One of my favorite quotes is, “take what you need and let the rest rot”. What if you need discipline? What if that is the thing you lack? How do you, then, go about your daily life knowing that someone else could help you with that, if only you could ask? But, you cannot ask, because you aren’t talking about the drive and determination definition of that word, you are talking about the same definition of discipline your parents used to use.

What if it really isn’t about sexual gratification? What if what you need is something the mainstream says is “bad” or wrong? What if that thing hurts no one, but helps you focus, get things done and move forward with everyday life? What if that thing is spanking or some other form of physical discipline? Do you give up? Do you seek it out? Do you tell anyone? Most importantly, how do you know what is right for you?

There are a myriad of ways to be disciplined. To me, though, the only way that a discipline can possibly work is if the Master, Dom, Disciplinarian, or Spanker gets into the head of the spankee or submissive. Certainly, a severe paddling or caning can potentially bring tears and maybe even momentary remorse; however, for a discipline to actually be effective, it has to occur in the mind of the one being disciplined.

In order to get into her head, the Master has to be willing to take the time to get to know her. He has to earn her respect and genuinely care about the one he has agreed to mentor. Ultimately, that is what we are talking about—mentoring. If the goal is not to actually help her with some life issues, like self-esteem or confidence, then the situation shifts from one of a genuine D/s nature to one of user/victim status.

Once this relationship is established, then it becomes time to set some guidelines. On the very basic end, this could be a set of agreed upon rules that she will be disciplined for breaking. As it becomes more complicated, her Master may choose to give her periodic restrictions as a means of reinforcing their relationship. He could even have her wear certain items for him as a means of grounding her with something tangible.

Although these do not seem to be in the realm of the traditional definition of discipline, aren’t they exactly that? Isn’t that restriction or request helping her to learn to have better self-control? If that is the case, is it not best that her Master hold her accountable for these little things? At its core, do these requests not mean more than simply following his wishes or a connection to him when he is not available?

I believe that it does, is, and should be something that her Master takes seriously. Along those lines, I believe that a true discipline does not have to be coldly administered. Too many pictures and films depicting discipline scenarios seem to indicate a certain detachment between spanker and spankee, and I fervently disagree with this concept. Here’s why: with detachment comes a certain sense of coldness that many women, including myself, struggle with.

If the true concept behind the discipline session is to mentor and guide her, then why the need to push her away? Why stick her in a corner or walk off and leave her? What does that really teach her? Anything? Or does it only breed more isolation? And, was it isolation that got her in trouble in the first place. Consider: what if the only reason she found herself standing before her Master needing a discipline in the first place was because breaking a rule was the only means she had of getting what she needed? If that is the case, then isn’t that a form of isolation—even if only mentally?

Adding physical isolation to mental isolation isn’t going to create remorse. It will only create an enhanced sense of isolation. I argue, then, that with discipline should come proximity. Do you have to touch continually? No. However, walking away should be considered carefully and only used with it is absolutely certain that it is not going to exacerbate the problem rather than make it better.

Of course, I also believe that a submissive should have every opportunity to ask her Master for a discipline-type spanking (meaning similarly intense without the need for severe scolding) at any time she feels she needs that kind of attention. Perhaps the two of them should even create a name for it: I’ve heard some refer to this type of spanking as a discipline (saving punishment for the times when she breaks a rule) or a refocusing session. I would go so far as to say that I feel a sub should have the opportunity to ask for any task he may assign her, like writing or wearing something for him.

The reason for this is simple. I strongly believe that a submissive who knows herself very well will find a way to approach her Master for help before the situation goes too far. Perhaps she should even be held accountable for not approaching him in some way; however, that is potentially difficult to assess. That is not to say that she should be punished for not saying something every time, but when it is clear that something has been brewing for a while, then yes there may well be some room for discussion at that point.

When it comes to the actual discipline/punishment scenario, I believe that there should be some well-discussed expectations. I also believe in warm-ups and choosing implements by order of severity. This way, the spanking becomes increasingly intense and the bottom is inevitably well warmed before the final implement is applied. I think that most, if not all spankers, believe in sessions.

The number of sessions for any spanking scenario depends highly upon the transgression, but I feel that however many it is going to be, they should not begin until after the warm-up ends and that the warm up should nearly match or match the time allotted for the actual spanking scenario. I believe that most, if not all, disciplines should have three or more sets with each set more difficult to take than the last. Also, if this is an actual discipline/punishment rather than a refocusing that there should be lots of discussion and no isolation.

I also think that for punishments, there should be some task performed later in the day (e.g. a letter explaining why she was punished and what she learned) and that lots of touching and hugging should follow immediately after the last implement is tossed aside. Perhaps even sexual contact if that is agreed upon as a part of the discipline/punishment scenarios and it won’t nullify the lessons.