Heyo <3      So this past year I've really been losing my grip on the hope I will fine someone, let alone a Daddy.  It's been a new kind of inner crisis to navigate you could say lol.  My presence is nada on FL, and I have literally.. no family or friends/ no one in the area to even hang out with or do fun things on the weekends.. Idk.. It's been a...lot.. Anyways-  Due to my mindset and whatnot, I was shook to login today and found I have 2 and a half pages of messages to read and reply to.  If you messaged me from 05/06/24 to present- I AM  SO SORRY!!  You have not been ignored, and yes this account will remain active. I will begin sending out replies tonight and promise to be more mindful in checking my inbox regularly going forward.  I hope I haven't peeved anyone off.. of course I care!! So thank you for your patience as I get caught up this weekend <3      <3      <3       Around the beginning of this month I glanced on here and decided to bring this profile up to date and to only use this profile.  Everything on here is now current and accurate.  My B profile I have taken down/hidden, and will only pop up if for some reason this one needs updating.  That is why some may of noticed I have two.  But they were confusing as to what was when etc etc.  So if you ever messaged me on a different profile: please reach out here if you would like to chat.  Also, please note I will not be checking that profile for the foreseeable future.  Updating this profile the other day was not accompanied by a long, long wait.  That's fantastic imo.  Anyways, I wanted to clarify.  Hearts and hugs :)  It's nice to be back.  Wish me luck 🍀 

I'm so happy to be back on Collarspace. This is where it all started for me....about 10-ish years ago when I was just finding out about BDSM and really exploring my kinks (which is currently still evolving)...With that being said... being here is so nostalgic because I've met some amazing people here over the course of years. I'm especially excited to run into some old friends here. So a quick story time....years ago when I was here one of my friends from MIDDLE school found me on this site (not really sure HOW) but we had really good conversations and he talked about the way I use to treat him in middle school as far as being very bossy, dragging him around, TELLING him that he was my boyfriend made him KNOW that he was meant to be a sub/slave. It really put a lopt in perspective for me too because it showed me that this was in fact a n inherent part of my personality....to dominate...to take control...to be the boss...and it came to me so easily...so long short, I'm hoping that i run into this guy here again that would be amazingggg... either way I'm looking forward to the connections I foster this time around. 

Chickens and eggs, carts before horsesBigSigh .. 1st visit, Excellent.  2nd, smh .. Idk which was more detrimental,The combo of miscommunication and misrepresentationor My own error in not insisting on sticking to My original plan anywayBut was led to believe it would be integrated ..  however, wasnt .Then today a previously hidden but suspected piece of the puzzle was revealed, and now the whole pictures clearer, but lost much of its allure.. Shame, bc the issues wouldnt have been issues if theyd just been discussed, and or handled better. Wish it all had been .. ah well.. smh .. hindsight sux Only bright side Im capable of coming up with atm is; they keep weeding themselves out quick as spit 

"So into you" or why ob- ject -ification is not as flattering as some guys think it is The subject today will be centered around ob- ject -ification, and how lack of the right actions is getting in the way of what you want. Recently my day was spent prepping for Mom spending the night, which mostly meant me continuing to organize, clean and just generally improving the space in my sewing room, (the only real spare room) which has a futon, and most importantly, DOORS, so she can have privacy and quiet from my cats. Now, being ADD, I work better with music and company, so I put music on that she and I can both enjoy- a Pandora station based on the Doobie Brothers I started just for her. And being who I am, I tend to listen to lyrics, and then often find myself analyzing them. Usually, I'm specifically analyzing the relationship failings described in them. It doesn't always stop me enjoying the music, but sometimes I recognize the stalkery mindsets that filled our airwaves when I was young and impressionable. As were the guys who were listening. It's not surprising that we all grew up thinking these kinds of unhealthy behaviors and expectations were normal, and even romantic. Songs like Boston's "Let me take you home tonight," where a guy is explaining to a woman he's never actually met before that he's basically been stalking her and built a strong fantasy and expectations about who she is, and now he feels that she should absolutely feel both flattered, and obligated to have sex with him. "You must understand this, I've watched you for so long, that I feel I've known you, I know it can't be wrong," and goes on to say "I'm dreamin of your sweet love tonight, let me take you home tonight." So… he's been watching her for a long time without talking to her, decided who she was without ever having a single conversation, and, of course, imagining sex with her. A lot. And he tells her so, over and over and over. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing because I want it. Because that's always what is really going on there. Always the focus and end focus. Nah... that's not creepy AT ALL. Geesh. Today, it was "So Into You" by Atlanta Rhythm Section. Different band, different song, same thought process - I saw you, I was attracted, I've decided who you must be, and I can't think about anything except sex with you - only this time, they seem to want to make it her fault. Now, at first, what struck me was "could not catch your eyes" and "stand here helplessly hoping you get into me." Which just makes me ask 'What did he actually try?' I end up envisioning Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon 2, dancing around like a lunatic and freaking out the of his affections. Let's hope it wasn't like that. But honestly, it sounds like he really didn't try much. He admits that he's 'standing helplessly' rather than walking across the room and saying hello. Which sounds a lot like complaints I've heard from guys before. "I don't know how to talk to women" and that's where it ends, rather than trying to solve that. I mean, there are classes, there are workshops, there is therapy, etc. There are options. Why would someone not even try to fix the thing that keeps them from finding companionship if they are stating that they want it? Passive is not a good look. Or as has been said "faint heart ne'er won fair lady." Unfortunately, the closer we look at the lyrics, the creepier it gets. All this woman did was walk into a room. Suddenly, he's obsessed. He "can't think of nothing else." He says "Love the things you do" when so far, all she's done so far was exist in the same room. She's "driving him crazy," "thinking about how it's going to be" and he's "Gonna love her all over, over and over." So he's not really thinking about getting to KNOW her. He's focused on this fantasy he has of who she is, and what he wants to do to her. She's a beautiful woman. But somehow, she's not really a person. I mean, he's impressed by her, and he wants something from her. But not enough to make the effort to interact with her as human being. So he's "helpless" and "driven crazy" and "captured" but is just standing around "hoping." Worst part is that I really do like the song. Musically, and I like his voice, and the moody, kinda slow jazz feel to it. Shame about the message. I do get it - sometimes you see someone who just looks so cool it's hard to figure out how to approach so that they will be as impressed by you as you are by them. I was told that I'm intimidating... decades before I knew that Dominant was a thing. And the problem isn't that he thinks she's beautiful with "voodoo in the vibe." It's that he's turning that into something SHE's doing - "driving him crazy," and turning his insecurity into "helpless." And the entire thing is portrayed as flattering, and romantic, and a compliment to her. Because isn't that what women are supposed to want? For men to desire them? For her beauty to give her power somehow? For her appearance to add to her value to men? Because "The Male Gaze" is always supposed to be a woman's focus. And what a man feels when gazing is her responsibility. And anything a man might do because of that feeling when gazing at her is her fault. And that is the message. In song after song. "I saw you, I had a feeling, I have a want, I am thinking about you, I am having lots of thoughts about you, I'm having a fantacy about you, I'm deciding that the fantacy is a true representation of who you are, so now I'm building hopes, and I'm building expectations, and now I'm going to approach you , and you should share all my fantacies and fullfil the hopes and expecations rather than view me as some total stranger who's making weird sexual demands." (We won't even START discussing murder ballads. That came up recently too...) That is the message young guys get when they are first thinking about asking girls on a date. That this is how it happens. That this is normal. So when they do it, they are shocked and confused by the girl's reaction. Then again, young girls get this too, so plenty of times when a guy is inappropriate, before they've learned to be afraid of guys and their reaction to rejection, they belive they are supposed to be flattered that a guy is paying attention to them. Even if she doesn't like him, having a guy want you is important, a measure of your value as a woman. So rather than seeing a red flag for later, more aggressive poor behavior, they see it through the lens of "romance." They feel pretty and special and don't recognize healthy behavior when they see it elsewhere because this is how it happens, and what is normal. It's right up there with "he must like you if he punched you" in grade school turning into "he didnt mean it, you know he loves you" later when he beats her bloody later in life. Hell, I literally had this just yesterday. "Hello beautiful, I’ve always wanted to meet you , I love that hair , your so beautiful, I’m in (my town) until Jan 30th Love spoil you and finally get to actually meet you , I only been dreaming for years to do some sissy sessions with you " Never read a single line of my profile in all those "years." So he literally only knows that I have a nice picture. I point that out. (It's a thing for me...you may have noticed.) He responds "I know I need proper training but I know you can teach me !" Because of course, that would be my goal - to spend time and a lot of energy giving someone what they want when they couldn't spend 5 minutes reading my profile. I point out that he STILL hasn't read it, or addressed my reply, and that it was kind of insulting.  He pushed on, though - "We can go get coffee or meet at a munch or anything your up for , I’m only here to next Sunday , but after we meet and greet , I know you would always enjoy my company"  Because obviously, women enjoy men who they feel have insulted them. Especially when it's the BDSM equivalent of a one night stand.  Yes, I blocked him. He obviously wasn't going to catch a clue, even when smacked with a clue-by-four, so there was no point letting him keep messaging me until he got nasty.  He told me I was beautiful, so it automatically followed in his mind that I would immediately want to be alone, up close and personal, providing him his desired gratification, in a session with him, a total stranger, on the first meeting. And that his idea of "spoil" would be the same as mine. Or "proper training." He belived knew me, what I'd want, what I enjoy from my company, etc, without having to read a word I wrote, because he'd looked at my picture and had a feeling and built a fantasy and then expecations. And that who I was beyond my face (and hair) didn't matter.  Because I was not a person to him.  I was an object he desired... a fetish vending machine into which he felt he had put the appropriate coinage - a compliment on my looks. And he wasn't going to be desueded from that with reality or actual human interaction.  This is the world women live in. This is what "The Male Gaze" actually means. If we are attractive, we have value, but not humanity. If we are not attractive, we have no value, and are dehumanized.  You'd think men who want to be Dominated would behave at least slightly different, show at least surface respect to a Dominant Woman, but on average, they don't. And yet, right now, in several groups, there are guys going on about how hard it is to find a Mistress, by guys with the same empty profiles and dick pic avatars and tons of 'do me' groups. The same complaints, the same confusion, the same helplessness and yet the same refusal to make the efforts that would make it possible for a Dominant Woman to want to interact with them.  They are standing helplessly... hoping... being driven crazy... not understanding why we aren't "getting into" them.

