subruck


SubRubberSlave Female Submissive, 20, b	subruss Male Submissive, 45, J, Florida	subruth Female Submissive, 30, London

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	About subruck I am an outgoing, caring fun female looking for someone special. I am the girl next door on the outside, but a slut in the bedroom. Need I say more? I am an independent, opinionated woman with strong convictions. I know how to take control when I need to, but to the right man, I am a slave, giving up all authority to him. I pride myself on being faithful, loyal, honest and respectful. I expect the same in return. I am active in the local community. I attend EROS, SAF and Safari events and parties. I have been involved in the local community since 2006, but have 10 years experience in the lifestyle. I actually know the majority of the people in my friends list face to face. What I seek in a Master is a strong, confident man who knows what he wants; a man with strong dominant tendencies and a strong presence; a man that has the natural ability to rein me in. WARNING: Any institutions using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this.

I am asking that everyone keep messges to a bare minimum if they MUST send a message. I am here to keep in touch with those that are friends.

Much has happened over the last year and there has been much personal growth. Life is good!!!!!!!!!

My mother needs a kidney and I am donating. I am not a match for her so we are on the search for someone else in the same situation to swap kidneys with.

I have exams and tests to go through to confirm my kidney is worthy for donating. I don't have time to read and/or respond to many messages while going through all of this, so please do not write. Just keep us all in thoughts and prayers.

I am very excited to do this. It's not so selfless like many have said. I want my mom around a bit longer and to be healthier. Also, to know that I can help someone else to be alive a bit longer.... that is such a good feeling - it's sort of selfish to want to feel it. ;-)

As I said, life is good.

Today is very bittersweet for me. I thought I would be pregnant this year for mother's day, but obviously not the case with the miscarriage a couple months ago. A very dear friend of mine, who I can't believe I didn't tell the news to... well I can because I had so much going on at the time, but how could I not tell him? Anyway, he was thinking of me and sent me a mother's day wish today thinking that I was still pregnant. It really hit home today. I am sure I will have lots of those moments throughout the next year. After that, it won't be so much, but wow.. .it really hit me hard today when I got that message. Poor guy, he felt so bad for sending the message... but how could I blame him for not knowing.. I didn't tell him. How did I forget to tell him of all people!!! That really bothers me about it. He has been such a good friend for so long & his wife... what an awesome woman. They went through 5 or 6 miscarriages before getting thier little guy. They know what it's like. It's all good though.... hopefully I will get to see them soon and hugs to go all around.

Happy Mom's Day to all the mommies!!!

So, I went out with some friends for a bit. One of them locked her keys in her car. :) LOL After getting them out, I turned on my iPod and drove home. I love this line of a song Sara Evans sings.... (The song is called Perfect btw)
It's kinda nice to know that it doesn't have to be perfect
I also like...
Love can be, rough around the edges, tattered at the seams
and.....
Don't you know that all the fairy tales tell a lie, real love and real life doesn't have to be perfect.
With this said, I am not asking for perfection - I am asking for an honest go at it. I kind of like the rough around the edges. ;-D

Took some photos yesterday and uploaded them... hoping they get approved sooner than later :)

I wrote this a little over a week ago, while I was enjoying the cold rain coming down.

As I was standing at the door, watching the rain come down, I found myself lost in thought about the last year. I have done a lot of self reflecting in the last year and more so recently. If you see me at a party or an outing, and I seem a little distant, I am not being ugly or sad, I am probably just reflecting.
A year ago, I was going to as many parties as I could, nearly every weekend and sometimes 2 or 3 in one weekend's time. I wasn't going to play or because I couldn't get enough parties in, but because I am a social butterfly and with no one to keep me home, so why not? It's what my "friends" were doing. Today, I find myself scheduling more lunches, happy hours and movies with friends than I do parties. Spending more quality time with them individually and really becoming friends with them - really getting to know them.
One year ago today I first met and spoke with the baby daddy. My views and ideas and thoughts about what I was and what I wanted in life as well as the lifestyle began to change, and I gained more clarity on what my definition was of myself. Moving twice, a few experiments as far as relationships and dating go, an unexpected pregnancy and the loss of my unborn child, Appleseed, have all given me much to reflect on.
Today the rain triggers a lot for me to reflect on, because of so many anniversaries on one weekend. Meeting the baby daddy, my first offical SAF party, learning of Appleseed's death & being in the hospital a month ago, my father and I reconnecting... or maybe even making our first real healthy & positive father/daughter connection, gained a german shepherd border collie mix puppy, and today, I started a monthly reminder that my child will not be born. I am all right and at peace with all of this-as much as I can be right now.
I have ended unhealthy relationships with friends, gained new friends, strengthened some relationships - both with family and with friends, and renewed friendships with old friends that have made a significant impact in my life. I questioned where I am, what I am, where I want to go, what I want to be and who & what I want to be there with me when I do it. I have also found some of those answers.
My life has been turned completely upside down, not once, but twice in just the last few months, and yet here I am, still not right side up but standing at the door, enjoying the rain, finding myself wanting to go sit at the lake's edge and let the cold rain wash over me. Breathing in the fresh air and enjoying each drop of rain as it washes away the old, freeing me of old strings. Enjoying the bright green of the leaves and grass... a sign of new life and things to come. The rings on the water surface that each drop sets in motion - a sign that the circle of life just keeps going and growing - getting larger as it does.
Some find the rain a sad and depressing thing, but for me, it's refreshing, a new life, a new start, maybe a restart to something old, and/or a freedom. Funny how perceptions can be different, isn't it?

