who shares your definition of "honest," or who won't just walk off with your wallet and DVD player while you are tied down, or who won't turn out to be straight up batshit nuts?  I've had another rash of "own me" messages. Interspersed of course with the regular "total sub" offers.  The topic at hand isn't the "I'm a TOTAL sub!" who responds to "ok, go read this for me and tell me what you think" with "What? That's not what I want! I'm a SEXUAL submissive!" Or even the "i want to be ur slave" that can't obey enough to respond to an email on time.  This topic is about the problem that causes that problem in the first place.  I received one this week from a very pretty dick pic with an empty profile that did read enough to call me Domina, but obviously nothing else, so I sent a link to the "First Impressions" thread, and followed with "Consider Your Target Audience." You can guess how it went. Before he got to "Bye, Bitchhhhhh!" he told me he wanted me to "own" him. And he referred to himself as "very kinky like to be watched ! Masterbaiting live turns me on" (Yes, that's how he spelled it.) Meh. No great loss.  Later, sissy under consideration asked if I was at all interested by Dick Pic Guy. Aside from the obvious stunted mentality of thinking his naked dick somehow mattered, he was a good tool to explain the problem of common language/vocabulary.  While being turned on by being watched is very common, and whatever floats your boat, etc that he described himself as very kinky based on that was a VERY clear indicator that we weren't even speaking the same language in regards to kink. Much like the majority of the people that write me, he had an interest in something, and had set out to pursue that, and as it wasn't mainstream, they thought it must mean they were REALLY out there crazy kinky. (Hell, ex-husband number two thought anal was the height of twisted and kinky.) Now, obviously, there was no actual interest in submission, or desire to actually be owned, so there was no point in even considering trying to have a conversation.  However, if there actually HAD been interest, if he had just been a newbie and without clue, there would have been this huge gap of vocabulary to fill in before we could have ever tried to talk about anything more than "go for coffee, get spanked." Before we could get to "what turns you on" there would have had to be the initial "what do you know so far, what have you read, what have you tried" just to see what he MEANT by "kinky" or "spanking" or even "turned on." Did "turned on" specifically mean sexually aroused and only that? Does "masterbaiting" (sorry, but OMG LOLOL) just mean "wrap your hand around your dick and rub up and down with or without lube" because it could mean SO FUCKING MUCH MORE to someone else, and in my mind, doesn't always necessarily include anything physical. Ownership? If we haven't even discussed what the word "submissive" means in depth, how can we possibly try to define "Owned" yet? Are we talking an actual legal arrangement with signed contracts and documentation as regards to property, or do you just like the way the word sounds?  Because that matters to me. All of the delicate nuances of meaning hold POWER. Consent is POWER. I absofuckinglutely want to feel like I OWN you, down to your last molecule, if I am going to have that, and we have to figure out exactly how many molecules you have to give for that to happen.  "You just offered an unknown amount of you don't know what to a total stranger."  If you are handing out candy from a bag in your hand, "take it all" is easy. And taking that whole bag may be easy. Hell, I like candy. Maybe I'll want your candy. However - If you actually have a whole trunkful of candy, and you say "take it all" without sharing that "all" may be a couple hundred pounds of confection, that is going to make a difference. Do I like that candy enough to want a whole trunkful? Will it get stale long before I can eat it all? Are you going to throw a tantrum if I share that candy with a park full of kids, or is it truly mine, to do with as I please? Are you going to pout if I toss i

Voice Verification Unfortunately, there are many males here pretending to be females. So, before I invest more time with a 'female' at initial contact, I require at least a voice verification. In its next message to Me, either offer Me its phone number or request mine, slave. To elaborate a bit, I really do not care if My slave property is male or female. I do not care if the prospective "female" is actually a male that has made contact with Me. I understand how a slave could be so lost in its desire to feel the control of a Dominant that its imagination could take to the point of deception. To Me, that just means the prospective slave property is deeper in its need to serve than most. The best thing would be for any pretender to confess and seek atonement at the outset of the process of becoming My total slave property.

