I've had the song Imagine in My head for the past several days.  I was going to try and come up with a little diddy to incorporate My thoughts to the melody - it didn't work.  So instead I will just spell it out. Imagine.... Imagine if I had the Epstein Files... Imagine if I had the Epstein Files and was the leader of the free world... Imagine if I had the Epstein Files and was the leader of the free world and I was in the Epstein files... Imagine if I had the Epstein Files and was the leader of the free world and I was in the Epstein files and I had rubbed elbows with My neighbor and with leaders the world over, along their children, relatives, associates, movie stars, heads of corporations.... Now imagine how to go about resloving conflicts globally... Did you say BLACKMAIL?  How i n t e r e s t i n g.   How does a shyster resolve conflicts?  Your guess is as good as Mine, but I can tell you, as a non shyster I use whatever is at My disposal when trying to resolve issues.  So it would make sense that as the President, I would use much within My power to FIX PROBLEMS.  Also, if I were to ALREADY HAVE COMMITED unethical, immoral, illegal acts, and was facing exposure, you can bet your bippy that I am going to LET EVERYONE KNOW THEY ARE COMING DOWN WITH THIS SHIP IF I GO DOWN. So here it is folks, the difference between US AND THEM lay within MORALS, ETHICS AND LEGALITIES. Even if the leader of the free world were working the system to effect positive changes, is BLACKMAIL how you want these things to occur?  Is that okay with YOU?  If you say yes, you are the problem in My book.  If you said no, then VOTE damnit.  Vote for integrity.  Vote for justice.  Vote for morals.  Vote for ethics.  Vote for an example to your children and grandchildren.  Stop idolizing $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Do you have morals and ethics, emotional intelligence?  Does the present leader of the free world represent the morals, ethics and emotional intelligence of you or how you wish your child was, your neighbor, your politician? While on the subject of MORALS/ETHICS/LEGALITITES - lets no forget the subject of ABORTION.   ABORTION IS NOT THE SUBJECT. WOMENS RIGHTS ARE THE SUBJECT. GOD GAVE WOMEN THE HOME AND THE BIOLOGICAL INSTINCT TO NURTURE OURSELVES AND OUR BODIES. THE RIGHT OF ANOTHER LIFE TO GROW WITHIN ME IS NO ONES RIGHT OTHER THAN MINE! NO ONE ELSE GETS TO CHOOSE WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE MY BODY. NO ONE ELSE GETS TO CHOOSE WHAT HAPPENS TO THINGS GROWING INSIDE MY BODY. If a man walks into My house and leaves his luggage.  Possession is 9/10's of the law - I OWN IT! No one gets to DEPOSIT in My home and claim some kind of ownership!!!!  That is f*cking cray cray talking now!  Ya'll must be entirely off your rocker! You come into My body and leave something there, when you go, what remains is MINE.  If you have a problem with that, get in line to talk to GOD about all your issues.  What you cannot do is try and change the laws governing My HUMAN RIGHTS - SOVEREIGNTY OVER MY BODY.  Medicine is coming along way and there are ways for you to reproduce your seed without declaring eminant domain over one of your multiple ejaculations. This subject is such a no brainer. If you have rights over your body shit, then when you give Me herpes, chicken pox, or a cold, I ought to be able to collect on My pain and suffering, time lost from work, etc. This is an easy fix - PRESEX NUPTIALS.  Of course, most men cannot control their selves long enough to engage in rational thought before ejaculation, but... NOT MY PROBLEM. NOT A WOMANS PROBLEM. Just like My emotional roller coaster (monthly) is not your problem, just like My bleeding is not your problem, just like My tampons and sanitary napkins, My motrin, My fibroid tumors, My breast cancer or anything else is NOT YOUR PROBLEM...EITHER IS MY PREGNANCY. Get the fuck over yourself, get your own damn life and get the fuck out of MY BODY.  Yall are control freaks and you will meet your match with women today.  Keep it up.  Keep thinking you have the upper hand.    The only thing you are is a VIOLATOR if you believe you have any place inside MY CUNT.   

What is truth?:   In the depths of night, in the light of day, We ponder the truth that won't betray. Is it a fact, or a subtle art, A guiding light, or a shattered part?   Do we seek truth in words we hear, Or in silence, when none is near? Is it a mirror, reflecting clear, Or a whisper, elusive, never near?   In the echo of history, in the depths of time, Do we find truth in prose, or in rhyme? Does it lie in the stars, in the sky above, Or in the beating heart, in the depths thereof?   Is truth a rock, unyielding and stark, A guiding beacon through the dark? Or does it shimmer, a shifting beam, A distant hope, a fractured dream?   In the soul's deep yearning, in the mind's keen quest, We question the truth, we put it to the test. Seeking answers amid the fray, What is truth? We ask, day by day.

Things I require - because I'm human 1. Be dependable- this means to come if you say you are coming... this means to contact me if you are late... this means to let me know if you can’t come. This is important whether dominant or submissive. It is common courtesy. 2. Be honest. If you can’t make it, tell me. If you don’t want to, say you don’t. If you aren't honest in everyday things, how can I trust you enough to be with you in a relationship dynamic? 3. Communicate - I’m not needy or clingy. But a little “hey how’s your day” every now and then, or just some time to talk when you aren't red hot horny, will go a long way. How else do you get to know each other well enough to do the things we do? 4. Be public. I don’t care if you are shy. I don’t care if you are private. (in regards to going to a public event) Refusing to be seen SOMEwhere with me is a red flag.  5. Be willing to do some vanilla things. Get together for dinner. Go to a movie. Stay in for a movie. Take a walk in the park, with no promise of anything kink related or sexual. It doesn't have to cost you anything but time. There has to be a connection other than lifestyle. 6. Have SOMETHING in common with me outside of fetishes. Like the same documentaries. Enjoy the same music. Have something to talk about in our down time, because we can’t always be up. 7. Listen to me. Hear what I say. If I say it, believe it. 8. Stay in contact, and reply in a timely manner. It is a waste of time and effort if you are only going to reply once ever other week or three. Life is too short to leaving people hanging.9. Don't just ghost people. If you lose interest, or are are not interested in a first message, just say so. I will not be angry, and I will trouble you no more.   10. Expect all these things from me. Because these things are not Dominant things... nor submissive things... These are HUMAN BEING things.

  Why Most Online Relationships Fail After Exchanging a Few Emails In today's society, online relationships have become increasingly common. Whether it's through dating apps, social media, or online forums, people are connecting with others in ways that were not possible just a few decades ago. However, despite the convenience and accessibility of online communication, many of these relationships fail after only a few email exchanges. In this essay, I will explore some of the reasons why this is the case.  One of the primary reasons why online relationships fail after only a few emails is the lack of genuine connection that often accompanies online communication. Unlike in-person interactions, which can allow people to connect on a deeper level, online communication can be superficial and lacking in emotional depth. As a result, people may quickly lose interest in each other and move on to other options.  Another factor that contributes to the failure of online relationships is misaligned expectations. People may have different goals for the relationship, such as casual dating versus serious commitment. If these expectations are not communicated clearly, misunderstandings can arise, leading to conflict and ultimately relationship failure.  Catfishing and deception are also common reasons why online relationships fail. Catfishing, or the practice of pretending to be someone else online, can lead to a lack of trust and ultimately undermine the relationship. Similarly, any kind of deception, whether it's lying about one's age or using outdated photos, can create a sense of distrust that can be difficult to overcome.  The issue of not truly knowing what a person wants out of a relationship is another important factor that can contribute to the failure of online relationships. In some cases, people may enter into online relationships without a clear idea of what they are looking for. This can lead to confusion and uncertainty about the future of the relationship, which can ultimately cause it to fail. Additionally, people's desires and expectations may change over time, leading to a mismatch between what each person wants from the relationship. Without clear communication and a shared understanding of what each person wants, online relationships may struggle to thrive and may ultimately fail.  Finally, the ease of finding alternative options is another reason why online relationships often fail after only a few email exchanges. With so many dating apps and websites available, people have a seemingly endless supply of potential partners to choose from. If they don't feel a strong connection with someone after just a few emails, they may quickly move on to someone else.  In order to increase the chances of success in online relationships, it is important to take steps to build a genuine connection. This may involve taking the time to get to know each other better through online messaging or video chats before meeting in person. Additionally, it is important to be honest and clear about expectations from the outset, in order to avoid misunderstandings that can lead to conflict.  Another important strategy for increasing the chances of success in online relationships is to be mindful of the issue of not knowing what each person wants. Before entering into an online relationship, it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what you are looking for and what your goals are. This can help ensure that you are on the same page as your potential partner and can avoid confusion and uncertainty down the line. Additionally, it is important to communicate openly and honestly about your desires and expectations throughout the course of the relationship, in order to ensure that you are both on the same page.  All of the factors discussed above can contribute to the failure of online relationships, but it's important to note that they are not unique to online relationships. These same issues can arise in in-person relationships as well, and many of the strategies for building a successful relationship are the same regardless of whether the initial contact was made online or in person. One key strategy for building successful relationships is to prioritize communication. This means being open and honest about your feelings, desires, and expectations, as well as actively listening to your partner and taking their feelings into account. In online relationships, where there is often a lack of in-person interaction, it can be particularly important to prioritize communication in order to build a genuine connection. Another strategy for building successful relationships is to take things slow. While it may be tempting to jump right into a relationship after exchanging a few emails, it's important to take the time to get to know the other person and build a foundation of trust and understanding. This may involve spending more time talking and getting to know each other before meeting in person, or taking a more gradual approach to physical intimacy in order to ensure that both people are comfortable and on the same page. Ultimately, the success of any relationship depends on a variety of factors, including communication, trust, and shared values and goals. While online relationships may face unique challenges, they can be just as successful as in-person relationships when both people are committed to building a genuine connection and working through any obstacles that arise. In conclusion, while online relationships may seem more convenient and accessible than in-person relationships, they often fail after only a few email exchanges due to a lack of genuine connection, misaligned expectations, catfishing and deception, not knowing what each person wants, and the ease of finding alternative options. However, by prioritizing communication, taking things slow, and being honest and clear about expectations, it is possible to increase the chances of success in online relationships. Ultimately, the key to a successful relationship, whether it is formed online or in person, is building a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and genuine connection.

A typical day requires service at almost all times. I am served tea in bed as we begin our day, and meals are all prepped and planned. You wake first, fetch me my tea, a few digestive biscuits, and the paper, and then join me in bed to read me an article of my choosing while I sip. Some days when it is warmer, we take this outside, but most days it is in the comfort of bed while we are nude.   After this, we both have breakfast together. Usually you will cook, but some days I will announce that i feel like it and cook. These are healthy meals that focus on protein and good fats.   Then, we both work from home. I enjoy my work at a non-profit, taking breaks to to be with each other (lunch, walks, or you kneeling in prostration/worship as needed, etc). In the evening, we order in, cook, or go out. These all have rituals associated with them that are meticulously refined for both our benefit - what we eat, how we look, and what happens are important metrics of keeping you thoughtless and spotless. You represent me, and I will NOT be embarrassed.   We play board games,read, or watch a program as the evening draws to a close. Then we head to bed, where I do my beauty routine and have you serve me as part of it. This means providing hot water, ice, and towels as needed.   We head to bed, with me getting in bed first and you being caged, kneeling, or joining me if I decide to use you for my pleasure. I do like to be warm and to cuddle, so some nights I require just that and you serve me admirably.

