This is really difficult. And I don't mean being cute or pretty. I'm talking about trying to find somebody. I mean I kind of wanted a female, a woman, but I'm realizing, what would a woman want to do with me? I mean, unless she saw our relationship as some kind of lesbian relationship. But then why invest the time with me? Just get a woman. It isn't like I've been cuckhold now I'm just watching my last relationship have sex with men and we go and get our hair done together. That's a silly dumb fantasy. I don't really expect that ever. So it becomes kind of complicated. Being with a guy, I've been there. It never really works out. Most guys really have no idea. And I don't mean that in a mean way. And yes I've tried, thinking OK I'll be with a guy he can just go be a guy I'll be the girl I'll take care of everything that I need to to be cute and pretty. But oddly enough, it never seems to work out that way. I am submissive and really truly just want to explore more of a relationship as a submissive and feminine. I've done all the hard work myself. I am on estrogen and other feminizing pharmaceuticals. I've actually been surgically castrated, yes, have no balls. But yet I still can't find someone. And yet I still also feel more male than female. Is there really a woman out there that actually enjoys the art of emasculation? And also possibly feminization. I remember a long time ago I was at a bar out here in California, called the Oxwood Inn (I think that was it) and I saw a cute couple. a black woman, clearly the dominant, and a effeminate partner. I started a conversation with her, the dominant, basically asking about their relationship, and if she was together with her. I was quickly explained that yes, they do live together. She was working to turn him into a her in every way. This honestly fascinated me so much so that I still kind of looking for that same relationship. Now I'm sure there are men out there that might be able to do this? I've even gone so far as wondered if possibly I could pay somebody. Make some sort of long-term agreement because I'm sure this isn't gonna happen in a month or three months I would venture to say for complete transition, it's got to be at least a year? But then again what do I know? 

Who’s time is it anyway?   I would not take to property any slave that was not totally My property.   On more than one occasion, I have had prospective slaves misunderstand time. The slaves in question have offered non specific time instead of a definite time I directed.    Some slaves are journalling at My request. I direct them to make daily submissions to Me at a specific time each day; a time of slave’s choice. Many respond by offering a non-compliant time. They might offer to obey direction for journal submission the morning or evening of each day.   That broad a time frame may be convenient for the slave. A non-specific time may work well in their life.    The basic problem is the idea that the slave has the option to arrange its life for its convenience. The slave seems to hold the belief that time belongs to it to manage. A total slave owns nothing, especially time. Time is one of the many things that are in the province of its Owner. Having it operate as a supplicant on My time frame teaches it the lesson about, “Who’s time is it anyway.”

(There is apparently a way to actually change the entire background color of a post: I have seen other users do it. All I can figure out to do is to use a different color "highlighter" to contrast against the font color. I guess it is essentally the same thing, but dang.) I got contacted by a man on FetLife who fits so many of my criteria that I'm actually tempted: lives one city over within 7 years of my age in an open relationship (he's separated ad casually dating) has a car He already has some chastity devices, and we have overlapping interests. We're sizing each other up, but he sounds eager to meet. eeeee!My only concern is his interest in "intox play," which Urban Dictionary defines as: short for intoxication play, It is a type of BDSM scene where one or both partners get intoxicated and have consensual sex. I put that one down as a hard limit: it's too easy to forget important things like negotiating safe-signals before someone is tied up and gagged. Not *cough* that I'd have any direct experience with that. *ahem* However, we have plans for a coffee date this week, so here's hoping. However, since the pandemic it's not like I've been a social butterfly, so if nothing else I'll get points for making the effort.  

I'm Thanks giving to all whom have shared with Me and whom give a care for Me and Mum.  I appreciate the love and the kindness and this most certainly trickles down and into My mother and My care of her.  We are doing as best we can and we continue to be most grateful for one another and every step we make. We have good days and really super tough ones - and we do it together, still.  Thank you for sharing and caring. As with most of the holidays for the past decade, we will be having a quiet time this next week.  Running around as usual, but then some down time as all our people have dispersed.  These times seem to have the greatest impact on us and our engagement with one another as we remember when our people where here and of different, more joy filled times. I hope each of you have an enjoyable and restful holiday.  Be safe and well.

   Ali’s Story      Ali's Story had a lot unsaid, a lot unrevealed. I have discussed aspaspects with friends and recently someone asked me what I'd do if Ali called me out of the blue. I don't know how I'd react, I really don't know. What would you do?   For my friends and the curious here is.       Ali’s Story It’s my epic summer. I crave the heat. Heat seems to stir up my happiness genes. I had no idea how my organized, careful world would come to such an abrupt and decisive end. You can direct and plan your life in a fashion that corresponds with your economic means and social demands or you can try to self-actualize. I had gone the safe route with occasional side trips to my secret life. I say chuck it all, why not live in the brief time you have. Revel in your oneness. Narcissism in small bites might not be a bad thing. Why all the detail? I wanted to make sure you understood I wasn’t bored and looking for some gratuitous action. I had a lot of cool things to hold my attention. Why I encouraged a visit to a part of my life I always thought of a

So why am i still here? Honestly i didn't think i would be. I've met people here, but life is complicated by the fact that i live with my mother (it's London, give us a break!). But i went to uni - miles away (clear across the country) and i thought that, i had a room of my own, a double bed, no one to explain things to, i could finally spend some real time getting to know a dom. And for some reason no one wanted to get to know me. A dom i'd known for literally years and who lived in the place i went to uni at, disappeared for five months and came back with a girlfriend, he wouldn't even meet for coffee as friends (and as a mature student boy did i need friends), another guy who said he'd love to have a holiday there, just didn't make it, one guy who agreed to come and see me started demanding that i go to see him instead, another guy ghosted me a few weeks before we were due to meet...yada, yada, yada. Now i don't believe i rushed any of these guys,  i was there for three years after all, so i guess they never had any intention of meeting in the first place.   So that's why i'm still here. But i can't say i'm still looking

For those that simply ask " How are you ? " .  you don't have to ask .  I'll tell you here before you ask.  I'm doing ok.   If you simply write and just say Hi.  Then I'm here saying Hi back.   Why is that ? So I don't feel the need to small chat with someone. That is not my purpose of being on this site.  I AM NOT lonely and looking for a chat buddy.  Honestly I am not.  Now if your deeply into alternative medicine ,  an advid  gardner, a highly spiritual being then I might be intested in " chatting " with you.   But my guess is 99.99 % of people that read this is not into those things.   That being said I am looking for someone no matter what your age/looks/ education or lack of, is .  That doesn't not matter to me in the least. What matters is are you someone I would consider in owning in real time ?  If you think you are then write and let me know... in DETAIL.   It is an extreme blessing that I don't waste my time on time wasters. 

I am NOT a Pro Domme, but I use an app for texting called Telegram.  It is a free app. If you think it's a scam Look IT UP! Also, I'm not interested in games. If you are not sure if you're submissive, please don't bother contacting me. I am not intestered in "trying" to see.  I am also on Skype and fetlife.  Atomteacher for both. If you are local or willing to relocate feel free to send me a respectful message. I will NOT dominant you online, sext, role-play or watch you jerk off on Skype.  I will NOT send you pictures, videos or provide you material to masterbate to! There's plenty of porn online, use THAT not ME. I want a real person, a real D/s relationship! Please don't waste my time!    I require daily contact to properly vet you. If you are too busy to send me a text daily, then you are too busy for me. If you can watch YouTube on toilet for 20 minutes then I really think you give me that much time daily through the vetting process.      

  The BDSM lifestyle is often thought of as painful play and humiliation.  Bruises and degradation.  Is the kink lifestyle all pain and shame?  Is there more to discover……  

my take of "ALLAN POE"Since childhood, I've never been Like others were - I've never seen The world as they do, nor felt the same Passions from a common flame. My sorrows don't come from their source, And joy doesn't move me with its force. All that I've loved, I've loved alone, In my childhood, when life was unknown. From the depths of good and ill, My mystery was drawn and still Binds me, with its enduring power, From the mountain's cliff and the fountain's shower. From the sun's golden autumn glow, To the lightning and the thunder's show, From the storm and the passing cloud, That in my mind, a demon shroud. Yet, though I've walked this path alone, I've found my strength in being shown The beauty and the darkness too, That others might not see or do. For in the storm and in the calm, I've found a peace, a healing balm, That's helped me through life's many trials, And filled my heart with lasting smiles. So though I may not be the same As others in this world's grand game, I've learned to embrace my unique fate, And find my joy, though it may be late.

Like many of my ponderings here, it all starts with reading a book. In this particular book a character was talking about a two year relationship he had with a woman but it wasn't serious. She was sort of a place holder for a while. Those were the words. Place holder. I get it, people want companionship, sex, having your needs met in the moment. Like that song, "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with." I suppose I've been idealistic most of my life, hence the waiting and saving of various things, so it's probably not difficult to believe that this bothers the holy Moses out of me. I don't like the idea of a place holder. At all. I mean, I suppose sometimes those place holders turn into something unexpected. What do you do if it doesn't? What happens when you meet someone else? What if they do? What if being together prevents you or them from meeting that person?  I make quick decisions. I walk into stores and if I like it I don't hem and haw. I buy. I order at a restaurant and I don't ask the wait staff which is better. I know what I'm getting and how I want it prepared. In the past I've experienced the same uncomfortable break ups as you, if you've ever tried to break up with someone. It sucks. But I don't draw it out, that doesn't benefit anybody. If you know it's not working, rip off the band aid and make yourself available for new experiences. Or don't. If you like the place holder and everyone is comfortable with that idea, more power to you. Just make sure you're both on the same page. For the record, I will never be on that page. Don't come at me place holding, buddy. Some people might say I'm missing out on all of the everything. To me, he is all of the everything, and I don't want to tarnish that with place holding. Does that feel like pressure to you? When it's right, it won't. 

FFS people! READ profiles before contacting someone! Yes, my profile lists me as a switch, but that does not mean I want to do anything and everything with everyone. I am looking for a male dominant, and a female slave. I am NOT looking for a male sub for anything other than maybe domestic, manual labour. I am NOT interested in a sissy, CD/TV (unless they fit the aforementioned manual labour bill), FLR, or any form of meaningful "relationship" with a submissive male. As noted in my profile here, my blog profile lists EVERYTHING I am seeking in great detail. READ IT!