Car service I was just notified by My car dealer that it was time to take My van in for service. What a drag. That means two or three hours out of My day just to keep that damn thing in shape. Where is My slave? My next car with be an electric vehicle. No service is required for it. Cheaper and more convenient. Gotta love it.

I am dumbfounded by the number of female submissive, on this site, who in an act of straight out dominance insist on integrating a core component of the vanilla lifestyle into the lifestyle developed from the writings of the Marquis de Sade. Especially, when that vanilla component is the antithesis of The Marquis' work and why he theorized women were too inhibited to wantonly explore their complete sexual response. De Sade observed that emotional love was like a drug (turns out to be oxytocin) that wore off and eventually left the woman disenchanted as her resistance to the hormone built up and the man’s efforts to re-create the first dose becomes more and more difficult. To the point, that eventually, the man quits trying and seeks out a woman who will fuck him like his wife did initially and validate his efforts. So now, the women has a legitimate reason to look elsewhere for that dose of that initial oxytocin. Which only happens a few times in each relationship, and if it happens, it’s always happens in the beginning. And, the more she gets of it (oxytocin) the more immune she becomes to it’s affect. This means, that by building on a foundation of emotional love, women are essentially setting a time bomb underneath the relationships entire foundation, as well as inhibiting their own sexual being.

I wouldn't call myself Kinky The umbrella that kink, bdsm, dom/sub etc have come to represent is rather large at this point. I would say the majority of people on here are kinky/slutty and only vaguely interested in dynamics in which power is exchanged except perhaps as it makes things spicy or facilitates a kink. Now of course there is so much potential overlap that it can become a rather ry and most likely an unnecessary distinction. I look around it's endless dick pictures, or tit/pussy pictures, it's people throwing dirty sexual thoughts out there, but in a throwaway type, that are put out there for no other reason than they get that quick empty thrill and the vague hope that your next no effort meaningless sexual encounter will find you. I see endless personal ads looking for a "Master to own and train" or one of the 100 variations on that basic thought. No you really aren't, you most likely have not thought through what that really means and if you had you would be starting off much slower. What your really looking for is some hot roleplay, a quick jump into a pretend scene that does absolutely nothing to challenge your identity or ego. Maybe you think you really want that master or slave but chances are you are only thinking about it from that hot sex pov with that fantasy master/slave you have in your head that doesn't exist. There is nothing wrong with all this though. I begrudge no one the pursuit of what they consider a good time and I definitely do not judge needing an escape from the drudgery most of our lives represent. We only live once. That said though much of it doesn't really speak to me. I'm not sure I would consider myself kinky even though the array of things I want to do and that fascinate me i

I want to thank those who have reached out. I appreciate you.  If I haven't answered your message, most likely it's because you used limited words, such as "Hi, how are you?" or something equally short. I don't consider this a conversation or reason to start a more extended conversation with you.  The other reason I've either not responded or sent you my well wishes regarding your search is where you are located. I am clear that I am looking for someone local. I expect to meet with you face-to-face at a local munch (to me) and in person. (Face-to-face and in-person are the keywords.) This isn't easy if you are not local to the Bay Area.  Service to me cannot be attended to if you are not local.  If you want to meet with me, you must travel to the Bay Area, have a place to stay and transport yourself at your own expense. You should plan on attending a local munch I attend.  I'm not going to meet privately with you, and I'm not going to call you. 

I want to roleplay as a cheerleader. You command me to cheerlead for you as you play a sport in front of a crowd.  However before I go out there you force me to wear clamps on my nipples, embrassing panties and stick a dildo in my pussy. As I try to cheer, you turn on the vibrator in the dildo and make me drip my juices while making it impossible for me to cheer properly Then when you lose you take me to the locker room, tell me I lost because of my useless cheer leading, while taking the dildo and pumping it in my.pussy while against a locker You then take out your cock and slowly pull out the dildo, but then give me no tike.to.rest as you shove your cock in me. You take out your frustrations on me while im in bliss while holding my pompoms, and cheering your cock. Your teammates then come in looking defeated and as they see us they join in to get their frustration out. The entire team then take their cocks and shower me in their juices while I wave my pompoms and my cheerleading out turns from red to white. You then put me back in your sports bag while im in estacy and say that you're going back to train me again so the team doesnt lose again.