Okay let's try this again.  Kicked off the month with the headlight. Not long after that I am pulling into a space at work and a wheel well cover thing falls off of my car. I've been driving around without it, no idea how important it is but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. Follow that up with taking the trash out one night and the bin hitting and cracking the rear tail light of the car. Perfect.  Let's move beyond the car, shall we? I'm hosting all of my parents for Thanksgiving. For the week, really. I plan out a full menu, hit several stores for every ingredient. Buy a giant turkey so I can make things like turkey soup and turkey pot pie afterwards. Two days before T Day one parent gets covid. The next day another parent gets covid. They aren't coming. I'm down to one parent showing up and roughly four bajillion dollars worth of food. Sigh. But okay, their covid symptoms aren't too horrible and that's what really matters, so let's get back to me. I power through. Fancy Tuesday night dinner. Afterwards I brine the turkey. It's going great, I'm nearly done, just need to add a little more water to top it off. I turn to the sink to finish. And that's when the brine bag tipped over and a river of salty herbal apple cider rushed over and into every nearby surface. At 10:00 at night. There's a lake on the stove. I don't mean a splash of liquid, there's depth to it. A tsunami flowed over the stove, between the stove and counter, all over the counter, into drawers, down into cabinets, and onto the kitchen mats and the floor. Did I mention it's 10:00? Right. Thankfully the entire bag didn't tilt so I refill and hope for the best so I can start kitchen recovery. An hour and an entire roll of paper towels later, I have emptied full drawers into the sink, pulled the stove out to sop up brine and all the herbs down the sides of the stove and counter, washed the floor. And all I can do is laugh, because November is kicking my ass.  But wait, there's more. My dad is in charge of the pie. He brought some ingredients, can't find them, asks me to look through his things. Sure, I can do that. Unzip compartments to take a peek. What am I looking at? It doesn't fully register and I nearly put  my hand in to pull it out. Then it hits me. These are sex toys. Big fucking EW. Why would he not remember that there are things in a bag his daughter probably doesn't want to see? November is trying to kill me.  I met a man. He was interesting and I liked him more than I planned to. Besides being a nice person, we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things, and that's rare for me. And then he disappeared. Then reappeared. Then disappeared again. I'm chalking it up to bad timing. Oddly enough, the most recent ex is sniffing around. A lot. I have no idea what to do with that.  If CS had not been hungry and eaten the original version, you would have also read about the work thing, the arguments with my dad, and my traitor dog. And there would have been comedy sprinkled throughout. But I'm tired. So this is a poor second attempt to document why November is the absolute worst and there are still several days left. I give up. November wins. 

November 2, 2025 - Soccer Coach came by for a visit after a game     SUPER SHORT STORY this time...     Coach came by for a visit tonight.   Oh my God, it was quick but fun. He was only here for about 40 minutes. He wanted water sports, both drinking my piss and pissing on him. So throughtout the afternoon, I drank plenty of water and a beer. Drinking lots of water and especially a beer helps clear my bladder so it's clear piss with no scent. And I drank tons of water.   I was expecting him at 9:00pm and had been drinking water extra heavily for the past hour. At 8:45, I thought my bladder was going to explode.   He messaged and said that he was about 10 minutes away and I said "that's good because my bladder is going to explode. When you get here get naked and we're getting in the shower for piss play first thing. Be prepared for a lot of piss." And that's exactly what happened.   He's a soccer coach and had warned me that he had four games today, and that he was coming directly from his last game. He warned me that he was not going to be freshly showered like normal. That's why I said we'd start in the shower. First for piss play, then so he could clean up from his day of strenious activity.   When he arrived, I was wearing nothing but a bathrobe. He immediately stripped his clothing off and with very little chit chat, we headed for the bathroom. We got in the shower, he dropped to his knees, took my cock in his mouth. I relaxed and my bladder started to empty into his mouth. I pissed and pissed and pissed some more. And then I pissed even more. I can't believe how much piss my bladder had been holding. I could hear him swallowing, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp. I fucking flooded my mouth with my hot piss.   He was catching and swallowing most of it with very little escaping from his lips. Finally I said, "you don't have to drink every drop." He pulled his head back a bit and my cock out popped out of his mouth and my piss sprayed all over him. Like holding a garden hose he directed the stream of piss all over his face, and then through his hair. Eventually I stopped pissing, but only to start again a moment or two later. Eventually I completely drained my bladder.     I rinsed off and then left him in the shower telling him a fresh towel would be hanging on the doorknob. When he got out of the bathroom, we went upstairs, I didn't even tie him to the bed like I had planned. I just told him to lay on his back in the bed and I climbed up on top of his chest with a knee in each of his armpits. I leaned forward putting my semi limp cock to his lips. He sucked my cock into his mouth and started sucking on it. I actually thought I might be able to piss a bit more, but we were in the bed that I sleep in, so I didn't want to risk it. After a moment or two of sucking, my cock started getting hard, so I started to throat fucked the hell out of him.   A few times he would gag when my cock hit that magic spot in the back of his throat. At other times he would stick his tongue out and lick my balls while my cock was still in his mouth. I barked a few commands to "suck daddy's cock." After unloading all that piss, and since I had been playing with myself and watching porn before he arrived, I was getting too excited, too quickly. It didn't take long until I dropped my load into his mouth. I pulled almost completely out of his mouth so I squirted my spunk onto his tongue, and then I heard him gulp like he was doing with my piss in the shower.   Then he continued to suck getting every last drop out.   It was a quick visit, but it was absolutely wonderful. I don't think I've pissed in anyone's mouth for almost a year, and although I thought my bladder felt like it was going to burst for a few minutes before his arrival, when I finally got to empty my bladder into his mouthand stomach, it was fantastic. It's been way too long since he's been here for a visit, which is my mistake because of my busy schedule. But I can guarantee, it's not going to be that long before I see him again.   Definitely had a great time.   Read more stories at https://www.SirKel.top    

"So into you" or why ob- ject -ification is not as flattering as some guys think it is The subject today will be centered around ob- ject -ification, and how lack of the right actions is getting in the way of what you want. Recently my day was spent prepping for Mom spending the night, which mostly meant me continuing to organize, clean and just generally improving the space in my sewing room, (the only real spare room) which has a futon, and most importantly, DOORS, so she can have privacy and quiet from my cats. Now, being ADD, I work better with music and company, so I put music on that she and I can both enjoy- a Pandora station based on the Doobie Brothers I started just for her. And being who I am, I tend to listen to lyrics, and then often find myself analyzing them. Usually, I'm specifically analyzing the relationship failings described in them. It doesn't always stop me enjoying the music, but sometimes I recognize the stalkery mindsets that filled our airwaves when I was young and impressionable. As were the guys who were listening. It's not surprising that we all grew up thinking these kinds of unhealthy behaviors and expectations were normal, and even romantic. Songs like Boston's "Let me take you home tonight," where a guy is explaining to a woman he's never actually met before that he's basically been stalking her and built a strong fantasy and expectations about who she is, and now he feels that she should absolutely feel both flattered, and obligated to have sex with him. "You must understand this, I've watched you for so long, that I feel I've known you, I know it can't be wrong," and goes on to say "I'm dreamin of your sweet love tonight, let me take you home tonight." So… he's been watching her for a long time without talking to her, decided who she was without ever having a single conversation, and, of course, imagining sex with her. A lot. And he tells her so, over and over and over. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing because I want it. Because that's always what is really going on there. Always the focus and end focus. Nah... that's not creepy AT ALL. Geesh. Today, it was "So Into You" by Atlanta Rhythm Section. Different band, different song, same thought process - I saw you, I was attracted, I've decided who you must be, and I can't think about anything except sex with you - only this time, they seem to want to make it her fault. Now, at first, what struck me was "could not catch your eyes" and "stand here helplessly hoping you get into me." Which just makes me ask 'What did he actually try?' I end up envisioning Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon 2, dancing around like a lunatic and freaking out the of his affections. Let's hope it wasn't like that. But honestly, it sounds like he really didn't try much. He admits that he's 'standing helplessly' rather than walking across the room and saying hello. Which sounds a lot like complaints I've heard from guys before. "I don't know how to talk to women" and that's where it ends, rather than trying to solve that. I mean, there are classes, there are workshops, there is therapy, etc. There are options. Why would someone not even try to fix the thing that keeps them from finding companionship if they are stating that they want it? Passive is not a good look. Or as has been said "faint heart ne'er won fair lady." Unfortunately, the closer we look at the lyrics, the creepier it gets. All this woman did was walk into a room. Suddenly, he's obsessed. He "can't think of nothing else." He says "Love the things you do" when so far, all she's done so far was exist in the same room. She's "driving him crazy," "thinking about how it's going to be" and he's "Gonna love her all over, over and over." So he's not really thinking about getting to KNOW her. He's focused on this fantasy he has of who she is, and what he wants to do to her. She's a beautiful woman. But somehow, she's not really a person. I mean, he's impressed by her, and he wants something from her. But not enough to make the effort to interact with her as human being. So he's "helpless" and "driven crazy" and "captured" but is just standing around "hoping." Worst part is that I really do like the song. Musically, and I like his voice, and the moody, kinda slow jazz feel to it. Shame about the message. I do get it - sometimes you see someone who just looks so cool it's hard to figure out how to approach so that they will be as impressed by you as you are by them. I was told that I'm intimidating... decades before I knew that Dominant was a thing. And the problem isn't that he thinks she's beautiful with "voodoo in the vibe." It's that he's turning that into something SHE's doing - "driving him crazy," and turning his insecurity into "helpless." And the entire thing is portrayed as flattering, and romantic, and a compliment to her. Because isn't that what women are supposed to want? For men to desire them? For her beauty to give her power somehow? For her appearance to add to her value to men? Because "The Male Gaze" is always supposed to be a woman's focus. And what a man feels when gazing is her responsibility. And anything a man might do because of that feeling when gazing at her is her fault. And that is the message. In song after song. "I saw you, I had a feeling, I have a want, I am thinking about you, I am having lots of thoughts about you, I'm having a fantacy about you, I'm deciding that the fantacy is a true representation of who you are, so now I'm building hopes, and I'm building expectations, and now I'm going to approach you , and you should share all my fantacies and fullfil the hopes and expecations rather than view me as some total stranger who's making weird sexual demands." (We won't even START discussing murder ballads. That came up recently too...) That is the message young guys get when they are first thinking about asking girls on a date. That this is how it happens. That this is normal. So when they do it, they are shocked and confused by the girl's reaction. Then again, young girls get this too, so plenty of times when a guy is inappropriate, before they've learned to be afraid of guys and their reaction to rejection, they belive they are supposed to be flattered that a guy is paying attention to them. Even if she doesn't like him, having a guy want you is important, a measure of your value as a woman. So rather than seeing a red flag for later, more aggressive poor behavior, they see it through the lens of "romance." They feel pretty and special and don't recognize healthy behavior when they see it elsewhere because this is how it happens, and what is normal. It's right up there with "he must like you if he punched you" in grade school turning into "he didnt mean it, you know he loves you" later when he beats her bloody later in life. Hell, I literally had this just yesterday. "Hello beautiful, I’ve always wanted to meet you , I love that hair , your so beautiful, I’m in (my town) until Jan 30th Love spoil you and finally get to actually meet you , I only been dreaming for years to do some sissy sessions with you " Never read a single line of my profile in all those "years." So he literally only knows that I have a nice picture. I point that out. (It's a thing for me...you may have noticed.) He responds "I know I need proper training but I know you can teach me !" Because of course, that would be my goal - to spend time and a lot of energy giving someone what they want when they couldn't spend 5 minutes reading my profile. I point out that he STILL hasn't read it, or addressed my reply, and that it was kind of insulting.  He pushed on, though - "We can go get coffee or meet at a munch or anything your up for , I’m only here to next Sunday , but after we meet and greet , I know you would always enjoy my company"  Because obviously, women enjoy men who they feel have insulted them. Especially when it's the BDSM equivalent of a one night stand.  Yes, I blocked him. He obviously wasn't going to catch a clue, even when smacked with a clue-by-four, so there was no point letting him keep messaging me until he got nasty.  He told me I was beautiful, so it automatically followed in his mind that I would immediately want to be alone, up close and personal, providing him his desired gratification, in a session with him, a total stranger, on the first meeting. And that his idea of "spoil" would be the same as mine. Or "proper training." He belived knew me, what I'd want, what I enjoy from my company, etc, without having to read a word I wrote, because he'd looked at my picture and had a feeling and built a fantasy and then expecations. And that who I was beyond my face (and hair) didn't matter.  Because I was not a person to him.  I was an object he desired... a fetish vending machine into which he felt he had put the appropriate coinage - a compliment on my looks. And he wasn't going to be desueded from that with reality or actual human interaction.  This is the world women live in. This is what "The Male Gaze" actually means. If we are attractive, we have value, but not humanity. If we are not attractive, we have no value, and are dehumanized.  You'd think men who want to be Dominated would behave at least slightly different, show at least surface respect to a Dominant Woman, but on average, they don't. And yet, right now, in several groups, there are guys going on about how hard it is to find a Mistress, by guys with the same empty profiles and dick pic avatars and tons of 'do me' groups. The same complaints, the same confusion, the same helplessness and yet the same refusal to make the efforts that would make it possible for a Dominant Woman to want to interact with them.  They are standing helplessly... hoping... being driven crazy... not understanding why we aren't "getting into" them.

