yaneshai

About me..

Hmmm what to write? Well i guess I'll start at the very beginning; it's a very good place to start (or so I've been told). I began my journey as a sub almost 12 years ago. Since then I have had 4 Masters, 2 of which I am still in contact with. They have become friends, confidants and mentors. They are Ones that i can go to for advice and counsel. I love them, but I am not in love with them. There is a difference. Their friendship has become priceless to me, especially in this last year. They, however, do not rule my life or my heart. There is no threat to a potential relationships and there never has been. Each Master has taught me several lessons that I have kept close to my heart: patience, forgiveness, strength, duty, loyalty, love and many more. These lessons, i hope to never stop learning.
I have been chatting for almost 7 years now. It seems like forever sometimes. I have met many people and have many friends, several of whom have become very close to me and who I am in constant contact with, even though we have our own lives. Have I met people I've not liked? Of course I have. We all have at some point. Does that mean I am not going to give them respect? No. I will until they give me a reason not to. In all this time, I have only cut one person out of my life. She was a drama queen..no wait, she was THE Drama Queen. My other friends and I always seem to work things out no matter how mad we get at each other. Believe me, we have gone round for round sometimes. There have been times when we haven't spoken for months, but we are always there when we are needed. With true friends, time does not pass.
If there is one thing that I've learned, it is that chat is a rumor mill. One cannot step onto a server, especially if they had been gone for a while, without who they are and who they are sitting by, if anyone, is spreading like wildfire. I think it's childish. I don't start rumors but I've been victim of plenty of them. Rumors are started by people who don't really know anything but what they see on the surface or what they assume there to be, not what really happened. They can't be bothered to ask for the truth and if it does come, well, they either don't believe it or they rely on the words of someone else, usually another source, regardless of that person's character. I've learned that the one who usually starts the rumor is either jealous or unhappy with their life so they feel they have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better, no matter what the cost of the others happiness and even if they are friends. I've seen many friendships break because of this.
Truth of the matter is, if you want to get to know me, just ask. Talk to me; learn who I really am. If then, you still don't like me, well there's nothing I can do about that. I would rather you not like me from talking to my face than hearing what has been said behind my back. Oh, one more thing, if you take advice from someone who says they are my friend, make sure you check with me first to really make sure about that. There are people that I've known online for years who will claim to be my friend, but are in fact mere acquaintances or Drama Queens that I tend to keep at arms length. Those people think they can make judgments on my life based on what they think they see and not what's really there.
In general and in specific, I am a very private person. I don't drag my feelings or problems out in public. What happens in private stays in private, just like Vegas. If I am your confidant or if you are mine, I do not expect to see my dirty laundry all over chat as I will not hang yours out. If that happens, you will no longer be welcome.
That being said, yes, I am a sub. I am also very much my own person. Do not expect me to kneel to You just because You wear a title or a cap on Your nick. It doesn't work that way with me. I will be polite and respectful, but You must be that way also. I am no one's doormat. Some have tried to use me as one, but have failed. Some have tried to run me up one side and down the other, trying to shame me and break me by force, when the true guilt is really on them. That doesn't work with me either.? Some have said that I top from the bottom. I will test limits but I really don't. I need a strong hand to guide me and keep me safe and where i need to be.
When i love and when i serve, i do so with my whole heart. Nothing else for me is acceptable. I am very passionate about everyone and everything in my life. I pay attention to everything even though you may not think I do. If you and i are sitting in chat and You ask me to get You something, i will do it without hesitation, regardless of what i am doing at the time. I am what some may call "high-maintenance". I do not expect a Dom to shower me with gifts or sweep me off my feet, but I do expect Your time, attention and affection, whether online or in real, especially if i am supposed to be the most important person in Your life. My heart is big enough for everyone in my life. Question is..is Yours big enough for me?
I am moody sometimes. I'm a woman, what more do you want? I laugh, I cry, I scream and yell, although not often, and I get depressed, something I've been often this past year. When i do get depressed, i become kind of a hermit. I cocoon myself to protect myself from the outside world so that no more hurt gets in and i can heal. It is at these times some have accused me of hiding from them. That's not what it is. It is me protecting myself. It is at these times that i am not strong enough to ask for help or a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. One has to be strong enough to shoulder my pain and break through whatever wall i have built around myself. And seriously, I don't know anyone who doesn't act this way at some time. It's human nature. It's self preservation.
Despite some people's opinions, I am a very real person. I have thoughts and feelings just like everyone else and it hurts just as much when someone stomps all over them. Behind every nick in chat is a real person. Some people forget that and feel they can say and do as they wish with no repercussion at all. Well, let me tell you, Karma is a real bitch and she'll bite you in the ass when you least expect it.