hello I feel the need to write a post. I  have been on here trying to seek someone to help me maybe come out of my shell. Yet I get messages from so called men or Doms on here that think that a woman should bow down to them. Act there kings when there not. Some one here can't act like slave Masters, well slavery days have been long gone. Some on here want to just act out storie, if I wanted that I would read a book, or wat h a movie. I have brains and a strong willed femal. I know what I want and don't want. I will not be talked to like I'm less then a woma. yes I came on here to meet someone to help me come out of my shell. Yes I stated I wanted to try anal play, I have never had anal but open to trying tha. No o don't want bruised or have my boobs tied up for what pain, or marks on my boobs no, do you want you dick tied up and bruised?? Well done might but still. Just maybe I'm on the wrong sit. uggg this is frustratin!!!!!!!

"So into you" or why ob- ject -ification is not as flattering as some guys think it is The subject today will be centered around ob- ject -ification, and how lack of the right actions is getting in the way of what you want. Recently my day was spent prepping for Mom spending the night, which mostly meant me continuing to organize, clean and just generally improving the space in my sewing room, (the only real spare room) which has a futon, and most importantly, DOORS, so she can have privacy and quiet from my cats. Now, being ADD, I work better with music and company, so I put music on that she and I can both enjoy- a Pandora station based on the Doobie Brothers I started just for her. And being who I am, I tend to listen to lyrics, and then often find myself analyzing them. Usually, I'm specifically analyzing the relationship failings described in them. It doesn't always stop me enjoying the music, but sometimes I recognize the stalkery mindsets that filled our airwaves when I was young and impressionable. As were the guys who were listening. It's not surprising that we all grew up thinking these kinds of unhealthy behaviors and expectations were normal, and even romantic. Songs like Boston's "Let me take you home tonight," where a guy is explaining to a woman he's never actually met before that he's basically been stalking her and built a strong fantasy and expectations about who she is, and now he feels that she should absolutely feel both flattered, and obligated to have sex with him. "You must understand this, I've watched you for so long, that I feel I've known you, I know it can't be wrong," and goes on to say "I'm dreamin of your sweet love tonight, let me take you home tonight." So… he's been watching her for a long time without talking to her, decided who she was without ever having a single conversation, and, of course, imagining sex with her. A lot. And he tells her so, over and over and over. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing I want. Let me do this thing because I want it. Because that's always what is really going on there. Always the focus and end focus. Nah... that's not creepy AT ALL. Geesh. Today, it was "So Into You" by Atlanta Rhythm Section. Different band, different song, same thought process - I saw you, I was attracted, I've decided who you must be, and I can't think about anything except sex with you - only this time, they seem to want to make it her fault. Now, at first, what struck me was "could not catch your eyes" and "stand here helplessly hoping you get into me." Which just makes me ask 'What did he actually try?' I end up envisioning Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon 2, dancing around like a lunatic and freaking out the of his affections. Let's hope it wasn't like that. But honestly, it sounds like he really didn't try much. He admits that he's 'standing helplessly' rather than walking across the room and saying hello. Which sounds a lot like complaints I've heard from guys before. "I don't know how to talk to women" and that's where it ends, rather than trying to solve that. I mean, there are classes, there are workshops, there is therapy, etc. There are options. Why would someone not even try to fix the thing that keeps them from finding companionship if they are stating that they want it? Passive is not a good look. Or as has been said "faint heart ne'er won fair lady." Unfortunately, the closer we look at the lyrics, the creepier it gets. All this woman did was walk into a room. Suddenly, he's obsessed. He "can't think of nothing else." He says "Love the things you do" when so far, all she's done so far was exist in the same room. She's "driving him crazy," "thinking about how it's going to be" and he's "Gonna love her all over, over and over." So he's not really thinking about getting to KNOW her. He's focused on this fantasy he has of who she is, and what he wants to do to her. She's a beautiful woman. But somehow, she's not really a person. I mean, he's impressed by her, and he wants something from her. But not enough to make the effort to interact with her as human being. So he's "helpless" and "driven crazy" and "captured" but is just standing around "hoping." Worst part is that I really do like the song. Musically, and I like his voice, and the moody, kinda slow jazz feel to it. Shame about the message. I do get it - sometimes you see someone who just looks so cool it's hard to figure out how to approach so that they will be as impressed by you as you are by them. I was told that I'm intimidating... decades before I knew that Dominant was a thing. And the problem isn't that he thinks she's beautiful with "voodoo in the vibe." It's that he's turning that into something SHE's doing - "driving him crazy," and turning his insecurity into "helpless." And the entire thing is portrayed as flattering, and romantic, and a compliment to her. Because isn't that what women are supposed to want? For men to desire them? For her beauty to give her power somehow? For her appearance to add to her value to men? Because "The Male Gaze" is always supposed to be a woman's focus. And what a man feels when gazing is her responsibility. And anything a man might do because of that feeling when gazing at her is her fault. And that is the message. In song after song. "I saw you, I had a feeling, I have a want, I am thinking about you, I am having lots of thoughts about you, I'm having a fantacy about you, I'm deciding that the fantacy is a true representation of who you are, so now I'm building hopes, and I'm building expectations, and now I'm going to approach you , and you should share all my fantacies and fullfil the hopes and expecations rather than view me as some total stranger who's making weird sexual demands." (We won't even START discussing murder ballads. That came up recently too...) That is the message young guys get when they are first thinking about asking girls on a date. That this is how it happens. That this is normal. So when they do it, they are shocked and confused by the girl's reaction. Then again, young girls get this too, so plenty of times when a guy is inappropriate, before they've learned to be afraid of guys and their reaction to rejection, they belive they are supposed to be flattered that a guy is paying attention to them. Even if she doesn't like him, having a guy want you is important, a measure of your value as a woman. So rather than seeing a red flag for later, more aggressive poor behavior, they see it through the lens of "romance." They feel pretty and special and don't recognize healthy behavior when they see it elsewhere because this is how it happens, and what is normal. It's right up there with "he must like you if he punched you" in grade school turning into "he didnt mean it, you know he loves you" later when he beats her bloody later in life. Hell, I literally had this just yesterday. "Hello beautiful, I’ve always wanted to meet you , I love that hair , your so beautiful, I’m in (my town) until Jan 30th Love spoil you and finally get to actually meet you , I only been dreaming for years to do some sissy sessions with you " Never read a single line of my profile in all those "years." So he literally only knows that I have a nice picture. I point that out. (It's a thing for me...you may have noticed.) He responds "I know I need proper training but I know you can teach me !" Because of course, that would be my goal - to spend time and a lot of energy giving someone what they want when they couldn't spend 5 minutes reading my profile. I point out that he STILL hasn't read it, or addressed my reply, and that it was kind of insulting.  He pushed on, though - "We can go get coffee or meet at a munch or anything your up for , I’m only here to next Sunday , but after we meet and greet , I know you would always enjoy my company"  Because obviously, women enjoy men who they feel have insulted them. Especially when it's the BDSM equivalent of a one night stand.  Yes, I blocked him. He obviously wasn't going to catch a clue, even when smacked with a clue-by-four, so there was no point letting him keep messaging me until he got nasty.  He told me I was beautiful, so it automatically followed in his mind that I would immediately want to be alone, up close and personal, providing him his desired gratification, in a session with him, a total stranger, on the first meeting. And that his idea of "spoil" would be the same as mine. Or "proper training." He belived knew me, what I'd want, what I enjoy from my company, etc, without having to read a word I wrote, because he'd looked at my picture and had a feeling and built a fantasy and then expecations. And that who I was beyond my face (and hair) didn't matter.  Because I was not a person to him.  I was an object he desired... a fetish vending machine into which he felt he had put the appropriate coinage - a compliment on my looks. And he wasn't going to be desueded from that with reality or actual human interaction.  This is the world women live in. This is what "The Male Gaze" actually means. If we are attractive, we have value, but not humanity. If we are not attractive, we have no value, and are dehumanized.  You'd think men who want to be Dominated would behave at least slightly different, show at least surface respect to a Dominant Woman, but on average, they don't. And yet, right now, in several groups, there are guys going on about how hard it is to find a Mistress, by guys with the same empty profiles and dick pic avatars and tons of 'do me' groups. The same complaints, the same confusion, the same helplessness and yet the same refusal to make the efforts that would make it possible for a Dominant Woman to want to interact with them.  They are standing helplessly... hoping... being driven crazy... not understanding why we aren't "getting into" them.