Embracing my slumber, I feel as though I'm in a dream  The softness of your caress, has me feeling so serene I want to open my eyes to make sure you are real  I will not venture, because I don't want to interrupt what I feel  The moisture begins to flow as my body loses control  You have me at this point and I will never say no  Relaxation and anxiety are about to collide  Multi orgasmic pleasure, I will never hide  WOW!

If you found a normally locked door unlocked, wouldn't you worry?  I went away for the long weekend and came back last night after dark. Unloading the car, putting things away, blah blah. I stopped and looked at the kitchen door. Unlocked. I lock every door when coming in out of habit. Unlocked. I start looking around, checking closets, go downstairs, check that door, the windows. Nothing. Nothing looks missing. Eventually I head upstairs, with a kitchen knife. Okay, with two kitchen knives because what if the person waiting to murder me knocks the first one out of my hand? Secret knife in my hoodie pouch.  Now, you're probably saying but you have a dog, she will attack. I would think so, too. What she did was walk upstairs and go straight to her bed. The weekend wore her out. I was on my own. You might also think that's a good sign if she doesn't hear or smell anything unusual. She also has walked right by french fries and never noticed. Let's not count on her awareness to save the day. Back to me. Back when I was paranoid I bought a, what are those things called, the zapper thing, because I don't know how to use a gun and I would probably shoot a hole into my closet and ruin several of my favorite dresses. I went to get that to continue my search and it was dead. Why would I keep it charged? Indeed. Kitchen knife and secret hoodie knife it is. Every closet, peeled back the shower curtain, looked under every bed. Checked my jewelry. All fine. And then I closed and locked the bedroom door and wound a belt around the handles and slept with the tv on.  What about the kitchen door? All I can think is I missed relocking it the last time I went out. You better believe I won't be doing that again any time soon. The kitchen knife and secret hoodie knife are still on the nightstand. 

Finally re-dyed my hair for the first time in six months.  Made a mess of it, all over me, but the colors are better than i could have hoped for.   Unfortunately it did not help my mental state at all, which was what i was most hoping for.  But at least now i can get my new driver's license and have pretty colored hairs in my picture. Daddy has been so patienct with my mental state, or lack thereof, and i need to find a way to make it up to Him.  How he deals with me i will never know, but i am beyond thankful. This week also started our doctor appointments...hopefully we are able to start the disability process for Him quickly so that we have a dual income again.  And i know He hates not being able to contribute financially due to His health.  The doctor told Him that although He is only 41, He has to consider Himself 75 physically, and that is a tough pill to swallow.   For me i'm sure they will try and give me medications again, and i'll accept it for my blood pressue as it is beyonf sky-high but other than that i prefer not to take anything....i would rather allow my body to heal itself....even if it is really bad at doing so...

Clocks. Have we talked of this before? It feels familiar. Let's set the stage. There are four clocks in my bedroom - one on a surface against each wall, and one of those clocks also casts onto the ceiling. Basically, open your eyes wherever you are and you can easily know the time. Or a time. For six months of the year I live in the wrong time. I do not adjust my clocks for daylight savings. Which means I have to remember, at 3 in the morning when I look at the clock to see how much longer I can sleep, if the clocks are accurate or if I need to do basic math in my head.  One clock kept randomly alarming. I gave up, it's unplugged. Down to three and a ceiling. Whenever it was that the power went out months ago, it knocked out all of the clocks but one. Meh, good enough. One clock it is. Yesterday I was tidying up and reset two of the three clocks and the ceiling. It's a small thing (that's what she said), but it made me happy to look at that one other clock from where I was sitting and also see the ceiling time. And then four hours later the storm knocked out the power for thirty seconds. Sigh. But okay. This morning I reset them. I came home to blinking clocks again. Why, Universe? I am back to my one original clock, currently no math needed. Unlike the kitchen appliance clocks that basically hold your cooking rights hostage until you set the time, I don't have to deal with bedroom clock terrorists. I'll try again in a few months. Maybe. 

Vanilla Life In my vanilla life:   Lost in the pages of spiritual gems like the Master Key System, Secret, and the wisdom-filled "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari." I'm also captivated by the magic found in books like "The Magic of Thinking Big," "The Power of Letting Go," and the timeless "The Power of Now." On a different note, I love getting lost in the realms of romantic fiction.   Yoga and jogging are my go-to activities for staying active and centered. I've delved into the realm of Reiki, even gaining practical experience, and I've honed my massage skills from the knowledge I've gathered.   My love for adventure extends to frequent trips and hiking. I'm intrigued by hypnosis, fascinated by the idea of my mind being guided by a partner's influence.   In moments of relaxation, I'm an avid reader and practitioner of deep breathing techniques. Idle moments used to be a challenge, but I'm making strides in embracing them.   Gaming was once a significant part of my life, with a PS4 that hosts titles like Red Dead Redemption 2, GTA V, Call of Duty (Aw, MW), Wolfenstein, Hitman (from Code name 47 to Blood Money), NFS (up until Payback), Max Payne, and the list goes on.

October 2024: Residing in AZ Tempe area   Wow, two years off this site. Still hasn’t had any upgrades haha.  Quick updates. Health is healthy. All testing up to date as of Oct. 11th 2024. Negative and clean bill of health.   Life updates:    I worked as a caregiver and in hospice and they have all passed on. Did their funerals as well, no family.     No longer wish to continue health care. Got into the Trades. Got an offer out in AZ and leaving CA in a month or two. Good 2nd career path and I’m happy to be in a new state with a good feeling of newness. I can’t wait for my first Monsoon and AZ heatwave.     Paid off every debt and loan I owed. Paid my new car out in full. Have a good start thanks to savings. 

  Podcasts - setting tone and direction & other must listen: (updated 2024-11-18)   english spoken: Diaries of a Domme + Questions Answered, by Chastity Queen Cuck My Life Podcast, by cucks for cucks The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast, by Venus Female Led Relationship Podcast, by Marisa Rudder Obedient Love Podcast, by Viola Voltairine Krystine's FLR Podcast, by Krystine Kellogg    deutsch/german: LustReise, by Kay & Ben Dominante Grüße, by Lady Penelope Machtfertigs BDSM Podcast, by Herrin Sabina Auroras Mistress Talk, by Aurora Nia Noxx Nika Macht! - Das wahre Ahh und Ohh des BDSM & Sex, by Anika Tiegs Die Kunst der Unvernunft, by Sebastian Stix Lustgewinn - BDSM, Kink und Sex, by Cate & Michel/li Bound-n-Hit, by Julina Bauer enjoy & ...obey   

What do I seek in a submissive? The submissive I seek is between the ages of 18-40. Body type well proportioned. Not model status, but pleasing to the eyes. I'm sorry but I just don't have an attraction to BBW or SSBBW type of women. Ideally I would like to be able to lift my sub up in my arms, or throw her over my shoulder even. Though I am not opposed to women that are thicker than normal if they take care of themselves. A woman that is not completely indecisive and has an idea about what she wants in any manner of her life. Often times it does not matter to me what choices she makes, just as long as she make a choice. She should be masochistic, enjoying spankings, paddlings, floggings, roughness, bites, and bruises on the ass, to name a few things that I enjoy to dish out. These are just things that come to my mind the quickest and are by no means completely set in stone. I am willing to make some exceptions based on the mind and personality of the submissive, that WOW factor if you will. I do not have a desire for long-distance relationships, so any inquiries should be made by a submissive in the same state as me. However distance does not matter if you just want to be friendly and chat me up for fun. Nothing wrong with making new friends.

Here is the deal .  Just because you send Me a picture of yourself does not mean I have to send you Mine.  If I wanted My picture out there I would have it on My profile now wouldn't I ?   If I get to really know you and think that we might be a possibility I have no problem sending , picture, email and phone.    However and until then don't ask for any of that.   Understand I get several messages a day.   Some are ones from another country, some are just looking to " play"  some are only in a fantasy space in their heads, some are married , some have their own place and will never move.  There are many variations and reasons why I don't go farther with somone. But, those are the main ones.   Honesty seems to be quite rare on here.... First be honest with yourself. We aren't looking for someone perfect, loyalty, honesty and long term that is what I am looking for.  That is what I'm used to and like.  And men seriously ... use that little brain of yours. This site is getting more and more scammers of men posing as woman. They say all the "right things" and some of you believe it, then they ask for money. Wake up, it don't work that way. A 29 year old model with a stolen only fans picture is NOT  after you.  he/she/it want's your money thats it.  Don't be stupid and encourage  the scammers .  

