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Hetero Female Submissive, 25,  Washington D.C.
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Friends:
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 trappedinamuseum

 Submissive Female

 Washington D.C.

 5' 4"

 25

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 08/24/06

 04/02/14

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

 Lives For:

 Movies

 Museums

 Musical Theater

 Bondage

 Singing

 History

 Ice Hockey

 Swimming

 Loves:

 Amusement Parks

 Art Galleries

 Beachcombing

 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets

 Travel

 Spanking

 Vibrators

 Likes:

 Renaissance Faires

 Role Playing

 Archaeology

 Tolerates:

 Shopping

 Curious About:

 Canes and Crops

 Enemas

 Fisting

 Medical Play

 Strap-Ons

 Vacuum Stimulation

 Wax play

 Whips

 Photography


 

Under construction.....

Want to understand my quirks, personality, and foibles?   - See my posts on the message boards.

Want to understand my moods and my thoughts? - See my journal posts.

Want to know more? - Ask.



Things you should know about me:
 - Peanut Butter toast is my favorite thing to eat
- I always run up and down stairs; never walk
- I have enough nervous energy to power a small city
- I often dance alone, in my bedroom to crazy music
- I am as comfortable talking about the political agenda of the Democratic party as I am about who Jennifer Aniston is dating
- It is useless to argue rationally or logically with me; it will not work
- I am an incredibly clumsy person, yet still wear 3-inch heels as often as possible. 
- You know that girl you see walking down the streets of Washington, DC rocking out to some song on her iPod?  That's probably me.
- When I ride the Metro, I always close my eyes and let the air rush over me as it passes.

Here is what I am ideally looking for:

- Someone who would play with me in the rain.
-Someone who loves the beach on a cloudy day.
- Someone who has his own friends - I don't want to spend every waking moment with you.  Seriously.
- Someone who sleeps on his side of the bed - I don't cuddle at night for more than a few minutes.  I dislike being hot.
- Someone who understands my obsession with sports and cars.
- Must love animals.
- Must understand random movies, Simpsons and Family Guy quotes.
- Being able to read and discuss is always a plus.
- A sense of humor is appreciated, instead of a humorless droid.  I love to laugh, and you should as well.
- Someone who can cook.  I hate it.
- Musical talent is a plus.
- Uniforms are hot.  Men who wear uniforms and carry firearms and know hand to hand combat are hot.  Just sayin'.










 

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Journal Entries:
9/25/2009 11:42:47 AM

Could I have been wrong when I told you
that I'd never let you go
In search of a song to sing to you
all that I can't say

You made my life feel like it was worth living
But you're gone

You kept me honest and
You made me try
But I had forever in the back of my mind
I could deal with the distance
I could deal with the lies
How could you make me deal with goodbye?

I thought that you got me and you did
Yes you did Now I'm alone
Gone with a phone call
That I wish I never answered

How can two years seem like they never were?
And now you're gone

You kept me honest and
You made me try
But I had forever in the back of my mind
I could deal with the distance
I could deal with the lies
How could you make me deal with goodbye?
Feel so lonely inside
Wish I could hold you tonight
Would you tell me if I'm still on your mind?

You kept me honest and
You made me try
But I had forever in the back of my mind
I could deal with the distance
I could deal with the lies
But I can't deal without you!

'Cause you kept me honest and
You made me try
But I had forever in the back of my mind
I could deal with the distance
I could deal with the lies
But I can't deal without you!
No I can't deal without you!
How could you make me deal with goodbye?

~ The Distance - Jesse Young


9/9/2009 2:03:31 PM
"I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to"

~ Breathe - Taylor Swift

9/8/2009 7:07:14 PM
"Standing, here in this moment
Watching, tomorrow unfolding
So quietly
It captures me
Takes me back to

An innocence,
I barely remember
A hopefulness
A first time together
I'm trembling
I'm holding in
But you reach right to me
You see straight through me

Everything that I thought never would now is happening
A brand new horizon is opening
I'm hoping we
Don't miss this moment
You showed me how
Life is worth living
I have no doubt
It's all about giving
I'm reaching out
Right here right now
Don't you see…
I'd give you everything

The first step is always the hardest
But worth it
From the day that we started
We've overcome
We've joined as one
And the stairs are winding
But we keep on climbing

Everything that I thought never would now is happening
A brand new horizon is opening
For you and me
Don't you see
I'd give you everything"

~ Everything - Rob Blackledge


9/3/2009 6:58:31 PM
"I'm sorry for everything I've said.
And for anything I forgot to say too.
When things get so complicated,
I stumble, at best, muddle through.
I wish that our lives could be simple.

I don't want the world; only you.
Oh, I wish I could tell you this face to face
But there's never the time...never the place.

Oh, this letter will have to do....

I...."

~ Radames' song - Aida

9/2/2009 1:20:48 PM
You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.


Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...


These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've gone
Off track with you.


Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

~ Foolish Games - Jewel

8/30/2009 5:26:09 PM
Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo


~ Halo - Beyonce

7/15/2009 10:37:06 AM
I don't know what I'm supposed to say
When now suddenly you feel so far away
And you're not prepared to talk
And if you're now afraid to listen
Then I don't want to do this anymore

Oh I don't know which way that I should turn
Seems the more we love
The more we have to learn
And I keep staring into space
Like it somehow has the answer
So don't let the music end
Oh my darling

[Chorus:]
Symphony
It's gone quiet around us now
How I wish you would hold me
And that you never told me
That it's better if you leave
Look at the sun
We're starting to lose all of the light
Where we once burnt so brightly
Tell me we might be
Throwing it away

Well you don't know what you've got
Until it's gone
But then nothing ever hurt like holding on
I am scared and unprepared
And I feel like I am falling
So can you tell me
Where did we go wrong?

[Repeat chorus]

If everything is broken
Then it's better that we give up
And remember how we once had
Something beautiful

7/11/2009 3:08:59 PM
"Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you
Now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another that doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
Already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone."

~ Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson

7/10/2009 7:27:00 AM
"Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down"

~ Gravity - Sarah Barailles



7/6/2009 6:37:30 AM
"Mozart was crazy.
Flat fucking crazy.
Bat shit, I hear.

But his music's not crazy,
It's balanced, it's nimble,
It's crystalline clear.

There's harmony, logic,
You listen to these.
You don't hear his doubts,
Or his debts or disease.

You scan through the score,
And put fingers on keys,
And you play.
And everything else goes away.
Everything else goes away.

And you play 'til it's perfect,
You play 'til you ache,
You play 'til the strings or your fingernails break.

So you'll rock that recital,
And get into Yale.
So you won't feel so sick,
And you won't look so pale.

'Cause you've got your full ride,
And you're early admit.
So you're done with this school,
And with all of this shit.

And you graduate early,
You're gone as of May,
And there's nothing your paranoid parents can say.

And you know that it's just a sonata away,
And you play,
And you play.

And everything else goes away,
Everything else goes away.
Everything else goes away."

~ Everything Else - Next to Normal


7/6/2009 6:37:26 AM
"Mozart was crazy.
Flat fucking crazy.
Bad shit, I hear.

But his music's not crazy,
It's balanced, it's nimble,
It's crystalline clear.

There's harmony, logic,
You listen to these.
You don't hear his doubts,
Or his debts or disease.

You scan through the score,
And put fingers on keys,
And you play.
And everything else goes away.
Everything else goes away.

And you play 'til it's perfect,
You play 'til you ache,
You play 'til the strings or your fingernails break.

So you'll rock that recital,
And get into Yale.
So you won't feel so sick,
And you won't look so pale.

'Cause you've got your full ride,
And you're early admit.
So you're done with this school,
And with all of this shit.

And you graduate early,
You're gone as of May,
And there's nothing your paranoid parents can say.