When you message me and live in another state, you should plan to attend a munch that I am attending in California. I require a face-to-face meeting sooner rather than later. You need to make the trip out to me if you are serious about serving me. There are no guarantees, but a meeting needs to happen sooner rather than later. My rule is not negotiable.  I have the same meeting sooner rather than later requirement for the men who live around me or in the state. The question I am considering is, Do I want to have dinner with you? Do I consider you worthy of my time while enjoying a meal? (Seinfeld: When Elaine was deciding if suitors were sponge-worthy—We all have a thing.)    If you aspire to be my submissive, you will have a job and be able to provide for yourself, a car to transport yourself in, and a home to live in and commute to my home to serve as needed. 

Ok, here goes another journal entry, another step down this path… As always, I am subMeghan, and as required, as I type this this, I am completely nude, except for my dog collar and glasses… First things first. My Dom got a new toy for me.  It’s called a “cheek retractor dental mouth gag”.  Here’s a link to what they are: https://www.extremerestraints.com/cheek-retractor-dental-mouth-gag.html We’ve been trying it out this weekend and so far we are both really liking it…  a lot!  My Dom just loves, loves, loves how I look when I wear it.  I knew right away that he’d like it from the perspective of fucking my mouth, but he also is obsessed with me just wearing it. In fact I am wearing it right now as I type.  In fact, I’ve been wearing it around the house most of the weekend.  As far as gags go, all in all, it’s really comfortable.  Compared to some other types of gags, breathing is not an issue at all.  Drooling of course is unavoidable. And yes, I’ve got drool all over my chest. (My Dom loves to see me drool.)  I just need to make sure I don’t drool on the keyboard. lol This has all been part of a puppygirl weekend, which is something we do from time to time.  In a nutshell, I spend the entire weekend as a nude puppygirl, doing any number of puppygirl activities.  I get off on it which only makes the sex all the better. (Perhaps I’ll elaborate of that in a future journal entry.) Enunciating while trying to talk while wearing this gag is extremely difficult.  So I haven’t been saying much this weekend.  However, I can still make barking-like noises.  Lol  You literally cannot say “woof” or “bark” while wearing this gag.  I ended up going with an “arf” like noise... We ended the session about an hour ago and now I’m human again.  This will give me enough time to take care of all the weekend chores around the house. That’s about it for now.  I’ve got chores to do.  So, this is naked, drooling subMeghan signing off. Until next time... 