**Journal Entry for jloveslut:**   I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey of self-discovery and exploration that led me here, to a place where I can openly embrace my authentic self. My experiences as a switch, and my desire to connect with others who understand the nuances of my gender identity and orientation, have been pivotal in shaping who I am today.   In the realm of BDSM and kink, finding a community where I can express both my dominant and submissive sides has been incredibly empowering. It’s a space where I can explore, learn, and grow without judgment. I’m continually learning about what it means to be part of a community that values consent, respect, and communication above all else. These elements are at the core of the connections I’m seeking, and I appreciate how spaces like this offer that opportunity.   I’m looking forward to meeting others who share similar values and interests. Whether it’s engaging in conversations about lifestyle choices, exploring new dynamics, or just making friends who understand this part of my life, I am excited for the possibilities that lie ahead. Here’s to continuing the journey of exploration, growth, and meaningful connections.   Thank you for reading, and feel free to reach out if any of this resonates with you.   — J

    The Carnal Cave.  I 'awoke' into this suspenseful dream by standing in a grassy opening facing a hill with what looked like a cave entrance.  I moved closer.  Yes, it was a cave with tight wooly-type bushes on each side of the inlet/entrance.  The bushes mostly covered the cave entrance which appeared to be shaped like a cat's eye pupil, like a slit.  I was drawn to it.  I entered the darkness.  I pushed my way in.  It was tight.  I leaned against a wall for balance and the wall was moist.  The walls were not hard, but somewhat expressive and moveable.  I moved farther into the womb of the cave.  I felt that it was an ancient cave, and somewhat known to man.  Was I the first to enter this cave?  No.  Further in I found a drawing on the wall, like a caveman-pictorial.  There was a boy standing sideways with a six-foot penis, grossly enlarged, sticking out from the boy's crotch and being heavy, it was laying on the ground.  On the large penis sat three young females, naked, one with her hands over her eyes, one with her hands over her mouth, one with her hands over her ears.     Having lately just watched the Valachi Papers, my unconscious thought I must interpret this drawing as the Vagina Papers.  There were the clues-boy, penis, girls, nudity, expressions of secrecy (covered eyes/mouth/ears).  Maybe the girls were expressions of his memories of lust and seduction.  Lust and seduction ride the rail of a boy's penis (ask my ex).  I had seen many portrayals of memories and lust in the stalls of modern man's cave-walls, (bathrooms at university).  Crudity is relatable, interpretive and exciting (ask my ex).  Men continue with feelings and sometimes-dismal visual memories of girls and right or wrong, it's all interpretive.  I like scenes of nudity (ask my ex), ergo, I like interpretive and sexual visuals.  Men continue to splash paint, as it were, in carnal caves and leave erotic memories on the walls-stains or pictorials of feelings of sex and lust.  Who may see and interpret the visits to your Carnal Cave?  Interpretations and feelings lie in dreams, dreams of lust and sex-pleasure.  I dream, therefore I am.    

My profile text as of 15 yerars ago. It was much too long.   I am a submissive TV with small bones for a male, a slim waist line and slender, fine features - very full brown hair down to shoulder length (as you can see) - very passable and used to living in female clothes - quite fit and great endurance, but below average brute-strength abilities for genetic male. I am generally submissive to those I admire, respect and/or fear, and eager to please them - have also been told repeatedly throughout life that I am abnormally humble and gentle for a genetic male. I'm quite adept at various stereotypically feminine pursuits such as cooking, sewing, house cleaning, laundry, ironing, clothes maintenance and gardening. I have some experience (though not abundant) serving life-style/non-pro Dommes and Dom/me couples, though not for longer than a week at a time. Acknowledging that the specific individuals are more important than the particular concept, I could see myself as open to and being happy in a number of possibilities, depending upon the details:   - a more mild monogamous long-term relationship with a dominant woman. It would probably be best, if You leaned toward the sensual domme end of the spectrum.- full-time enslavement to a Domme or lesbian dominant couple: Although I would hopefully provide You with the basic emotional and domestic support that You seek in a long-term TPE relationship, I recognize that You may have cravings for a manly man (or men!), and would try my best not to show the jealousy I would no doubt feel to some extent, should You decide to satisfy these cravings.   Regardless of the particular concept, it would be desirable, if You were enthusiastic about strict feminization and enforced chastity of the trans submissive.A situation involving old-school domesticity and self-sufficiency will be a distinct plus, and, in this case, I will be quite happy to carry the domestic bulk of that burden in the relationship; I just don't want to serve someone who'll insist that I buy processed packaged foods only, for instance.     Thank You for Your time!  

On Silk and Steel There is something about heels that shifts my spine the moment I slide them on. It is not the height, though the added inches are delicious. It is alignment. The tilt of the hips. The deliberate pace required with each step. Heels demand intention. They refuse clumsiness. They create presence before I even speak. Hosiery is quieter, but no less powerful. Silk against skin feels like a secret. A whisper beneath the surface. It softens the line of muscle and bone, yet it also sharpens awareness. Every movement becomes intentional because I can feel it: the glide, the stretch, the faint resistance at the back of the knee when I cross my legs. As a Domme, I have always loved that juxtaposition. Silk and steel. Leather and velvet. Silk is control wrapped in elegance. Steel is the structure beneath it, the unseen spine that holds everything upright. Leather is command. It does not apologize. It creaks softly when I move, announcing authority in texture alone. Velvet absorbs light. It deepens shadows. It invites touch while denying access. There is power in contrast. A stiletto heel pressing into hardwood floors, sharp and decisive, while sheer hosiery catches the glow of lamplight. The world sees glamour. They see polish. What they do not see is the discipline underneath it. Steel in the mind. Leather in the posture. Velvet in the voice when I choose. I love the ritual of dressing for authority. Selecting the pair of stockings that smooth and sculpt. Choosing heels that force my stride into something measured and unhurried. The act itself becomes preparation, armor made beautiful, intention made wearable. Dominance does not have to shout. Sometimes it is the softness of silk paired with the certainty of steel. Sometimes it is velvet brushing against skin while leather encircles a wrist. The interplay is what makes it intoxicating: strength wrapped in refinement, command dressed in the most elegant thing in the room.   I do not dominate because I am hard. I dominate because I understand contrast.     And there is nothing more striking than elegance paired with absolute control.

I thought I knew what was wrong. But I saw a specialist and they talked medical blah blah and so for a few weeks I've been walking around thinking I have a rare cancer. Tests were ordered, biopsies taken, more specialists, antibiotics prescribed. I started mental checklists so if it's worse case scenario I get shit done before I'm not capable. I cried a lot. The not knowing of so many important things that might mean everything. Or nothing. Tests coming back inconclusive, waiting on next steps. It's a lot to add to your agenda since the world doesn't stop for a new crisis. It's tiring to be this stressed.  After all of this, the tests, the time, the tears, that first specialist agreed with my original diagnosis. If they would have listened to me on that first visit I'd be healed by now. Fuck silver linings, I'm pissed.  Not out of the woods just yet, one more specialist to go. But it's looking good enough that I can be uppity about the whole situation. Still, fingers crossed, okay? Thanks. 

Aceasta este o ușă pe care ar fi bine să o lași închisă. Există ceva în spatele lui pe care nu vrei să-l dai afară și în viața ta. Sunt lucruri care nu sunt înțelese de oameni, lucruri care pot pătrunde prin furnirul de material pe care îl numim realitate. Lucruri împotriva cărora nu poți lupta și pentru care nu poți găsi ajutor, lucruri care nu pot fi explicate și care nu vor fi ignorate ca o simplă coincidență. Pleaca acum. Unele lucruri sunt mai bine lăsate netulburate. Nu sunt altceva decât un mincinos și un hoț, sunt un escroc și o să te rănesc. Nu sunt o persoană bună. Sunt înșelător și nu am conștiință, tot ce iese din gura mea este o minciună. Te-ai dat peste mine, nu invers, nu am nevoie să-ți văd profilul complet, sunt aici de la început (cunoscut sub multe nume, fețe), l-am văzut deja, pleacă acum și pleci neafectat . Nu ești suficient de puternic pentru a mă egala, nu ai treabă cu mine decât dacă deschizi ușa asta și îți va părea rău pentru asta. Veți rămâne cu vagi concepții greșite, renunțare la fidelități, nesiguranțe personale. Minciunile sunt întotdeauna reconfortante, dar adevărurile adesea ustură. Doar pleaca

As required by my Dom, I publicly declare the following: I am subMeghan, and as I type this this, I am completely nude, except for my dog collar and glasses… Today’s Journal Topic Is: Why The Fuck Haven’t I Posted Any More Journal Updates! I actually get this question a lot.  Unfortunately, that’s part of the problem.  Apparently, you guys are actually reading my journals!  And why, pray tell, is that a bad thing? Well, I’m going to tell you… When I first started journaling here, I wrote as if I was speaking into the void.  I wasn’t writing for an audience, rather I was writing merely for the sake of publicly letting my inner thoughts leave my body and go forth into the vast e-universe.  I thought I was just a “voice in the wilderness” to be lost in the chasm of anonymity. It was a stream of consciousness, a flow of thoughts. It was kinda like talking outloud to yourself, not thinking anyone was listening. However… that was not the case...  You were listening.  And now you all had access to the part of my psyche that I kept hidden away, kept in the shadows, away from “polite” society.  And worse yet…  You had questions! I had mistakenly thought that CS was just another fetish website that was here today, and then be gone tomorrow like so many other sites.  Boy, was I wrong.  LOL I stopped writing because I became very self-conscious.  VERY self-conscious.  I quickly ran away from the spotlight as soon as I felt it’s light upon my exposed soul.  Who the hell am I to have the audacity to think I have anything of substance to say to a listening world? I have never liked being the center of attention.  I am a wallflower, the kind of gal that always stands at the edges of a crowd.  I am quiet, reserved, and passive.  I am a watcher, an observer - not a performer.  And certainly not, heaven forbid, an extrovert! Over time, I’ve been able to reflect.  I’ve decided to start posting again.  I suspect the tone of my journal entries will change, much like Schrodinger's cat, now that I am aware that I’m being watched.  We’ll see.  I will let this journal entry be the start of a new chapter in subMeghan’s ongoing adventure. Here’s to the journey! subMeghan    