Caging a str8 male out of the cuckolding scene is a tricky proposition. I consider myself as a tamer of men and I find this a key part of taming and the most critical. Consider this, a str8 male's identity is built around prnetration, ejaculllation, and the exercise of unrestrined power. This trinity of str8 empowerment must be obliterated and refocused and that is where the cage is my best ally. Taking access to the object of their pride is like castraiting a str8 male, it cuts deep into their psyque and throws their world on a tailspin. A str8 male without a cock to grab is yours for the taking. Any submissive can and will understand your right to cage them period. However for a str8 male is an attempt against their masculinity and their deepest image of themselves. I usually get them used to see the superior man in e and the one who knows. Respect will make easier your demand and the logic of it. For the crowning effect they, not me must put on the restraint and the panic in their eyes can only be equated with the pain of deflowering. Like I like to say, a Bull has reasons that no str8 man will ever understand. 

Phallic Masturbation (Solo) Much of Phallic worship in the West begins with mansturbation  and the misunderstanding  of it at best. Males are made to view their phallus as a source of pride and also shame. Males are made to hide under the pretense of modesty that which nature adorned him with to be the glory of the world. Excitement by itself has been viewed with contempt, disgust, and rejection albeit in public. Nature is full of the glory of phallus and it is the male prerogative to show it in all species except Homo Sapiens. Western societies cannot find a clear cut  (no puede n intended) view of the phallus since it admires it and fears it at the same time. However, those of us who had the fortune of being initiated at an early age in the mysteries of maleness and how to achieve and give pleasure know better. The phallus gives pleasure indistinct of gender, but there is always a dominant preference. The giving and receiving of pleasure through and by the phallus is the aim of these thoughts. When the phallus and the worshiper are giving ritual pleasure is a different scenario to when one is alone. With another male in this case the center is the phallus, its glory, its power to penetrate, expand, and pulsate with life inside the one receiving it. However what happens when we are alone? Are we lost since there is no one to direct our power and mystic union? Not at all. Ritual mansturbation is a beautiful event in and on itself.  The aim is not to ejaculate but to allow the phallus to grow and expand in your hands as you caress and anoints it with appropriate oils and substances that show you devotion. I prefer honey, sweet almond oil, and myrrh. Begin with the testicles, and feel their presence and see them as the repository of power and maleness. Feel each one as you use the oils to enhance the experience. Warming the oils make a more profound effect by allowing the aroma of the oils and your own male scent to rise to your nose. Intoxicate yourself with the aroma and know that it is the same aroma inhaled by those who worship your phallus. Own it, you are as distinct as any other male. As you enjoy your testes move to the shaft and do the same, let the oil, precum, your sweat and your scent intoxicate you. This is not the time for stroking is the time for touching and feeling as my dad taught me. Feel the veins, the skin (if you are uncut, do not retract yet) the shape and feel the unity of the testes and the phallus. Caress as you anoint, smell as you reach the tip and taste your hands; that is your scent signature. That signature is the one anyone who had you keeps in his brain and soul own and know that. Stop, rest, allow you phallus to relax and now begin to stroke with you least dominant hand (right if you are left,left if you are right.) Stroke the shaft, not the head or under it. Let you phallus grow to its full potential and now slowly if you choose you can ejaculate and get the full signature aroma of your phallus. You have reach your solo blis. How can this be wrong?

  If you demand, expect, or require any of the above or if you have any demands at all, then you cannot be a slave. I suggest you re-think what it is you want. Then you, the submissive seek a nice Dominant who you can share the fantasy that you are a slave with. I am sure that once you agreed on terms, you will have the time of your life!!!!     Now: slaves don't get vacation, 'personal' days or 'time off' for being sick. Well, they can ONLY IF they are granted such by their Owner.   However, they have NO entitlement to such things. As a real slave you will be expected to (and here's the shocking part) actually be a slave. I know - that's just so crazy, huh?       A real slave is expected to be a slave 24/7/365. This is why slavery, real slavery, is not for everyone; or even most people for that matter.   If you are thinking: "Hey, I want to be a slave."   But you do want recognition for your service, you want to be rewarded for your efforts, you want to be treated with 'fairness', you want some variety or flavor of “equality”, respect, compassion and appreciation, then you want something other than real slavery.   What you are probably looking for is to Role-Play the part of a slave in an OTS (Other Than Slave) relationship which is great and you will definitely enjoy it with the right partner.       Similarly:   Ownership is neither a simple nor a small undertaking, beware!   An Owner assumes total responsibility for the health and well being of their slave(s).   - Some Owners love to train their property, others do not.   - Some Owner choose to have a love relation with their slave, others do not.   - Some Owners love to micro manage their property while others do not.   - Some Owners enjoy the acts of bathing, grooming, feeding, clothing, and housing their property while others do not.   No matter which aspects of Ownership you may enjoy, every aspect of a slave is your complete responsibility.   Here is a listing of the bare minimal requirements that an Owner MUST attend to, in order to maintain their slave(s):   A. Housing:   A slave requires a 'dry' living space with protection from the weather, where the temperature will be reasonable to live in.   B. Bathing and Grooming:   For health and sanitary reasons, a slave must be fully cleansed at least once per week. Whether you provide access to a shower or simply run a garden hose, the slave still must be washed, regularly. The dental care and sight of a slave are also very important for obvious reasons.   C. Feeding:   A slave must be fed on a regular basis; to maintain good health in your slave, a balanced diet of nutritional foods and plenty of water must be provided by you for your slave.   D. Physical Health:   Sun, conditioning and training a slave is one important thing, but you will incur substantial medical costs if the general health and welfare of your slave(s) are not consistently kept in mind.   An Owner must acquire more than a cursory, basic knowledge in First Aid if Owner is Sadist.   An Owner must, in fact, be prepared to handle a wide variety of physical maladies and to do proper reading regarding long term consequences of the activities he submits it's slave to.   Owning a slave is difficult, demanding and stressful. As owner, you may forget relaxation, privacy or spontaneity for a long time and be prepared to make sacrifices before your slave will be anything close to your target.  

Slippery Feet In the shower this morning, I became aware of the lack of feasibility of soaping the soles of my feet. I mean, slippery feet would lead inevitably to a crash. That is where a slave comes to service. Before the delightful tending to My feet with warm water, soap and oil; before the tongue worship; after the ritual request to speak; before the satisfying engagement of eye contact over My toes with the lapping slave as it concentrates with adoration on the removal any dirt and smudges that may be on the soles of My feet; comes the anticipation of pleasure at the sound of warm water being poured into the wash basin that will be used as I recline in comfort. The glance into the eyes on those times its eyes are visible as it labors up and down My soles when, in paroxysms devotion, it applies its tongue to the cleaning project. For Me, not infrequently, pleasure bordering on ecstasy. And so, after I grant permission for slave to humble itself and order a refreshment, I settle back in My recliner to wait in happy anticipation the humble slave, that has become devoid of self; that is self respect, self care, self concern, self aggrandizement certainly, and has become nothing other than an appliance for My pleasure to provide the ablution with exaggerated care to My feet. After it has finished the cleaning it will perform the permission to speak again, but, this time kissing a licking clean feet. Once I grant the honor of speaking to its better, it will express with emphatic enthusiasm gratitude for the opportunity to provide its Master with pleasure. Life as it should be. Master James

It is one of Goddess' greatest joy to bring love and light and support to Gender NonConforming Persons, and I define this quite broadly.  There are many who have approached and received My Blessint, and left changed, happier, through conversation with, worship of, and surrender to Me. It does not matter to Me whether a potential devotee is in the closet, limited in the way in which they can lead their most authentic life, just beginning their journey, at a crossroads, struggling, or in any way doubtful of themselves and their place.  These are not barriers or limitations for Me but part of a worshippers unique personhood.   Similarly, it does not matter to Me what your body is or is not.  The paradox is that as a GNC person you are unique and therefore beautiful, and will be seen as such, but also that you may have an image in your soul of WHO you are that also will be seen, recognized, and validated. It does not matter of you are shy or quiet or frisky or bratty.  Goddess will  identify the traits in you that She desires to mold and draw those from you. Many have felt My Blessing.  Become enriched and devote yourself to Me. Goddess  

Waitress the Musical is in theaters for a few days, in case you were not aware. I saw it twice. I have been listening to the soundtrack for quite some time so while I'm familiar with the music and the story, it was nice to put it all together. It gave it more meaning, and definitely endeared several songs and characters that I had quickly dismissed prior. I highly recommend it if you have time tomorrow. Last day.  There is this one character, Dawn. She works at the diner and is quite quirky and loveable. She has a song that is entertaining, and in my opinion, extremely heartbreaking. There are two lines that hit me: What if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it? What if he runs the other way and I can't hide from it? What happens then?What if when he knows me, he's only disappointed? What if I give myself away only to get it given back? I couldn't live with that. I feel that so much. That feeling of not being sure, thinking I'm not enough. That I'm not worth the effort. It's something that resurfaces in rocky relationship times. And sometimes for no reason at all. To drown it out I need to be loved out loud. Consistently. To quote another song, this one sung by Dawn's also quirky beau: I love you like a table. Cover me in stuff and I will hold it up, strong and stable. I love you like a table.  I'm a lot of work. I know this. I also know that somebody out there won't mind. 

