pettigersetx

Male Submissive, 53, Denver, Colorado

Male Submissive, 36, San Diego, Nevada

Transgender Submissive, 51

I'm not putting up with out of state wannabe net doms. Go away.....

Geez, it's been a while since i got to doing a journal here. Not sure where to start with things. I guess i can say i was released to work in Febuary. In Marchi went to the Dare Wear fetish ball. I left early cause it was a flop. April, May and June was uneventful. This month i've been talking to some cool people and moving into a new house. I volenteered at Sinfest in Houston and had a kick ass time both in set up and in the party itself. The performers were awsome, esspecially the last two shows. One was a guy with a grinder and the other was a girl beating up her "dolls". I'd like to thank a woman from the dungeon for turning my butt color purple lol. Anyways i think thats it for now. I can't wait til the next Sinfest. Maybe next year i'll have someone to take.

More catch up time, three weeks since my surgery and i'm walking fine. The staples are out and the scar is healed and closed. Now i'm waiting for the inside stitches to desolve and for me to heal on the inside. I never knew how many accually read this stuff and i thank the few (very few) for the well wishes. I've had a lot of bordum time to think and give things a try. I've found out i do like soft play as well as, but not as much as masochistic play. I've also found out who my friends are and who i can trust. I have a pentacostal friend of mine that has gotten me out of the house several times to the point it makes my dad's eyebrows raise lol. She is interested in someone else and i'm just not interested in her. I am going to make my way to Houston saturday for a Eros meeting. Maybe i'll make some new friends. I think i'll be going with a friend of mine. She hasn't made up her mind yet lol, but i'll be there.

Catch up time! Well since my last post here i found out that i had a bad gallbladder. You know that should develope a way of how to tell how bad it really is cause i almost didn't make it. Yea, all through december i went through test after test after test and i had my surgery on new years eve. Yup i was on the good stuff when the ball dropped. I was in icu? and then they moved me to a constant monitoring station. This was my first major surgery. I think i took it well. I went in thinking it was just going to be a laproscopic surgery, but once the doc got in he knew it was impossible. He cut me open and it took 3 hours to get the gallbladder out. The doc said even he was worried for me for about half the operation. I had a mass of small stones that had one large stone sitting on top of it that was larger than a golf ball. He took it out in two peices. The doc put me in his top 5 of the worst gallbladder surgeries he's done. It was to the point of rupturing and was infected and almost gangreenous. he said another week with out surgery and i would have been in a whole lot of trouble. He told my parents that i had to be suffering for over a year with this, but i never knew. I had no signs, nothing outstanding that said i was in bad health up until november when he said was about the time that the infection set in and things started to get very painful, basically when i started noticing something was wrong. So now i have a bunch of recovery time on my hands where i can't work and my abuility to do stuff is limited. This sucks not able to even wash my clothes. But it's the vacation my body has been needing. My family is taking care of me now that i got discharged out of the hospital. Up side to this is i get to stay half naked almost constantly lol. I'm now less one organ and i'm already feeling tons better.

So yea, i've been busy. Been going to Touch of Leather meetings here on the coast. Making new friends and only one party here locally. I saw a old friend here recently and we've been hanging out a lot here latly. Heck i have nothing else to do. Everyone else is busy with there own lives. Found out my mom got married to her boyfriend yesterday. Such a lovly thankgiving present. Wonder why i wasn't told sooner, like....i dunno....before the wedding?! Sheesh...but then again, i'm the strange son. The one who goes out to try and make it on his own. (Yea, i'm venting but then again i'm not too sure anyone is ever going to read this.) Hope everyone elses thanksgivings went well. As i slip more and more into forced celibacy things are comming together and falling apart all at the same time. I'm more focused in what i need in my life rather than what i want. Friendships that were britle are now broken and ones that were broken are starting to mend. My emotions are flaring now from the time of year. Last night even a friend touch on the cheek from a overly flirty girl, that happens to be just a friend, sent me over the edge. I just secuded myself, clutched to a favorite rattan cane and withdrew myself from her. It's painful seeing the fruit you want but it's just out of jumping distance in the tree. After driving her back home i took that rattan cane and marked myself in several places simply cause no one else was going to do it. There is no pleasure for me in doing it myself, but it was the familar feeling i longed for to bring me back. Control is the hardest part for me right now. No reins to harness me the beast charges at the cage to be let loose. Is is possible to go insane in one part of your mind and still maintain composure with other parts? One can say "You need a Domme to break you and control you." But how much do they really control over you? How much is self control? How much is harnessed through shear will alone? Or does that Dom/me control you so deeply your nothing more than a robot on command? could that be just years of training that it is just automatic? Lol there are some questions of the day for you. My mind is bouncing from left to right. Emotions still raw from the pain indured the last few weeks. Stomach has been torturing me. Since the development of an ulser this past summer i've changed my diet to bland foods, less acidic and fatty foods. I've lost some weight. Started working out, but the pain still comes. It stays for around 5 hours. No meds i have in stock will hinder it. Not even my dads pain meds hinder it. I just suffer and make use of the rage it makes me expend in lifting weights and running. Usually i'll collapse in the shower and sleep til the water runs cold and by then i'm so exhausted i barly towel off and i drag myself into my bed by mear will. I have insurance but no money to expend for the bills if i absolutly need at endoscopy or anything. Pain is temporary...... Hospital bills last for years.... Tough it out...... I'm a masocist.....