Juxtaposition: A Simple Truth for Some, an Impossible Puzzle for Others This post is going to be stylized a bit differently from my others because I have to use my natural learning and life skills here. I’m naturally an auditory learner, which means I process the world through sound, music, voice notes, and talk-to-text. The world is mostly designed for people who process through reading and typing, but this is a much more nuanced conversation, so I’m using talk-to-text to work through it. I’ll be editing as I go because the point of this is for others to understand what I’m saying. If I were just journaling for myself, I’d keep it internal, but I feel like this is something important for the collective that needs to be shared. As this message has been brewing in my head, I’ve felt an internal pull stronger than usual. Everything I talk about is controversial to people outside of these conversations, but this one might even cause a split within the community—those who are involved in submission and dominance, particularly in a lifestyle or spiritual sense. There are a few ways this could go, and I’m aware of that. There aren’t many women who are naturally wired for this kind of dynamic. You’ll see some who know, without needing to look it up, that they’re born with a mindset geared towards service, nurturing, honor, and worship—not as a duty, but because they see the divinity in others. They have a deep sense of care, even when hurt or upset, and they hold on to that unless a line is crossed. When that happens, sure, all bets are off. But in the natural ebb and flow of relationships, they hold a deeper understanding of the bigger picture. Some of us are just born with a slavery mindset in relationships. I know that sounds intense, but it’s true. Of course, how that looks varies between individuals, but it’s a fundamental orientation. For some, like me, this manifests as a 'little girl' mentality within a servitude dynamic. And even that is rare. Most people associate service with traditional roles like being a housewife, but it’s more than that. It’s about attention, effort, care, patience, receptivity—seeing the other person’s needs and deferring your own preferences because you understand the give and take, the bigger picture. The thing is, people often don’t recognize that level of care as service. They take it for granted, especially in vanilla relationships. But for people like me, the ones who orient this way, it’s second nature. And when we have conversations like this, it feels like we’re saying the same thing over and over because, honestly, we are. People write books on this, give workshops, travel the world to talk about it. None of this is new or unique to me. But what I do know is that we, the ones who truly live this dynamic, are in the minority. Even in the lifestyle community, where you’d expect people to understand this more deeply, there’s still a divide. Some just play or role-play, and they don’t get it. And then there are dominants or submissives who think they want this level of intensity, but when they experience it, it’s too much. They didn’t realize how much work it actually requires. They didn’t know that being with someone who is always in that mindset—who is a slave at their core—would challenge them in ways they weren’t prepared for. And that’s the juxtaposition I’m talking about. People think they want this dynamic, but once they experience it, they realize it’s not what they expected. It either deepens them or makes them realize they’re not capable of holding what they thought they wanted. The smaller conversation I want to have revolves around the part of surrender that comes with letting go of certain expectations, such as: "He doesn't respect me because this is what I'm used to," or "If he's not willing to meet me halfway, then he isn't serious about this," or even, "I need him to communicate a certain way, or else it's just not right." This kind of thinking stems from a need to hold onto something—be it a method of communication, an idea of respect, or even just a preference for how things should flow. But true surrender, especially in the context of power exchange, involves letting go of programming and societal constraints. It's about asking yourself, "Is this truly a need, or is this a want disguised as a need?" For those who are naturally oriented towards deeper levels of service and submission, there’s a realization that much of what we think we need in relationships is not a necessity. Instead, it's a projection of previous experiences, of societal conditioning. What I've found, especially in lifestyle relationships, is that many people claim to live 24/7 dynamics or say they are 'lifestyle' D/s, but there’s a vast difference between identifying with that and actually doing the internal work required to embody it fully. This work doesn't come from hopping from one relationship to another or from constantly seeking physical experiences. Instead, it starts internally. It’s an emotional, mental, and spiritual journey before it becomes a physical reality. I've seen this disconnect repeatedly in the community—people who are drawn to play parties or physical acts but haven't done the internal work to match the energy they’re trying to manifest. Yes, play parties, toys, tools, and skills are exciting, but for those who live the lifestyle, the real work begins deep within. For those of us who are spiritual, it starts even before that, on a soul level, and then trickles down into emotional, mental, and finally physical realms. What many in the lifestyle don’t realize is that physicality—sexuality, play, and even basic physical touch—is something that can be improved and refined. There are sex educators, workshops, and so many tools to practice and elevate physical aspaspects. But you can't fix a fractured mindset, a shaky spiritual foundation, or a disconnected emotional core by just improving the physical. If you're starting out rocky in those deeper levels, you'll never

Imagine you are bungee jumping, standing high above a gaping chasm that looks as beautiful and beguiling as it does intimidating and overwhelming. At some point, you have to make the choice to either step down off the platform and back to the known and familiar world of solid ground and safety, or to step off the platform and begin to fall, until the cord goes taught and holds you above the abyss. And that's bungee jumping. Serving as a slave is similar to this, except that when you step off the platform, you have no idea if the cord is attached. You have chosen to plummet into an abyss without knowing if he will keep you safe from whatever fate awaits you at the bottom. Without, in fact, knowing if he is capable of keeping you safe. And that's serving. You do not know what awaits. You only know that, sometimes, it doesn't matter if the cord is attached or not, or even if there is a cord in the first place. Sometimes, you just have to jump and find out.