The Particular Ache of an Empty House I have been thinking about doors lately. The specific quality of a door that opens onto something waiting for you, the difference between entering a space that is simply empty and entering one that has been prepared, held in a certain state of readiness by someone whose entire orientation for the hours you were gone has been toward your return. I know that difference in my body. I have lived on both sides of it, and I will not pretend they feel anything alike.   Right now I come home to silence. It is my silence, my space, maintained to my standards because I maintain it myself, and there is nothing wrong with it except that it is inert. A room that has not been thinking about me. A kitchen that holds no evidence of anticipation. A threshold that does not know the difference between my arrival and any other event in the day. I cross it and the space simply continues being what it was, indifferent, unchanged, requiring nothing of either of us.   I miss the other kind of threshold with a specificity that surprises me sometimes.   I miss the quality of a home that has been tended. Not cleaned in the transactional sense, though that too, but tended in the way that a person tends something they care about, with attention to what it is for and who it belongs to. The particular arrangement of a room that tells you someone has been thinking about your comfort in your absence. The light already correct. The temperature already what you prefer. The small and specific details of your own preferences reflected back at you by a space that has been held, carefully, in your image while you were elsewhere inhabiting the world.   I miss being known before I speak.   There is a warmth to genuine devotion that I do not think translates to anyone who has not felt it, because it reads from the outside as service and from the inside as something closer to being loved in the most precise and practical language available. Not the warmth of sentiment, though there is that too, but the warmth of competence directed entirely at your ease. Of someone who has studied you carefully enough that your needs arrive met before you have finished forming them into requests. That warmth is not loud. It does not announce itself. It simply exists as the temperature of the space around you, slightly and unmistakably above what the world outside provides.   I think about coming home after a hard day, the specific hard days that my body produces without my permission, the ones where the pain has been a sustained and wearing presence since morning and the outside world has asked more of me than I had available and I have given it anyway because that is what I do. I think about what it would mean to cross a threshold into a space that already knew. Where the bath had been drawn, not because I asked but because someone understood the day I was having and had moved to meet me in it. Where the room was quiet and the lighting considered and the particular tea I need when I am worn down was already steeping to the correct minute.   Where someone was waiting, not with needs of their own to present or words requiring response, but simply with presence. The warm and steady presence of a person whose purpose, in that moment, is entirely my restoration.   I built that once. I know how to build it. I know what it requires, and what it produces. I know the specific quality of peace that settles into a body that has been genuinely, competently received by someone who considers receiving you their greatest privilege.   Kahlil Gibran wrote that work is love made visible. The devotion I am describing is exactly that: love made visible not in declarations but in the ten thousand small and correct things that together produce a life that feels held. The right cup. The considered room. The hands that know where it hurts without being told. The presence that asks nothing and gives everything and finds in the giving its own complete satisfaction.   I am building toward it again. This quiet house is a temporary condition, a chapter rather than a conclusion, and I know this with the certainty of a woman who understands the difference between where she is and where she is going.   But tonight I notice the silence, and I name what it is missing, and I let myself want it fully and without apology.   The warmth of a home that has been thinking about me is always on my mind.

He picks his head up, opens his eyes, it’s like a light has switched, I can see true submission in those eyes, he nods. I am so proud of my husband, I'm so proud of MYSELF. The thought enters my mind that I have molded him to exactly what I want and exactly what he never knew he wanted. I move to kneel in front of him, take his face in my hands and kiss him deeply. He moans and returns the kiss, our tongues tangling. I understand the gravity of telling a man (even a submissive) that he will never have sex again, it washes over me and I feel immediate love, gratitude, and power. I feel so deeply in love with this man who has given himself completely to me. It's time to seal this moment.    I get off my knees and squat in front of him. I feel my dress comes up over my knees. I know that on his level he can see up and get a glimpse of my underwear and that it will drive him crazy. I explain that he is to straighten out his legs, place his palms on the floor and keep them there. I tell him that I am going to untape his diaper and remove his cage then tape him back up for the rest of our conversation and that when I am finished he would be allowed to hump his diaper to orgasm. I know that the tease of a free penis will help him come to terms. The sensations will be too much for him to ever say no. I tell him to nod that he understood. He nods and I untape his diaper. I tell him how good he smells when I pull the front of his nursery print diaper away from his body. The baby powder mixed with pee...I love this smell. It is sweet and depraved, exactly how I like to be described. Our house typically smells like incense, except for the room which we made into his bedroom two years ago in March 2020. He has slept in bed with me only maybe five times since. We could easily dispose of his wet diapers right in the kitchen bin and take it out every day with the rest of the trash, but I love the smell so much that we keep an adult diaper pail in his room and empty it once a week. His locked up bits are twitching up and down as I grab the key off the table, twist it and pull out the locking mechanism. His custom Lori device has a wet sheen to it and feels slick as I pull the tube off his penis and set it on the floor. His penis grows immediately. He's not large by any means, but not tiny. If I used a vibrator while we had sex (when we did) I could actually get off, but that time is past and my power over him is far more of a turn on now than his penis ever was. I tell him to lay back as I marvel at his silent obedience, still sucking away on his pacifier, looking at me with extreme desperation and I kneel between his splayed legs. He's fully erect, with the ring of his chastity device still in place when I bring the heavy front of his wet diaper back up between his legs and tape him in. "Ok, sit up boy and I will explain our new arrangement." He sits, his hands still planted firmly on the floor and I can see the outline of his erection in the front of his nursery print diaper, it spurs me on. 

Looks like they have reopened the option to add a journal note.  So just a quick update. I have not had much luck on this site. Most everyone is either not in my area and has no intention to come to my location (unless I pay for it which not gonna happen), the person is a fake or scammer, someone who gets their rocks off by getting you to answer questions and jump through hoops just to find out that was all they were doing, the person is too childish to say I don't think you are what I am looking for so they ghost and block you, or in a lot of local cases you don't even get a response  That and the massive number of profiles that have not been active on over 10 years. I get a similar response experience from Fet but at least there I have actually had a few conversations and met some cool people though that is few and far between.    So with that said, my fet info is listed in my profile. I will be logging off of here for now and can be reached there  

  Not my words but found this interesting;   Five Stages Of Degradation   Stage 1: DenialThe subject has not yet acknowledged the reality in which it exists. It may see Your intentions but believe You are not willing to go through with them, or it may imagine You are playing a game with it. Moving quickly beyond this stage is typically not difficult, but while doing so, keep Your longterm goals in mind.   Stage 2: AngerThe subject begins to realize what Your intentions are. it frequently reacts with outrage, threats, or aimless animosity. The louder these are, the greater the subject’s potential for eventual harnessing and use, since loudness is directly proportional to fear.   Stage 3: BargainingThe subject has exhausted its capacity for anger. It is now prepared to accept some degree of Your authority. Exercise care in this stage, as overt force may induce it to regress to the previous stage. On the other hand, any slackening in Your authority will produce an unsatisfactory result. Make use of its weaknesses, physical or mental, in order to unbalance and debilitate it further.   Stage 4: DespairHaving failed to retain any scrap of its persona at the bargaining table, and seeing no way out, the subject falls into despair. Take this moment to step back calmly. Allow it to understand what it has become.   Stage 5: AcceptanceIn order for the subject to move out of despair into a productive state, You must draw its attention to a goal outside itself that it can achieve. Any task will do that will occupy its deflated faculties and give it a feeling of success. Some subjects may take a perverse pleasure in the state of degradation itself, but don’t count on this. Examples of good tasks include retrieving an , obeying simple commands, or expressing gratitude to You.   Not all subjects will present all stages in the typical order. A subject accustomed to degradation will likely already find itself at stage 5, while a raw subject may need multiple revisits of stages 1 through 4 before it has been adequately broken down. 

I'm told that I should say what I offer as part of this, so here goes: I'm a skilled writer, proofreader, editor, and researcher, and can deliver information in a sensible, easy to absorb, fashion. I can perform basic admin tasks, including maintaining databases, answering emails/messages, and taking minutes. I'm intelligent, a good listener, with a good level of empathy, and am told I give a good massage. I can cook, clean, bake, and am (slowly) learning to make my own clothes. I do my share of emotional labour and have a good memory (for some things, at least). I can provide references. I hope at least some of that catches the eye and makes you (whoever you are) feel that I could be a really useful person for you.

Journal Entry: Why Some Women Choose Slavery I have often reflected on why some women willingly choose to live as slaves in a Master/slave household. To outsiders, it may appear confusing—why would anyone want to surrender control of their own life? But when viewed through the lens of trust, devotion, and purpose, the answers reveal themselves clearly. For many women, there is a deep longing to be free from the constant burden of decision-making and responsibility that the modern world demands. In slavery, there is clarity. A slave’s role is defined, her place is secure, and her purpose is to serve. This surrender of control is not weakness—it is a relief. In letting go, she discovers freedom from doubt and hesitation, and in service, she finds strength and fulfillment. There is also the matter of intimacy. When a woman gives herself fully, she allows herself to be seen in her most vulnerable and honest state. No masks. No pretenses. In that surrender, bonds are formed that are deeper than most will ever know. To be owned is to be cherished, and for many women, the knowledge that their Master claims them as His gives them a sense of belonging they have always sought. Growth comes, too, from the challenges of slavery. The training, the discipline, the demands of service—all of these shape her into something stronger. She learns to endure, to obey, to strive for excellence. In pleasing her Master, she also proves something to herself: that she is capable of devotion, of transformation, of becoming more than she thought she could be. And perhaps the greatest reward is devotion itself. To give one’s life, heart, and soul to another, without reservation, brings a sense of completeness. Some women long to dedicate themselves fully, and in slavery they find the purest expression of loyalty and love. Their submission is not a loss—it is the path that brings them peace. This is why some women choose slavery in a consensual M/s environment. Not because they are weak, but because they are strong enough to surrender. Not because they lack value, but because they find value in being claimed, used, and cherished. And in that, they are fulfilled.

So many uneducated to kink, fantisizing boys out there. Apparently they hover like lost gohsts waiting for their versions of heaven. They have no clue how to actually meet a Domme. Time wasters, taking up space trying to fill in their cookie-cutter cartoon figure of the leather clad evil queen who will not make any trouble after they are satiated. Huummm, wow, thats a ProDomme, Not one of us everyday, living the lifestyle women.  A  fairly insightful post on the FetLife site. A suggested read fo all subs. https://fetlife.com/whytheydanced/posts/12285859 . Also look up 2KinkyWomen.com poscast. Episodes 12,42,44. The other podcasts are good for overall education. Good luck to you all. Read the profiles a couple of times. Actually live close enough to drive to Me. Otherwise, do not even bother wasting both of our time.  H  

A sissy does not get to decide if it will have sex, with whom it will have sex, where it will have sex, when it will have sex or how it will have sex.     In fact, a sissy doesn’t “have sex”.     A sissy is USED for sex.    All fagged up in women’s stockings, women’s lingerie and makeup it is a kind of sexual prop to be used by men - real men - to bang up and relieve themselves in or on, when, how and where they choose.      When the man is finished with it, it is discarded, like a used condom, awash with his fluids, whimpering away pathetically in all it emasculation in stockings and girlie shit.  

