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i am a 27 year old sinlge white sadistic dominant. i am seeking my soulmate/sub/slave to be with for the rest of our lives.i am very old fashioned when it comes to the home in the sense that i believe a woman should cook and clean and a man should take care of the home as far as repairs and car repairs paying bills etc.i am also big on discipline in and out of the bedroom.anything else you wanna know just ask and please read my journal entries before messaging me
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i had to steal this because it is very true and a good look into the life as it truely is
This was written from a full time D/s perspective, not a bedroom only one. Of course there are differences between the two, so please keep that in mind when taking a read. :)
I think all of us, at one point or another, have read some kind of submission/domination erotica or heard about a fantasy that someone had involving X, Y, Z - being grabbed by the hair and slammed into a wall, clothes being torn, face slapped, ass walloped, roughly fucked, etc. Use your imagination - or just refer back to previous experience from what you've read or heard. These things are erotic and appealing, and even more-so, fun to actually experience. I've noticed a lot is missing from the submissive (and dominant) portrayal, though; admittedly, it's not hot and sexy to read about folding laundry, but submission and domination aren't really about hot and sexy, in my opinion.
There are a lot of hot and sexy things that happen, don't get me wrong, but focusing on just the play aspect isn't really fair to someone who's learning about submission and domination - so I'm writing this. It's not hot, it's not sexy, it's not erotic, it might make your nether regions quiver if you find something appealing about it and if so, kudos to you, but this is the forgotten submission - the kind that doesn't appear in cheesy pseudo-BDSM novels.
Submission is (also)...
- Making your Dominant breakfast, lunch, or dinner without being asked, without being forced, and without receiving anything in return except maybe a courteous thank you of appreciation.
- Doing the laundry because it's expected of you or even just because it would make your Dominant's day/night easier, having clean clothes. No hair grabbing, no "whore go wash my skivvies," no ass paddling, no thank you sex. You just do it because you're supposed to/want to.
- Asking for things; your Dominant isn't a mind reader and, contrary to numerous erotica, you aren't: a) a doormat or b) Ariel after Ursula took her voice. You communicate your wants, you communicate your needs, and you negotiate your limits. You ask for things and allow your Dominant to do their part.
- Taking out the garbage either because: a) you were asked, b) it's expected of you, c) you asked if you could and your Dominant said yes, d) you wanted to do something helpful. No one slapped you across the face or slammed you into the wall, no one tore your back up with a Dragon's Tail, no one spanked you. You just took the garbage out, that's it.
- Taking care of your Dominant as well as they take care of you; listening, being respectful, communicating, meeting needs, showing consideration, affection, growth - whatever things in your relationship that demonstrate care. It's a two way street.
- Being mindful of your behavior; submission is not a light switch - it doesn't flip on and off in the sense that just because your Dominant isn't around to watch you like a hawk, or isn't on top of you with his or her hands around your throat, you're not their submissive. Regardless of where you are or what is going on, you still adhere to their expectations of you. I'm not supposed to do this but Master isn't around, so.. teeheehee - no. You're expected not to do A, B, C - you don't do A, B, C. Period.
- Accepting your Dominant's decision; you want to very badly play and you've communicated this with your Dominant. You want, you want, you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting but your Dominant is the one who decides when that want is met - if not right then and there, you accept it. He or she is tired, has work to do, isn't feeling up to it, or just because they can - says no, not right now, later. No tantrums, no misbehavior to push them into doing it, no whining. The answer is no, not right now, later.
- Accepting your Dominant's wants; you may not always get what you want and that's because this relationship isn't just about you. You may want your Dominant to beat the ever loving shit out of you, but in this moment, your Dominant wants you to pleasure him or her because (example) they had a hard day and need to unwind. It's accepting that while yes, your wants are perfectly okay to have, they are not the only wants - your Dominant has them too and sometimes, if not many times (or all, depending on your dynamic), your Dominant's wants come first. Will you get the savage beating you want? Maybe. Maybe not. See above.
- Accepting your Dominant's affection; you may be kissed, cuddled, given gifts, told to go to bed when you're sick, surprised with things that your Dominant knows makes you happy, made dinner one night, hugged, told you're loved and valued, and made to feel like a Queen or King - accept it. Your Dominant sees fit to treat you with respect and love, so let them.
- Trusting your Dominant; we trust Dominants not to maim us (if we're not into that sort of thing), but trust goes further than that. Trust your Dominant when they say that they are proud of you, when they say that you have pleased them and they are happy with you, when they say that they love you, when they tell you that you belong to them. Don't prod and twist for validation or demonstrations of their approval - pay attention and listen when they give it and accept it. Trust them.
- Knowing your Dominant; you've listened, you've communicated, you've learned - and still continue to do so. You know your Dominant likes this, you know they expect that, you know they prefer this over that, and you know (blank) makes them happy - you know these things because you've listened to their words, paid attention to their behavior, communicated with them, and learned from them. You know your Dominant and now you can do (these things) without supervision, without correction, without instruction - and you do.
These are just some things that I thought of. The overall point here is that submission and domination, at least in my opinion, aren't about constant displays of power over another in some grand BDSM-erotic smack down. It's not a Dominant throwing a submissive to the ground, pulling their hair, and fucking them into submission just to do the damn dishes. Oh yes, there's often play in relationships - and I'm a huge fan of play - but being a submissive, to me, isn't just about play. It's about me making my Dominant happy - period.
Some days, yeah, there's erotic interaction, play, 10 orgasms, sobbing, a black and blue ass, blood, and stars on the ceiling. Other days, there's just laundry, errands, food, cuddles, and a movie. Being a submissive, in my opinion, is taking that whole package - not just the sexy parts that make you hot
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