And you know that it's just a sonata away,
And you play,
And you play.

And everything else goes away,
Everything else goes away.
Everything else goes away."

~ Everything Else - Next to Normal


6/30/2009 11:24:30 AM
"Broken promises
But you don't really mind
It's not the first time
And you know it, don't you know
Tell me why it is you only smile inside
But when you break me into nothing
Don't you know

It's not like I haven't tried
Over and over again
Stupid fights
Wrong or right
Goodbye...

I remember when you came with me that night
We said forever, that that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
No I don't wanna but I gotta let you go

You're the one mistake
I really didn't mind
So beautiful, unmercifully
It took me down
Too little and too late
So now I know your kind
You fake it easy, just to please me
Don't you know

It's not like we haven't tried
Over and over again
Sleepless nights wrong or right
Goodbye..."

~ Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel

6/25/2009 9:13:18 AM
"Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day"

~ Come What May - Moulin Rouge

6/22/2009 1:37:55 PM
You are an idiot.

Go away.

6/19/2009 6:47:58 AM
"But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me"



6/18/2009 9:31:23 AM
Last night, I told you that I loved you.....



....What I forgot to say.....


..................was that I didn't mean it.

6/16/2009 10:47:54 AM
"

I’m not good with words.
But that’s nothing new.
Still I have to try to explain what I want to do
With you…
With you.

Run away with me.
Let me be your ride out of town.
Let me be the place that you hide.
We can make our lives on the go.
Run away with me.
Texas in the summer is cool.
We’ll be on the road like Jack Kerouac
Looking back,
Sam, you’re ready,
Let’s go
Anywhere.
Get the car packed and throw me the key.
Run away with me."

~ Run Away With Me


6/15/2009 8:15:59 AM
"And every day this act we act gets more and more absurd.
And all my fears just sit inside me, screaming to be heard.
I know they won't, though, not a single word.
I was here at her side
When she called, when she cried.
How could she leave me on my own?
Will it work, this cure?
There's no way to be sure.
But I'm weary to the bone
And whenever she goes flying
I keep my feet right on the ground.
Oh now I need a lift
And there's no one around."

~ I've Been - Next to Normal

6/12/2009 7:38:34 PM
Screw you, Pittsburgh.

Goddammit.  Time to get drunk.

6/12/2009 12:44:22 PM
Mine is just a slower suicide.

6/10/2009 7:44:20 PM
"Now I know, he'll appear
Cause there are rules and there are strictures
I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight
My white knight, my knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures!
It wont be long now, I guarantee!

Day Number 8423".

~ I know it's Today - Shrek

6/10/2009 6:27:39 AM
"I am more than memory
I am what might be I am mystery
Come closer
Come closer

I am old as time
I'm forever young
I am every song that will stay unsung I'll find you
Remind you

Until you name me
you can't tame me
This is one old game
I can play so well"

~ I'm Alive - Next to Normal


6/2/2009 7:47:02 AM
"The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know"

~ The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

5/31/2009 3:47:59 PM
"So you think, might as well, dance a tango to Hell. 

At least I'll have tangoed at all"

~ Rent

5/29/2009 6:59:03 AM
"From facing your failure,
Facing your loneliness
Facing the fact you live a lie.
Yes, you live a lie
Tell you why
You're always preaching not to be numb
When that's how you thrive
You pretend to create and observe
When you really detach
From feeling alive"

~ Goodbye Love

5/28/2009 6:02:02 AM
"I'd forgotten how to smile...until your candle burned my skin".  ~ I Should Tell You - Rent

5/25/2009 8:13:00 AM
Wow....don't call today.

In total bitch mode.

5/23/2009 4:33:20 PM
Thank you to a dear friend for helping me come to the realization that no matter what happens, or where this goes, I can't regret it.

5/22/2009 6:32:52 AM
Stupid defense mechanisms..almost ruined it.

5/21/2009 12:43:08 PM
""I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice Y
ou'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black Y
ou have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won


Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody

I'll sing along"

~ Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova

5/11/2009 12:14:03 PM
"If only it were true,
 If only for a while.
 If only you could notice
 how I ache behind my smile.

 I guess you never will,
 I guess it doesn't show
 But, if I never find a way to tell you so
 Oh, what I would give if only could know."

5/7/2009 12:26:57 PM
HA!



Take that, Museum Non-Profit Fiscal Management!

5/6/2009 9:35:59 AM
You were wrong.  He's not my Kryptonite.  You are.

5/4/2009 2:35:35 PM
"Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you?
And all about the good times that we've been through
Could I wake up without you every day?
Would I let you walk away?

No, I can't learn to live without
And I can't give up on us now


Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
A promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

Ohh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
A promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie"

~ I just can't live a lie - Carrie Underwood

4/26/2009 8:55:37 AM
Christ.  I spoke in third person for someone.

What the fuck happened to me?

4/4/2009 4:18:29 PM
Going to the Naughty shop tomorrow.

Yay!

3/4/2009 7:23:43 PM
ARIEL:
"I'd hoped and wished
And wondered what I'd do here
Wished and prayed
And pictured what I'd see
Prayed and wow!
My prayers are coming true here!
Look at it all, look how it gleams!
Lovely beyond my wildest dreams...

Look- it's him!
So handsome and refined and slim
Sweet, sincere
Magnificent from head to toe
And oh...

I'd hoped and wished
My life would feel enchanted!
Wished and prayed
The fates would hear my plea
Prayed and wow!
My prayers are more than granted!
Look at it all, hall after hall
Perfect as you could please here!
Marvels galore, and even more
Gee, did I mention he's here?
And if - who knows? - all of it goes
Past even these extremes
Just look at me and you will see
Someone beyond her wildest dreams!"

~Beyond My Wildest Dreams - TLM

2/28/2009 8:39:29 AM
I can't decide what I like more: being sore the next day from a two hour workout, or being sore from a beating....

Talk about a critical thinking Saturday.

2/27/2009 5:15:52 PM
"A star shining in a universe far away
My heart knows that we shall meet again some sweet day
And you, you will be the flame that burns in my breast
And oh, I know just by knowing you I was blessed.
Yes I was truly blessed
Heaven, Heaven, ooh waiting there for me
Heaven, Heaven, ooh always let it be
So why, tell me why the good die young my old friend
I pray that heaven waits for everyone in the end
And love, love is how we cross that bridge to the light
A star that is what you are in my darkest night
Be always by my side"

~ Heaven - Haley Westenra

2/12/2009 5:58:39 AM

"But his dark eyes dared me with danger
And sparks fly like flame to a vapor
Fire in his touch burnin' me up, but still I held on 'cause

I was already gone
I was already gone
I was already gone
Life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on"

~ Already Gone - Sugarland


2/7/2009 1:17:00 PM
I can't breathe without you, but I have to.

~ 'Breathe' - Taylor Swift

1/26/2009 6:29:21 PM
Went to a play party...and all I got was a bruise on my hand.

Something is wrong here.

12/21/2008 7:53:11 PM
Almost done!!!

Master's degree; here I come!!!

Next stop: the world...ish.

12/18/2008 1:28:02 PM
Quote of the year.

"Well then your gift can be a cookie...by cookie I meant sodomy."

I love my life.

12/18/2008 1:24:18 PM
OMG, OMG.....Greedy's Wedding!!!!

12/17/2008 5:43:50 PM
Public Service Announcement from your friendly Trapped:

I do not play online.
I do not webcam.
I will not send you nude pics.

Did I miss anything?


Thank you,

       Mgmt.

11/9/2008 7:56:21 AM
Wow, its been a long time.

When did I get so busy?

