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So another year older and things still go on |
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So more family drama and another funeral. I wish this year was over. It's driving me nuts. Back again and sorry to those I need to be sorry too |
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Feeling better after the break. Back around to chat too |
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Having some medical issues. Won't be around much so not ignoring you if I don't reply |
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Its a dark time for me , death in the family , friends suffering with personal things that i cant help with , other health issues bringing me down
I see the darkness and i know i should feel depressed and i do to a tiny extent , but i dont think ive ever suffered that deep depression people say they feel and i wonder if that hinders my empathy for others .
Something wrong with me maybe but my mind isnt made that way , indomitable will maybe
Ever not know what to say to someone because you cant understand how they feel , seems to be my lot in life lately.
I wonder at my choices at how ive ended up here then realize id not change a choice ive made , regret is no way to live
Yet I wonder about things I've let slip between my fingers |
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Why do we allways hurt the ones we love |
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Had some family tragedy lately so been a hard time. So sorry if I haven't been around as much
It's out me in a dark mood I need to work on. Makes you think |
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I look at D/s as a seesaw.
Everyone sits on one side or the other some close to the middle little dominant or submissive.
Some out near the end in the extreme looking for tpe or even more .
The secret is to find someone that sits the same distance out so you balance and don't end up tipping
No right or wrong just different which we should rejoice in |
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So what is it with people just stop talking
I say something you don't like i understand , just say you don't want to chat any more but just going silent and not responding is rude and a little mean
I know i can be a ass but even i wouldn't do that |
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The clank of the chain on steel
Creak of leather as it stretches
Feel of cold steel at your neck
Gentle tug on your leash
Taunt pull on your soul |
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Power and control are a illusion. One a Dom and sub share for as long as the subs trust you
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Twist of fingers in your hair
The sharp pull as they tighten
Gentle moan
Rush of air before the crack
The sting on my palm
The pink perfect imprint
Glowing under my eyes
Curve of you back arching
Soft pleading whimper.
Harsh laugh and warning whisper
Mine
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So new photo as the old one was getting out of date , lol way older looking now and the beard , you have been warned |
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Ever breath of voice
like a ray of sunshine
smiling on my face
Fluttering on my darkness
curtain pulled back
To show me the sun
Your smile |
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So why do I see so many submissive demanding huge long and interesting introduction messages. I don't walk up to a woman on the street or in bar and spill my whole life story. I say hi and chat
Maybe it's me but I don't like being put through hoops just to see if you will grace me with a reply. Seems a little demanding and demeaning. I have a profile, look and see if you like it then make a decision. Simple hi or no thanks.
I do realise I'm not a female sub and probably don't get any were near the messages but I do at least try and respond to everyone.
And if you see something you like speak up. I may have missed your profile or skipped it because of age or distance. But I don't mind chatting to anyone. We don't always have to make the first move
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to bring the passion to her eyes ,
to light the fire in her heart ,
to free the chains holding her soul ,
to feel these things and know ,
she has found her self ,
a beautiful flower
truly free |
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I said last time a rough period and ive reached that age where my older family are hitting that age where I start loosing more and more of them.
Makes me wonder what will be left in a few years and sad that my choices have led me here.
Life is pain but we should still all rejoice in it and try and find that special one before it slips through your fingers. Take joy where you can.
Yes I know I'm rambling but I'm old and allowed too lol |
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So lots of family drama and health stuff going on and i realise i havent been here for 5 months
Seems strange that i still recognise peoples profiles . Looking back at things changes you .makes whats important stand out
Makes me grumpier lol |
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Wow its been a while and im older grumpier and uglier .Got to hate time .dont think my past posts came over properly .