I’m not interested in disrespectful, fake subs who throw temper tantrums like toddlers denied candy. I’m not here for a drama queen who thinks his pussy is somehow better than mine — sweetie, we’re not comparing fruit here. Life’s too short for attitude, bad manners, and ego contests. If you want my time, bring respect, humor, and a little humility… otherwise, you can keep your crown and your tantrums for someone else’s court

I know what I want and willing to train, teach and discipline...not in position to support you as I am on SSI and have roommates..what I am looking for are roommates to relocate to North Bend/Coos Bay Oregon..we would have to get OUR own place...you MUST be willing to live 24/7 as female if not one already..you have a dream and so do I that is turning you into very feminine classy sophisticated woman outside the house and a cum loving bitch behind closed doors...understand this will be poly household with ONLY one DOM..have been on here under various aliases...NO photos showing butt plugs or stubbie or you will be blocked....current photos showing you in favorite outfits...so that you know my training techniques take between 18 months to 3 years to complete ,,,I ask for serious commitment after we have gotten to know on another.....I am very assertive, very aggressive, very controlling and have a habit of micro managing but chalk that up as being  Dom,,,,what type of foundation has been laid for me to build OUR house on?

Don't give up my first journal. Hi I'm mistress muse and I am dominant to my wolf.  If there is one thing that being on the scene has taught me, it would be to never give up. I spent so long in fruitless vanilla relationships that although, true, filled with love and all the nice things that people claim to experience in these things it also carried with it a weight. It was like a brick in my chest, a wrong feeling, an alone feeling, a dark hopeless feeling, a sinking if you will. Which in a way was true I was drowning I was drowning in self doubt I was drowning in a sea of misunderstandings and depravity. The love I craved seemed so taboo it almost seemed impossible to obtain. I may have been looking in the wrong places but even kinky people I've known for years on the scene would often look baffled if I piped up some of my perversions. I then met someone I had known in a completely vanilla setting... So vanilla in fact even he hadn't really noticed me before... a friend who knew of his kinks thought we would be quite suited. Looking back now I find it amusing that both him and I scoffed at the idea but Kinky curiosity got the better of us. There was this feeling everytime we spoke... A feeling of understanding... A good feeling... A weightless feeling soon combined with a feeling of want. I wanted this man... I was fucking getting him. On the scene for years he has been known as z3ro (zero) but ladies gents and pets let me tell you this he is anything but a zero so from the very beginning I have refused to use this name for him. He became my Wølf, my alpha bitch, my sub, my friend, my mirror and my PARTNER. I have used this term quite freely in the past but with him it's different. He is my partner in crime he is my play partner he is my intellectual chewing gum. He turns my head and the way my brain works. I never thought it was possible to find someone to just get me and be able to match my sadistic evil streak. To find someone on the same interlectual level as me. For me to find someone just as twisted as me. For this I am grateful and this is why my wisdom(me) for the day is this.... JUST DON'T GIVE UP

Why are humiliations beneficial for me? Humiliations help me develop humility by reminding me that I am not perfect and that I have limitations. Facing them with serenity strengthens my patience and my ability to endure punishments or training calmly. Additionally, it is an opportunity to practice forgiveness towards those who humiliate me and to develop greater compassion towards them. Receiving humiliations helps me let go of my ego and the need for recognition or approval from my Teacher. These experiences, seen as tests or challenges, contribute to my growth and the strengthening of my character when they are overcome. They also prompt deep reflection and self-examination, leading to greater self-awareness and understanding of my own weaknesses and strengths. Accepting humiliations strengthens my dedication and trust in my Teacher, recognizing that everything happens for a reason and has a purpose in her plans.

New year and new beginnings   After becoming active in March, it’s been a slow gradual progress getting back into the scene. I was weary at first due to the past weighing me down and the current situation I was in at the time. Reflecting back to where I was, to where I am now, I've come a long way and ebbing forward in becoming comfortable in my own skin and who I am.   It's been a massive change from no social life to meeting so many Brilliant kinky minded people, I find what was easy for me to interact with people with self-confidence was gone a long time ago, however big thank you to the people that have given me advice and self-belief,(even if I was kicking and screaming) to carry on and not to be discouraged about social situations or setbacks in the things that I do. So, a big thank you to all from me, for helping on my pervy journey.   What do I think back on 2023? Well, my plans and ambition has changed after moving and starting again. From dudgeon hire and Airbnb to just letting things come and go as they will, due to this I've gained so much freedom. Not being tied down finically and mentally that I'm now traveling a lot more than 15 years ago. Finding out and planning to attend old/new munches, clubs, workshops. Planning ahead for meets with people that I met along the way. Working on play Scenes and finally relearning my skills as a practitioner that I thought I lost all so long ago.   You don’t tend to realize, what was taken for granted can be lost or thought lost, I thought so for a long time, still do at times but it's the willingness to draw a line in the sand with yourself, to make a new start in thinking, to carry on consistently in what you're doing and where you're going, that what was lost is just misplaced.   I restarted this journey on my own and now joined with people on their own paths, it can be scary and daunting at times, it can also be exciting and rewarding but there is now one thing constant that I'm thankful for, I'm not on my own on this path anymore and I'm grateful for the close connections people have made with me.   So, taking a step back, what have I achieved? Establishing myself back in NW scene. That was my goal last year, but I've achieved so much more without realizing it. Creating a scene and doming in public display. New techniques in sensory and impact play. I am more proficient with the Violet wand and regaining my self-confidence as a dominant in styles of role play. I've been asked to mentor and accepted; it is a responsibility I take seriously and has helped me retread old ground with my own training from over 20 years ago. And last, somehow (I'm thanking the gods and certain people wile typing this) in the winter after taking up residence at club lash, I'm now Dudgeon Monitoring, I will always feel more comfortable working. It’s helped immensely to quickly orientate myself back as a semi professional in-house dominant and I'm honestly grateful this has happened.   Moving forwards to 2024 I have a firmer grasp of myself and what I am able to do now and what I want to do in the future. There are some projaspects in the works from group activities to self-improvement, some long term other short, but all kink related as I reacquaint myself back more into the lifestyle   My path may have been slow and gradual, but I've come a long way, and can look back knowing I'm on the right path. I still have a long way to go and don’t know if this path will end as new avenues open in 2024, but for now be mindful, live in the present, take stock, give thanks and appreciation in what you have. To stay humble, to stay hungry for the knowledge and opportunities that have been given to you and to always appreciate those meaningful connections that people give you.   2023 thank you   2024 I'm ready... more than i will ever be and I'm looking forward to what comes further down the road

Its been a year since I discovered nu-metal. It's spoken to me like no other type of music has...Like as if...I was missing something in my life. My thoughts Is interpreted through the amplifyed speakers. Then, the YouTube algorithm brought KORN in the mix and just went absolutely crunk nutty.   