  GENERAL INFORMATION   (I CLAIM COPYRIGHTS TO THE TEXT BELOW.)   ONLY CANDIDATES WITH A VALID PERMANENT RESIDENCE PERMIT IN EU, WILL BE CONSIDERED.   I am not interested to receive messages from talkers (small chit-chat), jokers that just like to chat, meet over for a coffee, cyber domination, make friends, meet or waste My time on convincing Me to allow them to ''try'' or just train them for the life as slave.With this issue cleared beware:   My time is precious and if you cannot respect this fact, there is nothing more to discuss.   I AM ONLY INTERESTED IN YOU:   WHO HAVE GIVEN IT ENOUGH THOUGHT, WHO HAS ALREADY DECIDED WHAT SHE/HE WANTS, WHO IS READY TO COMMIT FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP NOW, NOT IN A DISTANT UNKNOWN FUTURE I do not search for an adventure. BDSM is My lifestyle. I do not seek sex, I want a slave but sex may occur. I dominate both physical & psychological. If that is nothing for you, if you cannot obey, do not write to Me. I demand complete obedience of My slave, regardless what it is I say. Neither ''no'' or ''but'' are accepted. If you cannot obey, you do not need to apply for the position. I do not necessary search an experienced subject, but genuine submissiveness is something one cannot be trained to. I demand everything in domestic work (as laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc) car (change tires, car wash, etc.) gardening, or personal services (massage, manicure, etc) or others as travel, dine or dance with Me, etc… It is Me and My needs that are in the focus, not yours. If you are an egocentric or one, who believes slavery is about Your dreams, topping from the bottom, receiving attention or ''reward'', go on with your search. If you become Mine, you become part of the VoN' s House and you will have a regular job. Work, party, fun, boring, vacation, all. The good and the bad, you will be part of. I am strict but correct, loving, affectionate and I live a healthy life. I do NOT consider Myself a sadist and I do NOT enjoy to destroy someones health. By Sadism I understand following: needles, drawing blood, cigarette burning, pupil dilating drops, removing/breaking body parts, etc… I am not interested in pony/dog training, toilet slavery, breath control, golden/brown showers, latex, mummification, gang banging, or any extreme fetish/activities. This things are NOT included in My interests. My limits are children, animals, blood, scat, extreme activities  

Wake up The day has been long and tiring. you get the last seat on the bus. you are grateful for the opportunity to sit. your legs are tired from the day. At the next stop several people get on. One old man ends up standing in front of you. you glance at him, but, try to ignore the old codger. Vaguely you hope his grey beard does not shed on you. Somewhere deep inside you a disquiet disturbs your comfort. you raise up and offer the old guy your seat. Other people on the bus admire your generosity. The old guy sighs as he carefully lowers his creaky body into the space you have left him. A lady sitting across from you says, "that was a nice thing to do." It was, but, that is not why you sacrificed. No, and not because you were thinking of one of your elderly parents. No, this was not a 'nice thing to do.' This was in compliance with your inner need to serve and suffer. you have a slave heart.

Sexual ownership and use is a crucial part of what I look for and what I need. I know some look down on that, but I have my reasons. I am searching and seeking and hoping to find something I had a long time ago, a complete sense of ownership and sexual use with no say in how or when or why I was used. It was very, very sexual and I was completely at the whim of a stronger person who could take or do anything to me at any time. They did not take certain liberties, but they could have and they made sure I was very well aware of their power over me. Because that experience was the very thing that unlocked the door of servitude for me, sexuality and sex is a very crucial part  of what I need. I am not talking about my own gratification. If someone so chose, they could provide that, but that would totally be up to them. I am talking about their use of me...however THEY choose...to make THEM happy. When they are done, they can put me back in the closet, in a cage or where ever they choose. Female or male, black, white, hispanic, oriental...matters not to me as much as the opportunity to be used as an outlet for their sexual frustrations, pleasure, whatever they choose. Ask me about the experience and I will tell all about it. When I am contacted by a straight male dom, I'm never quite sure if I'm what they're looking for and often I am not. More often than not they're looking for "worker slaves" and while I am open to that and no stranger to working hard, it would not fulfill me as a slave to simply have that ect explored. Sound odd? It probably does....but my early, early experience left its mark on me forever.

I’m pleasantly surprised to find the journal feature is fully functional, things seem to be constantly improving here on Collarspace. I’ve always worked to be honest and transparent on ‘singles’ sites as well as those focused on kink/power exchange. Out of privacy interests some of my personal information is approximate, but I’m happy to clear up any questions you might have.  I’m thoroughly divorced/single, and any children I have are fully emancipated yet extremely important in my life.   Though single, I’m not promiscuous nor am I a ‘player’.  I really prefer to get to know a woman before things get ‘too’ physical.  I don’t want to break any hearts and I would prefer not to have mine broken either.  I would dearly love to get to get to know you if what I share here is resonating with you.   I’ve had the honor of being able to talk with and correspond with several quality women through this site.  Through sincere communication two Dommes have told me they think I am ‘kinky’, but not a ‘submissive’.  I respect and appreciate these insights but they leave me a little confused. I’ve always been seeking a Domme here, but in real life I am typically Alpha in my intimate relationships.  When a man is with a woman who enjoys and thrives under that dynamic it’s been counterproductive to share my submissive kink with my partner in the past.  That’s why I’m trying to be as open and transparent as I can in this initial meeting/exploring phase so I don’t waste your time.  I guess I could be considered ‘kinky’ as I am very heterosexually open-minded as I’m pretty open to trying new tgs that my partner might suggest, but I still have many submissive fantasies and crave playing that role for a woman as I have done in the past.  I had a very exciting relationship several years ago with a woman on the east coast, that showed me what was possible and left me craving more. She was vastly more experienced than I was/am and I truly began to fear the direction things were heading.  Once connecting through Alt.com - when it was still usable - she immediately took complete control and had me completely off-balance, I was naive as to what it meant when she told me she was a sadist, and I had no idea the effects constant strategic humiliation could have: Stockholm syndrome. This taught me how important investing in communication and building trust is before delving deep into a Dome/sub dynamic is.   I love the idea and experience of power/exchange, but I’m mainly a pleaser. I really don’t have fetishes as without some kind of connection with the woman I’m not going to be interested in power exchange or even vanilla intimacy.  This is my first real journal entry, I think it best to keep them fairly brief. Hopefully it posts flawlessly and I will be inspired to think of other things I can share with the special woman I hope to meet if she finds me here…

Picture it Feb 14, 20?? (to protect the innocent). A friend of mine was getting married. I always had a little crush on his girlfriend but I would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship. Little did I know that she felt the same way about me, and I was about to find out. The day before of the wedding she called me up and asked if I could help her with a few things.She gave me the address and told me to stop by. When she opened the door she was wearing a robe and holding two wine glasses. She invited me in and we sat on the couch. We started talking about tomorrow's events and she said her feet were killing her from practicing walking around in the high heel shoes. She asked me if I could give her a foot massage. I rubbed her feet and I could tell she was really getting into it. She was at the nail salon earlier and didn't want to chip a nail and asked me if I could help her at a shower. So we went into the bathroom and she took off her robe. Now up to this point we only gave each other hello or goodbye hugs, and now she is standing in front of me naked. I am trying not to stare but she is in great shape. She told me to get undressed and into the shower with her. I washed & conditioned her hair, washed her body, shaved her airpits, legs, and pussy too. She asked me why I never made a move on her and I told her I didn't think she was interested in me. She said that's too bad, after tonight it is going to be to late and I will never have this chance again. We kissed a litttle, I got her dried off and into bed and I went home. I saw her the next day at the wedding and she was beautiful. The wedding went on with no problems and as far as I know, my friend has no dea how she spent her last night as a single woman.

It is good to see this feature has returned. I had been told that it may or may not but there was no plans when I had asked so I am pleased that the decision was made to bring it back. Being able to use the journal and share one's thoughts can save a lot of time. You get to a point where you decide to write a single email then copy and paste to the ones you are interested in speaking with. It seems to me that many women on here, still looking, get overwhelmed with response and often times an introduction may go unread from being overlooked. With the journal you get to share more and someone can establish a sense of you before opening communication. This leads me to something that has bothered me about a stance some take in the online community. This idea that you are not real if you do not post photos of yourself or what you do. Not to say I would be unwilling to send photos once I spoke with someone and believed them to be serious. I would gladly share with someone I feel is serious about moving forward. However, the idea that I should share a bunch of photos with disregard to the safety of those involved simply to prove I am real is, in my opinion, absurd. In order for me to post photos I would have to scrutinize each photo to ensure nothing is revealed that could identify me or those who do or have served me. I do not have the time to do this and lets face it, I would rather live in the moment doing than relive what I did. To me, the person who has all the photos and videos is living in the past instead of the now. Besides, even though this is not a completely public site, I have come across scammers, so the less I put out that is readily accesible the better for me and those who rely on me. If you wish to know me and see what I do, then contact me. For now, I will add more entries as topics come to mind that I want to share my thoughts on. In this way, the community may get to know me and those who are seeking someone like me may find me. I look forward to sharing more in time.

UPDATE ON MOBILITY ISSUES 2/16/2025.  The mobility issues I have will probably not improve.  The back can only be changed with surgeries that require breaking the spinal column and placing metal supports around it.  It is an extremely lengthy process with an even longer recovery time and there are absolutely no guarantees of success.  That diagnosis was bleak but the knee and hip surgeon will not do any work until I can stand upright.  That is not an option given the path to get there.  My physical therapist says I can only work on keeping the process from getting worse, not making it better. So here we are. UPDATE ON SITUATION AND LIFE ISSUES:  You may or may not know but updating a profile requires weeks of waiting and inability to receive any correspondence during that waiting time.  I think that is why so many profiles are outdated, especially on the age of the profile owner.  I am one of the ones who have not done an update so here are the new things one should know: I will be 78 in October I have a collared slave I found at the very end of 2015 and I offered him his collar in April of 2021. I am looking for another to join us in our family but that person will need to be very unique.  Notice I said our family meaning both of us need to approve the person.  That part is very difficult to accomplish with long distances from each other.  My current slave committed to a 30 day trial and chose not to leave at the end of it.  He went back to the place where he lived, packed up his belongings and brought them to his new home within a few days. This is not the end of my story and hopefully my writings will reflect more.

