It always makes me chuckle when I see men complaining about " all the fakes" and " isn't anyone real?" on their profile and nothing else aside from a terrible photo.

You are whinging and there's nothing about you that is attractive. Not your looks, certainly not your personality,nothing.

So the " real" people are going to stay away from you.

This is the online world,put your best foot forward if you are trying to find a partner or just shut up. Why would anyone want to get wrapped up with a cry baby. Drop the negativity and be someone people want to know,not run from.

End of rant.

I went to Uber and I loved it!

I can not make this ANY clearer...I DON'T DO ONLINE.

It is utterly pointless.

Have had this account for years....but I am thinking it may be time to hit the road from Collar Me/ Space.

Off to the Chamber this evening.

Am a Chamber Virgin, so how exciting.

At work today I over heard one of the young women (mid 20's) talking about her ''list of requirements'' that a man must have or she is not interested. There were about 25- 30 things on that list.

In my head I felt quite sorry for any man or ''creeper'' (her words, not mine) who dared approach her, without knowing that even during a simple conversation his attributes etc were being ticked against a mental list of almost 30 must have's. And he would likely fail to meet the criteria. 

She's been single a while.....I wasn't surprised when she said that.
It scared the hell out of me.

But it got me thinking about what I want in a man.
Hell sometimes just a pulse, would suffice....but I have things I want.
Not 25-30 things.
But things nevertheless.

I don't and have never really treated men that approached me in bars, etc as creepers. It takes balls to approach a stranger, to try and make conversation. I appreciate this fact. Plus I will usually talk to anyone.

But I can think of a few things, I would like my next partner / lover to have. Only a few would be deal breakers, but I don't care about the colour of his hair, or if he has tattoos or piercings, what he drives or likes to drink. Other things are important to me, it is likely age.
Or maybe it's just me.

Attraction is a fickle and often insane Mistress.
She doesn't always make sense, it is sometimes like having a fight with someone shouting at you in French, when you only understand high Klingon.

She can take you to great heights, making you feel like you own the world or will push you off the cliff having cut off your wings, laughing as you bleed, shattered at the bottom.

A smile, a stolen glance, heart and flesh reacting to the nearness of someone who dwells within the same darkness.

I am attracted to smart, well spoken men.
Always have been.
Intellect and manners, an open mind and generous spirit.
I like a gentleman who knows about life and the universe but still laughs at himself in his quiet moments.A man that dances when a bit tipsy but is rarely drunk on his own ego. Passionate about important things but just as passionate about the things he loves. There is nothing as off putting as someone without passion or empathy for others.

I have been so lucky with the people, I have had in my life in a bdsm respect. But then, I am very fussy about who I allow to come closer. Some would say too much so, but then....they are not me.

There is something beautifully tortuous in being drawn to something you can't have, without burning your fingers......But there are some people in this world, that just make you want to burn down your entire fucking house and rebuild .
And sometimes just watching the flames lick the nights sky and dance upon the wind is enough. The warmth plays across my body and I smile at the red glow the fire casts upon my bare skin as I stare at it, in wonder.
Enchanted by it's beauty.
Fingers intact.

''Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got''

Sophia Loren

Back in Sydney.

And I am so happy it is chilly.

Will finally get to wear my beautiful long red wool coat.

:-)

Heading to Melbourne.

Yayyy!!

It is 5 years today that I lost the great love of my life,the woman that gave me mine. 

5 years has passed in the blink of an eye.

You don't get over losing a woman like that, from your life.

Thank goodness that is over for another year.

Seven days straight of work...lost it on day six, but got it back in time for day 7.

Hope you all had a lovely safe Easter.

x

Oh what a problem....when you get your wrist cuffs caught on your corset.

Life can be so difficult.

*Laughs*

What a great Hellfire last night.

Fun times.

''The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over''

Hunter s Thompson

Am not a religious woman....but even I am praying for the 239 souls aboard Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370. May they be found one way or another, so at least their families and those who loved them have some closure on what I can only imagine to be a waking nightmare.

But I am keeping hopeful but scared.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
Nine Inch Nails
Hurt

I was blessed last night to see 4 songs of one of my favourite bands Queens of the stone age and Nine Inch Nails in concert.

We were late, the girl I went went with assured me if we got there at 8.45pm we'd miss the support act and be straight in to it. I am always usually insanely early for concerts....not this time. The Queens went on first. We got there to hear 4 or 5 songs and then they were finished. I was disappointed, but decided to try not dwell on it. The crowd like the time I saw TOOL were one, together.....a connection of happy energy boyed by good music a common bond.
Nine inch nails came on, I liked them well enough.

But it was the QOTSA that I had really wanted to see and I tried to bury the disappointment and slight annoyance at my friend....I had suggested getting there on time but I remained open minded, was enjoying the night regardless. And pouting would have been pointless, it wasn't an intentional mistake.

But......let me tell you...I don't care this morning that I only saw those 4 QOTSA songs, I have seen them 4 times before. I didn't care one bit, after the house lights came on.....I could have just seen the one song performed and it would have been worth the $130+ I paid for my ticket.

Because seeing Trent Reznor singing the song he wrote (and covered beautifully by Johnny Cash) and the energy of the crowd, watching the mosh pit move as one, was something almost akin to a spiritual cleanse. We both had tears in our eyes and though that is nothing new for me, because I tear up at everything....it will go down as one of the great moments in my life. And I will never forget it and am so happy to have been Hurt.

The blind fold lies upon the bed, black silk.
Exhaling deeply.
Freedom.
Seeing it she smiles to herself as she starts to undress, quickly brushes her long dark hair, reapplies her red lipstick.
Finally naked she walks over to the bed, picks it up and gives it a gentle kiss as she kneels in the middle of the floor.
The carpet, like the hotel is cheap and nasty, and it scratches her bare pale skin as she pulls the black silk slowly across her eyes, tying it tightly.
She moves into position, kneeling with her head touching the floor.
Arms stretched out, in supplication and she waits.

The minutes tick by, every sound capturing her attention as she waits and waits.
Then she hears the key slide into the lock and feels a rush of air glide over her skin as the door softly shuts.

Then silence.
Time passes, she begins to grow nervous.
She hates being watched.
But as minutes tick by she begins to question herself if anyone came in to the room at all. Was it mere minutes or hours ago?.
Her heart pounds excitedly against her chest, nervously waiting.
Waiting.
Then just as she is at her wits end and fears she can no longer bear the waiting any longer,she hears a whisper in her left ear that makes her heart melt and body quiver in anticipation.
''Daddy's Home''

Being the organizing type that I am, I hosted another munch today.

My second.....had a lovely day, met some new people and caught up with old friends.

What a lovely day.

Took the Myer Briggs test and am very true to my type...
Found it very interesting, indeed.

INFJ personality
The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions, especially when it comes to issues they consider really important in life. If an INFJ is fighting for something, this is because they believe in the idea itself, not because of some selfish reasons.

INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need – they may rush to the place of a major disaster, participate in rescue efforts, do charity work etc. INFJs see this as their duty and their purpose in life – people with this personality type firmly believe that nothing else would help the world as much as getting rid of all the tyrants. Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs.

These tendencies are also strengthened by the fact that INFJ personalities have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness – this means that their creativity and imagination can be directed towards a specific goal. Few other personality types have this trait and this is one of the most important reasons why many INFJs are able to eventually realize their dreams and make a lasting positive impact.

INFJs are masters of written communication, with a distinctively smooth and warm language. In addition, the sensitivity of INFJs allows them to connect to others quite easily. Their easy and pleasant communication can often mislead bystanders, who might think that the INFJ is actually an extrovert.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
Martin Luther King
INFJs should be careful to avoid “overheating” as their zeal and determination can sometimes get out of hand. As introverts, INFJs need to have some “alone time” every once in a while or otherwise their internal energy reserves will get depleted really quickly. If this happens, the INFJ may surprise everybody around them by withdrawing from all their activities for a while – and since other people usually see INFJs as extroverts, this can leave them both surprised and concerned.

INFJs take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favor. Unsurprisingly, people with this personality type are very sensitive and vulnerable to conflicts – even the most rational INFJs may find it quite difficult to not take criticism personally. This is the INFJ’s Achilles’ heel – if someone with an INFJ personality cannot escape the conflict, they will do their best to deal with it head on, but this will result in a lot of stress and may also potentially lead to health problems or highly irrational behavior.