Communication Matters! Open,  honest,  forthright Communication is essential.  "He voluntarily and openly commits himself to serve the needs of the dominant partner.. . and by accepting, she fulfills his need to serve. Where things go from there will vary from relationship to relationship depending on the mutual desires and unique personalities of the partners."

  If you demand, expect, or require any of the above or if you have any demands at all, then you cannot be a slave. I suggest you re-think what it is you want. Then you, the submissive seek a nice Dominant who you can share the fantasy that you are a slave with. I am sure that once you agreed on terms, you will have the time of your life!!!!     Now: slaves don't get vacation, 'personal' days or 'time off' for being sick. Well, they can ONLY IF they are granted such by their Owner.   However, they have NO entitlement to such things. As a real slave you will be expected to (and here's the shocking part) actually be a slave. I know - that's just so crazy, huh?       A real slave is expected to be a slave 24/7/365. This is why slavery, real slavery, is not for everyone; or even most people for that matter.   If you are thinking: "Hey, I want to be a slave."   But you do want recognition for your service, you want to be rewarded for your efforts, you want to be treated with 'fairness', you want some variety or flavor of “equality”, respect, compassion and appreciation, then you want something other than real slavery.   What you are probably looking for is to Role-Play the part of a slave in an OTS (Other Than Slave) relationship which is great and you will definitely enjoy it with the right partner.       Similarly:   Ownership is neither a simple nor a small undertaking, beware!   An Owner assumes total responsibility for the health and well being of their slave(s).   - Some Owners love to train their property, others do not.   - Some Owner choose to have a love relation with their slave, others do not.   - Some Owners love to micro manage their property while others do not.   - Some Owners enjoy the acts of bathing, grooming, feeding, clothing, and housing their property while others do not.   No matter which aspects of Ownership you may enjoy, every aspect of a slave is your complete responsibility.   Here is a listing of the bare minimal requirements that an Owner MUST attend to, in order to maintain their slave(s):   A. Housing:   A slave requires a 'dry' living space with protection from the weather, where the temperature will be reasonable to live in.   B. Bathing and Grooming:   For health and sanitary reasons, a slave must be fully cleansed at least once per week. Whether you provide access to a shower or simply run a garden hose, the slave still must be washed, regularly. The dental care and sight of a slave are also very important for obvious reasons.   C. Feeding:   A slave must be fed on a regular basis; to maintain good health in your slave, a balanced diet of nutritional foods and plenty of water must be provided by you for your slave.   D. Physical Health:   Sun, conditioning and training a slave is one important thing, but you will incur substantial medical costs if the general health and welfare of your slave(s) are not consistently kept in mind.   An Owner must acquire more than a cursory, basic knowledge in First Aid if Owner is Sadist.   An Owner must, in fact, be prepared to handle a wide variety of physical maladies and to do proper reading regarding long term consequences of the activities he submits it's slave to.   Owning a slave is difficult, demanding and stressful. As owner, you may forget relaxation, privacy or spontaneity for a long time and be prepared to make sacrifices before your slave will be anything close to your target.  

