Psst... It's secret time. Pinky swear you won't go and tell? I'm trusting you since we're journal friends. I follow two journals: 1. A delightful crotchety and humorous dominant man who shares brief opinions from time to time. He's clever and funny and doesn't really care what you think. I dig it.   2. An eloquent dominant female who shares song lyrics, poetry, and conversations over tea. She elevates this place. I would love to go into a used book shop with her.  Okay, here's the secret part where it gets a little weird. I do not follow but I look for two other journals. The first is a dominant male who I am pretty sure is certifiably mad. I won't officially follow him to ensure I stay off of his radar as a precaution- sacrificial lamb is not my kink. But you better believe I scroll the journals to catch any new entries.* The other is a dominant male who often posts. I think he is some sort of AI. Hear me out. All of the sentiments match to the point of being repetitive. With poor grammar. It's like riding a hamster wheel. Someone requested it, AI produced it, it was slapped in a journal, and there's a psychologist teaming with a scientist in the background monitoring to see who falls for it. I can't picture someone producing the same phrases over and over. Even the mad hatter doesn't do that. Has to be a bot.  No, I won't tell you who they are, don't ask. If you know, you know. And if you're the psychologist and scientist letting me know that I figured it out, do put a rush on that.  *My crotchety friend is also fascinated with the mad hatter's entries. I knew he was good people. 

Smart, successful, strong and structured.  I wasn't born this way, these attributes were my choice.  As such I don't overlook or yield these principles to anyone.  If these are not qualities that you admire in grown men please move on.   I'm straight forward and I expect the same.  If picture swaps, video calls, or personal meetings are a hard line for you then I am not the one.  If you get together with me you will be giving up the PT&A.  If that's not an issue keep going.  I may be good conversation and a well of knowledge, but I am here to find another partner, not a chill buddy.  I work hard and need an outlet.  I don't intend for you or this site to consume me or my time.  This simply means that I may not be on as often as someone with a lot of extra time on his hands.  I have many differing likes, yearnings, ambitions, and needs to be satisfied.  I'm interested in hearing your's.   J²

Well, it seems journals are working again! Please don't ask me for meaningless play, or suggest I have an interest in you showing up now and then. I'm only interested in a real and whole relationship IN PERSON. I am the real thing, like some men seem to want... a lifestyle slave who is also intelligent and capable. I'm not moving, I own a large and lovely home that I have put a ton of money into customizing. I am only interested in a LOCAL loving dominant male who will make feel safe, and allow me to give myself to him as much as I am able, and not regret it. Yes, the "L" word. I want so much to put down my sword and shield. I'm an older lady now, so what I can do physically is limited. But I can still do quite a bit of the things that work for me, and if you have fet or alt you can see faceless pics of me and my dungeon. But mostly, I want a loving strong man who can be in charge and not make me regret it. Is that You? Right now, I am healing emotionally from giving myself entirely to someone who represented he wanted to be my Master, and then decided that being Jimminy cricket was more his style. If I were younger, I would take a few years off like I used to to heal, but I don't have that luxury now. So I have to get back in the pool.