My friend... Nita H... wrote this poem as she sat thinking of my situation. All I can say is that when I read it... it put words to my feelings.

Desires

Her desires are simple, to serve and submit,

To give herself to Him, mind, body and soul.

Only then can she ever truly feel complete,

Only then will she ever truly feel whole.

Her desire to serve Him knows no ends,

As His ability to Dominate becomes stronger.

Some days she is confused by the mixed signals He sends,

But His desires grow clearer as their union grows longer.

Never has she been able to submit with such ease,

But His look and His touch are so filled with love,

She knows only the desire to serve and to please,

Help Him through His confusion, help Him rise above.

The turmoil that consumes Him causes her pain,

But she has patience and knows that He loves her.

As His passion washes over her like a soothing rain,

She kneels, bows her head and calls him Sir.

He touches her face, their desires come together,

Both knowing this union will last forever.

Nita H.

3/7/2009

I wear a ring with the word HOPE on it as a reminder to myself. Hope can be what keeps you going, but there is a time that hope becomes a trap. It can hold you in a not so good situation. I have often thought to recognize when hope is becoming a trap is when you start asking yourself if it is keeping you going for the right reasons or not. I still think that is one way to recognize it.

I realized something this past week though, hope becomes the trap when you start putting expectations on a situation changing to what you want it to be instead of accepting it for what it is; when the changes that need to happen for it to be what you want it to be are out of your control. We control only ourselves. We can not change others.

When our hopes are dependent on our expectations, and our expectations are dependent on others changing, hope becomes a trap. When our hopes are dependent on our expectations and our expectations are dependent on our own changes, then hope is what keeps us going.

Another thank you goes out to all those that have been so supportive throughout the last couple of months. Unexpectedly finding out I was pregnant, then finding out my baby had no heart beat and now through the final step in the miscarriage. I am doing better than can be expected, I guess. Nothing will ever be "normal" again, there will be a new "normal" and I am in the process of finding out what that "normal" is. Life is moving on and will continue to do so.

So, speaking of moving. I am moving today. New home for a new start I guess. :) Next time I am online, I will most likely be at my new home. :)

First I would like to thank everyone who has been supportive through this time. On Wednesday, I had an ultra sound which revealed my baby has no heart beat. According to the ultra sound, the baby died 2-3 weeks ago. Please keep messages to a minimum. I am not ready to have to respond to many. Thank you again to those that have been supportive.

For those that have given me well wishes and support, it is much appreciated. The positive energy is such a blessing. Everything is going great!!! :)

To those that are negative and feel the uncontrolable need to offer me advice about being pregnant, delivering my child, or raising my child.... keep it. If I want it, I will ask for it. This also goes for those that want to give me advice on the baby daddy. Quit making assumptions. You really don't know the ins and outs of this situation. You know the basics and will only know more if I KNOW you and you are a FRIEND of mine, or if I CHOOSE to let you in on the info.

Warning: Condoms don't work if you don't use them. ;)

With that being said.. I do not have any STD's, I am, however, pregnant.

I am still single and not really looking but open to whatever fate has in store. The baby daddy is just that.. the baby daddy. He hasn't made up his mind on what he wants/needs/can do yet. I am prepared to do this on my own.

I am not looking for someone to be a father to my child - my child already has a father. If you are a white knight who wants to ride up on his horse and save me, please keep riding.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!!! It's been a great holiday for me. :) Kinky folks doing nilla things. :)

To the doms/tops/masters out there... how is one to earn something with out being told what they have to do to earn it? How are you to know what is expected of you if you are not told what is expected of you?
Now I am no idiot, and I do have common sense, but when there is something specific and you have no idea what you are to do, and you have done what you can think of this far... how are you to know? Oh, and I already asked more than once... and was told, I am a smart girl, I will figure it out.
So, I ask you ... how do I konw what is expected of me when I do not know and am not told?

Weathered the storm all right. :) Hiding out at a friends place that never lost power. Thankfully losing power is all that happened at my home. I think our yard can be cleaned up with a leaf blower. :)

Ho, HUm... the weather sucks. I am so bored sitting here. I love the rain. I was looking forward to being through my first hurricane experience. I have done the tropical storm thing a couple of times, but not the hurricane thing. I am so disappointed. I love the rain and I sleep oh so well when it rains. So far it's been nothing but some wind. I think Ike is just gonna wait till I go to sleep so I miss it all. LOL Oh well, I am sure there will be plenty to catch tomorrow. The cameras are ready to take some cool photos and we'll see how it all turns out. :) Hopefully we'll keep power throughout the storm. Stay safe everyone. And stay dry. :) Talk to you post hurricane ike.

They won't approve my new photo.. something about formatting.. I think it's too dark. Oh well. Will try again wtih another one when I get some more taken.