So why am i still here? Honestly i didn't think i would be. I've met people here, but life is complicated by the fact that i live with my mother (it's London, give us a break!). But i went to uni - miles away (clear across the country) and i thought that, i had a room of my own, a double bed, no one to explain things to, i could finally spend some real time getting to know a dom. And for some reason no one wanted to get to know me. A dom i'd known for literally years and who lived in the place i went to uni at, disappeared for five months and came back with a girlfriend, he wouldn't even meet for coffee as friends (and as a mature student boy did i need friends), another guy who said he'd love to have a holiday there, just didn't make it, one guy who agreed to come and see me started demanding that i go to see him instead, another guy ghosted me a few weeks before we were due to meet...yada, yada, yada. Now i don't believe i rushed any of these guys,  i was there for three years after all, so i guess they never had any intention of meeting in the first place.   So that's why i'm still here. But i can't say i'm still looking

 I would acctept a female submissive to teach a sissy the ways of womanhood. I don't form sissies from scratch, will advise ones already shaved smooth, wearing panties and a plug. sissies should be wearing a plug on their own, they don't need a Master telling them to. a plug is not to stretch them but to teach them relax and let it enter and to clench on the narrow neck to tone their sissy pussy. they should learn to milk a cock thrust into it's loins, also a sissy should pick it's  own sissy or femme name to identify with, not wait for a Master to give it one. if they want to rename the sissy, so be it. if you're a Mistress or a Wife that has a sissy you think needs a little or a lot of Male interaction I can visit, even stay for a few days to do so. DB I have a room already set up for MY sissy. it has a bed, small bondage table, a tall stool, a cage and boxes and shelves of toys, cuffs, collars,straps and other supplies. 

This slave object loves being Masters pain slut. All the dark and wonderful ways Master makes me and will make me suffer are delectable. No thoughts aside from pleasing Master and doing as property is told. I crave his use and the pain Master inflicts on my flesh. Just discussing with him the dark and twisted things he wishes to do to me gets me riled up and shuts my brain off so quickly. I'm enjoying every second of my training because learning to please him is everything to me. The impact to my face every time he sees me feels jarring, shocking, and like affectionate brutality, making me feel whole, loved, and happy. It's quite possibly my new love language.   An object has no thoughts, no say, and that is what I am. Owned by the best Master and Owner a slave object like me could ever hope to have. I'm happiest when I am pleasing him. I cannot wait to be closer in proximity to him like he has planned for our future. To serve daily at his feet and under his guidance, however he wants me to. To bring that gleam to his eyes and that devious smile to his face. It's the best feeling in the world to me.

Morning all -- we are entering a interesting time of the year - let's see who's up to the chellenge Pegtember Pegtember is the month of September when those lucky enough get to participate in pegging. Whether that is receiving or giving, rejoice- its Pegtember   Locktober When typically men put on chastity cages on for the entire month of October. No Nut November  aka  #NNN No Nut November (NNN) is an annual online challenge where submissive / slaves try to abstain from masturbation and orgasm for the entire month of November. Denial December aka #Dencember Denial December is a monthly challenge in the spirit of Pegtember, Locktober, and No Nut November. During the month of December, each day you must edge to the brink of orgasm in the amount of days that have passed in December (15 orgasms on December 15, 16 on Dec. 16, etc.). If you cum during the month, you fail the challenge. YOU MUST DENY YOURSELF ORGASM FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH TO SUCCEED. Good luck, have fun

Warning: This is a long rant...So I got my first really nasty message today regarding my political leanings.  He called me an ugly ignorant cunt among some other choice words that I don't even remember now. Funny thing is I am a cunt but I don't consider myself ugly but, of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  To each his own.  I don't expect to b everyone's cup of tea.  To this coward (he blocked me before I could go off on him lol)  I will say that insults like these tell me more about you than about myself.  The fact that you blocked me tells me you're probably a baby incel living in your mother's basement. This is all well and good when you're in your 20's but beyond that makes you pitiful. You were well over 30 ad clearly need to get fucked. To anyone else out in CS land I will say that you don't need to show me your ignorance by attacking my political beliefs or my physical appearance.  It's pretty fucking clear to anyone with at least one brain cell that this orange imbecile and his band of ass lickers are destroying our democracy in the worst dumpster fire this country has ever seen. We;re a laughingstock of the entire world. And just when you think he can't possibly do anything worse than he's already done he goes and does a few more detrimental things to the American people.  That inclues you ignorant repugnicans! You're worshipping a moron and you can't even see he's fucking with you, too!  Now that's what I call IGNORANT!!! In ending I will say that I'm glad this asshole showed his ass to me today because it gives me a chance to rant.  My final words are if you don't like my politics you need to scroll right because I don't want to know you anyway and it saves me the trouble of asking, unless of  course you're dumb enough to wear your ugly red maga hat in your profile pic. 

Once Upon a Time....                 /\     /\                {  `---'  }                {  O   O  }                ~~>  V  <~~                 \  \|/  /                  `-----'____                  /     \    \_                 {       }\  )_\_   _                 |  \_/  |/ /  \_\_/ )                  \__/  /(_/     \__/                    (__/

Things I want to get during 2024 Succubus Womb Tattoo Nipples Pierced Ears Pierced even a single win in a local yugioh tournament

Sweet DreamsI want to see loveI want to feel it's touch me softly across face at firstI want to smell love ,the way you smell the gulf before you see itI want to treat it on my dry lips and have it hug my soulI speak of things I know cause I once felt that kind of love A warm day many years ago ,time really don't matter it is just my floating pass, things I can't touch or remember well or just the parts, that make my old world part of my new oneBut love I remember how it left the teat in my lips like salt ,not like one you get from table salt but you get when you eat something that was made with sugar and salt, fist the sweet treat and the the salt that brings you back slowlyI love being in the world where air is lighter and it is hard to keep your feet on the ground , your love songs touch you deeper and food treat better,all of this is because you feel loveYes I do love to feel that nothing can go wrong and maybe she/he feels the same , that they will see brighter colors and the would will seem cleaner , and maybe just maybe the world wants to show it all to you and can act like you're seeing it for the first time.And sometime dreams are all we have, dream it will get better,dream that someone will understand you,dream that people will stop thinking you're a fool, dreams are the one thing we can count on, they will always be there.To us when no one will not, to hug us when we need a hug and to love us no matter what.Clayborne Arno HarrisApr 11, 2019

Rush I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. My skin was flushed and I could feel my heart beat with excitement. I cast my gaze downward, taking in the full length of the beauty who had submitted to me. Sweat glistend from her soft skin. Her arms and legs stretched to their full extent. Her eyes pleading. Her mouth clentched on the gag which stifled her words, but did little to muffle her moans. It was her idea. She wanted to have her limits pushed. Pushed beyond her previous play. I was riding her edge in so many ways. Keeping her on the brink. Permission withheld. Applying pleasure, and pain according to her liking, but never enough. She could flirt with her orgasm, but I held her back. Torture, but not from pain. Torture from the pleasure without release. I abandoned her to her need. That look on her face. Pleading with her eyes and body. I wanted a break. Taking my time. Poured myself a tall ice water to cool off. I walked back the ice clinking in my glass. The bed complained as I settle next to her. She did not. I was greeted with an expectant look. A smirk even. She was ready for the next chaper. She knew that the story had not run its course. I admired the marks that I left on her body. Hand prints and crop marks set upon a pink background from a generous amount of flogging. I plucked an ice cube from my glass. Gentlly traced my marks with the ice, leaving a trail of water and a slight shiver from my submissive. My tracing spiraled around her breasts encouraging her nipples to their full extent. I teased her belly button then towards her clit. I alternated between a vibrator and the ice until it melted. I retrieved the remaining ice from my glass. Traced her inner thigh. I rub the entrance before slipping the ice inside. I could see the discomfort, as I relished my control. Inserted another piece for good measure. I could feel the blood flowing to my cock. Engorged and ready. I rubbed the head against her, before sliding inside. I savored the cold created by her internal ice bath. It was time to get started...