I’m looking for good little subbies and sissies to be in pictures and videos for My fan page content & social media. You will receive in person domination, humiliation, worship, chastity teasing and other fun. Meanwhile I’ll be giggling and snapping pictures of you! I also love showing the pictures to my Girlfriends and tweeting My fav   You must be in good shape, fun, obedient, open-minded and local to me/Able to travel .   I’m in the UK. SOUTH WEST  

051126 WOMEN POWERFUL WOMEN HOW DO THEY EXIST? WHERE DO THEY COME FROM? WHY ARE MEN SO AFRAID OF WOMEN IN POWER? MEN TREAT WOMENS POWER AS A NOVELTY, A SIDE SHOW, OR SOMETHING NOT NORMAL. ALL MEN, OWE ALL WOMEN THE RESPECT DESERVED OF A HUMAN ON EQUAL FOOTING. CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. TO GO SO FAR AS TO STEEP THE VERY MEANING OF GOD INTO MASCULINITY.  SOUNDS VERY MAGA TO ME AND OH SO LAST CENTURY. DO NOT CONFUSE TRUTH WITH BIAS.  I LOVE HUMANS AND GIVE THEM THE RESPECT THEY SHOW ME. POWERFUL WOMEN WHY ARE MEN SO AFRAID OF WOMEN OF POWER? PERHAPS BECAUSE DEEP DOWN MEN UNDERSTAND THAT WHICH THEY HAVE CREATED... A HIGHLY EVOLVED SOCIAL CREATURE WHO SPECIALIZES IN PSYCHOLOGICAL WAREFARE.   FOR CENTURIES WOMENS POWER HAS BEEN REDUCED, DIMINISHED, AND SHACKELED WITHIN SOCIETIES, LEAVING THE MOST OPPORTUNITY FOR EXPRESSION AND GROWTH THROUGH CUNNING AND THROUGH MANIPULATION. POWERFUL WOMEN, TRULY GLORIOUSLY BEAUTIFUL POWERFUL WOMEN ARE HONEST, SINCERE AND TRANSPARENT. POWERFUL MEN, TRULY GLORIOUSLY BEAUTIFUL POWERFUL MEN ARE HONEST, SINCERE AND TRANSPARENT. SEE A THEME? EQUALITY AND INTEGRITY.  HUMAN RIGHTS.  ALL HUMAN RIGHTS.  I WILL GO SO FAR AS, EVERY LIVING RIGHT.  BUT LETS NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES AND INCLUDE THE BIRDS, THE BEES, AND THE TREES...MAN IS LOOKING LIKE THIS DAWNING IS A BIT FARTHER OUT AT THE MOMENT. LETS TALK ABOUT, CELEBRATE AND BREATHE DEEPLY OF THE POWERFUL WOMAN. SHE KNOWS WHO AND WHAT SHE IS AND ACCEPTS HER DIVINITY AND SUBMISSIVITY TO THE DIVINE, OWNING THAT TRUE CONTROL IS WITHIN. PRESENCE. POWERFUL WOMEN DO NOT SEEK REVENGE. IF MEN, ALL MEN WERE NOT AFRAID OF WOMEN, THEY WOULD DEMAND TO ENCODE A WOMANS RIGHT TO CHOOSE AS FEDERAL LAW.  THERE SHOULD BE MEN IN THE STREETS, CONTACTING THEIR CONGRESS, DEMANDING TO BE HEARD. INSTEAD MEN ARE PERMITING ATTROCITIES TO BE COMMITTED AGAINST A BEING BECAUSE THEY SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE THE PHYSICAL STRENGTH TO FIGHT THEM.  TRUST THAT IF WOMEN WERE PHYSICALLY STRONGER THAN MEN THAT THEIR WOULD BE NONE OF THIS RAPE CHIT, MOLESTATION, AND RIGHT TO LIFE CHIT. YET WHY DO MEN SHOW THEIR HAND SO WILLINGLY THAT THEY ARE SO ENTIRELY UNEVOLVED AND FEARFUL?  PERHAPS THE REASONING AS HOW TRUMP BECAME PRESIDENT... 60% OF AMERICANS READ AT A 6TH GRADE LEVEL. OR AS GUMP SAYS, STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES. FRIENDS, ITS OLD.  YOU ARE OLD IF YOU BELIEVE WOMEN ARE NOT ONLY YOUR EQUALS BUT THAT RECOGNITION OF THEIR DIVINITY IS THE THING THAT IS GOING TO SAVE YOU... BECAUSE...IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO AND YOU WONT BE HAPPY UNTIL WE ARE ALL HAPPY.  PERIOD. THUS YOU ARE HOLDING YOURSELF BACK BY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING WE ARE ONE AND WHAT YOU DO UNTO US YOU DO UNTO YOU. PAIN SUFFERING AND DENIAL. ITS WHY SO MANY OF YOU ARE TRYING TO TRANSFORM AND WHY SO MAN OTHERS ARE SO RIGID. YOU ARE AFRAID TO LIVE IN YOUR TRUTH.  

Mounting a STR8 male Pilars of society, husbands, fathers, movers and shakers. in all body types and backgrounds. You've got to love them all; at least I do. I'm partial to the bravado, the in your face attitude that screams "I'm terrified of venturing outside of my gender, but with the right MAN I'm game." The one thing to remember is to be subtle, these boys are a scary bunch and the slightest threat to their perceived orientation will make them clam up (pun intended) tight and you will loose your boy. However, once you're in their trust that is your chance to explore and they will provide the info you need. Family, marriage, parental relationships  and home issues. Overwhelmed, over worked, and under sexed; perfect combination and there is you, a strong paternal figure to hug them and tell them you understand  and suffer with his plight.  There is a moment of vulnerability in which you become his whole world as he contemplates all crumbling you are the sturdy support.  Sometimes it takes time to get there. Of course this does not apply to your male bride, the one you want for you only.  Check my journal on male brides.  Eventually it will graduate to touching, hugging, kissing and then cock play.  Once you become the adult in his eyes he will nurse from your rod and do it often because is “us boys.” But once he kneels to suck you his body is yours to explore and his butt is there as he is busy following your instructions on how to please you. Easy does it, touch, probe by do not put you finger in yet. Let him get use to your touch and caress.  Eventually his ass will arch up and that is your cue  to begin your entry. Ever so slowly and tenderly. Let  his  body guide you and then move your body to a position of dominance, standing and him in all fours. Pick him up, embrace him and assure him your understanding and his need for release.  Play with his cock , remember he is str8 and feels entitled. Yet as you play in front prepare the rear by probing his prostate. He’ll go through the roof realizing he never felt this with his wife, there is pleasure in his ass and you, his pal, just opened a new window for him to look out of. He is now yours and he will come back, promise. 

The idea of domination and control permeates the fantasies of many tops.  However, is very rare to find individuals that are willing to explore the realms to which they demand their subs to go. It is not enough  to take the sacred charter of the sub's will, the top must earn the right to be called lord, master,sir,or any other name the sub is required to use.  The sub gives freely what he is not willing to take back from his top.   That is the theory behind the creation of armies since the beginning of our belligerent history. The sexual background noise the armies have used to veil the idea of how willing men are to follow those who they consider superior specimens of the gender has been obscured by ranks and uniforms.   Now back to our top/ sub relationship. If we consider how intense and painfully personal the relationship of top and sub is, it should not surprise us that people will misunderstand power with abuse. The sacred charter of this relationship is better to start with ritual behavior to cement, clarify, and establish boundaries. The idea of ritual as a psycho drama has been the language of choice for our species since the beginning of our humanity. On a power charged relationship the idea of surrender and possession is better expressed through ritual behavior. This ritual behavior is key to understand how powerful is the mounting of the sub by his top. Once the power relation is established it is consummated and powerfully demonstrated through the penetration at the end of the role playing that occurs between the top and the sub. It is always good to remember that the power of the top comes from the sub willingness to give himself to his master.

Part 3  Yes , the brothers had one more surprise . I thought I was going to be alone, suffering in silence , but that was not to happen, or at least not yet . the boys had one last act . They were never really mean to me and I always liked at everything they did or had me do as caring for  me and showing me the c live and attention I did not get from other areas in my life . their final act was to make sure I continued as a pet , even though they were no longer in the picture . they had me meet them at the place in the forest that they usually took me to. I arrived and they told me that this would be the last time as I stripped and crawled to them . but thus time instead in binding me to a tree, they bound me to the log that functioned as a chair .after that they rolled my holes and deposited their seed as they had done so many times over the last several  years.  when they were done they both caressed me , before fastening a shiny red collar around my neck, a gag in my mouth and a hood over my head , and said good bye as I heard them walk away.  then I was alone bound , naked save for the collar and hood , lost in my thoughts, I dozed off unaware of the passage of time , or of the foot steps that had done up the path.  I awoke to the aroma of a hardwood fire. unable to see or speak, I listened intently to any sound. I could make out foot steps , two different ones . I felt a bit groggy and dozed of again . when bi woke the second time , I true to move , forgetting for a moment where I was and that I was bound . I heard an unfamiliar make voice say it's, awake . a female voice replied , I'll be ready in a few minutes wait . at this time I heard movement and could smell a perfume as the breeze came toward me . the male came over and removed the hood and as my eyes adjusted I saw him dressed in black leather pants, a chest harness and a cover snapped over his crotch.  then I heard her for the first time , in a firm tone telling him to remove the gag from her , emphasize the word her.  She walked over to me and stood in front of me , I had never seen a women dressed like this  thigh high shiny black boots , a short leather skirt , corset top , and a ringed harness around her waist . I had seen her before , she was the girl from the next block . As she stood there, she told me that the brothers in an act v of compassion had arranged this for me. they wanted to make sure I continued on my journey , She sounded sweet and kind as she explained that to me and that the reason I was Groff is they had coated the gag with a pill to make me drowsyand relaxed  as she wanted me to be relaxed for what was to come . after that she attached a chain to the collar around my neck and gave it a sharp tug. in a very commanding voice she told me the collar around my neck belonged to her, , the chain be longed to her and from now on I will belong to her and she expaspects obedience,  and loyalty , and the brothers have given me to her to continue my training , and iv was now her part to use in anyway she saw fit. did I understand , she un buckled the gag and asked me again did I understand , I answered yes , and she yanked the chain savagely and held it tight pulling the collar around my neck right enough to stop me from breathing , just when I started stuffing to breathe she relaxed , and a I was gaping for air she sits you first lesson , you shall refer to me as Ma'am, when we are in public , and Godess when we are not . so let's they that question again  Do you understand what I said that you are now mine to use as I see fit ? I answered Yes Godess . . she smiled very good. I understand you know your way around a cock . we will see , if your good enough , I'll let my boyfreind try you out . but it's not all about cocks anymore , you are going to learn your away around a pussy . her boyfreind came over with a dildo she attached to the harness around her waist. she had me thank him and to me he was Sir, from now on. . She approached until the dildo was brushing my lips and simply said show me.    

Here it is years later and still the same guys looking for the same old thing. While I don't mind the admiration from those who contact me, it seems like all they want is to be dominated and used sexually. When I ask them what else can they offer, all I get is the usual. "I'm a great cocksucker." "I'll take your hands up my ass anyday." "I'm great at house cleaning" YADDA YADDA YADDA!!! If all you're going to offer me is a piece of meat, than no thanks. Do you have a brain? Can you understand big words and know how to use them? Can you put a sentence together without a lot of ums and uhhs? Do you know what's going on in the world? So if you're a box of rocks, with not a brain cell in your head, move on move on. And here I am....still looking. Sigh!

I wonder if there any service submissive guys right now who just enjoy being useful to a a Dominant Woman without expecting a list of actions in return. I also wonder if there are any polite adult gentlemen submissives left.  In his heart is he sad and needs glee, Seeking to be helpful to a Dominant Woman such as me, Drive together for meals out and joy, Where he craves to be my long term boy.  