There is a proposal of a loving union of truth and clarity. Where you are seen completely, whether you want to be or not, you are seen. This union comes from God the Father when he sent Jesus Christ to gather his sheep. To save you from a very bad place. To save you from the devil's traps and lies. When I tell you Jesus loves you, he really really does. He aches for you to turn to him. Him and his father wish for none to perish but for all to be saved. Jesus is very patient and merciful. He doesn't expect you to get it right the first time or the fifth time or even the 20th time. If you are truly remorseful for a sin you can't seem to get rid of and keep asking for forgiveness and keep asking him to take it from you he will be quick to forgive. The Bible says if your brother sins against you seven times and seven times ask you for forgiveness you are to forgive them. He sees your heart whether you are honest or even if you want to change but truly struggle with it. Even if you don't want to change or don't believe in him or you like the world's way.... He will meet you where you are and show you things needed for your journey, your growth, your own faith. In life there are beginnings and endings. Let Jesus transform you from the inside out. Read his commandments. He is a teacher and closer than a brother. He can take all the ugly and make a diamond. He knows what traumas you've been through and he's not here to let life keep hurting you. He doesn't control people, they have free will and he doesn't interfere with it, and people will have to make amends for their mistakes, me included. However he is not the one that hurt you and he doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to change your life. He wants you to live righteously and he wants to give you life abundant. He said if you delight in him he will give you the desires of your heart. When you work with Jesus, earth time is not the time he's on. He's on the clock of eternity and that means our healing will take time, our transformation will take time, our wants won't necessarily come on our time, but He will never leave or forsake you. When you come to Him honestly and come repentantly he will not cast you away. He will start a work in you and will bring it to completion. There will be A Thousand Year Reign where Jesus reigns as King, I truly hope you are there to receive the proper teaching you need to transform into who you were made to be before this dark world got its hands on you. I pray from the bottom of my heart whoever is reading this that you be saved and transformed. Will you still drink from the cups of demons or will you come and taste what the Lord really offers? 

On Self-Mastery Before Mastery Over Others A Master who seeks to command another must first command himself. Authority without discipline is nothing but noise—loud, fleeting, and without weight. True mastery begins within: the mind must be sharpened, the emotions steadied, and the will made unshakable. Only then can the Master stand above his slave with confidence and clarity. A Master who has not mastered himself becomes ruled by impulse. Anger dictates his words, jealousy clouds his vision, and fear drives his actions. Such a man cannot lead, for he is a servant to his own weakness. A slave will sense this instability, and with it, respect will erode. Without respect, obedience becomes hollow, and the dynamic crumbles. To achieve self-mastery, the Master must practice three disciplines: Discipline of the Mind – The Master must think clearly, without being swayed by fear, envy, or pride. Reflection, study, and intentional learning strengthen the intellect and refine judgment. Discipline of the Body – The Master must hold himself with presence and authority. Care of health, posture, and bearing are not vanity—they are symbols of control and power that the slave must see and feel. Discipline of the Spirit – The Master must know his own values, beliefs, and purpose. He must act from principle, not reaction, and embody consistency in every command. When the Master governs himself, his commands are unquestionable. His slave will feel the certainty of his hand, the steadiness of his rule, and the clarity of his authority. Self-mastery is the root of all mastery; without it, the title of Master is an empty shell.   Let it be remembered: before a Master can claim ownership of another, he must first prove ownership of himself.

I have a confession. I met an odd Greek guy from this site. I dumped him or he let me down and I did not take his offer to remain friends. First date he was amazing was in shock how real he was. Crashing around mine he was ok in bed but snored and really snored. Had a fantasticallly large cock and I am annoyed I did not tie him up. His cock felt, warm and pulsating and I felt fulfilled and I remember tilting my neck back and relasing hot breathing after every grind. I just recall being in sexual purgatory, being dominant but enjoying anal domination, I think the Switchy side allowed the moment to happen. He was reckless with condoms which is why I felt in the bin with him. But now and again I wish he had now NOT cocked up because I would be probably be typing my odd sexual experimental ecounters with him. I liked him, I really liked him but I was so hurt that he was reckless with protection. Not to mention AFTER sex he mentioned his trip to Africa - I am west indian Carribean and all I kept thinking is have you lost your mind you experiement in a country with a high level of minimal medicla support are you insane.  My mind spun, realising this sexy Greek guy with self- esteem issues parading as a switch on collar space may be a high risk individual who should go to the first GUM he can find. I work in a clinical setting and assist HIV patients so this is a big NO NO. I meet every day people who have trusted the wrong person, or have congential issues so passed on from familly or met people who have fallen on real hard times and the world has honestly chewed them up and spat them out and the whole reckless with condoms hit a large nerve. Now and again I reflect on how I enjoyed the snogging, I enjoyed being sexually open and it drives me a little loopy our chapter lasted 2 encounters. Omg, his tongue in on my clit, his tongue in my mouth, his tonue on my arse hole his tongue on my legs and thighs, his tongue on my nipples, his tongue on my belly button, his tongue on my neck - Fuck me! I am also still pissed he brought Alidi food and demanded I buy him steak the little shit but I honestly did like his good side just not his entitled side. Do people really deserve a second chance. He is probably just messaging other women and finding his way into their accommdation for a free overnight stay he is Greek after all. I actually liked him, annoyed by his snoring.  Honestly his snoring was bad if the Walking Dead actually happens he would have to go for survival, his snoring was that bad.  The Walking dead will hear him a mile away.  Honestlly you would have put a pillow over his face to save yourself from the zombies it was that bad. It annoys me while I feel weak I have this back flash of remembering how his tongue felt all over me and remembering the sounds of his moaning and remembering how silky his hair felt when I pulled on it during a climax. Weird, Weird, weird - maybe I will admit defeat I have lost the plot!

