i'm always in a very weird place in my spaces on earth. in every sense of the word i'm 'in the worlds but not of it'.   when i connect with my mermaid and water being feminine people and try to befriend them and socialize, i'm often come across man hating retroic. men ain't shit. kill men. a mermaid would never be with a man. if you are wanting to be married by a man something is wrong with you. a mermaid is never meant to be tamed. brimstone and fire.   probably partly because of my virgo rising and partly because of my priestess nature i can't relate. in my heart of hearts how i approach romantic and sexual framework with men is  in a perfect world a sacred slavery mentality. honor, worship, respect, reverence, and deep feminine care and caressing and holding is how my dream is in my heart and my mind. in a perfect world i am always claimed by the mother ocean, but she is holding place and will hold my hand off in divine union and marriage to my master husband. this mermaid knows in a perfect world in my heart of hearts the divine masculine which would in a perfect world translate to a man in real life on earth in the flesh owns me heart, mind, body and soul. and it tends to express that most men that have attempted to date me tend to be on a soulmate level, some things die hard and my soul is built for a deeper cosmic way of loving and fucking than what most superficial people see.    in a alternative space group i saw a whack ass man proudly show his bdsm tools like a big inflated ego boy in a group that is clearly not just 18+  probably wanting some ego stroking saying just had a good session. it got lots of comments. i'm sure some womens panties were fulfilled by that. i looked at it as true goddess of devotion on a deeper moment. session? how does that translate to your world. your life. you packed it up and you closed it out. what about your next breath, your next step, your next hand hold, your next eye stare..the next intent of the energy you speak to her. how does your session carry out in your 24/7 lifestyle of devotion servitude mastery and slavery? dominance and submission? you can only hold it for  a session that is good and requiring or preferring some tools to achieve that ecstatic level of pleasure and absolute sinking into each other. that's cute. but what about the end goal, complete devotion and union. or is it just for a quick dopamine run and back to being vanilla lower cylinder working engagements between each other and life goes on. because if not we all know while in a perfect world it would include financial, cohabitating, family future planning generational security stability community elevating discussions between both parties as a power couple of house if it's multiple people involved......it doesn't have to be and can go on without cohabitating, without the legal contract change...though i still don't understand why most men want to own women but don't have the balls to legally take her as property and change her name to seal the full deal. so many come across, i haven't thought about that, there are ways of doing it without getting the law involved, we don't need the governmental intuition we have to operate under to know she's my property as long as it's in our hearts it's ok...always comes off as a cop out to me. but i know everyone is built different. tools can be fun but it's just like yoga, in the west anasa is so popular because we don't know how to get still inside to get to the real higher work of the various limbs of study and practice. and still doesn't have to be sitting, meditation is also dance movement and action. it's a stillness in the mind.   some of my dark goddess sisters both of the sophia original source encoded soul that are different copies of my own self....or others with a different original divine feminine soul encoded on them(sophia isn't the only form of the divine feminine, it's just WHO i am...so what MY mission is...MY journey..MY teachings...and my lived path to walk) continue the man hate. men deserve to die. nwords ain't shit. fuck a guy. i hate men.   i can't relate.   i've never had a man in real life protect, provide, or care for me. i've been in clubs by myself and have drunk men try to hug me, touch my arms, rub  up on my breasts and inappropriate get in my space. i've had to push men off  one, two, three, four times very visibly public. i've had to say loudly no, more than once. no bouncer at the clubs come. none of the men in the vicinity that can hear me(my voice is loud and piercings and energetic and many a person has said i talk too loud naturally) and they don't break from their girlfriends, wives, friend groups to come over and say stop bro. or to say are you okay? or is everything alright. they stay on the sidelines watching as i the dark goddess have to rise to protect myself.   i've dated men who see when i'm out and about other men try to approach me that i'm uncomfortable with and they've laughed it off, making me rise to the challenge to assert myself i'm with a guy and even if i wasn't this invasion of space is inappropriate.    i've been through so many daddies that want to inappropriately harness my overtly sexual little girl with no promise of provision, protection, guidance, care, and structure that the daddy dominant is supposed to provide. i've had them break me so much i've wanted to die when that carrot stick of the ultimate romantic mix of nurturing and strength and slightly sinister love gets taken away.   i've been assaulted in that way and when i told the man i was dating at the time, instead of being a righteous archangel michael divine masculine encoded self asked what was i wearing, what was i doing maybe i did something to provoke it. when i go through the questions and ask for them to come over to hug me, to reset my body my nervous system, to heal me from what their brother did and get myself reacclimated to what i have always known in my heart of hearts to be what the real masculine the true masculine is..i was rejected but he loved me.   and on and on...i have every experience to join the men ain't shit nword ain't shit kill men.....and i'm just not wired that way.   even recognizing the world isn't perfect, and that i wasn't born to be on the regular track where men in reality come to my rescue, show up for me, open the doors for me, hold me, watch me, make sure i'm okay, provide the stability, structure, care and support of just a regular vanilla way or an elevated power dynamic way....i don't' waver from the mission of 5d.. a higher cosmic love and union..i don't waver from the truth i've been seen.   there's the sauce of real life...and then there's the truth of what is beyond in the ethers.   and in the eithers.....i'm so divinely cared for and protected, cherished and loved. while the men in reality cannot hold the energetics of the transformative fiery goddess i am that will require them to constantly level up, to grow, to face their fears, be called out on their mistakes, be pushed to elevate, grow, emotionally stretch, touch feelings they could hide and side step from everyone else, and to always be tracked and seen energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.....the divine form is always here.   and so while it's not a perfect world, i am incapable of losing the respect, the reverence, the worship, the care, the holding, the deep sense of devotion to the man in spirit. i don't have to receive a gift on a date,  i don't have to be asked out on a physical date, i don't have to have the door held open, i don't have have dinner paid for me, i don't have to receive an engagement ring, i don't have to re

About to lose control, he sighed in the affirmative when she asked if he needed to use the toilet.   His ankles were unclipped. One wrist was detached from his belt. Sheepishly he allowed himself to be guided to a powder room through the next door.   Completing his business, much relived, he emerged from the room.  He noticed a walk in closet transformed into a cell with a bed and chair. There, hung over the back of the chair were his clothes. It was late, she was no longer amused. Keys were thrust into his free hand. “get dressed Mr. Gimp!”   It was then he realized they had never exchanged names. He wasn’t even sure of the address. Sitting on the bed fully dressed with the keys and restraints on the chair, she took off the hood. A taxi was waiting outside to return him to the Hotel bar.   Her voluptuousness pressed against his face, she pulled him to his feet and kissed him passionately full on his trembling lips. “ Be gone Mr. Gimp!” She patted his butt and pushed him out the door to the waiting taxi. The driver was well paid for his discretion.

That Moment when You one day saw A Black Raven hopping on Your GrandParents' Front Lawn so You went to check it, it kept hopping away from You & made it to & through The ChainLink Fence but not before You noticed It Was Missing Its Right Wing & Right Leg.     🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯     #MeanViciousPitBullsAcrossTheStreet?

As usual , My inbox overflows.  There are many reasons why I may not reply to a message.  My time is limited. If I allowed it, responding to messages could be a full time job.  There have been plenty of times I have accidentally or internationally opened a message  and found I wanted to reply. However,  I  didn't have time at that moment.  Later to find the message was too far lost amongst the rest. Recently I strolled through the pages of messages and came across a very well written message  from a submissive  who seemed to have potential.   If you send Me a message which is not acceptable . One which does not show respect it will surely not get a kind reply if it gets a reply at all. If I was communicating with you and you did not comply with My demands you can assume I stopped communication.  If I was communicating with you and some time has lapsed there is a good chance your messages are lost in the masses.   If you want My attention write an amazing message to Me. Include a respectable,  recent, clear photo of yourself. Expect to share your email address and phone number if I ask for it. I will not text you.  I will not be sharing My phone number with you,  unless I decide to.    I  will only ask for your phone number if I wish to interview you further via phone. I use no apps, except whatsapp for international.    I am not here to serve you! I expect you come to Me to serve Me.