We all know how much of a PITA it is to update profiles...so here's a 2022 UPDATE Current age range I'm seeking is 36 y.o. to 44 y.o.  I get a lot of bizarre, whiny complaints about My education requirements. Three things: First, I don't give af about your opinion.  Second, it's been My experience that most men really struggle being in a relationsip with a woman who has significantly more education...something about those delicate egos.  Third, if you have a high enough IQ you'd already assume the first two and would send Me a brilliant intro making it irrelevant.  Facial hair is and always will be a hard limit, lol

  I wrote that word control to you yesterday and it must have gotten deep into me. I woke up this morning so fucking wet and hot! Like I was right in the middle of some Daddy's masturbation...I was on my back, legs spread, rubbing my clit and mound, thinking of Daddy being under me, his cock rubbing my lips, telling me words of his encouragement and his control, deeply feeling my sexuality himself, telling me to spank my hood, which I never do, but it felt so right this morning, so I spanked it rhythmically, then back to massaging my clit and mound, going a bit harder and deeper with each back and forth, feeling Daddy's cock getting harder, his growls and voice deepening as he and I tuned into the groove of our joined pleasure.  I started spanking myself harder now, legs further apart, imagining his cock now dripping with pre-cum, inching it's way between my labia, feeling the pressure of just the head inside me, filling me just enough so we could be connected in passion. My mind slowly turning off, becoming totally his, his toy, his Daddy's precious love, as my rubbing got more robust, my internal dialogue starting to seep out into my voice with a moan a muffled cry for Daddy, Daddy, Daddy...until I hear his knowing! His understanding! His feeling! of me being ready, reaching the point of no return, the edge of the cliff of the frenzy for becoming one with him, giving myself to him, him owning me in this incredible throbbing pulsing intimacy of letting go into more Daddy Daddy Daddy I'm going to cum...and just faintly hear yes baby girl, yes, cum for me...and then I'm over the edge, flailing a bit, squirming, moving, thrusting to get his cock into my lips so he can feel my quaking my rupture, my cunt dripping with a gush, spasming...as Daddy holds me tight, firmly, let's me fly away with pleasure, in his arms, cumming strongly, with abandonment...his, found, grounded, complete, held...

Or "why aren't women turned on by my lingerie pictures?"  I get that some guys are into wearing dresses. I can often enjoy pictures of guys in dresses, depending on the guy, and the dress, and the overall look, and the makeup, etc. And some enjoy wearing cute ruffle covered pink dresses that look a lot like birthday cakes. You know, the kind that toddler girls are put in for Easter Sunday. And some guys enjoy wearing lingerie, or makeup, or rubber... I can often enjoy pictures like that, again, depending on the guy, their choice of lingerie, the presentation, and so on. Some guys like wearing big frilly lacy lingerie like you'd see a 'sexpot' femme wearing in an old porn movie. While they kinda sit hunched on a rumpled bed, legs sprawled awkwardly, legs unshaved, on the dirty duvet, with their dirty laundry in the background. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, they want US to look at them like that, and get turned on. Usually because they get turned on wearing it. Which is great. More power to them. But as I've written before - Know Thy Target Market. And make the effort to find out what sells, and why.  You can put a cold naked hot dog on a paper plate, and take a picture of it. If someone is already hungry right then, and they really like hot dogs, maybe they will think 'yeah, I could do that.' If you want to get the attention of someone who might not be hungry, or might not usually eat hot dogs, you'll need to find out what they like, and try to tailor that image to their interest. Maybe they would like hot dogs chopped up in chili. Maybe they are more into the classics, and want to see a sizzling hot dog with the little burn lines cradled in a fluffy golden bun, teased with wavy lines of ketchup and mustard, with just a tiny dot of relish peeking out underneath. Maybe you need to pair that with thick, steakcut fries sprinkled with seasonings and cheese. Or maybe they only like corndogs. Maybe a lot of things. But without some market research, you're spending your time and money on hotdogs, trying to guess what will interest people, and mostly, your safest bet is going to be going with the most common image, probably the 'classic' version, and even then, the production value needs to be as high as possible, because hot dogs are plentiful and cheap. You gonna have to dress that up REALLY well to make it anything other than a simple tube of processed meat. Not to put too fine a point on it.  Now, maybe you are one of those rare few who is completely disinterested in anything other than one specific kind of hot dog lover. That's the ONLY kind of person you want to talk to or sell to- the one that likes them sliced thin, frozen and alternated with pickled beets. Again, more power to you. However, you need to recognize that you are going to search a lot longer, possibly forever, and you'll get a lot fewer potential buyers, and even then, lots of those will be potential duds, because lots of people are willing to say 'yeah! I love that too!' to anything that gets them closer to any kind of meal, and honestly, they'd dive into cold cereal if that's what they found, because they are starving, and it's better than nothing.  If you are NOT one of those people, and you like hot dogs, but you also have hamburgers, and chili, and maybe pie too, then you want to put all that out there. You want your first impression to be one mostly likely to get interest. Maybe your initial pic should be whatever you like that is the most common, then have other pics showing your other great offerings. And again, with high quality photos, of more than just the hot dog - how about people enjoying the hot dogs? How about a lovely buffet, all laid out with what you offer, once they've been drawn in by that great first picture that was well designed, showcased your best quality in the best way, with good lighting, good preparation, polished and pretty and enticing?  I get that no one wants to pretend to be something they aren't. Especially here - here is a place to express one's self fully, hopefully without judgement, and seek others of similar interests, and hopefully find someone with whom to engage in those interests in real time. And I get that there are things we each enjoy, and we really really really want to have someone appreciate those things in us, about us. But if you are seeking, you need to seek in an effective manner, which means taking into account the interests of those we are looking to attract, and what attracts THEM. You need to find out WHY they are attracted to some things more than others. You need to CARE what they care about, if only so you can find out early if their interests align with yours. And also so you can more easily appeal to people who are interested in what you have to offer.  Even if it turns out you are just a plain hot dog on a naked paper plate, you need to at least make sure you get the best picture you can possibly take - in focus, at a good angle, clean, no roaches in the background, etc. If that's all you really want to put out there, but you want someone to admire it, then you're going to have to show it in its best light. You'll have to make an effort. And you'll have to accept that it may not sell right away. Sometimes, it's worth adding to your offering. Learning a little about what your target audience wants, and then finding out how to offer that. Maybe grow a bit, and become MORE than just a hot dog on a paper plate. Hell, you might be steak and not even know it. Isn't it worth trying?

  The slave contract.   Some people assume that, since "slavery" was outlawed (over a hundred years ago in most places), then "Consensual Slavery" is nothing more than "Role Playing"; that there cannot be any legal, lawful way to "own" another person. To the point of using the words: slave, slavery, and owner, you would be correct; these words are merely symbolic and have no legal meaning.   However, Consensual Slavery (or Voluntary Servitude) is legal, very real, and can be legally practiced. Can a person legally join the military?   If they do, are they allowed to just up and walk out any time they like without warning? Hm… They can't, right? Why not? I thought you said slavery was illegal? Well... That's right. The military does not practice slavery. Yet, in a very real sense, they do own you. However, they do not (and never would) call it slavery; they call it service. We will not go into the detailed specifics of what wording is used in a real Contract of Voluntary Servitude, but, rest assured, it is as binding as any application into the military. It is perfectly legal for a person to voluntarily forfeit their rights and be legally bound to serve, suffer and endure. Slavery is not about sex; nor is it about S&M.Yes, a slave may be disciplined and this discipline can take the form of sexually charged torture or tormenting. Of course an Owner can have sex with their slave,it's a given. But you don't need a slave to have sex or "play" S&M.If you are only interested in sex or S&M (or any combination thereof), I strongly recommend a visit to any of the places in Europe US, or Asia where (prostitution is legal and) you can, far more cheap and you can easily, get your needs fulfilled.   Total Control + Total Responsibility   By definition, a ‘slave’ is a piece of (movable) personal property (a.k.a. "chattel") owned by another person. A slave can be bought, sold or traded.While a slave may be cherished and cared for, a slave can also just as easily be misused and abused. Of course an owner can love their slave; nothing in the book says that an owner cannot love their slave. However, slavery does not require love.   Slavery is about control: the utter and total domination and control over another human being's life.   Slavery is also about responsibility: the utter and total responsibility of another human being's life.   There are two basic elements required of slavery:   1.) A slave.   2.) An owner capable to take the great responsibility of possessing a slave.   Illusions.   For the would-be slave, trust may be an issue prior to slavery, but it is an illusion.   Physical attraction may be an issue prior to slavery, but it is an illusion as well. In fact, everything and anything a would-be slave requires or desires, apart from their true and total commitment to actually being a real, owned slave, is an illusion.   Slavery is NOT about "romance".Sure, an Owner could romance or seduce a slave if they chose to, but romance and seduction are not "part and parcel" of slavery itself.   Slavery is about Ownership and servitude; any other element involved is something other than, or in addition to, slavery.   If a "slave" insists upon a requirement or a condition for, or on, their Ownership – they are seeking something other than slavery. Hm...Yes, it all sounds so terrifically unfair, doesn't it? An Owner can require and involve whatever they like in the “relationship” and a slave must endure and indulge whatever an Owner's whim might be. Ups... That almost sounds like, well... slavery! Doesn't it?   There is nothing at all that a slave can claim “entitlement” to; however, in an effort to demonstrate this, here is an extraordinarily brief list of things a slave is specifically not “entitled” to:   - Respect   - Honesty   - Affection   - Compassion   - Understanding   - Appreciation   - Courtesy   - Recognition   - Fidelity,Etcetera...   You may get all or none of the above. It is at the discretion of your Owner.  