I had perhaps the best experience in my life last week. I went to see a very close friend a few states away. I've known her for 20 years and there's always been an unrequited attraction between us but I've told her very little about my submissive need. Well, she sensed it because the first night we were together, she immediately bound me tightly to all four posts of her bed and she had her way with me...but...   Everything was about her...her needs, her wants...her desires. There was not a single thing done or mentioned about mine. She used me as she wanted, rode me and stopped when she was done, not when I was done. I got on my knees and licked everything she told me to lick, put my tongue where she directed. She did everything to me that was my absolute desire, orally please her, CBT, whipping, spanking...insertion. The only thing she denied me was my own eruption. Finally, on our last night, she gripped me painfully and whispered her permission. It was....amazing. Nothing about me except until the end...everything for her. I was in heaven the entire week. The only thing is that it's not a permanent thing...because of the distance. I want it, she does not. And it was something she did with no preparation or warning....spur of the moment...because it was something she sensed in me.

So I'm at the gym today  I witness this tall white male with an extremely fit body in these light blue tights with a tiny tiny bulge it was giving squirrel nuts. Now that's not the issue! I watch him go and put all the weights he could find on to the leg press thingamajiig, and I mean it was filled to the rim (no pun intended) He lays flat on his back and lift the weights with his legs. Now here is where things got interesting. He just lifted the weight (that was obviously to heavy) one time and strained for at least 10 minutes. I mean not one single rep done. Veins popped out of his forehead and sweating like a hydrated crackhead. I asked my friend should I go ask him if he would like to come to my BDSM party because he must just enjoy pain 

There’s a certain elegance in control. Not the loud, brash kind — but the quiet certainty of knowing someone’s will is bending under your hand, moment by moment. I don’t rush the process. Breaking someone isn’t about snapping them in half; it’s about unravelling them thread by thread. Watching pride give way to obedience, seeing the way humiliation transforms from resistance into desire — that’s the real artistry. I’m not in this for a scene or a fleeting rush. I want the slow burn, the kind that seeps into everyday life until submission isn’t something you do, it’s something you are. If you’ve ever felt that pull — the need to be seen, stripped bare, and claimed — you already know the beginning of the story. The question is: do you know how far you want it to go?  

A Valentine Blessing for kinky people or A Valentine’s Blessing for the Deliciously DevotedMay this gathering be wrapped in trustand warmed by the courage it takes to be seen.May your yes be enthusiastic,your no be honored without question,and your maybe be held gently until it knows its name.On this Valentine’s night,may desire be curious and kind,may power be exchanged with care,and may every touch—whether soft or sharp—be given with intention and received with joy.Bless the hands that tie and the hands that yield,the hearts that lead and the hearts that follow,and the beautiful truth that roles may changebut respect never does.May safewords be remembered,boundaries be celebrated,and laughter find its way into even the most serious scenes.And when the play is done,may aftercare be sweet,may water be plentiful,and may everyone leave feeling fuller—not just in body, but in spirit.On this Valentine’s Day,may love show up in all its forms:romantic, chosen, perverse, tender, fierce.May you be desired,may you be cherished,and may you always knowthat wanting and being wantedis a kind of sacred magic.So blessed be the ropes, the rules, the roses,and every brave, beating heart in this room. 💘

Hotel from a sluts POV   We check into the hotel and as we are standing at the desk you brush your arm 'accidentally' across my nipples which are swollen and tied sticking out under my top being constantly rubbed and I'm trying to hide them as I know they are really visible. The reception definitely can't see my swollen tied clit or the sink plugs in my arse and cunt that are stretching my holes right in front of her but she can see in my face that I am slightly flushed and breathing a bit heavily. I wish she would type faster!  Finally we have our key. You tell me to walk ahead of you to the lift, I know this is so you can watch me on my heels in my tight skirt trying not to walk like a Slut full of cock.  We are in the lift alone and you take advantage of the time to rub over your handy work on my tits and cunt making me shake and cry out. And Cum inside myself. Unable to release it because of the plug. You smile at me and laugh at how ruined i am tonight. Already begging for you to fuck me.  In the room i stand in front of you with my hands on my head and my legs apart and wait for my master to tell me what to do next. You stroke over my body and sharply pull my nipples, bringing me round from my drift and then sit me down firmly on a chair in the corner and opening up a bottle of champagne that is on the desk. I am wriggling in the chair, trying not to moan out loud with the anticipation and my holes open.  You pour us a glass and turn around and sit on the sofa opposite and tell me to crawl over to you. I slowly crawl across the room my nipples rubbing on my shirt my clit rubbing when I move my legs because it is so swollen. I get to you and you tell me to kneel...  You lift me into your lap by my nipples making me get tears in my eyes and roughly hold me by the neck sideways on your knee...  With your free hand you pass my drink and tell me to drink it I am thirsty from breathing hard and knock it back. You put the glass down and spread my legs and tap on the plugs in my holes staring into me while I beg you to open me up and touch me inside....  You pull the sink plug out of my cunt tube leaving it held open and poke up inside me so I can feel the tip of your fingers deep in me but nothing where the tube sits making me really aware that I am gaped....  I can hear myself begging... Please Master, fill me up with your fist and cock I need it so much. .... then I feel a bit of a lurch and sway into you, I can still hear myself begging and moaning but everything is getting a bit weird and I realise, as I pass out that you are telling me that when I wake up I will get what a Slut deserves......  I don't know how long I am asleep.  I come to hog tied.  It is dark so I am blindfolded  I can't hear anything except my own heart and inner voice.  My mouth is now plugged like the other holes.  I wonder how this going to go!

The meanest man that I never knew From the day I walked on the floor, all of the staff warned me about you. They said you were a mean old man, it's best to always enter the room with two. He is grouchy, and hateful, and always a mess,  he refuses to let you change him, and gets quite ugly when you have to force him to. he always has chew in his mouth, be careful they said, he will even spit at you. I walked in and introduced myself, my name is Sarah and I'm new here,  it's nice to meet you. he ignored my hand and grunted as a response, I smiled and said, I'll be back to check on you. My first night, he grumbled at first,  we got the lift and changed the meanest man I never knew. we stuck to the routine for a short while, when at three a.m. and making some rounds, I hear a man yell, hey, so I stopped and turned around. I walked into his room, all alone, he looked at me warily, and said I'm ready to be changed. I couldn't help but smile at him, the meanest man I never knew, progress is progress, and he was beginning to trust me too. I asked the others, what his story was, they proceded to tell me of his past some spoke with disdain as they tarnished his reputation, no stone is ever left unturned in a small town population. Our routine continued at three a.m. and then at six, before I realized it, he allowed me to tend to him every two hours.at the least, and most days he even greets me with a smile and seems happy to see me. As time went on I noticed a pattern, the girls would give me report, and say with a smile, that the meanest man I never knew, refused to let them give him care  and said he is waiting for you. Covid came in the building and as it swept through, it got ahold of him and then me too. we were short staffed and there was no one left to call, so they allowed me to come in and stay only with the positive patients to work. That night we made a pitiful pair, but I held his hand, and gave him a pep talk, I told him we were in this together and we had to fight our way through, he squeezed my hand, and said, I don't feel good, but I'll fight with you. it was touch and go for awhile, I really didn't think he would make it, but, true to his word, he fought his way through, this meanest man that I never knew. time had passed and he never was quite the same and over the next several months, he slowly began to deteriorate. he became very clingy and held my hand when he talked, he often pulled me in for hugs he even told me he loved me once. his time was drawing near, the signs were plain to see, the meanest man I never knew was Tired and in pain he was ready to go but afraid at the same time he had no family left, he was all alone. I came back to work after my days off, the Girls said he was still hanging on and that they thought he was waiting for me. I made my rounds and sat with him in between  I held his hand for the last time  as the meanest man I never knew  took his last breath with his hand in mine.

Women, dogs, and toys.  Women deserve to be treated like dogs and toys. Ok hear me out on this one before you light your torches and get your pitchforks.    So, think about this: is your dog abused? Is the dog of any man you'd choose abused? No...? Ok what about his Xbox? PlayStation? Wii? Any abuse there? No? Ok next point (keep reading).   Does his dog have a comfortable life? Does he go out of his way to get decent food, toys, a comfortable place to sleep?    If his gaming system ever has issues, is he quick to tend to it? Always buying it accessories and new things to play on it?    And are his dog or gaming system expected to buy anything on their own, or does he provide it all for them?   Lastly, how much time does he give to both? How involved is he on a daily basis with them?    If more Doms viewed their slaves as beloved pets and toys instead of a kinky partner, we would have far fewer abused, neglected, and used subs. If Dom's treated them like his dog or Xbox, there would be so many more happy, satisfied, and secure subs.

Seeking a final addition to my home, my pack, my fife. I want someone who identifies as submissive or slave. Someone who would enjoy being part of my kink friendly Famale Domme led pack of hubby and boy, enjoying life with us in our beautiful Florida home. I have a room waiting for you, set up to work from home as I do, and 4 friendly dogs who make life better. I still have my kink room and equipment and crave obedience and someone to use for my sadistic whims. There are not many skills in the kink world I am not skilled in, but there are a few I do not prefer to practice. If you are bi sexual that is great, boy is interested, if you are not that is fine too as I am more than enough Lady for everyone.  I now have a brief chat and meet because waiting has not been productive, a lot of chating then ghosting when it is time to meet. I am real, I live the lifestyle 24/7 but of course I have my vanilla/professional side. I have lots of photos and am not afraid to give you my phone number soon. I do not chat on any of the platforms most seem to ask about.  Reach out, your life can change this year. 

      The Democratic Dom: While it might sound like an oxymoron this Dominant is one who controls by agreement. Limitations, conditions, safe words, and times & places are all agreed upon beforehand and strictly adhered to.  Discussions between the Dom and sub are the norm and written contracts are not unheard of.     Punishment is both a training tool and very often a reward. It is dispensed by the Dom to achieve or reinforce a certain behavior in his sub and at the same time as a pleasurable (sexual) stimulation for the sub. While both punishment and reward may be two distinct areas in the relationship, many times the lines .     Submissives who are attracted to these situations are those who want the same agreed condition and especially the limitations. They can be called feisty, bad little girls, spoiled, hard to tame, because they like to challenge the limits and/or rules. Or because they have certain fears.     This can be a game area where fun supersedes the Dominant/submissive operative. The Dominant and submissive like the actual and varied activities and enjoy each other when participating in them. In many cases the submissive does not actually want to surrender but likes playing as if she does.     These relationships seem to be less long term, as this is the area where “thrill seekers” usually reside. Many like this type of situation since it is a convenient and safe way to play with D/s. It is fun and it makes it easy to feel like they are indeed practicing D/s. These same people while enjoying D/s related scenes are not as into the emotional side of dominance and submission as are others.     On the other hand this type also serves a very good purpose, acting as a safe passage into other variations of D/s, or for learning, especially among those who are doing this for the first time with someone new, or they are trying it for the first time ever. After some experience is gained in D/s activities these people begin to learn the “rules of the road”, so to speak. Sometimes leading to a more intimate and stronger D/s relationship.      