I've not made a Journal Entry in a Long Time.  I would be fine with a LTR or even Live In or Married if circumstances led to that.  Though since like 2020 or longer have been dealing with Diverticulosis along with Mobile Cecum resulting in a lot of Abdominal Pain to say the least.  I could not figure out what was wrong thinking was just Lazy and Crazy. Seems like everything has been on a downward spiral or nothing works out quite right.  RL stuff beyond my control has contributed to making this more difficult heh. Was not until I read people writing stuff about Kristalose medication that started to realize was quite sane.  They would talk about the exact issues was having or details a strainger would not be able to know. Really its just an additive in every country except the USA.  Its like a Lactose that you just are unable to digest which can give a movement in 24 to 48 hours. I'm an Organic Vegetarian so unless its Tube Steak for something haha.  Pretty dedicated to keeping up my diet and exercise.  Really would be nice to get married have kids but doubt that will happen heh.  Really avoid piercing as anemic so bleeding is not good for that condition haha.  Site used to be really active now its mostly stagnated. Funny my string code is basically Restless.  I remember reading the CT Scan saying how organs moved since the last one not that long ago heh. That freaked me out a bit.  Supposedly as many as 10 to 20 percent of population has Mobile Cecum. Usually you have part of intestine removed like Brock if something gets infected.  I'm like a garden hose that is wound up or knotted or leaking fluid from what I can gather.  Most seem to die or collapse needing surgery to avoid that fate. Seems like it will eventaully need an operation unless it fixes itself by some miracle. The cramps or abdominal pain was really crippling like another level of pain beyond Thunderdome.  I could not even believe it as would feel fine then all of a sudden.  Its like having the diet was not enough to avoid this issue.  Even if do everything right in life can still fail utterly and totally. Being owned by Some Rich Femdom is often a Fantasy not Reality. Though that nearly happend for me over two decades ago. I doubt it would have been a great match. As really need somebody who fits what are ideal at or into. Certain things are prety neutral or do not make or break a deal.  Height is not a real issue as it can be good to be taller or shorter.  Women should weigh less than me in general not this BBW which we all know to be BS hehe.  Having interests where can talk or communicate about other aspaspects is always a positive too.

Slavery Truth   Many ask if slaves truly exist. In the way a dictionary and history define slavery, no they do not exist in most modern countries. (Though there is some contention that slavery rings do still exist in secret) Most people in civilized countries generally agree that the legal ownership of another human being is immoral and thus make it illegal. However, in the world of BDSM, one will find that some of the people involved call themselves by many different terms; one of these is the term "slave". Of course, this often raises the question of how is a slave different from a submissive. This question often is met with outright hostility, disbelief in the existence of slaves and the thought that the words slave and submissive (as nouns) are interchangeable terms within the context of BDSM. Many will not agree with any of those thoughts, and I am one of them. I have spent a great deal of time talking with slaves in the honest attempt to better understand them, their lifestyle choices, and judge for myself whether or not this is a healthy variation to the BDSM lifestyle.       To the question of whether or not slaves exist inside of BDSM I say that yes they do. They may not be the largest group, but there are quite a few. Do slaves differ from submissives? Again, my answer is yes they do. Slaves tend to differ from submissives by the way they think, act, submit and their expectations.       A slave tends to think more along the lines of black and white. They have very little room for leeway or shades of gray in their lifestyle choices. They do not seem to expect much leeway in the reaction of their dominant either. By this I mean, if a slave is feeling ill and thus doesn't complete all their usual daily tasks, they will expect the dominant to react with the usual punishment. A submissive may be more inclined to expect leniency from the dominant because they were ill. A slave thinks in terms of being owned, not in terms of submitting. To them, being in a collared relationship means they are owned, and often this translates into the statement that they do not have the "right" "choice" or "option" to walk out if the relationship goes bad. This does not mean a slave will accept an abusive relationship, though their tolerance limits for what is abusive and what is not seem to be higher than those of a submissive. This belief in ownership stems from a strong commitment on both an emotional and mental level to the dominant. There is a level of acceptance of the dominant's behavior that can be more intense and widespread than many submissives would allow. For example, a dominant wants to bring in a third to the relationship. A submissive may demand certain criteria be met before they allow ( yes, allow) such to occur, whereas a slave may say "It is not up to me, if this is what Master wants, so be it" and quietly accept this new change. To some this kind of thought process is considered wrong or somehow brought out by abuse, but this is not necessarily true. A slave thrives on the absolute fact, that they literally have no control over the relationship or what will occur within it, whereas a submissive often retains some level of control in the relationship. The thought process focuses solely on what would make the master/mistress happiest and how the slave can be most pleasing to them. Subs tend to think of themselves and their own pleasure in addition to that of their dominant. Slaves work very hard to put themselves second in all the things and their owners first. To them, this is what comes with being a slave and submitting completely. Slaves put forth a lot of effort in achieving an inner peace with their chosen position. With this peace comes acceptance of themselves, and a quiet sense of contentment. They view pride, arrogance and other such emotions as negative and unbecoming in a slave.       A slave's behavior is different from a submissive as well. If you listen to slaves talk about their behavior (or watch them), they often speak of being quietly accepting, in control of themselves at all times, formal, and other such things. There seems to be more focus on how the slave behaves at any given moment, with less leeway. In many slave relationships, the slave is required to use an honorific at all times, and couldn't conceive of calling their master/mistress by any other name. Most slaves find yelling, tantrums, fits, or any other out of control behavior on the part of a slave to be reprehensible and deserving of severe punishment. Slaves put a lot of emphasis on their behavior and how they react to their dominant. They hold themselves to a high level of self-control. They require of themselves to have a pleasing demeanor as much as possible. They see no room for bratting behavior, any form of topping from the bottom, or any other form of manipulating the dominant. They see bratting as topping from the bottom, whining, cajoling or making requests after the initial denial as manipulative behavior that focuses on the slave's needs/desires instead of the dominant's and thus not proper. They look down on any behavior that is perceived as designed to force the dominant to meet a need of the slave, rather than the slave focusing on the dom's needs. A slave will strive for perfection within themselves in completing all the tasks their master/mistress gives to them, while still keeping an eye out for things that they were not specifically told to do, but think would please their owner if they did them. A slave is required to be very self sufficient and capable because they often have a lot of responsibility placed on them. Slaves often feel that a slave should not need to be micro managed by their dominant because this is not pleasing, unless of course the dominant likes to micro manage. A slave will behave with the utmost of respect in a formal situation, and with as much respect as any situation warrants. (For example, quiet time at home may not require as strict a protocol as a formal party would) None of this emphasis on behavior means that a slave can't or does not crack jokes, goof off, or engage in verbal banter. Many slaves do indeed do these things. They do so however, with a great attention to the dominant's reaction and are careful not to be hurtful or overly sarcastic. Unless of course the dominant does not like this kind of behavior, then a slave will do their best to curtail it. (Which can be quite difficult, and in my opinion unhealthy, for someone who has a very playful sense of humor as an inherent part of their personality) So please do not take this article to say that slaves are not playful, have no sense of humor or anything like that because it just is not true. Slaves have the same array of personalities that everyone else does, and they enjoy them just like anyone else does. Slaves just tend to be a lot more aware of the dominant's limits to such activities than some submissives are. They also do not use their playful senses of humor (if they have one) to br

I am English by birth, I just currently live and work here. WInters are hard and long and endlessly dark, summers are beautiful and short and endlessly bright. This is a place of extremes, where there is very little grey between the darkness and the light, much like myself. I do not plan on staying here, and when I do move on it would be nice to have company, here or, ideally, in the world. I am on Signal only. I am spiritual, born out of my time, believe shame and guilt are hurdles to be pushed past and overcome, and I behave as the situation requires. I enjoy predicament bondage, corporal punishment, and distinguish between training, discipline and punishment. My skills include, but are not limited to, orgasm control, use of canes, balancing pain and pleasure, finding things most consider difficult to find, pushing limits and boundaries, mental domination and having an extremely open mind. I am not a stranger to Gor, at all levels of commitment to its tenets. Come and say hello. The worst thing that will happen is that you will add another name to your block list. I am an acquired taste. How about you?