2023-02-21 - Guy read a story and wants a replay USING HIM Read more stories at www.SirKel.top    I had been chatting with a new guy on FetLife. We're going to call him Pennsylvania Redstripe. He read one of my stories at my website www.SirKel.top titled "Forced to be my fagot" and said he wanted the same experience.   He had Dominatrix experience but I don't think he had ever had a Male Dom control him. I'm pretty certain he had sucked cock before but only while being used as a cuckold. After chatting online and then texting for a week or two we finally set up a meeting.   Driving all the way to Kent, Ohio from Pennsylvania was slightly over a 1 hour trip for him. But he arrived just a few minutes early, I was impressed he scheduled it so perfectly with his long drive.   As he had read in many of my other stories, when he first came in he stood there and waited for my first command. Which of course was, "strip."   He quickly stripped and put all of his clothing on the chair where he was directed to place them. Then he just stood there for a moment as I looked him over.   I walked to him and put velcro restraints on his wrists. These are very nice velcro restraints that are normally used for ankles when connected to some form of bungee cord for exercise. They have D shaped rings on them. I had a cl and was going to cl his wrists behind his back, but I could clearly see he was extremely nervous. So I decided to wait.   He had warned me of bad knees, so I had a couple couch pillows on the floor in front of the couch. I told him to get on his knees, on the couch pillows, facing the couch.   He walked to the couch and dropped to his knees. I came up behind him and slipped a leather hood over his head. This was exactly like the story that he had read and wanted to be part of. I lined up the eye holes and the mouth hole and began tightening the leather Hood from behind. It's laced up the back.   Obviously I started with the laces at the top, pulling and tugging, tightening them as I worked my way down to the base of the back of his neck. I continued to tighten, checking most importantly that the mouth hole was properly centered. Once it was completely tightened I wound up the extra cord and tucked it under the neck of the leather mask.   I slipped a blindfold over the mask covering his eyes. I slid around in front of him and sat back on the couch. This was very similar to the story he read, and I'm sure his mind was racing, not knowing exactly what was going on in front of him but hearing my motion and movement directly in front of him now.   With both hands I grabbed the sides of the leather mask and started pulling him forward and down toward my cock. I wasn't completely hard, but I was hard enough for him to get the first taste of my cock as I shoved his mouth down.   He was startled at first, I think I reached in with my fingers and pried his mouth open a bit wider and then shoved him further down on my cock. There are no ear holes in the leather Hood, so quite loudly I barked out the command, "suck my cock fagot, that's what you're here for, get to it."   He started sucking on my cock and it began to grow quickly. Soon his mouth was filled with my cock. He started to cough and sputter a bit, so I gave him just a second to catch his breath, then grab the top of his head and forced him all the way down to my balls.   Eventually we got into a nice rhythm. He was still slightly reluctant, but his body language was telling me he was starting to relax. His body wasn't quite as stiff as it was, he was getting used to being a cocksucker. My cocksucking fag.   I continued to berate him verbally, forcing him deep onto my cock, occasionally giving him a chance to catch his breath. At one point I pulled my cock out and pushed him onto my balls, without being told he knew to lick and clean my balls and taint.   I had planned to eventually put him flat on the floor face up and sit on his face making him eat my ass. From our conversations he was looking forward to it. But as luck would have it I either had a nasty pimple or the beginning of a boil, and definitely did not want to subject anyone, even him, to that.   He was actually getting to be a pretty good cocksucker. I had to pull him off my cock a couple times. Watching his leather clad head bounce up and down on my cock was extremely hot to watch.   I definitely didn't want to shoot my load yet so I told him we were going to head upstairs. I think by this time the eye mask had slipped off so I didn't bother putting it back so he could follow me up the steps to the bedroom.   When we got upstairs I directed him to The far side,

A list of kinks/fetish I'm into since I've been asked Bondage, impact play, roleplay, sensory play, power exchange, orgasm control, humiliation, degradation, dirty talk, chastity, CBT (cock and ball torture), foot worship, facesitting, smothering, human furniture, slapping, verbal domination, sissification, pet play, boot worship, ruined orgasms, brat taming, protocol training, objectification, slave tasks, domestic training.pegging aspect

I am not looking for someone that wants to alter their anatomy! I am not looking for a cuckold!  I am very much aware that even submissive men and slaves have desires! If any of the above applies to you, I wish you the best in your search!!

There's something seriously wrong with your brain if you're not enraged by the shit show dumpster fire that's occuring in our wonderful country every fucking second of every day since he stole the election.  Still supporting this disgusting and vile poor excuse of a human being is unimaginable to so many and yet here we still are. The lawlessness and lack of respect for our constiutution by the people running this clown show is impossible to comprehend.  There are far too many illegal actions occuring to list.  But the most recent that should make anyone with half a brain shudder is that the Epstein Files now have revealed that this piece of shit cult dicktator inserted fingers into 13 year old girls to test their tightness to determine their sexual value.  HOW CAN ANY OF YOU MAGATS STILL THINK HE'S QUALIFIED TO RUN WHAT WAS ONCE THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD?!!!! Gunning down peaceful protesters in broad daylight is unconscionable. But there are no words for probing young girls virgin vaginas for thir perverted pleasure.  We can only hope there's a special prison/HELL for this administration and all the repugnicans that have chosen to turn a blind eye to the atrocities that continue to occur after a year of this craziness.  SHAME ON ANYONE WHO STiLL SUPPORTS HIM!!!!  Our only hope for significant change is the midterms.  This will be our big chance. Otherwise we're doomed. FYI, men have asked why I would voice my opinions hwere.  My simple answer if that I want nothing to do with anyone who has no moral compass or soul. SIMPLE. And you can message and berate me but it just shows what an imbecile you are. Maybe try turning off faux news and see what's really happening.   

Shutting people out is confusing to me. It was one of the very first coping mechanisms I learned early in life, and it worked well. I used it often. Or, you know, all the time. By the time I learned it wasn't healthy it was too late. In the spirit of self-improvement I put effort into salvaging relationships when I could push past my initial reaction of shutting out, which wasn't often. Much more difficult for me and against every instinct I had. Those weren't always done in a healthy or whole way, either. Ignoring things instead of addressing them, having the other person react in the opposite way of what was expected. I struggled a lot with the what and the how. I still do. Only now, circling back to shutting people out, it's acceptable and encouraged in some instances. When the hell did that happen? How do you determine when it's the right move? After years of trying to undo the shutout it feels wrong. Right, but wrong. Like I've given up. Like I'm falling back on an isolating coping mechanism. Facts are facts and they may stack the deck for motive, but I can't help but feel like I'm the emotionally stunted person using her go-to move. I think about this a lot. Is it right? Or is it just easy? 

The parcel She didn’t often get the house to herself this early in the day.  The kids had been collected by their father at 3pm and her Friday evening and the weekend stretched before her.  Pub with friends tomorrow night, she thought. But this afternoon she had planned to masturbate herself stupid.  She ignored the usual, quieter, stick vibe in her bedside drawer.  Instead she slid the innocuous-looking brown box from under her bed.  It was covered in dust but, inside, her large black mains wand was pristine.  She stripped off, put some lube onto the large head and lay on her bed; legs spread wide. Something was waking her up.  She had brought herself to orgasm 3 times before having to stop because her clit was too sensitive for her to make herself hold the wand there any longer, and she must have dozed off.  The light through her curtains had dimmed considerably and she guessed it was about 6pm.  What the hell had woken her?  Then she heard the knocking at her front door and realized that someone was outside.  Shit!  The new set of butt plugs she had ordered.  She didn’t want to miss the delivery; not when she had the whole weekend in front of her to try them out.  Worried about how long the delivery person had already been stood on her front doorstep, she threw on the closest thing to hand - an oversize jumper - and started down the stairs. As she approached her front door she shrugged irritably at the jumper, which was far too large and kept slipping off one shoulder.  She paused for a moment when she saw the large shape through the frosted pane of glass in her door.  Whoever was out there was enormous and she was wearing nothing but a jumper.  Quickly she reminded herself that she lived on a main road, surrounded by neighbours, and that she really wanted those butt plugs.  She opened the door. He had been about to push a card through the letterbox and go back to his van, kind of annoyed that the last delivery of the day was out and he would have to return the parcel to the depot, when the door suddenly opened.  His eyes widened in surprise and he lowered the parcel to waist level when he saw what stood in the doorway.  The woman’s long blonde hair looked delightfully tousled, like she had just got out of bed and her green eyes looked very dark.  Her exact shape was difficult to see in the shapeless jumper she wore but, as it stopped high on her thighs, he could guess that she was plump and curvy in all the right places underneath it. One of her shoulders was bare and he could see that the last of her summer tan hadn’t quite faded from it.  The woman quickly folded her arms.  He thought she looked a little embarrassed to be standing there in just a jumper.  Didn’t she realize that folding her arms pushed her very large breasts together and increased the amount of cleavage he could see?  “Lovehoney delivery for you,” he said, instantly realising that he had let slip the fact that he knew what was inside the ‘discreet’ brown box he carried.  The sight of her had obviously driven that knowledge to the forefront of his mind. Her mouth opened and she felt her cheeks turn crimson when she heard the words from the tall stranger.  Her arms unfolded and fell to her sides and, for a moment, an image of this hazel-eyed stranger pushing one of her new butt plugs into her arse as she held it open for him flashed across her mind.  She blinked and the image was gone, but she wondered how long she had stood there, staring, before stepping forwards and saying, “Yes, that’s right.” As she stepped forward he noticed that she hadn’t corrected him about the origin of the parcel.  He also noticed that she was still not quite as tall as he was, even though he was stood on a step below the level of her hallway. God she looked attractive, he thought, like she’d just finished having sex but wanted more.  She probably had her husband upstairs waiting, although he noticed that she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.  “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything,” he said, handing the parcel to her.  He watched her flush again and say, “No, no, I’m all alone.”  As she took the parcel he found himself staring straight into her eyes.  They were dark green and seemed to be asking for something that she hadn’t articulated yet.  He couldn’t believe the next words out of his mouth, “Look, I hope you don’t mind, it’s been a really long shift, please could I use your toilet?” She made a small step back into her hallway and stared at the man in front of her.  Medium build but very tall, he was wearing work boots and jeans; a casual shirt was tucked loosely into the jeans and she could see a t-shirt underneath.  Her eyes lingered on a well-worn, brown leather belt, then they travelled to his face.  His eyes were twinkling mischievously but he also looked a little nervous, like he was about to change his mind about something.  He looked strong and gentle at the same time and she felt her belly warm as she looked at him.  “Of course, the cloakroom’s just behind me.” He stepped over the threshold and pushed the door closed behind him before saying, “Thank you.”  The hallway was very small and she had stepped back into another doorway, to the left, that looked like it led to the living room.  There was a door in front of him so he took off his muddy boots and stepped through it.  The cloakroom was small; fitted under the staircase.  He suddenly wondered how he was going to urinate when his cock was semi hard.  He would have to wait for a moment to let it go down. She put the parcel on the kitchen table before returning to the living room and perching on the arm of one of the sofas.  She tried to collect her thoughts.  There was a large, strange man in her house, and she was naked apart from a loose jumper.  She quickly came to the realization that she didn’t care one bit.  In fact, she recognised that she was aroused.  Maybe because she had fallen asleep masturbating, but she suspected it was more to do with the man in her cloakroom.  If someone had stolen knowledge of the physical attributes of her ideal man, they would have created the person in her downstairs cloakroom.  She heard the flush and water running and then realized he was stood in the doorway looking at her again.  Making a decision, she straightened her back and shoulders and confidently asked, “Would you like a nice hot coffee before you head off?” He had been about to thank her again and say his goodbyes, when the woman with the just fucked hair and bedroom eyes thrust her tits out and invited him to stay for a coffee.  He agreed but, as she asked him to follow her into the kitchen, he realized he was playing with fire here.  He told himself, and by that he meant his cock, to wait for a very clear signal before committing himself to making a move.  After all, perhaps all the 40-something women in this suburb invited delivery men into their homes for coffee, whilst strolling around in next to nothing, just to tease and give themselves something to talk about at the school gates the next morning. She flicked the kettle on and took milk out of her fridge, noticing that he had leant himself on the back of one of her kitchen chairs.  Watching her.  She could see the parcel containing the butt plugs on the table behind him and her cheeks blushed again.  He had folded his arms across his chest and crossed

So slightly better news.  99.9 percent of the people who get this cancer are either heavy smokers, heavy drinkers, or drug users, and have depressed immune symptoms.  Since I am none of those things, my chances of making it out of this alive is closer to 80 percent than 50.  I'll take it.  I go in for surgery next week.  They are cutting out a piece of the back of my tongue, a piece of the back of my throat, and going into the side of my neck and removing all the lymph nodes.  Fortunately, the surgical techniques have advanced a lot and they no longer have to take out all the bones and muscle in my neck along with it.  So I will have a scar on my neck, but won't be grossly disfigured.  I won't be able to eat solid food or talk for a few weeks, and it's still going to be horribly painful, but better than dying.  And hopefully, if they get it all, I won't need to follow up with chemo and radiation and it won't come back.  But this cancer does like to come back.  I will worry about that when it happens.  For now, I'm going to focus on getting through this and keep living my life as best I can.  Thanks to everyone who took the time to write me about their own survival stories, or to offer support.