So I am not a nutter after all.....just an INFJ!

:-)

http://www.16personalities.com

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
? Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

I often wonder if it is the same, when you are a submissive and you are found by a Dominant that understands you,from the inside out. One that isn't intimidated or fooled by your facade.
I like to think so.
:-)

Guillaume Apollinaire

"The Loved One"

I have had the best day!

A simple day, but so lovely.

I should be re immersed back in the hospital as a volunteer, by the end of March.

Will likely be doing ICU as well as palliative care.

I am amazed and thrilled that she would think I am up to such an amazing task, but wow.

So excited and nervous.

I have an appointment next Friday before work to fill out all the paperwork to re start the volunteer work, I started a few years ago.....
Yayyy!!!
Super excited.

It has been a long time since I felt a hand upon my bare arse.

Years in fact, since I was over the knee of a Daddy.

The beauty of the sharp pain building with each slap of his hand.

My pale skin reddening beneath a Dom's touch.

My Dom's touch.

Mine as I am His.

Years since breath hot upon my neck as a hand grips my hair, wrapping it around his fist like thick black ribbon and pulling till my blues eyes are tear filled.

Breath thickening, heavy with desire.

His cock straining hard against the trousers of his suit,poking in to the softness of my belly, demanding attention as I squirm on top of him.

There is a beautiful difference in being spanked by one who gets off on spanking his submissive little girl and a lover that does it just to please. 

To my soul it is akin to being given plastic or real flowers.

They may appear from a distance to be the same thing, both beautiful in their own way.

The petals may be almost identical,colours rich, the leaves perfectly formed.

But only the real flowers will have the fragrance, to capture a sensual soul.

And only a man that gets fulfillment through having a squirming,gasping, begging girl over his knee with do for me. I only want the authentic,the real.

I want to smell his lust while I am bent over his knee. 

It is what I need and will not settle for anything less.

''Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before''

The Raven 

Edgar Allan Poe

Have fun folks, regardless of what you do tonight.
Stay safe, don't eat the yellow snow, don't drink the cool aide, be kind to others and kinder to yourself. 

“If she's amazing, she won't be easy.
If she's easy, she won't be amazing.
If she's worth it, you wont give up.
If you give up, you're not worthy.
'Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you;
you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for!”

Bob Marley

Now I just need to find a man, that will flog me every couple of days. Keep me supplied in shoes I can only wear to bed, that likes to brush hair, dances & can cook, loves to be called Daddy.....all while riding a unicorn. :-)

I had....the best night!

Hell Firing....

''The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed''

Carl Jung

I am a simple girl, really....

Had one of my favourite times,come back in a beautiful memory this evening..and it reminded me, that things don't always have to be so complex, staged and convoluted...sometimes the most simple things are the most powerful. Grand gestures aren't always necessary.

It was very cold,around 2am, we had just left Hell Fire.

I was wearing my standard outfit.... a black corset, skirt, fish nets, heels and black cardi with a little cat on it. Did I mention how cold it was?

I also was wearing long black opera gloves....my cardi was undone and I stopped walking to try and do up my buttons,to protect myself from the biting chill....after little success, I looked at my companion pleadingly and softly asked if he could do up my buttons for me.

Actually I think I said something like.... ''Can you please help me, do up my buttons Daddy I'm cold''  And very gently he did...and so it began....was such a simple gesture, nothing in the grand scheme of things. But in my memory, when I think of the things that have touched me deeply in a sensual and submissive sense.....I think of that evening.

I think of him and I think how I miss such simplicity.

I am sooooo tired.

Would love to curl up on Daddy's lap and have a little nap, while he strokes my hair.

Just gotta find one, first!

Ha, ha, ha.

I bought a lovely pair of new heels today....so I have high heels to wear to Hell Fire next Friday night....I think I may need something else to wear though.......aside from red lipstick.

This evening at work....I laughed to myself while telling two men off, for interrupting me when I was explaining something...they both bowed to my mighty will and I thought, yeah...I am such a sub.

Ha, Ha, ha.

Only 4 more shopping days till Christmas.

Roll on sanity....

Won't be getting anything for Christmas this year, I am definitely on the naughty list.

I am so very tired, so flat....but not flat chested....

:-)

Are we nearly there yet?

Vale Nelson Mandela.

It is a sad day for the world.

I woke up today and my voice resembles something from the Muppet's.

A NZ cross between Gonzo and beeker.

If it wasn't for the fact that I feel like a truck hit me, it would be hilarious.

So unwell, with a head cold.

Poor me.

:-)

''The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over''

Hunter S. Thompson

Sometimes a girl can get lost among the sand castles she builds in her own head and it feels as if she is running on the spot in quick sand......the water from her own tears, threatening to drown her.

And sometimes she blows the sand castles away, with a single act.
They scatter in the wind and the world is once again hers.

It's a nice feeling, to have someone say they can't wait to see you again....After having just left you.

Very cool.

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

From Alice in wonderland.

Sometimes it is a beautiful thing to fall down the rabbit hole...

And as you fall deeper, and plunge further into the darkness that wraps it's fingers about your throat you ask yourself...

Am I really so twisted?

Am I really such a deviant?

And a voice whispers in your ear so quietly that it could be the wind,

"Yes.....yes My dear, you are."

Licking parched hot lips, you pause briefly, moving the black hair from your eyes, smile back at the darkness and you say...

"Ok just checking"

''I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex''

Oscar Wilde- Picture of Dorian Gray

Had such a fun night. Yay... to laughing my face off.

I recently organised and hosted my very first munch today.

Looked around and saw the inner west had not had a Sunday munch for awhile....and while complaining to myself about it, decided to be proactive and organize it myself.

I was so nervous,like you wouldn't believe....

But wow.

I had the best day.

Thank you.

Please people in Sydney areas, where the fires are raging....look after yourselves, stuff can be replaced, you can't be....Sending much love. 

I love having friends that are in to things completely different to me.
Things that hold no sexual or spiritual interest personally, but that make me think outside the realm of the standard box. I enjoy opening my mind and having my thoughts and preconceptions challenged.
It tickles my fancy.

Some people have commented on the changes to my profile,things have changed in my life.....I am still married, was with this man for almost 20 years.
But we are not together anymore as a couple, though we remain close friends... And while I am sad to see the idea of what I should have been till I die, good wife,mother.....blah blah...fade in to the distance, I am excited (though nervous) at the prospect of living fully as ME. Of saying to someone, this is me. Either you take me or you leave me, but I will not close my eyes and hide myself again.

I like who I am.
I like that I have an open mind and open heart.
I love that I have many different friends in my life....and I love the fact that I am accepting of all different kinks and people. And that I actually am, what and who I say I am. Because I am exactly that!

I think I need a bimbotomy.

This brain is too noisy.

:-)

I am home sick, with a head cold today.

Am not a very good patient.

Box of tissues and ABC iview for company.

Ba humbug...though I do love a good documentary.

*Laughs*

''I suspect the secret of personal attraction is locked

up in our unique imperfections, flaws and frailties''
Hugh Mackay

''Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable'' 

George Bernard Shaw

When looking around at profiles on here,

I am often struck by the crudity of some of the pictures.

Am not necessarily talking about the subject matter, more so the delivery.

Some of the most beautiful art in the world, are nudes.

I am talking about the lack of effort, a lack of sensuality.

The people I am drawn to the most, have a certain bent.

Are made like myself, who thrive on the sensuality of life

and try to convey it without shoving their sexuality in other people's faces.

Anyone can take a photo of their cock, big whoop de do.

'Here's my cock'' What is inspiring in that?.

Tits,''boom there they are'' ''Here's my uterus''

But for me, those pictures are as different to my sensualist bent,

as a cold big mac is, to a beautiful 3 course meal.

There just is no comparison.

Both serve a purpose, just quite different ones.

One is not better than the other, the mindset is just very different.

Reality is crude and often ugly, I think sometimes a bit of

sensual artistic flair doesn't hurt.

Attraction is a fickle and often insane Mistress.
She doesn't always make sense, it is sometimes like having a fight with someone shouting at you in French, when you only understand high Klingon.

She can take you to great heights, making you feel like you own the world or will push you off the cliff having cut off your wings, laughing as you bleed, shattered at the bottom.