An evening, recalled by the lady, written by me.It was late afternoon and it had been a tough day at the Commission. His kiss when he met me at the station was warm and affectionate; we chatted on the way to the hotel and as we checked in. When we arrived in the room I dumped my stuff on the bed and went out onto the veranda to look out over the lake. A few minutes later I heard him say ‘come here please’. I turned to see him with an impassive look on his face and standing in the middle of the room pointing at the floor just in front of his feet. He took hold of me around my waist and as he kissed me deeply, his hands travelled from my waist down my hips and across my bottom. Then up my back to my neck and then he felt my hair. He murmured ‘give me your tongue’ and I slipped it between his teeth. He nipped it and held it between his upper teeth and tongue. It was uncomfortable but not painful, he had done it often before and I had grown to like it. His hands resumed their journey around my upper body. They were firm, confident and moved without any hesitation. I could not have ed even if I had wanted too and the welcome feeling of melting inside began. He then released my tongue, kissed my lips then he turned me around and bent me over so my elbows were on the bed. He lifted my skirt and folded it over my back. His hands then roved freely over my bottom and between my thighs. He felt my mons, traced the line of my slit and ran his fingertips between down the crease between my buttocks, pausing to press on my anus. He then held me firmly against his thigh and began to spank me- this had recently become a regular beginning to our time together. One spank per cheek, then two, then three, they landed on my upper thighs and the curve of my bottom. He stopped at six and spent a few minutes gently rubbing my bottom, occasionally slipping his hand between my thighs. At ten per cheek it was stinging a lot. By twelve I was having difficulty keeping still. It was the knowledge that if I moved he would start again that kept me in position. The spanking was not unexpected and it had the desired effect. I felt myself starting to melt inside even more as he rubbed my stinging bottom and thighs once again. He stopped and made me stand. Then looked me in the eye, and then said ‘I have a few issues to resolve with you’. My stomach took a lurch, I’d been here before, he had shown no sign of real annoyance with me recently but then he never really did. He took me by the chin, looked into my eyes and said ‘strip and kneel’. He then turned and went to the veranda. It only took a minute to remove all my clothes and jewellery. I knelt, apprehensive about his return, embarrassed it had been a warm day; I had been wearing tights and had not had the time to wash and prepare myself for him. My make up had gone and I knew I did not look my best. He returned and pushed me forward to my knees and elbows. Pulling back my hair he locked my leather collar around my neck. It felt strange after the long break since I last wore it. The wrist cuffs were fitted next before he clipped them behind my back pinioning my wrists. He pulled my collar by its short leash to make me kneel up and then buckled a gag around my neck and pushed the red ball behind my teeth before tightening   it. He turned me so my back was to the mirror and placed a low backed chair in front of me. He could now see both the back and front of me. Sitting on the chair he told me to part my thighs wide and to emphasise the point his foot nudged my knees wide apart. I hoped he wasn’t going to touch me between my thighs as he so loved too, I so regretted not taking a shower immediately we arrived in the room. From his pocket he took some butterfly style nipple clips. I hate them and he knows it, he threaded their chain into the ring at the front of my collar and after pinching my nipples between his thumb and forefinger to make them fully erect he clipped one to each nipple. The discomfort was almost unbearable, I instinctively closed my thighs, and he ed and gently tugged the chain, sending sharp jolts through me. I did as I was told and spread my thighs wide, pushing my mons forward as far as I could. The gag muffling my weak protests. He spoke slowly, jerking the chain on saying each word. ‘Three weeks ago you forgot your make up, two weeks ago your stockings, last week your high shoes. You have arrived in my company wearing tights for the last 4 weeks, hence the immediate spankings. You have not kissed or greeted me properly on meeting for the same length of time. You make up today is poor, your hair isn’t brushed and you have not left your pubic hair as I instructed. In short young lady you are marring your beauty. You are fully aware how beautiful I think you are and you are distracting from it by being sloppy and that disappoints me. I will not accept you detracting from the pleasure I take in having such a desirable woman as my lover. Do you understand?’ I nodded, my eyes starting to water from the discomfort in my nipples and the realisation of how I had disappointed him. There was also the knowledge that I had been here before and if it followed a similar pattern then this was the case against me. By nodding I admitted my guilt. So I was about to punished for being a sloppy and inattentive submissive who had disappointed her Dominant.  