Requirements as a submissive; honesty, trust, and genuine effort, not perfection.   I think a lot of people have the wrong idea or wrong impression of what it takes to be in a dynamic. They have this fairy tale mentality about BDSM dynamics and what they should be like. I imagine this is because in some ways they have been so romanticized and popularized that its a great fantasy for things to work out that way. Unfortunately though, that isn't reality. At least not for the majority of us. We don't need perfect. We aren't looking for perfect, and we don't want you to be perfect. What we want is honesty, trust, and genuine effort.   Now those three things can mean a lot more than what they look like on the surface. So lets break it down a little. Starting with honesty. What does honesty mean? Well it means a lot. It means being honest, being truthful, being real, meaning what you say, and saying what you mean. It means so much more than that but I think that you get the idea. Take it from someone who found out the hard way how difficult life can be when you don't live it honestly compared to how much easier it is when you just live within the truth. When there are no secrets or games and you are just you, all of the good parts and the bad. You take responsibility for yourself and your faults and when you screw up you admit it. You are honest about who you are and what you want. One of the biggest parts in honesty in my opinion though, being a person of your word. If you say you are going to do something, or that you wont do something, you hold yourself to it. Your word is your bond. If you cant do that then you really aren't worth much.   Next we move on to trust. So what is trust? Well to put it simply trust is a combination of honesty and actions. At least thats a very simply put version of what it is really. Without trust you can't build any kind of real foundation for anything. That applies to any kind of relationship and not just anything in the realm of BDSM. That applies to friendships and work relationships just as much as personal and romantic relationships. Without trust you can't ever really let yourself go in any situation. You are always on guard. Without trust nothing will work in the long term, it will all be just a superficial flash in the pan.   Last we come to genuine effort. You can have honesty and trust, but it wont mean much of anything unless a person is willing to put forth genuine effort. You can have all of the perfect components and get absolutely nowhere if only one person is putting forth any effort or if one person is only putting forth minimal effort. We all understand that everyone has a life, we are all busy, we all have things going on, we get that. All I'm saying is don't claim to want something if you aren't willing to put forth the effort in actually pursuing or developing it. Maybe you don't put in the effort because you are scared, or any number of 100 different reasons, who knows. What I do know is how absolutely disheartening it can be when someone tells you over and over again that they want something with you and then they just never show up. If you want it, then you have to put forth the effort. Actual genuine effort. And yes that may mean taking time out of your day doing other things that you normally do like watching tiktoks or whatever other superficial thing it is that you spend most of your time doing. When you tell someone repeatedly that you want something with them, but also that you never have time for them its difficult but most people will still make an effort. When they later find out that you actually spend hours a day on social media not actually doing anything and you are still claiming that you don't have enough time for them thats a giant slap in the face. Learn how to prioritize what is important if these are things that you actually want and stop playing with the people that do actually want them if you don't.   Honesty, trust, and genuine effort. In my opinion, I don't feel like those things are too much to ask, at least not to start with. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. I've been known to be a little old fashioned in my values in that sort of way. Maybe I'm no longer with the times. If thats the case then so be it I guess. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one that thinks the way I do though. Here is to hoping that I'm not. 

What is Y/your WHY? If You are familiar with the Simon Sinek video which You'll find easily enough on Utube he asks the question about what is your WHY.  The Why is what gets you out of bed in the morning, it's what motivates you and pushes you and keeps you constantly striving and pushing forward. I was thinking about that video again today because I feel like it's a good question to consider when figuring out where I belong in this lifestyle.  And simply put, I think that while I am searching for an Owner just like every other s-type here, I realize that what I am really seeking is my WHY or more specifically, that person who embodies my WHY.  I'm not seeking an Owner because of the kink or because of some fetish though those are certainly the spices of this lifestyle.  I'm seeking my Owner because I believe they will be the WHY in my life.  I don't think I currently, truly have a WHY. I think everyone wants to live a life of meaning and purpose.  I think everyone wants to matter.  I think everyone wants to know that when it's all said and done, there will be something they can look back upon and smile knowing that what they did made a difference. I have a good job, but it's just that, a job.  I've achieved professionally, but the truth is that my career has never been more to me than a means of paying the bills.  I don't have any kids.  I know a lot of people live for their kids but life didn't work out that way for me.  So what is my life for?  What is my WHY? I think that's what I am searching for here. I think my Owner will be my WHY.  I think They will be the reason i get out of bed smiling every morning.  I think that in surrendering to Them, I allow Them to direct and control my life in a way that pleases Them and give me a sense of purose, direction and that through my service, worship and obedience to Them, I am living a life of meaning.  A service sub or slave takes joy in pleasing, in washing every dish and scrubbing every floor for their Owner.  We take pride in our willingness to do whatever it takes to make Them happy and we are grateful to Them for every single thing They allow us to do in service to Them. It's why we want to say "Thank You," when we fetch that glass of water for You.  It's why we want to say "Thank You," after You've allowed us to pleasure You.  Or, why we say, "Thank You," when You deny us pleasure as a means of making You happy. There are certainly a lot of people who are only in this for the kink and fetish but I think there are a lot of us who are in this looking for our WHY too.  And our WHY is a person we get to please and in allowing us to do so, they give our lives meaning.  That's an extrordinary gift.  And the truth is no matter how much You demand of us, no matter how hard You work us, no matter how much You push us, we will never be able to repay You for that gift.  It's the difference between a life looked back upon with joy or with regret.  It's why wanting to own an s-type is an act of grace and benevolence.  

6/15 Mum is doing okay, not terrific.  Sleep therapy is going so so and My nights are interrupted, though the Dr. seems pleased.  After a day of good sleep, Mum seems more alert, mindful and able to complete more simple tasks.  I'm convinced that she has had sleep apnea for the better part of 30 years.  For the past 20 years, I've discovered a severe lack of follow through by her medical team and I would love to find an attorney who wants to spend the next 10 years on a medical suit.  I've got the proof of medical negligence and am following the proper steps to making legal changes to law regarding diagnosis.  Sleep tests should be standard exams given every 5 years for NO reason at all except to make sure we dont' have a bunch of zombies walking around after 65. Dementia is on the rise and much has to do with sleep deprivation and a lack of restorative sleep.  Note:  If you are not sleeping 6 hours or more, better get a sleep test cause you may not feel it now, but later on you will feel nothing but CONFUSION.  Also,  looks like gingivitis is another contriubuting factor which can come into play for Alzheimer's disease. We, Mum and I, are navigating as usual.  I'm very stressed, and tired, and learning how to manage through different therapies and self care.  She is lovely as usual, most times.  Life has a way of moving forward and together we strive. * On the sub/slave front -  we have had successes and oh so many hearty disappontments, so much dropped communication.  For some reason, most men seem to have a hard time realizing if they are not here, I have little time to spend in communication with them over the phone.  Oh well.  The ones who stay the course, WIN - We win. Again, I've tightened up the reigns on My searches: Phone chat through Microsoft Teams or Google Chat, at night, pre-arranged day/weeks in advance. I'm seeking those who wish to be part of a ds family, permanently with a woman who is HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD.  We start at ground zero and build from there, regardless of where you are starting from.     I'm not abusive or a fantasist.  I am also not going to force you into doing anything for Me and Mine. Anyone serving Me is doing so because they want what I have and what I offer.  This means you OFFER yourself up to Me and beg to be of service and to be utilized as I see fit.   As for what I am looking for:  people who carry health insurance.  lol  No locking you away on My property indefinately unless I get security clearance and immunity from a higher authority.  I mean it.  Don't come to Me looking for prison.  You stay because you know I have what you need and you help to PROTECT ME.  Period. Slavery is not legal here and My livlihood is on the line.  All these fantasists who claim, "I'm a real slave or want to be, eating from a bowl on the floor, naked, shackled, beaten for the slightest offense". BE GONE!  I don't have time or desire for your bullshit.  We might have a night or two of , let's play doggy, but the rest of the time, I want PEOPLE, who want to be of REAL VALUE TO ME. Be real, be genuine, be sincere and be looking for a life time of service where each of us continues to explore and develop our respective roles and responsibilities. As a dominant woman, I am always on the lookout for like minds to share this journey.  I appreciate honesty to a fault, manners, and kindness.   Hello to all and best wishes.

 ROFLMAO! Some moronic dumbinant just messaged me with pre-emptive butthurt and then immediately blocked me. It was against the site's TOS to paste others' messages into a profile or journal entry last time I edited my journal. It looks like that has been taken out again, but just in case, I'll summarise his idiot message instead, and share my reply that I typed, only to find myself blocked. He took the time out of his assuredly busy day to tell me that if I had read the site TOS, I would know why my links were rejected (a reference to my profile). My intended reply: "If you read the actual statement I made, you would know that the links themselves were not rejected, but that there is a limit to the number of links allowed in a profile. Any particular reason you are messaging a complete stranger just to attempt to throw shade?BTW, you used the wrong your. You're welcome."   I think he didn't like how my profile has limits and boundaries and stuff, which automatically preclude him from ever having a whisper of a chance. His profile consists of a couple lines demanding potential property be local or pay to relocate themselves, the typical, lazy, "feel free to ask any questions", in leiu of any actual bio, and has no interests selected, and his two journal posts consist of bitching and whining about submissives have standards.  One is about those who want to know what the prospective dominant brings to the table, advising all said subs that we don't belong in the lifestyle, and we should get out, and that any doms who tolerate such are "simps" The other laments subs whose profiles stipulate any limitations, such as excluding those with certain political or world views (the ones he specifically mentioned are usually to weed out bigoted assholes. Go figure). Charming fellow. I'm so sad that I missed out his domliness due to my totally unsubmissive insistence on not submitting to any old random loser on the internet.  

The Kink Vending Machine Dec 17, 2017   So, you want to submit. You want to be Topped. You want to find a Dominant Woman to whom to submit, and who will probably Top you.   I get it. I really do. It's just like all other relationships - we need something, and we can only really get it from other people. We want sex. Sexual gratification is possible without other people, but almost everyone agrees that it's not nearly as gratifying as it is WITH someone else. We want love. We can love ourselves, and we can love others, but most of the time, we have a powerful need to receive it from someone else. We want to do… stuff. Sex stuff, relationship stuff, life stuff, and yes, again, some of it can be done by ourselves, but mostly, we want someone to do it with, or to do it TO us. We want a someone. Lots of us want our own special someone, who is OUR someone, and for whom we are THEIR special someone in return. Or at least one of their special someones. And let's face it - sometimes we get lonely. Or we get needy. Or we just really want to do that fucking cool thing RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!! And then we can get a little…. fixated. That "someone special" starts to look more and more like "someone who will" and then "anyone who will" and then to just "anyone."   But almost NONE of us want to be "just anyone" to someone else. "I didn't get their name" is the joke we see all over to denote a space filler, a warm body, without memorable characteristics. Not special at all, in other words. Forgettable. Not important enough to bother with as an actual person. Just a means to an end.   Completely interchangeable with any other "anyone" we can get hold of when we need one.   About as special as a vending machine.   You need a coke, you go find a machine, pop in your dollar, soda pops out, and you move on. The machine? You barely noticed it when you were feeding it money. You sure as shit don't value it. And you forget it the second you pop that can.   Not flattering.   Here's the crux of the problem - if you will kneel to anyone who lets you, then when you kneel to me, you aren't kneeling TO ME - you're just kneeling because you like to kneel. It's the same as telling me that I'm no one special, and I could be swapped out with anyone and you'd be fine with that. It makes everything I am … nothing. Meaningless. Worthless.   Well, to you, at least.   All the years I spent working on learning how to communicate in a healthy, assertive, honest and open way… they don't matter. All the work I put into learning what makes a good Dominant? The same. All of the time I took educating myself on what makes a bad Dominant? Who cares? Any skills I built because they would give my submissive a better experience? Nada. All of the things that make me Dominant, or a good lover, or a good partner, hell, that make me a good person? Not worthy of notice.   Everything I am, everything I've made myself, everything I value about myself, has no value to someone like that.   They aren't looking at my profile and thinking "DAMN this person sounds amazing!" They aren't reading my writings and falling a little bit in love with my mind. They aren't seeing what I post about how Dominants and Submissives should treat each other and wishing that could be them.   That person… the one who kneels to anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat? THAT person saw a pretty face, got a woody, (or let's be honest, had a woody before they even logged on and are just looking for something to wank it to) and dropped to their digital knees because that’s what they want out of it all - to feel grovel-ish, to play pretend without admitting that to the other person, to rub one out to their fantasy of a Dominant Woman who would do to them the things that they saw in some porn vid. That person is 100% focused on getting something they want. They don't care where they get it, or even about the quality of what they get. They want what they want, and everything else is irrelevant

WELL FOLKS I HAVE GOTTEN MOVED AS OF LAST NIGHT MARCH 29. NOW HAVE TO GET SOME REST SO I CAN GET NEW HOUSE STRAIGHTEN OUT. I LOST ONE OF MY PUPS BECAUSE SHE WAS SO SCARED OF THE MOVE. SHE STAYED UNDER THE HOUSE. COULDN'T GET HER OUT. BUT I LEFT FOOD AND WATER FOR HER. SHE DIDN'T BARK LIKE SHE DID THE DAY BEFORE, YESTERDAY. THE NEIGHBORS WILL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR HER. NOT MEETING ANYONE YET. BUT WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN. HAVE A GREAT DAY!            MISTRESS CATSTAR...