So I am still waiting on my new picture to post. It's not really a "new" pic, but it hasn't been shared on any sites until recently. I am wondering if I am going to have to repost the old pic to an additional pic. I guess time will tell. :)

The new job is so going to rock!!! First day was today. LOVING it so far.

Ok, so it was more deciding on what my schedule was going to be and what day I am starting. :D YAY!!!!!! So, that is that.

Now, I must finish getting the house in order because we are bbq'ing here this weekend. If you did not receive and invite, it's cause it's a nilla weekend with the kids and we aren't having too many kinksters over. Never the less.. the house must be in order from decorations (as much as possible) to no dust on the door top of the door frame. :) Well, might not be quite that clean, but you get the idea. We are at work here, people. :)

So, I was told I had the job, but now I have to go back for a 3rd interview cause they had a shift in management. LOL This job will be worth the hassle of it taking more than a month to get hired on though. :) Look for an update soon. :)

Interview is booked and will know more next week as to what my work schedule will be like. :) Yippy!!!!!!

So, my grandma sent me an email today... it was short, sweet, to the point and went a lil something like this.....

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. Pee on it and walk away.

Regarding the job... going through the process but have basically been told it's mine. Keep your fingers crossed it doesn't fall through the cracks.. they are teeny tiny cracks so if it goes through, it'll be tough to get out, but what's a good challenge eh? :)

Keep your fingers crossed for me :) I have an interview for a job that is for a great company doing what I love to do. Wish me luck!!!!! :-D

Recently, my ring has been the topic of conversation. I wear a ring that has the word hope on it. I originally bought the ring when I was seeing a deployed soldier. I was in a funk and it served as a reminder to keep my head up.. that there is always hope. Hope is what keeps you going during those long months.

When that relationship ended, the ring served another purpose - to remind me that there is still hope in finding someone special, but it also reminded me that there is another side to hope. The side that keeps you from leaving a bad situation, whether it be an abusive partner or a job you hate in hopes things will change.
I continue to wear my ring and don't even take it off when doing a massage. It's sort of a marriage to myself. A reminder to keep true to myself. Yes, there is hope that things will progress, change, improve, gas prices will drop, and I will win the lotto with out buying the ticket, etc., but I also have to remember there comes a time when hope just isn't enough. That is when it is time to be true to one's self - to my self.
So how do you know when hope is keeping your head up or if it's turning your head away from what you don't want to see? Ask yourself if it's really worth it, and if you are truly happy, and if it will realistically change for the better... and not 10 years from now, but sooner than later... if you can't answer with a resiliant "YES" before you have the question asked, then you have your head down and hope is preventing you from moving on to better things.

All I have to say is timing can really suck sometimes... especially mine. But all good things come to those that wait, right? :)

My friends had one of the most beautiful collaring ceremonies last night. Thank you to T & k for allowing me to help you plan and organize and put it together. I am truly honored to have been a part of it. I wish you both the best of luck. :) On another note, I have turned in my resignation from the subbie fest board as well as the group and am no longer a member. For personal reasons, I do not have the time to devote to that group any longer. This is a good move for me so please don't be sad - I am not.

Well, I am down to about 2 maybe 3 loads left to move once I get the vehicle unloaded. LOL I can't believe how much stuff I have. Me and the new room mate are planning to have a garage sale, so we will be going through all of our stuff... mine and hers. Lots of mine will go to trash and then what's left will go to sale. :) Planning on down sizing a lot of crap. :) Should be a good sale though. :D

The SAF party was fun last night. It was good to catch up with some old friends I hadn't seen in a while. Happy Birthday to my room mate. Well, her birthday was last week, but she celebrated last night. So many spankings no can say officially how many she had. LOL But, she did enjoy herself. :)

It's been a little while since my last journal entry. I have had a lot going on. The biggest of news... probably what will concern most here anyway, is that I have found someone to call Sir. How awesome is that!!!!! :) It's new and fun, and we are exploring where things will go No matter how charming you think you are, you can not change my mind. Please be respectful of this new found relationship. I thank you in advance for your cooperation in this. I have had a lot of other things going on as well. I am in the process of moving to a new home and gaining a room mate. I haven't had a room mate in I don't know how long now, but the new roomie is lifestyle so I don't have to worry about that and we get along great. :) Also, my car has started to take a poop so I now have a new one. Just picked it up yesterday. Not really new, new... but it's new to me. So to sum up the month of May, I have a new home, new wheels and a new Dom. :) Life is GOOD!

Play - I really don't like the word sometimes. It's more than just playing to me. I get many messages from people in town or coming to town that want to "play". I don't casually play with anyone. If I play with someone, it is because I have a connection with him - because there is more than just a simple friendship with him. Does it mean that I am in a serious relationship with him? No, but it does mean that I am exploring that possability with him. Does it mean that I will not "play" with anyone else? No - until there is a committment - until I KNOW there is a committment from him and he expects me to only play with him, I am a free agent. Of course it doesn't mean it will happen over night because relationships take time to develop. But the word play seems to make it so casual. For me, "play" is more than casual. It means I have a trust in him, that I respect him and that I am giving myself and my submission to him - I am trusting him with not only my body, but my mind as well, because for me, a scene doesn't end with the physical part of it. I relive it in my mind for days, weeks, even months to come - especially the good ones. Is it play? Yes, but it's more than just play - it's part of me. So what do we call it when it's not just playing?