And yet another lovely entry on another lovely day...    I never thought that a pretty blue dress could look so good… Watching the sweat bead up on your back, you become a slippery mess that requires extra sturdiness. With the hem of your pretty dress bunched up into my palms, I let the lubed glass piece that is strapped around my body slide into you. Gripping the fabric tighter, securing my stance due to the hold your walls have on my glass, I slip in so slowly I can feel the vibration of the whimpering. Letting one side of your dress fall, my fingers dig into the fold of your hip, guiding the glass in and out as slowly as ticks sound behind us. Every time the clock ticks, another inch finds it way deeper, until I’m buried in your hole. Then every time the clock ticks while the glass has vanished in you, an inch is taken away.  Listening to the pleads of being used, I watch you salivate with fire behind those dark hues. You’re fighting the need to slide back into me, knowing that it will result in a sexless rest of the week. The fight that you are having with yourself is enough distraction you’ve caused yourself. Releasing your skin, my fingers find that sweet spot of your lovely area - freshly hairless. Rubbing you into a slobberfest, the glass slides into you again, quicker this time. The time clicks away, my fingers that hold your oh so pretty dress grip your hair as well, turning your head sideways to watch me fuck you. I see the begging in your eyes, the unvoiced pleads of need for fireworks. Just as I feel you squeeze my piece, damn near in place, my fingers find the front of you again, gently sending you over the edge with kisses down your spine.  I hold you in place against me - stabilizing you until you’ve come down. The murmurs of how well you did for me, letting you squirm and twitch with your happy ending.    But should I keep going? Continuing to please you until you just don’t have it in you to continue?

Creating My household - Chat. Meet. Do. Lifetime position - Primary care attendant for My mother with Mid/late stage Alzheimer's.  Google it.  36 Hour day.  Live it. Under My ownership, mother shall be your charge and responsibility going forward.  Requirements:  Genteel.  Never use harsh words or swear.  Affectionate.  Exceptional grasp of the English language. Knowledgeable and amenable.  Must like dogs.  Short day trips - movies, lunch, thrifting.  Ensuring proper daily exercise.  Naughty nice school boys to the head of the line.   This position works well for someone who likes to be in the home and on hand, actively engaged in domestic duties, preparing meals and calmly engaging mother with leisure activities.  I will be responsible for My mothers personal and grooming needs until such time as a slave is well and thoroughly installed.  Personal services may then be granted.    

The Gift (ending) After awhile she got up and stood behind me. I could feel her hands slowly glide over my body from my arms to my hips. I moaned at her touch. Then with both hands she placed them on my hips and pushed me forward. I was being stretched. I could see my reflection and I realized that the mirror wasn't for me but it was for her. I could see her looking at the effaspects of the torment as our eyes met in the reflection.    I moaned loudly as I my head tilted back.  The chains rattled as I strained to endure the torture. She released me and I swung back to my original position.  She went back to the chair and sat down. Your body was made for torture she said.    She lit another cigarette and watched. I hung there trying to comprehend my situation. I felt like my body no longer belonged to me. I was now her torture toy. My body betrayed me. My nipples were hard and erect and I was sweating now.    This went on for a long time. Back and forth.    Finally after a long time I heard her cell phone vibrate. She looked at it and then at me.  She said Fifteen more minutes.    What choice did I have. I hung in my chains and suffered some more.    She got up and left. A few minutes later my Domme returned. She smiled at me and unchained me. Go to the bedroom she said. I want to have tortured sex. She walked out and I glanced over at the ashtray.  There were 8 cigarette butts there.      Next up. The Gift pt 2

  The Gateway For a long time I have thought that D/s, or in general kinky people, naturally relate to the superheroes of comics. This is not really an original idea - many gay guys have a superheroe fetish, and it is not just because of the tight uniforms. The typical superheroe lives a double life to preserve his secret identity from his enemies. By day a conventional, perhaps conformist character, he transforms by night to live dangerous adventures in an exciting underground world.  Fortunately, the need for gay people to hide their orientation has greatly diminished, but the dicotomy is still there - and it has its own appeal. Kinky people are in a very similar situation (complete with tight outfits). Many of us are selective about who can know our interests, and to what degree. And this, I believe, will continue much longer than for gays, because some areas of kink are just harder for the mainstream to assimilate. So we have a double identity - a gateway that leads to an exciting, sometimes dark world. A world where sexuality and power are both more naked and more sophisticated than in "the surface". A world that is also inside us - the gateway leading not just to others, but to a part of ourselves that is often a surprise. The Great Unknown, right in our core.  It is not a trifle. And it is all a present we receive when we face our inner cravings - and fears.  Sed timeo dominas et dona ferentes.

My Anthem for the week has turned out to be exactly what I needed to hear tonight...I have had this on repeat for many days. I need the strength of a Viking and know it is in my blood.  I asked for a sign from heaven. You gave me a wound of faith. I prayed for a shorter road. But you made me walk the long way. I wanted clear cut answers. You answered me with silence.  But in the weight of the waiting. You were shaping who I am on the inside. I thought it was punishment. But it was your design.  While I was begging for relief. You were building this heart of mine. 'cause before the crown comes the dust. Before the honour I learnt about. Before I reign I die to myself. Before I win I trust you now. You are not building comfort. You're building who I will be. You didn't call me to be impressive. You called me to be yours completely. I asked you for a clear direction. You split the sea wide open. Water in front, fear all around and my past was closing in. There was no way up. Just trust to fall apart. And when my strength was gone and broken. That is when your power started. If it had all been easy. I woulda never learn'd. That when I reached the end of me. That's when it's finally your turn. 'cause before the crown comes the ground. Before the thrown surrender now.  Before the victory calls my name. I learnt to follow your voice somehow. You not raising applause. You raising something real. You're not shaping me for people. You are shaping me to reflect. What is holy is what you feel. You led me through the desert. When all I wanted was your voice. But in the echo of the silence. I learnt that you're my only choice. You brought me to my knees. When I was asking just to win. So every broken piece of me would learn to depend on you again. You gave me thorns of weakness.  When I was asking for power.