Too many of you are confused — begging to be subs one minute, acting like wannabe Doms the next. All these hidden intentions are getting annoying. I don’t do pissing contests with little boys. Either serve or stay out of my inbox Having a handful of internet subs doesn’t make you a Dom — it just makes you loud online. Real dominance shows in how you carry yourself, not in how many chatroom pets you collect

Fantacy vs reality Oct 17 2019 Dommes are people.   Like, actual, real human beings who have jobs, family, friends, pets, hobbies, fears, insecurities, frustrations, get colds, get sunburns, do household chores, sleep badly, have bad dreams, have bad days at work, have good dreams, have side hustles, spill soup, yawn, ... everything that everyone else does.   Most of the emails I get aren't writing me. They are writing The Beautiful and Goddesslike Domme in the Tall Boots and The Sexy Corset.   It's a lot like writing Robert Downey Jr. and thanking him for saving the world that time when he flew into the black hole and you're sorry it scared him. Or maybe more like talking to a cardboard cutout of Iron Man at the theater, and expecting it to help you soup up your car so that it flies.   There is a real person behind all of that. But if you aren't interested in them, if you aren't interacting with them, asking about their actual life, treating them like a person? You are focused on the image you have, and treating it like it's the reality. Not a good look for anyone.   Which is not saying that the Domme in The Tall Boots isn't really me. It's just that it's this teeny slice of the whole me, and when you treat me like it's the only part that matters, you diminish me to a flat, limited function of my outside appearance. And it tells me that you aren't really very grounded or realistic.   The thing that I feel makes The Domme in The Tall Boots (I should copyright that) so fabulous is the mind and personality inside. The intelligence that makes me recognize patterns and respond quickly. The ethics that mean I won't lie or manipulate or abuse people when they put their trust in me. The talent that lets me learn quickly and develop new skills for better play. The understanding of human behavior and insightful nature that helps me know what others are thinking / feeling even when they don't say it out loud, and find the best response. The self control that keeps me level when play gets heated so that I don't destroy my playtoys.   And so much more... all the things that took a lifetime to build, and which have nothing to do with my face. All of these things would still be a part of me if my skin slid off and my hair fell out and I was a hideous bog monster.   These are the things that I think make me a quality person, and a good Domme. When someone writes an email saying "the most beautiful domme in the whole world You are a Goddess A domme like you is worth moving for" I know they aren't really responding to anything I've written. They are looking at a picture, and imagining who I am, filling in all the blanks with their ideal Domme's traits.   Much like that Boston song - "You must understand this I've watched you for so long That I feel I've known you I know it can't be wrong"   They see, they assume, they create a whole person in their heads that wears my face and my kinky clothes, and then they imagine that person wanting to do all the things to them that they want done. They write a letter to that person professing their undying devotion and expressing how much they are looking forward to all those things.   Meanwhile, I'm sitting over here in my pajamas with a cat on my lap trying to dry my hair after a shower, considering what to have for my bedtime snack, remembering that I didn't water the hibiscus twigs, and get blindsided with a huge wave of words written to ... I dunno who. But she has my face, so I'm expected to respond accordingly. And they get upset when I don't. I've ruined their fantasy. And disrupted their wank fodder.   And the sender never knows that they wrote a cardboard cutout while missing the actual amazingness of the real person.   I suppose it's the reverse of the situation Dustin Hoffman discussed in an interview when he realized he hadn't bothered to interact with women who didn't look a certain way, and now that he saw himself dressed as a woman and didn't look like that, he wouldn't have talked to himself as a woman, and understood how many amazing women he missed out on meeting because of it. [youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuaiR89iofE[/youtube]   And honestly, I am, like most women, in that same boat. If I fail to wear The Tall Boots and The Sexy Corset with the proper primping and makeup, 99% of men won't notice me at all, much less fall at my feel begging to be spanked and pegged. Their fantasy is very specific - THIS look, doing THAT act. Anything else is invisible to them. So when I am seeking a sub, such as on here or at a play party, I "Perform Femininity." And I do it well. Hence the emails. But other than that...   I become invisible if I wrap up my hair over a naked face to do yardwork. Not to everyone, but to a majority of the male population. Which is why so many me

52M Dom/Daddy london uk, Seeks *relocatable* live-in 18-25 any cis girl must willing to Anal Training i am Master/DD would say that I am not a loser, or dying for pussy (maybe for a real sub and her Back door=butt=asshole=Anal Training for younger female),I am not crazy or dangerous etc, but a person, pleasant, appearance, polite (more or less)and I like to dominate, I am willing to Anal Training for younger= one cis girl willing to be mine anal slut, must not be committed (with other cocks=which mean if you think you are naughty you are probably ...), who wants to discover and cultivate with me(no others) the pleasure her submission and live as a proper 1950s girl.all with honesty and pleasure for both, keeping in mind that is not a game)she must into a beautiful and intense time ..of course after care and use of the safeword is paramount in a long term relationship (even short but again 'no take away') ,if interested could write me on telegram analmandingo or PM ,NO 4 SEX CHAT OR if u want MONEY find a pig NOT ME!.I am only interested in sub/slave want to be own by me only for monogamous LTR ( or is full of wanna be dom and domme if you are looking for sex go to them as probably you rubbish like them so shite go with shite ). U must be in London uk 🇬🇧 , no cyber no fake ! Basic tasks for the girl what to be my slave 1_ you must be naked or basic dressed you will be touched regularly by me I love to have my hands all over you 2) you must suck a minimum of 2hrs per day my cock .3. you will get spanked or whips minimum 30 shots per day as to remind you, you are mine .4. you will be rape play daily as ATM mouth fuck .5. you must rim me regularly after u cum it relax me .6, you need to wear a plug Or plug tail Or the hook posture ,7.piss whore you will get my golden rain in or on your face ,8, you must wear a collar as show of respect to me.and you will be training to wear a plug daily t! .9. do what I said or get punish the way i want or like . listen to what I need and make sure I get it from you 10. You will sign a contract to show me you understand Snapchat DomPadrone telegram analmandingo not for sex chat i do not fit in. never did.never wanted to , I do not mix with sh*t.