Survey Says?   What is your favorite thing to spank with and why? What is the most common thing you spank with and why? What is the most unique thing you have spanked with and where did it come from and how did you end up using it to spank with? What is the most common infraction you spank for? How frequently do you find your sub requires the correction?  (Spankings or otherwise.)   Send your answers and I will do another journal entry with the answers.

Look, here's the deal.  If you are going to make your first email something like, "On hormones?" or "how is your search going?" or "are you currently owned" i am going to either give you a smartass reply, delete your email and if i am in a mood i will probably block you. So i will make you a promise becaue i know a lot of sub/slaves don't reply and it makes the effort of having written an actual introduction email seem like wasted time.  If you send me an intro email that is more than 2-3 sentences, doesn't demand information of me right off the bat and actually does tell me why you are writing to me in the first place, then I GUARANTEE I WILL REPLY.  100%. I promise.  (not including copy and paste generic messages you send to everyone). Yes.  I get it.  I'm being cunty.  That's okay.  What you need to understand is that I get a bunch of emails every time I log in that have those annoying demands or questions or make zero effort.  So, nothing about those emails makes you stand out from the others.  So I repsond to anyone who puts in just the slightest amount of effort and ignore those who don't.  It's simple.   Also:  by means of an update, obviously I'm not 18 anymore but I'm afraid to update my profile here.  my birthday is January 28th.  So take the age 18 and the year i started my profile here and add a year for every year between now and then and you'll know exactly how old i. am now. Finally, unless you are a really mean, perverted, nasty daddy, you're probably not the right Man for me.  i. am looking to become owned property.  Can i. be Your daughter too?  Sure.  But i. am not looking for a soft dominant.  Unless You see me first as property and chattel, we won't be a match.

I'm going to attempt to take My mother out dancing tonight.  About once a year I will bring her out late night.  The last time was New Years, two years ago and then a year before that it was with some friends in the club and then out for an early breakfast.  She always brings a feel good feeling with her and makes everyone around her feel special, seen. Mother has a gift of graciousness.  Always the first to ask what your name is and introduce herself.  I always marvel how straightforward and outgoing she is.  I remember as a child when she would hear someone's last name, she would then say, "A nice polish name"...or " Is that of slavic origin?"  Being an English major, this was one of the many gifts she possessed in her tool bag.   Lately, her love of flowers has seen her gifting Me with lifes bouquets.  She picks up a pretty leaf, then finds a flower, a stone, a piece of yarn and she walks over and says, "I have something for you" and she hands Me her bouquet of loveliness.  All day long, as I run around making this, doing that, her gifts can be found all around.  I tried to start a book, as these bouqets often don't last too long.  One day, the bouqets will be all gone and her lovliness in My life.

  A Quick Disclaimer:  I don't exactly "love" some of the things I claim to enjoy, like corner-time for instance (which is dread... mostly) Corner-time is one of the things that seems particularly effective in explicitly reminding me someone else is in-charge, which weakens my knees. (Un)fortunately (for me), I also find it deeply humiliating, but *this* side-effect means it is something that gives me "the feels" too. Just 'being reminded' such things are even a possibility is enough to get a reaction from me - for a while at least So, it's not something I 100% *want*... I mean, I'd rather just be "into" stuff that I don't find quite so humiliating and that don't leave me unable to respond with a witty retort (or sometimes with Any Words At All). But things that don't embarrass me and don't trigger the push-pull (aka 'my' version of a panic-boner) don't seem to have quite the same effect It's total agony; to crave the things I dread, but it's also where I find my bliss So, I guess my attraction to the very things that especially give me "the feels" is a bit more nuanced than can be conveyed by:  X = a thing I "love", but CS doesn't have a 'push-pull'/'nutcase-option', as far as I'm aware... And though I realise the site might break as a consequence, I still wish it were possible to both love-AND-hate a single fetish, b/c that how us contradictory people tend to operate (unless I am truly an outlier-amongst-outliers, in which case... *nothing to see here* o.O)  Anyway.  ~ Thank-you for coming to my Ted Talk ~  

Smh at the multitude of bois within 50 miles that approach, engage,  insist they want to meet .. until we set a date and time, then backpedal and postpone or cancel with every excuse in the book .. Sooooo...I'm pretty much at the pt I don't wont cant believe anything anyone idk irl says cyber.   If you are one of the very rare pearls here that does want real-time Ds interactions come meet Me at the munch on Thursday 9 29 at Spins in Peekskill 6:30ish. It's an arcade with a bar in the back. I'm the One with long multicolored hair. .. restaurant upstairs is Fin and Brew if that's easier to goo gle Que sera .. or as history here proves, most likely not We.Shall.See

Five hour drive for a throat fuck, part 1.   In the not too distant past I had an encounter with a young woman that was quite enjoyable on my part. After talking for a couple weeks she decided to come down and visit me for a day. She drove five hours down to where I was to come and see me. Five hours one way with only the promise of meeting up to get some ice cream. It ended up being a bit more than that, but still, a five hour drive one way.  So after the five hour drive we met at a dairy queen not far from where my house is. She was very shy, but she built up the courage to at least get a little ice cream. We ordered and had some light conversation waiting for our ice cream to be made. Once we got it we went back to my car and sat and talked while enjoying the sweet treat. After we had finished and talked for a while longer, I asked if she would like to come back to the house with me. She agreed and went back to her car to follow me.  We got back to the house and went inside. Spent a little bit of time introducing her to the dog and letting her get a little more comfortable. After a while we migrated to the couch at turned on some unimportant TV show and continued to talk. I asked her how she was feeling and what she was thinking and her response was simply "I'm shy".  I asked if she would be more comfortable texting me her thoughts instead of saying them and she nodded yes. So she turned to her phone and typed away. We had discussed at length the different things that we both enjoyed sexually over the last couple weeks. One of the things that she particularly enjoyed but was shy and bashful about was being throat fucked, used very hard, given little if any chance to breathe or recover, and having a man have his way with her for his pleasure.  My phone vibrated after she finished typing away. In short, her message said that she was shy and nervous but she really wanted to please me and just needed me to tell her what to do and she would do it. I asked her verbally if she was sure and she nodded yes.  "Good, very good." I say to her as she sits on the opposite end of the couch with her gaze averted down and away from me. I move over to her, grab her gently by the chin and lift her face towards me.  "Look at me." I say and she responds immediately.  I tell her "You're going to be my good little slut now and do what I want, but I know how shy you can be and I don't want you pushing yourself further than you can handle. So at any point if things get too intense for you, you are simply going to say Time Out. Do you understand?"  She nods her head yes again and I say, "No, for this you have to say it. I need you to tell me verbally that you understand and that this is what you want. Do you understand? Is this what you want?"  She turns her eyes downward again and says "Yes Sir, to both."  With that I step back away from her and sit back down on the couch. "On your knees in front of me." I command and she moves immediately.  Oh we are going to have some fun tonight. I think to myself. Yes we are going to have some fun.  To be continued.......

Life can be very funny. Some conversations start with uncertainty but over time blossom into connections you treasure, while others can feel very good at the start but then feel as if something is off. I have been talking with a couple for some time. They were primarily a cuckold couple, with a development path of increasingly rough, forceful sex, but they had had one encounter with a professional Dominant sometime back, when she was flogged and evidently reached subspace without knowing what actually happened. Let's just say they understand the psychology and physiology much better now that we have been talking. Lately, there have been emerging signs that "he" is a sadist. "She" thinks she is a masochist because she has a high pain threshold, but she isn't. She is a hedonist who loves her husband. Turns out all they wanted was someone, me(?), to turn up and flog her arse mercilessly, driving her to sobbing hysteria on her way to subspace (hopefully). He wants her tears, crying inconsolably as she is beaten. I am not judging - each to his own - but it became clear that what they want is not who I am - not even who I might be. So today I told them. I was met with an "OK. Thank you. Goodbye." and was then immediately cut off from contact. They shared the account (I think) - of course, it could all be a sham - but I think it was "him" who did the terminating. Sometimes right is right and wrong is simply wrong. I do feel better knowing I stayed true to me, but I do wonder where they go next. Back to that Dom in Spain?

As required by my Dom, I publicly declare the following: I am subMeghan, and as I type this this, I am completely nude, except for my dog collar and glasses… Today’s Journal Topic Is: Why The Fuck Haven’t I Posted Any More Journal Updates! I actually get this question a lot.  Unfortunately, that’s part of the problem.  Apparently, you guys are actually reading my journals!  And why, pray tell, is that a bad thing? Well, I’m going to tell you… When I first started journaling here, I wrote as if I was speaking into the void.  I wasn’t writing for an audience, rather I was writing merely for the sake of publicly letting my inner thoughts leave my body and go forth into the vast e-universe.  I thought I was just a “voice in the wilderness” to be lost in the chasm of anonymity. It was a stream of consciousness, a flow of thoughts. It was kinda like talking outloud to yourself, not thinking anyone was listening. However… that was not the case...  You were listening.  And now you all had access to the part of my psyche that I kept hidden away, kept in the shadows, away from “polite” society.  And worse yet…  You had questions! I had mistakenly thought that CS was just another fetish website that was here today, and then be gone tomorrow like so many other sites.  Boy, was I wrong.  LOL I stopped writing because I became very self-conscious.  VERY self-conscious.  I quickly ran away from the spotlight as soon as I felt it’s light upon my exposed soul.  Who the hell am I to have the audacity to think I have anything of substance to say to a listening world? I have never liked being the center of attention.  I am a wallflower, the kind of gal that always stands at the edges of a crowd.  I am quiet, reserved, and passive.  I am a watcher, an observer - not a performer.  And certainly not, heaven forbid, an extrovert! Over time, I’ve been able to reflect.  I’ve decided to start posting again.  I suspect the tone of my journal entries will change, much like Schrodinger's cat, now that I am aware that I’m being watched.  We’ll see.  I will let this journal entry be the start of a new chapter in subMeghan’s ongoing adventure. Here’s to the journey! subMeghan    

Thank you for reading And thank you for your time I promise not to waste yours I tend to value mine Poetry’s enticing Prose can add a spark Pretty sets of words betray what's in their author’s heart Art is also obfuscated fleeting and opaque Maybe not the ideal way to tell of what I'm made Doubtless you'll have questions those who enjoy this jest Feel free to message me and get them off your chest Keep in mind that I don't know you and that you don't yet own me We owe one another mutual courtesy  

  I know i am a good person and i am not a liar or a bullshitter, I find it an insult when someone tries to bullshit me and yet they insist, even swear, its the truth. I have no time for that.   I am a sub but i am a strong woman. Not a doormat in any sense though i am a softy for those i care about.  I am pretty smart and have been told i am a pleasure to be with. Humor is a part of me, i am respectful, tho i can be a lil sassy now and then.  I do have 2 dogs my big boy is 11 and my little one is 6 both good boys most of the time lol  What i like the most about this lifestyle, is having the freedom to be and feel what i always felt but never let it show, because i believed it was a sign of weakness. Most of the time i do like rough, sexually moreso than physically.  Love spankings and not the ones for being bad those are different I am submissive, i do not wish to take or have control, I do like to be able to share my thoughts and or feelings concerning whats going on.