Wooohooo, Sinfest was awsome! I had a great time.

Blah, i've not been on this site in so long i forgot it existed lol. No one e mails me so i forget. Anywho, i'm going to Sinfest in Houston tonight. Maybe i can scare up someone willing to play with me. I dunno for some reason all this work i've been doing is making me want to feel the pain and lick a few boots. Eh, fat chance of that happening but it doesn't mean i can watch others enjoying themselves. Ok. Oddball question. Who wants to see me in my boxers in a hoola (sp?) skirt on stage in front of a crowd? Well it kinda happened and no alcohol was involved. I was just having fun at the local club with one of the male performers. Yea i know. Bad image, even for myself. I seriously need to tan some.

Ever feel just conflicted like you don't even know yourself? I'm having one of those moments after this weekend. It's like i do something thinking one thing but it ends up i'm doing it for a totally on the other side of the spectrum type reason. I'm not going to get into details here, but my world is just getting complicated....well not really, but it's getting to me. I had a mixed weekend. I didn't go to Santuary, but i got laid, got beat, and then got drunk and did and said somethings i don't remember (nothing too bad). Then i was left with a parting gift of information about myself that i've been denying, and really not wanted to accept, it's got me kinda emotional. So yea. New mission, cut down on the drinking and i guess learn to embrace something i've been fighting for a few years.

Oh yea. Back to Dallas i go, the 27th through the 29th and i'm bringing a friend. I'm not totally sure whats planned this trip but i hope for Sanctuary. I love long road trips.

Ok this weekend was so freaking awsome, esspecailly the fetish ball. I had so much fun with meeting new people and meeting people i already knew, and i loved the demos and shows. I came away with bite marks, welts, scratches and pure bliss. I can't wait til the next fetish ball. I just wish i had someone special i could have shared the experiance with, that would have made the night even that much more better.

Well i finally have gotten up the guts and you know what? I'm going to the fetish ball in Houston. This weekend is my birthday weekend (birthday on the 25th)So i'm partying in three different towns. Friday, Crystals in Lake Charles. Saturday, the Dare ware Fetish ball in Houston. Sunday, The Copa in Beaumont. So i'm not sure what to expect at the ball, but i'd imagine me staying in some corner somewhere cause i don't know anyone lol.

I just got back from the dallas area and oh my god there is so much to do out there. I loved it, i was there with some people i know that live up that way now. Everyone that lives up there have no idea how good they have it. Awsome restrants, awsome theaters, pleanty of places to see. I can't wait to go back. Maybe next time we can go to "church" and maybe next time i can meet some people i've met here since it only costs me 50 dollars go there and back.

Happy Single's Awarness Day (aka SAD)!! Ok, enough of that, i'm sure we all know. This is the second most depressing day in the year for many. So to all those couples out there i hope you all have a lovly day. Me, after work i'm toasting the day with a drink. I'm not a v-day basher. It's just there is no point in being happy on a day or about a day that just seems to not be meant for you at all. So to all those SAD members this shot is for you. The next will be for me.

Ok plans have already been made for houston the 9th, but i'm thinking on arriving on the 8th and getting a hotel and leaving the 9th around 5pm or 6ish so i can come to an event here at home too. Anyone interested in meeting i'll be going to a play party. Send me an e mail. Not sure what i'll do friday night. Probly go look around in Dare Wear or Leather Forever. I'm also planning a trip to dallas when i get two days off too.

Ok that last entry was a little attackish, but some things kinda burn me up. I was a little out of line and i'm sorry. On to another issue i've been thinking about. Why do some Domme's demand that you call them Goddess or Diva or Mistress in an e mail. I'm all for giving respect and all, but thats going a bit far to me. Heck i have a nationally known couple i'm friends with and i'm on a first name basis with the Master and slave. I was never told to call him Master, nor did he demand it. You can not control that which youy do not have posession of or ownership of. To me Mistress is a title not only earned but only called out by someone that is close with that person, very close. The word Mistress to me is as precious as the collar. Maybe i'm not making sense to anyone but myself. Please tell me if i'm making sense.