He helped me to my feet by lifting me by the collar on my ring; it also had the effect of tugging on my nipples. He reversed his chair and tugged the chain as he removed each nipple clip. It stung as the blood filled each nipple, my knees almost buckled each time, the gag muffling the g. He then connected my wrists cuffs in front of me, and bent me over the back of his chair so my weight rested on my elbows. ‘Part your legs’ he said, I complied and hoped he would decide to have me, not cane me. I was to be disappointed, though recently spanked I accepted I had earned this too. He fetched a cane from his bag as I waited anxiously. Holding the back of my collar he rested the cane against my bottom, drew it back and struck me. ‘One‘ he said. All I did was hear the sound then the harsh sting reached my brain! He was using the flat cane.  A piece of flexible wood two feet long, an inch wide and a quarter of an inch thick. It didn’t leave tram lines or scars; I knew its stinging would last for ages and leave a square red mark on each buttock, but it would not bruise very much. Not that it seemed important at that moment. Though I find the cane painful, the thonged whip he occasionally uses is worse. Its thick strands inflict weal’s and their tips can get into the most intimate parts of my body. I’ve also known him use it on my breasts and belly. Each cane stroke went slightly lower until the last 3 all struck where the tops of my thighs and my bottom met. My legs kicked out from the stinging, by now I had dribbled spittle around the gag, my eyes were streaming and my nose had started to run. He let go the back of my collar and returned the cane to his bag. Returning he pulled me upright by my collar and turned me to face him. I refused to look him in the eye; I must have looked a real mess. He took my chin again forcing me to look into his eyes. I felt so ashamed of my appearance. He had told me I was beautiful so very often and it made me feel so proud when he said it. Now I had let him down by being too complacent. He unclipped the wrist cuffs, reattaching then in front. He said ‘Do you understand what I have told you?’ I nodded. ‘Then get down on your belly on the floor and spread your legs, I haven’t finished with you yet.’ My mind raced, would it be the whip now, on my bottom? I knelt and lay on the floor, my bottom was really stinging and the carpet was rough against my sore nipples, my belly and mons. I spread my thighs wide, dipped my spine and waited. I heard the pop of a tube of lubricant being opened. It wasn’t the whip!! The lube felt cold against my anus as he applied just enough. He undressed, I could feel him looking at my prone body, the line of my sex and the rose of my anus. I was fully exposed because it was how he wanted me to be. He knelt between my thighs and pumped his cock to make the head larger. He spread my bottom cheeks with one hand and pressed his cock against my anus with the other. The tip entered me, it was so uncomfortable. I had forgotten how tight a caning made the cheeks of my bottom clench. He pushed into me, stretching me. I struggled and tried to object; he held me and reminded me of the presence of the whip. Once he was past the muscular ring I relaxed as the discomfort subsided somewhat; I felt the cool of his skin against my hot bottom. He reached and took hold of my hair and collar, pulling them back. At the first slow thrust he said ‘one’. The thrusts were slow and firm, they made my bottom sting though my anus soon adapted to the presence of his cock. He told me to squeeze my buttocks together as he withdrew his cock, and relax as he thrust in. I tried to do so; each time I failed he added two extra thrusts. He was punishing me and reminding me of his dominance by not taking pleasure from the stimulation my anus could give him. It was a reminder that sexual pleasure could not be an excuse for a lack of submission. It was a relief when he reached 100 and stopped counting and thrusting. I was glad he was no longer forcing my nipples against the rough carpet, and his tummy was no longer making my sore bottom sting more. But I immediately missed the closeness and intimacy of the man I so wanted yet had disappointed. He pulled me to my feet by my collar, removed the ball gag and lifted my chin. I must have looked a real mess as I worked my jaw to stop it aching, I certainly felt a mess and I promised him and myself not to let my appearance or behaviour slip again. He kissed me and said he loved me; I’m not sure if it made me feel any better- or if it was supposed to! He led me by the arm into the bathroom and told me to wash his cock and balls. I took a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked horrendous! Mascara running, the marks of the gag around my mouth, spittle around my chin and collar and my nose running! I looked away ashamed as he wet a towel to clean the lube from between my buttocks. He turned me around so my back was to the mirror and rubbed the wet towel firmly between my buttocks, it stung where it touched the red marks.  I heard him say, ‘You have 30 minutes until dinner. Be ready on time.’ I knew that I would make him the proudest man alive when he let me take his arm to dinner. 30 minutes wasn’t long. But I so wanted to see that look of desire in his eyes that I would ensure I was just as he wanted me to be. I knew just how good he would make me feel in return. He went to the veranda to watch the sun set. I set to work, though I did sneak a look at the red marks on my bottom. They made me feel strangely proud because they were his marks and I had submitted to him. He had put them there and there was nothing I could have done about it even if I wanted to. Now I didn’t know what he was going to do with me later, but after being disciplined he always had something special planned for me! 

