As I look back on my life, I have always been a people pleaser. I have always felt better when the people around me were comfortable and had their needs met. My father had a very Dominant personality, and always demanded nothing but my best in everything. I was always striving to do anything to make him proud. As my Father passed on, I found myself empty, as I grew and began having relationships I would find myself with men whom were demanding and almost impossible to please. This continued through out my adult years. When I was in my early 20's I met a man that changed my life and made me crave something that I did not understand. I remember those familiar feelings of needing and wanting to please come rushing back and this too confused me. He added a twist that I did not expect, He punished me when i displeased him, or broke a rule he had laid down. Without knowing it I had my first taste (no matter how unhealty) of this lifestyle without knowing what it was. He started out as using anal as the utmost punishment for severe offences. It went as far as making me sit in the livingroom floor with my back to the T.V. while he would watch one of my favorite programs, to standing me in the corner, or a sound spanking with a belt. I did not understand why i craved this sort of attention and why it felt so comforting to me. So i would run from it, I would stay away weeks sometimes months at a time. I would start another relationship, and it would be missing what i had come acustom to. So no matter where I was, I would find myself calling Him begging Him to forgive me, and let me come home. He of course would with consequences to my behavior. Finally in my, ignorance of what I was, and my inability to accept that it was ok to have the feelings that I had He let me go. I stayed out of relationships for about 2 years when I had met my first husband, He was very vanilla and very abusive, it lasted for the longest 5 years of my life. A very good friend of mine took me by the hand, and sat me down He told me all about this wonderful lifestyle, He was tired of seeing me bounce from unhealthy relationships. He introduced me to the castle realm web site. I began reading, I soon realized that being submissive is not a feeling but a need, A need that is rooted deep within your soul and in your makeup as a person. That it is ok to want to please a man, to be there for him in all his needs, and it is ok for me to feel the need for correction when I fall short of being the best that I can for him and a safe way to do it. I will always be submissive, in or out of this lifestyle because it is part of who I am. I choose to want to give my gift to a man who knows what it is that I offer, one who will cherrish it, nurture it, and help it grow into something beautiful. pett

5 Things a submissive wants from her Dominant
　
A Submissive's Wishlist
I have shared with all those submissives looking what dominants are looking for and now I will be turning the tables. Submissives are altogether different and they look for completely different things in a man or woman. Once again, I will be refraining from the character traits we look for in any other type of relationship as well and try to focus on things that are specific to BDSM.
1.) I want to know that there will be consequences when I disobey and that he will consistently apply them:
This never seemed quite as important to me as it is now. I have also heard this wish from so many other submissives that I could put it in this list. We know that sometimes dominants fall in love too and that they care, but it should not mean that one of the things that are critical should be neglected because they are afraid of hurting us. A submissive becomes despondent when he or she has done something wrong and the only way to move past it sometimes, is to face and take that punishment in such a way that the dominant can only be proud of you. That punishment is the only thing that helps me move on and I know that many others feel the same way. No, it is not a way to get spanked or beaten. It is not a way to force the dominant to play with me. It is critical to my well being to know that I will be handled in the way I need to be able to move forward. I do not enjoy punishment and I do not know a whole lot of submissives who actually do, therefore I hope that dominants reading this will know that this is not topping from the bottom.
2.) I want to know that he or she can control him or herself.How can a dominant control a submissive if he or she is unable to control him or herself? Just a question that I have seen many times. I want to know that the dominant I choose is in control of his or her own life and emotions. I do not get turned on by whiny wannabe dominants. There are many others like me. Any dominant reading this who has problems controlling a temper or a habit, please work on this before you try to dominate me. It is hard enough to do everything as perfectly as I can, without having to think of all the things I need to avoid to not face that temper. A dominant that screams and shouts to get things done, is not attractive.
3.) I want to know that the dominant is well versed in the techniques of play and the toys.
I want to know that I will be safe and that my dominant knows what he or she is doing. If the dominant is new and there is chemistry, I would want to know that the dominant is willing and committed to going for training with a mentor. I do not want to be with someone who will hurt me unintentionally. I want to feel safe and cared for. Please do not advertise yourself as experienced if you aren't!!!
4.) I want to know that his dominant understands and knows the psyche of a submissive.
I do not want to be with someone who is looking for a slut or a tart and nothing else. I am looking for someone that knows that I want to serve and that I am not a doormat who wants to be abused. I am looking for the man who knows that I need to be controlled and I need to give my all. There is no halfway, and I need to know that all of me is not too much or that this person will not see me as needy or co-dependent. Someone who knows the heart of a submissive will not shrink back from that slap in the face occasionally or doing that humiliation scene I so desperately crave. Someone who knows the heart of a submissive will not trample on the small things I need to do. A dominant will never berate me as weak or desperate.
5.) I want a responsible dominant.
If you are expecting me to stop working, then you better be able to support me. I expect a person to know that he or she can take care of me if he or she wants a 24/7 submissive. Make sure that there is enough money to feed, house and clothe me at least. If I am still working, do not take advantage of that fact to stop working yourself. I do not need a man or woman that will demand my all at home to take all the money I work hard for too. If you are a loser like this, don't even look my way. I am not interested.
Responsibility does not end with money either. A dominant is responsible for my emotional wellbeing as well and for my physical safety. Please see to it that you can do this and are willing to.Given all of the above, I know this sounds like a long list of demands. I know this is not very submissive, but my submission does not come for free or cheaply. If I give my all, I expect to know that I will be safe, well looked after and safe. See, being a dominant is not as easy as it looks
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proceeding artical was copied from the following link...
I got the following artical from this link http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/940593/5_things_a_submissive_wants_from_a_pg2.html?cat=7 it was written by Bea Amor