I am so lucky to belong to my wife! Last time that she invited me to have sex she handed me my favorite plug, a medium size latex spade that is very comfortable. She pulled out her lash but unfortunately she did not hit me hard with it. As always i had to lick her pussy for a while, using my finger to caress the vagina simultaneously to licking the clitoris. When she had enough i inserted my dick very gently and started the usual program, that is inserting only the cock 8 times and deeper the 9th. Repeat for a few minutes while licking her tits. She loves that , and i love to please her. I d love to be tortured during sex but that is too exciting for me and makes me cum too fast to please her well. After the cock thing, she was already ready to cum so she came on top. I always must grab her breast with my both hands and lick her tits while she rides me. I love it when she tells me "lick, doggy". Again, i must admit that it is bad to please me as i could not control my cum any further.  I was already enjoying so much witnessing her pleasure and feeling that nice plug in my butt. I m so kinky... then she came to her orgasm sqeezing my tits between her fingers and i was able to cum in her pussy after that. I always have to hurry to unload before she turns me away. I love her so much. Too bad she does not take me yet a gull slave. I love her so much. Married for 5 years. Know her for 14 years. Oh darling please take me at your service. I'd love so much thst you rape me again like the time when you fucked me with that big strapon and you pissed in my mouth and shouted "swallow"! I know it will be though but i cant stop thinking about that. Rape me again, please let me show you what i am ready to do , please break me and help to improve and become how you want me.

What's odd to me are the lack of guys who drive,vhave a car, want to go to fetish clubs to be played with who are are submissive NOT submission fetishishists and NOT kink dispenser chasers. A submissive wants to please me first A submissive knows if I am giving time and play energy he gives his time and energy to please me, therefore we are both giving. A fetish dispenser chaser is in gimme mode.  A submissive guy who's first topics are not kink and has experience in a Dominant Woman/submissive man relationship with kink mixed in. Frustrating that I feel the need to spell this out after I was asked what a FLR was. <--- yup not experienced guy asking, bye bye.

This bleeding love Ain't taking our hearts Inner fire ignites us I paid so much I'd say it's my sport Ha ha ha wake up   Her nights don't define us Even heaven loves the way she tastes I'm crawling right beside her Give me grace I'm calling   Emotion violence taking my life In the fire we'll make up I saw the goddess Bury my light No no no wake up   Her nights don't define us Even heaven loves the way she tastes I'm crawling right beside her Give me grace im calling Her nights don't define us Even heaven loves the way she tastes I'm crawling right beside her Give me grace im calling   When my teeth are in And I'm already I'm already biting May I drink you in  Cus I can barely I can barely fight it   Your my prayers stay sweet Visions spells said she said we will Limerence says your mine Hold on hold on Hold on to me   Her nights don't define us Even heaven loves the way she tastes I'm crawling right beside her Give me grace im calling Her nights don't define us Even heaven loves the way she tastes I'm crawling right beside her Give me grace im calling   When my teeth are in And I'm already I'm already biting May I drink you in  Cus I can barely I can barely fight   When my teeth are in And I'm already I'm already biting May I drink you in  Cus I can barely I can barely fight

What I have learned from messaging with Slave Masters who actually know the proper techniques for taking a person and transitioning them into a submissive, gay, loyal slave who is happy in it's new life of slavedom and has no thoughts or regrets for leaving it's previous life of freedom to domestically and sexually serve and service a Master as owned property. The Slave Master who knows how to dehumanize the slave-to-be uses sensory deprivation, hoods, and calculated pain with restraints and whippings and ass spankings to break the potential slave with feelings of hopelessness until the slave yearns for Master to teach it to be happy with calculated release from the pain ect and slave learns Master's Routine and Protocol. Once Master has made slave aware of it's postion to it's Master, then Master can begin Training slave to be a slave. slave now willingly accepts it owes it's care and existence to it's Master. slave is kept restrained but is not like a prisoner in jail or like when the Roman Empire took captured soldiers as slaves and treated them brutally. . The slave slowly learns it's function is to work to please and pleasure it's Master. slave will even learn to thank it's Master for the periodic whippings  and ass spankings  by sucking and servicing Master's Dominant Cock after each Whipping and Ass  Spanking as a sign Master is pleased to have a loyal slave.

By believing that submission must be pursued, to any degree, is to reframe dominance and submission as a typical relationship and its not. Dominance doesnt pursue. Submission doesnt need to be pursued. Submission comes to dominance in this dynamic. It has to. Submission is given, won over even, but the same goes for dominance. As much as she must be convinced by his dominance, he must believe her submission meets his needs or can be molded to do so. What remains is the initial approach, and it is simply ego on the part of the submissive to believe what she offers is more important, more valuable and harder to come by, than what he offers. Consider how many suitors a submissive no doubt has flood her inbox here, how many obvious frauds, bullshit artists, misogynists, egotists etc that she has cast a dismissive eye over. What happens if/when you find one that calls to you? Will you wait in the hope or expectation he will approach, or will you decide to present to him? Of course, this probably explains why the place by my side is empty and I have to fetch my own pipe and slippers. Such is life.

If you'd like a reasonable answer and a good prospect of meeting me for real, message me and Don't assume any titles. You can tell me how you like to be addressed. You can ask or tell me once how you are going to address me unless I. Start with a greeting. It says so much. Not using any also tells me novels about you. Very disappointing and frustrating ones though. Tell me the reason why you contact me. Is it based on my profile and to figure out if, when, and how we'll have a real session offline? Tell me. Respect your own prospect and mine. If there is no overlap between what we are looking, don't ignore that. Don't ask me or try to play online for instance. Ask me questions if you like, but don't ask me something you can look up. You can always ask about my own definitions or opinions about something but give me context, please. I need to know why you ask. Tell me something about you but not everything, especially not right from the beginnung. Start with the most relevant information concerning your reason to message me. Open up a bit. Personal information is a give and take. Our balance gives away a good portion about the prospect to meet. Manage your expectations. This is the internet. Without closer contact, you don't know in which situation I am in, any sudden accident or sickness for example. I expect having to filter through a lot of crappy messages, people not reading, lack of manners, disrespect, crazy people, insults, plenty of people just disappearing. The list goes on. Don't expect a 100% reply rate, even from me. I am only human. It's the internet. Don't stalk or annoy (see respect above) but be patient and persistent. The only way to filter strangers is time and continuous communication. Liars have a hard time keeping up consistency. Con and scammers people don't like to invest too much time into the same contact. Trust is most valuable, time is second to that, followed by other resources like money. Try to include a question towards progress on trust, checking if it's a match, and possibly a real meeting.

First Journal Entry I am back on here after a long hiatus on this platform, fingers crossed, it works out better than the first time.  I am here looking to make friends, and who knows what after that. One thing I have found so far is that not much has changed, those jumping into my inbox still manifest many of the prior encountered issues: trying to insta me, using titles before they have been earned, fantasy pushing, and having the sort of energy and vibe of trying to use me as a kink vending machine. I am a person first, before being a dominant, so please don't do this.  A new one on me is seeing not being willing to jump to chat apps as a red flag, as a reason to think someone isn't genuine. To be very clear, I won't jump off this platform onto a chat app after a few brief message exchanges. Trust has to be built up, a connection of sorts created first. I am not interested in one of hook-ups, but want to build something more meaningful, and that will happen on here first. In my book trying to pull me off here, after a few minimal messages, definitely is one, and strongly suggests a scammer at work, not a genuine person.  Please don't try and do that. 

Superior Integrity Honest Protective Dominant Sadistic Arrogant Corrective Controlling Intense Sarcastic Creative Raunchy Deviant   Step up correct or do not step up at all.