I am ideally looking for a servant who understands that the most profound connections are built on loyalty, clear structure, and shared purpose. If you are a woman (either Cis or Trans) who enjoys being in a subservient role and finds fulfillment in being the anchor in my chaotic world while serving my needs both physically and emotionally, both in and out of the bedroom, this may be the connection you have been seeking. What I Am Looking For:Someone who is-Disciplined & Stoic: You possess a calm, composed demeanor and thrive in environments that require clarity and efficiency during chaos. You can ground your Owner/Master if the need arises. I am NOT looking for a full-time brat, though I am open to banter and shared experiences with dry humor and teasing naturally. Fiercely Loyal: You understand that true strength lies in devotion. You are someone who takes pride in handling the chaos of life, be it physically or emotionally, willing to help wherever and however you can. This does not mean you are tied down to solely me, UNLESS that is the goal you wish to achieve. Comfort in Structure: You find peace in order and hierarchy. You are not afraid of high expectations because you know you are capable of meeting them—and exceeding them. You thrive in being told what to do; however, you are also independent in your basic activities, even though you enjoy being doted on with reminders. Service-Oriented: You are the type of woman who finds deep satisfaction in being the one person I can trust above all others, the one who understands my chaotic mindset implicitly. Any order given is one you enjoy; however, preferences and desires will always be taken into account. I am hypersexual; do keep that in mind, but I also have my shortfalls in the department of "men's health". You are understanding of this while encouraging the use of toys and other means. I will NOT leave you hanging unless you are the type who prides my release over your own. In return, I offer a dynamic defined by safety, respect, and profound appreciation. This is not a typical dynamic; it is a partnership built on the understanding that your devotion, both sexual and nonsexual, is a rare and precious resource. You will be valued, protected, and cherished for the immense strength and competence you bring into my life. To be clear: I am not looking for someone to "complete" me; I am looking for someone to stand beside me—or operate within the space I provide—as a servant in maintaining the order of our world. If you are tired of being underappreciated and are ready to dedicate your talents to a dynamic where you are finally seen for your true worth, I invite you to reach out. My goal is to make things abundantly clear, so there is no confusion about what I am looking for. So I have tried my best to keep it clear and direct, but I know I won't always get it right. That being said, please reach out if you have any questions. This is NOT an ad looking for someone over long distances or online; you must be able to physically meet.

 The power and vibration of a Harley reminds me of my time driving a train. When I would start a "big jack" as we called it, the power of that engine engulfed me. To know I controled all that power was a feeling that took some adjusting to.  I cannot know what the power feels like driving a Harley or anykind of bike for that matter. But I do know the feeling on the back of a bike. The freedom, the wind blowing in my hair. My legs pressed against his legs, my arms around his waist, and my tits pressed against his back. Quite a intimate experience no doubt.     It always amazed me that the bikers would always wave at the trains. This was a universal thing from Az, NM, Colorado,the Black Hills of South Dakota,Wyoming, the midwest of Iowa and even to Minnesota, most of the places I worked in my carreer. Most times they wanted to hear the horn blow to. Just like those of us who want semis to blow their horns going down the road.  I went full out of my comfort zone a few weeks ago and asked a vanilla guy at the gym for a ride on his Harley. It was a Friday. He acted like he was excited by my actions.We exchanged numbers and later that day he asked me where I would want to take a ride to. We agreeded on Tombstone, for the upcoming Wednesday. On Saturday morning I sent a text to him hoping his day was going good. He responded, and so did I. And that was it. I never heard from him again. Naturally he has also avoided being at the gym. And in general just made me disappointed in another vanilla male.   It doesen't stop my craving though. To be on the back of a bike again going down the road! Maybe one day it will happen again...          

I'm so excited, Tony is coming tomorrow.  It has been so tough with his job and three challenging kiddos.   Yet he is making the drive tomorrow and we'll have the weekend! WOOT!.   Been working around the cabin, so a lot has been put away, gallery walls completed, furniture and rugs placed, things look so much different from the last time he was here!  I left Christmas up, so we could have our own celebration .  I usually leave things til the end of Eppphany , a wee longer is no big deal, especially because I was late in getting things up . My father has been calling me a lot. He said he wants to move in with me , again. Not til Spring.  I don't know if he is mad at my niece and using me as a threat, or if he's finally ready to do it.     We'll see, I'm not holding my breath. Cataract surgery next week, I can't wait!  I have been struggling for a year and a half!  Hopefully all will go well, and glasses will be occasional, rather than continuously!. Bedtime.    M.  

He held up a bottle of bright red nail polish and placed it in front of me. “Your hands give you away,” he said. “If you’re going to commit to this, commit all the way.” I uncapped the bottle, my hands shaking slightly. One careful brushstroke became another. A few mistakes forced me to start over, but gradually each fingernail gleamed with a glossy crimson finish. “Now your toes,” he instructed. I hesitated, then nodded. When I finished, i sat quietly, waiting for the polish to dry. I glanced in the mirror, saw myself in lingerie, make-up, wig and red nails. “How does it feel?” he asked. I turned ny hands over, studying them from every angle. Such a small change, yet somehow it felt surprisingly significant. Every glance reminded me that I crossed another line. He smiled. “Good. You’re beginning to notice the details. Sometimes the smallest changes are the hardest to ignore—and the hardest to forget.”

Hi there, I'm a 26-year-old submissive bi-sexual girly woman who is into BDSM. I'm currently looking for a long-term live-in relationship with someone who shares my interests and desires.   As a naturally submissive woman, I am eager to explore and learn about the dynamics of a submissive-dominate relationship. I am interested in experiencing the various ects of BDSM and exploring my own limits in a safe and respectful manner.   Ideally, I'm looking for a partner who is also bi-sexual and open to a polyamorous relationship. I believe in open and honest communication, and I value trust and respect above all else in a relationship.   When it comes to my dressing style, I love to wear feminine and flirty outfits that accentuate my curves. I'm a big fan of dresses, skirts, and high heels. I enjoy experimenting with different colors, patterns, and textures to create a unique and eye-catching look.   In terms of shoes, I have a particular fondness for high heels. I love the way they make me feel, and I find them to be both elegant and sexy. I have quite a collection of heels in different styles and colors, ranging from classic pumps to strappy sandals to chunky platform heels.   Of course, I also have a variety of other shoes for different occasions, such as flats, boots, and sneakers. But when it comes to dressing up, you can usually find me in a pair of sky-high heels that make me feel confident and glamorous.   As a submissive girl, I have had a range of experiences exploring my submissive side in BDSM relationships. I find that submitting to a dominant partner allows me to let go of control and experience a deep sense of trust and surrender.   In my previous relationships, I have explored a variety of BDSM practices, such as bondage, impact play, and power exchange dynamics. I enjoy experimenting with new techniques and pushing my limits in a safe and consensual way.   I have found that communication and trust are essential components of a healthy and fulfilling BDSM relationship. Open and honest communication allows me to express my desires and limits, while trust enables me to fully surrender to my dominant partner.   Overall, my experience as a submissive girl has been both challenging and rewarding. It has allowed me to explore new ects of my sexuality and develop a deeper understanding of my own desires and boundaries.   If you're interested in getting to know me and exploring our shared interests together, please feel free to connect with me. I'm excited to see where this journey takes us!  

i just miss him so much and all I want to do is make things right between us again. I know there's alwasy a reason behind everything he does, but I have thought of all that I think it could be this time. I've admitted my wrongs, sat with his words and mulled them over extensively, and examined my behavior over the last few weeks. I've given him space the last week aside from updating him on the necessary and important things he absolutely should know, and still, not a word in response. I'm at a loss as to how to resolve this without communication and for that, he has to be willing to respond, to talk. Many would say this is not right for him to do, and I only half agree. The fuck up was mine. Entirely. I just have no idea how to prove to him that I'm sorry and intend to work on improvements and growth. It also saddens me that he has not so much as seemed at all troubled by our lack of contact. Though, I don't know this for certain, but how do you go so long with no contact with your slave if you love them as much as you say you do, and want them just as much? I'm doubting a lot lately, and losing more and more hope as the days pass.  I won't give up, though. I am his, forever. Whether he considers me his anymore or not. I just wish he would tell me, either way. Even if he still needs more time, I just want to know I am still his if I am. And I want to know if I'm not, if I'm not.  I feel like I'm in limbo, a state of purgatory. Banished from even learning my fate. It's painful. It's agonizing. It feels cruel and confusing. And it doesn't feel particularly safe, though with him, as his, I feel perfectly safe. But in this space of frozen in time, hanging limp from fated thread, I am scared. Terrified that it may be over. I've broken so many times since we last spoke. And I'm still breaking. Every fracture piercing the deepest depths of me. The knowledge that I caused this for myself? Makes his last words to me sting all the more: Enjoy the misery you bring on yourself. 