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Former US Army Chiefs of Staff chairman Mark Milley 4 Star General https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/10/12/mark-milley-donald-trump-fascist/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFVuQ0RP_As https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9to_1UYH5rE https://www.c-span.org/video/?539560-1/joint-chiefs-staff-chair-mark-milley-discusses-us-national-security    

Embracing my slumber, I feel as though I'm in a dream  The softness of your caress, has me feeling so serene I want to open my eyes to make sure you are real  I will not venture, because I don't want to interrupt what I feel  The moisture begins to flow as my body loses control  You have me at this point and I will never say no  Relaxation and anxiety are about to collide  Multi orgasmic pleasure, I will never hide  WOW!

Still looking but not impatient, actually rather grateful plenty of me time and busy with work. I have to admit I have had a few people show an interest and I have had to admit I am not attracted to them. You can tell by a picture, eve if you tried it would not last. Still looking for someone outdoorsy. Still looking for someone in London but I travel a lot so flexible. Finally planning a little annual leave and Ireland is happening. I kind of would like to meet someone interesting, avoiding PE teachers, men who work in ICT (snore) there has got to be some pleasure seeking interesting specimens so I will wait but will not hold my breath, will explore the world and my own potential and if you happen to pass by great if not, I was not holding my breath.

I am a 48 year old transgender sissy slave.. I am from Denmark but I can relocate for the right person..  I am single, unowned, no kids, no friends, no family that will miss me, the perfect victim.. I am educated as an ITsupporter but I am unemployed at the moment.  I am looking for total and real slavery.. I am looking to be fully owned and controlled with no rights, no freedom, no escape, no hope, no mercy, becoming brainwashed, broken down, humiliated, degraded into deep slavery fearing what comes next, when is the next beating, when is the next rape, what is the next sick perverted thing done to me.. Always living in chains or in some sort of bondage, staying locked away in a pitch black cell and/or cage, maybe for weeks at a time.. I am just a worthless disgusting pig, a toy, a fuck doll, a rape victim waiting to get beat up and raped on a daily basis, violently abused, a piece of meat, a possion, property who Master can do with as he pleases.. I am a big nothing who is waiting to serve in anyway I can.. Limits are limited to dismemberment, death no pulling out teeth or nails, no broken bones, kicks to the face and try to limit fists to the face, but in the heat of the moment, shit happens..  

COFFEE AND ME I awaken to your gentle licks upon my labia what a way to start your day!!!! You assist me with my toileting needs.......you dressed me and then you take me to the kitchen..... you bring me my cup of coffee and a slice of raisin toast..... you get in position on all fours so I can put my feet up while I browse the net and enjoy my coffee and toast. I  enjoy rubbing my feet on your naked body, my feet across your balls and your lil pussy cock. You are very easily stimulated with my every touch. I do enjoy arousing you💦💦💦💦💦! I rub my foot under your belly and to the Head of your cock you are dripping my pet👅 I command you to turn over on your back...... lying flat as I drip some  butter near your navel.....I rub it through your thin hairy patch with my toes and then down to your cock with a nice even spread You like that don't you my pet....... I think to myself will I allow you to cum today....... spreading the butter  of your dick and feeling  it throb and get harder with my every touch makes me very moist......... I outline your lips with my big toe and then tell you to lick it........ I lean over taking the spoon from my coffee and rub it on your balls and I notice your cock is so hard for me but I need you to relax so I give your balls a nice little slap with the spoon.......... you let out a moan. I run the spoon up your shaft to the head of your cock moving it slowly in a circular motion then back down the shaft to your balls with another 4 slaps I then lean back and relax and allow you to lick all the butter off my foot........ my nipples are very hard and I can't resist caressing them as you clean all the butter off my foot like a good pet......... your tongue sliding through each of my toes making my nipples hard..... I'm  rubbing them and and my pussy is so moist and throbbing........ I take my cup of coffee and drip a little bit of the warm tasty liquid on my nipples.......slowly I lick my hard nipples! Gently pinching and pulling them. I bring my nipple to my mouth and slowly  suck off the sticky sweet warm coffee........Oh yes my pussy is throbbing and I know I'm about to cum........you sucking my toes and rubbing my foot like a good little pet....... make me explode my pet...........WOW  

DISAPPOINTED-  There is a difference between presence and performance. When we meet in public, energy speaks louder than words, and truth has a way of revealing itself without effort. I pay attention to alignment — between actions and intentions, between spoken language and written expression, between who you present yourself to be and who you actually are. Lately, something feels off. The version of you I encounter in person does not fully match the one you portray through your writing. Words can be crafted, polished, and arranged to create an impression — but authenticity cannot be manufactured. It either exists, or it does not. Our recent meeting here in Folsom raised clear red flags for me. What I observed in person did not align with the image presented through your words. When behavior, tone, and presence do not match the story being told, it signals inconsistency — and inconsistency erodes trust. We live in a culture saturated with illusion — curated images, rehearsed personas, half-truths, and quiet deception both online and off. Masks have become normal. Pretending has become easier than being real. But I am not interested in illusions, performances, or carefully edited versions of truth. Transparency matters to me. Consistency matters. I value what is real, even when it is imperfect, over what is carefully constructed to appear a certain way. Facades are exhausting to maintain, and eventually they crack. When they do, truth stands on its own — calm, clear, and undeniable. I am direct, observant, and grounded in what is genuine. What you see is what you get. I do not perform, and I do not pretend. In a world full of filters and deception, I remain authentic — as real as you will find. Be real. I can see through what is not.

Columbus has been feeling… quiet lately. Not in the peaceful sense—more like the kind of silence that comes when there’s a lack of presence. A lack of structure. A lack of men who understand what it means to offer themselves with intention. I’ve been observing more than engaging, and what I see is a pattern—too many who talk about submission, very few who live it with consistency, discretion, and discipline. That’s where my attention has been shifting. I’ve been considering creating something more… curated. A private space designed for those who understand devotion beyond surface-level interaction. Not performative. Not chaotic. Structured, intentional, and centered around real standards. Access would not be given lightly. If you’re the kind of man who needs constant attention, reassurance, or direction just to function—you won’t last. But if you’re composed, self-managed, and understand that true submission is proven in silence just as much as in service… then perhaps you’ll find yourself exactly where you belong. Columbus may be quiet—but I won’t be for long. — Mistress Nikki Vixen

Wanted: Man or M/M couple Top Only (regardless of whether you identify as a Top, Dom, Master, Daddy). If your a couple, I'd prefer it if the other is a minimum of switch UK Only, Overseas attention is flattering but its highly unlikely I'll be interested in travelling to you, especially at my expense. Yeah I've been victim to that scam too. Interested in bondage orientated kinks, Hoods, Gags, Collar and Leash etc Interested in SAFE SEX ONLY while dating, if you want bareback I'll only agree to it if we live together. You must accom, I live with friends, no play house rules here, if you cannot accom, go away. Hotels considered if your local. I am TRAVEL ONLY, please be realistic. I dont intentionally catfish but if you live 100s miles away, I ain't paying for that train ticket. Unless part of a couple (as above) you must be single. I will not play second fiddle to your unsuspecting wife, because you no longer get some at home. This might seem demanding, for a submissive, but with the amount of fakes on here, precautions must be undertaken for personal safety and to root out those fakes. Talk to me, who knows, I might be that elusive submissive or slave, you are looking for

Sub frenzy isn’t devotion. It’s a full blown psychological house fire and you’re standing in the middle of it, smiling like it’s candlelight. It starts as hunger. Then it becomes need. Then it becomes override everything just don’t lose this. And that’s where it gets dangerous not just for the submissive spiraling, but for anyone holding the other end of that dynamic. Because let’s be very clear If you’re a Dominant and you don’t recognize sub frenzy, you are either inexperienced or you’re part of the problem. Frenzy is loud if you know what to look for. It’s the rushed attachment. The “I’ll do anything” energy way too early. The collapsing boundaries. The constant seeking of approval like oxygen. The way they mold themselves to you before you’ve even proven you’re safe to hold that kind of power. That is not a green light. That is a warning flare. A submissive in frenzy is not in a grounded place to consent cleanly, to negotiate clearly, or to advocate for themselves when something goes wrong. Their “yes” can be soaked in fear of losing you instead of genuine desire. And if you take advantage of that if you push, escalate, or feed off that desperation without slowing them down? That’s not dominance. That’s exploitation with a title. A real D type doesn’t just take control they manage the state of the person they’re engaging with. They watch for the cracks. They check in. They pull things back when the energy gets unstable, even if it would be easier and more gratifying not to. Sometimes the most dominant thing you can do is say, “Stop. Breathe. We’re not moving forward like this.” Because power without responsibility is just dressedup harm. But here’s the part people don’t like to hear: Even with awareness, even with check-ins, even with good intentions sometimes a dynamic still turns toxic. Maybe the submissive stays in frenzy and refuses to ground. Maybe the Dominant starts enjoying the control a little too much and stops caring about impact. Maybe communication breaks down and what started as connection turns into damage. When that happens, you don’t “push through.” You don’t “fix it with more intensity.” You don’t cling harder like that’s going to magically make it healthy. You leave. Yeah leave. I don’t care how good it felt at the start. I don’t care how strong the pull is. I don’t care how rare you think it is. If the dynamic is harming you mentally, emotionally, physically you step out of it like your sanity matters more than the connection. Because it does. Staying in something toxic and calling it devotion is just a slower way to self-destruct. And for the submissives drowning in that frenzy spiral: You are not “failing” by pulling back. You are not “less submissive” for needing stability. You are not weak for choosing yourself over a dynamic that’s eating you alive. And for the Dominants: If someone is unraveling in your hands and your response isn’t to steady them but to tighten your grip? You need to check yourself before you wreck someone. Because this isn’t a game of who can fall the hardest. It’s about who can hold power without turning it into a weapon. Sub frenzy will make you forget that. Grounded connection will remind you. And if you have to choose between being consumed or being whole? You already know the right answer. Even if it hurts like hell to act on it.  

Submission Without a Name   If someone asks me how, as a little, I can be so submissive… so devoted…I’ll tell them this: I’ve been devoted to my Daddy for 19 years—without a name, a face, or a single word of recognition.Through dangerous seasons, through heartbreak, through loneliness that cracked my chest open,I’ve held onto the quiet knowing that he exists. That he’s real. That he’s out there,becoming the man who can claim me. I’ve never stopped looking. I’ve never shut the door.Even when my heart was heavy. Even when the world told me to give up.My devotion didn’t begin when I met him—it began when I realized what I was born to give. That’s the depth I bring to this lifestyle. That’s the weight of my submission.Not play. Not a phase. Not a game.A spiritual path. A sacred promise. A longing that became a practice. So when he finally arrives, I’ll already be ready.Because I’ve been his for years—long before he ever knew I existed.