Okay let's try this again.  Kicked off the month with the headlight. Not long after that I am pulling into a space at work and a wheel well cover thing falls off of my car. I've been driving around without it, no idea how important it is but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. Follow that up with taking the trash out one night and the bin hitting and cracking the rear tail light of the car. Perfect.  Let's move beyond the car, shall we? I'm hosting all of my parents for Thanksgiving. For the week, really. I plan out a full menu, hit several stores for every ingredient. Buy a giant turkey so I can make things like turkey soup and turkey pot pie afterwards. Two days before T Day one parent gets covid. The next day another parent gets covid. They aren't coming. I'm down to one parent showing up and roughly four bajillion dollars worth of food. Sigh. But okay, their covid symptoms aren't too horrible and that's what really matters, so let's get back to me. I power through. Fancy Tuesday night dinner. Afterwards I brine the turkey. It's going great, I'm nearly done, just need to add a little more water to top it off. I turn to the sink to finish. And that's when the brine bag tipped over and a river of salty herbal apple cider rushed over and into every nearby surface. At 10:00 at night. There's a lake on the stove. I don't mean a splash of liquid, there's depth to it. A tsunami flowed over the stove, between the stove and counter, all over the counter, into drawers, down into cabinets, and onto the kitchen mats and the floor. Did I mention it's 10:00? Right. Thankfully the entire bag didn't tilt so I refill and hope for the best so I can start kitchen recovery. An hour and an entire roll of paper towels later, I have emptied full drawers into the sink, pulled the stove out to sop up brine and all the herbs down the sides of the stove and counter, washed the floor. And all I can do is laugh, because November is kicking my ass.  But wait, there's more. My dad is in charge of the pie. He brought some ingredients, can't find them, asks me to look through his things. Sure, I can do that. Unzip compartments to take a peek. What am I looking at? It doesn't fully register and I nearly put  my hand in to pull it out. Then it hits me. These are sex toys. Big fucking EW. Why would he not remember that there are things in a bag his daughter probably doesn't want to see? November is trying to kill me.  I met a man. He was interesting and I liked him more than I planned to. Besides being a nice person, we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things, and that's rare for me. And then he disappeared. Then reappeared. Then disappeared again. I'm chalking it up to bad timing. Oddly enough, the most recent ex is sniffing around. A lot. I have no idea what to do with that.  If CS had not been hungry and eaten the original version, you would have also read about the work thing, the arguments with my dad, and my traitor dog. And there would have been comedy sprinkled throughout. But I'm tired. So this is a poor second attempt to document why November is the absolute worst and there are still several days left. I give up. November wins. 

After talking with someone on here recently I've done a lot of thinking about my desire to submit and be bound. I had never really thought about how long I've felt that way or why. Looking back on my teen years I think I've always had a fascination with restraint. My first sexual dream revolved around me getting "caught" and bound up. Looking back I have a few memories where even when I was younger there was something about being restrained that appealed to me. Now, as an adult, I think my feelings now are rooted in my desire to be helpless. I'm fortunate enough to have had a safe life, and I've never been in a bad scenario where I was in significant danger, and I suspect that may have something to do with it. Regardless, I think my root desire is to be helpless, forced to trust another person and do what they say. Something about giving into that power and giving up total control is what I really want. i don't know fully, just been thinking about it recently and these are my first thoughts. Thanks everyone for teaching me more and helping me explore these feelings!

November 15th, 2024 Back on collarspace!   November 4th, 2020 I had not been online for quite long. I just come to update my profile and to reply all those kind and gentle messages from my contacts. My life changed quite a lot and those days when all was fun and BDSM and long gone. I became a mother of two beautiful boys and with all the Covid19 situation, my life is reduced to motherhood. I love my family and do not regret it but I miss those days when I was never worried, I was always sitting pretty, dressing like the queen I am and being served by female and male subs. Perhaps some day that will happen again? )UPDATE  Yes, life evolves and keeps going!I moved to Belgium, I am in the process of divorcing but I am still in a poly relationship (that has not change). This is my second week in Belgium and I am hoping soon to be ready to get involve in the local BDSM scene.I would love to get to know people around here and know how things work around. It would be great to get a domestic slave and an assistant, a Lady is always in constant need of attention...............................................................................................................Relocating soon to Belgium...

A typical day requires service at almost all times. I am served tea in bed as we begin our day, and meals are all prepped and planned. You wake first, fetch me my tea, a few digestive biscuits, and the paper, and then join me in bed to read me an article of my choosing while I sip. Some days when it is warmer, we take this outside, but most days it is in the comfort of bed while we are nude.   After this, we both have breakfast together. Usually you will cook, but some days I will announce that i feel like it and cook. These are healthy meals that focus on protein and good fats.   Then, we both work from home. I enjoy my work at a non-profit, taking breaks to to be with each other (lunch, walks, or you kneeling in prostration/worship as needed, etc). In the evening, we order in, cook, or go out. These all have rituals associated with them that are meticulously refined for both our benefit - what we eat, how we look, and what happens are important metrics of keeping you thoughtless and spotless. You represent me, and I will NOT be embarrassed.   We play board games,read, or watch a program as the evening draws to a close. Then we head to bed, where I do my beauty routine and have you serve me as part of it. This means providing hot water, ice, and towels as needed.   We head to bed, with me getting in bed first and you being caged, kneeling, or joining me if I decide to use you for my pleasure. I do like to be warm and to cuddle, so some nights I require just that and you serve me admirably.

From Messaging I think I have found that a Dominant Master who is not just looking to lock you up and take you out from society knows the Psychology of Mind Control and can recognize how to properly indoctrinate you and knows your weakness and strengths and knows how to unseat those strengths and play to your weakness to make you learn to be dependent on the Master for everything just to avoid the sensory deprivation part of the breakdown. In the end you are the blank canvas and willing slave for a life of servitude and no regrets or expectations anymore. slave to be taken

+ NRA Bans Firearms During Donald Trump's Speech at Texas Event   BY ANDERS ANGLESEY ON 5/25/22 AT 7:51 AM EDT       The National Rifle Association (NRA) told attendees they will not be able to carry firearms during an event with former President Donald Trump at its Texas conference that will be held just days after a deadly mass shooting at an elementary school in the state.   On its website, the pro-gun organization declared that people would not be able to bring their firearms into the General Assembly Hall during its upcoming Annual Leadership Forum in Houston on Friday, May 27. In a notice, the NRA said firearms, toy guns and "weapons of any kind" would not be allowed inside the hall. It also listed several other items, such as laser pointers and signs among things that were prohibited.   The NRA described its annual leadership forum as being "one of the most politically significant and popular events in the country." But a shadow has been cast over the conference after 19 children and two adults were fatally shot at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas on Tuesday.     (more)       https://www.newsweek.com/nra-bans-firearms-during-donald-trumps-speech-texas-event-1709957#Echobox=1653480476

My dog clogged the toilet.  Okay, technically, I am the one who flushed the wipes, but it was all her. You know those treats that fit into some sort of holder and are meant to occupy the dog for quite some time? She ripped the holder and instead of it taking hours to eat the treat, she ate it in a matter of minutes. Everything seemed fine. And then I woke around 2:30 to her trying to eat a great big pile of mush that had just come out of her butt. Gross. So what do I do? I grab flushable wipes to clean it up. And then I flush them. And then the toilet revolted. Thank the lord I have more than one because I forgot about it until I came back upstairs and it's still unuseable. I looked up how to fix this. There is no magic solution to pour in there and dissolve them. The plunger is most definitely not working. I cannot call a plumber and tell him the dog clogged the toilet. This is just another problem for Tomorrow Me. And probably Middle of the Night Me. And that's not even the end of the story, but that's all I've got left to give tonight.  *Update*  I FIXED IT!!! I seriously thought I was going to have to explain this to a plumber. I just spent a lot of time plunging. And um, then I had to pee. So maybe I had the magic solution because right after I tinkled, flushed, and plunged, it worked. Natural plumber, at your service. 

Reflection: Week 1 Well I would say that the first week has gone pretty well. I have worn my collar daily. I have used a plug all but one day. I will find some additional attire for around the house that will be acceptable. I have shared all of the messages with him that I have received since the beginning of the new year. It may be a small step but I feel like these things help maintain a good headspace for us bith and encourages intimacy on various levels. I will try to keep an ongoung update as time permits. Through reflection comes the opportunity for growth.