Remote Controlled - Part 2 A fiction story Usually, waking up was a gentle thing in Sally's home. She'd take a few moments to stretch in bed, to wake gently before turning out of bed. This morning though her eyes landed on the evidence of last night. Instead of her crossword book on the nightstand she caught sight of her plug, phone, and wet wipes. No, last night certainly wasn't a dream. She'd been floating high after her online encounter with Jonathan. A shame flooded through her though. She'd fallen asleep instead of cleaning her toys properly. Sighing, the drawbacks of a long-distance dynamic welled up. If she were in a relationship with a dominant in person they'd never have allowed her to fall asleep and be such a lazy slut. Not wanting the near £200 she'd spent on her vibrating toys, Sally threw herself out of bed and set to cleaning up the mess she'd left for herself last night. Running some hot water, and taking her toy cleaning solution from the shelf she set the toys to soak a little in the sink before attending to the nightstand. As she began spraying and cleaning down the nightstand she noticed the texts. 'Aren't you going to thank me?' 'Just because I let you cum, does NOT mean you get to ignore me.' 'When you see this I want you to message me, slut.' Sally's heart slumped. This was exactly what was wrong with online play. Sure the thought of someone she couldn't see was hot and steamy, but the aftermath was disappointing for everyone. Caught in this thought loop she carried on cleaning until her phone buzzed. 'I am very disappointed Sally. When you are next online I would like us to talk.' Sally sighed, she was just as disappointed in herself. He was right of course. He'd done something for her, and what had he gotten from it? Immediately he thoughts shifted gear. Sally had told Jonathan why she didn't enjoy this dynamic. He knew what he was getting into. Why does he get to be disappointed? Why should she feel guilty? She could quite understand her own reactions, and needing to get on with her day, she pushed them aside to finish her cleaning and start her day.It would be a day or two before Sally next saw that Jonathan was online. In that time she'd put some thought into her feelings. Into this disappointment. She had no idea how online could work. 'Jonathan, I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. I told you I hated online' 'Don't worry. I won't take it personally. I have a suggestion for you if you're willing to be open minded again?' Sally's hands lingered over the phone screen for a little while as she considered her response. As she thought her eyes wandered around her room, eventually resting on the toybox she kept. It was a wonderful orgasm. What could it hurt? Sally, tapped the voice call. The ringtone tormented her for longer than she could bare. She could see he was still online, so why was Jonathan taking so long to answer? She could feel herself anticipating the conversation. How would this go? 'Hello Slut.' Jonathan's tone shook Sally. Instinctively she hated being called a slut. It was such a horrid word. She decided to overlook it for now. As much as she hated that word, she wanted even more for people to think well of her. Impressing and making good with Jonathan was more important than a four letter word. 'Hello Jonathan. I am sorry you know.' 'Oh slut, I know you are. Do not worry. I still think you are interesting.' His tone took her by surprise. He sounded...understanding. Calm. As the conversation went on, she did her best to apologise and to explain but he was calm and reasonable. He truly seemed not to be mad about it. His tone comforted her just as much as it made her feel uncomfortable. Eventually though in what seemed to be another effort to put her at ease, Jonathan made her an offer. 'Do you want me to give you a way to make it up to me?' 'Please Jonathan, it would set my mind at rest.' 'Very well. I have an app I would like you to download.' Almost immediately a message flashed on her phone. The link was easy to follow and the app looked legitimate enough. 'What is it?' 'Download it and find out.' Sally downloaded the app and set herself up on it as best she could while they talked. It appeared to allow one person to set rules, tasks, punishments, and rewards. It used a series of points to track things and could be shared between two people. Almost as soon as she was set up a request landed on this app - Jonathan would like to be your partner 'You do not have to accept, but I know you will slut.' Sally was disarmed by the confidence in his voice. Curious and still hoping for another long distance session where she could benefit from her vibrating toys, she clicked accept. The pages of the app seemed to immediately become filled with things. As she tapped through Jonathan began to explain. He could set her some daily tasks that she would need to mark as having completed. There was even a feature where he could request photo proof if she was comfortable with it. The rules was blank for now, but if the app proved useful Jonathan explained that he'd start giving her some rules to follow. The rewards tab contained two very simple rewards. 1. You may cum even if Jonathan denies you permission. (100 points) 2. Request a new toy from Jonathan. (50 points). Jonathan explained that he had found a delivery locker in her town and he could safely send items there without needing her physical address. She could be assured of her safety and not have to hand over sensitive information. Sally couldn't help but smile, he had really thought this through. Continuing on to the final tab, the punishments page had one punishment listed. You will tell Jonathan a name or descriptive word that you do not enjoy being called. Jonathan will use this word to address you for an entire week. 'I can hear over the phone the gasp of breath when I call you slut. I know you don't like it.' Sally couldn't deny it. She hated being called a slut. And then it clicked. He hadn't called her by her name since the night she'd fallen asleep on him. He was punishing her and he wasn't even here. Sally couldn't help but be impressed by his skill. The two talked for a little while longer, with Jonathan asking what toys 'Slut' owned. She reeled off the toys that she owned, taking and sharing some photos along the way. They discussed her limits, the things he enjoyed, the things she enjoyed. Then he announced something. 'If I have captured your intertest enough, I want to ask you to submit to me using this app and your toys. If you agree Slut, you will leave the call open and put in your vibe and buttplug. If you do not agree, then you can end that call