I went to dinner with some friends tonight and our conversation got me to thinking. Why is it that a man says what he wants, but when it's right in front of him, he just doesn't seem to realize it, and by the time he does, it's too late???? I am sure there are plenty of women that do this also, but since I don't date or play with women, I speak of men in this sense. Wake up and see what is in front you before it's lost in the dust.

Funny how plans can change so fast. For tonight, my plans went from going to a party with friends, to taking 2 guests with me, to 1 guest, to that guest not beign able to make it, to staying home because I am too tired to make the drive there and back myself & the ride I could have gotten has already left. ALthough, my house is much cleaner now. :) I can sleep well knowing that I don't have to do a bunch of cleaning tomorrow.

For all you worry warts.... I went in to the dentist today. I am not septic and not infected. LOL The muscles in my jaw are so tight from the jarring work that was done that it has pulled my jaw a bit out of wack, causing pain and the muslce to tighten even more. SO, I don't have to take the pain meds anymore... now I am taking muscle relaxers and then go back for a check up in a couple days to be sure it's all healing fine. I can't open my mouth enough for them to see what is actually going on, but there are not any signs of infection or anything - just the tight muscles.

Well, I have had a few inquiries. I am still in pain from teh surgery. I am thinking of gong in tomorrow becasue fo the swelling. I am hoping they tell me it is normal. Worse case scenario, it is infected and I go on antibiotics. Rest assured though, I am surviving and when I need some help, my friends are taking care of me. :)

Well, today was a super bad day as far as pain went - the pain meds didn't even touch the pain so I decided to not take them and go back to meditation and wha la! Very little pain now. Thank goodness cause I was going insane earlier. Well, now I am back to feeling better and able to do some work and get things done around the house. I think life is getting back to normal again.

I am in pain and not the good kind so I have very few patience right now.

At the risk of repeating myself... if you are not closer to my age than you are to my parents age, do not write to me expecting me to write back immediately with a time and place to meet - it ain't gonna happen. Please do not waste my time or yours - and do not write to me multiple times in a few hours time span - all you do is irritate me & frankly, you look real desperate telling me how much you like me and how much you want to chat and how much you think we are a match.

Rant over - back to taking pain meds so I can go back to la la land.

Well, for someone who has never done drugs and someone who does not like to take pills, especially pain meds after my spell with a broken ankle, morphine and darvocet (spelling?), I was real reluctant to take any vicodin, but ya know, it's completely different than the previously mentioned pain meds. It actually gets rid of the pain, but dang it messes with my head. I am so freaking mello, but dang if I can't sleep. I am so so so so sleepy, but can't seem to stay asleep more than 10-15 minutes.

I haven't been able to work on account of the fact that I can't drive and to be honest, I don't have complete coordination of my hands so not so sure a massage would be so good right now. LOL At least from me. I wonder what it's like to play when on this crap. See, there goes my mind wandering again.

Speaking of minds wandering.... any of you ever smile while you have a dental drill in your mouth? LOL Thursday while they are hurting me, I decide to distract my mind from the pain and imagine all the places a person could use bondage in the dental chair - and also what things someone might do to someone that might be bound to the chair. Actually made the visit more pleasurable. LOL

Then Friday while they are actually doing the surgical extraction, I listen to a hypnosis session on my iPod, have the laughing gas, and of course the local anastetics. I decided to let my mind wander with kinky thoughts while in the chair - again. There was an issue with getting the nerve to numb, and believe it or not, I told them not to worry about it. Each time I would smile, they would ask me how I was doing - if I was ok. LOL I just gave them the thumbs up. LOL

Sick and twisted? Maybe, but it sure as hell didn't hurt and kept me nice and relaxed in the dental chair.

Well, just when I was looking forward to the weekend, there's a wrench thrown in the gears. No longer working at hte MS150 because I have to have some minor oral surgery tomorrow. Apparently the last dentist I went to was less than competant. A perfectly good tooth he said had a cavity, but he neglected to see the other teeth that needed attention and now one needs to be romoved surgically, 2 root canals are needed, and some fillings. I am not a happy camper about this because it all could have been avoided. So, tomorrow is surgery, and the weekend is recovery time. With a little luck, maybe I will be able to play a little over the weekend since all I had planned was work. (Hint... Hint...:-D )

Ok, so it's Tuesday, I still have marks from last week. :D And the kinky camping trip with Subbie Fest was a BLAST!!! 1500 or so photos to prove it. I am still collecting photos from others. From blow dart guns, to pellet guns, to hog tying on a bridge to water bondage.. to subbies tied to a stake... the fun never ended. And how could I forget the pie eating contest - Both the pies and the pie eaters had a good time. Limits were pushed and passed and new ones set this weekend. Now to move on to being buried alive. ;) Who was wanting to do this again? LOL Let the girls of subbie fest loose in the woods and the things they ask for ... well, even some of the kink world finds shocking. LOL

Looks like I am going to get to go on the Subbie Fest camp out this weekend. Naked subbies hiding in the woods while the Doms hunt them down... hmmmm. Wonder what kind of trouble we are going to get in to this weekend.

All I have to say today is Thank You - you know who you are.