"Switch"? ~ What it Means Pertaining to Me  I am not "a Domme" or "a sub", and definitely not a slave. I am a free woman with a generally dominant personality, who lives by Gorean principles and philosophies in real life, and also engages in BDSM activities. I tend to be "toppy" toward those on the more submissive end of the continuum, though I do usually at least defer to free men, and will conditionally submit to those I deem worthy of such. Apparently, the "switch" moniker is very confusing to some people, so I will go into detail here about what it does - and doesn't - mean, in my case. We'll start with the "doesn'ts", since those seem to be the most oft misunderstood. "Switch" does NOT mean:   I go back and forth from free to slave. It's a BDSM activity preference - not an indication of status. I am free. Period. Submitting to certain men or enjoying bottoming for some activities does not make me "a sub". It just means I enjoy a variety of activities, and that I am a woman who embraces natural order, so tend to show submissive traits in the presence of strong, dominant, free men, despite my mostly dominant personality. I will do/be/play whatever role you are seeking I'm not a fetish dispenser! Do not treat me like one. my role within any specific D/s dynamic is flexible It isn't. The boss is the boss, and stays the boss. The FC/sub/beta/slave/whatever s-type obeys. I "switch" between being/identifying as dominant or  submissive depending on my mood, the day, the phase of the moon, or any other whims.  I do not.  I am simply who and what I am. I relate to others depending on their place on the spectrum of dominance and submission as compared to mine, and, as appropriate, their status or rank as compared to mine. "Switch DOES mean (for me)  I enjoy both "topping" and "bottoming" in BDSM activities/scenes, regardless of D/s involvement (or lack thereof) at various times and with different people.  I respond in different ways to different people or types of people - Some people trip the dominant trigger, some trip the submission trigger, and some people do neither. That's just the way I'm wired. Telling me what I "should" do, or trying to demand, cajole, whine, bitch, or otherwise manipulate me into relating to you in your desired manner will backfire. Badly!  For a more in-depth look at the topic... The word, "switch", for me, is only a label for convenience. It doesn't encapsulate who or what I AM. I am a strong woman with a dominant personality and submissive tendencies. I believe in the natural order of things (more on that in a future post), and that D/s is not a clear cut, either/or sort of thing. Rather, dominance and submission are character traits on a continuum, which vary from person to person, with every person falling somewhere on the scale, creating somewhat of a hierarchy.  That means that a single person may be submissive or subordinate to some, whilst outranking or being dominant to others, at the same time.   It was recently compared by someone in a discussion to that of a wolf pack. I tend to agree with that allegory.  A pack will have an alpha male and, generally, an alpha female. The alpha female is the boss bitch, and she is dominant over the rest of the pack, but, she is still submissive to the alpha male, with whom the buck stops. She is still very much free to do as she wishes, and no one had best mess with her unless they are ready and willing to attempt to fight her, and potentially her mate, but she yields to him, because it is how they are biologically wired. The same is true, I believe, with humans. Another comparison is that to serving in the Armed Forces. A Drill Instructor is God to the recruits in their platoon, but if an Officer is on deck, that same Sgt. (or whatever) damn well better snap to attention and salute along with those recruits, and the C.O. (Commanding Officer) merits same from all of the aforementioned, going on up the chain of command right up to the Commandant, and then the Commander in Chief himself.  In neither of those comparisons, does an individual bounce between two or more separate "roles". They occupy their given role, and interact with others and the rest of the world accordingly, depending on those others' respective roles. They don't have to transition from one "mindset" to another, because they know their place in the larger scheme of things, and everything just flows naturally from there.  It is simply a fact that there are more than two "ranks" in life, and in nature. I will not separate out my dominant and submissive traits into separate "personas". They are not. I am me. I am a whole, integrated, complete person, with many different facets. I choose to embrace that. Neither will I "dumb down", pretend to be less than, submit, or pretend to submit to anyone, simply by virtue of their gender, status, or because they claim a certain title or position. I will start out being respectful to others, and will defer, to a degree, and maintain a submissive attitude with free men as long as they don't give me reason to do otherwise. From there, they will either earn my respect, and the added deference that may accompany it, or they will earn... something less, and I will do my best to at least remain civil, so long as they can avoid pushing me too far. Do not mistake a respectful demeanor, good manners, polite deference, or knowing my place in the natural order of things for outright submission. There is a distinct difference, and making assumptions is an unwise idea.

I identify as Heteroflexible so I updated my profile to show my interest in submissive men and transexuals. Im really surprised at the amount of emails I have received in response to that update. The most common question I get is "how can I serve you?" so I thought I would add a journal entry to answer that question. First, Im not gay so I am not attracted to men. However, because I have a control fetish I am flexible in my preferences and am willing to play with men or transexuals that are submissive. My definition of submissive is one that is willing to submit even if there is no sex involved. More specifically I am looking for individuals that want to serve long term. I am a big man so I prefer the bois and gurls I play with to be petite and very feminine. I have a strict one cock rule so you must own a chastity device and I will expect you to wear it whenever you are in my presence. I will not allow you to cum before, during, or after we play. The last thing that I look for in a boi or gurl is that your are close enough to me to meet real time. As for those that are not local but still want to serve, perhaps you could offer me something else. . 

As required by my Dom, I publicly declare the following: I am subMeghan, and as I type this this, whenever I am here on CollarSpace, I am to remain completely nude, except for my dog collar and glasses… Today’s Journal Topic Is: I Am Now On CollarSpace Chat!   One of many fantasies my Dom/Hubby has for me is to be a webcam model.  He just loves the idea of me being completely nude in front of an unseen audience of men who I interact with and ultimately masturbate for them.   For a variety of reasons, that is simply never going to happen. Neither of us want to actually make that a reality.  However, we did come up with a way for me to come as close as I can to doing this. For the past few months, I have been playing around with CollarSpace’s chat rooms.  The first few times, I would only pop in for a few minutes, see what people were talking about, then quickly exit. The first time someone requested a private chat with me, I freaked out and exited the chat altogether.  I was such a wimp!  LOL However, over time, I’ve gotten used to it and have had some really enjoyable conversations with some of you all.   A couple observations so far. 1> Collar Space chat can be really buggy.  Getting booted out happens a lot! 2> Chat users are way more nice to me than I expected.  (I’ve previously written about how abusive some of the messages I receive can be.) 3> More often than not, users are more interested in chatting than roleplaying. 4> Male subs seem to be quite needy.  (This is just an observation, not a judgement.)   My Dom’s chat guidelines for me are as follows: 1> Of course, I am always to nude at all times.  I am to disclose that I am nude if asked or appropriate. 2> Be gracious, courteous and friendly. 3> Answer all questions honestly.  However, I may decline to answer any question that I deem to be inappropriate. 4> There are no taboo or inappropriate topics. 5> I do have to tolerate rude, abusive users.  I have the discretion to terminate any conversation that I am uncomfortable with or deem to be unacceptably rude or abusive. 6> At my discretion, I may engage in any roleplay scenario that I feel comfortable with. 7> During roleplay, I am allowed to submit to other online Doms.  However, my Dom’s/Hubby’s rules/limits always supersede any other online Dom’s commands. 8> During roleplay, if possible, I am to attempt to physically implement whatever I say I am doing.  For example: If I say that I am putting clothespins on my nipples, then I need to actually put clothespins on my nipples, etc. 9> No webcam, no video, no photos.  Sorry, not going to happen.   I do not plan on having any kind of chat schedule.  If I’m there. I’m there.  If I’m not, I’m not. If you see me on chat, feel free to just say Hi.   subMeghan  

Masturbation   A book could be, should be, has been? written on the subject. However, in this little piece I am going to address those that masturbate to My writings.    First thing I want those that engage in the practice of jacking off while reading or chatting with Me to know is your behavior is OK with Me. Whack off to your hearts content. Edge yourself.    Some few might even have a cock sucker serve you while you peruse My site. Go for it. Good for you.   Sorry, I have not included female pussy players up to this point. Yes, I know you are out there. Same for you; enjoy.   Here is what I would like you to do. Tell me. I know some are to embarrassed to shy or, maybe, to selfish to share their activity with Me. Get over yourself. Do you really think you are all that much that you cannot share?   Ok, enough shaming. One of the adverse effaspects of your spanking your monkey is when you come and the subspace disappears from your head you just drop any communication you are having with me. Do you think that is fair to me? No. No it is not.   Here is what I would like you to do. Just tell Me of your activity when you begin. What are you afraid of? I am not going to reach through your screen and slap you. (Hum, that is an idea, though.) No, just let me know so when you lose sub space and want to leave just say so. That way, you do not feel like you can not return out of embarrassment or what ever self involved feeling might make you reticent.   Anyway, if you tell me of your forbidden(?) activity we might both enjoy it.   I hope everyone has good sex. Except those poor bastards that become My slave property, but, that is another story.    

I’ve been sitting on an idea… and I think it’s time to bring it to life. I’m putting together a show called Hierarchy Protocol. A real space. A real house. Real people. For one week, a select group of submissives, slaves, and Dommes will live under structure. Roles will be assigned. Tasks will be given. Behavior will be observed. No fantasy. No hiding behind a screen. Just how you actually function. I’m not looking for everyone. I’m looking for people who are serious, who understand discipline, and who are willing to step into something real and be seen. This is still in the early stages, so I’m also looking for people who are willing to help build it—production, ideas, structure, whatever you bring that’s actually useful. So I’ll ask you directly— Would you be willing to step into something like this? Or help me bring it to life? If so… come talk to me. — Goddess Nikki

Since my last journal entry things have moved on fairly significantly. Glenn who is Sue's former bull from years ago and his partner Deb are very active swingers as well as being into the bdsm scene and have encouraged Sue to visit them on a fairly regular basis. At the moment she is going virtually every other weekend plus the occasional night away. I will confine this entry to just one of her visits and hopefully keep you updated on a more regular basis if anyone is interested.  On this particular occasion Glenn and Debs were going to an event up country so rather than Sue drive down to there house she arranged to meet them at Exeter services and I was to drive her there. Sue had taken the Friday and Monday off to allow plenty of time. Usually Glenn specifies what Sue should wear for the journey and this time was no different although a little more discreet as they would be stopping at services, so Sue was dressed in a silver satin blouse, black knee-length skirt, but with a rear slit, black seamed stockings with suspender belt and black patent heels as she wasn't driving. Over this her shiny pvc mac, she was in full make up including bright red nails and wearing her handcuff necklace and ankle chain and I must admit she looked so fucking sexy. At the services I dropped her off in the carpark and she walked into the entrance to meet Glenn and Debs pulling her wheeled suitcase that had several outfits, toys and hoods in. I was in my new tiny chastity cage and wearing satin panties and stockings under my trousers as instructed by Glenn.  I will add more as soon as I have time. 