Dear Diary Tonight, the air is electric, charged with the power of MY presence. As the moonlight bathes MY skin, I feel the pulse of the universe within ME. Every beat echoes with the knowledge that I AM the embodiment of strength, beauty, and authority. To MY devoted submissives, know this: when you serve ME, you are not just serving a woman—you are serving a force of nature. Your obedience is the tribute you offer to the divine energy that flows through ME. Each task I set before you is a test, a ritual that draws you closer to the essence of your purpose: to please and honour your GODDESS. When you kneel before ME, you are not just submitting your body, but your soul. Your surrender is sacred, a powerful exchange that binds you to ME in ways deeper than flesh. In your submission, you find liberation. In your obedience, you discover the true meaning of devotion. Remember, MY desires are not just commands; they are opportunities for you to prove your worthiness. Every whisper of MY voice, every glance from MY eyes, is a call to action—a call to show ME the depth of your loyalty and the extent of your adoration. So, listen closely, MY devoted ones. The night is ours, and in its darkness, your true nature will be revealed. Serve ME well, and you will find the fulfilment that only the Black Goddess can offer. BLACK GODDESS 

Love degrading, deeply separatingMy distances of dark pride. DaringThis daggered being to a death ofIdentity. Damn me. May the dawnDraw dyed lines of words upon myDunes. May You, God of my dragons,Declare me as Your dirty darling.Where decadence decades theseDaymares of independenceWhere You define my worth, for thisDance of ours deepens our freedomDay and night, dusk into dust. DivineDreams. - We finally begin to exist. dirtydarling

Just for fun!   There is a lovely toilet in TX that has Me wiggling My toes for joy of them being licked clean!  lol  I know it is not everyone's thing, but I have nice toes and they SOOOOOOOOOOO love to be licked.  Mayhaps I shall start with the list of likes for yall to drool or ewww over!  lol   Number 1:  Likes to have feet washed and massaged and licked and sucked!  My toes delight in pampering.  Yum!

I responded to an email today in which I wrote because ai realized I am done.   I figured I would post it here being as when I try to change my profile Collar space goes into spaz outs and threatens to lock me out. "Due to yet another year of Covid, health issues of my own, and general life, I have decided that I can no longer be a responsible Owner The desire is still there but taking a slave is a huge responsibility and time sinkI have friends and history in the kink community that I stay in touch with, which I dont delete my profiles here and on FetLife.  So there it is folks.  Have a kinky happy life.  ~~ Mz Stormz

After my first marriage to a cheater, I developed the confidence to start exploring bondage. I have a strong need for connection with a lover. Random hook-ups don't feel right to me. On the other hand, I love to flirt and have no problem meeting people anytime, anywhere. To balance this out, I experimented with chastity, both mental and physical. Around this time I made some good looking friends who got me comfortable with showing off my body for them. This was all very exciting but was not matching my desire for a relationship built on trust that includes times of intense sexual expression. I wanted to have a bondage partner that was as strong minded and aggressive as I was.With years of searching, it is dawning on me that my natural manner attracts compassionate and often sexually submissive women. My hidden desire is to be the submissive partner, however, I wanted to feel my submission during daily life rather than in the bedroom, without squashing my masculine personality. I'm searching for an unusual balance where I am appreciated for being a responsible man navigating every day life but with my happy partner having the power to flip my switch into a lusty and aggressive lover who will pin her down and take us both into sexual adventures in bondage and submission. I am now picturing a scenario in which my I commit to someone by surrendering the keys to my chastity belt. On days of her choosing, she provides me an opportunity for freedom knowing that I am quite frustrated with lust for her. This is my license to drop my normal demeanor and become a little meaner, taking what I need in the way that I want. When the time to revert to public persona returns, it is understood that she should claim the keys and remind me that I belong only to her. This is what I might term a submissive led switch, with the role-reversal determined by the woman not by playing domme but by choosing to let the dogs out! Yes, I want to have to freedom to using my ability to capture and dominate, but I don't want to have to suppress my desire to do so. If I hand you the keys, I want us to be comfortable knowing that when sex happens, it happens only because you want it to happen. You will know I am always ready when you are because you are my only release.

I am active in my local kink community. Or rather, I was before the pandemic and I will be again. Watching other people play is a magical experience. To witness their playfulness, their intensity, the fear, aggression, comfort, tenderness, and artistry of a scene is beautiful. I've been lucky enough to play with some wonderful, skilled tops. I've even introduced new people to different types of play. I am enriched by every experience. All of this has taught me a very important lesson about myself. Submission is a deeply intimate experience for me. When I bottom for someone that I am not connected to the drop is much harder. I can't give pieces of myself to people who don't want to keep them. So I don't do casual play anymore. No impromptu scenes, no kink only arrangements, not even bottoming for someone who is learning. This is also why I don't do LDRs. The one I submit to must desire all of me. Not just the fun kinky parts. They need to be physically here so I can touch and be touched. That is super important to me.  I know it's possible and I am a patient woman.  

I crouch in the dim light, low to the ground, my muscles coiled with anticipation. My heart beats with the thrill of the chase, yet no footsteps follow, no predator’s growl answers my call. I’m a kitten playing in the shadows, batting at a love that slips through my claws. You, so distant, so untouchable, are the prey I’ll never catch—the storm I’ll never tame. The air is thick with the scent of longing. I arch my back, purring softly, an offering of submission, a plea for connection. But the silence stretches between us, sharp and cruel, like the edge of a blade grazing skin. I reach for you in my primal way, a growl in my throat, a playful swat, a desperate leap. You stand still, unyielding, unseeing. I ache for your touch, even if it stings. I crave the thrill of being hunted, the satisfaction of surrendering to you, the sharpness of your love cutting through me. Instead, I am left to prowl alone, circling a void that offers nothing in return. Every glance you give that doesn’t linger, every word spoken without weight, slices through me deeper than any knife. In my dreams, you are the hunter. You snarl, you chase, you pin me to the earth. Your teeth graze my neck, and I surrender willingly, body and soul. But reality is a different kind of pain, one that gnaws at me in quiet moments. You don’t see the way I tremble for you, the way I offer myself with every arch of my back, every purr in my throat, every unspoken word. The shadows are my companions now. I curl into them, licking wounds that refuse to heal. I am the kitten you’ll never chase, the prey you’ll never capture. Still, I remain here, waiting, aching, caught in this endless edge between desire and despair, loving you in the dark where you’ll never look

Guys, women are not looking for disembodied body parts. Your abdomen alone in a mirror shot is NOT sexy. No matter how ripped, it's just a random body part. Posting random body parts just shows that you have not bothered to read or listen to anything women have ever said about what they want. We look for a PERSON. Not a body. Certainly not an isolated body part. Any body parts. Especially dicks. Body parts on their own without a personality attached are almost exclusively a GUY THING. No, posting a body part is not "full disclosure." We did not ASK for a body part. If that's your avatar, most likely any woman will just click past it. You're killing yourself just by choosing a bad pic instead of showing some personality. We aren't passing you by because you have a belly, we're passing you by because you seem to think that's the most important aspect of you. That would make us as shallow as you are. Once again, act like a whole person. Not a generic title for a nickname, a generic body part for a picture, and a generic request for what you've seen in porn as a relationship. Grow up.

So I suppose I should expand upon what we are seeking so as not to waste anyone's time. I am absolutely not a Dom or even a switch, not really. Not in kink and not in life. But I am looking for a submissive. Who will let me have my way with them like a spoiled child. I want someone so wrapped around my fingers that even though there really aren't any consequences I can give them, and that even though they could over power me or outsmart me they choose not to they choose every second of their submission wholely over and over again. No matter what I am doing to them they choose me as their princess. A submissive daddy type if you will. And daddys arent controlled with fear and pain and neglect but with love and attention and sweet words...and other tantalizing treats.    I feel this is the type of relationship Westley and Buttercup had. Lol.    Ok I am sure I have done a not so stellar job explaining this but hopefully a bit better then before.    Be well everyone.   As always curious friends are always welcome as well.

