sissyemmaforced

Obedience is a strange thing.

My Master told me a couple of weeks ago that I was no longer allowed to give myself pleasure.  Up to this point I had been very badly disciplines and spent far too much time doing exactly that in front of my computer.

But since He told me to stop I have.

He instructed me not to wear a chastity device - He wanted me to learn to exercise obedience to His commands.

And it's worked.

It's not that every now and again I don't feel really in the mood - I do.  But I wouldn't dream of doinf anything about it by actually playing with myself.

Isn't obedience a funny thing?  This stranger, whom I have ever met, says 'no', and so I stop.

Because my domestic situation is complicated, there are periods when my relationship with my Master has to go on to autopilot.  

We leave messages for one another on Skype, but live chat, and me dressing for Him on Skype are impossible.  

After a week when W/we talked regularly and I had almost complete freedom to live my slave life and develop that aspect of my being under

Orgasm control.

Yesterday Master was working and so we weren't able to camera-call on Skype - just text.

Anyway, I told Him He needed a slut to come round and service Him at work and He began describing what He would do to me, which naturally got me all hot an bothered. So I asked permission to play with myself a little while W/we talked.  

He said that if that permission was granted I'd be expected to cum.  Now, I haven't cum for days and I've been enjoying being in the zone of denial, so I asked my Master whether I might turn down the offer because if I was going to cum I wanted Him to be watching me as I did so and to be hearing His voice as I reched the point of no return.

It's interesting how quickly Master has worked His way right into the centre of my sex life like this!

My Master naturally controls my sex life.

I'm not allowed to plesure myself without His permission; interestingly, He prefers that I don't wear my chastity cage: He says He wants me to build my self control and deny myself willingly for Him.  

I am proud I am able to do this not just because it means I'm doing what I'm told but because it's a way of showing Him how much He mans in my life.

When W/we speak on Skype though, and I know He is watching me (even though Master chooses not to tun on His camera), then He allows me to dip my hand into my panties and play with myself.

That positive reinforcement between meetings with my Master and sexual pleasure is very powerful at many levels.

At a purely physical level the association is fairly clear, but I also like the psychological dimension - the idea that I only get pleasure when He gets pleasure (from watching me).

It's so helpful in weaning me away from my old fake life in which I thought only of my own pleasures and accepting my new slave life where my pleasures count for nothing. Only Master matters.

Yesterday was a hard and long day in my fake life - the kind of day when I'd normally take a bath and then vegetate in front of the telly before going to bed.

I hadn't received any specific instructions from my Master for what I was to do this evening and so I went ahead with my older routine and ran a bath.

But once I'd had a few minutes in the bath it was like a decompressed and I knew what to do:  dress and present myself n Skype to see whether He does have a use for me this evening.

I'm glad I thought that, that this was my instinct. I felt better once I'd done it.

But the role of th ebath as a sort of buffer between my fake life and my slave life was interesting and something I will remember going forward.

When I have problems or things are troubling my little world I can take them to my Master and He can tell me what I should do.

And because He always has such good solutions I find it easy to trust Him.

And because I trust Him and because He makes all the difficulties in my little world disappear, I am able to serve Him better.

Thank you Master.

I met a very wonderful new Master yesterday and after exchanging a few messages here on CS we moved to another messaging service.

We spent a long time discussing the nature of slavery, its depth and ultmiately its simplicity.

We also talked about the key role that three things - trust, communication and love - have in scaffolding the long and iffcult journey a free (albeit submissive) person faces as they move into slavery, with a slave's outlook and a slave's mindset.

Even in a few short hours He opened my eyes to new possibilities. It was a wonderful afternoon/evening and I hope this journal entry captures my gratitude to Master for His time and patience yesterday.

I'm grateful to Master Dominus11 for permission to reproduce this entry from His journal.  It so nicely summarises everything I feel!

slavery is not about suffering - slavery is about service.
slavery is not about humiliation - slavery is about humility.
slavery is not about pain - slavery is about being present.
slavery is not about being used - slavery is about being of use.
slavery is not about control - slavery is about letting go.
slavery is not about what is done to you - slavery is about what you do for others.
slavery is not about abuse - slavery is about acceptance.
slavery is not about proving anything - slavery is about being real.

slavery is not about contempt - slavery is about respect
slavery is not about how you look - slavery is about how much you care.

slavery is not about denying yourself - slavery is about being open slavery is not about bondage - slavery is about freeing your spirit.

slavery is not about punishment - slavery is about discipline 

slavery is not about being unable to escape - slavery is about being committed

slavery is not about submission - slavery is about obedience.

slavery is not about fear - slavery is about trust.

slavery is not about sex - slavery is about love.

slavery is not about pleasure - slavery is about happiness.