Well, Grandpa has passed on. My cousin is recovering in the hospital. And I am doing good. :) Life is good. Have been slacking off on the cardio but got back on track with that this morning. Have had a few cigarettes, but not buying them and smoking them non-stop like I was in the past. The less idle time I have, the less I smoke. Guess that means I just need to stay busy. :)

Just a quick update... I will be checking messages etc over the next few weeks but not responding to all right away. We are waiting on the minutes to pass for a death in the family and I will be heading out to be with family. I will be checking in so that I can get a little bit of a get away being cooped up with the vanilla family in a somber time, but as I said, will be responding to few messages until I am back home and back to "normal" life again. Thanks for patience and understanding.

So, yesterday was St. Patrick's Day - I went out and met some friends at the local pub and had a grand 'ol time. Then today, I was having a bit of a shitty day - not due to alcohol consumption yesterday - so one of my friends decided to semi-kidnap me and keep me from doing the work I was trying to get done. She took me to a movie. OMG - I really didn' twant to go, and I really didn't want to go see this particular movie, but I humored her. It was so freaking funny. Doomsday. We laughed so much at the gore, etc. Cracked me up. We have been laughing about it all afternoon and evening. She took me to dinner and now I have to try to catch up on my work that I didn't get done this afternoon. But it was just the stress reducer I needed. Thanks S!!!!! :D

I have had such a productive day today. :) I picked up the patio furniture some friends were giving me, got the paint for it, got it all scrubbed and cleaned off, and got the table and two chairs painted. I still have two chairs to paint and do touch ups on the ones already painted. I also bought a new spark plug for the lawn mower and got the jungle tamed down. :) Thank good ness for that. There sooooo many of those little lizards around the house where the weeds had grown taller. They sorta creep me out, but at least I don't have to worry about the weeds getting quite so high now that the mower is working again. I just needed some help figuring out why it wasn't working. I am so not mechanical... at least not enough to figure out what the problem is. LOL

Ok, some people have requested that I tell them what I do in my appts this week. This is my profession. I will not break that confidentiality. What goes on in my sessions with clients, stays between them and I.
With that said, I forgot to tell the most exciting news... at least I think I forgot. LOL I am a NON-smoker. YAY!!!!! I have no cravings, no desire.. if I were to light a cigarette right now, I would have to force myself to do it. And then I would still be wondering why I was doing it. NO withdrawl issues. It's really AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Hypnosis is going great. What a wonderful class this weekend. :) I already have a few appointments booked for this week. I am so excited. :) What a great thing to be able to do. :)

You know, I had made a comment in a journal about being interested in seeing where things go with someone I had met on CM. Most likely this will be a friendship only thing. If it's going to go anywhere, it will be a long while before it does, but in all honesty, have you ever heard of the book, He's Just Not That Into You? Well, it's pretty much that. So no worries about stepping on anyone's toes to the Dom's out there that actually do take protocol and respect seriously.
On another note, I am working out and have my second hypnosis class this weekend. I can actually do hypnosis on a relaxation level right now. I am LOVING this stuff. :) It's so much fun. I can't wait to put it in to my list of services offered to my clients. :-D Only a few classes away from that.

So, I have started studying hypnosis. I just wish I could do all these classes together. My impatience is coming through. :) I can't wait to add this to the list of services I can offer my clients.

Still working out. Things are going well there. Got the dress ordered for my lil bro's wedding. Granted the wedding is 7 months away and I will be smaller than the dress ordered, it can be downsized much easier than made larger.

Easter is coming up and I think we are going to do a Subbie Fest gathering at my tiny little house. Will be fun though. Easter egg hunt and burgers and dogs on the grill. This will only happen if i do not have a hypnosis class that particular weekend. I think it is going to be changed, but havne't gotten the final word yet.

My aunt had the flu adn was hospitalized. They did x-rays to check for pnuemonia and found a "lump". She had surgery today to remove the "lump". Turns out is is a phynoma. Google it. Turns up four results. It was between her heart and lungs. Most likely is cancer, but unknown until the results are in. They removed as much as they can. Sounds like radiation is in her future. In this case, we are glad she had the flu or they wouldn't have found the tumor until it was way too late. This way, she at least has a fighting chance. They did remove 60% of it afterall today and she told her son to go home and get his holes dug for the footings of the new building going up. LOL Guess she isn't letting it ruin her day. She's a tough woman.

Well, back to the hypnosis homework I have.

Ok, so I was still sick on my birthday and englected to do the partying with subbie fest. But, I needed the quiet time to reflect and to get well. :) I am now on the mend - still coughing, but much better than I was.

So, I decided that I wanted to have my legs waxed. I went to have this done back in January. I couldn't figure why I wanted to pay someone else to do this other than it was easier. I was so disappointed. I had to shave with in a week. So tonight, I decided to give it a go myself again. It's not so bad, but it's rather difficult to do the backs of the legs. I guess I will just have to shave them for now.

I am so excited. Business is really picking up and I am going to be starting my studies in hypnosis this coming weekend. That will be an awesome trade to add to my business. I am really very excited for this. :-D

Some of you have been asking for an updated photo. I don't have one yet. These events I have been attending, I have been the photographer and haven't been IN the pics. I will work on that.