My view on men’s roles. Men are fun. I love spending time with them. What’s even better is that the worse I treat them, the more they love me. It’s like the ultimate hack. To me, men fall into two different utilitarian categories: Almost Equals:  like I said almost!!!!!men whom I fuck, often those in the top 10% of the universal cock size range. I do not date these men and simply meet them to have a good time. It is important to note that I do not submit to these men.  Inferiors: men whom I cuck, use as subs/slaves those in the bottom 90% of that same range. You are in my life for the purposes of being my cum rag,  card, and emotional tampon. I stir something inside you and make you feel more alive, even in slavery. Note how there is no superiors category. I do not believe that there is a man alive or dead who is superior to me. Women create life, men are that life, therefore man is product of woman. You cannot be superior to me because women make life. You know I speak the truth.

Ok ok ok. I don't want to be online for any more time than is necessary.  I've decided there will be no nursing home and so I ramp up My efforts to find the right mix for a live in.  Let's get the communication right.  I need to speak to you at a time which is convenient for Me.  I will make some consessions, but if YOU CANNOT BE ACCOMODATING TO MY SCHEDULE than we are not going to go far and you are wasting My time for engaging someone who wants to make the time to get things moving!  I need.  Please do us both a favor and only contact Me if you are READY WILLING AND ABLE.   My suggestion out of the gate is we take this relationship association on for a set period of time.  Give matters a chance to work out and work up. I am not a menu providing dominant woman nor am I able to allow someone to control any aspect of Me outside of our engagement with one another.  I've come too far to be handing over any reigns to any untried handler and after all, I am responsible, legally, for a life.  So until you demonstrate who you are and I come to trust you, I will be running My own show all on My own.

11-JUNE-2026 JOURNAL BACKUP . I am on here to maybe make some new friends and talk to some old friends. If you see I have been online but do not reply or I delete your message unread or unanswered  please do not take it personally. Or you can take it personally if you so wish and enjoy the self-mortification. I cannot stop you from experiencing what you are feeling. Sometimes it is nice to come on here and simply look at the scenary and not engage in it... You might even be that scenery..this is just me looking out the window and spotting you..nothing more. My journals are ever changing because my life is ever changing. The impermanent nature of things. (anicca in Pāli, anitya in Sanskrit)  11 June 2026. Lack of WiFi and data and the storms of life colliding, June is picking up momentum rapidly.  I had made many journal entries but could not add them due to the inability to access WiFi all week that allows adult websites. A new photo taken on a sunny day. If you saw me on the streets, this is what you would see.... My eyes down and not visible to you under my big hat. I know the cracks in the pavement in this part of London. My new thing is picking up nuts. 3 in the last week ! Each one useless without a bolt. So I put them onto a ribbon to give them a home . I have had one on my dog tags for the last 14 months. I found it in El's tools when I went looking for one on my arrival here last year. My dog tags identity me should I be in a accident and cannot talk. They will know who is MY MASTER and hopefully call His ghost busters.  As of June 2026, the Storm of El's 14 months battle cancer, and his physical demise still has me in its vortex but as life on the high seas are, this Viking knows there is alway another storm to set my sails against. Thanks to the NHS and their full MOT that storm is part of June.  Let's see what July brings? I have not ticked any boxes. Why you ask? Because it has been so long, and depending on who you are, they mean nothing put of context of what electricity there is between us. It is all hyperthetical. For instance it is of no use to say I like walks in the woods with dogs on a cold winters day and you are allergic to dogs and pollen. And yes, walking a pack of GSD in the woods is a fond memory I have of Africa. I am more sedentary now so a walk in the park looking at pigeons is just as enjoyable.  I am not looking to date anyway. So no need to send a message asking about my submissive traits or telling me to call you sir or use capitals for you and lower case for me. But I do enjoy a good conversation. My journals have created many threads even if we differ in opinion.  And yes, I do wear head scarves when out and about and indoors if it is chilly or it is a certain place.. No, it is not religious per say, as you would think it is. But the reason has something to do with obedience and reprogramming identity. Now that it is warmer, I do show hair or even wear something small like a bandana. If I feel so enclined to do so, I might journal about it one day. I would make one of those audios if I can sort out how to do it. Bisous a vous tous.

Where do pirates get their hooks? A second hand store.    Thank you for taking the time to read my profile. I’m looking for someone who naturally has a happy personality and only wants to make others around them happy also. She needs to be drug and tobacco free with only an occasional drink.  What do you call cheese that’s not yours?  Nacho cheese.    I would like to find that type of feeling like when we were in high school and we have that super crush on each other. I do everything to avoid conflict. I don’t argue or fight, if you want a masochist I’m not for you. Trust and respectful communication are important. I am not a social bug so my friend circle is small.  I have 2 kittens but love most pets. I’m not looking for perfection I’m looking for happiness and someone who has the suction of a shop vac. 

Update---- I've tried adding new pictures several times again and it just don't work. I've tried deleting all of my old pictures from 3 years ago but they stay and you're lucky if even one new picture comes once they finally approve  your pictures. I remember the old site, collarme and it was awesome. It was a couple that started that site and when they broke up, the male partner insisted he be the one to keep this site going. She warned us all that this site would become a train wreck and omg how right she was!    I'm hardly ever on here anymore. It's too hard to even send out messages with the f'ed upward puzzle that often fails to recognize that you got the puzzle right. Etc etc etc.  What a shame is all I can say.   Omg I hate this site so bad, it is so fucked up!! I tried to remove one photo and add a recent one..  So I'm down for two days, comes back on and no changes were made.  I have much better pictures now, these are all from 3 years ago.  I've since learned to use makeup much better and have been on hormones for 15 months and I'm much more feminine now.  I guess I'm stuck with what's on here..  Unbelievable!!!! 

I want to roleplay as a cheerleader. You command me to cheerlead for you as you play a sport in front of a crowd.  However before I go out there you force me to wear clamps on my nipples, embrassing panties and stick a dildo in my pussy. As I try to cheer, you turn on the vibrator in the dildo and make me drip my juices while making it impossible for me to cheer properly Then when you lose you take me to the locker room, tell me I lost because of my useless cheer leading, while taking the dildo and pumping it in my.pussy while against a locker You then take out your cock and slowly pull out the dildo, but then give me no tike.to.rest as you shove your cock in me. You take out your frustrations on me while im in bliss while holding my pompoms, and cheering your cock. Your teammates then come in looking defeated and as they see us they join in to get their frustration out. The entire team then take their cocks and shower me in their juices while I wave my pompoms and my cheerleading out turns from red to white. You then put me back in your sports bag while im in estacy and say that you're going back to train me again so the team doesnt lose again.

I so dream of this too often.One day daddy comes home mad at the world and tells me to get his lube and plugs. I do as daddy asks and get them fast as a sissy in 6” locking heels can. I get back to daddy and he tells me to suck him hard, as I drop to my knees daddy Luber’s up my sissy hole and inserts the plugs starting with the smallest first. By the the time daddy gets the biggest plug into my sissy hole he says bend over the couch and spread your ass. Yes daddy I do as he asks and he hold my hands spreading my ass as he enters my lubed up sissy hole and madly fuck it deep 9” thick daddy tool. He fucks me for about an hour when he had filled me with his seed 4 times and decides to put the largest plug into my sissy hole and tells me to keep it there all night and only he removes it. Yes daddy as I said to daddy filled with his seed feeling full and used.It is the morning and daddy says it is time to remove your plug and get filled again, yes daddy I assume the position and spread my ass wide for daddy. He again grabs my hands and decides to cuff me to my thighs and fuck my sissy hole for hours filling me so many time I feel it leaking down my chastity cage. He finally done and the large plug again and I’m told to leave it in and stay there until daddy is ready again. Daddy seams more relaxed every time he fills my hole and plugs it in to ensure I’m properly bred by his seed. I look around and see he has been filming this and it is also live still filming. I’m embarrassed that daddy did not tell me about the cameras but I like it. Daddy is back and again breeds my sissy hole, he does this all weekend long and it is a Hilo day weekend, so daddy has a full three days to breed me and film it all.