A smile, a stolen glance, heart and flesh reacting to the nearness of someone who dwells within the same darkness.

I am attracted to smart, well spoken men.
Always have been.
Intellect and manners, an open mind and generous spirit.
I like a gentleman who knows about life and the universe but still laughs at himself in his quiet moments.A man that dances when a bit tipsy but is rarely drunk on his own ego. Passionate about important things but just as passionate about the things he loves. There is nothing as off putting as someone without passion or empathy for others.

I have been so lucky with the people, I have had in my life in a bdsm respect. But then, I am very fussy about who I allow to come closer. Some would say too much so, but then....they are not me.

There is something beautifully tortuous in being drawn to something you can't have, without burning your fingers......But there are some people in this world, that just make you want to burn down your entire fucking house and rebuild .
And sometimes just watching the flames lick the nights sky and dance upon the wind is enough. The warmth plays across my body and I smile at the red glow the fire casts upon my bare skin as I stare at it, in wonder.

Enchanted by it's beauty.

Fingers intact.

The blind fold lies upon the bed, black silk.
Exhaling deeply.
Freedom.
Seeing it she smiles to herself as she starts to undress, quickly brushes her long dark hair, reapplies her red lipstick.
Finally naked she walks over to the bed, picks it up and gives it a gentle kiss as she kneels in the middle of the floor.
The carpet, like the hotel is cheap and nasty, and it stratches her bare pale skin as she pulls the black silk slowly across her eyes, tying it tightly.
She moves into postion, kneeling with her head touching the floor.
Arms stretched out, in supplication and she waits.

The minutes tick by, every sound capturing her attention as she waits and waits.
Then she hears the key slide into the lock and feels a rush of air glide over her skin as the door softly shuts.

Then silence.
Time passes, she begins to grow nervous.
She hates being watched.
But as minutes tick by she begins to question herself if anyone came in to the room at all. Was it mere minutes or hours ago?.
Her heart pounds excitedly against her chest, nervously waiting.
Waiting.
Then just as she is at her wits end and fears she can no longer bear the waiting any longer,she hears a whisper in her left ear that makes her heart melt and body quiver in anticipation.
''Daddy's Home''

''You know what I feel like?

I feel all the time like a cat on a hot tin roof''

From Cat on a hot Tin roof

Tennessee Williams.

I hope all that are out in Western Sydney today, stay safe.

Fire season shouldn't start so early!

Stay safe people.

And also the folks in California.

xx

There is nothing like red lipstick, to make a girl feel like a woman.

Aside perhaps, from a man's fist, tangled in her hair.

Ah gosh, I love the people here.

They almost make me feel normal.

Almost!

*Laughs*

Attraction is such a fickle Mistress.

What she wants one day, may be completely different to what she desires the next.

I must make a confession......I have never understood the attraction of submissive women thinking or being made to think, they are worthless pieces of shit.

If that is all you have to say as a Dom, then that is perhaps all you, as a Dom are worth.

I am a great submissive, once I am enthralled and engaged, captivated by a man with a brilliant mind, who is not afraid of a strong willed woman. In fact he relishes someone who is mentally his equal, who can entertain him with her wit and mind as much as with her body.

I am creative, smart, can discuss an array of subjects and am good company.

Am funny, can be naughty, silly.

Sometimes I am a shy little girl.

I am many things, but I am certainly not worthless.

''To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting''

e.e cummings

 For many years my work has....been all that I thought I was about.

My brain often felt fried, I stopped doing things I enjoyed....I blamed others for this, when in fact it was my own doing. So now, I am all about finding my balance again, have started doing things I love. I have a love of old cemeteries and photography, things French and helping others....so by doing what I love, I will find my balance again.

Tomorrow I am going to go (if they will have me again) back in to the world of volunteering, I am nervous about this...simply as the place I have chosen is not an easy place. And I had to cease doing this work for awhile.... something I loved, to help myself. After 6 deaths in less than 3 years,I did not feel up to dealing with others end of life journeys. But after 6 deaths in 3 years....realising I am more than my job, now I do.

I just hope they will take me back, broken as I am and held together with crazy glue.

But then......aren't we all.

Fingers crossed.

With fun track work happening across Sydney,I had to catch a bus home from work tonight....had a guy at the bus stop, use one of the best off the cuff pick up lines I have ever heard.

He comes up to me,points at a pencil on the ground. "Is that your pencil?" I look at it..."nope,not mine....but thanks for asking". He then asks he if I'd like him to pick it up so I can write down his phone number.

Ha,ha,ha. Smooth,sir......very smooth.

Made my night.

I love French things, French people, French cinema, the Language, culture.
I am going to learn how to speak French, so that when I go to Versailles and do the one and only thing I want to do before I die....I can apologise in French, whilst running away from la Police. :-)

''I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”

The Beautiful Late, Gilda Radner

Going home.

''She holds the hand that holds her down''

Pearl Jam

Daughter

One of my favourite lines of a song.

Golly, I love music.

It captures, enraptures and makes the soul soar.

I always wanted to punch Ashley Wilkes in the face and run away to New Orleans with Rhett Butler and his buggy whip. Some things never change....watching Gone with the wind.

“I myself am made entirely of flaws,

stitched together with good intentions.” 
Augusten Burroughs

The Great Gatsby......

*Swoons*

I am so shallow, but cinematic beauty will win me over, every time.

Unless it's French, and then it can just be French......

''I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.” 

Nietzsche

Life sometimes make me smile.

It is a great and beautiful thing.

Simple things, for a simple mind.

I almost said that without laughing!

Almost.......

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners

who make our souls blossom.” 

Marcel Proust

You can tell a woman she looks beautiful and she will shrug it off and disagree.

You can tell a woman you want her, but desire is no surprise, especially if she's a tease.

You can tell a woman, many things....whispered in her ear, kissed across her back, written upon her skin.

But tell a woman you miss her, and you will capture her, enthral her, make her smile.

To be missed, her absence noticed.

That is a truly beautiful thing.

And if you didn't know that.......you aren't as smart as you think you are.

:-p

Mondays are a mystery Tuesdays are all right
Wednesday's what I'm waiting for Especially the night
Thursdays are a tragedy By Friday I'm uptight
Saturday I find myself I'm the mistress of the night
No stranger to your fantasy Lashings of a recipe
I'm whipping something up That's just for you

Action's what I'm looking for Action's what I like
You know what my name is I'm the mistress of the night
Sometimes I dress in black Sometimes I dress in white
Sometimes I dress so wicked I give myself a fright
No stranger to your fantasy Lashings of a recipe
I'm whipping something up That's just for you.

R.I.P Chrissy, you beautiful minx.

Come to the edge, He said.

They said, we are afraid.

Come to the edge, He said.

They came.

He pushed them.

And they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Two things, this evening......

Sometimes you need to look back, before you can move forward.

And god, I love high heel shoes.

That is all.

:-)

I lost a Close friend to cancer well over a year ago.

He had just taken early retirement, was in his mid 50's a massive rubber freak, a true gentleman and within 2 months of retirement, he was diagnosed with cancer, that spread throughout his body. It was sudden, within 6 months he was gone....he never told me what he was going through, not fully. By shutting people out,for whatever reason.....in our attempt to protect them, do we cause them more harm?.

Leaving them unprepared, vulnerable.

Lost in the dark.

My best friend was diagnosed with cancer a few days ago.....and so help me, if she shuts me out....I will kick her arse.....Though she needs to find her way in this new life, I will be with her.

If she will allow it.

Through shared experience, needing one another, we bond.

Needing someone doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.

But to be honest....this being human stuff........I don't care for it, at all.

Oh....and cancer is a cunt.

I apologise for the 'bummer' post....will return to usual ranting/ silliness soon, I am sure.

''You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed''

Antoine de Saint-Exupery,

"The Little Prince"

Sometimes the simple things, are the most powerful.

Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby
Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire

The Boss

Sometimes.....I just don't explain myself, very well.

You'd  never know I was an intelligent woman...open mouth, insert not foot....but both feet.

Am such a silly girl. 

To avoid complications 
She never kept the same address 
In conversation 
She spoke just like a baroness 
Met a man from China 
Went down to Geisha Minah 
Then again incidentally 
If you're that way inclined 

Perfume came naturally from Paris 
for cars she couldn't care less 
Fastidious and precise 



Drop of a hat she's as willing as 
Playful as a pussy cat 
Then momentarily out of action 
Temporarily out of gas 
To absolutely drive you wild, wild 
She's out to get you 

Killer Queen

Queen

''There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it''

Oscar Wilde

A drunken Rapscallion.....my kinda guy.

