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There is no greater comfort in my life than those soothing tones cradled in a woman's words. |
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When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.”
― Cherise Sinclair
, Dark Citadel
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It's very nice to see adults emailing others with putdowns then blocking them. I understand some do not care for butch women. And that is absolutely fine. But I assure you, the feeling is mutual. One thing I do love about most of the Dominants I have met here and in person... they do not feel the need to belittle others. If someone isnt to their liking...they simply move on. So a special thanks to those that fit the latter category. |
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I fail to see how posting nude pics radiates dominance.... |
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An evening without my Lladies is equivalent to a lifetime in hell. |
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The first night in months that i won't get to talk to Her before bed. i am miserable. |
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It's nice meeting someone that puts you before themselves. Especially someone that appreciates your other relationships. |
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Trying to not hold my breathe. But sometimes good people come along that make you pause and wonder what could or will be.
Cheers to possibilities! |
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i watched a conversation, or one that was beginning, and a sub asked what is total surrender like? i have no idea. i want to know. but i realize that i am not there yet. does it come with self acceptance? is it like a reward for finally coming to grips with everything about oneself? do you have to have that before you are able to totally surrender? i know that i am closer to that point...self acceptance... than i was a year ago. and i also know that one cannot go from here to there in a short amount of time and expect things to suddenly make sense. but i want that feeling. i want to know what it feels like to totally surrender. and i know without a doubt that what comes with it will be that utopia i have been seeking all my life. now i just have to get there. |
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Pet peeve time again.
#1 Profile pics, CLEAN UP THE AREA AT LEAST BEHIND YOU. i know we all sometimes slack on chores, etc. but come on, is that how Yyou want to be seen? as a slob?
#2 IF Yyou are a LESBIAN and Yyou do NOT want MEN emailing Yyou .. if Yyou are angry enough to even make that rant part of Yyour profile... do NOT PUT UP PICS THAT SHOW ANY FORM OF NUDITY!!!..then on top of it have the NERVE to act offended!!!! |
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Sometimes, i just need to breath. |
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"Beware of the golden eyes when they shine in the darkness of the moonless nights; the eyes will follow your path, stalk your steps, and keep getting closer to your tracks; when you think you are finally safe, this will be the moment when you feel the warm breath of the desert beast on your neck." |
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Maybe I was lonely or a little bit crazy
Weird interaction excited me so
I could see the danger made it more intriguing
I was bound for touble when I let myself go, yeah
What kind of fool would keep hangin' around
While you treat me this way
Torture - me n' you it's
Torture - what we do is
Torture - yeah it's true an'
It hurts so bad but I love it, yeah
I was just a tumble went a little too far
The fun an' games were getting outta control
Took it to the limit now there's no escapin'
This deviation has taken its toll, ow
Torture - we can't hide this
Torture - my hands are tied it's
Torture - I'll survive but
It hurts so bad an' I love it yeah
I been up against the wall so long
And the bonds that hold me here are strong
Yeah it hurts but this is where I belong
Torture - me n' you it's
Torture - what we do is
Torture - yeah it's true an'
It hurts so bad but I love it, yeah
"Torture"-- Joan Jett |
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i haven't written anything here in awhile. but i felt the need to tell Someone how much i appreciated them. She is a wonderful person and an incredible Mentor. And i don't think i have told Her this often enough. in fact, lately i have been so overwhelmed with school, grandkids arriving, kids needing me, etc, that i have not been doing a fair job of that with anyone. i have let things consume me and take me from those i love and care about. so knowing that, i hope to improve and begin anew with this entry. |
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well...march is in full swing. and i love it... why? well, it's not because of St. Patrick's day.
c'mon....it's march madness time. endless hours of basketball ,guys and gals. i don't have to think. i can just get into the b-ball zone and relax.
the stress i get built up year round all leaves as i enjoy this time of the year. i can yell at the screen. pretend i can make some of those fabulous plays. and laugh when it's all over and i get to do it again next year.
if only i were taller.... |
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i've watched so many here at collarme.... saying that they belong to this One or that One...etc. and yet i don't see that level of submission that should be expected. at least from my own personal experiences, that is. i don't know if it is the online relationships although i have had those as well... but to me, submission is not only giving of yourself but also the taking of that One's hand and guidance and relying on them, trusting them, honoring them, respecting them... and having that faith in that One that you will be taken care of, that your needs will be met as well as Theirs. Submission comes not just from your heart and body but of your mind too. you cannot devote only a part of yourself and expect to be fulfilled... "self-actualization"...meaning that all your goals and needs and desires have been met. some of us are there, some of us are there in only certain parts of our lives while not quite there yet in other parts. that is where i am and where i think most of us are most of the time.