10/21/2008 6:03:02 AM
"yes i do use ice and candle heat when i tease the woman's ass and clit"


I am pretty certain Robert Frost did not mean it like that.  Philistine.

10/19/2008 3:37:14 PM
Yeah.  I am not impressed, nor feeling submissive towards those that use "Me" instead of "me".

Words in the middle of sentences should only be capitalized if they are proper nouns.  "Me" is not a proper noun.  Sheesh.

10/19/2008 3:00:41 PM
So, after much discussion yesterday, I have been categorized as a hussy, only to be upgraded to a harlot.

Yay.



10/14/2008 2:32:23 PM
Hi,

Thanks again for sending my that picture of you in your slightly dingy underwear with your erection popping out.  That is exactly what I wanted to see today.  All my fantasies have been fulfilled. 

Love,
     
      Trapped


Lame.

10/14/2008 5:37:45 AM
Found an awesome band on iTunes
- We the Kings


"Soft kiss and wine what a pretty friend of mine
We're finally intertwined
Nervous and shy for the moment we will come
Alive tonight

Secret valentine

We'll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don't waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We'll hope it's not for nothing at all

Lay down be still
Don't worry talk they will
I'll be loving you until
Morning's first light
Breaks tomorrow
I'll take care of you tonight

Secret valentine

We'll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don't waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We'll hope it's not for nothing at all

When guilt fills your head
Brush off rise up from the dead
This is the moment that we
Will come alive
Brace yourself for love
Sweet love, secret love.

We'll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don't waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We'll hope it's not for nothing at all"

~ Secret Valentine ~

10/13/2008 4:59:56 PM
Wow.  Random journal entries.  But, I feel better now. 

Thanks again, Xtreme Restraints!

;-)

10/13/2008 2:31:54 PM
You know those days where the only thing you need is a glass of white and a cuddle?  Yeah...this is one of those days.

So, I will settle for a glass of soymilk and a cuddle from a cat.  Sigh.

10/13/2008 7:09:00 AM
So, that was fun.

How about tomorrow?

10/1/2008 5:06:47 PM
MMMMM....got out my flannels tonight.

You know that BDSM myth about submissives being naked at all times...yeah...not so much.

9/29/2008 6:33:52 PM
What is it about buying a pair of heels that makes me feel so...alive?

9/29/2008 2:29:27 PM

Nope.  I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to post in anger.  Take that impulse!!

Self-control : 1    Impulse: 9,985


9/29/2008 1:26:59 PM
"Your eyes
As we said our goodbyes
Can't get them out of my mind
And I find I can't hide
From your eyes
The ones that took me by surprise
The night you came into my life
Where there's moonlight I see your eyes
How'd I let you slip away
When I'm longing so to hold you
Now I'd die for one more day
'Cause there's something I should have told you
Yes there's something I should have told you
When I looked into your eyes
Why does distance make us wise?
You were the song all along
And before this song dies
I should tell you I should tell you
I have always loved you
You can see it in my eyes"

~ Your Eyes - RENT

9/28/2008 8:08:18 PM
I am too stressed.  When I start to dream about people dying, and it being my fault, something needs to change.

May.  My life can start in May. 

9/13/2008 7:27:16 PM
If I ever find a Dominant on here, and he wants me to cook for him, i hope he likes egg salad.  That's abut all I can cook.


I now return you to our regularly scheduled lyric postings.

9/11/2008 7:32:15 PM
There is a show coming to NGA about the Pompeii wall decorations!!!!  How awesome is that?

Yes, I know I am a geek.  Please leave me with my delusions that I have a semblance of cool?

9/2/2008 5:33:27 PM
"I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart"

~You Are Everything - Matthew West

8/29/2008 4:03:36 PM
I just deleted about 52 pages of mail, mostly unanswered.  I am a bad person.

8/23/2008 10:57:55 AM
Huh.

So, apparently, when you walk over 3 miles a day, and watch what you eat, you begin to lose weight.

Who knew?

8/1/2008 7:11:30 PM

"Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side
Guiding my path
Father, I can't find the way

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise

I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine
(Repeat to end)

I know
Yes, I know
The sun will rise
Yes, I know
I know
The clouds must clear

I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside

I know that the night must end
And that the clouds must clear
The sun
The sun will rise
The sun
The sun will rise"

~Endless Night ~ The Lion King


Amazing show.  I was speechless.


7/27/2008 3:46:33 PM
I'm not here.

7/9/2008 4:07:02 AM
I really need to make a better effort to post more than one sentence here at a time.

So, I'm also not sleeping now.  Wonder if its from the surgery or the steroids?

Ok, that was two sentences.  I'm good.

7/7/2008 5:26:18 PM
My eye fucking itches.

I'm miserable.

7/4/2008 1:45:46 PM
Had emergency surgery yesterday.

Recovering.

Back soon.

Leave a message

6/24/2008 7:47:18 PM
Down for the count with something.

Be back in a few days.

6/23/2008 10:08:02 AM
I hate dieting.  I hate it.  HATE.  IT.

6/22/2008 7:19:31 PM
"She'll fuck you just for the taste"

~Right Side of the Bed - Atreyu

6/22/2008 9:31:03 AM
Somewhere in time I know,
Darling you'll come back to me.
Roses will bloom again,
But Spring feels like eternity.
In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.
You are still the reason why.

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever"
Were the last words you said to me.

And when the morning comes,
My hands still reach out for you.
Some things remain the same,
There is nothing I can do.
I can barely get through the day
Ever since you went away.

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever"
Were your last words to me...

Heaven help us cross this endless sea
With starlight above to guide you to me.
Waves crushing on distant shores,
They're calling our names forever more.

And I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room,
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.
"Love me now forever"
Were the last words you said to me.


~The Last Words you Said - Sarah Brightman



6/22/2008 7:43:12 AM
Freaky dreams last night.


Today's agenda: Laundry, text review, cleaning, Target, and macaroni and cheese.

A good day.


Note to self:  Wooden spoons only go so far down the garbage disposal before they come back up: in pieces.

6/16/2008 12:05:37 PM
I literally cannot figure out for the life of me why people continually get the quote wrong from "Hamlet"

"This above all, to thine own self be true"


Really now, was that hard?  Didn't think so.

6/9/2008 7:01:15 PM
New pics from Last Weekend's wedding coming soon.

Let me know what you think....

6/4/2008 8:10:33 PM
And the Cup comes back where it belongs!!!!



Go Wings!!!!

6/3/2008 6:01:17 PM
*sigh*

Ok, maybe not so near.



6/1/2008 9:16:24 AM
3-1 baby!!!


The end is near!

5/29/2008 7:02:17 PM
Osgood, you're fucking killing me dude.

Get back in that goal!

5/24/2008 6:29:56 PM
                   

                


                             GO WINGS!!!!!!

5/17/2008 8:15:22 PM
Back.  

4/26/2008 5:27:26 PM
I'm on a break of sorts...I will still answer mail, but won't be on the forums regularly.

