AShopenhauer

I am strictly heterosexual in a binary sexual realm. I did not choose how I identify sexually, I was born that way. And no amount of conversation can change that.

I am dumbfounded by the number of female submissive, on this site, who in an act of straight out dominance insist on integrating a core component of the vanilla lifestyle into the lifestyle developed from the writings of the Marquis de Sade. Especially, when that vanilla component is the antithesis of The Marquis' work and why he theorized women were too inhibited to wantonly explore their complete sexual response. De Sade observed that emotional love was like a drug (turns out to be oxytocin) that wore off and eventually left the woman disenchanted as her resistance to the hormone built up and the man?s efforts to re-create the first dose becomes more and more difficult. To the point, that eventually, the man quits trying and seeks out a woman who will fuck him like his wife did initially and validate his efforts. So now, the women has a legitimate reason to look elsewhere for that dose of that initial oxytocin. Which only happens a few times in each relationship, and if it happens, it?s always happens in the beginning. And, the more she gets of it (oxytocin) the more immune she becomes to it?s affect. This means, that by building on a foundation of emotional love, women are essentially setting a time bomb underneath the relationships entire foundation, as well as inhibiting their own sexual being.

I've been a member of this site, off and on, since 2004, when it was an alternative sexual dating site called colllarme. When did it become just another social media "chat" site for poseurs, pretenders and wanna bees who just wanna talk the talk, day after day, year after year to just role play? Seems the same 50 or so female subs are here almost every day. Can't quite find that "right" one who checks every box perfectly. I wonder why?

There is no E in BDSM. That's a vanilla construct that puts all males at a disadvantage. That's not to say that it cannot be developed over time, but it is a byproduct of a stable, healthy and growing relationship, not a critical component of the relationship's foundation.

In the BDSM lifestyle, a male cannot be dominant and emotionally attached simultaneously. This is not to say that he can't be both caring and sympathetic. But, to truly be dominant, he needs to remain emotionally detached and only focus on the desired outcome. This is true, not only personally but also professionally. An emotional connection is one of the cornerstones in the vanilla lifestyle. It's what all females need to surrender to fully submit.