Update on working out: I am now up to doing 60-90 minutes of cardio a day. As well as training with my trainer at the gym. Things are going well there. My biggest worry now is that we are ordering bridesmaid dresses 7 months before the wedding and I am worried that it may fall off of me by the time the wedding comes around. LOL What to do! What to do!

OK, so I have been meaning to get a new entry in here but just havne't gotten it done yet. :)

First things first.... It's my Birthday!!!!!!!

32 today and my dad actually remembered this year. LOL

A couple of weeks ago, I had a visit from someone I have been chatting with from CM for some months now. We had a fun weekend. I am looking forward to and very interested in seeing where things go with him. This does not mean that I am off the market yet, but only time will tell on that. Still not rushing into anything with anyone. :)

I have been sick with the crud the last 10 days or so and seem to be on the mend now, so I think I am going to be going out to celebrate my birthday after all this evening. SubbieFest is gathering together and attending a local party tonight. I might need to go get a new outfit for the occassion.

Okay, so I started hitting the gym again with my drill sgt of a trainer. I am so sore today from my work out yesterday that it hurts to type. LOL

OMG! Subbiefest wasn't anything short of amazing and fun. We had a blast. From a shaving line, to 4 subbies tied together and marched through Sanctuary, to liquid latex, to 478 photos - some with a Harley. Maximum of 8 hours sleep since we woke upon Friday morning. This will become an annual event for us, not to mention all of our fans. LOL I guess you could call them that. :) It was a blast. No words can describe the fun we had.

Well, I don't have much time before my eye lids close for a few hours. It's 8 30 am and I just got home from a great EROS party. And I am so excited for next week's subbiefest. :D

Ok, so I got all moved in to my new office space with the help of a new kinky friend. I tweaked my back and now need to seek the services of another massage therapist. LOL

Now that the stress of this move is all over, I can concentrate on what I need to do for the Dallas Sanctuary trip. :) My excitement level has gone back up. :) I just had too much to deal with this morning with not knowing if my move was going to happen or not. Glad to know the move is done and now I can go back to planning a fun fun trip. Or not plan so much, and just let it flow. :D

Well, I finally move in to my new office tomorrow. YAY for that!!!!!!

Was a busy weekend. Attended a small private play party on Friday night. Was a great time. Then on Saturday, I went to Safari. Was able to take some great photos. Was a good time.

A trip is planned for Sanctuary in a couple of weeks, but I am sort of on the fence about going. I know it will be a good time, but at the same time, another weekend of no sleep? Can I do that? LOL

I am so excited and so happy. The holidays were great other than being apart from my family adn not being able to help where help is needed because of distance - they were great!

What a wonderful celebration EROS put on for NYE! We really brought the new year in with a bang. My throat is still alittle sore from all the smoke from fireworks and fire pits, but it was all worth it.

The year has had a great start to it. I just finished a meeting and have a new office space. A space where I can draw from the surrounding business for my own. It is really very exciting. :)

Something to think about:

Of all you Doms/Masters/Tops out there, how many of you actually identify yourself in your profile as a submissive ? And would you expect a submissive to return an email when you write "I am nothing like what my profile says I am"?

Believe it or not, these idiots exist. All I have to say on that.

I am so excited like a little kid for tonight. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!!!!!! I get to attend my first collaring ceremony tonight as well. 2008 is going to be an awesome year! :)

Let me just say that if you want casual sex, look elsewhere - that is not what I am here for. I am here to find a master - an LTR - someone I can give my submission to, not a one night stand, not crazy, hot sweaty sex, not to cyber. I have that if I want it.

Well, I broadened my kinky horizons last night and experienced a party in the Austin area. I had a great time. No, I did not play. But I didn't have to in order to have a great time. Met some people who used to belong to EROS... well they still do I am sure but they don't get to EROS like they used to. It was great to meet some others from outside the local area. Hopefully I can attend another party of theirs sometime in the future.

Life is still good - as good as it can be with all that is going on, but still, it's good. :) Should be back in the gym this week after getting all the Christmas gifts purchased. YEAH for that.

Also, I got a lawn mower yesterday. I haven't mowed a yard in almost 8 years until today. :) It wasn't as bad as I remember it being and only took about 30 mins. I have a rather tiny little yard. :) So exciting to be doing my own yard work. :)

Life is GOOD!!! :) I finally have this sewing thing down - well for the purpose I need it for anyway. Now I can finish up a couple of Christmas presents. YEAH YEAH YEAH I am so excited about this. :)

I find humor in those that pass judgment on others in the text of their profile and yet they say they do not want anyone that is judgmental. - Ironic isn't it? Or isn't that the right word? Although we have had the health drama with in the family and dealing with insurance, hospitals, incompetant doctors, nursing homes, etc., we are truly blessed to be a family. I still don't have time for those certain someones that pass judgment and are abusive when their ego is damaged, but hey, there is definitely humor in it. Has given me and my friends a good laugh. On a more serious note, I am asking some of you to keep some strangers in your thoughts and/or prayers. A friend of mine was witness to a tragic car accident today where a woman was killed and he thought her infant child was dead when he arrived at the car today. The infant was alive, but terribly injured. He has had a rough time this afternoon and evening, and the other witnesses to the accident as well. Please keep them all and the family and friends of those involved in this tragedy in your thoughts and prayers. Baby's first Christmas is with out its mother. They need all the support than can get at this time, even if it's through the thoughts of complete strangers.