Aside from his being Irish, dead and....well......very gay.

*Laughs*

Sometimes the simplest gestures, smallest compliments

or just knowing that someone is thinking about you,

can be enough to make you smile for the rest of the day.

Amen.

My spider senses.......rarely fails me.

And on another note, stay safe my fellow Sydney siders.

Had the most exciting thing happen at work, today....a delivery....for me.....a gift of beautiful suede purple Mary Jane stilettos ...A gift from myself....How could I ever have known, they were just what I always wanted.

*Laughs*

Stop right there....I gotta know right now.................before we go any further...

MeatLoaf

Paradise by the dashboard light

Is it a full moon or something?

Sometimes I get the feeling, I am from another planet......that I speak another language, unknown to everyone else around me.....sometimes including, even myself.

I don't always fit in to this beautifully dark, fetish world.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, neither are particularly comfortable and my bare skin is sometimes very thin.
I have known both fantastic people in this world and utter tossers.
Have known gentle Daddy's and sadistic players, who fuck with the mind....giving nothing in return...leaving only emptiness.
I push and pull my desires.
I love them, yet hate them.
Rarely do I understand them.
But I know what I need, what turns me on, turns me off and makes me thankful to be alive... Even if I make sense to no one else, my deeply insecure submissive soul, will always be mine.....

So even if I am standing bare footed on the moors, wearing a red dress in the rain, feeling out of place....Wind whipping my long black hair, confused as to why I am here. Everyone else in grey gowns, with white shoes ...it's ok if I don't know, why I am here....the fact is I am.
And I look gosh darn good, in red.

:-)

''A day without laughter, is a wasted day''

Charles Chaplin

Have a safe and beautiful Christmas.

May the coming days, bring happiness...even if they are lightly touched with sadness, let Father Christmas (He will never be Santa, to me) whisper in your ear and enjoy the fact you are alive. And take time, to appreciate what you have.

Sometimes,it's a good thing to stop and smell the roses from time to time.

They wilt and fade,so quickly.

Happy Festivus, I'll catch you out the back for the feats of strength....just after the airing of grievances.

Much Christmas love,

From Loved.

''To handle a language skillfully is to practice a kind of evocative sorcery''

Charles Baudelaire

Could not miss the chance, for one more 12/12/12 post.

"When I'm good, I'm very good.

But when I'm bad, I'm better".

Mae West.

I am so tired mentally, I think I feel my brain leaking out of my ear.

I love my work, but wow....

''It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off.

That's part of the joy of being a submissive.

None of the decisions are yours.

When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent.

All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” 

Cherise Sinclair- Dark Citadel

Sometimes, being submissive hurts.

Not talking about physical pain, of course.

Just the aching.

Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely
On the other side from you
I pine alot, I find the lot
Falls through without you
I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff
My one dream, my only master

Too long I roam in the night
I'm coming back to his side to put it right
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights

Kate Bush

Oh.....how I love Kate Bush.

If you have any reference to fifty shades of dull, or any characters in it's silly pages....without some biting, witty commentary on your profile...know that you and I, are very unlikely to get along, like a house on fire. Just sayin.....

If you are going to hitch yourself to a Grey, at least make it E.Edwin Grey, boys.

He was a hell of a lot more interesting and far sexier, for it.

 :-)

''Nobody can be exactly like me,sometimes even I have trouble doing it''

Tallulah Bankhead

Once I can move again, without looking like someone's Grandmother....I think I might take up yoga. Become more zen,calmer......someone completely different to the hurricane of insanity, than I usually am at this time of year. Change is growth, afterall.

:-)

I have had such an epiphany this evening......it struck me, while reading something an American Dom wrote. As a submissive, I have always been hard to handle, a challenging bitch, that pushes and pushes.

To see what I can get away with, how far I can go, I have generally been allowed to roam free, wild......

But tonight I realised that I NEED rules, clear boundaries, expectations and consistentancy. None of which, I have ever, truly had in a D/s relationship.

My desire to please, has always been strong but so has the desire, to know exactly how far that leash allows me to go. To feel the collar tightening,as I am yanked back in to line.

But I have never been pulled back.

It would have only taken, the one time......I am a smart girl, I just need structure and guidelines, rules on how I am to be for Him, what is expected, desired.

Boundaries, limits and rules...i am just a little girl at heart

?It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.?

?Cherise Sinclair- Dark Citadel?

Ahhhh...some people are just so, gosh darn hilarious.

Sometimes for all the wrong reasons, but funny nevertheless.

No sense of humour, taking themselves too seriously and acting as if they are Sir Master Dom A LOT, just cracks me up. Having a pictures that looks like a serial killers mug shot, or having second life screen shot, an orginal cock shot, or standard blow job pic, from a former whatever....demanding everything, but giving nothing in return.

The world owes no one, anything.

And if you want the best, that is what you must work towards.

Not expect it to fall in to your lap, from the sky, just because you read  that terrible ,50 shades of grey. Subs are special people...well some are.

Some are just damaged beyond belief and those ones will always get what they think they deserve, sadly usually bottom feeders. That wouldn't know how to Master a toaster, let alone a delicate human being. And we are delicate, sometimes insecure, sometimes strong and sometimes needy....but it is a two way street. Without the submissive a Dominant is just a bossy bastard in leather pants, with a penchant for handcuffs.

Be respectful of one another, we are all people afterall.

And without the D there is no point of an s and vice versa.

Am so super excited.....am barely able to contain myself. It's a good thing I had a long, tiring day....would be dancing with myself and running amok.

All my little girl dreams, have come true.

I now have the one thing, I always wanted as a child.

A doll's house.

It's big, Victorian and it's pink...and yes, I am such a kid.

But I am so happy!

I am so lucky!

I am a little quirky.

I love to cook, baking especially.

In my apron, barefooted, head phones on dancing around my kitchen.

I like silly cocktails, with kitschy umbrellas.

I am a fan of French cinema and things that touch me, so much they make me cry.

I like old black and white films, and dressing up.

I never leave the house, without lipstick and I only own 2 pairs of flat shoes.

I like being told what to do, what to wear, I like being controlled by someone that gets me. Quirks and all.

When I was a child, Cinderella was my favourite story.

But the original story (not the Disney version) where the ugly step sister cuts off her toes, to squeeze in to the glass slipper.

It says a lot about me, really.

I like darkly beautiful things.

Things lurking in the shadows.

Tall people make me happy.

I love Daddy, and all things He stands for.

I like people that don't take themselves too seriously.

If you don't make me laugh, or I don't make YOU laugh,we are unlikely to be friends.

Because at heart I truly am '' an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments'

If we click, you will have a friend forever if you want it....but if we don't......so it goes. 

''How did You know?, how did You know I would respond to You, the way I have?''

I had....THE craziest day at work today.

It is days like these, that I appreciate the people I have around me.

Sometimes, it's nice to be told that you were missed.

Your absence noticed. 

It's a beautiful thing, to be wanted.

''I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it''.

Marilyn Monroe

''Knowing your own darkness, is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people''
Carl Jung

I love the dark, myself.

I stared in to the abyss, made love to it, fucked it, claimed it as my own.
I own it and it is mine.

I am not fearful of the darkness in other, I know my own well enough.
I am forever watchful.
I love the shadow side, that comes out to play under the cover of night.
The Dark Angels, beasts, devils and demons, the lost souls and the wanting.
Darkly beautiful things, make my soul happy.
Though I am a truly silly girl, at heart.

Gotta love a good contradiction!.

I don't really want, to be 39 years old.

Mentally, I still feel about 14.

But alas, it is that time of year....time to move the age up by one and go pout in the corner.

*Laughs*

Turns out, I am just a simple little girl afterall.

*Laughs*

Some days, I absolutely love my life.

Went out running / walking again tonight.

Let's make this a habit that is good for me, for a change.

Fabulousness.....I am on my way, slowly.....very slowly.

*Laughs*

I  have quite a few interests, many likes and lot's of loves.

But I do have things that put me off, dislikes- turn off's, if you will.

I shall share just a few of those.