I have surrendered to you absolutely,Given myself complete and whole,I have given you my mind and body,But then you also took my soul.You have broken the essence of my being,To shards and pieces spread about the dust,Then molded me into a creation,Solely for your pleasure and for your lust.You have taken everything out of me,You plucked my logic again and again,That when I crave for desecration,I welcome the punishment.You break and make my spirit,When the void you fill is just as muchAs when the words fail me you flail me,That my flesh welcomes your touch.This goes beyond all worship and adoration,When your commands are the breaths I need,And I know I’m not worthy of this servitude,When you drink the tears I bleed.

The Officer's Seduction The night had a certain allure, a seductive darkness that seemed to beckon Seraphine Vale as she drove home from work. It was well past midnight, the hour when the world slept, and the roads were nearly deserted. Her shift at the art restoration studio had been particularly grueling, and she longed for the solace of her own bed. Little did she know, this night would offer a different kind of solace, one that would leave her breathless and trembling.   As she navigated the familiar route, her thoughts drifted, contemplating the intricate details of an ancient painting she had been working on. Seraphine's mind was a sanctuary of quiet concentration, her focus unwavering until a sudden flash of blue and red lights snapped her back to reality. She slowed her car to a halt, her heart pounding against her ribcage as she realized she had inadvertently strayed into a speed trap.   The officer who approached her vehicle was a striking figure, his tall, lean frame cloaked in the authoritative uniform of a police officer. It was Lucian Asterian, a man whose reputation preceded him, though not in the typical way of law enforcement. His dark, piercing eyes seemed to see right through her, and his presence was both commanding and unsettling.   "License and registration, please," his voice was deep and clipped, carrying an undertone of authority that sent a shiver down Seraphine's spine. She complied, her hands treming slightly as she handed over the requested documents. Lucian's gaze was intense, almost predatory, as if he was studying her, not just her papers.   "Step out of the car, Miss," he ordered, his voice laced with a hint of something that made Seraphine's stomach flutter. She hesitated, her mind racing with questions, but the command in his eyes left no room for argument. Slowly, she opened the door and stepped onto the deserted road, the cool night air caressing her skin.   Lucian's eyes roamed over her, taking in her slender form, clad in a simple black dress that accentuated her delicate curves. His gaze lingered on her face, noting the stormy gray eyes that seemed to mirror his own intensity. "Hands behind your back," he instructed, his voice now a low, seductive growl.   Seraphine's breath caught in her throat as she felt the cold metal of the handcuffs against her wrists. Lucian's touch was firm, his fingers grazing her skin as he secured the cuffs, sending a jolt of awareness through her body. She stood there, vulnerable and exposed, as he circled her, his eyes raking over her like a physical caress.   "What's a beautiful woman like you doing out here at this hour?" he murmured, his breath warm against her ear. Seraphine shivered, her body betraying her as she leaned into his touch. Lucian's hand slid down her arm, his fingers entwining with hers, and for a moment, she felt the warmth of his palm against her skin.   Then, without warning, he spun her around, pressing her body against the hood of her car. The cold metal was a stark contrast to the heat emanating from Lucian's body. He leaned in close, his lips brushing against her ear, his breath hot and intoxicating. "You're a naughty girl, breaking the rules," he whispered, his voice a husky purr.   Seraphine's heart was racing, her body responding to his words, to the dominance in his tone. She felt a rush of wetness between her thighs as he ran his hands up her sides, his fingers kneading her soft flesh. He squeezed her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her hardening nipples through the thin fabric of her dress, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.   "You like that, don't you?" he growled, his voice thick with desire. "You like being touched, being taken right here on the side of the road." His words were a taunt, a challenge, and Seraphine couldn't deny the truth in them. She nodded, her eyes closing as she surrendered to the sensations coursing through her.   Lucian's hands moved lower, his fingers dipping beneath the hem of her dress, tracing the lace of her panties. He teased her, his touch light and teasing, making her ache for more. With a swift motion, he tore her panties away, leaving her exposed and wanting.   "Please," she whispered, her voice hoarse with need. "I want..."   Lucian didn't let her finish. Instead, he gripped her hips, pulling her back against his hard length. She could feel his erection, straining against his uniform, as he positioned himself at her entrance. Without warning, he thrust forward, claiming her in one swift, brutal stroke.   Seraphine cried out, her body arching as he filled her, not with the gentleness she had anticipated, but with a rough, primal urgency. He pounded into her, his hips slamming against her buttocks, his hands gripping her hips tightly, leaving marks on her skin. The pain was exquisite, blending with the pleasure until she couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.   "You're so tight," he grunted, his breath hot against her neck. "So fucking wet." His words were crude, but they only served to heighten her arousal. She wanted to be used, to be taken by this man, in this moment, in the most primal way possible.   Lucian's rhythm was relentless, his body a powerful force driving into hers. He reached around, his fingers finding her clit, and began to rub in time with his thrusts. Seraphine's world narrowed to the sensations he was eliciting, the feel of his cock buried deep within her, the roughness of his fingers against her sensitive flesh.   "Cum for me," he demanded, his voice a harsh command. "Let me feel it, you beautiful bitch."   His words were like a trigger, and Seraphine's orgasm exploded through her, rippling waves of pleasure that left her gasping and trembling. She cried out, her body convulsing around him, her juices flowing freely as she climaxed. Lucian's own release followed swiftly, his cock throbbing as he emptied himself deep inside her, his hot seed filling her ass.   They stood there, panting, their bodies slick with sweat and the evidence of their passion. Lucian's hands released her hips, and he stepped back, his eyes never leaving hers. Seraphine felt exposed, vulnerable, and yet, there was a sense of power in her surrender.   He reached down, uncuffing her hands, and then, without a word, he adjusted his uniform, the bulge in his pants a testament to their encounter. Seraphine watched, her body still humming with pleasure, as he walked back to his patrol car.   As she slid back into the driver's seat, her dress in disarray and her body throbbing, she realized the detour had been more than just a chance encounter. It was a night that would forever be etched in her memory, a night where she had been taken, possessed, and left wanting more. As she drove away, the road ahead seemed brighter, as if the darkness had illuminated a new path, one that led straight to Lucian's door.

Computer Log 2023/12/23 Well, first time has gone well. Met several men, no women in sight.  Oh!  Not true. I met a lovely lady that is part of a partnership who runs a bnb and sponsors play events on the coast. That is a dream!  I would give a lesser favored digit to attend one of those weekends.  I am so very eager to learn both sides of Dom/Sub relationships. I'm a natural Switch with Dom leanings. I think I might make a feisty sub, unless I employed my pretty strong self-discipline.  I don't know. I'm eager, so eager. But tonight, too many messages to respond to and I've lots to do before we move.  If people would like my friendship, and possibly more, disclosure is helpful. One new friend is married, and to that disclosure, I applaud. I'm very faithful, honest, open and open-minded. I do not wish to engage in play with persons in "monogamous" relationships, without the knowledge and approval of both parties. I'll be friends with anyone, as long as my boundaries are respected.  I think you could call me an Earthy type. I'm just the girl next door who just happens to enjoy having fun in new and creative ways.  I consider myself a neurd. I'm neuro-atypical, intelligent, creative, and "disabled" because of chronic pain conditions. I'll tell you more if you want to know.  I'm versatile in life, as in sex. If I had the proper clothing, you could take me to a symphony one day and I'd fish with you the next, cleaning and fileting my own catch.  I'm looking forward to my new life in a new city. I'm working on myself in myriad ways.    Life is for growing, not stagnation. 

Well life is different. After 12 years of being owned almost 1 year being Free and looking to step foot back into things again. I am looking to start with a play partner or so and work my way up. Vetting will be a must. I am not going to just drop to my knees at first meeting we need to get to know boundaries limits likes dislikes each other etc. Play parties with local hosts and munches can and will be enjoyed. why things failed from my perspective. Rose colored glasses came off when I was the one putting 99% of the effort into the relationship. I stayed faithful throughout but he cheated. He stopped putting effort in first as a dom then as a partner yet still married him. I was trying to hold onto the spark we had in the begining and the man I saw so full of potential. I cooked I cleaned I provided I got forgotten. No birthday christmas mothers day nothing. I had to on many occasions buy my own presents. Even when he picked them I then had to pay for them (we were both working) I made his dreams come true he wanted to own this kind of vehicle sure thing. a motorcycle here got ya set up for one. Hey you need a motorcycle club to join I networked and found one that I thought he would mesh with. I got the day after christmas chocolate covered cherries on clearance and the only kind i didnt like (theres 2 major kinds i didnt want the creme ones) I wanted to be touched loved fucked beaten and i got ehh nothing. I made him a little jealous by going to a kink party without and he came the next one but the flogging just didnt have his heart in it and i could tell. My platonic play partner did a better job than my spouse. He had Poly Pride tattoeed on his person so I asked to find a girlfriend and he blew his stack at me screaming calling me all sorts of names and even by his ex wifes name. Gaslight me about his sexuality that he had told me years ago he was ace (nope never said that) Tried to gaslight me on that argument and broke some of my boundaries that night. I asked him to go to therapy and find couples therapy. He went a couple times then quit. I tried to hold on hope until my kid said mom your not happy dont wait for me to graduate go be happy. So Now thats what I am.  

Eclipse Pendulous in darkness Stagnant in twilight. Alone amid the stars. Is anyone out there? Does anyone feel me? Am I alone?   yourgirljoy 2021

Intentional Inequality Every so often I come across an image, video, a passage that strikes me a certain way or fascinates me. Often times it conceptualizes a broad concept I've had in my head. I found one recently that has stuck with me. "Consensual romantic inequality" or as I prefer it "Consensual intimate inequality" Dominance based upon the myth of your own superiority is simply uncritical, a zero sum game that you can never actually win. This is separate of course from the synergistic idea that if you wish to dominate you should strive to become the best version of yourself even if it takes you a lifetime. My dominance is about having a vision and a will to pursue it, it is based upon a hunger inside me, and simply what is the reality in which everything in me aligns. I do not convince, pursue, coerce, or force. Likewise I do not subscribe to the concept of submission as a form of weakness or incapability. You are not inferior simply because submission calls to you. It takes a considerable amount of personal fortitude to engage in authentic submission, of course I'm not including submission that isn't submission. Many times submissives can be incredibly put together and competent of course once you move past their defenses you realize how empty and lost they actually are inside. Not because of incapability but because they are not living the reality in which everything aligns.

 Msgiannad