I am a heterosexual submissive transwoman named Julie, and one of the several categories for which the modern term is sissy.  That means as a transwoman I am primarily attracted to men and am submissive to them, though I also enjoy other transwomen.  I am however bigender because I do not want to give up the societal advantages of being male to earn a living.  It took me a long time to figure these things out and realize I was not bisexual.  As a transwoman, I am ideally looking for long-term but occasional relationship with a mostly heterosexual man, ideally as his mistress.  I want to make a man really happy because I'll do things for him that most wives will not.  I will appear to him and behave for him as close to his ideal female partner as I can.*************************The one essential book every transwoman should read is Whipping Girl: A Transexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano, now in its third edition (Seal Press, 2024).  This is a detailed analysis of what it means to be a transwoman and the obstacles we face.  It is important to note on this site that the title does not refer to masochism but to the frequent scapegoating of transwomen in the media as a threat to society.  Serano's argument is that transwomen are demonized because of the rampant misogyny of Western society, where any feminine traits are denigrated, and any masculinity, including the toxic masculinity of cultural conservatives, is privileged. Even some feminists are anti-feminine, not realizing that is probably because they have transmen tendencies.  Part of this "transmisogyny" is also the mistaken notion that male and female are opposites ("oppositional sexism") with nothing in between, and part of it is due to the mistaken belief that your birth gender cannot be changed.  But as the book points out, many men have some feminine traits and many women have some masculine traits.  The book also notes that we constantly unconsciously judge people as male or female based on just a few characteristics without every seeing their genitals or their chromosones, so a person's sex in society is not based on their genetics or organs.The third edition has many good rejoinders to current antitrans-hysteria, notably in the new last chapter.  3% of men and 3% of women appear to have some trans tendencies.  Gender-affirming medical care such as hormones and surgeries for trans people has a low rate of regret, around 1%, whereas similar interventions for nontrans people such as breast augmentation and reduction or hormone supplementation have a regret rate of 14%.  Puberty-blocking medications have been used for years for nontrans children with hormone defects, with no ill effects or inabilty to reverse them.  Trans children who have been denied gender-affirming care have a 14 times higher suicide rate than other children.  Trans children appear in families at the same rate independent of the degree of trans support in their families, so there is no "social contagion" with trans tendencies.  There are more self-identified trans people today than in the past, but that is because society has become more welcoming.  Trans people show no evidence of being sexual predators, any more than women who dress well are sexual predators: Marginalized groups (think blacks) are often hyper-sexualized in the media.  As for "bathroom bills", I find it amusing that the current policy for U.S. government buildings which says that people must use the bathroom of their birth sex, in the avowed goal of protecting women from perverts, forces transmen to go to female bathrooms no matter how much facial hair they have -- something that will make women pretty uncomfortable.  But forcing us transwomen to go to male bathrooms in full drag will not be bad -- men are terrifically scared to look at other men in a bathroom, much less men wearing dresses, for the danger of being throught gay. A weakness of Serano's book is that she sticks to her own perspective as a lesbian transwoman, and doesn't have much to say about transmen.  She also doesn't sound sympathetic to us sissies; she says tranwomen are "fierce" and not passive.  But of course being passive is not necessarily feminine, and could be just reflect to the long oppression of women (as with other minorities) by society.  We need more books on other kinds of trans people.  But for now, Serano's book is important reading.

I had some lovely intro messages today, was nice to be introduced to the civil side of this site. I did notice in the wave of change one message that is still behind the times. Instead of introducing, or building rapport they offered a time stamped plan which included several hours of satisfying their one-sided fantasy. The itemised itinerary marked 4pm you do this to me 5pm you do this to me 8pm you do this to me. I do 6 hrs of unpaid overtime a week to help members of the public and now you want me in my 1 day off on my weekend to spend hours milking your fantasy.  In the great words of Elton John will you F-off.   C  

Requirements, not Expectations.   Respect My time Match My efforts  Keep your word Always be honest Stay consistent   Show up, be on time (words/actions) I will not work harder than you Your word is the honor you start with Omission is the choice you willingly make Consistency builds trust.   Start out being the best you can be and grow. Think about each of these: how to improve a relationship or blow it up by choosing not to do these things. 

Blessing for the Leather Boys of San Diego 2026 May the spirit of fellowship guide us tonight.We gather as brothers, friends, mentors, and community membersto honor those who step forward with courage, pride, and a willingness to serve. We celebrate not only competition, but the values that bind us together: integrity, respect, accountability, and love for our leather family.Bless these contestants who have offered their hearts, their stories, and their commitment to this community. May they stand confidently in their truth, knowing that their worth is not measured by a title, but by the character they bring and the service they give.

I want flowers. I want to whip you. I want to stroke your cheek and smile into your eyes. I want respect and awe and understanding and love. I want foot rubs and leg rubs and back rubs and anywhere rubs. I want you to know when to reach out to touch and when to kneel and wait. I want you to want me fiercely, desire me utterly. I want kisses. Little ones, fast ones, fierce ones, thigh-clenching-good kisses. I want you to touch me like you’re trying to memorize the texture and shape of me. I want affection and cuddling. I want you to drop your eyes when I demand and meet my eyes when we talk. I want you to miss me terribly when we’re apart. I want you to know what you mean to me, how I cherish you. I want humor and debate and dialog. I want you to kiss the side of my neck while your hands grip my hips, my back. I want to see you crawl – just for me. I want to look at you in that special way and see you breathe deeply with desire and anticipation of what you know is to come. I want to fuck you, penetrate you, tease you, deny you, please you, torture you. I want You.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

well it's was a Friday night and I had to go to a talk, in town, once there I was sitting have a bite to eat and a drink when a woman came over sat down she said are you here for the talk tonight I said yes , she said you will enjoy my chat too, she ordered a drink and said she was staying here for the weekend and while we chatted she stroked my cock till I was nearly cumming in my pants. The bell rand the conference was about to start she said take my key and I will see you afterwards, she gave me her key the conference went on for an hour when it finished I went to her room just as I was to enter another woman stood ne to me she said am here to get you ready Mistress demands total submission, I was a little confused . But once naked and cleasned inside and out , placed in a short maids uniform blind, and a penis gage locked on all fours on the bed. Mistress arrived placing her ass in my face she removed the penis gag and pushed back I felt the first of six different cocks fill me . And cum. When I woke up I was locked in chastity and she said you are now my bitch . get use to not cumming till your full of my cock

It was a mixture of arousal, curiosity and his final reassurance that made her mind up. She knew she could say ‘Stop’ and he would, though that could be permanent, it was an instinctive decision that made her move towards the lift and later she realised why she made it. There was a logical progression to it. She was a stubborn person with a rebellious streak and a free will who made her own decisions and didn’t blame others when they went awry. Here she was reigning in her rebellious streak of her own free will and her natural instincts reinforced this. Her stubbornness would make her comply with what she wanted in this regard, even though it seemed counterintuitive.  Now it was a rush to the receptionist’s desk to get a pen, the envelope was already open and had the room number written on it. The contract was one piece of A4 paper and the male receptionist must have seen the bold type headline which stated ‘SUBMISSIVE’S CONTRACT’. She didn’t have time to read it all, her instinct told her that he would not put anything in it that he had not said. And what would be the point as it was a symbolic act, not a contract that could be legally enforced.  She hurried the short distance to the lift; the concierge seemed to have anticipated her need and he had pressed the button, she momentarily wondered if he knew. Once inside she selected the 4th floor. Her heart missed a beat when just before the doors closed a woman stepped into the lift causing the doors to recycle again and they selected the 3rd floor; she knew this would delay her further. She willed the lift to move faster but still almost in two minds about what she was doing, but she wanted to be the decision-maker on this and not subject to an arbitrary cut off due to time. Her pride ensured she used the time to check her hair and lipstick in the mirror as she would not countenance the thought he would not find her attractive.  The lift reached the 4th floor and according to the large sign room 417 was to the right, she almost ran, nearly tripping over her heels on the thick carpet.  The door to room 417 was slightly ajar, and a ‘do not disturb’ sign was hanging on the handle. She stood for a second or two to let her breathing steady, it seemed to take ages for her hand to travel from to the door, her knock was timid and her stomach almost jumped as she heard the noise her hand made.  A firm reply was forthcoming a few seconds later. ‘Come in Joanna’. She swallowed, took a deep breath and gripping the envelope, pushed the door open and whilst trying to look calm she stepped inside and the door closed with an almost imperceptible click.  The room was warm and gently lit from the lamp above the desk he was sitting at. His jacket was over the back of his chair and the few papers he was attending too were lying about.  Nonplussed for a moment she stood there waiting for some sort of guidance, she knew what she had to do but some sort of signal from him seemed essential.  He understood, or knew, and stood before quietly saying, ‘Come here Joanna’. It was about 4 steps and he stood almost impassively as she greeted him properly. Her arms went around his waist and she pressed herself against him until he said that she could stop. This time it seemed natural and gave a moment when she could do something that seemed familiar and that she was in control of. It also served to break some of her tension before she stepped back ready to kneel. Kneeling seemed a strange and almost alien act; she had been on her knees in front of a man before, but then she was in control of him, she forcibly overcame her rebellious streak and found it disappeared almost entirely.  Her eyes cast down she noticed her knees were together, it seemed inappropriate so she moved them further apart. Taking a larger breath she looked down at his feet and with the envelope in both hands, she held it up to him.  He didn’t seem to move for ages, and then he took it from her hands. He checked her signature was on the contract before placing it amongst the other papers on the desk. This was a small action, however, it made her realise that she had voluntarily signed this part of herself over to him. He had taken possession and she was now his.  He turned the chair to face her and sat on it.  She was on her knees only a few feet from a man she had just given her submission to in writing, she was no longer so nervous, it was now anticipation mixed with exhilaration and her senses were alive! She was now free to be what he decided. He leant forward and lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look him in the eyes, ‘Joanna, you are now mine’ he said quietly.  After a pause during which he just looked at her he then continued ‘The photography will wait until tomorrow as there are a few matters from earlier today I will address straight away.’ He wasn’t asking for a reply, he told her to stand and rest her elbows on the desk. She was a little taken aback, whilst earlier considering what might happen this evening she thought he might just photograph her. In a way that would be easier to contemplate, she could understand it would be a reasonable first private meeting, however, she knew it would disappoint her.  But now he was going to ‘Address some matters’ and that sounded ominous, it made the butterflies in her stomach come alive again. She did as asked, putting her elbows on the desk. He told her to arch her spine downwards, this meant she was bent over much further than she felt comfortable, it made her bottom more pronounced and her skirt was tighter. Her knees flexed as she tried to contain the nerves generated by her bottom being so vulnerable, he ordered her to straighten her legs and keep them so, as it tightened the skin of her buttocks. What he did next was unexpected, he ran his fingers around her neck gathering her hair into his hand at the nape of her neck. He expertly wound it into a ponytail using a band that must have been around his wrist. She now felt even more vulnerable without the usual shield of hair that would normally surround her face. She nervously moved her weight from one foot to another. He told her to spread her legs wider to shoulder width. She glanced up into the mirror above the desk; she could see him standing a few meters behind her, looking at her in a way few men had done. It was not simple lust, his face was almost impassive, she could see he was comfortable looking at the salacious view she presented.  His voice was calm as he told her that she had been disobedient when she broke away from the greeting before she had been told she could, she had also been demanding in their early email exchanges. For these, she was going to have her bottom spanked, he said it would be a ‘cumulative dozen’ and if she made any of these mistakes again it would be a stricter punishment.  He told her to raise her skirt over her back, this unnerved her more, it was one thing to have her skirt lifted, but another to do it herself! She thought she could not, but his curt statement of ‘disobey and I will use a strap instead of my hand’ encouraged her. She rested her forehead on the desk and reaching behind her with both hands she lifted the hem of her skirt until it lay over her back. He then described the view he had of her bottom in very basic language. His description of the way her swollen sex lips bulged into her panties was particularly crude and said with distinctive pleasure.  A short while later he moved to her left side. He reached over her back and pulled her right hip towards him, holding her still by trapping her against his thigh.