I don't care to be called a subbie. Slut etc, I am fine with...but subbie is like finger nails on a black board. And I may be the ONLY woman, in the world to say this....but.....

I don't care for an Irish accent...Irish women are fine, but Irish men just don't do it for me. See finger nails on a black board...

Big ole' Cock shots....if you have a picture of your cock on your profile, I will generally hide your profile.

All a cock shot makes me think, is big whooppeedoooo...it just shows a lack of imagination. I don't need a cock cyberly in my face, besides as the saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. *Ahem* I like some mystrey.

W/w speak..or 'slashy speak' as I call it.

I know it is seen as protocol and such by some....but it just makes my head hurt.

I also hate cauliflower, seafood and mushrooms.

So please don't message me , calling me a subbie, using slashy speak in an Irish accent, after having eaten cauliflower stuffed mushrooms, picking your teeth with a prawn while having your cock, cyberly in my face.

:-P

''Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside that red firelight;
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls,
You make the rockin' world go round.''

Queen.

Happy Birthday, Freddie.

You are sadly missed.

''Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring'' Norma Jean Baker

'This isn't just about typo's...it's.....your behaviour''

''What about my behaviour?''

''It's very bad''

Secretary

I am not for people, with small hands.....I am a handful, in all relationships.

Even in friendship, I will challenge you.

Oscar Wilde

I am nothing, if not myself.

Watching a doco about 'Call girls' in the UK.

Women that take calls on a phone sex line...and it amazes me how narrow minded some people are. It's quite sad, really.

I have a confession to make......can you keep a secret?.

*Whispers* ''Come closer''...

I have a great love of beauty.

Am an aesthetic's slut, what can I say.

Call me shallow, but I like tall men and pretty looking things.

Ribbons, bows, gloves and lace.

I am not turned on by ugly chains and people, with no imagination.

Anyone can call a subissive a whore, not everyone can turn her in to one for Him.

Real Dominance, is a dying art form.

What a crazy day.

I am glad, it is over.

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

Alice in Wonderland

I do love a good contradiction, the hidden, secrets.....things  obscured by a black veil.

Not obvious, to the masses.

Makes me, very happy.

I am comfortable in the darkness.

''Imagination is more important than knowledge''

Albert Einstein

We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal. I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way.

~ Audre Lorde

Yayyyyy!!!.

I got the job, I went for.

''If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun''

Katharine Hepburn.

Got the most hilarious text from a friend last night. 

She said ''I'll pick you up at 8.30, after you have had a nice relaxing bath.....I have been reading that 50 shades of Grey, so am feeling very Dommy''. 

*Laughs*

Pondering shutting this down, kinda seems pointless these days.

Will ponder, some more......and see, what's what.

Pondering shutting this down, kinda seems pointless these days.

Will ponder, some more......and see, what's what.

So I was thinking today, why I hate the big hooo haa over the book, 50 shades of dull and that magic mike movie...and I figured it out.

It annoys me that grown women's sexuality has been manipulated and made in to such a pathetic, overly giggly, adolescent thing.

When it is truly such a beautiful, raw and complex thing.

End of rant. 

:-)

Some people are so lovely and selfless, putting others ahead of themselves.

And amazingly, some of those people are Dominants.....shock, horror...who would have thought it.

*Laughs* 

But seriously.... I am lucky to have such amazingly, awesome people, in my life.

In all realms, of my world.

People that make me feel like I am special little snowflake, everyday and appreciate all my quirks. Even the silly, ones.

“It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel''

Cherise Sinclair- Dark Citadel

Life, is what you make it.

What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. 

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.” 

Velveteen Rabbit or How toys are made.

So when people hassle you about being fake, or not a real person.....just remember those that that need to know and that can see you, will know and those that don't, never will. And they don't matter.

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.

Leonard Cohen.

Some days, it is good to be me!

*Dances, happily*

So.....having chewed my way through a good portion of Fifty shades of grey.....I find myself  wondering if it will spark actual interest in curious vanilla women, to join sites like collar me and the others.

I think it will.

And boys, let me tell you....you are going to have to pick up your game to be able to complete with the perfect, but oh so damaged Dom.

Perfect beyond belief, able to inspire the elusive cumming on command in a virgin submissive, he has known for a week.

Talented, indeed.

Because D/s is all so easy, takes no time or training at all.......

*Removes her tongue from cheek and rolls her eyes*.

Nothing like building expectations so high, that no one in the actual world can reach them.

Apparently....Like Oscar Wilde,I am not very good with temptation.

Have given in, against my will and are now reading the mommy porn.

Half way through and it reminds me of a bdsm inspired fashion shoot.

It looks pretty, should tick all the boxes but there lacks any reality or substance to it.

I like my Dom's flawed and raw in their sensual need.

Tis enteraining....but is it ground breaking/ earth shattering?.

No.

Not if you have ever actually had your arse spanked.

But not everything, has to change the world.

Cest la vie.

Was given Fifty Shades of Grey......am not sure I will bother reading it.

Was not impressed with the little bit, I have consumed so far.

''When the going gets weird, the weird turns professional''

Hunter S.Thompson

Pilates class last night, almost killed me.

Was laughing, while dying.

Good times.

“That which yields, is not always weak''

Jacqueline Carey

Hmmm....do I accept the challenge of a lifetime.

Or do I hide in the darkness.

Looking through an online sex shop, I realise how sheltered a life I have obviously lead.

*Laughs*

Have no idea what the hell to do with some of the things advertised, it is a bit like buying hair accerssories, except no ribbon or bow for my hair ever  claimed to give me ''Your most intense orgasm yet''.

Shame....would be more inclined to wear hair clips, if that was the case.

*Winks*

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff"
~The Ethical Slut by Dossie Eastman and Katherine Liszt

When she was good, she was very very good.

But when she was bad, she was better.

Leaving on a jet plane....

I am lying in bed listening / watching  Devo 'Whip it' and chuckling to myself.

When a problem comes a long you must whip it.

Solid advice really.

I think there's something in that for all of us...don't you?.

*Laughs*

My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass

So save your prayers
For when you're really gonna need 'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

Smashing Pumpkins

Zero

''Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go''

T.S Elliot

''Hey boy, take a look at me 
Let me dirty up your mind 
I'll strip away your hard veneer 
And see what I can find''

Queer

Garbage

What a curious day....

Oh yes.....there will be dancing....there will be perving...there will be fun, being had.

See you there!.

Things just got interesting.

''Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to''

Oscar Wilde

I am often amazed and apalled at the amount of people complaining about the lack of 'real people'' where are the real girls on here''.

And all it makes me think of , is what a whiney thing to say.

Negativity is not likely to attract anyone.

Complaining how no one writes back to you......well...yes, manners are important and such, but I know from the amount of mail I get and I am not actively seeking anything,that the mail for actual subs looking....is likely ten fold, at least. 

And I get my fair share, I try and respond to everyone...but it is not always possible.

Also sometimes you will give someone a gentle 'no thank you' but they seem to want to debate the issue, to change your mind. And there is nothing attractive about that either.

Sometimes I guess you just have to suck it up, look at your profile...how do you come across?.

Strong and confident?.

Or whiney little bitch?.

Do you have interesting thngs to say, or are you just complaining about the world?.

If you are sending messages out to squillions and getting nothing back....re-assess how you come across...look at it through someone else's eyes.

Would YOU want to connect with that person?.

I am not saying change who you are, I am saying put your best foot forward.

You are an adult, no one HAS to like you...and if you are whinging about how mean all the girls are, because they don't want to play in YOUR  part of the sandpit.....well, you deserve them kicking sand in your eyes.

“She was made for untidy rooms and rumpled beds.”

Alexander Mcall Smith.

PRINCE.

YAY.

That, is all.

 Pain can bring healing as long as it's applied by the right hand.

Not my words, just ones I liked, very much.

"I wanna talk to you."
"The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears.I promise you it won't happen again."

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

Mika

Grace Kelly

No rest for the wicked.

I enjoy being busy, but this is just crazy.

*Laughs*

Roll on Sunday.

''We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars''

Oscar Wilde

I confess....I am a pervert.

I like pretty things, beautiful bodies.

I appreciate art, in all it's forms.

*Chuckles*

But a beautiful body is nothing, compared to an intriguing mind.

Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. - Mother Teresa

“The greatest mania of all is passion: and I am a natural slave to passion: the balance between my brain and my soul and my body is as wild and delicate as the skin of a Ming vase.''

Hunter S.Thompson

''I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities.

I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.'' 

Billy Connolly

''A person who is nice to you, but is rude to the waiter.

Is not a nice person.''

Dave Barry.

I tried to read the book 'How to have a beautiful mind' by Edward De Bono, once upon a time. But I only got to chapter 3, then got bored.

I shall be stuck with my depraved, silly, grape hubba bubba flavoured mind for the rest of my life. It ain't much, but it's mine.

And because I am here and you are here, I get to inflict it on you.
*Laughs*

One year ago today an earthquake devastated my hometown.

Time does not heal all wounds, with some things it makes them deeper.

It is a surreal feeling watching your hometown on international news in ruins, your countrymen hurt and bleeding.

I am just so thankful MY people were as ok, as possible.

Their houses were still standing, and they were all still alive.

For awhile, I was not sure that would be the case.

It took us over five hours to get in touch with my brother.

They were amongst the longest 5 hours, of my life.

And a year on, it is still hard to believe it happened and continues to happen.

I admit it....I am a Tragic Francophile, history buff with a shocking memory and even worst taste in music. I like high heels and bad jokes.

Red lipstick, men in suits and Thai food.

I am sharp witted, sometimes silly and just bawled my eyes out watching the ending of Whitney Houston's funeral.

But don't judge me harshly for that.

I was trying to recall how I felt walking behind my mother's casket, and I couldn't. 

And it was then that I remembered that I had been a pall bearer in my black dress and high heels.Along with my older sister and brother and her 3 grandchildren.

How could I forget, what was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life?.

I remember I had the worst flu and I could not contain my utter despair, my  broken heart displayed to people that loved me, I could not imagine having to try and survive that grief with the world watching.

Especially, as I am such an ugly crier.

*Smiles*

I have a confession to make....I have many strong points, but patience is not one of them. Whoops.

 ''I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it''

Marilyn Monroe.

First of all...let me just say thank you for the outsytnding effort you have made by sending a simple 'Hi''. It showed you are an orginal thinker, one out of the box as it were. The fact you followed it up with a ''Hi, how R U?'', shows me you are a modern man in his 40's of great intellect and charm.

I apreciated the fact that when I did not respond to your wicked wiles, you sent many messages wanting to know why, why didn't I want to be your friend?. Why didn't I wish to relocate to the moon to be your fuck meat, why don't I like you???.

I must just be a bitch, I guess.

Or perhaps I am not a 15 year old girl, that is impressed by grown men who use text speak or whine about someone they don't know from a bar of soap, not wanting to play in their sandbox.

Because it truly, takes quite a bit to impress me.

But some do.

Some people are truly enjoyable,enchanting people that you could and do sometimes talk to for hours. However some people are nice, but duller than watching paint dry. And some are simply tossers....

If you give me absolutely nothing worthy to respond to, then you are unlikely to get a response.

Oh....and......I AM a bit of a bitch.

*Smiles*

Oh my.....just found the best website, for a book whore.

Good reads....., for every book I have read, I find 5 I want to read.

Yayness!.

Am very happy, right now.

I bought the ticket, but the ride was already  full.

So I went to the edge instead......

''Buy the ticket, take the ride.''

Hunter S. Thompson

The invisible girl, stands with her back against the wall.

Watching and waiting, hoping someone will ask her to dance.

She smiles shyly, not wanting to appear aloof or cold, but then worries that she looks desperate to anyone that may notice her.

She plays with her hair, bites her bottom lip and stares at her shoes, as the others dance by. Always passing her.

She nervously shifts from one foot to the other, wondering why she bothered turning up at all, when it was obvious no one could see her.

She blends in to the wallpaper, watching from behind blue eyes.

She watches.

But no one knows she is there.

I am often intrigued by the names people choose for themselves.

Some are balantly sexual.

Others are far more interesting, with an element of intrigue.

A twist, a smile, a sigh upon the lips.

And some are just bloody confusing.

As to Mine......well.... 

"The Loved One"
Yonder she's walking
She comes my way
Her red dress on, her long black hair
Walking like, talking like
Wanting like, she comes to me
Oh baby I love you so
I need you now
I want you back
I can't go on
Helpless baby, evil child
I've known you well and if you wanna stay that's alright
You want me again and then you come a running to me, well
That's alright
That's alright
That's alright
And now she's gone
She's walking away
Her red dress on, her long black hair
Well I love her so
And now she'll come running
Anytime I say now
Anytime I say 

Written by the band The Loved Ones, covered by INXS.

Oh and there is a book, by the same name.....now I have told you mine, tell me about yours?.

An expression I REALLY hate, that is so often used.
'Real women''.
News flash people..REAL women come in all shapes, sizes and colours.
Some are quietly spoken and some are loud.
Some are girlie girls, and some are more at home in jeans.
All different, but real nevertheless, regardless of body shape or height.
Regardless of sexual orientation, they are still real and still women.

*Jumps down from soapbox and skips away*

Pan's Labyrinth on SBS. Yay......I love the creepy beauty to it.

Don't ya love it, when you ring someone, utterly fabulous...say something brilliantly hilarious,as soon as they answer the phone....something THEY would think hilarious....only to discovered you have rung the wrong number!

It is a guilty pleasure of mine, I must confess but I do love trashy American tv.

Hardcore pawn.....hilarious.

Some people are just....so insanely rude.

Wow.

These people behave like that in front of cameras, what the hell are they like at home.

Feel free to judge me, but in my defence I do read a lot of books.

ha ha ha ha. 

I love to read, I love documentaries.

I enjoy beautiful but dark movies.

I like to dance.

But I don't do it any where near, as often as I would like to.

I sing when I am happy, sad, angry.

Badly.

I cry easily, these days and am touched by the wind.

I laugh loudly.

And I finally have an idea of what I want.

Finally.

Only time will tell, if it is too late.

I don't care if you won't
Talk to me
You know I'm not that kind of girl.
And I don't care if you won't
Walk with me
It don't give me such a thrill.
 

Eurythmics.

You can't turn back the clock you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
Better sit back and go with the flow

These are the days of our lives.

Queen.

I admit it......I get bored easily.

Perhaps, too easily.

Have often pondered how much easier things would be,if I was just a big boobed bimbo.

Without a thought bouncing round my head.

But then, I think of all the amazing books I have read, art I have seen, and in depth conversations I have had, over glasses of wine, and I know I would not have my mind any other way.

This year, things will be different.

No one close to me, is allowed to die.
Have had at least one family member/ close friend die every year for the past 3 years. So enough of that please, I appreciate it is part of the cycle of life but no more, just for awhile.

I have had a million scans, operations,tests, needles and unwellness for the past 4 years. I have had enough of that too thank you.
Will keep all appointments that check for the C, but am over it all, otherwise.
I do not like medical play, unless I can be the Doctor.
Then, I may contemplate it.

I am going to take responsibility for my own boredom and do the things I know I am meant to. I will start back at the hospice (once this final flu leaves me)
and will begin to learn the healing work I started before life came along and ate my brain. I am sick of being bored in myself and with everything around me.
Aside from my beloved, I am never bored with him,.

I am going to write more, procrasinate less and learn how to swim properly.
Tackling the fear of water, left over from a drowning and near drownings, early in my life. Water, will not be one of my fears this year, and I will stop swimming like I am drowning, in all areas.

I will be in theory, around the halls less, as I begin to start the removal process, of anything non productive in my life.
Including my own limits and fears.
My hope is to dance away in to the darkness and experience life in a way I never have.

I am going to look into my own eyes in the mirror, once a day and know that at the end of the day, the only person I have to please, is myself.

I will be focusing this year on the things I need to.
Will help people, be of service where I can, and move in to the light.

Who knows.....I may even learn to drive!.

''Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job."
~Morticia Addams *Laughs*

There are people that you click with instantly, the spark of connection, the bond, the something special that sneaks up on you. And there is the nothing specials.

Seems no middle ground at all, really.

But I do like lightening.

It reminds me, why I enjoy people so very much.

Submissive much?.

Not moi....maybe...kinda, not.

Thought I was, now I am not so sure.
Does it really matter, labels, titles, boxes.....a name I call myself?.