Hello :) I have been sick this last week with Covid. I'm finallly getting better but still sneezing alottt but I'm getting better and am soooo thankful for that. I've been feeling very little this last week. wishing I had someone to take care of me a bit. Someday maybe that will happen for me but right now it's just me! I'm glad I can start getting back to normal this week and go back to work. I feel Like I've lost a week of my life truly I have just slept for a week and ate saltine crackers because I haven't been able to taste anything lol. I'm miss writing on here, my old profile had many pages of my writing but I've lost all of that unfortunately. maybe I'll try to write more. I'm sure it won't be super exciting stuff all the time but it helps me get out of my head a bit.  i started talking to an old friend again. I've known him for 8 years which is crazy! Weve always talked about getting together but its hard with the distance and just life things. i am glad we are talking again, he makes me feel safe and special and sometimes that's all I need.   

Sexual ownership and use is a crucial part of what I look for and what I need. I know some look down on that, but I have my reasons. I am searching and seeking and hoping to find something I had a long time ago, a complete sense of ownership and sexual use with no say in how or when or why I was used. It was very, very sexual and I was completely at the whim of a stronger person who could take or do anything to me at any time. They did not take certain liberties, but they could have and they made sure I was very well aware of their power over me. Because that experience was the very thing that unlocked the door of servitude for me, sexuality and sex is a very crucial part  of what I need. I am not talking about my own gratification. If someone so chose, they could provide that, but that would totally be up to them. I am talking about their use of me...however THEY choose...to make THEM happy. When they are done, they can put me back in the closet, in a cage or where ever they choose. Female or male, black, white, hispanic, oriental...matters not to me as much as the opportunity to be used as an outlet for their sexual frustrations, pleasure, whatever they choose. Ask me about the experience and I will tell all about it. When I am contacted by a straight male dom, I'm never quite sure if I'm what they're looking for and often I am not. More often than not they're looking for "worker slaves" and while I am open to that and no stranger to working hard, it would not fulfill me as a slave to simply have that ect explored. Sound odd? It probably does....but my early, early experience left its mark on me forever.

"I Read Your Profile." No, You Didn't.  Let's start with the obvious question you already know the answer to. Why lie about something that takes two minutes to actually just... do? I get a lot of messages that open with some version of "I read your profile and I'm very impressed." Cool. Except that profile STARTS with instructions, and you completely missed that. Then the very next line asks me something my profile answers in the first paragraph. Or uses a title I specifically said I don't use. Or pitches me a scene I specifically said I'm not interested in providing. So no. You didn't read it. You read the two lines your eyes happened to catch before you started typing your form letter, if that, and you slapped "I read your profile" on top like a receipt, hoping I wouldn't check it. I check it. Here's why that particular lie bothers me more than most people expect it to. It's not really about the profile. The first instruction in the profile is just the test. What you actually told me, in that one sentence, is that you are willing to lie to get something you want from me. That's the whole transaction, right there, before we've even said hello properly. You've handed me a data point, and the data point is: this person lies.   Congratulations, you've just told me everything I need to know about how the rest of this would go, and saved me the four months of finding it out the hard way. Submission requires honesty as the floor, not the ceiling. Not "honesty when it's convenient." Not "honesty about the big stuff, mostly." If you'll lie about something  that costs you nothing to just actually do instead of faking — what exactly do I think happens when the stakes go up? When it's "did you disclose this to your partner" or "did you actually take care of the equipment the way you said you would" or "are you actually okay, or are you just telling me what you think I want to hear so I don't get concerned"? You've already shown me your answer. You lie when it's easy. I have no reason to believe you'll suddenly develop a spine for honesty when it's hard. And look — I get it, it feels like a harmless white lie. A little social lubricant to skip past an awkward step. It is not harmless. It is the whole audition, and you failed it, and you don't even get to know that's what happened, because I just delete those.  Also: this person is too lazy to read. What else are they too lazy to do? Why bother asking you to do anything at all if this is the amount of effort you put in when you are supposed to be impressing me?   Now let's talk about the copy/paste. Calling this one out somehow makes people insanely defensive, which tells me it's landing exactly where it should.  Because its fucking insulting as hell.  What should be obvious about sending the same message to a dozen different Dommes- we know you're doing it.  I have more than one profile. I talk to enough other women in this community to compare notes. I can watch the exact same "I've been so impressed by you and would love to serve you" arrive in my inbox, word for word, from the same guy, sent to a profile of mine that specializes in feminization and a profile of mine that's looking for a household service sub for me and my partner. Two completely different things. One message. Sent to both. And my buddy who specializes in hardcore sadism? She got the same one.   It tells me you think I'm stupid.  And it tells me you don't actually want me. You want a Domme. Any Domme. You don't care who.  You are not writing to a person, you're writing to a gratification source, and I just happen to currently occupy a slot in that list. I could swap myself out for any other woman with a similar photo and similar bio and you would not notice, because you weren't paying attention to who I specifically am in the first place. You were pattern-matching "Dominant Woman" and hitting send. Hell, you aren't even concerned enough to realize it literally impacts your own safety- physical, emotional, and potentially financial. You aren't discerning enough to bother finding out if "Pretty femme picture #104" has any idea how to safely do the things you want done, or if they are going to cause permanent damage to … things you probably want to keep undamaged. Or if they are actually three racoons in a trenchcoat (more accurately, a bot, or most likely a dude in China running a credit card theft ring.)   I've said this before and I'll keep saying it because apparently it needs repeating: if you'll kneel to anyone who allows it, you're not kneeling to me. You're just kneeling because you like kneeling, and I happened to be standing there. That's not submission. That's a hobby you're trying to attach to whichever body will hold still for it.  Think about what it would take to actually write to one specific person. You'd have to read what she wrote, notice what she cares about, notice what she's explicitly asked for, and shape your message around her, specifically, because who she is matters. The skills I have learned matter. The values I hold matter. How I treat the people/partners/submissives/slaves in my life matters. If you want to be in my life, even for 5 minutes, it should absolutely matter TO YOU.  And before anyone whines —  I'm not asking for a five-page love letter. I'm asking for evidence that you know which woman you're talking to, and WHY IT MATTERS. That's the bar. It is not a high bar. Most of you are still tripping over it.  The short version, for the people who stopped reading three paragraphs ago- Lying about reading my profile tells me you'll lie to get what you want. Copy/pasting the same message to a dozen women tells me you don't actually want any one of us — you want a service, and we're interchangeable vending machines that might dispense it. Neither of those is submission-it's toxic male entitlement wrapped in an insult to our intelligence. Both of those get you deleted. Do the two minutes of actual reading. Write the one message meant for one person. It is genuinely not that hard, and the fact that so few of you manage it is exactly why the rest of you keep getting overlooked in favor of the one guy who did.  