Well to sum the last few months up... found out my mother had a stroke.. she is fine. No problems from it. She broke acouple of ribs from a cough she had. Then a few weeks later my step dad had a stroke, he is stil lin the hospital and it's been a couple of months. My grandmother was in a serious car wreck but is healing well now. My step-dad's father passed away, my great uncle passed away, my friend passed away and my stepo-dad's sisters home burned to the ground - everyone is safe though. That is just the tip of the ice berg.

As for thoseof you out there, and you know who you are, if I don't answer your emails and don't feel like chatting, maybe it's because I have something else on my plate at the time.

If I am not interested in you and we have already parted ways (as much as you can part ways with out even meeting in person first), but if I am not interested and we have said good luck and good bye, leave it at that. Don't come back to me a month later asking if I am too busy to talk. Especially if you have already been insulting. Grow up. I don't care to get messages from people like you who just take up cyber space in my inbox and messenger. Good bye is that, good bye. Do you need to go back to 1 year old to learn what good bye is again? If so, please do, just leave me alone.

Regarding those people above.... abusive behavior is not the way to get what you want. Just because your ego and feelings are hurt because I am not interested or becasue someone else is not ineterested gives you no right to be abusive towards me or to anyone else for that matter. I don't want to check baggage at the airport, so leave me with my little carry on.

Ok, rant over.. for now.. LOL Other than the major life issues listed in the beginning, life is good. Business was slow for a while, but has picked up again. Friends and family are on the mend. Things are looking up. Christmas is just around the corner and I have some great gift ideas for my loved ones. :) I can't wait to get them out in the mail to them.

Looking forward to making it to my first Safari party this weekend. I have been meaning to go for a few months now and am glad I can finally get my schedule to mesh with the party schedule.

I have a lot going on right now and not all of it is good, so I have been a bit crabby the last few days and could be for a few more - just depends if I win the lotto tonight or not. LOL I wish it were that simple... some things money just can't fix.

Well, I am off to go look at a possible new office location here soon :) Which is great! It's a good location, can draw business in from the members there, and it's not at home. LOL

On another note, I was just told that I am not real and I don't seek realism cause I wouldn't immediately get on cam with someone. Nevermind I haven't used my cam in MONTHS (close to a year now) and have NO idea where it is. When I said I would find it this afternoon, it wasn't good enough. Sounds like he's not such a patient person afterall. LOL Oh well, no skin off my back, just about 15 minutes of him typing and getting on his mic to tell me how I am not real. LOL All I have to say to him, WHATEVER! ( I know that 15 mins was way too much time to give him, but please don't write me to tell me that - I already know, but I didn't want to be a witch).

To all my friends out there, I know you know I am real. :) To those I have met, those I have chatted with, those that I have chatted with and then you ended up chatting with another (real life) friend of mine - have a wonderful super day and enjoy this beautiful weather we are having.

I must be off to go check out the new office space, and then return to finish transplanting things in my front yard - what little there is of it. :)

Happy Halloween to all. Happy 10th anniversary to EROS. What a great group to be associated with.

For those that seem to think I am losing too much weight - I am not doing this for you. I am doing it for me. It is what I want and I will continue to do so until I reach my goal. Don't worry, it's an obsession but not a disorder of any kind. It's a healthy obsession really. If you can even call it an obsession. I'ts a HEALTH and LIFE goal for me. My health won't suffer because you want to play with a BBW. If that's what you want, please look elsewhere. I am not interested in being someone's BBW. Have never been and that won't ever change. My health is just that, mine.

Secondly- I get a lot of messages from the "super dom" types and I will no longer bother responding to them, as it is a waste of my time. I can't return respect when it's not given to me.

And a HUGE thank you to those that have sent positive and uplifting. encouraging messages on my goal to being fit. :D

Another quick update: I am single and on the market again but a little pickier than I was before on account of... well let's just say, less than honesty. I may be submissive and understanding, but I am no door mat and will not tolerate lying.

I am back working out at the gym on a regular basis. I have kept up with the cardio. Plan to quit smoking again soon. Still losing inches and the pounds have started coming off too. :D

Here is a quick update: I have found my special someone. At least for now. We can't be together at this time, he's a soldier and is deployed at this time.

The working out has slacked a little but still doing some and still losing inches so that's all good in my book.

The no smoking - not going so well with added stress of deployment.

I will update my journal and profile with more details and more information as soon as I have more time.

I am open to making friends, maybe taking them to a local meeting or two, and some chatting, but keep in mind, there will be no cyber sex and there will be no play meetings between us. I am faithful to my Master/bf and that will not change.

Well, the working out is going great. Already lost a couple inches. I truly believe that my trainer is a sadist. LOL The second day he had me pegged for "one of those girls that likes pain". LOL Now that he knows I am involved in this lifestyle, he throws that back at me if I start to complain about the work outs. It has helped to keep me in line when working out though. They are tough sessions but they are paying off very well.

Speaking of the gym, it opens in 30 mins and I am going to be there, so y'all have a great day and I am going to go hit the gym for an hour or so.