The only time I even got close to something resembling subspace was with a very platonic friend,a few years ago, teaching me some of them there 'Domly tricks'.
I was curious and he said he would teach me what I wanted to know.
But it was all, quite by accident really.
Was all merely verbal, no touch required.
He did not need to lay a hand on me, his voice in my ear was enough.
I was so gone.
I remember standing under the moon light in Darling Harbour, soaring.
And him, calling me back...a few times, actually.

And it made me so ashamed for quite a long while afterwards.
I must be so incredibly easy, I thought.
To have my incredibly strong nature buckle beneath me, when that truly had not been his intention. He is and was a completely honourable man.
I experienced my first and if I am honest, only flight out of my very busy mind with him and then the next day, my first and only sub drop. Wow, that is a beast that is not fun at all. I have great respect for those who go to that place.

I am very lucky to have such another good friend (you know who you are) to talk me down. Because I didn't understand what was happening to me.

I never did tell the friend, that I had dropped like a tonne of bricks thrown from a bridge. Am no longer in contact with him anymore, time marches on and life keeps us busy. But I remember him fondly, with a smile...and a sigh.

But sometimes, I wish...just a little bit, that I could find the right kind of pilot to take me there again.

Thank you, to all the lovely well wishers.

Am still hideously consumptive and away to Melbourne for work tomorrow.

No rest for the Wicked.

Am such a crabby, cranky, little Miss grumpy pants with this flu I have.

I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

*Laughs*

Back in Sydney for 5 minutes and have already had many calls and such from work.

It is both annoying and yet nice, to know I am needed.

May this New Year, be gentle to you alL.

A libertine is one devoid of most moral restraints, which are seen as unnecessary or undesirable, especially one who ignores or even spurns accepted morals and forms of behavior sanctified by the larger society. Libertines, also known as rakes, placed value on physical pleasures, meaning those experienced through the five senses.

So I am curious.......what is the female counterpart?.

“We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal.

 I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way.”  -Audre Lorde

"When you think night and day and every moment only of pleasing Me, things will be very easy for you." 

Anne Rice, from the Beauty trilogy.

Yay!.

What a great day, so far.

Merry christmas folks. I am so happy ,today has arrived.

Yay! 

Sometimes, D/s  makes me  a little sad.

When I find that someone is ashamed of what they are.

Can they truly revel in all they could be, if they feel dirty by that, which  truly frees them?.

Anywhoooo........

Merry Christmas to those that celebrate it, and Happy Fetivus to the rest of us.

*Smiles*

Kink....is the little scratch on the roof of your mouth

that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it,

but you can't.

Changed a smidge, from Fight Club.

Dances about excitedly.

Does it say bad things about me, that nothing says Christmas to me like the words

''You're a bum, you're a punk'' ''You're an old slut on junk''?.

And the bells were ringing out,for Christmas Day.

If Jesus knew how badly behaved  and rude some  people were, surrounding his birthday. I don't think he would be very happy.

You are not the only person in the world, nor are you more important than anyone else.

Anymore than I am.

Be kind to one another, have some paitence.

And don't act like an arsehole.

*Smiles*

''Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive, who is Youer than You'' 

Dr. Seuss

Drop of a hat she's as willing and
Playful as a pussy cat
Then momentarily out of action
Temporarily out of gas
To absolutely drive you wild, wild
She's out to get you!.
Killer Queen

QUEEN

''Fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round.''

QUEEN 

It is times like these, when I wish I didn't loathe having my feet touched.

Completely random, but those who know me well, know I do like a good tangent.

*Laughs*

"Everyone is a potential naked slave to you once you become a trainer."
~Anne Rice

Some days I love the preassure and insanity of my job.

*Laughs*

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

''I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments''
Jim Morrison

‎''People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

''Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her''.

~Author Unknown

Life is fatal, no one escapes it alive.

It is the depth and the dirt of living that interests me.

Not the formica table tops of suburbia.

The raw and the reality of smeared lipstick and bleeding mascara.

Created from tears.

That is living.

''One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation''

Oscar Wilde

Oh....I had the best night last night.

So much fun.

''I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special''

From Steal Magnolias.

Don't judge me.

:-P

 Come to the edge, He said.

They said: We are afraid.

Come to the edge, He said.

They came.

He pushed them and they flew.

Christopher Logue

Sometimes I think my profile should read;

Moody, insecure Submissive with a good dash of switch thrown in.

Shy pseudo control freak, with a decided lack of discipline and a mouth to match.

Quick witted and full of pride.

Semi abandonment issues, loves a Daddy, but doesn't wish to fuck her father.

Likes 80's music,cider,bad movies, fetish clothing, high heels and silliness.

Dislikes mushrooms,Tom Cruise, cauliflower and false vegetarians.

Am a real person,I bleed,I cry and sometimes I laugh loudly at the world.

I have not found many fakes myself on here.

The people I have met in real actual life have (aside from one male) have been incredibly pleasant and charming. Not bad for having been on CM for about 1000 years.

“Submission depends on the individual’s ability to align her will with that of the Dominant, and the use of her intelligence to fulfill His wishes gracefully and efficiently.”

 -Christina Abernathy, Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual

She never lets me in
only tells me where she's been
when she's had too much to drink
I say that I don't care, I just run my hands
through her dark hair then I pray to God
you gotta help me fly away
And just...
Let her cry..if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing...if it eases all her pain
Let her go...let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...let her be.
Hootie and the Blow fish.

When I am stressed, sad, happy,I sing.....

Sometimes, it eases my pain.

Sometimes, is doesn't.

The Essential Handbook of Victorian Etiquette. 

Swinging the arms when walking, eating upon the street, sucking the parasol handles, pushing violently through a crowd, talking and laughing very loudly and boisterously on the streets, and whispering in public conveyances are all evidences of ill-breeding in ladies.

[To ladies:] Be always very careful of your conduct and language. A husband is largely restrained by the chastity, purity, and refinement of his wife.

Never wantonly frighten others.

I wonder if sucking on one's parasol handle, would 'frighten' a gentleman.

*Laughs*

''Those who dream by day are cognizant

of many things that escape those who dream only at night''.

Edgar Allan Poe

''Intellectual discourse with a dash of sensual lunacy''

That's me.

''The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others''

Gandhi

Thank you, I am feeling so much better today.

The Funeral was difficult, as they always are.

But I am in a much more peaceful place with his passing now.

Many thanks to those that sent messages of warmth and care.

They were truly appreciated.

What a day.....golly gee whiz.

It is too nice a day for a funeral. 

Virgos are ruled by mercury, and I am a mercurial being.
Some would say, as I am a woman it goes without saying....¬Laughs¬

I love....Sipping sav blanc from a plastic wine glass sitting under a tree while my toes play with the grass.

Given the choice I would only ever wear high heels or barefeet.

My toe nails are only ever painted black, will occationally attempt red, but once you have had black...I have had trouble sleeping ever since my mother died over 2 years ago. I can be moody and am often distant.

But I am also warm and loving but get bored easily.

I can not suffer fools quietly, and am sometimes incredibly harsh.Am not a pretty crier. I have never had a cup of coffee.I am a lazy hedonist.

I want to go to an opera one day in a ballgown and barefeet. I dye my hair.

And I love coco pops and grape hubba bubba. But NOT together,cos that is just sick.

I also just lost one of my closet friends in the world to cancer, emotion is raw but I can feel him tugging at my funny bone. The sun is shining and my tears will dry, though the heart may remain bruised it will heal.

I like marks, even the ones you can't see.

Will wear the one of his passing with pride.

''When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.''

~Kahlil Gibran

Sometimes you forget to pay attention to the little things.

My heart aches for my dear, sweet latex loving friend, as he nears the end of  his journey. Bad joke teller, the ultimate gentleman and the person that enjoyed my company more than anyone else. 

I will miss you and your over protective, fuddy duddy ways, never letting me give you anything other than chocolate. Thank you for sharing such a part of who you are with me P, I have been truly blessed and my life made richer for having known you.

 I will be MIA for a wee while on and off.

Am too sad to be here.

I fucking hate cancer, it is not fair!.

''In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different'' 

Coco Chanel

Don't faint boys....but I am watching the Rugby.

Tears at my national athem, I even remember all the words.

HA HA HA

It is always fascinating watching people read on the train.

It  always makes me smile when I see people with actual books.

I love them like nothing else.