4/11/2008 10:09:35 PM
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

~Wasted - Carrie Underwood

3/27/2008 8:15:36 PM
Leave and let me go
You're not meant for me, I know
Carry on, carry on
And I'll stay strong

Leave and let me go
I will think of you, I know
But carry on, carry on
And I'll stay strong

Someone else will keep you warm from now on
Someone else will keep you safe from the storm
But I'll be with you wherever you go
So you will never be alone
I'm going where the wind blows
Going where the lost ones go


I will be with you
I'm losing the love I found
Crying without a sound
Where have you gone?
I will be with you
You were my fool for love
Sent me from high above
You were the one
I will be with you
I'm going where the wind blows
Going where the lost ones go

Leave and let me go
Don't look back, just let me know
Carry on, carry on
You must stay strong

Nothing ever looks the same in the light
Nothing ever seems to quite turn out right
When you realize that you have been loved
Than you will never be alone
I'm going where the wind blows
Going where the lost ones go

Leave and let me go
Baby I can't come along
Carry on, carry on
You must stay strong

~I Will Be With You (Where the Lost Ones Go) - Sarah Brightman

3/10/2008 7:33:18 PM
I have had some time to think over my experience at the Crucible, and my overall opinion was that it was alot of fun, and I enjoyed myself.  I realized that this crazy world of BDSM is not as scary as it seems, and I can find a place for myself in it.  It was strange though.  I find myself feeling strangely bereft.  Honestly, being a voyeur does nothing for me.  I was no more aroused or excited watching people there than I would have been watching a movie.  I wonder if it is because I don't know truly what it feels like, what they were going through, but I found it strange, and somewhat anticlimactic.  Everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves...its not that scary...what have I been waiting for?  I can do this.  I can find someone for me.  I definitely feel much more comfortable about it now, although I realized I have a problem with communicating exactly what I want, what I like and don't and what makes me uncomfortable.  All things to work on.  Many thanks to IM and DRH for the wonderful escort.  It was certainly a night I won't forget.

3/8/2008 8:01:00 AM
Going to the Crucible tonight, for the first time. 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming of lyrics.

3/5/2008 8:21:36 AM
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
you don't know how long i have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone

~Alone - Heart

3/4/2008 4:02:28 PM
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

~Bring Me to Life - Evanescence

2/28/2008 6:23:30 PM
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh come what may, come what may
I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

~Come What May - Moulin Rouge

2/27/2008 3:23:02 PM
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies


So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done


I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done


I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

~What I've Done - Linkin Park



2/18/2008 6:55:55 PM

A song I would die to hear -


"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day

I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find"

~Fall for You - Secondhand Serenade


2/15/2008 8:15:54 AM
"Stayed awake all night tossin', turnin'
Now my blood shot eyes are burnin'
Workin' out why this ain't workin'
Fight after fight after fight
And now it's killin' me
You were too busy to believe in
All the run away dreams I was dreamin'
Time to pack up and go I'm leavin'
Fight after fight after fight

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

How'd you end up oh so jaded?
Cynical and so sedated
Can't live in this world you created
Day after day after day

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

You will always be the lonely one
You will always try to swallow the Sun
Just remember you could never make it rain on everyone

On my own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
Cause I don't have to say
And now you're killin' me

On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home"

~On My Own - Hedley


2/14/2008 12:42:02 PM
"You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far"

~ Jon McLaughlin - Enchanted

2/13/2008 12:43:28 PM
"Oh I'll twine with my mingles and waving black hair
With the roses so red and the lilies so fair
And the mirtles so bright with the emerald dew
The pale and the leader and eyes look like blue

I will dance I will sing and my laugh shall be gay
I will charm every heart in each crown I will sway
When I woke from my dreaming my idols were clay
All portions of love had all blown away

Oh he taught me to love him and promised to love
And to cherish me over all others above
How my heart is now wondering no misery can tell
He's left me no warning no words of farewell

Oh he taught me to love him and call me his flower
That was blooming to cheer him through life's dreary hour
Oh I long to see him and regret the dark hour
He's gone and neglected his pale wildwood flower"

~ WildWood Flower - Walk the Line

2/12/2008 6:41:39 PM
"Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage
To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea;
Tracing one warm line through a land so wild and savage
And make a Northwest Passage to the sea.

Westward from the Davis Strait 'tis there 'twas said to lie
The sea route to the Orient for which so many died;
Seeking gold and glory, leaving weathered, broken bones
And a long-forgotten lonely cairn of stones.

Three centuries thereafter, I take passage overland
In the footsteps of brave Kelso, where his "sea of flowers" began
Watching cities rise before me, then behind me sink again
This tardiest explorer, driving hard across the plain.

And through the night, behind the wheel, the mileage clicking west
I think upon Mackenzie, David Thompson and the rest
Who cracked the mountain ramparts and did show a path for me
To race the roaring Fraser to the sea.

How then am I so different from the first men through this way?
Like them, I left a settled life, I threw it all away.
To seek a Northwest Passage at the call of many men
To find there but the road back home again."

~Northwest Passage - Stan Rogers

2/1/2008 12:25:00 PM

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
 Now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Because I liked the view
I thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

~When there was me and you - HSM


1/31/2008 6:39:25 PM
[Meg:]
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

[Muses:] Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of

[Meg:]
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no

[Muses:]
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh

[Meg:]
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh

[Muses:]
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad

[Meg:]
No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no

[Muses:]
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love

[Meg:]
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love

[Muses:]
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love

[Meg:]
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

[Muses:]
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love

[Meg:]
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

~I won't say I'm in love - Hercules

1/23/2008 11:54:30 AM

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy I - I will lift it for you
Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I – I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I – I’ll be there to find you
Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I – I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

~You are Loved (Don't Give Up)
- Josh Groban


1/22/2008 1:54:28 PM
I gotta say what's on my mind.
Something about us, doesn't seem right... these days.
Life keeps getting in the way.
Whenever we try,
somehow the plan is always rearranged.

It's so hard to say,
but I gotta do what's best for me.
You'll be okay...

I've got to move on, and be who I am.
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand.
We might find a place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

Don't wanna leave it all behind.
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time.
Another color turns to grey.
And it's just too hard... to watch it all... slowly fade away.

I'm leaving today
Cause I gotta do what's best for me.
You'll be okay...

I've got to move on, and be who I am.
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand.
We might find a place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

TROY:
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

GABRIELLA:
what about trust?

TROY:
You know I never wanted to hurt you.

GABRIELLA:
What about me?

TROY:
What am I supposed to do?

GABRIELLA:
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

TROY (ECHOING):
...miss you.

GABRIELLA LEAD, TROY AD-LIBS:
So I've got to move on, and be who I am.
(Troy: why do you have to go)
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand.
(Troy: trying to understand)
We might find a place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
(Troy: I want you to stay)
I gotta go my own way.

I've got to move on, and be who I am.
(Troy: what about us?)
I just don't belong here,
I hope you understand.
(Troy: try to understand)
We might find a place in this world someday.
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

I gotta go my own way,
I gotta go my own way.

~Gotta Go My Own Way - High School Musical 2

1/17/2008 12:09:36 PM
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl.

~Elphaba; Wicked

1/14/2008 12:03:08 PM
[HINCKLEY]
I am nothing,
You are wind and water and sky,
Jodie.
Tell me, Jodie,
How I can earn you love.
I would swim oceans,
I would move mountains,
I would do anything for you.
What do you want me to do?

I am unworthy of your love,
Jodie, Jodie,
Let me prove worthy of you love.
Tell me how I can earn your love,
Set me free.
How can I turn your love
To me?

[FROMME]
I am nothing,
You are wind and devil and God,
Cahrlie,
Take my blood and my body
For your love.
Let me feel fire,
Let me drink poison,
Tell me to tear my heart in two,
If that's what you want me to do...

I am unworthy of you love,
Charlie darlin',
I have done nothing for your love.
Let me be worthy of your love,
Set me free-

[HINCKLEY]
I would come take you from you life...

[FROMME]
I would come take you from your cell...

[HINCKLEY]
You would be queen to me, not wife...

[FROMME]
I would crawl belly deep through hell...

[HINCKLEY]
Baby, I'd die for you...

[FROMME]
Baby, I'd die for you...

[HINCKLEY]
Even though-

[FROMME]
Even though-

[HINCKLEY]
I will always know:
[FROMME]
I will always know:
[HINCKLEY]
I am unworthy of
[FROMME]
I am unworthy of
[HINCKLEY]
Your love,
[FROMME]
Your love,
[HINCKLEY]
Jodie darlin',
[FROMME]
Charlie darlin',

[BOTH]
Let me worthy of your love.
I'll find a way to earn your love,
Wait and see.
Then you will turn your love to me,
Your love to me...

