1/3/2024 2:18:04 PM: New year same old wants and needs with the same questions I'm seriously afraid being 47 now I'm never going to find the dominant Freinds with benefits I yearn to find  why do I find the need to hide my submissive self? why am I so afraid of people knowing I enjoy being slapped in the face by a dominant woman? How would they react if they learned for the right woman I'd kneel and be her urinal? and how would they react if they knew I'd suck cocl for her simply to maker smile ? Why tf do I have these tendencies why can't  I enjoy vanilla things? 

10/5/2023 9:17:33 AM: Ok so I don't know but I have this vision in my mind of me serving  a strong woman she has silver hair and loves and expects me to be at my best and in my  dreams I do  in them I begin my day at the foot of her bed awakening before her to be able to prepare for her i wash and shower make her coffee begin her breakfast make sure everything is clean and straighten up before she wakes up I draw a bath make her toast and kneel at the side of the bed and slowly kiss her feet and up her body this normally wakes up her happy and refreshed but today seems different she simply lays on her back and says I have to pee I'm not used to this but I'm prepared I grab a towel climb on the bed between  her legs put the towel under me just in case and attach  my mouth to her she releases herself very slowly allowing me to breathe and swallow it's quite sour being her first of the day but I know from experience that this is what she wants and my best course of action is to drink her clean her and allow her to go back to sleep as I'm thinking this I notice the stream has stopped and she's pushing my head , she quietly  says clean me  and I run an fetch a warm washcloth I wipe her and she rolls over and says I'm still tired and would like to sleep turn off the shower and coffee and go do the laundry be back here at 8am and wake me up by massaging and kissing my back I expect the laundry to be done and I would like oatmeal instead of toast now I have my task and an hour to complete them    this is normally when I wake up with a raging hardon and I gotta admit I always feel a  little dirty like is there something wrong with me for wanting this type of relationship?       it's October and the submissve inside of me wants to be allowed out to play i do a pretty good job at surp them have for a few years now  But can I tell you how bad I yearn to be slapped smacked and spit on i really really love to be used and abused and honestly it's been too long 

3/12/2022 11:36:46 AM: World seems like it's getting back to normal idk like to as well if your reading this and I'm your type please write my days are free and certainly would like to change it up a bit get back to being a pussy eating piss drinking laundry doing floor scrubbing sub I hope you  think so as well 

11/5/2021 10:18:01 AM: Wow they bring the journals back yeassssss!!! kinda happy to be able to type my feelings for strangers to read it shouldnt feel good but it does

4/2/2018 3:52:00 PM: Spring is here spring is here... Yay..