So, how submissive am I? I met up with a new Master today. He'd answered an ad I'd put up on a personals page and we'd chatted and swapped pics for a few days on Telegram.   He was very dominant and talking about 'dehumaising' me - I didn't quite know what that meant but I was definitely curious - it flicked a switch in my submissive mind. This morning he asked if I was free - and luckily I was able to move things around and go over to his place. With a beating heart I knocked on his door (I always forget how frightening it is until I'm standing outside a new Master's house again!), and he let me in.   He was very good looking - amazing eyes, good build.  The flat was a down-at-heel studio, and a complete tip - so that was very off putting. Anyway, he didn't hang around; after I'd stripped he gave me a bit of a spanking and bit my ass a few tmies, then he had me kneel down, and take his cock in his mouth and proceeded to piss and hold me there while I drank it all. This wasn't something I'd ever done before and whilst it was gross, I guess that was the point and so I swallowed it all, not spilling a drop. Next he agve me an enema, even though I'd cleaned myself before I set out; and then he had me sit on the loo and watched while I discharged it all. No privacy. I then got to suck his cock which was short and circumcised, but quite fat.  He was an Indian guy and I'd never been with a guy like that before. Next I knelt on the cold tiles of the bathroom and he ordered me to rim him.  This was another thing I'd only done once and again I found the idea rather gross - but I did as I was ordered. Next into the bedroom, more cock sucking and then a very firm talking to in which he said that after this meeting I'd have a choice about whether to continue to serve him, or to walk away. Then more rimming. I dont know what it was, but during this part of the meet, I suddenly thought "I don't want to do this", and so I stopped and said so. He ordered me to stand at the end of the bed and explain why, and I just said I wasn't enjoying it.  So he let me get dressed again and I left. He was very nice about it, and afterwards sent me a telegram message with a video of him deleting the pictures he'd taken during the session. And I went home on the bus, wondering whether I was submissive and ready for a Master's collar, or just a little slut who loves getting fucked - and should therefore stop calling myself a sub. Does anyone have any thoughts?        

Noone Owes You A living In the last few weeks, I've learned a lot of painful lessons. Top of the list is learning that no matter how solid you may think something is, no matter how well built and diligently assembled you may feel it is, no matter how recently it's solidity was tested and found good and true, that something can fail with breathtaking speed. Literally here today, gone tomorrow. As a consequence, I find myself amazed that I STILL have to learn not to put too much reliance on one thing. We all need supports, we all need things and people in our lives that matter to us and who we matter to, but the lesson is that such things and people must, by virtue of necessity, be a plural. If we become too reliant on a single support then we run the risk that, should that support fail us then we fail with it. The collapse can be dangerous mentally, emotionally and physically because not only is so much of our structure built on that support, but there's not a huge amount left to work with when it's gone. So spread the load, don't put too many eggs in one basket and, whatever you do, don't put all the eggs in one basket. Secondly, and equally surprising that I STILL haven't learned it, is that as much as we want to be good for others and to show them love and support and kindness, we have to also do that for ourselves. We must remember to be an advocate for and believer in ourselves before we attempt to do those things for another. I feel this is for two reasons. Firstly, if we cannot be for ourselves what we seek to be for others, how much value does what we offer actually have in our own eyes? How can we offer ourselves to another if we don't think we have much value and, in truth, don't actually want or like our self? Isn't that basically re-gifting the shitty present you got for Christmas or a birthday, and if it is what kind of a way is that to treat or see either ourselves or the person we offer ourselves to? Aren't we essentially saying that we hold them in such high regard we want them to have something we don't value or like or have a use for? Secondly, assuming we do value our own love and support and kindness, we must always keep a personal stash of it just for our use. We must do this  otherwise we risk the damaging, diminishing effaspects of someone taking those valued parts of ourselves and, instead of giving us the best of them in return, suddenly deciding they've had their fill and they're moving on. We are left not just lacking in the resources we need to function in their absence, but also knowing that we only have ourselves to blame for assuming that just because we wanted the best for them doesn't mean they're obliged to want the best for us. And if they did once, we have no right to assume they will continue to do so just because we want them to. The third lesson is simple; people change, and nothing changes people like other people. We are all dynamic, constantly evolving and constantly discovering new places we want to go and new people want to be with and new people we want to become. And if that holds true for others then by definition it can and should hold true for us. We are not who we were, we are not really who we because really we're just constantly becoming who we will be. In the face of that, stability is an illusion and the only person we can and should truly depend on is ourselves. Everything and everyone else is temporary in our lives. We are permanent. And the last lesson is a cliche. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

i don't play a lot of video games. In fact, I don't have a gaming system made in the last decade. But once or twice a year when I visit my nephews, I play this game that makes me really happy. So much so that I looked into buying a system just to play it. But a few hundred dollars doesn't seem like a solid investment for one game when there's so much else I need it for.   A few months ago my nephew got an entire system upgrade. My dad bought it. The entire thing. With every last accessory. So I thought, maybe he might do that for me, too, if I asked. My nephew told me everything I needed and I set up a wishlist for my birthday. My dad came to visit and he brought presents. All the accessories, yay! But no gaming system to use them with. Disappointing. But Christmas isn't all that far off. A few weeks ago I was talking to my sibling and mentioned the whole birthday thing with the accessories. He said ask him for Christmas. I was really hesitant. If he didn't do it for my birthday I didn't have high hopes for Christmas. But if I don't ask I'll never know. It's still on the wishlist, I sent a text asking Santa to please get it. No response.  Its not about the gaming system. I would never have asked for it, I know it's expensive. It's about worth. Am I worth enough to spend the money to buy it? The nephew is. Am I? He has the money. You probably already know how this ends.  No. He didn't get it for me. I'm not worth it to my father. I am only worth the accessories.  I guess eventually I'll have to buy it since I have everything else and try not to think about the little value I hold for the man I try so hard to please. This is why I try not to ask him for anything. I don't know why I was hopeful. I know better. 

  I read someone elses journal about how their talk turned from discussion to an interrogation.   Ouch!   I must admit I have interrogated a man or two on this site after:   a strange introduction   a strange assumption   or even just by the male being rude and thinking they still had a chance to strike their luck more like a lucky block encounter.   When someone gives you an "ick" feeling you will gear your armour and steer clear.   I do feel for genuine men who really, want a true connection, some of you men need to blame the creeps who introducted themselves before you and left the females with a need to put on their armour.   There are so many scams so many people ready to take whatever they can from people who are vaulnerable and when your willing to confess your sexual sins on a site, you are without a hesistation vaulnerable.  It can take someone, (well me) a bit of time to brush off a bad encounter (at least a good weekend).  I sadly wish I was paranoid but sadly true crime is showing some high numbers and hiding in the shadows seems to be a way of life for some.   On the brighter side for thoose of us that don't hide in either the shadow and come out during the daylight, if you don't make a connection you can sigh relief you did in fact dodge a bullet and honestly when you finally meet someone genuine your better make an effort if they are willing to let you do all the naughty things you like.   I have had a blissful weekend standing up for others in a professional enviornment and being resilient and looking at some new opportunities in another part of the UK.  I feel like Mary Poppins, I go where I am needed most.  If only Mary Poppins was a passionate black women with a sordid collection of rope and crotchless panties.