~Unworthy of Your Love - Assassins

(A love song about Jodie Foster and Charles Manson....does it get any better?)

1/11/2008 10:25:24 AM
There's been a change in me
A kind of moving on
Though what I used to be
I still depend on
For now I realize
That good can come from bad
That may not make me wise
But oh it makes me glad

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams
But I don't mind
For now I love the world I see
No change of heart a change in me

For in my dark despair
I slowly understood
My perfect world out there
Had disappeared for good
But in it's place I feel
A truer life begin
And it's so good and real
It must come from within

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams but I don't mind
I'm where and who I want to be
No change of heart
A change in me

No change of heart
A change in me


~A Change in Me - Beauty and the Beast

1/9/2008 12:02:07 PM
David walked into the valley
With a stone clutched in his hand
He was only a boy
But he knew someone must take a stand

There will always be a valley
Always mountains one must scale
There will always be perilous waters
Which someone must sail

Into valleys, into waters
Into jungles, into hell
Let us ride, let us ride home again with a story to tell
Into darkness, into danger
Into storms that rip the night
Don't give in, but give up
But give thanks for the glorious fight

You can tremble, you can fear it
But keep your fighting spirit alive boys
Let the shiver of it sting you
Fling into battle, spring to your feet boys
Never hold back your step for a moment
Never doubt that your courage will grow
Hold your head even higher and into the fire we go

Are there mountains that surround us?
Are there walls that block the way?
Knock 'em down, strip 'em back boys
And forward and into the fray

Into terror, into valour
Charge ahead, no, never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn

Someone has to face the valley
Rush in, we have to rally and win boys
When the world is saying not to
By God, you know you've got to march on, boys
Never hold back your step for a moment
Never doubt that your courage will grow
Hold your head ever higher and into the fire we go

Let the lightning strike
Let the flash of it shock you
Choke your fears away
Pull as tight as a wire
Let the fever strike
Let the force of it rock you
We will have our day, sailing into the fire

Someone has to face the valley
Rush in! We have to rally and win boys
When the world is saying not to
By God, you know you've got to march on, boys
Never hold back your step for a moment
Look alive! Oh, your courage will grow
Yes, it's higher and higher and into the fire we go
Into fire!
Onward, ho!

~Into the Fire - The Scarlet Pimpernel

1/8/2008 4:00:18 PM
Once upon a broken heart
I was walking alone in the dark
Looking for a way to start again
What I wouldn't give for a friend
There was no love in my life
There was no light in my eyes
All the tears that I had cried and cried
Seemed like they'd never end

And I never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

Long ago and far away
I could never dream of the day
That your love would come my way and stay
And sweep me away and I

Never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

this is the way a fairytale feels
This is the way I know it's real
'Cause this is the way a broken heart heals

And I never believed fairytales came true
But now I know that they really do
Now that I found you, now that I'm here with you
Just look at the sunshine, and you
Showed me a world
That I'd never seen
I woke up and fell into this dream
Happily ever after just took time
Once upon this broken heart of mine

~Once Upon a Broken Heart - Beu Sisters


1/2/2008 12:49:55 PM
There's gotta be something better than this,
I know that there's so much out there to see.
And I know this life I'm living,
Can't be my destiny
There's gotta be something better,
Something better,
There's something better than this for you and...

~Something Better, Muppet Treasure Island


12/17/2007 2:21:41 PM
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright


Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

~"Stand" Rascal Flatts

12/9/2007 4:55:57 PM
I close both locks below the window.
I close both blinds and turn away.
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

And the sun will set for you,
And the sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in grey,
And the sun will set for you...



In cards and flowers on your window,
Your friends all plead for you to stay.
Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.


And the sun will set for you,
And the sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you..

~Shadow of the Day; Linkin Park



12/2/2007 11:32:48 AM
Take back the books and pack up the clothes
Clear out the room and drop off the key
Leave with what's left of my dignity
Get in the car and just go

Chalk it all up to experience
They said I'd fail but I disagreed
Who could say then where my path would lead?
Well, now I know

Back to the sun
Back to the shore
Back to what I was before

Back where I'm known
Back in my own
Very small pond

Laugh with my friends
When I arrive
We'll drop the top and just drive
That's fine with me
Just let me be
Legally Blonde

~Legally Blonde

11/29/2007 1:35:51 PM
Though I dreamed of this day long ago
Now my answer is thank you, but no
Look, I've barely begun, I'm hardly through

I was living in ignorant bliss
Til I learned I could be more than this
And you know, in a way I owe it all to you

I thought losing your love was a blow I could never withstand
Look how far I have come without anyone holding my hand

I had to find my way
They day you broke my heart
You handed me the chance
To make a brand new start

You helped me find my way
There's still so much to learn
So many dreams to earn
But even if I crash and burn ten times a day

I think I'm here to stay
I'm gonna find my way

~Legally Blonde

11/16/2007 8:30:56 PM
There'll be no ties of time and space to bind us,
And no horizon we shall not pursue.
We'll leave the world's misfortunes far behind us,
And I will put my faith and trust in you.

~Aida

11/15/2007 10:15:09 AM
 Amneris:
I may leave a great impression
As I race through a succession
Of the latest crazes, chase the newest fad
I feel better when beguiling
Find that fashion keeps me smiling
But in my heart I know it's rather sad

Aida:
That a life of great potential
Is dismissed, inconsequential

Amneris:
And only ever seen as being cute
So I'll flutter to deceive

Aida:
Oh no you must believe
That one day you're bound to find

Aida/Amneris:
A Stronger Suit

~Aida: My Strongest Suit (Reprise)

 


11/14/2007 12:10:51 PM
One song
Glory
One song
Before I go
Glory
One song to leave behind

Find one song
One last refrain
Glory
From the pretty boy front man
Who wasted opportunity

One song
He had the world at his feet
Glory
In the eyes of a young girl
A young girl
Find glory
Beyond the cheap coloured lights
One song
Before the sun sets
Glory- on another empty life
Time flies - time dies
Glory - one blaze of glory
One blaze of glory - glory
Find
Glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like a blazing fire
An eternal flame

Find
One song
A song about love
Glory
From the soul of a young man
A young man

Find
The one song
Before the virus takes hold
Glory
Like a sunset
One song
To redeem this empty life

Time flies
And then - no need to endure anymore
Time dies

11/9/2007 7:30:54 PM
We all lead such elaborate lives
wild ambitions in our sights
How an affair of the heart survives
days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want to live like that
seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want to love like that
I just want our time to be
slower and gentler, wiser, free

We all live in extravagant times
playing games we can't all win
Unintended emotional crimes
Take some out, take others in

I'm so tired of all were going through
I don't want to live like that
I'm so tired of all were going through
I don't want to love like that
I just want to be with you
Now and forever , peaceful, true
This may not be the moment
to tell you face to face
But I could wait forever
for the perfect time and place

AIDA & RADAMES
We all lead such elaborate lives
We don't know whose words are true
Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives
Hard to know who's loving who

Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to live like that

Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to love like that
I just want to touch your heart
May this confession


Be the start


~Aida; Elaborate Lives

10/20/2007 12:07:36 PM
No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you

Say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you, now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe; No one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

All I want is freedom
A world with no more light
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go to
That's all I ask of you

Say you'll share with me on love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me, each night, each morning

Say you love me

You know I do

Love me
That's all I ask of you

Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me
That's all I ask of you

10/18/2007 10:55:20 AM

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.


10/15/2007 6:38:40 AM
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into.