Frequently Asked Questions: Q: How is your search going? A: Are you fucking kidding me with this question!? If my search to become a slave was going well I wouldn't fucking be here would I?  My search sucks because of assholes who send me emails that say, you look like you'd be a good fuck, how's your search going?  I hate my search.  I hate being allowed to use a computer and have a profile here.  I hate that I'm allowed on the internet.  I hate having rights.  That's how my search is going you fucking idiot.   Q: Are you on hormones? A: Well are you on viagra or Cialis?  How's your blood pressure?  Do you still get full erections?  If you think this is an appropriate question to ask someone in a first email then you are not intelligent enough to own me.  I'm so sorry that you're too dumb to own me.  It could have been really special but I'm a real cunt who doesn't answer medical questions to perfect strangers who think THAT is a good way to break the ice.   Q:  How's it going? A: It's going fine.  I am blown away by what an amazing first email this is and I want to be yours now.  You are clearly the one.  You asked me how it's going.  No one has ever thought to start an email like that before.  You are so unique and charming I can help but want to suck every drop of cum out of your cock that I can.   Q: Your profile says you're 18 but you've been here for years. A: Wow. You're super smart.  No fooling you.  No Sir.  I tried to pull a fast one but you were all over it and now I'm busted.  You got me.  It has nothing to do with the fact that this site doesn't update age on it's own and updating it myself means my profile might be down for weeks while they approve it if ever.  Here's an idea though.  Since you're so clever why don't you add the number of years I've been here to the age listed on my profile and conclude that's how I old I am now.     Q: Wanna be my slave? A: No.    Q: Do you really think you're going to find a Master with an attitude like that? A: Yes.  He just won't be you.  Unfortunately, you are a moron.   Q: You're very beautiful. A: That's not a question but it is something every asshole on this site says to me so you saying it to me makes you exactly as special to me as it makes every other dude.   Q: You're so funny.  I can't believe these guys ask you all these dumb questions.  They are all idiots.  I loved the sassy way you dealt with them in your FAQs.  It's too bad there are so many fake doms on this site.   A: Shut up.  This is almost as lame as the You're very beautiful or Are you on hormones emails. I get it.  You read the FAQs.  You must be better than the rest.  Oh please Master, let me lick Your asshole clean now.  You are amazing.    

  A submissive with Etiquette To be owned by Someone who wants to understand me and know who i really am, Someone who can Dominate me like no One and mould me to be the best submissive i can be. Someone who will not give up if the road ahead looks to be undulating but will guide me to firmness. Someone with a “can make it work” attitude as opposed to dismissive. i am and will be a very committed and determined submissive who gives my utter respect, devotion and loyalty.    Patiently waiting for my Leader to reach out and take hold of the reins.    (i am unlikely to make first contact but will always reply to all in a fitting and courteous manner that should be fitting of an online submissive)  

From time to time I am asked what I'm looking for. I haven't specified in my profile, and from what I'm told my description doesn't really fit in around here. Nor does my writing. I'm going to talk about the collective you, not specifically you, dear reader. Clearly you are the exception. I have been here long enough to see that most people fit into boxes. The fantasy life they won't ever live because they are afraid or established or stuck. The fantasy life they won't ever live because they aren't successful with relationships in their real lives so they look for extremes here to counter that. The exploiting for sex and excitement. The genuine living this life out in the world and here to meet like minded people. The watchers.  Here's the unpopular part, remember that you like me. I think we're all messed up to some degree and that's why we're here instead of talking to someone face to face. This isn't the place for emotionally healthy people. This is that dive bar on the shady side of town you hope no one sees you walk into that's full of regret but it makes you forget for a while. And I'm in here, too. I'm not looking for someone to take me home. I just want to swap stories and laughter. I don't think what I'm really looking for is here, but in the moment I'm all for the entertainment when an interesting conversation heads my way. Everything good starts with a conversation, even if it doesn't turn out the way you hoped. I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised, but I fully expect to walk out of this bar alone. 

I think it is easily possible that single dominant people are seen as inflexible and unyieldimg.  Set in their ways.  My way or the highway.  My interests are now your interests and there is nothing else to be said on the matter. I suppose that could be true for some people.  It is NOT true for me.  I was an only child, more or less, and as far as I can tell that is still true.  Due to reasons I will gladly discuss with individuals inquisitive enough to really want to know, I was a bit of a loner growing up.  That didn't bother me, and it still doesn't. Fast forward a thousand years and as a single person I live my life the way I see fit and do what interests me.  Having said that, I am here to meet people and develop relationships.  As I look around the CS landscape I suspect the same is true of most of you.  Being in a relationship and being single are two completely different things.  Within the framework of my relationship I expect to be dominant, but that does not mean that I expect to carry my single life along with me.  Good relationships are good because there is at least some level of learning of the other person, and compromise when it seems to be practical.   I would ask that people who look at profiles and interest lists and try to assume that the square peg is always going to be a square peg and will never be able to fit into a round hole to look in the mirror and ask themselves if that is even a safe assumption of themselves.

Dear Diary, Today, I find MYSELF indulging in thoughts that have lingered at the back of MY mind for far too long. I’VE always envisioned MYSELF having two bases—one here in London, and another somewhere warm and inviting in Europe. For years, the idea has danced around in MY head, but I’VE never quite had the energy or the right moment to set things in motion. However, something feels different now, and I sense that if I don’t act soon, this dream might just slip away. So, I’M taking the plunge and starting MY research on plans for MY second base. The idea of renting a small studio flat somewhere in Europe has always appealed to ME. I’VE been thinking about Portugal or Spain, with Portugal currently taking the lead. The thought of a cosy, sun-drenched space where I can retreat, recharge, and, of course, still keep a watchful eye on all of you from afar, is intoxicating. Portugal has a certain charm that keeps calling out to ME —it's beautiful landscapes, rich culture, and warm climate are just what I need. But I’M still open to suggestions. Perhaps there’s a hidden gem I haven’t considered? Or maybe some of you have thoughts on why Spain might be a better fit for ME? I’d love to hear your thoughts, MY devoted ones. After all, this isn’t just about finding a place; it’s about creating a second home—a sanctuary where I can rule from, wherever I may be. Your input could very well shape where this next chapter of MY life takes ME. BLACK GODDESS 

  But would I talk about my need for your attention? Talk about my desires for naked intimacy, so close and nearly breathless, kisses sweet and juicy, long and short, tongues and fingers intertwining as I try to lick and suck every square inch of your body, the honorarium of your gift and my reception, the stoke of your cock into my opening mouth, hungry to be fed, to be filled, to be possessed by you, penetrated, taken, lust smeared over my uplifted breasts, over my mound, rubbed against my clit, hands pulling it aside with eager participation, equally wanting to lay back, but also to lay you back, concentrate on your growling desire now being swirled with my saliva, my love wetness, stoking you into my mouth, your hips thrusting, your words spoken of being your slut, the one that will get to be used, our passion exalted between us, like a plug into an electrical outlet of my holes....my chant of yes Daddy, yes Daddy...both silent, murmured, coming out loud in my head as I join you on the edge of our orgasm...ride it, babe, ride it...   That's what I would talk about.