Well, I have started working out with a trainer at the gym. It's going well so far. Did some traveling over the holidays and work has picked up so I haven't had much time to post here. That's about it for now though. :)

FIRST!!! It's chilly out today. What do you get when you cross a girl from the Northern MidWest and a Cool Fall day? A line from California Girls by the Beach Boys.... "and the Northern girls, with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night"... and I can vouch for that. We do know how to keep our men warm at night. ;)

Okay, it's been more than a month since I have entered anything in the journal. SO MUCH has happened, but I won't bore you with all the details. First, I started smoking again, but am quiting again. I don't care if people don't like quitters, I like to quit SOME things.

So, next.... I have continued to lose weight, (30 pounds so far) but have slacked off on my walking. Several reasons really, but I am getting back at it as well as adding some skating to the action. The crunches and push ups are killing me doing them on a daily basis. Oh for the days when I didn't need to do this to get into or stay in shape. LOL But what fun is there in taking the easy way? :)

Alright, the burn is about gone, thank goodness cause it made sleeping on my side and back a little uncomfortable and I don't sleep on my stomach too much anymore. This time of year is great.. .the weather has been beautiful Funny thing I did last night.... I wore my new, short little skirt out to see some friends. Normally, in a vanilla situation, unless I am feeling naughty, I am completely dressed, but when I went to sit down on the bar stool, I realized I had forgotten to put on any panties. I prefer not to wear them anyway, but usually do when I am in my vanilla world with a short skirt on. LOL

Definitely got some sun on Saturday morning. My shoulders are bit pink. Ok, they are red. :) The hot shower stings a bit and I had to wear an actual T-shirt instead of a tank when I went walking yesterday. Rugby was good fun. Was good to see friends. Got some more things unpacked and put away after my move yesterday. The Cowboys sucked yesterday. Was a pretty good game, but they couldn't pull it off. My friends moves back from China today. YEAH.... party partner back in town. :) Well, time to get ready to hit the pavement. Good day to everyone! :)

What a gorgeious day today! Just got back from my walk. Walked twice as long today. Got some sun I think so hopefully I won't be glowing in the dark anymore. LOL Planning on attending a rugby match this afternoon. Should be good fun to get out and see some of the old mates and make some new ones. Stopped at the skate shop to figure out which size skate I need. Anyone looking to get rid of a mens size 8, let me know. :) Have a great day everyone!

Roller derby was great tonight!!! The Houston women beat the Dallas women. What a physical bout!!! Was very exciting to watch. Can't wait for the next bout, but unfortunately teh season is over. Anyway, congrats to the Houston Ladies and Thanks to the Dallas Ladies for coming to Houston and playing hard.

Did I mention I purchased some fabulous new shoes this week? :) Broke my ankle a few years back and it's nice to finally be able to wear some sexy heels out again. I can't stand for long periods of time in them, but I can survive a night out with out a problem. Hung out with some old friends tonight and got reaquainted. Oh, yeah, did I also say that life is going good right now? :) Well, off to bed so I can get up for a nice morning walk before the rain comes.

Well, I have been spending money on me for a change thist week. LOL I was in desperate need of clothes that didn't hang on like a dress or need a belt cinched so tight the pants don't fall down. I threw in a couple new pair of shoes too. Watch for a few pics to come soon.

WOW! When reading the journal entries for some of the members, I find that there is a lot of negativity, not to mention plain rudeness..... you can catch more flies with honey.

On a positive note, life is what you make of it, and mine is going pretty darn good right now. :)

So much to write today.

Well, I got a webcam finally. It seems to be pretty good quality, but I really don't like using it. We'll see how often it really gets used. Oh well. All these new gadgets with technology. :)

I was looking real cute tonight in my new short skirt and little tee with my f$!#! me boots. I was in a vanilla world physically, but not mentally. Make sense? Was wishing the Dom that is considering me was there to enjoy me. Was difficult to sit down with out a cheek resting on the seat with out the protection of my skirt between it and the seat.

Lost another 5 pounds. :) Well on my way to having the athletic build I want. The body is a funny thing. My right arm is in great shape and has that athletic build but my left is a little behind.... 3/4 of an inch behind. LOL

The girls tonight were jealous of my legs and couldn't quit talking about it. It was great. I am usually self conscious when people make those sorts of comments, but it felt damn good tonight. I have been working hard for it.

Well that is it for this wee hour of O'Dark-Thirty. Sweet dreams to all.

PS. I am still a NON Smoker YEAH!!!

I am so excited! I was hypnotized today. I am now a non-smoker. It really works - at least so far it has!

SUBABUSER Male Dominant, 32	Subslt12 Female Submissive, 43, Anderson, South Carolina	subn661 Female Submissive, 23, bakersfield, California	sub4son Male Submissive, 57, Los Angeles, California
sublady2003 Female Submissive, 47, Jeffersonville, Indiana	submissivlady Female Switch, 52, Monmouth County, New Jersey	submssin Transgender Submissive, 49	subTXm Male Submissive, 55, Duncanville, Texas
subgirl Female Submissive, 21, modesto, California	sub2serve Male Submissive, 41	SubSasssy Female Submissive, 38, st louis, Missouri	subside Male Submissive, 46, melbourne

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