10/13/2007 10:25:44 AM
What taste is this upon my lips
A taste so sweet, what can that be
What is this scent upon the air
That fills my lungs and comforts me

And whispers low, how does it feel
To savor all such just revenge
To smell the fragrancy of loss
And drunkenly inhale his pain

How can it be your countenance
Is stripped of all his dash and dare
And what of your bold confidence
Could it have drowned in your despair


And after all this time
I wash my hands of your charade
And celebrate your fall from grace
Preserve that sad look on your face
And praise what God might manifest
Himself to beings such as us
For vengeance that at last is mine
Comes sweetly after all this time

If you'll allow me to recall
How my requests were swept aside
In every instance I beseeched you
I was shut out and denied

You shattered what I once believed
From the moment you arrived
And now you wonder why I gloat here
Revelling in your grand demise

You're arrogant beyond contempt
You beg to share my precious blood
I no sooner you in my veins
Than to see you with the ones you love






Good song.  If you can name where it is from, without googling, I admire you!

10/8/2007 1:05:58 PM
It's about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
But in that one moment
The things that you're sure of slip from your hand
And you've got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing's the same
And the wind starts to blow

And oh, you're suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn't have a  clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks
To a new world


You have a house in the hills


You have a job on the coast


You find a lover you're sure you believe in


You get a pool in the back


You get the part of your life


You hold the ring in your hand


But then the earthquake hits


Then the bank closes in


Then you realize you didn't know anything...


Nobody told you the best way to steer
When the wind starts to blow
And oh, you're suddenly a stranger
And life is different than you planned
And you have to stay
'Til you somehow find a way
To be sure of what will be,
Then you might be free...


10/5/2007 12:51:14 PM
Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away

It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong

There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

10/4/2007 11:58:35 AM
I know the sound of each rock and stone,
I embrace what others fear,
For you were not to roam in this forgotten place,
Only the likes of me are welcome here,

Everything breathes and I know each breath,
To me it means life, to others it's death,
But it's perfectly balanced, perfectly planned,
And more than enough for this man,

Like every tree stands on its own,
Reaching for the sky I stand alone,
I share my world with no one else,
All by myself, I stand alone,

I've seen your world with these very eyes,
Don't come any closer, don't even try,
'Cause I've felt all the pain and heard all the lies,
For this there is no compromise,

Like every tree stands on its own,
Reaching for the sky I stand alone,
I share my world with no one else,
All by myself I stand alone,
All by myself I stand alone.




Good song.  Not exactly what I want life to be...but, that's what it is right now.

10/1/2007 8:01:50 PM
Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow!  Note to self.  Forgetting about the metal lamp you have left on all evening and then touching your arm to it while stretching is not a good idea.  Talk about a mood killer.

9/30/2007 8:14:00 PM
Ok, so I said that when I got out here, I was going to find a public scene, immerse myself in it, and figure out who the effing hell I am, and what I need to do to be happy.  I think, that I need to do that.  However, I am incredibly naive as to what there is out here in DC for me to explore...so please, someone help me out.  What sort of dark secrets does this area hold (Good god, that's positively noir), and how do I get involved, and no, your basement does not count :-)?  What's going on here that I can seek out, find, and explore the darker side of me?

9/30/2007 2:56:38 PM

I have dreamed that your arms are lovely,
I have dreamed what a joy you'll be.
I have dreamed every word you whisper.
When you're close,
Close to me.
How you look in the glow of evening
I have dreamed and enjoyed the view.

In these dreams I've loved you so
That by now I think I know
What it's like to be loved by you,
I will love being loved by you.


9/28/2007 9:45:31 PM
Yes, I couldn't be happier.  No, I couldn't be happier.  Though it is I admit the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated.  Though I couldn't be happier...simply couldn't be happier.  Well, not simply.  Cuz getting your dreams; it's strange but it seems a little, well, complicated.  There's a kind of a sort of cost.  There's a couple of things get lost.  There are bridges you crossed you didn't know you crossed till you cross.  And if that joy, that thrill, doesn't thrill like you think it will...still....with this perfect finale the cheers and the ballyhoo...who wouldn't be happier?  So, I couldn't be happier.  Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true.....well, isn't it?  Happy is what happens when your dreams comes true.

9/26/2007 5:40:27 PM
I have the plague.

Ugh.

9/2/2007 3:02:55 PM
Removed all my pictures due to work confidentiality.

8/20/2007 6:25:23 PM
Whew!  Made it to D.C.  Now all I need to wait for is my internet to actually work.  I will reply to all your messages once it starts working....

8/16/2007 7:47:09 PM
I am in the process of moving to D.C.

Holla back.

8/6/2007 9:58:26 PM
Ever since this old world began a woman found that is she shook it she could shake up a man and so I'm gonna shake and shimmy just the best that I can today...you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the rain from above you can try to stop the paradise we're dreaming of.  But you cannot stop the rhythm of two hearts in love to stay.  You can't stop the beat.

8/3/2007 11:51:58 AM
Put up two new pictures...should be up soon...

8/2/2007 9:23:49 AM
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

8/2/2007 8:31:10 AM
I had the most amazing, mind-blowing conversation last night.  Just sayin.

Note to self.  Turn on light before walking into the lab.  Running into the rock tumbler has not been the highlight of my day.

:-)

8/1/2007 6:43:51 AM
Ok, so I admit it.  Going to the bar last night was a bad idea and I knew it.  I knew I would drink too much, spend too much money, and not get enough sleep.  Well, after stumbling home at midnight, drinking some more, eating Taco Bell and watching 300 again (what is my obsession with that movie?), I finally crashed at 3, only to dream of people bringing me water because I was so dehydrated.  Even I have to admit, that's a little pathetic.  So now, here I am today, bleary eyed and useless at work, still wearing the glitter on my eyes from last night and going, "Why the fuck did I do that?  I know better.  What is wrong with me that I can't show at least a modicum of self-control?"  Oh well...back to the drawing board..and the copious amounts of water I am drinking.

7/31/2007 12:32:37 PM
I am a complete geek.  I waited up until midnight, went to the store, waited in line for 20 minutes, and bought the special edition DVD of 300.  I then proceeded to go home and watch it, even though I had to be up for work at 6.  But, damn me, was it worth it!
It is such a spectacular movie...the fight scenes, the love scenes, the dialouge, and one mustn't forget the physique.  I absolutely adored the slow motion action scenes coupled with the hard rock music.  I'm always ready to either go out and battle after watching it, or be conquered after it. There is something about a strong, virile warrior that gets me going and doesn't let up...*sigh*

7/30/2007 10:24:25 AM
I know it is one of those days when I shouldn't have gotten out of bed.  I walked into the museum this morning and walked face first into a grizzly bear.

Talk about ouch.

7/29/2007 8:16:50 PM
I'm sorry for everything I've said                     
And for anything I forgot to say too                             
When things get so complicated                       
I stumble, at best, muddle through.                 

I wish that our lives could be simple                 
I don't want the world, only you.                       

Oh I wish I could tell you this face to face       
But there's never the time, never the place  

Oh this letter will have to do                             
I love you.

7/17/2007 6:06:36 PM
I'm such a nerd.  I'm watching "The Inner Planets" about Mercury and Venus on the History channel, and I'm enthralled.  Nothing like learning about the climates of the two inner planets...

Why can't I find a nerdy Dom like me?

7/17/2007 6:51:13 AM
In other news, that dream was spectacular!

7/17/2007 6:50:35 AM
I noticed today that I have the remnants of a bruise on my hand.  It is over four weeks old, a remembrance of my Emergency room visit and a moronic nurse who stomped on the IV cord and allowed the blood and fluid to leak out.  Not a pain I would like to experience again I must say.