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to the most wonderful girlfriend... i thought it was time to say here how much i appreciate, love, thank, wow...i cant think of enough adjectives to put here. ya know how sometimes you think... "i have to love this person cause she/he is my spouse/partner/brother/sister/ etc... but i dont have to like them." well... i like her. all the time. of course we fight and disagree...but we never go to bed without resolving it. and now i can see why i went through all those hellish times in previous relationships... because now... at my age and this stage in my life, i can appreciate and truly welcome this beautiful human being into my world. so...
here's to my lady.
thank you for loving me
yours forever
sothernnyte |
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Not much happening lately. i have started school a little while back as some of my friends here know. it takes up a good bit of my time. and though i would rather be working and earning money, i know that what comes when i graduate this time around will be much better than where i started...i can see the long-term benefits of it. now all i have to do is go get it. wish me luck. |
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The best days, i feel like i succeed half of the time. The worst days i wonder why i bother. More days than not, my best doesnt feel good enough. It feels like second place in a two-man race. Sucks being a decent person. But nothing has given me that drive to swindle and lie... so all i can do is try. Why do i still feel like it isn't good enough? |
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"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."--Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963
I had something happen a couple of days ago that bothered me to no end. I was sitting near a group of white college kids arguing about racism and the necessity for Black History Month. The arguments ranged from..."I'm not racist but when you're a [n*****], you just are." ...or not all [n*****]s are thugs..etc and so forth. Or my personal favorite..."I'm not racist, I only use the n-word when I am really pissed at one."
Get a grip people. What in the hell do you think racism is??? First Black History Month shouldn't even be necessary. But it is because the other 11 months out of the year, we focus on caucasian history and acheivements. Affirmative action is an equalizer and if people were treated ONLY on their qualifications and capabilities of performing the job, it wouldn't be needed. But we don't. "They" got my job.....if it was your job... you'd have gotten it. I've been through some hell for being gay, but not near enough to begin to compare to the hell that African Americans have had to endure.
Then to top it all off... I watched a saleman follow a very nicely dressed young black man around the store...though he tried to be really discreet about it...while at the same time, a young white male also dressed very nicely stole 3 $50 hats and walked out with them.
I don't get it. I really don't. Can someone explain to me how a country that is supposed to be created for religious freedoms...where everyone has rights pertaining to themselves that they didn't have before has turned into a country worse than the one it originated from???
In short... well... it makes me ashamed to be American.... and white... neither of which I can change.
Sincerely
sothernnyte |
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mmmm, what's the hardest thing you've had to learn....
easy for me to answer...patience. patience in so many ways. wanting to be gratified right then and there. wanting things to develop in a relationship that are coming along slowly and as they need to. desiring for something to be over so the next phase can begin.
the waiting. the wondering. the doubts that creep in. the angel and devil on your shoulders playing tug-o-war through your ears.
but i can be stronger than that. i can wait. it's worth waiting for. if it weren't...it wouldn't have begun in the first place.
patiently waiting
sothernnyte
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i thought long and hard before beginning a journal here. i was not sure if i wanted to really let anyone more into my mind... though i thought i could turn this journal into more of a tribute of those i have met and have enjoyed the company of and some that i am beginning to adore. so here i begin with my tribute list... if your name doesn't appear and you feel it should, please do not be offended, as i may just be searching for the right words to say.
in no particular order--------------------------------------
MsLeonine- You were one of the first people here i spoke with that i felt knew the true value and meaning of BDSM. i feel You have a lot to give and i have seen You share so much with Yor subs/slaves not to mention with me as well. i have a very deep respect for You and Yours (pearl, special) as i have seen what a pleasure and treasure a poly BDSM relationship can be.----------------------------------------------------------
LibrarianDomme- i havent spoken much with You, very little in fact, but i admire Your way with words and Your poetic heart.-----------------------------------------------------------------
newmexicoboi- my buddy, my friend, i feel your desires to learn and adjust in this new life. and i can sympathize with all that you are going through and will continue to go through as you grow in this life.------------------------------------------------------------------
Tempsbrat- a wonderful r/l friend before this site and a beloved friend and confidant you will forever be-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PoisonedMind- a very new aquaintance but one i feel that i have a very good understanding with already. possibly a friend for the near future-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MsCece- wow. if ever there was a nurturing Domme that this boi could follow, You would be it. You are so kind, considerate and caring. Your warmth makes me long to come further out of my shell. i admire Your respect for everyone's differences including my own. it is not a simple feat. it takes a very open mind. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
i guess that is it for this entry. hopefully i will get to add to it soon.
sincerely
sothernnyte
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