Miss May's Confessional is now open...   "Do not forgive me Miss May, for I've been a bad boy and I plan to do it again..."   This is a call to all my pervy pals to come forward and entertain me with whatever naughty diversions you've been having, real or imagined. Brag about your recent sexual escapades or confess your impure thoughts (especially regarding me <3 ).  If you're lucky I might be into it too and want to join in on your fun... Seriously, I'm as depraved as you are and your fantasies delight me! And don't worry, my sweets, your kinky confessions are confidential.   On a related note, some of you are mistaken about what the free version of femdom offers. You're here for my entertainment, not the other way around, and you'll get from me what you put in. Be interesting, be open, be willing to figure out how to stroke my ego, and then I'll play with you. I'm not going to coax it out of you either, and expect to have your persistence tested. Don't be too proud to double message me if you think your last message got overlooked. I do make an effort to respond but life does happen.    And finally, thank you to you lovely gentlemen who admire me, check in on me, and wish me well. Your compliments and attention are much appreciated <3   -MM 

How would I train thee? Let me count the ways ... I would train you to make my cup of tea so that you may see my sigh of pleasure at the first sip of the perfect cup. I would train you to accept my wishes and disrobe whenever I say ... just so I may enjoy your compliance ... and your body. I would train you to kiss me exactly as I want to be kissed. I would train you to bend over naked while I watch you from my throne chair as you clean my Jacuzzi, my floor, my toilet, my sink. I would train you to pleasure my breasts, building my excitement, teasing me until my nipples cry for attention, then satisfying with alternately delicate licking and deep sucking ... rinse and repeat ... again and again. I would train you to BEG to serve me: beg to worship my pussy, feet, breasts & ass. You MUST BEG! I will permit or deny at my whim. I would train you speak when your instinct is to be sullen and silent. I would sit you down on the floor before me, your face looking up at me from between my knees. My scent, the sight of my round breasts and belly, my stern voice and gentle acceptance would compel you to listen to your inner self and speak to me. I would train you to open my car door, pull out my chair, help me on with my coat ... sliding your fingers under my hair into the warmth of the nape of my neck, lifting my auburn locks gently out (such an intimate gesture in a public place). I would train you to be my assistant as I garden, barking orders at you as I enjoy watching you extend yourself at my behest. I would teach you how much I love to see you sweat for me. I would train you give me an excellent massage, delightful orgasm, and in time ... a full female ejaculation. I would train you to revel in my ownership of your genitals, your ass, your heart and your devotion. I would train you to love and accept the gallant gent who you are while you serve the wonderful woman who I am. I would train you to balance your family, work, self-care, and your personal life ... of which I am your Queen. I would train you to enjoy my love and pour yourself into my service. I would train you to succeed.  LadyD.

pet store (2/3) after you approve the collar we shop for leashes together, but i'm in a daze. every time i start to regain my composure, you reach under my skirt and bring me to the brink of orgasm, then laugh at my whines when you step away. as you edge me over and over, you taunt me- telling me i'm a desperate slut, just your little fucktoy, this is what i'm meant for, look at how pathetic and wet i am. then you have me repeat it back to you, and in my desperation i start adding to it, telling you that this is what i deserve for being such a whore, that it doesn't matter what i want as long as i'm pleasing you, begging to let me suck your cock to show you what a good girl i am. after you push me so perilously close to the edge again, i finally tell you i can't take it anymore. you push me against the wall, using the leash across my throat to hold me in place. "touch yourself." "sir please, i can't--" you add pressure to the leash choking me and lean in closer, so your lips brush mine when you tell me, "that wasn't a request, slut." i whimper but reach under my skirt and run my fingers up and down my wet pussy lips. you loosen the leash a little and kiss me just as my fingers find my swollen clit, and i can feel you smile when i g into your mouth. you continue kissing me while i touch myself, seemingly unaffected by my need, just holding me in place in this pet store like we have all the time in the world. when you hear my breathing change as i get closer to the edge, you order me stop and continue lazily kissing me, completely ignoring my desperate whines and rocking hips. when my breathing calms you order me to do it again, and again, and again. sometimes you order me to fuck myself, or lick my fingers clean, or pinch my nipples since your hands are still holding the leash across my throat. we keep going until nothing matters except your voice and my throbbing clit. i don't care anymore that we're in public, that all i can hear in this store anymore is my moans and wet pussy, that there's no way i could get within 20 feet of the cashier without him being able to smell the juices dripping out of me. all i care about is obeying you and ending this torment. i don't know what you're waiting for or want from me and i'm too far past rational thought to think about it or even ask. after the fifth time in a row of making me edge myself, each session getting shorter and shorter, i burst into tears when you order me to stop. you step back from me and admire your handiwork. i'm leaning against the wall, eyes closed, still crying. my inner thighs are glistening, my juices running down my legs in a way that's impossible to miss. even as i cry, my hips are rocking, still so desperate for any touch. you cup the side of my face and tell me i'm a good girl, petting my hair and telling me how obedient i am in between you sucking my fingers clean. when i have enough composure back to look at you, you smile at me and ask if i'd like to cum. i immediately stand up straighter. "yes sir." "you'll still have to earn it," you tell me. i nod. "what will you do to earn an orgasm today, baby?"o you ask it so innocently, but your hand slips under my skirt and finds my clit again before i can answer. "anything, i'll do anything to cum, please daddy," i beg.  

Recently I've been having some fun on another site that specializes in Doms keeping subs in chastity. So last night I had this one guy... mid 30s... glasses.. looks like a real computer nerd approach me. I was not going to give him the time of the day and I sensed he was going to be a bit of a brat. But he begged, begged and pleaded. Eventually after a lot of negotiating and exchanging some links I agreed to put his dumb ass in chastity for a simple 2 hr lock. Guess how many times he messged me begging to be released during that 2 hour  span of time. 37x. I can't make this shit up even if I tried lol.  So naturally when I returned to the site after getting dolled up for the day I see the messages. And I'm pissed. Becuase I specifically told him to sit his ass in the corner with his cage on and butt plug in and wait for me to return. He got called every name after the sun which I'm sure he enjoyed and I extended the timer for the rest of the day. I also have access to his dildo machine via lovesense and let's just say today he could barely sit down without a pillow. He thanked me this morning :) he loved it. 

Instead of updating the profile and having it be down for months, I am using the journal to note changes.  I have collared a slave and it is serving in My home 24/7/365 I continue to train and develop other slaves that need experience serving, learning protocols, developing pain tolerence or just want to provide pleasure to a Master I am also looking for a second slave for a poly household. Mine is a Leather Family and I have many friends in the world Leather community. I have a process for evaluating a slave for ownership, if there is interest I can explain further. The new Dungeon Barn has finally been built. This 3 level dungeon is an all season timber frame barn built on a stone foundation. The interior is being finished and then equipment installed. Completion scheduled for winter 2021. Summer months We/we reside at our camp. Cothing optional, men only, with a complete dungeon there as well

I am pathetic.  After everything that happened I swore off this life. I deleted Fet, removed all my social media, removed all my chats EXCEPT FOR CS only because I was afraid in the next few years if I returned to this life it would take Forever to make a new CS account. Which I guess is good as I have 1 avenue I can share these thoughts. In summary, I'm pathetic. I didn't even last 3 weeks before I was deeply depressed.  Which doesn't matter as I don't have a Master anyways.  By the way Master Tim wherever you are now, dead or alive, you owe me. You owe me big time. I was newly married, a house wife, in my 20's and I went online (back then) on Yahoo chat. I had just found a book on Gor the first book in the series and I had questions and I didn't know what to do with these newly discovered feelings. I just wanted to know what this meant. I'm a black female who was married to a black man and I had shown him what I saw and wanted to engage it. My husband said what black woman would ever want that life. I was mortified. Is there something wrong with me? I just wanted to know. Then I found Master Tim. Master Tim you didn't have to show me the lifestyle. For 5 years.  You wanted to meet outside of chat day 1 of talking. I agreed and thought I'd was being smart by saying a public place .. Like the library. You pulled up an older white man with leather on and a motorcycle. You looked like you came from the wrong side of the tracks. I was young (in my 20's but truancy officers still stopped me), newly married, black female who was probably too naive for my own good. I watched you sit on your motorcycle. I knew it was you. You didn't look like you belonged here.. it was thrilling to watch you knowing you were just like in the books. You finally got off your bike and went inside. I wanted to see more, observe more. I went inside. I didn't see you and went deeper looking through the book aisles. You cornered me and said my chat handle. I nodded and you said you knew it was me something about being able to tell a submissive girl.  Side note: I have heard that over the years. A man would look at me and be like your submissive or a slave and I would be like how do you know. This always happened in a vanilla setting where I was not behaving in a submissive way to me but I was always called out.  I digress. You reached slowly to touch my breast and I didn't fight you or anything. I didn't know what to expect but I knew from the book and Yahoo chat this is what is to happen if He/You wanted. I got nervous and you stopped. What if we were spotted and this was my town what if a friend of my husband saw us... See I was naive and stupid. You told me to take you to my home. I nodded and did. JUST met this man and did. I was lucky you didn't hurt me. I brought you into my home and you whistled. I was proud of my house. You then ordered me to kneel and you stripped me. You put me in the correct position for kneeling and you touched my pussy and breasts. I was in heaven. I can't describe the feeling of being under that gaze that makes you forget how ugly and fat you are. That gaze that makes you feel womanly, sexy and that you'll do anything for Him. Master Tim gave me his address and told me to meet you at your house tomorrow if I was serious.  I was serious. I did everything you commanded. I was not perfect. I was tired. Annoying. Hell, you had to order me to fuck my husband (my first Master was so considerate). When you worked late, I went out with the "girls" at your commands so you wouldn't be bored. Tired up in the back of your party bus. The patrons thought it was a great gag. When you parked and they went to the clubs to party you couldn't leave the bus. We had fun. Whatever Master wanted. Needed. Then one day out of the blue you said your were sick/hurt and that you were moving to Georgia. And left. Just like that. I was released and you were gone. Over the phone. A year or so back I had begged you to meet me divorce my husband so I could be your slave full time. You said you couldn't give me the life I was used to. I'm not an idiot. I realized you lived in poverty let's be honest and I was upper middle class but that didn't matter to me. I just wanted this life but permanent. I thought I could say least prove to you that I was what you wanted but you were gone. I didn't even get a say. I was devastated. I was crying on the bed and my husband sat next to me. He said that our first 3 years of marriage/dating was hard but these last 5 years have been pure bliss. Now I'm home crying like I lost a family member. He gently asked if I had been cheating. I told him yes. That it was bdsm and he said he didn't realize how important it was to me. He would try. My husband found out I was cheating our whole marriage and said he'll be what I needed to be happy. I agreed. It lasted a mere thought. The man is just not built like that and I was trained in the strictest version of bdsm. He was doomed to fail.I was depressed sad and this life I can't stand anymore. Everything made sense with Master Tim. This... This life didn't.. I got divorced.  I've had Masters after Tim but ... I'm not worthy. I'm not submissive. I'm a slave. They are different to me. I get excited at options cuz I'm used to not having them and honestly I don't really want the choices. I'm a slave. I do as commanded. That feels right. I don't mind getting to make a recommendation but ... Yeah ...I'm too old now to keep looking for a Master. Youth is not on my side and my pretty looks is aging. It's harder to stay slim naturally and ... I really hate this life. I wish I never found that damn book. I wish I never had good Masters and then bad Masters but regardless Masters. I wish I could be normal and vanilla and that I don't long for the strict confined world I can no longer be a part of.  I wish there was a way for the pain to end.  It's so incredibly painful to be this way, I can't help it, and there is no counterpart. Its worse than being lonely. I'm a slave with no Master. I can't breathe, I can't think, I try desperately to never engage to not think of this life.  it wasn't supposed to be this way and like I said lated 3 weeks. I'm pathetic. 