Happy Spanksgiving everyone! Who is thankful today? Heck i'm just thankful i have today off. I had a bad night. Ok, now on to the entry, i'm starting to see a pattern here and you know it's just plain rude. If you start talking to someone, say me for example, don't all of a sudden stop talking to me or log off as soon as i post to you or you see that i'm on to avoid me. Tell me off, say i'm just not the one for you, be an adult. Oh and don't expect me to buy you something or give you something just cause we talked, thats kinda dumb, i'm smarter than that. I think the whole "pay me to dominate you" thing and the whole "to get me to take you seriously send me stuff" thing comes off a little needy and unattrative to me. I just can't see the point of giving someone a give card or some money just to be their friend, or have something that looks like friendship. If i'm going to get someones attention in real or on this site it's will just be just being me. All you need is yourself. Show off your best qualities and it doesn't hurt to so some flaws from time to time. No one is perfect and no one should expect perfection. Ok enough of the ranting lol i'm just venting. I get frustrated from time to time cause it's rare to find someone close to me here or anywhere and most from this area are "Goddesses" that want you to give them stuff. Who is to say you do give them something and you get dittly squat out of it, no meet, no beat, no anything. They get what they want and rip you off. Call me paranoid but i challenge you to prove me wrong.

So now i'm a life changer... never saw that one comming. (And now the rest of the story (Always wanted to be able to pull that line off hehe)) I was asked last weekend to take a couple's sub out to a club i go to and frequent, just to get her more active and social since she's new to the area. So being the cool type of person like that i do so. Night goes on, we shoot some pool, i have one shot of my usual cause i'm gunna be the one driving, she has an apple martini. We talk some lifestyle chit chat and open up with some personal stuff she needed to let off her chest. I sit to have a break from some random dancing, she sits with me and lays her head on my chest. I rub and scratch her back, she tells me i have very talented hands. She comes on to me and i put on the breaks. Night ends there with her feeling she offended me. I get a call last night just before my shift it's her appologizing. I say it's ok and all and she tells me with the conversation we had i opened her eyes to a whole new world. I'm not sure what to say about that. The only major advise i gave her was if your not having fun in the realationship your in or while being in the lifestyle period, then what is the point of even being there. To me life is too short to please a person and get nothing in return. Life should be happy with the one your with, granted there will be those times in all realtionships where things just arn't peachy, but if the bad out weighs the good then there really is no point in being there. It's a bad spot to be caught in. Thats my view anyway. She told me i made her realize what she had been missing in her life and now she is going to go seek it. Good for her i say. I do wish her the best of luck. P.S. Now i can use the line "one night with me and your life will change" hehe.

Can i just say something? Me and my mind is just going to random mode, weird thing is i think i'm making sense. What is it about those things that are taboo, even ones that edge on just outright crazy to normal people that just tempt me so much. Just a taste is all i want. I love checking off my kink list with new expirances. I've been looking at this one Domme's profile for a few weeks and only in the last week has it looked appealing. I'd just love to live one day of that. I'm not a player or anything so don't get to thinking that. I'm just typing out what goes on in my mind at it's simplest. I'm not going to say what the persons persona is or anything cause i'm not going to point fingers, that would be wrong.

YAY! i got the car i wanted and i so love it that i'm going to pretty much going to stop smoking except on the job. It's stressfull, but i want to keep my car smelling nice ya know. I took a trip out to Galveston the other night in it and barly used half a tank. Iwent at night cause i'm just a night owl type of person. That and i usually work graveyards, so trips to Houston won't be costing me an arm and a leg now. Might be making more of them. I'm thinking on taking a picture of me and my new car for here, me and my stylish long goat tee and short hair now. I think it looks good on me, but i do need to trim it. It's starting to get split ends again.

i'm getting me a new car and i'm gunna need to put a trip on it so what do you think, Dallas or Houston?

I really feel lonly right now. I wish i had someone to hold or to hold me. Just someone close, not sexual in anyway. I'm sure i'm not the only one that feels like this somewhere in the world. I think everyone should have a fook buddy (not sure if we are allowed to type out dirty words :-P). Someone to relieve the tention. I mean it works both way for both people, it also rids the feeling of lonliness. I guess this feeling came about some time at the club today, it seemed like everyone there was with someone. Even the weird lady that will talk your ear off if you give her topic had someone tonight. I wasthe only one there it seemed dancing by myself. I might be wrong but in a way tonight i felt ugly to eveyone around me, few talked to me. I left early and took a drive around and made my way almost to houston just thinking and listening to music. I know most can care less about what my day was like and they might think that this is some sort of "please pitty me and give me attention" post, but the truth is i start to feel a little better typing my feeling out, so this is more for me than for anyone else unless someone is courious about me.

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