Longing: In darkness I have fallen but a shadow of a woman.  longing for truth in the arms of a stranger. hidden beneath the depths of such darkening layers. I seek what is there, calling on the edges of my awareness, like shadows dancing upon the glen, will this madness end, I do not know,  I am lost in the ever changing vortex that has shrouded me in it's swirling mystery, it is a dance perhaps more erotic than that of lovers entwined for this dance is the dance of life.  

Details of the suckler: This was a girl I met at a bar on the 4th of July. This relationship was about a year and a half long. She was a cute, petite brunette who only weighed 100 lbs. As we started dating, I came to realize how submissive she was by nature and very eager to please me. Our unofficial "dom/sub" relationship included her cooking, doing laundry, preparing my lunch, and other domestic duties. Early on she told me how she really liked sucking my dick, even that she considered herself a "suckler". She didn't have to tell me twice. Blowjobs became more and more frequent. Eating dinner, watching TV, reading, and she might move over to take my cock in her mouth, sucking to her heart's content. When I'd come home, her mouth would be there to greet me. In the car, I'm driving and without a word, she'd unzip my pants and pull my cock out. She’d smile, unbuckle, and use her wet mouth on me. We also explored some light bdsm stuff, blindfolds or me holding her down. She did was she was told and she liked it. I never asked how she wanted to be fucked. Whether I came in her pussy, gave her a facial, in her mouth to swallow, or on her tits, she graciously accepted it.  She was an agreeable slut. This relationship ended when I took a new job, and its the one I regret that didn't work out.

Draw a symbol on your wrist or hand for me denoting you're mine. Could be a star or a heart. But make it small and cute.Then you can go about your day. And every time you notice it, you'll be reminded of what you really are. How badly you crave to be owned. How submissive your true nature is. How quickly you aim to please and obey.Make sure to keep track of how many times you looked at it. You'll be edging later to that amount.

Thought it would be helpful to cover a few points here... Interview style conversation is not my thing, if you want to get to know me then use your ability to hold a flowing conversation,  not an interview I am single, I do not see why anyone in a happy relationship would be on sites chatting so I assume you are also single ... if not then please don't waste our time with trying to strike up a chit chat  As of this year, 2022 I will be 50 on my next birthday and I found the lifestyle when I was about 21 so you do the maths  Sorry but I don't want to meet someone who is close to my children's age, to be safe if you are more than 10 years older or younger than me we won't be matched  I am not a slave, honestly I am very sure of that. I do have strong sub tendencies with the right alpha male but seriously if you don't consume my head you won't stand a chance of controlling anything else I am not into poly or sharing or being shared. I am totally monogamous and if you are not then flick over to the next profile I live with my family, happy to discuss with the right person but I have a young child at home so seek someone who understands how to make a vanilla and lifestyle combined relationship work whilst keeping tiny ones protected from it all I am a non smoker, I don't vape, I rarely drink and am seeking someone similar. Nights in the pub are not of interest I work full time and have limited time free so I am not in a position to travel to meet someone, so local is needed. For anyone who thinks a plane ride is local then jog on as you really are not on the realistic spectrum I am seeking  Yes I have been collared twice and for some reason it seems relevant but to be honest the first waited almost a year before it happened as he knew to me I see it as a serious commitment I do have limits which are a mix of health and personal things so happy to discuss but they are not negotiable  Likes, vanilla and lifestyle wise are varied but those can be savoured as part of a conversation  I hope that has given a flavour and please do find happiness in your journey but don't come across my pathway of you are a new dom I am not looking to teach you the ropes, a dom who really is a sub (there are many on here), if you are a female dom (so not my thing), if you are a male sub and finally no female subs.  Cheers x 

PSA!!! Misogyny and topping from the bottom is alive and well on Collarspace!  The faux wannabe’s start out nice, but within a few words that are contradictory to who they profess to be, they reveal who they are.   They go from so nice, to blocking you after you’ve called them out on their inconsistancies.   These people make it difficult for the men with true hearts, irregardless as to which power dynamic category they self identify as. They take up so much undeserved oxygen.   The most recent exchange went like this.   Unnamed User   greetings Goddess! have You ever been to new york in usa? im 55 single male sub. im eager to serve and worship You. please consider me.

  MistressVN: bi, 40 years BDSM experience.   164 cm, 53 kg, blonde with long hair, green-blue eyes. Feminine, elegant, classy, ESTJ (The Supervisor) personality type.   I am searching for a slave for 24/7, TPE, FLR serious, permanent live-in relation.   I AM A MISTRESS SEEKING A SLAVE, NOT A DOM SEARCHING FOR SUBMISSIVE!!!   5 basic traits for a candidate to meet the criteria of a slave:   Honest Devoted Pleaser Industrious Altruist   To be My slave, you also need to be social and single.   Check your personality type on Truity.com and let Me know your four letter combination type.   Check the above in order to save time for both parts. If any of the mentioned is not part of your character, you should move on.   With this said: read carefully below and I mean carefully, because I will know if you did as soon as you contact Me.   I am clean, disease free and expect the same from you.   Bondage, dildos, dominance are some of the activities I will make you part of, you will wear chastity belt and will be totally submitted to Me.   HOWEVER, THE MAIN FOCUS WILL BE ON SERVICE!!   I accept obedient novice who has the will to serve. Ideal Person:   Committed Genuinely submissive,   Organized and disciplined slave for personal services, 24/7 live-in,   permanent/long term relation. Obedient Healthy Ready to relocate within reasonable time You are into BD (bondage & domination) but not into hard SM.   Position open ONLY for long term/PERMANENT slave!!!   Kindly READ BELOW and CONSIDER, BEFORE you write to Me:  

In my new found enthusiasm for the Journal function, I have taken the liberty of borrowing the following from Master Scoollink's site which struck me as very interesting. After training, He writes,  "slave will have the ability to prepare a "USERS MANUAL."  A document that identifies what slave is good for. The goal of this document is to describe how to best interact with slave to achieve desired response. It is a manual that could be handed to a stranger to provide the tools to better provide any Dominant a satisfying experience with slave. The "Manual" can also serve as a foundation for a future Dominant. I love the thought of preparing a document like that - not least because it would provide my current Master with an excellent diagnostic tool for the mind-set of His slave.  It might be that the slave thought its utility was best described in one way whereas the Master's view was otherwise - in whcih case some retraining would be indicated to get slave reoriented in th eright direction. 

Master's WritingsSadomasochistic Play and the Importance of ConnectionIt is too easy when participating in Sadomasochistic play of any kind, be it impact, pain play or any other of the associated fetishes, for the experience to become emotionally and even physically disconnected between partners - the Sadist becoming consumed by their connection to their tool (whip, cane, etc), the precision of their strikes, the technique used, and the masochist becoming lost in the enormity of the sensation, the loss of physical control as the pain increases and the anticipation of the next strike. As both become lost in their own world within the scene, it is easy to experience a loss of connection between them as the scene progresses.I find that maintaining or even working to build greater connection during such play is one of the most important things I can do as a Sadist and a Dominant. For me as a Sadist, who is also a Dominant and a Daddy, I find that there exists a uniquely rich opportunity to be a caring and connected Sadist, through physical contact, the use of voice and deliberate and careful observation that goes beyond the safety aspaspaspects during a scene are very important in changing a sadomasochistic scene from something done to the masochist to a shared experience that binds rather than separates.In all my play, regardless of the fetish, I seek to create experiences that enrich, nourish and build relationship. While not every scene or situation can accomplish these every time, they remain a goal I strive for whenever possible.

Communication Matters! Open,  honest,  forthright Communication is essential.  "He voluntarily and openly commits himself to serve the needs of the dominant partner.. . and by accepting, she fulfills his need to serve. Where things go from there will vary from relationship to relationship depending on the mutual desires and unique personalities of the partners."

It appears part of our profile is missing our instructions for applying to be our slave so here is the first step again   TO BE CONSIDERED THE FIRST STEP IS TO GIVE A LITTLE INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF SO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING   WHAT PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE IN THE LIFESTYLE? WHAT SKILLS DO YOU HAVE TO BRING TO THE HOUSEHOLD? ARE YOU EMPLOYED? IF NOT YOU WILL GET A JOB. DO YOU HAVE ANY HEALTH ISSUES?  WHAT ARE YOUR VANILLA INTERESTS? WHAT ARE YOUR KINKS? DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH SERVING IN A POLY HOUSE WITH MULTIPLE SLAVES BOTH FEMALE AND MALE?  DO YOU HAVE ANY LEGAL ISSUES TO SORT OUT?  ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AND ONCE YOU DO WE WILL GO FROM THERE ANSWERING NONE TO Q1 OR YES TO Q4 DOES NOT HINDER YOUR ABILITY TO BE OUR SLAVE IT IS JUST THINGS WE NEED TO KNOW FOR YOUR SAFETY AND WELLBEING 

It is important to know that while I am seeking, finding and sharing, My time is not My own and I can and will only continue to engage those who understand and accept these circumstances for what they are - limited. I am a full time caregiver.  Not part time, not some time, not the times I choose.  I have minimal pockets of time, not of My own, when I am able to engage those who wish to be a part of My family and household and life.  Once you are here and serving, we are full time engaging and living these moments together. It's tough.  I get it - BELIEVE Me.  However it does not change that your position is to make yourself available to Me at MY times of availability.  This will not be a hurried process, nor will it be slow, but I am not free to just get up and do the hokey pokey any ole time! If you wish to be considered, at least have the ability share when I am available and understand that when My charge is unwell, everything goes full stop for about two weeks while I nurse and care for MYSELF and My charge. Just a little information for those who have no clue about Alzheimer's I've included some information below. -Any trauma to the head:  1. letter from the IRS or arguement, 2. head cold, COVID, headache, 3. head hit on the corner of the t.v., fall off a bar stool, slip on ice - these are all significant, affect the head, and depending on the intensity and duration of the impact, determines how long it will take to recover. https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/care-education-resources For those who care, Mum had covid and is doing much better.  It will be another week or so for full recovery - and yes, I am relatively okay, considering. A grateful thank you to those men who continue to display great character and worth to Me and in turn, to Mum.  There is one who continues to provide strength on the most darkest of days. 