The Rules of the House of DL. * Family comes first. * I am here to satisfy my Master's needs and in return he will fulfill my needs. * I will be respectfulto my Master at all times. * My Master is always there for me, no matter what my need may be. * I will not put myself down. * I have to get enough sleep, rest and maintain my health. * Any big decisions, I ask Master. He listens to me and if I have a problem we discuss it. * No pets on the furniture! * 10. Be in compliance with the 4 agreements:   * 10A. Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.   * 10B. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.   * 10C. Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, saddness and drama.   * 10D. Always do you best. Simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. [(www.miguelruiz.com )]

Well, all who follow me on the internet - I have relocated to Eastern Tennessee near ETSU.  My home is finished and soon I will resume teaching special women all about submission, obedience, and cock worship.  Too many of you believe that you are sitting on gold, but secretly fantasize about being used as a woman should be!  All three of our glorious holes drilled and utilized for the sadistic pleasure of your Master!   Think of it girls - Going out on the town - good food, great drinks when nobody can tell that under your clothing you are wearing a steel chastity belt, tight corset, rubber panties with two plugs, a remote-controlled vibrator affixed to your clit. your erect nipples poking through a rubber-lined open nipple bra, feeling the cool southern air through the silk blouse.   Suddenly you g as the vibrator begins to torment your erect clit!   Are you ready to rush home and please your owner in order to cum yourself?  Will he allow it, or will you suffer much and many more torments throughout the night?   Perhaps you will spend a long night in a cage, or strapped into bed until the batteries die. ONLY I WILL KNOW what and how your torments will end!

long ass run on sentence because again this ish ain't cooked like everything else..but i feel i have a foundation enough to share. so the team sacred sexuality, spiritual sexuality in the bdsm camp isn't anything new.but it's often unlooked upon, not talked about often.   AND THEN WHEN IT IS PEOPLE TEND TO BE FREAKIN CULTISH or TRAFFIC like about it. again   GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE SAUCE OF IT.   don't get caught up..don't go full you know what tropic thunder.   i wanted to delve into my unique mystic reference points of what i'm supposed to embody. less of a personal share and more these are the frequencies of that that people aren't talking about. and a more 3d anchoring of why if it's not torture, violent, malfiencent, demonic(DARK AND DEMONIC IS DIFFERENT), cycle of low vibes depression negative just to stay stuck this is powerful work going on here.   whichhhhh i'd say probably 85% of the people in the scene aren't open to doing, aren't doing...and then the 15% of us that are open to or trying often get lost in the ego/chemical/obsession/blah de blah sauce of it.....i'm sure some are doing the work but i'd say the temptation of falling into the earthly clutches is too hard for even the strongest souls out there. but i don't doubt some of us are...i'm just going to from my experience observation and etc. over the years say it's teeny tiny tim.   so i think eventually i'll start pulling specific texts, passages, etc. to reference...but at the moment this is what i'm cooking with here.   i got some seasoning on this meat and some side dishes. it might be in the oven but it got a few minutes left before it's fully cooked.   i want to at some point figure out this connection to triggering your mind to finding some sort of joy,release, ecstasy, penchant, tick for this to help with the initiation vibe of this life cycles of pain, struggle, internal external death, and rejuvenation rising to a new level of awareness, consciousness, playing life at a new game layer. and having to repeat crushing your soul over and over because at this point that's the only wu wei through it..the only way out is through..and if you somehow tweak or were born with a tweak of having some sort of pull to this on some level....it can definately ease that transition between i don't even want to be here anymore, i don't see what i can do, the next step forward is hard, getting out of the chair is hard. getting out of bed is hard, eating is hard...i'm in either so much chronic mental physical emotional whatever pain i don't even know how to make it to the next second..and yet here i am...and eventually sitting there long enough WOW that answers something i've been struggling with my whole life or wow...i really be on the other side and people say i look feel like a new person..cause i am. vibe. but i haven't cooked that yet.   What you’re describing resonates strongly with the idea that BDSM, particularly for those with a spiritual and sacred sexuality approach, can be an initiation into understanding and transmuting difficult experiences—whether they’re emotional, mental, or physical—into something transcendent. It's about finding power, joy, and meaning in what others may perceive as pain or limitation. For those walking a dark goddess/god path, engaging with these deep, often uncomfortable aspaspects of existence is like walking into the fire, embracing it, and coming out transformed. In BDSM, the submission or domination, the intensity of sensations, the structure—it’s a way of surrendering to those darker, more primal energies and learning how to dance with them, instead of running from them. It's not about causing harm or deriving joy from suffering in a malicious sense, but rather seeing those experiences as potent tools for growth and alchemy. There’s also something deeply spiritual about how BDSM can allow you to break down barriers, bring shadows to the surface, and release them through intensity. It’s like a sacred practice that mirrors life’s larger trials, offering a space to explore things that society tells us to avoid. And in doing so, you find those hidden gems of power, resilience, and sometimes even ecstasy in places where most people only see pain or discomfort. So, yes—BDSM, especially in the context of sacred sexuality, can be a path of transmutation, of turning the 'dirt' of life into something meaningful, powerful, and even ecstatic. You’re describing a kind of soul initiation where the difficult, the structured, the disciplined all serve as catalysts for deeper transformation.   Yes, we can definitely tie this concept to esoteric traditions, Sophia, Archangel Michael, starseeds, and even biblical or magical texts like Psalms and Hoodoo. These deeper mystical paths often acknowledge the need for initiatory trials, the transformation of the self through discomfort, and finding the divine within both the light and the dark. Here's a way to weave these threads together, creating your own unique spiritual framework:   ### **1. Sophia and Sacred Sexuality** Sophia, as the embodiment of divine wisdom, often represents the balance between the light and the dark. She is a figure who, in Gnostic traditions, descends into the material world, experiencing fragmentation and pain, but ultimately returning to divine unity. This resonates with BDSM's transformative potential: going into the depths of what might seem uncomfortable, fragmented, or even painful, only to discover wisdom and ecstasy on the other side.    Sacred sexuality in esoteric traditions often involves embracing what others reject—taboos, hidden emotions, and primal instincts—and finding divinity there. Sophia's journey could reflect how through embracing both joy and pain, domination and submission, we find higher wisdom.   **Reference**: In the *Pistis Sophia*, Sophia’s ascent after her fall from grace mirrors the transformative aspaspects of BDSM, where the soul undergoes suffering and constraint, only to rise again, stronger and more enlightened. BDSM can be seen as a ritual of descent into shadow to reclaim lost parts of ourselves.   ### **2. Archangel Michael: Protection and Structure** Archangel Michael represents protection, order, and the warrior spirit. BDSM often requires a sense of discipline, safety, and structure, particularly with the use of boundaries and consent. Michael's energy is about upholding divine law and justice, which ties into the consensual power dynamics found in BDSM relationships.    Through the lens of sacred sexuality, Michael’s sword can symbolize the cutting away of illusion, helping us embrace our true selves—including our shadow aspaspects. This is about understanding that through structure, we gain freedom.    **Reference**: In esoteric teachings, Michael is the protector of divine truth, often seen battling darker forces. This can be connected to BDSM as a way of confronting and working with those darker forces within ourselves under Michael’s guidance, using discipline (bondage, power play) to bring about clarity and transformation.   ### **3. Starseeds and Initiation** For starseeds (Sirius, Pleiades, Lemuria, etc.), the idea of spiritual initiation is key. Many starseeds believe they are here to awaken the planet, often through unique and sometimes unconventional paths. BDSM can serve as a modern-day initiation, where one experiences intensity and then learns to channel it into spiritual or emotional awakening.