Call me a fuddy duddy but I am a tactile whore... and will never give up the paper for the electronic books. I may well have to print my own in future and may well break my back by the weight of them, but I love the feel of a good book between my fingers.

New worlds await within the pages, ideas to ponder and often a view of the world from a different perspective.

I must go and  immerse myself within  some pages.....I may not come back.

*Laughs*

''Nobody can be exactly me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.”

Tallulah Bankhead

Tried to take the promised pictures of the red heels.

But they just didn't turn out as I hoped.

Will have to look at it from another angle.

:)

I like Thai food, am a chicken whore and love a good ceaser salad.

I drink Sauvignon Blanc  and  cider, but never together (am a lady afterall).

I sing to myself when I am stressed, am insanely analytical and get bored quickily.

I cry easily, am obsessed by the news (which often makes me cry) and like trashy tv.

I like looking at shoes and pretty things and laugh like a man.

I am an incorrigible flirt and unashamedly love people .

I won't go somewhere I don't feel comfortable going and am very stubborn, often cutting off my nose to spite my face. But as I am full of pride, that works for me.

*Laughs*

Je soumets à votre volonté de Maître

*Dances happily*

I still need to take a picture of those red heels.

“Pin up on your bed, your mirror, your wall, a sign, lady, until you know it in every part of your being:

 We were destined to delight, excite and satisfy the male of the species.

Real women know this.” 

From The Sensuous Woman by J

''We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars''

Oscar Wilde

I am back in Sydney.

Thank you, to so many of you for the kind words.

They were truly appreciated.

Things are not great, places I grew up around no longer exsist, even something as simple as thinking of somewhere to have lunch was difficult, as so many places are now gone.

The energy of the inner city is....subdued, shattered.

It is a ghost town in the inner city, that is not an exaggeration.

I cried when I saw my beautiful city so devastated and thought how utterly terrified people must have been but tears are not always a bad thing.

The people are just getting on with life as much as they can.

And still managing to smile.

Thankfully, my people were all safe and their homes safe.

Hopefully, it continues to be that way.

I did have a great 2 days though, did everything I wanted to do.

Spent time with my family and caught up with a good friend, so it was a nice flying visit.

But thank you again for the warmth and kindness.

xxxxxx

WOW. Fucking Hell Pictures tell SO little of the story. The people here are amazing, My poor beautifuj hometown. 

Heading home to Christchurch this weekend,it will be my first back since the earthquake in Feb.I have mixed feelings about this flying visit. 

''You are more beautiful than Cinderella, you smell like pine needles

and have a face like sunshine''.

Line from Bridesmaids

Great times.

*Laughs*

Maya Angelou

Birthday wishes from the BDSM Library.

Excellent stuff. 

Though not sure if I should be flattered or concerned!.

*Laughs*

"I've always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely."

Rhett Butler

I have only been saying that Myself for years.

*Laughs*

Up until a short time ago, I use to answer every single message I received.

Regardless of how utterly ridiculous or offensive it was.

Every single one got a reply.

Until one day a Dom I was friends with at the time, asked me why I did that.

I was being polite, I said and he laughed.

It made me realise that if you are rude, an idiot or just plain boring as bat shit with a copy and paste message, I don't owe you anything.

I am polite to those who are to me, and hopefully somewhat entertaining to others.

''The most wasted of all days is one without laughter''. 
e.e cummings 

Saw Margaret Cho last night, she is a brilliant, funny woman.

Love her.

Can not wait to see Eddie Izzard in November.

Yay. 

''I  became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.''

Edgar Allan Poe

Today, I purchased the most beautiful pair of red high heels.

So happy!

They match my lipstick.

Perhaps......if you are very, very good.

I may just show you.

 ''I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments''.

Jim Morrison 

I truly love art.

Perhaps that is why a cock shot done on phone camera with bad lighting does very little for me in any way.

I love beauty, things that sparkle and make me think or feel something.

The only thing I have ever thought when faced with a picture of a cock is, so.....

what else do you have to offer?.

But that's just me.

A shot that captures the imagination, will always make me stop and look at what lies beneath it.

You can't fake chemistry in any relationship, even in friendship.

Either it is there, or it isn't.

Back in Sydney.

Hooray.

Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?

Eurythmics

(Though I do have Marilyn Manson's cover in my head)

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order

Carl Jung

What a hideous few days...thank goodness I have the fun of non play medical play tomorrow......backless hospital gown, with the terrifying white arse flash... here I come.

Ha ha ha.

The blind fold lies upon the bed, black silk.
Exhaling deeply.
Freedom.
Seeing it she smiles to herself as she starts to undress, quickly brushes her long dark hair, reapplies her red lipstick.
Finally naked she walks over to the bed, picks it up and gives it a gentle kiss as she kneels in the middle of the floor.
The carpet, like the hotel is cheap and nasty, and it stratches her bare pale skin as she pulls the black silk slowly across her eyes, tying it tightly.
She moves into postion, kneeling with her head touching the floor.
Arms stretched out, in supplication as she waits.

The minutes tick by, every sound capturing her attention as she waits and waits.
Then she hears the key slide into the lock and feels a rush of air glide over her skin as the door softly shuts.

Then silence.

Time passes, she begins to grow nervous.
She hates being watched.
But as the minutes tick by, she begins to question herself if anyone came in to the room at all. Was it mere minutes or hours ago?.
Her heart pounds excitedly against her chest, nervously waiting.
Waiting.
Then just as she is at her wits end and fears she can no longer bear the waiting any longer,she hears a whisper in her left ear that makes her heart melt and body quiver in anticipation.
''Daddy's Home''

Saw a documentary about the late Aryton Senna today.

It made me laugh and cry.

Nothing like coming out of a dark picture theatre with panda eyes.

I am reading American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.

One of the funniest, smartest books I have read in a while.

I do like an acidic sense of humour.

How Curious......we shall just have to  see.

Survived Glebe, onward and onward...to more poking and prodding.

CT next week..fun, fun......anyone wanna take that test for me?.

*Laughs*

Libertas per obsequium

How do you support a friend through something when their fear is understandable

and real.  When nothing you can do will change anything.

All I can really do I guess is be there, to share the tears and maybe make him laugh.

I can be good at that, when I put my mind to it.

What a day.

With a little smile he said.....

Tell Me about yourself?,

How hot do you like it?.

Do you like the taste of salt upon your tongue?.

Do you like how they slide down your throat and feel in your mouth?.

Can you take it whole or do you refer a little at a time,savouring the flavour?.

Do you like it tinged with a bit of red and hot, or just prefer it....

I closed my eyes,and laughed and said slapping him on the arm.

''Just give me a damn french fry already, will you!''

*Laughs*

''We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars''

Oscar Wilde

I am quite a fickle, changable, whimsical person.

Something can feel right and then the smallest thing might change my mind and it is all wrong. And once it is wrong,that is that.

I have always been the same.

Doors shut, case closed Detective.

''Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.”

Billy Connolly

But someday we'll all be old
And I'll be so damn beautiful
Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I can't see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay
Fly little bee away
To where theres no more rain
And I can be me

Anna Nalick

“Pin up on your bed, your mirror, your wall, a sign, lady, until you know it in every part of your being:

We were destined to delight, excite and satisfy the male of the species.

Real women know this.”

From The Sensuous Woman by J

Yes, I would offer my throat to the wolf with the red roses, what can I say?.... I'm easy.

*Laughs*

''Make yourself necessary to somebody.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

''Alis volat propiis''

She flies with her own wings

"...I will always be the virgin-prostitute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman."
—Anais Nin

Some days tangle the mind like long hair that has been played with in the wind.

'' If he is indeed wise, he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom,

but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind''. 

 Kahlil Gibran

Today is tinged with sadness,bathed in tears. 

So it goes.

Amor Fati – “Love Your Fate”, which is in fact your life.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

Out searching for my bimbo switch.

*Laughs*

So I can turn off this analytical mind of mine.

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

Nickleback

Figure you out.

My mind is a weird and wild place at times.

So analytical, so tiresome.

I imagine bimbos have it so much easier.

Next life I hope I have a sterotypical brain to match the boobs.

*Laughs*

 "There are thorns everywhere, but along the path of vice, roses bloom above them"
( Marquis De Sade )

Sometimes I feel like such a child.

One of these days I will find some discipline, grow up and then I will get my shit together. Then watch out world.