Personal growth is the evolution of the mind to catch up with our soul. It comes in stages. For some it takes a while for others it's their daily obligation to themselves. One must sit back each evening after the sun has set and before the stars have risen. Take advantage of this purgatory moment in the heavens to lose oneself inside their being. Drift through the thoughts of the day gone by and squarely face it for all it was as we search for the answers of what it could be. Inspect ourselves for the quality we expect and demand of ourselves. Find errors in our ways and vow to be more mindful of tomorrow. For tomorrow is only a day away.  And hence the process proceeds as the journey continues.  Never ending, never arriving at our destination but always traveling.  Being mindful of the journey and appreciating the ability we have to be able to travel. Sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of others. At times even in the company of others but alone and lost within ourselves. Yet always traveling. The road blocks we encounter may sometimes lead us astray but never stopping us unless we allow them.  It is not only our obligation to meet them head on but to also overcome them with speed and efficiency. If not for us for the others in our lives. So take the moments when you can. Lose yourself and search your very depths and face your humanity as often as possible. Find the strength to look at yourself flaws and all and the courage to admit your weaknesses. Mistakes are just flaws not repaired.  Just like a pencil has an eraser to clean an error, let acknowledgement be yours.

people are always asking what my kink or my fantasy is  I want a who enjoy the play as much as I do. one who not afraid to use a girl for the same needs she has as well. one who can Master himself but also Master her, omg he a shadow daddy! I want a Master who would take my big alien dildo and shoved it up my cunt or mak me wear a plug in my ass. then leave me there plug all day while he does his own thing. sometimes he uses me, sometimes he play with me and sometimes he leaves me to my own to get lost in my service to him in my mind.  I want to be his play thing so I can be his captive slave girl who he use as his play thing and doll. dress up in his leather,rope and may other things!  those who want to put me in leather and rope, stuff my cunt with a dildo and make me ride it and orgasm for hours  and these who want to hook my nipples to a milking machine and make me ride a dildo till Im a puddle  get moved to the front of the line  I like these creators and want to recreate this with you - they all on fetlife  _Inquisition_ deargreyh0und _TheDollMaker_ The_Woodsman_ GreedyGod I honestly have little interest in your unless you take the time to go look at these creators pictures and videos. I know what I want and how I want it and I need that 24/7.   

As promised, here is a copy of your BDSMTest result with ID uZkZThzx100% Degradee100% Rope bunny100% Submissive99% Voyeur93% Exhibitionist92% Pet92% Slave85% Masochist80% Experimentalist70% Primal (Prey)59% Non-monogamist30% Vanilla9% Brat4% Primal (Hunter)0% Daddy/Mommy0% Rigger0% Ageplayer0% Brat tamer0% Degrader0% Dominant0% Little0% Master/Mistress0% Owner0% Sadist0% SwitchYou can also view it online at https://bdsmtest.org/r/uZkZThzx?lang=EN