Wish i could add wiser to that post lol |
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New photo , god im looking old and tired in this one , but what about the beard lol you can see the white in it these days |
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Well its that time again 41 now , so old lol
Happy birthday me |
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Happy new year , I hope you can all keep your resolutions
I know ill be trying
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Merry Christmas everyone , hopefully all your kinky wishes come true |
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I wonder how out of touch i am sometimes , you reach out and get ignored and you start to wonder if its you
naw not me just so many asses on here lol |
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I swear i get more jaded the older i get , i read profiles and wonder if some of you are crazy or really believe what you write |
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well its that time the big 40 , finally i can be a dirty old man and enjoy it
*laughs* now all i need is that nubile young sub to run around after me and service my every need and life would be perfect |
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Im old im cranky and i dont have a problem speaking my mind , dont want to listen thats fine but dont tell me im a bad person for it
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Its a itch you cant scratch
a dark though that lurks tickling
that sound you just hear and
are never sure your not losing it
desire , need , wants all driven
bye that need to control
that urge to curl your hand
slap flesh , to see it in her eyes
hear it on her breath
to drink that submission in |
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Well its a new year which means new hopes and dreams as well as the old ones continuing , seems like last year was a blurr , maybe thats just me getting older
Never mind ill hold to the search and see , its a big year this year , the 40 is coming lol at least something is |
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some times iI think I'm too old, grumpy or strange for people here lol speaks volumes for me iI supose |
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so cruising some profiles and iI think iI can see the 50 shade influence coming out and I wonder if this is a good thing or bad thing, can the possibility of opening people up to there inner selves be bad when it came to also bring out the desperate housewife that wants a thrill? |
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So its been a while good to see new faces and the old ones still around , hope things are going well for people
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So were is my witty inteligent conversation these days
Its like its died on this site lol then again it could be me just getting old |
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Well it's been a rough 2 months , tragedy , holiday and a job that is making me insane so don't take it personally if I haven't responded , haven't been here |
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I sometimes wonder if this is a waste of time being on here where no one seems to be looking for what I am , or are full of crap lol
How hard should it be to find a perverted lovely lady for me to use and abuse |
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So it's been a long month but yep I'm still alive still wanting and still lacking , why is it so hard to find someone to love use and abuse
At least poring things out here is one way to let it go
On the good side , works back to a good place |
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I'm old ,I'm grumpy and I'm feeling lol
Doesn't that make me attractive |
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Ive come to the conclusion that if I ever got what I think I want I'd end up bored and bitter or lost
Now to find what I need that isn't what I desire yet still is
Emm I'm getting wise or losing my mind in my old age |
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Ever get that feeling that your on the cusp of change yet your not sure if it's going to be good
No nothing concrete just a feeling , still looking still plowing on |
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Well there we go another year to my profile ticking over |
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Someone spoke to me the other day and i tuged on a long forgotten string , you will know who you are when you read this , i wrote it along time ago after the death of someone dear to me but it speaks to me still sometimes
lonliness is like a cloak i wear
draging at my soul grasping closer
trying to smother me
seeming to merge becoming who i am
pain a constant reminded
mingling with the rage
the feeling of hoplessness watching
others pleasure
the darkness allways there
sliding along the edge probing for weakness
my heart sinking deeper
never knowing the comfort of someones arms
never a loving smile
a soft tear , the pain hidden beneath
a venear of civility
fear a constant pain
even friends oblivious
love a lost beacon
a forgoten light
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Sorry to those i didnt reply too , been away for the last week and a bit , had a bit of a emergency , had to run
Ill catch up when i can |
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Ahh the irony of life , im sure i'm becoming a dirty more peverted old man as the years pass ,? your experiance grows , you learn how to control your self to bask in that feeling you enjoy , how to apreicate and take every little bit of what you have
Yet life laughs at you because you get less chance to do it due to those same reasons
Now i can see the irony of those really old dirty perverts , lol im headed that way with no one to share it with ?
So I was too young to see it when i had it , now im to old to have it when i see it
Life |
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Well its the first day of a whole new year , another year of pointless looking ? Im hoping not but either way i cant give up , to much of a romantic in me for that
Someone asked why it doesnt get to me , simple answer i have faith shes out there somewere and ill find her , but even if i dont that doesnt stop me enjoying the search the people i meet and the fun along the way
Dont let the dark thoughts have power over you , i know thats easy to say but its easy to do as well , as long as you know your self and know where they come from
Faith is such a strange word but its what i have , Faith in my self |
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Well the week of he'll is over , got to love post Christmas shopping
Time for a new year so happy new year to you all and I
Hope you find what your looking for.