Of course, this brings a question to my mind.  Yes, it was a huge bruise, and I know it is going to take a long time to heal, but four weeks seems a little excessive.  I wonder if it is because of the pale skin or the amount of blood that was allowed to escape.  But, will this always occur?  After a session of intense play (God willing that I'll actually get it), will I be bruised for weeks?  Is that was people are looking for, or will I find someone able to understand that a little care is needed.  On that note will I ever be able to trust someone to the point of letting them do it?  I am afraid of someone going too far and scarring me.  I have far too many scars on the inside to need or want any on the outside.

Well, it is far too early to be babbling on about bruises and metaphysical constructs of them.  Back to the daily grind.

7/13/2007 10:59:50 PM
This affection I feel is hard to understand
It’s not the way I planned
My world is changing
Wherever I turn
It’s his face I see
Looking back at me
And in my eyes I can’t disguise
The affection I feel
Is getting the better off me

Oh for the first time it’s not a dream
Oh for the first time it seems so real
That I want to remember
Every moment
That I’m there beside him
When he gently takes my hand
So here I am
Feeling things I’ve never felt
And all because of him
My world is changing
                                                                                                                                                    He's turned my whole world upside down.

7/12/2007 6:59:15 AM
What a lovely dream.  I am having such a great day based on this figment of my imagination.

In other news, I get my new computer this weekend...woot.

7/6/2007 8:54:11 AM
I sit here in silence contemplating the next step I am taking in my life, and looking back on where I have gone (as silent as it can be with a birdsong cd playing in the next exhibit over).  I think about moving to D.C. and how wonderful life will be there.  There are so many options for me, so many people looking for the same thing I am, and hopefully, a scene that is large enough for me to get lost in until I am comfortable.  I cannot help but be excited about my time next year...then the worry sets in.

I met some wonderful people here this year (whom I will not name, but you know who you are).  We shared lovely conversation, and so many similar interests I became to wonder where one left off and the other began.  Yet, I walked away...partially for academic reasons and partially because I couldn't handle it.

I feel regrets, but know the path I am taking is the right one.  I want to open up to this world I know, deep down in my heart and in the dark recesses of my mind, I belong in.  But, I don't know how.  How do I follow through with something I want so badly?  How do I get past these ridiculous trust issues that never seem to go away?

When the time comes, will I be ready?  Or run back into the vanilla world from whence I came?

I'm not looking for posts of "I can fix you" with this journal entry.  I just wanted to share my thoughts...

5/10/2007 11:00:41 AM
What do you do with a B.A. in English (or a B.S. in history)?  What is my life going to be?  Four years of college and plenty of knowledge has earned me this useless degree.  I can't pay the bills yet 'cuz I have no skills yet.  The world is a big scary place.  But somehow I can't shake this feeling I might make....a difference...to the human race.

5/10/2007 8:37:25 AM
Last night was a trip.  The bar was fun, the bat flying around my bedroom was not, nor was me locking myself out of my house and having to crawl through a window. 

Then the dream.  Oh, the dream. 

4/26/2007 9:09:12 PM
Good Lord, its been awhile.  Graduation is busy stuff.

Well, it's official.  I am relocating to D.C. in the fall to attend George Washington University.

3/28/2007 7:45:58 PM
Try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try.  No more memories, no more silent tears, no more gazing across the wasted years.  Help me say goodbye.

2/11/2007 9:00:00 PM
So, I've become super obsessed with this one song, from the motion picture Eragon. It's called Keep Holding On, and it is spectacular. It just seems to capture my mood tonight. That, and the Phantom of the Opera. What a great musical...I so would have gone for the Phantom. But, that's just me. If you ever want to hear my in-depth explanation of that, let me know....:-)

"You're not alone, together we stand. I'll be by your side you know I'll take your hand. When it gets cold, and it feels like the end, there's no place to go you know I won't give in. So far away, I wish you were here, before its too late this could all disappear. Before the doors close, and it comes to an end, with you by my side I will fight and defend....I'll fight and defend. Keep holding on cause we're going to make it through. Just stay strong, cause you know I'm here for you. There's nothing you can say; nothing you can do. There's no other way when it comes to the truth, so keep holding on cause we're gonna make it through.

2/11/2007 2:50:52 PM
Seriously, sometimes people on this site irritate me. So, I write back to you and don't write 3 paragraphs about my interest in history.  You get all offended and act like I've just given you the cut direct (and if you don't understand what that means, you are beyond help), and then act all passive and manipulating about how you "won't bother me anymore"  Well Ha!  My mother could beat that passive agressive bullshit that you just tried to pull anyday.  You wanna be manpulative.  Do it to some girl who's too dumb to care.  I'm not going to beg for your attention;  that's not how I roll.  I'm the youngest and the only girl in my family: you think I can't see manipulation when its staring me in the face. Ha again!  And another thing; I have a name, I have an identity.  Don't call me sub like a). you own me or b). that is what defines me.  I identiy as a submissive but that is only one part of a much larger being, and if you can't accept that, or can't figure out why I'm angry or annoyed, keep moving.  To all of those reading this who are not morons, I apologize for my rant.  Seriously.

2/9/2007 4:45:56 PM
The chaotic week is finally over. I'm not sure what made it so; the week just did not go as planned. I kept having these dreams that threw me off the entire day...dreams I wish I could figure out. Dreams of sex, lies, and drugs, and a knife fight. It was horrible. I just want to stop dreaming like this. What happened to my awesome fantassy dreams about dragons and magic and me saving the world? What is stressing me out so much that I have to dream about my brother trying to kill me before I get it? Needless to say, I'm a bit unnerved.

2/6/2007 10:34:54 PM
What a day. I am exhausted. It wasn't a bad day, just a long one, and tomorrow is going to be even longer. My brain is fried, so this won't be one of my more thought provoking posts.

Spent three hours of three Augustan pieces of art, and we covered two in the first hour. We spent two hours of the Ara Pacis Augustae. It was amazing. To sit there and try to understand the methodology and propaganda associated with that one altar is spectacular. I took 10 pages of notes tonight. That is a record. I am always so worn out after that class. Like tonight. But, in other news, I got a 94 on the test...the highest grade in the class. Oh yeah. Now I'm going to celebrate by crashing.

2/4/2007 9:49:38 PM
It is always hard for me to realize that someone that I hoped was the one is not going to turn out the way I thought it was.  It is also hard to try and explain to that person, inso many words, that I am damaged, dark and twisty.  People just don't get where I am coming from.  Now, realize this is a mass generalization, and I am just putting into words now what I don't want to explain later.  I have to live with the fact that perhaps my craving for submission, my yearning for a loss of control, and my wanting of a Dominant stems from a traumatic experience.  Everytime I get close to someone I back away, warring with the disgust and shame of a long past situation not in my control.  Some people cannot imagine the horror I feel when I realize that, if not genetic, my entire sexual being revolves around what a neighbor did to me when I was 8.  Sometimes it is even hard for me to fathom.  Perhaps this may shed some light on why I am so wary of relationships, or meetings.  My desire to submit scares me, as I do not know its origin.  Are we born to be submissive, or is it just a side-effect of childhood horrors?  This is my battle.

2/3/2007 10:17:11 PM
So, instead of doing the loads of homework like I had planned on, I ended up going to Mass instead and renting movies.

We rented One Night With the King. The movie was simply amazing. Not to mention the fact that it portrays not onl my favorite Biblical story, but also my favorite love story, besides the Princess Bride of course. What's better than a Cinderella story with intrigue and death defying antics. Not to mention the hot, domnating prescence of Xerxes... It was beautifully shot, with glorious fabrics and colors. The architecture was spectacular...exactly how I would imagine Xerxes' kingdom to be. They even got the Persian gate right...