Or "why aren't women turned on by my lingerie pictures?"  I get that some guys are into wearing dresses. I can often enjoy pictures of guys in dresses, depending on the guy, and the dress, and the overall look, and the makeup, etc. And some enjoy wearing cute ruffle covered pink dresses that look a lot like birthday cakes. You know, the kind that toddler girls are put in for Easter Sunday. And some guys enjoy wearing lingerie, or makeup, or rubber... I can often enjoy pictures like that, again, depending on the guy, their choice of lingerie, the presentation, and so on. Some guys like wearing big frilly lacy lingerie like you'd see a 'sexpot' femme wearing in an old porn movie. While they kinda sit hunched on a rumpled bed, legs sprawled awkwardly, legs unshaved, on the dirty duvet, with their dirty laundry in the background. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, they want US to look at them like that, and get turned on. Usually because they get turned on wearing it. Which is great. More power to them. But as I've written before - Know Thy Target Market. And make the effort to find out what sells, and why.  You can put a cold naked hot dog on a paper plate, and take a picture of it. If someone is already hungry right then, and they really like hot dogs, maybe they will think 'yeah, I could do that.' If you want to get the attention of someone who might not be hungry, or might not usually eat hot dogs, you'll need to find out what they like, and try to tailor that image to their interest. Maybe they would like hot dogs chopped up in chili. Maybe they are more into the classics, and want to see a sizzling hot dog with the little burn lines cradled in a fluffy golden bun, teased with wavy lines of ketchup and mustard, with just a tiny dot of relish peeking out underneath. Maybe you need to pair that with thick, steakcut fries sprinkled with seasonings and cheese. Or maybe they only like corndogs. Maybe a lot of things. But without some market research, you're spending your time and money on hotdogs, trying to guess what will interest people, and mostly, your safest bet is going to be going with the most common image, probably the 'classic' version, and even then, the production value needs to be as high as possible, because hot dogs are plentiful and cheap. You gonna have to dress that up REALLY well to make it anything other than a simple tube of processed meat. Not to put too fine a point on it.  Now, maybe you are one of those rare few who is completely disinterested in anything other than one specific kind of hot dog lover. That's the ONLY kind of person you want to talk to or sell to- the one that likes them sliced thin, frozen and alternated with pickled beets. Again, more power to you. However, you need to recognize that you are going to search a lot longer, possibly forever, and you'll get a lot fewer potential buyers, and even then, lots of those will be potential duds, because lots of people are willing to say 'yeah! I love that too!' to anything that gets them closer to any kind of meal, and honestly, they'd dive into cold cereal if that's what they found, because they are starving, and it's better than nothing.  If you are NOT one of those people, and you like hot dogs, but you also have hamburgers, and chili, and maybe pie too, then you want to put all that out there. You want your first impression to be one mostly likely to get interest. Maybe your initial pic should be whatever you like that is the most common, then have other pics showing your other great offerings. And again, with high quality photos, of more than just the hot dog - how about people enjoying the hot dogs? How about a lovely buffet, all laid out with what you offer, once they've been drawn in by that great first picture that was well designed, showcased your best quality in the best way, with good lighting, good preparation, polished and pretty and enticing?  I get that no one wants to pretend to be something they aren't. Especially here - here is a place to express one's self fully, hopefully without judgement, and seek others of similar interests, and hopefully find someone with whom to engage in those interests in real time. And I get that there are things we each enjoy, and we really really really want to have someone appreciate those things in us, about us. But if you are seeking, you need to seek in an effective manner, which means taking into account the interests of those we are looking to attract, and what attracts THEM. You need to find out WHY they are attracted to some things more than others. You need to CARE what they care about, if only so you can find out early if their interests align with yours. And also so you can more easily appeal to people who are interested in what you have to offer.  Even if it turns out you are just a plain hot dog on a naked paper plate, you need to at least make sure you get the best picture you can possibly take - in focus, at a good angle, clean, no roaches in the background, etc. If that's all you really want to put out there, but you want someone to admire it, then you're going to have to show it in its best light. You'll have to make an effort. And you'll have to accept that it may not sell right away. Sometimes, it's worth adding to your offering. Learning a little about what your target audience wants, and then finding out how to offer that. Maybe grow a bit, and become MORE than just a hot dog on a paper plate. Hell, you might be steak and not even know it. Isn't it worth trying?

I have a few minutes to sit still, so I figured I could follow up on my previous post, and discuss the topic of pictures a bit more.  But I realize I'll probably never do better than what I wrote a few years ago, and I know no one ever scrolls back and reads, even if I few do read the current posts. So I'll re-post that, and maybe it will help someone. ____________________________________ Women are not men. I know it seems obvious, yet the majority of men still pursue women without really considering what that means. They write profiles based on what THEY would like, what men value, what men think is impressive, and what they wish they saw on women's profiles. They take and post pictures the same way - based on what they value, what they think is impressive, what they wish women put in their pictures.  If they crossdress, they take and post pictures similar to those of women they found sexy - scantily clad in lingere, posed seductively or sluttily, etc. without considering that those pictures, like porn, were meant to appeal to men.  They send emails, again, that same way. I repeat - Women are not men. Dating, at it's bottom line, is marketing. You have something. You want something. You want to exchange what you have for what you want. In a store, you exchange money for goods and services. In dating, you are mostly hoping to sell. You are hoping to purchase the attention of a partner, in the long or short term, in exchange for your attention, your time, your services. You are selling you, in exchange for them. That's actually a very basic equation. You can't sell to someone unless you know what they want, and find a way to market what you have to that want. This is where most men fail - at the basic premise. They know what THEY want. They don't spend a lot of time researching what their target market wants to BUY. So they market based on what they know, and what they think they know. They know themselves. They know men, in general, and they know what commercials and movies and tv and all media everywhere has told them is attractive to women. They, being men and raised in a male dominated world, never seem to realize that all of those things are ALSO targeted to men, to get men to buy things, usually by appealing to male egos. They show women draping themselves over men who drink this beer, or drive that car, or wear that brand of clothing. They show this to men so that men will want to buy those things. Most of the time, women couldn't give less of a fuck about those things. But men are surrounded by all of this input, so they think we do. I'm not going to try to define what "all women" want on here. Not all women want the same things anyway. Right now, I'm just going to clarify that what WE want is usually not the same as what men want. You need to find out what those things are and tailor your pictures and profile to market to that. Basic things like "don't use a picture of your penis as your profile pic" have been said a million times but it's always the first thing we see everywhere we look. Yes, I like to see a pretty penis. No, I don't see a pretty penis in a picture and become suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to have it right this second. I can't say that I've ever gone looking through the internet just to look at pictures of penises. And when I get one shown to me when I haven't asked to see it, I'm not horrified, but I right there decide that the guy showing it is a pushy, insecure jackass. I lose all interest in interacting with him. It's not that the penis itself is a problem, but that it tells me something about who he is when he has to insist on showing it around - that he's not interested in pleasing ME. He's interested in his own pleasure. And I can do better than that. And honestly, a picture of your chastity device is pretty much the same as a dick pic. You don't want your profile to be a long list if things you want, either. Yes, you want things. You will need to communicate those things. And the world you were probably raised in told you that women do things for men, even Dominant women. All that BDSM porn? It shows lots of women in black leather and rubber getting a LOT of enjoyment doing those things to men. Again, that is written specifically to be bought by men, so they show men what they want to see. Yes, I like doing those things to a man. I like doing them to my partner. I sometimes want to do them to someone other than my partner. But I almost never want to do them to some total stranger just because I like doing them. Your accountant may like his job, but he doesn't go out on the street offering free tax jobs to strangers, ya know? Your profile on a dating page is your resume. Your sales pitch. Your introduction to make us think you have something worth our giving up a few minutes of our time to read further or possibly even have a conversation with you to get more details. This site is a kink/fetish site. This particular discussion is about 'finding a dominant woman.' If you are reading my journal, your target audience is a Dominant Woman. Most Dominant women I talk to are drowning in emails and offers from men who call themselves submissive. Most of them are requests for US to do what THEY want. Which is the first mistake. It's usually their last. Your sales pitch should NEVER NEVER EVER be "I'll let you spank me!" One, why do I WANT to spank you in the first place? Two, why you and not someone who is offering something I want? I'd rather talk to the subbie over here that is offering to give me a full body massage, no strings attached.