Personally the hunt goes on and I'm going to try patience this year |
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Merry christmass to all , spent my boxing day traveling so looking forward to getting home
Didn't get my Horney little elf for Christmas :( |
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Well christmas is comming around again , still nothing to fill some stockings lol
I like the joy at this time of the year even if it has a soft edge for me , its good to see children excited , reminds you not to be so old lol
Maybe santa will be good to me and ill find what i need sometime soon |
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Another weekend of no prospects , i do miss having someone there to wake up next to ,share the day with , Spank when i feel the need *laughs*
I wonder if im too set in my ways now to let that happen again , i hope not because ill keep looking |
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And life keeps kicking you , even when your down |
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Still looking , still working , still grinding things through hoping to find someone worth spending time with who will want the same?
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Back into that dark place where i feel my apathy rising , some times i wonder why its so hard to find someone to share with , Maybe its me , thank god my ego wont let me belive that lol?
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Well back on track i think lol it seems like it finally , dont feel as lost as i have before so its better
Thanks for anyone that did reach out for me
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Sorry to anyone i didnt respond too been away for a bit on personal reasons , too long a story and to sad |
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Its strange how the death of someone you know can change things , make you realise how short things are how close to home it can strike
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Another year of looking passes , one day
I find my self waxing and waning in the search , sometimes feeling sure shes just around the corner other times into that dark place where im sure she doesnt exist
Yet hope still burns , lol just not the roaring flame it use to be , i have to wonder if im insane for not taking comfort where i can find it in a nilla world , why drives me to not settle when it would be so easy
I wont compromise though so dirty old single man here i come
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Im not sure how dumb some of the con emails i get think i am , but i can breath on my own so im to smart for those pathetic emails to work
Be nice to actually see a real email every now and then
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Ok someone asked me how i see D/s
How to answer that question got me thinking
Its simple really in the end the closest i can come to is i see the D/s like a see saw , the center point being a place where most " nilla people float around , sometimes dominant sometimes submissive , ballancing them selves out , think about most couples you know , one tends to be the more dominat and one the more submissive , sometimes this swaps but most suscessfull relationships are like that swaping so theres some balance
Now most of the people on this site probable sit further out to one end or the other , so someone in the middle doesnt ballance them out and hence that something missing , i know personally im not right out at the end but im out there and i need a woman to balance that other side , one thats more submissive than not so we balance each other out , sometimes meeting in the middle for those blissfull normal moments then going back to balance things
Ive learnt not to judge those in the middle , and those out past me right out on the edge , well each to there own but with out them something wouldnt balance
I hope that answers your question , maybe im just full of it |
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Im sure life just likes to kick you sometimes , to make sure your awake
Problem is it kicks to hard
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Ok people want long complicated fist messages to get there intrest and that's all fine but it's not really natural is it .
Real comunication is a back and fourth of chat just like it is face to face and takes the effot of both parties to maintain and grow.
Something to think about when your asking a Dom to pour himself out to you in a intro message , some of us arnt that comftable laying it all out to a stranger , I know I'd much rather chat and revive that old art of the conversation and grow into the deep and meaningfull.
Bottom line a friendly couple of lines shouldn't be dissmised because it's not a epic declaration of intent |
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Would being a asshole jerk make me more atractive ??