Well I have been asked why my Profile says Dominant. I think most all CD Gurls have both Dom and Sub persoanlities. Sometimes a CD Gurl just needs to be able to stand up for herself and yet other times when feeling very fem, likes to flirt and enjoys being sexually chased. Been many times very frustrated dealing with the Dom personality and has considered to become a Switch and taken by a Slave Master. Again, this poses some special issues. Nobody I know wants to impose a death sentence on themselves but to be taken, broken and retrained for servitude as a slave seems very appealing and might solve issues of needing to be always making the decisions. Being a slave means you most likely become an "IT" as owned property and you no longer get to choose anything. Everything is chosen for it by the Owner/Master that it is bound to. As a CD, Domestic Servitude seems very attractive while flitting to and from it's chores, dressed in something fem and cute and of course Sexual Servitude is without saying, a very real life situation as a slave. CD Gurls do not fear this because most all are Bisexual   and retrained as a Gay Slave is only a slight change. One of the main changes is a sexual slave provides sexual satisfaction to it's Master without expecting any of it's own, except the learning to be satisfied that Master is satisfied. A slave might never experience another orgasm for the rest of it's life as a slave? A slave will need to learn Master's protocols for everything and expect punishments when it does not perform to Master's standards. A Master may want to brand His slave. He may want to have slave pierced in many areas of it's body. Many Gay Masters want the slave to wear a permanent metal collar so can never be removed by slave. They also want slave to be nude, rather than clothed. This would be a hurdle a "former CD gurl" would need to overcome or be constanly thinking of fem clothing and how it felt to be wearing these girlie girl garments and enjoying the fabrics and texture of fabrics and array of colors and prints in fem clothing.   And this most likely would cause it's Master distain and cause Master to punish slave more frequently and harshly with whippings, rather than just spankings. From messaging with slaves and former slaves, it finds out it would need to learn to appreciate punishments from Master and thank Master for his guidance. All of these things are perplexing and need to be considered before taking that "One Step Beyond" into a new life style and forever leaving the past behind. Once it enters Master's Dungeon there is no going back or returning home. Some Masters require male slaves to be castrated to make them more mellow and permanently change them so they are even more, less likely to think of escaping in those beginning months of training and breaking slave down to a blank canvas for it's life of servitude. Simply stated, a Submissive is someone who "chooses" how to give pleasure and enjoy receiving pleasure with a more Dominant person. A Slave has NO choices. A Slave does what Master says and goes where Master takes it.  

There are some really disrespectful retards on here. They have several Journal entries complaining about this or that premise they claim not to like, but when you contact them, they behave exactly like their own Journal entry complains about. Is it really too much effort when someone clearly has taken the time to write to you, to answer it with a Not Interested reply if they don't interest you? Is 2 clicks (reply - send message) followed by 12 measley letters and a space (Not Interested) too much effort for your brain? You normally complain about the manners of whoever (its not entirely Doms or sub specific, I know both groups have extremely boneidle members on these kind of sites). I appreciate that some of you are looking for a specific niche, a specific thing, a set of requirements essential to your happiness, but grow the fuck up, this lifestyle is generally ruled by one concept, Compromise, because you will unlikely in 99 in 100 contacts get every T crossed and every I dotted to your expectations Your arrogance allows you to bypass someone genuine whom might be able to compromise in return and give you most of those little quirks, if not all, you seek to get your perfect BDSM partner.... but no you choose to ignore them and let them pass you by, because you seek perfection from the start?

At last, another journal entry! Let's get started with my usual declaration: I am subMeghan. Right now, I am naked wearing only my glasses and my collar... And now on to today's journal entry... Apparently, my Dom has decided to introduce me to "ahegao".  Ahegao, for those, like me, who don't know, is an anime term for a specific type of face for a woman to make during sex.  The classic ahegao face is where you cross your eyes and roll them back, all the while sticking out your tongue.  My desciption does not do it justice.  Go google ahegao and you'll get a better idea of what it's all about. Apparently its a thing...  lol Making a ahegao face is harder than it looks, especially during sex.  However, my Dom wants me to do it, so I am going to do it.  My Dom recently placed a full sized mirror on the wall next to the computer.  Originally he did this so that I could see myself sitting here naked in front of the computer.  Now I get to use it to practice my ahegao face too. One thing I learned is that is is very difficult to stick your tongue and keep it still. I also realized that I can't see myself in the mirror very well when I try roll my eyes.  My Dom saiys: "The more stupid you look, the better you're doing it."  It seems I have a way to go... By now I know what my Dom wants: My Dom wants you all to visualize me just sitting here making ahegao faces.  So I am... That's all for now. subMeghan

Tonight's top email -  "You know your getting rid of 55 to 60 of potential contacts by restriction in your second paragraph?" Well, first of all  - "you're." A contraction of "you" and "are."  Kinda tells me a lot right there. I wrote back and responded to what I thought he meant. But no. "Dimina its the political restrictions that throw out 55 60 of the potentials in line" Then second, it's not "Dimina" and third, its not the second paragraph. It's the 4th and 5th sentence. Further clarifies the kind of person writing. So I responded to THAT. "If the political restrictions are the problem, then they arent actually potentials. They would be incompatible with me on many deep levels, and compatibility is the most important thing to me. The fact that they might not consider it an incompatibility, and would want to approach anyway, just further illustrates the basic incompatibility. The bottom line is this it doesnt matter what someones kinks are, how much money they make, etc.  If I cant respect them as people, I dont want to be around them in any capacity. If I cant respect them as people, then I ABSOLUTELY dont want to have to spend the kind of time with them that is required for kink, intimacy, or a relationship of any kind. Its not politics. Its a basic test of character, intelligence and humanity. No one on that side of the table is going to meet my requirements in those areas. Or, to put it in the simplest terms if someone is in the same crowd as the  self- proclaimed Nazis and isnt leaving, I dont want to know them." Let me try to explain something here - If "liberal politics" is a hard limit, maybe don't contact people for whom fascism, libertarianism, and Drump are hard limits. Seems pretty straightforward to me. I mean, isn't a profile for finding common interests and weeding out incompatibilities? Contacting someone who you KNOW isn't interested in you, and who you know has qualities you aren't interested in, to complain that their hard limits keep you from approaching?  Whining is really unattractive, guys. Then again, maybe he WANTED to be humiliated.  So... merry christmas, random complainy dude?

Well Used... This week has been a combination of failure and success. Not much to do when on your cycle, but did still plug a couple of days during that. Open to possible options in how to be of showing submission during that time. Of course bj's are in the table. Sometimes, however, that's not desired by my owner. On the upside, there was being fucked senseless while plugged. And the last 24 hours has been very good. One round if being eaten out and fingered. Three rounds of being woken up for sex. He seems pleased that I always seem ready to go even being woken up in the middle of the night. On to week three!

Received a suspicious email on Fetlife from a supposed dominant. While this kind of thing is a regular occurrence, I could not find this exact text online, so here is the original message in full. Hope it helps someone to avoid being scammed... - I am Mistress Taylor, I moved recently to London. I have been visiting before now but recently had a job transfer and this time I am sure of staying around here for at least 4 years. so I need a submissive partner who is close and can be pleasing, obedient and able to make me achieve my dominant erotic desires. I strongly believed that females are superior. That is why I am not asking you to serve me, it is your duty as a male to serve me and do so with your total devotion. I have a dominant nature that wouldn't go away so looking for a submissive to enslave is only logical. It would be interesting to have a discrete Mistress/slave relationship with you but it is not as easy as you simply wanting something and then getting it. If you are available to be owned and controlled by me and also able to meet with me soon to start your training send me your email and I will send questions that I have for you and some photos. We can continue to communicate from there too. Mistress Taylor. I responded giving a junk email, to which I rapidly received this follow-up email, accompanied by photos which do not match up with their Fetlife profile photo... Note the very unlikely push towards real-life meetings, and the unusual emphasis on a speedy reply including phone number and incriminating photos... I am hoping we can arrange a meeting soon but only if I feel that you are serious and passionate about serving me real time. I am not interested in giving online training but to meet and be served. Anyways I am in London for a long time and willing to meet for erotic and kinky times if I find that we share similar desires and kinks. Adore my photos and you should send me photos of yourself as well no matter how slutty or kinky. For now you should answer my questions as quickly and honestly as you can. 1. Do you believe in female superiority? 2. What is your phone number and can you text with it? 3. Are you willing to be collared and owned for the sake of my pleasures only? 4. Why do you want to be a slave instead of a normal partner? 5. Do you like to dress in a certain way while serving your Mistress? 6. Do you have experience in serving a Mistress as her slave? 7. What do you do for a living? 8. Can You listen and follow directions? 9. Do you have any major fantasies that you’d like to explore? 10. What are your limits? Finally, I need you to place a number from 0-10 near each "item" on this list of bdsm activities to rate your interest in it with regards to serving as my slave. 10 is the highest rating. If you have no knowledge about the activity then simply write "NK". I hope with these I can be more open to accepting you. Chastity / Strapon / Pain (etc etc)  A couple of emails later, the nature of the scam was revealed... I can meet you on a weekday or weekend but as far as a first meeting is concerned, I have a fetish of meeting in a bdsm facility for the first meeting with my slave. It gives me a proper avenue to orientate and train my slave. I know a place that gave me the thrill of proper domination. I used one of their rooms the last time I was in this area. Let me know if you wish to meet in this place and you could book us a day or two there.  

Vanilla interests/conversation starters. I am not looking for a hook up, I am looking for a connection. Also, I'll still respond to small talk if you are respectful, it's just that I honestly dont understand the point of small talk on a dating site. If the point is to find your person, let's get out of the shallow end and get into some deep thought provoking conversation, actually get to know each other, right? I am the type of person who gets a stronger social charge from deeper conversation. Small talk drains my energy. I think it's vital to a healthy relationship to be able to support each other's interests, too.  Psych Honestly, just about any topic within psych I could have a conversation on, or want to learn more about.  History What gets my interest is the stuff that you have to dig a little to learn about. I'm not as interested in the same old topics that we have been talking to death for years. I want to talk about the stuff I dont know about. I want to share the things you didn't know about. I want us both to share thoughts and have a conversation we haven't had with anyone before. Think about things we never pondered on before. Something more original as opposed to the same old regurgitated bs. Religion I am not religious myself, but I do like to learn about religion. It tells you a lot about people, history, and social psychology. Really, I just like to learn about people. The history of people. Genetics, DNA, human migration. Again, this one is really just learning about people Politics This one obviously is a touchy subject, it's easier having these conversations with people of similar views and a literate mind.I will talk politics with an opposing view, but once it moves past a debate, where both sides are talking but no one is being heard, that's the point I walk away.  I am interested in psychology and history, with politics too. Things like Machiaveli.  As I have said before, you are also welcome to share your interests and see if there is enough mutual interest to have a good conversation. I am also open to talking just to talk, If I am on here, it's likely I dont have anything better going on anyway.