However, while in the shower later, I realized that I have become too much of a historian. I tried to date the Xerxes which they were talking about, as well as attacking Greece, because I remember learning about Xerxes' defeat of King Leonidas and the Spartans (immortalized by the graphic novel 300, soon to be the coolest movie ever!), but I digress.

After dating the Xerxes that it was talking about, my enthusiam dimmed a bit. There is no historical record of Esther. Xerxes turns out not to be the man portrayed in the Bible, as he does attack Greece to enlarge his empire, and ultimately is defeated. Yet, even though Esther is never mentioned by name, somehow I hope the story rings true. I don't know if it is faith, or just my foolish notions of romanticism, but I need to believe in a love that strong.

Sometimes its hard to be a historian.

2/3/2007 12:01:17 PM
So, I thought I was done.  I thought I was all set...but oh no! There's more.  Freaking FASFA's..say that five times fast.  Now, I need to do my taxes.  I was hoping to procrastinate, but nope, no luck again.  Oh well.....yay for Blizzards and staying inside in bathrobes.

2/2/2007 9:38:04 PM
Wherefore, O Men of Athens,
I say to you...
Therefore, acquit me or not,
but whichever you do.
I shall never alter my ways,
never adjust my approach to this maze,
never reform till the end of my days,
even if I have to die many times.

2/2/2007 2:22:16 PM
Wooo!  Last Graduate Application done!  Now, the incessant waiting begins...4-6 weeks...I'm in hell.  BUt, I got them done, and for a while there I wasn't sure.

Spent an hour learning about Art Nouveau.  Gag me.  Give me Exekias, or Pheidias or Lysippos of Skopas, but not modern art.  I frickin hate modern art.

So, my pictures are still not working.  I e-mailed support and we'll see how much help I get.  Hang in there, and no I won't send you any pictures.  If the only reason you want to talk to me is because I have a picture up, then I probably don't want to talk to you...

Strange though, how many fewer messages I am getting now that I don't have a picture up...coincidence?

Yay for the weekend.  Yay for spending the entire weekend doing homework.

1/31/2007 8:38:45 PM
I am seriously irked. 

And I don't believe in hypnosis.

So there.

1/31/2007 2:12:29 PM
So, I put up some new, pictures, and they haven't been approved yet.  So please, hang in there with me.

1/30/2007 9:28:54 PM
Do you ever get a message and say to yourself, or even to the person who sent it..."Are you serious?" or "You're kidding, right?"  Some people ask the weirdest questions.  Whatever happened to a simple "Hello, how are you?" 

Newsflash gentlemen.  I can read your profile and know you consider yourself a Dominant.  You don't have to tell me that, nor do you have to tell me that you like me because of my blonde hair, and you will change my weight later.  Seriously.  No wonder some people have trouble finding others on here.

Ok, rant over.  I'm pumped about my Roman art class tonight.  Three hours on the transition from Late Roman Republic to the Augustan Empire, plus a test.  I was in Heaven!

1/23/2007 6:01:53 PM
Someone just called me a bbw.    Now, I'm not saying it is wrong to be called that, but I think it's only appropriate to be called that if you label yourself a bbw.  I do not.  Yes I'm curvy, but anyone who knows me on here knows how much I struggle with my weight, so for him to say, "Don't worry, I like bbws" made me want to reach into the computer and push his nose through his brain.  Wow...total mood swing.  And I was in such a good mood after my Roman Art class!

1/20/2007 5:12:38 PM
No one in your life is  with you constantly. No one is completely on your side. And though I'd move my world to be with Him, still the gap between us is too wide.

1/17/2007 7:18:21 PM
Ok, obviously I need a new picture.  People keep complimenting me on my braces.


I don't have braces.

1/17/2007 2:59:56 PM
Well, it has certainly been a while since I have been on here last, or at least have updated my journal.  But, I am almost finished with my Graduate School Applications (I only have to submit one more, and I can't do that till I get paid...stupid speeding ticket.  Apparently they frown on going 75 in a 55 zone.  Oops.)

But, hopefully now that I'm less busy I'll be here more often.  Leave me a message and I'll get back to you.  Cheers!

12/9/2006 10:37:37 AM
Well, I learned another important lesson yesterday.

Beer Pong using Amaretto Sours is not a good idea.  I sure am paying for it today.  Oh well.  Off to study for the finals that never seem to end.  So many interesting people on here.  Why in God's name do I have to live in Michigan?

12/7/2006 9:55:22 PM
All I want...all I want...is a little place of my own where I can rest my head.


Name that song.  And no googling.

11/16/2006 1:28:00 PM
I seriously hate grad school applications...and the GRE...seriously.

8/31/2006 6:17:59 AM
What a week...what a dream last night.  If I was one to interpret dreams, which I'm not, since I pretty much believe that they are just images that manifest from my subconsciousness, but if I did, this would take the cake.  Space Exploration, the movie Predator, and the tv shows Bones and House were all involved...how strange is that?  Well, the week is almost over.  It's been a long week, certainly.  I might have taken on too many credits, but I love the classes that I am taking, so, if I work hard, I should be able to make it through.  The first night football game is tonight.  I guess I ought to be out there sharing my school spirit, but really, after our players were accused of murder, somehow, I'm just not interested in it at the moment.  Oh well....have a lovely day everyone!

8/30/2006 5:02:30 AM
Well, for some reason my picture is not working at the moment.  If you would like to see it, e-mail me and I'll see if I can accomadate.

8/29/2006 7:17:13 PM
Perhaps I have not been as clear as I could have been....

I am a graduating senior from college, attempting to get into an ivy league, or near ivy league graduate school. I also work part time and am involved in 2 extra curricular activities. I cannot be online every night to speak with you for four hours or on the phone for hours. So please, have patience and stick with the e-mails. If there is a connection, something can be arranged, but rudeness because I am busy is uncalled for, and quite juvenile.

You do not own me, you have not collared me, therefore, why do you think you have the right to dictate the hours which I am online?

8/29/2006 1:27:55 PM
I have discovered one thing about myself today:  When I have my Doctorate, I will never subject my students to 8 am classes.  I can barely get up for them; why would I expect them to be able to get up as well?

In other news, I began my Nazi Germany Holocaust class today.  It will certainly be an eye-opener, albeit a painful one.  I do not regret taking this course, but I have the feeling that I will not get through the course with only a few tears. 

Sometimes I ponder if I have too many emotions; emotions are a good thing I know, but I wonder if perhaps sometimes it is better to be less empathetic.

It is impossible for my emotions to turn off, or ignore them.  I am a left-brained kind of girl.  I do not think rationally, I think with my heart.  I'm a straight A college student that gets into trouble way too often.

Mon Dieu!  Look at the time.  I'm off to a three hour lecture on Greek Art and Architecture.  Fun, no?

Let me tell you a secret..I'm so excited for this class!

And the application to Georgetown Graduate School sitting on my desk!!

8/28/2006 9:10:42 AM
Wow...first day of classes, and I'm already busy.  I can't believe this is the first day of classes for my final year of college...where did the time go?

No matter..this year, I will enjoy college, I will have fun..I will live it up.  No matter what it takes..

Oh yeah..and turkey on flatbread with fresh cheese is yummy.

8/25/2006 9:51:05 AM
Well, I'm off at 5 to go out of town and see family, so forgive me if I do not respond to your messages until Monday, but never fear, I will respond.

By the way, Skittles are not a great lunch choice.

8/24/2006 7:38:58 AM
I'm back, once again, perhaps a little wiser.  I've discovered that there are some people out there who will only hurt you, but I've also discovered there are those who are genuinely nice, with whom you can be friends, and perhaps more.

I know what I am looking for...and I love chatting, so please say Hi!

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