  Hello long time no see.  For those of us who have lived the lifestyle and have lived this way of life for a long time we've endured trials and tribulations and it seems more than our share of failures as well as some success.  For those coming into the lifestyle,  some things are new, most things are not  BDSM is the natural order of life.  There will always be dominant, submissive, property, owner, slave, submissive, bottom, top, all these are just words used to describe that order. There's no going back, No utopia to the human condition Someone will always lead, someone will always follow, some will always use, some will always take, some always give, some always do nothing except sit there and not move forward for a lack of fear for lack of decisiveness for lack of just Not wanting to take that chance. Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism  are the tools of the lifestyle, the sex all that pretty much remains the same. The only difference is who's doing it,who's using it,who's living it. Humans are a short lived species better to have lived life then to wait until end to experience it at death's door.      

Outcomes over urgency. When the roles change, so do the rules. Old paths seem to have a way of reopening because timing is always tactical... What's understood doesn't need explanation.     

Weda visits the book store I met Weda at Red Robin. Like, we agreed. She parked in the back. I picked her up. In my truck. And we drove to an adult bookstore. This was on her bucket list of things to do. her Bo was always threatening to do this with her. But I beat him to it. Like with most things he said he was going to do, to her.  As we drove there we chatted and I played with her boobs and rubbed her leg.  I ran my hand between her legs and could feel some of the dampness for the anticipation.  Once we got there. She seemed a bit nervous. I looked over at her and from her smile I knew I did not need to ask if she was ready to go inside.  I grabbed her hand and escorted her in. Standing close to me. We found a booth. One of the bigger booths for Both of us to be able to maneuver around. We got comfortable. I dropped some coins in and clicked on a movie. I unbuttoned her blouse then proceeded to play with her tits. She Pulled out my cock with a huge smile( she has a great smile). She started sucking . There were people knocking on the door, asking to join and trying to get in. I asked her if she wanted company and she said, not this time. Maybe next time. I then enjoyed her mouth as she was doing a fantastic job. After a few minutes I pulled out my cock from her mouth and bent her over.  I enjoyed her wet willing cunt for a while, before pulling it out and rubbin it on her ass hole.  I pumped my cock in and out of her tight wet shaved pussy a few times.  Every few strokes I would pull out and I  would pull it out, And rub it on her tight little asshole. Then back in her pussy, this went for a few minutes.  Fucking her pussy or should i say cunt? I pulled my cock out again. I  rubbed it against her asshole a few more times. Just lubing it up and relaxing it a little as I did this a few more times. She was moaning. I pulled out my cock and put the head against her puckered rosebud.  I started pushing slowly but firm. I pushed until I felt the first ring of resistance give away. The head of my cock was now in her ass.  I let her ass  adjust,  and relax. Pulled it out and back in slowly a few times. My cock started to go in deeper and deeper and then I hit the second ring of resistance. I applied a little bit of pressure and pop I was in!   I was busy, pounding her ass when some asshole picked the lock on the door. And tried to get in.He was peeking in the door. Begging to come in and watch. I asked Weda what she wanted, She said, no. So we kept him and the others outside. And pull the door shut. I continued to  enjoy her. I was fucking her towards the so hard and deep you could hear our bodies slaming together. I came deep in her ass and almost lost my footing since I was fully drained. We relaxed for a few minutes. Watched a bit more of the movie. We walked out hand in hand. There was a group of about seven pervys who had been listening and asking if they could join us in the booth.  A couple of them followed us asking if we were done and leaving, hoping they could get some time with my girl.  I walked her to my truck. Drove her back to her truck. And we both went on our merry way.  with smiles on our faces.   Another bucket list item had been checked off her list.

Tonight Im sitting here typing remembering the past.This used to be my main life.It was not on fetlife but another bdsm site. Hours turned into years as I sat and waited for my first Master. . It was more than online but He kept me online . I was trained to wait. He was a Dragon.There have been other Dragons. They seem to find me or me find them. I rarely drink but I'm drinking and I'm in a mood but Im not drunk. I need to back up and say at least they name themselves Dragon. I have my own ideas of what Dragons really are. Im not being disrespectful. I just need to get things out before I explode. One is hardly ever here online. One does write and I want to write back and say more but I just cant. Im just going through so much stuff. I start therapy tomorrow. Yay * sarcastic tone* a vanilla therapist trying to help me with relationships etc when I know that they will have no fucking idea what bdsm really is.

 MissDAR