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So time flows and i find my self thinking of my self as a old man now , ironic i know considering im not that old
Maybe its the dirty old man thing comming to mind , now i know im a perve always apreciated looking at a beautifull woman , and really what men doesnt dont belive him if he tells you he doesnt look , hes lying or gay
ok back off my rant , i look and these days i notice the eye wanders to things that are way to young for me lol few years ago maybe not now i look aperciate and then think to my self you dirty old man your going to hell
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Well things have settled down at least , not that anyone reads these things im sure
Now back to that lonely path |
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"Around and around we go where we stop nobody knows "
This sounds so much like my life at the moment
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Things change so fast and you are back where you started
From hells heart i stab at thee
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Its amazing how joy , pure joy can come from the little things , just a kind word or a small gesture
And your faith in things is renewed , the rut doesnt seem so deep the darkness not so dark
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I still think doing the right thing should end up the best but its not how the world works
Why do i have to do the right thing , what is it thats in me that compels me to do it even when i know that its going to cost me
You see the pain comming and yet step into it all because of that little voice telling you that you have no other choice
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To the lady i was rude to , im sorry , was a slip of the tounge and i do apologise |
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Why is it doing the right thing is allways so hard and requires so much from you , yet allways seems to do the least good '
The other option is to do it do what i want and be selfish and i wonder if it wouldnt turn out better
Yet i still have to do the right thing i cant do anything else |
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Why do so many people walk around with there heart bared to everyone , it may stop the hurt getting it but it also stops the love
whats life with out the chance at love
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Rage rage against the dying of the light |
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to bring the passion to her eyes
to light the fire in her heart
to free the chains holding her soul
to feel these things and know
she has found her self
a beautiful flower
truly free |
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Seriously someone reaches out to you , how hard is it to say thanks , or even sorry not interested , the rudeness on here just blows my mind some time
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Some people asked it was a message for someone else but the code is
"Never violate a woman, nor harm a child. Do not lie, cheat or steal. These things are for lesser men. Protect the weak against the evil and strong. And never allow thoughts of gain to lead you into the pursuit of evil." |
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Ok despite what it seems is a majority opinion on here , not all us men are asses only after one thing (not that we dont want that too ) i seem to see post after post about subs thinking all men are asses
Stop judging us on your bad experiences , were all difernet come to it that way , you will find some suprises out there |
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"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
You wish to see my dominant side , inspire me , make me long for you , dont be suprised when you ask and it just doesnt come
Its true we only hurt the ones we love , well it is with me thats for sure
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well i may be a romantic at heart , does that make me soft ?
I dont think so but it seems some do , i dont belive this lifestyle and romance should be seperated , whats pleasure with out love or caring , meaning less to me at least |
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Its been a while ,so something id like to share
"No," said the little prince."I am looking for friends. What does that mean---tame?" "It is an act too often neglected,"said the fox. "It means to establish ties.""To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox."to me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . ."
"But if you tame me,it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow." |
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Some people need to learn that self control is the first control to master |
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Well its been a while but merry christmas to anyone that reads this
Yes im over the rut at least for now, amazing how just a few simple things can make it seems so much better
Hope your all doing better , maybe a new year will lead to great new things |
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Well its been a while , the rut seems to be a mountain , but over all things look alot better
Maybe its a change in the way you look at life but suddenly things seem so much clearer |
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Dont you hate when you feel your self sinking into that rut of work home sleep work home sleep , i need to get out and just do something lol or someone diferent
Might be time for a holiday , oh well the search still goes on , some promising replies at least |
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I am so sick of people that arnt honest , if your not going to be upfront and serious dont bother messaging me , i dont need that crap |
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Yes im looking for someone to tame |
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I am still in awe after all these years at how beautifull a woman can be , that there is such beauty to entice me in every form , not just the body , the iteligence , the depth of emotion
I still cant help looking , even if that makes me a perve lol , but to posses such beauty to know its mine , to hold it close , to explore the depths of someone elses depravity and know them like i do my self , true heaven |
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A little ranting is good for the soul , so what a male dom is doing reading my journal i have no idea
A little emotion doesnt make me less a man and i pity anyone that thinks it does
That said , the search goes on |
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Dont you hate rude people , yet its all i seem to meet lately , what ever happened to manners ?
Well a little more bitter and cynical again today , maybe thats my problem |
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"No," said the little prince."I am looking for friends. What does that mean---tame?" "It is an act too often neglected,"said the fox. "It means to establish ties.""To establish ties?"
· "Just that," said the fox."to me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . ."
"But if you tame me,it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow." |
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