Now that a vast majority of the 'Oh Hey journals are back!" have been done, lets take a minute to update this.   So heres the gyst of what I would LOVE to find, in an ideal world and ideal time...  We want a cis female slave.  Males are good FOR OTHER USES but thats not what I am looking for as a priority, there MAY be that option but remember the use I have for you is seveirly limited. The slave that I am lookin for needs to understand that I PRESS HARD for information.  I WANT you to ask questions and am dissapointed when you just answer in 1, 2, or 3 word answers.   I will NEVER be with anyone without birth control.  I as the Master, may be having that issue taken care of, of my own accord, because I already have one daughter, who doesn't live with me, and I dont want any more children. Otherwise, any prospective slave should read our full profile and write back. male slave/s be known that if you are not local there is little to no chances for you..  Even local males, you have a purpose,  yes, but o e that is not domestic or sexual,  and to be honestMOST of the male slaves that have come forwardare not even appealingto the eyes.  Now as to the current update... Mouse has left my service as of Dec 14th. I FOUND a new appartment, so my search for a slave has resumed, again read my profile CAREFULLY because I will call you on it lol. I dont know how many times I have had to say this...  If you are INTERNATIONAL do NOT boter to write to me, male, female, rich, poor, doesn't matter, international relocation is a hassle and with Covid GOOD LUCK getting a flight over here.

The artist Nas once said that life is a bitch and then you die. I agree wholeheartedly. That is why I try to live life to the fullest everyday. Several things occured over the past two years that have significantly changed my life. Im not writing this post to complain about those things but to reflect on how those things have influenced my choice to fulfill a long time fantasy that up until this point in my life seemed unrealistic.  Tomorrow, I have a realtor coming to my home to list it for sale. I will be selling my home and moving in with my submissive so that we can build our 1950s household. She lives in Philadelphia so this will not only be an opportunity to live out my fantasy but it will also be a fresh start in a new city. The circumstances that created this possibility were not desireable but I am happy that they pushed me towards fulfilling one of my long time fantasies.  Life is a bitch and then you die.....so you may as well make the best of it while you can.    

1 year post gastric bypass I have lost approximately 80 pounds from December 2020-May 2022. I had gastric bypass on May 2021. What have I learned in the first year post gastric bypass: A bite or two of something is enough for a taste but you don’t need a ton. A single bite or two of something sweet but high in calories is usually enough. I was trained as a small child that anything you take you eat. Learning to stop when full and ask for a box or throw away/give away the remainder has been a huge success. Shopping in decreasing sizes doesn’t mean you have to purchase every size as you go down. I have gone from a 22/24 sometimes 26 down to a 12-16 depending on the store. I have gotten a lot of my clothes from friends at a clothing exchange. I have at times lost more inches than pounds so when i decide everything is too big I shop then i see a large jump from where i was to where I am. I’ve gone from an old navy xxl at my heaviest to a xl in bodycon dresses to a m in summer dresses. Which was a thrill. However, I don’t shop enough to purchase every size. In Jeans, I usually end up dropping 2 or 3 sizes when i shop since i wear them with a belt until they are insanely big. Weighing/measuring portions isn’t a bad thing. I actually want to upgrade my food scale to a nicer one. I use this daily. When I pack lunches for work I’m still packing too much. It is a shock to bring home half of what i pack. If i take a large back of something into my desk drawer I have to take a measuring device to portion it out or portion ahead of time. If not I fall into bad habits The scale isnt the only victory. If i lose inches and clothing fit better that is a win. Being able to take dresses from tunic tops to actually dresses with boots this winter has been fun. Regular knee-high boots not extra extended calf have been a thrill. Being able to handle heels regularly has been amazing. Going to the gym is fun with the right classes. Spend the extra for the gym with classes you might like. My family spends 86 per month on the YMCA instead of 40 for planet fitness locally. The Y has childcare and all the classes. I go to water aerobics, pure barre and body pump. I have a ton of fun at all 3. Plus as long as I go 12 times a month I get 20 back on membership. If my husband goes 12 times we get 20 back for him as well. SO it bring the Y down close to Planet fitness in cost plus it includes childcare and activities for my daughter as well. I can keep up with my co-workers who are almost half my age. I feel mentally sharper. I also can physically outdo some of them. I work in a department where we move some boxes of paperwork on a regular basis. As long as i’m not wearing a short skirt and the box isn’t over my head I can lift most. I have learned it is ok to ask for help with medical concerns. I am an insulin diabetic on a pump. I have had to reach out a few times for my data to be reviewed by my diabetic care team and be adjusted. My goals for year 2 are to: I plan to up my time at the Y. I currently go 2 times a week for me and then 2 times a week for my kid to use the pool. I want to get to 3 or 4 times a week for me and 2 times for my kid. Find someone to be accountable to forMonitoring the protein i get in daily- i should be getting between 60-90 grams of protein in dailyMy time spent at the gymMy food logs With my current partners consider adding those pieces into my dynamic with them. Not so much as to be babied by them but to know i’m being monitored. To Know i will be asked why i didnt do one of them some specific day. It is like the monitoring with my medications that we do currently. I want to get under 200 pounds. I have always been a BBW but i want to become closer to hwp. I want to be able to completely shop in straight sizes instead of still flipping between straight sizes and plus. I want to be able to get tied into more positions. In addition to being a masochist.

Not sure what it is with Sundays but  jeez   lol A lot of you shoot yourself in the foot on the first email.  You know what they say about first impressions.   lol Just cause you send me a message does NOT make you under consideration. I have people contacting me for different reasons so I don't assume why people are contacting me, thus is one reason I put that in my profile on what to send me if you are wanting consideration. Also, just because you want consideration doesn't mean I'm interested If you can not approach me with a "hello" before you start rattling off what YOU want, then we are not a match On that note if you approach me rattling off what YOU want and how I might be "good enough" for you we are not a match If you can't follow the instructions within my profie, then we are not a match If you don't realize that "I" get to choose who I pick and it's not all about what you want, then we are not a match If you think the dominants on here and are all the same and only here to serve you like we are some prostitutes that take clients, then we are not a match If you don't agree with what I am looking for and the way I want to achieve it, that's fine, no hard feelings move on the the next profile.  But don't waste your time or mine trying to manipulate me into your perfect, whatever Have a good Sunday

How I Think About This Life There's a difference between Dominants and Masters that most people . Dominants and submissives live this episodically, in scenes, in chapters, in hungers that get fed and return. It's something they do. For those at the deeper end of the pool it goes further than that. It is fundamentally different. It is woven into who they are. It can't be set down because it was never picked up. It is simply there, part of who they are.  When they aren't living in alignment with it, they feel something is missing. If you've done scenes, found satisfaction, and then felt the hunger return unchanged as if you'd fed the wrong appetite entirely, sit with that. It may not mean something was wrong. It may mean you've been reaching for the right thing in the wrong form. That isn't to say that a lifestyle that's built around playtime scenes is wrong or lesser, just that if it isn't scratching the itch you feel fully, mere domination may not be what you need. From my perspective, dominance is about the application of power in a given moment. Mastery is about depth, about how completely you're committed to understanding and fully expressing a woman's unique nature. I use dominance as a tool of Mastery, not its definition. What I'm after isn't the performance of control but its reality, to shape a willing partner into their deepest perfection as I see it. Dominance is the moment. Mastery is the journey. That journey begins with genuinely knowing her. What moves her. What holds her back. What she hasn't yet given herself permission to want. What she doesn't yet understand about herself. I hold what many people today would call an anachonistic (and often misogynistic) view of a woman's nature and her place in a dynamic. It is not a lesser place, simply a different one.  A hammer and a screwdriver serve different purposes, and each performs terribly as the other, yet they are both equal.  Dominance and submission is a response, in many ways, to how our society has tried to homogenize the roles of men and women in a way no different than demanding we accept hammers and screwdrivers as being equaly capable of fulfilling each other's roles.  I believe far too many women today struggle with happiness precisely because they have accepted society's rejection of traditional gender roles socially and sexually. I've seen women who feel peace and gratification when they submit in the bedroom, then can't understand why they're angry and frustrated when they live the rest of their lives trying to pretend to be the same as men.  Some women can navigate society's definition of "equal" just find, but submissive women need a place to express something core to their being that isn't satisfied in that space of equality.  For some, submission in the bedroom fills the need adequately, but if you're still feeling that hunger to submit, if scenes aren't fully feeding your need, I believe that's why. Do not mistake me: I do not see women as in any way lesser than men, only different. There are highly compentent women in every field and skill; I simply believe that a woman need not sacrifice her femininity, nor a man his masculinity, for the sake of equality, and that society's attempts to do so are why so many women (and men) are dissatisfied today.  It is mind-boggling to me how so many people can recognize the fundamental difference between equality and equity in relation to (for instance) disabilities, yet contend that equality between men and women is natural.  If you have a womb and I don't, equality isn't possible, period.  Equity, however, is. I don't apologize for those beliefs and I'm not interested in debating it. What I mean by that isn't contempt. It means I think femininity carries something specific and profound and inextricably linked to submission.  A something that goes to one's core, and that a woman who understands and inhabits that space rather than arguing with it is capable of a submission that most people in this life never actually find. I find that kind of woman extraordinary. Truly a priceless masterpiece to be treasured, and conformed to my vision of their perfection not harshly, but with firm confidence. My approach has always carried a 1950's quality to it, in the best expression of that era (which most certainly wasn't always its reality). The structure of domestic life has always served, for me, as an expression of the dynamic.  That particular kind of submissive femininity that finds meaning in service and in the rhythms of a household held to a standard, the rituals of daily life weaving the texture of the dynamic. The aesthetic matters to me as well: a woman in a well fitted A-line dress over stockings and a garter belt, moving through a home with intention and grace is, to my mind, one of the most beautiful things there is. It is simply where my sense of how this life is lived most fully has always landed. It certainly isn't for everyone, and I"m not saying it is better, only that for those for whom it fits I believe it is most satisfying.  I'm drawn to a woman who makes pleasing me her partner her quiet art, whether we are in a relationship or not.  I love enging with a woman who wants to be formed and shaped into her most fully realized self, who finds in that not diminishment but the truest expression of what she is.